People Want Us To Dissect Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Husband's Distant Relative To Save Her Money?
“We own a house in a rural area with only one hotel. Both my husband and I are in our early 30s.
Recently, my husband’s BIL’s cousin reached out. So his sister’s husband’s cousin – no relation at all, though he’s met her a few times at their kids bday parties. She lives out of state, and she asked to stay at our home with her husband when they travel to our town for a wedding next month.
There is a hotel + venue in our town but she said she wanted to save money and thought of us.
It was a quick no for me – we are both introverts and are careful about who stays with us, and the wording felt weird…like we would be expected to host so that she can save money?
My husband told her it wouldn’t work due to me being 7 months pregnant, which admittedly wasn’t a great excuse. I am honestly judging them for even asking us, I see it as super weird, though I’m trying my best to stay neutral. I mean, we haven’t seen them in 3 years, don’t follow each other on social media, and have barely ever spoken.
She had to request to message my husband on social media because they’re not friends. She only knows we moved here because SIL probably mentioned it – we haven’t even been in the same place as her since before we moved.
Yesterday, husband’s sister called him a little upset and asked why he refused to help out family.
Apparently, the whole family feels like we’re too closed off when the cousin was really bummed she wouldn’t be able to save money. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, what you say goes. If I were going somewhere where my options were the only hotel in town or a somewhat distant-ish relative-in-law, I’d go for the hotel unless they knew me well enough to feel comfortable offering.
If I knew them well enough to ask, I’d also be willing to accept their ‘no’ because…well, their house, their right to dictate who gets to stay with them and who doesn’t.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m firmly of the belief that the only people who are welcome to stay with me are people who actually make an effort to be interested in me and my life.
And it’s going to get put to the test soon. We’ll be moving to a vacation area into a situation with a hugely attractive water feature. I’ve made it very clear to my husband that we are not going to be everyone’s vacation home away from home.
Just no. ‘I’m sorry, we’re not able to accommodate you’ is all that is required as an explanation.” rbrancher2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was almost no jerks here until your husband’s sister got involved and started to pull a guilt trip. I do not think it was wrong of them to ask.
It was not wrong of you to say no. I think you might be a little rigid with your expectations of what is and is not appropriate to ask (“well I would never ask, so they should never ask, either!”).
Have you ever heard of the ask vs guess culture conversations?
It basically boils down to some people will ask, and are totally comfortable hearing “no” as an answer, they just thought they’d try (these are the “ask” folks) vs the “guess” ones who will never ask a question unless they have every degree of certainty that the answer will be yes.
I am a “guess” person. It sounds like you are, too. We tend to resent people asking us questions that put us in a position where we want to say no, because we never want to put other people in the position of having to tell us no – and when other people don’t extend us the courtesy we give to others, we can get out of sorts.
Here’s the thing: as long as it is not a super outlandish/insane/unhinged question – honestly, there’s no harm in someone asking. Just like there’s no harm in us saying no. They asked. No big deal. You said no. No big deal. No jerks there.
The jerk move shows up when people try to guilt you for saying no (which you are completely entitled to). You are not obligated to host people in your home, ever, full stop.” Dramatic_Attempt4318
20. AITJ For Refusing To Watch A Stranger's Toddler In A Parking Lot?
“I (28F) had just finished up loading groceries into my car yesterday evening and was returning from putting my cart back when I saw a man (maybe 30s) approaching with a toddler (3-4M). He said hello and told me he was in a bit of a jam and asked if I could help him out.
His car wasn’t starting and he was trying to get it to work (he pointed to an SUV a row over with its hood up) but his toddler kept running off or yelling in the car. He was wondering if I wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on him for a few minutes while he finished up with the car.
I very much did not want to be on Dateline so I said “No I’m sorry I can’t help you out. Good luck.” The guy looked distraught and said “Please I really need to get him home and I just need an extra hand for a few minutes.” The kid did indeed look very upset and looked like they had been crying.
I was sympathetic but I still repeated that I was sorry but I couldn’t help him.
The man looked even more upset and started almost begging. Little less sympathy now and I said “Look I told you no. Please back away from my car because I’m leaving.” He backed up and started heading back towards his car with his toddler in tow but not before he looked back and told me I was a real jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who on earth asks a stranger to look after his child, that father is irresponsible. He could have asked you for help with his car, but with his toddler? No way. I find it so bizarre that I would have wondered if it was a scam.
You were right to refuse, you would have been responsible if this kid ran away or had an accident.” Asciutta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are so many things about this that make me so nervous. You’re a female. It’s the EVENING. You’re alone.
You’re in a grocery parking lot. You are about to leave. If your first thought is “oh why do you have to think the worst in people etc” it’s because literally it has happened before where young females are put into dangerous situations.
Like you said it’s a stranger’s kid. You have no idea how long it would be. This world is just not safe for women at all.” theonenamedlingling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strap the kid in, let him scream his fool head off while the car is fixed. I swear, some people are idiots.
What does this guy think happens when the other parent takes the kid to the store and has to return the cart? Is he one of those feral people who doesn’t return their cart? And he wouldn’t be the first criminal to use a kid to lure in a victim if that was his plan.” C_Majuscula
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay Extra For A Family Trip My Mother Initially Promised To Cover?
“My mom has been planning this family vacation overseas. When she first told us about this trip last year, she said that she would pay for all the expenses once we arrived at the destination.
She will also be paying for her flights and my sister’s flights, and that I would just have to pay for my flights.
She and my sister booked for 10 days while I decided to book for a month. The reason behind this is that my sister has mobility issues and my mom is nearing her 60s, and there are activities that I want to do that they can’t do.
Like hiking and other outdoorsy stuff. So I’m going to do all those activities when I’m on my own after the 10 days.
Since I’m planning to stay for a month, I’m fully prepared to pay for the rest of my trip knowing that my mom had promised to pay for my expenses for the 10 days that we’re all together.
Now, she’s asking me to pay for some of the expenses during the 10 days, specifically the hotel which is pricey, and I don’t want to.
Her argument is that I just got a big promotion a few months ago and that I should be able to afford it.
Thing is, this isn’t the only trip that I’m planning this year. Then she argued that I frequently travel on my own and that I should make sacrifices just once for this family trip. Not true because I have always been paying for my share in the past family trips.
I even willingly paid for some of my sister’s expenses, as she is a student and is fully dependent on our mom.
Yes, I can afford it but it would mean cutting some costs on the solo leg of my trip. Or had I known that I’d end up sharing some of the expenses for this family trip, I wouldn’t have booked for a month.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sure, you can afford more if you give up other future trips, but your mom made an offer and you accepted, then when it was too late to change anything, she rescinded the offer. It doesn’t matter what else you were doing with your own time and funds or how much you have.
Your mother made an offer and then reversed it because of course it’s easier for her to spend your money.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ easy, explain to her you planned your trip around her promise to cover certain expenses. You can sympathize that perhaps her circumstances have changed and offer to cover YOUR OWN expenses.
Then NEVER plan a trip with her again. This is either standard behavior for your mom and you’re not surprised – in which case you should’ve expected. Or she has had a reversal and needs the financial help.” PeppermintWindFarm
Another User Comments:
“First of all, NTJ, seeing as she wants you to help but will still be paying for your sister.
That said, I have a few questions, if that’s ok. 1-Did your mom lose money? If so, maybe it would make more sense for her to cancel than to take the hit. 2- Since how long ago did your mom start planning this trip? If it was after you got your promotion, I’d be extremely suspicious.
3-Did she ask for your contribution after finding out you would stay longer? Is it possible that this is one of those “I have enough to pay, but since she has more, why should I have to?” Finally- Since she wants you to pay for the hotel, how do you think she would react if you asked for the three of you to stay in a smaller, cheaper hotel?
After all, everyone has to make sacrifices for the family, right?” Redblade_jack
18. AITJ For Publicly Confronting My Ex About Misrepresenting Our Financial Arrangements?
“My ex, Tania, and I have a child together (5M) and we have been separated for 1 year, trying to co-parent.
Unfortunately, at the moment, I can only spend weekends with my son and during the week he stays with Tania.
I pay child support and above that, all expenses related to doctors, babysitting, clothes, and any expenses beyond the basics, we share 50/50. All of this was determined by the judge, I had problems with Tania, she wanted me to pay 100% for certain things and it went to court, the judge was in my favor.
We are in a better relationship, but she has a habit of saying that I only pay for child support and she pays for everything else, but not in front of me (I found out from others, but since I never heard from her, I never approached her about it).
Yesterday was our son’s birthday and we decided to have a joint party (he asked for it), so there were my parents, my ex-ILs and other relatives.
Tania was talking about our son going to a private school next year and a comment caught my attention, something like “It’s difficult having to bear all these expenses alone, but I want to guarantee the best future for him”.
My ex-MIL asked if I wouldn’t help.
She said, “If he pays anything more than what is required for child support, it’s a miracle.”
I believe she didn’t think I was listening, I was outside before.
I interrupted this conversation and said “The judge didn’t agree that we split everything 50/50?
Why are you saying that you’re paying for things alone if we even paid for this party together?”
There was a strange mood at the party, after this.
Later, she took me aside before I left saying that I didn’t need to call her out during the party and make the mood bad, I should have resolved it privately like two adults.
I replied that if she wants to be treated like an adult, she should stop bragging about things that are lies in front of her family and mine, just tell the truth or not comment.
Some of her relatives said I was unnecessary, my family at least stood by me.
To be clear, my son was not around for this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – People who want to handle things privately or like adults don’t sling mud while playing the victim card. Immature jerks who want to be professional victims when they, and I’m using the words loosely here, grow up act like she did.
Good for you for acting like an actual adult and setting the record straight.” GothPenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this happened the way you described, she was the one who decided to make your private business a public one. It’s definitely important that your son heard it as well because it sounds like she could be engaging in possible parental alienation with stories about your refusing to contribute.” Littlest-Fig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My bonus kid’s mother is like this. Refuses to behave like an adult, lies about everything to get attention and sympathy, and makes every situation about how hard things are for her since the divorce. That happened 12 years ago. And the kid in question lives with me and dad, only visiting for 3-day weekends.
But she still tells everyone how much of a burden it all is on her physical and mental health and how she, her husband, and their son are nearly living in abject poverty because she has to pay 50% of my bonus kid’s extracurriculars. But somehow hasn’t managed to pay a dime in 3 years.
I’m proud of you for calling her out. It’s nonsense like this that gives folks lockjaw from clenching their teeth just to keep quiet. Best wishes to you and your son. Heads up, she’s gonna start using/manipulating him to get at you. I can almost guarantee it based on her fake woe is me narrative.” Feeling_Vegetable_84
17. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Doing All The Household Chores?
“My partner (33) and I (25) moved in together a while ago. Let’s name my partner John. We lived in a small apartment. I had to tidy and clean the house almost all of the time. I did groceries, cooked, and afterward had to do the dishes.
We didn’t have a dishwasher, and because the apartment was really small, I was doing dishes three times a day. John almost never did this. Sidenote, we both have a full-time job, and both are quite demanding.
When I explained that I did not like the way that household chores were divided, John replied that the apartment is always messy because it’s too small.
Other reasons for him to not do anything was that I was irritated by his mess, therefore it was my problem.
We now moved into a bigger apartment and the division of chores didn’t change. I was irritated and when John asked why I was “in this bad mood again”, I simply said that I didn’t like that I still had to do everything around the house.
This exploded into a big fight.
John said that he will pay for a cleaner and that it should be my responsibility to do all the other chores. I said that I would happily share the costs of the cleaner and that cleaning was the least of my worries.
But tidying up after him, making sure that he always has clean clothes, a meal, and a nice house is tiring. I also want to have days that I don’t do anything around the house without me being the only one bearing the consequences. I also want to be taken care of.
John said that he doesn’t care about the mess and therefore he will never help me that way. When I got sad and emotional because I think that it is unsympathetic to think about me this way, John said that I had to stop this little act of mine.
John stormed out. AITJ for not wanting this situation to continue this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. John is not a good partner. You need to look at the situation from a different perspective. What would you tell your bff if she were in a situation like this, working two full-time jobs?
How would this situation be if you were to have children? John isn’t invested in being an adult, and this won’t change. You could try counseling, but it won’t change. And do.not.pay for someone else to clean up after him.
He can pay for that. But seriously consider if he’s the one for you.” michelleinAZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – John is telling you that if you stay together you will bear 100% of the load for all chores in the house. This will most likely include any kids that you have together.
“John said that he doesn’t care about the mess and therefore that he will never help me that way.” Recommendation – GET OUT BEFORE YOU GET PREGNANT AND ARE TIED TO THIS LOSER FOR LIFE.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I pity straight women as it seems the default relationship is paying 50/50 but doing all/most chores.
Stop cooking for him, making sure he has clean clothes, and picking up after his messes. The cleaner can do that. This is why I advise women to keep scoreboards and only do chores for themselves. Next relationship stop being so giving and make sure you have a partner, not a burden.” Maleficent-Bottle674
16. AITJ For Not Forgiving My SIL For Leaving Me Off The Family Tree?
“I am the third wife of my husband. He has two older children with his first wife and none with his second wife. When my daughter was born she was the first daughter produced from my husband’s family. To say this was a big deal is an understatement.
My husband who is from a southern state is the youngest of five siblings. For context my husband is white and I am black. It took four years and a round of fertility pills to finally conceive. When we found out we were having a girl, it left us both in a state of shock as none of his brothers had ever produced a girl.
When my daughter was six months old my sister-in-law sent a family tree including pictures of their mother and father who had passed away years prior. These pictures included my husband and his siblings when they lived overseas and life in general. She also included a family tree.
As I was reading this family tree I noticed that my husband’s first and second wives are listed. I was a bit confused because nowhere on this family tree was my name. I seriously thought I was reading this wrong so I handed it to my husband and his eyes widened. My suspicion was confirmed my husband and my daughter were on the family tree, but my name was nowhere to be found.
I informed my husband that his sister did this intentionally. Since then I have put her on blast at every opportunity I get.
Recently my brother-in-law called my husband and said their sister is not doing well health-wise. She called my husband that she wanted him to come home to visit and to bring the family.
I told my husband he is free to go, but at no point will I ever set foot anywhere near her or her home. My sister-in-law has never acknowledged or apologized for omitting me from the family tree. My brother-in-law tells me to get over it, but because I am petty and unforgiving I refuse to do so.
So am I the jerk because I can not get over being left off the family tree she sent my bi-racial daughter?
Edit: After I realized that I was omitted from the family tree I sent an email to my sister-in-law and asked how the heck she could put on my husband’s previous wives, but not the person who gave birth?
Her response was to blow me off and act like she just forgot to put me on the family tree. After that, I got payback by spreading this information all over the family. Some of the family took her side and said she just forgot to add me.
Others took my side and said she did this on purpose. Since then I have blocked every opportunity for her to speak to her brother. She has tried to reach him via messenger and I intercepted that. Email I intercepted. The only thing I can not do is block her in his phone.
I’m still trying to figure out how to block her on Android.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. How’d she forget you but not your daughter? I don’t buy it either. But what are you doing with the whole intercepting communication? Does he know you’re doing that??
You might not be blocking him from seeing her but you are blocking him from being able to communicate with her. Don’t be that person.” Famous_Connection_91
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk and being abusive by blocking your husband from having anything to do with his sister.
Sounds like there is a reason she left you off the family tree. At first, I would have thought you were not the jerk but now… You are definitely the jerk and probably deserve this treatment.” goddessofwar76
15. AITJ For Giving My Advanced Student's Worksheet To His Struggling Cousin?
“I (23F) am a first-year elementary teacher, I currently teach the 5th grade.
It’s been a huge adjustment from college to teaching, but I enjoy it.
One of my students (11M), (who we’ll call Warren, not using real names) is VERY advanced. He’s in the 99th percentile for IQ and is way above grade level in all academic areas.
He’s autistic, but quite social, and is close friends with a group of boys he plays basketball with. His friends are all in grade level or slightly above, nowhere near him. Warren is a sweet kid, but if he’s not being academically stimulated, he’ll be acting like a class clown and distracting the class.
There’s this concept in education called differentiated instruction, which is basically about meeting kids at various levels in the same classroom. When learning about a topic, I give Warren late high school or early college level reading materials, as that is what challenges him.
Warren has a cousin (11F) in our class who we’ll call Mia. Mia is slightly below grade level, she doesn’t show any signs of autism and has different interests than Warren. They don’t talk much together in class, but they don’t argue.
The only argument they got into was when Mia made a racially insensitive comment to a classmate (who’s the only POC in my room), Warren tried explaining why her comment was wrong to her but she didn’t understand before I had to talk to her.
Last Tuesday, I asked the class what they did over the break. Mia mentioned how their family celebrated Easter, she said Warren was acting “strange”, the first thing she brought up was him being atheist (his parents are religious) and how she didn’t get it, then she said he had “weird worksheets”.
Apparently, he brought some of his homework to Easter and Mia saw it. She asked why his worksheets have “so many big words” compared to the ones she and her friends got. I tried explaining why, but I didn’t want any of the kids to feel dumb so I didn’t really give a great answer, just “it’s what he likes”.
Mia kept asking if she could try his worksheets, because “she can know big words too”. I was unsure what to do as a first year, so I asked some colleagues and they said to just give her one of his worksheets. We were doing an English assignment on a book we read in class.
She came crying to me when she couldn’t do it and got every answer wrong. I told her I wouldn’t count it and she could have her old worksheet.
The next day, I got a call from Mia’s parents, they were screaming and asked why I made her cry, after I explained what happened, they told me they wanted me to name the teachers who told me to give her a copy of Warren’s worksheet because they wanted to “make sure they learn a lesson.” I told them their names in a panic and hung up and then went to admin to explain the situation, who were sympathetic.
Since then, both Mia and Warren’s parents have been posting on social media about my colleagues, calling them “bullies”, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes on bikes. I think the big misstep here was agreeing to give out your colleagues’ names. Mia’s parents sound like bullies.
Having been a first-year teacher myself, I’m not going to call you a jerk for any of this because you didn’t see it coming. But I wouldn’t have sent the worksheet home with Mia. Just let her sit down with it quietly for a bit and then, when she can’t do it, say that’s fine, we’ll put it away for now and you can tell me when you want to try it again.
(With the unspoken understanding, at least on your part, that that might be never.) That way Mia’s dignity is preserved, and Mia’s parents don’t have anything to squawk about. Mia’s past behavior problems are not part of the issue because she’s 11 and should start each day with a clean slate.” Dear-Midnight
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ mostly for throwing your fellow teachers under the bus when you went to them for advice and chose to follow their response to a T instead of finding a creative solution. A good compromise would’ve been to do one of the worksheets with the entire class together.
It’s both a challenge and team building exercise that includes everyone rather than making one child feel lesser than another because they don’t have the same skill set yet.” sbgkhzhd
14. AITJ For Telling My Half-Sister She's Not Welcome On Our Family Vacation?
“My dad had an affair around the time he and my mom conceived me (16m) and my half-sister Jessie (16f) was the result.
My parents already had my sister Winter (18f) and after me, my parents had my brothers Hayes (14m) and Jonah (13m). We found out Jessie was our half-sister 6 years ago and my parents’ marriage broke up over the revelation. Dad ended up getting back together with Jessie’s mom which broke up her marriage, which happened after she and my dad had broken up.
Jessie knew my dad and they had a relationship. Winter and I knew her from school but we were not close to her. Only after the big reveal did we really talk to Jessie and she told us we had to treat her as a real sister and that her parents said we would always have to include her now because she was our family.
That’s been her attitude ever since. She does not think any of us can talk to each other unless she’s involved. She jumps into conversations. She tries to rewrite history to include herself. Jonah tried to get a little closer to her and she yelled at him a few times in response because he wasn’t doing it the way she wanted, meaning he wasn’t erasing history.
The first time it was over Universal Studios and she said our first time there should be together. He told her we had already been and she yelled at him. The second time was when she talked about all the Christmases we spent together and he mentioned we hadn’t spent one together yet.
Whenever we have “family” time at Dad’s house she will come up with stories of things we have not done, in her attempts to change the past. She’ll also make comments about our mom getting in the way of the family and it normally results in a fight with me and Winter vs her because we do not tolerate that nonsense.
So we don’t have the best relationship with her. I can’t say any of us hate her. Maybe Winter does. But I don’t consider her a real sister or a real member of my family and in two years I won’t speak to her or my dad (I’m upset with him for a lot of stuff).
So this year is the first year since the divorce that mom can take us on vacation and she has decided to make it a special one because Winter goes to college in the fall. Jessie found out about this via Dad, because he wasn’t happy with Mom taking advantage of the chance to extend custody during the summer for two weeks for a vacation and he wasn’t happy because Winter said no to going on vacation with his family this year (she no longer sees dad because she’s 18).
Jessie told us we couldn’t go on a family vacation without her and she needed to come. I told her that wasn’t happening and she said we had to include her because she’s our sister. I said she’s not my mom’s daughter. She said we’re family though and she’s our sister.
I told her she’s not welcome on our family vacation with Mom, she never would be and none of us want her there.
She yelled at me and my dad got upset at me for upsetting her and “saying such a terrible thing” to her and taking his affair out on her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. Your dad created a nightmare for you kids. Once you turn 18, bye-bye Jessie. You never have to interact with her again. Talk to your full siblings and tell them SILENCE IS GOLDEN… never tell Jessie any plans again. Tell Dad the minimum….be very vague.
Forget her. She sounds delusional. Hey…you move forward with your chin up. Get the best education you can and be as happy as you can. Don’t let your parents’ drama affect your confidence or future. Best of luck to you!! Put this mess in the rearview mirror!!” 11SkiHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know who has been feeding Jessie this diet of “you get to do everything with them, all the time because you’re all family” but it is delusional, and at 16 y.o., she should have enough critical thinking skills to understand that not only does the “half” sibling bear some weight here, but the “from an affair”.
Look, she’s a kid, you all are! None of you should be arguing about this because she shouldn’t feel entitled to be included in your mother’s vacation plans in the first place. So while she is a jerk for how far she has taken this, I think your father needs to bear some significant responsibility.
Her mother both is and isn’t a factor here; your father is the one who needs to straighten this out no matter what Jessie’s mom may be filling her head with. There’s a way forward where you all figure out your boundaries and exist in peace.
It’s a shame that this in-fighting is where things stand, all because your dad has his head up his backside and is manipulating all of you kids.” NomNom83WasTaken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ obviously. But this is a dumb argument to have with Jessie. You aren’t booking the vacation.
You aren’t paying for the vacation. This is all up to your mom. And that’s what you say. It’s up to our mom. (And then of course make sure your mom knows you don’t want her there.) Jessie is apparently an only child, but now in her mind, she has 2 brothers and 2 sisters.
It is not at all uncommon for a young person in this situation to try to become part of the family. It’s either that or reject the idea and be a royal pain the other way.” 1962Michael
13. AITJ For Arguing With My Fiancé About My Ex-Stepdad?
“My (25F) ex-stepdad suddenly contacted me after 9 years of no contact.
He called me early this week but I missed the call so I called back because I had applied to new jobs recently and thought the number belonged to one of them. He answered and said who he was, sounding as happy as can be and I immediately blocked him.
I was furious because he treated me the way no parent should ever treat their child. I won’t be going into any further detail about what he did. Just know that I cut contact when my mom divorced him for a very good reason.
Today (a few days later) I unblocked him so that I could unleash the fury I’ve been holding on to for years in case he contacts me again.
My fiancé (26M) told me that I should either keep him blocked and never speak to him again (thus holding in all my fury until the end of time) or reach out and let him explain himself and then unleash my fury. Something important to know about my fiancé is that he lost both bio and adoptive parents before he turned 26 and that might influence his opinion.
I told my fiancé that my ex-stepdad doesn’t deserve to explain himself and we argued for a while. We seemed to move on but he is still mad about the situation. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Confronting someone who hurt you is a good way to find some closure and progress towards healing.
Abusers do not “deserve” a chance to try to justify what they did or to further mess with their victims by shifting the blame. Moreover, it is an incredibly hurtful thing to endure and can just reopen some wounds. Maybe your partner’s comment was coming from his own hurt over not being able to say certain things to his parents before losing them.
It is understandable, but he needs to respect your wish.” Serenyx
Another User Comments:
“I was very upset with a medical person who lied to my face. I asked to see them one last time before being transferred because I wanted to re-ask the questions.
Halfway through, when she avoided or deflected every question, I realized that I just didn’t care what they said anymore. Sometimes it’s nice to realize you don’t give a crap what the other person thinks of you and you can let things out.
Might be worth snooping to suggest why he’s suddenly calling you – money or health are likely. If you think you might give in, write out what you’d like to say, but don’t send it. You have the power now and it’s your decision alone.” Tasty-Mall8577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not have to engage with an abuser. The only time I would expect your ex-stepfather to have the right to give an explanation is if you were told, by your mother, that he ghosted you and went no contact of his own volition.
That isn’t necessarily the truth in all cases. If you experienced the abuse firsthand, rather than just his absence, there is no need for any further discussion. Your fiancé’s reaction is concerning; sure, he might have lost two sets of parents but even if he has not experienced abusive, dysfunctional families, he must recognize that whatever happened to you is vastly different from what he went through, and his lack of empathy is concerning.
If, on the other hand, he has experienced that kind of dysfunction and still thinks you owe your abuser, that’s arguably worse because it means that he’s normalized that kind of treatment and might be in a position to give it out within your family.
Either way, he’s a jerk and you’re not.” ElementalSentimental
12. AITJ For Insisting My Roommate Shouldn't Bake Sugary Treats For Our Diabetic Roommate?
“I (22F) live with three roommates. This is mainly about two of them, 21F and 20F who we’ll refer to as “Vic” and “Em.” Vic and I share a room. She loves to bake sweets and often asks me about making treats for us.
Em however has diabetes and has had it since she was 8 years old. I have privately told Vic to avoid baking sweets because Em might feel left out. She usually rolls her eyes and shrugs. Anyway, three days ago was Em’s birthday and Vic was going to bake for her.
I warned Vic to make them sugar-free so she’d be able to eat them but Vic insisted they did not need to be sugar-free. I thought she was joking so I went back to my room.
Later on, I smelled the food in the kitchen and walked in to see chocolate chip cookies as well as brownies.
I saw sugar on the counter. I was mortified and asked Vic what on earth she was thinking and now Em won’t be able to eat any of what she baked on her own birthday. Vic snapped at me and said I was being completely ridiculous.
I proceeded to call her insane and said we needed to find a way to hide them so E wouldn’t see all of it.
Em came home shortly after and saw all the pastries and was very excited. I loudly warned her that they had sugar in them and told her not to eat them.
She looked at me with a confused and disgusted look on her face and asked me what I was talking about. I told her that Vic did not make them sugar-free so it would be bad for her diabetes. For some reason, Em’s confusion turned to what seemed to be complete anger and she asked if I was really so ignorant.
I still can’t tell you what she was on about. She insisted I ruined her birthday and went to her room slamming the door shut.
Vic and Em are both now refusing to talk to me and from what I’ve overheard Em ate some of the sweets anyway so I’m very concerned about her health.
They both seem to be very angry with me and I’m feeling guilty even though I’m not sure what I did wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Em has had diabetes since she was 8 and has learned to manage it just fine without your interference.
She knows what she can and can’t have. You on the other hand, are no expert, by the sound of it have never had a conversation with her about her diabetes and diet, and unless she has specifically asked you to look out for her eating too many sweets, are being really controlling.
I get you mean well, but you are alienating both your roommates. YTJ.” ToeNext5011
Another User Comments:
“”I still can’t tell you what she was on about.” I can tell you what she was on about! You’ve infantilized her (E) and demonstrated a lack of accurate knowledge about a condition (diabetes) you claim to be very concerned about.
You’ve probably also angered V by your know-it-all insistence about what E would and wouldn’t want, without actually offering to help in any way (other than being judgemental). E has had diabetes since she was 8. She probably knows to ask questions, to monitor her own blood sugars, and what she can and can’t eat (perhaps even better than you do).
YTJ.” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“You are deeply in the wrong here. She knows full well how to manage her disease, and you’re literally unwantedly mommying her without any actual information on the disease. People with diabetes can have sugar. You should have shut up and done a quick Google search the second you were told you were being ridiculous.
You are not anyone’s parent. You behaved very rudely and demanding and disrespectful. The sentiment of wanting to protect your friend is nice, but you literally went off of the most ignorant take possible, just a blanket statement that diabetics can’t have sugar! When that’s simply not correct.
And then you kept DIGGING and flipping out after they made their actions so clear that you were talking out of your backside. You are intentionally ignoring the fact that you’re wrong, the fact that you ended this post with “I’m concerned for her health” KNOWING that you were in the wrong, and still not having done a drop of research.
You behaved, and still are behaving, massively ignorantly. A grown woman who isn’t your child knows how to handle her health. YTJ and you need to grow up.” AquaticStoner1996
11. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Neighbour Money For Groceries?
“So, my partner (23m) and I (23m) have this neighbor (44m) that we have helped on many occasions when he and his 11-year-old daughter were in need.
There have been times when my partner has bought them groceries because he felt bad for the girl having to go without and suffer because her dad can’t get his act together. I’ve had to grow up with addicts for parents so I also felt terrible knowing this child is going through the same nonsense I had to deal with as a kid.
However, it’s gotten to the point of the neighbor consistently asking for favors/handouts, using his daughter as a guilt trip, saying she doesn’t have anything to drink or she hasn’t eaten all day. My partner being the caring person he is, gives in every time.
We are barely financially stable enough to pay our bills, buy groceries, etc, and certainly can’t afford to feed someone else’s kid. He does have a job but never has any money to show for it.
Tonight I get home from work, my partner asks me if he can give the neighbor some money for groceries because his daughter has nothing to eat per what my neighbor is claiming for the thousandth time.
I did get upset considering there are things that we are having to go without because we can’t afford it at the moment. Not to mention the two times this man has been caught stealing things off our porch and shed, even confessing that he did.
Anyway, it started an argument between my partner and me because I’m tired of having to support a grown man and a kid that’s not mine, we are basically kids ourselves. His argument is the same as always “but I feel bad that his kid has to suffer”.
I feel terrible she has to suffer as well but I feel like someone needs to put their foot down because it’s gotten out of control. So am I the jerk for not wanting to give my neighbor money to buy groceries for his daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you know why he keeps asking you guys? Is it because they don’t care about children going hungry or that they are not as generous as you? Probably not. It’s likely because he has exploited everyone else’s kindness and they are smart enough to not enable it any longer.
Or that other people have had enough. I would contact social services to request a wellness check on the child, especially when the man has a job but the child is ALWAYS going hungry or does not even have water to drink.” PropQues
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He is taking advantage of you. And the money you’re giving him probably isn’t even going towards food, but his addictions. As sad as it is, the system may need to get involved at this point, so that girl can have a chance for a better life.
She’s being neglected.” Night_Umbreon_1993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The correct answer to this is directed at the neighbor: “Neighbor, we’re going to have to call the local child services. We can’t keep feeding you and daughter, and clearly, you can’t do it alone. This is no way for a child to grow up.” It gets the point across that the gravy train has chugged to a halt.” OtherThumbs
10. AITJ For Refusing To Get Rid Of My Cat For My Aunt's Phobia?
“I, 18f live with my parents and 3 siblings. I am the second eldest.
My aunt and her three daughters overseas have been having a hard time surviving as my uncle suddenly passed away. They’re struggling with bills and they live in a third-world country, they are being harassed by men (relatives, friends, etc) since everyone knows that my uncle had a couple of properties so they are trying to force them into marriage.
Which, in my country, happens quite often even if the person themselves or even the parent doesn’t agree. It’s complicated.
They can’t live there anymore since my cousin was going to come to Australia to study anyway so it’s been decided they’ll come here.
Anyway, they have a way to come to Australia where I live, and the visa process would be straightforward.
To the point – I have NO problem with them living in our small 3-bedroom house. I have a cat. My aunt and her daughters have a psychological phobia of cats.
It’s not something they take lightly, they genuinely will not step on a property if there is a cat there. My mum thinks it’s a medical condition. Idk.
My mum has asked me to get rid of my cat, otherwise, they would struggle to find a place and pay rent (no job).
I said no. I will not get rid of my cat. I’ve had him since he was a kitten and he is almost 2.
Aunt says she can’t come into a house with a cat. I don’t blame her, she has an issue with cats.
Mum says I’m being selfish and only thinking of myself.
What do I do?
I’ve told my mum if she buys a door to my room I’ll keep my cat in there and eventually they’ll have to get used to him.
Mum has “joked” that when I’m gone to uni she’ll kick my cat out.
AITJ?
INFO: when I’m going to uni, I’m still living at my house. I’m not going to be living elsewhere.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your aunt and her kids’ hang-up that’s keeping her out (and I’m seriously wondering at this point how FOUR people in the same immediate family have the same phobia).
Heck, she’s letting the fear of a cat take more importance than her DAUGHTERS’ safety. Stress this to your mom and anyone else bugging you about this. Also, if you can, chip your cat secretly in case your mom actually tries to get rid of him.
Make it very clear to her too that this is a hill to die on if you truly feel this way about him.” Owenashi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think. There’s no such thing as a medical aversion to cats unless they’re allergic which they don’t appear to be.
Pets become like your children you can’t just throw them away. I don’t know why you need a door, but you offered to lock it in your room. If you had one. That’s the next best thing. Also, I’d be careful – it doesn’t sound like your mom is joking about throwing the cat out.
If it were me in the third-world country and I had a choice between forced marriages and a cat for cripes sake, I’d go with the cat.” Pure-Relationship125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I understand that they have been through a lot – but they can’t be too desperate for housing if they categorically refuse to go on a property that has a cat.
So let’s say you have to get rid of your cat – then what – they have a phobia about other things that you aren’t aware of yet? When will it stop – you are being guilted and forced into getting rid of a LIVING thing, a pet, a family member.
It’s not fair that their phobia is going to impact and dictate your life so severely. Shame on your mom for trying to guilt you into this. A pet is a lifelong commitment – you don’t just throw them away or “get rid” of them.” 1moreKnife2theheart
9. AITJ For Refusing To Participate In A Surprise Joint Baby Shower With My Half-Sisters?
“I’m (26f) pregnant and so are my two half-sisters (27f) and (29f). Our shared aunt asked each of us individually if she could host a baby shower for us. My two half-sisters said yes, but they only said yes thinking it was for the two of them.
My aunt told me it was going to be a surprise that all three of us would be the guests of honor. I asked her why she would surprise them like that and she said it’s because they never get to see me and haven’t seen me at all since I became pregnant, so she felt it would be amazing for three sisters pregnant at the same time and due around the same time to have a joint shower.
My half sisters and I share a dad. He and their mom were on and off, and during an off period while she was pregnant with the youngest of my half-sisters, he met my mom. He ended up marrying my mom super fast and then a couple of months later I was on the way.
My half sisters’ mom also married around that time. They lived with their mom and stepdad most of the time and spent every other weekend with me and my parents.
We were not close growing up. Dad had a good relationship with them and they adored him but they never wanted me around.
Because we were so close in age we were often put together and people assumed we were close. They would leave me behind, ignore me, and act like I wasn’t there. They acknowledged their half-siblings born through their mom as siblings, but I was never acknowledged as a half-sibling even.
Around Dad, maybe, but not when anyone else was around.
Family vacations used to be a pain because we would end up sharing a room and they would tell me they didn’t like me or want me in the room with them. They’d say I ruined their sister time.
Nothing has changed between us as adults. Dad is disabled from a terminal illness and that meant casually being in the same place has decreased a lot.
It hasn’t gone unnoticed by extended family. Most of them accept this is something my half sisters want.
But my aunt seems to ignore the fact it’s a choice they have made and not something that is due to clashing schedules or something. So she came up with this idea of the baby shower. I explained why this was a bad idea and told her very clearly they do not want me in their lives and would not have me on their guest lists let alone share the day with me.
She told me that I was being ridiculous and they’d love it.
I told her I would not take part in this. She told me it would be fun and when I still refused she told me I should be thankful she wants to do this for me.
I asked her why she didn’t tell them the whole truth then and see what they say. She told me I’m trying to ruin the surprise and being ungrateful.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That idea has disaster written all over it. It would totally ruin their day, no offense to you.
I’m sure you’re a lovely person. In fact, knowing that this would ruin their special day and choosing not to be vindictive makes you a better person than they seemingly ever were to you. Aunt can pound salt, kick rocks, and then hug a cactus.
In that order.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“What’s the point in being a “surprise guest” at your own baby shower? Are you on a registry? Will the guests know to bring a gift for your child too? Either the guests don’t know and therefore you don’t actually get “showered” (and then risk looking tacky or greedy if you have a second baby shower since you already technically had one) or the guests DO know and therefore your sisters ALSO know because who is going to keep that a secret from them?
There is literally no upside to this for you, stay as clear of it as you possibly can.” biwitchingbee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would also be tempted to tell your half-sisters what your (joint) aunt was proposing to make it a surprise that it was for the three of you & ASK them if, in view of your (joint) father’s illness, they could put aside any ill will so that your father can celebrate all 3 of his daughters being pregnant at the same time.
It might mean a lot to your father, especially as he is terminally ill. I do appreciate that some “terminal illnesses” can last years. My father lived 19 years and 6 months with one. When I fell pregnant at 18 he celebrated because he thought he would never see grandchildren.
My daughter was 15 when he died, & all 3 of his children had had grandsons when he eventually passed.” Future_Direction5174
8. AITJ For Telling My Estranged Daughter She Chose To Stop Visiting Me?
“I (41F) have a daughter who is 17, and her father and I divorced when she was 7. We had a very rocky marriage, during which I was a stay-at-home mom, and I struggled a lot financially afterward.
Because of this, during our divorce, my ex-husband and I agreed that our daughter would live mainly with him and I received alimony payments from him for about 4 years after our divorce.
For the first several years after the divorce, my daughter would stay with me every other weekend and several holidays (the specific holidays depending on the year), and I always enjoyed our time together, but it would often feel like she didn’t want to see me.
She was never interested in any activities or occasions that I planned for us and normally when I called to talk to her, she would be busy with school, an extracurricular activity, or something else.
Usually, when she would spend the night with me, she’d ask about the divorce and why her father and I weren’t together anymore.
I always tried to be as honest as possible with her but I could tell the divorce had been hard for her and when she started high school she stopped visiting altogether.
She and I have been low contact for the past few years, and this past weekend we had an argument regarding her graduation.
She’s graduating from high school this June, and I texted her to ask about the details. She responded with a very passive-aggressive text asking if I would actually come and how she didn’t want to waste a ticket.
I wasn’t sure where it was coming from, so I called her and she started ranting about how I was never around, and that I always blamed her father for everything, and how I cared about my students more than her (I’m a high school teacher).
I interrupted her and told her that she knows nothing about what happened between her father and me.
I told her that she made her choice to stop visiting and not to answer when I call her and that she couldn’t blame anyone else for that and she hung up.
About an hour later she sent me a long text about how much I hurt her and that she didn’t want me at her graduation and that I “needed to change”.
Since that night, I’ve gotten several messages from my ex-husband’s family about how I’m a terrible mother and how I should’ve been more involved when my daughter was younger, and I’m not sure how to handle this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you are omitting information. How does the SAHM/primary caregiver immediately agree to every other weekend and select holidays? Why did your daughter stop coming in high school? Why are you low contact? Why did she assume you might not show up for graduation?
Just one of these factors, standing alone, might suggest your daughter is overstating things. But add them all together and it seems you weren’t interested in anything other than part-time parenting and now she’s calling you out for just that. “I told her that she made her choice to stop visiting and not to answer when I call her and that she couldn’t blame anyone else for that.” Nope, she was a child.
She wanted you to chase after her to prove you love her and you want her in your life. You’re a teacher, you know how teenagers act, and yet you failed this very basic test.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“INFO: You were getting alimony and presumably had a career so why didn’t the visitation schedule ever change to allow her to spend time with both parents more frequently?
During your every other weekend schedule did you make a point to attend every recital, game, parent-teacher conference, school activity, etc? Were you there for her? Why were you low contact for several years? She is only 17 so the low contact started when she was pretty young.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I came into this thinking no this is just a kid being told to shut it. But YTJ a huge one too. Why didn’t you ask your daughter what she wanted to do when she would visit? Why didn’t you send her to therapy and go together?
Why didn’t you, THE PARENT, continue to be the one to reach out to a child? Of course you’re a teacher of course you are. Bet you’re a good one too. I am not being sarcastic at all. The year my younger brother & I were taken by CPS (the family flew us to relatives out of state after the first night) my mom won Teacher of the Year.
I know what kind of person and parent you are. You better do something right now to mend this relationship, or you’re gonna be like my mom. All her kids are no contact, she is in her 70s and going blind all alone. Fix this now YTJ.” Responsible-Ebb2933
7. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About Spreading Gossip At My Wedding?
“At my wedding reception, my husband and I went around to the tables thanking everyone for coming. As we’re thanking my sister, she tells me she’s pregnant. She added that she had “only” found out a week ago and was waiting for the right moment to tell me.
I was annoyed at this point, but I again congratulated her.
After the speeches were given, my maid of honor whispered to me that my brother was apparently going around telling people about my sister’s pregnancy. He didn’t leave the bridal party’s table until he got them to agree that it was trashy.
As people got intoxicated and headed to the dance floor, we started hearing people gossip about my sister’s pregnancy with many of them saying they heard it from my brother. My sister hears some gossip and makes a formal announcement. I wasn’t too mad, but my husband’s family was absolutely furious.
My brother didn’t help things either, because after that he just went straight to trashing her and our family.
After our honeymoon, we find out that my husband’s family has been making comments to my parents about my sister’s announcement. Thanks to my mother, a great deal of my family is upset that my sister is getting trashed. Thanks to my brother, friends are getting involved too.
It’s mostly just a hot topic, but some are taking it very seriously and either supporting my sister or verbally trashing her.
Later, my family had a celebratory dinner at my parent’s house. At the dinner, I pulled my brother aside to another room so I could talk with him.
I told him to stop talking trash about our family and our sister because it was causing issues with my husband’s family and making my friends think badly of our family. He apologized and then told me that he was just telling the truth. We talked in circles for a bit and I started yelling at him while he sat calmly and used the same tone of voice, which made me angrier.
Our family interrupted and separated us and asked us what we were talking about and my brother said our sister’s pregnancy. This immediately caused my sister to accuse me of being selfish and not letting her celebrate her pregnancy. I tried to explain that I wasn’t that mad at her but I kept getting talked over by her and my parents.
My brother just started laughing. That ended the dinner for the night. I tried to contact my sister, but found that she had blocked my number and my husband’s.
At lunch with friends days later, they said my sister told them that I tried to ostracize my brother from the family over her announcement.
They knew the truth and told her but she said they had been lied to. I explained the altercation with my brother, but they thought I had gone too far and was creating more issues. Two of them even agreed with what my brother had done.
I got so frustrated I walked out of that lunch. The two texted me after apologizing, but another in the group said I got too emotional and shouldn’t have taken what was said personally. I am now a day removed, still frustrated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister had ANY class she would have waited until AFTER the wedding as she should have realized that this was your moment in the spotlight. It also proves that your brother is obviously the town gossip and is only playing the victim now because he’s been called out.
If your sister was a decent person she would have immediately put your brother in his place and told him to keep it to himself until AFTER the wedding. Your in-laws are allowed to be angry over this and clearly you can’t trust your siblings.” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is stirring stuff for the enjoyment of stirring stuff. It’s a jerk move, and he should get yelled at for it. “I’m just telling the truth” is what crap-stirrers say when they get called out for it, and it’s at that point that you show them the definition of the word “tact” because it’s obviously a foreign concept to them.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It’s hard to tell what’s going on, but your husband and his family must be wondering what kind of mess he’s just married into. Your sister – for telling you she’s pregnant at your wedding and for making an announcement Your brother – for going around informing everyone of your sister’s pregnancy and trash-talking instead of ignoring the news.
You – blowing up at your brother and your friends instead of talking it out and being open to hearing dissenting opinions. Your parents – why do none of their kids know how to resolve a conflict?” excel_pager_420
6. AITJ For Accepting An Expensive Birthday Gift From My Son's Partner?
“My (M23) son is five months into seeing his partner (f22).
She’s a complete delight to be around and I think we’ve bonded quite a bit despite the short time we’ve known each other. Now I have to mention here that she’s very rich. My son estimates that the funds she gets from her parents every month are the same as his yearly income.
My son has expressed to me several times that he’s worried it might look like he’s only with her for her money, so he’s been really strict about things like paying his share of things and not accepting expensive gifts from her. Yesterday was my birthday and his partner got me a very expensive designer handbag that I’d mentioned being excited by months ago even though I could never afford it on my own.
I’m so touched that she remembered a short comment I made so long ago. I told my son about it and he became so angry at me, said he’s had to refuse so many gifts, outings, and vacation plans since they’ve been together because he can’t stand her thinking he’s into her money, and here I am, happily accepting the first gift she’s got me.
He demanded that I return it immediately or I’ll disturb the dynamic of their relationship. I refused and told him it’s such a thoughtful gift even not considering the price and she’ll be hurt if I return it. Now he’s saying I’m greedy and don’t care that I’m making him out to look like a gold digger whose family is happy to mooch off her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get he’s trying not to come across as a gold-digger, which I totally understand. But that’s something he decided for himself to do. But it’s a thoughtful gift meant for you, hence it’s up to you to accept it or not.
Personally, I don’t like rejecting gifts. ESPECIALLY the first gift, the first gift is always a memorable moment. She went out of her way to get you something she knew you’d like. And I think that’s very kind of her. I think a way to compromise is to accept the gift and let her know how appreciative you are that she remembered how much you liked that bag.
But that she doesn’t need to spend so much on future gifts, as any gift is a nice gift no matter the price.” KryoChamber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, homeboy needs to get over himself. SO did something nice of her own free will that you happened to be the beneficiary of.
Not like you’re the one seeing her. He can refuse all the gifts he wants if that’s what makes him feel better, but it’s not his place to tell someone else what they can or cannot accept. Plus, it’s not weird to give your SO’s parents a gift on their birthday.
Maybe her tact could have been a little better, like it would be weird if she had no idea your son was trying so hard not to be seen as a mooch, but like it’s her money and she can do what she wants with it.
If you feel like you need to make things “right” for your son, maybe tell the SO that you really appreciate it and love the bag, but it makes you uncomfortable to receive such a lavish gift and if she’s going to give gifts to family members in the future, you’d feel a lot better if she didn’t put herself out quite so much.” MutatedSpleen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s clearly feeling insecure about making/having less money than her. That said, I understand he’d want to not come off as looking like a good digger. Good on him for that. You’re clearly not being a good digger, however.
It seems his SO likes spoiling a little bit, maybe that’s her way of showing affection/care/love. Has he spoken to the SO about why she does this? Maybe they can set up some fair rules around gift giving for the future (amounts, how many, etc).
I’m a gift giver/spoiler too, within my means of course, but her means seem much larger than most of ours. Enjoy the bag!” Fickle_Pickle_3452
5. AITJ For Confronting My Sister's Friend Who Keeps Mocking Me Online?
“I’m 25 and my sister (S) is 24, as is her friend (A).
A lives halfway across the country and we don’t see her very often. I know of this friend but we aren’t very close. S and A grew up together as children when my family and I still lived in the same state and maintain a friendship online through Discord and games.
Last year I was going into some relationship troubles and spoke to my sister and vented to her my frustrations. A wanted to know what was happening because she sensed that the conversation became stilted when she entered the voice chat. At the time I felt I could trust her so I opened up to her about my issues as well (relevant for later).
I have since resolved these issues and didn’t have much of a presence on my sister’s discord until I noticed that A posted a meme captioning “S’s insane sister” in the general chat. I saw that my sister didn’t reply, but her partner reacted with a laughing emoji.
I felt disrespected as this was a general chat and not a private chat, but this is well within A’s personality as she and S have the sort of relationship where they call each other scrubs, witches, and make fun of each other in general. I didn’t want to start anything up so I let this incident go, until a month later when A posted yet another meme captioning “Just like (my name) right” and followed up with A telling S to just go find a new family.
I sent A a DM and told her I didn’t appreciate what she said. We haven’t spoken for months as I have stepped away from the discord and I told her that if she can’t muster up the courage to DM directly about her issues then she shouldn’t be posting things and talking about me in public chat rooms where I could also see what she was saying.
I didn’t care if it was a joke, or if the intentions were not malicious.
A told me that she didn’t mean anything with malice. I told A that malicious intent or not she was making fun of me in the general chat and to please have some respect.
A says she will not talk about me anymore, but months down the line she starts posting memes about me again on the same general chat. This time without dropping names, but hinting at “an entitled 25-year-old loser we know”.
I flat out call her out this time, telling her since she cannot stop talking about me I can meet her in person to chat about her issues with me.
She has immediately responded with airing out intimate details of my relationship issues in the general chat, saying I’m going to be deceived again, I have low IQ, and thanking me for being entertaining for her, S and S’s partner. A has also said it’s been a great laugh to see how salty and butthurt I got over silly jokes and I’m a deadbeat.
I reiterated that all I want is to meet A in person (I’ll be going to her state next month for an unrelated trip) to talk about these insults and that she lacks courage if she cannot. My sister says this all blew up because I called A a coward and what A said were just jokes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you know this isn’t really a problem with ‘A,’ right? You either have a problem with your sister or you have a problem with airing out your problems in more ways that you haven’t mentioned here. Analogy time: your problem isn’t the wet pavement, it’s the leaky pipe.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A clearly has a very low moral character, and any further interaction you have with her is only going to add MORE fuel to the entertaining fun she is having at your expense. Your best course of action is to REMOVE yourself entirely, and not provide any more fuel.
Also: why are you not holding your SISTER accountable? This is her friend who is publicly trashing you, and she is the one with the most power to shut it down – yet she does nothing? Sounds like your sister is fully IN ON IT, only keeping it behind your back.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it’s clear that the real issue here isn’t just with ‘A’ the friend, but with boundaries and respect overall. The fact that your sister allows this behavior says she doesn’t respect you enough to put a stop to it. Sure, A is an instigator and enjoys ruffling feathers, but your sister is your family and she should have your back.
Rather than focusing solely on A, who seems pretty set in her ways, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart with your sister. Open up about how her actions, or lack thereof, make you feel. If she values your relationship, she’ll take steps to rectify the situation.
If not, then you know where you stand and can proceed accordingly without her as an ally. Either way, take the high road so at the end of the day, you can be confident you handled yourself with dignity.” Hot-Shallot4394
4. AITJ For Checking On My Cousin After He Missed My Sister's Wedding?
“My (20F) family kind of imploded this past weekend and I feel kind of caught in the middle.
My half-sister Melody (25F) got married on Saturday and our cousin Joey (21M) skipped the wedding, for what I believe to be understandable reasons. First, he fractured his humerus I think two maybe three weeks ago? I think he initially told Melody he might not make it because of this.
Melody was… somewhat understanding. One thing to know about her is that she’s a diva. I honestly think she was upset because the family would be focused on helping/asking about him instead of her wedding.
A couple of days later he texted her and said he might be able to make it to the ceremony after all.
She said “Great.” and left it at that. I texted him and asked if he was really well enough to and he said he’d rather push through it than deal with the family’s frustration. Since Melody is the oldest cousin my whole family treats her like a princess.
Personally, I think it’s out of fear because she’s very mean when anyone crosses her which is why she and I don’t have a close relationship.
Well, Joey reached out again the night before the wedding and said he wouldn’t be able to make it after all he said he wasn’t feeling well physically or mentally to the point that he had been nauseous and vomiting.
Melody just said “K”. Come to find out Joey went to a funeral for one of his friend’s younger siblings who he was also close with the day before Melody’s wedding, prior to him texting her. Someone tagged him in a picture on social media at the memorial.
A couple of days after the wedding Melody saw this and flipped out on Joey saying the out-of-town family members were asking why he wasn’t at the wedding (which was true a couple of them asked me), and she claims he lied because he was “well enough to go to a funeral” and that “blood should be thicker than water.” My parents and I tried to help her see his side but she said she’s done talking to him and done hearing about him.
Joey and I talk almost every day (usually via text) and he’s normally very engaged and likes to text but all this week he’s been leaving me on read. At first, I was trying to send him memes to cheer him up but yesterday I finally asked if he was okay.
He said “not really.” I talked to my parents about it, and for reasons I don’t really understand, they told Melody that I had talked to Joey. She’s now saying I’m a jerk because texting someone who chooses friends over family is a betrayal and that she’s deeply hurt by him and me.
I told her she’s being dramatic and cruel which of course has just led to more fighting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ya know what? It’s none of Melody’s business if you talk to Joey. You are a grown woman. You can text anybody you want to.
And you can block anybody you want to, too, if they annoy you enough. (Lookin’ at you, Melody). Melody should concentrate on her wedded bliss, and mind her own business. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. I think Joey could have communicated better about his attendance to the wedding since he was waffling on it, and ultimately gave an indirect reason why – suggesting it was his injury/pain/discomfort keeping him from going when in reality it was seemingly the loss, pain, and distraction of having lost a friend.
BUT, that doesn’t rise to the level of jerk in my book, just unfortunate communication that was probably driven by everyone having to bend over backward to avoid offending your sister. She seems REALLY dramatic. It isn’t a betrayal to check on a family member who is hurting, even if they are feuding with your sister.
The whole ‘blood is thicker than water’ bit is pretty gross in the face of the loss of a human life. She really wanted to compete with a funeral or have her grieving cousin attend her wedding in lieu of a funeral? Ugh. And, flipping out in general is unnecessary.
You are NOT the jerk in any way, he could have done better but also isn’t one. Melody is a big one as is much of your family for enabling her.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“I mean…obviously the ultimate betrayal of Melody was the inconsiderate person who chose to die the same year she got married, thereby drawing Joey’s attention away from her wedding when everyone should have been focused on nothing but her and her nuptials.
What a jerk! Melody should see about getting that person exhumed and get them to stand trial. “Well enough to go to a funeral??” WTF? Does she think this was a rave or that Joey was there merrily shaking a tailfeather, thumbing his nose at her, and enjoying himself at her expense?
Does she not understand grieving and supporting people who have lost someone? Who the heck is this self-absorbed? NTJ. My condolences that you have to deal with this person. And healing energies to poor Joey and his humerus.” Fleurtheleast
3. AITJ For Refusing To Wear A Dress To Church Despite My Mother's Objections?
“Hi, my name is Andrew. I’m a 17-year-old trans boy living with my parents, two younger brothers, and my grandmother. My mother is Christian and everybody else in the household is some variation of agnostic or atheist. As a result, we go to church for special occasions and that’s about it.
My mother is at least a little bit transphobic in the sense that she is very concerned with “what the neighbors think” and assumes the neighbors are transphobic and judging her constantly (for the record, both of our neighbors are perpetually inebriated college kids who do not care).
I am trans and trying to socially transition. This has caused some issues.
My mother controls my wardrobe and makes sure that it is “up to her standards” (read: feminine) so, despite my best efforts, I am unable to dress as I please. Fortunately, however, through a combination of birthday presents and Halloween costumes, my father (who is chill but not willing to fight my mother), and other family members, I have been able to piece together a suit.
It makes me feel really good and it gives me so much gender euphoria.
My mother does not like the suit.
I have a closet of perfectly nice dresses that I hate and refuse to wear. My mother’s “oh, but the neighbors” thing gets significantly worse at church.
As a result, I just have to wear a dress to church and that’s the way it is. Plus, I didn’t have any fancy men’s clothes until recently anyway.
But now I’ve got the suit. It’s just as fancy as what my dad and brothers wear.
It’s perfectly suitable for church. We don’t go often enough to get face recognition anyway. So, when we were getting ready, I put on my suit. I don’t really pass (people have told me I look like a butch lesbian) but I feel good about myself and if you just glance at me without looking too hard I look enough like a cis boy.
My mother was really mad at me and demanded I put on a dress. She claims the suit is “not presentable” when it’s just as fancy as the suit my dad was wearing. My dad and brothers all agreed that it was perfectly fine.
Now, here’s the part where I might be the jerk.
I refused to change. Even though church is just for the day, even though it would be so much easier, even though I knew the argument would make us late. I refused to change. I argued with my mother. Eventually, she just let me wear the suit because she couldn’t physically strongarm me into changing without me making a scene and we were already late.
I made us late to church because I wanted to wear a suit instead of a dress.
Reasons why I might not be the jerk: I’m a trans boy who’s been trying to socially transition for literal years now (since I was 13). My mother refuses to call me Andrew, refuses to use he/him pronouns, and is generally not cool.
I feel like I should be allowed to wear whatever I want, provided it’s appropriate, which the suit very much was. Plus, she started the argument, so if she had just rolled with it we would have gotten there on time.
But, still, AITJ for refusing to wear a dress to church?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, I’m pretty sure the church doesn’t have a dress code, in terms of being “fancy.” My BIL was a banker; wore suits all week and wore jeans to church. At my job I could wear jeans to work, so I put on a suit for church.
No one cared either way. Your mother’s preoccupation with what the neighbors or other church members might think is 100% about HER and has nothing to do with being a Christian. She’s more than a little transphobic if she not only makes you wear feminine clothing but also uses your dead name in the house.
As you said, she was the one who made you all late to church. Besides not arguing with you, another option would have been for her to go to church without you. Or just, you know, accept you for who you are.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And your mother is not “just a little” transphobic; she’s a transphobe and needs to get her head out of her rear. Ask your dad to take you shopping for appropriate men’s clothes, and donate the dresses and other girly stuff to a thrift store.
Your dad and brothers sound supportive, so get them to help you stand up to your mother.” DrBlankslate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, without a doubt. I’m truly sorry you’re experiencing this from your mother and have been for multiple years. I hope she can accept your identity one day soon.
For now, if she wants to make everyone late by fighting then I think it’s on her. You weren’t wearing anything inappropriate. In fact, it seems you were wearing a very nice outfit that matches your gender, whether she chooses to accept that or not.
I hope you were able to feel comfortable in it even after she fought you and I wish you all the best Andrew.” MaybeNextToNormal
2. AITJ For Threatening To Disinvite My Brothers From My Wedding For Sharing My Sons' Photos With Our Parents?
“I (23F) got pregnant at 17 and gave birth when I was 18. My parents were quick to let me know how they were disappointed in me and demanded I terminate my pregnancy. When I refused and told them that I wanted to keep my child, they kicked me out.
Since then, I haven’t had any contact with my parents, but I speak to my brothers regularly.
My parents have been trying to get back in contact with me, but I have been refusing to communicate with them. It was not until recently that I found out that my brothers were sending pictures and videos of my sons to our parents.
They told me that our parents missed me and really wanted to see their grandsons in person and that they think I should allow them to come to my wedding so we could ‘reconnect.’
I was hurt by this. I didn’t like the fact that they were sending pictures and videos of my sons to our parents without my permission, and I didn’t like how they felt like I should just embrace our parents with open arms. I told them that I found their behavior extremely rude and disrespectful and I wouldn’t hesitate to disinvite them from the wedding if they continue.
They asked me if I was serious, and I told them that I was. They started apologizing to me and told me that they didn’t mean to upset or hurt me and that they were just trying to bring our family back together. I told them that I made it clear that I didn’t want our parents in my life and they purposely did it behind my back because they knew I wouldn’t like it.
After a while, I asked my brothers to leave. After my brothers left, my fiancé told me that I shouldn’t have threatened to uninvite my brothers because I hurt their feelings and I should understand that they only did what they thought was best? I don’t understand his logic.
I feel like if they were hiding it all this time, they knew it was wrong so I’m confused on what he’s getting at.”
Another User Comments:
“1. It’s your right to decide who you want to have at your wedding. This is your day, therefore this is your call.
2. From what you have told us, your brothers have also broken your boundaries, and ultimately, it sounds as if you may feel a sense of betrayal because of this. Betrayal can cause someone to form a complete lack of trust. With that said, I understand your situation, and I feel that you should do whatever feels right for you.
Our personal choices remain our own. Just as your brothers chose not to respect your boundaries, you have the right to choose not to include them in your wedding if you don’t want to. Best wishes to you, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding. NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“I told them that I found their behavior extremely rude and disrespectful and I wouldn’t hesitate to disinvite them from the wedding if they continue. NTJ. You said “if they continue”. Now that they have no excuse regarding supposedly not knowing how you feel, 100% you shouldn’t invite them if they continue.
I wouldn’t worry about having hurt their feeling since they sent the pictures behind your back and didn’t think about how you felt. Now you’ve let them know the consequences if they continue what they have been doing.” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your parents didn’t want anything to do with you or your kids.
They can live with that decision. Your brothers 100% knew that they were going behind your back. If they wanted to be upfront, they would have. You have no way of knowing if they will keep their word or not. So they may need an information diet, where they don’t get any info, pictures, etc of the kids.” HistoricalInaccurate
1. AITJ For Being Angry At My Parents For Blaming Me For Being Late?
“I (20F) was late for class today. And I’m not saying that it isn’t my fault but I am mad at my parents.
For some context, I live at home with my strict parents (due to financial reasons). Yesterday I went out with my partner (20M) and spent almost the whole day out with him.
By the time I got home, I was tired and ready to go to bed. My mother (44F) was practicing my little sister’s (17F) hair for prom. While I was passing by, my mother asked if I would help look for the box of hair elastics (the rubber band kind).
I agreed despite the fact I was tired and just got home. So, I checked around my room and in the bathroom, but I couldn’t find them. My mother blew up at me after that, heavily insisting that I had them and had hidden them.
And to look better.
I will say when I was younger I had a habit of cramming stuff but I had long outgrown that.
I went to look better but paused to send my partner pictures from today that was when my mother came in and saw me on my phone, and got angry, making me give it to her (Reminder, I am 20 years old and neither of my parents bought that phone).
After that, she had had enough and went through my jewelry and hair cases making a mess of them. She never found the rubber bands as far as I know, but she did make me clean up the mess, and that she would check it once I was done.
By the time she left I still had not changed out of the clothes I went out in.
So I did, I cleaned up the mess and let her know. I don’t think she ever came. I ended up falling asleep on the floor, later waking up turning on my old alarm clock I never use, and moving into my bed to fall into a restless sleep.
My mornings usually start with one of the three alarms I set on my phone, I get ready and my partner picks me up to take me to school at 9. I will say I sleep on the second floor and I am a very deep sleeper (Hence my 3 alarms).
I was woken up this morning to my mother busting into my room saying that I am late. And it was true, it was 10:30. If this was just the case I would accept that this was more my fault.
But it wasn’t only this. Due to my mother having my phone (my father didn’t know), it had died and no one heard him call.
My mother, who was awake at the time, didn’t answer the door when he knocked and rang the doorbell, and ignored when he called her since she had never saved her contact. Yet she still says this is all my fault, and I am more grounded now (again I am 20).
I am currently typing this as I am in my online class, but I need to know if I am the jerk for being upset that they are only blaming me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree with others that as an adult it’s your responsibility to get yourself to class.
You can’t be mad at them for that, but you don’t need to be when there’s so much else to be mad about! Here’s the play-by-play as I see it:
- Mom asks you for help finding something she needs
- You help, but fail
- Mom blows up at you (over HAIR TIES. It’s not that deep, Mom)
- Mom accuses you of “hiding” the hair ties
- You STILL keep looking, but fail again
- Mom invades your space
- Mom blames you for failing to find the hair ties (seriously, it’s HAIR TIES)
- Mom confiscates your phone
- Mom trashes your room
- Mom makes you clean her mess and threatens you with surveillance
- Mom sabotages your morning
- Mom apparently grounds you also ?? For HAIR TIES
Everyone is entitled to privacy, autonomy, and respect—yes, even children, and you’re not a child anymore.
Your mother sounds like an entitled, impulsive bully. This behavior isn’t reasonable, and it’s not cool. I encourage you to start defining boundaries for yourself that make it possible for you to meet your most important needs, namely: getting peaceful rest so you can get to school, earn a degree, get a self-supporting job, and move out of Mom & Dad’s place ASAP.
Best of luck to you, hon.” stoltesawa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your mom is a jerk, sure. But you and only you are responsible for you being late. You can’t stress how you’re too old to be treated like that (true) but then say you’re not responsible for your own schedule.
Also. You’re in class, you probably should focus on class..” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“Some of this doesn’t add up to me, firstly what time did you get home and all of this kick off, it reads like it was 3 am or something!
Second, you say your partner picks you up, so where was he and how did nobody get you up earlier if he was outside ready to take you to class? Based on what we have, YTJ. You’re an adult and it’s your responsibility to manage your time.” LowerEntertainer7548
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!