People Question Their Actions in Unique 'Am I The Jerk?' Situations
23. AITJ For Not Including My Half-Siblings In A Sibling Memento?
“My parents are divorced and I’m the middle child from their marriage. My brother is 17, I’m 16 and my sister is 15. Our dad remarried and has had another three kids, our half-siblings, with his wife.
My half-siblings are 9, 7 and 5.
My sister and I still split time between mom and dad’s houses. But my brother chose to stay with mom full-time last year and doesn’t keep in touch with dad. They always had a rocky relationship and my brother has said he’s done with dad more than once.
The reason I mention this is because the fallout has been on my sister and me and not on him. After all, he has no contact with our dad. But anyway.
So a few months ago my sister and I thought it would be cool to buy matching sister bracelets.
The idea started with just the two of us but then we talked our brother into accepting one too, though he’s only worn it once. We keep them at mom’s because our half-siblings would be hurt to see them, mostly my 9-year-old half-sister, and I think my dad’s wife would be bothered enough if the bracelets were in their house to give them to my half-sisters (the 9 and 5 year old’s).
Our cousin got married a few weeks ago and my siblings and I wore the bracelets for the wedding we took some photos of us wearing them and I posted them to my social media. My brother was rolling his eyes the whole time but he did it.
Anyway, Dad was looking through the photos and included my half-sister in the looking through them and they saw the bracelets and she got upset and wondered why she didn’t have one too. The next time my sister and I were at Dad’s he brought the topic up to us and asked what on earth we were thinking of doing sibling mementos and not including all our siblings.
My half-sister asked if she could have one and I told her I was sorry, but no, because it was just for us older three. Then she got upset because she hadn’t seen my brother in a year and the three of us were close like that but not with her.
Dad told me we never should have bought the bracelets in the first place. He asked why it was just for three instead of the six of us, and I said that the relationship with our half-siblings was different. He said that shouldn’t be true and that it just goes to show we’re callous and want to stomp on our younger siblings.
He said the worst thing was getting the bracelets and knowing our half-siblings would want to be included but not including them. He asked how I could look at myself in the mirror. He said similar stuff to my sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Although I understand your dad’s point, NTJ.
Your relationship is going to be different from your half-siblings. Not only because you were raised together, in completely different environments and circumstances than they are, but the age gap at this point naturally makes it more difficult to have a close bond. I have teenagers and they’re always doing their things and would be annoyed at much younger kids because they’re teenagers!” Radiant-Zucchini-526
Another User Comments:
“Well, he’s lovely. It’s hard to see why your brother won’t give him the time of day. You share an age group with your full siblings so of course the relationship is different! Your father is ridiculous. You weren’t selfish for doing a bonding activity with your full siblings.
This wasn’t done to exclude. You may want to explain it to the 9-year-old, but ignore your father’s manipulative toxicity. NTJ” Impossible_Disk_43
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for getting the bracelet ms and taking pics for social media. Other than you going over to their house part of the time, what has your dad done to bring the 6 of you closer together?
(Other than berating you)? You mentioned your stepmom would just have given your half-sisters the bracelets if they were in your dad’s house. Does that happen often where your stuff gets taken? If your dad and stepmom buy something for your half-siblings, do you get the equivalent?” kiwi-sparkle
22. AITJ For Considering Breaking The Corner Store Owner's Unofficial Parking Rule?
“I rent a house in downtown Atlanta, and it happens to be across the street from a corner store.
When I first moved in, the owner of the store introduced himself and asked that I please not park in front of his store as his customers need a convenient place to park. I agreed not to park in the area directly in front of his store.
Most of the houses on our street do not have driveways, so the street can get quite crowded. Often, there are no available spaces to park, so I drive around the corner and park on a cross street. This cross street borders the side and back of the corner store.
It seems every time I leave my house now, whether on a walk or to get in my car and drive, the owner of the store runs out and tells me that my car is in a bad spot, whether it’s around the corner or a good five spaces away from his store.
The most notable time was when I got in my car and was all the way down the street, stopped at a traffic light. He was driving onto the street and saw my car, motioned for me to roll down my window, and then started lecturing me on where I should and shouldn’t park my car.
I want to emphasize that I do not park in front of his store because I agreed not to, even though there is not an official “no parking” or “parking only for customers” sign. I also consider myself a customer, as I gladly patronize his store when I need last minute ingredients or household items.
The most recent time he brought this up to me, I told him that when I drive to a store in Atlanta, I expect that I will have to find parking and possibly walk to my destination (it’s a busy city!) and that I’m sure his customers have similarly realistic expectations.
I told him that I will always leave the front of his store available and that I want his business to be successful, but that I also need a safe place to park that is close to my house, especially when I get home after dark.
He rolled his eyes, huffed and puffed a bit, then sarcastically said “Thanks for your understanding” and went back into the store.
I feel frustrated and fed up and will likely have to park in front of his store at some point. I used to go out of my way to find alternative solutions, but I feel fed up enough now that I don’t really feel like driving around the block searching for a spot far enough away from his store.
Am I the jerk for no longer understanding his point of view and mentally preparing to break his parking “rule”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The store owner doesn’t own the parking spots. You have a legitimate need to park your car where you park it.
I do recommend parking it near security cameras or getting a dash cam that’s motion activated (if such a thing exists) because I wouldn’t put it past him to mess with your car.” Rredhead926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This seems absurd, especially when you’ve gone out of your way to accommodate him on his initial ask to not park in front of his store.
You have been courteous. He has not been. At this point, he’s exhausted all good will and should have no input on your parking. Out of curiosity, are you the only resident that he does this to? It almost feels targeted.” irrationalsense
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been very accommodating to his request. The next time he approaches you I would inform him, that since he has been obnoxious with his requests, my previous agreement to not park in front of his store is null and void. I would still make an effort to find another space if it was close to your home but would not go to extremes.” CollegeEquivalent607
21. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Financially Irresponsible Mom More Money?
“I (32 m) have a mom (56 f) who I love dearly. She lives several states away from me, and I don’t really see her that often. We talk on the phone every few days and we have great conversations. The only thing I don’t like about her is that she’s terrible with finances.
She works a decent job, has no commute to work whatsoever, but she somehow manages to run out of money between paychecks.
This has led to her needing money on a fairly regular basis. She pays her bills (mostly), but she also keeps around a handful of pets.
Don’t get me wrong, I love animals. But to me, I see them as an unnecessary expense. At the start of her asking for financial help, she promised she’d pay it back eventually. I’ve lost track of exactly how much money I’ve given her, but I know it’s in the range of a few thousand dollars over the last three years or so.
About an hour before writing this post, she called again. She told me between three bills she paid, she had only a very small amount of money left, and she needed to buy cat food for her 4 cats. It should be noted that I have a very significant income due to my job, and I always have money.
I am, by far, the wealthiest person in my entire family. But, I earned every dollar I made. Anyway, this time I told her no. I told her that I’m tired of being the safety net, and that I wouldn’t be funneling her any more money unless it was for an absolute dire need.
Naturally, this didn’t sit well. She started getting upset and telling me that there was no reason I couldn’t help her. She does recognize that she hasn’t even made an effort to pay any of the previous money back, but she also seems to think that I should just bail her out of trouble every time she fails to budget properly.
I told her that she knows what she makes, she knew these expenses were coming, and she should plan accordingly.
She then tried to guilt trip me by saying that she would have absolutely no money if she bought the cat food, and that she doesn’t get paid until next week.
She also took the time to remind me that she’s my mom and that she helped raise me. I told her that I recognize that part, but I’m still not responsible for her finances. We hung up and she texted me saying she was disappointed in me and that she knows I can afford the amount she was asking for.
She’s definitely right that I can, but I feel like I’m right here. What do you think, am I the one who is wrong here?
TL;DR: Mom is mad at me because I won’t give her money even though I can afford to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set a much needed notary with your mom. She needs to stand on her own two feet. You are not responsible for your parents’ life or finances. Stick to your guns. Expect to need to reject “dire” requests as she looks for the way to manipulate you into giving her money.” Ok_Register3005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Where does it end? If you keep giving her money and she keeps asking… Because she’s your mom, offer a compromise. Say “Mom, I will loan you money ONE LAST TIME, IF…IF…you agree to sit down with me and create a budget.” If you don’t you’ll need to add a permanent line to your monthly budget: Mom’s monthly stipend” 85MustangHatchback
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should not be the family “ATM”; you deserve to be treated with more respect – mom or no mom. Your mom is creating these financial mini-emergencies because she just thinks she can hit you up for cash. Give your mom a list of food banks, some of which have food for pets.
IMO you’ve been very generous and patient for a long time. Sorry she’s done this to you. No kid should ever have to “parent” their mom as you are having to do right now.” Narrow-Natural7937
20. AITJ For Only Paying 20% After Driver Failed to Deliver on Sunset Promise?
“The agreement was that the driver would pick me up at 5:50 but he then called me at 5:00 saying that he meant 4:50. I rushed and once I got into the car it was 5:20.
I asked him if we can still make it before sunset. I told him I could come back tomorrow otherwise. He assured me that we had enough time today. During the trip I asked him multiple times if he was sure about the sun as I saw it get closer and closer to the horizon.
He assured me that it was all fine.
On the way we picked up a friend of his who would then walk me to the waterfall. Let’s call him the guide. I also asked the guide: Will the sun still be up when we get there?
The guide also assured me that we will be able to take pictures during sunset and that it will look all nice and great. He explained that once we get there we would get a different view as we will be closer to the edge and see the sun longer from there.
Yes sounds weird but also neither of us are native English speakers, so I just assumed there was something that didn’t get across accurately. So, I went along.
Obviously once we got to the site the sun was gone. I immediately told him that this is not what I had signed up for.
He disappeared, leaving me alone for 15 minutes to talk to the driver on the phone. I stayed around and took pictures while waiting. Not the ones I wanted however, which would have been from a specific spot and with the right light. When the guide got back he told me that we need to come back tomorrow.
We did the entire journey in reverse and when I was dropped off at the hotel again I gave the driver 20% of the agreed price and told him that I’m happy to pay the full price tomorrow if he can get me there before sunset.
He was not happy and came up with all kinds of excuses. Namely that this is not an official tour but a favour he is doing me. As the discussion was going in circles I left, still saying that I’m happy to do the full trip tomorrow.
Am I the jerk for only giving him 20% of the money despite him actually taking me to the fall but after sunset instead of before?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t go tomorrow. At best, the language barrier led to a miscommunication – but tomorrow they will be unhappy with you for stiffing them.
Or, they may be unreliable liars that delivered you to the waterfall too late to see the sunset, despite you asking repeatedly if you would be there at the right time. Either way, you are a foreign tourist, relying on people that are unhappy with you-to take you out into the … woods?
Bush? Middle of nowhere? At dark. How can this possibly seem like a good idea? Find somebody else to take you-or change your plans. NTJ as far as I can tell, but this is your story from your point of view” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounded like he was impatient and didn’t want to wait until the next day to get your money. He 100% knew it was going to be late, and was betting that you’d feel sorry and pay him anyway. FWIW sunsets only last like 10 or 20 mins generally, so being an hour late to the original time would’ve been enough for me to delay it to the next day.
Not your fault he betrayed your trust in any case.” Few-Tumbleweed-2907
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Take Out A Loan For His Family?
“Background on the story – his mom, stepdad, and sister have all lived in his stepdad’s father’s home for a good 15 years rent free but paying to upkeep the entire home. His dad has recently passed, and the home has to be split between him and his sister.
This being their home for so many years, have opted to buy out the sister’s cut so they can keep the home. There’s only one problem, they supposedly can’t get a loan to do so.
His mom was injured by her work and is currently waiting on a lawsuit.
Her expected payout is around 1 mil. Since she isn’t working, she cannot get a loan. His stepdad apparently has an issue where his job reported false income leading him to owe a large sum to the IRS, unable to get a loan. His sister recently got her car repossessed, again unable to get a loan.
His mom wants him to take out a loan for them, and said she plans on paying it every month. His stepdad has a large amount of money saved, and said they will pay off 4k my husband has in debt. I have 7k, but they haven’t offered any help towards that.
As his wife I’m completely uncomfortable with the entire situation. We just had a baby and have a young child as well. In this economy any loans we get should be used to keep our own heads afloat. His mom told us when she gets her money she will gift him $100,000.
Which I think is also why he feels compelled to help. But his mom opened a credit card unknowingly under his name 10 years ago. Her sister died and she had no money for her services. So she opened a card without my husband knowing, and let $7,000 go to collections.
My husband paid off around $2,500 to get this debt off collections without her help.
He feels pressure to help his mom, but I say his own family comes first. When we were at her house and she first mentioned this, she even mentioned using our first time home buyer benefits, and even my husband’s military va benefits.
All it takes is his stepdad losing his job, or for her to not win her settlement, and suddenly that payment is on my own family. There is no legal document binding them to pay back the loan. I feel like they are grown, and their problems are not my family’s problems. I find it extremely inappropriate to ask your own child to do something like this when he has his own young family to care for and don’t think my family should be pressured into doing something so serious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh no. I have anxiety just reading this. So not only have they previously defrauded your husband, they have lived rent-free for over 15 years and still don’t have a pot to put in? Plus no financial issue is ever their fault (the stepdad’s IRS excuse made me laugh, tragic as it is) As a lawyer, anything can happen with suits, nothing is guaranteed and that sort of payout is pretty rare (in my country anyway) this all sounds pretty fantastical. It’s really easy to promise and give away money that doesn’t actually exist. Hold really strong here OP but also support your husband who is obviously conditioned to accept this kind of nonsense: it is you and him against this problem.
Hold strong, and keep vigilant so they don’t try and pull moves against your property/finances. Make it clear you will not be responsible for their irresponsibility and you will press charges if they try it. Edit – NTJ” hausofmc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you need to die on this hill.
If his mother doesn’t pay the mortgage it won’t only be his debt it will probably also be yours. You could lose everything. Your family could end up homeless” Realistic-You9997
Another User Comments:
“Don’t do it. Don’t give up his first time homebuyer status for them.
Don’t use up his VA entitlement for them… which would potentially be fraud anyway, he has to sign that he or his children or spouse would occupy the property. Three full grown adults have themselves in the situation. If she’s so certain of the pending payout, it won’t hurt them to rent somewhere else for a while until it comes in.
It is not a reasonable ask.” croweturtle
No, you will never see a penny from them, loan or no loan, so PLEASE DON'T GIVE THEM ANY MONEY!
18. AITJ For Asking My Brother Not To Bring His Disrespectful Partner To My Birthday?
“I (26f) have an older brother (32m) “Dan”. A few years ago Dan was married to a girl “Kate”(30f) however he was unfaithful to her with “Anna” and they ended up divorcing. Me and other Dan’s siblings still keep in touch with Kate as we enjoyed her company a lot and she is a fun person to be around.
Now to the issue. Neither I nor my other siblings really like Anna, even Dan has been living with her for the past few years and seems serious about it (however so was he about Kate as they were together for over 10 years before he was unfaithful).
We have honestly tried to get along with her, however whenever there’s an argument in the family she feels the need to interfere and defend my brother even when he is in the wrong. As an example when he broke our younger sibling controller because game made him angry and our sibling has asked him to replace it, Anna started blaming our sibling for it instead of Dan.
From the start of their relationship Anna refuses to acknowledge us, unless we are in conversation with Dan, and then she behaves as if she just saw us, I’m not even mentioning constant death stares coming from her.
Talking to her is another issue, whenever one of our siblings talk about their interests or something that excites them, if it doesn’t match what Dan likes, she will call them stupid and childish no matter on the subject or will try and correct someone on the subject they specialize in and she has no clue about (like I have done zoology at uni and was just sharing some facts about some of the animals and how unique some of their body functions are, and Anna immediately corrected me saying I’m wrong and it is not what happening).
She doesn’t do it to our mum and dad.
My birthday is in a few weeks time and I was planning to go away to the countryside and do some camping while the weather allows it. It is limited to family and very close friends of mine, so I have asked Dan if he will be willing to join us.
Dan said he would love to and asked what he and Anna should bring, that’s when I have asked him not to take her. He has asked why and I have explained him and mention that I find the way she behaves towards me and the rest of our siblings annoying and disrespectful and would prefer he won’t take her with him whenever we invite Dan out for sibling/close family activities.
Dan has called me a jerk and told Anna this, causing her to create a group chat and call us all “racist” jerks and other names before blocking and posting a wall of text on social media, calling us toxic”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should stop inviting your brother around seeing as he’s ok with his partner blatantly disrespecting you and your family.
If he stays back because you not wanting her there upsets her, that’s on him.” Loquaciouslow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you might wanna just get used to cutting your brother out at this point, because it doesn’t appear Anna is going anywhere.
This isn’t about race, it’s about his new partner being, from what you’re explaining, kind of unbearable. You should enjoy your birthday with the rest of the people that were invited.” Unfair-Arachnid-1794
17. AITJ For Confronting Classmates Who Talked Throughout Lecture?
“I (24F) am a law school student in the US. I’m currently taking a class about international law, which means that there are a lot of international students.
My experience with international students has almost always been amazing and I hold nothing against anyone who takes an opportunity to learn.
Today, I was in class and a group of four girls sat in the same row as me. I didn’t recognize them, but the class has about a hundred students in it so I don’t know everyone.
It was a little weird that a new group of students just moved seats since class started months ago, but they weren’t bothering me yet.
Class starts and these girls talk the entire time. They’re whispering, but in the silence of a law school classroom, a group of girls whispering more than a sentence or two is distracting.
People in the rows in front of me are turning to look at them. Unfortunately, I’m near the back, so the professor definitely didn’t hear them.
At the end of class, the girls have their chairs pulled out into the row so there’s no way to get out.
They’re still loudly talking (not in English), so I say “excuse me?” and try to squeeze by. The girls don’t move and continue talking. I say again, “uh excuse me?” They finally look up and move a little, but not nearly enough for me to get by.
They start talking again and I finally say, “excuse me, you talked through the whole class already. Can you at least move out of my way so I can leave?” My tone was not nice. Most of the group moved, but one girl glared at me.
“We were translating for her. She doesn’t speak English that well,” She said and then gestured to one of the other girls.
I said “She should get accommodations,” and then left.
After I left, I realized that there’s no way that’s true.
This class is only for second year students. The school only teaches classes in English, all tests are written in English, and I have never seen any translators in the school for any language. This school is fairly small with a very small class list, so I am certain that there are no alternative language options.
I also have a friend who struggles with English who also attends this school and he has never been able to get any accommodations because the school expects everyone to know fluent English.
I mentioned this story to a friend and she said I was insane for saying anything and possibly accusing the girls of lying.
She said I “basically told the girl to learn English or shut up” rather than understanding that she needs accommodations. She said I was acting like someone who demands people speak English just because they are in America. I think my friend is totally wrong, but I was really hungry and could have been too mean to someone who needed help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ll be honest, at first, I thought, “yeah f this dude”. Reading this, no, they were super rude and that interaction was not necessary. I think you were about as polite as could be expected. You said, “she should get”, like, with empathy.
NTJ.” thebohomama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would have gotten up and moved away during class if they were distracting me. Its kinda irrelevant whether the person speaks English well enough to understand the class, talking so loudly in a class that you are distracting multiple other people is very rude and you are in the right for asking them to keep quiet.” Recent-Mongoose1140
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no way she got to that place without showing basic English competency, so either somebody messed up, or those girls were just taking the piss. Even my super-progressive art school alma mater makes you demonstrate/prove English competency, because—SHOCK!
SURPRISE!—the classes are all taught in English.” BirdBruce
And no, I'm not shy about making disrespectful students change their ways. I was attending a lecture by one of my favorite professors (I had graduated, but this professor was also a friend of mine and my husband's, so we both attended), that was extra credit for his students. The lecture went fine for about the first 10 minutes, but there were a couple of girls sitting behind us that kept gossiping and whispering. I turned around and glared at them the first time, but they were either too thick or too brazen to get the hint, so they continued. The second time I turned around, I used my "outside voice" to tell them that they were being disrespectful, that others in this room came to hear the lecture, and if they couldn't be quiet, they needed to leave. And kept the glare on them while delivering that message. They shut up for a bit, then started in again. I turned around and just said, "Seriously"? and they finally shut up. I will not tolerate rudeness or disrespect of a professor, and I will not tolerate my learning experience being diminished by entitled brats.
16. AITJ For Being Annoyed When My Classmate Used My Laptop Without Asking?
“I (21F) am a college student. One of my professors makes his office hours more interactive by having one student write on the board as we collectively work on a homework problem.
On one particular day, I was at office hours, sitting toward the front of the room(near the board).
One of my classmates, “Anne”(who I’m not close with), was sitting in the back of the room, and she was called to be the person to write on the board. I had the pdf of the homework sheet pulled up on my laptop and was looking at it while writing some notes.
Since Anne left her laptop at the back of the room, she just takes my laptop from me without asking and starts using it. I’ll admit, I felt mildly annoyed and disrespected. First of all, she just took my laptop without saying a word to me.
I’m happy to help people and wouldn’t have minded her using it, but it’s common decency to ask people before using their stuff. I mean I would ask someone before touching their laptop, especially if I don’t know them well. Second of all, I was clearly using the laptop and writing notes on a different question, and she just turns it away from me and scrolls to a different question, which I felt was a little disrespectful.
Either way, despite being a little annoyed, I was going to let it slide. After all, it’s not the biggest of problems. My good friend “Laura”, who was sitting next to me, kind of picked up on my annoyance though. As Anne was talking to the professor(still holding my laptop), Laura kind of laughs and whispers to me “she just took your laptop bro”.
I whispered back “I know, and she didn’t even ask!” Laura nodded and said “I know!”.
We didn’t think Anne would hear us talking about her as she was speaking to the professor. However, turns out she did overhear our conversation, and got really offended. I found out through “Jane”, who is a mutual friend of Anne and I.
She was complaining about how apparently I was rude to her.
Personally, I don’t think I did anything wrong. We didn’t say anything rude/insulting toward Anne, just that she took my laptop without my permission. And in all fairness, it was kind of impolite of Anne to take my laptop without asking me.
Now, I understand that no one is perfect, including myself. There have been times where I slipped up and forgot my manners. If I was in Anne’s shoes, and someone called me out, I would also feel uncomfortable, but then I would apologize to them, or at the very least make sure I don’t do the same thing again.
Anne is making me out to be this rude person, when she’s the one who snatched my laptop while I was using it.
Laura is on my side and Jane is on Anne’s side. So I wanted other’s opinions. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So she walks by you and steals your laptop and no one did anything about it.
I would’ve gone after her and demanded it back since she didn’t ask. What was the professor doing while your property was being stolen in their class?” Ok-Dare-1210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What on earth is Anne’s problem? You don’t touch someone else’s stuff without their consent.
You especially don’t pick up someone else’s computer and just start using it.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were excessively polite about it. In your position I would have been very loud about her rudeness and blatant theft. Just a clear, “Hey! Don’t touch my laptop.
What is wrong with you?” Because what is wrong with her? She shouldn’t touch your laptop.” WalkoffTriple
15. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Medical Info With A Stranger And Asking About Hers Instead?
“I (49F) was at a state fair yesterday and this woman near me came over and demanded info about my medical condition.
Long story short, I’m paralyzed from roughly the bra band down. I use a power wheelchair and have a service dog. I usually don’t mind educating people about paralysis, access issues and chatting about my dog but this woman.. my dudes. She was rude, abrasive and demanding.
She acted like she was entitled to my personal medical history.
She didn’t even ask politely, just demanded to know how it happened, what the results were, if I tried X, Y, Z treatments, you name it. She even wanted to know about my personal life!
Just.. seriously? Who asks this stuff of a literal stranger unfortunate enough to be eating delicious fair food at the table area? I just stared at her in shock as my delicious deep-fried BBQ got cold.
So I smiled as politely as I could manage and this is where I may have been the jerk.
I started to ask her about her last GYN visit. Were the stirrups too high, did she have to do that awkward shimmy/scoot down the table, if the speculum was cold, if the PAP smear hurt, the usual? If she felt entitled to my answers, I should be entitled to her answers, right?
Well, she threw an absolute fit. Started screaming and yelling that I was gross and a disrespectful person and on and on and on. Her group tried to calm her down and one of them told me I should’ve just been polite and answered her questions.
As far as I could tell this woman wasn’t impaired in any way. She didn’t have a carer or minder, she was with a group of friends and had been carrying in normally with them until she saw me. I got to the table, asked if the space was free and set up at the end of the table because my chair fit neatly on the end of piece picnic bench.
I told the group that if she wanted my personal and private medical information then she should trade info for info. Two of the people called me a jerk when they left, trying to calm down their nearly “hysterical” friend as they left. She was still screaming and shouting about how I was disrespectful/cruel/mean.
People were staring at me and I hated it.
At the time I felt good for finally finding a shiny, new (but still broken) spine and standing up for myself. So to speak. I was talking to friends last night and they said I was a jerk, I could’ve politely told her I wasn’t going to tell her.
I tried that when she came over and demanded answers, not even asking for them.
So, I’m asking here. Am I the jerk for not divulging my medical info and asking her about hers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I greatly admire your shiny conversational spine.
Lots of folks with wheelchairs, service dogs, mobility aides of other types, and carers come through my workplace. Yet somehow we All manage to resist asking ridiculously invasive questions. Yeah, the toddlers visiting might, but getting shut down and having proper behaviour explained to them by their parents is part of their social learning curve.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“Lmao NTJ, not even close, and I truly don’t understand how your friends could have thought you were. Your response was perfectly reasonable and also demonstrated the absurdity of her initial behaviour. Sure, it’s nice to be polite. But politeness isn’t owed to someone who disregards it themselves.
That lady was rude and obnoxious and deserved to have her behaviour thrown back in her face. Even funnier that she threw a fit for it, I guess she’s not used to people not tolerating her awful personality” gamblingGenocider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are my hero!
I love your response! In all seriousness, you owe no one any information about your life. If someone wants to know about you or your life, they can ask respectfully. If they can’t, well, they deserve what they get. And, let’s face it, jerks call others jerks when they are called out on their behaviour.
It’s the pot calling the kettle black.” bamf1701
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Partner To Have A Spare Key To Our Apartment?
“Myself (F, 25) and my partner (M, 24) live with one of our friends (M, 24). Our roommate started seeing his partner (F, 20) around 8 months ago. Ever since the start of the relationship, he has given her his spare key and allowed her to stay in the house unattended for several hours at a time.
My partner and I bit our tongues for several months, in hopes we would become friends with his partner. However, the opposite has occurred. She seldom says hello to us and does not attempt to get to know us. We have tried to make conversation on numerous occasions and it has been like conversing with a wall.
We brought the situation up with our roommate around 3 months ago and he said “What would you prefer, the front door to be unlocked at all times instead?”. We got nowhere.
Then, a month ago, his partner lost the key which prompted him to ask us for a new one (my partner’s family owns the apartment).
When he was given the new key, we asked him to keep it for himself. Spoiler alert, that did not happen.
Fast forward to two days ago. My partner and I came home from a short vacation to find his partner in the apartment alone and the key we had re-cut for him sitting on the dining room table.
We took the key, and once his partner thought the coast was clear, she snuck out without talking to us.
We sat down with our roommate and voiced our concerns again. We made it clear that we want to know his partner better, but right now it feels like there is a stranger in our home, unsupervised. As a guest, we feel she should be let in and let out.
He rebutted saying she isn’t going to get to know us because she’s “too shy”, it’s our responsibility to make her comfortable here, and that we should just trust her because we trust him.
He had a conversation with her that did not go well and now she apparently “hates us” and does not want to come over if we are here.
To me, this solves nothing and makes me feel even more uncomfortable knowing that now, they will strategically plan for her to be in our house, where all our possessions are when we are not there. I am at the point where I feel like we need a lock on our bedroom door and a camera on our bedside table.
All I wanted was to get to know her better, and in turn, feel better about her being in the house/having a key, but now we have a volatile situation on our hands and our roommate is super upset with us. I am now feeling guilty for making our roommate and good friend upset and left wondering if we are being jerks.
So…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know this isn’t going to be very popular here but first check your rental agreement. If it’s unclear, have your bf ask his parents. The bottom line is since she’s not living there and paying rent as a tenant, she probably shouldn’t have a key.
The only way someone other than the tenants to have a key is in emergencies.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She also lost a key and that’s a security risk to your home. However, is there a reason she was at your place on her own or a reason she is there so much?
Is her living arrangement unstable at all? I think you are NTJ for enforcing these rules for your home but maybe there is something up there where if you CHOSE to do so it could be a kindness to allow her access IF you all felt comfortable doing so.” m1sery_chick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who don’t live there shouldn’t be there alone without the full approval of all rent-paying residents. Beyond that, someone who actively strives to be unfriendly and rude to the other residents should not be welcome at all, and obviously, someone who isn’t welcome shouldn’t have a key.
Your roommate has turned out to be someone with incredibly poor judgement and is very inconsiderate as well, it’s not uncommon to discover that a good friend can make a terrible roommate.” revmat
13. AITJ For Filing a Missing Person's Report on My Roommate After She Suddenly Left?
“So, there are four of us (m 20, 20, 27, f 37), and everything was going great with our roommate, the 37F.
She was responsible, paid rent and utilities very early, was responsive, and even had a cool bearded dragon. However, things took a turn when her recently released partner (39), fresh from jail due to a DUI, entered the picture.-he rents pretty far and had been staying over which we didn’t mind-.
For the first two weeks, things seemed okay, but then their constant arguing escalated into physical violence on both sides.
I decided to ban her partner from coming over after a particularly brutal fight, which left both of them injured. Everyone in the house agreed with this decision, and she thanked me for it.
About a week passed, and things seemed to return to normal. She was relatively reclusive but pleasant when we interacted with her. However, things took a strange turn.
A week later, I noticed she was out more frequently, which was odd because she no longer had a driver’s license -still had a car she was worried about driving since it also needed tags-.
On Monday, we exchanged greetings, and she went into her room. I sent a text update about the upcoming utility payment due on Wednesday, but our front camera captured her and her partner at the door at like 4 am, seemingly dropping off her belongings, though he didn’t enter the house.
On Tuesday, she was barely at home, as observed on the camera, and no one saw her. I sent a reminder text to two of the roommates(one being her) about the utilities due by Wednesday. She briefly returned on Wednesday for 5 mins later in the day, took her bearded dragon and a few items and left, but didn’t pay her share of the utilities.
I followed up with another text on Thursday, but I received no response. Worried, I reached out on Friday to check on her since she usually responds quickly, but still, no reply but it was delivered.
By late Friday, I decided to file a missing persons report.
On Saturday, she(maybe?) messaged our group chat, very upset over the report and claiming that we had no right to require her whereabouts and that we were controlling by trying to do so. This was strange to all of us since she had never spoken this way before(in how she texted and what she said).
She informed us that she flew to another state across the U.S. to be with family(strange since she doesn’t get along with them from previous conversations) and promised to send her utility payment via cash app, which she hasn’t done, also we have never used cashapp only Zelle, also her car is gone.
The situation is raising suspicions, and we’re unsure about what to believe but felt filing a missing persons was the best choice. AITJ for being concerned and taking this action?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everything you’re saying makes it sound like her partner took her phone and abducted her.
It sounds like either someone else is using her phone, or she might be deliberately acting out of character to clue you into the fact that she’s being coerced.” blanketstatement5
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. You made the safe choice to file the report. You should never question that especially given their past. This is one of those cases where you have to act as if it’s the worst possible outcome and hope you’re wrong and they’re fine.
You did the right thing here.” Photo_Dove_1010220
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is there a legitimate reason for concern, but she’s as they say “known to police”. You have witnessed violence. You’re not “requiring her whereabouts”; she doesn’t have to keep you updated on her movements, just let you know that she’ll be away for an extended time as a courtesy.
It sounds fishy, as though the partner is either coercing her or himself using her phone.” Tangerine_Bouquet
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Mum Over Lack Of Privacy Instead Of Her Partner?
“I live with my mum and my dad 50/50, and whatever house I am at, I share a room with someone.
Now, at my dad’s, sharing a room is fine, I share it with my older sister who I am very close to, I am the youngest and she is the middle, we only have one older brother, so having each other is great, even though we are four years apart.
At my mum’s, I share a room with three other girls, they all range from age 13-7. They are not my biological siblings. Ever since we moved in, sharing a room has been a nightmare. We moved in two years ago, and it’s just been getting worse.
The three girls are always there on the weekend and the weekend only, and mostly stay in their rooms. We also have to keep the door open so the parents can keep an eye on us. The three girls are my mum’s partner’s kids, he has six kids in total. Meaning that there isn’t much space in the house where I can get some privacy.
Yet, during the weekdays, I am by myself, this is when I can close the door, stay up how late I want and have privacy.
So, when it was my week alone, one of the younger girls had to come sleep for one night because she was being taken to a flight next morning with her dad.
This meant I had to keep the door open. I asked my mum why, it was just one night and she is ten, so she should be allowed to have some privacy. (Her dad doesn’t like privacy, he doesn’t let his older kids have passwords on their phone, they’re 18.)
My mum went off at me, saying I was being ridiculous, it was just one night and I should stop being selfish. I tried talking to her saying that this is the only time I get my private space, and as a bigger girl in a house full of thinner people who have fast metabolisms, I already feel insecure enough.
She kept yelling and I wanted to cry, she knows privacy is important to me.
I yelled at her and cried, I went to the bathroom and calmed down. We sat in silence a bit after, but she came to me with excuses, saying she had a bad day at work and didn’t want to deal with it.
I am mad at her, but more at her partner, he told me I wasn’t allowed to close it and he has a lot of red flags my mum can’t see (transphobic, homophobic, racist, sexist, etc) but my mum doesn’t see through it.
I do still feel bad about yelling at her when I was more upset with her partner, so AITJ for yelling at my mum instead of her bf?”
Another User Comments:
“If you are old enough to decide who you want to live with, I would go to your father and request that you always sleep in his home and only visit with your mom during daytime hours. I’d explain to the court all the issues with the partner.
You should not have to endure being around transphobic, homophobic, sexist, racist.” Tiny_Cardiologist263
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you don’t say how old you are but you are entitled to your space and privacy. Tell your Mum and your Dad how you feel about this and insist on your privacy even when Mum’s BF’s kids are there.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Brother's Family Vacation?
“I (28F) have an older brother Adam (30M) and my Stephanie SIL (28F). Every year my family and I take a big trip and time of year depends on everyone’s schedules. This year we collectively agreed for the second week in December. Those going on the trip include my husband Justin (33M) and I, our twin 2 year olds, my parents, and my brother, SIL and their 3 year old.
My mom always makes all of the travel arrangements to ensure everyone is on the same flights, kids sit with parents, hotels are the same, etc. Everyone is on their own for getting to and from the airport at home, but car my mom makes car arrangements from the destination airport to the hotel and hotel to airport when leaving.
While my mom makes the arrangements, my husband and I always Zelle/Venmo my mom for our portion of flights and hotels. My brother and SIL do the same thing.
This year everyone agreed to Disney World in Orlando. My mom as usual made all the reservations and whatnot about 2 months ago.
My husband and I paid my mom our portion about a week after the reservations were made. Last night Adam texted husband asking if we had paid my parents yet. He said we had a while back. Adam then asked Justin if we could pay his family’s portion of the trip.
Not sure if everyone has been to Disney but it’s ridiculously expensive these days. Justin told him we couldn’t swing it with our budget at the time. We both work full time and make decent money but we don’t have the kind of money that is just throw away.
My brother and SIL both also work full time, and my nephew is not in daycare, my brother’s mother-in-law watches him free, while we pay for 2 kids in daycare. Adam said responded with “Well ok then.” and quit texting him.
Cue to this morning where I woke up to several texts from Adam calling Justin a jerk for nothing being a “good brother” and paying for their family.
I told Adam I agreed with Justin and we just can’t swing the money for them in our budget. I apologized and told Adam he was out of line for calling Justin a jerk and wouldn’t stand for it. Adam again asked me to pay and said it could be our Christmas present to him, my SIL and my nephew.
If I had the spare money to do it that way, I would, but I don’t have the ability to do that, so I can’t. I told him I couldn’t do it and told him to reach out to our parents about a payment plan or something.
Adam called Justin and I jerks and said we ruined their vacation.
I’m kind of surprised by my brother’s behavior, but are Justin and I the jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother left it to the very last minute in order to manipulate you into paying.
I have no doubt that he has known for a long time that he could not swing it financially. He should have backed out BEFORE your parents made the bookings and paid for everything. He is a major jerk for leaving others with the bill.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your brother sounds pretty entitled to expect someone else to foot the bill for his, his wife’s, and his kid’s trip to go see Mickey. Not your problem. If they couldn’t afford it, they should have raised the issue when the trip was being planned. Either suggest an alternative that is more affordable, or just bow out of this trip altogether.
They shouldn’t raise the issue only after Mom had booked everything.” FloMoJoeBlow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sounds like your brother is being pushy because he made promises he couldn’t keep and is freaking out cause it’s down to the wire. Either way, it’s not your job to bankroll his issues.
He’s gotta fess up to mom and either pay her what he owes, ask for help, or back out of the trip. Have fun as Disney! Remember to pick up the Starbucks mugs in the am cause they sell out super fast!” CuriousTsukihime
10. AITJ For Seasoning My Partner's Eggs?
“I 21F was staying over at my partner’s 21M apartment last night.
The whole apartment was left pretty messy with clean laundry left on the couch and the sheets being unwashed. When I woke up, he had already left for his classes (I had the day off.) I thought to be nice I would clean up his apartment, fold his laundry and got the sheets in order.
I also texted him that I was going to cook myself eggs which he was completely alright with (he doesn’t mind me using things in his fridge or his kitchen.)
Later on, he complained that he was pretty hungry because he apparently didn’t get a chance to eat before his classes.
His fridge was almost barren beyond eggs, so I offered that when he got back that I would cook him some eggs so he wouldn’t fill up too much. The past couple days, he and I have been eating out a ton and getting take-out.
He also had plans to meet up with a friend for dinner at 6 and since it was already 3:30 at this point, he was a bit hesitant. I assured him I would make them light with nothing.
So he comes back to his apartment, and I ask him if he still wants some eggs and that I would cook them for him to make his life easier.
He says yes and goes to his desk to get started on his homework. While cooking the eggs, I use butter on the pan so the eggs don’t stick to the pan. I call out asking how many eggs and how he wants his eggs done, he says he wants 2 eggs doesn’t care how (and frequently says whatever I cook for him, he will eat as he’s not picky at all.) I crack two eggs into the pan and put some salt, pepper and chili powder (he loves spicy food and generally uses chili powder a lot.)
We had specifically talked about seasoning in the past and talked how there are no calories in it and it’s just there for taste which is nice for making yummy food. I looked at the seasoning and wasn’t sure if I made it too spicy and said ‘Oops’, so he comes over asking what happened. I said I wasn’t sure if I used too much and realizes I used butter, salt, pepper and got really upset.
In my mind, seasoning and butter is just how you cook food. By making plain eggs, I was thinking that I wasn’t going to add cheese or cream or extras, but I thought seasoning and butter was a given with cooking food? I’ve cooked for him in the past, and I’ve always seasoned the food I’ve cooked.
Basically, he was pretty upset and snapped at me, and I was upset in turn because I was only trying to help and do something nice by cooking him eggs. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did several nice things for him today. You cooked him food when he got home.
It’s normal to cook eggs with butter/oil in the pan. It’s normal to add salt and pepper. It’s normal to add some chilli powder when you know he likes spice. Nothing in the info you gave specifies he wanted it completely plain, just that he wanted some light food.
2 eggs cooked in butter and seasoned is light food. If he wanted them not cooked in fat with no seasoning at all, he should have stated that clearly.” PeachState1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does he not understand that you need butter or some kind of substitute in order to cook the eggs?
And you know he likes spice, so why wouldn’t you put those in the eggs? You were doing him a favor and he got upset for no apparent reason. Does he think that lack of flavor = not really eating? So he doesn’t have to feel “guilty” for having a meal too close to dinnertime?
Dude may have issues.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is allowed to like his eggs a certain way but if he doesn’t tell you how there’s no way you could have known that. I will say chili powder on eggs is pretty nontraditional but I don’t think it’s bad.
Seems like maybe your partner could be neurodivergent somehow and had a bit of a meltdown because he wasn’t getting what he was expecting.” Low-Attention-1998
9. AITJ For Trying To Update Custody Papers To Protect My Son From His Father?
“I (30F) and my ex husband (30M) have a son (8). When we got divorced we were on great terms, didn’t want to ruin each other lives, just move on with our lives.
Co-parenting was great for about a year, we had a 50:50 agreement to have him avoid paying child support because he was trying to move out of his parents’ house, but by legal standard I’ve always had sole physical custody . Fast forward 2 years to now, his relationship with our son is horrible.
He constantly yells at him and they always fight, he’s incredibly emotionally immature and narcissistic, my son hates his weekends with him and always cries about it when he gets home. My son has been diagnosed with Anxiety and has panic attacks usually brought on by his dad.
Well he’s got a great paying job now and his own place which I’m happy for. But once he started going out he got incredibly hostile towards me, and worse to my son. Recently he started talking about moving away, and he had no intention of taking him, which is fine because I have always been the primary parent and we both preferred it that way.
Well he tells me he wants him more, thinks I’m unfit and wants to take him if I don’t stop talking to him. turns out his GF, at first told me didn’t like kids, now he says she can’t have any.
He constantly breaks our current orders, thinks I lie when I tell him about what our son says so they can hopefully fix their relationship so my kid isn’t traumatized going into adulthood etc. So I’m pretty convinced I can see what’s happening here, thing is I wouldn’t mind him having him more IF they had a healthy relationship but they don’t, my kid hates him.
We always talked about what was best for kid, and fluidly communicated all needs and problems. Now it’s radio silence, along with breaking current orders, I had him served to update paperwork legally instead of verbally, and he lawyered up and lost it. Thing is I can’t afford help, and didn’t think I needed it since the way the law system is where I am, but I kinda feel like TA because of the anxiety it’s caused our kid, since he constantly brings him into it.
He’s fighting me because he makes double what I do, doesn’t care about our kid just doesn’t want to pay child support, I planned on asking the judge not to order it, I don’t want the money just my son to be safe, I did everything with the intent to protect him further from mistreatment and neglect while he’s there as well as enforce how it’s been for 2 years just in writing, since he picks and chooses when to follow.
I’m not taking any time or legal rights to my kid from him. So AITA for trying to serve and update papers? Should I just drop it for the sake of peace?”
Another User Comments:
“OP – PLEASE SPEAK WITH AN ATTORNEY. If you can’t afford one, find out if there are free legal clinics in your area, look for low income or low bono attorneys in your area, and find out if there is a legal aide program near you.
You have a lot going on, and as a family law paralegal I can tell you that you need to speak with someone qualified and in your area ASAP.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“You need to speak to a lawyer and go down the legal route.
I don’t know what country you are in but you are a protective factor for your child currently. Do not let this man railroad you. Believe me, find the money and go through a lawyer – it will cost you less in time, money and trauma in the long run.
I cannot tell you how many times I had this conversation as a lawyer.” hausofmc
Another User Comments:
“Update the court docs, use chat gpt to translate all of your docs to and from legalese, your son’s feelings will be taken into consideration and get your son into therapy and get written documentation from all medical professionals about the emotional and psychological mistreatment he is causing.
Get full custody and also get child support. He’s with you the majority of the time he needs to be paying support. Keep a paper trail and document all the ways he’s breaking the current agreement and how it needs to be changed to support your child.
Then let a judge tell you what they can. Also if it’s a one party consent state as if you live in one your son can record and video the abusive behavior and it would be legally admissible in a court of law.” pandatron3221
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Enabling My Lazy Older Brother?
“I (25F) live with my mom (49F), little brother(18), and older brother (29). My parents have always made it a point to let us stay home until we were financially stable and prepared to move out.
My mom and dad are divorced because my dad is a bum who likes to be unfaithful. So it’s just me and my mom taking care of the house even though my dad has to pay all of the bills still because of his stupid decisions.
I work 45+ hours a week, and My mom works 35+ hours a week. Since My mom and dad are now divorced I do all I can to help out when I can. We don’t expect my little brother to help just yet because he literally just graduated, we want for him to make a choice of school and career.
But my older brother, we’ll just call him Joe, does absolutely nothing, and it’s been that way for 5 years. Joe sleeps on my mom’s couch or living room floor all day, goes out on the weekends to a supposed “job” and doesn’t come back until way late.
Let me mention that he drives my mom’s car to his “job” and mom tells him to bring the car right back when he’s off, but he doesn’t. He gets missing and she fusses but then lets it be. Every time he does it I have to hear about it and I’m actually really tired of hearing it.
He could get a job, but his excuse is always that the company he applied for won’t hire him, but we all know that isn’t the case. My mom uses her connections to try to get him a job but he either doesn’t show up or doesn’t call in to the interviews.
Long story short, 3 days ago he was asked to clean the kitchen since he sleeps all day and does nothing and it’s been 3 days and he hasn’t moved yet. I come home last night and I’ve finally had enough! All he does is eat, sleep and repeat.
When asked to do something so small as wash the dishes he uses, he doesn’t. He completely disregards my mom and takes her car way past the allotted time, he doesn’t clean, and he sits there and expects for everyone to take care of him.
Let us go out to eat and he’s expecting someone to pay for him.
While listening to my mom complain, I finally blurted out loud to my mom after 5 years of keeping my mouth shut that “if you’re going to enable him to stay in his mess, don’t talk to me about him or how aggravated he makes you, I don’t want to hear it I just want to continue to mind my business”.
To which she replied, “then do that”. I’ve considered moving out, but I’m really the only one that takes care of her and everything at home and I don’t want for her to be stuck with someone who won’t grow up and be a responsible adult.
But I’m really tired.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and move out! Your mom won’t stop enabling your brother until it becomes her problem. Once you’re gone, she’ll finally have some motivation to do something about the do-nothing freeloader living with her. You benefit the most by moving out and washing your hands of this mess.
Mom also benefits in the long run, once she does what she has to do. Your little brother also benefits from the improved environment of no longer having the bad example of his big brother constantly there.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is entirely reasonable for you to be frustrated by your mother’s enabling of your older brother.
It sounds like you said something you’ve needed to say for a while. Maybe you could have done that better, but you only learn how to handle these sorts of situations better by practice. Hint: it’s easier if you say or do the thing *before* you get pushed to your explosion point.
If you continue to think about moving out, talk to your younger brother and invite him to move out with you, if your employment options allow and you both get along. This frees both he and you from your mother’s and eldest brother’s codependency, and ensures that everything you’ve been carrying doesn’t just get dumped on your little brother’s shoulders.
Finally, 45 hour weeks are not good for you. If there isn’t an obvious pathway from here to when you aren’t doing 40+ hour weeks, start looking for opportunities to create such a path.” Equivalent-Board206
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Step-Brother's Unhealthy Eating Habits For Hockey?
“I don’t know anything about hockey but when my dad married his wife a couple years back, it became a huge thing.
Especially since my step brother Jack 15 has been playing for a long time.
I’m really not all that involved in his sports life though.
Anyways, I don’t think hockey players necessarily have to be super skinny? Of course they have to be fit but I don’t think players have to be a specific weight right?
I’m looking it up right now actually and I’m seeing that many NHL players are about 170+ lbs. I could be wrong.
But Jack’s been really into dieting lately. He’s about 6 feet tall and he’s never been overweight (the opposite actually) but he’s always loved eating.
I didn’t really care at first but he finds it hard to do all the dieting so he loses a whole lot of weight, then gains it back. He then gets mad at himself which leads to him getting mad at ME. I’m like the only one he bothers too??
I have tried to let it go and I feel bad because I genuinely believe this dieting is really getting to him… but he’s doing it to himself which I know is probably a terrible thing to say but I’m so tired of walking on eggshells around him and everyone telling me I’m exaggerating, overreacting, overstepping when I voice my concerns or say his mood swings are getting worse.
Even my mom thinks I’m being silly. EVERYONE’s excuse is that he’s trying to stay healthy for hockey. But he’s so skinny and he literally told me he weighs like around 135 lbs now. What more does he want?
I made a late night snack and Jack asked me if he could have a bite.
He was in a silly mood so I jokingly went “no its mine.” I didn’t mention his weight once and I was literally smiling but he took it the wrong way and started saying that he didn’t want to eat my unhealthy food anyways “and besides you shouldn’t be eating this late at night, are you trying to get fat?
You’ll end up a cow” blah blah blah “I think I weigh less than you, isn’t that embarrassing”
I replied with “yeah well the only reason you think that’s embarrassing is because you have a weird complex about how much you eat, I’m perfectly happy in my own body… unlike you.”
He got so mad and was like “I have to stay fit for hockey, idiot”. I just said sure but he called me names and avoids me now. My dad says that he doesn’t care if I’m being malicious or if I’m concerned, I can never comment on anyone’s diets etc. His mom is really mad at me too and says I clearly don’t know anything about sports and my mom thinks that I should just move in with her because they’re gonna make me the bad guy every time because hockey moms are “crazy”.
I know what I said was mean, but AITJ? My only defense is he started it which doesn’t really help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What he said was really hurtful. We haven’t heard his side of the story and I don’t know a thing about hockey.
But it sounds like he might be developing an eating disorder, and the rest of your family is enabling him. And yes, it may have started out as a diet for hockey, but you know what? Athletes are a high risk group for eating disorders.
So, not only are you NTJ, you are actually doing your family a service by signaling unhealthy behavior. It will probably take them some time to hear what you are saying though. What is up with your dad saying “you can never comment on someone’s diet” when your step-brother clearly did just that?” chocolategalore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your stepbrother has an eating disorder. He needs therapy. 6’ and 135 is not good. He likely has next to no energy for the sport he loves, and is lashing out because, well, hungry people are cranky. Low blood sugar can cause terrible mood swings and increased anxiety.
You need to talk with your parents about his behavior, not in the context of how rude he’s being, but how he’s starving himself and needs serious help. If your parents won’t deal with it or don’t believe you, talk to his hockey coach.
I sincerely doubt he wants one of his players that rail-thin, it’s not safe.” ReluctantViking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure what kind of diet your brother is having but I’m very certain it’s not the diet he should be having as an athlete.
I’m a fencer and I have my own diet which consists of tons of meat and healthy food. The motto is not to lose weight but to lose fat and gain muscles. Feels like your brother didn’t understand the definition of diet and since he’s eating less to lose weight he doesn’t have the energy which ends up with him binge eating and gaining weight back.
You’re totally in the right to get annoyed by his behaviour, it’s not justified. Try to talk to him about his diet if you wish to, he seems like he’s stressed about his fitness and might be not able to perform as well as he should.” Public_Shape_2397
6. AITJ For Not Returning My Ex's Necklace That My Little Sister Loves?
“My ex, Jane (23F) and I (25M) broke up recently.
I live at home and she lives in a college dorm about an hour away so she always kept some things at my place.
I’ve got a decently paying job and having always lived at home, I tended to spoil her a fair bit with gifts, of which a lot was jewellery. My ex wasn’t a fancy girl, so none of it was worth a fortune, but lots of it were little handmade things (often one of a kind) that we bought at handmade markets on our travels around the country.
She picked up the things she had at my place pretty quickly and she insisted that I wasn’t there when she did, which wasn’t a big deal. But I did notice when I got back that she left behind her jewellery box full of trinkets.
I promptly sent her a photo of the open box asking if she wanted me to either ship it or drop it off. I got back a really douchy response, something along the lines of “I don’t want anything that reminds me of the time I wasted with you”.
It was really hurtful given that it was a mutual split, but whatever.
While none of the jewellery was worth much, I didn’t want to throw it out so instead I gave the box to my little sisters (8 & 11) and told them to pick out whatever they liked, and I’d donate the rest to the local shelter or something.
My 8 year old sister Julie really liked an opal butterfly necklace from the box. And by really liked it… she loves it. She hasn’t taken it off since she put it on and keeps coming out with the cutest “thank yous”, she even made me a little thank you card at school with butterflies on them.
It’s no secret that I have a really soft spot for my sisters, and why wouldn’t I – they’re beautiful girls.
Yesterday my ex called me and her tone was completely different. She mentioned that she’s been a real cow, and she’s sorry.
She then asked if she could have her jewellery box back after all. I told her she could, as I haven’t dropped it off for donation yet, but the girls have been through it and took what they liked. She asked about the butterfly necklace.
I told her that Julie had it now and loved it. Ex got really upset that I would “give away her things” and asked if I could get my sister to return it.
I actually went downstairs and saw Julie, happily playing with her little butterfly necklace on, and couldn’t do it.
I turned around, called Jane and told her she could have everything that was left back (the girls only took a few things), but the butterfly necklace wasn’t coming back.
She called me a jerk and hung up, now I’m getting abusive messages from her and her sister.
So…. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have her the courtesy of asking if she’d like them sent to her and she was snarky and said no. She should feel lucky you hadn’t completely trashed or donated the entirety of her left behind jewellery and that she was able to get some of it” toothlessnowman
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. You asked your ex if she wanted the jewellery box, and she said no. Your ex’s actions and words show that in hindsight she regrets that choice, but that is too bad for her. You gave the majority of the items to the local shelter, as you promised. You even had permission to donate them.
Your sister was drawn to the opal necklace, and it is completely unreasonable for your ex to expect you to force your younger sister to return it. It belongs to your sister now, and should not be taken away from her because your ex was unwise.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jane *has* been a cow and hasn’t stopped. Keep the stupid box or not, but definitely block Jane and her sister!” Socknitter1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As others have said, she had her chance, but also her two-faced actions do her no credit.
She was antagonistic towards your attempts to return those things, then tried to butter you up later with a token apology, only to turn right around and be a jerk again.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Sister Because I Didn't See My Parents' Messages?
“A little context about me. I’m a new university student and I’m privileged enough to own my own car. I mostly use it to get to work and drive my friends around when we head out since none of them have their own cars.
Recently I went back to my home city to visit my family and see some friends I have back there when I had a few days off from university. I stayed at my parents’ house from Wednesday to Friday since I’m still keeping most of my things in my old room and can’t bring my stuff to my already cramped room.
On Friday I had made plans to head out with some of my old friends from my home city. I left the house early to meet up with them and hang out before we headed downtown for the night. We had fun catching up and kept talking for hours without stopping.
The morning after I headed back to my parents’ house. I did not drink the day before because I was the designated driver for our group. When I arrived I was confronted by my parents. On Friday they had sent me messages telling me to pick up my sister from her school.
They had told my sister that I was picking her up despite the fact I hadn’t answered any of their messages.
After waiting for 30 minutes my sister apparently tried calling me to ask where I was, but I missed that call. She tried again a few times and afterwards called our parents to ask where I was.
My parents also tried to contact me, but I didn’t answer again. My mother had to then leave work to pick her up according to them.
I tried explaining that I missed the calls since I don’t have notifications on my phone and during the night I ran out of battery so I couldn’t respond.
They did not want to listen and were very angry, understandably so. My sister had to wait outside in the rain to get picked up.
My parents think I ignored all of them on purpose and wanted to hurt my sister in some way. When I actually just didn’t see any of their messages.
After some yelling back and forth I was frustrated got my things from my room and left to my friend’s place.
I texted my sister to apologize. She told me it was okay that it wasn’t the first time my parents failed to pick her up.
My sister is angry at our parents and blames them for getting her sick. I still feel like I should have seen at least one of the messages and went to pick her up since it was relatively close and I feel bad for causing a conflict between my parents and my sister.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ugh it’s so annoying when a person texts you asking for something then just assumes that you will do it for them. Never assume something has been agreed to unless they actually text and voice a confirmation. Glad your sister is on your side.
Sucks that this isn’t the first them she’s been let down by them” CheeseAndPasta97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you genuinely didn’t see any of the messages (it happens, I’ve gone out with friends and missed really important calls and texts). Add the fact that your parents assumed you’d pick your sister up, even though you **didn’t respond** to their messages…this isn’t your fault.
And since your sister understands, the blame is all on your parents.” Blackblade917
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but bordering on ESH. If your family sends you multiple messages and calls you multiple times, you should probably check in to see what’s up. I don’t buy the “I didn’t see the notification and then I ran out of battery oops”, BUT even then your parents are ultimately at fault here because they *assumed* you’d pick up your sister without confirming with you first.” 7hr0wn
4. AITJ For Expecting My Ex To Continue Paying For My Replacement Car After He Totaled The Old One?
“Posting for a friend. I (26F) let my ex (25M) borrow my car when we were together. He would drop me off at work, and take the car with him. Note that the car was fully paid off and had no issues with standard maintenance.
While he was on his way to pick me up I got a text message saying he was on his way, a few minutes later I got a call saying that he had gotten in a car accident. I was expecting a small Fender Bender, but it was actually considered a total loss.
After talking to him it turns out that he was under the influence of a drink however the police report and insurance report stated that it was the other driver’s fault. He cried and swore to me that he was going to pay for a new car.
Up to this point, it’s been 3 years that he has been paying. Mind you there have been times when he has told me he can’t afford it for that month and I pay it myself. We have been broken up for about a year now.
Recently he has started complaining about why does he has to pay for it if he does not get the benefits of it (mind you he still borrows the new car when he asks if it is not being used..) He recently borrowed the car, he asked me what time I get off I told him the same time as always, he never replied. I call him and ask him what’s your ETA and he told me about 1.5 hours.
I asked when were you going to tell me that you were going to be late. After at the end of that conversation, I told him not to pick me up to just take the car home, and not to worry about it and that I’ll figure it out and that I’ll pick up the car later.
I ended up taking an uber home, he calls me saying he’s 3 mins away I asked him why if I had told him to just go home. Later that night went to pick up the car at his house, and we talked things out about the lack of communication for the day.
He went out and got inebriated, and he started remembering the old times and it seems like he got hurt that we are not together anymore. He got in his feelings and blocked communication with me.
Now he is no longer paying for the car.
I went to his home to talk to him, and let him know that he I still need him to continue paying for the car.
Additional information, the replacement car was the same make and model, just a newer year. I pay for the new car maintenance, insurance, and all other expenses.
AITJ for expecting my ex to continue to pay for my replacement car?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. ExBF for driving inebriated. Also for not communicating. OP’s friend for a) allowing him to keep using her car after the accident B) sharing the payout for no good reason C) not putting the majority of the payout into a new car D) not getting the repayment plan between them as a legal contract.
E) allowing this to continue after the break up with someone who doesn’t have insurance.” jazzy_flowers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not going after the person responsible for the crash according to the police report. Why isn’t their insurance or your insurance giving you market value for your car.
Did you go buy a brand new car & expect your bf to pay for it? Sell the car & get a less expensive one that you can afford. Stop lending it to you ex.” dncrmom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t know your state laws on if the insurance goes with the vehicle or with the person but either way, I would have gone to a lawyer for draft up a legal agreement for car payments and repayment etc. By letting him choose the car and choosing the 7 year payment plan, you let this get dragged out with this potential non payment issue.
But ultimately it was your car and your responsibility. Yes it’s wrong he drove inebriated and you could have taken him to small claims or drafted up a legal agreement for repayment for the totaled vehicle. To me this entire situation is a lesson in being more careful with your stuff.
The time he totaled your car should have been the last time he ever drove your car. It is irrelevant that he’s late and you took an Uber and you’re exes etc. Anyone who drives inebriated even once shouldn’t be someone you want to lend your car to, much less after they totaled your car.
You put yourself in a horrible position because what if he drove inebriated and totaled this one? You already lucked out once and chose to keep playing to lose some more.” archetyping101
3. AITJ For Not Selling My Coldplay Concert Tickets to My Partner's Brother?
“I really enjoy Coldplay, and I’ve seen them perform live once before, about ten years ago. They announced a 2024 European tour, but I first didn’t consider attempting to purchase tickets because it’s typically really difficult and time-consuming, so I was unaware of the ticket release date.
Ian, my partner’s brother, texted him about a month ago to let him know that tickets for Coldplay will go on sale the following day at 10 am, that he would be attempting to buy tickets, and that if also wanted to try and we were successful in getting into the platform, to please also purchase 2 tickets for him.
When my partner Alex told me, I became enthusiastic about the prospect of attending the event and decided to give it a shot at getting tickets. We lined up online starting at 8 a.m. on the day of the sale to purchase tickets for the Rome concert, but they sold out before it was our turn.
I then notice that the tickets for Dublin were not yet available as the sale was set to begin at 10 a.m. Dublin time (11 a.m. our time). We tell Ian that we’ll make a run for Dublin, and he also tries.
I enter the Dublin system magically, get six tickets in the cart at first, but they then disappear after an error on my part.
I finally succeed in purchasing two tickets after a few tries. My partner and I spent more than three hours on the computer to purchase the tickets in the end.
We were thrilled that we were able to obtain two tickets in the end as it was extremely difficult and seats quickly ran out, but we only bought two tickets, which annoyed Ian.
He has since asked us several times if he can purchase the tickets from us, as he wants to gift the tickets to his partner. He thinks that we don’t like Coldplay so much since he was the one to tell us about the sale, and he should get those tickets.
Alex wants to give him the tickets, as he claims that since Ian asked him to attempt to get tickets and he was the one who told us about the sale, we technically bought the tickets for him. However, I believed that everyone had agreed to buy tickets for themselves, and that if they were successful in buying additional tickets, we would all split them.
I would have never agreed to spend 3 hours of my morning to get tickets for his brother, of course I was attempting to get tickets for me.
Alex feels bad that Ian didn’t get tickets, and thinks we should sell him ours. I want to go to the concert as I got those tickets after a lot of hours of attempts.
AITJ for wanting to go to the Coldplay concert and not selling the tickets to my partner’s brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like you said, you got those tickets for yourself. It sucks that he didn’t manage to get any, but that doesn’t mean you owe him yours, as that wasn’t the agreement.
Try to communicate to your partner how much these tickets mean to you, because he should really be backing you up on this.” Hawkite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to get 6 tickets. You got yourself and a friend tickets. Let your bf and his brother know that if this continues to be an issue you will take a friend instead.
Enjoy Dublin! I checked the website while typing this and there are still tickets available in Greece, Italy, Hungary, Germany, Finland and a few other locations. BFs brother can try those.” Bibliophile_w_coffee
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ for not calling Ian to say you couldn’t get six tickets while you were making the purchase.
(It took three hours? You could have called?) NTJ for not selling your coveted seat, though. I disagree with your BF about that part. He can give his seat to his brother to keep the peace, I guess?” AndSoItGoes24
2. AITJ For Reporting My Loud Neighbor to Our Landlord?
“I am currently renting a place. It is a compound with 3 houses (so I have 2 neighbors). I’m residing in Asia so this is common. Let’s call the 1st neighbor – Anthony
Just a bit of a background, I work nightshifts at home and I disclosed it to the landlord and the neighbors when I first moved in 8 months ago.
They assured me that the place is secured, peaceful, and such. So I thought I got a good deal. Having nice neighbors are important in my country. We don’t have renters insurance or such, so having a trusted neighborhood is valuable.
On the first night, Anthony had a party and it’s loud but it was weekends that time so I honestly didn’t mind.
However, it continued to be that way every 2 days. Imagine a couple of older guys, having a loud party, drinking, singing karaoke, shouting at each other, banging the gates (which is made of roof material and so frickin loud) at 8am, sometimes 3pm until midnight.
On WEEKDAYS!
Of course, I endured it because they are the ones on the area first and I want to show them that I am a chill neighbor. (Which is my biggest mistake) there’s more to this story but it is too many to mention for now.
So the day came where I lost it. Today! I worked 12 hours shift and pretty much had it for the day. I was able to sleep around 2 in the afternoon hoping to get at least 5 hours of sleep before my next shift for the night.
Anthony’s kid knocked on my door to offer me food. (We do that a lot here) I thought that was it but then the karaoke started. It’s so loud that even the bed started shaking to the music and my cats were terrified.
I tried to pass it off as them working on mixing the sounds and lower it after but no. Oh gods no. One of Anthony’s girl started singing. It’s awful. I wouldn’t mind it if it’s not so loud.
I got up and talked to one of them, albeit angrily to tone it down a bit because I am still trying to sleep.
It’s THURSDAY FFS. I didn’t ask for them to stop the party. Just lower the volume.
But they didn’t. They were at the common area so it’s in the middle of the compound not inside their house. Everyone can hear them.
Some also shouted that they will not stop.
I called the landlord and he made them stop around 7 pm even though according to the ordinance here parties can continue until 10PM. I know, it’s so snitch-y of me but I felt like I don’t have a choice.
I asked the landlord to ask them to tone it down but he heard how loud it was and stopped all of it.
Now they were still shouting profanities outside my door (5 hours straight). So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbour obviously lacks common courtesy.
Having the occasional party is fine but not multiple times a week. He should move out to the country where there are no close neighbours if that’s the lifestyle he wants to have. Considering he also knows your work schedule, he should be a more considerate.
Yes it’s a common space but that doesn’t mean he should be disturbing his neighbours when using that common space. I’m glad your landlord saw how bad it was and shut it down. What does the other neighbour think about it?” canadianspin
Another User Comments:
“People are allowed to make a reasonable amount of noise that comes with living in a tight space next to others. They are exceeding that and being disruptive. Yeah, people don’t need to accommodate you sleeping during the day but they need to be good neighbors making normal amounts of noise, or they can move out to an open field and be as loud as they want.
NTJ” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“I say YTJ only because it was during the day and it’s not their fault you decide to work nights, most noise ordinances are at night because that’s typically when most people sleep so it’s not like they can have their fun then.” Rov422
1. AITJ For Deducting the Cost of Caulk from My Rent to Fix a Roach Infestation?
“We’ve been having a cockroach problem in and near our bathroom. I’ve personally seen them crawl in and out of cracks along the wall, in between tiles and in and where the base of the toilet meets the floor.
No garbage or food left out and I plug the drains when not in use. Problem increases when it rains or when maintenance is working on plumbing or working on something nearby which leads me to believe there is an infestation in the walls.
In my first correspondence about this months ago, the super suggested I get roach bait off eBay or Amazon.
I told him the cracks were the problem and needed to be caulked. He said if I wanted to caulk I could do whatever I wanted…I opted out of doing it myself though because it’s a lot of work.
Since then it’s an ongoing issue that has had a handful of maintenance no shows, or maintenance just shows up to access and doesn’t fix anything.
I’ve reached out to the super about this but he often doesn’t respond or responds to a different issue instead (they are currently working on a hot water pipe as there is no pressure). So even when he is in communication with me on the other issue, he doesn’t respond to the bug thing.
ONCE, maintenance came and caulked holes and I was overjoyed but the roaches quickly found another crack and a tiny earthquake reopened some of the old holes. Since then I had reached out thrice more over the span of a month to check in about this issue with no response.
It’s become normal to enter my apartment with a shoe after it gets dark. Recently there were 2 massive roaches that my partner and I screamed and cried over at 3am and I had enough. I bought 2 things of caulk, a caulk gun and gloves on Amazon for next day delivery and deducted it from my rent a few days later with receipt.
I know I could have gotten it for cheaper at the depot but I didn’t want to mess around …it was $48 with shipping and tax and from what I can tell I’m within my right to do so when it’s been that long.
When I was caulking all the holes a roach tried to escape.
I still have a few more holes to fill for good measure but I haven’t seen a roach since.
Just got a text from the super that says “Owner politely asked at next time to call, text manager or office directly before you decided to purchase anything on line or store and deduct from your rent.
Tnx.”
I replied, “I did text you many times about this directly.”
Then he just copied and pasted his same message. I think he’s upset.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You invoked your lawful right to fix & deduct only after trying for months to get management to fix the issue to no avail.” SpicyPom86
Another User Comments:
“NJH for doing it this once, and that’s supported by the fact that he accepted it and didn’t say “Where’s the rest of the rent you owe us” – but he could have done that. He’s been clear, don’t do it again.
Done, no more discussion.” NapalmAxolotl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t get to just deduct whatever you want from your rent. And caulking the cracks will absolutely not solve this issue long-term. Put out some roach bait and/or spray your apartment for bugs.
A gallon thing of Ortho-Home Defense is under $10 at the hardware store. We spray our baseboards and exterior perimeter every 6 months or so as part of our housekeeping routine (usually on a Thursday night or Friday we we are going to be out of town for the weekend) and it keeps the bugs at bay without problem.
Just trying to seal them in your walls is not a fix.” Simple-Big-3471
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