People Ask Us To Understand The Reasons Behind Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Sometimes the world can be cruel and unjust. No matter how hard we strive to be nice, people will still detest us. If others around us consistently behave rudely and lack manners, it could become annoying even if we make every effort to be kind to them. We could readily display our "jerk" sides in some circumstances in order to express our feelings. Here are a few stories from people who were unsure of what to do in similar situations in the past. After reading their explanations below, let us know which of them you think is the real jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

25. AITJ For Walking Out Of The Restaurant Over Fruit Juice?

“My family and I (22M at the time) went on a day trip to the beach, my mother, my father, my aunt, my grandma, and my grandpa.

I knew that at the end of the trip, we’d go for a drink/ice cream at a restaurant, and I knew one that made very delicious homemade milkshakes.

I told them in advance about it and was quite eager.

Fast forward to the end of the trip, I show them said restaurant, they look at the menu before entering, and then my mother goes ‘Nope. I want squeezed lemon juice and this restaurant doesn’t offer it’.

In the end, after my mother rejected multiple restaurants because they didn’t have squeezed lemon juice, we found another restaurant that offered what she wanted, we sat down there, and upon looking at the menu, my mother goes like ‘Hm. I’ll take an orange juice’.

At that point, I replied ‘You know, we came specifically to that restaurant so that you could have your squeezed lemon juice, even though this restaurant doesn’t offer what some others wanted. The restaurant I suggested initially had orange juice and also had what others wanted.’

She then cut me off telling me ‘Stop being an entitled brat. You’re not the center of the world’.

At that point, I got up, and said ‘OK, I’m going to get my milkshake then, see you soon’.

I left the restaurant before ordering anything, went back to the one I initially suggested, drank a few very good milkshakes there, and came back 30 minutes later to where my family was.

At this point, both my mother and aunt called me an entitled brat and didn’t talk with me at all on the way back home.

So, AITJ for reacting that way?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m assuming it comes up in family lore to convey how bratty you were?

Time to defend yourself and point the finger at your mother, time to change the narrative. Every time it comes up from now on say something like ‘And I’d do it all again that milkshake was worth it’ or ‘Mom just WHAT was going on in your head that day?’ or ‘And Mom said I was the entitled brat hahaha’ or ‘Mom said I thought I was the center of the world oh the irony!’ or ‘Mom had us walking all over the place for lemonade only to (big laugh) order Orange Juice can you believe it!’ and just keep pushing back and smiling and laughing.

They may eventually drop it or drop it in front of you or you’ll get some satisfaction out of annoying your mother. Have fun!” Firm-Molasses-4913

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you call her out on it, rightfully so, and what do you get? Labeled as an entitled brat.

Talk about gaslighting 101. But here’s the thing: You’re not responsible for catering to every whim and fancy of your family, especially when they’re being unreasonable. So what did you do? You didn’t stoop to their level. You didn’t engage in a shouting match or throw a tantrum.

Instead, you took the high road. You walked away, got your milkshakes, and enjoyed them in peace. Sure, they called you names, and gave you the silent treatment on the way back home, but guess what? You didn’t care. Because at the end of the day, you stood up for yourself, you stayed true to what you wanted, and you didn’t let their drama ruin your day.

So no, you’re not the jerk here. You’re just someone who knows when to say enough is enough and walk away from the toxic nonsense. Keep being unapologetically you, my friend. That’s all that matters.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont

3 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918, KlShearer and Chull

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helenh9653 1 month ago
NTJ. 'Entitled' only fits your mother here.
0 Reply

24. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Blaming Me For My Sister's Mistake?

“My (14m) mom used to have me watch over my sister (18) when she had her friends over. They once swiped some of Dad’s booze and used it and smoked at the same time. Mom got really angry when she came home and found the living room a mess.

She has since told me it’s my job to make sure that that doesn’t happen at our house again. She never got wasted at home again but I don’t really know what she did at her friends’ houses.

My sister then got a significant other (18).

Things seemed to be going great. Mom called him a positive influence on her.

But then his stepsister (19) got a broken leg, so he had to spend less time with my sister and more time at home helping his stepsister around the house.

My sister started feeling jealous.

She began worrying about them having inappropriate relations and ranting about it to me. I could tell she was jealous but didn’t say anything. Yesterday she accused him upfront and it didn’t go over well.

When our mom found out about it and that I knew of my sister’s fears, she said I should have told her it wouldn’t go over well.

I asked ‘Are you kidding? Was I supposed to warn my older sister that directly accusing her SO of something inappropriate isn’t going to go over well?’

Mom then told me to not talk to her like that, saying it was uncalled for and calling me disrespectful.

She said that I knew firsthand how irresponsible my sister could be and should have warned her. I think mom’s really upset about the situation because, like I said, this guy has been a really positive influence on my sister.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom is an idiot and should try parenting her elder child instead of fobbing off the responsibility on you, her younger child, like you ever had or ever will have any authority and power over your sister.

Furthermore, if your 18-year-old sister still needs supervision when Mom’s out of the house, she either has severe mental disabilities which your mother has failed to address, or your mother has managed to utterly fail as a parent. Neither one paints Mother Dearest in a good light and in neither situation should she be leaving a 14-year-old as the ‘responsible’ party.” AethericOwl

Another User Comments:

“Wait! I don’t understand why a 14-year-old would be responsible for an 18-year-old, and I don’t understand why a parent puts a minor in charge of an adult. Your mother is a jerk, sorry to say. You are NTJ. It is not your responsibility to make decisions for and be responsible for your sister.

She is an adult. She needs to make her own life choices and live with the consequences. If I were you, I would start setting some boundaries and put the responsibility back on your sister and parents. Her behavior is none of your business.” gamingpsych628

1 points - Liked by Chull

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helenh9653 1 month ago
NTJ. This would - sort of - make sense if your ages were reversed, but as it is, unless your sister is developmentally delayed, there's no way on earth she's going to listen to her kid brother. Your mum's not thinking straight.
0 Reply

23. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Control Me Anymore?

“So my (nb 25) friend (f 26) and I are currently on a 3-week holiday together.

We’ve been friends for like 7 years now.

Also going to add: I am autistic but, as far as I am aware, she is not.

Every single thing we do is because she wants to. We eat where she wants and when she wants, we shop where she wants, she’s even tried to stop me from drinking my preferred drinks because she wants us to have the same drinks.

It’s been going like this for the past 2 weeks.

I’m getting frustrated because this isn’t a trip for HER. We both needed a break from life so did this cruise. But anytime I want to do something she shoots me down or sulks and gives me attitude and passive-aggressive remarks because she didn’t get her way.

I lost it today at her. It started when I decided at 9:30 am I was going to go get breakfast – I asked if she wanted to come and she said no cause it’s too early for her and she said that I should wait til she wants to eat.

I decided to go anyway and when I got back she was asleep.

She woke up around 1 pm. Got mad I hadn’t woken her up and then got mad I had left the room and ‘abandoned her’. I ended up raising my voice and said I wasn’t her personal lackey and this was my holiday too and I was going to do as I pleased for the next week.

Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder and is getting mad at me about EVERYTHING.

Was I in the wrong for getting frustrated?

She’s making me feel like the villain.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I am questioning if this person actually sees you as a friend and not an accessory that walks and talks and agrees with her.

That’s the only reason I can see for insisting on being twinsies even for beverages and sulking like a toddler every time you dare to (gasp!) have an opinion outside of hers. Stop catering to her. Stop doing activities with her, since she will do her best to make sure you don’t enjoy them as petty revenge for having wants in the first place.

Do not cave to her immature tantrums – she’s already taken 2 weeks of holiday from you, don’t let her suck your enjoyment from the rest. Separate yourself as much as you can, enjoy the rest of your cruise, and have a good, long talk with your ‘friend’ about her terrible behavior towards you when you get back.” AethericOwl

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she doesn’t owe you and she needs to stop being so controlling. You’re allowed to go out and enjoy your time. Unless she’s paying for the trip, meals, and drinks and pays for the stuff you buy at the shops she gets no say in what you do, when you eat, what you eat and drink, and what stores you go into.

You’re also not her alarm clock. She’s an adult she could have set the alarm clock to wake her up or she didn’t have to nap if going out was such a big deal to her. Go and enjoy your trip. Who cares if she’s mad she cannot control you anymore?

At least now you know how she will be on future trips and you can decide to go with her or not.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY

1 points - Liked by Chull

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rbleah 2 months ago
SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND, PERIOD. You need to dump this waste of YOUR TIME and get some REAL FRIENDS. She is just using you for HER own pleasure. NTJ AND GET OUT NOW.
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22. AITJ For Not Forgiving The People Who Bullied Me In High School?

“I (24f) have never fit into a classic girly mold (drama, tomboy, academia kid) and, although I ended up in an artsy school eventually, attended an all-girls school initially.

I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy so when I finally made my first female friend (around 11 years old) I decided to follow them to an all-girls school… big mistake.

We ended up in different classes and she ended up in what I would call the ‘cool girl group’ where I didn’t really click with anyone in my class.

Don’t get me wrong I did make friends they were just in other classes… anyway… the girls in my class took offense from my tomboy non-makeup approach to life (no shade to makeup gals, it’s just not me) and started to single me out.

It kept scaling up and up until one day while we were waiting for the teacher they were, movie bully style, standing in a circle around me chanting names, pointing, and laughing as I started to cry. Needless to say, I left the next year.

I ran into a couple of these girls later as an adult and one of them apologized to me for how they treated me, fully expecting me to brush it off and make her feel better. Another said that she never said anything just that the others were her friends but she was sorry now.

I told them I didn’t forgive them and left. I’ve heard from a couple of mutual friends that I acted like a child and should just grow up and forgive them.

I don’t know, though, I was miserable for a whole year because of them but am I just holding onto the past?

AITJ for not forgiving high school bullies as an adult?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are never obligated to forgive a bully, especially ones who were seemingly doing it only to make themselves feel better. Even while apologizing, one of them was still denying ever having done anything to you.

They’re still only thinking of themselves rather than what you as their victim deserve and need and these ‘mutual friends’ clearly don’t understand or care about the impact bullying can have. They are just trying to force you to be ‘the bigger person’ because it is easier for them.” asphodel2020

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. No one is entitled to your love or forgiveness, despite how hard society (especially many religions) seems to try and push this on us. If they really understood how much they hurt you and felt true remorse for their actions, they would understand and accept it if you didn’t want to forgive them or talk to them again.

An apology should be something you give to express your sorrow with no expectation of getting anything in return. Their behavior indicates that their ‘act’ of apologizing was more about themselves than anything else.” Doom-Hauer451

1 points - Liked by Chull

21. AITJ For Telling My Parents I May Not Want Any Visitors When I Give Birth?

“I (23f) have a friend who recently had a baby.

For context, my relationship with my parents is strained and boundaries are not their strong suit. My friend (22f) decided not to have her or her partner’s families at the hospital at all during the delivery of their son and one of their parents reacted horribly… even saying it was unforgivable that they were being shut out from the experience.

Her situation got me thinking and later that night I mentioned it to my parents in casual conversation. They AGREED with the friend’s parent and said the same things, that it was unforgivable, meaning, ‘It’s the grandparent’s day too,’ and ‘That’s why grandparents have rights.’ I calmly told my parents that I may make the same decision one day and that when I think of me and my partner having children I want to soak all of it in with MY partner.

I don’t like the idea of hosting and having lots of family in the room right after while I’m recovering, breastfeeding, and adjusting to becoming a parent. Of course, I’d want all of the grandparents involved to meet the baby, I’m not trying to keep them away for a long period of time.

I just don’t like the idea of having people in the waiting room while I’m in labor waiting on me so they can immediately walk in. I also told them that grandparents don’t have ‘rights’. They have the privilege to be part of my future children’s lives depending on their actions.

Maybe this is just a generational difference but am I the jerk for feeling this way?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Birth is a major medical event. Nobody after having any type of surgery has family and visitors barging in the moment they enter the recovery room.

Your focus after delivery should be on recovering from birth and breastfeeding. You need time to ensure both you and the baby are stable and okay and to let the nurses do their assessments and checks.

I am currently pregnant and plan to do the same thing as well.

I don’t want the pressure of knowing there’s a bunch of people in the waiting area who want to see the baby as soon as possible. And that’s really what it is – they want to be first to see the baby and ogle over it and it’s not really about you or the baby’s wellbeing or nobody would expect that.

Plus with cell phones now there’s no reason people need to wait in the hospital while a woman gives birth, it’s easy to update family now and let them know when you’re ready for visitors. Plus women get discharged pretty quickly now after delivery so there’s almost no point.

It’s not like our parents’ time when women had to be admitted for 4 days after an uncomplicated normal delivery.” AcademicMud3901

1 points - Liked by Chull

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DAZY7477 1 month ago
Maybe not. I have 4 kids but I never had issues letting visitors see my babies. I guess it depends on you and your relationship with parents.
1 Reply

20. AITJ For Telling My Parents It's Unfair That They Helped My Brother Out But Not Me?

“My parents are wealthy but frugal. They spend money on experiences and charity but not material things, which I respect. My dad says things like ‘We will never be able to spend all our money’ which is true no matter how they live.

We live a comfortable but not decadent lifestyle with two incomes. We’ve chosen to send our four kids to a private school for $12k a year. For us, we are careful about where we spend… this is not pocket change for us but it fits the budget.

Three years after my first went, my brother and SIL decided to send their (four) kids to a different (free) school. Assuming they could not afford it because they have one income, (my SIL chooses to work very very part-time in a lucrative healthcare position to stay home with their little kids) my parents offered to pay.

My parents told me about this after my SIL flipped that they were throwing their wealth weight around to get what they wanted. My parents were very offended and at the time said, ‘Of course, we would have given this to you as well’ but the issue was moot.

A few months later my brother and SIL recanted and have been receiving full tuition for three years with many more to come. When I kindly asked my parents about paying for our tuition they declined.

AITJ for later arguing with them that it is an unfair financial situation especially given their ‘unlimited’ wealth when they should be able to give or not give charity to whoever they want?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You’re able to fit $12k a year into your budget (is that total or per kid?) and you’re whining about not getting extra? If you want a free education for your kids send them to public school, I’m sure you’re in a nice school district.

Yeah, it sucks there’s that discrepancy between you and your brother but you have two incomes and they have one and you don’t sound like you’re struggling. If they’re as frugal as you say they probably agree with me. By the way, it’s not charity if you’re acting like you have a right to it.

You weren’t wrong to ask but you are wrong to whine about it. If you’re actually struggling maybe you should be honest about that with them.” citizenzero_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is favoring your brother. Have your parents always done this? I also find it interesting that your SIL first declined their offer but next thing you know, your parents are paying.

The one thing you haven’t said is what your brother’s income is. He could have a lucrative job too and actually have more money than you and your spouse put together even though his wife is only working full time. Your parents can spend their money on whatever they want but it will bite when they pay for one child but not the other.

It just leaves a bad taste in your mouth. There will be ramifications later on. Your attitude will seep through to your children and you may find that you unconsciously spend more time with your spouse’s side of the family. The brother and SIL were happy to send their kids to ‘free’ school… they also may have been able to afford private school regardless but chose not to.

Their choice doesn’t sound like it’s purely financial unless there is something that you don’t know. But it doesn’t mean that resentment is not bred for something that seems unfair even though you have no right to demand it.” KitchenDismal9258

1 points - Liked by Chull

19. AITJ For Thinking It's Weird That My Mom's Family Wants To Stay In Contact With My Dad?

“My parents divorced about 6 years ago and it was because my mum had an affair and was overall not happy with the marriage.

My mum’s side of the family wanted to stay in contact with my dad and the other week one relative popped round to his house unannounced to see him.

My dad is a particular character and is not what you describe as a social butterfly so he wasn’t too pleased with the visit and constant texts from my mum’s side of the family as since the divorce he doesn’t see much point in having contact with them.

I personally don’t really enjoy the company of my mum’s family so choose to not include myself.

My sisters and mum hate this. They constantly ring me up asking why I don’t want to see my family and that they can’t understand why I don’t like them (I find them toxic and can’t be asked to deal with family drama).

The other day I voiced to both my mum and sister that I felt it was weird that they wanted to stay in contact with my dad especially as how the marriage ended and the fact my dad doesn’t want to talk to them either.

They both said I was being rude and a jerk because I should want to spend time with my family and so should my dad considering how long they were married (26 years).

I think it’s just bizarre to stay in contact with ex-in-laws and like I said before my dad does not want contact with them anyway.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think it’s important to understand though, that even though what your mom did was wrong, and that it’s good that you care so much about your dad, to remember that everyone makes mistakes. Whether she may/may not have remorse for it, she is still your mom and her family is your family, and probably shouldn’t be shut out completely.

That’s your decision I’m not judging you for it at all. I hate drama and would probably do the same. As far as your dad goes, there’s no reason he should have to talk to any of them unless it’s concerning the welfare of you and your siblings.

Seeing his own children though should still be a priority for him in my opinion.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother just wants to play happy families as a way of avoiding the fact that she ended the relationship with your dad. She most likely wants the situation to move to a ‘We’re all still friends so obviously I didn’t do anything too bad’ kind of thing.

Which is a place a lot of divorced couples manage to get to. What she doesn’t get is that your dad was NEVER close to her family: he merely tolerated them for her sake. Now that he no longer has to worry about her feelings, he has no reason to tolerate her family.

It’s literally that simple.” Psychological-Wall-2

1 points - Liked by Furryrope

18. AITJ For Selling My Expensive Car To Pay For My Stepbrother's Medical Expenses?

“I (32f) have a stepbrother ‘Damian’ (33m) who I am very close with. We were practically raised together since we were 4 and 5 years old and when his mom died, my mom legally adopted him.

Damian had a passion for some questionable ways to earn money and he enlisted in a PMC (private military company). He was making a lot of money on his tours which was enough to finance his lavish lifestyle. For my 30th birthday, he got me a Bentley car.

He was on a tour (can’t say where) and he was wounded very seriously. He almost died and it was a very traumatic experience for me because since my mom died I have only him left. He needed some very expensive treatment and although healthcare is free where we live, it isn’t very good quality.

His insurance doesn’t cover the whole cost (expensive surgeries, treatments, etc). I decided to sell my car. It’s worth more than 100 thousand euro and it will be enough to cover the rest of the expenses. I sold the Bentley and got myself a 1990s VW Golf for 600€.

The issue arose when I told my partner (28m) about it. He was supportive during the whole thing, but my selling the car made him snap. He always loved the Bentley, took a lot of pictures with it, and loved driving it. He said that we now have to drive the trashy Golf (he doesn’t have his own car and doesn’t plan to buy one) because of something Damian invoked on himself with his life choices.

I was very upset, mostly because I was already very stressed about my brother being in the hospital in almost critical condition. I yelled at him and told him to get out of my apartment (we pay rent together though). He called me a massive jerk, packed his things, and left. He told everyone in our friend group and the opinions were split.

Some of them were supportive of me and some accused me of preferring Damian over my actual partner and for selling the comfortable luxury car to pay off his medical bills. Damian doesn’t know about it yet. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What in the world? Your partner opposes selling the car your brother (calling him step seems unnecessary here) gave you so that you can help your brother recover from injuries that will seriously affect his quality of life? It’s great that you did what you did.

Your partner needs to think of this like a loan your brother gave you that you returned when he needed it. Your partner is out of his mind if he thinks his personal luxury is worth more than the quality of life of the person who made that luxury possible.” Learned_Hand_01

Another User Comments:

“Dump him. Permanently. Irrevocably. Forever. And when forever runs out? Infinity after that. NTJ, OP. What you are is a compassionate, loving, and generous soul who only deserves good things in life. That shallow, selfish, sorry son of a sea biscuit you were hooked up with was not a good thing.

Learn the difference, sweetie. What you did was above and beyond measure to make sure your stepbrother was taken care of. Anyone who didn’t have your back in doing that, you don’t need.” moew4974

1 points - Liked by Furryrope

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psycho_b 2 months ago
Your partner is obviously materialistic and cares more about driving a nice car which doesn't belong to him than your brother's health. You do not the jerk. And get rid of that chode.
1 Reply

17. AITJ For Going Off At My Mom For Giving My Niece Junk Food?

“So my niece (9) has come to live with us in the last few months after years of being with her mom and my in-laws due to health issues for the mom.

My niece also has some health issues from birth that required a transplant five years ago. While living with her mom (cancer) and her grandparents she was allowed to eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. She also missed some doctor’s appointments due to the focus being on her mom’s care for the two years before her passing.

My mother also lives with my family (no blood relation to my niece).

So onto my issues today. My husband and I have been working very hard to get our niece into a more healthy relationship with food and exercise to prolong the time until another transplant would be needed. We have mentioned this to everyone in our house so they know that niece cannot have free rein of junk food but has unlimited access to healthy snacks.

Today I was at work and my mom asked if she could get my niece a treat from a local restaurant. I was going to say yes but then mentioned she had had one two days ago and it is only supposed to be an every-other-week thing.

When my husband saw them leaving and asked what they were doing he was told that they had my permission.

When I got home tonight I apologized for being the one that said no so that she wouldn’t be upset with my mom and both said it was fine.

I then saw evidence that they had gone to the restaurant and I asked again. My niece tried to walk away and my mom broke down and said that they did go but thought they had permission. I proceeded to lose it a bit on my mom for not only disregarding our wishes concerning food but also for lying and having my niece lie as well.

AITJ for how I handled this?”

Another User Comments:

“You do understand you are setting your niece up for an eating disorder, right? Drastic restrictions NEVER WORK. All they do is build resentment and an unhealthy relationship to food. You think what she was eating before was bad?

As soon as she’s able, she’s going to be sneaking food, hiding food, possibly flat-out stealing food. And it won’t be ‘healthy snacks.’

YTJ for making a grieving child’s life even worse. If you are truly concerned about her, ALL of her health, you are way off target.

Physical, mental, and emotional. They are all important. You are focusing on a single factor instead of the big picture to your niece’s detriment. Get to a dietician and get some PROFESSIONAL advice instead of dragging it on your own.” JewelCatLady

Another User Comments:


Honestly, it’s really clear most of these people know nothing about transplants (which I wouldn’t really expect them to). A diet for transplant patients is not usually just to make them ‘healthier’, it’s to keep them and their transplanted organ(s) alive.

If this was your behavior for a kid who didn’t have a lifelong serious medical condition, then I do think you’d be the jerk and the commenters would be right; that’s a great way for a kid to learn to sneak and develop an eating disorder.

BUT when you have to eat a certain way to literally stay alive those rules about healthy food relationships go out the window.” derrieredesyeuxbrune

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and don’t know what you are doing. You need a dietician, not a doctor, and you need to deal with your own relationship with food.

She is already lying to you about food because you make such a big deal about it. Remember this always: Overly strict parents make sneaky adults. She is already on that path because of you. You want to create an environment where she can talk to you but your authoritarian methods aren’t working.

Get her to speak to a therapist who helps kids with complex medical issues and a dietitian.” bluepvtstorm

1 points - Liked by Furryrope

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MadameZ 2 months ago
YTJ. Junk food is clearly not fatal to this kid (as one overexcited respondent claims) or she would be dead already. You need proper, professional advice rather than projecting your own dubious relationship with food onto a very vulnerable child.
2 Reply

16. AITJ For Calling Out My Roommate For Sharing Our Apartment Code With Other People?

“The other night I was sitting on the couch watching March Madness with some of my roommates.

For context, we are guys in our mid-20s who live in a duplex where we occupy the top 2 floors and there is a stairway from the street to get into our apartment.

Our doors use a passcode instead of keys and there is a very distinctive sound made when the door is unlocked – this is important for later.

So there we were sitting on the couch enjoying watching some basketball when we heard the door to our apartment unlock.

After a couple of seconds one of my roommates (Tom) called down ‘Is that Sally?’

Sally is a girl that Tom has been seeing for the past few months but has yet to establish any formal relationship with her (not together or necessarily exclusive).

He has expressed he will likely go out with this girl in the future, but as of right now, they are not together.

I waited until this girl departed the next morning before confronting Tom about his giving her the passcode. I have met Sally a few times over the course of the time that she and Tom have been seeing each other, but I do not really know much about her or what she is like.

In my eyes, there is no difference between our lock using a key or using a passcode and expressed my being uncomfortable with Tom having essentially given Sally a key to our apartment when she is not his significant other and he did not ask me or my other roommates our thoughts on his giving Sally a key.

Tom essentially ignored me, and one of my roommates who had not been home when this happened and learned about it afterward told me I was being unreasonable by confronting him. AITJ for confronting my roommate over this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Seriously, this guy is handing out your apartment key to strangers.

That’s just dangerous. If he’s given it to Sally he’s probably given it to others who just haven’t used it yet. You need to change that code and let him know that giving it out to ANYONE is grounds for his eviction. Then you need to sit your roommates down and discuss security and safety.

Sure you’re guys in your 20s. You’re immortal, full of testosterone, and nothing can happen to you, right? Wrong.” LiveAge2229

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Change the passcode & don’t give it to him until he agrees not to give it to ANYONE without the agreement of all the roommates.

One no, and the code is not to be shared. If he shares it again anyway, do the same thing and tell him he will not be allowed to stay when the lease term is up. Put it in writing. No sharing of the code by any roommate without the agreement of all the others and that he, specifically, will not be continuing to live there if he does it again.” JewelCatLady

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. A cautionary tale: My brother gave his friend a key to his building, which he uses to store overflow appliances and equipment for his handyman business. His friend decides to pass along this key to a girl he’s hooking up with.

Said girl and her actual SO went over and stole almost everything in the building that they could carry. You don’t know who this girl knows and there’s no need for her to have the code, especially when y’all are home to let her in.” Reasonable-Apple9571

1 points - Liked by Chull

15. AITJ For Refusing To Take Down The Video?

“I paid for a cameo from a celebrity for my birthday as my sisters did this for me a few years ago and I loved it. I then posted it, of course, on social media, and about a week later that celebrity commented on said video asking me to take it down, because he likes them private.

Of course, I can understand that celebrities are people too. I just felt embarrassed and confused as Cameo encourages us to share these videos and the terms & conditions adequately state we are allowed to share on social media. Now the celebrities using this website would also know of these terms and they of their own free will agreed to them and wanted to use this site to state the obvious and get money.

Now the other reason I am hesitant to take the video down is because I wanted to share the video with others who also love this celebrity, and having just met him at a convention and new friends were made, I knew they’d appreciate the video as well.

I do wonder why this celebrity couldn’t have privately messaged me asking to take the video down and given me somewhat of a purposeful explanation instead of stating it publicly on the video. Again I do want to respect this person, but upon further looking into this, their cameo webpage has my video on public display so people can be enticed to purchase his cameos and know what to expect.

I do wonder what the difference is between me posting it and him posting it?


Another User Comments:

“Oh man, that’s awkward from a celebrity you presumably like. I’d suggest screencap the cameo with the comment requesting its removal. Then remove the cameo, not because you’re obligated to but because it sounds like you’re a caring person who would be bothered by potentially going against someone’s wishes for privacy.

Then ask for a refund. If you do not get a refund from the person who made the cameo, then send the screencap to cameo support and get them to refund you.” tasty-horse-paste

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You paid him for the video, and unless you signed a contract saying you couldn’t post it online, he has no leg to stand on.

If I were you, I’d respond that I’m sorry if he doesn’t want it to be posted publicly, and you’d be happy to take it down as long as he refunds your money. You paid for the video, it’s yours, and you can do whatever you want with it.

That said, he has the right to want it to be taken down. But not the right to demand that, unless he’s giving back the money you paid him for it.” SassyWookie

1 points - Liked by sctravelgma

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sctravelgma 2 months ago
I agree with these other posters. You have a legal contract so it is yours. If he harasses you screenshot everything and send it to Cameo explaining that you paid your money in good faith for this particular celebrity cameo abd now it appears he wishes for you to take it down from your social media and to you that is breach of contract so what are they going to do to resolve the issue. Proceed from their response, but unless you are fully reimbursed do not take it down
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14. AITJ For Lying To My Friend About What Time We're Leaving?

“So I (24) have been friends for a little over a year with R (30).

Ever since I met R she’s been very vocal about her having ADHD, as well as having OCD, anxiety, and other health problems. For that reason, I believe R is chronically late.

She’s ALWAYS, and I mean every single time, late. And always by over an hour at least. While I understand it’s because of her disability and do not wish to confront her about it, it does cause us lots of problems.

I don’t really mind when she’s late for a night out or something – which then it’s always about 2-3 hours – but when it’s for something important like a meeting or something else, which I usually give her rides for, always arriving 1-2 hours late is a problem.

She never tells people in advance she may be late either.

So, I took it upon myself to tell her we were leaving at a different time every time. For instance, if we’re leaving by 6 PM, I tell her we’re leaving by 5 or at times even 4:30 if it’s really important.

It worked, as she’s now on time most of the time. As of lately, however, I don’t know if she realized what I’m doing as now she arrived as I’m just ready to leave rather than sitting around ready, but she’s now coming 1-2 hours late even with the time stamp I give her.

I don’t want to criticize her for being late as I know it’s a symptom of her disorders, but as she agrees to commitments and then fails to get to them it does make me quite, I don’t know, resentful at times.

So this is what I found to be able to make it work.

I am not neurotypical, but time blindness is not something I struggle with.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But you’re treating her with kid gloves – regardless of anything else, she’s 30, she’s a full adult, she doesn’t need coddling, she needs to be treated like an adult who needs to get herself together.

I don’t even know how you’ve put up with this for so long – why are you acting like her minder? Just tell her straight up that she’s inconsiderate and rude – again, she’s an ADULT. At a certain point, her being neurodivergent and having difficulties with time blindness become excuses for her to act as she pleases, and you’re letting her get away with it.

Talk to her, set times for things, and stop waiting for her. She’s HOURS late? SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING. Neurodivergent people can be jerks too.” OffKira

Another User Comments:

“We can’t force other people to change, we can only change ourselves. I’m not on the bandwagon of ‘just dump her,’ because there are some people I like and keep despite one or two trashy traits.

So, if you want to keep her as a friend, you may have to change your relationship with her. Don’t drive her anymore. She’s an adult and can make her way to and from events with you. Only invite her to things that are NOT time-sensitive.

She’s not a friend you go to the movies with. She’s one that joins you and your friends at the bar when you’re already a couple of beers in. Or who you tell to text you when she gets to the amusement park and you’ll let her know then what ride you’re on.

If you invite her to time-sensitive things, start without her and let her know what theater/room/table you’re at. Either she’s ACTUALLY okay with being late, and she’ll swing in and join you on her own time. Or she’s NOT okay with being late and she’ll behave in a way that warrants a conversation/being dropped as a friend or the fear of missing out will push her to be on time.

Devote NO attention to her lateness. Her attendance is a bonus, not a requirement. It goes without saying, but don’t make one-on-one plans with her unless you have tasks you can do to waste time so you’re not sitting on the couch twiddling your thumbs while you wait on her.” Ryuugan80

1 points - Liked by sctravelgma

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DAZY7477 2 months ago
I have ADHD too and I hate being late. Don't believe that crap!
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13. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Go On Holiday If My Sister-In-Law Will Be There?

“So I (28F) and my husband (28M) visit his family about 4 times a year and do 3-4 day visits. All of his family live in the same city about 3 hours away, and they either come to us (because we had a new baby this year) or we go to them.

In the past, it’s been largely us going to them. Since babies are involved, we’ve started doing a longer summer vacation (started last year) between us both to split the drive.

Notably, we are the oldest of the generation and are the most financially stable because of that.

Because of that, we don’t mind treating his family to these vacations, paying for gas, meals, or a lion’s share of costs because aside from his parents, everyone else is still trying to get their foothold financially and career-wise.

He is one of four children, but only one of his sisters (25F) also has a kid.

So two from us and one from her. Her situation is not as stable as ours, and she is no longer with the father. Because of this, she moved back home and has had difficulty balancing childcare and a job. Her mental health has been poor, so she’s been largely unemployed.

Before our second child was born, we noticed that she was leaning on MIL a lot for childcare, but they lived in the same city, so it just made sense. Everyone needs a break! But since moving in, we’ve noticed that SIL has reverted back to her teenage self.

She does whatever she wants and expects MIL to do most of the childcare. MIL seems willing and is retired, but obviously financially strained, as she has two new mouths to feed and no new income. Again, it is not my circus.

The issue is that last year we paid for a vacation at a cottage over the summer and invited MIL and FIL.

Both had been working hard and deserved a break, plus they would get to spend time with our two kids and give us a few hours of downtime. MIL then invited SIL and her child. The whole vacation ended up with us treating everyone and SIL relaxing the whole time where I ended up watching all three children with my MIL’s help.

Every visit since then has become the same issue, where MIL has to yell at SIL to watch her child.

MIL is planning a longer cottage vacation this summer, with us again pitching in the lion’s share of the finances. Think about 40% of the cost being MIL & FIL, 40% us, and 20% remaining siblings.

Everyone in the family (MIL, FIL, SIL, husband and I, 3 kids, and other 2 siblings-in-law) is invited. It’s a huge undertaking to bring everything we need for two kids and I’m stressed that it’s going to become not a vacation for me, but watching all three kids again while my SIL sits on her butt.

I love spending time with my nibling, but is it wrong to expect a break too? To expect my SIL to be my village like I’m being for her?

I’m just sick of paying for someone else to enjoy themselves. So WIBTJ if we put our foot down and refuse to go on these big holidays in the future if SIL is coming?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you need to make some changes. As I see it, your options are to invite MIL and FIL but tell them you don’t wish them to invite SIL and her kid, and if they feel they need to you will make other plans instead, or just avoid this and plan a different vacation without any of them.

I ABSOLUTELY do not think you should be roped into a stressful and costly vacation that you don’t actually get to enjoy, because all your money and energy are going into treating other people, including individuals who weren’t invited to begin with.

MIL and FIL are part of the problem.

It is ABSURD to be invited to be treated on a vacation and extend that invite to other people. It’s insanely presumptuous and rude; they don’t get to spend your money for you. If they don’t want to go on vacation without your SIL or feel uncomfortable doing so, you aren’t responsible for bankrolling the vacation they want to have instead.

Naturally, your SIL sounds like an entitled nightmare too.” owls_and_cardinals

Another User Comments:

“The only jerk is the SIL – everyone else is trying to navigate their way through a situation they probably aren’t very comfortable with, and that will always produce results that aren’t what people would prefer.

Was it SUB-OPTIMAL that MIL brought the SIL? Absolutely, but she probably felt very awkward going on holiday without the SIL AND THE CHILD given that they live with her. She may even have been concerned about the child’s welfare while the child was only in the SIL’s care… Depends on what relationship you have with the MIL – could you or your husband talk to her PRIVATELY and let her know your concerns AND ASK HER FOR HER CONCERNS about this situation?

You have the absolute right to go on holiday on your own, just your own nuclear family – you are no one’s dog body or unpaid babysitter, and you and your family deserve an enjoyable holiday like anyone else. You absolutely would not be the jerk to just bin this lot off, but you and your husband having a delicate, discreet chat with your MIL/FIL first might be a better option for the long term.” CatJarmansPants

1 points - Liked by sctravelgma

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sctravelgma 2 months ago
NTJ. Your immediate family is not responsible for paying for and entertaining your entitled SIL and child for any length of time much less for an extended vacation period of time. As this is your spouse's family he really needs to take the lead here. He needs to maybe invite his parents for a lunch or dinner., with no one else. He needs to explain that these "vacations" are anything but relaxing and enjoyable especially for you because his entitled sister ignores her own chikd and does nothing except sit on her butt and expect you and his own mother to di all of the work around your rental cabin plus provide all of the childcare for her child. He needs to explain how unfair these trips have been to them and to you. He can then give them 2 options. The two of them can vacation with him and his family while sharing expenses, or if his mom insists his sister and child must ne included, then he and his family will not be joining in tte family vacation but will be taking a vacation on their own where yiur will get some much needed R & R.
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12. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents I Was Going To Therapy?

“I (18F) turned 18 last year and I go to a local community college so I haven’t moved out. I live with my mom (49F) and dad (49M). Basically, I have access to make my own doctor’s appointments now which I didn’t when I was a minor.

The topic of my mental health came up at one of my appointments and I agreed to start taking medication and go to therapy. I pay for the meds myself so they don’t know but for the therapy, I pay with their credit card so they saw the charge for a behavioral health place and asked about it (the money is not the issue I’m allowed to use the card).

I said it was for therapy. They asked why I was going to therapy. I said for my anxiety. They said they thought my anxiety was fine now. I said it wasn’t. My mom almost started crying and asked why I hadn’t told them if I was struggling.

I said I had literally asked to go to therapy last year but they ‘forgot’ and the last time I tried to bring that up she started crying. She started crying again and was defensive saying I should’ve explained better and told her again.

I said they wouldn’t have cared anyway and asked why they were upset at me for getting help. My mom said she felt like a failure. I asked how that was my fault if they never paid attention. My dad started yelling at me about how I was ungrateful and made my mom cry.

I yelled that they were just making excuses to blame me for their failures and that they had been just as busy when my brother got help but I guess I wasn’t good enough to get the same treatment.

It’s obviously not verbatim but that pretty much sums it up.

They didn’t take the card or my car though so this will probably clear up by next week.

But AITJ  for not telling them I was going to therapy and for what I said to them?

I feel as if they’re overreacting but I did inadvertently hurt them especially as parents so does that make me the jerk here?

Also, I want to clarify: my parents are fine and actually pretty good people, and my home life is fine. LOL. It’s just the emotional aspect of things that isn’t always the best.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Oh my God. Your mother gives me anxiety.

You were talking about your needs, your issues, your therapy, and medication… and she kept making it about her. Good God woman, this conversation is not about you! I can only imagine that she has issues of her own but that’s not your job to fix them, nor even to walk around them at your own expense.

At the end of the day, you’re no closer to getting support from them because they turned this ‘revelation’ into a judgment of their own parenting, instead of trying to be there for you. At least you still have the card and the car and can keep getting your help elsewhere.

You clearly need it because you’re probably gonna have to discuss this conversation at your next session.” ladyteruki

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You asked for help, but they ignored you. Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away, and your mom’s crying is about her own internal guilt.

It’s not your fault, despite what your dad says. You could definitely have handled it more gracefully and worded things better to keep the tensions lower, but you’re 18 and nobody is going to expect you to be the greatest diplomat ever. You did the best you could in the situation.

At some point when things cool down, just make sure they know you still love them. And don’t stop therapy unless it’s very unhelpful! Takes a while for that stuff to help, but it usually does.” TheLordofSouls

1 points - Liked by sctravelgma

11. AITJ For Going To College To Prove My Family Wrong?

“Everyone, and I mean everyone, in my family are heavy-drinking high school dropouts.

The highest grade any of them completed was 10th grade. I (28M) was forced by my mother to drop out at 17 because my mental health was rapidly declining. My whole life my mother told me I would never be anything, I would waste my life drinking, or end my life.

I will admit at 15 I had a drinking problem, I was drinking every day all day. At that time I was severely depressed and thinking about ending my life. Eventually, I saw what was happening and quit. Now if I drink at all it’s only one or two drinks not enough to do anything and it’s extremely rare I drink at all.

I got my high school diploma through an online program.

I’m in college for music and plan on becoming a musician even if I don’t make it big. I’ll be in my fourth year of college in August. My family recently learned the reason for this during a fight about if I’m wasting my life.

My family doesn’t believe college is worth it so my going made my mother mad.

Immediately I got called a jerk and told music isn’t worth anything. That I’ll end up homeless and come running back (I would rather be on the streets than live with any of them).

I cut all contact with everyone but my older sibling (32F). Everyone else said I would most likely end my life or be an addict. I kept contact with my older sibling because she defended me and I want to be there for my nephew.

Another thing is in the town I live in everyone associates my last name with something bad. People have straight-up told me to die because of my last name (I’m planning on changing it once I’m done with college). I wanted to prove that not everyone in my family is bad.

I’ve spent from seven years old (when I first noticed this) to now proving that. My whole family is racist, homophobic, and everything like that. I’m not I’m extremely supportive of everyone and really don’t care about skin color. To me, we’re all humans. We were put on this earth together.

Why hate each other? I’m doing this both because no matter who they are, who they love, or the color of their skin we’re all human and to spite everyone who says I’m a bad person just like my family.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Make yourself a good life doing what you love, if you can.

Even if you don’t succeed as a professional musician, just having a college degree opens up a lot more job options for you. You don’t have to be who or what your family expects you to be, and you don’t have to be like them.

Congrats on kicking the drinking addiction and figuring out what you want from life.

Just for your information, it’ll probably be cheaper to do your name change now, and it’d mean your college diploma will have the name you’ll carry for the rest of your life on it, without paying for a new one after the name change.

In most states, you can file a name change ‘in forma pauperis’ if you’re low-income, and they waive the fees. Once you have a job after college, you’re likely to make enough that you’ll have to pay filing fees.” KaliTheBlaze

Another User Comments:

“NTJ there are so many jobs you can get (I worked in private music for 5 years) and you can work in public or private schools, start your own studio, teach private music lessons, or find a job in the field if you prefer something that lets you produce.

You can try out Broadway, the Philharmonic, and anything else that you want to. Try everything, never let anyone tell you what your worth is. My mom was an addict and signed my rights away when I was 16 and it delayed my schooling too. I graduated first in my family at age 26.

You can do it!!!” quitethepiece

1 points - Liked by Furryrope

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sctravelgma 2 months ago
Get out of town. I agree with person who suggested you change your name now so your degree has your chosen name. Your degree will open many doors and I am serious about relocating. For heaven's sale go NC with those trashy people; disengage with your mom. Start a new chosen family wherever you relocate and surround yourself with people who support you and care about you. Congratulations on your upcoming degree. Celebrate you! You have accomplished something wonderful and be proud of yourself.
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10. AITJ For Not Appreciating My Sister's Gifts To Me?

“I’m one of 5 siblings. My birthday just passed and we have a $50 budget for each sibling for birthdays.

My oldest sister (25) is the worst gift-giver. I try to make it easy to shop for me. I have an Amazon wishlist that I update throughout the year when I see anything that I want and a month before my birthday I send a list with other things I might want that aren’t from Amazon.

I’m also not saying my siblings have to get something off the list, as long as they know it’s something I would like. My youngest brother got me 2 lush bath bombs because he knows that’s my weekly treat. I still think one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten from my siblings was a 2-pound bag of every strawberry-flavored candy from a nearby candy shop because my siblings know I’m addicted to anything strawberry.

My sister has a tendency to go way over budget and get stuff that is nowhere near anything on any list or what I use/need.

A few examples are when I asked for rain boots and she got me Uggs, when she spent $100 on skincare (my routine hasn’t changed since I was 12.

I have a cleaner, sunscreen, and moisturizer. I don’t even know how to use all of the stuff she’s gotten me), and this year when she got me perfume and a belt. I never wear perfume and I only wear belts with one pair of jeans and I already have 2 belts, one is even the same color as the one she got me.

The belt she got me was a handmade belt from a leather store near her apartment. I was on vacation near her for my birthday and she wanted me to use a day of my vacation to walk 2 miles to the leather shop and get the belt adjusted because it was too big for me.

I was only there for 5 days and really didn’t want to use any of my vacation to get a belt that I won’t use adjusted so I told her she could keep it since it fits her and I just don’t want to walk that much.

She started yelling at me because the belt alone was $75 and started saying I never use anything she gets me. I told her I never use what she gets me because she never gets me anything I’d use and now she’s mad at me calling me ungrateful.

Most of my siblings are with me, saying she doesn’t get what she thinks we would like, she gets what she thinks we should use but one sister is saying I’m being mean to her for no reason. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s the one who kept pushing you about fixing the belt and then doubled down about complaining about not using what she gets you, it sounds like this is routine for her since your siblings mostly agree.

She appears to use gift-giving to give what she thinks you should like. While generous, can come across a wee bit judgy.” Ariesinnc3017

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. She really should not have yelled at you or placed those expectations on you. But honestly, gifts are a minefield.

Yes, your list is helpful. But gifts really are as much about the gift giver as the receiver in my opinion. Your sister wants to choose something outside of your list (maybe it’s the surprise or creativity that she enjoys). Your belt example… I can see why someone would have thought of this as a gift idea: ‘OP wears belts, OP only has two, OP likes this particular color of the belt so maybe a new/slightly different one is a nice gift’.

By and large, people aren’t jerks for giving you gifts that you don’t want. Your attitude needs adjusting imo. I think you need to either ask your siblings not to stray from your list at all or you need to end gift exchanges. It’s not worth falling out over if you just have incompatible gift-exchanging approaches.” junglemice

0 points (0 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
Just say thank you and regift it to someone else.
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9. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister's Best Friend Plan Her Baby Shower?

“My oldest sister is pregnant with her first child, which is also my mom’s first grandchild. It’s an exciting life event for the family.

My oldest sister first stated she didn’t want a shower, presumably because it’s a lot of unnecessary attention.

We as a family understood that, and instead we thought we might plan a low-key family dinner just to acknowledge this life event and gift her some things.

Out of nowhere, we come to find her best friend is now planning a huge shower with all of her friends to celebrate.

We were very confused because we last understood she didn’t want a shower. Turns out sister is now fine with the idea of a shower. Okay, that’s fine. The problem lies in this: this best friend is expecting us to contribute to planning and finances for a party she is hosting.

The best friend already sent out save the dates and secured a venue long before she even looped us in (‘us’ as in our mom and fellow sisters). This friend basically wants us to do the work for a party we’re not even hosting.

She had essentially bitten off more than she could chew and ASSUMED that because my oldest sister has several siblings, she’d have an army of help.

The best friend already has a vision for the party. We, as siblings, want nothing to do with executing this party since it was her friend’s idea.

As a host, you should assume responsibility for all party aspects. It should not be our responsibility.

When we asked what she needed help with, she mentioned catering, decor, planning games, planning game prizes, and any other menial responsibility that comes with throwing a baby shower.

We’re unsure where she got the idea that we have money or time to throw at this party that we’re not hosting.

Our mom is in the grieving process of losing our grandmother. She is currently dealing with clearing out and renovating Grandma’s house.

The best friend doesn’t quite understand that our mom has way too much on her plate to entertain helping a party that she’s not hosting.

As siblings, we’re thinking since there’s no way of getting out of this mess, we can offer to financially contribute (again, for a party we’re not even hosting) but we want nothing to do with planning games, prizes, etc.

AITJ for wanting to say no?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister told you she didn’t want a shower. You took her at her word. Now this friend is organizing what appears to be some kind of 3 ring circus that is way out of her budget and ability to plan, and after booking dates and venues, is now assuming that she can get you all to work for her for free, and also pay her for the privilege.

You are under no obligation here – it’s not your baby shower. Tell her you are happy to be guests and bring a gift, but you will not be organizing anything as your sister told you she didn’t want a shower.” alien_overlord_1001

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you volunteer to host a shower for someone, it’s now your job, your cost, your responsibility… and no one else’s. I’ve hosted several showers for friends. The only “requirement” of the other invitees was to show up on time (hopefully with a gift).

Everything else was my dime and my time. You are required to do zero things for this that you don’t want to do.” Rizzie24

Another User Comments:

“Hard NTJ – Sounds like the best friend wanted to host a big expensive party that she doesn’t have to do the work or pay for and your sister’s pregnancy is an excuse for her own ego.

Her sending out the save the dates before telling your family sounds like a straight-up strategic and manipulative move on her part to try and force your family to feel obliged to help and not be able to provide any input of your own, like reasonable budgets for the event.

You should all set a hard boundary to only attend and bring a gift and not anything else and shut this manipulation down. I would also have a talk with your sister before you shut down the best friend to make sure her best friend isn’t manipulating her too into doing an event she doesn’t actually want.

And let her know while you’re happy to celebrate her pregnancy however SHE wants, what her friend is doing to the family is not okay and crossed a lot of boundaries and you’ll attend as a guest but not pay for an event someone else committed to hosting.” justalwayscurious

0 points (0 votes)

8. AITJ For Not Going To My Ex's Father's Funeral?

“I was with a woman a few years ago. She left her partner of 10 years for me but married him after our relationship.

Her father was very bossy and was one of the reasons why we broke up.

We’ve now both been married to our partners for years and each has children, but we’re still friends.

Now to my dilemma:

Her father recently passed away. He was already very ill and it had been looming for years.

We live in different parts of the country and her husband is (understandably) not a big fan of me. So I just gave her my condolences over the phone and enquired several times a day if there was anything I could do for her and that she could contact me at any time.

However, I didn’t turn up in person on the day of the funeral. Nevertheless, I wished her a lot of strength and again expressed my condolences.

My reasons were varied, but my main concern was that it is customary in our country to walk down the entire front of the family and express your condolences to everyone.

I simply felt that this would have been inappropriate towards her husband. It was an important day for the family, which is quite conservative – my presence as an ex who had brought so much unrest into the family at the time would simply have been inappropriate in my opinion.

Nevertheless, she no longer talks to me. I know her well enough to know that she resents me for not being at the funeral. Now I have a guilty conscience and ask myself: AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re not the jerk at all. Your presence would have been inappropriate, and it would have made things much more awkward than it needed to be.

If anything, you are being respectful because you are avoiding bringing any negativity to a situation where the family needs peace and mourning.” Mothicka

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – because your reasons for not going were about other people being comfortable at a difficult time.

You’re right, your turning up would have made an already difficult situation even more awkward, and it’s not as if you had/have any relationship to the deceased. I’d just leave it – perhaps send a text in a week with more condolences and saying you hope the funeral went as well as it could, and then do nothing.

I don’t think anyone is the jerk – life is very rarely a choice between one good option that makes everyone happy, and a really bad option that makes no one happy, it’s overwhelmingly a series of middling to poor options where no one really gets what they want and whatever you do, someone ends up disappointed. You did the best you could for as many people as possible with the options available to you.

Not a jerk….” CatJarmansPants

0 points (0 votes)

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psycho_b 2 months ago
You did the right thing by not showing up. Ex is the jerk.
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7. AITJ For No Longer Inviting My Mother To Any Family Gatherings?

“My mother is a Boomer, take that how you will but I have my own thoughts about it.

My mother has always been very wishy-washy or a flake when it comes to actually keeping promises. When I was young she would always make promises and then cancel them last minute. I was of course hurt, but we were also pretty poor so I kind of understood, especially when I got older.

However, I am an adult in my late 30s and she is 61, has been married 4 times, and hasn’t worked since she married her current husband in 2001. They are well off, they live 6-ish hours away driving or a really short flight. We have invited her to every gathering since our first child was born in 2019.

Birthdays, Christmas, mid-summer parties and gatherings, everything.

Usually, she promises to be there for my oldest because he loves her so much! Always talking about grandma and when is she going to visit, when are we going to see her. Well, we had a party for him and my other son just last week.

This party was to celebrate their birthdays and since my youngest is 1, he doesn’t really care. We just wanted it a bit warmer so the family from out of town wouldn’t have to drive in the snow or bitter cold.

The party was on Saturday and she video-called my wife and asked to talk to my son.

She is crying saying she isn’t going to make it now. She hasn’t attended anything since his second birthday and he turned 5 this year. She cried and my son cried and she said I love you and hung up. Didn’t say a word to my wife or me.

I have told my wife that we are no longer inviting her to anything. She knows when the kids’ birthdays are, if she wants to come up and see them that is fine. We are no longer taking trips down to see them either. We have gone to see them quite a few times now and if she can’t make time for us, we are no longer making time for her.

This is going to make my son sad, but he doesn’t get to see her anyway since she always cancels. I want to break it to him nicely but I am extremely angry that she has always done this and there are no signs of changing…

So AITJ for no longer inviting her to anything anymore?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But it would help ease your anger if you simply lowered your expectations where your mother is concerned. You say she’s a flake; you know she makes promises and commitments she doesn’t keep, and you know she’s unreliable.

Don’t plan on her being there for important occasions, and visit her only when it suits you. You don’t have to make any declarations to her or choose the nuclear option of no contact. And you should definitely not make any announcements to your son; he’s a child, and this conflict between you and your mom is not about him.

Video calls from her sound like the way to go, but don’t let your son engage if your mom is visibly upset because of her guilt, etc. – there’s no need for her to upset your son, too. Try not to take her flakiness so personally.

Just keep your relationship low-key, lean on the friends and family members who DO show up for you and your family, and go about your lives as if your mom were living overseas.” IrregularArugula

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think you’re actually doing your son kindness.

It obviously hurts you a lot that she makes promises she never keeps and I imagine it will cause some pain in your son, too. It might be less since she’s his grandmother and your mother, but why bother with multi-generational scarring? Certainly don’t let her do these weird phone calls where she cries to a 5-year-old, though.

I cannot see that as a healthy way to interact with a child. I do think you should lay it all out for your mother. ‘You never come to anything, this has been a longstanding problem with you. I am not going to argue about it, but I’m also not inviting you to anything anymore.

If you want to show up, let us know in advance when you book real tickets.'” Lulu_42

0 points (0 votes)

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psycho_b 2 months ago
NTJ. I think it would be worse to invite her. You would be setting up your kids for disappointment. Leave the ball in her court.
0 Reply

6. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Coworkers?

“I (26F) work a very good job. I am very extroverted, and I do talk a lot. I have always had a hard time making friends and it’s because I am autistic. However, I am still considered a very kind person and very easygoing.

Well, I’m the new girl at my job and during the first week—I liked the people I was with. They were nice to me, but my second week here—they were less nice. I even told them to let me know if I’m doing too much because I have a hard time reading social cues and they ALL said I wasn’t annoying.

Well, I found out two weeks ago that they all thought I talked too much. They just met me and they don’t know if they can trust me. I get that. Well, I tried to do less talking and more listening, but they would engage with me and when I would engage back, even if it was just a sentence, they would be annoyed.

Well, I was talking to one of the nicer coworkers and I mentioned that I was lazy, but in a work-smart and not hard kind of way. She was laughing too. There was not a serious moment between us. Well, later that day, one of the coworkers who I have grown a liking to because she’s transparent with me, snapped at me to keep my mouth shut.

The coworker I was speaking to was with other people when she said that I called myself lazy, she did not give the context of the conversation. She said it in a not joking way.

Well, yesterday and today, I ignored everyone except the people I was supposed to work under and the coworker I took a liking to.

Apparently, this ruffled a few feathers because that coworker talked to my ‘friend’, which prompted the ‘friend’ to ask me why. I said, ‘I have been here for a little over a month and I don’t like anyone. Either they straight-up ignore me, talk behind my back, or they just are fake and all this would be fine if they didn’t care why I wasn’t talking to them.

I told you what was actually said that day and that coworker told you a different story; why would I want to talk to these people?’

My friend tried to justify it by saying that the coworker was with a group of people and she was saying it in a way to make herself look good, which didn’t help anything.

I even invited these people to my birthday dinner, thinking that maybe it would be a good gesture and they laughed at that behind my back.

They said they didn’t know me and didn’t know if they could trust me because there are people who we work with who are actually terrorizing the team, And I understand this, but they seem to forget that I don’t know them either and I don’t know they can be trusted but I didn’t come in here with bad intentions.

How come I have to understand their mindset but no one can understand mine?

And then I was told by the second week, that they made up their mind. I talk too much. I asked my friend if it was because I was mean and she insisted that it wasn’t.

They said I try to one-up people. Someone could go, ‘Hey, I speak Spanish and Korean,’ and I would go, ‘Oh cool. I speak French and English.'”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! OMG! Girl, it’s rough being the newbie at work, and it sounds like you’ve been trying your best to be friendly and open.

You were brave enough to share about your autism and struggles with social cues, and it’s not your fault your coworkers weren’t honest with you from the get-go. Your workplace sounds like a hot mess, to be honest. You’ve tried engaging with your coworkers, but they’re sending mixed signals and not putting in the effort to understand you.

Gossiping behind your back and twisting your words is totally not cool. It’s not fair for them to judge you without giving you a chance to show your true colors. You might wanna think about whether this job is worth it in the long run.

Toxic vibes can really mess with your mental health, and you deserve a supportive and understanding crew. Stay strong, and don’t let their issues bring you down!” LillianBoldBelle

Another User Comments:

“Sounds like you’re your own worst enemy. You give them the ammo and then you’re upset when they use it.

You seem to have no in-between. You go from saying anything to not speaking at all. You’re there to do a job. It is no one’s responsibility to like you. It is their responsibility to work with you. Focus on doing your job well. It is passive-aggressive to refuse to speak to people because someone said you talk too much.

If you do not do well with cues, keep your conversations courteous. Keep them work-related, stop refusing to speak to people because they don’t like you, etc. Say hello when you pass people, smile at people if they’re in conversation when you walk by. You’ve only been there a week and it sounds like you’re creating upheaval. Relax.” TALKTOME0701

0 points (0 votes)

5. AITJ For Selling My Grandparent's House?

“Last spring I purchased a house from my mom’s cousin Dave. His father had recently passed, so when I found out they were selling the house I expressed interest. They sold the house to me for roughly 20k less than they were expecting to get from a private sale.

Last summer, 2 weeks after moving in, my grandparent who lived in the same town as my new house passed away. During the estate process, my parents offered to sell me my grandparent’s house without a mortgage. Seemed like a no-brainer to me.

Fast forward to now, the market has shifted considerably and I was able to list my house and accept an offer for $180k more than I bought.

I paid for renovations, paid my mortgage for several months, and will be paying realtor fees and closing costs, so I’m happy to recoup my costs and make a little profit.

Dave has seen how much I am selling for and has demanded 40% of the profits from the house.

AITJ if I feel like I don’t owe them anything? If interest rates were still high I would take a loss, he wouldn’t be losing sleep over it, but now he is saying he can’t sleep and I did him wrong. I paid him 100s of thousands already.

I invested a lot and took all the financial risks. If my grandparent didn’t pass this would not have happened. I wanted to give him and his sibling some money from my own kindness, but now I’m soured by this all.

What do you think?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but this is why you don’t do business with family. Dave reduced the price by several thousand because he was selling the house to a family member in good faith and wanted to do a favor. And now, a little afterward, said family member sells the house for profit, taking advantage of the reduction.

Dave doesn’t have any grounds to complain to OP, given that it was his decision to sell the house at that price, but I understand him being salty after gifting OP essentially 20.000 dollars, with I suppose the assumption that, at least, the house will stay in the family, only for it to be sold at profit roughly a year later.

He might think that OP took advantage of his family’s kindness. So, fellas, never do business with family unless you are ready to take the fall if there are some wrongdoings (real or perceived).” Old_Satisfaction2319

Another User Comments:

“Dave doesn’t have a leg to stand on, but familial transactions don’t operate solely on logic.

He sold it to you at what he feels is a discounted rate because he was under the impression you intended to live in it, which at the time sounds like it was the truth. Circumstances changed and you happen to be profiting from the deal so Dave feels victimized. The reality is that Dave was gonna sell it on the open market had you not bought it and it wouldn’t have been any of his business one way or the other.

The relationship is over either way, he’ll be upset if he doesn’t get the 40%, and you’ll always regret it if you give it to him because you truly don’t believe you owe it to him. One outcome involves you having a bunch more money though.” Mean-Income2365

0 points (0 votes)

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helenh9653 1 month ago
NTJ. Dave's demand for a share of the profit is obnoxious. However, you yourself said he sold you the house for 20k below market value: maybe you could give him that.
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4. AITJ For Wanting My Uncle To Pay For A Quilt He Wants Me To Make?

“I (24f) have taken up quilting in recent years.

I just finished a t-shirt quilt for my grandpa. I did not charge him for a few reasons – for one, he built me a desk for free (I paid for materials, which he did for the quilt as well), and two, we are really close and I did not think it was appropriate to charge him.

I know people have their opinions about that but I am not a professional and chalked it up as a gift to him.

My uncle (Aunt’s husband, relative by marriage) saw the gift I gave my grandpa and asked me for one of his own.

I’ll be honest, the guy isn’t my favorite person in the world. Maybe this influenced my bias so this is why I’m here. I told him that I’d do it for him for $200 and the cost of materials. He laughed and said that I didn’t charge my grandpa, so why charge him?

I explained that the quilt was a gift – my grandpa built me a desk, so I made him a quilt. My uncle has done nothing of the same caliber so why should I do that for him? I don’t think that my uncle and I are close enough for gifts that are this labor-intensive.

This has caused a split in my family. Not a major one, but still. My dad thinks I should’ve charged my grandpa as this has now set a precedent of free labor in my family, while my mom thinks that my uncle is a jerk.

All my cousins think I should just do the quilt. I feel torn. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell your uncle that seeing as he has spread this around the family trying to twist your arm into doing it for him for free, he has lost any chance of you doing it as you won’t negotiate with someone using those kinds of tactics.

Ask your cousins what kind of gift have they made that takes (insert quilt-making time here) hours to make? None? Now’s the time to start – you can point them in the direction of resources for learning how to make a quilt. You’ll even give them some pointers if they commit to making it for him.

They can make it a group project between all family members who want to volunteer their time and effort – surely they are just as okay with offering their own for free? Tell your dad that you and your grandfather already have a relationship where you are close and do things of this level for each other for free because of that closeness.

Your uncle has shown no signs of wanting that sort of relationship with you. There is no precedent set for you doing things for relatives who contact you just to make demands of you because they saw someone else got something good from you.” kurokomainu

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have a right to gift anything you want to whomever you want as long as it is yours to gift. As long as you were charging the uncle a fair price – I see nothing wrong with it. Now me, because it’s family, I would probably offer a discount from what a ‘normal’ fee would be (for your information, no idea how much a quilt should cost – so maybe your price is MORE THAN REASONABLE).

Beyond that – you gift what you want to gift and that’s your business. Dad is kinda a jerk for saying you should’ve charged Grandpa, in my opinion. Or I would just go with – y’all have soured me on making quilts – so I won’t be making any for family anymore.

Poor you and Grandpa. You both did a nice thing for each other and others are essentially ruining it. Don’t let them. Tell your cousins any of them can feel free to learn like you did and make your uncle (their father?) one for free all day long.” ZealousidealShake410

0 points (0 votes)

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Chull 1 month ago
$200 plus materials is a ridiculously low price. Maybe your uncle should visit a quilt shop, he'd be shocked at the prices of even small quilts.
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3. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Son's Birthday?

“My sister-in-law is getting married in July the same weekend we picked for our son’s birthday and we were asked by my mother-in-law to move the date.

Backstory: SIL was married previously in August of 2022 and isn’t even divorced yet but wants to get married this year to her new fiancé.

We moved everything around work-wise for her previous bridal shower and wedding so we could go to it, and never even got Thank You’s for any of the gifts or even coming. My husband and his mother weren’t even mentioned in any of her speeches at the wedding.

We’ve pushed around vacations for her and done specific things that made her happy, we tried to talk to her more because she asked us to, yet she doesn’t respond and that’s okay as long as it’s not us and she didn’t even come to our baby shower because she felt her sports activity was more important.

She even had them post about her engagement that weekend because the baby shower was happening and we weren’t talking about her anymore because my SO’s cousin was also getting married.

And right now she has decided not to come to events or talk to some of the family because she feels they’ve wronged her by not asking her about her life.

So I just feel like we shouldn’t have to go out of our way to move things around. I understand my MIL wants to go to both and normally I’m understanding and would change the date in a heartbeat, but we’ve done so much to appease my SIL why can’t she ask her daughter to move things instead of us?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I can understand not wanting to cater to her anymore as she obviously thinks the world revolves around her and has no problem cutting people off merely because they haven’t showered her with enough attention lately. But you’re putting the rest of the family in an awkward position if they have to choose.

I would just send out a group message that you know of the scheduling conflict and wouldn’t dream of putting the family in the uncomfortable position of having to choose. Therefore you will be moving your event so they don’t have to choose between.

Make it very clear that you’re doing it for their sake not hers.” nursepenguin36

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. A wedding is so much more difficult to move around, and as I understand, it wasn’t your SIL who wanted you to change the date, but your MIL who just wants to celebrate both her daughter’s wedding and her grandson’s birthday.

If your son’s birthday is in July you should have plenty of time to rearrange, I assume you haven’t sent out invites yet… You don’t have to attend SIL’s wedding if you don’t like her, but I see no point in making your MIL suffer because of SIL.

I imagine MIL would choose the wedding if it’s at the same time (as birthdays for sure happen every year in a person’s life while a wedding not so much) and your son will not have her grandma there, so in the end you’re also making it worse for your son because of your spite.” zsuzsonna

0 points (0 votes)

2. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Taking My Money Jar?

“I (16f) started a savings jar to help afford a car. I would put my tips from work in there and any spare change. I started to leave the jar in the kitchen and told my family they could contribute some pocket change if they ever felt like it.

After a couple of weeks, the jar was pretty full and my mother (34f) brought the jar into my room and told me I might as well keep it in there since she and I seemed to be the only ones contributing. Days later my dad came to me and said that I could have his old car instead of working for a new one.

I loved this idea because it meant I wouldn’t have to work consecutively to pay a car note.

Later my mom and I got into an argument and she ended up taking the jar of money out of the room claiming that ‘it was hers and she doesn’t have to help me anymore’.

I of course lost it because most of the money in the jar was not hers, it was mine. I babysit my mother’s youngest baby all the time and I’ve even been going to work with her to help out, anytime she tried to pay me, I told her just to put it in the jar so in my eyes I’ve earned all of the money in that jar and for her to steal it felt like a betrayal.

I ended up screaming at her and calling her names for taking my money, but she doesn’t think she’s wrong and my dad won’t defend me and my grandparents think I should just apologize, so I’m feeling like I might be wrong?

Am I wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“Depending on how low you went with your insults you should perhaps apologize for losing your composure and sounding ungrateful to her being your mother but in that same vein stand strong on the real issue (stealing your money jar) because you are justified. Losing your cool allowed her to switch gears and make you the bad guy when you didn’t do anything wrong.

Also, your dad giving you his old car was certainly discussed with your mother who probably made up her mind right then to take your money.” Downtown-Today-4494

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’re just 16. You should apologize for whatever your initial argument was about that prompted her to take the jar, as well as for screaming and calling names.

Feel free to calmly present the argument for that being your money, but you might want to then be prepared to pay rent, pay for food, pay for laundry services or facilities, pay for heat and AC, pay for light, etc. You might find your money doesn’t go so far and you’re getting a pretty good deal even if she keeps that money (hopefully, she won’t).” HomeSchoolingDadMO

-1 points (1 vote(s))

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Chull 1 month ago
Minors should never be charged for living expenses, it is the legal obligation of parents. Mom definitely stole this child's savings that she earned. Very wrong and self absorbed.
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1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Treating Me Like A Child But Expecting Me To Be An Adult?

“I (16F) and my mom (43F) got in a fight recently. Basically, my mom is really weird with how she treats me. I’ve been doing the majority of the chores since my brother moved out for college when I started middle school. I’m not allowed to have a job because I’m ‘too young’ and she can take care of me.

But whenever I ask for some money or to go out with my friends she’ll go on a rant on social media about how ‘kids these days are growing up too fast and don’t know their place.’ She never did this with my brother, he was coddled to like the extent that he had to use YouTube or ask me how to do stuff like laundry and basic cleaning.

Even now he’s come home for Thanksgiving and she won’t let him lift a finger but I’m supposed to help her cook all day.

My mom was loudly talking on speaker to some friends of hers because the other day I asked her if I could start babysitting kids in the neighborhood for some extra money.

She said her usual ‘Kids act so old these days, it wasn’t like that when I was a girl, we were respectful to our parents.’ While looking at me doing the dishes. I turned around and told her she needed to make up her freaking mind.

Either I’m a child and shouldn’t be doing half (if not more) of the chores she’s supposed to do as an adult or I’m an adult and should be allowed to have a job and be more independent than having to ask for an allowance and to go to a friend’s house.

She burst into tears and told everyone that I was horrible and a brat for being disrespectful and cussing her out for no reason.


Another User Comments:

“I wanted to add an NTJ vote because this whole situation is just outrageous! First, it’s totally unfair to treat your brother and you differently.

Then, you are totally right in what you were saying. I believe she was just trying to guilt-trip you into feeling sorry for herself so she could keep some control over you. You shouldn’t have to do almost all the house chores. If it’s allowed and normal at 16 in your country, you should be able to get a job.

I’d say get one anyway and save the money, so when you are 18 you can think about leaving the house.” Serenyx

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for your feelings… you are right on. YTJ for blurting out and cursing at her. This may be why she treats you like a child.

Further, many parents treat sons and daughters differently. Daughters stay home and help with ‘mom chores’ while boys only need to worry about going and getting jobs. Could also be your mom is suffering the loss of her son being around, and wants to cling tightly to you.

Wrong, but might explain her behavior. You still need to speak respectfully to your parents though, you don’t swear at them when you just lost your cool, especially when others can hear you. That’s embarrassing for your mother.” Canadian_01

-2 points (2 vote(s))

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