People Unravel the Intricacies of These 'Am I The Jerk' Stories
20. AITJ For Being Blamed For My Father's Unpaid Child Support Consequences?
“I (34 female) am being blamed for my father having his truck taken away. I don’t know much, but from what little I know, he is being charged by the government for the missed payments of child support.
My father abandoned my brother, mother and I when we were little.
I was around 6 yrs old when he left, moved provinces, and changed his name. My mother did try to find him with the help of a social worker, to force him to pay child support. But they could never find him.
My brother and I reconciled with him when we were older.
I am currently married to my husband and we have 2 children. I decided to let the past stay in the past when my father reached out to me, I wanted him to meet his grandchildren.
My mother was ok with this, from what I know.
My brother and I met up with my father many times, my husband got along well with him. Then he got married to lady named Beth.
I could tell she didn’t like me. She hates my mother, told me that my father had no choice but to leave.
I would always change the subject, it is not her place to tell me what to do.
Last year, my father calls me to ask if I hated him. I said no, why would you think this? He said that he received a mail from the government saying that he has to pay his outstanding charge of child support.
He did not give me any more details but started to insult me, saying how I am just like my mother and I will regret what I did.
I asked my mother if she ever charged him. She said she did, when he left us as children.
But she never thought of it again as the government never reached out to her saying they found him. I asked if she could remove the charge. She agreed and said she went with my step father and removed the charge. I messaged my father this and he never replied.
Yesterday I received a text from Beth, saying how selfish I am and how I do not deserve the love from my father. My father had his truck taken due to driving on suspension. I didn’t respond, started shaking and crying. My husband consoled me told me to wait to see what this means.
He reached out to my mother and told her what was happening, who called me and tried to console me. She swore she went and removed the charges against him last year. I left it at that and didn’t dare to reach out to my father.
I blocked him and Beth.
Today, my aunt calls me and said that she spoke to my father. He told her that I got his address, gave it to my mother and my mother told the government where he lives. So now the government is asking for everything that he has.
This is not true, I don’t even think it’s even possible for my mother to get child support as my brother and I are now in our 30s.
My father reached out to my aunt again and said that I will pay for what I have done to him.
My husband and aunt believe me. But now I wonder if my mother did actually remove the charges. I asked my mother this and now she is upset that I think she could have a part in this disaster with my father.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your biological father and his wife sound like deranged people. I am not sure how it is where you live, but where I’m from once they get on the hunt for child support, it doesn’t stop. This is all 100% your biological fathers fault, and this is the result of his choices and actions.
I strongly encourage you to take the threats he and his wife have made seriously. Your children do not deserve to be around those people who have acted like they have.” Severe-Hope-9151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’ve done nothing wrong at all. And so far as I can see the truck being taken from your father is nothing to do with the child support.
The fact that he was driving with a suspended licence is also his own fault, and the fact that they’re blaming this on you just shows the mindset they have. Leave them blocked, and ask your aunt not to pass on any more messages like these.
You don’t deserve to be treated like this by someone who abandoned you as a child. He’s clearly still as self-centred as ever. I’m sorry it turned out this way for you, but you did your best by him. Time to put him in the past and move forward.” handybee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Very likely when he got married he used his legal name and current address. your Mom may have dropped the child support thing but the government did not OR child enforcement never received the notification. Your father has revealed his true nature.
You might need to get a restraining order against him for the safety of your family with his threats.” Mosquitobait56
19. AITJ For Calling My Stepmom 'Mom' Instead of My Biological Mother Who Abandoned Me?
“My (18M) dad (36M) high school partner, Melanie (36F) had me when they were 18. My dad asked if they could get a termination as he had dreams of going to college. Melanie was Baptist so she said no, dad said OK as it was her decision, decided to drop college and start a family.
When I was 6 months old, Melanie said this wasn’t the life she wanted, had a breakdown, left me with dad and moved.
My dad’s parents and my dad looked after me, while my dad attended a smaller college in-state. Soon, he met Anita, an Indian exchange student, and by the time I was 2, they were married. Btw, Dad is white and so is Melanie, so obviously I am too.
When they graduated, we moved to our current state, and dad and Anita did PhDs. They’re both Profs in my state’s Ivy college, and I have a brother Peter aged 8.
I put “stepmom” in quotes because ever since I could talk I called Anita mom, and she was always my mom.
She loves me, never showed any difference in affection towards me and Peter, and is my best friend.
Last year Melanie got in touch as she moved to my state. She had a husband and 2 kids (Peter’s age). She kept inviting me around, asking me to do stuff with her and “my siblings”, and sometimes I’d say yes but I didn’t care about her as she never cared till I was 17, sorry if that sounds rude.
She asked if I could call her Mom also, I declined, she seemed OK if a little upset.
I did well in school, and got a state award and a full college ride for next year. The ceremony was last week. I got 3 “free” tickets – anyone else who wanted to come had to pay $25 each.
I gave the tickets to Dad, Anita, and Peter. Melanie was offended, and asked why I couldn’t give her one and my parents pay for Peter, I said no. So she paid for her, her kids, and husband to come.
In my speech I thanked my parents for helping me with schoolwork, and joked that I picked a college far away as they taught in ours.
Afterwards, an official asked which were my parents to congratulate them, assuming it was Dad and Melanie (fair, since I am white). I said no, that Dad and Anita were my parents, so he congratulated them.
Melanie started crying after the event, telling me how “insulting” it was for me to say Anita was my parent, and how it looks awful for me to keep saying that “an Indian lady was my mom, even though everyone knows thats not true”.
Dad whisked us off, but Melanie has been posting on social media about “brainwashed” children of divorce and “elitists” looking down on people who didn’t go to college.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Melanie didn’t raise you, Anita did. While Melanie gave birth to you, she also abandoned you for 17 years.
Let her scream into the void online. You can make the decision of whether or not she gets the privilege of being in your life.” youshallcallmebetty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might want to correct the social media account. You don’t look down on her because she didn’t go to college.
You look down on her because she completely abandoned you at the age of 6 months and was completely out of your life for the next 16 years.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bio mother embarrassed herself. She’s practically a stranger to you and that’s her own fault.
She abandoned you and you should take every opportunity to remind her of that. Your bio mom is also spouting off some ridiculous talking points to rally like-minded (aka racist) people to her corner who will agree that she is the victim and feel sorry for her.
Race and ethnicity have no place in this conversation. A woman stepped up for a child in need when her so-called mother walked away. Full stop.” Existing_Fox_6317
Then talk to mom and dad about the next bit.. take time to really consider whether having Melanie in your life is beneficial to you.. or is it more beneficial to HER to get contact with you? If you decide to cut her off make sure dad and mom A are on board with that and then
You consider meeting with melanie IN PUBLIC and then telling her that seeing how you are 18 you are old enough to make the decision ALONE to no longer seeing her and that is your choice...
that you will not allow her to slate the ONLY PARENTS you have ever had in your life just so she gets an online pity party or post pics of you and her for Internet likes...
Then walk away...
Ps if you are open to it and its not already been done you could get your mom to adopt you legally x
18. AITJ For Refusing To Tutor My Stepsibling After My Dad Denied My Request To Move In For A Better Education?
“My dad got married this year to my stepmom and moved into her house.
She has 2 kids (8M and 13M).
Before the school year started, I’m a sophomore in HS, and I asked my dad if I could move in with them so I could attend the school in their district. My mom’s district school is much worse than the one in my stepmom’s district.
He said no, that there were a lot of things going on in our lives at the moment, and we all needed time to adapt to the changes.
I used to spend weekends with my dad, but I started working to save money for college, so I won’t be going there every weekend.
Last night, my dad messaged me asking if I could help my stepbrother with the test he’s taking this Friday. My dad knows I’m a great student – I was the top of my class last year – so he thought I could assist my stepbrother.
I told my dad that I wouldn’t help my stepbrother.
I explained that I’m involved in ECs, so I don’t have time, and it’s not feasible for me to go to his house to assist.
My dad said he would pick me up every day after school and bring me back after dinner. He emphasized how crucial it was for my stepbrother to do well on the test because my stepmom wants to enroll him in a good prep school.
I got upset about this because when I asked to live with them for a better school, education wasn’t a top priority for my dad. I replied that I wouldn’t help them at all because they didn’t help me when I needed it.
He said I’m not helping our family integrate and that I should act like an older brother.
He believes this would only harm my relationship with my stepbrother. He said that he would call me the next day.
Today, my mom asked to talk. She said my dad talked to her, and she thought I should help. She said that if I don’t, my stepbrother might become resentful, which could affect our relationship forever.
Even though we are not blood related, we’re now a family, and we should act like one, according to her. I told my mom that I didn’t feel they acted like a family when they didn’t want me to move in. She said the decision is mine, but she believed I was wrong.
My mom and I live with my grandparents. My grandpa noticed that my mom and I had a serious conversation, and I told him what happened. He said the decision is mine, but it would indeed harm my relationship with my dad’s new family.
My dad called me, and I told him I wouldn’t help them, they could hire a tutor.
He said he’d pay me to go if that was the issue, but I said that wasn’t the problem; the problem was that he didn’t give the same importance to my education.
My dad said the problem is that I always think of myself and that I’d eventually realize I was wrong, expressing his disappointment in me.
He said he helps me with my education as best as he can, just as he’s trying to assist my stepbrother. He said that if I change my mind, I could call him, and he’d pick me up.
I still think I’m right. They didn’t help me when I asked for it, so I have no reason to help them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You ask, he said no. He reasoned. End of discussion. He asked, you said no. You reasoned. He insists and gaslighted you. If you are still doubtful and want to test the water, be prepared for the worst. Ask him which one he prefers to be resentful, the stepbrother or you?
That will give you a clear picture of your answer. Reminder; Not professional advice.” caikimsin
Another User Comments:
“So… you are the absolute only person that can help this poor child in his attempt to pass a test? There are no friends, fellow students, teachers, tutors, nobody?
Heck of a test there. You are not required to help anyone, blood relation or not. Yes, do I look back on choices I made in life and think that I could have made the choice to be kind instead of right? Sure. But honestly, if your step brother resents you for not helping with a test, then he has issues.
NTJ” Snickerdoodle2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Op should ask his dad how would you feel if you needed something from me and I said no, but I turned around gave what you needed to my mom’s partner. Would you look at me same for prioritizing someone else over you and not helping .” Background_Stay_5300
Just tell your dad that your stepbrother is not your concern, just like your switching to a better school isn't your dad's concern, and that he needs to stop asking you to tutor because it isn't going to happen. I would pick this as a hill to die on, personally. And tell everyone who thinks you should be making the concessions that it isn't going to happen and they need to stop the nagging or they'll be blocked as well. Good luck. Sometimes family get things very, very wrong. I think this is one of those times.
17. AITJ For Asking A Fellow Boarder To Not Tie His Horse To My Shed?
“I (62F) live on a horse ranch. The owners are both elderly and I rent a house on the property.
I’ve been here for 4 years. I get along great with my landlords and really like the facility.
Part of my deal was the use of a metal shed to store my horse feed and supplies (saddles, etc.) It’s like a small version of a shipping container, about 15 feet square.
It’s located at the back of a parking area where other boarders keep their horse trailers. I have a tie ring on it at the corner where I tie my horses while I’m grooming or saddling.
The trailer parked closest to my shed belongs to a pair of brothers who share a horse.
I don’t know them well but have always had short, pleasant interactions with them. Early on, I asked them if they could move the trailer over a couple of feet because it was very close to where I tied up and they were very understanding and did so.
I’ve had no issue since.
Until today.
Today, I went over to my shed to get some feed and other things. One of the brothers was there and had his horse tied on my tie ring. I said hi, pet the horse, and said, “I’m going to be getting stuff out of the shed, just so you know.” I figured he’d take the hint and move his horse.
His trailer has a bunch of tie loops on it and I’ve always seen him and his brother tie up to the trailer. Instead, he just left the horse there.
I got out my buckets and the horse was nudging me and trying to get into my buckets and reaching in the door and so I said, in what I thought was a friendly way, “Hey, would you mind tying up to your trailer?
This is my tack shed.”
Well, he got VERY offended. “Did you buy it?” he demanded. “Did you bring it on the property?”
I was totally taken aback but tried to be mild. “No,” I said, “But I’ve had the use of it for 4 years and you have a trailer to tie to.
I’m not trying to be a jerk.”
“What, you mean even if you’re not here, you want me to not use it? Why are you making such a big deal out of this? You don’t own it.” and on and on and on.
He moved the horse but he would not let it go.
Kept ranting and raving that “we all have to share space.” I pointed out that I was the only person who used that shed, and that I had no other place to put my horses, and that his horse was getting into all my stuff.
I was really trying to be diplomatic but he was just on a rant. It was truly bizarre.
By this time, I was annoyed. I just shut up and did my thing while he barked and yelled. Then I went to get some water and when I came back, he said, “I’d appreciate it if you did a full inventory of everything in that shed.”
I said, “What?” He said, “I don’t want you accusing me of stealing anything. After all, you left it unlocked.”
At that point, I was just done. “Grow up!” I snapped, and walked off. Later, I walked past him again and he was badmouthing me to other boarders.
The two women he was talking to sneered that I was petty and making a big deal out of nothing.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As a barn owner, I’ve always tried to keep everyones items separate. Barn isles are to be shared, wash stalls and tack stalls are to be shared. Sounds like you basically have a big tack locker separate from the main facility in this instance.
“Moving things in and out” doesn’t indicate that you are about to tie a horse in that spot, but once you made that clear, dude should have moved no question. Dudes reaction is insane, considering he is “renting” space just like you are. NTJ, guy should have more respect for others using the facility and the fact that he is just a renter too.
This is why I don’t have a bigger boarding operation, people can’t act right” thissidedn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, Mom. You played it perfectly. Your tack shed. Please do a full inventory. The only other advice I can give is keep some weight on your hip.” workswithglass
I'd definitely mention this to your landlord and let him handle it. Good luck.
16. AITJ For Telling People Online My Stepmom Lied About Our Relationship?
“My mom passed away when I (16M) was 7. My parents had been separated for a long time and dad was seeing my stepmom when my mom passed. I didn’t meet her until after mom’s death.
When I met her she introduced herself to me as the woman who was going to be my new mom and she told me she was committed to being an equal parent to me. I didn’t like this, even then, it rubbed me the wrong way and I said to my dad that I didn’t like her and when he asked me why, I said in a way a 7 year old would that I didn’t want her to be my new mom and it made me sad and mad when she said that.
My dad told me it could be good and to give her a chance to be that. He told me she had been looking forward to meeting me and had been preparing to be a good mom to me.
Twoish years later my stepmom and dad were married and she started posting online about being a stepmom who was mom and how we had an instant mom/son connection to each other.
Over the years she painted a picture that was nothing like reality. She made up a story of the first time I called her mom. I have never called her mom so it’s a total lie and not just a twisting of how it happened. She told stories about times we spent together where I said I was glad to have her and that she couldn’t be a better mom.
I learned about it like 3 years ago. A friend sent it to me because her mom had seen it. The whole thing was crazy and what’s worse was she was telling people things about me that I didn’t want brought up to people online.
I told her it was a dumb thing to do back then and she told me it hurt her feelings that I was so negative about something so amazing.
About four months ago my stepmom said we needed therapy together and that she didn’t feel loved by me. Therapy has been an interesting experience and the therapist was alarmed to hear that my stepmom has been telling so many elaborate lies for a long time now.
She suggested shutting down the page but my stepmom was like no.
While we have been going to therapy someone who follows my stepmom found me online and reached out and asked me about things. I was honest. That my stepmom had lied about the whole thing and she’s not my second mom and I have never called her mom or told her I love her just as much as I love my mom.
A couple more people reached out after that and I told them the same.
This was brought up in therapy because my stepmom was upset that people were now calling her out and saying she was a phony. Some of her advice was tried out by these people and they had bad results and they thought they had followed the advice badly or something.
She said in therapy she felt like I told those people what I did to hurt her and she didn’t feel that it was fair. I told her I was never going to lie for her and anyone who knows us knows she is not my mom and that I would never call her that.
The therapist told my stepmom it was on her, they were her lies. But my stepmom, and my dad, both say I was intentionally hurtful to her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s giving bad advice to people who don’t know how bad she’s lying.
Your stepmother needs major therapy for this attention-seeking behaviour. She’s so desperate to be portrayed as a “perfect stepmom” but she is entirely a phony. What she’s doing is gross.” Visual-Lobster6625
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Listen to your therapist: you did nothing wrong. Your stepmother was wrong to lie about you.
You are under no obligation to lie for her. If she and your father don’t see that, I’d start making a plan and saving money to get out of their domicile as soon as you turn 18. Good luck. I’m rooting hard for you.” Some-Selection1811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am surprised that the therapist isn’t pointing out that, if she is posting this as “step-parenting advice” people could go after her for misinformation. The desperate might even try emotional damages. I am not saying they would get very far, but that won’t stop someone who has been hurt and wants her shutdown.” Wrangellite
Or can you print off the pages at school and is there a way to contact your maternal family.. you don't mention them but then you don't know what dad told them after mom died... see if they can help you somehow.. get SOMEONE in school that you trust to help you.. cos bud you need it big time.. just keep the messages from all these people... tel, them your the truth and keep i dunno screenshot etc.. go to a trusted adult about all this is she getting money from her amazing advice that she getting through lies and fraudulent advice ? Maybe that's why she doesn't want the page shutting down
15. AITJ For Preventing My Dad From Naming His New Baby After Me?
“This might be a bit of a weird background but hang on until I (16F) explain. My parents were young when they had me. My mom had no family of her own and from the age of like 12, when she and my dad first got close, my dad’s family became hers too.
My parents were together all through high school and had me right after graduating. My mom passed away in her sleep when I was only 6 months old. She was 19.
My dad was never interested in me and he and my grandparents fought a lot from the time I was born to the time my mom passed away.
They were disgusted with his lack of love or concern for me. They wanted him to be a better father than he was being and apparently pointed out my mom was the same age as him and had stepped up. But he wasn’t interested. After mom passed away my grandparents were terrified that my dad would mess me up.
So they made a deal with him. They would get legal custody, they would raise me, and they would give him some funds every month for him to do what he liked. I know it sounds strange but they saw it as a way to keep him from me unless he was serious about being a dad.
I never actually saw him at all when I was little. A couple of years ago I saw him from a distance for the first time. He had some woman with him. They later got married. I would see them around but decided to still keep my distance.
His wife knew about me before they even married. Now they’re having a baby girl and my aunt was told by the wife that they wanted to name their baby Serenity, which is my name. She spoke to me about it because she wanted to warn me.
The second I heard about this I hated it. I saw so many issues because we would have the exact same name… I have no middle name and my aunt said they had no plans to use a middle name either. Our last names would be the same too.
Plus it felt like the sharing a name could be used by some people to push for me to be in the child’s life.
I asked my grandparents if they could convince him not to do it. They spoke to him and he was saying he just wanted his wife to be happy.
They told him he could forget about the funds if he does, since it would be messing me over. I think my grandparents also hated the idea that he was sending a clear message that he never loved me by just using the name for the kid he wants to raise.
My dad ended up backing down.
His wife was angry and she blamed me even though he said it was my grandparents who intervened. She said she knows I must have said I didn’t like it or something and whatever I did, I was a selfish little jerk because I took away her chance to name her child what she wanted. She said Serenity was a name she chose when she was little and always wanted to use it.
My grandparents came home while she was ranting at me and made her leave.
My dad and his wife are no longer welcome at all. I can’t get what she she said out of my head. So I feel like I need to ask… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You should be extremely glad your real parents had the foresight to see your bio-dad as a total piece of a crap. What a selfish jerk. Please dont take whatever his garbage second wife says to heart. It had nothing to do with you, but it always had everything to do with him.
I hope you’re doing okay.” WPU_Rchezem23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sperm donor’s new wife must be PROFOUNDLY stupid if she thinks giving her offspring the exact same name as someone else is a good idea. Of course, she did willingly marry and spawn with a man who she knows will drop his spawn faster than a shark.” Zealousideal-Song717
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. Why would his wife even want to do this if she knows his first child already has that name? So weird and mean. People don’t change without a lot of effort. I wouldn’t be surprised if this also goes sideways eventually.
Completely not the jerk and you don’t owe him anything.” SerenityViolet
14. AITJ For Calling My Roommate Incompetent After She Repeatedly Failed To Care For My Dogs?
“I, 18F, have a roommate who’s 26, also F. We rent a house together.
I have two dogs. I got them when I moved in (they’re about a year), they’ve been with both her and I since they were puppies.
Despite this, I’ve never asked her to watch them, clean up after them, feed them, or do anything with them. They’re my dogs.
Recently she told me that she wants to get more involved with them since she calls them her dogs, and she posts pictures about how much she loves ‘her dogs’ and things like that.
I thought it would be good for them to have another person they could trust, and it would be good for me because as a full-time student with a job, it’s hard to take care of them all the time.
The other day, I woke up at 6:30 to go to the gym one of my classes was moved around so I needed to go earlier.
The dogs are usually fed at 7. I texted her and asked if she would feed them at 7, she said yes.
I got home around 8 and they were barking and their bowls were empty. I went to her room to ask if she fed them. She said she forgot.
I didn’t care too much, it was a mistake. I was just mildly annoyed, so I fed them and went about my day.
A few days after, she asked to take them on their walk. Which was great for me because that meant I could do some overtime.
I agreed and showed her where everything was. But when I got home from work around midnight, the dogs were sitting by the door, they ran over to their leashes and harnesses. So I asked if she took them on a walk (she was sitting on the couch) and she told me she was going to but it was too cold out for her so she didn’t.
It was 15°C (60°F). So I took them out at midnight. If I didn’t they wouldn’t have slept.
Now, this morning. I decided to give her one more chance because I had an early class (Usually on these days I’ll just feed them before I leave, but when I make their breakfast I warm it up for them and I feel bad leaving it out to get cold).
I knocked on her door at 6am before I left for the gym. She told me she would feed them at 7. I had to go right from the gym to school or else I’d be late. I told her that. Saying I wouldn’t be there if she forgot to feed them.
She rolled her eyes and said “I’m an adult, I know how to feed dogs”.
I got home at 3:15pm. The dogs were laying by their bowls. So I went to her room (she’s home all day, remote job). When I got there, I asked if she fed the dogs and she said “Ohh that’s what I was forgetting.
Can you do it since you’re home now?”
I got mad at her and basically told her she was incompetent and that I hope she never gets a pet of her own.
Now her friends are texting me and telling me I was too harsh
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If her friends come at you, then just reiterate the facts. “They’re not her dogs, they’re mine. She asked to help take care of them, and the times I let her attempt to, she made them suffer. They starved all day because she ‘forgot’.
So you’re mad at me because I’m not letting her mistreat my pets anymore – MY pets, not hers? Do you want to trust her to take care of your animals? Probably not, because she’s shown with mine she can’t be bothered to feed and water them.
But hey, if you want to let her starve yours, go ahead. Let her mistreat your pets. Then come tell me that I’m overreacting.”” WikkidWitchly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a matter of whose dogs they were. She said she’d do a thing THREE TIMES and THREE TIMES she did not do the thing.
To make it worse, her not doing the thing THREE TIMES made animals suffer. You were harsh yes, but she suffered less than what she inflicted on those dogs.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what is wrong with her? Let her go hungry with an empty plate in front of her.
I tend to forget to feed myself and feed my dog, So I set notification with alarms on my phone! A lot of alarms for my dog. Don’t rely on her, there’s no love there for your dog. She wants a toy not living beings with emotions, it will break your dogs heart if they bonded with her and got thrown away afterwards like its nothing” WoofHooman
13. AITJ For Demanding My Sister Pay Me For My Damaged Mattress And Bed Frame?
“I (25F) found out that my sister “Jane” 22F) took my mattress & bed frame behind my back while I was living abroad. It was being stored at my parents house until I moved back to the states. I only discovered this because my mom let it slip, thinking that I was already in the loop.
I found out after Jane had already used it for a year and had already returned the mattress to my parents house. The bed frame, however, never made it back because Jane broke it in the first week. She even put the blame on me (her words: “I don’t know what you did to it”).
So my mom bought a new one to replace it … because Jane probably played the “broke college kid” card. No one consulted me on the new bed frame and I find it ridiculously ugly, the original was a beautiful dxark wood that I stained myself, and the new one is a grey upholstered fabric.
When I confronted Jane, she said her logic was 1) that it would just sit in our parents house collecting dust so why not get use out of it, and 2) she didn’t see the point in buying a mattress because she’d be moving to a different state after graduating ..
claimed that it was just more “convenient” to use mine.
Needless to say, I was furious. This is a memory foam mattress I purchased specifically for my severe chronic back pain (injury) and now she has put ‘miles’ on it that I never approved of.
Mattresses only have so many years in them, and she just spent up one of those years. She also has a partner …. so memories were added to the memory foam that I’m noooot comfortable with. The cherry on top is her college apartment is disgusting.
So, I’m frustrated & disgusted for multiple reasons.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. If she apologized right away I was going to try and swallow my anger and move on the best I could. Instead, she ignored me for two full weeks!!!
So I texted her again, letting her know I now expect to be compensated $500 total for the mattress & bed frame. The mattress was $556 + shipping and the bed frame was free from a friend who was moving (I sanded & stained it myself, so the value = materials + full day of labor).
I don’t want to ship the taken mattress or the ugly bed frame across the country to my next city anymore, like I originally planned. My parents can use the set at their house for a guest bed for all I care or sell them to make up for the bed frame they bought.
Well, Jane absolutely lost it. Saying I should have just accepted her apology and moved on. Calling me delusional. Telling me my logic is mind boggling. Gaslighting me into thinking I am in the wrong for being so upset. At most she’s willing to give me $150 to get the mattress professionally cleaned. She admitted she knows she’s the jerk for taking it behind my back … but won’t budge from the cleaning fee of $150.
We haven’t talked in a month because she shut the convo down saying I’m delusional and she was done talking about it.
So tell me, AITJ for demanding my sister pays me $500?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but face it : your mom was complicit and you’re not ever getting reimbursed by them for your sister’s appropriation of your mattress.
Lesson to be learned : don’t store things at your mom’s house because she will do as she pleases with them. As for your sister…you know what she is.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Quit carrying the sisterhood and stop talking to your sister.
Close down the conversation if your mom backs her up. She has been selfish with you her whole life. She is not going to change.” LeahBlackmere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is straight forward theft and damage to property. Definitely small claims court. Ensure you have the documentation of what it cost (your receipts), and a quote for replacement.” kiwimuz
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Lets His Family Borrow His Truck But Not Me?
“My husband and I have been together for a little over 5 years now. We got married April 2022. We have two vehicles. A truck that is in his name only and my SUV that is in both of our names. He works out of town Monday through Thursday and has a work truck provided so his truck is only used on the weekends when he’s home to drive it.
In October 2021 the transmission in my car went out and I needed a vehicle to drive for the week that it was in the shop. We live together so I expected that he would be okay with me driving his truck for the week. When I asked, he said no, stating I wasn’t on his insurance policy and offered to pay for a rental car for me to drive.
It was a nice suggestion but my boss offered to let me use their extra vehicle and not spend the money, so I took them up on that offer. My car got fixed and life moved on.
Fast forward a couple of months and his sister was in an accident.
He drove his truck and hour and a half to her and let her borrow it for the 2 weeks while her car was being repaired. When I asked him about this, he said there were both on the same insurance plan with their parents still.
I made my feelings known but didn’t argue it.
We got married April of last year and are on the same insurance policy now.
Last month, his moms car broke down and she needed a vehicle to drive for a couple weeks while they got it checked out and decided whether it was worth fixing etc. This time, he did come to me beforehand and let me know that he was going to let his mom borrow his truck for a couple weeks.
I stated I have no problem with him loaning his truck out. My problem was that he was against letting me drive it for the week my car was down.
We got the truck back last week from his mom and all seemed fine. Until last night.
He was in the yard cutting up branches to take to the Boy Scouts camp site for firewood. He cut the branches up on the interior yard first and as he started on the branches on the exterior part of the yard, I went outside and chucked the logs over the fence in a pile to help him load them up.
After I had them over the fence, I went inside and got the truck key and backed the truck out of the driveway and pulled it around the yard to where the log pile was.
Guys, he saw me driving the truck and put his chainsaw down and met me in the road while I was backing up asking what I was doing.
Confused I said I was backing up to help him load the logs up and asked what the problem was. He looked at me and said, “you know my feelings about it.” When I asked him what his issue is with me driving the truck when he has no problem loaning it to his sister/mom for weeks at a time to drive he said (in regards to his mom) “because of all the stuff she does for us.” I told him I understand that she does a lot but thats not a good enough answer.
I want to know why he’ll loan his truck out to them but has a problem with me, his wife, driving it. All he said was that he wasn’t going to fight about it.
My driving record is good. We’re on the same policy so what gives?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Was about to go for YTJ because his reason was plausible. I don’t let anyone drive my car unless they are on my insurance. But You’re correct. His reasoning now basically is that I don’t trust you to drive my vehicle.
I don’t even trust you to back up my vehicle. Even though we’re on the same policy. Him saying that his “mom does so much for you” has nothing to do with your question.” Ok-Context1168
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Guuuuurl….. Get off the SUV and go get your own car.
Make sure he’s not on your insurance and you keep both keys. I’m not usually tit for tat, but him not wanting you to move the truck in the yard is BS, along with him stating that his mom ‘does so much for you’ Hmmmm… Maybe stop doing so much at home if it doesn’t get you driving privileges.
But seriously, get your own car.” Bananas4skail
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Honestly, it’s a slap in the face. He won’t tell “HIS” family “NO”, when it comes to driving the truck, but has no problem telling his wife no. The kicker is that the truck was sitting at home when your vehicle was in the shop.
and he still told you that you couldn’t drive it!” Skippydoda10
Girl, run. Run very far, very fast. Get everything you own in your name only. If he balks at putting the SUV in your name, tell him you expect to have your name on his truck title and see how fast he backpedals He's hiding something from you, something big, and you need to find out what it is. In addition to getting your vehicle in your name only, I would open a bank account in your name only, have any paychecks/monies you get on the regular direct deposited in that account, and take half of whatever shared savings/investment accounts you two have together and put that in there too. Don't use a bank where your husband banks and don't tell him what you're doing. Then get all your personal documentation together, find a nice apartment to rent and don't tell him anything until you're moving out. This man is bad news for you. Good luck.
11. AITJ For Asking My SIL To Leave After Overstaying Her Welcome While I'm Pregnant?
“I (31 f) am about to give birth to our 3rd child, due 2days.
My husband asked his sister to come ( lives in a different city) & help take care of our other 2 kids while we go to have our baby when the time comes. I was appreciative of this when he told me she was coming as this wasn’t supposed to be long term.
I assumed 2-3 weeks.
Next thing I know my husband is telling me she will be here for 3 months after we have already agreed she come up. I’m not very happy about this as I don’t want a full time visitor for that long with our new baby, I voice my concerns but we can’t do anything about it now as she is already coming.
She shows up and is great at first , but now her daughter (12) who lives full time in the same city as us with her dad is also staying with us.
This was never part of the agreement or plan at any point. So now our household has doubled chaos while we prep for baby & while we are deep in renovations – we only have 1 bathroom right now that is right next to our room, so every time someone comes up the stairs to use it, our dogs bark or someone gets woken up.
This is obviously annoying without the 2 extra people here, but on top of being woken up multiple times a night now we have two school aged children trying to get ready in the morning & this was never ran by me.
My husband also told his sister that she will be taking over all school drop & pick ups for our son without letting me know (I am a stay at home mom) they have been in constant talks over what she will be doing to “help” and no one has asked me what I need.
We (husband & I) end up getting in a big argument about it because our house is overcrowded now, I’m literally about to have a baby & that seems to be everyone’s least concern here. I’m stressed to the max I’m over hosting, I can’t find anything she puts away, we are all waiting for bathrooms, lack of sleep, & I’m being told I NEED help to do the jobs that I do every day just fine.
The only help I agreed to was having her come watch our older kids (3&8) while I was giving birth.
The next day she completely avoids me & hides in the basement all afternoon, & only talks to him & our kids. So now on top of all the stress I’m being treated like the bad guy & now feeling even more awkward & I’m being avoided.
So I ask my husband about this it ends in argument & he calls his sister in to come talk which I didn’t want because now I’m the monster in the middle. She tells me well her thing is that she doesn’t get to be a mom so she’s trying to do this now here with her daughter.
I told her that right now that’s not my problem & my only concern right now is having this baby & being comfortable in my own home as I didn’t ask for any of this “help”.
She said well if I don’t want her help then she will leave tomorrow.
I didn’t argue her leaving, If she was so set on helping me why did she run everything past my husband instead of asking me what I needed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is not very bright or intelligent. He needs to be a mature adult and discuss things appropriately with you and not make decisions for you!
He is making you live in an environment that is very dangerous for your health and the babies health. Don’t have any more kids with this jerk. Why would he think having your SIL there for 3 months be okay for you. You know why.
It’s because he doesn’t want to pull his own weight as he is the lazy one. Then he tries to gaslight you. You have a husband problem and you need to pull him into line and set boundaries.” Strong_Storm_2167
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is time where they should be asking you what you want, and instead they’re adding to your stress. In your situation, being annoyed and letting people know they’re making things worse is absolutely reasonable. I can’t say if you communicated that the best way, but right now, I don’t think you need to worry about it.
Maybe in a year or so think back.” bv728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I am seven months pregnant and your post gave me anxiety and stress for you! It sounds like she lost her job and housing and husband and SIL came up with this plan while you were vulnerable.
What really bothers me, is husband gaslighting you into being the bad guy and dragging sister-in-law in to your private argument, so he could embarrass you into submission.. what cruel things he did… Is there anyone else you can lean on? ” Euphoric_Return1113
10. AITJ For Wanting To Accompany My Husband Into Walmart On His Birthday?
“So today is my husband’s 33rd birthday. We didn’t really have plans other than spending the day together as a family like we normally do on the weekends and planned to go stargazing tonight with one of his friends who does astrophotography.
I did give him a gift and a card and said we could do whatever he wanted.
For some context, I am a SAHM and he works long hours during the week. I can’t drive so I don’t get to go out much during the week.
I go on walks and the local coffee shop in my very small rural town (1,000 people) but that’s about it. Otherwise, I am at home doing 90% of the childcare (if not more). Needless to say, I really look forward to our family outings and getting to go places and he usually does too.
Today he said he wanted to go to our nearest bigger town (an hour away) to go to Walmart to get our son some more food he needed. Usually when we make the trip out there we do other things too, like go out to eat or walk around the mall or just whatever we feel like amongst our other errands.
It wasn’t really discussed and Walmart was our main goal.
So we make the hour drive (everything is going just great) and we pull into the Walmart parking lot. I say that I need to give our son a bottle quick before we go in.
This takes maybe 5 minutes. He said “well maybe I’ll just go in and grab the stuff we need.” I said, “I’d really like to go in too.” I wanted to help pick out our toddlers food and wanted to get out of the car.
A flip switched. He said, “I don’t feel like spending my whole birthday in Walmart looking at clothes and staring at food.” I do sometimes get sidetracked looking at baby clothes but this was NOT my intention today AT ALL.
I just bought clothes for our kids and literally only planned on going to the food section. I also do NOT spend that much time doing this. If I do, it’s like 10 mins MAX. This comment upset me and I said, “just wait for me, I never get to go anywhere.”
I feed the baby and get him in the cart and my husband doesn’t speak to me the rest of the Walmart trip (the trip took maybe 10 minutes). We get in the car and I ask what happened and why he was mad and he said I basically ruined his birthday and all he wanted was to run in.
He then just started driving the hour back home and said he wasn’t continuing with the rest of his plans because of me.
I’m so confused and told him I didn’t know I was banished to the car and that it was a big deal that I come in.
Now I’m back home with baby and he left. I don’t know where he went. I really wanted to have a good day and make him feel good on his birthday and now I wish I would’ve just let him go in and do whatever.
It just sucks and him knowing how much I like getting out of the house and bringing me back home feels like some sort of punishment and like a power trip or something. This feels so stupid to ruin an entire birthday over.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m also a sahm and my husband works, I also don’t drive and he does so I don’t leave much. It’s nice getting out of the house when I can cause I’m always home. Even just the store can be nice to be around others and outside of the chaos.
It sounds like he just had a rough day maybe? I don’t think going in and looking around sounds unreasonable or a way to “ruin” his birthday. I hope you guys can work it out” Courtney_ford
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But this sounds like a symptom of a bigger issue.
A cognitive distortion where people end up lashing out over minor things when it literally isn’t the problem. Possibly because it’s easier than addressing what’s really going on. Or maybe they have a hard time processing their feelings and don’t even realize it” Imaginary_Job_8285
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband sure is a massive jerk. The fact that he wouldn’t even tell you what was wrong or what these plans were. Don’t do anything more for his Birthday, in fact don’t even cook his dinner. He ruined his own birthday and upset you unnecessarily.” User
I think you need to have a sit down with him and ask what his problem is. You did nothing wrong but he blamed you for "ruining his birthday"?!?!? Yeah, no - not your fault. He's hiding something from you and it's time for him to come clean. Good luck.
9. AITJ For Going To The Pumpkin Patch With My Family Instead Of My In-Laws?
“I (29 F) and husband (30 M) spend a lot of holidays with his family. I love his family and never get into fights or arguments. Last year around Halloween I was 9 months pregnant and ask my husband if it would be okay to make plans earlier at the end of September for the yearly pumpkin patch with his family just in case I went into labor.
We have two other kids and I wanted to make sure they were a part of the pumpkin patch before the new baby arrived. My husband’s sister made a big deal about going early. On that weekend Saturday her daughter has soccer it was just too much for one day.
Okay so we said how about Sunday. That worked.
A week before we went his sister now said her son has a birthday party he needed to go to. So, we said we will go earlier in the day. A day before she cancels completely because waking her daughter up two days in a row wasn’t going to work and they would go to the pumpkin patch without the family and for us to still go without them.
My husband’s mother got so mad she canceled the whole thing and none of his family went with us. We still went because I wanted my kids to go, and we even invited his mother, but she said it wasn’t fair for her to come with us and not the other grandkids.
I was upset over this because we don’t ever plan anything and always make plans work with his family no matter what and they couldn’t for one holiday work with us.
After that all went down his mother said it’s just too hard to make plans with all her kids and their families so around Halloween she is just going to spend time with the grandkids next year.
Fast forward to this year I made plans with my family to go to the pumpkin patch. I talked to my mom in July about going with us and she was so happy she has never been to a pumpkin patch before. We made plans for the last day in September just like the year before.
Well, a week before the last day my mother-in-law messages the group chat saying they are doing the yearly pumpkin patch the last weekend of September and asked if we could all go then. Of course, his sister said yeah they could go with no excuses this year.
I was livid. I told my husband we are not going to two pumpkin patches in the same weekend and he agreed. He told his mom we are not going because of last year. His mom was fine but made the comment she better not see my mom posting pictures on social media going with us.
My husband left out the part to his mother that my mom was going.
We went to the pumpkin patch and everything was fine until my mom posted pictures on social media. Later that night my husband gets cussed out by his mother because we went with my mom.
She goes on to say how she doesn’t understand how we could go with my mom when it’s her tradition to do pumpkin patch every year. She continues to say how she just knew this was going to happen when he got with me. She removed/ blocked us from social media and now isn’t talking to us.
So AITJ for not going to her pumpkin patch? Should I have went to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Where does she get off? To think she has authority to forbid you from spending time with your own mother? And don’t be afraid to speak up – you and your husband – when asked if your mother was going.
You’re all adults. You can do whatever the bleep you want.” KyotoDreamsTea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… so childish on her part… Just message once on every platform and if they chose to ignore it then it’s their problem. “Moving forward we are making plans as a nuclear family.
We will be posting specific plans that are open for others to attend on -insert family calendar app- anyone can chose to attend or not. We will not be changing them; or accommodating anyone else. Nor will we be duplicating events. “” CatchMeIfYouCan09
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. It gets really hard to plan these things for the entire family once you all have kids, especially since they will want to go to Halloween parties and events during that time. your husband is because he should have told his mother up front, we planned it with her mother this year since you refused to come with us last year.
I do think you could have done the smart thing which is plan to go and then message his family that you are going on this day and time and if they want to go, you would enjoy seeing them there. Quit being so invested in whether they go or not.” holisarcasm
Time to shut his momster down and put her back in her lane
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Uncles To My Daughter's Sweet 16?
“My husband passed away and my family helped me a lot(always do) but I wasn’t even present when someone said my uncles should adopt my kids so they could have a better future.
When I was told this I said NO my kids are my kids. And I let it go. But that same week one of my uncles and his wife came and said my son at that time in 6 grade had mistreated their daughter in 1st grade I believe.
And they told us that the girl just randomly started talking in the car saying that this had happened when my son was 6 and her 3. My parents and I didn’t say anything just heard till they were done. My kids were not home so they didn’t hear anything.
I told them that couldn’t be cause my son NEVER EVER played with that girl cause she would cry over everything. And they got offended and stormed off. For the past weeks the wife tried to get my son in jail. But with no luck.
Cause there was no evidence of that since that never happened. .. well some years past and my son was an 8th grader and the girl was older. A cousin invited me to a party. So I said no but she insisted and I accepted.
The day of the party we were in a table with my other uncle and his wife as well as my mom and my grandma.
My son was sitting next to me and that girl came in with her parents. She saw us and ran to MY SON and sooooo happy she said ” hi I’d missed you how you been it’s been so long why don’t you go to parties anymore”.
All while I was telling her to move away and my son was telling her to not touch him. She looked confused like she didn’t say or did anything wrong. And her parents just stared. So my other aunt said to her to go back to her parents.
They stayed at the party till I said that they had separated our family successfully that I hoped they were happy. The next day my grandma told me that she had gone and told her to give me a message that if we ( my son and I) ever went to another family party.
She would do everything to make sure my son got in jail and suffer. I went to the court and asked for a restraining order but it was denied for lack of proof. Fast forward to today 2023.
My daughter is gonna have a sweet 16 and I haven’t invited them so my mom asked when was I gonna do it.
To which I replied I’m not gonna do it I don’t what any of them in that party. And she lost it she told me I should let bygones be bygones and that her brothers don’t deserve that from me when they always have looked out for me.
We got in a fight and I haven’t talked to her nor my dad. My now husband said that I was wrong cause no matter what those women did my uncles might not even be involved. But I think they are cause their wife’s are cousins and is such a coincidence that they were the ones to supposedly adopt my kids back then and they both started excluding us.
And asked to other families to do the same. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being the bigger person. You’ve decided not to put yourself or your son in situations where these people are around you two. The amount of drama they’ve created speaks volumes about their character.
16 is a milestone birthday and your daughter’s party will be ruined if you invite people who don’t respect you or your son.” Wonderful-Lie-650
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not inviting this part of the family is keeping your son safe. One of the things with someone who has been accused of assault is to avoid the accuser.
You’re trying to protect your son from any further false allegations. Also, you’re not obligated to invite anyone to a party that you don’t want there – family, friend, or the Leader of your country. Why do people always use “be the bigger person” when it comes to this type of thing?
My response is usually “Nope, not the bigger person. In fact, I’m mean and spiteful”.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not let those people around your child!! If the niece is confused tell her what her parents said she accused your son of doing.
If you hide this everyone will feel he is guilty. Get it out there now.” Well-you-did-asked
Ask mom if she is prepared to visit her grandson in jail over uncles wives ridiculous claims.. and ask her if she is honestly defending your so called aunts.. ask if she remembers them pressuring you to let her adopt YOUR KIDS when you were grieving and if she remembers that they have been sour with you since that day...
If she says yes ask her why the jerk you should invite them to be near your kids now then knowing that the statute of limitations on child abuse has no limit.
You are not the jerk here you are doing what a fantastic momma bear does and protecting her cubs till the day she dies
7. AITJ For Wanting My Absentee Mother To Move Out?
“28F here. My mom Rose 59F has been staying with me since the end of July. Rose and I do not have the best relationship. I’ll give you some backstory on why. My mom is past addict and failed to take care of my siblings and I when we we’re younger.
I’ve worked through many therapy sessions by myself and never had a real relationship with her and was ashamed of her for the longest time.
Fast forward to now, this year. I opened my house in return for her help with a surgery I was having.
Cooking, cleaning, etc. I decided I would put my feelings aside and try to have an open mind and let her stay in my fiancé 31M Jake and I’s basement. I also wanted closure on certain things that happened in my childhood etc and what better time then now as I would be laid up for 2-3 weeks.
She shows up to my house a week before my surgery and I help her move her stuff into the basement. She was previously living with a friend 97M Ralph who treated her very badly. She would take care of him in exchange to live there etc. Rose did not work because of a work injury and was doing odd jobs here and there to make money.
I did not ask her to pay for rent or anything. Rose moves in and moves all of her stuff out of her storage unit into my basement.
She’s in and out of the house finding rides to odd jobs because she has no car or license.
She wasn’t home the day of my surgery which is fine because Jake was there but she was only at my house a quarter of the time I needed help. I knew it was probably a lot because she hadn’t spent this much time with me and didn’t know how to act, etc. So, I gave her the benefit of doubt.
I’m now calling other people to help me etc because she’s out and about. Come to find out the guy she lived with had a heart attack and passed away in the hospital the next day. Now, my mother has no place to live which ultimately means she is living in my basement until she finds a place.
She has no job, cannot work because of a work injury, etc.
It’s now October and she’s been avoiding me and hasn’t been back to my house for almost a month now. All of her stuff is unorganized in the basement and she has rotten food in her fridge.
I had to clean up some of it because it was so bad I could smell it.
I finally got ahold of her and she said she wasn’t avoiding me, she’s been really depressed and feels like a burden. She’s been staying at friends houses on the couch doing odd jobs to make money.
I told her if she’s staying at friends then we need to organize her stuff and get it out of my house as she hasn’t been staying here anyway. She said I do want to stay there unless you don’t want me to.
She started crying and said she feels like a burden. I told her she wasn’t but we need to figure something out. She said she would come over and we will plan it out.
It’s been a week now and she doesn’t answer my calls.
I’m this close to putting her stuff on the curb and texting her to come get here stuff but part of me feels terrible to kick her out at this time. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look up the abandoned property laws in your area.
You may need to make an inventory. Give her the legal notice to pick up per stuff by the mandated date. Have proof she received the notice. Once you’re beyond the required date, do as you wish.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was supposed to take care of you and didn’t.
Was supposed to live in the basement and used it as a storage unit instead. Said she would come over to have a discussion and didn’t show up. Is dodging your calls to try and figure out the mess she made. I mean, if you really want to be nice, you can pay for a storage unit for a month, move all her stuff into it, tell her where it is, that it has only been paid for 30 days, and she needs to come get the key.
Obviously, she does have another place to stay because she’s been staying there.” BeautifulPhantom1
Another User Comments:
“Dealing with a family member with addiction is hard and there’s no perfect way about it. Sometimes you end up feeling icky no matter what you do. It sounds like you tried your best and now you have to hold boundaries for your own well-being.
She’s not keeping up her end of the agreement (a place to stay in exchange for help around the house) so you don’t owe her anything. NTJ” PerformanceGeneral85
you owe her NOTHING at all... it was her job as your parent to care for you NOT the other way round.. talk to your therapist if needed get their advice.. she needn't expect ANYTHING from you or siblings...
she has led such a dysfunctional life for years and as such trying to adjust to normal clean and or sober life is hard for her let alone trying to explain and or accept the part she played in your childhood and the traumas her actions caused...
Stay strong and do what's right for YOU and FIANCE
6. AITJ For Confronting My Partner's Dad Who Constantly Belittles Her?
‘My partner is a great girl, lovable, caring and very smart, she is currently studying biomedicine, and is one of the top students of her university here in Brazil, and was even called to present her project in another country and I’m so proud of her.
I’m giving this context first for you guys to understand the situation with her dad… he is the “know-it-all” type of guy, that thinks he is more intelligent than everyone on the planet (he is not) he says a lot of dumb stuff, and every time I visited my partner, he would start talking about the books he wrote, the posts on his blog and how smart and philosophical he is.
The problem is, when he is in his “know-it-all” mode he starts to belittle other people’s intelligence and his favorite victim is his daughter, (my partner) and he would always say things “she never read any books I sometimes doubt she can read” and many times he follows her around constantly bothering her like “you’re not washing these dishes properly how can you be that dumb”?
That annoyed me a lot, but my partner said he was always like this, and she felt hurt in the beginning but she got used to it, and she loved him no matter what, and what made me even more angry is that she “acts dumb” near him to make him feel special, because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, she is so considerate to a man that shames her all the time.
We live together now and when we visit her parents or or they visit us, her dad immediately begins to belittle his daughter but one day he crossed the line for me, we were at the dinner table with a lot of people and my partner said “Guys I have some news I will present my college project in another country I’m so excited”.
Everyone was happy about it but her dad instantly said “For you to be that good of a student you’re either being dishonest or that college is rubbish”.
Everyone went silent, my partner’s smiling face disappeared for 3 seconds before she laughed it off. But I didn’t, I got so mad I said “Why can’t you be a good father and praise your daughter for a second”?
His response was “I’m just telling the truth, she is not that smart” with a smug face
I immediately said “actually she is smarter than you, you’re just too dumb and arrogant to realize that”
She put her finger in her mouth to tell me to get silent, but it was too late, her dad exploded.
“Are you calling me stupid you piece of junk? I write books, what about you”
“Books no one reads that’s why you have a pile of them here and no one wants to publish” I answer.
He screams for me to leave his house, my partner’s uncle (her dad’s older brother) interferes and tells him to Shut up because he was a jerk to her and sided with me.
Both me and my partner leave, and we could hear the screams of the uncle and everyone at the table shaming her dad for it, but she was crying and asked why I did that…
She said now her dad will not like me anymore, and she didn’t want that to happen.
I started to regret what I did but I tried to protect her.
Am I the jerk for what I did?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes when we grow up in a bad environment, especially when it’s a caregiver/parental figure, we lose sight of our worth and it becomes the norm.
It is good that you stood up for her, but serious discussion between you both is needed at some point. Explain how you feel, how you feel her father impacts her, and how you won’t stand for that sort of behaviour anymore. It is also important she starts to learn boundaries though, otherwise this unhealthy pattern of behaviour will continue regardless of how often you defend her.
I’d suggest solo therapy for your partner, allow her to work through her pain in a healthy and safe environment.” spookobsessedscot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now your friend is upset because of a conflict with her father. But in the future, I think she will be glad that you protected her, and this will give her confidence in her abilities.” Key_Sheepherder_9357
Another User Comments:
“You said what had to be said. Kudos to the Uncle who backed you up. Have you ever noticed that a fair amount of really smart people are really brilliant in one area but otherwise really dumb especially socially? I’m am not sure if I feel more like he’s “different” or a major product of a misogynistic upbringing or both.
That doesn’t help you though. I’m sorry for your partner this is an awful way to live. I’m glad she is out of that house. Keep supporting all she is doing and hopefully life will be better for her. NTJ” Icy-Pineapple-farmer
5. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Absentee Ex Information About My Life?
“I (29f) had a kid at 19 with a guy let’s call him Jeff. Jeff and I were young and our relationship was held together by physical attraction. Jeff thought that I had been unfaithful to him with my then male best friend.
Hence he decided to get me pregnant as punishment. Because Jeff was convinced I had been unfaithful to him he claimed that the child was not his and was not present for the first 6 months of my pregnancy.
During this time I confided in a female friend that if Jeff doesn’t claim his child he will lose all parental rights.
Jeff gets hold of this information and chooses then to help out for the next 3 months. Mind you Jeff will say that I ate his money throughout my pregnancy. Fast forward, Jeff leaves the state and moves to Europe when our son is 3 months old and promises to send for us.
Jeff sends a little money which can barely buy items for the baby.
I met my now husband when my son is 9 months. He, my then partner, chooses to help take care of my son with me. The child turns 1 year and Jeff sends a cake and a few gifts as well as a box of pampers.
Jeff doesn’t send anything for another few years. Whenever he does pop back into my son’s life it is because one of my family member, my husband or I, trespass into his space and remind him that he has a son. Side note Jeff has made another son and two daughters since going to Europe.
Jeff, every time we communicate, accuses me of keeping him from his son and we are brainwashing his son. Please note that Jeff only contacts us after prompting him to and it is after years of no contact. My son is now 10 years old.
Jeff contacted me the other day.
You would not guess why.
I trespassed his space again. He posted on social media that he loves his son and gave me props for taking care of him with my husband. A fuse burned in my head and I snapped and let him have it on his post. He asks for my number which he had previously.
I then give it.
When he messaged my phone I tell him to accept that he has not been a part of my son’s life and to stop letting the world think that he has. He gets upset and we have a back and forth about it.
He then asks my address which has not changed btw. I tell him that. He asks for my PayPal or cash app information. I let him know that I will send it but he needs to keep his word as this is a neverending cycle.
My husband then convinces me to give him the information to see what he does. So I send my PayPal information but it’s on my husband’s name because that’s what we use. Jeff decides that he is not sending anything on my husband’s account as he believes I will take it and say he never sent anything.
Jeff then accuses me of being a woman of loose morals and a jobless, shameless lazy woman. Mind you I am a teacher with two businesses and am very active in the community. Jeff doesn’t know this, as I said Jeff is absent and only pops up when we enter his space.
So am I the jerk for not wanting to give him my information?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just stop answering him. He has chosen to remove himself from your son’s life. Every time you let him in and he lets your son down, he’s just creating serious feelings of rejection and unworthiness in your son.
These can have serious impacts on your son’s mental health. NTJ to just cut the man out of your son’s life. Let him take you to court, if he must. The deadbeat has NO leg to stand on.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You definitely need to have a chat with a lawyer about his rights or lack thereof!
What, if anything does your ex’s parents say about all of this? I think it would be in everyone’s best interests if you just don’t engage with him until you know where you both stand legally. As he’s been absent for so many years, he may not have any parental rights and you can go ahead and block him on everything.” Mel_Jags
Another User Comments:
“Both of you are jerks. You don’t want to give him your info as you proceed to give him your info. He decided to “get” you pregnant. Were you in the room when it happened? You don’t get to decide whether Jeff loses his parental rights.
Only a court can do that.” BlueGreen_1956
Then you need to find out how he is getting his information cos someone in your circle is still in contact with him behind your back.... stop invading his circle.. its better for you if you leave him to show his true colours..
He didn't just get you pregnant by himself btw.. unless he KNEW 100% that you had ovulated etc... you both created your son accidentally
4. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Partner After Repeated Emotional Mistreatment?
“Me (18F) and my partner (19M) have been in a relationship for almost a year now. I love him more than anything and we’ve had a good relationship, and our friendship was amazing before too.
However, he’s the type to start fights with me a lot because he is upset. Basically taking his anger out on me. This wasn’t a thing at the beginning of our relationship so I have no idea what made him change like this.
We normally talk every day, and he’s my best friend, not just my lover.
Recently we fought again and he wanted to break up with me, it took me a lot to accept it (maybe 1 or 2 hours of crying) and as soon as I accepted it and started thanking him for our relationship and telling him that he was a great experience, he changed his mind and started apologizing, saying he regretted it and doesn’t want to break up anymore.
I was a bit annoyed but I loved him so I forgave him.
Honestly, it has been this way for a while, he wants to break up and when I try to be mature about it he changes his mind. I just don’t get what I’ve done wrong.
I tried being a good partner, a good friend and everything he asked me to be. 2 days ago was the breaking point for me. That night he wanted to watch a series with me but didn’t know if it had any weird scenes so I looked it up and it did.
He got really upset over it and he became really dry. I thought it was just about the show so I tried consoling him, but then he told me he would sleep and shut me down. I was a bit sad but it was understandable so I said goodnight and we said I love you to each other.
The next day I texted him before work and said I was worried about him and to please open up to me. When I was free, he still hadn’t messaged me back so I asked him about it, he just told me that he didn’t see my messages and I got upset.
I said that if he never thought of messaging me the whole day, and he straight up told me to ‘leave him alone’, so I did. He messaged me that night, I thought this would go somewhere but he got mad at me again and told me to shut up and how he hated me and our relationship, he said how boring I was and he wanted me out of his life.
I just said okay. He messaged me again today, I stupidly thought this would lead somewhere again, but he’s just venting to me now. And when I try to console him the way I always do he gets dry, and that’s all.
I know him too well and I know he will eventually start flooding me with texts saying how sorry he is and to forgive him.
I’ve had enough. I used to forgive his every flaw because I loved him so dearly and I still do, but I just can’t do this. He isn’t trying to break up with me so that’s how I know he’s definitely going to come back to me again to apologize.
So, would I be a jerk if I didn’t forgive him? I’ve been drained for the past 2 days because of this and I’ve had enough. I want to believe he can change but I’m so tired of always giving and never receiving.”
Another User Comments:
“Stop letting this jerk lovebomb you to manipulate you to stay. This is NOT healthy and he’s being emotionally abusive. He doesn’t have the emotional maturity for relationship either. When you thanked him after accepting the first breakup, he panicked because he was expecting you to beg for him back.
He’s like a shark that’s circling around a cage diver (you) and testing it for vulnerabilities. NTJ” jasperjamboree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you would be if you stayed in the relationship. My ex was like this, I started to see his behaviour as a roller coaster and I wanted off the ride.
He was alternately abusive when he didn’t get his way and then apologetic afterwards to try to draw me back in. Only problem with roller coasters is that you get sick if you don’t get off the ride. You deserve to be treated better op ” peacekermit
Another User Comments:
“I agree he should get the boot. That said when girls fight they want to talk it out…this can drive guys crazy. When they are upset often the last thing they want to do is talk about it. If you stay try to give distance when he is upset.
Perhaps he will come back from the dark side” jaboni1200
Block him, move on, and treat his behaviour as a lesson in what not to tolerate in future relationships. Good luck.
3. AITJ For Refusing To Get My Hair Done At My Pregnant Sister's Roach-Infested House?
“My sister(25) is 7 month pregnant with her 4th child.
She currently is unemployed and shares her apartment with her unborn child’s father. She does hair from time to time out of her home and occasionally I get her to do my hair.
Here comes the problem, I asked her at 5 pm if she could do my hair, she said yes but I’d have to come to her house because her back hurts and she doesn’t feel like driving to me (we always do it at my house).
I said no problem I’ll call and get a ride to your house. Then she tells me I’d have to sit on the floor at her home so she can sit on the couch & be comfortable without back pain. I have no problem doing this at my house but she has roaches.
Not one or two, but armies of roaches.
They are everywhere, it’s why I don’t usually go visit at her house or we chill & hangout at my apartment. I told her no, I didn’t want to sit on her floor due to all the bugs she had.
She was upset at this & said she will come to my house but next time I want my hair done I have to come to her, & if she has to come to me she’s going to charge me for gas. Mind you, she stays 5 mins away from me.
She came to my house and started eating my food and didn’t start on my hair till about 30 minutes later and then she gets a phone call and starts to gossip on the call, which slows her down in doing my hair. Then she tells me she’s going to step outside to finish her conversation & when I objected, she turned her nose up at me and still went outside anyways for about 10 minutes, then came back inside and talking on the phone and doing my hair even slower.
Finally, she got off the phone and she got an emergency call from our mom that she needs to go pick up her child and so I understood the situation and I agreed to even go with her to pick up my nephew. On the way to pick up my nephew she made remarks about how she wanted to go home & take a bath because she hadn’t taken a bath all day, & I started to grow more annoyed because she was prolonging my hair.
So we picked up my nephew and took him to his destination, and she somehow found the time to get into an argument with our mom and asked me for my opinion on the matter & I told her that I agree with mom, and she got upset at me.
So she drove us back to my house & I went upstairs and she never came upstairs behind me. I had to come back outside 45 minutes later (11 pm atp) and knock on her car window because she wont answer the call or my text messages & she wouldn’t let down her window.
She was in the car on the phone talking to someone else about me and my mom & how we disagree with her, so at that point I told her to give me my money because I had already paid her half of it earlier that day.
She gave me my money & drove off, sending me a angry text message about how I’m a bad sister & she’s pregnant, mad, stressed, and I don’t understand her pain. She also said I can keep my money I need it more than she does.
I dont see how since I’m the one that’s employed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t take this the hard way, but she sounds like a nightmare. Didn’t want to use her gas while driving for *her* kid? Does she understands she is responsible for her kids?
And not doing the job you paid her to do… why do you and your mom even bother with her anymore? Find another hairdresser, they’re not that rare.” Guilty_Flower_8769
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to find a real professional to do your hair.
It seems like you’ll have less hassle and a better time. None of her problems should become yours. Also letting someone into your house living in a cockroach infestation will only put your house at risk. It only takes her dragging a few eggs on her clothes/shoes into your house to have the same problem.” Chomb
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your prolly not wrong in what you did but I mean she is pregnant and it is stressful not to mention she is the one that drove to your home. But since you are paying her it makes sense that you would want her to finish your hair, but I’d cut her some slack.
Ig soft jerk for the sis and NTJ for you.” Shanks_27
Yeah she is your sister and pregnant but she is also unemployed.. whats her partner doing? Is he providing for her and the baby...
Get a new stylist and fast... 1 thats gonna do your hair in 1 hit npt walk out not wamt money up front, not yell at you cos she feels she can...
Oh then insults the working sister when shes jobless cooking baby number 4 really.. yojr siter has issues.. time for a new stykist n for sis to be put in time out
2. AITJ For Deleting A Photo Of My Husband And Daughter Because He Didn't Take A Good One Of Me?
“We are first time parents to a 5 month old baby girl. Ever since she was born I have proactively taken many lovely pics of my husband & our daughter playing together while he never had the sense to do it…so much so that I have less than 10 pics with my daughter in the first month of her life while he must have more than a 100.
He also constantly asks me to take a pic with her every time he is holding her while I don’t have anyone to ask to take a pic since when I am playing with my daughter, he is working. All of this has led to a huge imbalance in the number of pics he has with her vs what I have with her.
Somehow while being the mom and doing all the mom admin, I always forget to click a pic with her and he never takes one proactively. However he always remembers to proactively either take a selfie with her or ask me to take a pic of them both.
So he has a pic with her during all her significant firsts while I don’t. I have also taken so many videos of them playing together and compiled them all together in a beautiful video which I gifted to him on father’s day. I have been gifted no such videos nor had any proactive clip been shot of me with her.
Today we took our daughter for the first time into London using the train. This was her first time using any form of public transport. This was a huge deal for me and I kept telling it to him. My husband dropped me and we went to the platform while he went to park his car.
As soon as he came, he asked me to take a photo of the two of them. By the time I took the photo, the train had come but we still had a few seconds so I asked him to quickly take one of me with her before the doors open.
He clicked one rushed photo and was like train is here..let’s go. Later when I check the photo, it is all a blurred mess while his photo is so perfect (the one I took). I lost my cool & had an argument with him as to why he couldn’t take a nice photo.
He seemed to think I am making a huge deal for no reason and told me that he will take a pic as soon as we got off the train. I tried explaining to him that I wanted a picture of the moment before she first takes the train and he thought it’s no big deal. It turned into a fight because I was so mad at him for doing a bad and hurried job with my photo when I took such a nice photo of him and on top of that he didn’t understand why I was so upset.
So I told him that since I now don’t have a nice photo with her of this moment, and since according to him it’s not a big deal and we can take a photo after we got off the train, I am deleting the picture I have of him with her so that neither of us have a photo of that moment.
He thought I was crazy and I went ahead and deleted the photo. Since then he has accused me of being immature and childish.
AITJ for deleting that pic?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’re being a child. “If I don’t have one, no one can have one”.
Why don’t you start asking people around you to take photos of BOTH of you together with your child? That’s what my wife and I do. Or better yet, while your husband dropped you off why didn’t you take an opportunity then to take a selfie with your child?!?
You need to sit down and communicate instead of expecting someone else to just know what you want (like how you want a video or something created by him sent to you like you did for him).” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re being petty.
You need a talk with your husband about how you want more photos with your baby, but honestly you’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion. You are mad because you don’t have a perfect picture of you before “baby’s first pubic transport (???)”. So mad you delete a nice photo of an event you value (why??) Of your husband and your daughter.
It’s bonkers. Honestly in a few years you’re going to realize how crazy this is.” Ok_Register3005
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And low-key insane. Just because he’s in a lovely picture with your daughter and you don’t have one as good doesn’t mean you should delete his.
It’s not a competition, grow up. If you had an issue with the pictures he took, all you had to do was have a calm conversation and say “hey I’d like it if you could take more time with the photos you take of me and [baby] as I’d love to be more involved in the photos we take with her”.
That’s all you had to say I dread to think what logic you’re going to be passing on to your child” Next_Craft5639
It feels like the next stage in gaslighting. I.e "see all these pics pf amazing dad/me with me and baby. Wife never seems to be around. Heavy sigh." ( remember op mentions there's a lot of selfies so don't jump to - oh she's the one taking the pics)
1. AITJ For Calling My Mom Lazy When She Refuses to Help Around the House?
“My dad got a new job a few months ago that requires him to start a little later in the mornings and get home later in the evenings. To help out, I’ve started cooking dinner during the week, as well as taking care of cleaning the house so my dad can relax when he gets home.
My dad cooks dinner on the weekends and cleans around the house, as he gets home before I do.
I also work and am usually home by 3:30, so it doesn’t bother me to be the one doing a majority of the cooking. My mom works until 5:15 most days, except for Wednesdays, and she also doesn’t work weekends, whereas my dad and I do.
I started working longer hours, but I still beat my dad home every day. On Wednesdays, my mom is now the first one home. My dad and I both asked her if she would take care of dinner every Wednesday and make sure the house stays clean, since we were working later in the evening.
She said she would, but I could tell she was unhappy about it.
The first couple of Wednesdays after my dad and I asked her to make dinner and clean, she followed through. By the third Wednesday, however, when I asked her what she was making for dinner, she told me she wasn’t making anything.
I shrugged and figured we would just order out, and thought nothing of it until my mom added in that she thought it was ridiculous of my dad and I to expect her to provide dinner every Wednesday. She also didn’t bother to clean the house.
I told her I didn’t agree because I made dinner and cleaned every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, and my dad made dinner and cleaned every weekend. I said I didn’t think it was a big deal to expect her to make dinner and clean once a week.
My mom snapped and said that she worked hard and should be able to come home to a hot meal and a clean house every single day.
I told her that it was only once a week that she was expected to help out around the house, and that she didn’t even have to cook if she didn’t want to, and could just order food.
She said that she shouldn’t have to pay for dinner either, and reiterated that she worked hard and should be able to come home and relax. I started getting annoyed because my mom never helps out around the house and always gets to come home to a hot bath and a hot meal with a glass of wine on a dinner tray.
She kept arguing that she shouldn’t have to clean the house or cook/pay for dinner every Wednesday, and said that my dad and I needed to pick up the slack. I finally snapped at her and told her she was incredibly lazy and said I was tired of her never pitching in to help the family out.
My mom immediately started crying, said I must not love her enough if I was calling her lazy, and told me I was an ungrateful jerk.
I said I didn’t think I was an ungrateful jerk just because I called her on her refusal to help out, and that what I said was true.
My mom demanded I apologize but I refused, and now she’s angry because my dad came home and agreed with me. She said I’m a jerk for calling her lazy and turning my dad against her.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you should be a little more respectful when it comes to your delivery because she’s your parent, and you live under her roof as an adult, you’re spot on.
Your mom is being lazy, and it’s not fair. What I can make of it is that she doesn’t feel like she should do any homemaker duties because she has to work and bring money to the table too. Most women I’ve met are usually more open to cooking and cleaning when their husbands are the sole providers.
It could be why she’s giving some pushback. A homemaker can “feel” lazy and still do it, while a breadwinner can feel lazy and choose to BE lazy because she worked all day.” Mejor_Callate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – maybe you and your dad should stop cooking and cleaning for a few weeks because you both also “work hard and should be able to come home to a hot meal and a clean house every single day.” That might be the wake up call that your entitled mother needs!” Spirited-Star-674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, is there a reason as to why your mom isn’t able to help? Maybe health issues? Just asking. Coz if not then she simply is being lazy and it doesn’t make you a bad person for calling her out on it.
Just 1 things though. Disagreements/Arguments happen in every family. It’s not new or unusual. However, you could try to deliver your message more politely… (in future) considering its your mom we are talking about.” VeraXavier
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