People Want Our Verdict For Their Wild "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Telling My Parents All About My Sister's Relationship Troubles?
“I (19f) have been back for Christmas break and have been here for nearly a month with intentions of going back to my dorm soon. My sister (18f) who is currently in senior year goes to parties every weekend as it is her final year and has had the same partner for three years (18m).
My parents absolutely adore him, think he is a gentleman and sweet. They just entirely love their relationship.
Nonetheless, my sister has been confiding in me while I have been here. She would always come back distressed from these parties or tell me what happened whilst she was still inebriated. At these parties, she would find him full-blown having an affair, and she would do the same back.
They would proceed to play mind games with each other for the rest of the party until they both get back together before it ends. She said that this has been happening for a couple of months and that they have also been arguing about each other’s prospects or trajectories they have lined out for themselves.
So, it has clearly been tumultuous for them.
At our family dinner a couple of days back, my parents brought her partner up and “what were his plans.” My sister proceeded to act as though they were extremely happy and knowing of what they have, when they don’t.
I don’t feel the need to see her lie to my parents, so I tell them that they both spitefully sleep with other people and are going through a tumultuous time. My parents were both taken aback by this as they wouldn’t have ever expected this from either of them since they think they are both “saints.”
My sister just left the dinner and hasn’t spoken to me since even though I was just trying to be honest for her. She has been avoiding our parents too, and they are all collectively upset with me for saying “something that wasn’t my story to tell.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No one was in danger, so this was just being a childish snitch. She’s growing and will eventually learn that the relationship isn’t healthy, but you had NO right or reason to tell them anything. I don’t blame them for being mad at you.
You don’t get to determine when people remain private about things that don’t concern you when there is no danger and the elder sibling shouldn’t need to be told this.” Sometimes_A_Writer1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – This wasn’t your place, nor was it your lie nor your facade to shatter.
What I gathered from your post, is that you’re jealous of your parent’s admiration of their relationship (as broken as it is), and it was -you- who was acting out of spite. What your sister is doing is crappy, and she sucks too. What her partner did to her to begin with was crappy.
But it must be exhausting for your sister to have to appear to be so perfect in front of your parents all the time, and it probably eats at her from the inside.” scrambledeggs2020
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, majorly. There is nothing wrong with maintaining privacy.
In the absence of some kind of danger, your sister is entitled to have a rocky relationship absent your interference. While you may not approve of her or her partner’s behavior, you have no right to play judge, jury, and executioner vis-a-vis her relationship with her parents.
You betrayed her confidence. You exposed what is some of the most sensitive and personal parts of her romantic life to her parents after she confided in you seeking support. Good luck clawing back a relationship with her after this one.” Narkareth
17. AITJ For Stealing My Baby Nephew's First Word From His Parents?
It’s not like it was intentional.
“My brother and his wife have a baby over a year old. He’s 15 months. I regularly babysit him. I don’t mind it because I’m happy to help my brother; although, his wife is a stay-at-home, so I’m not sure why I have to, but I don’t want to cause trouble.
I work and own a dairy farm. I asked my brother if it’s ok if I take his son to work with me whenever I babysit. Otherwise, I would get nothing done. (I have proper safety precautions in place, and he only comes with me in the tractor because it has a proper car seat.) He said it’s fine.
My nephew loves the animals. He makes all kinds of excited noises, and I try to encourage him to pet them when I hold him (they all have their shots and cleared with my bro). We spend a lot of time together.
My brother and his wife have been trying to get him to say his first words; although, it’s not simple, and they don’t exactly make it easier.
Instead of mamma or dadda, they coax him to say mother and father, and my nephew just doesn’t get it; he’s a baby, and those words seem kinda complicated for a baby.
We were all over at my parents’ house for a Sunday get-together, and I was sitting playing blocks with my nephew.
He suddenly looks up at me and starts going B B B B B BE BE. I thought it was just normal baby talk, then he gets more aggressive repeating those letters over and over again. Then he starts going N N N N N.
He then shouts BEN and points at me and laughs BEN BEN BEN (my name).
My brother and SIL start yelling at me saying I was coaching him and how I was being selfish. They immediately pick him up, and my brother yells at me, “You took away his first word.
That was supposed to be our moment.” They storm off to another room. They stay in there for about 10 minutes and then come out and leave, but as they are leaving, the baby looks at me again and shouts in the playful baby voice BEN and points at me again.
My SIL shouts at her son, so her son starts crying, then she shouts at him more, starts crying herself, and they leave.
My parents think I’m a jerk, and I shouldn’t have been teaching him my name, but I haven’t. The only time he hears my name is when anyone else says it.
They think I should apologize to my SIL for ruining what should have been a mother’s special moment. But honestly, my SIL dosen’t act like much of a mother. She doesn’t work. I have her son 5 days a week. I refuse to take him on Saturdays and Sundays because I want to get some nitty gritty work done, and she throws fits about it.
At family events, he’s always offloaded to me, to play with to feed (she pumps always has; I’m not judging her for not doing direct breastfeeding, by the way), to calm down any tantrums, and to change when he goes bathroom in his diapers.
What do you think?
EDIT: The argument that SIL had with her son went something like this:
SIl: Say mother.
Baby: Baby noises. B B Ben. More baby noises
SIL: SAY MOTHER.
Baby (with tears in his eyes and kind of sobbing): MMM M M B B B Ben (he said Ben quietly this time)
SIL: NO, YOU IDIOT, SAY MOTHER NOW.
Baby (now crying): Ben Ben Ben
SIL: (not so nice words that I don’t feel like repeating) SAY MOTHER
Baby (now full-on crying and sniffling): doesn’t say anything
SIL, brother, and baby leave.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One thing your SIL is absolutely wrong about is who the first word belongs to.
It belongs to the child saying it. Yes, many parents do happen to be around when it’s said but many aren’t. It’s just the way it is and most parents would cheer on the kid saying it, no matter what.
Heck, my sister and BIL used to study architecture, so they said their kid’s first word would be “infrastructure.” It wasn’t.
They knew it wouldn’t. It’s just a matter of attitude. I don’t even remember what their kids’ first words were. I bet they don’t remember, either.
One thing’s for sure, though: shouting at each other AND the kid after saying his first word?
That’s screwed up. There’s a good chance they just made it the first real bad experience, and he’ll easily connect it with talking, so good luck with getting anything out of him after this. Your SIL is the jerk.” lujza_blaha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will start by saying that this circumstance is VERY odd. It sounds like we’re maybe missing pieces of the situation. But, given what we are, there’s no possible way as it’s told, that you could be the jerk, even if you WERE coaching the kid to say your name, haha.
He spends all his time with you. And you can never predict what a baby’s first word(s) will be. They should just be happy that the kid didn’t call YOU “father,” bwhahahhahaha.
All things aside, what a weird thing for them to get upset at you for and storm out over.
If they were so concerned, they should have done more parenting themselves. And learned how babies work haha…Because “mother” and “father” is not it.” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your brother and SIL are toxic. Calling the baby an idiot! Not playing/talking to him!
They are awful parents. Call CPS on them.
You are a great uncle and sounds like the only one in the family that actually cares about the kid.
Your parents want you to apologize! Wow, enabling much? Keep watching him (even though you shouldn’t have to).
Look out for bruises. Call CPS every time you witness anything remotely concerning. Maybe if you are financially secure enough and really want to see if you can adopt the baby. He is not in a good environment with his “mother and father.” The maltreatment will get worse.
Poor baby.” 7nieko
16. AITJ For Insulting My In-Laws' Intelligence?
Jerk or not, sometimes you need to know when to stop.
“My wife’s parents moved in with us last year. We’d see maybe 2-3 spiders a year and that was it. Now after they’ve moved in, to hear them talk you’d think my house was in the middle of Mirkwood.
It all started this past summer when my in-laws came in from my screened-in back porch and went on about seeing a black widow outside the screen. I go out there with jars in hand to put said black widow in my spider relocation program… it was an orb weaver.
Two more times during the summer they saw an orb weaver on the porch or in the tool shed and came to get me saying they saw a black widow. My wife started to do the same thing. I told them what a black widow looks like and that they’re rarely, if ever, seen in our area.
Now that it’s winter, there have been more spiders on the back porch cause poor things want to be warm too. One or two got into the house. My mil has handed me a bag before and told me to be careful because she saw a black widow jump in it… It was a wolf spider.
Last week, my father-in-law and wife asked me to get rid of the black widow under the sink… another wolf spider. I’ve been pretty fed up with all the false calls and dealing with the occasional outdoor spider and them acting like it’s life or death.
None of them are arachnophobic so I printed out two sheets of paper. One had pics of the three most common spiders to see around here, and I put, “If it looks like this, just let it chill. Do not call OP.” The second sheet I put next to it had a blown-up image of a black widow, and I highlighted features and captioned “This is what a black widow looks like – you may proceed to call OP.”
I put them all over the back porch, tool shed, and some in the closet and under the sink. My wife was not impressed and took them all down. My wife got mad that I was insulting their intelligence and belittling her parents. I just wanted them to stop getting me for every spider sighting that wasn’t a danger and since they never listen to descriptions I tried a different approach.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“L**o, NTJ. I can see how frustrating that would be for you. Since your wife doesn’t want you to put up the pictures or listen when you tell them those spiders are not black widows, then she and them can stop coming to you to take care of them, and they can deal with them.
I personally would have laughed so hard at your pictures and left them up.
We had a black widow above our side door once. That was the only time I didn’t get mad at my husband for using fire to kill a spider, lol. Wolf spiders are huge!
But they aren’t going to seriously hurt you. Thankfully my cats and dog take care of them pretty quickly.” ImJustMe1983
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ – This is a funny and ingenious way to express your opinion. People tend to learn best in at least one of three ways: 1.
By listening. 2. By doing. 3. By Seeing. You exhausted number 1, because clearly, they weren’t listening; I mean describing something you can see verbally obviously doesn’t compete with showing somebody something so they can see it with their own eyes. You did the correct thing, you showed them so they know what it actually looks like, and what it does not look like.
The fact that your wife assumed that you are insulting their intelligence kinda shows that she thinks their intelligence is lacking. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have mentioned it. Your wife needs to lighten up, and her parents ironically need to grow up. Case closed, you’re not the jerk AT ALL.
P.S. You could have potentially handed the photos to the in-laws directly, and said: “Here, this is what is and is not a black widow. I will leave them up by the fridge in case you are unsure next time you see a spider.” That would be a gentler approach, but I think subtly leaving them around the house is funnier.” Complx_Redditor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I’m in the UK, so I’ll admit my view may be a little biased by the fact that we don’t have any dangerous spiders. I am also an absolute spider nut! One thing I cannot stand is ignorant people who just refuse to learn.
I have to ask, were the offending orb weavers in their webs at the time? Orb web = not a Widow. Please tell me they were at least black? I know Texas is home to a particularly stunning species of orb weaver that’s bright yellow, and I know full well that people really can be that stupid over spiders.” Entorien_Scriber
15. AITJ For Being The Reason My Brother Broke His Monitor?
“I (F16) have 3 siblings, 2 younger sisters and 1 older brother (M17). We all live under the same roof as my parents, with our rooms fairly close together aside from my parents’ room down the hall. My brother is usually really loud whenever he’s playing games and has anger issues to the point he will scream and break things whenever something happens.
Everyone has tried to do something about this, but nothing has worked, and we’ve all just given up at this point.
A few nights ago, he had been screaming at his game and cursing loudly around 1 am, and my music wouldn’t drown it out, so the next day, I brought it up to my parents who said nothing could be done and that I should try and sleep earlier, so I can’t hear it around that time.
I talked to him, and he said he doesn’t mean to do it, and he can’t control it so it isn’t his fault either.
Last night, it was midnight, and he was yelling so loud, I had enough. I went into his room and prepared to yell right back at him that it was too late for this before he slammed his PS4 controller through his monitor.
I stood in shocked silence as he turned around and went red. His game crashed, and he turned and looked at me, screaming and crying that it was all my fault and that I had to give him my monitor now because I walked in at the wrong time, and it made him lose, and that’s why he smashed it.
My parents are mad at me for going against what they said, but they aren’t interfering with the monitor issue as we need to ‘sort it out ourselves.’ They say I’m in the wrong for ‘trying to be the third parent and take control of the situation’ and that I should have had more faith in them and stayed out of it.
I feel like A) it’s unreasonable for me to give him my monitor as all I did was open his door, and even if that did make him lose his game, his anger issues aren’t my fault and B). I didn’t know what else to do because nothing was changing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are the true jerks here. Their stance of “ignore it, and it will go away” is just plain crappy parenting. You weren’t being a third parent by going to address your brother’s behavior; you were being the ONLY parent in that house.
The fact that your brother actually believes that it isn’t his fault that he is having what are essentially rage tantrums, is proof of just how crappy your parents are. If he truly cannot control his outbursts, they need to get him help. Telling everyone to ignore the fact that this kid needs some sort of mental/medical intervention is just plain child neglect on their part.
If you have access to some sort of counseling program through school or even a community outreach group, I would suggest you take advantage. You definitely need to be able to talk to a reasonable adult who can help you navigate this until you can get out of that house.
I am sorry that your parents are so crappy and aren’t doing their job. But, you are in no way to blame for any of this. You don’t owe your brother a monitor. But, I would be very careful about keeping your room locked. Since your parents don’t believe in actual parenting, I’m sure if he breaks or steals your monitor, they won’t do anything about it.
They will most likely tell you to “sort it out” yourselves again. Seriously, though. Your parents suck. And you can tell them a stranger on the internet said that.” PaganCHICK720
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your brother needs to see a psychologist or therapist, getting so angry at a game that you break things and throw tantrums at almost 18 years old isn’t healthy.
You didn’t do anything. He’s the one screaming at late hours of the night keeping people up; he can game in the morning when he isn’t disturbing people. It sounds like your parents are taking his side/brushing away his behavior because they don’t want to deal with it anymore.
“Deal with it yourselves” — it’s no wonder you tried dealing with the noise yourself too if this is their reaction to things. First, they get mad at you for “dealing with it yourself,” and now they’re putting their hands up and walking away because it’s too messy for them.
They need to decide if they’re going to be the parent figures or not because it seems like they’re wishy-washy with their duties.” indesomniac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did NOT “make” your brother break his monitor! That’s entirely on him. And it’s frankly ridiculous that your parents fault you in any way.
You weren’t “parenting” him; you were simply doing what your parents are now asking you to do—trying to “work out” something with your brother.
Have to say, your parents aren’t parenting. They’ve contributed to your brother believing he isn’t responsible for his own feelings and actions.
Try telling that to the judicial system! (Gosh, I only hit him/destroyed someone else’s property because they did X, which triggered me!) Your parents are handicapping your brother by accepting his unacceptable behavior, with the entire family walking on eggshells. At 17, your brother can seek therapy to deal with his personal issues.
In any event, none of this is your problem/fault.” Zorkanian
14. AITJ For Cutting Off Child Support?
“When we got divorced my son was six, I fought for 50/50 custody of my kid. I got visitation and my ex got child support.
I kept a good relationship with my son. We spent time together and I helped him figure out his life. He does not have a dedicated room in my home but he does use the guest room.
I remarried and started a new family. My son was part of it.
He has spent time with us and we have gone on vacations together with him. His brother and sister love him and he is a great role model for them. He also cares deeply for them.
My son is sixteen now and he is kind of a pain in the butt.
I was much worse at his age. He is doing well in school and we are looking forward to him graduating and going to university. My wife and I got him an old, but safe, car for his birthday. It’s great because now he can drive over here to see me on our weekends together.
His mom met a guy a while back and I guess two months ago he moved in with her. He doesn’t get along with my son. I checked with my ex because I did not want only one side. My kid is respectful towards her partner.
He just doesn’t feel the need to obey him. This is causing problems in their house.
A month ago I got home from work to find my wife, my ex, and my kids were waiting for me. My wife had already sort of warned me on my way home.
My ex said that my son was fighting in her house and she was done. So he had to come live with me. Then she left. My kid had all his stuff in his car. He looked like he was going to cry. I don’t know if it was from sadness, rage, or shame.
I came in and we talked. Sorry, some of this is private. My wife and I agreed that he could stay in the guest room until we had time to figure out something more permanent.
We are using this as an incentive to finally finish the basement.
I used the finances for child support to buy stuff for his room. My dad and my new father-in-law are helping out while I am at work. They installed a full bathroom with a shower and have put up walls for the bathroom and his new room.
My ex just figured out that I have not paid child support for two months. She is livid and is threatening to go to court. I guess she thought that she was just going to scare him or that we would not be okay with him staying here.
She says that I am the jerk for thinking that she really wanted him to move out.
I do have court-mandated child support. But if she basically kicked him out I kind of need it to support him. He says he does not want to live there with her new man.
Legally, she could make him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is not an appropriate question for the internet, as this is a legal question. Child support is a court order, not a court suggestion. Until the court changes its order, you are required to pay that amount.
If you don’t want to pay because circumstances have changed, which it sounds like they have, you need to file to get back in front of the court to get that changed. If both parents are in agreement to have child support in custody changed, you could file an agreed proposed order with the court, and the court would probably Grant it.
But it does not sound like your ex is in agreement, therefore, it is in dispute.
You need to file and get it taken care of quickly, or you can be found in contempt of court. Again, until the court changes the order, you are required to pay that child support.
Many states have self-service legal help online so that you can file the paperwork without needing to hire an attorney. If you give what state you’re in, I might be able to direct you to the place online for your state to find those papers that you can file on your own.” cecebebe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you should get the court involved immediately! She can’t just dump your child on you when she has custody and expect to get child support! She can’t dump him on you and expect to keep custody! I’m sure you don’t view it as dumping because clearly, your son is welcome with you, and you’re scrambling to make this situation work.
If I were you, I would be livid that she would so easily kick your son out of his home over some man.
Edit: Yes, legally she can expect child support because it’s court-ordered, and the court did not make any changes. I just think this woman is a major jerk to complain about not getting paid for a kid she is literally not supporting at the moment, which is why the law needs to get involved.” Glum_Mix_2837
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Child support is categorically not to support the parent of the child; it is to support the child. This is why child support trends towards following the custody arrangement in most cases short of the unusual. If your ex needs an odorous glizzy in her life more than to be a good mother to her son, then she does not, in point of fact, need any child support.
“She says that I am the jerk for thinking that she really wanted him to move out.”
This is why the, “Lol, I’ll trick them into thinking I hate them, so they’ll be scared into compliance” tactic is not just jerk-ish; it fails the muster for basic communication.
She’s damaged her relationship with her son, and now he probably won’t want crap to do with her, and in a few years, it’ll be all, “Ohhhh, I don’t know why he won’t talk to me. His father must have poisoned him against me!”
“He says he does not want to live there with her new partner.
Legally, she could make him.”
That genuinely depends. Sure, some courts will just knee-jerk force a kid back into a house, but many also will listen to a child above a certain age. Plus, he could always make life for her so miserable that she’ll relent.
That’s always an option. I don’t recommend the latter; I recommend a lawyer. I also recommend you document all interactions with your ex from now on.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Son's Living Expenses After He Moved His Mom Into My House?
“My ex and I did not have an amicable divorce, I’ll get that out of the way. When my parents decided to move to a retirement village they passed their house on to me.
The house is a 35-minute drive from where my son “Alex” (22M) is currently attending school. To help him out so he could just focus on school, I told him he could live there while he’s in school and just work part-time. I pay for the utilities, maintenance, property tax, etc. His car insurance, phone plan are already paid for by me.
I had three rules for him:
Keep the house, front and back yards clean and mowed.
Don’t move anyone in without talking to me about it first.
He’s responsible for his own groceries, gas, and fun fund.
Recently, I was in town and swung by the house to visit and when Alex opened the door he had that deer-in-the-headlights look.
None other than my ex-wife visible down the hall in I assume pajamas. Long story short, she’s been living with him for the last four months. She had to switch jobs and took a big pay cut. I knew he had been working on his relationship with her for the last few years, but I didn’t realize that much.
My initial reaction was to tell her to get her crap and get out of my house, but not only had she been there long enough, it would require an eviction process, and I know she’s spiteful enough to make it costly, but she isn’t worth completely nuking my relationship with Alex over by tossing her out.
I had a talk with Alex, his explanation for not telling me when she asked to stay was that he knew I’d probably say no and I let him know he was correct: she managed to get 2 years of free child support when both he and his brother were living with me full time, so she’s gotten enough help from me.
Since he broke the rules and my trust, I told him with two working adults in the house, there’s nothing stopping them from paying all of their own utilities and they could pay the yearly property tax in lieu of rent (USD3600 vs lowest rent for a 2BR being 900/month).
I told him I expected them to take over utilities in the following billing cycle and figure it out among themselves what bills were going in whose name.
Alex has been calling and texting to get me to reconsider. He has gone to his grandparents as well, who have been on my case that I can’t do that to Alex because it’d cut into time he could dedicate to studies and he’s just trying to help his mother out which I should be doing instead since she’s the mother of my kids.
I merely think of this as a consequence of his actions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son knew the rules. He knows about the animosity between you and your ex. And to circumvent the rules he lied to you, then he got caught. Now he has to deal with the consequences.
Reframe the discussion. “I know she’s your mother and you’re trying to help her. But what you’ve actually done is force me to take care of her financially again against my will. It hurts me personally that you would hide this and lie to me.
But that is not what is relevant here. We had an agreement. You could live in my house and I would cover the bills, but you had to follow the rules. You broke the rules, agreement null and void. I can’t trust you to do the right thing, you’ve already proven you’re willing to lie to me to get what you want.
So the house is now transactional. And believe me, setting the rest of the family on me is not helping your case.”” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is trying to take advantage of the situation. She could have gotten a place on her own, but she CHOSE to ask her son.
He CHOSE to go behind your back. There are consequences for choices made. They had plenty of opportunities to tell you – 4 months and neither of them said ANYTHING. I get that he wants to help his mom but he had a CHOICE to tell you because of the rules you gave him.
His mother manipulated him into not telling you and you should find out WHY. WHAT is so important that your son is willing to sacrifice a stress-free living space just so his mother can live with him? What did she promise him? What sob story did she give him to make him LIE TO YOU just so she could have a place to stay?
Or is it just because it’s your place and she is trying to again take advantage of you through your son? Find out the truth before damage is done, and there is no going back. You are not obligated to help your ex, but your son is young and impressionable.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would see a lawyer about evicting her and Alex regardless of the immediate repercussions. Find someone else to rent the place until you get back and then move Alex into the dorms which you could pay for after renting out your place.
The longer she is allowed to stay there, the worse it will get. If you require them to pay rent or utilities or frankly anything, you have no idea how that could be accomplished. You might think just she and your son are living together, but she could be subletting rooms out?
We had an addict living down the street in a place his parents owned (because it is a nice area, and there was no way his broke butt could have afforded it without intervention from Mom and Dad), but he made rent by renting out room to others who were “similarly minded”… there were police raids at 5 am, arrests, shoplifting, etc. which affected all the neighbors (when there is a SWAT raid they close the entire street), but the parents never pulled the plug, so there was no need for him to change.
If your opinion of your ex is this poor – the current situation is probably an unhealthy condition for Alex as well. Getting him into a place where he can develop more of a sense of self, and gain age-appropriate friendships might be a great growth opportunity for him.
Taking away something that she found worthy of a focused mooch would probably let him get a clearer picture of the person she actually is… does she still make time for him when she isn’t getting free housing out of it or is she suddenly not around anymore?
I suppose another way around all this might be to move a friend into one of the free bedrooms, while you are gone. Someone you trust who knows how your ex behaves? You could do that while the eviction process is happening to try to protect your property.
At this point you would need to legally evict her which is a situation your son got you into… it tells me that he isn’t mature enough to handle the responsibility of being in your house, doesn’t understand the ramifications of eviction law… what was the plan when you wanted to come home — he created a situation where she would still have the right to live on the property because she had been there for more than 30 days.
Now, what if she invites her partner into the property… now you have another eviction to deal with…” Not_Dead_Yett
12. AITJ For Kicking Out My Aunt And Her Family When They Visited For The Holidays?
“Both my parents live with me. My aunt (my dad’s sister) and her husband visited us for the holidays.
For whatever reason, they’ve never liked my mom or me. They tell my dad stuff like, “You could’ve done so much better than her (talking about my mom)” or “It’s a shame he (me) turned out like this.”
They don’t say it in front of us obviously, but I’ve overheard them saying stuff like that several times throughout the years.
When they were staying with us, I was doing some home repairs in the attic, and my aunt thought she was alone in the house.
I overheard her saying, “This house is a mess, I can’t believe he ended up with a bunch of disgusting people living in their own filth.”
Meanwhile, the house was spotless. I was just doing some repairs to the AC unit, so I had some tools around the ladder where I went up into the attic.
I heard this and immediately barged into her room and put all her stuff back in her suitcase. Put his stuff in his suitcase. Put everything outside by their rental car and told them they were no longer welcome in my home, kicked her out, and locked the door.
She obviously cussed me out, her husband cussed me out when he found out, and then all of her children started calling/texting me with some choice words.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, such a shame that he ended up with a son who is not only able but willing to have his parents live in their house!
Her having flown to visit is irrelevant – getting put out was a direct consequence of her own disrespectful action. You do NOT need to tolerate that in your home. They can stay in a hotel and your father can go visit with them, though I would hope he wouldn’t want to.
NTJ.” wtshiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dislike from your aunt, uncle, and cousins will never change. So block them all and treat them like non-family.
I speak from experience, our uncle (Dad’s brother) disliked our mother, and us (me and siblings). The reason for why they considered us beneath them is because we have black in our DNA; our family is Hispanic.
The thing is our mother’s grandmother (great-grandmother) was a full-blood Aztec Indian from Mexico, our grandmother had Indian features, our mother did too, and some of our features resemble our grandmother; siblings and I are light-skinned. However, to our uncle and cousins, we are black and despise us.
Cousins and their children have continued with their hate to present day. Our parents, uncle, and aunt have all passed away. The ironic thing is when our paternal great-grandparents with our paternal grandparents came to Texas from Mexico, our paternal great-grandfather was listed as black.
Paperwork is from 1904. My maternal grandparents came to Texas from Mexico in the early 1920s. Maternal grandfather had white skin and blue eyes, and my maternal grandmother had brown eyes and black hair, Native American looks.
Sorry for the long rant, just wanted to make the point that your aunt, uncle, and cousins will always be hateful.
Go NC and remove yourself from their toxic ways. As for your dad, he can visit them, but don’t allow his family back in your and your mom’s presence. We never interact with my uncle’s family at all, yet they constantly insult and criticize us still.
Word gets back to us, and all I say is that it has been years since I have seen or spoken to them, yet toxic family speaks as though it was yesterday we had seen them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it probably would have been better to have talked to them first and told them you heard them, and if they felt that way, they could leave and not be welcomed back.
That said, I’m not sure I’d have been clear-headed enough to do it that way myself.” Witty_Salamander7110
11. AITJ For Snapping Over A Photo Album I Was Gifted?
“I’ve had the same friends group since college.
Among us is a married couple (Jake and Jill) known to be a bit self-centered. We are all turning 30 in the same couple of years, and they decided to make each one of us a printed photo book. Which is a nice gesture, of course.
However, the books are basically fifty pages of pictures of just the two of them with the birthday person. Even from events where all of us were present or their family. Sometimes other people pop in, but the vast majority just excludes anyone else. They always end the photo book with a message that is supposed to be nice but always refers to their life.
For instance, one of our friends was a new dad and they put a lot of pictures of themselves with his baby, but not a single one of the mother. The message was, “Looking forward to having one of our own so they can play together!”
Every time, they pressure the birthday person to review the book in front of everyone. So here we all are, watching pictures we are not in, while they comment on how great their friendship is without acknowledging our presence, whether at the moment or when the pictures were taken.
A month ago, it was my turn to have a “surprise” birthday. I obviously got my own book. Despite me trying to put it aside by saying I would take time to enjoy it privately, they pushed me to look at it. I was commenting on the pictures and including other people in the review.
Like, “Oh, this was us at X cabin! Remember, Y, when we all went tree climbing, and you tangled yourself in the ropes?” It was clear that Jake and Jill were not happy with how things went.
At some point came a photo of my wedding.
It is normally a picture of both of them, my husband and me, but they resized it to cut him from it. My husband saw the picture and said jokingly, “Can’t remember that one, where was I that day?” Jill snapped and told him, “The gift wasn’t about him.” Honestly, it made me mad, so I closed the book and told her, “It’s certainly not about me either, then.” Then got up and went to chat with someone else.
They left shortly after. She messaged me a couple of days later, stating she was hurt by my rejection because they put a lot of thought into this gift. I told her that while I appreciated the intent, it was not a smart move to cut “the husband out of a wedding picture you gift his wife.” She then replied, “But the gift was for you, not for him.” I said the wedding was about the both of us.
She says it’s not about the wedding. I honestly don’t know how to explain something that obvious, so I just told her to forget about it; that it’s no big deal, disagreements happen. But they won’t let go. Jake is refusing to come to any event my husband and I are in and so is Jill.
I don’t care, they’re excluding themselves, but our friends said we shouldn’t have started drama “over one picture”. I don’t think we started anything tho. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your wedding day was such a great memory for you, it was because – stick with me, here comes the twist – you probably quite like your husband.
Like, he didn’t crash a spontaneous happy memory with you, and this spooky couple – he was the cause of the memorable event. Either way, pictures of him presumably don’t make you dry wretch. So why cut him out? The thing is, discussing this with them further is pointless.
Because arguments serve a different function for different people. Some want a resolution or understanding, some people just want to tell their version of events, some people -know- they were in the wrong, but because they can’t admit to being wrong, they use the back and forth to sort of build up a counter-case and stick to it, rigidly, no matter what.
Your friends know they were being weird – any chance that they didn’t know cropping the groom out of his wedding photo could be viewed in a negative light went out the window when your husband made a (very witty, rather forbearing) comment about the pic, and Jill went for him.
Her defensiveness tells on herself.
All this is to say… some people will insist the sky is green and the grass is blue rather than just saying, ‘I see, now, that I acted like a looper in public. Apologies. I am embarrassed.'” LeslieKnope6254
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they insisted on making you look through the book in front of everyone, it’s fair for you to include everyone in the conversation.
“She messaged me a couple of days later, stating she was hurt by my rejection because they put a lot of thought into this gift.”
I agree with her there. She did put a lot of thought into -excluding everyone else from each other’s books.- At the start, I was open to giving them the benefit of the doubt as people will naturally have more pictures of them with people, but if they have enough pictures of everyone for books for each person, they’re clearly intentionally trying to exclude the others.
“I honestly don’t know how to explain something that obvious.”
There’s no need. They know what they’re doing by their response to your husband. They told him it’s not about him. They’re trying to reinforce their own importance in each friend’s life at the expense of others.
But that’s the quiet part. They won’t say that out loud.” lizfour
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk, leaning to NTJ because of Jill not willing to let it go. It’s a weird gift. I won’t pretend it isn’t, but it’s also not a thoughtless one.
You may not like it but putting a gift together like that is actually quite time-consuming. The point was to recognize you and the memories the three of you shared. They weren’t trying to exclude your husband. It sounds like something they thought was a good idea but just isn’t.
It also sucks when you put in time and effort to make something unique, and the other person clearly doesn’t like it. It makes sense, though, that it’s just the three of you; that’s the entire point of the gift. It’s not like they ruined your wedding photos either.
They were just keeping to the theme of the admittedly strange gift.” raius83
10. AITJ For Letting My Roommate's Ex Into Our Apartment Against Her Wishes?
A restraining order might be necessary.
“My roommate dumped her ex about 2 weeks ago, and the ex took it really, really badly. Over the last 2 weeks, she’s shown up at our apartment 8 times.
She stands outside and cries and knocks on the door begging my roommate to come out and talk to her. My roommate always just ignores her until she goes away. Usually, she stays for almost an hour. Honestly, it’s really sad to listen to.
So last night, my roommate wasn’t home, and her ex came to the door. I opened the door to tell her that my roommate wasn’t there, and I could see that she was very intoxicated. To be frank, I don’t know if she’s been intoxicated the other times that she’s shown up, but once I saw that she was, I did not feel comfortable just shutting the door on her and leaving an intoxicated girl alone outside at night.
So I let her come inside so that I could call her an Uber to take her home. She was in our apartment for maybe 10 minutes total. I didn’t let her go into my roommate’s room or touch anything. She just sat on the couch and cried while she waited for the Uber to come.
While she was there, I texted my roommate to let her know so that she wouldn’t come home to her ex unexpectedly being in our apartment. My roommate got mad at me for letting her in and said that I should’ve just ignored her.
I explained that she was intoxicated, and I was worried about her safety, but my roommate said that it didn’t matter, and it wasn’t okay to reward her for showing up by letting her into our apartment.
My roommate is still mad at me today and is saying that next time the ex shows up, it’s going to be my problem to deal with because she’s sure I just made the whole situation worse.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. OP made a judgement call regarding someone’s safety which is the right thing to do. That said, depending on the how and why of the relationship ending, it could also be a MAJOR violation inviting the ex inside (thinking affair, maltreatment, harmful behavior, etc.), so I completely understand the roommate’s reaction.
There are definitely some red flags in the ex’s behavior here no matter what went down.
Ultimately, I think OP did the best they could in a crappy situation. They got the ex out and to safety and altered the roommate to avoid an unwanted confrontation.
Sounds like the roommate should seriously consider legal options for keeping this person away from them before this escalates to even crazier levels.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“My judgment is split. For this girl to be showing up crying on the doorstep 8 different times…pretty wild.
It’s giving unhealthy attachment, clingy, potential stalker vibes.
YTJ for letting this girl inside the apartment. She doesn’t need to see where your roommate she’s essentially stalking lives and sleeps. You did make the situation worse just by allowing that to happen since you do not know this person or what she is capable of.
BUT she was intoxicated, and you were kind to worry about her safety. So NTJ for calling the Uber and allowing her to wait there, but maybe you could have sat outside of the apartment with her while she waited instead of allowing her inside.” asmalltamale
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did the right thing. Bad situation, but you were a decent human making sure she was safe. Also, I think that your roommate should be apologetic to you that you have to deal with her mess. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the ex’s behavior is your roommate’s fault, but it is her situation that you’re having to deal with.” Ok-Boot2682
Another User Comments:
“You basically sent a message to the ex saying if she is intoxicated and pathetic enough, you will give in. Your roommate broke up with her. This girl has already been stalking her a lot. 8 times in 2 weeks? This girl doesn’t need to be let into the apartment where your roommate should feel safe.
You should have called the police. If this girl is acting like the breakup was over more than your roommate just not being into her. She sounds like she’s got some mental issues. How long were they even together? YTJ though.” ImaginaryStandard293
Another User Comments:
“I know I’m gonna get slammed for this but NTJ. But hear me out: leaving a very intoxicated person no matter what gender outside at night…if something happened to them, I would never forgive myself. BUT WITH THAT BEING SAID, your roommate is being stalked, the ex’s behavior is concerning & unacceptable next time call the cops.
You don’t know what is going on in her head, and she could end up hurting one of y’all.” EconomyProof9537
9. AITJ For Not Wanting Our Neighbor's Kids Over At Our House Anymore?
“I (35F) have two kids (6y/o son and 5 y/o daughter) with my wife (30F). We recently (6 months ago) moved into a new neighborhood with a big garden and extra-friendly neighbors, much to my wife’s request.
About two weeks ago when I came home, I noticed there were three kids in our house. They were about the same age as our kids, and my wife told me they were our neighbors’ kids and that they’d met our kids when they were playing out in the snow.
I brushed it off and didn’t think much of it, especially since my wife told me it was pretty common for kids in this area to come over to their friends’ houses.
Three days ago, I noticed my wife was extremely down. I asked her what happened, and she said the neighbors had given her a call and said that their kids were no longer allowed to come into our house.
I don’t know what their problem is (they didn’t really give my wife a reason for this request of theirs), but I was like that’s what they want for their kids, so we should respect that.
My wife got mad at me and said if the neighbor’s kids were to ask her to come in, she couldn’t tell them to stay out.
She’s a kind person, and that would be the opposite of what she’d do. I said maybe the kids could go out to play together, but she insisted that it is too cold for that.
She also mentioned the only reason she could think of was us being a same-sex couple.
I said it did not matter anyway. I told her that we should still respect our neighbor’s wishes, or we could go have a face-to-face conversation with them. My wife simply said she can’t leave those kids outside if they showed up. She called me heartless for even suggesting it.
So am I really in the wrong here? They’re kids, and they’re neighbors; their house is literally on the same street as ours.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s common for kids to go to their friend’s houses a lot in this neighborhood, and your neighbors didn’t give a reason, then I think your wife is justified in thinking it’s probably because you’re a gay couple and being upset about it.
And it’s sweet that she has a big heart and doesn’t want them to be outside while it’s cold. I also think your neighbors can set boundaries for their kids. Even if they’re crappy, even if I disagree with them, you guys can’t really step in and try to change it.
It is what it is.
Let the kids go outside to play if they want, but keep the peace in the neighborhood, and don’t push the issue unless the neighbors get nasty first. The kids won’t freeze to death, especially if they’re wearing coats, and their house is on the same street.” missy20201
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your wife definitely would be if she didn’t respect the neighbor’s boundaries. Even in a neighborhood where kids run in and out of each other’s houses, there are good reasons (other than homophobia) for not wanting your kids to be inside the house of someone who is currently a complete stranger.
You’ve just moved in, and the neighbors obviously don’t know you well or may not have met you at all. For all you know, the rest of the neighbors have known each other for years. Assuming homophobia isn’t the issue, ignoring their reasonable boundaries for their kids is going to guarantee that they won’t be changing their minds in the future, not to mention, potential legal consequences.” Legally_Blonde_258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your wife wants to do is basically akin to kidnapping. She wants to invite kids into her home after their parents said no. I wouldn’t want my kids hanging out at your house, with a parent who stomps on boundaries like that.
It may be homophobia…or it may just be that they don’t like that your wife invited them inside the first time without talking to them. This isn’t about wanting your kids to make friends; your wife is making this all about her and wanting to play hostess.
The kids are having fun playing outside. If she wants people over, let her actually invite them over, “Hey, Ms. Joey’s Mom. I noticed that Joey and my son are having a lot of fun outside. I’d love to have you guys over for dinner one day because we’d love to get to know our neighbors.”” Usrname52
8. AITJ For Making My Brother's Future Mother-In-Law Feel Bad About Her Appearance?
“Earlier today I (21M) got out of the shower and didn’t put a shirt on. This isn’t usual for the morning time, but I forgot to bring a shirt with me to the bathroom to change into. I ran downstairs just to grab an apple to snack on.
For context, I pay rent, but my older brother (24M) is jobless, so it’s my home to dress however I want. I’m about 200 lbs, so yeah, I’m kinda chubby, but I’d say I’m far from “disgusting.” I’m still not sure why, but my brother’s future MIL (60s?F) has been staying with us for the past few days.
I don’t hate her, but she’s not someone I would ever want to spend any time with mainly because she’s overweight and really stinky.
As I’m walking into the kitchen, she looked at me and said, “Ew, that’s disgusting. You need to put a shirt on!”
Without missing a beat, I say back, “If you think this is disgusting, I hope you never look in a mirror.”
Now my brother, his fiancée (21F), and my mom (42F) are all mad at me. My grandma (66F) is on my side but says I should just bite the bullet and apologize, but my sister (25F) and her partner (28M) think it’s hilarious.
I told them I’m not apologizing for my comment until she apologizes for hers, so now it’s been kinda tense in the house for the past few hours.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She was rude. She started that with – not just the comment – but preceding her comment with a sound showing her disgust. It wasn’t just rude but mean.
And, you pay rent; she doesn’t. She came into your home and mocked you! I would tell your brother and his wife that the road runs both ways. Until everyone recognizes she dished it out first we are at a stalemate. She can own her words and apologize and then you can if you want.
But she can’t just be so rude, so unkind, and expect of you more than herself.” Significant-Stage-54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I am concerned for you that the future MIL has been there for the past few days. Is there an end date for her to leave?
If not, you may want to remind your brother it is ‘your house,’ and he cannot just invite anyone he wants to stay. Have that conversation now before you end up with another housemate you did not want or invite. The comment she made would imply she is too comfortable in your house and doesn’t consider herself a guest. If your brother and future SIL have a fit, then it may be time to put an end date to their time there too.
Unwarranted comments get equal-value responses and you get trump in your own home.” FormerIndependence36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m not too happy with you calling the future MIL fat and stinky here, but given that she said you looked disgusting without a shirt (in your own home), I’m going with you got to reply the way you did.
Now I’ve got to ask, are you paying the rent or mortgage for the house where your jobless brother and his insulting future MIL are now living for free? Even if your brother was pulling his weight financially, you still wouldn’t have to put up with her living there, but if you’re subsidizing the place on your own, her presence is particularly offensive.
You get to tell your brother that he needs to ask her to leave. By tomorrow. Let her go stay with her daughter, or with another relative, or in a motel. Nobody who speaks to you that way gets to stay under your roof. Get her out immediately.” Nester1953
7. AITJ For Refusing To Give Baby Clothes To A Pregnant Woman In Need?
“So I recently found out that I’m pregnant with a boy. Since my first one is a 2yo girl and we have a ton of “girly” clothes and shoes (thanks to grandparents and godparents), my husband and I decided to donate everything to those who have struggles and need it.
I took care of that question and made a post on the “Nextdoor” app, and one woman currently pregnant with a girl texted me willing to take everything (we have everything sizes nb-18m). It happened that she lives ~50 minutes away in a different state and told me that she can’t come and I’ll need to drop everything off.
I store those clothes in vacuum bags, and they are heavy, so there is no way either of us can carry them, and I told her to ask if there is anyone who can help. Apparently, her man is working, and she suggested my husband drive.
I did not answer. I waited for my husband to come home and discuss it with him. He told me that the area is not a safe one, and he is totally against me and our daughter driving there alone, nor he is willing to drive 2 hours to drop off something that they should be willing to take since it’s free.
However, he will help to stuff her car if she decides to come (he’ll stay to work from home). I texted her that, and she replied that she can’t come and I should just get an Uber since it’s such a problem for me.
My husband got mad and told me that he would just find some shelter/donation place and take everything there since that woman is acting like we need it more than she does.
I texted her back, and she got upset. Told me that people like me need to help those who need it, and I don’t do enough.
I feel bad and like a complete jerk. Am I one? I mean, I can deliver it to her; we just chose not to help that person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At best, she is trying to take advantage of your kindness by trying to make you feel bad.
At worst, she’s prepping to rob you. You offered things for free; those who want them and have the means can come get them. It’s off the table otherwise.
You seem like a nice person. Be careful; you’re so kind that it could put you in a very bad spot one day.
Being kind is a GOOD trait, and I don’t want you to lose that. But being a martyr will ruin your life in the long run. You need to have boundaries, -especially- with kindness. Others’ problems are not ultimately yours to fix, and there are people who are NOT as kind as you who will do their very best to take advantage of everyone else’s good intentions if they will oblige them.
Personally, I think becoming a parent is a very, very good time to learn what those lines and boundaries look like. Listen to your husband here; he’s got your boundaries in the right places.” Elismom1313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If something is being offered free, then it is very entitled to ask for delivery, especially once you factor in requesting someone to also take the time and finances for a 2-hour Uber.
You tried to do something kind, and she is acting quite rude. To be honest, there’s also a chance that she is just looking for items to resell – “willing to take everything” is a bit of a red flag.” Amazing_Emu54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
1. You don’t actually know if she’s pregnant or poor. You don’t know if this person wants to sell the clothing for a profit, harm you, or really wants to use the clothes.
2. No one in your family needs to drive 2 hours, to a risky area to be generous with those clothes.
You will still be generous with them and will still be benefitting one or more people when you donate it somewhere.
3. Why is this person looking for stuff that’s 50 miles away if she can NEVER travel to pick something up? This person’s partner is not working ALL the time.
They could plan one day for her to drop her partner off so that she can drive to get something she wants. Surely, there is at least one friend. This is a person who doesn’t want a solution; she wants you to come to her.
4. By the way, nice of you to be generous about the clothing. Food for thought. My mom gave away all her baby things and a month later found out she was pregnant with my sister. You may also have a kids’ used clothing store in your area that would love to pay you something for those clothes.
Not to discourage you from donating, just noting other possibilities.” swillshop
6. AITJ For Kicking My Significant Other Out Over The Comment He Made To My Friend?
“My friend 26(M) and I 26(F) have been best friends for over 15 years, I have been with my partner 27(M) for over a year. My bestie is socially awkward and has a lot of confidence issues due to his past trauma.
He moved out as soon as he turned 18 because his parents constantly told him that he was unwanted. Due to all this, he had a very hard time with his love life. My significant other knows about it as well. (This information will be relevant later.)
Yesterday, it was my bestie’s birthday. Since he doesn’t have friends, he asked me and my man to invite our friends. About an hour into the party, one of his friends asked her man to marry her. It was adorable. My partner was happy, but my bestie looked visibly upset.
He started walking towards his room without saying anything. My partner noticed and asked him what he was up to, and he said he wasn’t feeling well. My man looked at him and said, “I know you are sad because you would never be able to experience something like this.” My bestie ran to his room and closed the door.
I was livid. I called off the party and kicked my partner out.
I went back to my bestie’s room and somehow convinced him to open the door. He was sobbing and said everyone’s lives would be better if he wasn’t born and said he was unwanted and would never be loved. I felt like a terrible friend.
He had been there with me when everyone left me, and I had no clue about how he felt. I decided to stay with him until he was alright. I was scared that he might do something bad if I didn’t stay with him.
So I called my partner and told him about my friend.
He was obviously mad at me for kicking him and told me that he is not a kid and could take care of himself. I refused and hung up. He has been blowing up my phone and telling me to return. I am just ignoring his message.
As for my bestie, he finally stopped crying and is sleeping right now.
I feel like a terrible friend for not having a clue about my bestie’s mental health and also a terrible partner for upsetting my partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In this case, your partner is the total jerk.
He’s a grown adult; he should have the basic social awareness that what he said was -way- out of line. AND HE KNEW FULL WELL THIS WAS A SENSITIVE TOPIC FOR YOUR BESTIE.
Honestly, I’d dump the dude. He got mad that you kicked him out but had -zero- regrets for INTENTIONALLY hurting your bestie’s feelings.
Even people I know who are on the autism spectrum, such as myself, would feel horrible if we unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings that badly. Your man just doubled down on his “don’t give a crap” about anyone else’s feelings.
If possible, I recommend your bestie take therapy as well.
It sounds like your bestie’s parents are absolutely horrible people. If anything, I’d offer your bestie a place to stay, so he can get away from his parents and heal. He can move out when he’s ready.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“”Since he doesn’t have friends, he asked me and my man to invite our friends.”
ESH (except your best friend). Your man is the jerk for absolutely obvious reasons. You are the jerk for going along with this plan to just invite your friends. Maybe if you’d invited like 2 friends or something, people who’d also get along with your best friend.
But you just invited a whole group? Were they even celebrating your best friend’s birthday? Did they even know him? Who the heck proposes at the birthday of a friend of a friend? What’s wrong with your friends, and therefore, with you? Even without the proposal, this sounds like a bad idea for a birthday party.
I would have bawled my eyes out at the beginning of it.
Haven’t you ever invited him out with the group before? If not, why not? Besides this and not knowing how hard this would hit him, I’m pretty sure you’re a bad ‘best’ friend.” TherulerT
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You should never have invited so many people that your bestie doesn’t know. For that matter, why have you never attempted to include your bestie in events with your other friends? It seems like a bad idea regardless of whether or not that’s what your bestie asked for.
Your friends seem thoughtless, but I have to wonder how much they actually knew about your bestie’s mental state. I wouldn’t propose the way they did, but I don’t think it makes them awful either.
I really don’t know why your partner said what he did.
Either he’s deliberately a jerk or startlingly socially inept. I guess maybe being extremely charitable he may have been trying to say “I know you -think- you’ll never experience this, but trust me, you will, bro. You’re a good person,” and he never got the opportunity to finish his thought before your bestie understandably did a 180 and got out of there.
But, again, that’s interpreting the situation in as charitable a fashion as I possibly can.
You were right to stay with your friend though. He obviously has some very serious mental health issues that in addition to your support, needs professional medical help with.” HammerOn57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, oh my God. Your partner is vile for what he said. Just because someone is socially awkward doesn’t mean they won’t find someone one day. What a horrible thing to say on their birthday. Also the “friends” proposing at a birthday party?
What a trashy set of people. Anyone who hijacks another event for a proposal isn’t worth having around, I’m sorry. The way I would have thrown them out immediately and called them the WORST names, lol.
Your SO NEEDS to apologize… and not just that.
He needs to look at himself and ask himself why he thought being a jerk was a good thing to do. I don’t think he’s going to, though. If his apology is something like, “Sorry YOU felt that way,” he’s done because those are non-accountability apologies that can go in the trash.” AmFmCoffee
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Speak My Native Language In Front Of My Parents?
The verdict is definitely split on this one.
“I (34 M) and my partner (30 F) visited my parents in my homeland. I immigrated to the US about 5 years ago and met my girl a year ago. My partner is so kind and sweet and has taken an interest in learning my mother tongue, which has made me so happy.
While she is learning, her accent slurs the words and makes it hard to understand. But from the tone and facial expressions, I can figure it out.
I have not visited my parents in a long time, and I wanted to introduce my girl to them (they have seen her and talked to her on video calls) in person.
So we took a week off to fly to my home country to meet up with my parents.
My parents are very educated people who can understand English perfectly, but for some reason, the minute we met up with my parents, my girl started to talk in my mother tongue something she hasn’t done in front of my parents.
I think because of her nerves her speaking sounded worse, and she by total accident insulted my parents by mispronouncing a word. I gently pulled her aside and told her that while I do love that you are taking so much interest in my language, because of your accent, my parents find it hard to understand it, but they appreciate the sentiment, but I think it would be more comfortable if we spoke in English.
My parents were shocked, and the whole dinner we were there they talked in English saying, “Ohh honey, don’t worry. It’s easier to talk in English,” but my partner did not get the hint. Eventually, my parents also got a little annoyed, and dinner ended awkwardly.
While I was helping my mother with the dishes, she spoke in our language saying that my girl was being rude, and it feels like she is mocking both our language and our education with the insistence on speaking our language while being told that it wasn’t needed. I told her that she just wanted to make a good impression to which she said that at first she did, and they thought it was sweet, but after knowing that it wasn’t being done right but kept doing it feels racist. I said now you are reading too much into this and left before we had an argument.
When we got to the room, my girl started to berate me saying even if she had been speaking in rubbish, I should’ve supported her. That it hurt her to see me talk in my tongue to my mom and exclude her and my parents were terribly rude for wanting to speak in English.
I said that they thought you were being racist by not stopping when they asked many times, so while she is with my parents, don’t speak my language.
Now both my mom and partner are not speaking to me.
ALSO, THEY WERE NOT OFFENDED BY THE MISPRONUNCIATION; THEY LAUGHED AT IT, BUT THEY GOT ANNOYED WHEN SHE REFUSED TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM EASILY.
Edit: We are from South Asia, and my partner is Russian. The reason I highlight the above is that people were saying I did not explain better, and that I did not defend my girl. And at first, my mom did appreciate the sentiments.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m kind of leaning toward ESH on this one. It should have been obvious to your educated parents that your girl wanted to make a good impression. So what if she mangled the words? Unless there was malicious intent or she was intentionally speaking gibberish, they should have been able to let it go and it reflects badly on them that they didn’t.
With that said, your partner should not have pushed it so far. It would have been sufficient for her to greet them in their language and then honor their wishes to communicate in the language that’s easiest for everyone. The point of the gathering was to get to know each other better, not showcase her ability (or lack thereof) to speak their language.
Sounds like there’s plenty of lessons to go around.” heresmytwopence
Another User Comments:
“ESH, both your partner and parents. Both need to back up a little and give each other grace. And not take it out on you!
While I’m here, though… “While she is learning, her accent slurs the words and makes it hard to understand.
But from the tone and facial expressions, I can figure it out.” …my friend, you are doing this adult language learner absolutely zero favors with this behavior. Pronunciation is so tied to muscle memory. Don’t let her build bad habits that will get her into exactly this situation.
Correct her pronunciation gently, every time. Every time. She doesn’t want to sound like a child, or like she’s stupid, but that’s what you’re allowing to happen.” Rainthistle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner should not have been upset that you didn’t support her even when she was speaking rubbish or coming across as rude.
She also shouldn’t have INSISTED on speaking another language when she was told it was unnecessary. She could have easily waited to learn more instead of being so bold. When she was told she was flubbing it up, as you kindly did, she should have understood that it was appropriate to continue in English going forward.
Your parents should understand that she certainly wasn’t intentionally trying to be rude, and maybe they can forgive her, especially if she apologizes IN ENGLISH for inadvertently offending them since she’s so new to speaking their language.” SquishyBeth77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was all ready to pounce and call you a jerk, but then the way you addressed your girl recognizing her sentiment and effort was great, you let her off the hook gently.
Your partner needed to understand then to take that on board and not continue. She had a really sweet idea and had she slowed down a bit probably carry it off better than her accent and mispronunciations. It’s good you explained to your parents, and they tried to accommodate her and recognize her effort/gesture.
It’s also fair they are now a bit insulted, but they also need to shrug this one off as someone trying very hard, digging a hole while trying to make it better. They need a reset button.
You need to get through to your girl and explain specifically the initial insult, the mispronunciation, and get her to put herself in their shoes, and see from their perspective that they were also making an effort for her (speaking English).
After that, just suggest a quick apology from her to your parents or mom even, get ’em to hug, speak English going forward or for your girl to ask how to pronounce things or accept corrections if needed (corrections being well intended and a way they can bond together learning/teaching and later laugh if off).
First step, your girl has to be open to being wrong on a new language and taking constructive criticism, own her mishap and move on, in English where everyone has more fluent common ground.” Sirix_8472
Another User Comments:
“South Asian here. YTJ. Both you and your mother.
Your girl was trying to be sweet, and your mother did not actually tell her that everyone would be more comfortable speaking English. No, you guys just hinted, and if that isn’t the MOST passive-aggressively South Asian thing I have ever seen, I swear. Would it have been so hard for your mother to just say, “Hey, we’re far more comfortable speaking English with you?” No, not really, but she instead implied that your girl must have been uncomfortable when your girl was not.
So let’s recap real quick. Your family literally used projecting their discomfort onto your girl (aka “hinting”) as a method of communication and got mad when it didn’t work because your girl was being, to any sane person, really sweet. I hope she leaves you.
1. Just because YOU were raised to understand hints to be communication DOESN’T MAKE IT CLEAR OR HEALTHY COMMUNICATION. 2. Pointing out the trend of unclear communication and ableism in the South Asian community is not an example or symptom of internalized racism. I’m proud to be South Asian.
That doesn’t mean I’m proud of how dense our community can be. Ignorance is not, in fact, something to be proud of.” battycattyhooligan
4. AITJ For Accusing My Husband's Friend Of Saying I'm Ugly?
“I’ve been with my husband since we were teens and he’s always been open about the fact that his lifestyle would’ve been completely different had we not met at such a young age and if our circumstances had been different.
His friend, Jake, likes to joke about how I was lucky I met my husband when I did. I usually don’t take it personally but he brought it up while my husband wasn’t within earshot and he made a point to tell me how he didn’t think we would’ve ended up married if we met as adults.
When I asked him why, he told me that if I was being honest with myself I could see my husband was the type to get with a bunch of models before bagging himself a trophy wife at 45. He knew I was offended because he tried to turn the conversation around by saying I was too smart to just be a trophy wife and that my husband wouldn’t have been my type if I met him as an adult either because he “was a bit of a jerk.”
I told my husband that Jake thinks I’m too ugly for him after making him promise not to say anything to him. I did go into more detail about the conversation, and my husband didn’t seem that upset before we went to bed. He even jokingly asked me if I was trying to fish for compliments.
He never said anything to Jake until they had a boys’ night which is when he blew up at him. I don’t know what happened exactly, but apparently, it was bad, and my husband was really angry with Jake for calling me ugly, which Jake denies.
Jake’s accusing me of trying to cause issues between them by lying since he didn’t say I was ugly even once. I know he’s been calling me both insecure and vain behind my back to their friends.
I did try to explain what exactly happened to my husband but it only makes him angrier at Jake every time I bring it up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jake did say it, but after hearing how bad it sounded, he turned around and said (thinking he’s smart) that you are smart (though). You told your husband the conclusion of Jake’s speech and then you went into details. Your husband is smart, so he got to the same conclusion as I did – Jake’s a big jerk.
You are lucky because your husband was offended – any doubts you might have should disappear. Your husband thinks you are beautiful and smart.” Dependent-Show2297
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People are focusing on the fact that Jake did not actually say “ugly,” but context is everything.
You knew the context, so I don’t think you misrepresented what he said. Also, if I had to guess, your husband probably blew up on him because he sees you for more than physical beauty. He sees the person and not the package if that makes sense?
Jake probably mentioned his opinion in a very nonchalant manner. In a way, your husband would normally ignore but couldn’t after knowing how he spoke to you. YOU did nothing wrong, and to be quite frank, Jake sounds like a terrible friend.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Well, he did say you were not physically attractive. He didn’t need to say the exact words out loud to make it absolutely clear what he was really saying. He’s an immature person who is being called on the awfully rude and inappropriate thing he said, and he’s trying to weasel because he claims there’s a loophole.
I’m really sorry he said that to you, and though, I’m sorry your husband didn’t react strongly in the moment when you told him; I bet he was seething. I’m actually glad he called his ‘friend’ on his rubbish and stood up for you.
Your husband is angry because he hears what you have told him his ‘friend’ carefully said out loud, he believes you and knows exactly what his friend was saying by clear implication. We all see it, and I’m sure you do too. Your husband is right to be angry, and you’re allowed to be angry too.
If this detonates his friendship with Jake, then that’s what Jake deserves. NTJ.” Medievalmoomin
3. AITJ For Attempting To Get My Partner To Get Rid Of Her Cat?
“To give some background, my girl (f23) and I (m24) have been together for almost 2 years, and after we both discussed moving in together, I asked her to move into my apartment (it’s much larger than hers, so it made sense).
She and her cat, Riley, moved in, and it was great. She has had Riley for 8 years now, and it brought her tons of happiness. The issue is I am allergic to cats…like super allergic. I didn’t know this was a problem before we moved in together, as, while we were together, my symptoms were so mild that I just didn’t care.
I would maybe have a cough and some watery eyes, but there was so much vegetation in her apartment, and I just chalked it up to the pollen (another thing I am allergic to).
After she moved in though, my allergies became severe. I started developing hives, I started coughing, and it became difficult for me to breathe.
I tried seeking medication, and I tried 3 different antihistamines (got desensitized), and the allergy shots (tried them for two months, saw no difference, and had to quit due to mounting cost).
Eventually, after this, I decided to ask my girl to give away her cat.
But, as I wanted Riley to have a great home, I made a list of possible people who could take her in and made sure they were all great people (yes, they confirmed they would take her in). Then when I finally asked, she said she wasn’t giving away Riley to an animal shelter.
I said of course I would never ask her to do that, and that’s when I showed her the list with all the families.
I proposed this to her, and that’s when she got very angry at me and left the house with Riley.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The cat has been longer in her life than you have. How come you didn‘t know about the allergy before you moved in? Why haven‘t you spent a few days at her place before? It seems like you won‘t be moving in together yet because you do not rehome a family member.
(And most people would dump their partners right away if they ever suggested to get rid of their pets. Truth be told, I‘ve always asked about cat allergies before getting into a relationship, and it was a dealbreaker for me because my cat belongs to me.)” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. I can understand you not wanting to be around an animal you’re allergic to, it’s fair to not want those symptoms triggered, and you looking into homes for Riley that are people who you know would look after them shows thought and care.
But at the same time, you don’t usually have a pet for eight years and not love them and consider them part of your family, and she doesn’t want to give them away to anyone because she wants them with her. It’s a very unfortunate situation but both your stances are understandable.
Probably worth having a proper discussion about.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Riley is a living thing she has loved longer than she’s even known you. P.S., I’m severely allergic to cats and married a woman who adores them. You have not tried everything.
1. Cats have this oil thing on their skin that causes the issues. If the cat is bathed or even baby wiped regularly, that helps sooo much. Cats can take baths and should, just like dogs. Ours is bathed every 3 days. 2. What makes cats allergic is actually something in their genes.
There’s food you can give the cat that stops that. Since switching the cat to that, my eyes have not swollen shut once. 3. I pop a Claritin in the morning and Telfast on occasion. No problems. I even cuddle the darn thing now. Try harder or end up single.” Indigenous_Bard
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk – You are in a no-win situation. The cat is making you physically ill and you are trying to come up with solutions. There probably was no good way to bring it up. I absolutely adore my cats and cuddling with them is the best part of my day.
However, if they caused my partner or child to be physically ill and we tried everything possible to prevent it, I would look into having a family member adopt my cats (so I could still see them). In general, humans need to come before pets.
Pets are not our children, though we do love them immensely. When life changes, our commitment is to make sure our pets are happy and healthy. Hopefully, that is with us, but it may be with someone else. I’ve kept all of my pets until they’ve passed on, but am a realist and know life can throw you a loop sometimes.
So those hating on OP really need to get some perspective.” New-Anybody7579
2. AITJ For Paying My Niece To Babysit Even Though Her Mom Doesn't Want Her To?
“My brother has a daughter (F15, Nora). His wife also has a daughter (F16, Katie), and they have a son together (M1, Boyd). They have a system in their home that they pay the kids for the chores they do.
Nora was talking to me and she complained that Katie gets paid more because she helps babysit Boyd. She said she asked her stepmom to let her help as well to earn some more, but she refused.
I talked to my SIL and asked her if there is any reason she won’t let Nora babysit.
She said Katie is older, and she thinks Katie is more responsible and better with babies, and she doesn’t trust Nora with a baby.
I told her it’s ok if she doesn’t want to let Nora babysit but then she needs to make the payments a bit more fair.
Right now, Katie gets around twice as much as Nora (Nora gets about 15, and Katie gets about 30 a week). She said babysitting is harder, so Katie should be paid more for doing it. I was getting angry, so I told her fine, then I’d like to offer Nora a job.
She won’t do any chores for you anymore. I told Nora she is babysitting for me from now on.
I have a 7-year-old son and a 13-year-old son. My 13-year-old is old enough to watch his brother when my husband and I are at work or on a night out since both kids are very mature and well-behaved, but they were both happy to spend time with their cousin.
I offered to pay her 40 a week in exchange for spending time with her cousins. Last week was her first week, and all the kids are very happy with this situation.
My SIL, however, is not happy. She called and asked me if I actually paid Nora 40 a week to just watch TV and play video games with her cousins.
I told her that I did.
She said I’m being a jerk. Nora was being paid according to what she was doing, and now I’ve created an unfair situation in which Nora does nothing and gets paid more than her sister. She asked me to stop this, but I don’t want to stop.
She thinks I’m a jerk, so am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you are a great aunt and a good support system for Nora when her own father couldn’t stand up for her against the stepmom’s unfair treatment. The word from her stepmom I can’t trust her with babysitting my son is hurtful.
Remind that to your SIL that you trust her when she didn’t. Also, people who are saying OP is meddling are not understanding it’s her niece who has no one but the stepmom and sis in the same group. Also, kids should not be working for money or free of cost.” Cactus7979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stepmom is playing favorites here and since her father is ok with Nora babysitting your kids, as you mentioned in another comment, then it is fine. If stepmom doesn’t like it, then she should treat her kids more fairly and not pay one double while the other is denied an opportunity.
Since your brother is fine with this, the stepmom can zip it. Your niece coming to you also made it your business, and you fixed it. You’re a good person. Anyone saying it’s not your business better never ever call CPS or the cops or anyone if a child is in danger, since apparently, other people’s kids are never the business of anyone but the parents.
They don’t have to be your kid for them to be your business or your problem.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Except for the kids. You are the jerk not for hiring Nora, but because you said Nora doesn’t have to do chores for her parents anymore.
Not your house, kids, or circus. How they dole out allowance is none of your business. Nora’s parents are the jerks for not allowing her to prove herself/give both girls equal opportunities to earn a wage in their home. Upon Nora saying she wanted to be able to babysit, you could have just hired her to babysit, pay whatever you want, and not stick your nose where it didn’t belong.” araloss
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Chores are part of contributing to the household, saying your niece no longer has to do chores isn’t your call. The difference in their allowance as a reflection of theoretical work was not unfair, caring for a child is continuous and higher risk than handling dishes from dinner or a load of laundry.
SIL was grossly biased in her comments and justification that Nora was less qualified or capable. eta: If Katie did not share the more general chores with Nora, then it’s NTJ.” Especially-Tired
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you’ve gone about this. It’s super weird of you to insert yourself into their family chore structure.
Whether Nora does chores at home and how much allowance she is given isn’t really your business. Depending on how much Katie is watching Boyd, it might very well make sense for her to get an extra $15. Where I live, babysitters make about $15-18/hour.
If you thought it was unfair that Nora didn’t get the opportunity to babysit, you can absolutely offer her the chance to babysit for you and pay her whatever you think is fair. But dictating that she no longer does chores at home is not something you have the authority to do.” gcot802
1. AITJ For Having My Dog Charge At My Uncle?
“I got a dog early last year. I always wanted my own dog. We have “family” dogs, but they are really just my mom’s dogs.
My mom finally relented for a few reasons. She always said I can get one when I move out, but I was diagnosed with a disability that stops me from working, so me moving out will be a while till my disability is managed. Because of my disability, I’m basically home all day, and lastly, I also wanted a big guard dog as well as a companion, and mom was very on board with that since her dogs are tiny.
My dog is a very huge boy, very intelligent, very well-trained since I’m home all day and have all the time in the world to train him. One of the things he is trained to do is charge at people as a threat and bark like heck (he will not attack unless I tell him or if he determines a person is a threat).
We live in the bush on a pretty big property. My boy and I were going around the property at night just for some fresh air. My mom had just picked my uncle up from the airport from his FIFO job, but I didn’t know.
My uncle has a habit of trying to screw with people so tried scaring me by running around in the bush. Since it’s nearly pitch black in the bush, I didn’t realize it was my uncle and still thought nobody was home. I commanded my dog to charge, and my uncle ran away.
Once I got back to the house, my uncle told me what he tried to do and laughed about the whole thing, but my mom is pretty mad I got my dog to charge at him and didn’t use my brain to realize it was probably my uncle being an idiot.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dog is trained to charge and bark and not attack. A large man ran at you in the dark in the bush. Your dog did exactly what it was supposed to! I would suggest if you are going to train a dog to charge or attack that you work with specialists to ensure you are doing the right things and ensure the training is kept up.
Any guard dog should be super friendly and comfortable around anyone or anything until under command. If you’re a beginner you may be teaching the dog incorrectly and inadvertently hurt someone which will cause you to be charged and your dog to be destroyed.” LetsGetsThisPartyOn
Another User Comments:
“I believe that kids these days call this “screw around and find out.” Your uncle screwed around, found out, and considered the exchange fair and indeed amusing. You had no way of knowing that your uncle was there, and, even if you had known, you couldn’t have known it was him.
It could have been a bear or a coyote or… oh, wait, you said “FIFO job” and “bush”… it could have been a, um… dingo or cassowary or… umm… drop bear or… Tasmanian platypus? Is that a thing? The point is, of all the things that could have been making noise, “your uncle screwing with you” was far down on the list. And having your dog charge at them would have been reasonable for all of them… including your uncle.
NTJ.” IanDOsmond
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Your uncle shouldn’t be a jerk. You shouldn’t tell your dog to charge without identifying the threat. What if the sound was a lost child, your mom, or another animal? Your dog could have inflected life-threatening injuries for no reason.
You need to be more responsible when using your dog as a weapon.” CrabClaws-BackFinOMy
Another User Comments:
“Bring the downvotes but YTJ. I say this as a K9 handler.
Even the best-trained dogs are known to disobey commands from their handler. It happens. They are animals and independent thinkers.
What happens when you have him charge and someone tries to defend themselves and kicks at your dog and they get bit? Sending your dog off leash? Bad idea. K9 handlers rarely send their dogs off leash to go after someone since we never know who may be around the corner.
The dog doesn’t know who we want them to bite if there are multiple people. That’s why some cops get bit by K9s during foot pursuits.
Also, just because someone is on your property doesn’t mean you should just send your dog to chase after them.
What if it were someone running towards you for help? I know you say your dog won’t attack unless given the command to but can you say without a shadow of a doubt that won’t happen? If you say yes, I say you’re full of crap.
All I can say is, you do you, but be prepared to face the consequences if something bad happens because your well-trained dog decides not to listen.” NearbyTomorrow9605
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