People Seek Honest Verdicts For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Laughing At My Step-Sister's Misery?
“My mom (55) and dad (57) got a divorce when me (30m) and my twin brother (30) were 13 due to our dad having an affair with our stepmom (47) and got her pregnant with our half-sister.
After the divorce, my dad married his wife (who was horrible to our mom and it got worse when she realized that we were never going see her as a mom in our lives) and they had 3 more children and my stepmom had 3 daughters already.
Their father had died 2 years before the affair so they were excited to have a new dad.
During the divorce, my paternal grandparents were not happy about the affair and did everything to make sure my father and his new family knew they were not welcome.
They were not openly hostile but it was obvious when it was noticeable when we would get things that they wouldn’t of get invited to things they weren’t.
My grandparents (dad’s parents) are wealthy. In their family, there is a tradition that when you get married you and your spouse are gifted a set of jewelry to pass down to your children.
When I married my husband we were both gifted 2 sets of diamond cuff links and a part of diamond studs all together worth about $200k. They also paid to have built our house built when they found out we were expecting our own set of twins via surrogate.
I know spoiled. Now my twin is getting married to his long-time partner. My grandparents are paying for their wedding (they offered to pay for mine too but my husband’s parents paid for it so that’s why they built the house).
My oldest stepsister 28 is also engaged and her wedding is scheduled after my twins. She and her fiancé aren’t as well off but my dad is paying but not as much because he’s still got to take care of our younger siblings and my stepmom is a stay-at-home mom.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. We were having dinner with my dad’s family and you could tell my stepsister and stepmom were upset about something. My youngest brother asked her what was wrong and that’s when she got upset.
Apparently, she had asked my grandparents the color of the jewelry she was getting for her wedding.
Now they don’t have a relationship with her and our other 2 stepsisters and do not think kindly of their mother. They’re only around them when it’s a big family event or something for my half-siblings.
So they told her she wasn’t getting anything like that, especially how she behaved when the affair came out and she made it seem like me and my brother should’ve chosen her mother over ours which was not happening.
So she also asked about funds for a house because again my father can’t afford it. Again they said no so her feelings were hurt. Plus they’re not even going to her wedding. I couldn’t hold it in so I laughed and so did my brother.
Later after dinner, my dad text us saying we were jerks which I can see it. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not at all. The mother of those children probably deliberately went after your father. Their expectation that they were going to be spoiled and they’re not even half-siblings is beyond expectations.
OK, the laughing was a bit much but they’d already treated you guys really badly and wanted you to accept their mom as your mom basically cutting off your own mother. NTJ.” AffectionateWheel386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s your step-sister and not even related to them.
They’ve made clear their disassociation with your step-siblings. How do they get the impression that this is suddenly going to change? It was a little unkind to openly laugh, but if this was sprung in front of you with no warning I can understand it and to a degree, excuse it.” Top-Put2038
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a matter of entitlement. The adult step-sister should have known better. Especially the stepmother. This is what happens when you mess around and find out. Entitlement should be laughed at. Next time they’ll think twice about it.
They purposefully made their discontent known in order to manipulate you and blame you.
Sorry. You did nothing wrong.” freedomHeist
21. AITJ For Accommodating A Friend Who's Going Through Divorce?
“I want to say that sometimes I don’t pick up on things that many people think are obvious.
About a year ago a friend of mine Alice had to come to my town from 500km away due to her work. She and her husband asked if she could stay with me (initiated by the husband). I have known Alice since middle school and her husband since university.
Their reasoning was that my place was better overall (location, cleanliness, neighborhood) and closer to where her job was, and then where her company wanted to have her stay. They said it would be about a month. She would help with food and have the company pay me similar to what they would have paid.
I said that was fine but they don’t have to pay me. I’m happy to help out.
Some things about me are that I like to cook, clean, treat everyone with respect, and am a good host. I never mess with anyone in a relationship.
I didn’t do anything like flirt or talk about their relationship. At least not intentional.
During the month, I went about things as normal and tried to reduce the amount of stress Alice was going through with her job. Halfway through, I could tell she was upset and noticed her and her husband arguing, but let be.
The month ended, and she left (May to June)
Last month (end of Feb) Alice asked if she could stay with me again. Apparently, around New years, they had a massive fight and are now in the process of divorcing, and she was transferring to my town.
It would be until things settle down and she can find a place.
2 days after she moved in, I started getting calls and texts calling me a jerk and a home wrecker and a bunch of other mean things.
I guess Alice, after living with me for a month, relied on how poorly her husband treated her.
She did all the housework while working more hours than him. She put her foot down and demanded him to help out more, and that led to the fight when she mentioned me and how I treated her.
He got the idea we were sleeping together and having an affair the whole time (not true).
‘This was our plan from the beginning so I could have her all to myself, and the work trip wasn’t actually a work trip.’ There were posts on social media calling me a home wrecker and saying to watch out for me.
I’m out to steal other people’s women.
I have so many people calling me out as the jerk I’m starting to believe them.”
Another User Comments:
“That man wrecked his own home by being a useless bit of lint and then being shocked when it cost him his marriage.
You might have been the spark that shined light on the issue, but whether it was you or something else, that floodlight was coming sooner or later and the marriage would’ve broken down then. If anything, you gave your friend a wake-up call so now she can have a happier, more fulfilling life for herself without that sack of potatoes she called a husband.
NTJ” RubyJuneRocket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Thank you for treating her like a person. You did a very decent thing, and as a side effect, she was able to see how weird other things in her life were.
Keep on doing the same stuff.
You are clearly on the right track. Her husband is just sorry he lost his ‘woman appliance’ and resents that you weren’t more sexist. Thus unfortunately giving away the game he was playing with her. It’s not an all-men thing, you showed that through your behavior.
Her ex must really suck. That’s the takeaway here. That he’s getting weird online is just more proof of that. Block and move on. Maybe shut down your socials for a bit, just to help damper things down.” VerrigationSensation
Another User Comments:
“First of all, you already know you’re NTJ. The only contribution you made to the breakup was to give her a month free of her husband and a chance to realize just how bad he was.
Now, how badly do you want to clear your name?
The husband is publishing libel against you. He’s also making accusations against her (no such job) that are easily disproved. That’s all legally actionable. A demand letter from a lawyer might convince him to retract his accusations.” extinct_diplodocus
20. AITJ For Securing My Property To Avoid Trespassers?
“I have lived in my house for almost 3 years. I live in a corner house next to the road, a road back road. A lot of the kids in the neighborhood play ball games in that area. This doesn’t bother me much apart from when they kick it against my fence.
1 thing that does bug me is how often they would come to the door because the ball had gone over into the garden. I know this seems like such a small thing but I am talking 5/6 times a day. I used to work from home so I would just go get the ball and ask them to be more careful.
However, I recently changed jobs and now work out of the house. My partner is still home through the day but is of hard hearing and never hears the kids when they knock, she actually uses more sign language than anything or reads lips as she really can’t hear well at all without her hearing aid which she only really wears when she’s leaving the house.
Anyway since I haven’t been home to answer the door I found out the kids have actually been lifting my fence panel and coming into my garden to get their balls. I hate this, it makes me feel like my space and privacy are violated. I also have 4 dogs who are used to being outside when the weather is nice, I have cameras so have caught them doing this and have evidence but their parents don’t seem to care.
So I decided the screw all my fence panels in so they could no longer be lifted. Now every night I go home I’m greeted with a bunch of angry kids telling me their ball is in my garden and they can’t get it.
I just ignore them and throw the ball over without speaking to them.
Yesterday when I got home one of the kids’ mothers was at my front door. When I get out of my car she instantly started yelling and calling me a thief for not getting her son’s ball.
I told her I was at work and she started yelling about how my partner could have sorted it, I told her I’d go get the ball so calm down and she said I needed to fix my fence as it was broken and the kids couldn’t get them on there own anymore.
I told her it wasn’t broken and that I had done that so they couldn’t get in. This made her very angry and she started yelling, I told her I couldn’t have them letting my dogs out and also mentioned how they almost broke my fence once and she threatened to call the police for theft the next time I don’t get the ball immediately.
So AITJ for stopping them from getting Into my garden? And could they actually call the police when I’m not even home to get the ball?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You should laugh at the mom and tell her to go ahead and call the police – you will be very happy to have them stop by to explain the situation.
If they come out and find that you are being accused of stealing when kids or throwing/kicking balls into your yard when you’re not home and having to do without them for a few hours, they are going to be very upset with her for wasting their time.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That word she keeps using – theft – I don’t think it means what she thinks it means; it seems she wants you to permit her kids to trespass to retrieve the balls they seem incapable of controlling.
This is a learning opportunity for them, but doesn’t really have any relevance to you, or your partner until such a time as one of you chooses to return them.
It may be worth finding a doorbell system that your partner can be aware of, in case of genuine emergencies, but this isn’t that.” onomatopeic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trespassing is a violation of the law. Get a sign to place on your fence that states ‘Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted’. Make CERTAIN your entitled neighbors KNOW you have cameras recording your fence and yard. Next time they make an attempt, or come at you, CALL THE POLICE and get the cops to explain to these entitled people that there are laws in our society FOR A REASON.
Maybe once the cops explain, the neighbors will settle down and instruct their kids that the planet revolves around the sun.” SageGreen98
19. AITJ For Stopping Paying For My Ex's Credit Card Debts?
“When I and my ex-fiancée were still together she fell behind on her credit card payments (I was only aware of two cards, not the other two she hid from me).
I offered to start making the minimum payments to help her get caught up. We ended up separating and I found out all of her cards were maxed out not just behind maxed.
Fast forward a few weeks, I got an anonymous text informing me that she was sleeping with some other dude (who she is now currently going out with, not even a few months later).
I had been continuing to send her funds for her card payments until I found out about the infidelity. She is absolutely seething because I stopped helping her with her debt. Am I the jerk for stopping payments I promised I would help with when we were engaged?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, she is seething. She has learned from the past that when she gets angry she gets what she wants. Let her be angry. That is her choice. Why are you even talking to her?
Do you have some idea that to be a good person you need to keep your word in all cases? You don’t. When someone takes advantage of your trust like that, they lose all right to expect anything from you.
You never would have made that agreement in the first place if you knew she was seeing someone else, so you aren’t beholden to it now.
Cut her off. All she offers you is misery and apparently financial control. It doesn’t matter that you care for her, it doesn’t matter that you might love her, none of it matters.
Don’t believe anyone that says you should be the bigger person, or that you should still support her because she must be hurting or she is counting on you, or any other thing they say. Do not try to be her white knight.
The best thing you can do for her is to block her on everything and let her experience the consequences of her actions. Only when she has no other options might she turn inward and accept that she is the one causing her misery.
And she is the one that needs to get herself out.
Now go out there and spend that on yourself. Or use it for the good of humanity. You decide.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. First off, you aren’t together anymore and are under no obligation to help her financially.
It was kind of you to help financially when you were in a relationship, but that has long passed.
Second, she is extremely irresponsible with her finances… it seems like you dodged a bullet not only for this reason but also because she hid the gravity of the situation and had the audacity to expect you to continue paying for her mistakes even while not being in a relationship/be upset that you decided to discontinue payments that you didn’t have to help with at all in the first place.
Also, it’s wild that she completely betrayed your trust and disrespected you as a partner and still had these same expectations. Glad you were able to get out of there before getting married. You deserve much better.” AquaSpook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Dude… you were separated from her, that’s a term for married people, not people who were planning on being married. That’s as good as saying the relationship is dead on arrival. What sane person continues paying for their ex’s debts?
You’re being a jerk to yourself and your financial security but to her? She needs to put on her big girl pants and figure out how to manage her expenses on her own.” MundanePlanet
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Son "Charles"?
“My wife Melissa (31F) and I (31M) have been married for 4 years. Melissa is 8 months pregnant with our son. Melissa and I both use my last name (she changed hers to mine legally), as she does not want to be associated with her last name as she has a lot of trouble with her parents.
Unfortunately, our last name is Manson. As in Charles Manson. It really sucks but it’s what I have. Neither of us has ever had a problem with that until now. A few weeks ago her brother unexpectedly passed away of a heart attack at the age of 35.
We were both shocked and devasted. He was a great man who was always healthy, and we were very close to him. Nobody saw it coming. He left behind his wife and three kids.
Melissa now wants to name our son after her brother.
I would not have any issue with this if her brother’s name wasn’t Charles.
I told her I was not okay with naming our child Charles Manson, and she insisted that nobody would notice or care. She is calling me a jerk for disrespecting her brother like that.
(Note that her brother’s last name was not Manson, that is mine and Melissa’s last name).
So, should I let this go and just name our son after a guy who has been so important in Melissa’s life? I really do not want our kid to have to go through life having the same name as a serial killer.
Imagine how hard it would be to get a job.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s reacting from a place of hurt and hormones. You’re right to not want to give your child a name that will make their life miserable.
This is a tough situation, but when she’s calmer, she needs to google the name so she’s reminded of what it will be associated with. Find a name that honors her brother (maybe his middle name or something). But don’t let this loss dictate a lifetime of misery for your child.
They might end up changing their name when they get older, but it won’t erase what they’d go through in the meantime.” Fire_or_water_kai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People will notice and care. Your kid’s going to have to deal with it his whole life and he’ll hate it.
It’s not disrespectful to her brother’s memory to not want to name your kid after an extremely famous criminal. There are other ways to honor him. (What was his middle name? Would you use that?)
I know this is extreme, but would you consider like, picking a new LAST name for all of you?
I had a coworker whose last name had been a source of teasing for his whole life, and when he and his wife had their first baby, they decided to pick a new last name for their entire family together.
Grieving is hard and it makes you weird. Keep supporting your wife in her pain, but you’re not a jerk, you don’t have to feel guilty about this, and she shouldn’t talk to you like that even if she’s hurting.” peakvincent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like in her grief, she isn’t thinking clearly (which is to be expected). People will absolutely notice and he will get bullied his entire life if you name him that. Charles Manson has become embedded into our language and societal collective memory at this point.
If your last name was Dahmer, would she be willing to name him Jeffery? No, because that name is forever associated with evil now. The same is true for the name Charles Manson. Good on you for protecting your child.” MiddleAgeWookie
17. AITJ For Telling Old Stories About My Fiancé And His Friends?
“We were having dinner with my fiancé’s parents, some of his friends, and their parents. One of his friends brought up how a guy he went to school with was working for the same company as him and how the guy had pretended to have no idea who he was.
The friend claims it was obvious that he was faking it, which was the topic of discussion.
I went to school with my fiancé and the majority of his close friends. They weren’t exactly the nicest people back then and they did some pretty crappy things, including to the guy mentioned. I mentioned how they hadn’t been kind to him and that’s why he was probably pretending not to recognize the friend.
My fiancé and his friends were all defensive and denied being jerks to the guy or anybody else back then. I listed a few other times they were jerks, including to friends of mine, so they tried to use the fact that they were always nice to me to prove they weren’t jerks.
I said that was only because my fiancé wanted to sleep with me.
Their parents clearly had no idea they were like that as teens so they were all told off which was pretty funny. However, my fiancé is now angry with me.
He thinks I embarrassed them by bringing up ‘old news’ and he also mentioned how he never actually did anything to anybody back then, which is true. However, I told him he was also a jerk back then because he was the ‘leader’ of his friendship group and if he had tried to make them stop, they would’ve.
He also has an issue with me being ‘crude’ by saying they were only kind to me because he wanted to ‘sleep with me’ in front of his parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, going to go a step further and say he’s the jerk for denying it and not letting it go and trying to make explain away events that happened years ago despite describing it as ‘old news.’ If it was truly old news he’s processed in his mind, reflected upon, learned how to be better about, and moved on, he wouldn’t be this hung up on it.
Perhaps you should reflect upon the current state of the friend group and think about how they are now, to see if they’re truly better people. This may be them in the process of recognizing it, but still.
That’s just my 2 cents, though.
I certainly don’t have enough context to say for certain they haven’t changed.” gyokuro8882
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You could only be aware of how they were if you were there and there is no indication that you did anything to stop him or appeal to his better nature – which is the same expectation you had of your jerk partner.
The ‘old news’ isn’t that old and you are one of them. You were happy to get picked and stay picked by the bullies and while it is satisfying to have parents know who they are you need to come to terms with who you are in this.” onagrayday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like these people are generally moving on and growing up. But part of that process is the recognition and acceptance of the fact that we often don’t live to the values we aspire towards.
Sometimes that process can be uncomfortable, especially when you realize you wronged others.
Hopefully, these guys can take the lesson that this introspection brings to continue moving forward. Indeed, denying their past misdeeds may be indicative that they have NOT yet moved forward with the commitment to be better people.” Illuminator007
16. AITJ For Suggesting We Divide The Costs By Person, Not By Family?
“Every year my wife’s family plans a beach trip. We usually require a large house for the almost 30 people that go.
For some reason, the cost gets divided by family and not person meaning that my wife and I, who have no kids, pay the same as her sister and brother-in-law, who have themselves and five children.
Accommodations for this year’s trip cost roughly $6800, which, divided by 8 families is about $850. However, if it were divided by person, it would cost my wife and me only about $650. I brought this up to her and she’s adamant that this is the way they’ve always done it so that’s the way it is.
So, am I the jerk for not wanting to subsidize her sister’s $2300 vacation bill?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you won’t win this. I am certain her family doesn’t see this as splitting the cost of the living arrangements but as splitting the cost of the overall experience, and to them, this seems fair.
Family gatherings, bonding, etc. You have 4 options: (1) Suck it up and go, (2) bring it up to everyone, insist on only paying per person, huge drama ensues, and you will probably lose that fight, (3) refuse to go, or (4) go but refuse to share the house and get alternate accommodations for you and your wife nearby.
#4 seems the least painful as far as upset and drama.” maidenmothercrone333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are paying the same as all the other families to sleep on an air mattress on the floor while they get their own bedrooms, bathroom, and living space.
This isn’t about per person really. You are paying the same and getting way fewer amenities.
I would absolutely make this my hill to die on. No way as an adult would I spend that to sleep on an air mattress (especially if kids are getting beds).
You either pay less or get a bedroom/bathroom/living space like everyone else. Honestly, I’d refuse to go and let my spouse stay on the air mattress if they wouldn’t back me up. My spouse wouldn’t tolerate this from his family though either so luckily I would never be in that predicament.” PotatoLover-3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s bad enough that you are subsidizing the families with numerous offspring, but totally out of line that you have to pay that extra amount and then be relegated to an air mattress without even a private room/bath as all the OTHER adults get.
Tell them to either provide equivalent space for the funds or rent your own spot away from their selfish chaos. And your wife can just deal. She’s expecting you to put up with this misery when she should be thinking about how this is impacting your enjoyment of the so-called vacation.
I would be telling my husband to stuff a sock in it if he pulled this kind of crap on me.” Dipping_My_Toes
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Brother About What Happened To Our Mom?
“I (19m) have a half-brother, Eli (25m), and we share the same mother. Eli is not in contact with our mother over what my mum calls ‘wedding drama’.
My mum will say that she tried helping pay for the wedding and Eli and his fiancé, Lynn (24f) freaked out and cut contact with her and eloped secretly
Eli will say that my mum tried paying for most of the wedding and paid for add-ons that Eli and Lynn didn’t want at their wedding, and Lynn talked to Eli, and Eli and my mum had an hour conversation on how she disregards Eli’s feelings and hasn’t been a good mother to her children (this is correct, I was emotionally mistreated by her husband and by her for as long as I can remember, but I moved across the country to get away from her).
My mum refused to apologize and Eli said ‘Message me when you want to apologize but don’t contact me otherwise.’. Mum took this to mean she can never contact him again. Just to clarify I believe Eli due to Mum her being a habitual ‘woe is me’er’
While I was at my Dad’s, I got a phone call from my mum saying that she was in the hospital for the last 5 days, saying that it was touch and go and that she almost died (almost needed to be intubated), and that she was about to drive to Elis to tell him that she almost died. I managed to convince her that that was an absolutely awful idea and she said that I should message him and not tell her if I do because ‘it would be a horrible thing to know your mother almost died and not message to make sure she’s alright’, so it’s now up to me to message Eli.
The issue is I know Eli and I know he’s moved cities due to the trauma of living in the city he knew my mum lived in and I know that he wouldn’t want to know because he has PTSD due to my mum raising her.
My mum keeps asking if I have told Eli that she almost died, and I keep saying she told me to not say whether I did because it would be a bad thing if he didn’t message after he knew.
I do feel bad not messaging my brother about it, but we barely talk as is (no drama, we are just at different stages of life and Mum made sure that we weren’t close), and I don’t want to trigger Eli by messaging him about my mother.
So, AITJ for not telling my brother my mum died?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
On a very basic level, your mum is using the situation to try to manipulate Eli into getting back into contact.
Eli gave your mum quite a clear boundary – do not contact me unless you are going to apologize.
The fact that your mum has taken this to mean that she is never allowed to contact Eli and Lynn again, rather than reflect on what she did and understand why her actions caused this issue, and actually apologize to Eli for this is quite telling.
She doesn’t want Eli back in her life unless she can control him.
Unfortunately is trying to make you her messenger, and she is trying to manipulate you into the position that she can try to exert influence over Eli through you.
If she really had a near-death experience, if she really regretted what she did, she could reach out and apologize. But she isn’t doing any of that at all, instead, she is just trying to guilt trip you into being her proxy, and by proxy guilt trip Eli into getting back into contact.
Maybe, at some point, you could reach out to Eli and ask him whether he ever wants to hear news of your mum. If he says no, you can check if there is ever a time that he would like to know e.g. if she is dying.
But your mum hasn’t died, she is actually ok, you do not have to reach out to Eli now – as literally there is no point as she isn’t on the brink.
Like I said earlier, if she really wanted to repair their relationship and make amends, she would try properly.
But she is not doing that at all, is she? She is just trying to manipulate you both through guilt, rather than acknowledge what she has done in the past.” AmInATizzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Honestly, this kinda feels like your Mom’s attempt to guilt trip Eli out of his no-contact without the required apology.
Let him know if you want but I would include any and all relevant info about her present state and include that so he doesn’t feel compelled. If I were in your shoes I would tell your mom to stop pulling you into her conflict with Eli and basically refuse to discuss all topics related to him and his family with her.
She won’t accept that but I would attempt to establish that boundary.” Idc123wfe
Another User Comments:
“Okay, gotta ask here: how much do you believe Mom’s account of her near-death experience?
You’re NTJ regardless of the truth of this scenario.
There is literally nothing stopping your mother from contacting Eli herself (a text message, for example, is an option that doesn’t require her to drive out to see him in person), and since she doesn’t want you to say whether you did contact him or not you are free and clear regardless of what you opt to tell him.
In your shoes, however, hearing this story from your mom, my first thought would be, ‘Yeah, right, this is totally a nonsense sob story she’s concocted to get sympathy’.” Ok-Insurance-1829
14. AITJ For Making Comments About My Sister Using TikTok?
“I (42F) have a SIL (35F) she is my husband’s sister.
She is so easily influenced it’s embarrassing. Now because of TikTok, she has a 5 step skincare routine, god only knows how much she spent on snake oil products. She spends hours following makeup routines she sees on there. She now wakes up at 5 am to do a workout plan from an account she follows.
She is constantly cooking recipes from TikTok, and going to restaurants she found there. Everything is from Tiktok I don’t think she has ever had a original thought in her life. She is 35 for God’s sake, it’s an app for teenagers!
Now with Easter coming up, she is asking to bring some butter board she saw on TikTok. It honestly sounded ridiculous. I finally decided to say something to her. I explained to her how it’s embarrassing how she is still trying to act like a teenager, no amount of skincare and 5 AM workouts will stop her from aging.
She is 35 she is going to have wrinkles, we all went through it now it’s her turn, she is just wasting funds, and it’s time to grow up and accept how old she is, she is no longer a teenager and that’s ok, we all age.
I explained to her that her life is flying by she is married with no children. She is 35 I fear she is going to wake up in a few years and regret not having children and wasting so much of her time worried about what she looks like.
She told me to forget it she won’t even come to Easter. She told me ‘Just because I gave up on myself doesn’t mean she needs to.’ Which was incredibly rude and unnecessary sorry I have two kids to take care of I don’t have time to worry about wrinkles or if my outfit is perfect.
She then hung up.
Now my in-laws are mad and they have decided to do Easter at their house since SIL now feels too uncomfortable coming to our house. And of course, she will be making her ridiculous butter board.
My husband agrees that she needs to grow up but thinks I should have kept my mouth shut and should apologize so we can have a nice Easter. But I’m looking out for her she is no longer a teenager and it’s time to accept that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She’s not hurting anyone, and plenty of people have crazy skincare routines regardless of their age. Can you hear yourself? You’re mad at someone for working out.
‘I explained to her that her life is flying by she is married with no children.
She is 35 I fear she is going to wake up in a few years and regret not having children and wasting so much of her time worried about what she looks like.’
This quote gives me the impression that you do have kids and have probably let yourself go.
In order to cope with this, or create an excuse for yourself, you dig your heels into some antiquated and narrow-minded perspective like ‘only people who reproduce are truly grown up.’ Or ‘I can’t work out because I’m too busy taking care of me kids, something my childless SIL can’t understand.’ despite many great parents still finding time to take care of themselves.
I don’t use TikTok and am entirely unaware of its landscape. But I was expecting you to be talking about your SIL constantly pulling pranks or holding up foot traffic to do some sort of dance. Not working out and trying new recipes.
Yeah, I’ll say it again, YTJ. I think you’re the one who needs to grow up. You chose to have kids so stop being jealous and judgmental of someone who decided not to and is living their best life.” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“Woah, buddy! YTJ. And I think you know that. It sounds like SIL enjoys her child-free life and is quite active. She clearly enjoys self-care, exercise, and cooking new foods. It doesn’t sound like she offered a lot of thoughts about your life until you offered some pretty harsh, unsolicited criticisms of hers.
Also, you’re on the internet right now so I’m not sure we get to cringe at people who like TikTok.
The bottom line is, it’s not your job to enforce social rules about when people ought to have children and it’s none of your business why she doesn’t.
Maybe she doesn’t want any or maybe she desperately wants them and can’t have them. The content she’s into sounds like content produced by people in her general age range. She’s not trying to be a teenager, she’s just taking care of herself.
A less charitable observer than me might think you sounded jealous of the time and attention she is free to give her own body and appearance.
You might enjoy TikTok, by the way. Lots of patents on there.” RibbitRabbitRobit
Another User Comments:
“Ask yourself this: how does her doing these things, these trends, affect you in any way? So long as she is not actively harming herself or others, putting anyone in danger (some TikTok trends can be quite dangerous), or asking you or her brother to bail her out of a mess of her own doing then what she does does not affect you in any way.
YTJ
You are completely free to tell her that you are not very interested in hearing about TikTok trends, but everything else you said sounds like you are bitter and/or have this high-minded attitude some parents have that because they procreated their time is far more valuable because they have children and have no time for things they consider frivolous.” CeryxP
13. AITJ For Arguing With My Soon-To-Be-Ex-Wife Because She Did Not Leave The Car?
“So I’m going through a divorce at the moment, and we agreed that with our split care of the children whoever had them, also had the car (we were still sharing it).
Kids get dropped off with me on a Sunday evening, and I’m told I’m not having the car as the ex needs it for an appointment.
I let this go, and say OK, can you drop it off afterward (I work, she doesn’t) so I couldn’t pick it up myself. I’m told no, I can arrange for it to be collected. So I decide I’ll leave it, I don’t desperately need it.
She picks the kids up on the Wednesday after school, and in a message, I reconfirm that as we agreed whoever has the kids has the car so I’d need the car Friday night when I have the kids back.
I got the response fine you can collect it at 6 pm sharp.
Friday rolls around, and I’m assuming I’m collecting the kids and the car at 6 pm… How silly I was. She drops the kids off with me at 3.30 after school (I work from home till 5 pm) and takes the car.
I contact her to say why has she not left me the car, and the response I get is to arrange to collect it at 6 pm as we discussed. I then explained that as she has left me with the kids and no car, the only way for us to get the car is to now walk to collect it (1-hour walk with two kids), I was going to walk and collect it after work and the kids.
She then delivers the car at 5 pm and hurls terrible things at me.
PS. The car is mine, I was trying to be nice by allowing her to still use it even though I’m the only one paying for it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She is straight-up lying to you. She agrees and then goes back to her word. If she needs the car for other reasons, maybe she is struggling to stay within the guidelines. Ask her if she is struggling to be able to get to her appointments.
If you show some empathy she may confess that she needs a little more time with the car.
Then say okay ‘We can change the arrangement to help you more, but I need you to be more clear with me so I know what to expect.’
She probably doesn’t want to bring the kids to her errands/appointments. Give her some flexibility and be willing to change the arrangement and also ask her to be more clear about what she needs so that you can know exactly when you’ll have the car and know you can rely on her.” singingpianogirl
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk! You were trying to be considerate by sharing the car, even though you’re the one paying for it. Your ex seems to be taking advantage of your kindness and not being cooperative with the agreed-upon arrangement.
One example: She didn’t leave the car when she dropped off the kids, forcing you to make alternative arrangements or walk for an hour with the kids.
It might be time to reconsider the car-sharing arrangement and set clear boundaries to avoid future conflicts.
Communication is key, and it’s important to stand your ground when it comes to your possessions and your time with your children. Stay strong and keep working towards a fair and amicable post-divorce relationship.” autobeard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your ex is abusing your generosity.
The agreement was clear. She could have Ubered to her appointment or got a bus. These things are easier without kids.
The car is in your name? Remind her it’s your car and you were only generous, but since she doesn’t respect your agreement you’re revoking the offer and she will have to figure out different transportation.
I’d still offer to pick up/drop off the kids when you’re changing them over (only so the kids suffer less). Do this at a time you have the car. Obviously, you could call the police for theft, I’d probably prefer to avoid this as you still have to co-parent somehow.” Crazyandiloveit
12. AITJ For Getting My Son A Phone?
“I met my husband 7 years ago when my son was 4.
We got pregnant with our daughter only 2 months after going out (his only biological child). Things are actually absolutely fantastic in our relationship, despite ‘rushing’ into things. There have hardly ever been issues until recently.
My son’s 12th birthday is coming up soon and we had ALWAYS told him we would get him a phone for his 12th birthday.
He has honestly been harping on us since he was 9 because all his friends had a phone and he felt like the oddball out. I felt terrible and wanted to cave several times but didn’t BECAUSE my husband and I had already decided together that we would get him one at age 12.
Now that his birthday is right around the corner he is very fixated and excited that he would be able to get a phone. He’s fully expecting it, which I already knew would happen because of how many times we told him ‘When you’re 12’.
Well, I was looking at phones online the other day that had some parental controls and all that happy jazz and my husband decided at this moment that he doesn’t think my son is old enough for a phone and that he should have to wait until he’s ‘at least 15’.
I told him that absolutely was not happening but entertained his reasoning to figure out the ‘why’. He said that basically he didn’t want my kid to have access to ANY form of social media and he feels that getting him a phone would be forcing him to ‘grow up too fast and be subjected to the media and ignorance’.
I reiterated that this was the deal we had with my kid and that I wasn’t going back on it. I don’t even agree with his reasoning to be 100% honest with you but I didn’t tell him that. I just said I wasn’t going back on a promise.
He argued it for easily 30 minutes, saying ‘No, he doesn’t even need a phone’ before I finally told him he has absolutely no say on this and I’m getting my kid a cell phone. He snaps back with ‘Then it had better be a flip phone because I don’t want him on the internet’.
He has not spoken to me since.
AITJ? Half my friends are on my side but the other half says I need to consider what he’s saying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All the other kids his age are going to have phones.
On top of this, many modern-day middle school classrooms send out SMS reminders for homework, exams, and supplemental classroom information. Your husband needs to get with the times. 1993 was thirty years ago. What’s your husband going to tell your kid when he’s 15?
‘Wait till you’re 18?’
On top of that, refusing to give your kid any responsibility is a self-fulfilling endeavor that guarantees you’ll have an irresponsible child. It’s far better for the kid to get exposure to social media while he’s still receptive to your guidance than it is to wait until he’s in the ‘I know better’ stage where he’ll completely ignore your warnings and stumble into trouble.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Keep your promise. Manage social media access with controls and supervision.
And while it’s not particularly comforting, know that if he wants to access certain things online, he’s already doing it. Computer, friends’ phones – your husband can’t pretend he’s protected from the evils of the interweb just because he doesn’t have a phone.
You’re better off being open and talking through what’s out there and how best to navigate it than pretending it doesn’t exist.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get your husband’s fears. Social media is a scary beast but you cannot keep your children entirely protected from it.
You can have rules in place like the phone needs to be handed to you at a certain time at night, and no phones at meal times, etc. He is still a minor so you can have plenty of rules in place to ease your husband’s fears but because your son has been expecting it for so many years, to suddenly not get it will do so much damage to your relationship with him.
It will not be worth the absence of a phone. Try talking to your husband by letting him know you understand his fears but that it won’t be like he has free reign of the phone 24/7.” moonsherbet
11. WIBTJ If I Don't Tell My Mom About My Dad's Terminal Cancer?
“My (27F) biological dad (49M) is dying of cancer. I found this out in January this year. I have no contact with my mom (49F) right now or her current husband, but I do still talk to my sisters (20 and 22) just via text and infrequently in the last few years.
I went no contact with my mom in August 2022 after about a year of low contact. I experienced a lot of neglect and other things in my childhood, but the main factor was that she lied to me about my biological dad since I was 9.
I last saw and spoke to my dad in 2004, before my mom told me he had a new family and wanted nothing to do with me (they had been divorced for 5 years at that point). I understandably experienced a lot of abandonment issues as a result.
I got into touch with my aunt (28F) over the last few years, and find out that my mom had lied, they all tried to contact me for years but they kept getting returned mail and were blocked.
My mom moved me across the country and never told them where I was.
I know this sounds like damage control on their end, but I wanted to hear it for myself so I went to my bio dad’s home in February this year. We talked to him and his wife, and two teen daughters.
I believe him when he said my mom was mentally ill as the reason she did all the hurtful things to me. They apologized that they couldn’t do more, and accepted that they were not blameless. We connected, although very sad since my dad is dying (stage 4 pancreatic so it’ll be soon).
My question is, would I be the jerk if I don’t tell my mom that he’s dying, even though they have never been on good terms? I think I would want to know if the father of my child was dying, and I don’t want to be spiteful out of my own hurt feelings.
She has no idea I even know where/who he is let alone that I visited, if it matters. I found them on social media myself and connected from there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Whether she would want to know or not is irrelevant.
They are divorced. She cut him off completely and showed no interest in maintaining even a distant cordial relationship. She has no right to know anything about his situation, and unless he has asked that you tell her, the appropriate thing to do is respect his medical privacy and not share his information.
As far as your sisters go – it’s one thing to talk to a trusted confidant about what you and your family are going through, or to tell them if he was their father so they would maybe have an opportunity for closure, but it doesn’t sound as if you are close to either of them, and he’s not their father, so you shouldn’t be telling them either.” Material-Profit5923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t see you have any moral obligation to share any information about her abandoned ex-husband. Nor do your sisters have an obligation to not tell her. What she does or does not know need not concern you.
I’m very sorry for your circumstances. Move forward as you feel comfortable. Allow that your dad’s immediate family may be stand-offish. This is a lot. All three of your dad’s kids are of an age range where struggling with big emotions is common.
If the extended family opens its arms to you, keep your eyes open and step in as far as you feel good about.
Being in no contact with your mom seems a healthy choice. Neither Dad’s life nor passing is any of her business.
Live long and prosper. May you find peace with the family of your heart.” elderoriens
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would say the MAIN person who gets to decide this is your Bio Dad because essentially it’s HIS news, his medical information, and not yours to share.
(Just as you don’t announce someone else’s pregnancy, etc.) If he gives his permission you should do what’s best for YOU, what you can live within your own headspace.
In my opinion: Essentially, your mother has no ‘rights’ to any of her ex’s personal information.
She lost that connection in the divorce and cemented it with all the ugliness that she committed afterward. But no one would blame you if you felt the need to take the Moral High Ground and inform her either. I don’t see a wrong decision either way.
You’ve been through a lot, and it’s still not fully calmed down, so just take care of YOU right now.” TrainingDearest
10. AITJ For Refusing To Reschedule My Surgery?
“For the past 3 months, I noticed that I had a swollen groin area but didn’t do anything about it because I thought that it was just fat. After losing 40 pounds in those 3 months the bump got more visible and it hurt a bit when I was walking or went to the gym to train.
I said to my wife that it might be a Hernia and she suggested to go to the doctor. After the visit, they indeed told me that it is an Inguinal Hernia.
It’s not life-threatening and it can be solved with a simple surgery.
Today the doctor told me that I can come in the next day for the surgery (normally you have to wait 4 weeks). I excitedly told my wife about it and she got mad and said to plan it after her visit to her parents.
A little back story: My wife comes from a different country so she doesn’t see her parents/other relatives that often. Maybe 6 times a year and we stay for about 5 days each time we visit (they live 5-6 hours away)
Anyway, she had bought train tickets to visit them during easter. Normally we would go together but I have training planned for my it certifications.
She claims that now she might not be able to go because of me. She doesn’t want to leave me alone after surgery.
I told her that it was a minor surgery and that she doesn’t have to cancel her plans, and if I needed help, I can always ask my parents to pick me up and let me stay with them.
Her argument is that if it’s a minor surgery, that I should be ok with it to plan it after 4 weeks.
I’m already living with it for 3 months and another month shouldn’t do any harm. And she also says that without her, I wouldn’t even call the doctor. (That might be partially true, I would’ve called but maybe after a week)
I think that is nuts. After knowing it got worried about the hernia and didn’t go to the gym because I don’t want to put more pressure on it. It’s better to fix it now than later. You never will know what can happen if you don’t do anything about it.
I also told her that if she says that it’s a minor injury then it shouldn’t affect her trip. Anyway, we’re not talking right now…
So please, AITJ? Please give me advice if I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘she doesn’t see her parents/other relatives that often. Maybe 6 times a year and we stay for about 5 days each time we visit (they live 5-6 hours away)’
This is actually kind of a lot – you’re saying you stay with your in-laws for an approximate total of 5-6 weeks per year?!
Woof, but to each their own.
My point is – this isn’t a one-in-a-lifetime trip nor is it her first trip home in 5 years. She’s being fairly unreasonable, in my opinion. (Unless you’re skipping some info here – does she help care for her parents or something?)
You absolutely should take advantage of the opportunity to get your health issue addressed before it gets any worse!” co_carolelaine
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk! Your health should be a priority, and it’s great that you can get the surgery sooner than expected. While it’s understandable that your wife is concerned about you, she should also consider your well-being and comfort.
One example: She’s asking you to postpone the surgery for her convenience, even though it’s causing you discomfort and affecting your daily activities.
It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Make it clear that you appreciate her care, but you believe it’s essential to prioritize your health.
Reassure her that you will have support during your recovery and that she can still visit her family. Remember, a strong relationship is built on understanding and compromise. Good luck with your surgery and resolving this situation!” autobeard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife wants you to postpone the surgery because, she claims, she’s too worried about leaving you alone after the surgery so she wouldn’t be able to go see her parents. Hogwash! You already have an alternative plan for post-op if she’s gone — and if she were actually worried about your health, she’d want you to get the surgery as soon as possible, and would willingly postpone her trip.
You’ve already been living with the pain and discomfort for 3 months. Don’t put it off any longer. Your wife can go off to see her parents and leave you in the post-op care of your parents, or she can postpone her trip and stay with you post-op.
What she doesn’t get to do is force you to postpone surgery, live with the pain and discomfort even longer, possibly experience a longer delay to get your surgery, and possibly have your hernia get worse while you’re waiting, all for her convenience.” BogBabe
9. AITJ For Letting My Dog Sleep In My Room Even If My Significant Other Is Sleeping Over?
“I (31F) have a wonderful dog. I’ve had him since he was 6 months old and he has always slept on his bed in my bedroom.
He has quite a bad separation anxiety (he’s a rescue) so he has always slept in my room. He doesn’t sleep on my bed unless I’m sick and comes for a snuggle.
I have been going out with a wonderful guy (34M) for just over a year.
Everything else is amazing but he hates having the dog in the bedroom ‘because he makes noise moving around/snores at times’.
I have made my dog sleep on the landing several times (on his bed) at the request of my SO, but he (the dog) gets visibly anxious (he sits right behind the door and pants for hours) and it breaks my heart.
This dog has gotten me through some extremely rough times and he means the world to me. Knowing he’s out there stressed just makes me anxious and everyone but my SO has a bad night’s sleep as a result.
The past few times my SO has stayed over, I have tried leaving the dog outside the room but ended up letting him in because a) it’s my house/dogs house and b) I just can’t leave him stressed all night and c) it isn’t fair to have him in some nights but not others, the dog doesn’t understand.
He isn’t even that loud, usually lies on his bed and goes to sleep, and doesn’t move until morning. He will sometimes get up turn round and lay back down but the noise is minimal. I admit some nights he does snore, but I drown it out whereas my SO is a lighter sleeper.
This has caused a few small arguments/us going to sleep not talking and I’m seriously wondering if this can even work long-term if we can’t even agree on where the dog sleeps. What if it was a baby in a crib?
Are they a nuisance too?
I’ve decided I just won’t put my dog and myself through this again night after night, so he will sleep on his bed in my room whether my SO sleeps over or not.
So… AITJ for refusing to make my dog sleep out on the landing because it inconveniences my SO?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
The dog was there first. The dog is family, that is your baby and you all have a routine. It is not unreasonable for you to be against changing that.
However, your SO isn’t a jerk either as his life and routine do not include a dog like yours does, that’s a big change/adjustment as well.
As ridiculous as it can be at times, there is something to be said for the whole ‘cat people/dog people’ argument. Cat people need to be with cat people, dog people with dog people. Yeah you can like both and be alright with having both, but your partner needs to be in that boat too; and if you want no pets, date someone who wants no pets.
Is your SO a dog lover? If so, maybe suggest alternatives to the noise, such as a fan. (white noise like that can prevent the dog from waking him). Talk to him, as a fellow dog lover I’m sure something can be arranged that is more fair.
If he ISN’T a dog person, you have to decide if that’s ok in your relationship. I know that sounds extreme but seriously, I’m not saying just dump him. What I AM saying is everyone makes sacrifices and compromises in relationships, and maybe this sacrifice/compromise is one too many to make; only you can know that, so be mindful and look at the big picture when deciding what to do.
It can be hard managing pets and relationships sometimes lol BUUUT hey, we say pets are family, family can OBVIOUSLY be difficult on relationships so I guess this should be expected.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You both have quite reasonable positions that neither of you wants to compromise on.
You don’t want your dog to be stressed, your SO wants to get a decent night’s sleep. Unless you can find a compromise that works, this may be a make-or-break issue. You might think your SO’s position is one that’s dumb or comes from a lack of empathy, but he very clearly feels strongly about this, so it’s worth sitting down and having a reasonable conversation about.
Also, because no one else has mentioned it, and I know it would be an issue for me, you might want to ask if your SO’s actual problem is having the dog in the room while you’re being intimate. Because that will be much easier to solve.” Astrophysicist42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’d be the jerk if you give in on this. Don’t put your dog through that. It sounds like he becomes very distressed. Also ask yourself if you’re sure how your SO will treat your doggo when you’re not around, as he’s more bothered by feeling inconvenienced than the pupper’s feelings.
Doggo was there first, it is not your SO’s house.
Personally, I see it as a bit of a red flag too, because it is not his house, and comes off as entitled. It’s your house and doggo’s house.
Also, why is he okay with your SO feeling distressed every night? Will he make doggo’s well-being a priority if the relationship continues? Personally, my doggo sleeps with me, I’d be screwed if someone told me he couldn’t anymore.
He’s 95 lbs., hogs the bed, sideways-donkey-kicks me in his sleep and his snoring sounds like pig-monster noises. He’s still not going anywhere.
I’d understand if someone didn’t like that. But we wouldn’t be compatible. It’s too important to me as well as my velvety pig monster.” ClementineKruz86
8. AITJ For Not Reaching Out To My Sister When Her Husband Died?
“I have no relationship with my sister (V) and never know what’s going on in her life. One day, my mother called and told me not to call/message V about her husband dying. ‘She had been getting calls all week, and she just wants everybody to leave her alone.’
I checked V’s social media, and she’d written a couple of posts like, ‘Everybody, stop calling/messaging me.’ She also had a post saying to contact the husband’s family to arrange a visit. So, I didn’t bother her. I’d only met her husband/husband’s family once, but I arranged to visit the hospital through the family to show support.
Apparently, this made V angry. Our mother (who V calls and complains to all the time), told me she was angry I contacted his family but not her. She didn’t want me to come, so I didn’t. They had a funeral in secret, so I obviously didn’t go to that.
I still didn’t call her, because it seemed clear she didn’t want me involved, and wanted his death to be a secret.
V asked me to visit her last year (the first time we’ve talked in like 10 years). While I was there, she complained about, ‘people who didn’t even call when her husband died. And how they were jerks.’ I’m pretty sure that was her passive-aggressive way of complaining about me.
The whole family coddles her over the smallest things. I find it hard to believe they’d ignore her over her husband dying. I just said, ‘That’s unfortunate. Sorry if you didn’t feel you had the support you needed,’ to avoid a fight.
Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were told directly by Mom not to call. Unless mom is evil, this would not be done unless the bereaved daughter made it clear she didn’t want to hear from her sister.
This should have been resolved last year when she was angry you went through the husband’s family to arrange a visit. If you explained that you wanted to visit but believed she wouldn’t want a call from you for the reasons listed, I don’t think she’s got a choice but to let go of the anger and forgive you.
The fact she got angry at you for ‘not being supportive’ I assume and then didn’t invite you to the funeral tells me that she’s just lashing out at you.
In my country, even your primary school teacher’s best friend would be told about your sister’s husband’s funeral (funerals are a big deal!) so ‘secret funerals’ are an alien concept to me.
If she wants to hide his death from the world, she can’t expect people to be there for her.” guypr
Another User Comments:
“YTJ not for the lack of phone calls – because that seems fair enough as a way to respect her wishes – but for the lack of empathy you’re showing when recounting the situation.
‘The whole family coddles her over the smallest things.’ Her husband dying is not a small thing. If she’s upset that you didn’t call her, it would be easy to apologize and explain that you were trying to honor her request for no phone calls.
She’s hurting right now and wants to know if you care.” Sensitive_Tension_23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the ‘I hate you, don’t leave me’ person will only seek you out because they’ve exhausted all other relationships for the time being.
Then that changes and you’re disposed of. Their relationship boundaries are always distant with only temporary access dependent on what surfaces. With them, you want to be closer and build intimate bonds, and long-term stability, but it can never happen.
The only relationships they seem to hold onto a little longer are dramatic emotional attachments but that becomes a competition within the relationship and it’s a ticking time bomb.
Your mom is honed to the needs and demands. Send V a card and you can write, ‘You have my condolences for losing (husband’s name).
Here is my email if you ever feel like talking, just let me know’. That’s it.” HernandezGirl
7. AITJ For Spitting Facts About My Sister's Lifestyle?
“My sister is 5 years older, loves makeup, wants to have a rich, attractive husband, an expensive car, a big house, and wants to travel whenever she wants to.
Last night I (16f) got into a fight with my sister (22f). She, like always, out of nowhere started telling me about her wishes for the future (for the 5x time this week). ‘Yeah, I want to have money, travel, live an old money life…’ blah blah blah… And I simply asked her: ‘How do you plan on getting that, if you’re 22 years old, still in a university – failing and skipping classes, constantly on your phone watching Tiktoks, living off our parents, and getting upset every time someone mentions that you could get a part-time job if you’re constantly ‘crying’ that you’re broke.’
She got really mad and started yelling nonsense at me and I just didn’t listen anymore.
It’s not wrong to have big dreams, but you have to do something to achieve them, right? Still, I don’t understand, how she expects to have great things in life if she doesn’t put in the work.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but my unsolicited advice is to be mindful of life advice while you’re still under 18. A lot of people don’t find it helpful and may view you as a know-it-all. Only because you’re still a minor and don’t truly understand what it takes to be successful and find your life purpose.
I’m not saying you do that at all. Just saying keep this behavior with your sister but try and be open-minded when talking to other people. I was one of those ‘truth tellers’ when I was 16 and now that I’m grown a lot the ‘advice’ was clueless and cringe.
LOL.” Kakyoin-Here
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your questions? As to how she plans to get there, probably by marriage. Your sister is living on cloud nine and until she opens her eyes to reality or actually does find someone with funds that wants to marry her, she won’t change.
Stop jumping to her beck and call. She can take her own pictures and stop disrupting what you are doing. It sounds like you know what it takes to get the life you want and are willing to work for it.
Tell her you can’t help her with pictures because you are too busy preparing for real ‘lifetime goals’.” TimelySecretary1191
6. AITJ For Letting My Mom Rub Liquor On My Baby's Gums To Ease Her Teething?
“I (28f) am a first-time mom.
My husband and I have a 6-month-old baby who is teething horribly. I was at my mother’s home a few days ago and was speaking to her about the teething issues. My mom does some old fashion things and she’s really into herbs and natural healing and such, so she wanted to try rubbing whiskey on my daughter’s gums. She said she did it to me and all 3 of my siblings.
I let her, and it did seem to calm my daughter down a bit.
When I got home I told my husband about this, and he was furious. He said that’s harmful to our daughter and it does not relieve any pain.
He got really upset and said I shouldn’t have let my mom do something like that, and told me I couldn’t bring our daughter to my mothers anymore.
He’s since called the next 2 days off of work and is super paranoid watching me every second with our daughter.
I feel this is unfair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made a bad judgment call here, and a lot of people are going to come charging in on their high horses to tell you what a horrible mother you are like they’ve never messed up before.
Don’t worry about them. You’re a first-time mom, so you’re naturally gonna listen to your own mother when she tries to give you advice. It’s natural to look to our elders for guidance and to trust them.
While many mothers (including my own) have used this method, we know a lot more about these older ‘tried and true’ remedies these days.
Most of them never worked how they were intended to, if at all. If you wanted something more natural, there are plenty of herbs that you could talk to your daughter’s doctor about. If you just let your daughter’s doctor know that you want something along those lines, they should be able to point you in the right direction.
You’re not some monster that’s going to harm your child. Honestly, if this is how your husband is reacting, that’s a red flag. He’s right, it doesn’t relieve pain, and if you were to start doing it regularly, yeah, it can be harmful.
However, it was a one-time thing that you told him about, and now you know not to do it again. He shouldn’t be acting like it was a conspiracy to intentionally hurt your daughter.
The best course of action is to be mature adults about this and have some open communication among the three of you (you, him, and your mother).
Your mother needs to understand that this is a new boundary. He needs to understand that parents make mistakes, and it doesn’t do anyone any good to become extreme in such a way. You need to understand to look into things before applying them to your child so that this (or something worse) doesn’t happen to your child.
I hope this situation is handled well and that all of you can find yourself in a better situation of clearer understanding and progress.” ClauzzieHowlbrance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (though that would change if you continued to do this)
Probably not the wisest move, but overall I don’t think this will hurt your baby.
People have done this for centuries, and babies managed to survive. It’s one of those things that is discouraged, now, though. Your husband has a right to request that no one rub whiskey on his baby’s gums, though it is significantly overstepping to forbid you from visiting your own mother.
It’s also not really fair if you are a first-time parent left alone all day that he is expecting you to somehow magically know how to handle every situation.
Go purchase some actual stuff for teething, or talk to your doctor.” Away_Refuse8493
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – whether or not this remedy actually works (which isn’t the debate here), you tried to do the right thing for your baby and you trusted the advice of someone who you believe has both valid experience and your baby’s best interests at heart.
Your partner isn’t handling this in a mature fashion. They can strongly disagree with you, but the thing is done. Now if you’re the kind of person who isn’t going to take their concerns seriously and you’re still planning to do the ‘offending’ thing, then your partner has bigger problems because you don’t respect their boundaries.
If however you’ve taken your partner’s concerns to heart and you’re working on finding an alternative solution together, then them taking extra time off work is an extreme reaction and quite controlling.
At the end of the day, you’re both going to make mistakes raising your baby.
You didn’t take the kid bar hopping, a couple of drops of whisky isn’t likely to have a lasting effect. Accepting and learning from mistakes will help you both grow as parents.” Sharkoslotho
5. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws To Sleep In Our Guest Room Or Leave?
“My (24F) partner’s (25m) parents came to visit last night with the intention of spending the night here.
Not sure if it matters, but we have been together for almost 6 years and living together for 4 years. We have a 2 bedroom apartment, and in the spare bedroom, we have 2 twin XL size beds for my nieces who spend the night at our apartment frequently.
His parents have visited us before but never stayed the night, and they know we have 2 twin beds in the spare room.
When it came time for bed I gave them extra pillows and blankets and directed them to the extra bedroom.
They had assumed they would get mine and my partner’s master bedroom. His parents are somewhat conservative, and while they have no problems with me and my partner living together unmarried, they said that the married couple in the house should share the larger bed together and we were insulting their marriage by suggesting they sleep in separate beds.
I told them that this is my and my partner’s apartment, and we will sleep in our bedroom.
My partner agreed with me and took my side, and when he took my side it started a big argument. I eventually told them they can sleep in the guest room or leave.
They decided to leave and get a hotel because they were too tired to make the 2-hour drive home. Today they texted both me and my partner demanding we reimburse them for their hotel, and I told them they were crazy if they thought I was reimbursing them for the hotel.
I came to ask to see if I’m being the jerk here, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The entitlement of some people baffles me. If anyone came into my home, parents or whoever, and demanded they sleep in my bed when I had guest beds set up for them I have no idea what I would do or say because that’s actually insane.
That’s literally your bed, it’s your home. You have a guest bedroom and they are guests.
‘Insulting their marriage’. Like my god, they insulted your relationship by implying their relationship was so much better than yours that you actually shouldn’t be sleeping in YOUR own bed at all.
I don’t care if they’re conservative or traditional that’s really rude.” Squidgepeep
Another User Comments:
“Tell them you two have polluted the master bed so shamelessly that you’re not willing to let decent people sleep in it anymore.
Imply that some of the things that have happened in that bed would make them absolutely unwilling to sleep in it unless it received an official exorcism.
Okay, no, don’t do that. Maybe imagine doing it and feeling a bit of a warm glow.
You’re a young couple without luxurious accommodations for guests. It’s fine. Long-married couples can absolutely sleep in separate beds without it meaning anything for their marriage (in fact it’s occasionally nice to be able to not get woken by an immediate neighbor).
NTJ.” Ok-Insurance-1829
Another User Comments:
“Oh gross. NTJ
This is deeply entitled behavior and I’m glad you stood up to it. They are now very aware that you’re no pushover, and that your partner is on your side, period.
Also, ‘bigger bed, married couple’ aside… who wants to sleep in someone else’s sheets? The guest room was probably nice and clean and made up; your bedroom was probably your 3-day-old, slept-in sheets. I’m sure you and your partner are clean people, but even so, sheets get dirty just by your existence.
I’d personally prefer not to sleep in someone else’s skin cells, thanks; it’s kind of concerning that they were more worried about their misguided ‘etiquette’ than your privacy and the sheets (also if they expected you to change them for them… we just circle back around to the ‘entitled and weird’ argument).” endearinglysarcastic
4. AITJ For Setting Limitations On My Children's Gaming?
“My husband is obsessed with electronics. He buys all the latest gadgets for himself and the kids (11m, 11f, 10m). I honestly flipping hate it. It has absolutely led to proper arguments a few times because I would rather the kids go play outside versus sit on a gaming console.
But my husband, who is a video game developer and graphic designer, thinks I’m being ridiculous and simply ‘against’ change (because I often say I miss when I was a kid and didn’t have electronics to rely on). But it truly just bothers me for the simple fact that I no longer have anything I can bond with the kids over.
We used to love gardening together. Now getting them to come outside with me is like pulling teeth but they play gardening games on their PCs! It’s hurtful to me and maybe that’s selfish.
Another issue I have is the fact that people are absolutely ignorant at best. So whenever my kids get on the VR on that Gorilla Tag game (I think that’s what it’s called), you have teenagers and young adults saying really messed up and offensive things and one has even told my young one to ‘end it’.
My husband simply went on and reported over 50 accounts talking like that but that didn’t resolve any issue because it’s still happening. I took matters into my own hands and told the kids that from here on out the VR voice chat would be 100% disabled and they were not allowed to play on any online servers on any of their other gaming systems. They are ONLY allowed to play with friends or their father.
That’s it. My husband was very angry with me. He would never go against me after I’ve already put my foot down and given direction but he is properly mad that I made this decision without consulting him. He said that some of his best friends are people he met on online servers as a child and later met in real life.
I truly don’t care right now though, as he is simply not seeing the damage that this ignorance of others is inflicting on my children. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your kids are way too young to be on public chat servers.
Does your husband not realize that there are a lot of bad people on these games looking for children? Also, you’re right, this much dependence on electronics isn’t good at such a young age. They should be playing outside, being physically active, playing with other kids in the neighborhood, etc. It’s gonna get to a point where they’ll rather make friends online than in person, which is terrible when going into middle and high school.
Also not sure if VR and being stuck to a screen the whole day is good for their eyesight.” BigVeev
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It really isn’t that you unilaterally made parenting decisions. It’s about you having to make a parenting decision to protect against what is actively harming your children because your husband could not look past his own self-interest long enough to do it with you.
Had he looked up from his self-serving gaming to do his job as a parent to protect your children from all that horrible and absolutely influential behavior online, you wouldn’t have had to do anything.
The games aren’t the problem.
The husband is.” Sea_Rise_1907
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband do need to get on the same page though. I love gaming and have done it for years, but it’s not healthy to do that to the exclusion of all else.
Games are designed to be incredibly engaging and keep you playing. As parents you have to set some limits and teach your kids there are other things to do. As they mature they will be able to manage their own time, but not if they don’t learn to do it as kids.
Kids need to interact with the real world, move their bodies, and get out into nature. I have a kid in therapy and the first things they advise you to do are exercise, get outdoors, and get proper sleep. Again, I love gaming.
My kids get a lot of screen time, but there has to be balance. All that time spent on screens is physically idle and indoors. We didn’t evolve to live that way.
It’s also concerning that your husband doesn’t care about you getting your needs met.
He’s happy to let everyone succumb to the easy way out of defaulting to screens for entertainment. Your kids need other activities and skills for interacting with people. Not just you, but grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc.” Friendly_Shelter_625
3. AITJ For Being Worn Out Because My Fiancé Won't Help With My Pregnancy?
“My fiancé has ADHD and won’t be medicated for it.
His choice and I understand that but it’s truly starting to drag me down. He doesn’t ever remember anything. Even if he sets reminders for himself he will still forget (like he will turn off the reminder and then get sidetracked).
So things like him forgetting to make really important phone calls. He will remember super late in the evening and get mad at himself for not remembering. Or whenever he goes grocery shopping he will ALWAYS forget the bags, even if I set them out for him (we are a no-plastic state so we have to bring our own bags).
So he will end up calling me and have me run down to the vehicle after he gets back with a bunch of bags (we live on the 3rd floor). Or if he runs out to the car to run an errand, he always forgets something upstairs and ends up calling me to grab it for him (most of the time he doesn’t even know where it is so I have to search) and throws it over the side of the porch to him.
He forgets that he’s cooking and will get caught up so I either end up having to remind him or I just do it myself because constantly reminding him of something is honestly just starting to wear me down at this point and I’d rather just do it myself.
I think the reason this is REALLY bothering me lately is that I’m pregnant. I’ve had nausea and vomiting for the past 2 months. I’m constantly peeing myself. I’m always tired and just want to nap. I don’t want to have to get up 18 times to do things for him because he doesn’t remember and I don’t want to answer the phone 5 times while he is at the store because he forgot what to get.
I told him this was making me really touched out and he became visibly upset and said he couldn’t help it and it’s not like he’s asking a lot. Which is true. He ISNT asking a lot but it’s so frequent that it’s making me mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Quit bailing him out. He forgets the bags? Great, he can have the cashier pause the transaction so they can ring up other people and he can drive home. Forget something upstairs? He can come upstairs and get it.
Granted, with the cooking thing you don’t want anything to catch on fire, but if he burns a frozen pizza? Too bad, so sad.
This system will make it suck for you; make sure you have some easy-to-make dinners (cheese, crackers, and veggies are a fine dinner) and any necessities (prenatal vitamins, whatever) that you can’t afford to have him forget.
Then let him adult, because things are going to get even WILDER when the baby arrives.
By the way, for the peeing thing, Poise pads are your friends. They’re quite thin but are absorbent and are great for those times you puke/sneeze/cough and discover that your bladder was not, in fact, empty.
Isn’t pregnancy THE BEST?” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your fiancé sucks for having you bail him out all the time. You suck because you’re making things harder on yourself. Most of what you mentioned were stories of you constantly bailing him out – quit bailing him out.
If he (not you) had consequences for his actions he might implement some type of system to help him remember things/items. He is never going to come up with something like this if you keep solving the problems for your fiancé.” naisfurious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s choosing to do nothing about his ADHD. If he was flying solo and wanted to remain unmedicated or otherwise do nothing about his neurodivergence, no problem! He and he alone can enjoy the consequences of his own in/actions.
But he’s going to become a husband and father so no, he doesn’t get to just let you pick up all the slack. And you’re pregnant for Christ’s sake! You are in no position/condition to be taking care of him like this; he should be taking care of you.
NEWSFLASH: You’re not pregnant with your first child, you’re pregnant with your second child. Really consider if you want to get/be married to him and deal with this for the rest of your life.” Constant_Option5814
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I mean yea, he obviously sucks for being so incompetent. But how is he ever going to improve or figure things out if you keep doing things for him?
You’re not being nice, you’re not helping him.
You’re enabling someone who has a problem and wants to pretend like their condition isn’t serious.
Yes, it’s definitely possible to live with ADHD unmedicated. You can learn ways to accommodate the symptoms. But it is extremely difficult and cuts into your quality of life.
Unmedicated ADHD often times leads to mental illness, such as depression and anxiety.
It sounds like he doesn’t even have the bare minimum coping skills. He’s not functioning as an independent adult. And now you guys are bringing an innocent child into this.
A child you will have to almost exclusively take care of because you’re already taking care of a man who is dependent on you. If he can’t even grocery shop, he’s not going to be able to take care of a child.
Full stop.
Fix it now or things will just get so much worse for both of you. You’ll end up resenting him more, he’ll end up feeling like crap. The baby will get caught in the middle. Stop enabling him.” idontknow72548
2. AITJ For Not Funding My Daughter's Trip Home?
“My daughter (30) has a tendency to be too impulsive about her life and frankly I’m concerned most of the time.
About a month ago, she found a guy in a whole different country and completely left my granddaughter (6) here with me.
No warning, no nothing, just up and left one day.
Three weeks later, she needed to come back home because she had to sort out what to do with her house, daughter, and her job. She packed everything up and took her daughter back to the country where her significant other lives.
And due to her not having the skills to save up, she begged me to pay over 3 grand so she could go back.
Now she expects me to pay another 3 grand cause she just realized that her SO, now ex, is not what she thought he was.
And I don’t have the funds to pay again neither does her father.
So am I the jerk for not paying her to come back home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t pay what you don’t have.
You could argue that you shouldn’t have paid the first time, but I understand that you felt under pressure.
It should not cost $3000 to get them home. Assuming some flexibility in dates, you should be able to get both of them onto a plane to the USA for something fairly well under $1000. Did that bill involve moving a lot of household goods?
She’ll probably have to leave them in Germany.
However, what the heck is going on? Is it possible to get your daughter a mental health assessment? This seems to go beyond normal impulsiveness and poor judgment. Obviously, unqualified strangers on the internet can’t make a psychiatric diagnosis, but this kind of sounds like a manic episode.
Your poor granddaughter. This must be so difficult for you and her, and I wish you all the very best in resolving this situation safely and sanely.” pdeb22
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you don’t have the m there’s not a lot you can do about that, and it sounds like your daughter really needs to learn about budgeting and contingency planning.
But knowing that she’s so impulsive and bad with planning, why on earth would you give her 3k to move her and her 6yo daughter to another country to be with a man she’s only known for a month, no matter how much she begged?” greggery
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to your granddaughter for letting her impulsive mother uproot her and take her to a strange man’s house in Germany… only to be uprooted again when the mother realized things weren’t as they seems from one month of knowing each other online (gosh, who knew?!) Was your granddaughter even there long enough to be enrolled in school?
I have a feeling her mother lied to the customs agents about why they were there.
And you didn’t fight her on any of this because you didn’t want to hear a 30-year-old woman whine about not being enabled?
You’d better hope they find a way back before their tourist visas are up. And CPS case be a good idea if they ever get back that isn’t via way of deportation.” squuidlees
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You didn’t want to tell a grown woman that it was a terrible idea because she’d whine and try to emotionally manipulate you? That she should wait until she knows the man longer, that some men target single women with young children to secure their next victim, and that if she insisted on going she should be able to pay for herself AND leave her daughter with you or your ex until she was settled, had a job etc. and could pay to bring her daughter.
Honestly, both of you are crap mothers.” Background_System726
Lesson learned.
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Son And His Family Use My One Of My Daughter's Rooms?
“My wife and I have 2 kids (M39 and F16). I also have a grandson (M17).
We live in a 4 bedroom house.
My wife and I share a room and the other 3 rooms are my daughter’s rooms. One of them is her bedroom, one is her library (she is a bookworm and has a lot of books that wouldn’t fit in her bedroom) and the last one is her painting room.
She loves painting and is really good at it. Keep in mind that all of these rooms are small.
My son needs a place to stay for a few months or maybe a year and asked to move in with us.
My wife and I have been arguing about this a lot. My wife thinks we should pack everything in our daughter’s library and painting room and put them in storage somewhere so our son can move in.
I think this wouldn’t be fair to my daughter.
Painting and reading are her only hobbies and there is no other place at home to put them so she has to give up her hobbies for about a year.
My wife and son think I’m a jerk for ‘trying to make them homeless’.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your daughter has three rooms. Your son has none. Having a shelter is direr than having a lot of space for hobbies. It comes off as if you care more about your daughter and her hobbies than your son and his need for his basic needs being met.
Perhaps, it doesn’t have to be ‘all or nothing’, though, too: Instead of packing up both rooms of all the hobby stuff, perhaps you can condense all the hobby stuff into one room and he can have one of the hobby rooms. Or you guys could find some other solution to shift some stuff around to accommodate the unexpected turn of events.
perhaps it just needs some creativity to think of a way to make it work out for everyone.
But ultimately, there is possibly going to be an adjustment as there was an already established ‘system’ that you guys got used to, that will now be a little different.
Either way, make some space for your older baby to have a roof over his head. And figure out the rest from there.” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your son made stupid decisions, but you are essentially punishing your grandson for them, too, if you don’t compromise on this at all.
It is an inconvenience to your daughter to lose the library/painting room, but imagine being your grandson losing your home and now having to share the living room couch with his parents at his grandparents’ house while his aunt, who is about the same age has 3 rooms all to herself.
How could he ever live like that for months and not get resentful?
The only reason I can see for insisting on letting her keep all three rooms or even two is if it could impact her future like less chances of getting into art school.
I see these options: (1) empty one room, which will be your grandson’s, because he is an innocent minor in this, and let your son and his wife sleep on the couch… which will probably also annoy everyone, because they will take over a common space; (2) ask son and wife to find other accommodations while you will only take in your grandson; (3) accept those dumb things happened and make your daughter understand, that she is not entitled to three rooms. Try to find a way to accommodate her hobbies instead of focusing on punishment, which will most likely just stress all of you put more than it’s worth.” KMN208
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – not for not wanting to help- you sound like a giant jerk who disapproves of whatever choice your son made, and you want him and his kid to suffer for it (for your information, you are officially in the running for grandparent of the year).
YTJ for using the fact that your spoiled rotten daughter is throwing a hissy fit about her precious space as your reason for not allowing him to move in. Be honest, you hate your son, and want him and his kid to suffer because they didn’t listen to you.
Better hope your spoiled brat of a daughter is capable of supporting herself and being a productive member of society with the attitude you have fostered in her because she is going to be the only support available to you in your old age.” LB1076
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