People Request For Us To Review Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Defending My Job From My Aunt?
“I (25 M) have a vocational degree in plumbing but have been working as a septic tank cleaner/pipe cleaner for 5 years. Before going down this path I initially wanted to be a clinical psychologist however the fear of debt made me pursue a trade instead. This was the best decision I ever made as, unlike my brother and friends I have no debt and make 65K a year.
My problems began with my aunt who is an elitist, to say the least. She believes that any job that doesn’t require a college/university degree is not a real job. This became apparent when we went out to dinner with several family members. During dinner, the topic of jobs came up because my brother and I have not seen some of them since we were kids.
My brother started by telling them about how he is at University studying to become a nuclear technician. When it was my turn I explained how I had my plumbing degree and work as a septic tank cleaner.
This disgusted my aunt who called me an absolute failure and said that I should be like my brother.
She then went on to say that I should go to college and get a ‘real’ job before it is too late. She also went on about how no woman will want to date a man who ‘makes as little as I do’. This is when I decided to embarrass her by going on a small rant.
I explained how people like me are the ones who help prevent the spread of disease and the reason why people don’t have to think about what happens after they flush their toilet. I then proceed to tell her that selling multi-level marketing (MLM) beauty products is not a real job and can criticize me when she actually brings something to the table.
After the dinner, my parents were not too pleased because they believe that the way I dealt with her was too rude and I should not have stooped so low. I will admit that going after her for selling MLM beauty products was a jerk move as she is a victim and does not know any better. Despite this, I feel that I am justified as I would not have gone there if she had not insulted my education and profession.
Am I the jerk here?”
35. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Live A More Comfortable Life?
“When I (34 M) was 22, I got my partner (34 F), Sarah (also 22 at the time), pregnant. I explained to Sarah, I planned on prioritizing my work and career and would not be wanting a role in the child’s life. I was from a lower socioeconomic background, finishing engineering school, and wanted financial stability.
She was training to become a hairdresser and wanted to keep the baby girl (Eve). We decided to end things and I moved from my home country to San Francisco where I worked for the next 8 years in tech. I would Facetime Eve often and would hang out when I was home once every few years but we never had a close relationship at the time due to the guilt I would feel.
We had a child support agreement and I paid a percentage of my base pay however I was also receiving 3x my salary in stock options in a private company and at the time was unsure if these would ever be worth anything. When the company IPO’d, the stock is worth millions and this new wealth caused me to have an existential crisis.
I missed my home and wanted to try and be a better parent now I had the resources.
I’ve been home for 4 years and since then I’ve built a strong relationship with Eve. I apologized to her, went to therapy together, and fixed our relationship. Sarah and I had a good co-parent relationship. This is where I might start to be a jerk.
I make significantly more than Sarah. I buy Eve anything she requests within reason, electronics, makeup, and clothes but I can tell this annoys Sarah as it causes issues with her stepchildren. Recently, I bought a house in a much wealthier/nicer area than Sarah and walked Eve through the local all-girls high school that offers amazing classes and extracurricular activities.
They have an amazing art program and Eve wants to pursue this field.
Eve and I talked if she would be interested in attending a school like that (the school fee is about 1/3 of Sarah’s annual income which I am more than happy to pay 100%) and she was so excited and asked if this would mean she would get to live with me and have her own room.
She currently shares with her stepsister.
Sarah shot down the idea fast and refuses to engage in a conversation on this topic. This has caused some tension between Eve and Sarah. Sarah accused me of underpaying child support (legally not true as the stock options weren’t realized income then), stealing her daughter from her with gifts, and trying to turn her against her with a school she could never afford.
AITJ for wanting my daughter to have the best opportunity?
Just adding some edits:
– Sarah and I never had any resentment between us. When we found out about the news, I explained the expectations and role I would play in Eve’s life and was unsure where I was going to live. She also made decisions and never resented me.
I always paid above the legally required child support payments. That’s why I was surprised by her saying I underpaid her.
– I never told Eve about the school. She found out from the neighbors and their experiences of the school. When we walked past the school she asked me about it and I could feel she wanted to know if I could afford a school and I said yes.
– Eve has been having some conflict with her new living arrangement since Sarah’s partner and stepkids have moved in. I’ve tried to remain neutral and even supported Sarah’s circumstances in the recent changes.
– I know I left my kid during her childhood years but I know I would have been a bitter and resentful parent if I didn’t give it a shot to see what I could achieve.
I’m sorry Eve was put in that position and I’ve apologized, gone to therapy, and spent daily quality time with her. It’s not all about gifts and money, but Eve’s circumstances are she will have a much high material quality of life than her stepsiblings and that isn’t going to change. She shouldn’t miss out on opportunities or things just because her step-siblings will.”
34. AITJ For Demanding My Husband Cleans The House Before I And Our Child Come Home?
“I (36 f) had to take my child (11) to camp last week. We left on a Friday and returned home last Friday. My husband (38 m) was not able to get the time off of work so he stayed home. This is not new for us, typically we switch years on which parent takes time off to go.
This is our last year having to have a parent attend.
Before I left, I cleaned the house, made a few freezer meals (I don’t trust him in the kitchen as he can’t cook to save his life, not a problem for me) and generally just wanted to make things easier as he was going to pick up a lot of overtime while we were gone.
No big deal and yes, he normally takes on 50% of the chores. The only thing extra he had to do was water my garden and send a package out for me.
Well, we went to camp. It was a blast but I was so ready to be home after. When we got home Friday evening, I couldn’t believe my eyes.
The house was a wreck. I honestly don’t know how it got to that level in a week. He hadn’t done a single thing while we were gone. My garden hadn’t been watered, the package hadn’t been sent, and the living room and kitchen looked like a hurricane had gone through.
I was beyond mad and packed our child and me some clean clothes and checked into a hotel.
When my husband got home. He messaged asking where we were. I told him a hotel and that we were staying until the house was back to how I had left it. He complained saying it wasn’t that bad and he needed help to clean half of it because that was our job. I told him I didn’t make half the mess so I wasn’t cleaning it. It quickly devolved into a huge fight where he thinks I’m the jerk for not doing my half of the chores when I got home.
33. AITJ For Refusing To Hug My Dad After He Invalidated My Being Upset?
“I (13 M) have divorced parents. I live with my Dad for one week, then I transfer and go live with my mom for the next, and vice versa. One day, I realized that I am never aware of when I will actually be leaving to go to my mom’s from my dad’s. This would always fly when I was younger but doesn’t anymore because of 2 reasons:
I am constantly trying to make plans with friends and not knowing when I will be at a different house always puts a wrench in them. It disallows me to make finite plans.
2: When switching houses, I always need to bring certain things to the other. Mostly just quality of life things like my laptop but also the volleyball equipment I use for playing.
I usually need a fair bit of time to pack all this stuff up and when I don’t know what time I’m leaving for my Mom’s I don’t know my deadline for packing.
My sister (16 F) and my dad are always the ones who make the plans for when we are about to leave. I am never informed about the plans and am always excluded when the discussion happens.
Most weeks I am told about 10-5 minutes before we leave and have to pack up extremely quickly and always end up forgetting something. My sister also always gets mad at me for not being ready and is often very spiteful and nags me a ton.
About 6 weeks ago I asked my dad to give me a heads up the day we transfer about what time exactly we’ll be leaving.
He told me sure and that he would. Not once after that did he ever give me any kind of notice and I continue to be informed roughly 5 minutes prior. I got continuously frustrated every week but never lost my temper or got mad at him, I simply told him ‘Please just tell me next time we transfer’.
But this week it was different. I was told we were going two minutes before the arranged time. At this point, I was done and got very angry with my dad. I told him this was ridiculous and that I had asked so many times to be giving a heads up and that he had agreed to tell me.
He apologized that ‘I was upset’ but refused to admit he was wrong or actually and sincerely apologize. I feel like getting told ‘Sorry you’re upset’ is kinda a slap to the face in this context. Throughout this though, I never raised my voice.
After an awkward car ride of silence other than him saying ‘If you wanted to know what time we were leaving you should’ve come and asked me and taken some initiative’ as an excuse we arrived at my mom’s and he tried to hug me.
His comments in the car really bothered me because I had taken the initiative, and that was what the whole request I made 6 weeks ago was about. I also didn’t think I had to ask him directly every transfer day because he had agreed to my request to just tell me. I didn’t hug him back and he said ‘C’mon, I’m not going to see you for a week’. I replied ‘Maybe if you had actually apologized and admitted some fault instead of saying ‘Sorry you’re upset’ and ‘You should’ve asked me what time we were leaving’ I would’. He left after that and my sister told me I was a horrible person and evil.
32. AITJ For Throwing My Sister's Dishes Away?
“So I (20 F) live with my sister (29 F) and my mom at my mom’s house. My mom recently went on vacation and will be out of the house for two weeks.
When my mom first left, my sister asked me if I could take down the trash and unload the dishwasher because she cannot bend down to unload it.
I told her that I would the next day (I am only at the house 3 nights a month) but I had appointments to go to and plans, so I would do those chores before and/or after the plans I had. I took the trash down that morning and was running late for my appointment, so I thought it would be fine to unload the dishwasher later, I had texted my sister this and she didn’t respond.
I later stopped by the house to change and talked to my sister while we were both at the house. She didn’t say anything about the dishes and I told her I’d be back later that night.
After I had just left, my sister starts calling and texting me that I didn’t clean any of the dishes.
I told her that I wasn’t aware that she wanted me to do ALL the dishes and just unload the dishwasher. She told me it wasn’t her fault that I misunderstood, and that I needed to drop what I was doing and come back immediately to do all the dishes. Since I was driving I stopped responding to her.
She continued to blow up my phone, and I decided that I wouldn’t go back to the house that night to let us cool down.
For the next few days, she continued to call me names, insult me, and call my mom and brother on me to get me to come back to the house and clean up ‘my mess’.
I’ve talked to my brother and mom and they both agreed that it was a simple misunderstanding and that my sister was going overboard. My sister then decided to take all the dirty dishes out of the sink and put them on my bed. All upside down and any food/liquid that was on the dishes soaked into the mattress and it’s ruined.
She texted me to tell me that she did that and called our mom to tell her the same thing. My mom told me to just throw away all the dishes, and that’s exactly what I did. I went home last night and threw them in the trash outside.
This morning, my sister texted me that I needed to get the dishes out of the trash and clean them or she was going to call the cops. Which she did anyway.
It’s also important to note that I have piriformis syndrome (have had problems with it for years) and my sciatic nerve is pinched at the moment and I cannot walk, sit up, or lay down without help. I also pay $1000 at my mom’s house for rent/bills.”
31. AITJ For How I Acted Toward The Teaching Assistant?
“My son’s preschool started September 1st and they have a policy where the parents can stay in the classroom with their kid for a few minutes so it helps them adjust and be more confident. Since day 1 my son has asked me to stay with him a bit before leaving and it is been amazing for him.
Haven’t cried once and every time I leave he’s happy and content.
Well, today the assistant teacher met me at the door and said ‘Today I’m taking him here!’ And literally, and I mean LITERALLY ripped him out of my arms while I was trying to at least explain to him what was happening and kiss him goodbye.
She didn’t even give me a minute to explain just immediately pull him off and dragged him across the room.
To say I was in shock is an understatement. I stood there for what seemed an eternity just looking at my son in the back of the room crying like he was betrayed. I finally was able to snap out of my shock state and entered the room in the direction of the actual teacher (not the assistant teacher) and asked her if there was a reason why I couldn’t stay with him today.
She told me there was absolutely no reason and that I could indeed stay, and she thought it was me that didn’t want to stay.
So I fly towards my son and hug him while he immediately says ‘You lied, you told me you would stay with me’ – I was actually LIVID at this point. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t my fault but the assistant teacher’s fault that for some reason decided that today I wouldn’t be staying and reassured him that I would indeed stay with him.
This morning he was crying off and on, he demanded to be carried which he never did at school before and it was 10x harder to leave him because he was stressed not happy.
During the time I stayed there I completely ignored the assistant teacher, and she also ignored me and I honestly think she was upset that I still went in.
I’m wondering if I should’ve at least talked to her and asked her to not do it again and if she wanted me to stop coming in so that we can talk and come up with a plan to do it gradually. Where I can prepare him at home and stay less time each day. I didn’t do it because again, I’m really shy and I was actually MAD.
But now I’m afraid I was in fact a jerk and if I acted kind of childish in a way? So tell me: AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Threatening To Kick My Brother-In-Law Out For Peeing In Water Bottles?
“My brother-in-law ‘Neil’ (29) lost his dog to cancer 8 months ago, he got into depression and neglected his job which caused him to lose his rental apartment. He moved in with me and my husband 6 months ago.
Neil doesn’t work, he doesn’t do anything, he uses my stuff, takes money from me, and says he’d pay me for it but never does.
My husband says he’s struggling and needs time to heal.
My husband was on a business trip for an entire week. Since he is the one responsible for taking the trash out, I started doing it while he was away. I started taking trash out every night but that’s when I started finding a few water bottles filled with a clear yellow liquid.
Pee, Pee bottles. I was confused but it was obvious those came from the house and I figured they belonged to Neil. I went to have a talk but he denied, denied, denied. I let it go thinking it was a one-time thing, but I started seeing more and more of those bottles I felt sick in my stomach.
He kept denying til I walked into his room and found a bunch of empty and full bottles that contained pee. I was livid. I confronted him and he admitted that he stays up at night in bed talking to girls on the internet and feels too tired to get up and use the bathroom so he uses the empty water bottles to pee.
He said I shouldn’t be mad cause he at least throws them in the trash later.
I had a fight with him cause he kept doing it, then waited til my husband came home and gave his brother an ultimatum. I told him he has a week to leave. My husband said that first of all, his brother is obviously dealing with some stuff and can not be blamed, but I pointed out that he’s fine enough to be talking to women on the internet, he explained that we should encourage him to find a woman so he could move out and he becomes ‘her problem’.
He then reminded me of Neil’s tremendous loss and the intense grief that cost him his livelihood and apartment. I refused and put my foot down, now I’m being called heartless and unsympathetic for wanting to kick his brother out when he’s struggling.
My husband has stopped talking to me til I agree to leave his brother alone and drop my ultimatum.”
29. AITJ For Being Upset About What My Pregnant Wife Said?
“Today was one of the best days of my life. After my wife miscarried in March, we finally got pregnant. Her cycle is a little longer because she was on birth control for so long, so we figured we were about 8ish weeks, but wouldn’t have been surprised if it were six weeks along.
So we went and had the sonogram, everything was great.
A healthy little one in the oven. But we were six weeks and four days, not eight. I was elated and got teary-eyed when I saw the heartbeat (I’m aware it’s not a heart, just two arteries, but the point is the same). After getting dressed, she started to cry and was upset that we weren’t further along.
She would have felt better if we were further along but we just weren’t. She is really concerned about another miscarriage, and I am too. We calmed down and I and the doctor reassured her that everything was fine. But instead of going back in four weeks, we go back in six for a 12-week appointment.
In the car to go get some food, I saw she was crying, I tried to reassure her and she said that I’m not the one that has to worry about the baby being ok. It hurt. A lot. I love that little clump of cells that looks like a lizard more than myself. It caught me off guard.
I didn’t say anything to her for a few hours later. I was upset and didn’t want to be rude.
When I finally said something. I again reassured her everything would be ok. But I told her that it hurt when she said I don’t have to worry about the baby because I’m not the one carrying it.
When I voiced this, she rolled her eyes and raised her voice and again just repeated what she said in the car and got upset with me. I told her I was sorry for bringing it up and sat outside with the dog. I might sleep on the couch tonight. I know she’s going through a lot of changes right now, and I can’t imagine what’s going on in her head, but we’re married, and I feel like I should be able to express myself too when I get hurt. So am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Dance At The Recital Anymore?
“I (F 26) have been taking dance lessons for a couple of years now and every year we have a dance recital in January/February. I go to literally every class. I perform at every recital. I make our and other groups their costumes. I am always there with a big smile and a lot of enthusiasm.
I’m not the best dancer, but also not the worst, I blend in.
I am an introvert but don’t mind standing on the stage for 3 minutes doing the dance routine in a group. I also don’t mind standing in the back if it means I’m still part of the group.
But this time, all of the past months we’ve been practicing, my position has been most to the right, but still sometimes moving more upfront or to the middle.
It’s been like this for months and I felt really good about my position.
Now, our last rehearsal was on stage and instead of positioning us as usual, my teacher positioned everyone else. Gave notes where they needed to stand and correct them. She just said to me that I needed to stand in the back corner.
I wasn’t allowed to move more upfront or to the middle as we always rehearsed. I had to stay in that corner at all times. When I asked her about it, she just said I shouldn’t complain as it’s easy for me to remember. (You should know I’m always the one who learned our routines the fastest, and they even nicknamed me the ‘memory of the group’ since I remember all the tiny details and stuff).
So I did as I was told, but because of this, the group moved together over the stage, while I still stand in the corner. This made me feel like I’m no longer part of the group. Like I never came to class and just showed up for the recital and they needed to give me a quick and easy position.
Because of this I also (almost every time) bump into someone else, since he is used to standing in that spot at a certain part of the routine, where I used to move more upfront.
The others said to me I should just do the routine how we were used to doing it and move more with them.
But every time I did, our teacher said I needed to go back to that corner. I was teary-eyed for the rest of the rehearsal and afterward went home crying. Not telling anyone. As I didn’t want to be the drama queen.
I cried the rest of the night since this made me feel like they only see me as the seamstress who makes the dresses for the recitals and not as one of the dancers/group.
I let it sink in for a day, and eventually sent my teacher a text, asking if we could rearrange the positions a bit, so I wouldn’t bump into the other one. And that I felt really bad about how the rehearsal went.
I just got a quick response stating we won’t be changing anything.
So, AITJ for not wanting to dance at the recital anymore because of this, or am I overreacting and being a drama queen and should just get over it?
Extra info: I’m the most regular white girl you’ve ever seen (hence why I thought I’d be dramatic).
I am the youngest though, and the skinniest (got some comments on that before, but I’m very body positive so I don’t care). I’ve been dancing in the corner before, I don’t mind, that’s not my point. It’s that now I am almost not allowed to move while doing the choreo, even though I did move during the classes.
And I was just really surprised by this action because I always thought she liked me and she never excludes anyone (the ‘worst’ dancer of our group is front and center and she’s loving it, we’re just there to have a good time). I’ve known her since childhood so it really hit home that she acted this way.”
27. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Help More Around The House?
“I (33 F) and my husband (31 M) welcomed our son into the world around a year ago.
Of course, the transition was hard on both of us as he is our first child and neither of us grew up around other small children. For the first 6 months or so, I pretty much did everything. All the feedings, baths, changing, overnight wakings… like literally almost everything.
At first, I thought this was fair as I was a stay-at-home mom but as time went on I realized I was an idiot who agreed to basically work 24/7 without really realizing what that would entail (and also was just having multiple breakdowns and realized I physically and mentally can’t keep doing this).
My husband and I have had quite a few heated discussions since then and he has stepped up to help more.
I still do all of the overnight wakings (he claims he can’t wake up) and probably 75% of the childcare while we are both home even after going back to work full-time. I also do basically all the household chores other than like mowing the lawn.
The issue I’m talking about stems from the fact that yes, he does more than he used to but I still do way more than he does and I find it incredibly unfair and stressful.
He argues that he pays for more than I do (rent, car/insurance while I pay for daycare and everything for the house like groceries and stuff which honestly probably adds up to just as much if not more than he pays every month). He sees it as he’s trying to help more and I’m being too hard on him but to me it’s like, yeah you’re doing more but it’s still not enough.
And then he gets upset because he feels like he’s made this huge change and I’m still expecting more and he feels like it’s never enough.
I think I might be the jerk because before our son was born I gladly did all the cooking and cleaning (obviously I had way more time and energy) and it may have set a precedent and now I’m trying to change it and that’s not the relationship he thought he signed up for. So y’all, AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Not Going To My Dad's Wedding And Telling Our Family Members About His Financial Problem?
“I (25 F) am the product of divorced parents. Growing up my father (61 M) was the stable parent in the relationship, but since my parents split over 10 years ago, he has dated multiple women at once, leaving my two younger siblings in my care as he stayed with them and his partners’ children.
I never moved back home after college and now live nearly 1,000 miles away.
When I would stay for short school breaks he would sleep at his partner’s house, when he did sleep at home he would yell constantly about how we didn’t do anything all day.
He recently got engaged to his now fiancée, who has three children she is very close with. She is surprisingly normal, so normal he tells us to ‘tone down’ our personalities during our limited interactions.
I have only met her a few times, and her children once.
This past winter break, during a week-long visit, he announced to my siblings and me that while we were home we would be packing up our remaining things, as he had sold the house and needed to be out by December 28th. We were all distraught, as this was the house we had lived in our whole lives.
Christmas Day comes around, and he announces that he is using the funds from the house sale to buy a winter home in Florida with his fiancée (both still working full time) and the remainder of the funds would be used to pay for their wedding this summer.
I don’t expect elaborate gifts, seeing as I don’t live in the home, but before leaving to go to my mom’s side of the family my father announced that this year instead of presents he would be giving us a wedding invitation.
He explained that his fiancée’s children, him, my siblings, and I would be going on a cruise this summer to Mexico where they planned to get married on the beach. The whole cruise would be a week and while he would be paying for our rooms, we would be responsible for food, drinks, and excursions.
As a recent college graduate, I would honestly rather save that money to pay off student loans, and my siblings are still in college so I can’t imagine they can afford it.
Not to mention, I don’t particularly want to go.
I told my father that I wasn’t planning on going to the wedding. I also mentioned that he is being pretty reckless with his finances, which in hindsight was not appropriate. But he has bought two cars, a condo, an expensive vacation, and an extravagant ring all within a year.
He immediately went to family members saying I was ungrateful and that what he does with his money is none of my business.
Most of them agreed with him at first, until I explained that he has been taking money from my bank account since 15, in order to get out of debt and pay the mortgage. Now they are more understanding, but my dad is even more mad that I shared his financial status with his relatives. Now I am starting to feel bad for not going to the wedding and for telling family about his finances. So, am I the jerk?”
25. AITJ For Firing My Best Man?
“I (35 m) am engaged to May (35 f). My best friend, Andre (35 m), is the best man.
May is a huge anime and gamer nerd. Like, huge. We’re all gamers, but she has like every system under the sun and loves playing video games, including retro ones like Tetris and Sonic. She’s also into MMORPGs like FFXIV and JRPGs like the Tales of Series and games like My Time at Portia and Animal Crossing.
May and Andre have always gotten along, but they never actually hung out near video games together. I had him and two of our other friends over for a couple of beers and smoke. Andre heard May turn on her Switch, and he asked if she had Super Smash Bros. She said yes, and Andre said, ‘Let me show you a thing or two’ in a joking manner.
I warned Andre that he was going to get thrashed, to which he made the comment, ‘Girl gamers don’t scare me.’ No, May did not hear him.
Well, May suited up with Yoshi, and she annihilated all of them without trying. They asked her to change characters. She went to Young Link then Peach then Jiggly Puff then Roy and lastly, her favorite character, Ness.
Creamed all of them. Now, I’ll admit, my friends have short tempers with gaming. I could see they were frustrated, so I proposed we do something else. Everyone except Andre was done with the games. He proposed they play Tetris (free on the Switch and already downloaded).
And, once again, Andre lost. Hard. Like, extra hard. Painfully hard.
To put it short, he got completely thrashed. May won 1st place in 2-player every game. Andre stopped playing and they all went home afterwards, annoyed. I don’t think May noticed.
Later on, Andre and my friends invited May to a game of Rainbow Six. May gladly accepted and chose her favorite, Frost. They played the private party matches and she basically was always the last one standing.
May told the guys she was going to take a bathroom break and put her headset down. I asked May if I could play in the next round. She agreed and I put on her headset only to hear my friends talking trash about her. They were saying things like ‘Why are girls such try hards’ and ‘She’s good at gaming but I bet she couldn’t make a sandwich’.
Now, they didn’t know I was there so I spoke and told them to shut up. Andre laughed and said they were ‘just joking’ and I said that’s not funny and what if May came back and heard them? He said it was just ‘gamer talk’ and I said it wasn’t. Andre told me I was being a jerk and dragging down the group.
He also told me they wouldn’t be talking smack if I told May to stop trying so hard. Long story short, after an argument, I kicked Andre out of the wedding.
I turned the PS4 off. When May asked why it was off, I said the others got off, but I didn’t tell her what they said. Our friends were saying I was overreacting and they didn’t mean it, but I honestly don’t care. It just made me so mad. AITJ? Did I overreact?”
24. AITJ For Being Mad At My Fiance For Not Being Able To Explain Where Our $2000 Went?
“My fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years now and while we don’t have any children together, we do have a cat, a dog, a home, 2 vehicles, and loads of expenses. I became unemployed last month after getting into a car accident and needing surgery/recovery time and my employer was unwilling to wait 6 weeks for my return.
I currently receive unemployment of $120 a week and have 3 job interviews coming up next week, as I am practically at my 6-week post-surgery mark and can start working again. He has been unemployed for 3 months due to mental health. Mental health, in my opinion, being he just doesn’t want to work. Not to discredit his mental health but I am telling you right now that I am with this man 24/7 and the ‘stress’ mental health he is talking about is not present in the slightest.
The guy is always happy and overly happy to spend money. He spends more now that he isn’t employed than he did when he was employed. All of our bills are covered and this is not the issue. The issue is he just spent almost $2k in 4 days and has no idea where the money went.
So basically, we went to stay with my mother in PA for 2 weeks for my cousin’s wedding and my grandfather’s funeral. I hated my grandfather for reasons I cannot mention so as heartless as it sounds, I didn’t care about his passing or his funeral but it gave me time to catch up with family.
5 days ago we had $2,300 roughly in the bank. He has the app on his phone, I do not. Therefore I do not have text alerts or email notifications on balances like he does.
Today I asked to see his phone to check the bank and we are down to $280. I haven’t touched the bank card.
I have my unemployment card that I have been using because I hardly ever make purchases. He on the other hand goes to a gas station 6 times a day and buys god only knows what. So I flipped out. I asked what he had spent all the money on and he got defensive and was like ‘There’s no way I blew through that much money’ and tried blaming PA’s prices (we live in NH so prices are cheap).
I told him at this point that his mental health break is over and he is to get a job immediately to recoup what he has spent on useless stuff and have contacted the bank for a full statement. He says I am a jerk for not seeing that he obviously didn’t intend to spend this much money and it was an honest mistake and I am pushing this too far.
AGAIN, money is not an issue. We have always saved and been well ahead on our bills and expenses and usually pay up months in advance. We don’t even owe rent until the beginning of July. This is why I could very well be the jerk here.
ETA: The bank app we have does not show transaction history.
The bank tries claiming it is due to security. So I can see when funds are loaded into the bank but I can not see when money is being used or what it is being used on from the app itself. I do not have access to the app due to it being a joint checking account and the bank pings it as fraud when I try logging in through my phone; claiming it to be suspicious activity.
ETA again: This is the joint bills account. We both have savings accounts. He does not have access to my savings and I do not have access to his savings. He claimed he forgot to withdraw funds from his savings prior to making this trip and was using the joint bill checking account for this trip.”
23. AITJ For Making My Partner's Best Friend Homeless?
“I (32 F) have been with my partner (34 M) for 2 years. We have a pretty nice relationship and we just moved in together. We don’t fight a lot. When we do fight it’s mainly over 1 thing…his best friend Eddie.
Eddie is like your typical man who never left his glory days in high school.
They were the best years of his life and he never went much further after that. Eddie is dirty, he doesn’t have a job and he smokes all day. Whenever he and my partner get together my partner regresses to high school again and although he has fun, it sets him back for days. My partner misses work, he lies and he becomes horrible to live with.
When Eddie falls on hard times he leans on my partner for money and shelter. It’s expected at this point. No questions asked. Three weeks ago Eddie was kicked out of wherever he was staying and my partner told him he could stay with us. I was very against this as we had just gotten our apartment, it’s small and I didn’t want Eddie there.
I was overruled.
For two weeks Eddie lived with us. He ate $200 worth of groceries in 5 days. Basically ruined a $2,000 couch. He also liked to… sprinkle when he tinkled all over the toilet seat. Yeah, he was disgusting, but my partner insisted he would be out soon and Eddie was ‘like his brother’ and we could not and would not be throwing him out because he had nowhere to go.
I dealt with it until I couldn’t. My final straw was when I came home from work one night and I found him sleeping in my bed in his boxers under the covers. I flipped. I tossed him out not caring where he went as long as it wasn’t my apartment.
My partner freaked out when he got home like I’d never seen before. He hasn’t talked to me since. He also has been sleeping on the couch. My partner keeps telling me he is homeless now because of me. Was I too harsh? Did I overreact? Did I let my temper get the best of me here?”
22. AITJ For Not Saying Goodbye To My Sleeping Partner?
“Recently, my partner has been sleeping a lot. I guess recently is the wrong term. For a while. Like 6 months. She sleeps for like 15 to 16 hours a day sometimes.
It’s been getting in the way of the little things around the house. I suspect she isn’t even taking our dogs out when she’s home alone but that’s a whole nother story.
Anyways while she sleeps, she gets upset that I’m moving around too much, or making too much noise playing on my switch in our bedroom (We live with my dad, so we mostly do everything in our bedroom) even with the sound off and I have a youtube video through headphones, she will still find something to tell me to stop doing.
Recently she came down and complained that I was making too much noise while playing with our dogs downstairs at like 3 pm before I left for work.
Also just to clarify we go to bed about the same time, around 3-4 am because we both work late. Then I’ll be up at about 12-1 pm before leaving for work at about 3:30.
Often she will still be sleeping or barely awake when I leave because she always insists on me saying goodbye, I love you, etc. Before I leave. Then that night I’ll come home I’ll ask what she did while I was gone, assuming she isn’t working. Most of the time the answer is ‘Nothing’ or ‘I was sleeping’.
I’ve checked on her a few times and asked if she was okay with everything. She will yes and she is just tired etc. I’ve asked quite a few times to make sure she’s okay but it just seems like she just sleeps all day.
Personally, I don’t care about sleeping. If you’re tired go take a nap, but it’s been getting in the way of what I’m trying to do before work, which is clean, or play some games and enjoy myself a bit before work.
But today that just got really annoying. She complained when I got up and took the dogs out at about 12, saying they were making too much noise. Then she went back to bed until after I went to work.
She texted me asking why I didn’t say goodbye and I said because she was sleeping. Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder about it.
21. AITJ For Not Eating At My Cousin's Wedding?
“Several years ago my grandparents had a 50th anniversary party. It was set up kinda like a wedding reception so we had a choice for the meal, the options were 2 different German foods and steak. I was like 16 so I chose steak.
Then at the actual event, someone couldn’t come and orders were mixed up and I ended up with a pickle wrapped in meat.
Everyone insisted that was what I picked. So I tried it but then gave it to my dad because I didn’t like it. Later they realized that I ended up with the person that couldn’t comes food. No big deal.
Well since then this has become a joke with my family. They’ve done it 2-3 times since, whenever there’s a wedding/event with food selections.
When my grandma was alive she yelled at my dad for it since he’s the instigator. I’m not sure if he’s doing it to get 2 meals or to be annoying, make me mad, or what the deal is.
My cousin got married Saturday, a few weeks ago they sent out cards to pick our meal. They sent all of ours (Dad’s, mine, sisters) to my dad’s house, with one return envelope.
The options were steak, chicken, or stuffed portobello mushrooms. I selected steak, and specifically told my dad to ‘just let me have a steak instead of messing with it’. He said, ‘I won’t write anything on your card’.
Then fast forward to Saturday, everything is going well, and the wedding is nice. We sit down to dinner and they give me mushroom stuffed with vegetarian pilaf.
I said, ‘There must be a mistake I selected the beef’. The server said that the star on my place card meant I ordered vegetarian.
I looked at my dad and he laughed and said ‘I called Natalie after we sent our cards and told her you became a vegetarian and wanted to change your choice’. My sister was there and said, ‘Dad don’t you think that’s getting old’.
I said, ‘You said you wouldn’t mess with it’. He said, ‘No I said I wouldn’t write on your card, I didn’t. I called her, now you have to eat mushrooms ha ha’. I said, ‘No I don’t’. Some time passed and my dad said ‘Seriously you’re not even going to try it? They’re just mushrooms they won’t hurt you’.
I shook my head. I hate mushrooms and I’m sick of this joke.
I sat there til other people started getting up, then I got up and went by the bar and had a beer, and avoided my dad til I left.
My sister later said that I should have at least tried a little, it was kinda rude to just leave a whole plate of food sitting there. She said I could have had some of the rice stuff, but for all I know there were mushrooms in the pilaf too.
Honestly, this makes me not want to go to any more family events with a meal.
AITJ for not eating any of my food during the wedding?”
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move?
“I (46 M) and my partner (25 F) are expecting a baby girl in June. Though the baby was a surprise, we are both beyond thrilled to be parents and are counting down the days until she gets here.
In preparation for her arrival, I surprised my partner over the weekend by starting to work on the nursery.
I bought paint, a crib, a dresser, a rocking chair, toys, and anything you could possibly need for a new baby and set up the boxes in our spare room to show my partner when she returned home from work.
Once she got home I blindfolded her, led her up to the room, and then took the blindfold off to finally reveal my surprise I had been working on all weekend.
Instead of being happy or saying thank you, she just looked confused. When I asked what was wrong, she explained that she thought we would be moving once our lease was up in May.
We live in a great house, in a great neighborhood, with some of the best schools, preschools, parks, etc. And she’s never even mentioned moving until just then.
When I asked why she wanted to move she said it was because my ex-wife lives in the same neighborhood and she doesn’t want to run into her when doing things with the baby.
While that is true that my ex-wife lives in the same neighborhood with my kids from my previous marriage, we hardly ever see her or run into her.
Even then, my kids from that marriage are nearly teenagers at this point so it’s not like they’re likely to all be on the same schedule or going to all the same places.
I have a good relationship with my ex-wife and our kids, so I really have no idea where this is coming from. I told her that there’s no reason to move and she’s been extremely upset.
She even went to stay with her sister for the night and that was on Monday. She refuses to come back until I change my mind.
Edit: My ex-wife and I divorced 4 years ago and I didn’t start seeing my partner until 2 years ago and she moved in 8 months ago. She was on the pill but that’s the only form of birth control we were using. We did discuss that if she were to happen to become pregnant, then that would be a happy surprise and it was. My ex and I divorced because she was having affairs with multiple men including my friend.”
19. WIBTJ If I Make My Blood Sugar Alarm Go Off During Class?
“So, I have a French teacher in my school. I have a hard time with it now because my old school had French as an option, but I moved schools and now I have it as a core subject for this year, and then I’m free from it for high school.
Okay so, for some context. I have type 1 diabetes and a blood glucose monitor/scanner on my phone.
All of my teachers know about this and have agreed to the following: 1. I have to keep my phone powered on (The rule is you can have your phone in your backpack but have it powered off) to test my blood sugars, which is literally just me opening the app, pushing a button and letting my phone scan my blood sugars.
2. I may have to leave the classroom with a friend/classmate if I go low and have to go to my locker if I ran out of snacks in my backpack. 3. My parent may call me if I don’t notice a blood sugar alarm (I try to keep my ringer off so as to not disturb class, but I keep a part of me touching my bag, like my foot for example, to feel any vibrations) and I’d ask to go outside the classroom to talk to them.
All of my teachers don’t have an issue with this, except Ms. French Teacher. I wanna add that any person that I’ve talked to has said that they don’t like/are scared of her.
So, I have French first thing in the morning on Mondays, and sometimes my blood sugars go a little wonky in the morning after breakfast, depending on what I have.
I was testing once and she got mad at me and told me I needed to ask her before I scanned O-O. Another time I didn’t get my alarm and my dad was calling me. Again, NONE of my teachers have an issue with this, even my math teacher who is known for being strict. I told her that I needed to go outside of the classroom to talk really quick, or else he’d call me down to the office and I’d be down there longer than I would if I stayed.
She told me that I should go to the office for that. But the thing is, the French classroom is two sets of stairs down and is at the other end of the school from the office, and something could happen really quickly. I wasn’t disrupting class or anything, everyone was working by themselves. so I went out and called my dad and told him what happened.
He’s mad, and my grandmother and sister told me that I should turn my ringer on because my alarms make a loud annoying sound, and I was keeping my ringer off cuz of that. Ms. French teacher has pulled some more petty bs about my blood sugars, so now I’m contemplating it for tomorrow.
So, WIBTJ if I turn on my ringer so my annoying blood sugar alarm will go off in her class because she is trying to keep me from doing my blood sugars? There wouldn’t be any proper time to ask her each time that I need to test.”
18. AITJ For Wanting To Go Out With My Friends Despite My Partner Being Sick?
“My now-ex (32 M) and I (32 F) went out to watch a band with my friends yesterday. Ex has a habit of causing issues any time I have plans to go out with my friends. Either he wants to pick a fight before I go, or he tries to make me feel guilty and that I ‘don’t love him’ because I’d ‘rather be with my friends’ (which is not true, I usually have standing friends date every other Wed)
Yesterday, he planned to come out with us to see a band we like.
Before we had to start getting ready, he ‘got a stomachache.’ This is a common theme when I plan to go out with friends and he’s supposed to come. He suddenly ‘feels sick’ and doesn’t want to come. So I said that was fine and for him to stay home if he wasn’t feeling well. He decided to come and as soon as we got in the car I said ‘If you’re not feeling well then I won’t be upset if you stay here.
I’d rather not be rushed if you feel like leaving because you’re not feeling well.’ He said he would be fine.
Once we got there he was fine. Then his ‘stomach hurt really bad’ again and he said he wanted to go to the car to lie down. I gave him the keys and asked if he was going to be ok.
He said he would be fine. About 5 minutes later, I texted to ask if he was alright. He didn’t answer, so I went to the car to check on him. He still wasn’t feeling well so I asked him if he wanted me to close out his tab and bring him his card so he could drive home.
I told him I would stay and get a ride home. He said he was already out and was not going to leave, so I told him to let me know if he needed anything. I went back inside and 10 minutes later, I texted him asking if he was ok and if he wanted me to close his tab so he could head home.
As I was walking out to hand him his card, he was walking in. I handed him his card and he went to the restroom. When he was done he came over to us with an attitude. I asked what his deal was and he said ‘It’s not like you care anyways.’ I was confused but wasn’t going to argue in public.
He went outside and I did too, asking what he meant by the comment he made. He said that I ‘don’t need or want him and that I would rather be with my friends,’ and that ‘if I really cared about him, I would leave with him because he’s not feeling well.’ I reminded him that he seems to always have some type of medical issue when I have plans with my friends.
I said that I didn’t feel that a stomachache was a reason for me to leave.
He then told me that this ‘isn’t meant to be’ and I said fine, and that he can let me know when he plans to get his things from my place. He said he was already figuring that out. I told him to take care.
Then he started to yell about how I clearly don’t care, I’m not even sad or upset about the relationship being over, etc. I told him that I will never beg anyone to be a part of my life, and went back inside. That’s the last time I’ve spoken to or seen him.
AITJ for not leaving because he had a sudden stomachache?”
17. AITJ For Going On An Outing With My Friends While My Husband Was In The Hospital?
“My husband recently had a kidney stone and two trips to the ER. I have had health problems myself and have spent many times in the ER and have been hospitalized too. When I had to go to the ER because I was really sick, throwing up, severe abdominal pain. My husband said I probably just had a stomach bug.
He was upset cause he had to get up early in the morning for work. So my father-in-law came to the hospital so I could get a ride home. Before my husband left, the ER doctor came in and said I needed immediate surgery. Turns out I had a bad obstruction. I spent two weeks in the hospital.
During that time my husband barely came to see me. I asked if he could bring me some soup from the Thai restaurant across the street (because the food at the hospital was really really bad.) He said no.
When he would visit he would grab the remote and watch one of his news shows. He would also lower the temp in the room to his liking.
He could have taken off from work but he didn’t.
My father-in-law came to visit almost every day.
So when he had a medical issue I decided that he should be treated the same way he treated me. I went and visited, changed the channel on the TV, played on my phone, etc. Unfortunately, only the nurse could adjust the temp in the room.
But I did bring him underpants and socks.
He wanted me to bring him food, I said no.
He wanted to go to a restaurant on the way home, I said no.
Soon as we got home, I changed clothes and then went out with my friends for a delayed birthday outing. I spent my birthday with him at the ER.
He complained that I was leaving him to go out.
But now apparently I’m selfish for treating him this way.
During his time in the hospital not once did I complain to him.
I work two jobs and I also take classes at the local university. I was able to take off work with no problem and was able to get an extension on my assignments that were due.
So AITJ for (pardon the pun) giving him a taste of his own medicine?”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Biological Parents?
“I (30 F) am a Chinese woman who was adopted from Mainland China when I was a baby and grew up in the UK, I grew curious about my roots and if I had any family out there so I took a 23andMe test, I found four full sisters through this test, I’m the oldest. My sisters are 29, 28, 24 and 20.
The three middle sisters are in America and the youngest is in Germany. We have kept in contact via the Internet and have even met in person twice before 2020 started.
I have two brothers I grew up with who are my parents’ biological sons and as far as I’m concerned they and my parents are my true family but I have grown close to my biological sisters as we understand each other a lot.
What my parents know of my birth story is that I was found in an alleyway in a box. My sisters were found relatively the same way from what they know though they were left outside of buildings in public areas so I’m a bit more bitter than they are about how we were abandoned as I was left out of the way where I could have been missed.
We recently got contacted by a new family member found by the test, an 18-year-old full brother who lives in France with our bio parents. Apparently, they moved there later in life. My biological sisters are excited by this and eager to meet them. They want the five of us to fly out together to meet our brother and family.
I’ve told them I won’t stop then but I have no interest in meeting the couple who clearly kept trying to have a boy and abandoned five daughters we know of reminding them there could be more we don’t know about who haven’t used 23andme.
They feel I’m being unreasonable in this and I should at least go to meet our brother.
I’m fine meeting him one day but not with them there and he and I have been exchanging emails for now. I know they want the five of us to go out as a united front in this and me not wanting to go is disheartening for them but I honestly feel bitter in regards to this whole situation.”
15. AITJ For My Boss' Daughter's Allergic Reaction?
“So I work a pretty standard day job, and at night I help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of Thai cuisine. To be honest, I’m insanely picky, but I fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week I take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch.
People know this and a handful have tried it. It smells nutty, it tastes nutty. It’s white girl pad Thai, basically.
Lately, my lunches have been disappearing, or I’ll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. I’ve tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and I was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that were doing it but had no proof.
On Thursday, I took my noodles, and my entire Tupperware was missing, which hasn’t happened before. I’m mad, but what can I do? A coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. My boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) ‘borrowed’ my lunch and had to be hospitalized.
Turns out she’s severely allergic to nuts, ate some, and boom. Anaphylaxis. She used an Epi-pen, had to be hospitalized, and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but I don’t see it. Why should I pay? I don’t mark my food as an allergen because I’m not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can’t have.
But he’s being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because I warned him I’d report any harassment to HR if he tried anything funny. Brown nosers, I guess. My friend is aware and offered me a full-time job, but I just can’t help but feel it’s unfair. At the same time, I could have killed his daughter tho… So, AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents' Partner To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (24 f) am graduating from university in like just under a month so my fiancee and I have started planning our wedding. My mom and dad had me fairly young, they were both twenty, and up until I was thirteen, they both argued and yelled at each other a lot. Then all of a sudden they just stopped, things got better between them, they both got a lot happier and we started doing a lot more family activities.
We would watch a show every night, we’d go to the movies or a restaurant or hike and stuff on the weekends, and we’d start having little parties and stuff when I got good grades.
Then when I was 14, they introduced me to Brian (33 now, 23 then) and told me that he was their partner and they’d been seeing him for a year and he was moving in with us.
Things got so weird after that. Like we stopped watching shows every night, on weekends if we were going someplace it’d either be me and Mom and Dad staying home with Brian or me and Dad and Mom staying home with Brian. The only thing that stayed the same was the little parties for good grades.
It was so weird being around Brian alone but even weirder when he’d get affectionate with Mom and Dad in front of me and I honestly stopped bringing my friends over after one of them saw him and Dad getting into it on the couch.
But he always made my mom and dad happy and never gets in my way if I’m sad and I need to cry to dad or cuddle my mom, so why would I do anything about it? Well, my parents came to me with this genius idea that my dad and Brian should both be the ones to walk me down the aisle, saying Brian was kind of like a stepdad to me.
But he wasn’t, yes I’ll say he’s family but he’s not any kind of dad to me. I made it clear that I only want my dad to walk me down the aisle. They asked if I could give him any other role, I said no and they both got sad and said it was like I was rejecting their bond with Brian.
My fiancee said he supports me but my cousins are staying out of it cause they always found the situation weirder. Maybe I’m wrong though ’cause Brian means a lot to my parents so if I’m the jerk here, please let me know.”
13. AITJ For Telling My Sister She'll Be A Horrible Mother?
“I (29 f) have an 8-year-old daughter who has bad social anxiety as I had as a child. Recently we were invited to a dinner and we went since my daughter wanted to see her uncle that day. Well, we got there everything was fine for a while until my sister (32 f) said she had an announcement to make.
Now she and I never got along, she was always jealous because I put more time into my studies got good grades, and was my mother’s favorite so she slacked off and got into trouble.
She announced she was pregnant, I was chill with it. I didn’t mind, but here’s the issue. 2 years ago I was pregnant with my 2nd child, but I had a miscarriage at 23 weeks.
My sister knew this but never commented on it until now. After everyone was done congratulating her and it died down, she came up to me and whispered in my ear.
‘Hope you aren’t sore about your child dying and mine taking first place now since your little runt doesn’t get attention from mom.’
That shattered my heart, I stood up and grabbed my daughter and said straight to her face instead of whispering it.
‘You and your child are dead to me and neither of you is my family, enjoy your attention from mom if that’s the only reason you’re having a kid then terminate it now before it gets raised by a horrible mother.’
I walked out after that. I explained what she said in a text message hours later.
My mother is on my side and told my sister she would not be finically supporting her or her child and that kid is not her grandchild. But, some are calling me a jerk because my sister is now in a hotel because she got kicked out and says if she has a miscarriage it’ll be my fault. So AITJ?
EDIT: My daughter is deaf. I’m still learning sign language so we normally talk via text or notebook.”
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom About My Sister Stealing Stuff?
“So I (14 female) and my sister (16 female) have been best friends all of my life. We talk about everything and one day she told me that she steals things. At first, I didn’t think much because I thought she meant from our eldest sister who we both steal from.
I laughed it off and called her a rebel, which is how we joke around.
A couple of days later I had a birthday trip which is where we go out to eat and then get about 200 dollars to spend at the mall. Of course, I brought my sister, and while we were there we were laughing and giggling about the boys we liked and also about cute things we saw.
I then saw her put a lip gloss in her pocket and I asked her if she had any money, she said no and I just assumed she wanted me to pay for it which I was more than happy to do.
However, when I was getting my things bagged I realized I didn’t buy the lip gloss but she didn’t say anything so I thought she put it back.
When we got in the car she pulled out the lip gloss and I freaked a little bit. I didn’t say anything and just acted like I didn’t see it. After that, she started doing it more. It went from under one dollar items to over 20 dollar items.
I saw her steal a 30-dollar mascara and some candy, pretty soon I started not wanting to go to stores with her and I refused to bring her along on any shopping trips.
One time on the way to the mall my mom asked why, I freaked and explained everything in tears.
My mom seemed disappointed but not surprised and told me that she’d talk to my sister. My sister soon got grounded for a month and screamed at me about how I’m a terrible sister and that I should learn how to keep secrets.
I told her that she was lucky I told my mom and not the police and that I’m tired of her stealing, stepping all over me, and doing things she knew I was in no way comfortable with.
My mom and dad say I’m in the right but my sisters all say I should’ve talked to her first so, AITJ?
Edit: I would like to add that one of the reasons my mom wasn’t surprised is that she grew up super poor and had to steal food for herself and her family from a young age. Her parents neglected their children and spent their money on clothes and stuff, my mom told us this since we were 7 to explain the times back then.”
11. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife How Much I Earn?
“I was working in the tourism and hospitality industry and got laid off in 2020. At that time, I decided to try my hand at e-commerce. It was basically an uphill battle the whole time, and she gave me nothing but grief. She basically doubted me the entire time and wasn’t supportive at all.
Fast forward to last March and she tells me she wants a divorce.
I was shocked but in retrospect not entirely surprised. I thought she loved me, but her whole attitude had changed. We’ve been together for 8+ years. Initially, I was pretty devastated and even considered quitting my business for her, but by that point was also a bit bitter over her lack of support (she was basically a different person than a married, and she says she thinks the same of me).
Also, at that point, I was starting to see a small glimmer of success. She wasn’t impressed at all but instead was just as critical (even more) than ever, and nothing I could say seemed to make any difference.
Now, the paperwork is almost completed. Luckily we don’t have children, so I’m thankful for that. But here’s the kicker.
I just cleared my first month of 10k revenue, meaning I’m making more than I was before I lost my job. But because of the breakdown in our relationship and the way things turned out during the past couple of years and especially months, I haven’t said anything to her.
My worries are two-fold. First, she might sue me for alimony.
This doesn’t seem fair considering she did nothing but criticize me the entire time. What’s scarier is the notion that she might actually ‘change her mind’ and want to get back together. We’ve already moved into different places, and at this point, I want nothing to do with her. Am I the jerk for hiding this from her even though she was horrible and hyper-critical about it while I was still learning and struggling with this?”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Kids Over When He's Not Home?
“I (28 F) am married to my husband John (37 M). He has 2 daughters from a previous marriage (8, and 7). They are the sweetest kids ever and I love them.
John is in the military, so he sometimes travels and is gone for weeks, depending on what he is doing sometimes he can barely even text or call, he always makes sure to call me at least once a day.
I work from home.
John has his kids 2-3 days a week. The school is close to us too, closer to their mom tho. Since we got married a year and a half ago when John is deployed I get the kids too. I don’t mind it at all. I work from home so we get to spend a lot of time together and they go to school too.
Now the problem is the baby mama and I have had an ok relationship until now at least. We have always communicated when it comes to the girls, etc, I was told recently by my husband’s SIL (his brother’s wife) that she was saying horrible things about me, calling me a gold digger, and that I think he won’t leave me like he did with her, that I think I can replace her as the mother of her kids.
She showed me the screenshots and everything. I was shocked and told my husband and he was just as shocked as me and told me he would talk to her. I told him I would not be taking the girls when he is not here anymore and I would actually be going to visit my friends in Miami since I can easily work from their house and having the girls was the only thing stopping me from it.
My husband told her everything and she called me saying how selfish I was and I was punishing the kids, that she made plans around those dates and I would screw her over. I only said ‘I am sorry. I just don’t want to replace you as a mom so it will be better if you take care of them to avoid any confusion’ and hung up.
My husband understands since I was already being nice to cancel plans to have the kids all to myself and he will talk to her better when he is back but she is furious, kept texting me, and got MIL into it who said I was right to be mad but the girls love me and I don’t deserve it/ I said I was on my way to Miami so I couldn’t come back, but I don’t know, maybe I am the jerk since the girls don’t really understand what’s happening. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner For Getting Our Garden Sprayed With Grass-Killer?
“My (F 28) partner (M 32) got grass-killer sprayed on our yard and my garden killing my strawberries, cilantro, and tomatoes. We have had many conversations prior where he voiced his dislike of the dandelions in our yard, while not my favorites I really do not mind them and know they do help out the pollinators, and made it very clear I was against grass-killer of any kind being sprayed on our yard.
3 days ago I come home from work to find that my yard has been sprayed and all the dandelions were withered. He did not let me know this would be done and I was pretty upset. However, he had been having a stressful time at work + working long hours so I figured this was not a battle I needed to fight and that I would let it go.
I know I should have said something that day but honestly, I was just tired and sad and didn’t think it would be a productive discussion at the time. Yesterday I go out to check my garden and see that because of 3(!!!) dandelions in my garden bed the ENTIRE bed had been sprayed and my plants were all wilted and shriveled.
At this point, I was MEGA mad and texted him to ask if my garden had been sprayed. He had the audacity to text me ‘Nope, why?’ And I’m like ughhhhh because everything is wilted and dead + smells like chemicals. He then admits that yes the garden got sprayed (duh) and that he was sorry and would get me new strawberries.
Honestly, that did not feel like a genuine apology and I’m pretty mad that he did this behind my back. He tried to justify it by saying he paid extra for ‘pet-safe spray’ which I don’t care about because the bottom line was I did not want any chemicals and he didn’t give me a chance to try and remove the dandelions myself.
He’s acting like I have no right to be upset and that the fact that he can get me new strawberries is all that it needed for this to be okay.
Edit: We both own the home. My partner is a very handy guy and a hard worker and does most of our home renovations. I do 95% of the yard work as he is allergic to grass and pollen. The garden has a wooden border and is backed by a hedge so it’s pretty clearly defined.”
8. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Cousin To The Hospital?
“I (20 F) refused to drive family relatives to the hospital because my parents disregarded my feelings. I sound like a horrible person, but here’s the story. I come from a trashy family, and I hate my father. He’s been distant my whole life. Growing up, my mom had to make do with her own medication experiments whenever I and my siblings would get sick cause he was too lazy to drive to the hospital.
He missed birthdays, recitals, and important life events cause he was busy with his friends.
Fast forward to 18, my father forces me to get my license. I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, and I’m terrified of driving, regardless of it he forced me to get it. I thought it was his way of trying to make me be independent, but the truth was he just wanted me to be the family’s chauffeur.
When I hit 20, my dad got me a nice car and I was so happy, but I shouldn’t have been. You see, this was a way to control where I was going since he felt entitled to know because, after all, he paid for the car, so the car was mostly used for family matters.
So picture this, it’s exam week. I’m stressed about all the studying I have to do since I’d missed time driving my mother to the hospital to visit my aunt, so all those trips added even more stress (note: we live in a very busy area in a trashy country so everyone drives recklessly and there’s traffic).
So my father called my mom, didn’t tell me personally, and said ‘My cousin will be staying over for a doctor’s visit, tell (my name) to drive her there.’ I was annoyed since I had to study but I figured it would be a quick stop. It ended up being a 4-hour line, we were stuck in traffic for so long, and I was tired and started shaking from exhaustion since I didn’t get good sleep either.
They’re finally done so I drive home trying my best to avoid the stress until we finally arrive and my mother gives me a long list of errands to run. I was seeing red. I didn’t wanna embarrass her in front of the cousin, so I just went quiet, dropped them off, and drove off. As soon as I did, I started having a panic attack.
My body would tense up and my vision would go white for a couple of seconds, followed by confusion and wondering where I was, to almost fainting in a herd of traffic. This kept happening for about an hour, so I drove home. I was so exhausted I didn’t even confront my mom.
So it’s 3 am, I’m doing exam work and my mother comes into my room telling me I’ve to drive the cousin to the hospital, and I refuse.
My mom then texts me and says stop being childish, so I tell her what happened today in traffic and her answer is ‘So what? Stop overreacting’. I then realized both my mom and my dad only care about anyone but their kids, so I told her off. She called a taxi and drove the relative to the hospital, they came back home, and now my mom is upset with me. She hasn’t told my dad yet, but when she does I’m thinking of returning my dad’s gift. I feel bad for not driving the woman to the hospital though. AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Getting Tired Of Correcting Someone's Pronunciation Of My Name?
“I (16 F) do a sailing course every summer. For context, we are often paired with people our own age and are forced to sail with them from 9 am to 1 pm.
Last week, I was put with this person, let’s call her Jessica. Jessica (17 F) didn’t acknowledge me when we were put together. We set up the boat so it was ready to sail, and got it on the water with no complaints.
Jessica then decided that she wanted to sail the boat. Even though I previously asked her if I could sail it.
I let her sail it. That was a big mistake. She said I had rigged (set up) the boat wrong and that the sail was ripped and dirty. (It was not, and that was the instructor’s problem, not mine.) she would yell at me for ‘sitting on the wrong side of the boat’ and would constantly ask me to adjust things on the boat that I physically couldn’t.
On top of that, she would constantly mispronounce my name. She would call me Eve. My name is Eva, (eev-ah) but is spelled in Irish so it looks like Ava or Eve. I have a close friend called Eve and people get us mixed up often so it is a pet peeve of mine when people pronounce my name wrong.
You can imagine how annoying it is. ‘Eve do this’ ‘Eve do that.’ Even though I corrected her multiple times, she still called me Eve.
By 1 pm I had had enough of it. I was ready to go home and actually be called by my own name. I was just about to walk to my Uber when I hear her voice behind me.
‘Eve! Before you go, I need you to clean the sail and set up the boat for the next people. I’m going home now.’
I had enough. Plus, cleaning the sail was our instructor’s job, and setting up the boat was supposed to be her job since she was sailing that day. I told her to do it herself and by the way, my name is Eva. I have never felt more like a baddie as my Uber pulled up and I walked off. So, AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Making My Brother Cry At His Daughter's Birthday Party?
“My brother, ‘Paul,’ and I are not close at all. We have very different worldviews and incompatible personalities. I can tolerate him, but I would never consider him a friend. He’s been married to ‘Lisa,’ for one or two years now and they have a beautiful daughter together.
My significant other, ‘Amy,’ and I were invited to celebrate my niece’s first birthday.
Most of the family was invited, and it would be the first time I would have seen them all together (I only see my family once or twice a year, with a few exceptions.)
Amy and I arrived a little earlier than we were supposed to and instead of waiting in the car, we decided to go in.
The first thing I noticed is how calm my brother seemed to be in contrast to Lisa, who was frantically running up and down. When he saw Amy, he immediately handed the baby over to her and got a beer to sit down and watch TV. Lisa was clearly struggling, and he was content with a beer and Netflix.
I don’t want to be rude and maybe this was a one-time thing but it bothered me how uninvolved he was. He handed Amy a baby with a full diaper with vomit on its clothes.
Eventually, Amy, Lisa, and I finished everything. The house was clean, the food was ready, and Lisa looked ready to host a big gathering.
We all paid zero attention to Paul.
When my family arrived, I thought everything was going well. I avoided Paul and enjoyed speaking to my family. After we had sat down to eat, Paul approached me, wasted, thanking me for helping Lisa. I did not want to be around him for long and moved out of his way.
He was very persistent.
I was ignoring him but he started talking about Amy. ‘Protect Amy like a ‘real’ man.’ or ‘You’ve got a great woman by your side.’ You know what, whatever. It was slightly odd and mildly uncomfortable, but I was able to brush it away. Amy was trying to sober him up a little bit before the cake-cutting so she was ‘selectively hearing.’
We tried to get him to stop talking and drink water.
However, he had a lot to say about Lisa. He was complaining about how pregnancy ‘ruined’ Lisa’s body and how a baby ruined his life. Amy and I kept looking at each other awkwardly and we were soon going to leave him be.
We didn’t leave the conversation soon enough.
He was complaining to be about his personal life or lack thereof, and commenting on how desperately he wanted to sleep with someone ‘fit like Amy.’
This made both of us extremely uncomfortable.
Amy left, quickly apologizing to Lisa. I told him that he was a ‘disgusting, gross man who needs some help,’ before I left.
Apparently, this made him super upset and he started wailing at the party. Paul told everyone that the reason he was crying was because of my words to him. He got over it quickly, but a few people told me I was wrong to shame a father on his child’s birthday. I could have probably left without making a statement. AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Calling My Husband A Bad Dad?
“I (F 36) and my husband Will (M 35) have three kids Adam (M 9), Maddie (F 7), and Megan (F 6). Will has always been into video games, Star Wars, and anime, etc. It’s never been my cup of tea but I think it’s healthy that we have separate hobbies and interests and we have other stuff in common.
When we had Adam Will was super excited to share his interests with him and bought him Star Wars-themed babygrows and toys etc. For Adam’s first Halloween Will dressed him up as Darth Vader and it was super cute. It was the same for the girls. I did tell Will that I had no issue with this while the kids were small but we had to let them develop their own interests.
As it turns out both Adam and Maddie love playing computer games with their dad and have similar interests so there have been no issues.
The problem now is that as Megan is getting older she is showing more interest in princesses and Barbies etc and finds her dad’s and siblings’ interests boring. Will seems to have an issue with this and keeps trying to encourage Megan more toward his interests.
At Halloween, he seemed annoyed that Megan wanted to dress as Elsa as he always took pride in Maddie not dressing up as a princess like lots of her classmates.
This Christmas it has come to a head as Will spent all of Boxing Day playing the switch with Adam and Maddie and helping them build Lego while leaving Megan out.
Will has offered Megan to play with them but she wants to play with her new toys and the games that she likes. I played with Megan most of the day but she asked if she could play her new Barbie game on the switch for a while with her dad. I told them all to let her have a turn and play the Barbie game with Megan.
Adam and Maddie were actually fine and seemed to have fun but Will kept making fun of the game and telling Megan that other games like Mario Kart were far more fun.
I could see Megan losing confidence in wanting to play the game and she started to say she didn’t want to play anymore so I pulled Will aside and told him off and said that while he was a great dad to Adam and Maddie he was being a bad dad to Megan by ignoring her interests.
Will was really, really hurt by being called a bad dad and has been quiet ever since. The kids are now starting to notice that their dad is upset. I’m now wondering if I was too harsh as he is generally a good dad and I do know that he loves Megan as much as he loves Adam and Maddie.”
4. AITJ For Wanting To Practice Bathing A Baby?
“I (27 F) will be a mother in 3 months, my wife is pregnant with our first child.
My sister Lily had my niece 20 days ago.
I’m a little terrified of motherhood, I want to be a mother to be clear, but the idea of a small human being dependent on me and so fragile… my heart panics, I guess?
My biggest fear is bathing a newborn, not knowing how to properly hold it even more because of the neck.
Yes, I took classes, read books, and watched videos, but I don’t have any practice with newborn babies and in practice, it can be different.
I’ve had this in my head for a few days now and I thought maybe I could ask my sister if I could give my niece a bath to see how it goes and to my surprise, she agreed (I made it very clear that she could refuse if she found this request very strange, but she thought my attempt to learn was cute).
On Monday, I gave her a bath, Lily stayed by my side guiding and nothing happened (we took photos and I loved this moment) and my niece loved it.
I was at her house when my BIL arrived and my sister excitedly told him that I had bathed Lily for the first time and he looked annoyed.
He asked why she didn’t tell him, why I bathed her, and if Lily didn’t think it was weird that I bathed.
My mother and Lily’s MIL already bathed her and I thought it was weird, so I just asked ‘Is it me?’ (It was very clear that I was pointing out the fact that I am a lesbian).
He cut it off by saying no, he just thought it was weird that I used other people’s children to train for my daughter.
The mood took a toll and my sister changed the subject, I left soon after too.
My sister said she didn’t think it was weird and she took great pictures to see two people she loves having this cute moment.
But when talking to my mother, she said that she understood my BIL’s side and that it was strange for me to do this with other people’s children.
So… I’m lost.
By the way, yes, I helped her since the baby was born, I just hadn’t bathed her until now.
I know it may seem like a basic question, but as I said I have no experience, my first one will be in 3 months, so maybe I was stepping on dangerous ground without knowing it.”
3. AITJ For Not Helping My Mother With Gas Expenses?
“I (14 F) am someone who is considered ‘medically complex’. I need to see a physical therapist weekly and a specialist every few months due to my long list of medical issues.
My mother (40 F) is tired of constantly taking me to my appointments. I can tell she’s stressed. She has health concerns but does not get seen by a doctor because her schedule is constantly very busy between my appointments and her odd jobs here and there.
My bio father pays child support and has been recently giving me $100 a month with my own credit card to buy hygiene products and to save the rest.
My mother wants me to start paying $20 for each appointment for gas money. This would be the majority of my savings. It takes 30 minutes to an hour to get to all of my appointments.
I know she struggles with finances but I need the funds for things I need. She doesn’t buy me new clothes and gets me the cheapest hygiene products available.
I know that’s not her fault and I’m not mad at her for not being able to afford more but my dad gave me that money for me, not her so I said that unless the appointment isn’t medically necessary that I don’t feel like I should have to pay.
She became very upset and told me that I don’t know what it’s like to wonder whether or not our car will break down on the road someday because she doesn’t have the money.
I told her that I’d let her use my card in case of an emergency happening while we were going to my appointments but she snapped and said that she shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not she’ll have gas for the rest of the month because of it and that I can at least have the decency to help a little bit.
We’ve always struggled financially so I know she’s not lying to get my money. I feel very conflicted though because I still need to buy things for myself and my pets like immunization shots. Just recently I had to spend $60 on my dog’s hernia repair surgery and $45 on getting them up to date on their shots so I really don’t have anything to spare right now.
AITJ for saying I didn’t want to pay? I just spent all of my money on my pets and last month I spent it on clothes and soap but should I pay next month when I probably won’t need as much? I’m worried about one of my pets having a medical emergency and me not being able to afford it if I don’t save up though.”
2. AITJ For Cutting My Nephews' Day At The Beach Short?
“I’m 22, my sisters are 41 and 39. So I’m actually closer in age to their kids who are teenagers for the most part. I was very close with the family until I moved to San Diego for school 4 years ago and stayed. I love my family but I don’t really know much about teenage boys other than what I dealt with as a teenage girl.
My sisters planned a trip to go to the parks this weekend and of course, I met them and more or less hung with everyone all weekend. Yesterday they were doing the zoo and the two nephews (16 and 14) asked if they could skip it and come to my house in PB. I said that was fine and I was happy to entertain them.
We went to the beach and PB is very popular with ‘younger’ people—HS but mostly college ages. So lots and lots of skin. I was immediately uncomfortable with how the two boys were looking at the girls. I wasn’t expecting them to be monks but it was so blatant and obvious. When I overheard them concocting a plan to kick their soccer ball into a group of girls who were tanning with their tops united to see if they would pop up for ‘nip shots’.
I’d had enough and told them to pack it up and we were going home. They resisted and I honestly didn’t know how I was going to move them but finally, they relented but complained the whole day. I guess they kept complaining the rest of the day after they were picked up about how lame I was, how I ruined the day etc…
When I met the families for dinner both of my sisters were actually mad at me for misjudging the situation, for making their sons feel like looking at girls is a bad thing and ruining the day.
I kept trying to explain myself but they kept cutting me off and at one point said I was a hypocrite because I used to give our dad a heart attack by ‘skimping’ around in my bikinis while they were forced to be so modest. The rest of the dinner was so awkward and I don’t know if I want to see them today like we planned.
Was I the jerk?”
1. AITJ For Making People Think I And My Husband Don't Know Each Other?
“My spouse (38 M) works at his father’s company. The two of them work closely since my husband will, at some point, take over for his dad. Because of his income level, I (31 M) don’t have to work. Sometimes I’ll come into the office to bring my spouse and FIL lunch and stick around for a bit to help with minor tasks.
The last time I came in, my husband warned me that there will be a few new faces around because they’d taken on some interns.
I got this silly idea – honestly inspired by something I had seen online of a couple who worked together without their coworkers knowing – and clued my husband in on it.
Basically, I was going to pretend to be another intern for a while and he would be my boss. I ended up ‘coming into work’ for about a week and it was really fun. We both leaned into it. I called him ‘Mr. Spouse’s Last Name’ and sir. I gossiped with the other interns about how handsome he is.
He would purposefully ignore me while walking past and I’d pretend to get flustered and say an awkward hello to him. It was great. I was thinking of coming in towards the end of their internship and randomly surprising them with the truth about why their fellow intern buddy disappeared after a week.
I thought it was harmless.
I was having brunch with a friend yesterday, though, and I told the same story. The response, instead of laughter like I had been anticipating and like I had gotten from my closer friends, was anger. She claimed what I had done was out of line. She said that the people around us didn’t agree to partake in our ‘weird, roleplay fantasy games’ and were unwilling participants in our foreplay.
EDIT: Both I and my spouse are men.”