People Want Us To Examine Their "Am I The Jerk?" Dilemmas

Another person's perspective can be a huge eye-opener. Just when we thought we didn't need anyone else's opinion, it turns out, hearing their thoughts may be able to benefit us. When we make a mistake, like ghosting a date we really liked, yelling at a co-worker over something foolish, or getting a neighbor's car towed when we're feeling petty, a talk about the situation with a friend might set things straight for us. Today, you're going to be that friend. These people want to know if they acted poorly in their situation. They aren't sure if they should feel guilty or content about how they behaved. Be the friend that you would need if you were also caught in a dilemma by dropping your honest, wholesome opinions below each story. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

16. AITJ For Putting My Extra Finances Towards The Future Instead Of Vacationing With My Partner?

“I just job-hopped and landed a job with a frankly ridiculous salary; I went from making 120k doing software engineering to 310k in a senior systems engineering role, plus a sign-on bonus and stock options. It’s at a startup company that’s high-risk high reward, so it’s a gamble if the company will still exist in a few years, but for now, it’s great!

I decided I didn’t want to change my lifestyle at all, since the income’s probably temporary. So I kept on spending like always and just put all the extra funds into maxing out my retirement savings and paying down my house.

I’ve also been in a relationship with my partner Jason for about a year and a half.

He makes 90k, so he’s doing really well himself. We’re both in a low-cost-of-living rural area, and he’s still making a lot more than average here.

But after I got the new job, he started being really critical of how I spend… Or don’t. Like I wanted to build a sunroom gazebo for my house so I went to the construction material recycling and reuse center to buy some lumber and some vintage windows, to make it.

Woodworking and DIY is genuinely a hobby of mine, but my partner made fun of me for still going to the “junkyard” to build the gazebo even when I could afford to hire a contractor.

But the bigger fight has been about a vacation, we’d planned to do a road trip in the summer, camping most of the way, and staying in hotels a night or two a week to shower and stay near cities we visit.

But after I got the new job, he wants to stay in hotels every night. I was kinda stressed about that because I don’t wanna start spending like I’ll always have this kind of financial flow and have that lifestyle creep since I know it might not last, and I don’t want to feel disappointed or struggle when I have to scale back my spending.

So it was really important to me to just put away whatever extra income that’s temporarily coming through for the future. But my partner told me I was being ridiculous, wanting to sleep on the ground on our vacation when I was making so much.

I said I love camping, I was looking forward to all the camping and hiking and climbing we’d planned. And he just kinda snapped at me saying that I seem to “love” everything that’s cheap or free, and it’s kinda entitled honestly.

I said if anyone’s acting entitled, it’s honestly him when he just wanted me to pay for something he didn’t even ask if I wanted. Didn’t offer to split the cost or anything, it’s like he just saw me making more and decided he wanted to spend it.

We had this big fight where he said I was all “me me me” only caring about my house and my retirement, and how I’d spend thousands a month paying my mortgage faster than I needed to but wouldn’t even do the minimum to make our vacation nice.

AITJ for wanting to use my the income coming in from a new job to save for the future?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Obviously NTJ. It says something meaningful about how much your man has gotten into your head that there is any possible way you could believe that you are the jerk on something where he is so obviously in the wrong.

With the judgment out of the way, you just need to consider whether you actually want to be in a relationship with someone who is treating you this way. He’s acting entitled about your salary, he’s belittling you for enjoying things like DIY and camping, he’s claiming that you are selfish for planning for the future instead of taking him on the vacation that he wants (but isn’t willing to pay for himself)… That’s not a nice person.

Even if we ignore the awful way he’s treating you right now, do you really want to be in a relationship who has such a different view on spending versus saving? That is a major source of strife in relationships, and it’s nearly impossible to overcome a basic values difference like that.

Can you really see yourself combining finances with someone who thinks you should take your perhaps once-in-a-lifetime windfall and not use it to make your future life easier?” DinaFelice

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ and I don’t think this bodes well for the future of your relationship.

I’m a woman in the same industry as you and even if the company fails it’s likely you’ll continue to make significantly more than him and he’s now shown he can’t handle that maturely. If you can’t even discuss things like this without it turning into a major fight it’s a red flag imo.

Ask yourself this: if your income change is permanent can you live like this with someone who treats you this way? I personally couldn’t. I had an ex who literally said “it’s great you make so much when we move cities I won’t even need to get a job”.

He was gone so fast. For me what it came down to is I want a partner in life, not someone I’m dragging around supporting like dead weight. I’m not necessarily saying your relationship is at that point but I think you guys need to find a way to resolve this issue now if you don’t want to have this fight in different ways for the next 10 years.

Income disparity doesn’t need to be an issue like this. My current relationship is great with it and we split almost everything 50/50. Even if we stop splitting things like that one day if we get married I am comforted by the fact that fairness and equality in our relationship is a thought that independently occurred to my partner.

You deserve the same.” nicole1744

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Dump the boy. He’s immature and sees you as the golden goose. Invest in your future because working for a start-up is a crapshoot. Take advantage of your good fortune and increased flow for your home and retirement right now.

If you marry this loser (sorry), he’ll reap the future rewards of your current investment choices.

Working in a startup can be a life-altering experience. I know of one startup that had 10 direct market competitors. Of the ten, three went public. Of the three, only one was successful enough for the employees to make anything.

In the one were horror stories of people who squandered their monetary potential by making very poor choices. Some had to declare bankruptcy because they could not pay their tax bill. Others ended up with huge losses.

You are wise beyond your years! Invest while you can (and dump the selfish jerk).

I suspect your partner does not have any savings to speak of, nor does he understand the benefit of compound interest.” Reddit user

2 points - Liked by LizzieTX and rbleah
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and your partner is flying more red flags than a communist parade. Honestly, I'd be taking a long, hard look at your relationship and as nicole1774 said, think about having to live this way permanently if your income stays permanently at this level and so does his. Personally, I'd kick him to the curb now, if he's so entitled (and how funny that he called YOU that, for not wanting to spend your own money!) that he thinks he can spend YOUR income and not contribute more to a vacation upgrade. He sounds like my ex, who spent everything I made and everything he made and then tried like he!! not to pay alimony after I told him I wanted a divorce. When I'd followed him around for the six years of our marriage wherever the Army had him stationed next. Nah, get rid of this leech loser. He's shown you who he is, so believe him. And congratulations on your job.
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15. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner To Quit Eating?

“My (M26) sister (F23) runs a bakery business and she’s been struggling lately to keep up with orders because she’s been short-staffed. She does a lot of orders for wedding cakes that require custard or marmalade fillings, and I offered to help her out by making these fillings at home and bringing them to her, so she has less work to do.

Unfortunately, the past four times I’ve made these fillings, my partner (F24) has literally dipped her fingers into the filling jars and contaminated them because, in her words, she “just wanted to try some.” I’ve tried explaining to her that she can’t dip her fingers in and contaminate the entire batch because then I have to remake it.

I said she should use a spoon and take some out if she wants to try so badly, but she just pouts and says that she likes using her fingers because it takes her back to her childhood.

Today, I was trying to finish some chocolate custard to send it over to my sister really fast because she was running late on a wedding cake order for an important client.

I told my girl beforehand to not eat the custard, and if she really wanted to, to please use a spoon.

I get out of the shower, and what do I see? She has her fingers in it again! I totally lost it because this is the fifth time she blatantly disregarded what I said, and I yelled at her and told her to “stop freaking eating” the food I’m making because it’s not for her, and she’s contaminating it.

She started crying and got mad at me for “fat-shaming” her, even though I made no comment on her weight, and she has no history of weight issues or eating disorders. I know I was harsh, but she kept pushing my limits. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It had nothing to do with her weight and everything to do with her not respecting a boundary you’ve been trying to set that makes PERFECT SENSE. You shouldn’t have to keep wasting your time and money because she keeps contaminating food to sell to other people.

You even gave the spoon as a compromise (though she’d probably double and triple dip the spoon). Yelling wasn’t nice, but I understand you’ve been pushed to the breaking point. Honestly, the fact that she’s so determined on screwing up your sister’s business is childish.

I wouldn’t stay with her; she sounds selfish as heck.” angeltay

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is being so beyond weird making it a thing to use her fingers. Even needing to use a spoon is ridiculous. I mean, how does she lack such self-control?

Can she not make more just for her or go buy another treat? It’s for a purpose, to help a business. It should not be this hard to not eat some. I think you’ve been nice to say she can have it with a spoon for her to disregard it to be gross is so weird.

In my opinion, it also shows that she doesn’t care about your sister’s business, and that is awful and selfish.

If you were saying it for her eating in general it would be a different thing obviously, but this isn’t the case & she is projecting her insecurities.” Minniepebbles

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I know everyone’s like break up! Over every little thing in here but …I would break up over this. She is showing a lot about her character by doing this over and over. Doesn’t care about your labor. Doesn’t care about your sister’s business and reputation.

Doesn’t care about people’s weddings. Doesn’t take science seriously about the existence of bacteria. Doesn’t believe in food safety.

I’d NEVER be able to eat something she cooked. Ever. God only knows what kind of gross things she does when making food, like cross-contamination with raw meats or like those gross TikToks where people prep food -in the sink-.

So I’d never live with her.

It’s not about her weight. There’s something totally weird happening here, and I am sure it crosses over into other aspects of all her relationships.” Ok_Possibility239

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and you need to get rid of her. Sorry, but no functioning adult with the least bit of courtesy or consideration could be pulling this cr@p. She's not just deliberately sabotaging your efforts to help your sister's business, she's deliberately giving you the finger and ruining your work by contaminating your product. Sorry, but no one over the age of six is that lacking in self control. This is deliberate, this is incredibly passive aggressive and disrespectful as he!! of both you and your sister. Why would you want to continue to have someone like that in your life?
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14. AITJ For Giving A High-Five To A Stranger For Embarrassing My Partner?

“My man and I go to the climbing gym regularly. He is really into it, and I just started climbing a few times a week.

He’s stupidly competitive about it and quietly insults beginners who are not as good which makes me feel self-conscious because I’m a beginner.

Last night, we were at the climbing gym again, and he was doing a V6. There were about 6 people taking turns on the problem probably because it’s a newly installed route, and they were all failing.

Then a girl came and flashed it. She made it so easy, but in the end, she didn’t hold the final hold for 5 seconds, and my partner called her out after she was done. Holding the last hold for 5 seconds is supposed to be the “right way” of finishing a route, but she was doing it so easily she definitely could have.

I think he was just being salty because she did it when he couldn’t. She laughed and told him he didn’t even start the problem correctly and walked off. I gave her a high five because she was walking towards me and did amazing at the problem (and knocked my man off his high horse), and she was surprised but high-fived me.

My partner turned to me and gave me a what the heck look and wouldn’t talk to me the rest of the night. When we were heading home, he ranted that I couldn’t be trusted to watch his back if I chose to take a stranger’s side over him.

I was shocked that’s what he took from the climb and told him he shouldn’t have nitpicked her when she clearly climbed it correctly, and he got mad and argued I was supposed to take his side over people I don’t even know.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

I’ve been climbing for many years, and your partner’s attitude is the antithesis of most climbing gym communities. Climbing is a personal competition, not an outward one. He should be focused on how to improve his own technique, strength, and mental game, and be inspired by climbers who he can learn from (not critiquing them to make himself feel better).

It’s normal to cheer someone else on who has completed a hard send, V10, V6, or V0. Their success says nothing about the different journey you’re on. His insulting of beginners is toxic and speaks to his own insecurities. While his attitude toward the V6 climber is bad, this particular pattern of behavior is a worse red flag.

Also, the rule is a controlled two seconds matched on a final hold, not 5 seconds.

Welcome to climbing! If your man continues to be weird like this, know that there are many other non-nit-picky and humble, strong climbers to get to know.” Only-Engineering6586

Another User Comments:

“You are the jerk.

Your partner sounds a bit of a tool, to be honest, but that does not excuse not having your man’s back. You went out of your way to hi-5 the climbing girl.

You don’t hurt or humiliate your SO for giggles.

Unless they are a danger to other people, you leave them and then tell them off, if necessary, in private. You should always have their back. That’s the whole reason people pair up, to literally have your own person who has your back in life, a partner!

Apologize to him.” nyanvi

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He needs to learn humility. He isn’t the best, so he shouldn’t act like he is, and even if he was, this behavior would still be even worse. Being insulting toward beginners is major red flag behavior.

This man is not father/husband material at this point. No one should expect to be backed up unconditionally. A good partner will help repair a sinking ship instead of going down with it.

He may have unresolved issues such as low self-esteem, being too self-conscious, or narcissism.

He needs to recognize that these problems originate internally, not externally, and that his reactions to things like this aren’t an indication that he was a victim, but rather unhealthy reactions that require recognition, thought, and effort to overcome.

If he doesn’t show any willingness to understand or accept that he is in the wrong, just be thoughtful of what that could mean down the road.” bigWeld33

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ. He clearly has issues regarding his climbing skills, and a really nasty inferiority complex. No one without those two things would be so aggressive toward others trying to enjoy the same hobby he shares. Honestly, I would have done the same thing as you did, because his behaviour was embarrassing to you and everyone else there, and the successful climber let him know it. Your "man" is a tool and I would think long and hard about whether or not you want to waste any more of your time on someone like him. Good luck.
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13. AITJ For Tricking My Husband Into Paying For Our Daughter's University Education?

“I (45F) have been married to my husband (56M) since I was 18. I have a son 27M and a daughter 22F.

We are not rich but decently well off. We always planned for our son to study abroad in a Western country for university since he was a child and this is expensive due to the high international tuition fees.

This went as planned for my son.

However, ever since I got a laptop and phone with Internet, I have used it to learn new things on my own from sources like MIT courseware and YouTube, and I really wanted my daughter to be an educated woman.

I also stopped believing in my religion while my husband is devout. I pretend to be religious and follow our customs for the sake of the marriage. I only have a high school level education.

The plan for my daughter was to find a boy from a nice family for her to marry and not go to university or to go to a local one if she wanted to.

I convinced my husband that these days boys from good families want an educated woman for status reasons even if she does not work and that if our daughter had a Western degree, she could marry into an elite family. It worked, and he paid for her to attend a top university, which she got into which is actually better than the one my son went to.

My daughter after leaving also confided to me that she does not believe in our religion anymore and started living a different lifestyle, one I can never have. She recently graduated, got a work visa, and stayed in the Western country and has a good job there.

My husband got really angry when he heard and blames me as I persuaded him to pay for her education and let her go. He even found a picture of her online of a university competition she did where she won a prize and posed for a picture without a head covering.

I am feeling a little guilty since it is his money that let her go to university and now we may not get to see her again. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – and thank you for being a good momma to your daughter and giving her what you can’t have (but probably want).

I hear your “but his money, not mine” argument, and want to reassure you that it is “your” money. You no doubt did all the child-raising, all the housework, cooking, cleaning, late nights with sick babies. He might have a “job” but you are the glue that kept your family alive and fed. Consider this your payment, with the added bonus of knowing your daughter can be whoever, whatever she wants to be.

She can marry whoever she wants, fall in love, and experience all of that. Not saying you don’t love your husband, but she can be with who she wants, not a rich boy her daddy picked.

I hope you can find peace in knowing you did such an amazing thing for your daughter.

And heck, maybe your daughter will end up with an apartment/house with an extra room and you can visit and accidentally lose your visa.” Tindomerelhloni

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Stop feeling guilty right this second! You did what any amazing mother would and gave your daughter access to the world, something she wouldn’t have had otherwise.

And you’ve educated yourself too! Be very proud of both of these things! As a mother myself, I am very proud of you! Your kids are so fortunate to have you as their mother. I do hope you get to see her again one day, but do not feel bad about your husband spending bucks on giving her an education.

I imagine she feels extremely grateful for what you did for her. If I had been in your shoes, I would’ve tried to do the same thing for my daughter. I’m just sorry you live somewhere that makes you feel unsafe in not following the religion anymore or that forced you to lie simply to educate your daughter.

Be very proud of yourself and of her. Please continue to learn too. Stay safe and I hope you can see your daughter again soon.” Arquen_Marille

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

It is not HIS wallet that paid for her education. It is YOUR JOINTLY HELD finances, and you have an equal right to it and how it is spent, according to most Western nations’ laws on marriage and property rights.

Your husband may have had a job where he earned that salary. However, courts around the world have ruled that the job you were doing at home, raising your children and keeping house on his behalf, was equally important to the well-being of your family.

Think of it this way. If you had not been taking care of your home and children, he would have had to hire nannies and housekeepers. Their salaries would have been deducted from his salary. Therefore, your “salary” = the finances he saved by having you at home.

Both of your jobs resulted in money in the bank and children who were fed and healthy. You had equal rights to those finances, and still do, even now that your kids are grown. Because the courts have ruled that your job, doing as your husband wants at home, is valid labor.

I understand that such laws aren’t worldwide, and things may be LEGALLY different where you are. But I believe that things are MORALLY and ETHICALLY the same worldwide. You co-own every penny he earns because you feed him, care for him, and raised his children.

You had the right to pay for your daughter’s education, too.

You didn’t deceive your husband to the extent you’re implying. Everything you said was accurate. That you had private, secondary motives was not wrong.

Would it have been better if you could’ve openly prepared your husband for the possibility that your daughter might choose a career instead of marriage?

Of course! But it doesn’t sound like you have the kind of relationship where that was a possibility. So you acted in your daughter’s best interest, which is your job.

As a mother and a wife, sometimes we have divided loyalties. Ideally, our husband will be united with us in doing what’s best for our kids.

But when you have to choose between what’s best for your daughter, and what will keep your husband happy, you are obligated to prioritize the daughter you’ve been given to care for. She was the vulnerable one who needs protection and an advocate in the world while growing up.

Your husband is a grown man who is not in any way suffering from your daughter’s choices.” ChocolateCoveredGold

1 points - Liked by LizzieTX
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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ, you are a heroine. You have saved your daughter from living her life as a slave to men, controlled by superstition. You are very brave. Your husband, perhaps mercifully, is the sort who is happy to have his life made easier by the imaginary friend which confers full human rights on men by forbidding them to women rather than the sort who will use violence to keep women in their place; indulge his tantrums if they don't go beyond whining. If he does start trying to throw his weight about in a way that endangers you, use your formidable courage and cunning to break away from him and make a good life for yourself.
1 Reply

12. AITJ For Bringing My Dog Inside A Grocery Store?

“I (F33) am a proud owner of Peanut, my Yorkshire Terrier. I took Peanut to the dog park today and Petsmart. In the same complex is the grocery store I go to.

It was a warmer day and didn’t want to leave Peanut in the car. So I leashed him up and took him in with me.

I had planned on a quick trip, no more than ten minutes. I went to the produce department to grab some stuff.

A guy, probably in his 30s, not an employee, rudely told me that pets aren’t allowed in grocery stores and asked why I had my dog with me. Before I could respond he told me it was gross as heck to have my dog in the produce section.

I explained it was hot out and I planned to be quick in the store. I apologized and said the most convenient thing for me was to come here with Peanut. He told me to screw off and not to be a lazy pet owner.

Then he stormed off. It was a bit of a scene. Feeling uncomfortable, I just left. I thought it’d be no big deal, Peanut didn’t misbehave or have an accident, And I didn’t think I was being a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Not only is it for health code reasons that pets are generally not allowed in grocery stores, but it’s also a safety issue.

For more than just grocery stores pets aren’t allowed because they’re a liability – unless they are perfectly trained to be in public spaces, you generally don’t know how pets will react inside those stores. In addition to that, you don’t know how other people will behave in those stores.

I have a dog phobia and literally will not get close to a dog no matter how many times an owner will tell me they won’t bite or they’re well-behaved. I still don’t know how your dog will react and if they approach me for sniffs and affection I am unpredictable because it freaks me out.

I am an unpredictable variable, and I don’t know how I’ll react in fear of a dog approaching me.

I’ve seen dogs bark at people in checkout. I’ve seen dogs jump out of carts, barking aggressively at other customers. Nothing you say will help me in my fear.

Because if I feel threatened I may actually attack the dog and have come close because a dog snuck up behind me while I was working (retail).” DracaisMon

Another User Comments:

“ESH in my opinion. Don’t bring your dog into the grocery store! The person who yelled at you might have had a serious allergy or food/health anxiety, and they’re right to be angry though as a Canadian I am personally offended when anyone raises their voice at me so he kinda sucks in my mind too.

The only time I’ve ever had to bring a dog into a grocery store (and felt totally justified!) was when my puppy was 10 weeks old (I’d only had her a few days) and we were in the middle of the worst heatwave we’ve ever had here.

For context, an entire town in my province burnt to the ground. It was apparently hotter here in Canada than it’s ever been in South America – a lot of people died the summer I brought her home.

I didn’t have an a/c and lived in a poorly circulated and stifling laneway home.

I had to walk to the store to get bags of ice because we were both physically ill laying on the tile floor in the kitchen to try to cool off.

My pup was sick (later found out she came to me with worms and giardia), and had never been alone before let alone on a busy street in 50 degrees Celsius heat.

With no other options, I held her in my arms while buying juice and ice.

So in an emergency, sometimes there’s a good reason for it. But unfortunately not wanting to leave your dog alone isn’t a good enough reason, sorry OP!” goaskalexdotcom

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, and this has to be a fake post cause everyone knows, especially with the help of all the signs on the entry to grocery stores and many other places, too. It’s extremely entitled of you to think any amount of time breaking the rules was no big deal. There’s a reason why there are legit service dogs and regulations surrounding them.

There is a reason why emotional support animals and service animals have different legal protections, too.

You had a few choices as a responsible, mature adult who has respect for others and establishments you go to:

1.) Leave your dog in your car and have the car on.

Just lock the doors like most everyone else does. Then go into the store and do your shopping. This is especially easier if you have a second set of keys you keep on you for this specific reason, or you have a newer car with a key fob that allows you to keep the car running and locked while you have the key fob with you.

I lived in South Florida for over 30 years, and this is what darn near everyone does.

2.) Ordered what you wanted online and have them bring the order outside to you which a whole lot of establishments do nowadays.

3.) Gone to the grocery store another time without your dog or dropped the dog at home and turned around to go back to the store.

I love animals, I’ve grown up with darn near every type of animal. I have a tiny 8lbs Min Pin, two much larger dogs, one of those is still a puppy, a cat, and two small kids. We all love seeing dogs out and about but NOT in a place where food is sold inside.

I absolutely loathe seeing dogs that are not trained service dogs inside a restaurant or at a grocery store. NOT the time nor the place for them to be there. Outside seating of a restaurant is totally different. People are allergic to extremes to dogs and other animals.

You had your hands all over your precious pup, and who knows what at the dog park, then went straight to the produce department and touched things. That’s gross. You are entitled and obtuse. You are part of the reason so many see a dog where it shouldn’t be and no longer think or believe it’s a legal service dog.

YTJ hands down.” HopeUnknown0417

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It takes a lot of training for a dog to be able to go into a store, not sniff stuff, not bark, not pee, and not be so nervous that they bite someone.

You’re putting your dog into a serious situation that it simply does not have the preparation and safety to handle.

What if a child had come up, and hugged your dog or, pulled its tail? A dog who is not used to strangers doing things like that could easily respond by biting.

Also, service dogs are the only dogs allowed in grocery stores, and that’s because they’re well-behaved animals, provide a service to someone else, and can interact with the public safely.

No matter how well-behaved you think your dog is, you don’t know what you’ll encounter in a public place.

Also, your dog can be a major distraction to legitimate service animals. If your dog is in any way distracting a legitimate service animal, it could miss an alert which could cause the handler to have a medical episode, among many other potential problems. If your dog were to get nervous from all the sights and stimuli in a public place like a grocery store, it could easily go after a person or a legitimate service animal, and you’d be on the hook for a person’s medical bills, and if it was a service animal that was bitten, possibly the cost of a new service animal.

No matter the size, all it takes is one bite for a service dog to be so traumatized it can never work again. Your actions have consequences. Next time, just take your dog home, drop him off, then head to the store.” Ericakat

1 points - Liked by Eatonpenelope
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LizzieTX 2 months ago
YTJ. As others have said, nearly all grocery and department stores have very clear signage stating that pets are not allowed unless they are a certified service animal. Not an emotional support animal - a SERVICE animal. And even then, a lot of places will have certain rules. For example, when I worked in a liquor store, we insisted that even service animals had to be confined to a cart, because of glass hazard on the floors. Oddly enough, it was always the people like you who just wanted to bring their pets inside that would p!$$ and moan about the rules, but the folks with service dogs had no problem with them. You didn't care about the rules, or anyone else's safety or comfort; you were just bound and determined to bring your Yorkie into the store and the rules be damned. And sorry, but a Yorkie is one of the yappiest, most infuriatingly obnoxious breeds there is, and a lot of folks feel about them like they feel about THE most obnoxious breed, the Chihuahua. You're the jerk, and what's more, you know it. Grow up.
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11. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Son Meet My Husband's Baby?

“My husband got our former friend pregnant while we were separated, so now he has a 7-month-old daughter. He doesn’t plan to be involved in her life, but he’s currently working with a lawyer to establish paternity because I’m forcing him to do it.

The girl’s mother has asked me if I want to meet her and introduce our 3-year-old son to his little sister, but I’ve said no. My husband’s family on his mother’s side have been very accepting of the baby and her mother, so they’ve been pressuring me to meet her since she’s technically my stepdaughter, and they think I need to be willing to help foster a relationship between her and my son as we all know my husband isn’t going to do it.

I was upset, so I told them my son would never have a relationship with her, and I wouldn’t ever meet her because they kept pressuring me to. Now everybody thinks I’m some awful witch who hates a baby when I don’t.

It also doesn’t help that my husband has cut off financial help to that side of his family because they made me cry which has only made them hate me more. We had a good relationship before all of this, so I feel crap, and I’m wondering if I’m a jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

It seems that paternity hasn’t actually been established yet, so nobody should be introducing anyone yet. However, I am assuming that there is little doubt about it, even though you are insisting on paternity being established. Which is the smart thing to do.

The former friend shouldn’t be reaching out to you to make a sibling connection. It is in no way your responsibility to set it in motion. However, it is harsh to say that your son will never have a relationship or meet with the baby if she is his sister.

And that shouldn’t be just you making that decision. He could reach out when he is an adult. And he might resent you for not letting him meet his sibling. Your husband is horrible for not wanting to be involved with her life if she is his daughter.

He was fine with being involved with her conception, and he certainly shouldn’t be leaving you alone to deal with the situation. I would have just told everyone to speak to him and not badger you about it.

Also, if this is your husband’s child, neither of you is going to be able to forget about her existence, especially if your husband’s family has already taken her and the mother into the family.

He is probably going to have to pay child support, and just because he doesn’t want to be in her life now, doesn’t mean that isn’t going to change. And you may have to deal with being a stepmom and visitation and all that. I feel like this should have been discussed when you found out the former friend was pregnant.

You seem adamant that you don’t hate the baby, but the fact she exists does upset you. And those feelings need to be dealt with.” Gilraen_2907

Another User Comments:

“The pressure from your in-laws is all about their convenience. The baby is technically their grandchild, so naturally they want a relationship with the baby and mother.

They want to make you play ‘happy families’ with her so that they don’t have to separate gatherings that they organize. They want you both to be there and get along because that is easier for them. Understandably, this is not okay for you. Don’t cave to their pressure as you have every reason to be upset in this situation.

Make sure your husband backs you up all the way though, and be prepared for your inlaws to offer to watch your son, only to invite mother and baby round and tell your son who the baby is to him, and encourage him to ask for more contact.

They will almost certainly do that!

At some point, your son will want to get to know his sister, but you probably have at least ten years before he thinks of it on his own, and you are just going to have to make your peace with that when it happens.

Big NTJ.” Curious_Puffin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

This friend knew OP and her husband were still legally married. This was an affair.

He left her and returned back to OP, hopefully committed to restoring the family intact. Ex-friend is pregnant and had the baby.

This adulteress wormed her way into the family’s graces, not the husband’s. He has no plan to be involved in child’s life, yet the adulteress still wants him and is trying find a way to push OP out. Wouldn’t be trying to get OP’s child involved to have them blend into in her mind “the perfect family.”

Don’t fall for the trap. Set up child support establishing no visitation or sign over parental rights. That way adulteress has no control over the husband or OP’s life whatsoever. Make sure a will is set up not even including the son or has established limitations.

The adulteress wants the husband and OP’s child! Don’t buy the nonsense gaslighting.

As for the family, make sure they are aware there’s no visitation with the husband. This adulteress has her family on her side; they want her to be the husband’s wife, not you.” 501Venus

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and stick to your guns regarding husband legally establishing paternity and paying support, AND that your son will not be meeting his half sister until he's old enough to know the situation and make his own decision, which would be age 18, in my book. And tell anyone who thinks they're entitled to an opinion on your behaviour where to get off, and to keep their opinions to themselves. Good luck. I think you're being incredibly accommodating and I wish you every success with this mess.
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10. AITJ For Refusing To Reimburse The Cost Of Takeout When I Didn't Put Dinner On The Table?

Or you could’ve just not ordered takeout or just paid for it yourself?

“Last month, my (32) company announced that we would be laying people off. I was in the office that day and it was awful. Person after person was brought into HR, told they were being separated, and escorted out of the office.

After they were done, they called a second meeting and told those of us left that the layoffs were over. A lot of the people I work with were let go. I texted my partner (32) after both announcements. Once to tell them about the layoffs and then to tell them I was “safe.” In the second text, I also told them I would not be home until late.

My team had decided to stay late and figure out how to redistribute the work so that our projects wouldn’t fail. We sat in a conference room and worked through all the projects and didn’t leave until almost 9 pm. Starting at about 8, my partner began texting me asking when I was getting home, what was for dinner, and that they were hungry.

I kept replying that I didn’t know when I would get to leave, that I would make dinner when I got home, and that if they were hungry they could make dinner or have a snack and wait.

I didn’t get home until almost 10 and found empty takeout containers in the kitchen.

I asked if they had ordered takeout (they had), if they had ordered me any (they had not) and if they were still hungry (they were not). It was late and I was emotionally exhausted so I didn’t eat and went straight to bed.

The next weekend, I found a Splitwise for their meal allocated 100% to me.

Since we moved in together, we put all shared expenses like rent, bills, groceries, and takeout in Splitwise with a 70-30 split. Individual expenses, like if one of us buys lunch at work, do not go in Splitwise. I thought it was a mistake, so I deleted it.

The next day they got mad at me for not paying for their takeout.

According to them, it’s my job to make dinner and my staying out late meant I didn’t have dinner ready in a reasonable time. Since they were hungry, dinner wasn’t ready, and they didn’t know when dinner would be made, they were forced to order takeout.

Because making dinner is my responsibility, I should pay for their takeout. My refusing to take responsibility and pay for their takeout makes me the jerk.

I don’t think I am the jerk because this was an extraordinary situation and we had food in the house they could have eaten.

They chose to order $80+ in takeout for just themselves instead. Since they did not order any for me, it was not a shared expense and I don’t feel I should have to pay for it.

They’re still mad I won’t pay for the takeout. They say I forced them to order it because I didn’t make dinner by a reasonable time.”

Another User Comments:

“Let’s recap here.

You were made to stay late at work.

You texted your partner this to communicate beforehand and gave them sufficient notice that you would not be home at a good time.

You offered to make them food once you arrived home, or they could just go ahead and feed themself if they got too hungry.

They texted you multiple times to ask when you’d be home to make them food, despite you making it clear already that you would not be home at a good time to make them food.

They got upset with you and spitefully ordered takeout, instead of making food at home (for some reason).

$80+(!!) of takeout, that is.

They then insisted you pay, without communicating ANY of this to you, and essentially billed you instead?

I think that’s a fair recap of the story you’ve just shared with us.

There are so many things to be said here, but most importantly, NTJ.

Your partner, however, is a huge freaking jerk.

Tell your partner to communicate better and also learn how to cook their own gosh darn food instead of demanding you wait on them and then demanding you pay for their food because they were too lazy/incompetent to cook for themselves.

(Side note, in what world does one person need $80+ of food…? Sounds like they ran up the bill to spite you as well.)” threeleggedrat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Wow, red flags here. A grown adult, who you have informed you are working late, is texting you like they are an eight-year-old child incapable of taking care of themselves.

Bothering you at work, and whining that they are hungry like they have no idea how to go to the fridge and prepare something for themselves.

Then they have the audacity to order takeout, order you nothing, eat it all, and expect you to pay for it?

And you aren’t even married… AND you pay over TWICE what they do for bills. And they have the cojones to try to make YOU pay for THEIR meal?!?! And now they are mad that you aren’t?

OP, honestly, this behavior is enough for me to break it off with someone.” Konocti

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
NTJ. I can't believe they behaved so entitled. Why is cooking even your job when you are paying so much more than them?
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9. AITJ For Absolutely Refusing To Allow My Fiance's Sister To Bring Her Daughter To Our Wedding?

“My fiancé (36M) and I (34F) are getting married in 3 weeks and for the most part, planning has been simple and easy.

We’re having a small-ish wedding in a local hotel with 50 guests. Everything is being held on-site. The ceremony, the dinner, and the reception are all taking place in one hotel.

My fiancé and I decided early on that we wanted the reception to be child-free. Children are welcome at the ceremony and the early dinner we’re having but not for the party afterwards. I, myself, have a 10-year-old son who will be there for the ceremony and meal but not the reception.

The issue is with my fiancé’s sister, Lisa (38F). She has a daughter, Chloe (11F), and has started insisting that Chloe be at the reception. Lisa is the only girl in a family of five children and due to this, she has rarely been told no, even into adulthood.

My fiancé and I have been firm on the stance that no children would be allowed in the reception and she is fully aware of the onsite childcare (we have booked a separate room in the hotel especially for this purpose) however she is adamant that Chloe stay with her.

If it was just me and my fiancé, it wouldn’t be too much of a big deal. We can handle her. However, she has begun hounding my future mother-in-law whom I get on with really well, and has even begun messaging my mother on social media to try and get them to convince the two of us to let Chloe be at the reception.

This is not okay with me or with my fiancé. Neither one of our mothers is in the best of health, and they don’t need the stress.

She either doesn’t realize or doesn’t care that if we allow her daughter to attend the reception, we have to allow all the children to attend and we wanted to allow the parents to have a fun time in the evening.

Even my son isn’t going to be at the reception.

We don’t see them often however last Sunday, we were all at my future in-laws for lunch and so the kids could see each other and she decided to bring it up. She decided it would be a good idea to try and corner me in the kitchen, to try and change my mind.

Once again, I reiterated that there would be no children at the reception and well, this didn’t go down well.

I swear, she was close to throwing a grown-up tantrum. I’ve never seen anything like it before.

I just told her that the little ones in the other room were better behaved than she was and to grow the heck up and walked around her back to the others.

Her tantrum didn’t stop.

After this scene, my future mother-in-law asked if we would be willing to bend the rules we have for the reception for Lisa but the two of us were still firm on the “no”.

Usually, I would just stick it out and not care, and if she hadn’t started getting other family members involved, but now that she has, it’s beginning to stress me out.

I don’t think that we’re being unreasonable with our request for no children at the reception, but I don’t know if I can handle this for another three weeks.

AITJ for sticking to our child-free reception rule?”

Another User Comments:

““Dear Lisa, it sounds like you’re having a hard time deciding whether to come to the wedding or be with Chloe.

Please, if this is difficult, do not feel compelled to attend. “

It sounds harsh, but that’s all you can do. It’s one or the other, not both. NTJ, but you’d be a jerk to your kid if you allowed Chloe to attend.” MauiValleyGirl

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – “We have been clear from the beginning that the reception is child-free. I will not continue to debate this.” If she tries to continue the conversation, walk away/hang up/don’t respond.

I doubt she even cares if her daughter attends.

She just wants special treatment. At this point, she probably just enjoys creating drama and ruining what should be an exciting time for you. She wants all of the attention to be on her. Stop giving her what she wants. Stop discussing. Stop debating.

There is a reason she has not given an “If she cannot go, then I won’t either” ultimatum.

It is because she doesn’t care about the outcome of this argument – she just wants to continue having the argument. Even if you gave in and said yes, I am sure she would come up with something else.” Forward_Squirrel8879

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – stick to your decision especially considering you arranged babysitting and YOUR child is also not attending.

If you give in now, Lisa will keep pulling this act to get her way.

I say this as a single Mom who missed out on family weddings due to no-child rules. I fully understand and support the bride and groom’s decision.” Far-Juggernaut8880

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Mawra 2 months ago
Send out one group text to anyone who is harassing you.
No children will be at the respeseption, I will not discuss this any farther.
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8. AITJ For Telling My Brother He Doesn't Deserve To Be A Dad?

“I have custody of my 12-year-old nephew Dex. My brother is Dex’s dad. He and Dex’s mom divorced when Dex was 2 and when Dex was 4 he met his current wife Shanna. When Dex was 6 his mom died. A couple of years later Shanna got pregnant and went into premature labor.

My niece was stillborn and a hysterectomy had to be performed to save Shanna’s life after serious complications. It broke her. She was lost, and in her grief, she attempted to cling extra hard to Dex and have him be the child she could no longer have biologically.

But Dex was not Shanna’s biggest fan and he did not want to just sit with her all the time and pretend she was his mom. My brother decided Shanna should adopt Dex. He was so hard on Dex for wanting to hang out with friends or for being in his room instead of around Shanna.

She became more and more possessive of Dex.

My husband and I noticed and we stepped in to try and help but my brother became angry and kicked us out and told us we were not helping Shanna. For several months Dex was cut off from the rest of the family and went through a lot at home.

In the end, he had a huge outburst in school and CPS became involved and from there Dex was removed from my brother and placed with my husband and me. It was supposed to be temporary but my brother failed repeatedly to change how he treated Dex.

At that point he was treating his son like he was the worst person in the world. Dex told me his dad called him evil after everything that happened with Shanna. He told him he’d hate him forever for not helping her when he could easily.

It seems Shanna eventually did seek help. My brother decided this was enough to get Dex back but CPS and the judge disagreed. He then cornered me at Christmas and told me that he deserved to be back in his son’s life and we were punishing him for parenting decisions that many others would make in his shoes (meaning trying to force his kid to become his wife’s kid to gloss over the loss of her own child and her ability to have a child in the future).

I told him he didn’t deserve to be a father after the way he treated his own child. I told him Dex should have always been at the forefront of his mind, that he never should have verbally mistreated him for not faking things for Shanna.

I said as a husband he should have gotten her some real, professional help and he should have supported his son in saying he didn’t want Shanna to become his new mom, instead of calling him evil, instead of telling him he was disgusted with him or comparing him to a historical figure who was responsible for the deaths of so many people (this actually happened on multiple occasions).

I told him he should be ashamed of himself and leave Dex to live a happier and healthier life without him. My brother was furious. He attempted to confront me again at work. A friend of his actually told me I should have been more understanding, and even if I’m angry, it was too harsh to say he didn’t deserve to be a father.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE SAY OTHERWISE, including that flying monkey friend of his… who probably does not know 1/8 of everything. all he hears is how saintly your brother is. And if he wants to have a tantrum in public then he deserves a public dressing down and humiliation.

I think he deserved that.

He is a HORRIBLE FATHER. He almost managed to destroy Dex on the altar of his wife. It is bad what happened to her, but in turn, she became insanely possessive, grasping to the point that CPS got involved because the brother participated in the crazy.

And he STILL can’t get it through his thick skull. Be careful – I think this guy is dangerous. You make sure you have security in place, so he can’t try a kidnapping.

NTJ. And stand your ground. And don’t listen to his idiot friends.

They don’t know what in the heck is going on anyway…and even if they do, this is a prime example of how people are more concerned about the poor parents than the child who is being destroyed by said parents. That is what infuriates me the most about this and similar situations.” nosaneoneleft

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

First of all, just being mean and neglectful and verbally cruel is not enough to get CPS to take a child from a home, unfortunately. The situation had to be pretty extreme. NO ONE should defend someone who would mistreat a child like that.

“We were punishing him for parenting decisions that many others would make in his shoes.”

Secondly, his words indicate that he still does not view his actions as abusive. You do not get to call horrible treatment “parenting decisions.” He could argue that he was mentally impaired at the time.

He could argue that with counseling and treatment, he and his wife have reformed. Others could argue that you should give your brother a chance to show he reformed (though I don’t agree that you or Dex is under any obligation to do so).

But NO ONE should argue that you should just agree with his take that he behaved like a normal parent in a tough situation.

That is excusing and condoning mistreatment. Despicable.

You can be as “harsh” as you want with a grown adult continuing to not take responsibility for mistreating their child. Understanding and empathy are reserved for those who have taken actual accountability.” ImaginaryArts

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and I say this as someone who worked for CPS:

Stop having family get-togethers with your brother while you have custody of Dex. If he wants them, you can ask the court to order supervised visitations, including agency-supervised ones (where a 3rd party supervises and reports back to the court).

Enroll with your local CASA (court-appointed special advocate) for your nephew.

Your nephew’s Guardian Ad Litem should know more info or you should be able to google the local chapter.

Keep notes of every interaction. But also, don’t say things like this to him. This doesn’t help you.

Finally, 4. Find out what your state’s statute is on how long kids can be in the state’s custody before seeking termination of parental rights.

If it’s not easy to find, a family lawyer or your nephew’s Guardian ad Litem will know. Once you reach that mark and they aren’t making progress, file for TPR. It will be the best move for your nephew.” HelenasMom

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ and gods bless you for rescuing Dex from his heinous father. Please do as HelenasMom said and get Dex a Guardian ad Litem to protect him, and insist on supervised visitation. Your brother sounds mentally deranged and probably would try to stage a kidnapping, if he's so unhinged that he thinks his actions weren't inappropriate. Good luck.
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7. AITJ For Going Off On My Sister-In-Law While She's Pregnant?

“My SIL (32) is four and a half months pregnant. Since she discovered she is, she has been making various requests which I am not happy about.

She demands that if we go to family dinners in a restaurant, we have to avoid certain places such as kebabs or sushi.

But it doesn’t go until that point, it is basically anything. We can’t go to cafes because she says the smell of coffee and pastries makes her sick to her stomach, and besides that, she can’t drink coffee which she used to love.

She is also in my friends’ group (I introduced her) and has the same attitude about clothes.

We can’t go shopping anymore because she will start crying that she can’t wear the clothes or that the heels won’t fit her. We have told her that there must be clothes with a bigger size to complement her body now, but she says that is a waste of energy and money.

So, in three weeks, it will be my 30th birthday, so I want to make it special. Since I was a child, my best friend’s and my favorite food has been sushi (we used to go out to this sushi place once a week), so I found this restaurant that would deliver me these freshly made sushi rolls.

I have told SIL today about this, so I can warn her about the “potential nauseating smell” that she says she hates.

The moment I told her, she got very mad. She told me how selfish I was for choosing the main food that she could not eat at the moment.

I tried to explain to her that I had always planned this and that I will also gather food specifically for her.

But she did not hear me. She screamed that I was doing this on purpose just to humiliate her like “all the other times.” It was there when I got very mad and screamed back in front of her whole family (we were previously alone, but after hearing her screams, people started to come) that she had been a witch since she found out she got pregnant and that that was only an excuse to tap how much of a brat she was and that she was prohibited from being near my house the day of my birthday.

After that, I was having none of it and went away leaving her crying (only her husband came).

All of this was yesterday, and since then, I have not stopped getting messages from her hubs telling me to apologize because while she may have been behaving very demanding, she was pregnant, and I shouldn’t put her through emotions like that and that I was very cruel, especially for the sushi on my birthday thing.

My husband agrees with me, but I am not sure, maybe I have not been empathetic. But I have thought about me being pregnant, and I wouldn’t behave like that!

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Also, I’m 6.5 months pregnant, and a lot of what she’s saying is just straight-up wrong.

She can have coffee. Drinking below a certain threshold of caffeine is safe. Unless she has dangerously high blood pressure, there is basically zero risk in having a cup of coffee.

She can have sushi. Fish isn’t dangerous so long as it’s not high-mercury fish being eaten often, and even RAW fish is not an increased risk–it’s literally no worse for you or your baby if you get food poisoning when pregnant versus not pregnant.

You generally don’t want to get food poisoning, period. There’s a risk of getting food poisoning every time you order a salad at a restaurant, or any meat or dairy… You can’t ensure that every item is being washed and cooked to exactly safe temperatures when dining out.

Presumably, she is still eating food prepared in restaurants sometimes, yes? If so, the risk of getting food poisoning specifically from raw fish is ridiculously out of proportion to the actual instances of food poisoning, to say nothing of the risk of food poisoning from eating literally anything, lol.

So long as you’re eating fresh, high-grade, well-prepared raw fish from a clean establishment, you’re fine. I’ve discussed this with two of my doctors, lol. Even if she’s worried about raw fish, there are myriad cooked rolls!

She can have kebabs. Gotta be honest, even misguided conventional pregnancy wisdom doesn’t address this one, and I’m really confused about it, lol.” car55tar5

Another User Comments:

“As a man, I’ve never been pregnant. I do have kids though and have been empathetic to smells/textures and foods that are nauseating to the woman carrying my children, including altering my choices for the duration of her pregnancies.

She is not carrying your child.

You played no part in this pregnancy. You are not responsible for the choices of others. Your part begins and ends with the same courtesy and respect you’d afford to anyone else. And it sounds like you’ve been more than accommodating. Your SIL doesn’t get to allow the impacts of her choices to affect the lives of others, particularly not on special occasions.

When my wife suffered a miscarriage last year, she didn’t scream and shout that her SIL was insensitive about having a baby shower for someone in their group. She realized how upset she’d be, sent her apologies that she’d not be attending, and thanked her for the invite.

Calling her a brat? She had that one coming. You’ve put up with a lot of her crap and eventually enough was enough. You’re human. There are a lot of selfish people in this situation but you are not one of them. NTJ.” bluebaccy

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – Pregnant women have hormones going haywire and one of the symptoms is severe nausea at certain smells. There was a story on here a while ago about a woman whose husband drank every night, but the smell of certain drinks always made her vomit, and she could still smell it on him even after he brushed his teeth.

She wasn’t making it up; it’s just that the hormones can make pregnant women have an almost superhuman sense of smell.

You need to apologize for calling her names. Try to compromise with her – it’s your birthday and you can choose to go wherever you want.

Maybe you can meet up with her another day?” churrocrunch

Another User Comments:

”Esh, I am currently 7 months pregnant with my second. I would never tell someone they can’t continue their tradition for their birthday of getting sushi. I would tell them to have fun and send me pictures of their outfits.

All I could eat was french fries for months with my first and still wouldn’t dictate where my family ate for a family dinner.

I still went shopping with my sister, and I just chose not to try things on. One, energy-wise, and two, I knew I wasn’t gonna wear it for long.

I always encourage her to try stuff on and shop.

It sounds like your sil is having a hard time with her body changing and her nausea. She needs to work on that however she can’t expect everyone to cater to her for everything.

You suck for yelling and name-calling.

That never helps any situation.” lilwildjess

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Mawra 2 months ago
NTJ, I get it, everything made me sick. I can not dictate what others do for 9 months. You are willing to have food she can eat at YOUR birthday. Just being around sushi won't hurt her. Her saying I can't do that, so you can't is rediculous. Tell her your plans. Tell her she can come or not. I would try to do activities she would enjoy.
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6. AITJ For Not Changing The Date Of Our Wedding For My Mother?

Part of me is like, is a yoga retreat really more important than your daughter’s wedding?

But another part of me is like, are you really that stubborn to not move a non-fixed date, so your own mother can attend your wedding?

“My fiancé and I recently got engaged, and when looking at dates, we realized our anniversary falls on a Saturday this year.

Perfect right? We immediately start planning because it’s approximately 9 months out, and we have to move quickly to pull a wedding together. We told everyone the potential date this weekend, and all seemed well.

On Monday, I get a phone call from my father.

He insists that I move the date because my mother has a yoga retreat that weekend. I tell him that this date means a lot to me, and I would prefer to keep it if there is any way to move the retreat. There is, but it’s expensive.

I offer to pay for this change out of my wedding budget, essentially halving the amount that I can spend on the most important event of my life.

Yesterday I was told that they would not be taking my offer to pay to move the retreat and that we’re expected to move the wedding instead.

I haven’t put anything down on my venue yet, so they think I should be fine with giving up the chance to marry on a date that means a lot to me. It became a massive fight, and now my parents and I aren’t speaking.

My father accused me of caring about a date more than I care about my mother. I told him that it felt as though they were choosing yoga over their own daughter.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your wedding, your choice, you get to choose the date that works best for you and your guests either show up or they don’t.

But, you called it. They’re putting your mother and her yoga retreat above their daughter. They’re selfish. And you should definitely not allow them to manipulate you. You’re not selfish because. 1. You gave them a fair and GENEROUS alternative. You should not have to pay for the change of date.

2. You gave them a 9-month notice to make appropriate arrangements.

Your parents have the same choice as everyone else. Show up, or don’t. It will definitely be an eye-opening experience to see how they truly feel about you. If they skip their daughter’s wedding for your mom’s yoga retreat, they’re showing who is more important to them and where their loyalty lies.

However, set your boundaries and tell them the date is final. You’re not changing it. They can take it or leave it, but this is not open for discussion or negotiation. And any further attempt to discuss it or argue with you will result in you hanging up.

And be prepared, they sound like they’re going to get very ugly and angry. But you definitely should not go back on your word and keep your boundaries.

Also, take it from me, I changed my wedding date 4 times because some family member whined it would not work for them.

I was young and a peacemaker back then and wanted everyone happy. I learned a hard lesson that you will never please everyone, and there’s never a perfect date. So just pick the date you want and works for you. Everyone else can make the decision to go or not if it doesn’t work for them.

Most people make arrangements to be able to attend.” Gorgeous-Angelface

Another User Comments:

“You wouldn’t be the jerk, no matter what you choose – as long as you think through and accept the consequences of your choice. (The same is true for your parents and their choice.)

You could decide that having your parents at your wedding is more important to you than the date. Consequences include (1) understanding and accepting that your parents put mom’s expensive yoga retreat above being at your wedding on the date you wanted… and still wanting them there more than wanting that date.

(2) having a good sense of whether your parents would actually appreciate your sacrifice and would generally be supportive of your wedding (no other big demands). (3) not having your wedding on your anniversary date. (4) Your relationship with your parents could benefit from this, or they could feel more free to make further demands of you in the future.

Your fiance would need to be on board with this change and you both feel that it is better in the long run.

You could decide the date means more to you than your parents being there and stick with your plans. Consequences include (1) needing to be prepared that your parents choose not to change plans over being at your wedding.

(2) your relationship with your parents suffers long-term and their support of your wedding is minimal, (3) you feel embarrassed explaining your parents’ absence at the wedding.

The bottom line is that you and your fiance are adults who decide what is more important to you and accept the consequences of your choices.

Then whatever you decide will be the right choice for you.” swillshop

Another User Comments:

“Ytj.

Firstly, the holiday was booked before you decided on a date.

Secondly, when you are planning something that involves a core group of people, you liaise with that core group to make sure, it’s good for everyone.

You don’t decide and demand everyone falls into place. If you insist on doing that be prepared for people to be busy and not be able to attend.

Fully paid-up holidays have limited circumstances in which they can be altered. Yes, you offered to pay for the date alteration, but in the next breath made it very clear you thought that was unfair that you had to (that will take half my budget).

So be honest, you don’t really want to pay to move the holiday, you want your parents to foot the loss. Your event isn’t booked.

Your parents know you, they know you wouldn’t cough up the money to rearrange the retreat, or if you did they’d never hear the end of it.

You are being a bridezilla already.

Your parents are not choosing a holiday over your wedding, you are being unreasonable. If your mother misses the wedding because of your needless obstinacy, that’s on you, not her.

Finally, that date is only a big deal because you’ve decided only 9 months before it, that it is.

Had you proclaimed your intention to marry on that date as soon as you got engaged, you could call it special.” Fit_General7058

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5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Dad Or Step-Mom At Parties When Their Twin Grandchildren Are Born?

“I (32F) grew up with very young parents, who divorced when I was 10. Neither parent handled the divorce well and they refused to be in the same room as one another.

As a result, I grew up having separate holidays, birthdays, etc. with each parent.

My mom had primary custody, so I spent the majority of my childhood and adolescence with her. I have never had a close relationship with my SM. I don’t talk to her outside of major gatherings and see her maybe 4-5 times a year).

My mom and SM/dad live 5 minutes from each other, so distance isn’t a factor.

My husband (also 32) and I got married last year. It was the first major event that everyone had to attend and play nice at. My mom and dad both promised me that it was my day and they had no issues being around each other for it.

They even offered to do a combined speech.

I invited my stepmom and stepsister to get ready with the girls and my SM told me that she would be uncomfortable getting ready in a room with my mom, so I assumed they didn’t want to attend this portion.

SM then said she would be highly offended if I took a photo with my bio family (parents and brothers) because she’s my dad’s wife; my mom isn’t. After this conversation, I had major anxiety because it was clear she was struggling with insecurities and I was trying to make everyone happy.

I “OK’d” everything with SM – the parents of the bride speech, the slideshow (containing childhood photos with both parents), I even had SM and mom sitting at separate tables, facing away from each other. I put in every effort possible to have a drama-free day and make everyone comfortable.

After the wedding, SM told me that I should have done more to include her. I told her about all the effort I put in to make HER comfortable on MY day. She said my efforts weren’t good enough and I should have treated her equally to my mom.

She was offended that all the girls got ready together and SM and SS weren’t invited. I reminded her that I did invite them and she told me she wasn’t comfortable being around my mom. We had a huge fight and SM kept bringing up the past and bad-mouthing my mom.

I asked if they could respect my boundaries and leave me out of any drama they had with my mom. SM threw it back in my face because ‘now she can’t express her feelings to me.’ My DH and I ended up kicking them out of our house after boundaries were ignored.

Now we are 7 months pregnant with twins (first grandbabies) and they have been excluded from all celebrations (gender reveal, baby shower, etc). It’s been made clear that SM doesn’t want to be around Mom, and I’m not going out of my way to accommodate her after the wedding fiasco. My dad has made it clear that he won’t attend any events without SM, so he’s been excluded by default.

I told my dad that if they want to be a part of the grandkids’ lives then we can do separate celebrations, but mom will be attending the big celebrations as she is much more integrated into my life.

AITJ for telling my dad he won’t be invited to major events?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You have been more than reasonable, but both your stepmom and dad are the jerks. Her because she is throwing in problems when there are none and he because he expects you to manage his relationship with her to make everything easier for HIM.

It is so unfair they are trying to dictate your child’s life experience and relationships with their own family based on their inability to be in the same space as each other.

One of my besties is the child from her dad’s second family where her dad and his first wife did not have an amicable divorce but they sucked it up for the kids to the point where Bestie grew up thinking of wife 1 as a kind of aunt and even invited her to her wedding because all of her kids and grandkids would be there so she wanted to include her too.

None of the adults involved like each other but they all suck it up for the kids/grandkids AS THEY SHOULD. Unless there was past trauma or something unforgivable everyone involved needs to adult up and do the polite thing of saying “Hello” and then ignoring the heck out of the person they dislike.” liza_lo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for sure. My parents divorced and remarried when I was little. We’ve been lucky enough to get together for events, milestones, and holidays. It’s not always been easy and there are some things I would do differently like having both my dad and stepdad walk me down the aisle.

Your SM is perpetuating the drama. Your father is allowing it. I can only offer that going forward you attempt to talk to your father in person and then hopefully talk with your father and SM with your husband present. If she won’t stop the juvenile behavior then it’s as you said he’s cut out because of his wife.

Which is really sad. Hopefully, your dad will man up and think about the future. Growing older tends to put things into perspective. At least for those who want to live happier and healthier lives. Congratulations on your pregnancy. Btw be on alert that SM may pull crud about naming the babies too.” SnooTangerines9807

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- it’s not your job to manage other people’s relationships. Full stop. Now that being said, it’s especially not your job to manage your SM’s relationship with anyone else but YOU. She is triangulating and that, depending on other contributing factors, could indicate she has an abusive personality.

It’s a serious red flag. As an additional note, a therapist once told me, if someone is offering a ticket to ride on a guilt trip, it’s YOUR choice to accept or deny getting on that train. After all, it’s THEIR guilt trip, THEIR issues, not YOURS.

As for mixing that crazy with grandchildren, your father is using your children as collateral against you to manipulate you. I wouldn’t even begin to play that game… He can choose where he goes or doesn’t go but you, when it comes to your children, get to choose where he’s invited and how many guests he gets to bring.

I say this with the most warmth and kindness: get a therapist to help navigate your boundaries. Lots of minefields and booby traps ahead and your father has the upper hand in that warfare; after all, he’s helped create your triggers. SM is capitalizing on that.” GreatButWithRedFlags

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4. AITJ For Arguing With My Waitress Friend About Tipping Culture?

“After my friend and I went to an escape room, she said she was hungry, and I offered to cook.

She accepted, and we headed over to our house. There she asked why I hadn’t gone to her restaurant in a while. She works for a nice restaurant in town, and we used to frequent it because she got an employee discount. I told her I pretty much stopped going to restaurants completely.

She asked me why, and I told her inflation and the expectation to tip 20% at least has made restaurant food ridiculously expensive. She got annoyed and told me I could afford it I live in a million-dollar house. My husband and I make a good salary, but I don’t see why that means I have to go to restaurants.

I told her the main thing at restaurants I like to order (steak) is now $50 for a mediocre one. I can get a top-quality ribeye for $30 that I can cook in compound butter and fresh rosemary. She made a face and told me that people with good money who don’t have children should be helping prop up the industry and complaining about tipping when I’m doing well.

I felt attacked and told her I’m doing what everyone’s advice is: if I can’t tip enough, not to go out. I’m annoyed by how high tipping has gotten. We don’t even live in the us; we live in Canada.

She told me the restaurants can’t even hire enough waitresses now, so even with tips, most people don’t make enough serving. I told her it’s not my problem if they don’t make enough; it’s their boss’s job to pay them, and when I do eat out, I tip what is expected. She got really mad and told me I should be more sympathetic to her since she can barely pay her bills waitressing since fewer people are eating out and tipping and refused to talk to me while we ate.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Had no idea this was such an issue in Canada too, I thought the service industry was only out of control in the US. This seems to be the general conversation regarding US servers:

“You need to tip at least 20%, we rely on it, we only make $2/hour.”

“That’s not right. You should not rely on tips for income. Tips are not mandatory. Your employer should be paying you a living wage.”

“But they don’t, so you need to tip!”

“But this needs to change. It will change if more people raise the issue.”

“Well, I don’t want it to change. I make more off tips than minimum wage.”

“…and there it is.”

OP, you are 100% right and doing the right thing. It doesn’t matter how much you make; if you don’t want to spend what it costs to eat out and follow the socially accepted ridiculous rules, then you don’t eat out.

Your friend is buying into the server/victim issue.” PartyCat78

Another User Comments:

“Pfft. NTJ. I work in the service industry. Ironically enough the place I serve is an established country club and shut down for x months to do a full renovation.

I have a coworker who isn’t financially stable.

She says otherwise but acts starved for money. (Criticizing tips, living beyond her means with big purchases, over-the-top rent for a luxury apartment). She took up another job like many others to sub for those unemployed months, complains about the inconvenience of paying those bills, and assumes the rest of us will be in similar misery.

The thing is, I already worked another job. One paid the bills, and the rest was stashed away while I got a break from my stressful evenings. I just opted to put in more hours at my preferred place and enjoy an overdue vacation with evenings to myself.

The difference is, I know how to manage and live reasonably, much like you. I emphasize on what’s not promised tomorrow and prepare for those uncertainties rather than assuming someone else will come through for me. Nor do I feel comfortable asking for someone to cover for me – let it be a friend or family.

I feel sorry for her but she made her bed. If she doesn’t like her situation, that’s on her to change it for the better.” CMJ728

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…to an extent. True, it isn’t your problem if she doesn’t earn enough waitressing through salary and tips.

And you went to the trouble to explain why you don’t go to restaurants anymore.

NTJ to avoid restaurants altogether. My husband and I haven’t gone out to a restaurant in YEARS, for this very reason. Too expensive for what little you get. Food never tastes as good as my cooking, because I insist on fresh ingredients, and having worked at restaurants I know how they ‘extend the shelf life of food and produce’.

Also, it seemed like every time we went out to eat at a restaurant, we ended up feeling a bit sick.

Perhaps it’s time for your friend to consider seeking different employment. She could take inexpensive or free online courses and learn new skills which could enable her to find gainful employment so she can better provide for herself.” Howling2021

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
NTJ, and your friend's attitude is exactly why I won't go to a restaurant unless it's a very special occasion and I know I'll be paying more than I'm comfortable with, for what I get. I love to cook, do it very well, or so I'm told, and because I'm a cook, I'm incredibly picky about my food. I also have zero patience or tolerance for bad service, and have been known to give a dollar tip if I feel the service warrants it. I have also been known to give a 100% tip if I feel the service warrants it. Many servers seem to conveniently forget that the word "tip" is actually an acronym standing for "To Insure Promptness". If you're serving me and you're not prompt, courteous and professional, you'll get a tip that reflects that. Don't like it? Do better. Or get a job that actually pays you decently. Your choice. I am not going to a restaurant to worry about what my server is or isn't making; I'm going to treat myself to an evening out where I'm not doing the cooking.
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3. AITJ For Not Wanting Children At My Wedding?

“I (22f) am getting married soon.

Since my fiancé and I are childfree, and because we plan to have booze at our wedding, we decided to have a childfree wedding with the age cutoff at 21.

This requirement so far has gone over well with most of our invitees (most of our invitees don’t even have kids anyway so it doesn’t make a difference for them).

I do have one friend “Mel” (20f) that I had to exclude from the wedding. After realizing that pretty much everyone else from the same social circle had been invited except her, she confronted me and demanded to know why she wasn’t invited.

I tried to explain that it wasn’t personal and that I just didn’t want to have to worry about underage drinking going on under my nose on my wedding day.

But Mel kept accusing me of being a bad friend. She argued that since we had drank together before it shouldn’t be such a big deal, but I told her that it was different since we were both underage at the time (I was 20 and she was 18-19ish when we started drinking together).

Now as an adult, I feel like I have a responsibility to prevent underage drinking, and as the bride, I feel like I have the right to have a child-free wedding.

Mel is unconvinced and keeps talking bad about me behind my back to our mutual friends and making snarky comments about me feeling superior.

I don’t see why she can’t just relax and let me have my wedding day the way I like. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Mmm, you’re not a jerk for wanting a child-free wedding.

YTJ for excluding your friend for being…one year under the age cut-off.

Sure, your wedding, your rules, you aren’t required to invite anyone, that’s all true. But it’s pretty targeted when she’s the only one out of the group not invited, and if most of the invitees don’t even have kids so it doesn’t affect them, what exactly is the point of this rule…?

It comes across as if you’re targeting this friend specifically…Because you feel like more of an adult now?

You were still an adult when you did underage drinking with her in the past. What, you aged 2 years and decided you have some new, self-appointed moral obligation to her now?

That’s…condescending as heck. Requesting people to refrain from underage drinking at your ceremony is fine, but outright refusing to invite her for being one year under your inflexible rule is a jerk move.” CrimsonKnight_004

Another User Comments:

“You are BARELY old enough to drink.

You’re still just a kid yourself. You’re not 30 years old. Stop acting like you’re 30 years old with oh so much wisdom. Also, like the other comments here child-free and 21 and over are two entirely different things. At 18, you are an adult by law. It’s disgusting.

You’re calling her a child when you’re still practically a child yourself. You surely act like a child given too much power. Like the oldest one (by all of two years) being told they’re in charge while their parents are out. Power you don’t even actually have has gone to your head.

Also, when does she turn 21 in correlation to your wedding? If she’ll almost be 21, you’re even more of a jerk.

YTJ. Get off your high horse. You are ONLY 22. You have hardly any experience as an adult, so stop trying to play the part of acting as an adult over your friends.

You don’t even have the adult mentality clearly because an adult wouldn’t treat a friend like crap like that. And if she doesn’t say her age to anyone? How would anyone know she’s not 21 other than your friend group?” ObjectiveOne3868

Another User Comments:

“YTJ because you’re being so pedantic about it.

You can certainly have a child-free wedding. But a 20-year-old is not a child. You’re no longer a minor when you turn 18, though there are some things you don’t have full rights for (like drinking).

And you’re a hypocrite since you were quite happy to indulge in underage drinking with her before.

Now you’re pulling rank and “have a responsibility to prevent underage drinking”? Give me a break. I don’t buy that for a minute. Like Mel, I’m unconvinced.

If you had a reason like Mel being the kind of uncontrollable drinker you don’t want at your wedding I’d understand.

But using the excuse of a “child-free wedding” to keep a 20-year-old out? You’re being remarkably petty. And not much of a friend.” stroppo

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2. AITJ For Leaving My Son's Wedding Early When He Wouldn't Do The Mother-Son Dance With My Wife?

“My son “Jordan” is 27. His stepmom “Natalie” came into his life when he was 16. His mom had passed away when he was 13. Jordan never really considered Natalie as his mom. He refused to let her get close and shut down every attempt to have a close relationship.

He even moved in with his aunt months after Natalie and I got married.

As years went by, they started reconciling and seeing each other more often. He invited us to his wedding which took place days ago.

We got there and the atmosphere was great, until later when I found out that Jordan had denied Natalie a mother-son dance and instead chose his aunt to dance with him.

Natalie told me this minutes later and I couldn’t help but feel irritated and quite upset. I decided to get up and leave, and we both left. I got calls from my family after they saw me leave. And Jordan called later and I told him why I did it.

He got mad and said it was his wedding and that his aunt is basically a mother to him and said that Natalie shouldn’t expect “special treatment.” I said it’s not special treatment but a tradition. Besides that, he hurt her feelings for no reason other than for the sake of being malicious.

He got offended and accused me of ruining his day and causing a scene.

Now the family sided with him and said I shouldn’t have left no matter what.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

Your son has no relationship with your new wife and has made that very clear, going so far as to move out of your home and live with his aunt.

Frankly, it’s disturbing that your wife even thought she was entitled to a mother-son dance. I’d also say go immediately and profusely apologize to him but also know the damage is done. No chance he ever forgets you leaving his wedding to support your needy and self-involved wife over him.

I’m appalled.

One thing I see so often here is people making insanely rash and unforgettable decisions at weddings and other enormous large events for others. A basic life tenet should be: suck it up at the life event, especially any wedding that isn’t your own, and then talk to the person later.

Literally no one ever wants drama at their wedding, and they will never act reasonably or the way you want them to.

PS I want to reiterate your wife sucks for putting you in this position. YTJ though for going along with it.” CanyonCoyote

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. An ENORMOUS one.

Your son has made it unequivocally clear that he does not see your wife as his mother or any other proxy of a mother figure. Period. The fact that he only recently started reconciling speaks to how much that is a barrier for him.

For you to expect him to treat her like a mother on HIS wedding day is beyond entitled, absurd, and WILDLY insensitive given that context. To then throw a tantrum and leave his wedding because of it places you so squarely in the jerk category, I am shocked you even have to ask.

She is not his mother. He will never see her that way. Stop pushing it and respect your son’s boundaries. Otherwise, you are going to quickly find yourself in the same category as not his parent, and he might go no contact. You owe him an apology.” theresbeans

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you’ve obviously never lost a parent at a young age. No one is ever going to replace his mom, especially not the chick you met when he was 16. His aunt was in his life from day 1 and still is, and he has every right to consider her more a mom than the person you married after your wife passed.

Sorry, but your wife will never be his mom and she should be okay with that because it is not her place to be one. Especially after years of him very obviously expressing he did not want her as his mom, going as far as to move away when you married her.

I think he should still be civil with her and try and have a relationship with her as she is your partner, but he absolutely does not owe you or her anything when it comes to who he believes is or is not his mom.” Fr4ggleR0ck

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
YTJ, and an oblivious one. Did you honestly think that your son had suddenly decided to accept your wife as his mother, given everything that has passed between them over the years? Gods, but you're as thick as two short planks. You'll be lucky if he doesn't cut you out of his life completely after that stunt, and not a soul on this earth could blame him. You and your bride. Wow.
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1. AITJ For Announcing To My Nieces That Their Mom Died Before Their Dad Could Tell Them?

It sounds like the dad is in dire need of help.

“About 2 years ago, my SIL, age 27, became extremely ill and passed within a few months of her diagnosis.

Prior to her passing, I 22F flew out to go help her & my brother 29 with their daughters now 6 and 8, so they didn’t have to worry about the kiddos. During that time they became attached to me.

Her passing was difficult for all of us, especially knowing how wonderful of a mother she was to the girls.

It’s been 2 years, and it’s still hard for my brother to process it. My brother said he didn’t want to tell his daughters, and I could tell seeing them broke him because they would often ask how their mom was doing… so I suggested having the girls move in with me and my fiance until he was in a better place.

We suggested going to therapy, but he wasn’t open to it at all.

When my nieces moved in, the whole family stepped up, my parents, siblings & even fiancé’s side to make sure the girls were good.

For the last two years, he has been isolating himself, moved away (an hour’s drive from us), doesn’t go to therapy, and is burying himself in work.

He visits the girls once every 2 months or so and spoils them with gifts, but other than that, he doesn’t support them financially (we’re in a good financial position, so it’s fine; we haven’t asked for it).

The thing is, my niece often asks how their mom is and when she’ll be out of the hospital. They want to go see her, and we feel awful, them not knowing.

I mean, it’s been 2 whole years. I asked my brother a few months ago, and he wasn’t ready yet. Considering he isn’t doing anything to get help and that I am now their full-time guardian, I figured the healthiest thing to do was to tell them sooner rather than later.

Before telling them, we got their teachers involved, got them a therapist, and told them (it was probably the hardest thing I had to do in a long time). They are also doing a program for grieving children (this has been very helpful because they have friends who they can relate to and a lot of support).

It’s been a month, and my nieces are handling it way better than we thought, but my brother isn’t. He thought it wasn’t our place to tell them and that I ruined their happiness, and now that they knew their mom was dead, they’d never be the same.

His friends say we are major jerks for doing it without his permission.”

Another User Comments:

“Oh God, ESH SO HARD.

Yes, your brother is clearly the bigger jerk here. He’s effectively abandoned his children in their greatest time of need, and you’ve done an amazing thing by stepping up!

But good God, I could not imagine lying to children about their mother being alive for almost TWO YEARS. These kids are going to need therapy for the rest of their lives, not only because their mom died while they were young, but because every single trusted adult in their life lied to them and told them they still had a mom.

I can’t imagine the betrayal they must feel. In their eyes, they’ve been denied seeing or hearing from their mother for two years now, which I’m sure had its own deluge of negative feelings. But now they know everyone was a liar.

They missed any real opportunity to properly say goodbye. They didn’t even get to go to the funeral, which is shameful.

I know you were all put in a tough position by the parent not telling them himself, but someone should’ve stepped in and ripped the bandaid long ago.

It’s good that the kids are in therapy now. You should also arrange some family therapy for you and the kids once they’ve been going for a bit because I bet they feel pretty hurt by your inaction.” Poodlesandotherdogs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

As everyone else has said, 2 years is way too long for those girls to not know their mother is dead. I genuinely feel sorry for your brother, as it’s his wife and the mother of his children we’re talking about. But his grieving has likely already caused significant psychological damage to his daughters.

I’m just glad he and his wife agreed to let you and your fiancé take in the girls because I wouldn’t have trusted him to be mentally well enough to help them.

And of course, his (questionable) decision to keep himself away from everyone by moving over an hour’s drive away, barely visiting his children, and outright refusing therapy shows that he was in no condition to be present for his daughters.

Heck, I wouldn’t even call what he did over the past two years “parenting” to begin with, you, your fiancé, and the rest of your family were the ones doing the real work of taking care of the girls.

I also applaud you for setting up a support system beforehand to ensure telling them about their mother’s passing would be as painless as possible.” Girl_With_No_Hope

Another User Comments:

“So uh, I’m actually going to say YTJ for letting this go on for two years. Holy wow. The father needs a judgment too, so we’ll say ESH but woof. You owe those girls a huuuuge apology along with a conversation about how sometimes adults make the wrong choices.

Hopefully, with all the support you have involved, this has already been handled.

To be clear, even though I’m judging YTJ for letting this go for -two years-, props for eventually telling them, and props for stepping up and caring for them after they lost both parents.

Because make no mistake, they lost their dad too.

Assuming you’re up to/plan to keep the girls, please talk to a lawyer if you haven’t already to make sure all your legal ducks are in a row for whenever their father decides he wants to play dad again.

Preferably with an option to come after their dad for child support if he makes things difficult.” OrganicFrost

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LizzieTX 2 months ago
Definitely NTJ. You were put into an impossible situation with your brother's refusal to accept his wife's passing, and insisting that that knowledge be kept from his children. It sounds to me like you were trying to give him space to come to terms with his loss, but he just never did. Could you have told the girls sooner about their mom? Yes. Should you have? I wouldn't presume to say, and neither should anyone else who wasn't in your shoes. You did what you thought was right and what you thought was best for those children, including stepping up to the plate the way you did. I'm so sorry those babies had to find out about their mom the way they did, and so glad they had a huge support system already in place to help them deal.
As for your brother, some people just break easier than others. It doesn't sound like he'll ever be ready to have his children know and face the truth, because he certainly can. Just leave him to his own devices. You won't change him.
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