People Value Our Opinion On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
23. AITJ For Offering To Take In My Niece's Children After CPS Removed Them?
“I (42F) found out last week that my niece (30F), (we will call her Amber), had her four children removed by CPS. My sister, her mom (50F), (we will call her Erica) told me during a normal phone call that they were removed. A few days later I messaged Amber and offered to help her in any way I could.
Even if that meant taking her kids temporarily so they could all be together with family, until she got her stuff together to get them back. The kids are currently separated and not with family. This offer made Erica upset.
So some back story, when I was 12/13 Erica lost custody of her 2 kids (Amber and her sister) Erica was 20/21, claims that she had no help and the state just took them from her. I clearly remember our mom and our other sister trying to get the kids, but Erica refused to let anyone take them from the family.
I even get blamed because I didn’t help. Several years later (I was like 22) the same thing happened to two more of my nieces, Erica had two more girls and then lost them to the state, saying she had no help.
Before anyone in the family found out and could help, Erica already signed over her rights.
Now also understand that Erica has NO/ZERO intentions of taking her grandkids, she is okay with letting them go into the system and never coming out.
She is aware that Amber could possibly lose custody of the kids forever and she will never see them again. Yet Erica is not okay with family taking them. I was told by her I overstepped and she was not okay with me taking her grandkids.
I am 100 percent wrong, I should have talked to her first, and it doesn’t matter what her daughter wants, I should have never offered to help. I told her that I just didn’t want to see any more family in foster care, and she hung up on me.
I haven’t talked to her since.
So now I come to ask if AITJ? Am I? Should I have just done nothing and let the kids go into foster care? AITJ my sister thinks I currently am?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A truly, tragically difficult situation. The only person whose opinion matters in the slightest would be your niece Amber. And depending on why they were removed by CPS, even that might not matter. On second thought, the only opinions that matter are those of the children.
But, you need to be prepared for Amber to never be in a position to regain custody. Your sister, however, can be as upset as she wants. What kind of person lets her grandkids go into the system and get separated if there is any other alternative?” cachalker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given her track record, Erica is the last person I would ask for permission. Four of her kids went into foster care and she never contacted family before signing over her rights? That’s messed up. Erica is not a resource.
She is a cautionary tale. You did the right thing. Hopefully Amber will be able to provide a home for her children at a later date. In the meantime, you are there for them and that is a blessing.” Hushes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s nice of you to step up. There is a reason both Erica and Amber lost custody of their kids. Obviously, their parenting skills were questionable and proven neglectful, so it might not be best for the kids to see their mom if you get custody.
Really depends on why the kids were taken from mom’s custody and if mom should be allowed contact through you.” jjj68548
22. AITJ For Not Using My Friend's Daughter As My Realtor Despite A Prior Promise?
“I am a 58F who recently split up with my husband and bought a new house. I’ve been married for over 30+ years and the marriage wasn’t stable from the start.
I’ve always known that we would split up eventually but staying at home due to children and various other situations financially kept the split from happening.
About 15 years ago, I became friends with a real estate agent, “Sheila” through my children’s school.
I told her of my plans to leave my marriage and promised her that when it happened, she would be the one I would choose to help me find a new house. Over the years, she and I have had many conversations over coffee about the state of my marriage and all the things I would want in a new house when I eventually left.
Fast forward to a few years ago, another friend of mine, “Barbara” whom I have known for about the same number of years as Sheila, but, who didn’t know the details of my crumbling marriage, told me that her daughter had just gotten her real estate license.
She said to myself and a few other friends in the room, “If you ever need to sell your house or buy a house, contact my daughter.” At that moment, I did entertain the idea of telling Barbara that I had already promised another friend that she would be my real estate agent, but I thought that would be a negative thing to say after her big announcement about her daughter.
I also didn’t want to go into detail with Barbara about my marriage so I said nothing.
Like I mentioned up above, I bought a new house a few months ago and Sheila was my real estate agent. I recently invited Barbara over to the new house and told her that I had separated from my husband.
Barbara asked me who I used as a realtor and I told her that it was Sheila because I had promised her many years ago that she would be my real estate agent and that I’m a loyal friend who doesn’t break promises.
Barbara immediately became cold and my guess was because I didn’t use her daughter’s services. I should mention, that Barbara’s daughter was in high school at the time I made this promise to Sheila and had no intentions of becoming a real estate agent at the time.
My suspicions were confirmed today, when a mutual friend, “Lauren” had lunch with Barbara. Barbara started venting to Lauren and saying that I stabbed her family in the back and that the commission for the house could’ve helped her daughter.
Even though Lauren repeated that I’m a loyal friend to Sheila and that this promise was made when Barbara’s daughter was still a child, Barbara didn’t care.
This has upset me because I kind of expected Barbara to be supportive of me in this time of transition, especially given how long we’ve known each other.
So, AITJ for not breaking a longtime promise that I made to Sheila? I feel bad that Barbara’s daughter is in a position where she’s not getting clients and I could’ve helped her out, but I don’t think it’s my responsibility to rescue her daughter at the expense of breaking a promise to a friend.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Barbara is a jerk. A greedy one at that. She could be disappointed that her daughter didn’t get the experience she wanted (yet understanding of your position) but the fact that she is ranting about money tells you everything you need to know.” Okay-Albatross
Another User Comments:
“Realtor here and you are NTJ. You win some and you lose some in this game. Did her daughter even try to reach out and market to you? Probably not. Before he passed my dad was my biggest cheerleader and handed my card out all the time.
BUT I would follow up with a friendly phone call and joke about how amazing my dad was, but if they ever had any real estate questions I’d be glad to help. You’re a great friend for remembering all those years!” Solid-Airport-5466
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A home is the biggest purchase you will ever make. Using a well-experienced real estate agent is a must. You do not want a new person handling this transaction. Barbara’s daughter needs to work for a well-established agent and learn the ins and outs of your real estate market.
Your only mistake was not telling Barbara your previous commitment to Sheila as soon as she mentioned her daughter or doing it as soon as you realized your error.” zoegi104
21. AITJ For Not Letting Plumbers Search My Apartment For Their Lost Keys?
“Yesterday we had plumbers come by our unit to fix our sink.
This morning I woke up to texts and calls saying they think they left keys here. I got up and searched all over. Under the sink, by the door, even in the parking lot, anywhere they were I took a peek.
I then responded saying that I checked everywhere they were and didn’t see them here. I got a response back saying thank you for checking and I thought that was that.
About an hour later they turn up and start pounding on the door.
I have a reactive dog I’m working with so I let people know to give me a heads up if you’re stopping by so we can set everyone up for success and they knew this yesterday when they came by.
I wasn’t aware they were coming by so the dog was out and not happy. I was trying to get her in her crate while they’re knocking and when I open the door they say the keys have to be here and tried to push into the apartment to check.
I tell them I have a reactive dog and I need them to step back for everyone’s safety while I ensure she’s in a safe spot.
When I got her crated and put away I told the plumbers the keys weren’t here, I told them that and trying to push into the apartment is not appropriate at all.
If they wanted to check, that needed to be communicated instead of a “thanks” message when I responded to their inquiry. It was the lack of communication and force that was troubling. I didn’t mind them checking if they had to but I needed a minute to secure things not have them say “it’ll just take a minute and push on the door”.
He called me a “stuck-up lady” and left when he couldn’t find the keys. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ – any man you don’t know, regardless of past jobs done, has no right to show up unannounced and try to barge into your home.
That was highly unprofessional, and definitely a safety risk for their customer (you) since they were being pushy/forceful with the situation. It was also a safety risk for them due to your dog, and to your dog because dog bites (if she’d bitten) can be a death sentence for the dog depending on the number of times and the breed. If you chose to, I think you’d be well within your rights to file a formal complaint, even, because that is not acceptable behavior from someone trusted to enter people’s homes.” AromaticScientist862
Another User Comments:
“I woke up one morning to a stranger over me in my bedroom (he was standing beside the bed while I was sleeping). I started screaming. He started yelling at me to stop screaming, he was just there to change out the AC air filter.
(For the record, this filter is accessed in the bathroom and he had no reason to be in my bedroom). I told him to get the heck out of my apartment or I was calling the cops. I called the apartment office and had him fired. I’d rather be a “stuck-up lady” than have someone on the news reporting my death or assault.
Yes, I realize I went in a different direction than you were concerned about, but seriously. NTJ.” Snickerdoodle2021
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. The only time a maintenance guy has ever come by our apartment unannounced was to knock on the door and let us know that the apartment manager was in for us to sign our lease paperwork (because of my mobility issues, the manager had agreed to let my husband sign the paperwork at the office, and bring it back for me to sign), and that was just a quick knock on the door and that was that.” Jaded-Permission-324
20. AITJ For Being Frustrated With My Husband's Lack Of Parenting Skills?
“My husband is in his last few months of military service and we’ve been married for almost 2 years.
We have a nine-month-old son. I work nights so we don’t have to pay for daycare.
My husband seems to enjoy taking our son to the park and the zoo. But when it comes to actually being a dad he kinda sucks.
I have to remind him to change our baby’s diaper and to give him a bottle. Also to clean the bottle before making a new one (he drinks formula). Our son now eats purées and soft foods. I tell him to make him eggs while I go out or take a shower.
He just says he’s not hungry and gives him the little puffs. (I don’t get the logic of him not being hungry but giving him snacks) I’ll come out and give him the purée and the baby will eat the entire jar and then maybe even an egg.
I’ve even had to explain multiple times to actually play with our son and not just put him in his playpen and play video games. Or let him crawl into another room while he’s on his phone. Another issue is my son is supposed to be in bed by 8 pm and if he wakes up I just put him back to bed after 5 minutes of soothing.
My husband just brings him out to play in his playpen so he’s up until 11 pm.
I don’t want to nag him but it’s frustrating when I spend all day playing with my son and keeping him on a schedule.
Just for my husband to come wreck it and not even engage with the baby. I’ve voiced my concerns but all I get is “he wasn’t hungry when I tried” or “I’ll get up with him.” He also doesn’t even get up with him either or still wakes me up to help.
To the point I just get up anyway.
Before anyone says it, he was not like this when we got married or like this the first 5 months after my son was born.
AITJ and overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seeing as he is in the military he presumably has some idea of how to follow orders.
Seems odd this talent somehow leaves him when he returns home. Since he wasn’t like this before, it might be worth asking him upfront why things have changed, if you feel safe doing so. My most generous take is that he might be anxious about his service ending and not knowing what to do next.
That being said, he’s ostensibly a grown man and needs to take responsibility for himself as well as his child. If he genuinely wants to help but is feeling overwhelmed, maybe switch him to doing the non-baby-related chores, like cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
If he shrugs you off and refuses to have an adult conversation, consider visiting your parents or friends without him – so you only have one baby to look after at a time.” AmbientGoth
Another User Comments:
“INFO what happened 4 months ago that changed him from a loving, caring dad and husband to someone who wants to use the kid as a play-toy when he feels like it and ignore his physical needs (food?
sleep? clean diaper?); ignore the schedule of the whole family; and ignore your needs and wants? You are not overreacting and the “he wasn’t always like this” is especially concerning. Has he checked out of the marriage? Is he finding fatherhood all too much and getting ready to walk?
SOMETHING isn’t right here.” JustWatchin2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are going to have to sit your husband down and have a serious talk with him about being a responsible adult and a good parent. If he keeps up his “couldn’t care less” kind of attitude, he had better get a really good job so that you can afford to employ a nanny who will at least see to it that your son’s physical needs can be met when you are unable to be with your son yourself.
Maybe that can make him step up to the plate.” FragrantEconomist386
19. AITJ For Defending My Grandma's Tattoo Against My Dad's Outburst?
“My grandma who is (63f) recently got a tattoo for the first time in her life. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a rose with her name under it on her wrist. She had this done after many years of wanting one and I (17m) and my cousins Ace (19m), Lina (16f) & Fred (13m) all thought it looked cool.
The problem was how my dad reacted at a family lunch. The entire extended family was there, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. My dad hadn’t seen the tattoo before as my grandma had kept it pretty quiet, but she had sent pics to her grandkids.
Anyway after my (44m) dad sees the tattoo he gets all mad at grandma because in his opinion tattoos are sinful (he’s very uptight) and he and my immediate family had to leave the family function soon after that. My dad started ranting to my mom (40f) about how the tattoo was a bad example to the grandkids and how it looked cheap in his opinion.
I calmly told my dad that it wasn’t a big deal and that lots of people are getting tattoos nowadays. My dad yelled at me that if I ever got a tattoo he would disown me and to not talk about the situation since I’m “just a dumb teen” who doesn’t know anything.
I called my dad a psycho and he grounded me and broke my Xbox controller. Since then I’ve been staying at Grandma’s house. (I called her to pick me up after the argument). Grandma has been saying that I should have just not defended her tattoo to my dad, and I’m starting to think maybe she is right about that.
My mom thinks I was being disrespectful towards my dad and has asked me to apologize to my dad because now he won’t stop ranting to her about my actions.
Everything is a bit crazy right now so anyway AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father sounds unstable. Has he broken your possessions before or been violent in other ways? You’re not the jerk for calling him a psycho but it’s worth apologizing for that specifically, since that was rude.
I don’t think you need to apologize for defending your grandma’s decision. Can you keep living with her? It seems like a safer living situation.” T_G_A_H
Another User Comments:
“Your grandma can do whatever she wants.
If she wants a little tattoo, she can get one. If she wants full sleeves, she can do that. And your dad can do anything but impotently rant. But with a volatile and irrational son like she has, I hope she has her persons to contact and make decisions for her, (hopefully many years in the future), secure, and they not be your dad.
NTJ for sticking up for grandma.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom has a tattoo of Christ’s countenance on her shoulder. She got it when one of her grandchildren wanted a tattoo. They went to a tattoo party. And she says, “Jesus has my back!” when anyone acts surprised that her little old church lady self actually supported her adult grandchild in getting a tattoo.
So, the world is round, life is short, or long, (depending on your perspective,) and not all believers actually think alike, is my only point. Tell your dad that if he can’t understand earthly things, no way he’ll understand heavenly matters.
Then tell him to get a grip because that scripture was obviously included for people whose faith is limited, venal, and without comprehension. He was wrong to interpret faith for his mother. He was wrong to violently break your Xbox controller.
And getting a grip on his horses is literally supported in scripture. ‘Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels and have not charity, (LOVE,) I become as sounding brass. . . .’ He really should actually read his bible more than he uses it to beat people up.
He’s being a real jerk. OK?” AndSoItGoes24
18. AITJ For Changing My Name Despite My Mom's Opposition?
“I (30M) hate my name. I always have. I am named after an abusive trucker who passed away due to addiction before I was born. Not to mention it’s a name that does not flow off the tongue.
I was bullied relentlessly in high school for my name. Well, I finally mustered up the courage to do something about it.
I won’t go into the detail of how I came to the name I want, but after struggling to search for a name for months, a name finally clicked and a wave of satisfaction and weight seems to have lifted off my shoulders.
It’s like my soul settled into its proper place in my body and I felt happy with myself.
Now granted, my new name is not mainstream. It’s nature-based and very unusual but I love it. My close friends and my wife all accept it and have been generally good about using my new name, with a few slip-ups but I won’t ever get upset.
It’s a big adjustment.
My parents … however, boy oh boy …they didn’t take it well. My mom told me I was disrespectful of the dead and I was named to keep this guy in their hearts (which is weird because he abused my grandmother).
In my opinion, being named after someone who was abusive to “keep him in their hearts” is nonsense. Why couldn’t my parents come up with a name for ME and not a name for someone else? It doesn’t fit me and I cringe inside when people use my old name.
My mom has been trying to tell me I’m not allowed to change my name without her consent and that she won’t ever use my new name and blah blah. Again….I’m 30. My dad has been remarkably silent on the matter so I guess we will see where he lands.
My mom is a loving person when she gets her way but cross her or have a different opinion and you might as well jump off a bridge. My only issue is her constant pestering is starting to shake my resolve.
What do I do? Do I relent?
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom, while loving, is also a bully. Don’t allow a bully to stop you from doing what’s right for you. And only you know what’s right for you.
“Mom, I’m not him, my wearing his name shouldn’t have any bearing on keeping him in your heart. If it does then that’s something you need to deal with yourself. What I’m doing is for me.
And it hurts that you can’t support me but I can live with that because I know it’s right for me. I’m sorry you don’t like it. I love you. But it’s not up for discussion.” Up to you if you respond to it in the future from her.
Be at peace with your choice, and have strength” Stormschance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re a grown man. She is a grown woman. It is no doubt disappointing that you don’t care for the name she gave you. It happens, just like people are born in a body that doesn’t fit or a gender that doesn’t fit.
So those who find the courage become themselves despite whoever would stop them, and those who are harassed into staying someone they are not are unhappy and live unhappy lives. Become who you were meant to be. Choose your name.
Deal with your mother in the same way you would any other adult: Mom, I appreciate you are hurt by me choosing a different name, but I feel more like me with this name and I hope that you can support me.
If she can’t, then go low to no contact. Again, she’s an adult. She can make her own choices, and if one of those is not to support you, then she has to live with the consequences.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your life and your name. You’re 30. She doesn’t get to tell you what you want to be called. On the flip side, though, if she doesn’t like the name, you can’t make her like it. You can insist she calls you by it, and refuse to talk to her if she doesn’t, but she’s also an adult woman who can make her own choices (even if they make her a jerk), and so if she chooses this hill to die on, she’s free to do that.
Just don’t let it get in the way of you and your own life.” crazycatchemist1
17. AITJ For Needing A Break After Helping My Friend Recover From Surgery?
“I’m 20F, friend is 23F. My friend just had fairly major ankle surgery, and I have been the person helping with everything, including the couple of weeks before surgery when she still couldn’t do much due to the injury.
She had surgery 3 days ago. I’ve been staying at her place since then, and a little bit before the surgery.
I am physically, and emotionally spent. I haven’t been alone in over a week, I spent the entire time there cleaning, moving furniture, cooking, and doing laundry, I’ve hardly slept, and as young as I am, there’s only so long a back can handle sleeping on a poor quality 10-year-old couch.
Plus on top of that, I’m a full-time student and it’s the middle of midterms so I’m trying to study in between.
As exhausting as it’s been, I really didn’t mind since she has no other friends or family that can.
Today however, she seemed to be feeling a lot better pain-wise, and I thought it would be a good chance for me to go home for at least a night. I cooked enough food for a day or so and put it in the fridge so she could easily warm it up plus moved all the snacks to next to her bed, filled up a bunch of water bottles and made ice, fed her cat, picked up a new prescription of pain meds, and tidied up the apartment.
Tonight she asked if I could come over for the night again cause she was bored and was nervous to spend the night alone. I told her that I’ll have my ringer on if there’s an emergency but that I really needed some time to take care of myself, and she went off on me.
She’s saying I’m an awful friend for making her be alone while she’s going through this since she’s in pain and has a lot of anxiety, and keeps telling me there’s no difference between sleeping at home or there.
I feel so bad that she’s alone and probably is going a bit stir crazy, but I also need to make sure I’m ok, and that I’m still doing well in all of my classes. I’m seriously afraid that if I push myself much further, I will end up with a crisis of my own on my hands.
Regardless, I still do feel really selfish right now for saying no to going over and I’m wondering if she might be right in calling me a bad friend. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t set fire to yourself to keep someone else warm!
You need some sleep, and you need to take care of your studying. It really seems to me that you did everything to set her up to manage on her own for one night. What did she imagine? You will live with her, on her lumpy couch forever?
Some time it has to end. And to demand that you stay just because she doesn’t want to be alone and is bored just doesn’t cut it. The fact is that she does live alone, and you don’t want to change that status for her, I imagine?” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“I did personal care long ago. And only a few clients we had to have someone other than the client sign when it was time to leave. Others were capable enough. Yes, even those bedridden or paraplegic because they were mentally capable.
Yes, water close by for those. Snacks great too. Phone even better close by. But a few didn’t have a phone. You went over and beyond for your friend. I assume doing laundry she could have at least folded clothes and towels.
Maybe even sit on a bar stool and help a bit in the kitchen.
My daughter broke every bone in her ankle and I set her up in a recliner, bedside commode, lots of water etc, hand wipes, toilet paper, trash can.
Phone charger. And she knew to call me if she needed help. And she did, helped her and I went back home. She didn’t waste time doing as much as possible for herself. Transport chair helped her but as quickly as possible, we got a wheelchair.
I could keep on with how she got through it with my help but will just say that your friend needs to be very thankful. I get moving furniture if it was to help her navigate. My daughter couldn’t sleep in a bed for a while.
Her being bored, nothing wrong with her hands. NTJ. Assist her but don’t do anything for her that she can do for herself. Feel free to tell your friend, I think she owes you an apology and a huge thanks.
Daughter got through her healing from surgery. And can walk now. Without surgery she would have never walked again.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have gone above and beyond what qualifies as being a good friend. You would have been a good friend if you had done half of what you’ve already accomplished for her.
You have to take care of yourself. Being a good friend does not mean that you have to sacrifice your sleep, your personal time to rest and take care of your own home and meals, and your schoolwork. Your friend is more than capable of taking care of herself right now.
I’ve had ankle surgery and managed on my own after day 1 with the exception of driving. If your friend has no other friends or family that can help her, this is a wake-up call for her to build her support network.
We all need more than one person we can lean on. You’re not selfish, you’re awesome for being so helpful. You deserve sleep and rest. You deserve alone time to recharge your batteries. I’ve been in your spot for family members who have had much more intensive surgeries, it’s exhausting for you too.
You’re allowed to recharge and take care of yourself.” hshbrwnz
16. AITJ For Not Giving My Mother-in-Law My Blanket?
“My (21F) husband (24M) is an only child and was raised by a single mother for the majority of his life. We got married almost 2 years ago and since then I have had no problems with my MIL.
We had our first child in the summer of 2023. I allowed my MIL to be in the room and stay with us for almost 2 weeks after. Since then she has loved our son and has never overstepped.
She mentioned to my husband how she wanted to come down to our house to see our child.
My husband asked if that was ok and I said yes. There was a change of plans and she called me to ask if she could come the next day instead. I of course said yes and had no problems with the visit.
She told me that she wanted to ask because of her prior conversation with my husband. Apparently, she said “is your wife ok with me coming” to which he responded, “even if she wasn’t you can still come”. I got kinda irritated hearing that but still remained happy.
That night I brought it up to my husband but in a light-hearted manner. He defensively said “she’s my mom”. I let it go.
She drove down the next day. I let her in the house and set her up to hang out with our child and I headed back to work.
Since it was so last minute I was unable to take the day off. After I was done with work I came home, cooked us all dinner and she and I talked until my husband came home. When he finally came home we all ate and watched a movie.
After the movie, we all made our way to bed. My husband made sure she had enough blankets and was comfortable.
I got into bed and he came into the room. He said “I’m gonna give her this blanket,” the blanket that I was currently using.
I said she had 2 blankets and should be fine. He said they weren’t big enough and that we have 2 already. I said, “please stop trying to give my stuff away.” He got really upset and we got into a little spat.
I explained to him that the blanket she has is big enough and there are plenty of other spare blankets in this house. He said she’s my mom and you treat her like a jerk when it comes to hosting.
I admitted that what I said was wrong but I did not apologize. He brought up a conversation we had a while ago about letting his mom move in. It was a hypothetical conversation where I said I would not let her move in if she was perfectly healthy and her husband was still alive.
He made it seem like I was gonna leave her on the street lonely and dying. He ended the conversation by saying “You always treat my mom like crap.” So AITJ for not giving my MIL a blanket?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL doesn’t sound problematic. Neither do you. But your husband does. Maybe see a couples counselor to learn to really hear each other? He seems to have some underlying anxieties about being a good son — find out what drives them, so he can also be a good husband.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is intentionally causing conflicts where they don’t need to happen. He could easily have given her another blanket, but he wanted to take something away from you to give it to her. That really shows you where you stand with him in relation to her.
I get that only children of single moms tend to be overly close and protective of them, but he’s a grown adult with a family of his own, and he needs to start acting like it. NTJ.” Revolutionary_Let_39
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should not be prioritizing his mother over you, or disrespecting you (he should, for example, never tell his mother that she is welcome even if you’re not ok with that). You say your MIL is good to you, but you might want to check what she’s like when you’re not around.
If she’s not criticizing you behind your back, then you need to find out why your husband is so weirdly defensive about taking her side over yours in this quarrel between you and his mother, that only he can see.” mifflewhat
15. AITJ For Going On A Day Trip To NYC Against My Parents' Wishes?
“So my (18M) friends and I decided that we wanted to do a day trip to NYC before spring break (we all go to the same university). I decided to tell my parents about this just so this would put them at ease.
However, they then decided to flip out and talk about how unbelievably safe it is (they have let me go to other cities before with friends, mostly Boston). I keep telling them we’re only there for the day and we were heading back before it got too dark, as well as obviously make smart decisions on what to do and where to go.
They completely ignore me and continue to fearmonger with my dad explaining he was harassed on the subway, about 30-40 years ago. I may be no expert on NYC and know it may not be amazing but trying to warn your child about an incident decades ago, is kind of pointless.
I was very down and upset about it but then I thought to myself, I’m 18 (19 in 2 weeks as I post this) and I’m in college with my buddies, what would stop me? We head there and I accept they’ll know and be furious (they have my location LOL), and about 2/3rds the way there they’re blowing up my phone with texts, absolutely livid, I ignore it for when I get back later that night.
We had a great time, stayed in the safe parts, and made good decisions which led to a very fun day trip.
We get back that night and I immediately call my parents. They immediately go about how dare I disobey them and how I was stupid for going and that I’m completely in the wrong, as well as threatening they may forbid me from doing anything during spring break (which my birthday so happens to be during).
Am I truly in the wrong? My parents are starting to make me feel crazy because I feel like a bad person for going on a day trip to a city with my friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re essentially an adult.
You went with a group of friends so you had people looking out for you. It was a daytime trip with no overnight stay. You all planned your activities, where you were going, and planned safe tourist stuff. I really don’t see the problem?
Kind of seems like they are projecting their bad experience. Only thing I would maybe have done differently was just tell them what you were doing, thank them for their advice and concern, but remind them you’re an adult and they have to let you explore outside the nest.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NYC is totally safe. And you’re a male. I’m a female and travel to Brooklyn often by myself. Therefore I always walk alone at night and take the subway by myself. I never felt like I was in any danger.
And this is staying in Brooklyn and still going into Manhattan at night. Your dad needs to grow some balls. I honestly feel more safe in NYC than in a lot of other places because no one bothers you in NYC.
It is very common to see people out and about by themselves. ” Responsible_Cake_180
14. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate About Their Excessive Eating Habits?
“My roommate has been living with my family for almost a year now. They are on SSI (I don’t know what for) so they do not work and are subsequently at home all of the time.
There are three adults and one child in this house, and my roommate eats more than the other three of us combined. It’s getting ridiculously expensive to keep food in the house. The rise in the cost of food combined with the sheer amount of food being eaten daily is making it unfeasible for me to keep up financially.
I have already tried talking to my roommate about the cost increase of our grocery bill, but again, they’re on a fixed income, so they can only afford to pitch in $200 a month. The problem is that between the $200 they put in and my budget of $500, it’s still not enough to keep food in the house for a month.
I always end up going over budget.
I’ve had to label certain foods that are for the child so my roommate doesn’t eat all of it because they have in the past. I’ve also come home from work countless times to only be disappointed that there are no leftovers or snacks for me.
I get home late at night, so cooking a whole meal isn’t reasonable. Not to mention that I’m already tired from working ten hours and don’t want to do that.
WIBTJ if I had another conversation with my roommate, more blatantly this time, about the food situation?
I don’t know what else to do about this. I don’t want to be accusatory, but I can’t afford this anymore. I feel like I have to just come out and say “you eat way too much and it’s a financial burden on us” for her to get the message.”
Another User Comments:
“Approach it a little differently. Tell them that shared groceries are not working out well for you, and your roommate needs to be buying their own groceries. Keep them separate from now on. Your roommate may have to be more economical about what they buy for themselves to meet their intake needs with the money they have, but that’s very much a them problem, not a you problem (and certainly not something that should be impacting your kids!) No jerks here, you just need to change your arrangement.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“This person needs to buy and eat their own food. If they are on SSI, they can probably get SNAP. If they are paying you only $200 for rent but no other bills, they still have plenty of money left to buy their own food, and getting SNAP benefits on top of that will provide a single individual with plenty of food.
Rather than telling them they are eating too much, just tell them you can’t afford their groceries and they need to buy and eat only their own food. NTJ.” Quick-Possession-245
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This person clearly doesn’t take you or your family into consideration and isn’t pulling their weight.
Personally, I’d carry out effective communication and present the issue as it is in a sensible and compassionate manner because I feel like there could be a mental health issue involved (that’s not a normal relationship with food) and because it wouldn’t kill anyone to be gentle first. Once the issue is brought up as it is, if they don’t do something to better the issue then I personally wouldn’t have them as a roommate anymore because it would demonstrate that they truly don’t care about anyone else.” Delicious_Rican
13. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister-In-Law's Rudeness?
“My (23F) new sister-in-law is extremely rude (25). She will straight up ignore you if you try to talk to her.
She is never engaged with the group and is always on her phone. One-word answers are very common. Eye rolls and so on.
This has been brought up multiple times to both of them and the reason she gives is that she is an introvert.
I am also an introvert and know that means I get my battery charged by myself and not in group settings. It doesn’t mean introverts don’t know how to interact with people or be polite.
We were at dinner for the youngest’s 21st birthday.
After the food, everyone was mingling. My mom tried to talk to her and got the cold shoulder. I went up and asked her while she was on her phone if she wanted a take-home box for some cake. I was asking everyone this.
She ignored me, I asked again and she told me she is an introvert. Leave her alone. I snapped and told her I didn’t realize being an introvert makes you a rude person.
She looked shocked and my brother called me a jerk for this.
We got into an argument and they left.
The family agrees that she is rude but I probably shouldn’t have said that. My sister asked why we even invite her to family events because she always acts like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope, she’s just a straight-up jerk. Being an introvert isn’t an excuse to act like this. Honestly, the way to go about this is to feed into it. Don’t talk to her. Ever. Offer her nothing.
When someone says “go get everyone” make it everyone but her. Never acknowledge her or speak with her. Give her nothing. Invite her to nothing and don’t remind her or call her over for anything. Ever. When she speaks don’t even acknowledge her.
When she complains, throw her attitude back at her. “But you’re an introvert, so obviously you don’t exist and can’t be bothered. That’s not my problem.” Then eye-roll right back at her and go back to ignoring her.” EchoMountain158
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a miserable person. I’m an introvert, and I have awful anxiety. Like, sometimes I cry from relief because I walked into the door of my house and it’s quiet there. I still know how to say “no, thank you.” Rolling your eyes, ignoring people, acting like you’re some entitled A-list star whose peons should’ve informed everyone not to talk to you or make eye contact.
Please. If her guidelines for being around your family are that no one is allowed to interact with her at all, then why the heck is she there? Because no one believes she’s so introverted that she literally can’t function in society.” 1568314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s just rude and needed to be called out; an introvert wouldn’t go out of their way to bring more attention to themselves and tell you to leave them alone and remind you they’re introverted when it takes fewer words and energy to just nod or say “yes” or “no” to the to-go box… A TIP GOING FORWARD stop burdening her with invitations to any events and stop interacting with her completely.
If your brother asks why she’s been excluded, just tell him you are respecting her desire to be left alone and that you know she’s an introvert and prefers not to be included in any socializing.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Wanting My Dad To Legally Document Our Inheritance Agreement?
“My dad currently owns 2 houses in a high-cost-of-living area that he purchased in the late 80s/early 90s.
Both houses are currently estimated to be worth $1m+ due to the area.
He and my younger brother live in the newer of the 2 houses, while my sister and BIL (and his younger brother) rent the older house. My sister DOES pay rent, but it is just the cost of the mortgage (which is pretty low, under $2000).
My husband and I purchased our own home about 1.5 years ago. The same week that our offer was accepted my mother suddenly passed away. My father immediately decided to write a will dividing all assets evenly between my 2 siblings and myself.
I wasn’t too worried about it, I only cared that he was taking care of his planning.
A few months after my mother’s death, my dad asked to speak to me in private. The first thing he said was, “I have 3 kids and only 2 houses.
I don’t know what to do.” Confused, I asked him to elaborate.
It turns out, my sister had come to him asking that he leave the house she lives in solely to her. She went further to say that the other house should be left solely to my brother, as I have my own house already.
I was shocked to say the least, for a few reasons….
1. Why harass our grieving father about the division of assets so soon after my mom’s passing?
2. Why should I be left out just because my career and financial decisions allowed me to purchase a house?
My dad proposed that he leave my sister only the house, and have my brother and I split the ownership of the other house plus all other assets. I tentatively agreed, as long as my brother also agreed.
It seems he has never told her about our conversation.
Shortly after I spoke to him, she came to me and told me of the proposal she had, again reiterating that I already have a house, so I don’t need anything. Not wanting to cause an argument, I simply told her that it was up to my father to decide how things would be divided.
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, my brother and dad brought this up again. It seems my sister was trying to pressure my brother to ask my dad for the same thing (they each get a house and I get nothing).
My brother stated in our discussion that he was fine with the idea of splitting the singular house with me along with all other assets.
I told my dad that I still am fine with this arrangement, however, I want him to go to an attorney and have this will written (he had previously done it online).
I want it legally binding that that is how the assets will be divided because I have a feeling my sister will insist on an equal splitting of all other assets (so in turn getting a $1m+ house AND 1/3 of all other assets).
My dad is reluctant to do this, and also reluctant to tell my sister. He wants to avoid conflict now and doesn’t want us to fight later. To me, this is the only solution.
AITJ for asking him to have the will written to reflect this agreement, rather than rely on verbal agreements with my siblings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Divide ALL assets, houses, money, equal 1/3 to each sibling. Your brother gets 2/3 of the house he’s living in and you get 1/3. Your sister gets 2/3 of the house she’s living in and you get 1/3. You each get 1/3 of any monetary inheritance.
So all kids get 2/3 of a house and 1/3 of the money. If they want to own the other 1/3 of the house, they can buy you out. If they can’t afford it, sell the house, they keep 2/3 the money and you get 1/3.
They can buy a house that’s 2/3 as expensive. The fact that you worked hard and bought your own house should not affect any of this.” TheLeadSearcher
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here…..why would you agree to your sister getting the house free and clear while you and your brother split the other?
Why not just equally divide ALL assets (houses and any other property) between you three siblings? It’s not fair that your sister gets a million-dollar house all on her own and you and your brother split the rest. Make it all between the 3 of you, have a lawyer write it up, and call it a day.
Your sister is trying to take advantage of y’all.” Jenny_8675309_69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are quite correct that a proper attorney-prepared and filed will is needed to document all of these agreements, however, there is a party involved who has not agreed to the settlement arrangements – your sister.
Open estate planning can cause conflict – that’s just part of it. Wise parents don’t share their wishes prematurely when things aren’t going to be even, and I find that you are being very reasonable here considering you are being shorted. The only way to avoid conflict is to split evenly, so ultimately your father owns this by not doing so.
It’s completely his right to distribute assets based upon his view of your differing needs, but you must put the responsibility for the conversations with your sister where it belongs – with him. I wish you and him the best.” Ok-Weather1267
11. AITJ For Offering Leftover Steak To My Wife's Boss After Dinner?
“My wife invited her boss and his wife over for dinner. She’s a lawyer and works at a law firm. I was in a good mood so I decided to slice some nice prime rib into 2-inch thick steaks, one for each of us, and reverse seared them and then basted in butter with garlic and rosemary.
They came over and we all had a good time, but my wife and her boss’s wife could only really finish half of their steaks since they were thicc bois. I offered to wrap up the remaining steak that our guest couldn’t finish and said she could take it home and slice it for tacos or stir fry or something since it was good quality beef.
They seemed cool with it.
However, after they left and I handed them the leftover steak, my wife got kind of angry with me and told me that by offering to wrap up leftovers for our guests, I was insinuating that they were cheap and/or poor and couldn’t buy steak themselves any time they wanted to and it was insulting.
This never crossed my mind whatsoever. I just didn’t want to waste good meat. I grew up in a working-class home and my wife grew up in more of an upper-middle-class environment so I guess there are some upper-crust social customs that I’m really not aware of?
Anyways, what do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where do you live and/or how did you say it? Because letting your friends take their leftovers as opposed to just throwing them out is considered normal and kind in the US.
I would never think that you were insinuating they were poor. Heck, most friends let you accidentally steal their Tupperware. If you were just being nice they would just throw the meat out later if they didn’t like it and would not feel at all offended.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“It was a little casual of an offer for that type of dinner. I think your wife viewed it as a work dinner which is more formal while you were just in good host mode. For example, when my department’s VP takes us to a celebratory dinner, no one takes leftovers home.
It’s just not that kind of environment. That said, I don’t think it’s ok for your wife to react quite so strongly and her calling it insulting is a bit of a stretch in my opinion. NTJ.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but in that context offering leftovers is gauche. If you’re from different backgrounds and your wife didn’t warn you not to send them home with leftovers from the meal, she needs to apologize for coming down on you so hard.
In the future: (for fancy dinners where you’re trying to impress) send guests home with a separate little sweet treat or fancy liqueur you’ve already prepared and wrapped, separate from the meal itself. It should have some connection to the evening and not just be a random gift. As in: if you serve a lemon chiffon cake for dessert you could send them off with some little lemon petit fours.
Or if you served a special cocktail for the evening, you could send them off with small bottles of the beverage and the recipe for the signature cocktail printed on a pretty card or even handwritten.” thewritingdomme
10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Wife's Friend Who Criticized Our Parenting Choices?
“I (38m) am married to my wife (37f) and we have three kids, 12f, 10m, and 9m.
My wife has a friend group of like 6-8 people, but her main friend is this one woman I’ll call Christy. I don’t like Christy very much, she just always has some type of input on everything. If I say the fridge is empty for example, she will say “There are people who have less, don’t complain.” She genuinely just annoys me to no end and she needs to be quiet sometimes.
Ok so my daughter recently got her first phone since her birthday was a couple of days ago. When the friend noticed, she started opening her big mouth on why it’s “bad parenting” to let a 12 y/o have such a “costly device” while I was sitting on the couch, a couple of inches away from her.
And she’s talking to me, directly. I told her she can always leave if she has a problem, and she asked me who I’m talking to? In my own house. So I tell her to take her and her judgments to the door and make sure not to look back.
She did leave, and my wife called me a jerk for what I did and said and left the house.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… I do think the immediate “you can leave if you have a problem” makes you look defensive.
Even though the woman rightly bugs you. There are stacks of other ways to respond to this to shut it down, or laugh it off, or brush it off, that make you look calm and collected and Christy looks intrusive.
E.g. “He-he well, that’s certainly an opinion.” “Hey don’t worry, Christy is sharing her insights again. Come and listen” and then move away. “We’re comfortable with our decision” rinse. Lather. Repeat. And don’t engage the crazy.
You: Christy, we’re not looking for input on this.
Christy: but I think…
You: No Christy.
The issue here is you and your wife weren’t on the same page. Now your wife is calling you a jerk. Christy feels justified. Talk to your wife about Christy and her opinions.
And Christy needs to have fewer (no) opinions unless asked for. Still NTJ though because Christy is annoying and rude and a jerk herself.” OkBoss3435
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk. She’s mouthing off about something that’s none of her business.
At 12 years old, many teens have a phone because it often is a safety issue. In the olden days, there were phone booths everywhere. I haven’t seen one in at least five or so years. I gave my daughter a simple phone (no Internet) when she entered middle school at age 11.
She knew that she was not to have it out at school (if a student’s phone is seen, a teacher can take it, and a parent has to pick it up from the main office). Same for high school. She never lost or broke her phone, nor had it confiscated. I could even see a record of the phone numbers she called or texted or called or texted her.
Even when we went to the mall, she might decide to go window shopping and would keep in touch with us via texting. When she went away to college, I gifted her with a smartphone. For one class, she needed to use an app on her phone to take part in class discussions (so I got her a phone that could use that app).
Whatever the model, it’s no business of that woman. Maybe the OP should have said something at some point to his wife about Christy and her comments before it got to this point.” Frogsaysso
Another User Comments:
“Lol NTJ. You handled that perfectly and although the relationship with Christy and wife may be strained I feel like this is a win-win situation.
I wouldn’t give my 12-year-old (I’m child-free) a phone but maybe I would for emergencies (if she walks home from school etc). The moral of the story is it’s none of her business nor does what you do require a conversation with Christy.” Odd-Interview7463
9. AITJ For Telling My Uncle His Advice Is Unwanted?
“I (19m) live with my dad since my mom was unfaithful to him with my uncle. Still see my uncle every few weeks but only because he lives with my grandparents and I don’t want to go NC with them.
My dad agrees with this, saying I should just be stoic to the guy when I visit. Mom’s no longer in the picture, having left my uncle for someone else. Haven’t seen her for months now.
My dad gave me a credit card last year, saying that I can use it for meals.
I am also allowed to buy one new book each week.
Today, I bought ‘The Maze Runner’. Then I had lunch and went to my grandparents’ house, where as usual I just ignored my uncle and talked to my grandparents.
My uncle usually ignores me as well, but not today. He asked me why I wasted money buying the book when I already have the movie, before saying my dad should have taught me better about money management. Then the guy also went on and said that I’m too old for the book.
I said his advice was unwanted and his opinion was unwelcome. Didn’t raise my voice at him or anything. Just looked him right in the eyes and said it. My grandparents told me that I didn’t have to be rude to him and that he’s still my elder.
They said I should be polite to him ‘for (their) sake’, saying I should have greater self-control at my age.”
Another User Comments:
“Elder or not, you are 19 and have the right to express your feelings towards someone. I mean if you said “hey jerkface, your opinions mean nothing to me”, well that would maybe make you a jerk if it was said in front of your grandparents, but the way you said it is perfectly fine.
Now if you catch him alone sometime, say it like you wrote it. NTJ.” Trippy-Psychologist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell grandparents that the only reason you come over is to see them not to get unwanted advice from someone whose opinion you don’t respect no matter the age.
This is not a relationship that will ever be mended because of the choices he made. They’ll need to decide if they prefer you not to come over anymore because your feelings on their son will not change.” wlfwrtr
8. AITJ For Confronting My Friend's Sister Who Was Insulting Her At My Dinner Party?
“So I (F20) had my friend’s (F20) family over for dinner and the entire night her sister (F17) was making disgusting comments towards my friend, she would be overly critical and rude, she shamed her for everything including things that were not in her control.
At some point during dinner I got really fed up with it and as I am not one to keep my mouth shut I was very upfront with her; I told her that I found her behavior to be atrocious and that I would ask her to leave if her behavior continued. She burst into tears and her parents began berating me telling me that I had no idea what my friend had done to her sister and all her behavior was justified and I’m a horrible person for confronting her like that.
At this point I was done with the whole thing and told them all to leave.
The next day I woke up to a social media post in which I was tagged by her sister “exposing” my friend and me.
To paraphrase she basically said that my friend is unhygienic and weird and it makes her sooo embarrassed and that 5 years ago my friend went through a mental health crisis and had to go to residential treatment, and living without her was so much better and being around her was really “emotionally triggering” for her.
Then she went on to talk about me who enables her sister’s disgusting unhygienic behavior and how I planned with my friend to attack her at dinner. A lot of her sister’s friends are in the comments agreeing with her.
I know her sister is being horrible there’s no question about that but when I contacted her mom about it she told me I was the one in the wrong and I should have never opened my mouth in the first place and I’m wondering if she’s right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even if her sister was right. They were in your house airing their dirty laundry. That is poor manners in anyone’s book. They were your guests and they spent the evening attacking your friend? You are well within your rights.
If her parents allow that behavior they do so at their house (where it is still not ok, they sound abusive). But who does that in someone else’s house and is then upset that they got called on their rubbish!?” northerntropicaz
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, uh, NTJ. Your friend’s sister sounds horrible. It doesn’t matter how bad their relationship is or why. If your friend had been genuinely abusive to her sister then I could see why there would be spite, but she got you involved in their conflict by coming to your house and squabbling in front of you.
If their relationship is that bad that they can’t hold basic respect together while visiting other people then they shouldn’t be visiting other people’s homes together just to fight. The whole thing was completely avoidable and pointlessly nasty to you and it honestly sounds horribly cruel to your friend too.” SeianVerian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if any of the behavior in the past was valid, this isn’t the past. She’s in someone else’s home and y’all are just having dinner. She was taking shots at her sister and that can’t be a valid thing any therapist would agree with.
She dragged you into it by bringing up inappropriate topics and behavior during a dinner. And then acted like a little jerk when called on it. Sister has some growing up to do and their parents need to recognize that all of this is THEIR failing.
They failed to help their daughter who clearly had a mental health crisis and who is working on it and they’re failing their younger daughter by enabling her to take public shots at her sister and not allowing any conversation or backlash against it from other parties.
Everything the parents are doing is wrong, and if I were you, I’d block all parties barring your friend, and tell her to block them too. “You’ve lost the right to bring your rubbish into my realm of existence, so until you can act like a grown-up, you and your unhinged child can go to therapy and figure your stuff out and leave me and my friend alone.
You clearly hate her, so I don’t see why you’d want to be around her if all you’re going to do is trash her. How is that healthy for you? For anyone? So no. Blocked. Uninvited from everywhere. Go away until you can act like a basic decent person.”” WikkidWitchly
7. AITJ For Defending My Student From His Brother's Homophobic Slur At A Non-School Event?
“I (28F) am a middle school science teacher, this is my 5th year teaching.
I went to see the solar eclipse with my husband (28M) as school was canceled for the district I teach in.
There was an event viewing at a local park, and while there, I ran into some students. One of my students, Breckin (13M) has an older brother Keegan (15M).
I had Keegan in 8th grade, he is now in high school.
Breckin and Keegan have very different personalities, Breckin is a sweet kid, but he doesn’t care much for science. He plays baseball and I attend all of the games.
He hands in his work (so I can’t complain), but I know science is his least favorite class. He’s very close to his friends on the baseball team and they will often hug each other and open up to each other, it’s sweet.
Keegan is much more interested in science, he was always very talkative in my class, along with his friends. Keegan’s friends, however, were much more distant and didn’t show much affection for each other. They also said some pretty bigoted things in my class and I tried to teach them to be better but it never worked, which sucked because they were very smart in the academic sense.
Breckin and his friends noticed me and started asking me questions about the eclipse, they were showing me their glasses, which had some design of some minor league baseball team. All of them were very sweet about it. The boys were also cuddling with each other (in a platonic way) while on the ground of the park before the eclipse came.
I overheard the boys telling each other they loved them (again, platonically).
I saw Keegan come up to their parents and was pointing at Breckin and his friends, before he approached me. Keegan was telling me about how he’s doing in high school and then he went up to Breckin and the boys (who at this point, we were right behind) and he told them to stop “acting like (slur)” because they were cuddling.
I got up to Keegan and told him that if he had nothing nice to say, he shouldn’t say it at all, he said I was being too sensitive and that he was “just stating the truth.”
When the eclipse was over, I had their mom come up to me, she said she was upset to hear about how I was “rude” to Keegan, and that I know that Keegan and Breckin don’t get along and it was wrong of me to “pick a side” when they were arguing about what had happened. She said I had overstepped my boundaries since this was not a school event and Keegan is no longer my student.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, Keegan is no longer your student and it wasn’t a school event but your comment is honestly something that any decent person should say when they hear such a slur. I feel sorry for the younger boy since his mom obviously doesn’t care enough to teach her older son what should and should not be said (and also why for Christ’s sake).
You did nothing wrong here but exactly the right thing. Nothing to do with you being a teacher or not. Hope you had a lovely eclipse viewing!” bluesnowdrops
Another User Comments:
“If what you actually said to Keegan was “if he had nothing nice to say, he shouldn’t say it at all” most definitely NTJ.
The jerk is perhaps the mother who lets one of her sons put down and treat her other son badly. Wherever Keegan’s negative feelings stem from (jealousy over his brother’s social relationships? Entrenched homophobic feelings? Something completely different???), his comment(s) were inappropriate.
Ideally, the feelings that are actually behind Keegan’s behavior and comments will be addressed. Then he’ll be able to have his own positive social relationships, and more importantly, a positive relationship with his brother.” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What Keegan said was rude & bigoted. It is absolutely disgusting to me that this 15-year-old is using that slur never mind to a bunch of 13-year-olds & his own brother.
You heard something, so you said something. You weren’t rude about it. And you most certainly didn’t overstep. Did the mom even know what her wonderful son said to his brother? The mom was def overreacting. You had every right to say something.
He could’ve been a stranger & it still would’ve been ok to say something.” NOTTHATKAREN1
6. AITJ For Wearing My Partner's Clothes And Refusing To Change When My Parents Got Upset?
“I (16M) was at my partner’s (16F) place and she made me try on her clothes as like a joke because we found out that we’re the same size. I tried on a cropped T-shirt and low-rise jeans. She told me that I looked hot and told me to keep it on so I did because yeah I looked hot.
She gave me the clothes to keep.
My mum called me and told me to come home because my uncle and aunt were there and I should say hi. I forgot to change so I went home in my partner’s clothes.
I didn’t think it’d be a problem or anything but my parents were so upset. Once I said hi to my aunt and uncle my mum pulled me to the kitchen and told me to go change, she called me an embarrassment.
I refused to change because like what the heck actually? Why does she care so much? That made her 10x angrier and she called me disrespectful and some other stuff. After my aunt and uncle had gone my dad agreed with my mum and told me that I should throw the clothes away or give them back to my partner.
I said no because the clothes were cool I don’t get why they care so much it’s just clothes. My dad asked me if I’m gay and when I said no he told me that I looked gay and I just laughed at him.
Then my mom grounded me. AITJ? I feel like they’re overreacting. I’m not getting rid of the clothes though I looked hot and my partner likes it that’s all I care about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s about time these older generations need to learn that clothes have no boundaries, no gender, and anyone can wear whatever they want.
I like how you stood up for yourself because there’s actually nothing wrong with what you wore and how you presented yourself. Wear whatever makes you comfortable, confidently!” jjunniehui
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were just having fun and rocking what you felt good in.
It’s pretty common to experiment with style, especially at 16! Your parents probably aren’t used to seeing guys in what they consider women’s clothing, which might have thrown them off, especially with other family around. That said, parents sometimes have pretty set views about what’s “appropriate” wear, especially for unexpected family visits.
It’s a bummer they reacted so harshly instead of just laughing it off with you. Maybe once things cool down, you can chat with them about how style is a personal thing and doesn’t have to be a big deal. Keep wearing what makes you feel good and maybe keep the peace at home by choosing your moments when it comes to family gatherings.
And hey, it’s awesome your partner supports your style, sounds like she’s a keeper!” bigman2000x
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The clothes mean a lot to you as they’re from someone you care about. If you treasure the clothes, make sure your parents don’t manage to “accidentally” throw them out when you’re not home.
I’m not sure what they’re like, so I apologize if I made the wrong assumption.” SideWinderSyd
5. AITJ For Refusing To Spend "Grandparents Day" With My Grandma And Her Husband?
“I told my grandma, my dad’s mom, that I don’t need to do what she tells me to. This came after she pressured me to tell my parents I want to go to her house and spend a weekend with her and her husband and claim it as “Grandparents Day”.
I told her I didn’t want to do that but she told me I needed to. She said my dad has never liked her husband and always kept them from having a real and meaningful relationship with my siblings and me.
She said my uncle and aunt did the same thing with my cousins but my cousins are too far gone and my siblings are too young to hear this from her. But she said I’ll be 17 in a couple of months and should be able to tell my parents how it is and make my voice heard.
The reason my parents did not raise my siblings and me being close to dad’s mom or her husband is because they have a lot of beef. My dad’s dad (grandpa) died when he and his siblings were young kids and grandma remarried a year later.
Her husband was really domineering about his place and he would shame my dad and his siblings for holding onto memories of their dad. Their mom did nothing. She even backed him up occasionally when my dad or one of his siblings would turn to her for help.
Her husband attempted to take every trace of my grandpa and throw it out. My uncle, the oldest, had to get really angry and kick up a huge fuss to put a stop to it. And my grandma and her husband gave in.
But it didn’t stop her husband from having “accidents” in their bedrooms and slowly destroying more photos or more of Grandpa’s things.
So my dad and his siblings hate their “stepdad’s” guts. Like they have been pretty clear with Grandma and him that if Grandma dies first, he won’t have anyone to make sure he’s taken care of.
My uncle said he would throw him in the worst kind of care facility and leave him to rot and be forgotten like he deserves because he had no positive influence on them.
I have seen with my own two eyes on the few occasions I saw grandma and her husband, that he HATES traces of grandpa.
We have a couple of photos in our house of him and he glares at them. He also tried knocking one off the wall one time and I spoke up so everyone’s attention went to him and he had to stop.
He was also really peeved that none of us call him Grandpa, we use his name.
Because of all this, I don’t really think a lot of either of them but especially him. I think it’s bad to try and take the memories from my dad and his siblings and deny them the few pictures they have of their dad.
I also think he does come across as this really angry guy and it’s not great to be around. Which is why, when grandma mentioned the “grandparents day” thing and when she emphasized that it would be more for her husband since she gets called grandma already, I said no and dug in my heels and told her I don’t have to do what she tells me.
But she said I was acting petulant and childish. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like some kind of sick script they are running, they did it to your dad and his siblings when they were young and had less power, now they’re trying to do it to you and your generation too.
It’s like they are addicted to toxic, jerk behavior and manipulation. Definitely tell your parents so they can shut it down and your instinct to resist and avoid is correct. Starve them of this need they have to control and belittle their family members.
Warn others in the family too, especially the youngest ones as they will be targeted. It’s gross. They are jerks.” the_greengrace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but here’s a more diplomatic response. 1. Acknowledge their goal. “You want to spend some time with me and feel closer to me.” 2.
Acknowledge their feelings. “You feel like you haven’t had enough time with me and so you’re frustrated, I get that.” 3. Say something kind and if possible true. “It’s nice to be wanted and I’m glad you care about me and want to be closer to me.” 4.
State your sticking point as kindly and neutrally as possible. “I don’t really want to stay here. It isn’t personal I just prefer to sleep at home.” 5. Suggest an alternative: “I would love it if we had scheduled bonding time, like say every Wednesday we go to dinner together or we go shopping together on the first Sunday of the month.” Your grandma is in a difficult situation.
Married to this evil grump, alienated from her own children and grandkids, yet doesn’t have enough gumption to get herself out of it. We can pity her while also not feeling obligated to suffer alongside her. Memorize those steps above.
Being able to disagree effectively can move mountains in life – it’s one of the most valuable life skills you can develop.” wolfcaroling
4. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of Our Mom's Wedding?
“My mom started to see her now husband Jim a few years ago. My younger sister Sally didn’t take it well. She is a daddy’s girl and hasn’t forgiven my mom for divorcing him. Dad went on a bender after the divorce and Sally has been blaming Mom for all his issues.
It is a weird blame thing and she needs therapy. She is an adult so that is her issue to deal with.
Jim is overall a decent person, no glaring red flags and we get along well. Sally on the other hand picks fight after fight.
Over time an argument would happen and my mom would choose Jim. I have heard so many rants about her being the victim and removing all blame from herself.
The last straw for my mom was when Sally accused Jim of flirting with her over texts.
No proof at all about this and with her history no one believed her. I don’t even believe her, just seems like another attempt to ruin their relationship.
Mom cut her off after that. The wedding was last weekend and Sally was not invited. She crashed the wedding and before mom could see her I kicked her out.
This resulted in an argument. By the end of it, I told her congrats that she is the victim again and she called me a jerk.
She has been blowing up my phone since and while my mom is happy I kicked her out my brother is also calling me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weighed the probabilities and determined that the most likely reason for Sally to be at the wedding was to cause trouble and you took action to prevent that. Sally had ample opportunity to apologize to Mom and Jim.
She chose not to. Actions have consequences.” opine704
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop doing your mom’s dirty work for her though. You are her child, not her bodyguard. She needs to figure this crap out with her daughter and son who have an issue with the divorce and moving on.
Have you all not done family therapy? You don’t just cut children off because you find a new man and they aren’t with the situation. Stay out of it!” SubstantialYouth9106
3. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Helping My Neighbor's Son With Snowboarding?
“About five years ago my neighbor Jane kept walking over to our house and sending me messages asking for help for her son to learn to snowboard from my husband. Jane’s husband wasn’t interested in helping and she kept telling me how great it was that my husband would snowboard with my son.
At one point she asked if she, my husband, and her son could go snowboarding together. I put my foot down and said absolutely not.
Fast forward a number of years later and her son is now 16. She again asked for help buying a new snowboard and my husband was nice and went and helped her and her son purchase one.
She then started texting him asking if she and her son could go with my husband and my son snowboarding the next weekend. My husband said that was fine however, my son decided not to go last minute because he wanted to just spend time with my husband.
(My husband didn’t know that but I did) My husband spent the day with Jane and her son even after I told him that I wasn’t happy about him going and that he should cancel – but he said he already told her he would and didn’t want to flake.
She texts him during work hours (he replies) and has relentless questions and asks when the next time they can go snowboarding is. I told my husband to stop texting her and he can’t go with her anymore. It’s making me uncomfortable.
Note: Her husband is around and did go with them to purchase the snowboard but doesn’t have the time to spend with them on the weekends and so she wants my husband to go to help them and show them the ropes.
He’s one of those people that likes to help others. However – I told him to ghost her. He said it’s gonna be weird when he sees her in the neighborhood and what is he supposed to say when he sees her?
I told him to tell her that he’s just too busy. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Yo, she likes him. Ain’t no way this lady got her own darn husband and needs yours for this. She needs to go find a snowboarding instructor.
And it’s great that your husband is nice and all, but the heavenly gates will not refuse to open for him if he doesn’t give this weird neighbor lady and her son assistance with snowboarding, lol.” CatActivationSound
Another User Comments:
“Why doesn’t she just have her kid take snowboarding lessons from a qualified instructor? If she wants her son to have snowboarding friends, there are better ways than trying to tag along with your son, who doesn’t sound interested in her kid.
Her son could join the school ski club, get involved in competitive snowboarding, or meet other kids on the slopes who might be interested in being friends. I think your instinct is correct, that this woman is overstepping because what she really wants is the company of your husband.
She may not have a conscious idea that she’s doing this, but it’s so inappropriate that it doesn’t really matter whether or not it’s conscious on her part. It’s just inappropriate and I think you were correct to shut it down.” Reasonable-Sale8611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell him the facts. She is a married woman and should not spend alone time with a married man with her son cause they ain’t a family and that is weirder than flaking out on someone who’s supposedly a stranger.
Another fact is that his own son did not want them around but he still hangs out with them making your son uncomfortable and not wanting to go. The fact that he makes his own wife uncomfortable and apparently he cares more about the married neighbor than his own wife.
What he’s doing is not being the bigger person but he’s ruining his own marriage. Give him that ultimatum, either he can have a family or he can ruin it.” Enviest0
2. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Ring Camera After My Neighbor's Intimidation Tactics?
“I (25F) have lived in my apartment complex for a few years and have always had a ring camera for security reasons and to avoid package theft which happens pretty often where I live. My ring camera is attached to my door and faces my neighbor’s door across the hall – about 3ish feet.
Recently a new neighbor moved in and knocked on my door to ask if I could move my camera because it makes them uncomfortable that it faces their apartment door or turn off the motion-activated sensor. I had no problem with this and ordered a new mount to place slightly to the side of my door so it’s not a full view of their unit for their peace of mind, however, I think they assumed I brushed them off because I didn’t fix it the next day after asking me.
As a result, they’ve begun walking up to my camera multiple times a day leaving somewhat threatening messages into my camera like ‘you don’t want this to become a problem’ or ‘your liability is going to become my liability’ (I don’t know what they mean by that) and now I don’t want to move my camera at all since they’re trying to intimidate me and make me feel uncomfortable.
WIBTJ if I don’t move my camera anymore since they’re trying to intimidate me? By the way, Ring cameras are not prohibited in my complex and plenty of neighbors have them throughout the community.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but in my state, nobody has the legal right to record somebody else’s private area.
Ergo, when they open their door, your camera is recording their private area so you have a responsibility to set up a privacy zone so that your camera does not have a view of their private area. At least you would if you lived in my state.
You might want to check your local laws. Personally, I would not move my camera, and instead would set a privacy zone. I actually had similar beef with my neighbors recently. In my case, my camera has absolutely no view of anyone’s private area, so there’s no leg to stand on in terms of getting it taken down.
What it eventually took to get them to calm down, was to have an authority figure tell them that there is nothing wrong with my camera placement.” Bossfrog_IV
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (yet), neighbor’s original request is valid and I’m glad you’ve taken steps to address it.
His actions since are very nasty and hopefully that can be defused. If he was JUST being passive-aggressive I’d go easier on him but this stuff easily crosses the line into intimidation. On the other hand, I’m disappointed by the casual acceptance of surveillance here.
“If you’re not doing anything wrong you shouldn’t have anything to hide” is a terrible attitude and recording your neighbors’ activities without their permission or even a suspicion of wrongdoing is unethical. Ring in particular has been caught sending data and videos to police and in general I don’t trust what these companies are doing with your data.
It’s one thing to pay for the service and agree to those terms, it’s another to unilaterally decide that for your neighbors as well.” Swagnastodon
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. They would’ve checked out the apartment and saw your camera and could’ve requested a different unit.
If they didn’t check it out first, that’s on them. Once they explicitly threaten you, file a police report. Before that happens, put the camera back to normal and then knock on their door and let them know you will angle it away from their door so they have their privacy, but that you won’t be removing it for the exact reason you cited, that you’ve been stolen from before and that is your deterrent.
Don’t threaten the police report because that could escalate matters. If they knowingly break the law in front of the camera, that’s on them. Just file it without saying a word to them. The only problem I can see them having with your camera is that they wanna be able to smoke on their front porch.
Don’t pay them any mind if your attempt to smooth things over doesn’t work.” AdExcellent4663
1. AITJ For Selling My Inherited Family Heirloom Earrings Without Telling My Family?
“I (F33) inherited my nan’s earrings when she passed away 10 years ago. My sister (F35) was given the matching necklace. We have both loved them very dearly, nan wore them on her wedding day so I wore my earrings on mine, and my sister wore her necklace.
My sister was very, very close with our nan, closer than I was, and dreams of passing her necklace onto her own children someday. She has always been a little put out she didn’t get the full set.
I recently had some financial issues that were mostly my own fault.
I bought a dodgy car that blew up on me last year, which ended up needing replacing. In my new car, registration completely slipped my mind and I ended up getting fined for driving an unregistered car. Then to top it all off, our rent increased and I had to buy a new laptop and phone (essential for my work) after dropping mine down a flight of stairs.
I haven’t been on a good run.
Anyway, as much as I really didn’t want to, I ended up selling my earrings a month ago to help cover some costs. I sort of had a breakdown and didn’t want to tell anyone, most of my family is very well off but my job really isn’t paid as well as I wish it was.
I love it though, so there’s that.
Last week my sister came over and while we were chatting, she asked where my jewelry box was (I used to have it on display, she wasn’t snooping). I sort of froze up before explaining what had happened and how I sold them.
She didn’t yell but she got very quiet and asked why I didn’t say anything, that she would have bought them from me and matched the price.
She went home shortly after, and won’t answer any of my calls or texts.
This morning I got a call from our very, very upset and angry mother asking why I sold the jewelry. That I should have been more responsible and how could I do such a thing without even telling anyone? She says that my sister is upset, she is upset, and that I am an irresponsible jerk.
I kind of feel like yes I messed up, but the earrings were mine and it was my right to do what I wanted with them.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you had offered it to sell to your family first, they might even have given you more to help you out.
Anyway, it’s a lesson learned to your family not to pass down anything expensive to you that they wouldn’t want to risk getting sold off. You should give your mom & sister the contact details of the person/entity you sold the jewelry to, so at least they can try to buy back the item.” ivegotaqueso
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Need to work on communication. You knew how close your sister was to your grandma but instead of communicating you blindsided her. I think what personally triggers me with this post is that my family left a war-torn country leaving everything behind to come to the US when I was a baby and I always wished I had family heirlooms or something from back home.” EveryGovernment3982
Another User Comments:
“NTJ legally speaking, but emotional/morally YTJ. It was a short-sighted ‘gain’ to not loop your family in on your financial struggles where selling the earrings was a necessity, especially since you usually displayed the earrings or the box they came in, now not only do you not have the earrings but you’ve caused a fracture in your family’s relationship.
And in the long term, as someone else said, your family now knows they cannot leave you anything of monetary value because it might get pawned so you’ve probably gotten yourself written out of some wills. So was it worth it?” 89Rae
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