People Are Uncertain On Where They Stand In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

Being kind all the time is not always simple. Everyone has had those moments when they become extremely frustrated and forget that every one of us is going through something they are unaware of. For this reason, we could be unkind to someone without even realizing it. These people below don't know whether what they did in the past was jerkish or not. They want us to judge them. Once you have read their stories, please let us know your thoughts. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

36. AITJ For Being Angry At My Significant Other For Always Breaking Stuff?

“My significant other (M 22) and I (M 23) have been together since six years ago (eight for him but whatever).

Last year he decided to come out of the closet and moved in with me. So far I lived alone in an apartment and he lived with his mother.

I was really excited about the idea and the first weeks were pretty good, but as the days passed I realized something I already knew but didn’t think about it before due to the hype I guess: he’s dumb.

He has never been the smartest guy out there ever since I can remember, and we have known each other since elementary school.

He isn’t lazy, he just can’t follow instructions and has butter for his hands. I never paid it much attention cause it never affected me.

Except it started affecting me when he moved in and we split chores. When he tries to wash dishes he either breaks one or they aren’t cleaned enough.

When he cleans the floor, there are always dirty spots. When an appliance breaks, he always tries to fix it and fails. And there are more specific examples like these.

I decided to ignore it cause it’s not his fault and he pays for everything he breaks plus his part of the rent, but yesterday I just didn’t have the patience.

He accidentally broke a vase my best friend’s mum (someone I adore as if she’s my real mother) gifted to me when I moved here. I was already angry about this, but what made it worse was his classic ‘Don’t worry, I can fix it!’ He can’t fix anything, he always says that whenever he messes up something and the one who has to actually fix stuff is me.

When he said that, I got mad and ended up yelling at him that he wasn’t going to fix anything because he was too stupid to do it and that he had always been this way ever since we were kids. He just stopped talking, then he told me he was sorry again and left. I know I should have stopped him but I was shocked by what I did at the moment.

Later I called him but he wouldn’t answer me, so I called his mother and she confirmed that he had come crying to her house. I thought she would understand if I explained the situation to her as we’ve always gotten along, but she just told me that maybe it was too soon for him to move in with me and hung up on me.

It’s as if she and my SO want to make me look like the bad guy when all this year I’ve been nothing but understanding. AITJ for just not standing up for my SO’s messes anymore?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
You're both very young and you have been used to living alone for a while, this is simply just one of those things that couples have to go through when they first move in together. He sounds like he cares very much about you and the fact he broke your vase otherwise he wouldn't be crying about it. Maybe you were a little hard on him but no more than most people would've been in the situation. His mum may be right that you need more time apart for now, but she's not trying to paint you as the bad guy (I hope). It sounds like you love each other very much, so best of luck going forward.
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35. AITJ For Not Giving My Baby's Old Stuff To My Pregnant Sister?

“I have 2 boys, a 2.5-year-old and a 5-month-old.

I also have a sister who I have not spoken to in over a year, who is now pregnant. A large part of the reason we have not spoken is because when my older son was a baby I really didn’t feel like she was present or supportive at all.

Yes, she planned my baby shower and in the beginning visited a lot, but over time she seemed to get really bitter, spent less time with him, and started to say things like ‘I’d rather go out with my friends in my free time, it’s not like he’s old enough to be very interesting’, ‘I’m never having kids’, etc. She lives 4 doors down from me and would maybe see my son once a month for 10 minutes if that.

I mentioned once to my mom I felt like she really didn’t value or prioritize seeing her nephew and that I regretted moving here to be close to her (my mom/sister convinced me to buy this house when I was pregnant and wanted to move out of state).

My mom went back and told my sister which culminated into a huge fight where she basically said she doesn’t see my older son because she can’t stand being around me, doesn’t like kids, and would rather hang out with her friends.

Since that time I got pregnant with my younger one, went through the pregnancy and birth with no contact from her except a ‘congrats’ text when the baby was born, and no gift or even a text asking how either kid is or to see them.

Now she is 6 months pregnant. My younger son is quite fat for his age and is already in 12-month clothes. He’s growing out of his bassinet and I have 2 strollers, one of which is a double stroller which I use and another is a single very expensive stroller I never took out of the box.

My mother said ‘Great now that the baby is big enough I’ll just take the bassinet and stroller to your sister’s house down the block!’ I told my mother I had no intention of giving my sister the stuff I bought for my baby.

She can take his things and use them but never met him? My mother is saying I’m being petty and she ‘made an effort’ by sending me a congrats text when the baby was born which I did not reply to (true). I said that because congratulations don’t address or fix any of this and I’m not interested in superficial bull.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and in your shoes I'd be locking up those nice things you bought for your kids to make sure your mom doesn't go behind your back and gift your sister with them. She sounds like the type to do so. I would block both her and your sister, and think seriously about moving back where you wanted to be before your children were born. Good luck.
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34. AITJ For Taking My Stepson's Clothes?

“I took my stepson’s clothing because I am so sick of doing his laundry all the time and finding clean clothes just stuffed into the dirty clothes basket. For context: he is 11, hoards clothing that has not fit him since he was 7, refuses to fold and put away his own clothes or put his dirty clothing in the basket (which is only an arm’s reach from his bed and door) and just drops them on the floor or tries clothes on and instead of putting it away again right on the floor it goes.

He also used to do his own washing but now just refuses to wash his clothes.

As punishment for never picking them up or putting clothes away after I fold them ( he acts all dramatic and claims he doesn’t even know how hangers work when I have shown him over and over) I realized it was one of those ‘If I act like I can’t, she will do it’ situations.

I warned him for 3 weeks that if he did not start doing it that’s would take all the clothes and only give him one outfit at a time. I decided to give him a week’s worth of clothing by making him a capsule wardrobe and he complained about jeans, which shirt I picked etc. I told him when he can prove he can take care of his clothing he will slowly get more back.

Fast forward and it has been over a month and he still refuses to put them in the basket, put them away when I wash them (because he refuses to wash them until I cave because I don’t want him to be the smelly kid in school).

He just tried to claim he would call CPS because I took his clothing and it’s child mistreatment… (He has 3 pairs of jeans, a pair of shorts, a pair of PJ pants, a pair of sweat pants, 3 long sleeve shirts, 2 long sleeve shirts, 2 hoodies and 9 pairs of socks/underpants).

Should I just throw my hands up and let him call CPS?

Edit to add: His mother and father had issues with illegal substances and got him taken away when he was a year old. Mother passed from overusage when he was almost six. My husband has been clean since before I met him and has stayed clean.

My son has also said that I have been his mom longer than she was his mom so he acknowledges the fact that I’ve been taking care of him most of his life and the only time that he brings up her death is when he gets in trouble he tries to blame it on being bullied 3 years ago at school and because his mother is deceased but then always cracks jokes about how she is dead so for anyone thinking that that’s the issue, it is not.

And this story was mainly to show him that I am not being unreasonable asking him to take care of his own laundry or he doesn’t need to have it in his room.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. And the next time he threatens to call CPS on you, say, "Go ahead. I've got the number right here." Then hand it to him and walk off. And for heaven's sake stop letting him intimidate you with that bull$h!t. He's eleven - he's going to have to do things he doesn't want to for at least the next 7 years and more likely for the rest of his life. Better he get used to it now.
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33. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Weekends Taking Care Of My Old Mother?

“Most of the kids have moved out of home except for my brother (single, M 53). We all have our own families and I also work some (not all) weekends so when I have a free weekend, I want to enjoy it, occasionally making the drive down to see Mum (F 80) but not specifically take care of her.

My eldest sister (F 59) works part-time and looks after mum 2 days a week, the second sister (F 55) who also works part-time looks after mum 2 days a week, and the brother who doesn’t work looks after her the remaining 3 days.

So all 3 complained that I, who work full-time, 50 hours, Mon-Fri, and also full-time on some weekends, should spend my weekends off to give my brother a break thus reducing his load to 2 days.

I said no for the following reasons:

1) She fully qualifies for nursing care and they refuse to hire/appoint a nurse as it would be a stranger in her house.

2) She would be much healthier and better-taken care of in a nursing home and right now she spends her day mainly in bed as they don’t let her get out of bed for fear of her falling.

3) Both sisters only work part-time and the brother has been unemployed for decades (he had a job decades ago but had been living off govt for decades), so they actually have a lot of free time.

4) (This is where I think I may be a jerk) My brother recently made her sign over ALL her assets to him l as in his own words he looks after her and deserves it as he has to put up with her 7 days a week (even though the sisters look after her for 2 days each).

So, in my opinion, he wants her over $1 million in assets he has to work for it by looking after her or agree to option 1 or 2 above which I have been insisting on.”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and I applaud you. You do realize that your siblings won't hire a nurse because it will cost them money, and they want every penny they can squeeze out of your mom for themselves. So, because of that, they can go pound sand as far as wanting you to "contribute". You work full time, you know the money is there for your mother's comfort and it should be spent for that. If the sibs don't like it and want to work instead of making mom comfortable, let them. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
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32. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Brother And His Wife To Our Wedding?

“My husband and his brother have a tense relationship. His brother’s wife came into the picture after me, and ever since the relationship with his brother has gone downhill.

BIL was always the most entitled, overindulged, and narcissistic member of our rather large extended family unit, that is until his wife came along and topped him.

My husband and I have 2 children together and have been planning a destination wedding. Our reasoning behind this was that we already lived like a married couple, had 2 kids, and owned a home.

We have real financial responsibilities and one big expensive day is not something we’re interested in. For clarification, we signed legal marriage docs but no one knows and they think I just refer to him as my husband because I actually do hate the word ‘fiancé’.

We have HUGE families and limiting it to even a size as large as 150 guests would be cutting out a lot of people that would be hurt. In addition, our son has autism and a big crowd would be very overwhelming for him.

Our solution is to get married where we went on our first vacation, where we got engaged, and where we generally feel extremely happy and at peace.

We planned our destination wedding for October 2022.

Upon finding this out, my SIL had immediate problems. She said for starters, that is an expensive trip and it’s selfish of us to expect them to come. Side note: they live on my in-law’s dime.

They have never paid for rent or a mortgage. Both have high-paying jobs. And they just got $150k handed to them for a down payment on a house. We have gotten none of those things.

Secondly, my SIL said she won’t be able to go in October because she plans to be pregnant again at that time.

She was 5 months pregnant with her first baby. She also said that she won’t travel to the island pregnant, or within 6 months of becoming pregnant because they had a Zika outbreak in 2018.

When my BIL approached me and asked me to change the date for these reasons, I very calmly reiterated when the wedding was going to be, regardless of their schedules.

This absolutely infuriated him. He went to each member of the immediate family telling them how selfish we are for this move. How they should speak up and say it’s too expensive. Saying we don’t care about him and his wife. Literally trying to encourage people to come up with excuses as to why they won’t attend.

No one agreed with him, which set him off even more.

Way more negative and toxic things have come from the two of them since. We haven’t seen or spoken to them in a few months. But regardless, they won’t be getting an invite due to their response.

So here it goes, AITJ?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Oh, SO not the jerk! Don't you realize that your BIL and SIL are just mad because you're taking up the family's attention and they're getting none? Nah, don't do a d@mned thing to placate them. When BIL brings up the wedding dates again, just smile, tell him you're terribly sorry that your dates aren't convenient for them to travel, and then close the subject. Watch BIL walk off with steam coming out of his ears, and enjoy the fact that you created that. Well done, and congratulations on your impending nuptial trip.
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31. AITJ For Canceling My Brother's Disney+ Subscription?

“My (F) brother is ‘old school’ and doesn’t adapt very well to using cards, almost everything he pays with cash and usually things that require a credit card, he gives me the money and I lend him my card. My brother never overspended on my card and we’ve always done that over the years.

And no, he doesn’t actually have access to my card, I have access to his accounts and I put the information myself.

Recently my nephews started asking him to sign Disney+ and my brother asked me to sign for him. There’s a profile for his wife, my brother and each of my nephews (2), so they had 3 profiles left.

I love cartoons, even more from Disney, and these days I want to see Mulan. I created a profile not to interfere with the algorithm of others and I just watched that. The profile was standing there with only one movie seen.

A few days later, my brother called me, asking if I created the account, and when I confirmed it, he said he didn’t feel comfortable with me using something he paid for in full and that if I wanted to use it, I had to pay for my share, if not, he would be grateful if I deleted the profile.

I was annoyed, but I agreed. I’m not an idiot, so I canceled the subscription and they had access until 12/06. (my brother pays for everything he uses on the 20th normally).

Yesterday, my brother called me asking if I renewed Disney+ and that on the 20 he would pay for everything.

I responded by saying that I didn’t feel comfortable using the card for something I don’t use.

He started to get angry, saying that he always pays for things for me and that it was petty of me as his request was reasonable.

Well, he’s still mad at me and I haven’t renewed the subscription.

I already asked to change the payment method and delete mine as soon as possible, because my card is still blocked. My brother is still calling me a jerk and petty.


1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and your brother has some nerve calling you petty. His family have four accounts and you only have one, and he's having an issue with that? Nope. In your shoes, I would stop playing nursemaid with him with the credit cards and lock your cards down with passwords/pin numbers. He's grown, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to learn how to use a credit card, and it's high time he learned. He's a first class jerk.
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30. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Make Her Own Decisions?

“I (29 F) had my daughter (13) as a teen and her father (30 M) and I co-parent as best as we can but we don’t always see eye to eye.

Now, I have never limited her time with her father, very early on I got full custody of her when he renounced his rights as a parent for reasons I don’t wish to retell here.

However, after she turned 2 he began to come around and wanted to have her for the day or take her to his family events which I totally supported.

But even though I’ve always allowed him to see her, he still has been in and out of her life and I hurt for my daughter because all she has wanted was for her dad to be around more.

I have done everything in my power to always paint her father a good man up until now because she had expressed resentment in the fact that he isn’t around like her friends’ dads and the fact that her father never takes her feelings into account in certain situations, like how I do when he does come around to see her.

I ended up talking to my ex about this and he blamed me stating I turned our daughter against him because she is now refusing to see him or stay with him some days of the week like she did when she was younger. There was a lot of back and forth between us and he went quiet for a little while.

After that ordeal, I sat my daughter down and asked her if she truly meant when she said she didn’t want to see her father anymore. She told me yes that this is how she felt right now and I told her it was okay that when she was ready to maybe see him again she was more than welcome too and that was the end of the conversation.

When Father’s Day rolled around and my ex tried to pick her up he lost his mind when I told him she didn’t want to spend the day with him.

It was hard to hear him tell me that she was a child and that she couldn’t refuse a ‘real’ mother telling her what she needed to do.

I doubled down and told him if she said no then it’s no and he told me that I was a jerk for allowing a child with a not-so-fully developed brain to make these types of life decisions.

I know I had her young and I try to think back to my younger self and always wanting my mom to listen to me which is why I listen to what my daughter wants very intently.

This is also why I let her voice her opinion openly and I always back her up or try to parent accordingly depending on the situation.

But my ex really went off on me and I am starting to doubt it all because I don’t want my daughter to hate her father but I also do not want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to.

Father’s Day was hard on both of us, but she asked to spend it with her apa (my dad), so it was really nice that she spent it with someone she wanted to and took her mind off what had happened earlier that day.

I talked to my parents about it and my dad told me I was doing the right thing but I also had my mom side with my ex telling me I needed to act like my daughter’s mother, not her friend like she sees me act.

Am I the jerk here?”

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. Your daughter's sperm donor needs to understand that a child is not a toy to be picked up and put down at his whim, and that your daughter's decision stands. If he doesn't like it, tough. Maybe he should act more like a parent instead of an immature, self centered @$$hole who only wants to be a father when it's fun and convenient.
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29. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Needs To Pay For My Dog's Vet Bills?

“I (25 f) have a 2-year-old Corgi x Australian Shepard mix named Odie, and he is the light of my life.

I’ve owned him since he was a puppy and he’s been in perfect health since I’ve had him.

On Monday I was gone for the majority of the day, and my mom (56 f) offered to watch my dog for me. When I got home that evening I immediately noticed his belly was distended. I went to ask her if he ate anything/got into anything he wasn’t supposed too.

She said, ‘Yeah I fed him a bunch of leftovers today and he SCARFED’. Immediately I was concerned because Odie has a very sensitive stomach, as he’s sensitive to all grains and chicken. She told me she fed him rice and chicken noodle soup.

The chicken noodle soup contained quite a bit of onion. (If you don’t know onion is highly toxic to dogs)

I was past the 4-hour mark of inducing vomiting, so I was just keeping a super close eye on him for any behavior changes.

On Tuesday morning he was NOT himself. He hardly slept the night before, he was very lethargic, and shaking, had no interest in food or water, and wouldn’t use the restroom. In the beginning, I chalked it up to him being constipated since he hadn’t gone to the bathroom since eating all of the food from yesterday.

By the evening he had gotten even WORSE. He was very weak, panting, whining and crying, shaking, and he was walking almost sideways. I rushed him to the emergency vet. They took his vitals and said because he was considered stable and in non-life threatening conditions they couldn’t treat him and I needed to get him into his primary vet.

I called the vet the following day (we’re at Wednesday at this point) and he was able to squeeze him in on Thursday. While he was there on Thursday they monitored him, took blood to run tests, and prescribed him vetprofen. At this point, Odie’s back legs have stopped working almost entirely.

My vet said to call if there wasn’t noticeable improvement the following day, and there wasn’t.

I called and his blood tests had thankfully come back normal (meaning the onion toxicity hadn’t affected his red blood cells) but he wanted me to bring him back in to give him fluids.

I brought him in where he got the fluids and prescribed a steroid. My vet said if I noticed a vast improvement in him with the fluids he wanted me to bring him back in the next day (today, Saturday) so they could give him continuous fluids all day long.

And the fluids helped tremendously.

Odie still isn’t 100% back to normal but he’s actually walking, has some energy, etc. so he’s back at the vet today receiving more fluids.

Last night I got INTO it with my mom because I told her she has to pay for his vet bills.

She thinks it’s not her fault this is happening and I have no concrete proof that the onions are what caused this. Am I the jerk for making her pay his vet bills?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and your mother should indeed pay the bills. If she wanted to feed your dog something other than his dog food, she should have ASKED YOU if it would be okay. She didn't, she did something not only supernaturally stupid but potentially life threatening, and she doesn't think she's responsible? Tell her to think again, because she is. Bring home a copy of the vet report to show her if she persists in refusing to pay. Good luck.
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28. AITJ For Posting A Video Of My Dad And His Friend On WhatsApp?

“My dad (52 M) had a partner (44 F) ‘Mary’ for a few years, we liked her a lot, she even became my friend and we would hang out. Mary and my dad had problems but overall they seemed happy.

Last March we went on a trip.

Mary wasn’t going to go at first because she had to work, and it was obvious they were having some issues, but he kept insisting and even bought her a flying ticket before she said yes. During the trip, they would discuss a lot, and Dad also kept making rude ‘jokes’ about her.

By the end of the trip, Mary was mad at him and a week later she told me they had broken up.

We were sad but understood that my dad wasn’t treating her well and that she deserved better. My dad kept insisting it was just a fight and that she’d come back.

Three weeks later my sister and I were with my dad when he received a call from a woman, ‘Alicia’. We heard the way they talked to each other and noticed immediately it wasn’t only a ‘friendship’.

My birthday was a month later and my dad organized a gathering with his friends, he kept insisting that I should invite Mary to the party.

I didn’t find it fair for her to spend time with my dad and his friends so I didn’t text her. To my surprise, she went because my dad told her that I wanted her to be there for me. That day my dad tried to convince her to get back together (I saw it happen in front of my eyes).

They didn’t get back.

By this moment I knew something was fishy because I was almost sure my dad and Alicia were already an item when he was begging Mary to go back with him. Mary and I talked and I told her that I didn’t think my dad was good for her without mentioning Alicia.

We kept our friendship but I felt my dad was trying to use it to have some control over her, so slowly I reduced our hangouts for her sake.

Three months ago my dad presented us his ‘friend’ Alicia (37 F) on one of our family trips.

A couple of weeks later I found out that he was keeping a friendship with Mary, and used me as an excuse to keep in contact with her.

He brings Alicia every time we go out, and last week even her kids came with us… Yesterday we were at a Karaoke party, I filmed a video and posted it on my WhatsApp stories.

My dad was sitting next to Alicia and they were really close but she was barely in the video so I didn’t think a lot about it.

Today my dad called asking if I had sent a video to Mary. I told him I hadn’t talked to her in a while.

He was surprised but repeated the question. I asked him why. At this, he answered that Mary had sent him a screenshot of him and Alicia and he wanted to know how she had it. I told him it was in my stories.

He has been taking Alicia to all our hangouts, all his friends know her, a lot of his friends work with Mary and they even bullied Mary for a while after they broke up.

But now suddenly I’m responsible for her knowing? Mary suspected my dad was having an affair before breaking up, I didn’t know a 20-second video would reveal the truth, but he’s blaming me for this. AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Oh, absolutely NTJ. Your dad is the one two timing Mary, and he blames YOU for getting outed? What, did he think no one noticed that he wasn't with Mary as much anymore but was seeing Alicia? Either he's supernaturally stupid or he thinks everyone else is. Not your fault. If he hadn't let himself get towed around by his d!ck, he wouldn't be in the mess he is.
Oh, and please don't include Mary anymore in your family gatherings if your dad wants you to invite her, right? You do know he was just trying to wind Mary up and give her a heads up that he was cheating, don't you? Don't help him hurt her again.
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27. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Mom For Wanting Me To Go Out With A 30-Year-Old Man?

“My mom (52 f) and I (17 f) have been in a toxic relationship for a while. The conversation of this entire marriage thing started when I was 17, only being 2 months before I turned 18.

My mom was so eager to get me to go out with guys that she started an account on Christian Mingle for me, where you have to be 18 to get in. I didn’t think about it much then, but now, it was kinda illegal. I am still not seeing anyone now and probably won’t in the future.

Recently, my mom started talking about me going out with or marrying people who are over 10 years older than me. It first started when my mom joked about selling me to some older guy who works on a farm, now it’s a co-worker with my dad, who is 12 years older than me.

But the thing was, my mom wasn’t even joking about going out with this 30-year-old man. She said I could go out with him since we have the same mindset, which offended me. Mom only embarrassed herself though since a guest was over at our house, Rachel (26 f), another co-worker with my dad, gave my mom a disgusted look and said ‘Don’t do that to her now.’ My mom ignored Rachel and told me I could just marry him for his money, I rolled my eyes and told everyone goodnight since I had to get up early to cut the yard.

My mom continued to try and chat about this conversation but I ignored her and went to bed.

The conversation still has me scared, I don’t think I will ever forget how my mom was casual about the entire conversation with a guest over. What will my mom do next?

Set up an arranged marriage? This is one of the reasons I will never trust my mom, I’m willing to go out with people who are only 8 years older than me, but I set a limit for people who are 10 years or over. So am I the jerk?”

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MadameZ 4 months ago
Your mother is abusive. She views you as fertile livestock who can be sold to the highest bidder. Do you have another adult in your life you can trust (teacher, cousin, counsellor of any kind)? You need to TELL PEOPLE what your mother is trying to do so that you can be supported and helped to get away from her revolting scheme. Tell people that she is effectively trying to PIMP YOU OUT because even if she is claiming it is 'Christian' tradition to sell one's daughters, it isn't.
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26. AITJ For Proving To My Mom That My Sister Doesn't Remember Her?

“My mom never married and had three daughters with three different men.

My younger sister (8 F) had a sperm donor who stayed with our mother and did horrible things to me and his kids. When I was 10 she went to prison. She got out 5 years later (present) and noted me and my grandmother never got along due to me being more ‘masculine’.

I (15 f) was asked to visit my mother alongside my (16 f) sister. Our grandmother picked us up; bought pizza, and went to our local food lion to get snacks for our stay. I work at a job that pays me 17/hr and I prefer to be independent and paying for myself, but when I would try and go pay she would glare and put it in the cart so I figured I shouldn’t argue.

When we got to the trailer my mother stayed in we learned how disgusting it was, the fridge was filled with food; some moldy. The house was undone, mold covered the walls, bugs everywhere, etc.

Right off the bat, I hated it, I could tell my sister did as well.

Our mother acted like a child, discussing how she was gonna try and connect with our younger sister; When our mother was arrested she was entrusted to her aunt.

She takes care of her and our younger sister’s other kids, only our sister, and her brother are the youngest. The older siblings are adults, I was the one to tell her when she turned 8 the truth of where our mom was for five years.

I told my mom how I get told things, I told her how she doesn’t remember anything of her, and how she calls me sobbing after getting off the phone with her. She began getting mad, trying to guilt trip me; So I called my sister’s aunt and put her on speaker, I’ll try and recreate the call from memory.

Me: Hey (Aunt’s name), (mother’s name) is out and wants to know if (sister) would like to talk to her.

Aunt: OP, we talked about this with your and (sister)’s lawyer. Y’all’s mother is too unstable to take care of her.

Me: I know, I had to make my point with (mother’s name).

Please tell (sister) her wishlist will come in next week.

After I hung up the phone my mother blew up, claiming I humiliated her for no reason. My older sister knew she had to be told. My father told me he was proud of me.

My mother got a phone a few weeks ago, she told our grandmother and her friends what I did and I am currently being harassed by them (Note: I don’t know her friends personally besides one, who isn’t calling me) I’ve been blocking them but so far they are being given my cell, my emails (including school email and I’ve been getting calls from my school on it) and my socials.

I know I shouldn’t feel totally guilty, I know my mother is struggling to be in the real world outside of prison.


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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
NTJ, you only did what your mum wanted you to do, knowing the result would be the same as what she'd gotten from her lawyers. I'm sorry you are having to go through so much at such a young age. Sounds like you need to stay away from your grandma too, her attitude is toxic.
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25. AITJ For Refusing To Drink Juice?

“I am on a trip with my family which includes me (f 17), my brother (m 21), and our parents (both middle-aged). I’m a vegetarian and usually eat very balanced meals. Since we are staying at a hotel and eating out a lot, I haven’t been able to eat like I usually do.

I decided to not worry about making decisions on this trip because I wanted to avoid any unnecessary arguments. So when we are looking for a place to eat I just let my family decide and just go wherever they want to go. Every place has at least a few vegetarian options so I can just pick one of those.

However, the meals aren’t ones I would usually eat at home and are often really greasy or not balanced.

It’s the third night of our trip and I was feeling bloated and my stomach was a little upset. I knew it was due to the excess fat and sugar I had been eating.

So, dinner time came and we were deciding where to go. I asked if we could go somewhere where I could get a salad/wrap or something light like that. They decided on a restaurant/café and turns out there weren’t any light vegetarian options.

I was kinda bummed but didn’t feel too hungry (my father had insisted on us eating pizza earlier that day) so I said I’ll just take water since everyone else wanted to eat there.

After I said I was good with my water my father started asking nonstop if I wanted ice cream or lemonade etc. and I told him no to each of his suggestions (that were all really sugary/greasy).

I headed to our table and my father came soon after me. He placed a juice bottle in front of me and said I should drink it. I said no thanks and didn’t even touch it since I knew a sugary drink would only make me feel worse.

Later when I was alone with my brother he said that I was being rude and ungrateful when I refused to drink the juice. I told him that I had stomach pain and already felt bloated and if being polite meant I should make those things worse, I didn’t care to be polite.

I also said I found it disrespectful that when I said no, our father refused to take it as an answer. Then my brother told me that I was being dramatic and I should have stayed at home if I was just going to ruin the trip for everyone else.

I don’t see how refusing to drink something I already said I didn’t want to drink would be rude. I feel like THEY were being rude to me by not respecting me when I told them no.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
NTJ. I'm sorry they haven't taken you into consideration while making decisions. It may help to speak up a little more often, as you say you didn't speak up before. Do some research in the area and suggest a place or 2 that you know has something you will want to eat. But definitely NTJ for not wanting to eat or drink something that would upset your tummy.
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24. AITJ For Going On A Father-Son Retreat With My Stepdad Instead Of My Biological Dad?

“I (17 M) live with my mother and stepfather, George (48 M). My stepdad has 2 daughters, Liza (18 F) and Lori (12 F) who also live with us. My biological father is barely in my life. My parents divorced when I was 6. My mother found out my bio father had an affair and got another woman pregnant.

My dad quickly remarried with the woman he got pregnant and started a new family. Sadly, that didn’t include me. He never remembered my birthdays, never came to my school stuff, and often ‘forgot’ to pick me up on the weekends I was supposed to stay with him.

George was always there to cheer me up or give me a shoulder to cry on. Since the day he met me, he took me in as his own. He always stood up for me and taught me all the things a son should learn from his dad.

I consider George to be my dad although I have never told him that. My stepsister Liza is extremely upset about this. She never fails to remind me that George is her dad and not mine.

Anyways, recently my church was planning a father-son camping trip.

My biological father also attends the same church I do. I really want to go on the camping trip but I don’t wanna go with my biological father, so I got up the courage to ask George. I told him he doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to.

This was the first thing I ever did that gave George a slight inkling that I saw him as a father figure. He had the biggest smile on his face and said of course he would go. We later signed up to go together and I thought everything was fine.

That was until my biological father called me and told me that I embarrassed him by not asking him to go with me. He berated me and told me I was a horrible son. I told my mom and George this and they told me I did nothing wrong.

My stepsister Liza however told me I was in the wrong since George isn’t my dad and I shouldn’t have even thought about asking George.

I’ve been thinking a lot and think I am in the wrong. George isn’t my dad and maybe I should have asked my biological father.

I just wanted some insight, am I the jerk?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
As far as your bio dad he is just your sperm donor and has NEVER acted like YOUR DAD. PERIOD. Now for Liza, she is a jerk just like your sperm donor. Is she THAT JEALOUS that she is NOT A SON for her father? You go with your SD and HAVE A GOOD TIME. Also tell SD and your mom what CRAP Liza is trying to bully you with. Let THEM handle her.
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23. AITJ For Letting One Of My Bridesmaids Plan My Bachelorette?

“I (24 f) am getting married in October. I have 4 bridesmaids: Luna (30 f, maid of honor, also sister of my future husband), Maddie (24 f), Daisy (24 f), and Zoe (25 f).

Luna was the first one I asked, and she was thrilled to be my maid of honor.

She has wanted to get closer to me and refers to me as her sister, which I think is really sweet. I want to note also that I’ve asked very little of my bridesmaids: I’m having a low-key formal wedding, and the venue takes care of pretty much everything, so all they have to worry about is their outfits (I asked them to pay for their dresses but told them that they could wear any that they wanted!), planning the bachelorette, and coming to the shower, bachelorette, and wedding.

When we started planning, she said she would help my mom with my bridal shower and be totally in charge of my bachelorette. I had said that I’d love to go cabin camping for the bachelorette because I love the outdoors and I knew that that would not be a huge time commitment or financial burden on anyone.

Shortly after that decision was made, she backed out of the shower because she was not in a financial position to contribute. Okay, I completely understand that. Absolutely not a big deal. However, things get a little less clear-cut from here.

Maddie asked to talk to me one evening late last month.

On the call, she told me that there had been zero planning efforts made by Luna for my bachelorette. She also seemed to be blowing off the rest of the bridesmaids in their group chat – she’d occasionally toss out a message like ‘Sorry, I’m so busy, I’ll schedule a planning call soon!’ but then never follow up or reply to the other girls’ responses.

I, of course, had no idea about this, so I was really surprised and also really hurt that she wasn’t putting in the effort for me. I felt like I didn’t ask much of her, and that it was a big let-down to hear that no progress has been made since the planning process began.

Because of this, Maddie asked if she could go ahead and book the trip and I said absolutely, let me know if you need any help. She sent out the trip info a few days after, with a cute little graphic and a timeline. I was absolutely thrilled and volunteered to take care of the expense and work of food shopping/meal planning/cooking because I want to help financially and logistically without imposing on any other plans they may make.

The issue I’m facing now is that Luna has been not only ignoring me via call/text but has also been passive-aggressive when we’ve seen each other in person. We got together two weekends ago, and I asked her about dietary restrictions for meal planning, she just scoffed and asked what it mattered to me.

Like, of course, it matters? That’s why I asked.

So, I really don’t know if I’m in the wrong for letting Maddie lead the planning. Luna wasn’t doing it, and it needed to get done. But, Luna also said she would take care of it initially.

What do you all think? AITJ?

Edit: Luna’s brother, my future husband, is kind of the ‘good kid’ of the family. We have been together for nearly ten years and she did not have a long-term relationship until about two years ago. However, her current partner has said that he does not want to get married. I really don’t want to attribute her actions (or lack thereof) to petty jealousy, but I can’t help but think that may be part of it.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and Luna is so jealous of you, she can barely stand herself. In your shoes, I would have a private conversation with her and tell her that since you've noticed that she doesn't seem interested in the wedding planning anymore, you are relieving her of her MOH duties and just asking that she attend the wedding as a guest so that all the pressure is off her and she can enjoy herself. Do NOT ask anyone their opinion before doing this; you're the bride, this is your decision, and it's better to present the change to your family as a fait accompli so there are no arguments. If someone has the bad manners to criticize your decision, smile at them and say, "I'm the bride and that's my privilege." and close the subject. Rinse and repeat as needed. And tell future husband that your decision is final also. Good luck.
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22. AITJ For Being Angry At My Parents For Giving My Bike To My Brother?

“I’m not talking to my parents or brother because my parents helped my brother steal my bike and take it back to AZ with him. They say I’m overreacting.

Background: my brother wanted a bike like mine but couldn’t afford it (I had a Giant).

My parents approached me and asked me to give my bike to my brother since I hadn’t ridden it for a while. I said no & I liked my bike & hoped to get back into riding when my schedule calmed down. After saying no, they told my brother he should try trading something with me instead.

So he pretended like he didn’t know I said no and asked since I wasn’t riding the bike if I would trade it for a figurine. I said no and I told him not to ask again as I already had the discussion with the parents.

They thought I was being a jerk but I said I was sorry and I liked my bike.

Then life happened & I was moved in with my parents. We relocated & during the move, I gave my bike to the movers. It’s been 6 months and I found a group to ride with.

When I went to the shed to look for my bike today, I couldn’t find it. My mom told me they took it from the movers and gave it to my brother.

I’m furious for a couple of reasons. (1) they went behind my back & I’ve had trust issues with the family before.

Trust to me is a big deal, even more so than the bike at this point. So ya. (2) they said I’m overreacting & they don’t want me to be mad and they’ll just buy me a different bike. If they wanted to avoid me being mad, why didn’t they buy my brother a bike in the 1st place, why go to all this effort to go behind my back… just because he wanted my specific bike?

To be clear, we are a grown family with all of my siblings in our 30s. (3) I’m annoyed my bike is gone. But at this point, I’m so mad about the lying that I don’t even want the bike back. It’s not about the bike anymore.

I just want time away from them & them to understand that they lost my trust & to accept their actions. They are standing their ground saying it’s not a big deal since I wasn’t using my bike and that they can buy me a new one.

No one has addressed how sneaky it was. AITJ and overreacting?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell them if they don't replace THAT EXACT BIKE that you will report it stolen and WHO STOLE IT. Then follow through. after that? Go LOW/NO contact with the users/liars.
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21. AITJ For Giving My Stepdaughter's Old Stuff To My Sister?

“I’m 35 M, my wife Carla is 37 F, my stepdaughter is Moira, 16 F.

We have been married for 6 years, and Moira spends 2 weekends a month with her dad. I used to think that we had a pretty good thing going but now I’m not sure.

To put it simply: Moira often begs for or demands certain material things, and if we don’t get it right away she punishes us with silence and tears.

I tried so hard to convince Carla to get her therapy but the fact that I am not a real parent means I have no say. They just placate her.

Needless to say, there’s a ton of stuff that Moira begged for but then never touched or even used that often.

There’s so much just in the basement that makes me think if the house ever caught fire, a small fortune of useless crap would burn up.

To the point of the story: I hosted my sister Julie’s (25 F) baby shower, and I had a lightbulb moment in my head.

Some of the things stored in the basement hadn’t been touched for years, including things like stuffed animals or cute decor pieces that could suit the nursery. I collected a box of stuff from the basement and asked Moira if she still wanted or needed what I picked out, and she brushed me off saying that she ‘didn’t need that crap anymore, so set it on fire for all l care.’ Message (rudely) received.

I arranged the items in a nice basket, tied it up with a bow, and wrapped the rest of the stuff I got for Julie.

The shower went so well, and Julie was so happy to find a certain item still new in the box that projects things like stars onto the ceiling, and how much the baby would love it for a nightlight when they’re older.

When Moira came home and saw the pile of presents, she glared at me for a moment before going upstairs. After I drove my sister home, Carla and Moira were waiting for me and Carla immediately jumped down my throat for ‘giving away things that weren’t mine to look good in front of my trashy family’ and things went downhill from there.

Carla tried to keep yelling at me but I snapped and told her that most of that stuff had been paid for by me, and when I asked Moira about the stuff I told her what she said. Carla dismissed me and said that obviously, it was a test that I failed and obviously didn’t care what Moira felt.

I should have read between the lines.

I say no, I took Moira at her word just like I would anyone else.

Things are tense and I don’t know who to ask for advice, my family is a little lukewarm toward Carla and Moira so I know they would make this a bigger deal than it already is.

I don’t know anymore, so AITJ?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
QUIT BUYING CRAP FOR THE INGRATE. PERIOD. Tell Carla that if HER DAUGHTER WANTS STUFF then she better be making enough money to AFFORD THAT CRAP cause YOU WILL NOT BUY ANYMORE FOR THE INGRATE. If Carla has a problem with this you may want to reconsider your whole relationship with BOTH of them. AND YOU ARE NOT THE JERK. I side with YOUR FAMILY only I would be like less than lukewarm about those two.
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20. AITJ For Telling Our Roommate To Clean Up His Mess?

“I (21 M) am living apartment-style at my college campus for the summer.

I’m living here with 2 other people, one of them a good friend of mine. We will call them friend (22 F) and suitemate (22 M). It is also important to mention that suitemate is an RA, and I believe the only RA on campus.

We have been living here for about two weeks, and I will be honest, in the beginning, friend and I were a little messy.

Nothing that I would consider to be outrageous, but for example, dirty dishes would remain in the sink for about an hour while we ate and socialized. Suitemate was upset about this, and lectured us about how we need to ‘respect shared spaces’ and ‘clean up after ourselves immediately’.

In retrospect, we were messy, but he was much more of a jerk than he had to be. Afterward, which happened about a week and a half ago, friend and I put in the effort to be cleaner, and there have been no issues since.

Cut to a couple of days ago. Suitemate asks to have a small get-together on a Friday night, end it by 11, and me and friend said yes. He invited about 15 people over to our very small apartment, and he had a very loud and bass-heavy speaker blaring music.

We asked suitemate to keep it down; the music was very loud and everyone was shouting. It was so loud that we could hear everything through headphones. Suitemate kept saying that he would turn things down, but nothing he did made a difference, and he refused to control his friends.

Despite us asking that we wanted to go to sleep and that it was too loud, he did nothing and the party went on until 3:30 in the morning. After this, we planned a meeting to talk about how we feel disrespected and that there is a double standard here with him not following his own expectations, especially after he downplayed his party.

Now, the cut to the past two days. On Saturday night, the day after the party, I noticed that suitemate put a bottle of Moscato in the freezer because I found it had exploded. Wine and broken glass were all over the inside of the freezer.

And wine was also dripping into our fridge and onto the floor. I texted him about this, asking him to clean and it took him two hours to respond and say he would do it. He then got home later, ate food, and went to bed. He left it there and then went out the next day, and so we texted him again the following afternoon telling him that he needed to clean it.

He tells us he said he would, and that he works the hardest out of all of us to clean so we shouldn’t complain.

He gets home later. At that point, the mess had been there for 22 hours, and he accused me of ‘blowing up his phone’ for ‘no reason’, even though we texted him 3 times over the 22-hour period about his BIG mess.

After finally cleaning, everything is still sticky, and there is still wine and broken glass all over the inside of the freezer. We are having an apartment meeting tonight to hopefully resolve this mess. Going into that, AITJ? And any advice?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, your suitemate needs to clean his mess immediately or he needs to get out. You are not his minder or his maid, and you have every right to hold him to the same standards that he held you and roommate to. He's the jerk and a really nasty one. Good luck.
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19. AITJ For Asking The Staff At The Nurse's Office To Correct My Stepmom's Label On My Record?

“My (17 m) mom died 10 years ago and my dad married Jill 9 years ago.

She and I have an okay relationship. It’s not super tight or super rough. She’s uncomfortable sometimes because she doesn’t like me saying she’s my stepmom, but I don’t want to call her my mom and the term bonus mom is not one I like at all.

As much as it hurts her she is my stepmom to me. When I think of my parents, I think of my mom and dad first and her more secondary. We’ve done therapy in the past to try and make things as painless as possible.

So I never correct her when she calls me her son, but she never calls herself my mom and accepts that I will always refer to her as a stepmom. It was also agreed that I could point out in formal paperwork that she’s my stepparent and not just my parent.

So a few weeks ago, before the end of the school year, I was sick and had to go to the nurse’s office. I learned that the school office and nurse’s office had made a mistake and had listed Jill as my mother and not as my stepmom.

Last year it was right, but someone new started at the school so I guess they didn’t double-check. I asked them to correct it and pointed out the error. My dad and Jill had to be notified of this change. When they were Jill was upset about it.

While my dad was mad that I would make the school change it. He said it was so late in the year and it hurt Jill’s feelings. He said he knows I don’t accept her as another mom but after all these years I should be willing to just let it go when the mistake is made because whether I like it or not, she has been a mother to me, and is the mother of our household to not just my younger (half) siblings but to me as well.

I told my dad he couldn’t ever get it because he never lost his parent.

My stepmom talked to me after my and my dad’s fight and she told me she does get it, but she still doesn’t understand why I feel the way I do.

She was adopted by her stepmom when she was 7 after her mom died. But she always acknowledged that her mom was a terrible mother to her and she had no attachment to her. Whereas I do have an attachment to my mom, and it is 100x stronger than the attachment I have to Jill.

I pointed out to her that our experiences with our moms were different. She told me she’s tired of having her heart crushed all the time.

It’s been weeks and the tension still hangs in the air over the correction. AITJ?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and Jill needs to get over herself, and your dad does too. They don't control your feelings.
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18. WIBTJ If I Call Out My Parents For Being Strict With Me But Not With My Brother?

“I’m 17 F, and my brother is 13 M. We’ve both been raised under the same roof by the same parents our whole lives yet he’s treated completely differently.

I could go on about my list of ways they treat him better, but that isn’t the point of this story.

So here’s the actual problem in question…

Ever since I was young, my parents have made it VERY clear I’m not allowed to date until I’m 16. I was lucky enough to not find interest in anyone until a few months from my 17th birthday, so it never was really a huge issue for me.

But even when I responded to my mom saying I didn’t want to date anyway, she’d always say, ‘That’s not the point. I don’t care if you want to. You aren’t allowed to, remember that.’ And how she said it always bothered me.

Both of my parents stuck with that rule all the way through my 16th birthday.

And even now, at 17 years old, they’re still super strict about how much time I can spend with my significant other and even got mad at me for talking to him at first. They grounded me over it, even though I was 16 when we met, the age they said would be fine.

And to this day they’re super nosey and controlling about our relationship.

Well, about 1 1/2 – 2 weeks ago my brother got a girl. At 13 years old. When he told the family I assumed my parents would yell. But no, completely different reaction.

Both my mom and dad congratulated him and were super happy.

They asked to meet her and didn’t get mad at him in the slightest. I didn’t make a scene then and there, because I wanted to be happy for my brother and I realized this wasn’t his fault. But obviously, that upset me.

They never get suspicious of him with her alone, while they always are with me and my SO.

Even if my SO and I are in a public place. They don’t ask him a million questions, they never grounded him over it like they did to me, and the obvious thing is he’s a good 3 years under the age they said was ‘appropriate’ to be with.

I honestly think they see it as different because ‘he’s a boy’ and to be honest, it annoys me.

I kind of want to confront my parents about it. I know they obviously can’t go back in time and let me go out with guys at 13, but they can decide to be less strict with me now.

Also I just basically want to curse and call them out on it.

I don’t know, WIBTJ if I do that? Should I just keep quiet about it? Is that being disrespectful and would it be uncalled for? Am I justified to be mad at them?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and your brother gets a lot more freedom because your parents are stupid and think you'll run out and get pregnant immediately just because you're female. It apparently doesn't bother them that your brother could get a girl pregnant, but that's irrelevant. Good luck.
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17. AITJ For Moving Away From My Mom And Brother?

“I (30 m) have had a horrible last year. By the end of last year, my father, who lived with me, passed away. And soon after I found out my mother was sick.

To help my mom (66 F) and get away from everything that was going on, I packed up my wife and kids and moved them back home across the country.

My older brother (48 m) was staying with her at the time and was stealing money from her, not taking her to appointments, pawning her stuff, etc. And I found once I moved in that he was also on illegal substances (this news came out after he stole my son’s (9 m) bike).

So I chased him off to keep him away from our mother and definitely my kids. After a few weeks, my mom broke down and moved him back in with promises he would stop using illegal substances and get a job.

I began taking my mom to appointments as soon as I got here and turns out she has stage 4 lung cancer.

She quit working and I began paying most of the bills, and my wife and I began doing everything for her from going to the store, helping her shower, making her food, and giving her meds. Since she can no longer even stand out of bed for longer than a few minutes without getting out of breath.

Every month she asks me to pay more and more of the bills because she can’t afford them, but she is paying for my brother’s car payment, and insurance, and giving him money.

Last week I had my last straw with my brother, I found a baggy in the driveway with substance residue and he asked if I would give him money or buy a stolen tablet from him so that he could get away from the house because he had illegal stuff in the car.

I told my mom I couldn’t have someone like this around my kids and if she was going to let him stay, we would be leaving… she told me ‘Okay I guess you are leaving’.

Yesterday I got approved for a rental and I signed papers this week and got keys.

Knowing he does nothing for her I feel almost like I am leaving her to die. And my other siblings, aunts, and uncles are all telling me I am wrong to leave. (All the same people who lived within 20 minutes of her and never took her to appointments or helped her, and asked me to move 2500 miles back home to do it)

But with everything… AITJ for really leaving and putting my family first?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and yes, your first duty is to YOUR family, not to your mother who won't stop enabling your junkie thief brother. You've tried to get her to see the light, but she won't. It sucks, but you're going to have to accept that your mother will never allow you to treat your brother as he deserves to be treated, and she's apparently fine with sacrificing her health and her financial independence for his sake. The only thing you can do is move back to your home area and prioritize your wife and kids again. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Peace and comfort to you all.
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16. AITJ For Talking To My Cousins About Our Family Problems?

“My dad (Simon) had an affair with his sister-in-law (Heather) & it’s ripped apart my whole family.

Apparently, the rest of my family found out several months ago, but I (21 F) was only made aware recently as the family wanted me to focus on my last semester of college.

I’ve known the dynamics of my family have been strained for a while, but had no idea this was the reason. We didn’t have a family celebration for my graduation for obvious reasons. However, I did celebrate with some family on separate occasions.

While celebrating with my aunt (Marge) and uncle (Homer) + their kids (Bart, Other Bart) (who have always been a second mother/siblings to me), I told my twin cousins (10 M, 10 M): ‘I know you guys know that there’s something going on. You don’t need to worry about it right now, but just know that you guys did nothing wrong.

I’m still going to be around no matter what & when you’re older and if you have any questions you can talk to me and I’ll let you know whatever I can’.

They both acknowledged that they knew the family had been fighting & were glad I was home from school now.

I live with them during my school breaks.

When discussing the situation with my aunt (Marge) she said I didn’t have the right to share that with the boys & it should be her and her husband’s place to let them know whenever/if ever they choose.

I definitely understand they’re too young now to know specifics, but having grown up in a messed-up family: I know how much it hurts to know there’s something wrong without having the words to ask about it. I internalized a lot of my family’s strife as me being the problem because I never had context for why there was so much upset & I don’t want my cousins to face that, too.

But I get that maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all, since I’m not the parents.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. You didn't give the twins any details. You just told them you loved them, that what was going on with the family isn't their fault and that they can come to you with questions if they need to. How is any of that wrong? No, your family members are feeling guilty about not letting you in on what was going on, and now they're taking it out on you, for nothing. Tell them to stuff it.
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15. AITJ For Agreeing To Conduct A DNA Test Between My Son And Someone's Daughter?

“A woman contacted me claiming her daughter was my ex’s but he was refusing to take a paternity test so she was hoping I would agree to a DNA test between my son and her daughter.

I agreed to it for a number of different reasons including the fact that I think it would be nice for my son to have a sibling and because my ex has slept with hundreds of different women and the odds of me being the only one he accidentally got pregnant seems low.

Another reason is that when I originally told him about our son he, his father, and his lawyer were all treating me like a dirty secret they needed to keep hidden so I wouldn’t be surprised if they were treating her the same way.

The woman told my ex that I had agreed to it and he came over yesterday to confront me. I explained the reasons I listed above as to why I agreed to it but it didn’t help the situation and he was just getting angrier and angrier the more I spoke.

He thinks my reasons are nonsense and he made a really gross comment about giving my son a sibling. He told me the woman was lying and that she wasn’t the first one who had tried to claim he was the father of a kid he wasn’t, and that he wouldn’t entertain her with a paternity test or let me test our son.

He also pointed out how he hadn’t refused a paternity test for our son despite his father and lawyer telling him to as proof he wasn’t just saying no to skip out on his responsibilities.

I told him I was still going to let our son be tested and he said he would stop me and I would regret it if I tried to.


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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Oh, definitely NTJ, and I would contact your attorney and tell him/her that your ex threatened you if you allowed DNA testing done on your son. Then let attorney loose on your @$$hole ex. Good luck.
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14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Saying My Epilepsy Isn't That Bad?

“I (21 f) have a friend (19 f) I met online I’ll call her May. I have epilepsy. Partial seizures, that, before they were controlled, would flare up at least once a month and I’d have clusters of 5-6 seizures a day for 2/3 days.

Now this is important.

I was on the phone with May and a few of her friends. We got into the topic of driving and I explained I couldn’t drive because of the epilepsy. She asked me how I made an income. I told her how I get to/from work etc. This snowballed into a conversation about working.

I mentioned how I did apply for disability once because the seizures were so bad I couldn’t be alone for long periods of time. Her friend chimed in how he was on disability too.

Well, she decided to say they probably denied me disability because epilepsy isn’t a ‘real’ disability and that my seizures ‘weren’t that bad’.

I was really really taken aback by that. I was silent for a minute and she said ‘OP you there?’ And I just asked her ‘Did you just tell me my epilepsy isn’t that bad?’ And she went on to explain how she has another friend who has grandmals and how those are actually bad seizures.

And I snapped. I lost my mind on her in the middle of a sentence. I told her to go have 5 partial seizures and tell me how it feels. Tell me it’s not that bad and that you can carry on like nothing happened. Then I told her to just shut up and stop talking because she has absolutely 0 idea what she’s talking about, and left the call.

A few minutes later 3 of her friends message from that call telling me I needed to apologize, how she started sobbing and left the call too, and that everything I said was uncalled for. I didn’t answer any of them.

A few minutes later though I did feel kinda bad and thought I was harsh on her, but I still haven’t apologized to her.

I don’t know if I will. I just wanna know if I’m a jerk for what I said to her.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Oh, honey - do NOT apologize to that ignorant piece of trash who used to be your friend, or to anyone who sides with her. How stupid is she! Wow.
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13. AITJ For Trying To Explain My Partner's Condition To My Parents?

“My partner needs diapers due to incontinence (caused by an injury from years ago).

I (M 23) have been in love with my partner (F 27) for a year now. We met online and we quickly became friends; 2 months later we were in love. My partner has a bad relationship with her parents. The same applies to me. My parents have always been nosy and judgmental and never approved of any relationships I had in the past and often treated me like a helpless baby cause I have Aspergers, (even though I completed university and have had a job for 3+ years)

My partner and I live in different countries so meeting in real life wasn’t easy for us. I had never been in an LDR and my parents did not approve and said that our relationship was fake, yet I still planned on meeting her and got a ticket and an Airbnb.

In December she arrives and the first weeks we’re having a blast. Then Xmas came around and my parents demanded us to visit them for Christmas dinner, after 3 hours of being there, I left and took a certain ‘bag’ from the basement, what’s in it?

Well, private things: adult toys and sensual clothes. (my partner keeps this part of our lives very private.) Last summer my parents decided to go through my room and found my private box under my bed while I was away. When I returned, they screamed at me, called me gay and even took me to a psych, saying I was trans and mentally ill.

They took the stuff and hid it in the basement.

When they found out I took the bag, they were happy, thinking I threw it away, which I didn’t as me and my partner intended to have fun with the contents later. That night she realized she ran out of diapers, so I bought some online.

I forgot to change the delivery address on the website but didn’t fret much as I could pick it up at my parents’ house. My parents used to open my mail and be nosy when I was younger, but since my partner’s name was on the package, I thought they’d leave it alone.

The next day my mother texted me a picture of diapers and an opened box. She tells me she never wants to see me again and calls me a degenerate, my dad calls five minutes later saying the same. They thought the diapers were for some kind of weird play.

I tried to explain the situation to them but they refused to listen, my partner even told him about her condition, but my dad blames her and says she should’ve told him about it. My partner is very shy I’m the only one who knows of her condition, she isn’t comfortable telling others.

My partner sat next to me, crying for hours afterward. I comforted her but later that night we both broke down again. My partner never blamed me in any way.

It’s now been 4 months. My parents are still very distant and never want to see my partner again.

Although everyone I talk to thinks my parents acted despicably, I still can’t help but sometimes think I’m to blame. That maybe I was mentally ill and that it was my fault for making my partner feel so terrible, even though she never blamed me for anything.

This might seem like a no-brainer to most but years of my parents gaslighting me, have left me very uncertain.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, but it's time for you to grow up, realize your parents will never allow the kind of relationship with them that you want, and go no contact. It's the only way you two will ever have any peace or a good relationship with each other without feeling guilty. Good luck, and I'm so sorry you're both having to go through this.
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12. AITJ For Calling My Sister A Bad Mom?

“I (28 m) have a sister (20 f) who is irresponsible and undisciplined. This combination along with a series of bad decisions led to her having a baby at 16.

Ever since she financially relies on our parents and is freeloading at their place.

She doesn’t pay rent, she doesn’t pay my parents (56 m, 54 f) for babysitting her kid (4 m) and she doesn’t pay for any of her expenses. She says she pays for her son’s expenses (she works part-time as a barista) but I know our parents are still buying him things like clothes, toys, etc. and they spend a lot of the day with him so it’s as if she’s not even supporting or raising her son.

She’s doing e-learning so she’s almost always home, yet she doesn’t spend any time with her kid.

Whenever I go to visit my parents, THEY are always taking care of the kid. She’s always ‘studying’, which I find VERY hard to believe since she never liked school.

I think she’s just neglecting her parental duties because she can’t handle it. On the rare occasions when she is with her child when I visit, she’s always fooling around with her son and is never teaching him basic skills/knowledge, values, or autonomy.

Regardless, last Saturday I was asked to babysit her kid. Normally on Saturday, my parents have a date night and my sister goes to work. When no one can watch my sister’s kid, they hire a sitter. So last Saturday the usual sitter canceled last minute.

My sister called me up and asked if I could watch her kid for a few hours I initially declined even though she offered to pay me, but she said that if I didn’t my parents would be forced to cancel their dinner. I had to say yes.

While I was babysitting I asked him some questions like ‘What does your mom do during the day?’, ‘Are you upset with your mom for not taking of you?’ and so on because I was curious. He answered ‘Mommy is always working and she never has time for me’, ‘Mommy doesn’t love me’ and other things that make my sister sound horrible.

When my sister came home, I confronted her about her parenting. Instead of having a conversation like an adult, she insisted on throwing a tantrum. When I repeated what her son said about her she began crying. I told her that her crying further proves how she is completely over her head and that she is totally inept as a mother.

She left to go cry in her room. I left.

Yesterday, I called my dad (unrelated) and he said he thinks I’m a jerk and he will not speak to me unless I take back everything I said and apologize to her.

I don’t believe I was in the wrong and I won’t apologize for speaking my mind.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ, and tell dad fine, that you won't apologize to your sister for telliing her the truth, and they can forget about you babysitting for her spawn. Best just to remove yourself from a situation where your parents are obviously enabling your sister, because nothing you can say or do is going to convince them to make her grow up.
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11. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law Her Husband's Ex Is Better Than Her?

“When MIL and FIL were married, they had a mutual friend ‘Adam’ who gradually became much more MIL’s friend if you know what I mean. Adam proposed to ‘Paisley’ whom he had a huge age gap with and she is closer to my age. MIL did not take this well (she and FIL were still married but that was pretty messed up and they were both seeing other people) I became good friends with Paisley, whom MIL began bullying.

I stood up for Paisley which further destroyed my relationship with MIL.

There was an incident one night when MIL got wasted and cornered Paisley and made her cry. I told her off and MIL left crying. Adam then left and the two of them disappeared for a few days right before the wedding.

Long story short, the wedding was called off and Adam married MIL instead. I kept Pasiley as a friend at the peril of my relationship with MIL (which sucked anyways).

Recently I was out with Paisley, my husband, and our son. We saw MIL and Adam, which is still really hard for Paisley.

MIL came over to say hello to her son, but in my opinion, she just wanted to go and be smug in front of Paisley. MIL has always ignored me, which I’ve come to accept, but as of right now when she sees us she also ignores her grandson, which really annoys me.

She pranced over and said hi to her son and was chatting with him, but she didn’t even acknowledge the baby. Adam is behind her with his head down acting like an idiot because he isn’t on speaking terms with any of us and I was just annoyed that she had to come over and ruin our day.

I snapped at her that her husband’s ex is more family to her grandson than she will ever be and she can walk away now because we are having a family day and she isn’t included.

MIL was just like ok and… so I thought it was over, but when they did walk away my husband got annoyed and said I said that out of nowhere, and what is wrong with me.

He was really distant the rest of the day.”

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10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of The Puppy My Partner Gave Me?

“Several years ago+ I lost my first dog, my heart dog. Very suddenly, it was and has been rough and my health and my mental health have taken a beating since losing him. I relied on him heavily for support, comfort, and assistance in everyday life.

I had been looking for a new friend, more importantly, a psychiatric service dog. Not an ESA or a pet. Where I live there are no organizations that could help me when it came to obtaining a trained dog. So my only choice was to purchase or adopt a dog or puppy and with the assistance of SD trainers, doctors’ resources and contacts, etc, and raise my own.

My doctor and other patients have had a lot of success and good things come from this.

However, my partner was a very stubborn obstacle. For the kinds of tasks and abilities needed, I would need a large breed of dog. My partner does not like or want a large dog in our house.

Told me to put that ‘want’ on the back burner.

The holidays rolled around and suddenly my partner surprised me with a small dog, a puppy. A gift for me.

But I could not keep and care for this little dog, and its needs, and told my partner exactly that when he surprised me but my words fell upon deaf ears.

I constantly tried to tell my partner that I could not keep the dog, that this was not the kind of dog that I required, and that I did not want or need a pet. My partner continued to insist otherwise, I began to warn him that I would rehome the puppy to a more appropriate home if he did not take the dog himself but he never took me seriously.

So after one last desperate attempt, I did just as I said I would. I found a family that was ideal for the puppy and rehomed him. Throughout the process, I called my partner and told him this but he did not take me seriously until he came over to visit to find his puppy gone.

(the dog had no bond with me) And then my partner blew his lid, claiming that I told him nothing, telling his mates and family and they are all calling me a major jerk.

Meanwhile, my family family has my back but none of my friends.

Reasons why I may be the jerk: I ‘gave away’ a pet that my partner gave me and that dog was a present. I did not purchase the dog, my partner did.

AITJ for rehoming this puppy?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and not your fault that your partner (why on EARTH are you with someone so selfish and uncaring?) is a moron who won't believe anything you tell him and clearly has no respect for you or your needs or wishes. Please ditch him and spend your energies with a new large breed puppy who will grow into and be trained into your next psychiatric service dog. Good luck.
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9. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Extend His Stay At My Place?

“I had just come back from Europe when an old friend of mine hit me up saying that he was in the same city as me and asked to stay over at my place.

The request to stay was actually quite sudden as I only knew about it a few hours after returning home. I was hesitant at first since I had just come back but then I thought why not? I haven’t seen him in over a year so I thought it’d be neat to have him come over to catch up.

When he arrived, I mentioned that I needed to go to Chicago early Saturday morning (he came on a Wednesday) so I made it clear that he could stay over for two nights. He agreed to my conditions.

Two nights pass by without an issue.

However, on Friday morning, I started to question whether I had missed something because he asked to stay one more night even though he knew about Saturday. I told him no because I was going to Chicago. He then asked if he could take my house keys so that he could stay over the weekend.

I told him that it wouldn’t work like that because I was in charge of my place and that he had plenty of friends in the city who would be more than willing to accommodate him. He then tried to convince me to cancel my Chicago trip altogether which also was not an option because not only were the flight tickets non-refundable, my travel plans were already set in stone.

Eventually, he packed up his belongings not saying a word to me, and left to stay over at another friend’s house. Honestly, I didn’t mind that the whole thing was so sudden because I’m always willing to let a friend crash for a day or two, but I don’t appreciate it when somebody overstays their welcome.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ and you were smart enough to dodge a bullet. If he has other friends in your area he could have stayed with, he had something nefarious planned, or he never would have asked for your house keys ( who DOES that?!?!?) or gotten offended when you said no. Honestly, in your shoes, I'd be thinking of changing my locks and/or installing a security camera just in case he had copies made of your keys. Good luck, and stay safe.
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8. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend's Fiancée That He Had An Affair With My Mother-In-Law?

“My (27 f) best friend (26 m) was engaged to his fiance Katie.

I was married to my ex Steven at the time and his mom was a pain in the butt. She was rude and would always talk to me about how she was having an affair, but she was also a pathological liar so I never put much merit into what she said.

My MIL told me one day that she had slept with my best friend and was bitter that he broke it off because he felt guilty about having an affair.

Fast forward to a year later. My best friend confirmed that he had had an affair and apologized to me and said he loved me and was sorry he didn’t tell me after I confronted him with screenshots MIL had sent me of their messages.

I was divorcing Steven and was having a rough time with it. My best friend told me he wouldn’t take sides but I found out that he had told Steven that I had an affair and Steven asked me about it. I never had an affair, but I did move out and tell him I wanted a divorce because our marriage was toxic and I was miserable and depressed. I confronted my best friend (I was furious) and told him that he would regret it.

He blocked me and I sent the screenshots to Katie and told her she needed to talk to him. Obviously, she called off the wedding and they broke up. It’s been a while since this all went down and I don’t talk to any of them anymore but I found out recently that my best friend has been going around and telling everyone that I ruined his marriage and I was feeling a little guilty.

I asked some friends and they said he’s also still telling people that I had an affair but I know it’s not true so that doesn’t bother me as much anymore.

We haven’t spoken at all but I’m just wondering if I should be feeling guilty.


AITJ for ‘ruining his marriage’?

EDIT: For clarification, I brought up the ‘alleged’ affair when I found out, but he denied it and told us that MIL was just lying like she always does. I found out it was true when I confronted him with screenshots MIL had sent me because she was still mad that he broke things off.

He admitted it was true and apologized but I planned to show Katie when we got lunch that week (it felt like the kind of thing you tell someone in person and not over text). I decided to send them instead because I was angry at my best friend instead of waiting for our lunch and Katie broke up with him.

I felt bad for sending those out of anger instead of waiting until our lunch since then so I apologized and Katie and I are still close.”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ. Your "friend" is an @$$hole and he screwed up his relationship all by himself.
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7. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Kids Around Their Dad's Nasty Partner?

“My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago. It was a messy breakup but after a couple of months, we both put our heads on straight and coparented wonderfully for the first year.

Then he got a new girl.

Now, I am engaged and happy, and we’re about to sign on to our first house.

I don’t care that he has a partner. I just wish he hadn’t picked this one.

In the year they have been together, she has given my kids head lice TWICE to the point that I made him miss two of his weekends in a row until he swore to me he had gotten rid of the lice in his house, and I threatened to make him take me to court to see his kids again if they came home with lice a third time.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a roach in the kitchen. I, of course, snapped, deep cleaned, and sprayed every inch of my house, threw out old boxes and clutter, and went very overboard. I dealt with roaches once in an old rented house and I refuse to go down that road again.

I didn’t think much of it after that until my oldest told me excitedly that they had spent the night at their dad’s partner’s house over the weekend when I saw the bug a day or two after they got home. So I called him and asked about it and said I’d seen a bug (he picks them up from school on Fridays and drops them off on Sundays, so I’m assuming they came in the kids’ bags) and he ADMITS that her place has roaches ‘but they spray regularly’.

I got a little heated and he basically agreed that they wouldn’t spend the night over there anymore, so I let it go for now.

Well, the kids spent this last weekend at their dad’s, and lo and behold, I just saw another roach in my house, after not seeing another one since the first incident.

Now I don’t want to send my kids over there anymore. They don’t deserve to live with bugs because their dad is associating with nasty people. But I can’t just take their dad away from them. WIBTJ?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
You can always go back to court and get supervised visitation for dad because of this. KEEP RECORDS OF EVERYTHING. This way the kids will NEVER be taken to her house OR HIS.
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6. AITJ For Splitting Our Finances?

“I have been with living my partner for 6.5 years. When we first moved in together I was extremely naive. She asked if we could have joint finances and I said ‘Yes’, I was in my mid-20s and assumed everyone had money habits like mine.

She even asked me to put the loan for her new car in my name, which I agreed begrudgingly, she needed a car so I wanted to help her. She wouldn’t let the ownership be in my name so the car is fully hers but the loan is mine.

Over the last couple of years, I have worked hard to get a better salary while hers has stayed the same. I noticed that she tended to treat all my hard-earned money as hers, for birthdays and valentines I would buy her gifts and she would never really buy me anything.

Her excuse was that I made the budget so I should budget myself in a gift. She also developed a smoking addiction and expected me to constantly cover her ‘stuff’ when she was short.

I eventually got sick of this and over the last year have slowly started separating our accounts.

I still cover everything she needs but if she goes over things I set the budget so she pays me back and the rest of the money is hers. I love her and she wants nothing, she is the type of person who will buy furniture and want to replace it all in a year.

When it comes to the budget I don’t take more than what she owes me and I do not take advantage of her. I explained to her that I was going to be a bit more separate with my money because it was really stressful for me to manage her finances, especially because she constantly takes leaves of absence and her pay cheque fluctuates so much.

Last week her car battery broke and I covered it. Tomorrow is her payday and I have the amount I gave her as an expense back to me. She asked me why she had to pay me back for the car battery, why our finances were so separate, and why we weren’t acting like a financial couple.

She said she worries that I am saving more than her and it isn’t fair.

Am I the jerk for splitting the finances after we originally had them together? Should I not expect her to pay me back for things like her car repairs, hair treatments, etc.?”

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
Oh, man - SO NTJ, and please kick this gold digger to the curb. You do know she's just with you for your money, right? If she weren't, she wouldn't be so cavaliere with her funds and always make you cover her expenses. No, if you must stay with her, you should completely separate your money from hers, with nothing in between, and if she runs out of money, she runs out of smoke until her next paycheck because you're not subsidizing her anymore. And see how long she sticks around after that. Good luck.
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5. WIBTJ If I Tell My Wife That Her Dad Was Going To Give Her Sibling A Huge Amount Of Money?

“My FIL intends to give a large (six-figure) sum of money to one of his kids (not the one I married) to help them pay down their house as they approach the renewal of their mortgage.

He told me all of this because he wanted my advice on financial details (I’m in finance).

He asked me not to tell my wife (his daughter).

My sibling-in-law is squarely middle class, they and their spouse (now) both have steady jobs, but their mortgage is a very high ratio (5% down) and the rate is gonna go up big time on renewal in a year.

From 1% and change to whatever folks think the prevailing rate will be. Call it 5-6%. I think the spouse had financial issues from the past and couldn’t even be on the title given credit issues. They have kids. They sound a little financially over-extended, but not in crisis.

My wife and I are well off (not rich rich, but comfortable, net worth over $1M), gold plated pensions. We also have kids. They are healthy and want nothing.

In the past, my wife has made comments to me when she’s learned that her mom or dad has given money to her siblings.

Even little things like jewelry or other items. I don’t think she envies them, it’s more that she doesn’t like the secret dealings. She’s a stand-up person, not bitter.

I assume the in-laws don’t help us much because we legitimately don’t need it, and not because they prefer any kid over another.

I’m not fussed. We’ve always been better off than her siblings. My family helped me buy my first house, so it’s all familiar. The difference was they helped all their kids equally.

Her folks are well into their 70s so I’m guessing inheritance must be in the back of the siblings’ minds.

Human nature. No jerks in that lot.

My heart says I need to tell my wife, but I don’t want to betray my FIL and cause family strife. I’m not jealous of any of it. It’s not my family, and we don’t need a handout.

WIBTJ if I tell my wife that her dad intends to gift her sibling a large sum of money when he has asked me to keep that secret?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell FIL that you can't keep those kinds of secrets from your wife and it is a position that he SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED OF YOU. Your wife will not take kindly to knowing you kept this secret from her and will maybe start to ask herself WHAT ELSE ISN'T HE TELLING ME?
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4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Ex And His Partner For Naming Their Baby After My Daughter?

“I ended up falling pregnant with my 10-year-old daughter during a hook-up with a friend in my mid-20s.

Not the most glamourous or flattering truth but it’s the truth all the same. When we found out we decided to keep the child and co-parent while remaining friends. We were never a couple and we didn’t want to be one either.

Four years ago he began to go out with his long-term partner and they moved in together last year.

She fell pregnant and I’ve been supportive to them both as much as I could be without crossing any lines; I’ve encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she’s staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave, I’ve also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship despite having different mothers, I’ve even said that if they were comfortable with it on nights I have my daughter if they ever want time alone I’ll babysit once they have the baby so my daughter can spend time with her sibling.

All in all, I thought everything was great and I was excited for my daughter to have a sibling as she’s always wanted one but I had no interest in having another child. Three days ago my friend and his partner had a daughter, they asked me to bring my daughter to the hospital to meet her little sister yesterday alongside others in the family.

So I did exactly that but when they introduced us to the baby I was shocked. They used my daughter’s name. She didn’t seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t look at me directly.

I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend’s father said he’d take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her.

My friend told me to calm down and not overreact while his partner told me she didn’t see the issue and it was a pretty name.

I asked them if they’d named the baby for my daughter trying to understand the logic here but his partner said that no it was just a pretty name she liked. I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing her on a daily basis and her response was that she didn’t see a need for that.

I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn’t do this, I then told his partner that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this. He tried to claim our daughter could use a nickname or something but I shut that down immediately asking why it was more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade to change her name compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was yet.

His partner told me I was being a jerk talking to her like that after she had just given birth and asked the nurses to remove me saying I was being disruptive.

Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth.

It’s just so weird.

Edit: I’d also like to state that I know that what they want to name their child is their choice, they could have called her Dinosaur for all I care but this is one name that should be off-limits or adjusted, they even have the same surname as they have the same father… Something about it just felt malicious and deliberate as if she’s trying to replace my daughter and for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting?

no that was weird.”

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Ishouldntbehere2 4 months ago
NTJ. That's f*cking weird and yes it does sound like they're trying to replace your daughter. It is common for first child to be named after a parent and add Junior, but not for a second child to be named after the first child.
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3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom?

“I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant. My husband (29 M) and I (30 F) met in college, and have been together for 8 years, married for 2. Our relationship has always been solid, and progressive. My husband has never been much of a traditionalist despite growing up in a very stereotypical family (had 2 siblings and a stay-at-home mom, his dad worked).

Up until recently, we’ve agreed on nearly everything (save for small things) in our marriage and how to raise kids. However, 2 days ago, we were talking about baby stuff, and my husband started mentioning that he thought maybe one of us she stay home with the baby for a while, and not go back to work after our maternity/paternity leave was over.

We both work in tech, make good money, and have great benefits. I get 20 weeks of leave after the baby is born, he gets 12. We were trying to decide if we should stagger our leave so someone could be home with the baby until 6 months, the age when most places near us will start daycare.

My husband said that he read that it’s better for the baby to have a parent home for the first year. So I asked him (thinking nothing of it) if that’s really something he’d consider since he might have to quit his job.

He asked why he would have to quit since I should ‘obviously’ be the one to stay home with the baby. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes, the mom should be the one to stay home. I said how are we going to make that work on just his income?

For context, I make about 3 times what my husband does. It’s never been an issue and never mattered to me, I just finished my masters earlier than he did (we both have them) and went into a more specialized field. We both make good money, but it’s my job primarily that pays for the lifestyle we have.

So I asked him what we were going to do for a year on 1/4 of the income with a new baby. He got a little upset and said I ‘shouldn’t even bring that up’ and that he makes good enough money to provide for us and I shouldn’t ‘question him’.

I got mad and said it wasn’t realistic and it was silly for the person who made more money to quit their job, especially since he’s the one who thinks someone should be with the baby extra time (I was fine with sending the baby to daycare starting at 6 months).

The fight blew up from there, me saying he was being sexist and not considering my feelings at all. I refused to back down and he ended up taking off after I said he should be the stay-at-home parent if he wants one so bad, and him saying he didn’t deserve to be emasculated just for suggesting I should stay home like a ‘good mom’.

I talked to some of my family and his family about it and the answers are kind of split, so AITJ for bringing up the pay disparity and telling him that unless he’s the one to stay home, the baby is going to daycare?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
He just showed you his true colors. RED FLAG WARNING. Funny how this didn't happen UNTIL A CHILD IS ADDED TO THE MIX. I have a funny feeling this marriage will not end well. Good luck
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2. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Sister?

“I (M 35) have had a massive falling out with my sister (F 48).

It’s been a long time coming with multiple factors but eventually, it just reached the point last year after a fight that I realized that my overwhelming interaction with her is negative and if I don’t see her again I’m not that upset about it.

In fact, being around her is infuriating to me. I told our mom and dad that basically wherever she is I am not and if that means I miss stuff I understand. Which didn’t go over well but was generally respected.

Until this Christmas when in an attempt to get us back on speaking terms, she on the invite of another family member showed up to Christmas.

I don’t know who all knew or was plotting but I surely didn’t and decided that rather than make a big deal and be the one to ruin Christmas I just iced her and made no contact or conversation with her even though attempts. I let it die post-Christmas because without knowing who did it I didn’t feel right blowing up at Mom over it.

The complication is that now there is talk of the next event which is a cousin’s birthday and from the chatter I’ve heard both she and I are expected to be at the dinner. I informed my mom and aunt that if Sis was going to be there I wasn’t.

My aunt said that I already showed we can both be there and be fine. I replied to the effect that just because something can be done doesn’t mean it needs to be done or will be done. Which got me a call of being childish.

I replied that I near definitely wouldn’t be attending and I’d try to get with my cousin sometime before to give him my gift.

My mom later called and while she didn’t say it outright since it isn’t her style spent a good portion of the call passively hinting that she wants me to just deal with it at this and future events for the sake of family unity especially as it relates to our younger shared cousins who Sis and I are close with and that we had already proven that I could deal with when I was ambushed by it.

So am I the jerk?”

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rbleah 4 months ago
Tell mom that YOU should not have to be pissed at EVERY GETTOGETHER just because FAAAMMMMIIIILLLLY. Tell mom SCREW SIS and you will make your own way with the cousins.
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1. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law She Can Survive A Week Without A Maid?

“My husband has two younger siblings, a brother Andrew (married to Ashley) and a sister Beth.

Beth got married two weeks ago, and the wedding was at Andrew/Ashley’s house, which is the house my husband and his siblings all grew up in. Beth’s otherwise not relevant to the story, she got married and went off on her honeymoon the next day.

Andrew/Ashley are pretty rich and have a full-time maid and a full-time nanny. The wedding was at their house like I said so they but mostly Ashley did a lot of work for it. But when we got there because we were staying with them, the housekeeper ‘Nora’ seemed to be running around doing all of this stuff like deep cleaning while Ashley did all the easy stuff like errands and hired out other stuff like getting the outdoor area ready.

Nora just looked exhausted all the time.

The wedding happened, and then we stayed a few extra days to celebrate MIL’s birthday a few days later. It was nice because we got a little family vacation out of it, we didn’t see much of their city and there was a lot to do.

The kids had a good time. Nora was off for the week after the wedding, but Ashley complained over and over how hard it was to be without her, and every night they’d be ordering in or something because she didn’t have the time to cook.

The whole thing made her sound spoiled in my opinion. She was complaining once again about how she didn’t have time to host MIL’s birthday like she planned and it would have to be moved to a restaurant and things were just too hectic without Nora and I finally snapped and was like you know people do this without a full-time housekeeper and a nanny I don’t know why you’re complaining this is literally every week for most people including me.

Ashley snapped that I obviously didn’t understand and I snapped that I obviously didn’t, because didn’t she realize how privileged she was? She called ME self-centered and stomped out of the room.

She took her kids to MIL’s all day the next day and we didn’t see as much of her the next few days even though she’s a stay-at-home mom.

She was very cold to us and when my husband offhandedly mentioned doing this again (not really meaning anything by it) my BIL passive-aggressively/indirectly implied that we would never be invited back to stay over again. We’ve never been that close but normally there would be a few texts between our families like hey did you get home okay, here’s the pictures I took, and it’s been radio silent from her and almost radio silent from Andrew.

AITJ for what I said? I still feel like she needed a reality check and my husband agrees with me, but I don’t know.”

-1 points (1 vote(s))

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LizzieTX 4 months ago
NTJ for saying what you felt, but YTJ for disrespecting your host/hostess. Family or no, it's incredibly rude to smack down the people with whom you're staying for free, and that's what you did. Your post sounds a little jealous of your sister's lifestyle, and I'd bet much that that's what motivated you to comment as you did. I think you owe your sister and her husband an apology. Don't be surprised if they don't accept it, though. Shame on you.
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