People Request That We Thoroughly Go Through Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Stop Fostering Dogs So She Could Babysit My Kids?
“I (38F) have 4 kids ages 11 months, 3, 5, and 10 years. I love them all more than anything, but I’ll be the first to admit that our house is in constant chaos and it can get very exhausting. My sister (33F) is child-free but loves my kids and was happy to watch the older 2 or sometimes 3 to help me keep my sanity.
This has been extremely helpful and I tell her all the time how grateful we are for her help.
The thing is that the kids used to go over to her house, but right now they couldn’t because my sister was fostering an elderly chihuahua. My sister claims she couldn’t have them over for the time being because they would stress out the dog.
Her dog was extremely frail and timid so I think this was a fair assessment. This was the 4th dog she had fostered, all of which couldn’t be around my kids. This most recent dog took 8 months to find a home, but most of her other dogs took even longer. When she told me she found an adopter I knew I could finally breathe a sigh of relief and joked about how I was so glad she could babysit again.
My sister proceeded to tell me that there was a second dog that desperately needed a new foster, so she planned to take in that one as soon as her current dog was gone. So, she couldn’t do any more babysitting than she already is (sometimes she comes over to my house in the morning to help out).
I could literally feel my stress levels spike. I haven’t ever done this before, but I opened up to her about how much I have been struggling since she got the dog. How little sleep I get each night, how my husband hasn’t been helping as much as he should, and some other deeply personal issues that I’ve been struggling with.
Then I asked her, point blank, to not get another dog.
She comforted me, but ultimately didn’t agree on anything and said she needed some time to think. I know I am asking a lot of her since rescuing dogs is her passion and that is why I feel so guilty. But I don’t have anyone else to help me.
I can’t afford a babysitter long term, and my friends all have their own kids to look after. Above all, my kids will always come before a dog and that’s the reason I was willing to request it. I’ve told a few different people about the situation and gotten a wide range of heavily biased opinions.
So that’s why I decided to come on here and ask you guys. Was this unreasonable? I would never demand her to do this if she didn’t want to, but is it really so wrong to just be honest about my situation and earnestly ask?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Big time.
You chose to have 4 kids. And if after the first one or two kids, you didn’t realize that kids mean little sleep and little time for yourself, it’s your problem.
Yours and your husband. But not your sister.
You can’t afford a sitter? Too bad for you. You should have thought of that before popping more kids out.
What you’re asking of your sister is selfish, rude, and inappropriate.
Get your tubes tied, get on the pill, use protection, or have your husband get a vasectomy.
Get a job and deal with your own kids.
The entitlement of your request is just… WOW!
Again, YTJ.” Primary-Criticism929
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your sister isn’t responsible for helping you and your children. Do you know who is? Your HUSBAND! I honestly thought you were a single parent and was leaning toward a soft YTJ but then you mentioned your husband and nope, you’re firmly in the YTJ camp.
Get off your sister’s back and get on your husband’s back! If he can make time to get you pregnant, he can make time to be a father to them.
You owe your sister an apology and a sincere one too.” OneBall23
24. AITJ For Commenting On My Niece's Choice Of Wedding Date?
“My niece, my sister’s daughter is getting married this weekend and her wedding is on Sunday. I’m skipping it because it’s a destination wedding (not too far away but still, away from our main city) and it’s on a Sunday. On Monday I’m working. As do most of us. My son and his significant other will go despite my pleas not to.
I told them it was a waste of money and it was very wrong how my niece had her wedding on a Sunday night, expecting most of us to skip work the following day.
My son said he doesn’t care, neither does his SO and they’ll just take the day off. But this doesn’t sit right with me.
I had RSVP’d no that I won’t attend and I left a note in the email saying how it’s very inconvenient that they chose that day and how I feel they should be more thoughtful of those of us who work the next day and can’t attend their destination wedding. Regardless, destination wedding or not, Sunday weddings are a no-no because people work the next day.
They can’t stay up till late for your wedding and then go to work.
My niece called me to say how sorry she is I won’t attend and that it’s ok she’s not offended. I told her that I was actually offended about how she didn’t think this through. About how nobody else scolded her for that choice and how many people will now miss out on the wedding for a silly choice she made.
She said that date is special for her and her fiancé that’s why they chose it. I told her of course I understand but she shouldn’t just be thinking about her special and unique date and she should accommodate other people. She defended herself and said she understands how difficult it is for many people to attend due to that and she doesn’t mind.
That made my blood boil because that girl obviously didn’t care about the comfort and convenience of her guests and only cared about her own special little date. I told her that.
She then started cursing me out and told me ‘Ok who are you? I said I understand why people might not be able to attend but my fiancé and I wanted that date so whether or not you can make it is your business.
Just RSVP no and shut up since I don’t owe you any justification on why I chose that date. Good thing your judgemental butt won’t come after all, who knows what else you’d comment on’.
She hung up on me. I called my sister and told her how her daughter spoke to me and she said that her daughter was right.
My sister said I was wrong. My son also said I crossed the line and I should indeed shut up and stop being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, this is an easy one! YTJ.
People choose wedding dates for a lot of different reasons, including because the date is special. But Sundays are also cheaper. I’ve heard of weddings on Valentine’s Day, on a Wednesday morning, etc.
If you’re not paying for the wedding you don’t get a vote.
You deserved everything she said to you.” WaywardPrincess1025
Another User Comments:
“Big, big, BIG YTJ.
Her wedding is NOT about YOU. It is THEIR day, and you’re so inconsiderate that you have the nerve to try to change any part of it. I’m glad you’re not going, because weddings are happy occasions to be shared with loved ones, and nothing about what I just read was loving.
As for your niece? I wish her a long and happy marriage, void of selfish family…” DarkFae420
23. AITJ For Refusing To Chip In For My Friend's Babysitter?
“I (19m) still keep in touch with three of my childhood friends, James (18m), Kallum (18m) and Rob (19m). James moved away when we were 14, so we only see him in real life once a year if we’re lucky. Kallum, Rob, and I try to meet up every other Saturday, but this doesn’t always happen because Rob has a child (1f) with his fiance (20f) whom he needs to take care of.
We do make compromises to include Rob. Sometimes, if he has to look after the kid, we’ll go out for breakfast instead of going out in the evening, but if one of us has been out on a Friday night that doesn’t always work.
On Thursday, James and his family will be making their annual visit to his grandparents, so we’re going out on Saturday evening.
Unfortunately, Rob’s fiance is working and needs him to watch their daughter. Rob has asked us all to contribute towards paying for a babysitter so he can attend our night out. I understand why he really wants to be able to come, but he insists on splitting it four ways equally, and everything, fuel, drinks, food, etc., is expensive these days.
Rob’s also got a really bad habit of never paying people back. We tried to compromise, suggesting we meet up closer to home for an hour, so he doesn’t have to pay as much for the babysitter, and then go to the city later, but he rejected that. Rob suggested spending the night in with him as his daughter will already be in bed by then, but that doesn’t really sound like a fun Saturday night.
Rob says James and I are being jerks and trying to ‘punish’ him for having a kid. We think he’s a bit of a jerk for demanding our money and not bringing this up sooner (he literally mentioned it for the first time today). AITJ? Should I have agreed to split the cost of his sitter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to pay for his babysitter. It might be something friends offer to do if you really want to make the night work but given Rob’s tendency not to pay people back, I can see why you’d be reluctant to do that. You aren’t punishing him for having a kid, he’s dealing with the reality of being a parent.
Maybe you and James could go out and drop by Rob’s later for drinks (after the kid is in bed).” 21stCenturyJanes
Another User Comments:
“LOL. Some parents can be so extra. NTJ. It’s not your job to pay for someone else’s childcare expenses. That’s part of the responsibility that you accept when you become a parent. No one owes Rob anything, it is not your job to fork over money so he can have a night out.
If he can’t afford his own childcare, then should he really be having a night out? If the roles were flipped, I’m sure Rob wouldn’t want to pay for someone else’s babysitter.
Maybe if he NEEDED to go somewhere and didn’t have money for childcare, it would be nice if friends would help him out as a favor, but expecting money from you for a babysitter so he can have a night out is just absurd. He obviously is a very young parent and is not ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.” User
22. AITJ For Crying When Our Teacher Wouldn't Stop A Kid From Harassing Me?
“I (15f) lost my mom when I was 5. Dad raised me alone until last year when my second dad, whom I call Papa, moved into our home. Now we are a happy family of four (me, two dads, and a dog).
I’m not ashamed of my family so I never hid it, I’m not really popular at school so I just really told my friends and it was all good.
About two months ago a boy I’ll call Duncan (15m) found out.
Duncan started simply with jokes like ‘Wow which one of them is the mom?’ Which I promptly told the teacher, Mr. Smith, who was like ‘He’s just trying to understand, if you want people to understand you have to be patient’.
Duncan started to escalate with ‘Enjoy your time here, it’ll get worse when your sinner family doesn’t go to heaven’ and again I went to Mr.
Smith who again was ‘You can’t be prejudiced with his religion, it’s wrong in the Bible. He’s is just trying to understand.’
In my country, every class has only one responsible teacher so I couldn’t go to another, by the way.
I have many examples but this paints the picture. After two months of that, I realized that if I wanted him to stop I had to do it myself.
So when he started with his homophobic crap at the cafeteria I started to remember the saddest thing I could, all movies where the dog dies. All the sad romance movies. Mufasa’s Death, The Fox and The Hound.
It didn’t take long for the waterworks to come. I started to bawl. Ugly sobbing while basically screaming at him asking why he said I would not go to heaven, why he hated me and my dads.
Just making a huge scene. Duncan started to stutter and plead, trying to make me go to class with him and talk to the teacher (wonder why). I just cried louder and flinched when he tried to pull me away.
The scene was so huge that we ended up at the principal’s office. Ms. Yates listened to both sides and she was mad at Mr.
Smith, she let me tell the whole story even when Mr. Smith tried to interrupt me to defend Duncan. In the end, Duncan got a 5-day suspension and the principal told me to go directly to her if ANYTHING like that happens again.
When we left the office Mr. Smith stopped me and told me ‘I hope you’re happy.
You put a permanent mark on a good boy’s record because you decided to weaponize your femininity instead of being a little understanding.’ He tried to make me apologize to Duncan but I told him I would go right back to the principal’s office if he did and he dropped it.
Then later Duncan’s friends started messaging me accusing me of acting like Amber Heard and ruining a boy’s life just because I could.
I didn’t tell my parents yet because they are always afraid I’ll suffer because they choose to love each other and I’ll not bring anything I can handle to worry them.
I don’t feel like I’m wrong, but with Mr. Smith’s warning and Duncan’s friends I’m starting to doubt, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Go back to the principal and let her know what your teacher said, as well as what Duncan’s friends are messaging you about.
I know you don’t want to get your parents involved, but I’d also suggest you do that.
As it stands, you can’t approach Mr. Smith for non-homophobia-related issues right now as well, because I wouldn’t trust him to do anything. Speak to your principal, and ask if you can be switched to another class.
I should note: ‘the principal told me to go directly to her if ANYTHING like that happens again’
It already has.
Your teacher’s comments were unacceptable, and Duncan’s friends are being horrific. Going to her would simply be doing as she asked you to.” rishcast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Duncan is a homophobic jerk who weaponized your teacher against you to get his way.
Mr. Smith is a homophobic and sexist jerk who thinks women should just let guys harass them because (insert stupid excuse here).
I hate that we are not allowed to cry because it is ‘weaponizing femininity’ or we are being ‘hormonal’, ‘psycho’, or ‘unreasonable’. Women aren’t allowed emotions because it might make men feel bad and it sucks.” UnluckyDreamer1
21. AITJ For Taking In Only Three Of My Sister's Four Kids?
“My (32F) sister Katrina (39F) just passed away. She was in an accident and it was all so sudden. She had four kids, Alana (12F), Bebe (9F), Cyrus (7M), and Daphne (3F). Right now they are staying with one of Katrina’s friends but this is not going to be permanently sustainable so obviously the focus is on where the kids will go long term.
Grandparents are not an option, my mother is dead and my father isn’t physically capable of childcare any longer. BIL died alongside her and he was no contact with most of his family, even so they don’t want the kids. The only sibling either of them had was me.
The thing is, I am willing to take in some of my niblings.
I like kids but don’t plan on my own so there are no new siblings or anything, and I am a teacher so have plenty of holidays off to spend with them. There’s just one little problem. Bebe has pretty severe autism. I mean essentially nonverbal, not toilet trained, meltdowns, etc. It’s the last bit that worries me most, as Bebe is not a small girl, she’s 5’2 and 100 pounds which is the size of some adults, and only 9 so still growing.
I don’t feel equipped to care for this child at all let alone alongside siblings. So my plan was to take the other three only.
I was discussing this with my partner (not live-in) as he’d asked about the kids and mentioned I said I’d take three of them. My partner took the opposite stance and said it’s cruel not to take all four.
I am scarcely taller than Bebe and about her weight, and I’m doing this for my own safety as well as the other niblings. I’m certain the state can find her better accommodations than I could provide. But my partner says that if I’m not taking them all I shouldn’t take any of them. My father also agreed with my partner, saying that I can’t turn my back on my family when they need me the most.
He said I’m ‘failing’ Bebe by letting the state sort things out.
I do want my niblings to be well cared for, but I am not capable of handling this child, even as a teacher I’ve never had a kid that severe. Is it jerkish of me to only take Alana, Cyrus, and Daphne who are regularly developing? What do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You know your limitations. It’s extremely unlikely that the state will be able to find someone to take all 4 kids together, with the wide range of age and developmental needs and just the fact that there are 4 of them. Finding a placement where Bebe will be cared for well and given the opportunity to develop at her pace and hopefully be happy and secure may be the best thing you’re able to do for her.
You do need to stay involved in her life if you can and do things that let all the siblings spend time together (visits at her group home/facility, for example). It will be important to visit often but somewhat unpredictably so you can make sure she’s getting good care and not being neglected or mistreated, unfortunately – We went through that with my grandma, whose Alzheimer’s meant she needed a memory care facility to keep her safe.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s better for her to go to a place where they can handle her and your partner needs to realize that.
Ask him if he’d like to take care of a girl for the rest of her life (because that will be what happens here), ask him if he’d like to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and deal with every single meltdown while she screams/cries/hits herself/etc. AND have 3 other kids on top of that.
Your partner needs to understand that this will make you a full-time caretaker OR you’ll have to hire a caretaker during the daytime when you’re not there. A facility would be much better for her and her needs AND they will be able to handle her going through this extremely tough change.” _Sniffin_
20. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday Away From My Family?
“So I (22m, soon to be 23) have never had a good bday and so I don’t want to spend it with my family.
My parents always go all out on my brothers’ birthday and on their birthdays but mine is always forgotten. When I was 5 my dad was mad and screaming at me because I wanted a cake that my brother hated and he threw it away.
When I started crying he took away my gifts.
When I turned 18 they went on a family trip I could not attend as I was working. When I turned 19 they forgot about it and I was too ashamed to tell them about it. My cousin came by 2 hours before midnight to give me my gift and they saw and said ‘Happy bday’ then went to bed and that was it.
When I turned 20, which is something I was looking forward to, they went on a trip again knowing I could not attend yet again. On my 21st birthday, my parents invited people over and I thought that they remembered but no, they were celebrating my father’s best friend’s son. They forgot about me. When I turned 22 I got my appendix removed.
On their birthdays I always give them gifts and reserve their favorite restaurant but they never even do anything for me so I have stopped.
This year I bought myself an early birthday gift – a game I always wanted and tomorrow I’m going away for a week with my friends so I’m not home on my birthday.
My parents invited me to my father’s best friend’s son’s party on the 18th (my birthday) because he wanted to go out the day before on his. I told them no. They called me heartless and a jerk for not caring about family. I reminded them that I was turning 23 that day and I don’t want it to be heartbreaking this year.
They told me I was too old to care and that I should do this for him (he is turning 25). I refused and won’t be home until the 22 of July. AITJ for not being with my family on my birthday? I’m getting cold feet now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please don’t give up your plans.
You deserve to be celebrated and surrounded by people who love and support you. I am so very sorry that your family has never honored you as they should have.
You are an adult now and you have not only the right, but the responsibility to protect yourself from people who are abusive to you. I don’t know why your family is the way they are with you, but I know that nobody deserves to be treated that way.
I truly wish you a happy birthday that fills you with happiness and laughter and joy and that every birthday in your future is the same. Good luck!” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Stop celebrating their birthdays and buying them presents, and stop expecting them to celebrate with or for you. Make your own plans, go somewhere else, and do the same on their birthdays from now on. If they complain, tell them you’re giving them the exact same amount of consideration that they gave you.” Limerase
19. AITJ For Not Sharing My Ice Cream With My Mother-In-Law?
“I (23M) live with my wife (22F). At the time this happened, my MIL (38F) had just moved into our house with us.
I am an amateur bodybuilder, and I usually have a ‘normal’ meal every 3 weeks. I switch up my meals sometimes, either with pizza, burgers, or tacos, you get the idea. But I always have the same dessert, which is ice cream.
I go to this small Mexican ice cream place that absolutely rocks. They serve their ice cream on sticks, just like popsicles.
I had called my wife, who was home watching movies with MIL. I asked both of them what type of ice cream they wanted. My wife asked for 3 different flavored servings, while my MIL asked for 4 different servings.
I myself had picked up 3 cookies and cream servings. I bought the ice cream and made my way home. Later that night, after dinner was eaten and we were all eating our ice cream, my MIL asked me if she could take a couple of licks from the ice cream that I was in the middle of eating.
I politely told her: ‘No, but you can have my other ice cream stick that’s in the freezer, it’s the same flavor’.
MIL then proceeded to say that she didn’t want the whole ice cream bar, she just wanted to taste it and get a couple of licks off the one I was already eating. Once more, I politely told her that I honestly didn’t want her to lick mine.
I offered her the rest of the bar and I’d just grab the 2nd one sitting in the freezer. MIL told me that I didn’t have to do all that and I could just resume eating my first one once she’s finished trying it out. I said no thanks, to which both wifey and MIL proceeded to call me greedy and selfish for not sharing.
I swear, I feel like any other person would have the same reaction as me in this situation but both of them have made me question myself if I’m seriously greedy for not wanting to literally share the same ice cream bar with my MIL. AITJ?
Forgot to add: My MIL brought her cat and 2 dogs with her as she moved in.
Those are her fur babies. The older dog is a 14-year-old Yorkie, and his name is Chico. The cat’s name is Wringo.
You see, Chico has a tendency to make his way into MIL’s bathroom, which also has Wringo’s litter box in it. Chico also has a tendency to literally eat Wringo’s crap out of the litter box.
My MIL brushes Chico’s teeth every time we catch him doing this, but since all 3 of us work full-time (my wife and I are military). I’m sure there’s plenty of time throughout the day for Chico to munch on Wringo’s Hershey kisses.
The reason this is relevant is due to the fact that MIL literally lets both dogs lick her all over her face, and sometimes the inside of her mouth & lips, due to the fact that she always makes those coddling ‘Who’s a cute doggy? Who’s a cute doggy?’ voices, which the dogs absolutely love.
I know this because I see this every day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t even need the whole backstory about ‘normal’ meals and whatnot. Bottom line: That’s gross, she refused non-gross options, and believe it or not, there is still a whole global health crisis going on out there and it’s been going on for 2 years; you would think people would at least be more conscious of body fluid transference these days even if they’re not sick.” eroverton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it doesn’t even matter if she weren’t kissing her dog’s dirty mouth, it’s weird that she was so pressed that she should be able to lick some of your ice cream.
The bigger problem I think is the fact that your wife sides with her.
Cuz it truly does not matter how your wife was raised germ-wise, she shouldn’t be siding with her mother trying to push your boundaries in your house. You’re saying your wife keeps bringing this up, does your mother-in-law still live with you? Have you two considered going to couples therapy? Because there is a larger issue if your wife is still going after you about having a basic boundary.” JCBashBash
18. AITJ For Making A Social Media Post About My Experience With A Medical Practice I Found Online?
“I (20F) moved to a new state two years ago. I have several chronic health problems and I needed new doctors. I looked online and found a few practices that sounded good (I even asked on social media for suggestions from people who have the same illnesses I do).
Anyway, I made an appointment with a practice and saw the Nurse Practitioner.
The appointment went ‘normal’ at first. I saw the nurse and gave her the rundown of my diagnoses and medications I’m on, as well as the doctors I would need referrals to see. The nurse wrote it all down and even asked me detailed questions about my illnesses so I thought it was going well.
Then I saw the NP.
She read my chart and also asked some questions which I answered. Then she asked me what specialties I wanted referrals to. This is where it went wrong… I told her I needed to see a neurologist, a gynecologist, and a gastroenterologist. I had seen many doctors in those specialties before and even brought my former charts to give her.
She told me ‘You don’t need to see a neurologist. There’s no reason for you to’. I told her I did because she couldn’t prescribe some of the meds I was taking. ‘Well, you don’t need those. There’s no indication for that’. I said okay?
She then asked why I wanted one for a gynecologist. I said ‘Because I’m having XYZ issues and my former gyno before I moved wanted some further testing based on my symptoms’.
‘Oh, you don’t need to see one. Every woman has heavy periods and cramping’. I told her that I had been in the ER every month on my period for 6 months straight because of how bad my cramping had been. She still refused. Regardless of whether you think there is a problem that requires a gynecologist or not, it’s my right as a woman to see one.
Last but not least. She asked why I wanted to see a gastroenterologist. I had been having a really hard time keeping food down and was in a lot of pain every time I ate. She looked at me and said ‘Oh you’re too fat to have any problems there’.
I left crying that day. I went home and told my mom what happened and she suggested I report her to the medical board, so I did.
I didn’t have any evidence ‘technically’ so they couldn’t really do anything. So I did what most people would do and made reviews online and posted about my experience in the local groups online.
I got a phone call from their office manager asking me to take them down because people were leaving their practice. I wasn’t the only one to come forward about how they treat patients.
The office manager told me I should have just called them or come in to talk about it. I did not feel comfortable doing that.
AITJ for not going in and talking about it to them instead of blasting them on social media?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Even assuming the (trashy and frequently wrong) premise that your weight is contributing to your medical needs, you still need treatment while you lose weight.
NPs aren’t docs; they’re nurses with prescriptive authority, and there’s a reason why many states require them to practice under the authority of an actual doctor. Closing that office helped your community.” untenable681
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You have a valid medical history, and even if you didn’t, as you mentioned you have all the right to see the doctors you want to see.
If anyone were to make decisions about your medication it should be the specialist. Not the NP. The fact that people were leaving their practices after this one incident is likely a sign that this isn’t the first time it happened, people were just waiting for an opening so they could leave. You did them a service.” Dry-Cauliflower-7765
17. AITJ For Not Succeeding In Helping Our Bird Lay Eggs?
“My mom (48) and I (14F) have a lot of budgies, I only wanted two at first, but with time my mom bought a lot and we ended up having 17 (now 16). One of the original budgies was a green female budgie, she was the best and we loved her deeply.
Because of the lack of good avian vets in our area, I am the doctor who takes care of the budgies, my mom doesn’t help me with anything related to medical or medicine, the medical procedure that I do the most is egg extractions from egg-bound birds.
Yesterday my mom was taking a look at her birds and she noticed that the green budgie looked puffed up. She was conscious but didn’t look too well. She called me and told me to take a look at her, I got her out and went to my room/clinic. When I touched her belly I immediately saw that she had a horizontal egg in her stomach and a vertical one in her belly, I’ve never treated a budgie with TWO eggs inside them, I’ve only treated birds with eggs too small, hard, or flaccid and so far all of them survived my procedure and made a full recovery.
I’ve even had budgies get egg bound TWICE and they survived and made a full recovery.
After I found the eggs I tried to take them out one by one but it didn’t work. I tried pushing from the top but it didn’t work.
I didn’t have anesthesia, I didn’t have tweezers and I didn’t have anyone to hold her while I focused on her vent.
She tried pushing the eggs out while I stretched her vent but the eggs wouldn’t come out.
After an hour and a half of pushing… she died.
When I informed my mom of her passing she had a mental breakdown, she started screaming that I killed her baby and that our budgie was fine before I laid my hands on her, instead of talking I just went into my room, cleaned my work area and then buried the budgie in our yard.
Later I went back inside and told her that it would be better if we sold our budgies, she screamed at me even more.
When I later told some friends about what happened they told me that I was a jerk for leaving my mother alone and for suggesting that we get rid of the birds instead of ‘actually trying to help them’.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Losing a pet sucks, sure, but having your 14-year-old act as a veterinarian for 16+ birds is pretty ridiculous. You did the best you could, and honestly, even if you didn’t, she got what she paid for.
Sounds like irresponsible pet ownership on her part.
Impressive that you learned how to do it yourself though.” kr0mb0pulos_michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Jesus Christ.
You are not a vet and the fact that your mom is expecting you to perform medical procedures on animals at 14 years old with no equipment or training is shocking.
Your mom is hoarding animals and for your own mental health, it might be better if you refuse to have any part in it. If she wants animals she needs to be prepared to travel and pay for actual vet care.
You are a child. Not a vet.” Justagirleatingcake
16. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Get Out Of My House After She Made A Comment About My Late Mom?
“I (28M) have a very entitled MIL (59F). She expects everything to be her way or no way. She’s never exactly liked me because of the way I defended myself from her rude comments. My wife (27F) always defended her mother’s actions, but I try most of the time not to let it bother me.
I am a transgender male.
My MIL never was fond of her daughter going out with a trans male like me, but she learned, in her words to ‘deal with it’. She’s made little snark comments about it a few times, but I just pushed it off. Two days ago, my wife hosted a dinner for her whole family. Everything seemed to be going well until my MIL started talking about wanting grandchildren.
Of course, everyone in the family knew that me and my wife couldn’t conceive biologically but my MIL kept on ranting about it the whole dinner.
I didn’t really care about the comments. I learned not to care about what my MIL says about me. It wasn’t until she said ‘Maybe if his mom gave birth to a biological son instead of turning him into a boy, my daughter would’ve given me some grandchildren’.
I didn’t care about what she said about me, but my mother was a sensitive topic to me, and having my MIL disrespect her like that was a no-go for me. I told my MIL to get out of my house. My MIL was a bit shocked by my reaction, but I didn’t care. My MIL tried to argue but I didn’t let her speak, I just told her to get out.
My MIL started to cry and make a scene, but I managed to get her out. The dinner ended right after. After all the guests left, my wife started to yell at me about the way I treated her mother. I tried to justify my actions about her bringing up my mother, but she ended the argument by saying that I needed to apologize to her mother.
I refused and now my wife is refusing to talk to me.
I’m now starting to wonder if I was really in the wrong in this situation. Should I apologize to my MIL?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your MIL is transphobic, and your wife is okay with that. Your MIL bullies you, and your wife is okay with that.
Your MIL insulted your mother, and your wife is okay with that. You stood up for yourself and your mother – your wife is not ok with that. And wants you to apologize. Let that sink in.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t you dare apologize to your MIL. You don’t need to justify a thing.
I can’t even begin to wrap my head around your wife being married to a trans man and yet being willing to tolerate transphobia on the part of her mother. WHAT?! She sits there and listens to her mother attack you in the most vicious possible way, and then yells at you for not just sitting there and taking it. What kind of a marriage is this, anyway?” Mehitabel9
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Part Of My Parents' TikTok Career?
“So I (14F) am the oldest of three siblings (11M and 7F).
I had a pretty normal life until I was I think about 8. I got cancer, which was luckily caught early. I went through chemo and am completely cancer-free today!
After I got better, my parents (36F and 38M) decided that we ‘needed a new start’.
They moved our entire family into one of those caravan things to live on the road.
There are benefits to this, I guess. I like seeing places that I wouldn’t get to if I had a normal life. But I hate the lack of privacy, which is especially bad since my parents have started to try to become ‘content creators’ on TikTok.
I have next to no space, apart from my literal bed which is only private in the sense that I have a little curtain thing separating me from the rest of the room.
Because of how our van is set up, we have to do a lot of cleaning all of the time or we’ll just run out of space and utilities.
Since my parents have work and my siblings are too young, I end up doing everything. Cooking, washing up, cleaning up after everyone.
And of course, I still have to film TikToks for them, which I don’t really like. I don’t like the idea that there are random people out there who know this much about my life.
The other day my parents were asking me to film a video talking about how I liked living in a van, filming content, etc., because apparently they’d had some backlash over it or something.
I had just finished cleaning the kitchen and honestly just wanted to read my book, so I definitely overreacted. I told them I would not film anything for them, especially stuff I didn’t believe.
They said that I was just confused and rebelling and that this was important for our income.
I told them that I hope they lose all their income and I get put in the foster system because at this point I’d rather be with any other family.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, that is harsh.
But… still, NTJ. You are only 14 years old and you are at an age where you are learning to speak up for yourself. You will probably say a lot of very hurtful things before you learn to gauge the hardness and the usefulness of those kinds of mean words.
I hope you and your parents can sit down and talk calmly about how this nomad life is not working for you anymore, and that you’ll find compromises to make your life better.” MaybeAWalrus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are in a very tough situation for your age and I hope you can get that changed real soon.
Kids your age are making friends, socializing, and doing what other kids do on a daily basis. You aren’t able to form regular relationships or any sense of stability because you’re always on the move. This isn’t healthy. Is there any way you can contact a relative, school counselor, or social worker in the area that you’re staying in short term? I worry about you and your siblings because I get the impression that your parents are so self-absorbed in their social media lives that they’ve forgotten how important their kids’ lives are.
An 11-year-old boy can do lots of chores! Laundry, trash, dishes, sweep, mop, many more. And a 7-year-old girl can set and clear the table, put things away, empty the trash, fold laundry, et cetera. There’s absolutely no gender-based chores.” LoveBeach8
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Time With My Brother And His Wife Anymore?
“I (M25) have an older brother, Kevin (M30).
Kevin is married to his wife, Rachel (F30), and they have two kids, twins, Joey (M9) and Chris (M9).
I myself am married and I have a 2-year-old daughter.
Kevin and I used to hang out all the time, and do family days out with our wives and kids. But my wife and I were becoming less and less keen on these get-togethers.
Put simply, Joey and Chris are very badly behaved in public and it’s embarrassing and stressful. Kevin and Rachel do nothing to correct the behavior, they’re usually stuck to their phones instead.
Not only was it embarrassing, but my wife and I didn’t want our daughter to copy the behavior or think that it was an okay way to act.
The last time we hung out with Kevin and his family was three weeks ago.
We went to a family restaurant for dinner and the entire time Joey and Chris were misbehaving. They wouldn’t stay in their seats and kept running around, throwing trash on other customers’ tables and just getting under people’s feet. Chris threw a tantrum because Rachel didn’t let him drink Pepsi and he flopped around the floor screaming.
Rachel and Kevin ignored him and didn’t think to take him outside.
Eventually, we were asked to leave because another customer complained about us because, during Chris’ tantrum, Joey went and stuck stickers on a stranger’s baby’s face.
Kevin went on a rant about how his kids’ behavior was the restaurant’s fault because they had nothing to keep them entertained.
After that evening my wife and I were so embarrassed and decided no more days out with Kevin and Rachel for the near future.
The other day, Kevin texted me and asked if we wanted to go to a children’s park all together sometime.
I tried to phrase it as politely as I could and told Kevin that after the incident at the restaurant, my wife and I decided it was better that we didn’t do days out like that for a while, and that we felt very embarrassed.
Kevin didn’t take this well, and said we are ‘parent shaming’. He said that we are being self-centered and not thinking of how difficult it must be for him and Rachel. He said I’m being a bad brother and that I should be ashamed.
Was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you handled it as well as you could.
There are no parents alive who are going to take it well when told their children are poorly behaved so don’t take his reaction to mean you did something wrong.
Give it some time and if you feel like you have to see them, make it an activity that is appropriate for kids to run around and be loud and also provides you an easy out if things get out of control.
Restaurants should be completely off-limits!” 21stCenturyJanes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your brother and SIL need a wake-up call to how they’re doing a disservice to their children by letting them do whatever they want. I’m actually surprised a 5th grader just ran up to a baby and stuck stickers to their face and didn’t get yelled at by the baby’s guardians.” sofia1687
13. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Go To Med School?
“My sister is gifted and an amazing person. Throughout her life, she has said she wants to be a doctor. She graduated from a prestigious college with a 4.0 GPA.
However, my parents have always told her that they want help with their company and they put her to help them out. After graduating, their request increased.
To the point that she gave up studying for the MCAT to help them out.
After a year, I saw that she was going nowhere. So, I decided to help her out by telling her that I wanted to be a doctor and would like her to help me study for the MCAT. My sister of course being the sweetheart that she is decided to help me study.
I started telling her how nervous I was and how I wished she could take it with me. She told me she couldn’t because she needed to help my parents first. So I started fake crying and acting depressed. She took pity on me and decided to take the exam with me. Moving forward we both took the test.
She got an amazing score of 525.
She was super thrilled and that day she told the whole family that she would apply to med school for this upcoming cycle. My dad questioned why she had taken the exam and she mentioned how I had inspired her and that she and I could apply to the same med schools to go together.
Now my parents asked since when I wanted to be a doctor and the truth was revealed.
My parents lost it saying I was ungrateful and that she needed to help out because they put her and me through college. This is not true because she got a full ride, they paid for me though.
My sister also said I had manipulated her and she got mad.
My parents won’t talk to me and my other family members agree.
I talked to my sister and apologized for my actions. She said she knew I only wanted to be a good brother and help her but I was the only one who hadn’t manipulated her and that’s why she was let down. However, after accepting my mistakes she forgave me and we have gone back to normal.
She has interviews with 7 med schools including UCLA, West Virginia, UMD, and JHU.
I haven’t been able to talk to my parents because they just don’t want to talk to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but listen, sit down with your sister when she’s nowhere near your parents and explain to her that you didn’t want your parents to take away her career just because they think they need her help in the business.
They can hire someone to do her job. She shouldn’t live a life that someone else chose for her and you wanted her to live out her full potential and be happy. There’s nothing worse than being chained to a job and a life you didn’t want and end up hating and being resentful. It makes you a bitter hateful person over time.” CatahoulaBubble
Another User Comments:
“Interesting how doing something deceitful for someone’s good ended up actually accomplishing what you set out to do with your manipulation.
It doesn’t always work out that way, but you lucked out. I’m thrilled to hear your sister has chosen to pursue her passion. Which leaves you. Are you going to help your parents run their company?
It’s interesting that that scenario didn’t even crop up when your sister told your family about passing the MCAT and applying to med school.
Is that because you already are helping with the company, or they don’t credit you with the necessary capabilities?
I can’t help feeling like there is more going on here, but that’s not what the story was about. Given the positive outcome for your sister and the fact that it’s not really okay for parents to dictate how their children will live their lives, I’m going with NTJ.” Dance_Sneaker
12. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Getting Wasted?
“This happened a day before Christmas Eve. I (F22) had a reunion with my friends from elementary school. They are basically my sisters and we’ve known each other since we were like 7 years old. So in this little gathering with the four of us, we planned it to be like a ‘Christmas dinner’. We all agreed to bring something for dinner, like a dish, dessert, or anything related to that.
One of my friends asked me if she could bring some tequila and beer. Which I didn’t see a problem with, I was rooting for wine since I think that fits more but I let her do it.
Fast forward to the dinner, we all are having a great time and it’s time to exchange the gifts.
One of my friends ‘Jane’ suggested we should guess what the gift was and every time we failed we took a shot. We all agreed and we started playing. Everything’s cool, but I noticed Jane is drinking more than the shots. Really didn’t care at first, but after a while, I noticed every time she poured more into her drink.
I approached her and asked if everything was cool, and she told me that she wanted to get wasted. I just reminded her that we were just chilling right now, no need for that.
To be honest I do mind when people get wasted, it’s funny to see them at first but if you’re a friend of the wasted one, you have to take care of them.
And I really hate that since wasted people can be very difficult to manage. Well, she wasn’t difficult but she was annoying. Like out of nowhere told us what she hated about us, started speaking in French, wanted to go out of my house, that kind of stuff. And since we had to take care of her, we couldn’t do the other stuff we had planned.
The next morning I asked her why she wanted to get wasted so badly. She confessed it was something she had been wanting to do for a long time. To get wasted with us (meaning she would be the wasted one and not us with her). Since we are her safe place, she knows nothing would happen.
I was kinda mad at the moment and told her that what she did was selfish and that I didn’t sign up to be a nanny of a wasted person. She got defensive and we had an argument.
Of course she called me a jerk, and dramatic. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You all had plans and she blew them to get smashed.
You also drew a totally reasonable boundary and she crossed it. She also was being manipulative in trying to play to your sympathy to excuse her behavior, and that she expressly asked to bring harder liquor makes this rather calculated on her part. It sounds as if she was seeking an excuse to get wasted in a home environment where she would be taken care of (vs.
having to take care of herself, if she drinks solo).
These things combined are a pretty serious sign of binge drinking issues—someone with a healthy relationship with drinking can have a few shots and know they need to cut themselves off if the circumstances necessitate it. Give it a few days and then have a gentle convo with her about her drinking habits and see if this is a pattern.” centerthatholds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I get why the experience sucked, no one wants to babysit a wasted person. Her views of you & your friends, while wasted, may be reflective of her own insecurities or her true feelings just said aloud. I’m more concerned about her binge drinking & the fact she said she needed a safe space. It’s a sign something is not right with your friend. Have a talk with her, I’m telling you there is something triggering her.” Batmans-dragon80
11. AITJ For Making My Mom Homeless For Lying About My Dad?
“Growing up I was told that my father was in jail and would be for a LONG time. I was always extremely vocal to my mum about meeting my father. She always told me ‘No’ because he was in the States and it would be ‘too expensive’ or she ‘couldn’t request days off from work’. But, she did say I was allowed to write him letters.
So I did.
Until I was 17 (and more specifically, 10 days before my 18th birthday) I wrote a letter telling him I had plans to purchase a plane ticket once I was 18 and that I wanted to meet him. I found out that he died a couple of days later.
I’m now 28 and my mother moved in with me due to being evicted out of her apartment for not paying her rent and having a cat.
She’d been here well over 6 months, but I didn’t mind it though. She cooked, and cleaned, and it was really nice having her company.
A couple of nights ago, though, we were having dinner and she said something about a girl I went out with in high school. I asked her how she knew about it and she went red in the face.
See, I had written my dad really personal things that nobody else knew. He felt like the only person I could trust. After a LOT of pestering, my mother confessed to me that my father had never gotten a single letter from me. And, that he wasn’t ever in prison. Worst of all: he was still alive.
In fact, he didn’t even know I existed. I was gutted, destroyed, and hurt beyond belief. I had mourned his ‘death’ and confided in my ‘dad’ for EVERYTHING.
It’s one thing to lie about it for a child, but it had gone on into my teens and she never told me the truth about it. She lied about his passing just so she could avoid me finding out it was all a ruse.
I told her she had 2 days to pack her things and that unless she gave me my real dad’s information, I never wanted to see her again.
After she gave me a wimpy excuse, I started to ignore all her calls and texts. My phone has been ringing nonstop, and all of my friends and everyone in my family are calling me a monster for kicking her out and making her essentially homeless.
She’s also not getting her cat back. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait wait wait… You used letters to your father essentially as a diary… was she ‘writing back to you’ posing as him or were you having a deep and personal one-way relationship with someone who never responded? Like how did she explain no phone calls? Anyhow, she not only made up some sort of story that sounds like a movie trope and then killed off the main character…
but did use the letters to spy on you… NTJ, she doesn’t have to be homeless – you said she could stay if she told you who it was, right? She has options.” CanVegetable7392
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As soon as I got to the part where she let you write him letters, I had a feeling it was a ruse.
I know you want to find your dad, but be careful going forward. The truth could be even more of a mess than you suspect and it might be a good idea to prepare yourself and take it slow. One of the worst-case scenarios is that she’s not even your real mom and kidnapped you as an infant/toddler. With how she reacted to your sincere questions with lies and manipulations, there’s no telling how tangled the truth will be.” celwriter
10. AITJ For Being Rude To A Coworker Who's Trying To Set Me Up With Someone?
“I’m (34F) a lesbian who isn’t completely out but I’m not completely in the closet either. I’m ‘out’ when I’m with my close circle of friends. No, I don’t live in a conservative area… it’s just a personal thing and I have my reasons for keeping it this way at the moment.
So I work with a guy (31M).
We’ve worked together for roughly 6 months. We aren’t close but I’d say we’re work buddies. We don’t follow each other on any socials but we do chit chat here and there at work about insignificant stuff. Our political views align so that’s mostly what we talk about when we do talk.
Last week we were walking out of the building together at the end of shift and he asked me if I was single.
We’d never really asked each other anything that personal before so I was taken aback a bit. I’ve had plenty of men in my life hit on me and usually it’s no big deal to let them know I’m not interested… but I’ve been single for almost a year now and I’ll admit my relationship status is kind of a sensitive thing at the moment.
I told him something along the lines of ‘Sorry but I’m not interested’. He stopped me and said he wasn’t asking for himself. I was just trying to get to my car and leave work and I felt really annoyed at this point. I told him I wasn’t going to hook up with his friend and I’d appreciate it if he just left me alone.
He stepped back and asked me ‘What’s your problem?’ I told him if his friend was anything like him then I really have zero interest. As I walked away he said, ‘No wonder you’re single!’
When I told all this to my roommate/bestie they told me my reaction was extreme and that I was the jerk in the scenario.
I felt he was out of line and doubled down.
The following day I told our manager what happened and that the whole event made me uncomfortable. The manager had a ‘coach and counsel’ talk with my co-worker. That was yesterday. My co-worker has been radio silent with me ever since. I expected he’d apologize, but nothing.
The manager and I are friends outside of work. She knows I’m gay. When I asked her how the talk went she told me I should have heard him out. I was confused and asked what she meant… turns out he wanted to set me up with his sister. How did he know I was gay? He told our manager it was the Xena warrior princess screen saver on my desktop and his ‘gay-dar’ from growing up with 2 lesbian sisters.
She knows this employee somewhat well and gave me his sister’s name and said to check her out on social media… yeah, she’s a 10. Walks that fine line between butch and femme perfectly and looks very liberal like myself.
Now I feel bad because not only did I miss out on possibly meeting someone but I was beginning to think I was indeed the jerk and he just caught me at a bad time.
I’ve always had issues interacting with men. The next day I planned on apologizing but he put in a shift change request and got moved to 2nd shift. I have his phone number but I’ve been blocked.
So, was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This wasn’t just some random man asking if you’re single. This was your coworker that you knew and trusted well enough to talk politics at work.
Even if he was asking you out, I see nothing in your story that indicates he was being disrespectful or out of line whatsoever.
You are clearly extremely sensitive about your personal life. From another queer, I get it. It can be very complicated and emotional to live outside of heteronormativity. But you took this private pain out on someone who had been nothing but a friend to you.
This is jerkish enough on its own, but the fact that you doubled down on this jerk move and got a manager involved? Triple jerk supreme.
No wonder you are single indeed.
Another thing is that you don’t seem to actually feel sorry for this guy. You only changed your tune when you realized he had a hot sister.
Even after your friends told you you were a jerk! Yikes!
YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ YTJ and I’m glad you didn’t get a chance with her too.” -throw-away-forever-
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on three counts:
Being way too defensive about something that many would consider a fairly innocuous question. Sure, I get that it can be uncomfortable, but people can be let down gently.
Going nuclear on the guy. Absolutely no reason to make this a work issue unless he won’t drop it. Especially egregious since you seem to also have been reacting emotionally to third-party opinions outside the influence of the injured party.
Regretting it now only because you missed out on a chance. That’s what you get for jumping down people’s throats rather than hearing them out. I have good news though: You may still be in with a shot if you give your friend the apology he deserves.
Seriously, if you’re that jerky, and, frankly, self-centered, it really is no wonder you’re single.” kampfhuegi
9. AITJ For Refusing To Go Back And Take Care Of My Mother?
“I (17F) recently ran away from my mother’s (40F) home while she was sick, as I saw it as an opportunity for her to not follow or look for me.
To give context, my mother is emotionally abusive. She would call me names and call me stupid for every day that I’ve lived. She would also hurt me physically, and break my things whenever she was angry.
She blames me for everything and shames me in public. She asks me to take care of her kids but refuses to send me to school despite having the money to do so. She wasn’t usually like this until the global crisis, which has been mentally and physically tiring as I would have to juggle taking care of my siblings and studying (I paid for my tuition with the help of my friends).
Now, I don’t have the means to pay for anything but I want to finish college so I would try to be patient with her. Not until I found out that she and her friends had been bullying me by calling me spoiled, irritating, disrespectful, and so many more names. They even suggested that she should cut me off so I could ‘learn my lesson’.
They don’t know me, they only know my mother’s side. The worst part is my mother agreed with them and even called me a psychopath which they all laughed about. She then started saying that she didn’t even love me and didn’t feel any kind of affection for me.
I was extremely hurt and decided to run away while she was sleeping.
Our relatives then started calling me and telling me that my mother needed me and to just forget the anger that I was feeling but I just blocked all of them. I honestly have nothing, no job, and no savings because I had to use it for my school. I’m currently living with a friend. I am young and probably mentally unstable, so any kind of insights would be appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but sounds like if your mom was ‘fine’ before, and is suddenly having a huge shift in her personality and behavior, then she needs help.
I would encourage her to get help and talk to her family about getting her some help but YOUR responsibility is your own safety, security, and education. You’re 17, I don’t know your laws but please look up your local services for youth to help you with your next steps. Best of luck. And keep on with your education! It’s your best bet for your future.” notquiteright519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
OP, please be careful and don’t give up on yourself. Your mother may not be the ‘loving’ parent that you deserve, but you need to keep working towards your goals. Is it possible for your university to help? I don’t know what social services there are, but if you aren’t 18 yet is it possible that someone there might help? Whatever happens, do take care of yourself and stay safe. Also, stay away from your family, they might try to make you go back.” yankeerebel62
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host A BBQ Party?
“We have a 2.5-year-old and a 3-month-old. My husband is insisting on hosting a BBQ. I’ve never felt so unheard and unsupported. Anytime I bring up not having the BBQ he just gets mad and shuts me down immediately. I’m really tired, we haven’t been sleeping a lot since the new baby arrived. I exclusively breastfeed and the baby won’t take a bottle, so it’s been mostly me losing sleep, but he’s up sometimes as well.
I do not want to host company like this. And he won’t hear me. I feel like I’m not even allowed an opinion on the matter.
Adding to that, how is it fair that he gets to have the time to prepare for a BBQ? He’s not planning to buy everything prepared like I suggested, he’s planning to make a bunch of the things from scratch like a chocolate cream pie.
And guess who gets to watch the kids while he makes all of this stuff? Every time I try to bring it up he cuts me off and gets really upset.
We had a conversation about how I feel like the default parent, and it seems like he gets all this time to do stuff. Sometimes ‘stuff’ is fun like hanging with friends, and sometimes it’s just like cooking, cleaning, mowing, and paying bills.
I want time away from the kids to do chores but I have to ask for it and schedule it (he told me to put it in the calendar), where he gets to just take it, occasionally without even telling me what he’s doing. I’ve always been incredibly supportive when he wants to go out, he works out with a friend often, and he’s been on a few all-day hikes since the baby.
Out to lunch with friends a few times, etc.
I know socializing is important and I want to support his mental health. He says he can watch the kids while I go out, but it’s hard because of breastfeeding, and honestly, I don’t want to go out because I want to just catch up on sleep and basic tasks that have gone undone for so long.
When I need to shower I feel like it’s a burden. Not to say I don’t get time away, I got my hair colored and lashes recently but I felt like such a burden. Both had to be scheduled during work and he’s working from home, so took time off for it. But, he also takes time off to work out, see his friends, and do other things.
I guess my rant is that ‘our’ free time feels unfair. It’s like he has free time, and I don’t. I don’t want to go socialize right now I just want to sleep, shower, and clean my house, and I need help with the kids to do that. So when I hear him wanting, no demanding this BBQ it feels so incredibly unfair and hurtful that he doesn’t care how much it hurts me.
He just gets mad and I can’t bring it up. I don’t understand why this BBQ is so important and I keep thinking about it trying to figure it out. Because I can never imagine putting a social event before his happiness. He keeps telling me having friends is important and it’s important for mental health.
I agree, but like I’m actually suffering because I don’t have time to myself or for basic tasks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re drowning and he wants you to put your rescue on the calendar when he should be actively pulling you into the life raft.
He’s completely ignoring his responsibilities as a father and a husband and is acting like your third child that you need to take care of.
Proposing the BBQ? Ok. Demand the BBQ and shut down when told no? That’s toddler behavior. His priorities are all out of whack & he’s taking you for granted.
What would happen if, on a random day, you tossed on a coat & said ‘Just fed the baby, gonna go out for a few hours, bye’? Because that’s what I propose you start doing.
Just hand him a baby & walk away to do what you want/need to do.” littlejetgirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you two need a serious talk and/or counseling. You need help. It’s great that he wants to do all these social things, but you have a 3-month-old and a toddler, and it’s time for him to step up and be an equal parent.
If he insists on this BBQ, if I were you I’d take the kids and go stay with family or a friend, or even go check into a hotel, and do not lift a finger. He can do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, and other stuff that goes into hosting. He wants to be the happy host but probably wants you to do all the work.
You also need some sort of chore division, so it’s not all on you – you’re the 24/7 parent, he can clean the house. And then to figure out how to work the schedule so you BOTH get some free time to yourselves, not just him.” User
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Car's Depreciation Fee?
“I (23M) and some friends (all 23M) went on a road trip to stay at a friend’s parents’ house in Southern California last weekend. We live in Utah, so it was around a 10-hour drive to get there.
One of my friends offered to drive us all down in his brand-new car because he had enough room in the trunk for everyone’s golf clubs.
The trip was great, we all had a great time, and we got back on Monday earlier this week.
On Wednesday, I got the Venmo charge from my friend for gas, but it was a lot higher than we had calculated together for gas. I called to ask my friend about it, and he said it was because he included a depreciation charge.
I thought he was joking at first and laughed until I realized he was serious. I asked what that meant, and he explained it was for the depreciation on his car due to the fact that it is a brand new car and he put so many miles on it right away and wear and tear (it’s still in perfect condition so not quite sure what that meant).
I told him that it was ridiculous and that I wasn’t going to pay that, and he said that everyone else already paid it so I’ll be the only one who is not paying what I owe him.
I ended up hanging up and paid him the amount for gas, but not depreciation. I’m starting to think maybe I’m in the wrong since all of my other friends paid for it, and that maybe this is not as ridiculous as I first thought it was.
I’m debating just sending the money to be done with this all because my friend has not talked to me since. Has anyone else heard of a depreciation charge before? AITJ for not paying it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is literally using his new car to make money off his friends by demanding more money than previously stated and agreed upon.
Depreciation was his own fault for offering up and using his car. He has no right to charge his friends for a naturally occurring event.
I would have refused to pay his extra surprise charge as well and would exclude this greedy fellow from future trips.” depressivedarling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Charges should have been discussed in advance. It’s understandable that the exact amount for gas wouldn’t be necessarily known but a ballpark figure could be figured out, and just an agreement beforehand that everyone WOULD pay whatever the gas would turn out to be would be fine.
Trying to add any other ‘charge’ after the trip that was never discussed is completely wrong. Whether your friends paid it or not is irrelevant. The majority doesn’t dictate morality. If they choose to do it, that’s their choice. Doesn’t make you wrong simply for being the only one to not do so, with a valid reason (such as not ever being asked/told about it beforehand). Hopefully, those friends aren’t pressuring you to do so.” SetiG
6. AITJ For Asking My Family To Give My Son A Second Chance?
“I have a child from my first marriage who if I’m being honest, was very unlikeable growing up.
Unfortunately, his mother and I had a messy breakup. There was no third party involved in my divorce. She’d stolen a large amount of finances from me.
But she’d often encourage him to do and say things while I had him that upset quite a few people.
Including my parents and siblings.
And over the years, his behavior got worse no matter what I tried. He just didn’t respect me as a parent. And with the limited time I had with him, I wasn’t sure what I could do. My family started associating with him a lot less. I would find myself doing a lot of solo activities with him because even my wife and stepchildren couldn’t tolerate him.
My mother, who is the most patient person I know, told him to his face that he was one of the rudest people she’d ever met after he was particularly nasty towards me. This led him to say awful things to her that made me and my brother furious. It created a huge fight that led to him not talking to me or my family for a full year.
My strained relationship with him has been extremely painful for me and it’s caused a lot of issues in my marriage and life in general. But I do love my son and I always held out hope that our relationship would survive the divorce toxicity.
Now that he’s 20, I think our relationship is finally turning the corner.
My ex has moved across the country and has a lot less influence on him.
He’s also mellowed out and has a wonderful, kind partner who seems to have had a very positive effect on him.
I’ve been seeing them more frequently and have had them in my home for meals several times. There’s still tension between him and my stepkids but everyone just seems to keep the peace for my sake.
I’ve asked all my family to give him another chance and have been firm about it. My parents are of course more than happy to but my siblings and stepkids are less so.
They want him to give a formal apology to the entire family but I don’t believe this will be something he will do. I feel that over time, a lot of the bad feelings will soften.
I don’t want my son to feel like he has to be on the defensive.
It’s taken a long time to reach this point with him and I don’t want to ruin it.
But some of my family thinks he was extremely rude, especially to me, and thinks it’ll be hard to forget or forgive without him showing more remorse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I understand you love your son and want everybody to give him a second chance, but you can’t force, or be ‘firm’, on them giving him one. Your story admits he’s been a major jerk towards everybody in the past and that’s not something easily forgotten.
He should be asking and working towards a second chance, not you.
An apology is easy to give if it’s meaningful, so there’s no reason he can’t give one. You’ve covered up and tried to fix his shortcomings and mistakes in the past, but this is something he needs to do 100% by himself. You have to sit this one back or you’ll be shunned again.” gover2087
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘It’s taken a long time to reach this point with him and I don’t want to ruin it.’
Then quit pushing.
Just because you’ve decided you want to reconcile now doesn’t mean you get to dictate that timeline for everyone else, or even whether they have to make room for him in their hearts when he hasn’t given them any reason to think that would enrich their lives in all the time they’ve known him. Yes, fine, he was an easily influenced kid…
but even you admit a lot of the improvement seems to be down to his current partner, so what happens if she goes away and he starts seeing someone more like Mom?
These relationships didn’t get broken overnight, and you’re not going to fix them by throwing your weight around. Especially if the people you’re demanding give him the benefit of the doubt aren’t seeing some kind of genuine recognition of why they are so hurt and the effort to make things right that’s coming from him. That doesn’t necessarily need to be a big public apology, but he needs to be willing to do something here – and even then, he needs to be mature enough to accept if some of those bridges are just too badly burned.” User
Now that he's an adult, I think he should get a second chance. But he should be willing to apologize for the s**t he did ask a child even if it wasn't entirely his fault. If he has really grown and changed, he should be willing to accept and admit the wrong things he's done. And he should be willing to apologize for them. If he isn't willing to apologize, maybe he hasn't changed and grown enough.
5. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Continue Going To Therapy?
“My (f27) little sister (16) has untreated past trauma regarding my mother’s ex. She had been going to therapy for years now and was slowly getting better. Recently I’ve noticed that she kind of relapsed, it was pretty evident with how she’s refusing to attend school & socialize. I brought it up with my mother and asked her how therapy was going, just to learn that she pulled out my lil sis from therapy.
I asked her why, did something happen? Nothing happened, my mother just started to randomly believe that it’s ‘pseudoscience’, ‘does more harm than good’, ‘therapy is manipulative’, and other stupid things.
I pried some more and found out that my mother wanted to try out therapy for herself, but she didn’t hear what she wanted from her therapist, so she decided that psychology is nonsense and my sister doesn’t need help anymore.
She forbade my sister from going to her therapist and even told her to lie to me, because ‘I wouldn’t understand’, so it was kept as a secret from me for THREE MONTHS, just so I wouldn’t intervene.
I gave my mother an ultimatum – either my sister can go to therapy again, or I’m taking her with me.
I gave her a week to fix this. She knows I can take her – I couldn’t when this whole circus with her ex happened, because I was still a student. But now I’m working, I have a good paying job and my own apartment.
My aunt called me to tell me I’m heartless because my mother is a victim in all of this too and I have to be more understanding.
I tried to be, but I’m way more worried about my little sister who has a whole life ahead of her. Still, I did feel kind of awful after my aunt called me a jerk because, at the end of the day, I love my mother. I just don’t want her to hurt my sister because of her own demons.
I need some outside perspective – am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re right to stand up for your sister. Sorry to say it but whatever did happen to your sister IS your mother’s fault. Whether she didn’t see what was going on, or whether she was a victim as well. Neither matters because at the end of the day, it was your mother’s job to keep your sister safe.
That’s what being a parent is. The priority now is your sister, and making sure she gets the help she needs.” Vickimae44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister NEEDS that therapy; you know it, your sister knows it, and so does your mother. Apparently, the therapist SHE saw told her some hard truths about herself, and she didn’t like that at all.
Most likely, the therapist your sister was seeing told her something similar about her mother, which provoked Mommy Dearest into shutting down her therapy.
Misery loves company, and your mother is determined to keep your sister under her thumb, and in as much bondage to her trauma as she can, for as long as she can. You did the right thing by giving your mother the ultimatum; now you need to do whatever is necessary to get your sister out of her clutches NOW.
It’s highly unlikely that your mother will allow your sister to get back into therapy without an ugly fight, with your sister possibly ending up worse off than ever.
Get a lawyer, if necessary. As far as your aunt is concerned, where was she when the circus macabre with your mother’s ex was going on? Did she even try to help her niece, or did she just get a front-row seat and watch the chaos, occasionally throwing in her two cents? Unless she’s willing to help you get your sister out of there, she needs to shut up and back off.” DarkViolet99
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Eat My Mom's Unsanitary Food?
“My (29f) mom (60f) and stepdad (55m) have a really hard time understanding basic food prep and sanitation. God bless them, they know seasoning and flavoring, but they really lack cleanliness which often leads to food poisoning.
The most recent epidemic came on my mom’s 60th birthday last month. My stepdad prepped the food weeks before the event and froze it, then thawed it out and opened it for a WEEK.
I’m talkin’ not just veggies, but meats too. Everyone was horribly poisoned by the food after the event, and this happens A LOT. They’ll let foods spoil and feed them to guests whenever they visit – including leftovers eaten by other people. They also aren’t the best at cooking things to a certain temperature, so baked goods and chicken are often served underprepared.
As you can imagine, growing up, I was constantly sick. I’ve tried talking to my mom on several occasions about my concerns, but she gets extremely defensive and throws it in my face that she and my stepdad are both in the medical field and know more about bacteria than I do.
Everything came to a head a few years ago when I was diagnosed with celiac disease.
My mom has a really hard time understanding cross-contamination and struggles to identify which foods are okay for me to eat at get-togethers and which are not. My rule of thumb has been to not eat anything homemade from her and ALWAYS eat before visiting. However, my mom has a difficult time respecting my ‘no’ and often guilts me into eating her food which ALWAYS leads to me being horribly sick.
After last week’s visit (both to my mom and the doctor), I decided I’d had enough. I am physically not able to eat her food. So, in the nicest way possible, I told her from now on I’ll be eating before visiting and bringing my own food to get-togethers. She got really quiet, then hung up.
Later, I had my sisters call and ask why I was so mean to my mom. I explained my side which made them more upset. They said that mom is really trying here and I’m being a jerk for not seeing that. So… AITJ for not eating my mom’s food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not eat food that could make you sick.
You are in the right. It’s your body and it is your responsibility to take care of it, even if that means that you are refusing your mom’s cooking. You need to have a conversation with your mom and tell her the reasons that you are not eating her food. Then, just don’t eat it. She is not going to sit there and hold you down and force you to eat her food.
There might be some hurt feelings in the beginning but she will get over it. Your health and well-being is the most important thing here.
That being said, your mom is the jerk for making food that makes other people sick. People can actually die from food poisoning and undercooked food, especially people who have other illnesses.
She needs to understand the importance of food safety. Unfortunately, she’s probably been this way for so long that there is probably little hope of her changing until she ends up in the hospital with food poisoning, then you might see a change.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is just… insane. If your parents ‘understand bacteria’ so well, (or at all), then they are doing this on purpose. Seriously OP, these actions and then the gaslighting after make me wonder if they are getting jollies out of this. If they are not eating or miraculously not getting sick when everyone else does it’s a guarantee it’s purposeful.” User
3. AITJ For Hiding My Food From My Partner?
“Food is a precious resource and I feel so protective over it due to childhood trauma – my mother would take the best bits of my food and it has left me with issues with sharing. I hoard and hide sweets because I’m worried someone will come and take them.
My partner seems to over-indulge hugely on food.
If we have any sweet treats in the house, he will eat them in an instant. I hate it.
We share a grocery budget and he cooks delicious meals for the both of us often. He gives me portions of it for work etc. too. But he does often make my portions worse than his for example he will give me the plate with the smallest amount of the ‘yummiest’ bits of food such as meat, cheese, etc.
It makes me furious and I am so frustrated that I can’t keep things in the house without him gorging on them. He has issues with food and thinks he needs to eat every last scrap of everything. If he is full, he will continue to stuff his face as much as possible until all of the food has gone.
Obviously, this makes me even more irate as he’s not even hungry when he’s doing this.
This issue has built to the point that if I cook something for both of us, I don’t want to share the food with him. I want to give myself huge portions and keep it all for myself. I know we share a grocery budget but I’ve become so protective of my food around him now.
I’m fed up with waking up, coming into the kitchen, and finding him eating a fistful of something I made the night before.
I refused to share my food with him last night and I’m making myself food and hiding it. He found some of my food stashed away and was angry with me for being selfish and hiding food.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Is it possible that you are overreacting to his ‘indulging’ because of your childhood trauma? Now you have a concrete idea of what is satisfactory in terms of portions and indulgence? Is it possible he isn’t consciously taking the ‘better parts’ he just has a larger appetite and didn’t realize he needs to be counting the cheese pieces?
Also, it’s just genuinely not healthy what you are doing.
He makes you food and shares, and you believe that he is giving you the less desirable plates, he eats freely in his home from groceries he pays for, so you retaliate by sneaking food from your shared inventory, making it, and hiding it for yourself? You need to see someone for these issues, because from your partner’s standpoint – you are quite literally stealing food he helps pay for and making dinners for yourself while he shares all your food and the task of cooking with you.
You two need to come to a compromise.
Serve your own plates. Ask if you can go first to help mediate your trauma and potential paranoid thoughts. If your partner is accepting, loving, and not limiting your intake he should have no problem with this.
Buy more food and make larger serving sizes. It’s incredibly easy to make a little extra of the ‘good stuff’ so you both get decent amounts and have some for (shared?) leftovers.
Get therapy. Seriously.
Outside of your shared grocery bill – go out and buy yourself treats with your own money, he can do the same and those specific items are off-limit. Get a little container with your name on it and put things you don’t want to share in it. Sharing the cost means sharing the item – easy fix.” mandes270
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, both of you have unresolved trauma about food. However, your trauma and his trauma are triggering each other, I don’t doubt you love him and vice versa, but you can’t live together at least until you two get proper help and effectively work on your relationship with food. I’m sorry, but your relationship seems like a bad idea at the moment.” onlytexts
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband His Mom Isn't A Second Mother To Me?
“My husband (32m) and I (31f) weren’t together for our wedding anniversary in Feb. because I had a family emergency. Now that we both have some time off soon we wanted to do something on the anniversary of his proposal instead, so we get to have some sort of celebration. I wanted to do something small, just the two of us or maybe a couple of friends, but he wanted to invite various family members.
He even said that it would be easier if we and our friends just traveled to his hometown and had the celebration at his mother’s house, so then we’d be surrounded by family, like his brothers, who always have celebrations there.
My husband is the middle child of three brothers. Both of his brothers married their high school sweethearts who grew up in the same town as them.
They have been having weekly get-togethers with his mother (67f) their entire adult lives. I, on the other hand, didn’t meet my husband until I was 25 and we didn’t start going out until 27. He was the only one in his family, including cousins, to leave his hometown and his parents have never come to visit.
We’ve been married for two years and I’ve only met his mother a handful of times. I’ve met his brothers, SILs, and niblings more but I’m not close with any of them.
I eventually told my husband that I was sorry, but unlike his SILs, his mother wasn’t a second mother to me and didn’t feel like family.
She’s a nice woman and I have nothing against her, but I don’t know her very well and she feels more like an acquaintance than a close family member. I’d prefer our anniversary to be about us and not about how little he sees his mother. My husband is furious that I said his mother wasn’t my family, since we’re married she has to be.
He’s now saying he’s not sure he wants to do this celebration as it is causing us to argue, and while I’d be happy with just a date night instead, I don’t think that that is the problem.
AITJ? Should I have not said anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your anniversary is about celebrating you as a COUPLE. Not celebrating the two of you… and his entire extended family.
That’s just weird. And if you have no real relationship with his mother other than meeting her a handful of times, WHY on earth would you want to celebrate your anniversary with her? What does it have to do with her anyway? If he is upset that he doesn’t see his mother enough then that’s on him to visit her and is an entirely different issue.
But it has nothing to do with the two of you celebrating your anniversary.
The problem is your husband is confusing his guilt over not being involved with his family as much as his siblings are, with a celebration of your marriage, which has literally nothing to do with his extended family.” TA122278
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like a discussion of expectations.
It’s fair to assume a wedding anniversary just involves you and your husband. Your husband misses his family, and he likely has a very different family dynamic. You don’t need to feel his mom is your mom, she’s not immediate family. Your husband is used to and loves sharing these milestones with his family and saying his family is not your family was probably pretty painful for him to hear.
If you aren’t comfortable making an anniversary into a family event, tell him that but keep it away from any specific family members and keep the discussion on yourselves as a couple.
No jerks here.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf
1. AITJ For Telling A Mom To Apologize To My Brother?
“My mom works as an office manager and the job has required her to go in 2-3 days per week now and my father works every day as his job is considered essential.
On days no one can pick up my sibling (8M), who I will call Justin for this story, from school or watch him when no one’s home I volunteer to help as long as I get paid 10 dollars when I need to watch him or pick him up.
My brother is an average kid, he’s social, funny, a pain in the butt sometimes, and loves video games. He especially likes Roblox.
We have a family who we are friends with and consider our own family which has two sons ages 7 and 9 who also love Roblox and Facetime my brother and they play together.
Because we are considered family as well, we are invited to their parties and gatherings that they host and everyone is a family of cousins who my father and I don’t really like.
Their family has a son who doesn’t know when to stop when told no much like my family friend’s 2 sons. Occasionally the 2 will listen but the cousin’s son, who will be called Johnny, never listens.
Today I was watching Justin and as I was on the couch he was in the playroom on Facetime while playing Roblox with Johnny and I could hear my brother saying stop multiple times because Johnny kept destroying something.
My brother finally has the guts to say ‘I’m going, Johnny. I don’t wanna play with you anymore because you are being mean and won’t stop!’
In return, Johnny starts to cry which gains his mother’s attention and he quickly tells her everything and she starts to scream at my brother.
I quickly got up to see Justin crying as he is quite a sensitive kid as was I at his age so I took the tablet, said who I was, and asked why she was screaming at Justin. In response, he said he hurt Johnny’s feelings and was rude while they were playing Roblox together.
I tell her that’s not true, that I was listening the entire time, and that Justin told him to stop multiple times and I got silence for a moment before she said, ‘Johnny would never.
He’s a good kid. Stop defending your brother.’
I snapped because I was tired of her nonsense and said, ‘Shut up. Every time I see your kid he is always doing as he pleases and needs to learn manners and what the word no means. Don’t yell at my brother and don’t talk to us until you apologize for yelling at an innocent kid and your son apologizes for being mean to my brother’ and then I hung up.
My mother called and apparently has been getting messages about her two kids being rude so, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an awesome sibling. Some advice for the future, though: If something like this happens again, then you need to tell your parents as soon as possible. Get ahead of the narrative so that they aren’t in ‘I’m too mad at you to listen to your side of the story or take you seriously’ mode when they come home.” Appropriate-Bar-2822
Another User Comments:
“Could you have gone about it a different way? Sure.
However, you knew you were in the right and more importantly, you were protecting your brother which in my opinion you should never apologize for. I’m going to go with both you and the mom were jerks, equally. Her for not really listening to you and calling you a liar, and you for letting your emotions get the best of you a little. It happens!” MidLifeDream
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