People Are Worried Over These Sticky 'Am I A Jerk?' Social Dilemmas
21. AITJ For Changing My FIL's House Rules While Babysitting His Children?
“I’m 28 years old and my husband is 29. My FIL has three children (7, 12 and 14 year old) from his second marriage. He is currently divorced from his children’s mother and the way they divided care is that every two weeks the children change parents.
FIL is a lazy and egocentric parent. He demands a lot from the children, without doing much himself. He basically acts like feeding and driving them to after-school activities is care. He doesn’t have a real job, so not only they don’t have a stable income, but also he is a terrible example to the children.
He was even worse when my husband was little.
Last month FIL had an emergency and had to leave for a few weeks. The children’s mother also had plans, so he asked my husband and I and we agreed to take care of the kids for two weeks.
On the first day, I already realized that those kids are overwhelmed and have way too much on their plate, which causes them to be constantly behind on their duties and makes them more prone to try and wriggle out of some. Each had multiple chores assigned on top of walking the dog, school stuff, after-school activities and private lessons (they are already failing at school and need private tutors).
I sat them down, explained that I get, that they have a certain way of doing things around the house, but for the next two weeks it’s my house, my rules. Which are:
1. Their main responsibilities are school related. Just like me and husband go to work every day, they go to school and work hard there.
I expect them to be in charge of their homework, try and complete it on their own, but be able to recognize when something is too difficult and tell us, so that we can resolve it together. I also expect them to be aware of and responsibly manage their time.
2. In terms of house chores, since we are the adults, we will take care of most.
3. We will walk the dog together, unless someone is busy with something.
4. Once they are done with everything, they can do whatever they want.
Honestly, the two weeks went super smoothly.
It stopped being great when the two weeks ended and the kids went to their mum, and then back to dad’s. FIL called my husband and accused us of pitting them against him, because apparently now they question his every command, that his authority got undermined and that we had no right to do this and that he’s going to have a hard time with them now.
I get where he’s coming from, but also 1) his rules were terrible and I would feel terrible imposing them 2) I feel like when you’re leaving your children or pets with someone, you have to realize, that some things will end up being done differently. FIL doesn’t have many other people who would be willing to take care of his children for so long, and he’s bound to need us at least a few more times before they’re grown, so the sooner he realizes that, the better.
However, a few family members have already declared their support for him, so maybe I’m being too confident? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the reading comprehension on this website is severely lacking. People are taking one or two sentences completely out of context and then stretching them into the most extreme, outlandish conclusions.
There are easier ways of playing the contrarian. In any case, I think the FIL is having a power trip because he feels like he’s losing power. It’s almost like he enjoys being a bully in his own home. He’ll calm down eventually.” First-Expression2823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And to anyone who “supports” him in this, you get to say, “That’s fantastic! I’m so glad to hear next time this happens you’re volunteering to take all three kids in for two weeks and do exactly what FIL wants! I’ll let him know.
Oh…you’re not? Well then I don’t really think you get an opinion since you’re not willing to actually DO anything besides sit here and judge us for how we chose to do things.” And you tell FIL the same thing. Fine, next time ask someone else or pay a caregiver to do things per your instructions.
Otherwise just be grateful your children were cared for in your absence.” Katerh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Those poor kids, you finally gave them a good sense of structure. Your rules were good, not too much on them, but still allowed them age-appropriate levels of responsibility.
It really sounds like FIL just wants free maids to do everything for him, and I hope your husband had a dynamic similar to what you’ve given them with another family member. You guys did amazing. It doesn’t sound like you expected anything in return, so beggars shouldn’t be choosers.
Next time maybe he’ll think about taking an extended trip on HIS custody time. Don’t sweat it, but do try to be there for your little sibling-in-laws! It sounds like you and your husband will become the best support network they can get!” CapOk7564
20. AITJ For Asking My Brother Not To Wear My Old Clothes That I Gave Away?
“So I (18F) have an older brother (20M). When we were younger we used to share clothes all the time because we wore the same size. As we got older, we developed our own styles so we didn’t share as much.
I’m now three clothes sizes bigger than when we used to share, and my brother is one size smaller than when we used to share.
Due to my weight gain, I’ve had to get rid of some of my clothes, including some items that I loved but had no hope of fitting in.
Our mother would help me sort through my clothes whenever I noticed that my current ones weren’t fitting.
She would take any that were in good condition and give them to family members or charity.
One item I finally gave away was a dress I love. It hasn’t fit me for a long time but I kept hold of it in the hope I would lose weight and could fit in it again, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.
Before offering the clothes to other family members, my mum let my little sister and my older brother have a look and see if there was anything they wanted. Both picked a few things. My brother likes baggy clothes so picked a few of my old hoodies, as well as the dress.
This weekend my brother was home from university and was going out with some friends, and he decided to wear my old dress. Seeing him wear it made me so uncomfortable about my body. I missed being able to wear that dress and a lot of my old clothes.
I asked him to wear something else but he told me that it was the only going-out clothes he had packed since he was only back for the weekend. We argued more and I told him it was my dress and I didn’t want him to wear it.
He told me that I had given it away and it was his now. He also brought up how the dress wouldn’t fit me now anyway. He didn’t say it rudely, more a matter-of-fact way but it still hurt.
After my brother left I went to our mother and asked her to tell my brother to stop wearing my old clothes around me.
She was on my side and talked to my brother when he got back. My brother got really upset, but did as he was told and didn’t wear any of my old things he had. But he was clearly upset with our mother and me.
So now I’m wondering, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. It’s not yours anymore. You don’t get to control what others around you are wearing. He wasn’t rude to you. You being upset is not a valid reason. Your mother is equally wrong for supporting your ridiculousness.
It’s not helping anybody. It’s just breeding resentment from your brother towards you. You want to fit into your old clothes, you have to put in the work. Making it seem like this is your brother’s fault in any way isn’t going to help anything.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your title is misleading. Your brother didn’t wear your dress at all, he wore his dress. You literally gave it away. Plus it sounds like it doesn’t matter what your argument is, because… “it was the only going-out clothes he had packed.” I get that you’re insecure, but that’s your problem.
It’s not up to everyone else to adjust to you. Have you gone crying to your mummy to make the same demands of your sister who also has your old clothes?” FractalCurve
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s understandable that seeing your brother wear your old dress made you uncomfortable, especially considering the sentimental value it holds for you.
HOWEVER, you gave away the dress, and your brother now has every right to wear it. It’s not fair to expect him to stop wearing something he likes just because it makes you uncomfortable. Instead of projecting your insecurities onto others, consider focusing on self-improvement if the weight gain is really such an issue for you.
In the most respectful way possible. Now, less respectfully, “in the hope I would lose weight and could fit in it again, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.” Why? Do you have health conditions, like hypothyroidism, that make it really difficult for you to lose weight?
If not, consider adopting some healthier lifestyle choices – eat less, exercise more, etc.” GodofGods1
19. AITJ For Wanting To Quit My Job At My Parents' Friends' Steakhouse?
“At the beginning for the year I (F18) started working at my parents friends steak house. They offered me a job working as a cashier and doing to-go order for $11 an hour. When I first started I told them that there was one day a week I couldn’t work because of club meetings.
Everything was going well till they started scheduling me that specific day every week and begging me to come in. After a while I simply would just say no and not reply to their requests.
There’s specific days I have asked to take off due to tests.
They would constantly text me begging me to come in on my off days. Normally I would not have a problem if the reason was not because their own daughter needed someone to cover for her. Mind you, I live half an hour and only get scheduled for 5 hours shifts so I’m paying more for gas than I am making.
My mom recently got surgery and hasn’t been able to drive. This particular Saturday I had to take her to her doctor’s appointment. I work Monday-Friday but just in case I told them that I was not available. Early Monday I told them and then every day after that they would text me if I could come in.
And on Wednesday they came to talk to me during work asking me again. I told them no because I had to drive my mom. At the end of the week I told my mom they kept harassing me and she confessed that it was because their daughter who normally works on Saturday had a party to go to and they wanted me to cover for her.
I had lunch scheduled the next day with their daughter. I told her how I was going to quit because I just didn’t have time to be available every time they wanted. Also that leaving me alone to run the restaurant when the servers don’t want to do their job isn’t fair to me because in the end I don’t get the tip.
She said I was a jerk if I went through with it after her parents gave me a job even with no prior experience. Also that I couldn’t just ignore her parents’ text when I didn’t want to work because in the end they were my bosses.
She is right it was my first job and I understand why I’m not entitled to a bigger pay. It’s also not bad in terms of money so now I just feel like a jerk for ghosting them. Also this could potentially ruin their friendship with my parents.
For context, they come every other week to eat dinner so it would be selfish to ruin a good friendship for something so little. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…just because it’s your first job, that doesn’t mean they’re entitled to treat you without respect.
Of course their daughter doesn’t want you to quit because she would have to work. You have experience now, go work somewhere that will schedule according to your availability.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and repeating pretty much what everyone here is saying. Going forward, I would suggest that your next job be with a company that you DON’T have any family or friend connections.
No one is trying to take advantage of you by using guilt trips!” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents’ friends are not running their business efficiently, Being your first job you definitely should not be doing the work of other people and not be paid for either.
That’s wage theft. They are leaving you exposed to risk running the restaurant solo at times. You are not a slave that has to jump when they shout. What’s more, you can certainly quit a job that takes advantage of your good nature and robs you blind from the full amount you should be being paid, by working other stations.
Your parents are abusing you as a worker and that can’t be allowed to continue. Your parents should not be allowing this either. Quit the job, this is why you should never work for family or friends. It’s not personal it’s just business. If they take it personally you know you have taken the right course of action.” Longjumping_Win4291
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Disrespectful Cousins?
“Recently, I fell out with my cousins for various reasons. The first time was due to constant disrespect to my partner. We’ll call cousin 1 Vanessa. Vanessa invited me and my partner to her birthday party.
Everything was fine up until me and my partner had a small disagreement through text. Vanessa saw the messages on his phone and pulled me aside to ask me about it. To this day, it wasn’t that serious. We were talking about my attitude when responding to his concerns.
I told her and she immediately took my side and I guess she told the rest of the group and I noticed they started acting weird to him too.
The whole time, they excluded him and would get visibly irritated whenever he would walk by me (who else was he supposed to walk by if no one will talk to him?!) and at dinner they made me feel uncomfortable because they were all sat on one side of the table and it was clear they were huddled together talking negatively about him.
It’s supposed to be a birthday celebration yet they’re being petty. They noticed that I looked upset and that’s when they asked me what was wrong and I called them out. They denied doing anything. I had enough at this point and I left early.
We fell out afterwards and they didn’t take accountability for anything that happened and gaslit me.
We reconciled a month later. Since then, it’s been little incidents that just bothered me about them until last August.
I was invited to a party one of the group members was having and I declined because I didn’t like parties (which they know) plus it was a lot of people I didn’t know.
I declined and then the response was just a bunch of rude side remarks and then I was kicked out of the group chat. They tried lying to me saying I was the one that left but obviously, I know I didn’t. After that, all the messages to me were antagonizing me about not speaking to them so I ignored them.
Then on Thanksgiving, they sent me a video cussing me out and threatening me for not speaking to them. I obviously didn’t reply to them, so I essentially ghosted them. I even showed my father the video and told him everything and he agreed that I needed to distance myself.
What makes me mad is they tried to lie to him saying they didn’t say anything to me until he confronted them with the video himself. Since then, they’ve been begging for forgiveness over and over.
Today, we had a death in the family and they’re using it as an opportunity to reconcile with me again.
In all honesty, my life improved a lot since cutting them off. I remember being so depressed and constantly anxious when I was friends with them. My confidence grew and I learned how to set better boundaries. The thought of even reconciling just makes me panic.
I feel like it’ll trigger me if they do the same thing they always do which is avoid accountability and make me feel crazy for something I know I witnessed. But another part of me feels bad for wanting to ignore the reconciliation message.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You choose who is worth your time to cultivate a relationship with. If they aren’t on the list, it’s not their business to second-guess your decision.” cdsmith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “Then on Thanksgiving, they sent me a video cussing me out and threatening me for not speaking to them.” ..
forward this to the police. “Today, we had a death in the family and they’re using it as an opportunity to reconcile with me again. ” .. be polite, don’t engage, and move on to other relatives. And after the funeral, ignore them till the next one.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Seems like your family has a habit of turning nothing into drama. I encourage you to seek a more peaceful life. Hopefully being away from your cousins will help.” ApprehensiveBook4214
17. AITJ For Threatening To Move Out If My Sister Doesn't Stop Disrespecting My Partner?
“I (26M) live with my sister (30F), her husband, and her 4-year-old son.
They bought the house and I rent out a room – they can’t afford the full mortgage until BIL gets his scheduled pay bump in the union. I was in a relationship with my ex (25F) for the last 4 years, and we broke up 8 months ago due to her having a full-blown affair – possibly multiple guys, but I’m only positive about one.
A few months ago, I started seeing my current partner (24F). She’s really awesome – we both are into hiking and camping, and she’s just really cool to talk to about big ideas. However, she’s much more of an introvert, whereas my ex was kind of a modern-day socialite (loved the city, very chic, came from money).
My sister got along well with my ex but not so much my partner.
My sister actually goes out of her way to avoid my partner. When I have her over, she doesn’t greet or speak to her, but only talks to me and then leaves the room as quickly as possible.
She won’t invite my partner to anything (she invited my cousin, his partner, and me out for dinner with her and BIL). She makes little side comments about how my partner is just a rebound and I’ll find my way back to my ex.
She hangs out with my ex frequently and blasts it on social media. She makes fun of my partner after she leaves for basically nothing – her NY accent, how she’s too quiet, how she cut her steak – literally everything.
Yesterday, my partner cried on the way to her apartment.
She said she knows my sister hates her and she always feels so stupid when she leaves, like she can never say the right thing. She asked if we can stay at her place from now on. I finally had enough of this and told my sister when I got home if she can’t cut the crap I’m moving out next month.
She lost it on me and said I can’t dictate who she likes or doesn’t like, and that it’s my fault for not forgiving my ex since she “knows” my ex is my soulmate. Honestly, I think my sister just likes that my ex has connections and her grandfather’s money.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, you can’t choose who she likes. But you can demand respect towards your relationship and the person you’re in a relationship with.” Raedriann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your sister is choosing basically a positive relationship with your ex over a positive relationship with you then she is actively outing herself as 1 someone who doesn’t care about people but what they can do for her 2 someone who thinks she can dictate what people’s situations are like her saying you can’t dictate how she feels about your partner is projection concerning she cannot decide how you feel about your ex TBH it seems she as you say is more concerned about what benefits being on your ex’s side could bring even though they will most likely NEVER bring any benefit.
Also she may be self-reporting that she has been unfaithful to her husband which is why she so badly needs you to not move on successfully and limp back to your ex because if you don’t it would serve as a first-hand example of what may happen IF she stepped out on her husband and he found out.” Bezaliel-13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said you’re worried about losing the relationship with your sister if you cut her off? Your sister has a relationship with your ex, not with you. She defends her, verbally attacks your partner, pushes nonstop for you to take back a person who was unfaithful… that’s the relationship you prioritize over your partner? Meanwhile, you risk losing your partner.
Every single time she has to step foot in your sister’s house. Every single day you’re in that house. Choice is between your sister/ex combo or your partner. And it’s your *sister* who created that choice. Choose wisely my friend. ” OceanBreeze_123
16. AITJ For Threatening To Withhold My Project After School Reduced My Promised Service Hours?
“I did a project for my school in which I was told I would be getting 75 service hours (requirement to graduate + scholarship funds for college). Without going into too much detail, I had organized a large-scale fundraiser for our school from January of this year all the way through late March, which included meeting in-person with various local organizations, putting out social media advertisements, and managing the volunteers on the day of the event and during the planning period.
I was also required to create a set of guidelines for the planning of future events.
When I turned in my hours today, the school went back on their promise and gave me 45 hours instead… I was not given a clear reason as to why and I was told this was not negotiable.
Everyone got the same amount of hours despite the fact I got to work a month earlier and was in a leadership role.
When I talked to the counselor later this same day, I told her that if I did not get the rest of my promised hours, then I would make the guidelines I created set to private on Google Docs and someone else would have to make them.
It was about 26 pages long, and took me well over 10 hours just to compile all of that information.
I was told that if I do not submit the guidelines, that all of my work will be invalid because I did not finish the job, and I will get no hours at all.
That will deny me the chance to walk at graduation and get scholarship funds. I was also told that since their office is busy every day it would be extremely disrespectful for me to waste their ‘kindness’ and the opportunity they gave me in the first place if I did not finish what I started.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They broke their promise. So morally you would have no obligation to uphold your end of the deal. So you aren’t a jerk if you delete the project. However, deleting the project is a bad idea because it ends the possibility of this having a favorable outcome for you.
Make an appointment with the principal. Meet with him or her and lay out the case. The deal, the hard work you put in, and now the school is not acting with integrity, which is contrary to the values the school teaches. If that doesn’t work get your parents to ask for a meeting with the superintendent of instruction.
Keep going up the chain until they do the right thing. If the principal doesn’t fix it, I would let all of your friends know that staff at the school doesn’t keep their promises and they can’t be trusted. Write to the state legislators in your area about the school official’s misconduct and ask them to investigate.
Good luck.” ShiloX35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some of the other commenters don’t understand the difference between delete and set a document to private. I would go ahead and set to private for now so that they can’t copy it and take the information. This can always be undone later.
Get your parents involved and take this to the Principal. Don’t feel guilty about bothering them when they’re busy. Getting scholarship funds for the additional hours is a big deal. Do you have it on record anywhere that this was supposed to be for 75 hrs?
Like someone else said, everything moving forward needs to be in writing so you have a record. If you don’t have the 75 hrs promise in writing, maybe first try sending an email detailing when it was said and asking why and when it was changed. See if you can get them to acknowledge that was originally 75 hrs.” malin-moana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But instead of deleting things and shooting yourself in the foot: If you have proof of your claims, contact the highest level of authority of your school, and tell them you’re taking everything to the local media if you can’t reach a satisfactory conclusion.
They will NOT want to potentially jeopardize the local organizations’ perceptions regarding future events.” Southern_Screen_5579
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Unreliable Ex To Live With Us?
“Long story short, my sisters Liz(24) and Lola(10), and I(27F) live with my mom(45). Liz and I have the same father but he was extremely abusive. So it has always just been us four girls living together.
My mom was in a relationship with Richard(42) when I was in HS and they had Lola. During that time, me and Liz often felt excluded from things my mom, Richard, and Lola would do. Richard was also a heavy drinker. He ended up being unfaithful when Lola was 2, they separated, and he didn’t really try to see Lola until she was 8.
He’s been in her life ever since.
In January, my mom let Richard stay with us for 2 weeks. He said his now-pregnant wife was abusive and was kicking him out of their house and he needed somewhere to stay. Liz and I told my mom we were uncomfortable with the idea and asked if he could stay with Lola’s grandma who they hadn’t lost touch with or his friends.
Next thing I knew, Richard was staying with us. Two weeks later, he lost his job and needed to stay with us longer. He was always at the house watching football and drinking cases of beer. February comes, and he still hadn’t found a job or a place to live.
I told my mom I wasn’t comfortable with him still staying with us and she told me she was going to take care of it. Nothing changed. I was constantly at home by myself with him since I had night job and Liz was studying abroad.
I found out through Liz that my mom had let Richard put our address on his new DL. He also changed our doorknobs that he now had a key to. He was pretty much moved in by this point. My mom and Lola were loving it.
Lola loved having her dad around and my mom loved having a man around. I started to again feel like an outsider in my own home. I would often come home from work and feel like I interrupted them. My mom would do everything for him.
She helped with his unemployment paperwork and helped him build a case for custody against his wife. Eventually, his son was born and he left for a week. He told my mom, he and his wife were going to make it work. Honestly, I was just happy for him to finally be out.
Next week comes around and he’s back living with us. I eventually find out through Liz that Richard and my mom are in a relationship.
I told my mom that I would try to be okay with them being in a relationship but I needed to set a boundary.
That he couldn’t live with us and that he could only be at the house when my mom was home. My mom agreed but to this day that boundary has been broken so many times with no remorse. Today he came over when my mom was at work and I was home.
I called my mom and told her that I was really upset and felt like she didn’t care about how I felt these past 4 months and is still not accepting my one boundary. Obviously, my mom loves him but I can’t stand him. AITJ for not letting him stay with us?”
Another User Comments:
“Look your NTJ, it honestly sounds like you actually have a level head about this guy and your mom has her head in the clouds. If your dynamic with your mom is that the three of you (her,you and Liz) are essentially “roommates” then your able to have a say on who lives there.
Regardless, after you move out (I’m sure your mom will have a lot to say) I just hope that your relationship with Lola isn’t damaged, she likely won’t understand until she’s older.” RoyIbex
Another User Comments:
“If this was your mother’s house I would say that you have not much say in what your mom does.
BUT this is not your mom’s house, it’s your grandma’s; obviously your mother should’ve had a discussion with the homeowner and everyone else living there before moving in a deadbeat. Your mom is selfish and inconsiderate and clearly desperate for a man, any man, even a loser.
Sadly there is not much you can do. If you are able to, try to move out so you can save your sanity and get out of that unhealthy environment.” Purplefox71
Another User Comments:
“You are 27 – why aren’t you looking for your own place to live?
Your mother is 45 – not 80. She may not have good taste in men but how she lives her life should be up to her. Lola – at age 10 – is really the only one your mother should have to consult.” omeomi24
14. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Daughter From Her Volunteer Event?
“My daughter Kelly’s extracurricular was hosting an event that she wanted to volunteer for. The plan was that Kelly would stay for the full weekend to do the event, she would go on a bus to the building where the extracurricular is usually hosted, then I would pick her up from there since it’s only a 20 minute drive from home.
It was over five hours of driving. It took three hours to get there plus another two hours just to sit in traffic at the car line for the event. Traffic was not nearly as bad on the return trip, luckily. My younger daughter and I were having dinner an hour away from home, when I got a call from Kelly asking to come home.
Nothing bad had happened. Kelly just said she didn’t like the things they were having her do (Carrying boxes/supplies, manning the check-in booth, etc.) She knew beforehand that she would be sleeping on a cot with a bunch of kids in the same area but claimed she didn’t realize what that was actually like until now and she wanted to go home.
I told Kelly no, we were already hours away. Kelly started saying it wouldn’t be as bad as if we were already home, and that the traffic probably wouldn’t be as bad as it was earlier to get near the event. I again told Kelly no, and that, frankly, her asking this was extremely inconsiderate to us and our time.
There was a convention that her sister wanted to go to but had to turn down because I had no one to take her and Kelly promised this event was important to her.
Kelly kept begging me to pick her up. I told her no and suggested she ask her dad David if he’s willing to drive out and pick her up.
Kelly eventually did end up calling David and claims that he lectured her for the entire two hours that he was driving them home. Kelly told her grandmother, who told me that Kelly’s actions were inconsiderate, but I know Kelly and David don’t get along right now.
And I should have gone to get Kelly since I was closer than I would have been at home and a two hour lecture was just excessive on David’s end.
I agree David’s lecture was excessive, but Kelly could also take it away as an important lesson that when you ask other people to accommodate you for a commitment and end up breaking said commitment, people are naturally going to be upset with you.
Besides, it wasn’t as if Kelly was stranded in the middle of nowhere or in a bad situation. She was perfectly safe at the event. She could have either rode out the weekend or dealt with the lecture from David.
I know a typical response in this situation is usually to say my mother shouldn’t have any input because she isn’t Kelly’s parent.
But she does help with the girls and it wouldn’t be right to say she isn’t entitled to some input considering she has stepped up and gone out of her way as a grandparent to help in that regard. I’m looking for other perspectives because I’m still unsure of whether I should consider my mother’s words or apologize to Kelly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a choice: She could either honor the commitment she made or (if it was truly that “terrible”) get picked up by her father who she knows she doesn’t always get along with. She decided that she’d rather inconvenience someone else and back out of a commitment that you and her sister already sacrificed for because “Oh no, I didn’t know they’d actually expect volunteers to actually volunteer!” then was upset that people rightfully felt inconvenienced. This is silly.
How old is she? You didn’t say and it’s unlikely to change my verdict, but I’m curious. I used to volunteer almost 40 hours a week for stuff when I was in high school, and those are some of my fondest memories. I’d have told her “tough luck kiddo, you’re seeing it through.”, so you’re already being more lenient than I would.” ImKidA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it is ok for kids to be uncomfortable and disappointed for reasonable amount of time. And even tho I think that, I have to stop myself from doing things for them or fixing things for them because it’s just so me to want to help and fix. Anyway, being disappointed and uncomfortable (again to a reasonable degree) is just part of life.
And it’s not “that’s life, get over it”. It’s “that’s life, so here is where you went wrong, here is where you could have done better, what do you think you’ll do next time?” It’s hard because the follow up is really important and underutilized. A lot of times I think we expect kids to just understand the lesson being taught, but a lot of time being a kid means being stuck in your emotions.
It’s hard to see stuff objectively, and kids need you to guide them. ” Imnotawerewolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stop listening to your mother. The father has every right to lecture his own daughter. Your mother really has no business interfering. Helping out doesn’t give her that right.
You apologizing just enables her poor decision. You’re wavering… don’t do that. You don’t want an entitled child. Letting her quit didn’t teach much but it did make her look bad. That’s on her. She’s lucky dad got her and the price of that was a well-deserved lecture.” SpecialistAfter511
I was in a similar situation around her age and I wish I had told my parents. But the fear and the confusion got the better of me.
Go get your kid
13. AITJ For Quitting Competitive Gaming Because My Friends Blamed Me For Losses?
“My friend group (this includes my wife), all love to play video games. For years, we played a ton of competitive games, Halo, Overwatch, Apex, Fortnite, etc. And it usually was a fun time. A few years ago, games started inserting a system called Skill-based matchmaking, or SBMM for short.
This made sure you play against people similar to your group’s skill.
I love my friends. But out of all of us, I feel like I was a little bit better than them. When I played solo, I climbed very high in ranked modes. But when I was with them, it was typically 50/50.
I had to try very, very hard in games we played, to try and carry our friend group. If I wasn’t able to carry them, they would weirdly start fussing at me, telling me to “actually try”, or blaming me for losses, even though I was the only one on the team playing objectives, and going positive.
About the time Elden Ring came out in 2022, this had reached a boiling point, and I got fed up with being blamed. I was genuinely losing hair, and sleep because of how mean, my friends were being over a video game.
So I decided to get lost in Elden Ring.
Once I had fully 100% that, the new GOW had come out. I kept playing more and more Single-player games, and realized I didn’t enjoy multiplayer games anymore. Eventually I stopped hopping on their games with them. I played sparingly throughout 2023, maybe a few games every other night, until about late last year, when I dropped online gaming completely.
We had one final argument, where I was blamed for being outplayed by an enemy team in Quickplay Overwatch, made up completely of Masters players. On my team, I am the only master player, with next highest being Platinum, several ranks below me. Being blamed likes this, in mode that didn’t even matter made me realize I only want to play games where I don’t have to carry my friends, and sweat so hard the game isn’t even fun anymore.
So, now, I’m trying to get to get everyone into some fun PvE games. I offered to buy every game they didn’t want to play. I asked if they wanted to download Fallout 76, since it’s free with gamepass. They declined. Eventually I asked why they didn’t want to play, and they called me a jerk for abandoning them.
Since I’ve left, they’ve been in stuck in low ranks, and they think I was being a baby, over them “joking around with me”. Even my wife, who plays with us, took their side. When I doubled down, and said I didn’t like how they talked to me, and just wanted to go back to being able to chill with my friends, they made the decision to kick me from game chats when they’re playing online instead of letting me talk to them.
They continue to only play the same rotation of online comp games, and refuse to even talk to me about games I’ve been playing. But when we hang out in person, or I try to talk to my wife about it, they just deflect and act like I’m crazy.
So, am I the jerk refusing to play stressful games, that they want me to carry them in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they got used to being in the big leagues by riding your coattails and now that they drove you off they are suffering the consequences of their actions.
Bit weird your wife is on their side, but I’m guessing you were gamer friends before you were married. I at least hope she isn’t joining in on them when they blamed you for stuff.” Neglectful_Stranger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I too have strayed away from PVP multiplayer because it’s just a blame game when it comes to losses.
I’m aware of things I do wrong but I can’t take the blame for every single person on the team. It’s exhausting and the level of sweat is just not fun. Luckily my friend group does play PvE and we formed a Destiny 2 group on my non-single-player days.
Being forced to play games you don’t enjoy just for quality time with friends that wouldn’t do the same for you is beyond lame.” Varietygamer_928
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ummm this is strange but I think I get it. My son has yelled things at his friends while they’re playing and I’m like whoa bud don’t you like that kid?
Sometimes when people are amped up and emotionally flooded, they say hurtful things and then forget. It’s not a big deal to them but it still hurts the person on the receiving end. I wouldn’t play with them either. Skill level is inconsequential. It’s about the way they make you feel.” Tough-Combination-37
12. AITJ For Not Paying Extra Rent After Monopolizing the Living Room for Our Cat?
“I (27M) live in a three-bedroom apartment and, when my two old roommates left, found two roommates to live with me. Our lease started in August. In November, we decided to adopt a stray cat who had been living outside of our apartment. It was decided that I’d be the primary caretaker of the cat and, after getting him inside, I asked my roommates if we could isolate him in the living room by closing the doors to it and not using the outside exit to it, in case he would try to escape.
They agreed.
Fast forward to this month (April), and I caught wind from a friend that one of my roommates had been complaining that I was monopolizing the living room. This is understandable, since I had been sleeping on the couch in there many nights to be with the cat.
However, at no point since November, when I requested that the first be kept shut, did this particular roommate initiate any conversation about the room’s use/accessibility. Yesterday, I got a bill from him for a large sum of money for “living room rent” (1/4 of the rent) and for a larger sum of the utility bill.
I agreed with him that I probably should spend more on heat for the months I slept on the couch, since there is a heating element in there that I could take advantage of, and I offered to pay more on heating for the past few months.
However, I declined to pay living room rent, because at no point did be verbally or in written fashion agree to such a thing and it seems very unprofessional for him to drop a bill of ~$1000 on me after months of me not knowing we had that arrangement.
The lack of communication in the beginning is what is annoying here. At no point did I say or did we agree that they were not allowed to use the living room, just that we keep it separate from the rest of the house. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sounds like YOU wanted to adopt this stray cat. Why didn’t you keep the cat in YOUR room? Of course everyone will have a problem with you hogging the living room to yourself. And no you don’t have the right to expect them to confront you about it.
Most people don’t like confrontation. But most considerate people don’t do things they know are unfair to other people. Find a way to make this right.” EconomyReference3193
Another User Comments:
“ESH You adopted the cat and now are sleeping in the living room to be with said cat.
It can be super awkward for your roommates to not be able to use one of the rooms that they also pay for – why can’t the cat just be kept in your room? They (and you) 100% should have communicated everything from the start. If you knew from the start that you would also like to sleep in the living room with the cat then you should have made that known.
Charging you a large sum out of the blue is a little bit much – but this whole situation could have been avoided with a quick chat about what was happening.” JustA_Rat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The living room is a shared/common room unless you specify otherwise in the leasing agreement.
If the other tenants don’t have reasonably unrestricted access to and use of that room, it is no longer a shared space and essentially becomes your private space. And if it’s your space, you assume financial responsibility for it. In other words, your roommates shouldn’t have to pay for you and your cat to live in that room.” bowyamyshoobs24
11. AITJ For Insisting On No Kids At Our Engagement/Housewarming Party?
“My partner and I have been at odds over our engagement party and it’s driving me crazy!
We really do have a wonderful relationship and this isn’t symptomatic of awfulness but we just cannot see eye to eye on the party. We got engaged over Xmas and had planned on throwing ourselves a chill engagement party at a brewery or something the first weekend of May but now we’re having it at our brand-new house on a bunch of land which is so exciting!
The problem is he now sees it as a housewarming and I’m trying to keep it to people we’re gong to invite to our wedding so we can talk about our wedding plans and focus on our family meeting and keep it chill — my antisocial mom even tried to get out of coming and I convinced her by promising the party would be small.
She and my stepdad are flying in, as is my adult niece. His family is driving a couple of hours to get here.
Fiance and I went back and forth endlessly with him trying to enlarge the guest list and me trying to cut it down.
We finally compromised on like ~60 people (down from his 100 and up from my 30). We also landed on no kids, mostly on my account. He doesn’t particularly want them here either, but he doesn’t think it would be a big deal if they came. I just want it to be small and easy and we also have minibikes and other new farm nonsense I want the adults to be able to mess around and not deal with a bunch of kids crying because they can’t use them or god forbid hurting themselves.
But now, a couple of his good friends are saying they might not be able to come without their kids. My reaction is that sucks but it is what it is, let’s have a bigger housewarming party later and invite them then. He doesn’t want to and says a few people are coming from out of town for this one and won’t be able to come to another in a few months.
He nicely suggested I reconsider yesterday … am I a jerk for saying not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You already both agreed on no kids. It was inevitable that someone would ask for their kids to be allowed to come anyway — that’s the way it works more often than not.
There’s no point in agreeing to “no kids” if you fold at the first challenge to that. Once “no kids” was agreed on, things surely rolled in a certain direction and you planned things and told people things that you otherwise wouldn’t have if that issue weren’t resolved. The whole party will change if groups of kids are taking over the place screaming and playing.
It would be a different atmosphere, and for one thing, you have already promised your mother the party would be small, which seems like the reason she agreed to come. Hordes of kids being raucous brings the event far over the line from being a compromise — you’d be giving up everything and being made into a liar to boot.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The problem is this party has become too many things trying to please too many people. Sounds like if you’re family is coming, the party needs to be small and chill. But your new home is a big fun-inviting venue, and if your fiance’s people are flying in, it’s gonna naturally expand to fill the space.
Plus, y’all are eager to show-off/enjoy the home anyway. Some might call this mission creep. If not too late, I’d go back to having a small-ish engagement party at a Brewery prioritizing your family, and then later have a housewarming that can prioritize all your fiance’s people.
If that won’t work… I think you gotta give up on this one and let it be one big bash at home and do your best to manage your family. Because hosting this shindig at your new home does make it the de facto housewarming, and it’ll be a bummer for the fiance not to invite/have all their people… you’re fighting against the tide.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here But it sounds like a lot of this is revolving around your mom visiting and her feelings. I get you only have four days with her but can’t she just retreat to a guest room when she’s done socializing?
Isn’t she coming with her husband? I feel like she needs to adapt a little bit.” CrazyCranberry3333
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move In With My Dad After He Broke Our Agreement About His Ex-Wife?
“My (21F) dad (56M) is currently divorcing his fourth wife, my step-mum (57F). They were together for a decade, and I saw her as a parental figure but never called her mum.
They separated around 8 months ago and now have their flats.
For these 8 months, I have been most of my dad’s emotional support. He’d call me and cry on the phone, in person, and over text. I’ve helped as much as I could, talked him through it, gave him advice, and suggested finding new hobbies to expand his circle, all while trying to keep on top of my uni work and working part-time.
Needless to say, my plate is full.
2 months ago, he told me he wanted to try and get back together with her. I told him that it probably wasn’t a good idea, as at this time she had a new partner, but they met up anyway.
It was a very emotional talk and she still wanted to go through with the divorce, but that there was a chance of reconciliation. She told him she wanted to keep it a secret for 6 months to a year if they got back together – telling none of their respective kids.
My dad told me anyway and I said that sounded suspicious. She then wanted him to sign papers without taking them to a solicitor, but I convinced him to anyway. I’m not 100% sure of the exact documents, but she lied about what the document was.
If he had signed this she would have had access to his state pension. He said he would “take her to the cleaners” for that.
Well, 2 months later they’ve blocked each other and “reunited” multiple times. They recently went on a weekend away together, he gave her his ring, and she then blocked him.
They’re now seeing each other again and she will be coming round to his flat often. Throughout all of this, he’s been confiding in me, including stuff I, as his daughter, really shouldn’t know. I feel very overwhelmed by all of this, and at this point, I’m so tired of all the drama.
He says he “can’t give up” on her – at this point, it’s cringe-inducing. I asked him a few months ago if I could live with him for my third year of uni since rent is increasing. We talked about me paying him rent, came up with what we both thought was a fair sum, and agreed I could move in by July.
All I asked was that he let me know when she would be coming around so I could make myself scarce. I had no interest in having any sort of relationship with her after our family was separated. He agreed and guaranteed he would text me if she was coming.
Come to today, where not only does he inform me that she will be coming around without warning, but she will also be getting keys! I said I had one condition. One measly condition that I would have warning of her presence. He told me to “just chill” and “we will come and go as we please”.
So AITJ for no longer wanting to move in with him? I will post screenshots of our texts if this gains traction.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You said it yourself: you had one condition. And that condition *wasn’t* for her to never come by.
It was merely to give you a warning when she would. You’re clearly in the right. Also, not to sound like I’m being judgmental (on AITJ, lmao!) but if your dad has had four marriages fall apart, it sounds like he needs a reality check on his relationship skills.
Regardless, you’ve been more than generous in supporting him. NTJ.” ironchef8000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need some time away from your Dad, and therapy to establish healthy boundaries. You are not responsible for your father’s feelings or emotions, he is a grown man.
You are his child, not his emotional crutch. I’d suspect you’ve been managing his emotions or being his therapist in some way or another since you were a child, considering how quickly you both fell into the current dynamic. If that’s the case, that’s all on him, he used you, maybe not consciously….but your child should not be your emotional support to that level.
Best of luck OP.” superrm81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is a jerk for the bait and switch. He agreed to what you demanded, but then when he went to inform her, it became negotiable. It’s up to him whether to reconcile with his wife, and what their boundaries will be, but he should not have made a deal with you and then changed the terms. He should have asked her first if there was any question.
It sounds like you are already exhausted by their relationship. I think staying away from it is the best for you.” 1962Michael
9. AITJ For Giving My Nephews Art Supplies After My Sister Insisted?
“I babysit for my sister all the time. She pays me the same as anyone else. But she is a lot more entitled than anyone else.
My nephews are really good kids but spoiled. They eat when they are supposed to and I don’t need to wrangle them much to get them to bed. However, they are fascinated with my art supplies. I am not an artist. I just like to draw.
I have a few apps on my iPad but I like my paper and pencils as well. I also have oil pastel crayons.
My nephews wanted to draw with them but I said no. They complained to my sister and she told me to let them draw with me.
The next time I came by I brought pencil crayons for them. Not good enough. They complained and she said I was being mean not sharing.
Time before last I just didn’t bring anything except a book to read. She gave me a hard time for being immature.
Fine, I gave up. I bought them some cheap oil crayons. I gave them to her as I was leaving.
She called me today. She gave them the crayons but did not supervise them. She has spent the last two days trying to get the oil paint off her couch and carpet.
She says my brother-in-law is upset that I gave them art supplies that are so messy. I forwarded her the messages where she called me childish and mean for not sharing. I offered to send them to her husband so he could know whose idea it was.
She is mad and demanding that I watch them for free to pay her back for the cleaning. I just said I would not watch the kids anymore. She tried to trick me by not having cash when I showed up. I said I was leaving since I didn’t trust that she would pay me.
Strangely she had the cash.
She did call our mom and tell on me for giving the kids oil paints without warning her.
My mom wanted me to keep the peace and offered to pay me to watch the kids and let my sister think she won.
I’m thinking about it. But my sister still thinks I did it on purpose.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “But my sister still thinks I did it on purpose.” .. it sure sounds like it. BUT: she demanded it. You gave in. That is HER fault. “I just said I would not watch the kids anymore.” ..
that is the reasonable solution to handle jerks. “My mom wanted me to keep the peace and offered to pay me to watch the kids and let my sister think she won. I’m thinking about it. ” … don’t do it. If you need the money, babysit for someone else.
You don’t need that drama in your life. Tell your mom that she can pay someone else. OR your mom can babysit. But you are done with that.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is manipulating you. The I won’t pay you stuff is nonsense.
Then she gets Mommy involved so Mommy can tell you to be a good girl and keep the peace. It’s her fault for not monitoring her children Mommy needs to pay up or shut up. And she just needs to take the second option.” qlt_ml_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t babysit for her anymore and don’t let your mom guilt you into it. She pressured you into giving them art stuff so she could deal with the aftermath of kids having something like that unsupervised. If she persists with all of this, forward the messages to your BIL, as well as how she claimed to not have money to babysit, but suddenly did have the cash.
Let him deal with her nonsense.” Caspian4136
8. AITJ For Giving My Friend An Ultimatum About Our Trip Due To Their Financial Irresponsibility?
“Towards the end of last year, my good friend and I of several years went on about a 1.5 week trip to an international destination and we ended up having a great time.
I was initially planning on it being a solo trip as whilst I had been there twice before, I’d never explored the country on my own.
Fast forward about a month and my friend messages me asking when I was going to said country and saying that they were thinking of coming too (inviting themselves). Several weeks after that message the same airline ended up having another sale and they managed to snag themselves some tickets.
I did not have an issue with them coming along, however, a condition of them “inviting themselves” to the trip was that they were to book and pay for their own accommodation, as I had already booked my own. This was fine with them.
They managed to only save enough for in-country transport and daily spending money.
Feeling kinda bad for them, I ended up changing my hotel rooms to twin rooms and told them that I would cover the hotel costs so long as they paid their way for everything else, which they did.
Now to the main moral conundrum.
Between the end of last trip and March they managed to get gifted quite the sum of money.
Not a massive amount, but not a small amount either.
Knowing this, when another sale came up in March to the same destination, we booked a 2 week trip in October. This time with the agreement that we’d split the costs of hotels.
Up to now I’ve been witnessing them splashing their money on frivolous purchases like very expensive tech products, car mods, etc. To the point where they have next to nothing leftover for the trip itself.
One would think that one would hold onto as much of that money as possible between now and the trip as they certainly would need to if their current financial situation doesn’t change.
They aren’t in the most financially stable position as they only have a casual job that before the previous trip they were working quite a few shifts for, now they don’t and they don’t seem interested in picking back up shifts there.
I’ve booked twin rooms for a couple of the places we are planning on staying. I have told them that if needed I am happy to cover hotel costs again, so long as they are able to save up enough for other expenses. However, I am having my doubts that they will be able to save the money required in the time left.
I’m thinking of cancelling the hotels booked so far and rebooking for myself, giving the ultimatum that if they are able to prove that they are saving enough money, then I’ll happily rebook back to twin rooms (since I will be the one covering those costs).
If they are not able to save in time and ultimately not have enough money to come, my accommodation will be at cheaper rates (since it’s booked further in advance) and I’d embark on that solo trip instead.
WIBTJ for giving them this ultimatum considering they wasted their money that could have been used for the trip considering their current financial situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there is a substantial difference between single accommodations and double where you’re going, I’d recommend getting any money upfront if someone wants to come with you. If there’s no difference (hotel vs hostel), then it’s at your discretion.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if I were you I’d step back completely and leave their trip up to them. If they end up not being able to afford it, then it won’t make a difference to you.” Outrageous_Lab375
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend Stealing From Her Mother?
“I 18f have been best friends with a girl, let’s call her Leigh (18f.) She’s been through a lot and has picked up habits like smoking, etc. She dropped out of HS, is unemployed, and overall has no motivation in life.
I’ve highly encouraged her to try to gain independence, as she relies on her mother for everything. She refuses.
(For future context, her parents are going through a divorce right noe and her mom is working two jobs.)
I called her yesterday, and she asked me if she could get cash back at Aldi’s.
I asked why, and she said “Well my mom won’t buy me nic, and I’m out. So I’m gonna take her card, get $20 cash back, and tell her I got food.”
I was shocked and I said, “Wait… so you’re deceiving your mom?”
She immediately gets super defensive, saying “Well I’m out of nic” “I need it” etc. As someone who doesn’t use nice, I don’t see the issue. She gets paid about 50 bucks a week for helping her mom clean, so I saw no reason why she couldn’t wait for that.
I told her that her mom works hard, working two jobs, and trying to provide for three kids.
She started going off on me, saying “My mom has money, I know she does. She’s getting money from dad from the divorce” while I know that is 100% untrue.
Her mom works two jobs is never home and is always worried about money.
I told her that even if her mom does have money, it doesn’t matter. Lying to her mom is still something super crappy, especially when her mom pays for her food, hair care, clothing, and even for ‘fun’ stuff she likes to do over the weekend.
I expressed that it’s unfair to her mother and super selfish to say it’s okay to deceive her just because “I need to take a hit.”
She tried defending herself, “I need it” “It’s my mom it’ll be fine” and “She won’t know, I’ve done it before” and I just kept reiterating how crappy it is that she did that.
I made sure to specify that I support her, but not that action. I can’t get behind her deceiving her mother for a non-necessity. I’m not the type to go to her mother and tell her, but I highly encouraged her to give back the money she’s taken in the past and to get over it and simply wait for more money in the future that is hers.
After like the fifth time I heard her say “Well I need it,” I got fed up and told her that only a horrible person would do that to their mother.
Eventually, she got fed up, told me to block her, and hung up on me.
She has since sent me passive-aggressive messages saying “Well you made me feel bad so now I don’t have nice” and all I say to that is well good.
So basically, my friend is deceiving her mother, I call her out, and she gets mad at me, I tell her that she shouldn’t, and she ends up getting mad at me and hangs up on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally this is the kind of post where I torch someone for prying in where they should not be making trouble. But no. This was pushed on you. Your friend shoved a morally bad scenario in your face, and you had the good sense to stand your ground.
NTJ.” ironchef8000
6. AITJ For Not Inviting Our Friends' Daughter To My Daughter's Birthday Party?
“My daughter is turning 7 and has been very excited about her birthday but has also decided not to invite our friend’s daughter.
During childcare years, my daughter would be beside herself, refusing to go to childcare because of this other girl. My daughter would tell me this girl would make her sad because she would physically block her from playing with other children, tell her she can’t be friends with anyone other than her, and this went on for a while.
My partner and I decided to speak to one of her carers, and she affirmed what is going on and told us she would work with my daughter to be more assertive. At no point did we take the approach that this other girl was doing something bad.
The way we raise our children is to teach them to be kind and polite but at the same time to know how to say no, learn what is a good friend and bad friend, and choose who they want to spend time with. The teacher, with our blessing, wrote a letter to the school in the catchment area advising that my daughter should go with a girl she is really close with (now her BFF) and our friend’s daughter to another class.
The information I am about to write in this sentence we DID NOT share with our friends, but the other parents were delighted because their daughter has the EXACT same challenges as ours with this other girl.
My partner and I decided that we have to let them know what is going on but she could not finish the sentence, the other parent EXPLODED. Got really mad saying, why are you saying something is wrong with my child and why did no one tell me so that she can have the opportunity to support her etc..
My partner was so shocked by this and felt so bad but managed to salvage the relationship by meeting with the parent over a coffee and explaining the situation. We are taking agency for the situation and not asking for her daughter to change and if they felt they needed to do something for their daughter, that’s great.
The parent then apologized to my partner admitting they have a tendency to be very emotional about these things and that was that
Well, back to the start of my story 2 years later, my daughter does not want to invite her to her party. Our parenting style has always been based on being kind and considerate but not a people pleaser.
She can choose who she wants to be friends with and say no, and that is how we have supported her through this conflict, so to suddenly tell her, yeah, well that lesson we taught you only applies when we feel like it but we as your parents can force you to invite her because we don’t want to upset our friends is not something that sits well with me, we need to be consistent.
Also remember they aren’t in the same class. They told us how cruel it is that we are excluding her daughter and questioned our values and parenting style
So in short, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re writing this story like you’ve determined that people are going to be up in arms angry that your daughter didn’t invite someone that makes her upset to her party and I can’t imagine why.
Who would possibly argue for that? Your daughter should get to decide who she wants to invite to her party lol, it’s not that big a deal.” Icy-Stick6175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s apparent where the girl learned her bullying behavior from. Those people aren’t your friends.
Your daughter gets to choose her own friends. She shouldn’t be forced to socialize with her bully.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Gee, I wonder where the other child learned to be so controlling, manipulative and domineering? It’s a complete mystery. I do think you’re being a bit of a doormat about this, though.
It sounds like the same dynamic exists between the grown ups and the children. You should just state that your daughter doesn’t want to spend time with their daughter, so you won’t facilitate it, instead of bending over backwards trying to keep a volatile person happy.” Cursd818
5. AITJ For Agreeing To My Sister's Restaurant Choice That My Husband Dislikes?
“I’m 69 and my husband 75. We’ve been married for 45 years. We are on a trip, meeting up with my 77yr old sister and brother-in-law for the first time in 18 months. We are miles apart physically and also politically. As a result, I’ve been nervous about getting together.
So far, so good. Our first morning, we were there alone and ate at the hotel coffee shop. Our meal was cold, and my husband complained that the food was super salty, partly burned and the manager apologized and comped our meal. When our relatives arrived later that day, my husband mentioned the disappointment in the restaurant.
The next morning, I suggested we drive to a local place we know and they agreed. This morning my husband woke up thinking about how they’d probably want to go to the hotel place. I was mildly exasperated, suggesting other things he could get there and then came up with another off-site local spot.
I made a point of being the one to suggest the local place. Later in the morning, my sister said maybe tomorrow we could go to the hotel restaurant as she likes their pancakes. I said sure and before dinner , mentioned to my husband that she specifically asked to go there.
During dinner, my husband was noticeably quiet and rather sullen. I could tell they noticed and I was very uncomfortable. After dinner, we did some fun things together, but my husband remained subdued. I made excuses that we were tired, which was true, to return to our room.
I told my husband I could tell he was upset with me and he said “it’s ok. I’m getting over it”. I insisted he tell me what he was upset about and turns out, he was upset that my sister would put him through eating somewhere he didn’t like and that I had agreed to it when she asked. I suggested he get something simple and different than his eggs, sausage meal and he said I always side with them and he might get up early, drive to a McDonald’s for breakfast and then just sit with us and have coffee.
At that point, I said I thought he was being petty and just looking for something to be upset about, although we’ve been having fun on the previous two days. I feel like screaming from the stress of feeling my husband is a powder keg about to go off.
Once here, I realize that my sister and bil seem more frail to me and felt the aging process and knowing our time together is limited. Am I the jerk for thinking it isn’t such a big deal to concede to my sister’s request?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- sounds like your husband is trying to ruin everyone’s time over one one-off ruined breakfast (which was comped)… he’s an adult, not a child. It’s breakfast, and convenient as it is in the hotel you’re staying in at. It’s your family, surely it shouldn’t be beyond him to suck it up?” ShallWeStartThen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- First of all- you are the peacemaker and coordinator of events for your family. This is very stressful. Take a deep breath and let them just be themselves. You are apologizing for hubby’s behavior and trying to ensure everyone is happy.
Your husband is emotionally manipulative. One meal won’t hurt him. Have him pick up something he likes for breakfast and heat it up in the room. He will join the group drinking coffee and maybe a pastry, fruit, or cereal. This way, he eats with you (something light), and everyone can continue to navigate the family reunion.
Everyone is getting older, and making memories is important!” Ok_Paramedic93
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your husband proposed a perfectly reasonable compromise after your sister chose an eatery where he’s already had poor quality food and service on this trip. He’d already made it clear days before that his meal at that restaurant was so bad the manager comped the ticket, so why would that have been considered?” CoppertopTX
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin's New Partner at My Birthday Dinner?
“I (27F) had my birthday last week and am still dealing with the repercussions of this decision.
I live with my uncle, Ralph (47M). My other uncle, Peter, his wife (Tracy 45F), and my cousins (Jake 20, and Stacy) live ten minutes away from us. I wanted to have a birthday dinner and invited the other household to meet at a restaurant in town.
Tracy (the one I texted) said they would be there.
The day after I sent the invite, Tracy texted me saying that Jake’s partner was going to be joining us for dinner. Not ASKING if the partner could come, TELLING me she was coming. I was annoyed but didn’t want to cause issues so I said “Sounds good, I didn’t know Jake had a partner?”
Tracy replied saying it was a new relationship and that they (my aunt, uncle, and another cousin) hadn’t met the new partner yet either.
That changed my answer drastically. If I had known that no one had met her, then I would have said no, because this dinner that was supposed to be for my 27th birthday was now going to turn into a Partner Meet-and-Greet.
But I can’t take it back because then I would be the bad guy.
Later that day, I expressed my annoyance to Ralph. He then texts Tracy to stick up for me, telling her that I only wanted family at dinner, that I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, and that I didn’t know he was reaching out to her (which I didn’t).
Tracy blows things out of proportion, saying that Jake already invited the partner, that the two had prior plans, and instead of canceling on the partner or not coming to the dinner, he would just bring the partner. That if it was a big deal I should have said something to her, and that she would just tell Jake to go ahead with his prior plans with his partner and that only Peter and Stacy would be coming to dinner, that she (Tracy) wouldn’t be coming because she “didn’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable.” (Ralph and Tracy currently have a rough relationship due to another issue.)
Ralph just let it go and said fine but next time please ask. Tracy then went on to say that when it came to her children she doesn’t ask permission, and that if it depends on whether her kid joins an event or not she gets to make that decision.
She then said she was done with the conversation and to go through Paul if there was anything else.
I talked to my mom and a few friends about it, and they all agreed that Tracy was in the wrong, that she was stepping over a boundary, and that someone’s birthday meal was NOT the appropriate time to introduce a new partner.
When I brought it up to my grandma, though, she blamed ME, saying that I should have just let the partner come, be grateful that there was a group of people to celebrate me, that I’m an adult, not 12, and despite it being a meal for my birthday it didn’t have to be all about me.
Should I have just let the partner come in the first place and not mentioned my annoyance to anyone? Or am I in the right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in a similar situation and my “Tracy” kept inviting people to family events. Thanksgiving dinner with family?
Nope! Tracy’s friend’s family got invited too. Even her husband didn’t like it, but he had learned to just SIGH and accept that his opinion didn’t matter. It was always what “Tracy” wanted and it was her way or the highway. If you’re going to invite someone else to an event that isn’t yours, there is no reason to not ask first.” HaveUTriedTalking
Another User Comments:
“What’s the issue with meeting a partner for the first time on someone’s birthday? I agree with your grandmother, you sound like you’re 12. Tracy should still have asked if it was OK, not just informed, and her tantrum afterward is also worthy of a 12 yo.
ESH My question is “Why wasn’t this conversation between you and Jake instead of involving other people?” Lol, this makes it sound like Jake is also 12 years old.” Fit-Profession-1628
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tracy and your grandma are wrong. Tracy’s attitude of not asking permission for her (adult) kids is gross.
She doesn’t get to decide for other people that her children will do whatever they want. Your grandma is just…yuck. You should be grateful that Tracy decided for you that a stranger will be included. Sorry, grandma, but no. If your birthday isn’t a day all about you, what is?
Again, grandma, NO.” Next-Drummer-9280
3. AITJ For Not Trusting My Husband's Best Friend With Concert Tickets After He Invited a Stranger?
“I wanted to surprise my husband for Christmas and bought him a VIP wristband for Sick New World in Vegas April 2024.
To ensure he got one I talked to his best friend and set it up! I pre-registered on the website and waited till the day to purchase the tickets. Keep in mind last year 2023 I also purchased the tickets for everyone since I am at home with a newborn.
I put my address since we never have issues with packages getting stolen and I will be home to make sure they are safe.
Just to make sure we got them I had my home computer, laptop, tablet, and phone ready. I had to purchase 3 tickets.
One for my husband, one for his best friend, and one for a guy that the best friend works with. All 3 of them went last year together and had a good time. I believe that Sick New World’s first year was in 2023. It’s a bunch of rock bands on different stages.
Evanescence, Deftones, System of the Down, etc. last year we paid on our credit card and this year the best friend paid on his card. So it wouldn’t ruin the surprise. Since the best friend owed us money for the ticket last year to have his coworker go he told me to call it a wash.
I know he was paying my husband in payments since last year and knew the concert this year was more expensive. I did research to make sure we didn’t owe him and we did! Roughly $200. Sent him the money and the receipt. So I paid for my husband’s ticket and extra to make sure my husband had his own bed in the timeshare house that everyone is staying at this year.
I paid for my husband to have a boys trip to relax and not have to be on husband or dad duties. He works really hard and never complains but I know he needs a break! I surprised him with a custom-made t-shirt from Etsy with all the 2024 bands on it.
It was a great Christmas and he was looking forward to the concert. But his best friend decided to tell us he is bringing a girl he met a few weeks ago to Vegas with the boys. Not his friend and not even a girl he has known for months but literally someone he just met.
He didn’t even tell my husband her name that is how unimportant she is to him. Now my husband doesn’t want to go because it’s awkward and he doesn’t want to carpool with a stranger. He doesn’t want to be a 3rd wheel or forced to hang out with the other guy who he met once.
He wanted to hang out with his best friend that he has known for 20 plus years. I don’t want to give up the tickets until he pays us back in full which is roughly $1000. So I don’t know what is going to happen the concert is at the end of this month.
I don’t trust the best friend to give us our money back based on his actions lately. I feel like he used us to go have fun with our money. My husband wants to give him the tickets and he can pay us after but I don’t trust this person anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“Personally, NTJ. I feel for both you and your husband, this friend seems a bit selfish and I wouldn’t trust him to pay you back either. SNW is a huge event that I would kill to go to. There’s so many legendary bands being there, and it might be the last time some of them are ever gonna play, like System.
I know it may be uncomfortable, and this may just be a me thing, but if it really gets that bad, he could likely find a way to distract himself from them. If anything, I think that friend would be the jerk. Didn’t tell your husband anything about this chick, other than she’s going with.
I don’t blame him for being uncomfortable. If your husband ends up going, I hope he has a great time.” vendraws26
Another User Comments:
“Maybe you could drive separately for a couples/family trip, then husband can go to the show while you/kids do something else.
It sounds like he really wants to go, don’t let a random girl who probably won’t be around next year ruin it.” MKatieUltra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ op but tell your husband not to give his ticket away. Go with him and he goes to the concert while you rest or do something fun or just stay in the room and make a nice couple of days out of this.” Organic_Start_420
2. AITJ For Offering My Clothes To My Friend Who Didn't Pack Enough For Our Trip?
“I’m going to keep this as short and sweet as possible because I am REELING over this situation. Not kidding, it’s been haunting me since it happened. My friend and I are both young women in our twenties, and we recently had a music festival to attend with our partners.
For weeks leading up to it, we couldn’t stop talking about it, and we were making plans for who we were going to see, what we would eat, and what we would wear.
Because she and her partner came from out of town, they ended up arriving the night before the festival. I made them a bed in my living room and made sure everything was super nice for them since we don’t see them often.
She mentioned to me on their drive over that she was rushing and didn’t end up packing much—leaving her feeling unprepared. I was at work earlier in the day, and I told her that she didn’t need to worry about it and that she could just raid my closet when she got to my place.
She said I was awesome for doing that. So, on my lunch break, I told her I’d go shop around the nearest mall and see if I could find anything last minute. I asked her what her shirt and pants size were, which she happily gave me and thanked me again.
Fast forward to their first night with us, I’m going through my closet with her and showing her options (in addition to the 4 other pieces I bought at the mall earlier). I’m trying to brainstorm cute festival outfits, and I leave her alone to try on some of the stuff, and when she comes out, it’s like she’s a different person.
She was short with me, refused to wear any of the clothes other than a top, and deferred to her partner for the remainder of the night.
At first, I thought it was because she didn’t like any of my clothes. But I started talking about it with my partner, and he mentioned that my clothes might not fit her.
The more I thought about it, I was taller than her, but it didn’t cross my mind that my clothes wouldn’t fit her because I have a LOT of clothes in various sizes. And she was bound to find something cute!
It was awkward getting ready the next morning, so I asked her if she was okay.
That’s when she told me that it was insensitive of me to offer her my clothes knowing that she wouldn’t fit into them. She told me that I made her feel bad about herself, so I apologized and said that I didn’t mean to do that.
She kind of brushed me off and we didn’t talk about it for the rest of the weekend, but I heard her and her partner fighting the night before they left, and she made a lot of comments about her weight. I can’t help but feel that I am responsible for her feelings AND her fight with her partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you thought the sizes were close and she’d find something. Honestly, there can be a lot of variation, especially in loose tops, and accessories. That said, if there’s a really obvious difference, and you did know that nothing would fit her, it was a bit of a jerk move not to specifically offer her only things that might be appropriate.
Did the things you bought *in the size she gave you* fit her? Because it’s entirely on her if she just flat-out lied about her size. It’s on you if you didn’t get her something in the size she stated. It seems weird that she just didn’t pack her clothes.
So, whatever happened after, she set this up. It sounds like she’s extremely sensitive about this. You already apologized, and there’s not much else you can do if she’s decided to be upset.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“I’ve also been this friend who doesn’t think about the fact I’m generally a lot smaller than others and always wants to be helpful; but usually it doesn’t get past the offer, and I’ll get something like “Lol, thank you and I love you, but I don’t think your clothes would fit my dog.” Fair enough!
And then if I have something that’s a bit more one size fits most, I pitch those items to them directly. I think you were intended but set to fail. Same with her- some bodies feel set up to fail over and over again in life and that wears on a person.
That sucks and is worth acknowledging to your friend. Even communicating her sizes doesn’t help either of you with how fashion sizing works- fitted garments are a hard mode for buying things for others. No jerks here. Hopefully, you both take this as a learning experience though and learn to navigate these situations better in the future.” broccoli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, assuming the clothes you offered her are the sizes she told you. If she told you her sizes and you just assumed she’d fit into your clothes anyway, yeah, that’s insensitive. Especially since she didn’t try to find clothes because you said you had her covered. I’m confused though, she gave you her sizes and you went and bought clothes?
What size clothes did you buy?” esme454
1. AITJ For Disinviting My Mom From My Event After She Read My Personal Journal?
“My mom and I (19), have been having disagreements for the last couple of months since I broke up with my ex-partner of 5 years. She was very attached to him and saw him as a son. Well me being single, I started going out with friends to hang out and party.
My mom has always been strict, which results in me being a very sneaky child who lies about a lot of things out of fear of judgment or her telling me no.
Thought I’d provide some context so here’s the story.
I went to a party a couple of days ago and when I got home the next morning, my mom came up to me and asked why I was upset.
I was upset because she had been nonstop calling me while I was at the party. I ignored her and she said “why don’t you ask me why I’m upset” I continued to ignore her. She then said “I know something happened at that party (different party I went to where I drank) and “are you sure you didn’t leave Willem (my ex) for someone else?” (I didn’t leave my ex for someone else, he’s just someone I journaled about a few months after the breakup, she didn’t know about him)
I was confused as to how she knew all of this because I hadn’t told anyone. I then got to thinking maybe she saw something on my phone? And then it clicked, she probably read my journal the night I was at the party.
I proceeded to ask my brother if he knew anything about it and he was hesitant but finally told me what happened.
My mom read my journal, which contained very very personal feelings and events that had occurred in my life.
As my brother told me more, I was in shock because how could you read something so personal about someone out of pure nosiness??
I proceeded to walk upstairs where my mom and dad were talking and I yelled, “you read my personal journal?”
Her response: trying to look confused and responding with “it just fell onto the floor and I saw what it said.” (this journal was on a bookshelf tucked between books, it didn’t just fall out)
I continued yelling at her saying how messed up it was. I’ll summarize some things I said
– I would’ve told you everything that journal said if I felt like I could but I can’t talk to you.
– I’m moving out, I’m done.
– why would you do that?
And lastly, “Don’t come to my event tomorrow.”
This event is for school, it’s a baking showcase of things I’ve been prepping for a few weeks now. I invited friends and family and it is basically just to show everything I’ve learned in school (I’m graduating with my associate’s in culinary arts).
I left shortly after I said that and went to my brother’s house. Showed back up to my house a few hours later with boxes ready to pack my stuff. As I was leaving my dad said “I know this is devastating but you should reconsider disinviting your mom, she’s going to be devastated for the rest of her life if she doesn’t go to your event tomorrow.”
So, AITJ for disinviting my mom from my event because she read my journal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s behavior was malicious, as there’s no way she couldn’t have known how much harm her actions would cause. While I don’t think you should have used such obscene language against her, I cannot blame you for being very upset at that moment.
Not inviting her is the correct course, as she needs to understand the damage she’s caused. She owes you a sincere apology, and even then she should understand that she may have caused permanent trouble between the two of you as she’s made it clear she cannot be trusted.” BrewertonFats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The relationship with your mother is currently broken, because she broke it. Does she really think that you want her at an event at the moment, is she for real? She read another adult’s diary, that is an immense breach of trust. Sorry mother, you are reaping the consequences of your actions.
I hope she will learn from this. I hope it goes really well, enjoy your day!” YrCeridwen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom was way out of line. She def crossed a boundary. That is very sneaky behavior. She needs to know how wrong she was.
I think uninviting her will show her the severity of what she did. It is NEVER ok to read another person’s private journal without permission. I mean she literally had to have been snooping through your room to have found it. That’s messed up.” NOTTHATKAREN1
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