People Ask Us To Thoughtfully Review Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pick My Uncle Up For Thanksgiving?
“I have to work until Wednesday night. It’s non-negotiable with my work.
Then I drive about 6 hours to visit my family. Getting there about midnight on Thursday.
My mom and grandma volunteered me to pick up my uncle at an airport that’s two hours in the other direction. So now making my drive 8 hours and he gets in at 3 pm so I’m inconveniencing ‘him’ by waiting for me to get off work.
My uncle chose this airport because it was cheaper to fly into.
Everyone acts like I can just hop over there and pick him up. No worries. I just found this out yesterday even tho he bought these tickets months in advance. Work has been stupid rough recently because we are understaffed and I can’t seem to catch up.
Leaving on time Wednesday was already a hassle and I needed some wriggle room just for me to get things together.
Now my mom and grandma act like I can take my luggage and head to pick my uncle up directly from work because he’ll be waiting on me.
I finally told them ‘Oh, that sucks because I wasn’t actually able to make it to Thanksgiving this year’ after they asked me. I’m working early Friday (I might actually do it now because, hey overtime).
The problem is now my uncle is now stuck 8 hours away from my grandma on Wednesday and he has to rent a car last minute.
He doesn’t have the extra money that’s why he flew into the cheaper airport.
My mom asked if I could still pick him up and maybe meet my cousin (his son) halfway and I said I didn’t know my schedule and halfway is still an 8-hour round trip.
The whole family is mad at me for leaving my uncle abandoned but I feel like it’s not my problem and I never told him to fly into an airport 2 hours in the opposite direction from me and 8 hours from my grandma. This seems like poor planning on his part and no one asked if it was ok with me since I was the closest family member to him.
I’ve now been labeled as ruining everyone’s Thanksgiving because everyone has to make other plans to get my uncle since I’m not bothering to help out or pick him up. Now to the point that I’m not even going to show up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and may I add good for you for saying no.
‘I just found this out yesterday even tho he bought these tickets months in advance’. If you weren’t sure how little they were considering you at least this leaves no doubt.
‘The whole family is mad at me for leaving my uncle abandoned’. The audacity. If they’re so concerned why don’t they all chip in to pay for the car rental? This year, be thankful that you stood up for yourself and maybe now your family will think twice before thinking they can dispose of your time as they want.
‘Now to the point that I’m not even going to show up.’ As a mom that is enraging me. My house is my kids’ house and I am making sure it’s a place where they’ll always feel safe, loved, and welcomed. This is not on you OP.
They’re the ones failing you.” Timely_Proposal_1821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they made their plans without the courtesy of telling you that they had booked you in to pick up the slack of everyone else. Not your monkeys, not your circus. Put you and your wishes first, it sounds like you work really hard.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving as you choose.” TheNinjaPixie
21. AITJ For Not Being Too Happy About My Sister-In-Law's Pregnancy?
“I (F 24), my partner Harry (M 24), SIL Leah (F 27), and her partner Greg (M 27) were hanging out and they announced to us that they were going to try for a baby. This surprised us a lot as they could barely afford food, were skipping paying on bills, lived in a 1-bedroom flat, they’re heavy smokers, and were really bad with money AKA having impulse getaways.
We said we’re excited for them but I couldn’t help but feel nervous about it. They weren’t in the best place but I knew it wasn’t my place to say.
Fast forward 3 months and surprise! I’M PREGNANT! Yes, this was an oops baby but we’re steady, got a house, savings & we were jumping for joy when we found out.
Everyone was so ecstatic when we announced it, but Leah’s first reaction was to complain that Harry always beats her to milestones in life. This really struck a chord with me. To preface, Harry’s family isn’t supportive of him. They only have their mom and throughout Harry’s whole life Leah was clearly the favorite & his mom would gladly say it in front of him with no shame.
She’s the embodiment of ‘the golden child that could do no wrong’. This has left him with insecurities and rejected feelings into adulthood but he struggles to talk to them about it because it never leads anywhere. I have truly never seen a family treat someone they’re supposed to love like this.
Anyways.
Leah being upset we ‘beat her’ put a bad taste in my mouth but I kept quiet as I didn’t want to disturb the peace. This came up a few times over the months but I managed to ignore the digs being made and comfort Harry.
I’m now 39 weeks pregnant. We’ve bought all the baby’s stuff ourselves and are excited to meet her. I’m so proud of what we’ve accomplished. That was until Leah announced she was pregnant a couple of days ago. We immediately congratulated her and bought her a hamper for the first trimester as we knew she couldn’t afford much.
But honestly, in my head, I can’t get over the thought of them bringing a baby into a struggling household and Leah being bitter over us having a baby. They’d only told us last week they couldn’t afford to have the heating on at all because they were already in debt to their gas supplier too.
This is where I feel like a jerk. I’ve had my family strongly warn me that Leah will start asking for financial support & ask for our baby’s furniture once she’s further along. They’re also saying that it was purposeful of Leah to not wait for us to have our baby before announcing hers as this behavior is extremely common for her.
She has really struggled to cope with Harry having any sort of spotlight from their mom and honestly, I agree.
Over the past couple of days, their mom was already back to practically ignoring him. I’m upset Leah didn’t just wait a week.
I’m jaded by the way my partner has been treated over the years. I’m dreading Leah asking for our baby’s first items. But if we don’t help it’s their baby that’s going to suffer. I don’t know how to feel other than guilt and frustration.
Any help is appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as it doesn’t sound like you’ve expressed your feelings to Leah or MIL, which would probably cause lots of drama. You can’t be held responsible for their baby though. If she starts asking for stuff, either you aren’t ready to part with it or you are saving it for any more children you may decide to have down the road.
And no, it can’t be ‘on loan’ because what if you both end up pregnant again at the same time? It stays at your house until you decide otherwise.
Get Harry to see a therapist. You didn’t mention much about his dynamic in the family other than how they treat him, but I suspect he will probably try to do a lot to ‘earn their approval”’ perhaps to the detriment of your little family.
It will also help him to learn some coping mechanisms as your baby grows – I’m sure his mom’s treatment of him might accidentally come off poorly in his own parenting.” TheRealEleanor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under no obligation to provide anything for Leah’s baby.
The thing is that it’s not like you are going to be able to give much to Leah anyway… because your own baby will still be using it ie the cot, the pram. And you might want to keep the things you don’t want wrecked or never returned…
for your next baby.
I would actually consider not announcing the birth of your child to your husband’s family for a few days. Let your husband enjoy learning about his child before he’s disappointed by his family’s reaction to the news… because, let’s face it, they aren’t going to be as ecstatic about your child’s birth like they will be about Leah’s child’s birth.
Sad as that is.” KitchenDismal9258
20. AITJ For Standing Up Against My Friend's Husband?
“My friend (Lisa) and I were both career women until something happened to her kid and she switched to being a stay-at-home mom.
We were family friends growing up as well. During one of these family gatherings, I saw her husband (Bob) just lying on the couch while Lisa was running around managing two young kids (one of whom is special needs).
Meanwhile, my husband and I are taking turns watching our one (‘easy’) toddler.
When my husband was watching our kid, I took a break sitting on a couch next to Bob. I asked if Lisa usually did everything, and Bob said yeah because Lisa doesn’t work. This already annoyed me but I tried to stay out and just small talk.
He then had the nerve to say he wished Lisa didn’t look as haggard and didn’t understand why I still look 18 while she looks 40 (we’re both 33) and how I could manage to be a mom/wife/and have a career.
I was dumbfounded. I turned around and told him, ‘Probably because I only have one kid, without special needs, and I have a husband who is also a parent whereas Lisa is taking care of two kids and a man child?
You realize Lisa and you had the same major and career but she sacrificed her career so you can continue your career and you can’t even give her a break? She probably could do your job better than you but was afraid you wouldn’t be a competent parent so she took on the sacrifice instead of sharing the burden.
At least be thankful instead of trash-talking about her and being a piece of work’.
Bob got super offended and left the party. Lisa said I shouldn’t have said that because now Bob is giving her a hard time. My husband also said I should keep out of other people’s business.
So was I wrong and a jerk to start up trouble?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you’re probably going to want to talk to your friend and maybe apologize to her (not her husband) for letting yourself get heated. The thing is, either your friend doesn’t share your thoughts on her husband’s attitude, in which case she may feel hurt and upset that you made him feel like she does, or (worse, in my opinion) she DOES share your thoughts and may have just found herself being suddenly put on the spot to reassure him that she doesn’t no matter the impact that lies may have on her own well being.
In either case, you’ve put her in a bit of a tough spot by lashing out ‘on her behalf’ but not with her in mind.
Maybe when you talk with her, it would be worth it to take a minute and acknowledge that you have seen her doing her absolute best to navigate everything in her life lately and found yourself offended on her behalf that he would insult her to your face while not being willing to help her shoulder the weight of their shared life together.
Remind her you love her and that you understand sometimes even when you love someone and feel called to defend them, it is better to allow them to take the lead in how that defense is shaped, and you’re sorry that you reacted to his words off hand rather than taking the time to see how she would prefer it be handled.
Maybe by validating that it can feel crummy to have others ‘take over’ for us in ways that end up accidentally adding to our workload rather than reducing it, she’ll hear the important part – you love her and worry that she isn’t getting enough support and care of her own.
In hearing that, maybe the conversation of what kind of care and support would really help her can unfold going forward.” historyandherbs
Another User Comments:
“You were not only sticking up for your friend but also explaining to a self-absorbed idiot why he’s the reason his wife isn’t a hot mama anymore.
Your friend is upset because she knows she’ll have to deal with his dark mood on the way home and at home. And she’s too tired to deal with him. She may also have low confidence due to how her ‘loving’ husband treats her. Day in and day out beats you down.
Help your friend find resources to free up her time so she can work part-time from home. This will give her some independence from her husband and give back some of her confidence.
I knew someone who was a bookkeeper and everything was done online and by email.
Apologize to your friend for making things tougher, that wasn’t your intention. If she didn’t hear the conversation, just say her husband was putting her down and friends stand up for each other. The husband gets no apology. NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
19. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Partner's Family Christmas Party?
“I (27 M) have been with Kate (26 F) for two years.
Kate’s mom Donna as well as the rest of Kate’s family has been very welcoming to me, but in the last year, I’ve grown to be a bit cautious of Donna. Mostly some small tendencies she has, like inviting herself along on trips and date night plans that Kate and I have, and expecting us (me specifically most of the time) to cover her every cost. She comes off a bit controlling too sometimes so I’m not a huge fan of Donna.
Anyway, last Christmas was the first Christmas I spent with Kate’s family. Everyone was nice and I had a good time. At one point Donna’s mom made a comment to everyone in the room that ‘Christmas would be on Dan (me) next year’ and everyone cheered because around that time I had just moved into a pretty spacious loft/apartment and it’s a great spot for hosting big get-togethers.
I just chuckled thinking nothing serious of it. But then a few times throughout this year, she again in a very unserious and joking tone mentioned to other people in my presence that ‘Christmas is on Dan this year!’ No other elaboration, just a declaration.
Each time I just laughed and thought/said nothing about it, and so did Kate.
Well lo and behold, turns out Donna was completely serious and was expecting me to host her family of over 50+ people at my apartment this year, including taking care of food for everyone and lodging for some of the out-of-town guests.
I found out because she texted Kate asking how early she could arrive on Christmas for the ‘party’.
Both Kate and I were completely unaware she was serious and had already invited everyone in the family. I have the space for it, but I am completely unprepared, and my schedule is also fully booked with extra shifts at work and plans to see my family and friends, I wasn’t even planning on going to Kate’s family’s Christmas this year, let alone host it myself!
At no point did anyone sit Kate or me down and ask seriously to host and discuss logistics. Kate is also completely unavailable to host by herself at my place since she is working, and we are both financially strapped to afford food for a party of 50+ people too.
There’s only a few days till Christmas and there’s no way we can plan it now, and also just on principle too I don’t like being back into it this way. Both Kate and I said no, and Donna is pretty upset at us but more so at me.
Kate’s annoyed with the way her mother is acting, but also she’s frankly too busy with her job this week to focus her energy on this (our dog passed last week too so Kate’s been a wreck).
Because I am not hosting it at my place, Donna or the rest of the family don’t have a spot where they can host that many people.
But still, I refuse to cancel my plans and give in to hosting. I do love Kate and am serious about a future with her, am I being a jerk and should I just bite the bullet and figure out a way to host?”
Another User Comments:
“If there is a family chat it would be prudent for Kate to post about the ‘misunderstanding’ on it. You should still change your locks, in the oft chance that Donna has managed to sneak a key. If possible, get a door camera, too. I doubt that Donna will confess her misjudgment to the people who are invited and will make up a ridiculous story about the situation which leaves her as the hero and you and your partner as the villains.
Either that, or she’ll just bring everybody and try to force her way inside.
If you stay and open the door even a bit ‘when, not if they come’, she will stick her paw inside to keep the door open. If you leave, it’s entirely possible that she will break in.
Don’t give in to this pressure, OP, or you’ll be her victim forever. Let her try to have them in her home… er… ‘den’. She apparently was raised by wolves. NTJ” Swedishpunsch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. God to the No! Any communication that comes to you, be VERY CLEAR that you did not authorize anything to be at your home.
You have just learned that silence = consent, so ensure you speak up in the future. I agree. Kate needs to contact her mother and EVERYONE that this was arranged without your consent and it is not happening. I hope she can be trusted to have a backbone cause her mother sounds like she does this all the time and people allow her.
Put an extra deadbolt on your place as well so that only YOU have the key, in addition to cameras.
Also, put a sign on your door that there are security cameras and anyone who enters will be arrested for trespassing. Shut this nonsense down now!” llmcr
18. AITJ For Kissing My Significant Other In Front Of My Younger Cousin?
“I (22 F) have a significant other ‘Sabrina’ (23 F) and this year I brought her to my extended family Christmas dinner to have her meet my Aunt ‘Tracey’, her husband, and her daughter ‘Emma’ (6 F). It’s worth noting that Aunt Tracey was not the happiest when I got with Sabrina.
She is Christian (although I am too). She’s always bringing up the fact that I’m bi as a point that I can still find a man to go out with. Obviously kind of homophobic but I deal with it because she’s family and not too awful about it.
While my mom and aunt were doing last-minute preparations for dinner, me and Sabrina were playing with Emma in the living room. I introduced Emma to Sabrina and told her the truth, that we were together. I was worried at first, but I just said ‘I and Sabrina love each other in the way that your mom and dad do’ and she seemed to get it.
She was in a silly mood and pointed at us and said ‘Then kiss!’ so I started towards Sabrina like I was going to kiss her. Emma exploded into giggles and said ‘STOP!’ so I stopped, and then slowly started to lean forward again.
Emma while screaming with laughter pulled us apart and then said ‘KISS AGAIN’. This went on a few more times and she was howling with little kid laughter the entire time.
In the end, I kissed Sabrina triumphantly while Emma scream-laughed and tried to pry us apart, and at that moment Tracey walked in.
She gasped (you would have thought she saw a ghost) and grabbed Emma immediately.
She then yelled at me and Sabrina for doing that in front of Emma, saying that was so inappropriate. I explained that we told Emma we were in a relationship and that she understood it, but that only made Tracey angrier and she started screaming about how we were exposing Emma to that type of content and she’d probably be traumatized or messed up from this.
I started yelling back, telling her that if Emma gets messed up, it’s because her mom is such a ‘jerk’ (my exact words). At this point, my mom stepped in and told Aunt Tracey to leave. Emma was crying because people were yelling and wouldn’t look at me to say bye.
The next day, I was still super mad, but I started to think that maybe I was somehow in the wrong. My other aunt who lives across the country and couldn’t make it messaged me saying what I did was so wrong and Tracey has been calling her crying.
I felt really bad when I heard this. I didn’t mean to teach Emma about these things, I don’t know if 6 is too early to learn about different relationships or if it should have been a conversation with her mom.
I also think I might be wrong for cursing in front of Emma and escalating the situation by yelling back.
It makes me sad to think about Emma’s teary face as she left the house and that I had something to do with it. My mom wants me to apologize to Tracey just to clear the air, but I refuse to say something until she does.
Am I in the wrong for this? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ whatsoever. You and your SO were innocently playing and culminated with a peck on the lips. It isn’t like you two were undressing each other in front of your cousin. Your aunt’s homophobia is sickening, and I feel bad that your cousin is exposed to a crazy religious bigot.
You did absolutely nothing wrong, your aunt is the jerk here with her overreaction to something innocent. I imagine that your aunt and uncle share pecks on the lips with each other in front of your cousin.” skulloctopus2023
Another User Comments:
“Considering your cousin asking you to kiss she obviously knew enough about relationships to know that this is a common way to show affection in them.
The only issue here is who you are in a relationship with. If what you did would have been with a male partner there wouldn’t have been any issue at all. That’s why you’re NTJ.
If your cousin hadn’t known anything about romantic relationships (independent of gay or straight) or would have been uncomfortable, it would be different.
But because this entire thing is only an issue to your aunt because of the gender of your partner she is the jerk. Maybe ask her if she also kisses her partner in front of their daughter and how this is acceptable but you doing the same with your partner isn’t.
If she is able to give you a legitimate explanation you can still consider apologising. If she can’t (which I expect) she owes you one.” Buecherdrache
17. AITJ For Letting My Stepdaughter Criticize The Food The Host Made?
“I (32 f) have been in a relationship with a widower with a daughter, Nara (12 f), for a year. We currently moved to a new city because of my partner’s job promotion (I freelance) and are in the middle of settling down.
Nara and I get along very well.
Nara plays tennis. Since the move, she’s been on the school team and competed a bit. The parents of her teammates often organize some kind of get-together and her father and I tried our best to have her attend most of them.
I would say Nara got along well with all her teammates and I thought the parents were friendly. Last week the team captain’s parents hosted a potluck party at their place.
Nara and I brought over some brownies. There really was a lot of all kinds of food.
The team captain’s father did most of the greeting telling us his wife was preparing something special for us all. Once everyone was at the party, the wife came out of the kitchen with a special dish, a recipe from a specific country.
Now, Nara looks white but her late mother actually came from that very country.
The wife host began to serve everyone and share her recipe and ingredients and how it was ‘not that difficult to make once you substitute the local ingredients’ and feel free to ask her for tips.
At this point Nara spoke up, saying that the authentic recipes included such and such and how their particular scent and taste added to the whole experience of eating the dish.
She said if so many substitutes were used, they may as well call the dish a different name. The wife host looked a little unsettled and told Nara that she and her husband traveled a lot in their youth and she had the dish many times and knew what it was supposed to taste like and the substituted ingredients worked just fine.
Nara then said her mom was from the dish’s country of origin and she understood that some ingredients were hard to come by but substituting so much turned the dish into something else altogether.
During all this, I mostly kept silent. Nara was not being rude, it was just a matter of fact, and as this was a matter of her heritage I thought she could speak up.
The hostwife spluttered a bit before saying everyone should just go ahead and enjoy her dish, no matter the name. Everyone tried though nobody asked for seconds (I personally thought it was a little bland) and there were a lot of leftovers.
Nara’s team captain later called her, thanking her for putting her ‘annoying stepmom in her place.’ When my partner came back from his business trip and learned of this, however, he thought I should have reprimanded Nara for being rude to the host. He also had a talk with Nara and she seemed to be sulking a bit though she was not grounded or anything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nara is 12 and sharing information about her heritage. Instead of being offended, everyone could have recognized that Nara is 12. The host could have engaged in the conversation with Nara since she is clearly interested in the culture or she wouldn’t have made such a big deal about making a version of the dish, but she chose to be offended instead.
If Nara was not 12, Nara likely would have had a less abrasive way to say it but would have been in the right to say it anyway.” irrelevantanonymous
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nara was extremely rude. This woman opened up her home and spent time and money to prepare this meal. Nara trashed it before she ate it.
Maybe you and Nara don’t realize this but there are different ways to prepare a cultural dish. Not everyone in a particular culture prepares their food the exact same way.
Maybe the dish tastes similar to the way it was prepared when the hostess ate it during her travels.
Your stepdaughter needs to learn graciousness and respect. If I pulled something like this when I was her age, my mom would make me write an apology letter to the mom. Then she would volunteer for our family to host the next team get-together and make me do all of the cooking by myself so I would learn to have respect for people who invite me into their home and prepare a meal for me.
The team captain is also an ungrateful brat. If her stepmom is so annoying, she needs to handle the hosting duties for these gatherings herself.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wasn’t criticizing the overall taste of the food or whether it tasted good or bad.
She was correcting the INFORMATION the host was sharing with the group.
The host was rude to claim knowledge of something she clearly knew very little about. If the host had said ‘This is my spin on it’ then sure, it’d be different. But, she put the info out there as fact and was wrong.
Then, doubled down instead of listening to someone with real, lived experience, wrongfully assuming her travels 20 years ago gave her some sort of claim.
I’m glad that Nara felt confident enough to be able to speak up about her heritage and correct people who don’t have all the info.
I think WHAT she criticized here is the deciding factor. She didn’t criticize the taste of the food. She corrected the name of it.
If you’re serving a dish from another country or culture, that’s great, but it’s a real jerk move to think you know how best to make it or how it should taste over someone else with actual connections (especially if you know you aren’t using the right ingredients, intentionally).
If I were in the host’s position, I would be HAPPY Nara shared that info with me because if the host’s goal is to make this dish, she should welcome input from someone who knows it so well so she can make it as good as possible.
I’d love that kind of input, to be honest.” PalmTree_1000
16. AITJ For Making My Partner Go To Work?
“My partner works part-time for a plant nursery. His shifts are all over the place and are often 5-6 hours a day, Monday-Friday. I work full-time in a salaried position that I have been at for 12 years. Every day I get up and get my daughter to school and then I start working (I work from home).
I wake my partner up when it’s time for him to get ready for work (he usually starts around 10-11 am most days). Every day seems to be a fight to get up with him not wanting to go to work and often asking me for permission to stay home.
When he stays home from work he sits and plays video games all day while I work at my desk. He can be loud and distracting. When he does go to work I drive him and pick him up. He’s constantly making up excuses for why he can’t go in.
I’m shocked he hasn’t been fired yet because he has a tendency to take off a full week and not just a day here and there.
Today I have the day off as I am trying to use up my vacation time before the end of the year.
When I woke him up this morning he got angry with me when I told him he had to go to work because he has only worked 4 hours this week. He said he was sick of having to work all these hours just for his paychecks to go to me and that I just didn’t want him home so I could do whatever I had planned for myself today.
Last month he worked so few hours that he didn’t have enough money to give me the $600 towards rent that he told me he would pay which basically left me to pay all the bills.
For reference, our rent is $2300 + hydro and utilities so when he doesn’t give me that money it is a significant amount that I have to cover on top of my other responsibilities.
If he worked even just his set hours every week he would have money for himself because I only ask for $600 a month.
I’m so tired of having to shoulder all the financial responsibilities as well as making sure he gets to work in the first place.
I’m tired of being yelled at every morning for making him go. I feel like I’m his mother, not his partner. I have told him this several times but he never wants to talk about it and somehow it gets turned around on me for not being supportive of him and that I’m not perfect either.
He constantly brings up that there are things I do or don’t do that he doesn’t like but he doesn’t nag me about them, but he never tells me what those things are.
Am I the jerk here for making him go to work when he doesn’t want to?
Am I just a nag?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You only asking for 600$ a month when rent + utilities + groceries must be near if not well over 3000$ a month. You wake up, take the kid to school, wake him up, take him to work. And you don’t support him?
That’s gaslighting if I ever saw it. What he means is you don’t ‘enable’ him. And I understand nobody’s perfect but if you were like him you’d be both homeless.
If your kid only attended 4 hours of class a week she would fail miserably no matter what grade she’s in.
Putting you in the position of having to ‘make him go to work’ makes him a freeloader and a HUUUUGGGE jerk. He’s not a man he’s a boy and a spoiled one at that.” Ok_Anything_4111
Another User Comments:
“You’re only being a jerk to yourself by entertaining this clown.
No disrespect but I hope he is not the father of your beautiful daughter and what a loser is an understatement. When did men start becoming such boys? Not a good look and when you start playing the mother role, it’s a done deal.
I am speaking from experience and I hope that by the time you have read this, you have the locks changed. Both of you girls deserve so much more or be like me and rock solo. You got this and it will be a relief when he’s gone and every day will feel like a staycation.” melungeon2smart4u
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay At My Partner's Cousin's House Again?
“My partner (55 M) and I (48 F) have been together for 2 years. His family always does a huge Thanksgiving. 3 to 4 days of family time with family coming in from around the country. His family is wonderful and is very happy to welcome my son (8) and me into their traditions.
We agreed since Thanksgiving is their big holiday, we’d spend it with his family out of state and then spend Christmas with my family.
Here is where the problem comes in. He ALWAYS stays at his cousin’s house for the entire weekend. Some family stays at his uncle’s house and some stays at a hotel.
This is my first year joining him out of state and I asked if we could please stay at a hotel as I have social anxiety and I’m allergic to dogs (his cousin has 2). He was not happy and insinuated that I might be a jerk for even asking.
He says he never asks for anything, and that this is the one thing he won’t compromise on.
So, I’m here now at his cousin’s house for night 2. They are very sweet and gracious hosts however, this has been extremely difficult for my anxiety to be tested 24/7.
Also, the dogs are adorable but I can’t breathe even with my inhaler and Allegra. I asked if next year we could PLEASE compromise and stay at a hotel and it started another fight. He says I’m being a jerk for asking him to give up this tradition.
I even said we could take separate cars and I could go home after 1 day and he could stay for the rest of the weekend but he thinks that would be disrespectful of his family because they want to see me and my son. I think giving up my own family Thanksgiving is enough and a hotel would be a good compromise.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, you are in a group of people, you have trouble breathing even while taking medicine and using an inhaler, and nobody asks what is going on? And this is even without the social anxiety… Since it isn’t just him anymore, it is time for him to accept new traditions, you wouldn’t even be the only ones in a hotel.
Guess what would happen if your inhaler doesn’t work at all, the first thing any healthcare provider would scold you for staying at a place with dogs and to get away from them. You may be his partner, but it doesn’t sound like he loves you that much, and think about your son, what would he do if you had to spend the night in a hospital…
Where health is concerned, you take care or #1, He apparently doesn’t care too much.” quast_64
Another User Comments:
“This is ridiculous. It’s not even like you are in your 20s and crashing with family during a visit out of necessity (or tradition). Aside from the allergies and your social anxiety (which definitely make a hotel a must), how is it weird or disrespectful for a couple in their 40s and 50s to stay at a hotel when visiting?
Regardless, you are not comfortable staying overnight there and he should respect that. And if the money isn’t an issue, there is no reason you should have to stay at their house and not a hotel. If he doesn’t want to stay at the hotel with you, then more room for you and your son.
NTJ!” wonderfulpiepants
14. AITJ For Telling My Wife Not To Meddle With Our Friends' Relationship?
“My wife and our friend group go back from all meetings at college over 15 years ago. There is a group of 9 of us that all met, got married and we still make an effort to see each other and talk as often as we can.
It used to be 10 people, but our buddy Luke and his ex-wife divorced about 3 years ago. Now we don’t know this for sure, but we’re fairly certain that Luke’s wife was having an affair, so when we heard they were divorcing, we all cut her off.
Interestingly she didn’t seem to mind all that much but whatever.
Luke went through a very dark period, and I don’t blame him. We all supported him, and thankfully he made it through. About a year and a half ago, he met his current partner, Megan.
Megan is an absolute sweetheart and we all really enjoy her presence and enjoy seeing Luke happy again. Now to the issue.
A couple of weeks ago, I and the guys of the friend group met up as we were all in the same area.
This involved going out and having one too many drinks, and from there we ended up out in the garage drinking more and talking late into the night.
At a certain point, Luke revealed that he still has feelings for his ex, but it isn’t a big deal because he knows the relationship is over.
Now I HATE unfaithful people, I’ve been betrayed, so I point blankly asked him if he would have an affair. He said absolutely not, he knew that chapter was over, but still had some remaining feelings he was working though. It was a good enough answer for me.
So I went to go to the bathroom, and I walked outside to see my wife with her ear to a different door eavesdropping. Her face is white and her eyes are all big. That annoyed me for one. She then drags me inside and says that we need to tell Megan and that it’s our duty as friends.
I told her to mind her own business and let Luke figure this out. If she tells Megan a conversation (who knows if he even remembers it) and she leaves him, it will absolutely break Luke.
She agreed and I thought it was the end of it.
The next day, she said she had thought about it more and would be telling Megan if I didn’t do anything. We again had a conversation about it, and it turned into a large argument. I again told her she needed to mind her own business.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is. There is no significant revealed risk that Luke will have an affair. No preemptive warning is ethically required. Indeed, Luke’s resolve to work through his feelings demonstrates a healthy mental attitude and bodes well for his new relationship.
Your wife acquired the information unethically. She deliberately eavesdropped on a conversation that was not meant for her and learned about an individual’s inner emotions and struggles. She’s not in any way doing the right thing. Her belief that Luke might have an affair is speculative at best and actually appears unfounded. This makes her a malicious busybody acting in bad faith, likely to satisfy some petty need for drama and to use the power that having possession of someone else’s secret gives her.
I recommend responding to her ultimatum with one of your own which carefully lays out the consequences of her ill-advised course of action.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. WHAT?! Even in bad breakups there’s gonna be memories of good times. There’s a reason he married her and, unless she was hit in the head or something such that her personality changed, it’s likely that many of the reasons he married her still exist. There’s a world of difference between fond memories and sleeping around.
I suggest you approach YOUR wife for an explanation of why she can’t see the difference. What has she experienced that tells her that fond memories indicate imminently sleeping around such that she needs to try to end that relationship before it implodes.” rlrlrlrlrlr
13. AITJ For Refusing To Move To The Back During A Concert?
“I (6’2, 85kg, 48 m) and my (4’11, 38 f) wife went to see Blur yesterday in Buenos Aires.
She is a huge fan of Graham Coxon so we managed to get a spot at 2 or 3 persons from the rail on the left side of the stage. I am standing right behind her with my hands on her shoulders most of the time.
After a while, 2 ladies arrive, I’d say maximum late-40s, and I can sense that one of them, significantly taller than my wife, is actually trying to sneak her way in front of me.
By that, I mean placing her feet (or trying to) in front of mine, her arm/shoulder in front of mine, etc… It’s all very subtle but that’s what I think she’s doing.
There starts the passive-aggressive game between us. Every little move she makes, I counter with a little move to block her.
There are still 2 concerts before Blur on that stage, so the moves become less and less subtle until Becks starts.
There she was blatantly pushing me and I, and that’s where I could be the jerk, was actually pushing back, forcing myself in front of her so she wouldn’t have an option to sneak in front of us.
Oh did she get mad… A man behind me told me to be careful with a woman, I was annoyed so I just replied in English that if she was not harassing, elbowing, or kicking me, she would be fine. Another man (maybe with her at the concert, not sure), told me she was not in a very comfortable place, and I should also calm down, I replied the same and even pointed her to move to the other side of me where there actually was a little space, and obviously a better point of view but she replied madly that I should move there and she could be my mom (lol, are you 70?!
I asked her, me all in English and her all in Spanish).
It got to the point she tried to involve security who was first asking me to go to the back to talk it out. My wife (Argentinian), who was first getting mad at me for all the pushing, had realized by then what was going on, talked to the security guy, and after a just literally 15-second ‘intervention’ he just went back to his job, and nobody ever told me anything anymore, because they could all witness what had happened. My wife asked me to move slightly to the side, which I did, Beck went off stage and Pet Shop Boy started on the twin stage next to the left side so no problem anymore as I was not blocking her view anymore.
I never saw her during Blur, probably because oh God, it gets really pushy, and probably she didn’t like it…
Now my wife still thinks I’m a jerk for reacting like that to a woman, that I could have gotten us kicked out of the front, and I have to accept that other people have a right to exist too.
To which I replied that I too have a right to exist, and if we arrive early enough to take a good spot, on top of it, of her choice, we are entitled to keep it and not let everybody in front of us just because ‘they have a right to exist’.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were there first and she started it. You shouldn’t have to give up the spot that you waited for regardless of your height. Plus it’s not like you were blocking from seeing the entire stage. Your hands were on your wife.
I don’t know how rough you were though. You might not have known your own strength. I wouldn’t worry about it. Your wife will forget about it just don’t bring it up with her again.” SpaceBowie2008
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like you were hitting her or anything.
Concerts are always a lot of pushing and shoving and why should you have to give up your spot for her when you were there first?
Honestly, I’m average height (f) and I had to deal with some girl pushing in front of me at a concert and thankfully some stranger (also f) stood up for me and pushed her away.
So yeah NTJ, she’s the jerk.
If you don’t stand up for yourself, that is what encourages these people to repeat their behavior (which can be said for basically any entitled person in a public space, highly encourage standing up for yourself over suffering in silence when you can).” tsundokufairy
12. WIBTJ If I Contact A Lawyer And Inform The County About My Neighbor's Fence?
“I (35 M) bought my home 5 years ago. When I initially bought the property the back fence was rotting, allowing me to see into the backyard of my back-door neighbor. I wanted to put in a new fence because the fence that was on the neighbor’s side was a 4ft chain link fence and I no longer wanted to see them due to prior incidents.
The incidents: I own three dogs, they are all big (80-90 lbs) and one of them can leap really high. I was afraid that any one of them could jump over to the neighbor’s yard and harm one of their dogs (they have two, one big one and a little terrier one).
There is also the fact that all the dogs are extremely reactive to each other (barking, growling, high-tails), a behavior I do not want to enforce but the neighbor thinks is ‘cute’.
I have had four separate incidents with this neighbor because of the dogs.
so I decided to put up a new fence. The one I chose was metal so neither myself nor the dogs could see the neighbor.
The problem started when I put down the posts – the neighbor claimed I was building on her property and started a scene.
After reviewing with the contractor, it turned out she was right. That part of the property was part of an alleyway. So without complaint, I moved the posts and built the fence.
When I finished building, she decided to put in a new fence and she used MY fence posts to make the new fence.
Now my yard is 4 ft smaller and hers 4 ft bigger.
The most recent incident happened today. Her dogs dug a hole under the fence, but they couldn’t make it to my side. I paved my yard. One of my dogs tried to dig back and sliced his paw on the fence by getting stuck between the concrete and the fence and the neighbor’s dog messed up their snout and paws by trying to dig into the pavement and trying to sniff at my dog from the bottom of the fence.
Something that she is complaining that I should pay for. If you hadn’t used my fence posts this wouldn’t be an issue, I’m not paying for the dog, I already had to pay my own vet bills because of this whole thing. I have had enough and am planning to get legal. I am going to contact a lawyer and see what I can do as well as the county.
Would I be the jerk if I contacted a lawyer and informed the county about the fence?
I believe I could be due to something a coworker said. I would be starting a neighbor war and I am only acting out because I’m angry and that would be petty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, before you get the authorities involved, I think it’s always worth a conversation first, ideally a witnessed one, just explain to her that in both the interest of animal safety and public access to the alley (assuming that’s what it’s meant to be).
You need her to not connect to your fence posts and move her fence back to her property line. That way you’ve given her the option to do it of her own accord and if she doesn’t then you warned her before the authorities got involved.” DigitalVamp
Another User Comments:
“I would call the county or city and mention the encroachment. If that doesn’t work, call the public utility company that uses that alley and provide a picture of her encroachment. I would contact an attorney as a last resort.
In the meantime, put up an electrical fence in front of your back fence.
You can buy a solar-powered fence kit for $300 on Amazon. Your dogs won’t get electrocuted but they will feel a sharp electric shock. It’s a little stronger than when you walk across carpeting and shock someone. I’ve had to use an electrical fence to contain my dogs.
Long story short I couldn’t just replace my fence. I had to replace my leaning retaining walls and there was a 3 month wait to get this done first.” Crazydogfostermom
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids See Their Dad On His Scheduled Day?
“I (36 F) was married for 13 years to my ex-husband (37 M) and we have two kids (8 F and 4 F).
My ex-husband does not drive and lives 90 minutes away.
The school called Friday afternoon for me to collect my youngest due to a fever. I asked my mother to pick her up. My mother texted to let me know youngest is quite sick (nasty junky cough, inflamed sore throat, and crying) and probably needs a throat swab.
I left work early, and I called around to find an urgent care for her to be seen on a Friday afternoon.
On the way, I call my ex-husband to let him know what’s going on (the divorce agreement requires me to let him know if the kids are sick enough that I bring them to a doctor).
They are supposed to go to his house for his parent time on Saturday. As expected, my ex-husband is on the fence about taking them for his overnight leaning toward not taking them. He’s leaving the decision in my/the kid’s court.
We get through the urgent care visit and get a prescription for the 4-year-old so I go back to my mother’s house to collect the 8-year-old.
I expressed disgust and frustration at the situation, telling my mother ‘And of course, he doesn’t want to take them.’
My mother thinks I am the jerk… she believes that it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want to take them when they’re sick, and that our divorce agreement says he has to, so I should just bring them over (90-minute ride each way) and drop them off and MAKE him.
She believes it doesn’t matter what the 4-year-old wants and that’s how a court will see it.
On the one hand… yes, it’s totally his job to take the kids even if they’re sick. It’s just one overnight and I’ve already done the hard part of getting her to a doctor and getting the prescription.
Should he man up and do this? 100%
But realistically speaking… the kids will be agitated, upset, and afraid the entire time, especially the 4-year-old. The 4-year-old doesn’t want to go. He will tell them (as he has already told them before) that he can’t take care of them.
He has already told the 8-year-old that if she gets too sick at his house he would need to call an ambulance and she’d need to go to the hospital alone until I can drive over there. Whether or not that’s true is beside the point, in my opinion.
The fact that the 4-year-old is unlikely to be sick enough to need medical services (especially now armed with a prescription) is beside the point. I don’t think it’s fair to abandon them at his house and tell him to man up and figure it out because he’s not the one who will man up and figure it out… it’s the kids who will suffer.
My ex-husband is willing to document whatever decision I make on this. If I tell him the 4-year-old doesn’t want to go, he’ll put it in writing.
WIBTJ if I keep the kids home from their visitation, knowing that this is something my ex-husband can and should handle but won’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is literally no argument here. He said he would let you keep them home, and he doesn’t drive and doesn’t want to care for them. Your children do not want to go when they are SICK WITH LIKELY STREP THROAT AND ARE IN PAIN AND JUST WANT TO STAY HOME TO RECOVER.
You don’t want to abandon them (in your own words) to someone who has threatened to send them alone in an ambulance to the hospital (he is definitely a jerk for THAT! What would he do if you were hospitalized and the kids were sick alone?
Abandon them in an ambulance to stay alone at the hospital? For a cold or flu?!).
Your mother has no part in this, keep her out of it. It’s not her business to yap her nosy jaw at what you have agreed on about YOUR children.
Does she want to stay at his house and care for the kids, while he barricades himself in his room? Keep her out of the visitation situation, it’s literally none of her business.” proud_didi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day, no matter how the language is flowered (co-parenting), you seem to have a visiting dad and not a parent.
He’s 90 minutes away, doesn’t drive, and isn’t in his kids’ daily lives.
The truth of the matter is, your home is your kids’ home. And when a kid is sick, they don’t want to be ‘visiting’ anyone.
Your mom is the jerk and is not regarding the kids’ needs, and instead is bickering about the ‘unfairness of it all’.
I get her point in theory, but disregarding a sick kid just to make him ‘Dad up’ isn’t going to make Saturday Dad any more of a dad than he wants to be. Which doesn’t seem like much to begin with. You’ve said ‘man up’ at least three times.
It’s not a man-up thing, it’s a parent-up thing. And he clearly doesn’t have that gene. I’m sorry.” Spare-Article-396
10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister After She Blew Me Off For Her Roommate?
“I’m a professional singer trying to make a living in LA and got a big audition that was last Tuesday. My day job is at a locally owned small business after-school program for elementary kids.
My sister has worked there before and covered other people’s shifts.
I asked her about a month in advance if she could cover my shift for that day, and she said yes. I checked in every week to make sure nothing had come up, and she was golden up until 45 minutes before the shift was supposed to start.
At 11:15-ish (shift starts at 12) she texts me a series of confusing texts kinda dancing around the fact that she’s not going to be able to make it. Her reasoning? Her roommate/friend who pays everything for her (doesn’t charge her rent, lets her use his credit card for anything, and bought her a car) had car issues about an hour away and was demanding that my sister forget the shift and come help him.
So instead of calling a tow truck, AAA, or literally anything else, he texts my boss and says verbatim ‘I’m her first priority. She has to drop everything she’s doing to get down here.’
I tried calling her to see what was going on, and why this was happening but she stopped answering my texts and calls after she told me to ignore any calls from my boss.
She’s apparently trying to say now that she didn’t have a choice and had to do it because no one else could pick up her kid besides him while she was covering my shift? I had to call nonsense because even if she had to be late after getting him, that would’ve been better than calling out of an entire 8-hour shift.
So… AITJ for telling her I need a break to heal? And that I deserve an apology?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset, but seriously your sister’s situation is more than a little concerning. The timing is sus, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the ‘roommate’ made up the car issue.
Texting her boss a message like that is legitimately scary too. Wanting an apology for making you miss an important audition is valid. Being upset that you have/will not get one is valid.
I’d be really wary of cutting your sister out of your life though.
It sounds like she’s pretty isolated already and in a deeply controlling living situation. Be mad by all means, take a day or two to be mad, then text her again and make up. She needs people to trust her even more than you needed that audition.” Subject_Surprise8244
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not recognizing that your sister is in a dangerous situation and caring more about an audition. If the audition was so important then why didn’t you ask your boss for the time off when you had such an advanced notice?
You would rather isolate your sister further than tell her she needs a healthier relationship. This guy is very clearly not just a roommate. No one just pays rent, living, and entertainment expenses for an unrelated person if they’re not getting something out of it.
Your sister needs a job so she can financially liberate herself from her sugar daddy. The fact that he messaged your boss is a red flag I am absolutely baffled you missed.” PrincessBubblebath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have every right to be upset when you went to the effort of asking your sister and regularly checking in with her.
I can also imagine the preparation you’ve put into being ready for your audition and the nerves around that too feeling put to waste. But please, please check in with your sister because her situation with the ‘roommate’ is not right.
I’ve never had a roommate cover all my bills and buy new a car and I doubt anyone else here has either.
The texts from her dancing around the situation show that she was most likely scared because she didn’t want to let you down, yet aware of the consequences if she didn’t go to him.
Your feelings of being let down are valid, as someone else has suggested, take a day or two then speak to her.
I hope your sister can be safe and your relationship repaired.” NaturalAirWaterFire
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell My Mother-In-Law How Much I Earn?
“My husband and I have been together 17 years, up until the last couple of years I’ve had a reasonably good relationship with his mother.
By this I mean we get along but she is not that involved in my children’s lives or the day-to-day life that we live.
Has refused to help with childcare so many times we stopped asking years ago. My husband and I work full-time. Expecting baby #4 and we fund our own lives. No help from her, etc. before those say if she offers support, she does NOTHING in regard to help us.
In the last two years, I got a really good job which meant we bought a new house, a new car, and had a baby, but she’s changed in her attitude. Personally, I think she’s jealous. However, has an OBSESSION with asking how much we earn…
Now, my husband is earning a decent wage however I do earn a significant amount more in my role. I refuse to share this information and I have told my husband this is none of her business and I am not comfortable sharing that with her (she is a gossip) but also she has no reason to need to know that information.
During my maternity leave, she wanted to know how much I would be getting from my place of work. I again told her I was not willing to share that information with her. Directly to her face. She lost her temper left and texted my husband telling him I was rude to her and that she doesn’t feel comfortable around me anymore.
AITJ?
I really don’t feel that I am, it is coming across as stubborn. But I don’t see why I have to explain my income or outgoing to someone who has NO say in my life.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Funny how she wasn’t interested when you were down on your luck but now that you’ve reached a much better financial situation suddenly she’s interested and wants to know?
It makes me wonder if she’ll be looking for a handout next…
You need to sit down with your husband and be in agreement as to what she does and doesn’t need to know because it’s also NOBODY else’s business if you think she’ll tell the whole town.
Good luck OP. This is always a tricky situation but you need to send her a clear message that you won’t discuss finances with her.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and probably you are right OP, she is jealous or she wants something big and tries to get your information so when you two say no, she could come back with something along the lines of how much you have.
On the other hand, you should talk to your husband about MIL being a gossip and knowing sensitive information about you. There are plenty of videos on the internet about robberies or worse. You should NEVER IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE AWAY THAT KIND OF INFORMATION.” SimiVifor
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Mom To Stay With Us?
“My partner’s father just died very suddenly. He’s been very sick with various cancers for a while, and from time to time the topic has come up between us about what will happen to his mom once his dad is gone.
I’ve been very firm in the stance that I have no interest in living with a grown adult who is more than capable of looking after herself.
Here’s why; My partner and I have been together for five years. In five years I met his parents once despite the fact they live only two hours away.
This is because his parents are substance addicts and drinking addicts, and his dad was a previous dealer. They lost custody of my partner in his teen years when another family member stepped in to fight for full-time custody. My partner was being neglected and mistreated.
His mom had left and divorced his dad when my partner was a young child. She lived with family, sort of got her life together, got a diploma and a job. She ended up quitting work, taking all her kids, and heading back to my partner’s dad and they’ve been together since.
She was never really a true parent and neither was dad. They rarely called, if ever, and would even forget birthdays. Despite many attempts, they always had an excuse why they couldn’t visit for the holidays, which really disappointed my partner. They’re terrible parents truly.
The one time I ever met them was something I don’t even have words for. Their house was so disgusting, so dirty, and filled with hoarded items that we had to sit outside on a picnic table while mom smoked and chatted. I had to use the washroom and it was, least to say, traumatizing.
The entire floor was covered with items and dirt. The shower was filled with clothing like a laundry hamper. The toilet was covered in feces, the sinks were filled with crap. I have honestly never seen a home so disgusting in my life. Everything my partner tells me about them, the lack of relationship with their entire family has left a really bad taste in my mouth.
I have zero interest in building a relationship with his mom.
Now Dad has died suddenly. My partner wants his mom to come stay with us. He expects my teenager to clean up his room and give it up for an undetermined amount of time, a minimum of a week, past Christmas, so that his mom can use the room.
I don’t know this lady at all. She’s a stranger to me. She abandoned her child for a certain lifestyle so I don’t really feel like I owe her anything, let alone staying weeks in my home. I know nothing about her.
I know she’s had a rough life so I have empathy for her, but I too understand what it’s like to rise above adversity, something she’s chosen not to do despite all the help that’s been offered to her.
My partner is now upset with me because I’m upset this stranger is supposed to come stay here, during my first 2 weeks off in an entire year, during the Christmas holidays.
I just don’t see why we need to look after her when she couldn’t even look after my partner. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t let her get her foot in the door- she’ll never leave and you’ll be stuck dealing with her dysfunctional lifestyle.
Not to mention your teenager deserves stability and not to have their entire life uprooted. You aren’t even married to this guy and he’s expecting you to help take care of his mother indefinitely (who you don’t even know) and mess up your child’s life at the same time.
Stand firm and say absolutely not! If he isn’t willing to see reason then I would rethink the entire relationship. Put your child first and get out of there if he refuses or his mother shows up without your agreement.” MainEgg320
Another User Comments:
“I would not allow someone with this history to share a home with my minor child, to be honest.
To begin with, her hoarded possessions would very likely be infested with vermin of various sorts, which would infest my home, even after she left.
Second, her level of uncleanliness likely results from behaviors and habits she would be engaging in, within my home, which would make it difficult if not impossible to keep my home in a hygienic state.
It sounds unlikely, for example, that she would clean feces off of a toilet she used. That means you’d have to do it. Or your teenager would have to do it. Would you be ok with that? I would not.
Last but not least, is she still addicted to illegal substances?
If she is, or if there is even a shadow of a thought that she is, I think it would be really irresponsible for you to allow her to share a home with your teenage child. Just the presence of illegal materials, the legal risk to you if you know you have those materials in your home, the risk your child might develop the idea that it’s ok to use illegal stuff because grandma does it, your child’s possible access to illegal substances.
The risk of your child being removed from your home by child protective services because of the presence of a substance user in his home.
Allowing someone to move into your home can make it difficult to force them to move out again if they become a problem.
Even if they don’t pay any rent. You could just get yourself into a very sticky situation here. My overriding idea here is I would have to protect the safety and hygiene of my child’s home.” Reasonable-Sale8611
7. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Spending Christmas With His Friends?
“My partner had told me previously when I asked him a week or so ago that he would be staying in town for Christmas because he needed to stay and take care of the office (for his job.) Knowing this, I had invited him asking if he wanted to join my family’s Christmas.
He said no, that he was okay with not doing anything. So we had made plans to see each other every day this weekend and we would see each other on Christmas and exchange gifts after I was done with my family’s Christmas. Let’s call my partner Chris.
Chris has been insanely busy this entire week (partly due to work but he’s also just been hanging out with his coworkers every night) and I was getting upset. I told him I felt he prioritized his coworkers over me and hanging with his friends because he did not make any time to see me when he got off work all week.
To apologize for this, he told me he would take me to get my nails done as a Christmas present on Christmas Eve. Well, this all fell threw when he decided to just randomly drop mid-conversation that he was going to Dallas with his friends for Christmas on Friday.
My initial reaction was, ‘What?!, what about our plans?’ I told him I was kind of upset he made those plans without considering me or the fact he had already committed to spending time with me just to ditch me for his friends/coworkers once again.
He told me I was being selfish for not being happy for him that he was going to get to celebrate Christmas with his coworker’s family, and that he never gets to celebrate Christmas since his family is from Southeast Asia and they don’t celebrate Christmas.
But, I had already offered for him to participate in my family’s Christmas and he said no. So he’s all of a sudden wanting to celebrate Christmas, just only when it’s with his friends?
I was able to calm down and be fine with it but it really hit me today and my Christmas has honestly been ruined. I feel like he prioritizes his friends over me and feels like a second choice.
He also has been snapping me all day pics of him and his friends just hanging out. I can’t help but think, he could have been spending Christmas with me, his partner, but he didn’t want to. he was supposed to come home tonight, and he said he would be able to see me once he got home.
I told him if he didn’t make it back here before 12, I wouldn’t be able to see him because I didn’t want to drive that late.
Well, it’s 12:30 and he just made it home like 10 minutes ago. I honestly broke down and told him he ruined my entire Christmas because the entire day had felt sad and unwanted and this was just the cherry on top.
Am I being too sensitive? Am I making him feel guilty for hanging with his friends?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but telling him he ruined your Christmas is the least of your problems. If this guy prioritizes time with a random coworker’s family over you, he just told you he doesn’t care about you at all.
More likely, he’s in a relationship with a coworker.
Either way, have some self-respect and dump this guy. You think he’s your partner and care about spending time with him. He doesn’t care about spending time with you and doesn’t see you as his partner.
Get rid of him now.” Valiantrabbit49
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If during the entire week preceding the holidays, he did not find one evening for you, but spent all this time either at work or with people from work and decided to spend Christmas practically in the same way it is his choice and his priorities are clear.
It’s unbelievable that he expected you to enjoy it. I think this relationship doesn’t make much sense. You will find someone for whom you are important enough to spend such an important celebration with you.” Key-Flatworm1578
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Christmas At My Partner's Parents' House?
“I (f/35) and my partner (m/37) have been together for 5 years.
Every Christmas we visit his family out of town. We currently spend two nights/three days at their house. My MIL’s birthday falls right around Christmas, so the first day we do her birthday dinner, the next day Christmas, last day we leave around noon.
Their house is filthy. I don’t mean a bit of dust and clutter – I’m talking about years of grime and dirt that has built up. Layers of dust everywhere. Every surface in the house, from countertops in the kitchen to light switches, walls, and floors – all of it is filthy.
For the record, I’m not a germaphobe or a clean freak. Cobwebs everywhere, detritus on the floors that never get vacuumed. Don’t get me started on the bathroom. It’s revolting. I was so disgusted last year that at night when everyone had gone to bed, I asked my partner to get me some cleaning spray and I cleaned the toilet and the sink myself, just so that I could feel somewhat comfortable brushing my teeth and using the toilet.
The bedroom we sleep in has the carcasses of dead bugs and dust bunnies all along the baseboards. I feel repulsed eating food there as I know it is being prepared in an unclean kitchen. Ironically, I won’t shower there, because the shower is so gross.
I just give myself a good scrub at my house before we leave and make sure to pack my deodorant.
I have brought this up to my partner before. The first couple of years we were together, we would be there for four days/three nights until I said ‘No’.
He compromised so now we are on the current three-day/two-night plan.
This year I found myself completely fed up with this situation.
On the drive home, I brought it up again. I offered to rent a car for next year (we have one vehicle) and I would drive up Christmas morning and then home after Christmas dinner.
I would miss my MIL’s birthday dinner the day before, which isn’t anything special (just a cake, my partner doesn’t get her a gift). I also offered to host them at our house instead on Christmas. I told him that his expectation that I should put up with this was unreasonable and unfair.
He got very upset and we argued with no resolution on this matter. He thinks I should make this sacrifice for his sake and that I’m being a ‘princess’. He said he accommodates my family and I should do the same for his. He also said that this would make things awkward for him if he had to explain why I’m no longer spending multiple days there.
I understand that sacrifices have to be made in relationships. But AITJ for telling my partner that he is asking me to sacrifice too much by expecting me to spend multiple days in a disgusting, unclean house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO has been raised in filth and does not see it as an issue.
You should have stood up about this way sooner than five years in. I am assuming you do most of the cleaning in your home? Do you realize he has normalized this? Just refuse to go. Period. There is no reason you should have to stay/eat in such an uncomfortable situation.
Realize that there may be consequences though, but you have to pick your battles. Is this worth it? For many… it would be, for others… not so much.” Odd-End-1405
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner should not be asking this of you. A compromise you might consider would be a hotel when you visit them.
This is something my husband and I started doing as his mom is a hoarder and I finally had enough of staying in a dirty, crowded house. And because we went to the hotel together, there was no need for an explanation. If she asked for one the answer would’ve been that we like our space and don’t like putting her out (since she usually would sleep on the couch so we could have the only bed for ourselves and our kids).
But your in-laws’ house is a biohazard And you can get sick from any one of the things you’ve described. Stand your ground and refuse to stay or eat there.” Weird-Jellyfish-5053
5. AITJ For Calling Out My Partner's Mom's Hypocrisy On Social Media?
“I (F 30) have been with Andy (30 M) for 6 years now. I realized soon that he had some childhood trauma, and we worked a lot on navigating this. He is in a much better place today. His mom and her now ex-husband had a very tumultuous marriage, it escalated to physicalities and a gambling addiction on her part.
She rarely cooked, cleaned, or cared for her children beyond their most basic needs.
When the kids were 6 M, 10 F, and 12 M, she left them all with only one letter behind, stating that she wanted to focus more on her happiness, and hoped they’d understand.
She also left a big debt (due to her gambling), and the men she borrowed money from, were the type of people that would take your organs if you did not pay.
The father was now alone and frustrated. Needless to say, his frustration manifested for a long time in horrible ways.
He still managed to pay the debt, and keep the kids alive, fed, and in school. He later found himself a great lady, that straightened him up. He was now normal, and the kids became adults and left the nest.
The ‘mother’ divorced the dad, never paid any child support, and left the country 18 years ago.
When she calls them, she only complains about her medical issues and how hard life is for her. She briefly asks about her kids’ lives, but then goes back to complaining.
The kids hate talking with her, my Andy only answers her call once per year.
At the same time, she infested social media with posts about how lucky she is to be a mother, how her kids are her life, and keeping she navigating life.
After being introduced to her via video chat, she asked for my number and kept asking me about her children’s lives through messages.
I told her that if she is the amazing mother that she claims to be on social media, she would not need me to inform her about her kids, she would already know everything. But she doesn’t, because she abandoned them, and was never there for them when they had their celebrations, traumas, or when they were in the hospital (the daughter was about to leave this world if it weren’t for the great stepmom who saw her collapsing and rushed her to ER, discovering a life-threatening condition they were not aware of).
I told her that all she does is complain to them, that the kids see her as nothing more than an acquaintance, and that I’m sick of being the one who gets interrogated about their whereabouts. If she wants, she can call her kids herself.
She started crying and told me that if this was the case, she would never bother me again.
Still, sometimes I wonder if I am the jerk for being so harsh. Was I projecting? Was it too much?
I understand that being in an abusive relationship is not ok, and a divorce was necessary, but what triggered me was the fact that she left the kids in a dangerous environment, with an unstable man, collectors knocking at their door, paid nothing for her children, but still dared to call herself a mother and BSing on social media.
Was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, 100% NTJ. You set a clear boundary that you will not allow her to manipulate you so of course she then tried to manipulate you with tears. Even if those tears were real, you didn’t say anything that wasn’t true and if it makes her think about her life choices then all the better.
Don’t give her a single inch unless you see real change out of her. If not, hold the line! Well done to you for defending yourself, your fiancée and his siblings.” xristovna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Men are not often one to talk about their feelings.
However, what you did was stand up for your husband and all his brothers and sisters. These social media parents are a joke. You are in no way shape or form in the wrong for saying what you said. Screw her feelings. They don’t matter because her children’s feelings never matter to her.
That’s why she was able to leave the country and leave them behind.” dreadfullytruthful
4. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Half Of Our Family Vacation Expenses?
“I’m the only one in my family who went to college, I have a successful career and earn good money. This has now caused issues for me though.
My parents and siblings all work, but they remain in the poverty line and earn a maximum of $40k per year.
My parents have decided they want us to all go on a family holiday, my siblings can’t afford it because they have kids, and their spouses/partners earn between $40k -$70k a year too. My parents will be paying for themselves but can’t afford to pay for my siblings, they’re trying to get this holiday booked with the expectation I’ll pay for their half.
The reason they’re booking it now is the holiday is in summer but it’s a good deal because of January sales.
If I pay for myself and my siblings it means I’m paying 50% of the holiday costs. Whilst I have no problem paying, I don’t see why I should; therefore, I’m not paying for my siblings to go.
My parents are saying I’m selfish because I don’t have a family and my siblings need a break. Indeed, I don’t have a family and I’m single and childless, but I don’t consider myself selfish.
My siblings are the type of siblings who want to keep up with the latest trends even though they can’t afford it.
For instance, they want the latest iPhone for their kids. My siblings asked me to pay for the latest iPhone for each child (I have eight nieces and nephews in total) and I bought older iPhones (iPhone 7 and previous) that are all in good condition.
I’ve also bought my parents and siblings second-hand phones even though I don’t need to, they’ve said I’m selfish as it isn’t the latest one either.
Was I the jerk for not paying half on the family holiday? My family has all blocked me on social media, they’re refusing to speak to me.
I’ve been trying to reach out to them via text to get the side as to why they’re upset but they refuse to respond.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said it yourself, it was your parents who decided to organize this vacation despite knowing how pretty much everyone wouldn’t be able to afford it.
Paying their half is good, but they cannot seriously expect you to just pay for everything else because you just so happen to be well off when it comes to your salary. Even more so since, again, THEY decided to make this vacation happen.
The fact they blocked you over it sounds like to me you are nothing more but their piggy bank to them.
Never once have you mentioned the will to pay for their vacation, and so they shouldn’t have expected this from you, period. I mean, the mere fact they are trying to paint you as the bad guy for refusing is extremely telling of their nature.
Sounds like to me you should go on vacation alone.” indiscreve
Another User Comments:
“It’s easy to see why they’re upset. The parents told you about the vacation and said you would pay and now they’re not getting a free vacation. If you can’t afford to go on a vacation then you don’t go.
If your parents are all hot and bothered about a vacation. Tell them a long weekend to a close destination there you go. And your family expects you to drop over $8,000 on iPhones for kids. If you can’t afford it you can’t get it.
You decided to have a lifestyle you want well then it’s their problem that yours.
And now they’re trying to bully you and manipulate you by cutting you off. You want them to call you and not block you go to any phone store take a picture of the latest iPhone and post oh look I would love to get this but since I’m blocked I can’t call my family and ask about it.
And then put a laughing emoji on the post. And let them M Beg again.
I love it how people get mad when you don’t spend your money on them. NTJ. Do parents want the family vacation so bad? Tell them to pay for everyone.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Letting My Son Eat My Stepdaughter's Friends' Food?
“I have been married to my wife for 5 months, living together for almost a year before marriage. My stepdaughter Ann (16 f) used to split time between her parents but is currently with us full-time as her father will be overseas until August. I also have a son, Leo (17 m), who lives mostly with my ex-wife and with me on weekends.
The kids go to different schools and have a decent relationship.
My wife and Ann are great cooks. My wife’s parents came from another country and she and Ann regularly make exotic dishes from their homeland which are delicious. Both my son and I appreciate the dishes though we still have problems learning what is what.
A few days ago Leo stopped by for something he left. Nobody was home so he let himself in. Leo said there was a big pot of stew on the stove and it smelled delicious and he asked if he could have some. My wife or Ann often made a huge batch of food when they cooked, so it was nothing surprising.
I told Leo to go ahead and just leave some for us. Now Leo is a wrestler and he eats a lot. A while later he sent me a photo, showing me how much stew was left in the pot. I could tell there were at least 5 servings left, so I thought nothing of it.
An hour later Ann called me, upset. She asked if I had eaten the stew she made. It was a special recipe from her grandma and she invited her friends over to try it. She said the stew was supposed to feed 9 people and she invited 6 friends but someone obviously had eaten almost half of her stew.
I told her it was Leo and apologized, telling her she could order pizza for her friends and I would pay for it. Ann said it was poor compensation for her friends looking forward to her stew which she spent hours preparing but she did take my offer.
When I later apologized and had Leo call to apologize himself, she said she accepted our apologies though she has been rather quiet around me.
My wife later told me I should not just allow Leo to eat whatever he wants in our kitchen as sometimes she and Ann have plans for their dishes.
I think it’s completely ridiculous that Leo is not allowed to eat things from his own father’s kitchen and if my wife or Ann has a special plan for their food, they should put a note on it, otherwise, things in the kitchen should be up for grabs as the kitchen is a communal space for food and I pay for most of the groceries.
I think if Leo is not allowed to have the food then it’s like he’s not part of the family. I am willing to talk to him about portion control but other than that I think he should be able to eat what he wants in the kitchen unless there’s a note saying not to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were doing so well… right up until you said that your son should be able to eat whatever he wants in your kitchen. If someone has made food, you ask the person who made it if you can have some.
If you can’t take the time to do that, or can’t get in touch with them, make something else for yourself.
There were likely a million other things your son could have eaten and it is completely unreasonable for you to just let him eat things that other people in your household cooked.
Think about this… what if it had been a cake, and the cake was for her friend’s birthday? Would you just let your son eat it because it’s there and he wanted some? And would it be reasonable for him to eat half the cake as long as he left you each a slice?
From now on, think of anything that’s prepared as if it is a birthday cake. If you don’t have permission, don’t touch stuff that isn’t yours.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your wife is right. If you know it’s leftovers let him eat leftovers.
No, she cannot just order pizza, she was planning to share the stew. And that is quite thoughtless you would even suggest that. You should have just stuck with an apology and admitted your fault.
Also, it’s not that Leo isn’t allowed to have food, it’s that Leo eating other people’s food is not respecting others.
You said it yourselves he eats a lot so that is taking food from other people’s stomachs. It’s absolutely not that he’s not allowed to eat from his father’s kitchen, it’s again he should respect other people’s food. Leo did what was right. He asked, you should have said I’m sorry I don’t know who’s food that is I cannot give you permission.
You should have told your son to just order pizza.” drownigfishy
2. AITJ For Not Using The Car My Mom Gave To Me?
“My mother (60 F) and I (30 F) have had a rocky relationship in the past, but we’re trying to mend it.
A few days ago, she surprised me by saying she got me a new car for my birthday – she knows I’m currently looking to buy an Ignis.
I was ecstatic, then she told me it was a Bajaj Qute. I don’t know a lot about cars and have never heard about this one before, but she said it was cheap, low maintenance, fuel-efficient, and very small – things I was looking for.
I decided to look up the car and while everything my mother said seemed true, some things alarmed me – among them, the fact that it has no airbags and performed very poorly on crash tests, particularly the Euro and Global NCAP.
When I discussed my concerns with my mother and asked if she had checked the car’s specifications before getting it, she replied she had already bought it and it was on its way, I shouldn’t pay attention to ‘how people normally make use of their vehicles’, and that the Qute is basically everything I need. I told her I was extremely worried about driving a vehicle without airbags in our city (the country we live in is rather infamous for its road rage or drivers not abiding by traffic regulations, plus the streets aren’t exactly smooth as silk) and potentially ending up in a fatal accident, to which she responded that the whole idea should be to NOT do anything that gets you in an accident… Which I sort of agree with, yet I can’t very well control how other drivers behave and think it’s just tempting fate to forego what I’d consider basic safety measures.
Eventually, I wondered out loud that perhaps it would be possible to trade in the Qute for another car (I’d pay whatever the difference would be, obviously), and she went ballistic, calling me an ungrateful brat who can’t appreciate the sacrifice she’s making for me (she’s not exactly well-off).
I retorted this wasn’t about ungratefulness, since I do appreciate her going out of her way to buy a car for me (it’s not like she’s legally or even morally forced/required to do that), but more about not feeling safe driving that particular vehicle and trying to find options that I’m comfortable with.
The argument got heated and in the end, she shouted whether I wanted the car or not. I angrily went, ‘No can bloody do, thank you very much!’ before leaving the house to try and cool my head.
I had walked perhaps an hour before my phone went crazy with notifications – apparently, my mother had called several family members, mutual friends, and acquaintances to let them know I didn’t want to drive the car she got for me.
Almost everyone berated me for being such an ungrateful, entitled, dramatic jerk.
As of now, only 2 friends agree I’m within my rights to refuse a gift that could potentially harm me and that it wasn’t a bad thing to consider changing it if I did accept it.
10+ people think otherwise, that I should definitely accept the Qute, keep it, and apologize to my mother.
So I’m asking – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, the vehicle has its uses and purposes. I do not want to be a snob. It is a quadricycle with 8 horsepower, compact, fuel-efficient.
It is based on a motorcycle with an enclosed cab. In an overpopulated city with pollution concerns and limited parking, it is likely convenient and a good budget option.
Your mother was very kind to try to do something so generous for you. Start from there and see what you can work out.
Can you be as generous with kindness in finding a solution? No jerks here yet.” Icy-Pineapple-farmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knew you were looking for a certain car model, and instead of offering you some money to buy it if she couldn’t buy it for you, she decided to get a cheaper, less safe one because how else is she gonna hold it over your head in any arguments like this one.
This car was going to be a birthday gift with strings attached, not something given out of kindness and generosity, a way to show you that she’s actually trying to mend the relationship that was previously damaged. It was a control tool for her to use in the future.” Plenty_Metal_1304
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here… Firstly, your mother has done you a great service and reportedly at her own sacrifice by buying you a car. Unfortunately, she didn’t speak to you about it ahead of time and has made a poor decision. Without being judgemental, I can see why you two haven’t gotten along in the past and present and likely future too.
Good luck to you both.
Secondly, you for your elitist attitude (yes this is an exaggeration). While this is a budget car, it is likely reasonably safe. If the roads and conditions are as poor as you say I doubt you will reach the speeds necessary for a guaranteed poor impact outcome.
Airbags certainly help but seatbelts are still the primary life-saving device in a vehicle, so if you have those you’ll probably be ok in all but extremely rare situations. Enjoy your new car.” themossmann
1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Significant Other For Sending My Picture To His Friend Without My Consent?
“My significant other (19 M) and I (19 F) were out with two of my friends for an anime convention earlier on.
I, my friend, and her SO were all dressed in cosplay for the event as we enjoyed cosplaying during our free time together.
After the event, my friend suggested taking a simple photoshoot as it had been a while since we cosplayed together as a group.
I agreed to it and my SO was also okay with the idea so we headed out to a proper venue for a photoshoot.
During the photoshoot, my friend’s SO was trying out different ways to take our pictures. One of which was trying out the ‘Panorama’ feature on his phone.
I agreed to be the one he tried this method on and when we took a look at the results, we all burst into a fit of laughter. It was genuinely a silly and innocent joke and I was in on laughing at how ridiculous I looked. The panorama had warped my image into looking like a default Roblox character.
My SO then asked if he could have the picture for himself on his phone. Initially, I thought it would be something he kept to himself as some sort of silly inside joke, so I agreed for it to be sent. I would have never agreed to it if what happened next didn’t occur at all.
When it was my friend’s SO’s turn to take pictures, I was standing next to my SO when I saw my picture in a private chat with one of his friends. At that time, I didn’t think to tell him what he did because I felt that it was funny, but after much thought, I did not like that he had shared images of me without my knowledge.
After the day had ended, I decided to approach him with the situation and told him that I did not like how he was willing to act by sending pictures of me to his friends without my consent to which he responded with ‘I just thought it was funny’.
I explained to him that I felt that it was not fair of him to be doing that as he had expressed how he would prefer if I consulted him on the pictures I post or send to others. I then asked him if he liked that I was passed around since he likes to do anything he pleases with my photos.
He was taken aback and asked where the relation was and I explained to him again why I felt like he was breaching my trust for him.
He apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again, but mentioned that I also did something like this a few days ago when I texted my friend that he was crying over a bad haircut he had.
I had told him my intentions in sending that message were not to ridicule him but to ask for advice instead as I was unsure of how to console him in that situation. He still believes what I did was as bad as what he did today and I can’t help but get hurt about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand that you didn’t like it but then just say ‘Hey for future reference, don’t do that again.’ You allowed to tell him no. But you took it to the best level and created a massive fight. It was a silly picture.
And PS, don’t tell random people your partner was crying over a haircut. All you had to say was, ‘My SO hates his new haircut. Any suggestions?; I would also be mad if you told me I was crying. You two need to have honest, calm conversations with each other without starting a massive fight.” Potential_Ad_1397
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You brought up the fact that he had previously expressed to you that he did want you to send out pictures of him without you asking first. But it appears that it wasn’t until AFTER he had sent this picture that you expressed your desire for him to ask permission.
What was he supposed to do, go back in time and unsend the picture? The fact that he HAD asked you to respect his desire on this topic did not mean he should have assumed that you felt the same way about pictures of you.
And if you did feel that way then when he asked you to not send out pictures would have been a perfect time for you to tell him you felt the same way.
It appears that it was this specific picture you didn’t want to be shared, and even then you didn’t come to this conclusion until ‘after MUCH thought’.” SSN-683
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