People Tickle Us With Their Silly "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I've been living with my partner for a few months now, and she's always been a great cook. However, I have a strange habit of beating my food into mush before I eat it. I've been doing it for years, and I just don't seem to enjoy food as much when it isn't smushed.

My partner has been getting increasingly annoyed with this habit, and last night, she finally snapped at me after I started beating my portion into a mushy pulp. She got angry and accused me of disrespecting her hard work cooking and ruining the food. I tried to explain that it was just something I did and that I wasn't trying to be disrespectful.

But she was so upset that she ended up storming out of the room and not talking to me for the rest of the night.

I know that my habit can be strange and off-putting to others, but I've been doing it for so long that it's become a part of my routine.

AITJ for continuing to beat my dinner into mush, even when it upsets my girl?

Edit: I am diagnosed with autism."

Another User Comments:

"Part of being in a relationship is learning what is hurtful for your partner, especially things that aren't hurtful for you, and figuring out a way to not hurt your partner.

Congratulations, you found one. Now to puzzle out how to make it work.

NTJ currently, but things could go either way from here. Talk to her to determine what part of things is hurtful and how you can accommodate both your need to eat mushed food and her taking pride in the food she cooks (or whatever her need is here, appreciation, or maybe just not watching how you prepare your plate).

Maybe you eat in a separate room or put a divider between you two, so she doesn't see your plate. Maybe you do the mushing in a separate room. Maybe you start a social media account of "beautiful food my partner makes for me" and post a picture, or give a compliment before you mush. Maybe once a week you have a meal or a part of a meal that is served as a mash (potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, yogurt, etc.). Maybe once a week you make a point of eating things together that you don't eat as a mush - sandwiches or popcorn or popsicles or crackers & cheese or veggies & dip.

I am also autistic and look at relationship hiccups like this as a puzzle. Somewhere there is a way for you to eat food comfortably and for her to feel comfortable as well. Working together to figure things out makes a strong relationship. Good luck, friend.

Sometimes people have big opinions about what other people choose to eat or drink. My personal opinion is that I don't care if we match or if we drink the same drink or eat the same food. If I'm there to hang out with you, the hanging out is the important part.

Adding that because sometimes I need to point it out to other people; I'm in it for the company, not the specific food/drink or in your case the specific way you eat your food." llamakiss

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. My 17-year-old is on the spectrum and was also recently diagnosed with ARFID.

Sensory issues can be pretty serious, and to those who aren't neurodivergent, or know someone closely who is, it can seem really hard to believe. The amount of crap my poor kid has had to listen to from older relatives throughout the years at holiday/family dinners has been ridiculous. The amount of criticism I've gotten as a single parent for not making him eat or that I make a separate meal that he will eat has been absurd. People with these conditions KNOW they're different and will often go out of their way to conform to the norm when going out, making them even more hyperaware of how people might be viewing them. This just doesn't seem to be something worth getting bent out of shape about by the partner. Maybe if she researched about things like autism and/or ARFID, she might instead realize that OP being his true self around her is a pretty special thing." Waste_Beginning_4442

Another User Comments:

"YTJ. This isn't even about disrespecting your partner or her cooking. It's about you having abhorrent table manners and refusing to take responsibility for your own behavior as an adult. Most people are taught as very small children not to play with their food at all, much less literally turn everything on your plate into a big mushy mess before you take a bite.

It is, in fact, off-putting. No one wants to watch you treat your plate of food like it's a science experiment while they're trying to eat. I don't know whether your parents just never taught you any manners, but it's irrelevant; you're an adult now and able to learn how to eat like one.

I am literally very, very autistic, and even I would never in a million years behave like this at the dinner table once I was past the age of 5 or so. "I know that my habit can be strange and off-putting to others, but I've been doing it for so long that it's become a part of my routine." Routines change.

You say this like you're helpless and this is something that is happening to you, instead of something that you are actively choosing to do at every single mealtime. Choose differently. Learn better. Grow up. YTJ." FoolMe1nceShameOnU