People Ask Us To Believe Their Reasons For Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Let My Sister Back Into Our Family?
“A few years ago I (25m) was accused of fathering a child with my sister’s (23f) best friend. She had some weird obsession with me as we came to find out. This accusation caused a lot of drama in the family including for a time my parents refusing to talk to me for not taking responsibility and having this woman in their house to live.
My stepsister (26f) did something I would never recommend for anyone to do but am sooooo glad that it worked out for me but she outed me to our family as gay. My stepsister is and has been my bff since we were 5 and before our parents were together so she knows everything about me and was only 1 of 2 people who knew.
She did this out of frustration for how they treated me but unfortunately, they thought it was a last-ditch effort to save face until my great-grandma (the other person who knew) came barreling in telling everyone off for their crap and whipping them back into order.
(Ironically was diagnosed as infertile a few days after that dilemma)
After all that we found out that my sister was in on this whole weird thing with her friend to baby trap me so her friend could be with me and they could be sisters.
The rest of the family basically disowned her for causing all that. My parents since then have been on thin ice but have actually been very apologetic and honestly I feel like they are overly favoring me to make up for all that.
My sister has apparently made contact with our parents wanting to be part of the family again.
My parents gave me the option of letting her or not. I didn’t take any of the options and told them to decide themselves but I did lay down the fact that I would no longer be a part of their lives if they did let her back into the family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a double betrayal by your sister and you should not in any way, shape, or form be forced to spend time with her. Your parents can start planning separate events. Christmas with you, Christmas Eve with her. Swap out birthday celebrations – one of you is there on the actual day for your dad’s birthday, one for your mom’s, and the other celebrates on a different day.
Divorced parents do this all the time.
I can understand your parents wanting to give your sister a chance – it is truly a difficult thing for many parents to abandon a child and not give them a second chance. You are being completely unselfish for not punishing them for considering letting her back into their lives.
But you absolutely do not have to let her back into yours.” Owned_By_3_Kittehs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You don’t have to forgive your sister unless you are ready or want to. You don’t have to have any interaction with her. I don’t blame you for saying what you did to your parents by ‘allowing’ her back into the family.
She caused you a lot of problems when you did nothing wrong. Good grief. If she wanted to be a ‘sister’ to someone… just BE a sister in the first place.
We all ‘make’ family with people who are good to us and whom we love.
I don’t know what these young women thought they were doing! But they were awful, horrible liars and have they done anything to show that they are contrite for what they did? Beg forgiveness for instance? I wouldn’t trust them ever again. Some things people do are almost unforgivable….
except in the case of healing your own heart. Be well and stay safe!” orangeupurple1
21. AITJ For Not Keeping My Ex-Wife's Stuff?
“So I and my ex-wife were married for a little over a year when she came home from a girls’ trip and decided she didn’t want to be married anymore.
Wouldn’t really give me a reason for this, didn’t want to discuss it unless it was with a therapist, which I didn’t want to do unless she told me first because I didn’t want to be blindsided by something with a stranger present.
Long story short, I could have been a better husband, she could have been a better wife.
But we separated, and divorced, and that was fall of ’21.
Fast forward to now. We’ve had very minimal contact (for taxes or mail, stuff like that) but have been very civil with each other. So this past summer I hadn’t heard from her for months and wanted to clean out my garage.
Some totes of clothes and decorations that I’ll never use. So away it went to the trash or donated.
Now when we first separated I gave her plenty of time and opportunity to remove her items from the house (anything that wasn’t blanketly mine like my PC or guns or stuff like that.
I honestly just wanted her out of my life so I told her to take whatever she wanted), even leaving the locks unchanged for a whole year after divorcing because up till then her name was still on the deed to the home.
I guess she moved away after the divorce to another state?
I’m unsure as I just didn’t ask and didn’t care.
So recently she texted me and said she would be in town and asked if she could come get her stuff and remove some of the household items as well like a gas grill and a table.
Items we got when we were together and have been left with me and used by me for the past two years and the items that I’ve gotten rid of.
So am I the jerk for just telling her no? I don’t want to be mean about it but it’s been two years since we divorced. How long was I supposed to hang on to this stuff?
She never asked me to hang on to it for her. Plus the common house items that I’ve been using, am I just supposed to let her have those and buy new stuff? I’m very confused about what she expected after two years of being divorced.”
Another User Comments:
“No. Two years after the divorce she can’t come back and claim common property. She doesn’t get to pick through your house or life. This isn’t Walmart on a closeout sale. Dude you don’t deserve to be treated like this.
You are not her butler. NTJ. And change your locks if you haven’t already. Just tell her she had a chance a year ago. You got rid of the stuff. It was abandoned. If she gets huffy about it, stop responding and have her contact your lawyer.” blueavole
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There was plenty of opportunity to get anything. There were specific plans that were skipped. There were no communications and no requests EITHER WAY. At the end of the day, she could have gotten anything that was that important to her.
If she goes on and on, ask her how much she was planning to pay you for storage for 2 years because, in the real world, she would have been out thousands of dollars to store her stuff commercially.
Oh, no intent to pay you but she intends to hold you liable for not continuously holding on to items that she has repeatedly failed to collect or call about?
And then close with… well, just add it to the list of reasons you didn’t want to be married to me and go and leave me in peace, please. I’m not trying to do or be anything to you. You wanted out of my life – be out.” chuckinhoutex
20. AITJ For Making A Cleaning Lady Leave My House After Her Sister Ate My Cake?
“I (24F) am married to my husband (28M) and we have 1 daughter together (4F) (Alaia).
We both work a lot and I also work from home often. I needed cleaning so last week I called an agency and they sent a girl over to clean the house and we agreed on 40 USD an hour (let’s call her Eva).
So Eva who is around 19/20 arrives at my house with her little sister (8F).
I asked her why her little sister was here and she said she had no one else to leave her with. I wasn’t very pleased but assumed she didn’t have a choice and didn’t say anything. I showed Eva the playroom of my daughter and said it was to be cleaned as well and her sister started staring around the room touching all the toys.
I again didn’t say anything. Eva started working and I went to my room to get ready to pick up a cake for Alaia and to pick up Alaia from school.
I heard a noise in Alaia’s playroom so I rushed over and saw Eva’s sister playing in the room, she broke a glass bowl that I had custom-made for Alaia when she was born.
At this point, I was annoyed but again I held myself and told Eva to clean it and keep an eye on her sister. I went out and picked up Alaia’s favorite cake with strawberries. It was a cake that had strawberries on only one side on the top and on that same side, there were more decorations etc. I put it in the fridge and left again to pick up Alaia.
When we walked into the kitchen I saw Eva’s sister eating a big piece of the cake and exactly the part with the strawberries and more decorations. I have never had an issue like this before in fact the cleaning ladies never open my fridge or anything cause they have no business there.
I asked Eva what she thought she was doing and she told me ‘My sister was sad and really wanted cake so I figured she could have a piece’.
Alaia started crying because she had been looking forward to her cake with strawberries and now the piece with strawberries was gone.
I told Eva that it was not her place to figure out whether her sister could eat something from my fridge without asking me. She could have waited for me to get back because I told her I would be back. I told her that even if she did do this she should have not taken the whole decorated piece because she could’ve also figured that this cake was meant for my daughter.
Eva said ‘You are getting mad for no reason just take the money from my pay’. I told her she could pack her stuff and leave with her sister and she didn’t have to finish the house cleaning. She had been at the house for only 2 hours but I paid her 120USD and told her to get out.
So I told a friend and she told me that I overreacted over a piece of cake and I should have understood the little girl. I again said that it is not just cake but it is rude to open my fridge and take out a cake that is not unboxed yet and eat it.
I am wondering now AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sending her away. YTJ for paying her what you did.
1. When the bowl was broken you should have called the agency and asked if their insurance covered both the person cleaning as well as her sister.
If their insurance covered the broken bowl, then you should have immediately filed a claim for the replacement. If not, then the person cleaning is responsible for the replacement cost. Either way, you should have asked her to leave at that point. If the replacement cost was more than she had earned at that point then she leaves with no pay.
2. Since you didn’t do #1 and the cake was eaten, you should have deducted the cost of the bowl and the cake from her pay. If it was more than she had earned then she leaves with no pay (and definitely no tip). Then you call the agency and report her.” tahti_barbaloot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you booked your cleaning service you did NOT agree to having a child running around the home.
Honestly, Eva is lucky you paid her at all, in my opinion.
While I think it’s a stretch to assume the cake was for your daughter unless explicitly stated, the food should not have been removed and eaten.
I’ve cleaned houses before and I’ve always either brought my own food or eaten before/after and the times I did have to bring my child I gave advanced notice and brought entertainment for him and made it very clear he was to sit quietly and not wander.
Eva did none of these things for her younger sister.” KitsiCode
19. WIBTJ If I Ask A Dad To Keep His Kid Away From The Smaller Kids In Class?
“My (29f) daughter (3f) is in a swim class for toddlers and has been for a year and a half now. This class is meant for toddlers to get used to being in water so they do a lot of just trying to dip their faces in the water (for reference of the swim level we are at).
Parents are in the pool with the kids at all times. As far as I’m aware, they are meant to move on to the next level by age 4 and start in a shallow pool without their parents.
However, there is a dad (maybe 40ish) and his son who I swear has to be around 5.
They’ve been in the class the whole time we have and he’s always been bigger and more comfortable swimming than the others. But this year he’s absolutely unbearable. He is clearly fine in the water, he swims well and he swims quickly. There are times he’s swimming by himself in the deep end of the pool without his dad anywhere near him.
(I’d be fine with him staying over there the whole time honestly) He’s typically doing whatever he wants and not listening to what the teacher is asking everyone to do, probably because he has no need to.
The problems start when he decides he wants to swim in the shallow end with everyone else.
He ends up splashing all the little kids who aren’t very comfortable with it and swimming past them very fast to take the toys that they were trying their best to swim towards (it’s a treasure hunt game they play sometimes). His dad does absolutely nothing and seems to encourage it in my opinion.
At first, I thought maybe the kid had special needs or maybe ADHD and there was a reason he was in the toddler swim class but at this point, I don’t even care… he can join the special needs swim class if that’s the case.
Please someone tell me if I would be the jerk if I ask him what he’s doing in this class and that he should at least be keeping his kid away from the smaller kids.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. It’s not your class to control who does and doesn’t attend.
If you have an issue with someone being in the class, talk to the instructor. There may be a reason the kid is still there. You can express to the instructor you feel uncomfortable with the kid there, and if they won’t do anything, then take your kid to a different class.
You can’t take it upon yourself to try and deny someone else’s kid the class.” Walnut25993
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Just talk to whoever you need to talk to and simply be kind about it. It’s okay to be frustrated and with family/friends involved, I understand people need to tread lightly.
Approach it with your child being unable to concentrate on their learning experience and it makes you uncomfortable that they get splashed and an older child is keeping them from being able to play games and learn.” RefrigeratorRich9007
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. That guy doesn’t owe you anything.
The swim school owes you something, so talk to them, and they can decide whether they care more about appeasing you or appeasing that dad. If the latter, find a different swim school. You can only control what’s in your control, and what that guy does is not in your control.
Any attempt to assert control would be a jerk move.” LadyJusticeThe
18. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Pay For Her Dog's Vet Bills?
“My friend (F 24) left me her dog ‘Parmesan’ 7 months ago.
She was accepted into a learning program 2 hours from her home. Housing is crappy there and the only place she found was an apartment-share that didn’t allow pets.
She asked me, almost begging me to take Parmesan with me until she found something better. She helped me out in the past, so I agreed to take him in for free.
One thing led to another and I ended up agreeing to take care of him until she graduated (this is a 1-year learning program).
Some rules were made, one of them being: that I’d pay for the dog food but any grooming or medical bills were for her.
About Parmesan: he’s a sweetheart but also an idiot who eats everything he finds (plastic wraps included). He also has some ear problems that require a lot of care.
One month ago, I got distracted by some chores and forgot to put one of my bags of groceries away. I realized too late that the dog had rummaged through it. He had eaten some bread with the paper wrap, and almost half a bunch of grapes!
No need to say, I freaked out! I don’t know if there’s any Parisian reading this, but if you recently saw a girl running through the sub with a French Bouledogue in her arms and vomit all over her shirt, that was probably me.
Parmesan stayed at the vet for 2 days. I called my friend to tell her what happened and kept her updated on her dog’s situation. I took a few days off work and worked from home the rest of the week so I could watch over the dog.
Thank God, he got better.
After he fully recovered, I told my friend about the vet fees (600€). She asked if I was kidding. I told her no. She started screaming and told me I had some nerve to ask her for money after I almost killed her dog.
That when she agreed about covering vet fees, she meant for his ear problems, not for things that were obviously my fault.
Look, I feel horrible for what happened. I know I should have been more careful. But I can’t afford this bill at all.
I offered to cover for 25% of it. No answer. I proposed her to pay in installments. No answer. I went once to her apartment. Her roommate told me she wasn’t home and agreed to give her my message. No answer.
After a month, I lost it and texted her: ‘Keep ghosting me and I’ll tie your dog in front of your apartment’s door then freaking leave.
Pets allowed or not, I don’t care! I’m out’. This was an empty threat. I wouldn’t do that to Parmesan. I just wanted her to finally answer her phone. But she still hasn’t nor has she visited her dog since the incident.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re caring for and feeding her dog FOR FREE. It is not your dog, and you have no right to ownership per your (verbal it sounds like) agreements. Just like when you board a horse at a stable, you as the owner are responsible for the vet bills.
At least here in the US, it would have to be almost purposeful injury by the boarding facility for the owner to not be responsible for the bills.
You made a mistake, and are paying for a share of the costs, which is more than fair in my opinion.
She is saving a TON of money by you caring for and feeding the dog for free. If she didn’t want to risk human error, then she should have boarded him at a formal boarding/care facility – and good luck paying for that for a year.” HoneyBadger302
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have done her a massive favor by housing and caring for her dog. It is not your fault that the dog behaves like this. Yes, it was a mistake but it was a completely innocent one. You had an agreement.
It’s a shame that you have some attachment to the dog because I would threaten her for all I was worth – with selling the dog to recover the fee or acting on your suggestion.
You have gone above and beyond the agreement, she is reneging on her side of the arrangement and she is a mean ungrateful person.
She has shown that she is undeserving of your kindness and tolerance. In my opinion, set a time limit on her paying the total amount, and if she doesn’t, return the dog.” Time-Tie-231
17. AITJ For Wanting My Step-siblings To Take Responsibility For Caring For My Stepfather?
“My 90+-year-old stepfather with declining health has no end-of-life plans. The romantic part of my parents’ marriage has been over for 20+ years and now my frail elderly mother with post-stroke speech aphasia is struggling to care for him.
I have no relationship with my stepbrother who is the nearest next of kin and a rude person to my mother. So I usually message my stepsister who lives overseas to communicate. I told her a year ago it was time for her and her siblings to come together and make plans for their father because my mom was unable to do it.
A year passes and now he needs round-the-clock care. My mom absolutely cannot continue to care for him it’s further deteriorating her own situation and I have no bond with my stepdad to want to take that task on when he’s got 4 able-bodied children who can muster up a plan.
It’s down to the wire this Thanksgiving and I’m pregnant and my mom is planning to move in with me and help care for the baby (hubby and I plan on hiring a nanny so really she’s not doing any grunt work but she has a self-sacrificing bleeding heart and don’t know that yet but I would never allow my mother to slave away caring for a baby in her condition) anyway.
I message my stepsister and let her know they need to get him into assisted living as soon as possible because my mom is leaving to get a break for a few months, coming back before the baby is born, settling her affairs, and then living with me in the spring of 2024.
Finally, the stepson comes in with hospice (hospice only provides supplemental care if you’re not within 6 months of dying) not discussing anything with my mother or collaborating with us. Hospice as you may know provides only supplemental care (if you’re not within 6 months of dying).
He needs ROUND-THE-CLOCK care. My stepbrother has medical power of attorney over my stepfather and has long ago shut my mom out of her husband’s medical affairs. Instead of collaborating with us, he makes decisions in a silo. I could’ve told him that hospice wasn’t going to be enough.
Now the social workers want my mom to miss her flight and stay while he gets (round-the-clock long-term care for example a nursing facility or a home health aide) long-term care situated. I put my foot down and said no and my mom agreed to let his son figure that out.
My mom literally should not be caring for him. Anyone with compassion could see that.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are doing the right thing by taking your mother out of the picture. I’m strongly inclined to say that you should have done it sooner.
You recognized a year ago that the stepsiblings needed to take responsibility then, but I think you would have been wise to give them a shorter deadline, say, a month. However, that’s done, and it is not your fault that your stepsiblings are too selfish to care for their own father.
It looks as though the only way for the stepsiblings to take responsibility is to hand it to them and get out of the way, so get your mother away from there as soon as you can. Do not let your mother stay while this is sorted out.
The people who need to know about the situation do know about it, they now have to do something about it. And they can whine about it as much as they like, which they will, but it is no longer your concern. NTJ.” YourLittleRuth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother should formally separate and then divorce him since their relationship has essentially been over for 20 years and she does not have power of attorney. That way she should get half the estate if there is any, there will be no issue with bills and people coming to her for payment and it will be absolutely clear who is and is not responsible for decisions and arranging care, etc.” Seriouslydude-no-way
16. AITJ For Banning My Fiancée's Sister And Her Dog From Our House?
“I (20) and my fiancée (21) have lived together for the better part of three years, but I only recently met her sister (16).
She recently got a puppy but cannot for the life of her raise or train it. It tears up our cat’s toys whenever her sister brings him over.
I bought a Scuf controller after I received a big enough paycheck, since normally I can’t afford anything for myself. After the shipping, the controller was around $230. I went to work while my fiancée stayed home due to being sick. She asked if she could have her sister over and I said yes as long as she didn’t bring the dog.
Well, I got home and saw her sister brought the dog over. They left after a few hours and my fiancée went to bed, only for me to discover my controller busted and chewed up, no longer working.
The next morning I confronted her about it and she told me that the dog got to it ‘but only for a second’.
I called her sister and asked if she could pay for the controller, as her dog had already caused several hundred dollars of damage before this. She rejected my request.
Later my fiancée became mad at me because her sister told her I asked her to pay me for the controller, this has been an issue for months now and it seems every time I bring it up, I’m met with the same response.
‘Puppies chew on things, it’s just what they do. Do you want the dog to pay for it?’ As well as ridicule. So I banned her sister and the dog from coming over again. No more of that nonsense.
At this point, everyone is angry at me and saying how hateful I am for a ‘one-time issue’.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither of them was watching the dog and they were both responsible for the damage. This is a sign of a larger problem.
The fact that your fiancée thinks it is no big deal is a huge red flag.
You have been together for years, but it sounds like she is still lacking a lot of maturity. I have no doubt that you love her deeply, but is this something you can live with forever?
You spent both the time & discipline of saving for the controller only to have it ruined. Instead of taking responsibility, the reply was ‘Oops, not my fault, talk to the dog’.
What if this was a child breaking expensive things? Other people aren’t going to let it pass.
I’m sorry about your controller. I understand it must be a huge disappointment. Both in not having the device, but in the response you got when it was destroyed.” Back-to-HAT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should dump your fiancee as well. Honestly, if your fiancee can’t respect your things and can’t respect things you say then she is not the girl for you. You specifically told her to tell her sister not to bring the dog and she did.
Your fiancée should have told her sister to leave the dog home.
If I were you I’d charge a new controller on her card and tell her to since she allowed the dog in the house after you said no so then she is responsible for her sister’s dog.
Then you dump her after you get your controller. Because I’m sure this isn’t the first time your fiancé didn’t listen and won’t be the last.
I’m married and my wife respects the things I say especially when it comes to things I don’t like.” greeknj89
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Baby Daddy To Be Involved In My Baby's Life?
“I (F 22) and my baby daddy (M 25) found out about my pregnancy earlier this year. I was a student at the University of the South Pacific in Fiji and had met him here. He was a cousin of a close friend of mine and had actually met at my baby daddy’s home where my friend took us to for a house party.
We hung out eventually, he asked me out and we went back together to the dorms at school. We continued seeing each other and lost contact after I went home for semester break. This was 2 years ago. Fast forward to earlier this year, we met again in my hometown.
We got back together and things went pretty smoothly after that.
He made his way home without telling me and introduced himself to my family as my partner. I started to realize that this relationship was gonna be serious. Every time we talked about having a family he always said that he wanted 5 kids even though I said I’ll be fine with 2.
He was all sweet and treating me right promising that he would marry me because fate had brought us together.
He left shortly after to return to work and I called him to say that I’d missed my period. He insisted I go take a pregnancy test at our health center.
It turned out positive so I started calling him and guess what? NO ANSWER. I figured he must be busy so I went to my uncle, who was also his uncle (he was my uncle through marriage but his by b***d, they were from the same village).
As per our customs, my uncle will present kava to my parents to tell them the news about my pregnancy. My uncle called his cousin’s sister (my baby daddy’s mom) and told him her son had got me pregnant. A few hours later my baby daddy called me angry and asked me why I had called his mom about the news.
I later found out that the reason he wanted to hide my pregnancy was because he already had 4 kids but was divorced. He stopped talking to me after that and I was hurt and mad at him for toying with my feelings and for hiding something important.
I made up my mind that I would raise my kid on my own. We stopped staying in touch when I was 2 months pregnant. Since then I’ve bought stuff for my kid and getting prepared for labor. I’m 8 months pregnant now and he just contacted me a week ago asking for forgiveness telling me he’d come home and seek forgiveness from my parents and wants to be a father to our child.
I told him he had his chance and he was probably doing this because he wanted a son as he had 4 daughters from his previous marriage.
Now AITJ for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is a deadbeat who doesn’t even care about his first 4 children.
He only cares about yours because it’s gonna be a boy. He is not a good influence in the slightest, so… just keep him away. I hope you have a caring and close-knit family to help you, but… keep him out.” outoftea_and_grump
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Regardless of his situation, he is the father of the child. It is not ‘your’ child alone. It is also ‘his’ child. If he wants involvement in the child’s life, he is legally and morally entitled to be involved. Of course, he must pay child support, and he is entitled to visitation.
It would behoove you and the child to learn to be civil to each other and to learn to co-parent effectively. Otherwise, the child will suffer. I wish you all well.” BBayWay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t mean I agree with you nor that you will succeed, but your desire to cut him out of your life is completely justified given his treatment of you.
I don’t know what custody laws are like where you live, but he might be able to force shared custody regardless of how you feel about this. It may also be best for your child for him to have some contact with his father. It might not be as well.
Depends. This is why I disagree to a degree.” GreekAmericanDom
14. AITJ For Walking Out Of My Sister-In-Law's Birthday Dinner?
“My husband and I (38F) went to my SIL’s house for her birthday. It’s quite a long drive so we drove up the day before and stayed overnight in their spare room (the birthday meal was going to be midday).
She has two kids aged 4 and 7. My husband and I went in separate cars as we were coming from different workplaces to get there.
I am very short-sighted and literally can’t see 1 foot in front of my face without my glasses. Every night I take them off and put them on the nightstand right where I know I can reach them in the morning.
Now, apparently, SIL thought it would be a funny prank to get her kids to sneak into the room (I sleep with earplugs in because my husband is a loud snorer) and take and hide my glasses.
On the morning of her birthday, I couldn’t find my glasses on the nightstand.
I had to ask my husband to help (in case they had fallen off and under the bed or something) but we couldn’t find them anywhere. I was really distraught because as I said, I’m literally almost non-functional without them. My husband helped me down to breakfast and I explained that I wouldn’t be able to take part in the meal midday (nearby restaurant) and couldn’t drive myself home.
I was really upset. They are also expensive glasses because I have to get the lenses thinned etc. so about £600.
SIL let this go on until they were literally about to go for her birthday lunch. I’d not been able to do much at all up until this point because I COULDN’T SEE then she jokingly said to her kids, ‘Ok, that’s enough I think, go get them’ and the kids ran off to fetch my glasses from where they’d hidden them.
She said not to blame them at all (I don’t… ish) and it was her idea and just a bit of harmless fun.
I put my glasses on, got in my car, said nothing at all, and just drove home. My husband is on my side and has apologised on SIL’s behalf saying that she thought I would see the funny side.
He is very apologetic and offered to skip her birthday meal as well and come home. But HE is being apologetic. Not her.
I’ve had nothing from SIL except an angry WhatsApp message to the group (not directly to me but to the family group) saying that her birthday had been ruined because ‘someone’ couldn’t take a joke.
Apparently, after I left she had a meltdown about how the day was ruined because I drove off and the kids were upset.
It is genuinely distressing for me ‘not to be able to see’ but I see(!) how she might have thought this would be funny to get her kids to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I’m not a fan of practical jokes in most circumstances. They often seem cruel and unkind. This circumstance is no exception. You handled the situation very well, in my opinion. I would’ve been hard-pressed to remain civil after someone watched me visibly and obviously struggling for 5 hours when they could have quickly fixed it.
Not to mention your SIL having the audacity to get butthurt when you didn’t appreciate it, and try to claim it was a joke. SIL owes you an apology. Not that you’ll get a genuine one based on her reaction.” RedHand93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is equivalent to taking away grandma’s walker so she has to be carefully led around while secretly (?) panicking about how can she get around if it’s lost. Perhaps the first 4-5 minutes were at the level of ‘unfunny prank, but it’ll be ok if I fix it now’, but to drag it out across multiple hours is just cruel and mean-spirited. Does your SIL have something personal against you because the whole thing would’ve stopped being funny very fast for most people?
This feels deliberately mean and directed at you.
I’m also disappointed that your husband didn’t leave immediately. By staying – even with the offer to leave – he’s not only condoning your SIL’s behavior, he’s also clearly saying he didn’t think it was a big deal. Otherwise, he would’ve told his sister ‘Screw you – that was totally uncalled for’ and just left.” AppropriateScience71
13. AITJ For Refusing To Ask My Mom To Spend Money On My Dad's Family?
“My parents divorced when I (17M) was 2. Things are not that friendly between them. I’m not sure of the why, just that they prefer to stay apart and I have always been okay with that. It’s my normal and I never expected them to act all friendly with each other.
My dad is remarried and has a big blended family at his house. His wife brought three kids into the marriage, dad brought me, they had three more kids together, and they took in his wife’s two nieces as well. I’m not really close to my dad so I’m not really close to any of his other kids.
I spend only one weekend a month with him now, which was my choice, and the courts supported me when I was 14.
One thing that probably doesn’t need to be explained in a lot of detail but I will mention is they don’t really have a lot in my dad’s household.
Neither he nor his wife have great jobs, no child support is paid and things are always tight there. When I was younger and was there every other week it was pretty crappy. Everyone is crammed into the three bedrooms they have. Meals were always kinda crappy and not exactly filling most of the time.
Christmas and birthdays were very modest as well.
My mom never remarried and focused on providing stability. I never went without with her and she always did her best to provide me with nice things, both stuff I needed and stuff I wanted. My quality of life was better with her and I was happier with her.
It helped that my mom showed me that she cared and that I was a priority. I never really felt that way about my dad but especially when he remarried and his finances took a bigger hit, it always felt like he was bitter and resentful that I was so much better provided for at mom’s.
The other kids at Dad’s house were aware that I had it way better with my mom. They resent me for it. Some of them hate me and think I should have been forced to not see my mom so we’d all have the same.
This year Dad told me that I should have more of an understanding and compassion for ‘all my siblings’ and I should talk to Mom about helping me pay for gifts for them. He said I might not be able to afford much but mom should be making sure the other kids get something nice from me and showing me how to be a good older brother to all of them.
He also mentioned household gifts to make life a little easier. He told me to ask. I made it clear to him that I would not be asking Mom to spend money on his household. Dad’s response was I am totally old enough to put more care into my family and want to see them all have a better Christmas.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your father never paid child support and then went on to have 3 more children he couldn’t afford. It is screamingly entitled to expect his ex to provide for his poor choices. And to expect you to ask for him, which is a major misunderstanding of what is the parent’s responsibility toward the child, versus the child’s responsibility toward the parent.
Screw him. You’re old enough now to choose not to visit him and his obnoxious children anymore. I almost never advise going no contact, but in this case, you’d be vastly better off without that nonsense in your life. NTJ. For Pete’s sake.” HoshiJones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and congratulations for seeing the situation so clearly. Your dad is certainly not entitled to anything at all from your mother. He clearly is selfish and entitled and your statement that ‘They resent me for it. Some of them hate me and think I should have been forced to not see my mom so we’d all have the same,’ this clearly shows that he is raising those children to be the same, and further, has spoken badly about you both.
You had no say in the making of his current family, he and his wife chose those circumstances. It is neither your mother’s nor your responsibility to make things easier for them or your ‘siblings,’ of whom 5 are not.” BefuddledPolydactyls
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Hotel Room With The Other Single Person?
“I (39f) am a long-time single person.
Not sure why, it’s just happened that I’ve never had a long-term relationship. Sometimes it sucks but for the most part, I’m pretty content in my spinsterhood and have lots of hobbies/activities that keep me busy (to the point that my coupled/parent friends often say they wish they could try things like I do).
Recently one of my close friend groups has been throwing around the idea of going on a group overseas holiday. I am already on the fence about this as I have my own plans for trips in the next year or two, but I am hanging around the group chat just in case it turns into something I want to do (at the moment it’s just a lot of speculation).
The group currently consists of 5 couples, myself, and one other single person, Laura (36f). Laura got divorced 2 years ago and has had trouble adjusting to single life. Whenever we catch up she mentions how lonely she is, especially on kid-free weekends, how she hates being the odd-wheel, hates going out with men, etc. This is all stuff I’ve had to deal with so I’m sympathetic, but when I suggest going out and doing things for herself she just says she doesn’t want to do things on her own.
Recently in the chat, the topic of hotels came up and someone suggested, to save money, that Laura and I share a room. Laura immediately jumped on that idea so I said ‘Actually I’d rather not’. When asked why I said that I prefer not to share rooms, which is true.
I have my own routine and at this stage of my life, I’m not used to sharing space with people. (I know this will have to change if I ever get an intimate partner, but I don’t think I have to for a travel buddy).
Laura started talking about the ‘single tax’ and how it’s unfair she should have to pay full price. I said I was well aware of the single tax as I had been traveling solo for many years.
When others in the group also started chiming in that I should share I asked if they were so concerned, perhaps one of the couples would be willing to do a double queen room.
No one volunteered, obviously. I was told by one of the guys that it’s different because they want privacy, to which I said that I do too. I said if cost was an issue I was happy to stay in budget hotels to reduce price.
Someone then said to just take one for the team. I told Laura that she should get used to this as a single person, having your needs disregarded to make things easier, said that I was out of the trip, and then left the chat.
My best friend in the group (who to be fair did try and advocate for me) says I was right but could have dealt with it better, while another friend is saying I’ve put a dampener on the whole trip, and that Laura probably won’t be able to come.
So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to be paired with any other available single person. It’s fine to have personal preferences and to rather have a room just for you instead of sharing one.
It can be fun to share as did some of my friends when vacationing together but it’s a personal choice, not a community decision. Enjoy your vacations. I think you did the right thing advocating for yourself and leaving the group chat.” Cristy910
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were cornered, you stood up for yourself. Standing up for yourself does not make you a jerk.
The fact that you’re willing to pay more and the others aren’t doesn’t make you a jerk.
Perhaps you could have massaged the issue better, who knows, that isn’t totally clear from your post. But single people are people too, and some people really do need to have a place to go where it’s just them (or just ‘their clan’).
I know I do. I don’t blame folks for thinking it was a good idea, and I don’t blame you for standing up for yourself.” ymi17
11. AITJ For Refusing To Kick My Little Brother Out?
“My little brother recently moved in with me.
It was a huge shock at first, my brother (Will, 17) is female-to-male. I (M 34) had no idea he was trans or even questioning his gender, he always seemed perfectly happy as a girl, y’know he was very feminine presenting and all. Turns out he came out to our parents after getting his hair cut and they didn’t take it well in the slightest.
From what he’s told me, he wasn’t exactly kicked out, they just started being unbearable. They were calling him ‘Myla’ in every sentence they said (just to annoy him I suppose), mum kept booking him in for appointments to get hair extensions and his lashes done, and our dad didn’t let him wear the male uniform to sixth form, and so on.
It got so bad that he literally took a train from down south to up north to ask if he could live with me. Of course, I said yes. The house is big enough to have him live there, there are four bedrooms and an attic room.
My partner (Nico, 32) was irritated when she found out. We’ve discussed her moving in before Will came and now she’s telling me that she will not move in until Will leaves. I’ve explained to her that Will isn’t a child we’d have to constantly supervise, that if anything he’s the one making the place more liveable (he’s very insistent on adding on to the home decor and so on, as well as being better than me at cleaning.), and that the house is large enough to still have privacy even with him around.
Nico’s argued that it’s not truly ‘ours’ if Will is always there, that we won’t be able to start trying to conceive, that she’s not willing to live with a ‘hormonal and rebellious’ teenager, and that she’s just flat out uncomfortable with Will being near her and living with her and her son (M 10) in the same home.
Ultimately, I’ve told her that my loyalties lie with my baby brother, who is homeless and vulnerable, unlike the grown woman with a good-paying job and a home of her own. She’s called my mum up to complain about it and she’s said that I was in the wrong for prioritizing Will, and Will himself said that he doesn’t want to be ‘causing problems’ in my relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you should be proud of yourself for standing by your brother and accepting him for who he is, you’re doing what your parents have failed to do and your brother will always love and respect you for that.
Your partner is so immature, selfish, and controlling with a disgraceful attitude.
She’s the jerk. It’s YOUR home and she has no right to make demands, if she doesn’t like it she can stay where she is. She expects YOU to accept HER child, but she won’t accept your brother? Naaa, screw her.
Relationships are give and take, but it’s all take, take, take with her. If I was a man and she was my partner, she’d be dumped. Don’t let her start barking orders, this is her attitude whilst you don’t live together, just imagine how bad it’s gonna get once she actually moves in… Then again, are you 100% sure that you want this woman living with you?
She sounds like a jerk and an absolute nightmare of a control freak. Once she moves in she’ll run that house as if she owns the place. You might want to rethink if this is the type of woman you need in your life.” AuthorMia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s very important that you support your brother right now, especially considering your parents’ behavior towards him. It’s great that you took him in and that he can count on you during this difficult time.
Now about your partner’s points: how exactly having your brother around violates your privacy as a couple and would get in the way of conceiving, but her own son’s presence doesn’t?
I don’t see the difference. The fact that she told you she’s not comfortable having Will around her and her son strikes me as transphobic too.
This is my sincere advice to you: think of this as an opportunity for you to reevaluate your relationship with her.
Do you want to be with someone who, at best, doesn’t seem to care about protecting your underage brother from transphobia? Stay strong and I wish you and your brother the best of luck.” Red-Octopus91
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepmother At My Maternal Family's Christmas Celebration?
“My parents divorced when I was a teen; my beloved mother passed away 10 years ago and my father (Joe, M/70s) remarried about 20 years ago to Lisa (F, late-60s). I’m an only child (42F).
My relationship with Lisa is rocky – not for typical stepkid stuff, but she stirs up issues, is outright mean at times, confrontational, etc. I’ve spent my adult life trying to preserve the peace and kept most of this under wraps from Joe as I didn’t want to add gas to the fire.
After a few years and more issues with Lisa, we addressed it with Joe and he agreed that it was problematic. Her behavior is well-known and discussed amongst her four children, their friend circle, and extended family, so it’s no secret that we’ve witnessed it fracture their relationships over time.
Examples: Lisa got caught by a friend turning a framed photo of my mother and me displayed at our wedding facedown (more than once, so not an accident), ‘losing’ the keys to my mom’s car that we needed to sell upon her passing, repeatedly introducing herself to people at our wedding shower as my mother (deceased less than a year prior), insults to me, husband, inlaws, you name it.
While my mom’s side of the family has always gathered on Christmas day, I’ve hosted them at my home the past few years – we’re not super close, but it’s the one day out of 365 we spend together and it’s a nice way to remember my mom while preserving the relationships with family on her side.
In the past few years, Joe’s attended my mom’s family Christmas as he was their family as well for the 20+ years they were married. While there was a bit of bad b***d in the divorce, the family has let go of animosity toward Joe.
They are NOT a fan of Lisa – mom despised Lisa and they’re aware of the issues Lisa’s caused.
Christmas: Joe messaged my husband and asked if Lisa could come to my mom’s family’s celebration at our home.
My husband (43M) politely said that it wouldn’t be well received if she attended. Joe said, ‘That’s disappointing.’ We moved forward with the typical Christmas plan; nothing else was said about her coming.
Welp, Lisa shows up on Christmas day, right in the middle of the gathering. She let herself in, walked up to my husband, and said ‘I’m here to make my presence known.’ My husband looked at her (wordless), and then she asked ‘Am I welcome here?’ He simply said ‘No.’ She turned around and left.
Joe is throwing a FIT. Called my husband and berated him over ‘denying her entry,’ criticized his character, shamed him… you name it, it’s been said via phone, text, and now emails. He is demanding we apologize to Lisa, said we’re holding grudges, we’ve embarrassed the family… I could go on and on.
So… AITJ for not including my stepmother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were clear beforehand that she wasn’t welcome. Your dad knows that she has a history of causing drama and isn’t liked. Other than locking the door, there wasn’t much more you could do to make it clearer that you didn’t want her there.
I suspect Lisa is behind the demands. I think you should ignore them. No response is the best response to that kind of drama. If your father calls and brings up the Christmas drama, you can just ignore it and change the subject. Every. Single.
Time. If he doesn’t get the hint, then tell him that you’re happy to hear from him, but have to go now.
Continue to do this, and eventually (hopefully), it will stop. Tell your dad you love him and are happy to spend time with him sans Lisa.
It’s unfortunate that such a nasty person is coming between you and your dad, especially at his age.
Oh, and another thing, if you can spend more time alone with Dad, let him know that you, as his daughter, have his best interests in mind and that if he gets sick and unable to care for himself, you want to make sure that he gets the best quality of care.
Chances are, Lisa will keep y’all away from Dad when he’s sick or in a hospital or nursing home (yes, with the right paperwork, and as his wife, she can do that).
Also, you probably won’t see much in the way of inheritance, so if there are any special mementos, photos, jewelry, etc, talk to your dad about it.
It might sound morbid, but so many families have been hurt by a nasty new wife. Better to do what you can now.” NonaYerBiz
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk in this situation. You had communicated with Joe about Lisa’s potential attendance, and it was clear that it wouldn’t be well-received. Your husband’s response was honest and consistent with the previous conversation.
Lisa’s decision to show up uninvited and make a scene was inappropriate. It’s unfortunate that Joe is upset, but your boundaries were communicated in advance, and your husband handled the situation appropriately.
It seems like a larger issue is at play here concerning Joe’s reaction to your decision.
It might be helpful to have a calm and honest conversation with him about your concerns and feelings, focusing on maintaining open communication and understanding each other’s perspectives.” Encouraging_Angels
9. AITJ For Not Allowing My Roommate's Partner To Sleep Over?
“I (18F) am a freshman in college and got randomly assigned with my roommate. In the first semester her long-distance partner, who is 4 years older than us, came to visit twice.
Once when I was away for the weekend and once during a break when I went home. Both times he stayed a day longer than I was away. The first time this happened I slept in my own bed sharing a room with them. The second time my roommate asked if I could give them alone time and I slept on my friend’s floor.
Recently she asked if I would be traveling this month and I said no. She informed me that she was hoping for her partner to come to visit and stay in our dorm room for 3 nights as hotels are expensive. I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing a room with them for 3 days and didn’t want to sleep on my friend’s floor again.
She said that her friend had an air mattress I could borrow and I told her I didn’t want to sleep on a random person’s air mattress nor did I want to impose on my friend and her roommate’s room for 3 days especially as she wanted him to come during a time when I have exams and need my room to study.
I asked her if it would be possible for her to wait till spring break to see him or to visit him as he has his own apartment rather than have him come here. She said she really wanted him to come here. And I repeated that I didn’t want him to come.
She then left the room.
When she returned it looked like she had cried and she told me that it makes her very sad when she can’t see him for a long time, that I’m not letting her see him, and that if my long-distance partner came to visit she would gladly sleep in someone else’s room.
I said that wasn’t the point and that if he really wanted to come he could find a cheap hotel.”
Another User Comments:
“Your roommate is selfish and manipulative and lacks empathy. You are not preventing her from seeing her partner. She is free to go visit him.
He is free to come visit her and stay in a hotel. This is NOT your problem and her trying to make it yours through real or crocodile tears is rich.
Explain to her that you are not preventing her from seeing her partner but she is asking you to impose upon others and be in an uncomfortable living arrangement while you need to focus on school.
Make it crystal clear that you have been generous twice and this is the extent of it, and she should go visit him or he can pay for a hotel.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“Navigating shared living spaces in college can be challenging, and it’s important for both roommates to communicate and find compromises.
In this situation, you’re not the jerk for expressing your discomfort and setting boundaries.
It’s reasonable to prioritize your own needs, especially during exam times, and to voice concerns about sharing your space for an extended period. Suggesting alternative solutions, like waiting until spring break or him staying at his own place, shows that you’re open to finding compromises.
It’s important for both of you to communicate openly and try to find a solution that respects each other’s needs and boundaries.” Encouraging_Angels
8. AITJ For Favoring My One Niece Over Her Twin?
“I (39f) am a twin. Growing up my sister whom I’ll call Tanha grew uncomfortable with being a twin. In a way, I do get it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Tanha married Jason (42m) 20 years ago. With the way she viewed being a twin, it caused me some worry when she fell pregnant with twin girls who are 16 – Jasmine and Chloe. Neither likes the other in the slightest. I don’t know if it’s a natural dislike or something Tanha encouraged. Chloe, the older twin, is heavily favored by my sister and Jason.
It bothered me a lot when Jasmine was so kind, and intelligent and decided to be a pediatric surgeon. Her interest in medicine started when she was very young after I was babysitting her and Chloe and she saw all the books and anatomical displays in my office (I’m a Cardiologist).
Just over a year ago, Tanha asked if I would be interested in adopting Jasmine as she couldn’t keep up with trying to raise two kids. I said I would only agree if that was what Jasmine wanted, I didn’t want to make such a change without her input.
She was 14, not two. Jasmine was overjoyed and eagerly agreed to the adoption; I did make sure to have her in therapy.
Here is where I may be the jerk. Four months ago, a position opened up in Sweden. I talked it over with Jasmine and she was super excited and it would also put her in far better schools.
So, after getting my work visa and filling out the paperwork we prepared for the move. Jasmine was chattering to all of her teachers and classmates about the move, and it drew quite a lot of attention to her.
I later had an angry Tanha, Jason, and Chloe on my doorstep.
They demanded to know why I was moving their daughter away from her family across the world, and throwing so much money on her education, clothing, and electronics when I didn’t do the same for Chloe. I got mad, and this is where I may have overstepped. I snapped that they’d lost their right to claim Jasmine when they neglected her and threw her to the side just because Tanha couldn’t handle the fact that she and Chloe had twin siblings.
That Jasmine deserved her chance to make her life the way she wanted it and that Tanha and Jason spoiled Chloe more than I ever did. So yes, I was favoring Jasmine because she needed someone on her side.
Tanha broke down in tears, Chloe doing the same while sobbing and crying out that I hated her before they left as Jason called me a jerk for destroying his family.
We didn’t hear anything more from them as we packed, and we moved three months ago. Jasmine thankfully wasn’t home for that conversation though I did tell her as I don’t believe in keeping secrets like that when she had a right to know.
She cried but thanked me for not giving up on her or forgetting her.
I’ve gotten several calls from our extended family berating me for moving and tearing Jasmine from her family calling me selfish and cold. I can’t help but worry I went too far.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, you adopted her at their request. But it wasn’t a request from the kindness of her heart. She chose to abandon her child, you were a convenient option for her that allowed her to not feel guilty.
She and her entire family agreed and allowed her to neglect her daughter.
How often does she visit Jasmine? How often does she go out of her way to provide Jasmine with what she has given Chloe? They sound jealous and probably lied about how Jasmine came to be in your custody.
She probably said ‘Jasmine just likes being with her aunt. She goes there because she’s interested in medicine.’ She probably never told anyone she abandoned her daughter and now she’ll look bad.
Tell the family she gave up her daughter and that you love Jasmine and you are doing what she needs and is best for her.
Don’t let them bully you because they thought they got off scot-free from the consequences. Keep doing what’s best for your daughter. Your sister made her choice.” Glum_Hamster_1076
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A thousand times. They literally asked you to adopt one of their two kids and think YOU’RE the one unfairly favoring one over the other?
The lack of self-awareness is just mind-blowing.
You are Jasmine’s mom. They lost the status of immediate family when they selfishly discarded her as if she meant nothing to them.
It’s honestly heartbreaking and disgusting. Thank goodness Jasmine has you.
You’re amazing for giving her great opportunities that will help her get a step up in life because she clearly wasn’t getting that or ever going to get that from her bio parents.
I hope Jasmine hasn’t been severely affected by their behavior and can understand that they are failures as parents. That it’s not her fault and she is worthy.” ASBF2015
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Losing Her Dogs Is Not The Same As My Losing My Grandpa?
“I’m a 31-year-old female and my friend, A, is 33. We have known each other for 23 years and I love her very much.
But I would say we have drifted apart and now she only messages me when she wants something.
The last year has been really hard on me. My grandfather died of cancer, my best friend of twenty years ended our friendship abruptly and I have had multiple seizures sometimes back to back to back.
Earlier this year her dogs (multiple) died suddenly and when it happened in August I was there for her.
I sent her a sympathy card, stayed up late with her on Skype just listening to her vent, and even got her an ornament of her dogs to give her some comfort.
I did this several times and even would randomly call her just to remind her that I love her and that I am here for her. I listened every time she recited the horrible story of how her dogs died; no matter how upset it made me.
I now know where she was, when and how it happened, and could easily recite it by heart. I understand she was traumatized which is why I feel awful.
But here’s the thing, A has never been the best pet owner, she never fixes her pets or takes them to the vet but has money for things like plushies and comic books, and her dog had been sick for months.
I begged her to take the dog to the vet but she said she couldn’t afford it. And then back in November around Thanksgiving, I got a Skype call from my grandfather. He was 90 years old and dying of cancer and although I only got 10 years with him (he lived in a third-world country), I was so close to him.
I had the worst Thanksgiving ever and when he said goodbye he even asked me to tell him it was ok to go.
Last week, A called me and wished me a happy new year; she was late but whatever. She asked me how I was and I told her that I would be ok but it was my first year without him in the last decade.
She asked me if I was okay and I said ‘Not really,’ and that I was struggling.
Here’s where I might be the jerk, she said, ‘Yeah I know how you feel my dogs left a hole too,’ and proceeded to recount the way her dogs died YET AGAIN.
I told her, ‘Yes I know but can we not talk about this again? I really need to vent and it’s not the same as losing a pet.’ I know she misses them but I am grieving and really just needed someone to listen to me; I know she isn’t my therapist but come on.
And she told me that the pain of losing my grandfather was EQUAL to the pain of losing her dogs because she was just as traumatized as I am. I lost it, I just lost it. I snapped at her, ‘I don’t CARE that your dogs died!
I get it! THEY DIED! Can we focus on me for once?! My grandfather is dead!’ and I broke down crying while she called me a jerk and hung up leading to a barrage of texts calling me a heartless jerk. Was I though?
I feel really bad and need a second opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“Gosh, I’m so sorry this happened to you. NTJ. You spent more than enough time validating her pain after the loss of her dogs. You’re clearly a wonderful friend–here you are feeling bad for upsetting her after she was so callous to you.
You didn’t expect her to be your therapist, you expected her to be half the friend you’ve been and she wasn’t up to the task. If she’s mad at you let her be–sometimes the trash takes itself out–but don’t apologize.
You demonstrated your care for her loss over and over again.
If she wants to use this incident against you just let her. I hope better friends are in your life/come into your life and give you the support you deserve!” birdsandburritos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the outburst but you do need to learn how to communicate better.
Set a boundary if you choose to remain friends, ‘I know you’re upset about your dogs but I cannot listen to you rehash their deaths again. Also, if you won’t acknowledge that you should have cared for them better I don’t want to talk about it at all.’
You deserve friends who care about your losses too and give you space to grieve.
For what it’s worth, I lost both my dogs last year and even though it makes ME sad, I don’t push that grief onto other people to resolve. It’s my grief to manage.” justanother1014
6. AITJ For Helping My Niece With Wedding Expenses?
“My (32f) brother Nate (49) married his first wife and had my oldest niece Zoe (24f). Nate betrayed Zoe’s mom when Zoe was 6 and they divorced. Zoe’s mom took her to another city and Zoe would come to us for summer vacation. Nate moved his partner in after the divorce and they had Kim (17f).
I have always sent Zoe Christmas and birthday cards. She would send me a message a few times a year for updates. We are friends on a few social media platforms but we’re both not very active online.
Last year Zoe said that she was getting married. Our family was happy for her and Nate said he would help pay for the wedding since both Zoe and her fiancé are only 24.
Zoe thanked him and went about planning her wedding.
Recently, Nate found out that Kim is just a guest at Zoe’s wedding. He told her she should make her only sister the maid of honor. Zoe said that position was for her best friend who’s been in her life since she was ten.
Nate was not happy but then suggested Kim could be a bridesmaid and Zoe said no, that although she feels bad for feeling this way, Kim IS the proof of him betraying her mom and she is uncomfortable having Kim as anything other than a guest at her wedding.
Nate then said Zoe needs to make Kim a bridesmaid or he will pull all the funds from her wedding.
When I learned of this, I lost it on my family, especially my parents, asking why they could back Nate up on such a thing.
They said they agree that it is a little mean but this needs to be done to keep the family together! How can Zoe get married and not have her only sister involved at all?
I happen to be doing rather well financially. I called Zoe to console her and asked her how she planned to proceed with the wedding.
Zoe said they would scale down the wedding. It would be a shame but it was the only way her fiancé and she could pay on their own. I asked for the difference and since it was only just over 10K I told Zoe she could consider it a wedding gift from me and she could have her dream wedding.
Zoe was ecstatic. She said I gave her the ability to really have her wedding the way she wanted it.
My family was mad at me when they learned what I did. Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything.
Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now and my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is.
My family gave me such grief that I wonder, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a saint. Zoe isn’t snubbing people or making it a big deal to exclude people, she’s just not going out of her way to appease other people’s unreasonable requests for HER wedding. And the fact that Kim said she was ‘looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding’ and saying YOU ruined that means that she was promised that her dad would be able to manipulate Zoe into giving her what she wanted. That doesn’t sound like a loving father or half-sister who’s bothered or hurt by the lacking relationship with Zoe; that’s a couple of self-pitying jerks who are willing to use Zoe to get something they want and are upset that they’ve been denied the chance to take advantage of her.
Also, being in a wedding party is a big responsibility; being the maid of honor even more so. Is the 17-year-old going to plan the bachelorette party? Attend wedding dress shopping? Coordinate the other bridesmaids? Be someone the bride can lean on for emotional support?
Protect the bride from unnecessary stress? It’s not a prize or a gift you just give to a child because they want it. If she wants to put on a pretty dress for a fancy party she can save it for junior prom.” EmergencyKind8967
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good for you! Kim was ‘looking forward to being a bridesmaid’? She wasn’t going to be one anyway. Zoe wasn’t giving in to Nate’s blackmail – she was scaling down the wedding. I would think that Nate and family would be the first things on the chopping block.
They still might be. This isn’t Kim’s wedding, it’s Zoe’s. Anyone who isn’t there to support them is not likely to be welcomed.
‘My parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is.’ Do they think for one moment that Nate’s shameful behavior then and now is not something they are already whispering about?
Do they really believe that everyone isn’t talking about how Nate hasn’t learned anything after all this time?
Everyone already knows he makes worse decisions than a bag of doggy doo. Maybe, just maybe because of your actions, some of the talk about your family will be about how kind and supportive you are instead of how embarrassed they are of Nate’s behavior and your parent’s acceptance of his willingness to hurt Zoe again.” latents
5. AITJ For Not Giving My Dad His Money?
“I (44M) borrowed a decent amount of money from my grandmother about 15 years ago to purchase a newer car as mine was about to die. Initially, I had asked my grandmother to just sign for a loan as my credit was crap from a recent divorce and needing to file bankruptcy after the divorce.
She preferred to just pay for it as she was fairly well off. We did not draw a contract for the car. I paid her back a significant amount towards the vehicle and we were both good with the deal.
About a year into our agreement I lost my job and my salary was cut in half.
I kept paying back the loan as best I could with direct deposits from my paycheck but the amount was much much lower. When the bankruptcy was filed my direct deposits stopped. I was unaware that this was even a possibility with the bankruptcy filing.
My grandmother asked me to just pay what I could when I could. The payments to her became fewer and in smaller amounts as money was very tight at that time. Eventually, my grandmother decided to ‘forgive’ the loan because of the strain on our relationship and family.
Fast forward about 8 years and my grandmother has passed away and left a significant amount of money and property to my dad and his other three siblings. I won’t say the amount but it was significant although not seriously life-changing. My dad is retired with a very good pension as well as his wife.
I do not call her my stepmom as she and I have never had a good relationship since she and my dad started their relationship less than two months after my mom passed away. Unbeknownst to me my grandmother had it in her will that any money owed by grandkids to her at the time of her death was forfeit from inheritance to the parent of that grandkid.
So my dad and stepmom got less money than two of my dad’s siblings. The third sibling also got less because their son also owed money to my grandmother.
My dad asked to meet after she passed. We are less than halfway through breakfast when he asks me when I will start paying him back his money.
I hadn’t borrowed money from him so I was confused. He meant the money I had borrowed from my grandmother as he felt I owed him the debt I had with her. I told him I wasn’t aware my debt transferred to him with my grandmother’s death as it was never explained to me that way.
My new wife and I were not in a good place financially as she had just lost her job to an injury that was not her fault and that removed about half of our household income. He knew this was the case and still decided it was a good idea to ask for money.
I told him I didn’t owe him a debt as I hadn’t borrowed money from him and wasn’t even in a good place financially even if I felt I owed him. There have been no legal contracts involved with this money other than my grandmother’s will.
After that meeting, we have been completely no contact. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although you didn’t have a written contract with your grandmother, you did have a verbal contract by your own admission. A verbal contract is valid for legal purposes.
However, your grandmother said she was forgiving your loan and that is the end of your contract to your grandmother. The fact that she felt the need to give your father less of an inheritance as a result is not your responsibility.
Had she told you she was transferring the debt owed from herself to your father, that could be a different story.
She obviously didn’t do that, so you have no obligation to pay him from a legal standpoint.
That being said, I do think it is a jerk move on your father’s part to demand payment when he knows you are already having financial difficulties. It may benefit your relationship to make some type of arrangement, even if small amounts are possible.
If this does happen, be sure ANYTHING regarding payment is in writing. Even with family, putting things in writing is the best way. This way there are no misunderstandings, as you currently seem to be dealing with. Good luck, again NTJ.” Mission_South_7810
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You borrowed money for a car, and you never paid back your loan in full. To your grandmother. It sounds like you’re constantly ‘not in a good place financially’.
You need financial counseling and a stricter budget than whatever it is that you’re doing.
Your grandmother never forgave your loan – she charged your father for it, and it doesn’t sound like she even told him about it. She sucks for that.
Your father thinks you owe him inheritance money. He sucks for that – an inheritance is never a guarantee to anyone.
But he’s not wrong to be angry that YOUR debt did come out of HIS inheritance.” km_amateurphoto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never had an official contract with your grandmother, you paid as much as you could, and she forgave the remainder in the end ‘because of the strain on our relationship and family.’ That was right of her: financial disputes can ruin families, as you’re seeing now.
I think the provision in her will about ‘any money owed by grandkids to her at the time of her death was forfeit from inheritance to the parent of that grandkid’ was absurd and bound to cause bad feelings, but that’s no fault of yours.
Your father is a jerk. He was never ‘owed’ any inheritance and to go after you for what I imagine is a pretty small sum in perspective is greedy and cruel. Sounds like he’s not in financial need anyway. He has no legal grounds here, so feel free to stay no contact unless he comes to his senses and apologizes.
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Money On My Partner's Kids?
“My partner and I do not share finances, and I do not pay anything for his kids. However, we are considering marriage and discussing what combining our lives looks like. I currently work at a job I don’t care for and live in a city I don’t care for so I can keep the job.
I do this because I get paid well, can live a decent life now, and can significantly save for my future, which is essential to me as I have financial trauma from when I was younger.
My partner makes half of what I do and is in a career he loves.
He is excellent with his money but only has a little left to save after his expenses are paid. He’s rarely able to take a vacation and lives in a condo, as it’s far cheaper than a home in our area.
I live in a house.
When discussing marriage and living together, we discussed him moving in with me, but I told him that for his share of expenses, he wouldn’t be saving much more than he is now because the house is more expensive. He’s upset by this because he doesn’t care to live in a house and feels he should not have to pay more.
Fine, I’ve accepted that and have agreed to pay more.
Now, to his kids… I told him I’d like a joint account and an individual account until the kids were out of the house because I don’t want to be responsible for any expenses for them unless I want to be.
Their mom makes as much as me, and their dad does ok. Also, they’re not my kids, so I shouldn’t be responsible for them.
He is unhappy about my thoughts and feels I’m reluctant to marry him because of his financial situation. He said that when you marry, it’s ‘one flesh’ and, therefore, should be one pot of money.
I don’t find this fair. What he makes per year doesn’t bother me so much; what bothers me is that he gets the nice house, the nice vacations, and the nicer retirement pot because of my perseverance in staying at my job. He didn’t go into my job day in and day out the last decade; I DID.
So I said to him, what’s in this for me? Because you see, not only does he want to share a pot, but he’s asking me to move to where his kids are (an hour from where we are now), where it’s more expensive to live.
Who’s going to take care of that cost? ME.
I feel like a jerk and wonder if I’m being unreasonable. He also told me that if I feel this way, I should never be married, and well, that makes me incredibly sad. As if I don’t deserve to be married because I don’t want to share the money I’ve worked incredibly hard for with kids that are not mine.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for considering all these things before you end up in a situation where either of you gets surprised and upset because neither of you discussed this beforehand. I am curious though. You work a job you dislike because of the financial security that you get from it.
He works at a job he enjoys but receives less financial reward from it.
Since the increased costs would be because of him – moving to a higher cost area, increased commute, increased family size to support – wouldn’t he need to get a job he dislikes that pays well enough for all these things?
At the same time, since you would be moving to a new area and having a partner to share expenses, maybe you could get a new job that pays less money but gives you satisfaction and pleasure to work there? If it is fair for one of you, shouldn’t it be fair for either of you?
I’d be interested in his reaction. ” latents
Another User Comments:
“Financial issues and infidelity are probably the biggest reasons for divorce. You should NOT have to share what you have already built up. You earned that. This is one reason that prenups exist.
You should both be able to talk about what you both see for yourselves in the future, this includes what you see for yourselves financially.
He is asking you to give up a lot. It may not be wise for you to do that. He is also guilting you by saying you don’t deserve to be married. Maybe you two are incompatible, in the long run. But don’t judge all men on this one.
NTJ for wanting to protect what you already have.” Aggravating-Pain9249
3. AITJ For Refusing To Drop Everything To Help Calm My Grandpa Down?
“My (20f) grandpa has dementia and it’s been getting worse. My grandma died when I was 5. So I don’t really have memories of her. I have seen videos and photos of her and I do look like her.
So my Grandpa confusing me for her isn’t a surprise.
The first time he confused me for my grandma was when my parents were having a hard time with him. Grandpa was upset and accused them of trying to kidnap him and when I entered the room he stopped and started crying and called me by my grandma’s name and started calming down and hugging me and asking where I had been.
At the time I let him because it felt like the right thing to do at the time. It started from there. Every time Grandpa acted up my parents or whoever was looking after him at the time would call me and I would have to go to him and he would calm down thinking his ‘wife’ had come home.
I don’t know when I started resenting having to do this. I love my Grandpa, I know he doesn’t know what he’s doing but the last straw that caused me to get angry was when I was with my significant other and it was his birthday and I was having fun and I got a call to come home because Grandpa was having a meltdown.
I refused and said I’m not his wife and I’m not coming back, I’m not doing this anymore! I turned my phone off and continued enjoying my night. When I got back home and turned my phone off, I had countless missed calls and messages.
The last one was Grandpa was in hospital. Grandpa had a heart attack because they couldn’t get him to calm down.
My family is all mad at me and saying if I wasn’t so selfish and just went home when they needed me, Grandpa wouldn’t be in hospital and I feel so bad.
My SO said it’s not my fault, but I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… so not your fault. If you happen to be there and he thinks you are grandma, then so be it. But for you to drop everything when your grandfather has a meltdown?
Nope. And you did not cause any heart attack if he even had one.
Your family needs to get a clue. Grandpa is not going to get better and they need to look into other alternatives for his care first because they clearly cannot manage him at home.
Either suggest to your family to talk to a social worker at the hospital or you do so. Let them know what has been going on, that you are concerned about Grandpa’s future care, and ask if they cannot say anything to the family about you asking, but maybe they can look into the situation if he should go home or a care center that deals with dementia patients.
Also, suggest to your family that they find a support group for caregivers or how to talk to Grandpa when he gets upset. There are ways to handle people like this when they meltdown.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“Your family needs to work up a reason where Grandma is that they can use to calm Grandpa.
Maybe ‘She had to run out to the grocery store.’ Or if she had a regular evening activity, it could be, ‘She’s at her Weight Watcher’s meeting.’ Or knitting club, or whatever. For my mother, we used, ‘Didn’t you say Dad went to the hardware store?
You know what men are like at the hardware store.’ And Mom would agree that he was probably wandering around Home Depot. When she said her parents were going to come back from Hawaii and take her home to the ranch, we just smiled and agreed.
Yes, that’s lying to them. But in these circumstances, it’s necessary. What purpose would it serve to tell him the truth, ‘Dad, Mom died 15 years ago’? Absolutely none. He’ll just be upset now (because ‘nobody told him!’) and forget about it later.
You are NTJ for not wanting to be on call 24/7.
IF you had screamed in Grandpa’s face that you weren’t his wife, that would be cruel. But you graciously agreed to help them, probably far more than you should. I agree that your family should talk to the hospital social worker and find out how to access more help.
The Alzheimer’s Association would be another alternative. It does not matter what sort of dementia Grandpa has. AA will work with you even if, like my in-laws, he has vascular dementia or some other form.” TheFilthyDIL
2. AITJ For Not Encouraging My Wife To Get Back Into Acting?
“I (33M) met my wife (31F) when she was still a struggling actress and I witnessed firsthand how being rejected audition after audition took a toll on her self-esteem and mental health.
She decided to put acting aside about two years ago and is now working steadily as a graphic designer. In my opinion, she’s never seemed happier.
Last week she was approached by a casting director, apparently because an actor who worked with my wife in the past recommended her for a part in a short film.
My wife came to share the news with me, and she seemed over the moon. She already had decided, before talking to me, to go on with this.
After asking her about the project, my first concern was to keep her expectations in check – to remind her she wasn’t offered the role yet, she was invited to an online audition.
Was she prepared to deal with the possibility of things not working out? And if they did, what would she do about her main job?
The more I inquired, the more my wife seemed upset, and eventually, she said I was not being supportive and just taking the chance to throw cold water on her news.
I honestly just don’t want her to get hurt, but could I have been a jerk for the way I approached this?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She knows what to expect. She knows the process and the hard work that takes memorizing lines, getting into character, preparing lighting and backdrops, self-taping, or getting prepared for a Zoom.
She is already going to be nervous from being rusty and then doing a side for an audition. If she is willing to take another shot at it then support her not stomp on her dreams. Good grief, Charlie Brown.” No_Material5630
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it’s not your job to keep her expectations in check. She has a day job she likes, but she’s allowed to enjoy being recommended for a job she would love to do. By squashing her enjoyment of the idea now, you’re not helping her be less disappointed later.
You’re just bringing the disappointment forward to make sure she can’t enjoy this rare cool moment.” ViolaVetch75
1. AITJ For Being Upset About How My Child-Free Friends Have Been Treating Me?
“I (33F) was child-free and wanted to stay that way for most of my life and all my friends are the same.
My partner and I talked a lot about the pros and cons of having kids and we both agreed we wouldn’t actively work on having kids.
However, in the last year, we wanted kids more and more. First, we wanted to foster (adoption is nearly impossible in our country) but then we sorta ended up pregnant.
I am due to give birth soon and my friends are being jerks about it. I told them off and called them cruel and they called me a selfish jerk.
So, for context, since I have been purposefully child-free most of my life I am aware of the downsides of having kids.
I personally think a lot of people are being unwise when they decide to have kids and less population is generally better but I never ever said it to someone’s face especially when they were expecting. One cannot know what are people’s motives to have children or to not have children and I never judged. Whether you have offspring or not is completely irrelevant to me to see you as a person.
When I got pregnant I was delighted but scared, naturally. I am an anxious person by nature and I always talk through my things with my friends who are always there for me. Until the topic centered around my pregnancy.
For the past 7 months of pregnancy, every time I mentioned something bad relating to pregnancy (like having nausea, back pain, insomnia) my friends jokingly said ‘Well you got yourself into that hole, now suffer hahaha’.
First, it was a joke but sometimes it gets really hard, and considering we always whine about something (one of my friends the other day literally cried cause she missed the beginning of a movie in the cinema, and nobody said anything to her) I don’t think me ‘whining’ about the discomfort of carrying a baby is too much.
Lately, they even upped the game by saying stuff like they won’t come by our place when the baby is there (I mean where should I put the baby???) and saying stuff like ‘Nice knowing you’, ‘Ah now you won’t be able to go to the concert with us’ (even tho when the concert happens baby will be 7 months old and I have tickets and plans to go).
One went so far as to tell me they didn’t even wanna meet my baby, and that’s when I lost it and called them all cruel. This resulted in backlash, calling me a selfish jerk because I decided to have kids and I shouldn’t be imposing the kid on them.
Thing is… I am not imposing anything. The kid will simply be there and I never ever mentioned anything about them babysitting or looking after or in any way shape or form being included in the baby’s life. Just think I am going through something life-changing (whether it was my decision or not) and just don’t want them to dump crap on me whenever I mention anything related to my pregnancy or baby.
I dunno, they all made some bad decisions in their lives, we all did, and we all were there for each other and this feels like I am their personal landfill because of their own issues with natalism/antinatalism.
Opinions?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like they are just being realistic.
They joke about you bringing this on yourself, which you did. They joke about not being able to see you much when you have a newborn, which is also true. Seems like you might be in denial about just how hard it is going to be with a small child.
You are not going to be able to keep living your past child-free life of going out all the time and hanging with your friends. You will be busy, or you will be resting, trying to recover from sleepless nights.
You say you are not imposing on your friends, but this is just not true.
Once the baby is born, you will expect them to change and adjust to your schedule. you will expect them to listen to your baby scream when you hang out together. You will expect them to give you a pass when you are tired and venting about being a parent.
You will expect them to be ok when you are late for meetups, or have to leave early. You will expect many many things from them that you currently do not expect from them. This list isn’t crazy, but you will be imposing on them in small ways.” Fun_Negotiation7663
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, YTJ. Yes, your whining about your discomfort is too much. No one wants to hear it. They’ve made that abundantly clear. They even tried to be nice about it at first by joking about it. So, now be quiet. Vent to your partner about your pregnancy discomfort, not your friends.
So, your friends don’t want to come over where there’s a baby or meet your kid. So what? YOU are having a child. That doesn’t mean other people are obligated to want to spend time with your child. It sounds like your friends are also likely child-free and intend on staying that way.
Just because you changed your mind doesn’t mean they’re going to or that they need to change their opinions to accommodate you. They’re likely still willing to hang out with you, just without the kid. That’s going to mean going out places or going to one of their houses.
And I’m going to tell you right now: If you’re unable to talk about anything other than your kid, then find new friends right now. Because they’re not going to want to hear it.” Disastrous-Nail-640
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