People Ask That We Challenge Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
37. AITJ For Refusing To Sponsor My Nephew?
“My family (husband and 2 kids) and I (47f) have been living in the US for almost 20 years. We migrated here legally and after a decade of living on a very tight budget (25k a year, the salary a postdoc earns, for a family of 4) we finally obtained citizenship, and with that, I was allowed to start working so our family financial situation improved a lot.
We have always been on our own (no extended family or even close friends to support us in any capacity).
Around 6 months ago, my nephew (21m) decided to move to this country following his fiancée (she is a citizen). They got married and are requesting a spouse citizenship change. As part of that process, someone, with a reliable financial status is supposed to sign a contract committing to economically sponsor the applicant for the next 10 to 15 years.
Usually, on those types of requests, it’s the spouse of the applicant who makes that commitment, which is obvious since he or she is the only person benefiting from the spouse’s migration to this country. But in my nephew’s case, his wife is another 21-year-old who just began working (and refuses to get a full-time job) so she has a very low credit score.
So my sister (his mom) who lives in another country, assumed and informed me (didn’t even ask me) that I would be the one to sponsor my nephew, since I have better financial backing than his wife and I am family (my sister and her family live in my home country). I didn’t respond to my sister but the truth is that I can’t imagine taking on the responsibility and risk of sponsoring that young man (who frankly doesn’t seem to make very responsible decisions).
After all, I do have 2 children of my own, one of them in college and the other one starting college soon, and I think first and foremost I should make sure I am able to help my own children since my husband and I are the only support system they have. AITJ if I refuse to sponsor my nephew?”
36. AITJ For Making My Daughter's Friend Stand Outside In The Cold?
“I’ve lost two children to cancer.
Li Fraumeni Syndrome runs in our family and causes an affected individual to be far more likely to develop cancer. Violet passed away due to Grade IV medulloblastoma on 05/28/20 at 9, and Colin passed away on 02/04/22 due to Stage IV osteosarcoma; he would’ve been turning 20 on March 17. My middle daughter, Willa (14F), uses humor to cope with some difficult situations, but never about losing her siblings.
Willa had a couple of friends over a little less than a week ago. I’ll refer to them as Beau (14M) and Caroline (13F). Willa, Beau, and Caroline were all sitting on the couch in the den (the family room at our house’s entry, basically just used as a hangout/playroom), watching some shows on Netflix on the TV.
Our kitchen was within earshot, but I wasn’t listening to their conversation, so I didn’t know every detail of the discussion. I heard Caroline bring up Violet and Colin. The next thing I hear is Beau, very loudly, cracking a joke about cancer patients. He said something like ‘I don’t know why cancer’s so hard to beat… already on stage 4’.
I thought it was immature but didn’t think any harm was meant, so I didn’t say anything.
A while later, I hear Beau crack another joke, basically saying the only thing that garners more undeserved sympathy than having cancer is dying of cancer. I thought this was wildly inappropriate for obvious reasons, especially since Colin had passed away so recently and Willa was struggling with both losses.
I went to the den and told Beau to get his things and wait outside. I called his mother and told her what he’d said and that he was no longer welcome in my home. His mother said that she was sorry and that she understood me sending him home, but she and her husband were at work and couldn’t come get him yet.
I told Beau this and offered to give him a ride but he declined, and made another ‘joke’ about my ‘cancer family’. I was fuming at this point. I told him he could wait on the sidewalk near my house or walk home, but he could not sit on my porch.
He waited on the sidewalk, and a couple of hours later his mother came to get him.
She knocked on my door, and I was expecting her to apologize, but instead, she harped about me making Beau wait in the cold (We live in Texas, it was 60°F and he was wearing long sleeves). I told her what he said when I offered him a ride, and she said she agreed it wasn’t appropriate, but he was probably upset/embarrassed that he’d gotten kicked out.
I told her to leave and that Beau wasn’t welcome to be around any of my children anymore.”
35. AITJ For Refusing To Get Married?
“I (f) just turned 18 two weeks ago and when I got back from the DMV to get my ID (I had to wait a bit so didn’t get it) my mom was packing my things and I asked what she was doing and she told that she was getting my things ready for after the wedding.
What wedding?! She told me that I have been engaged since December to a 24-year-old guy. I told her absolutely not and went to my room to think. She came in to show me a picture and the text of her approving the engagement. The guy was good-looking but I’m not interested right now.
My mom has always wanted me to be married so she could start shooting kids out as soon as the ring was on my finger.
I was ‘engaged’ before at 16 but that was shut down quickly and I never gave it much thought. Now that I have told my mom that I’m not marrying him she keeps crying and telling me to reconsider because she already accepted the money and spent it. I still told her no and she said she would disown me if I didn’t so I said alright and continued packing the bags she started and she got happy thinking I was still packing to move after the wedding but I told her no I’m moving out.
She cries and leaves the house.
I’ve had a job working in a deli so I have enough to just move with my friend with my next paycheck. My other friends and extended family are calling me a shame but I’m getting real good at not caring.
Anyway, the wedding is tomorrow but I’m so not going.
As I’m typing this my family is saying they will come drag me if they have to. I just think it’s really crappy to engage me without my knowledge for 4 months and tell me a few days before the wedding thinking I will go along. I’m only here because my aunt who I adore and value her opinion is saying I should just do it.
AITJ cuz it could be a happy marriage and I’m just being difficult?”
34. AITJ For Reporting My Kid's Teacher To The Principal For Talking To My Ex About Personal Stuff?
“Getting a divorce is easy but dealing with it afterwards is harder. My son’s mother and I have been divorced since January. There is a lot of bad blood on her end because she didn’t get what she wanted. What she wanted was insane and what I got was fair.
I just want to move on and co-parent our 7-year-old son. He’s been largely unaffected by it. Long story short, I found out that his teacher had been going back and forth with my ex regarding our son. I was not copied.
I went straight to the teacher and reminded her that there was no excuse to exclude me on matters regarding my son.
She tried correcting me that the emails were not about my son per se, but classroom matters. So I corrected her and asked if my son was not in her classroom.
She admitted that she was wrong and it wasn’t on purpose. It was just that my ex is always emailing her but that’s better and more comfortable than having her do it in person.
I asked her what stuff was my ex talking about and she said ‘Your divorce and the drama.’ I was angry that my ex would discuss personal matters with someone that I have to deal with so I went to the principal.
The principal agreed that my ex shouldn’t be discussing stuff like money and trashing me to the teacher.
It has zero relevance to our son’s education and is a waste of time. Apparently, the principal told my kid’s teacher she’s to limit the scope of conversations with my ex and to copy me on every email. There were probably some things omitted by the teacher because the next time I saw her, she said that all she did was try to support my ex and now her classroom is collateral damage.”
33. AITJ For Grounding My Stepsons For Possibly Destroying Our Kitchen Window?
“When my husband (42m) was younger he ran with a pretty rough crowd and was into less than legal things including illegal substances. He had two children with a significant other back then, he got out of that life and helped to kick his addictions but she never did. He and I (41f) met years later and got together eventually having a daughter (7f).
His ex lost custody of their children (15m and 12m) five months ago and they are now living with us. It has been a rocky time and not easy, the boys didn’t have a stable home life and my husband was fighting for years to get custody of them to try and change that, the boys have struggled to settle which is understandable as it’s a big change and our home is very different from what they’re used to.
I’d never speak ill of their mother in front of them but let’s just say she wasn’t exactly a stable parent.
They are constantly acting out, being sullen, and disruptive, and often getting into fights at school. I’ve been as patient and supportive as I can be and have even spoken to my husband about the five of us going for family therapy together to help us all but he is hesitant to do that and insists they just need time to settle.
Despite this behavior though they are very protective of their little sister and my daughter follows them around like a duckling.
Sometimes though that means she gets dragged into their mischief or causes some of their own, she’s not a little angel, I know, and can cause plenty of trouble herself.
Today while the three of them were playing in the back garden a rock smashed our kitchen window which meant it had to come from the garden and one of them.
When I questioned them on who did it though the three of them were quiet and wouldn’t tell on whoever did it. So it was either my daughter or one of my stepsons, I felt I couldn’t play favorites or treat them unequally as I had no clue which of the three did it so I sent them to their rooms telling them they were grounded for the rest of the week and until the window was paid off all three of their pocket money was being docked equally.
I then sent them to their rooms while I cleaned up the broken glass and covered the window. When my husband got home I told him what had happened, he told me I should have just waited until he came home and left it to him and that I really shouldn’t be punishing the boys, now I got a bit annoyed at this, I work from home so I’m around them more often which means I often have to be the one laying ground rules down and I also treated them equally and I don’t think I was too harsh.
My husband feels though that he should be the one handling this but what am I supposed to do when he’s at work? I know he carries a lot of guilt over the fact he didn’t get custody of the boys sooner and is willing to go easier on them because of this and I am for that but there is a point we have to be firm I feel and set ground rules and I think smashing a window is that regardless of if it was them or our daughter.
Am I the jerk?”
32. AITJ For Letting My Dog Live With My Ex?
“My ex and I got a puppy, Shadow, a year into our relationship. Shadow was supposed to go to me if anything happened but Shadow didn’t seem to like me that much and loved my significant other from the start.
I did take care of him and spent a lot of time training but he seemed aloof to me and would choose to spend time with my ex any day. I was really disheartened by this and when we broke up I offered to let my ex keep Shadow. I also didn’t have a stable income and it was hard finding an apartment that allowed dogs while my ex had a dog-friendly apartment already so I decided it was better for him to be with her.
It’s been a few years and occasionally she brings Shadow back to visit me. She just drops him off and brings him out after a few hours. I still don’t have another dog because of how unstable my mental health and income are and visits from Shadow are great for me but I can’t commit to a dog long-term.
I started going out with my current SO about 8 months ago and she started noticing Shadow’s visits and asked me about them. I told her the whole story and she got upset that I chose to give my dog to my ex and wanted me to try to get him back so she and I could raise him.
I told her Shadow was happy with my ex and I didn’t have any intention of asking for him back.
She got upset and accused me of still being in love with my ex which is why she was allowed to keep the dog. I was annoyed she was using Shadow as a bargaining chip and told her we could get ourselves a dog but Shadow was my ex’s and it was the end of the story.
She has been upset for a few days and refuses to speak to me claiming I’m taking my ex’s side against her.”
31. AITJ For Not Siding With My Groomzilla Brother?
“My (25M) brother (24M), Jay, is getting married and I can’t believe how he and his soon-to-be wife Sandra are acting.
My sister, Mel (21F), has been working at a salon for the last year as a junior stylist and she is licensed as a hairdresser, as a nail technician, and as a makeup artist. Jay asked Mel if she would do the nails of Sandra, the wedding party, and both mothers before the wedding and their hair and makeup on the day of.
Mel said she would put together a price and find a couple of others from the salon to do it with her. Jay and Sandra said no because they were expecting Mel to do all of it herself and for free. Mel said it was impossible for one person to do it for ten people in a timely manner and it’s easily thousands of dollars of work.
Sandra threw a huge fit and Jay got really mad at Mel for being selfish by asking family to pay her instead of doing whatever she could to help with the wedding and for suggesting that strangers help her out.
The invitations are going out this week. The wedding is eight weeks away and Jay says Mel isn’t even invited anymore because of how she is acting.
I think it’s Jay and Sandra who are acting badly. I am considering not going because of how Jay is acting towards Mel. I wasn’t going to butt into the argument because it did involve me and Mel is perfectly capable of standing up for herself but Jay asked me for my opinion. He was expecting me to back him up.
The first time he asked I declined since it had nothing to do with me. The second time I told him he was acting like a groomzilla. Now he’s fuming at me too though not as badly as at Mel because I’m still invited to the wedding. He definitely argued with me about it though.
30. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Brother For Outing Me?
“My brother (16m) had outed me (18f) as asexual to my mother, his significant other, and his SO’s mom in a conversation I was not a part of about a month ago. Since then I have not been talking to him as this incident has shown me that he truly does not respect my boundaries.
My mother has been asking me to forgive him since he meant no ‘malice’ but my relationship with my brother has been bad since I could remember, always ending up in verbal or physical fights which has had a great effect on my poor mental health.
Yesterday I was doing laundry before work. When I went to get my washed load I found it on top of the washer, bundled up as well as my dried clothes taken out of the dryer.
I went and confronted him on why he had taken my things out and replaced them with his which ended up in a screaming match. My mom came and told him he knew that he shouldn’t have touched my belongings and he was doing this out of spite because I hadn’t forgiven him, which he then decided to call us pathetic for arguing about laundry.
My mom then sat us down and told me that I should forgive him for my sake (she’s Christian). I told her I am no longer willing to keep forgiving someone who doesn’t want to better our relationship and that I’m the one always forgiving him, even when it’s something that someone else would go no contact for.
When my mom asked him to apologize he started to have some sort of mental breakdown and started screaming/yelling in tears. I left the house for work but realized I could no longer go in my mental state so I ended up going to a friend’s. My mom still believes I should forgive him and has told me she either wants me to start going to church (to ‘cleanse’ my soul, I guess) or go back to therapy because I shouldn’t be ‘holding grudges’.
29. AITJ For Kicking My Mother-In-Law Out For Replacing My Food With Organic Food?
“I (28f) am pregnant with twins (our first kiddos) (6 months) and while I’ve enjoyed my pregnancy, my stomach literally came out of nowhere.
I tripped over our dog going down the steps and ended up in the hospital for forty-eight hours. My husband is a truck driver. I was home alone, but the moment I informed him I was heading to the hospital to check on the baby and why, he freaked out.
He expressed concern about me being home alone so to make him feel better we got cameras installed inside the house.
It took one bad storm to knock out the power and he nearly had a heart attack. MIL who I don’t have a great relationship with learned about this. She’s never thought I was good enough for her son.
My husband comes to me stating his mother wants to come help us for a little.
God no. This woman has made it clear how she feels about me. Why would I want her in my safe zone?
My husband pleaded with me. He agreed that if it didn’t work out she had to go. Fine.
She started with her nonsense, trying to change my home around. This didn’t go here.
She didn’t like this there. I kindly reminded her that this was my home and to please leave my things alone. She tried to tell me what to wear and what I didn’t need to wear. I had friends stop by. She turned them away. I made my husband aware that she was on my last nerve and it’d only been a week.
She told the doctor that I have bad habits, (because I sometimes wake up for a midnight snack) and told them my eating habits are horrible. I admit I have had some crazy cravings. The doctor practically told her that nothing in my tests or weight indicated that it was bad. In other words, mind her business.
My parents are deceased. My brothers live out of state, but we do talk and FaceTime daily if possible. One is in the military, so his time zone is different, so I talk to him whenever I can. She pointed out that I needed to cut the ‘chit chat’ because I was not getting proper rest. I ignored her.
My phone and keys started coming up missing so I returned the pettiness like moving her phone, locking her out of her bedroom and bathroom, hiding her wig, reading glasses, and car keys, and misplacing her books.
She tried telling me what I could and could not eat. One day I came home from walking our dog and she’d thrown out over four hundred dollars worth of good food and replaced it with organic food!
YOU DON’T MESS WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN’S FOOD! That was my last straw. I told her to get her stuff and get out! That if she didn’t leave I would have her removed. She started recording me saying I was acting irrationally, and this is why she didn’t want her son with the likes of someone like me.
That her grandchildren would be a mess when they came out! (I had to buy her another phone)
My husband found out and was mad at both of us, but he’s backing me. It’s his mother’s family that’s giving him crap about what I did. He’s really close to his family and this is hurting his feelings.
Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t kick her out. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Heat Up Some Food For My Mom After She Lied To My Grandparents?
“My mother (41F) and I (21 female-to-male) have a horrible relationship. We recently had a chore day and since she was not feeling well (diverticulitis and PCOS) I offered to do most of the work. I cleaned every bedroom, the bathroom, and the kitchen, did dishes, folded clothes, and did more laundry.
By the end of the day, I was exhausted and I told her I would finish the rest (putting away dishes and towels) the next day before we went to the fair to drop my brothers off with my grandpa.
I woke up, put everything away, got the boys and my cousin fed, got my mom up and got her coffee, and drove us to the fair (a 2 1/2 hour drive). When we got there I kept tabs on the boys and helped purchase food (even though my own funds were extremely low). While eating lunch my mom started complaining to my step-grandma and my grandfather about how I never help around the house and how she had to do everything by herself and I never even lifted a finger, I just played video games and slept all day, which resulted in my grandfather (65M) taking me to a secluded part of the fair and screaming at me till I was in tears which he promptly threatened me with ‘I’ll give you something to really cry about.
You’re not too old to get a whooping’.
I didn’t say anything to my mother the rest of the trip until we got home (I drove us home, by the way) and she told me to heat her up some food. I told her no, that she could heat up her own food, and that I was going to bed. She told me to ‘get my butt back here’ and before she could lay into me I told her ‘What you said I never help and I just sleep and game all day so what’s the big deal?
I am not going to help if that’s what you think of me. I’m tired and I’m going to bed’. She has been complaining now to everyone in the family that I won’t help (I’ve still been doing dishes and laundry, by the way) and the texts and calls have been pouring in nonstop. My grandma is on my side, but the rest of my family refuses to listen.
So am I the jerk?”
27. AITJ For Not Recommending My Brother-In-Law For A Position In My Company?
“I (30F) am a godmother to my niece, daughter of my BIL (my wife’s brother).
My goddaughter has moderate autism and the public schools in my town are not equipped to help her, so BIL paid for a private school focused on special education. My SIL is a stay-at-home mom.
7 months ago my BIL lost the job and they are in a tight spot. My niece still needs to go to this school as it helps a lot, but BIL couldn’t. So I offered to pay.
But 2 weeks ago, we had a fight, because my BIL wanted me to give this money to help with the house and that my niece would go to normal school since they can’t afford it.
I denied it and he told me several heavy things, one of them was that now he understood why I had lost a baby (I had a miscarriage), because first I had to improve as a person.
The situation: I work (RH) in a large company in my city and there were job openings, despite my BIL not being fully qualified, I recommended him to the hiring team (and in cases of recommendation – hired – the person -me- is responsible for 3 months for the other).
These days, I was talking to the hiring people, we are friends and they were talking about how my BIL was in the last stage and that now it is to choose the profile that matches the company (3 people). They asked me and I honestly said that he didn’t fully fit the profile and that I regretted the recommendation (he doesn’t fully fit like the others).
Short story, he wasn’t hired. And when he found out he called me saying that he was sure I had done it and that I had made him miss a great opportunity because of a fight, not allowing him and the family to improve, and if I was happy to see my goddaughter starving because of me.
My wife said she understood my side, but that I shouldn’t have gotten into this.
I didn’t want to be responsible for him and I don’t think he would match (uses the loss of a child to hurt others) for me to recommend or say he fits the profile of the company.
26. AITJ For What I Said To My Mom's Friend After She Showed Up At My Birthday Uninvited?
“My mom has had a friend for about 20 years, since around the time I was born.
Let’s call her Lily.
Lily is… a complicated person. She is always starting dumb dramas, fights everyone, and constantly thinks everybody is out to get her. She obviously has some sort of untreated mental illness.
For example, the other day she came to my mom’s home while I was visiting and I didn’t get up and say hi as fast as she wanted, because then she started getting angry and accusing me of hating her, ‘Even tho I gave you a gift a couple of months ago, even tho I’ve known you since you were a baby girl’, and then she left enraged. You catch the drift.
So, for my birthday I didn’t invite her. She came anyway, and I wasn’t gonna say anything (she would be hanging out with the other adults) until she started making a scene and saying I hated her. I just told her I didn’t invite her for a reason, and it is because of things like that I don’t want her around and avoid her as much as possible, and a couple more stuff in that line.
She left. Now she is extremely hurt. My mom, with her infinite patience to put up with people who don’t deserve it, says I was too harsh and have to apologize, and I shouldn’t treat a sick woman like that. She’s a great mom and person, but way too soft.
I recognize I was mean and confrontational and Lily has some personal problems, but I also believe that at some point people need to face consequences.
Being sick justifies some things, but I don’t think the last 20 years of mistreatment can be justified by that. I did act out of anger though, so I’m not sure whether my reasoning is okay or I just crossed a line as well…”
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Go With My Fiancé To Another State Without Me?
“My fiance, Josh (28M), and I (27F) have been together for 5 years. We have twins (1.5M & F).
Josh’s family and I don’t have a close relationship for some reason.
Their racist, homophobic, and xenophobic comments make them people I don’t keep close contact with. Josh is a ball out of turn.
For all of his family trips it’s always pretty clear that they didn’t invite me and Josh, always says it’s their family thing so they feel uncomfortable with me (to be quite honest I felt free from that) so I never went in the past.
But with the arrival of the twins and the global crisis, the trips didn’t happen.
About 3 months ago, Josh said there would be a family trip to a city in another state (3 hours by plane). I was really excited as it would be the twins’ first trip. He said he would organize everything.
3 weeks ago, (travel would be in 12 days), I started packing the twins’ clothes and looking for clothes for myself.
Josh saw me putting my clothes in and asked what I was doing. When I said I was packing my clothes for the trip, he said ‘Baby, it’s my family’s trip, you know it’s an intimate thing like my BIL and SIL. I just bought it for me and the twins’.
Keep in mind that none of his brothers have children, only partners or fiancées.
I said that and asked if he planned to take our children and not me and when he said yes, I just laughed and called him deluded because I wouldn’t let them go to another state without me and I wouldn’t sign the authorization either (he asked me to sign) (babies need authorization from both parents).
We argued a lot and he got angry, saying I was depriving our children of his family. In short, he went alone.
And after so much humiliation, I decided to go on a mini vacation in a country house 1h away by car. Josh and I didn’t talk these days.
He arrived yesterday and the house was empty, he called me asking where I was and I said I had taken a vacation.
He had the nerve to ask if he could join, but I was sincere in saying that I wanted space (he knows where I am) and to spend time alone with the kids.
He started to say how hypocritical I was to go on a trip with them and he couldn’t, that I was being mean and vindictive.
It’s escalated to the point that even his family is calling me a hypocrite and cruel for not allowing a moment between them.
I just wanted to have peace with my twins after going through such a humiliation and I’m thinking about leaving early (I would go on Sunday).
By the way, my twins are still breastfed. And he pointed out several times that I made the mistake of thinking that I was going on the trip, he never said I would.
The biggest reason I didn’t let the twins go is in fact being another state thousands of kms away from where I live. The city I’m in is a district of mine, 1 hour by car (even less). He wanted to go somewhere that’s 3 hours by plane and more than 1 day by car, if something happened I wouldn’t be able to get there fast. If it was close to where they would go, it would be something else.”
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Adopted By My Mom's Husband?
“This happened 3 weeks ago now but things are still rocky so I wanna evaluate my part in this. Mom and I are not super close. She has me (18f) and my sister (21f). Our dad died when I was 7 and my sister was 10. She married Hank when I was 9 and my sister was 12. I was genuinely happy for my mom because she had been really sad without dad and Hank treated her amazingly.
You could see they were in love. But Hank wanted more than just a wife, he wanted to be a father too but was infertile. And he wanted me and my sister to accept him as a new dad. Neither of us wanted to have a new dad. We both said we were glad mom had him and we liked him, but he would never be a dad for us.
He didn’t want to leave it there and he always tried to win us over.
Mom would cry about how unfair it was that she couldn’t give him kids and she tried talking us around several times. Saying how dad wouldn’t have minded us calling someone else dad. Saying how much it would mean to her.
How she would be so happy if we could make her husband’s dream come true. We told her we simply didn’t want to have another dad. That we loved our dad too much and nobody could be as special to us like he was.
It didn’t end there. But it wasn’t until recently that I reached a breaking point.
Just before I turned 18 Mom came up with the idea that my turning 18 coincided with Hank’s 50th birthday and how awesome it would be to surprise him by asking him to adopt me as a double celebration/birthday gift. I told her no way was it happening. She started crying and saying how much it hurt for her great idea to be shut down and her chance to make her husband a dad.
Then at my 18th birthday party, she was crying to family members about how she couldn’t make him a dad, how she failed as a wife to him, how she must seem like the worst mother in the world for us not to trust her enough to give us another dad just as good as our original one.
Every time I went to speak to someone or went somewhere I would hear her. Then I was dragged into a conversation where they were trying to talk about how proud she must be and she started weeping about her failures and the fact we didn’t do what she wanted. I snapped. I asked her to think about someone other than Hank and herself for my birthday and try not to lay the guilt trip on me.
She told me it wasn’t what she was doing. So I told her she must be very self-absorbed then to talk about nothing but herself throughout my whole party because that is all I heard her talking about. She told me to stop being mean and to understand how hard the last few years have been for her as she fails.
I ended up leaving. She was really upset. I felt, and still feel, bad. But frustrated too. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Not Telling My Mom Anything Else About My Pregnancy?
“I (F 26) am four months pregnant with mine and my husband’s (M 29) first children – we are having twins!
We are both incredibly excited, but it is quite a high-risk pregnancy so I have been taking it easy and we are trying to keep the information to ourselves until we know that I am (and the babies are) out of the woods.
When I found out that I was pregnant, I put together a little gift box to give to my husband and surprise him with the news.
I put silly little things in the box, like a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug, a baby grow, and a baby book to track all the firsts. At the time I did not know that I was having twins, so there was just one of everything in the box. The plan was that I would gift my husband the box when he arrived home from work, and tell him that we were expecting!
Everything went off without a hitch and my husband was beside himself. We had been trying for a while, and it was obviously quite an exciting moment.
The next day, my mom (F 52) was visiting and snooped in my husband’s home office under the guise of going to the bathroom while I was making lunch.
She saw the box and all the contents, and came flying out of the office, telling me that my husband was having an affair baby because he had a ‘secret dad box.’ At first, I was so confused but eventually cleared it up that I had made the box because my husband and I were expecting.
My mom was so excited and immediately tried to phone her best friend to tell her the news. I told her that I wanted to wait until I was at least three months before we started telling people, and I asked her to please keep the information to herself.
When I tell you that the whole community knows, it is because my mom told everyone with the caveat that they also ‘keep the secret.’ It is like middle school, and it is driving me crazy!
Now my mom is bugging me about information from doctor’s appointments and I have not told her a word. I have not even told her that we are having twins or that it is a high risk, but she insists that she should be privy to all information as the ‘baby’s granny.’ She has also asked me to have her in the room with me when I give birth instead of my husband, which I quickly shut down.
I am just feeling so defeated, I am just trying to rest but I have constant nagging from my mom and all of her friends who claim that they have not told a soul either. My husband does his best to intercept all the demands for information, but I am starting to feel like it would be easier to just cave and tell my mom everything.
AITJ for keeping the information to myself and not letting my mother be involved in ‘the growth and development of (her) first grandbaby’? She sent me a text yesterday telling me that it is her right as a loving parent to know about her child’s and future grandchild’s health.”
22. AITJ For Talking To My Cousin About Her Comment About My Mom's Gift To Her?
” “So, my mom (47) hosted a Christmas celebration with her side of the family on Christmas Eve.
It started during the gift exchange. My cousin, Ava (14F), loves Disney. Because of this, my mom bought her a Tangled shirt, along with a jewelry set and a $100 Ulta gift card.
She seemed excited about the first two things. But as soon as she saw the shirt, her expression immediately changed to what can only be described as disgust. Nobody noticed except me, my sister (24), and unfortunately, my mom, who chose to look away and ignore it, though she definitely looked hurt.
My sister and I gave each other a ‘what the heck’ look but we left it alone.
Later, my mom and I were cleaning some trash up in the living room when we overheard my cousins talking about their gifts in an adjacent room, and Ava piped up and said how everyone else is lucky they didn’t get a ‘lame shirt’ and ‘cheap jewelry’ like she did.
I could hear a few others disagree, which I appreciated, but the damage was already done, my mom was already rushing to another room visibly upset and ready to cry. I was pretty mad, so I went up to Ava and pulled her aside privately.
I told her that, yes, it’s okay to not like what you got, but don’t be so openly rude and ungrateful, and if she really did hate it that much, at least wait until she’s home to talk trash about it.
She got defensive and started saying stuff like ‘It’s not my fault your mom gives crappy gifts’ and other incredibly insulting things which made me almost blind with rage. I told her that she should be grateful that she got anything at all, especially since she certainly didn’t deserve any of it with how much of a spoiled brat she was being.
I walked away before I could say anything worse. Ava avoided me for the rest of the day, but as far as I know, she didn’t say anything else about it.
It wasn’t until Monday that my aunt (44) sent me a long, nasty text about ‘abusive language’ (claiming I was swearing and cursing at her) and ’embarrassing Ava in front of her cousins/peers.’ She called me an abusive jerk who shouldn’t have talked to a child the way I did and that I shouldn’t stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong.
I responded by saying that if she wasn’t such a trashy parent, I wouldn’t have had to step in, and none of this would’ve happened in the first place. I then blocked her.
I haven’t said anything more but since then, I’ve had a few more relatives blowing up my phone.
Thankfully the majority of the family sides with me, including my dad and my siblings. But some family, including my grandma, are taking my aunt’s side. My mom is thankful that I stood up for her but regrets that I escalated the situation.
But one cousin that I’m close to, said I was too harsh and should’ve let Ava’s parents deal with the issue.
She said it was a jerk move and that I was way out of line.
Now I’m beginning to feel like I did cross the line. Which is why I’m here to ask you guys, AITJ?
21. WIBTJ If I Talk To My Brother And His Wife About Their Taking Advantage Of My Mom And Dad?
“My (24F) brother (31M) and sister-in-law (32F) have a little boy (4M). He is the sweetest person and I love him to bits, but they always expect my mother and dad to look after their kid.
To give some context, my mom and dad finally have the opportunity to play with one of their grandchildren as my other brother lives out of state with his kids.
My brother and sister-in-law were SUPER thrilled when my mom said she would look after my nephew during the day when they work (This was in 2019), but she made the agreement that they would have to pay because they couldn’t afford to buy diapers and everything when my nephew was still little. My brother and sister-in-law agreed and paid my mom roughly $100 a month to look after my nephew.
Now (2022) my mom still looks after my nephew but it has become so bad that I want to ask my brother and sister-in-law to look after their own child. On weekends, when my dad isn’t working, it was normally their time to rest and spend some quality time together, but my brother and sister-in-law have developed this habit of just pitching up and saying ‘Oh, do you mind looking after him for 2 or 3 hours whilst I bake cookies or something, I can’t look after him whilst baking?’ This has irritated me a lot but has slowly but surely started irritating my mom because she made it clear that weekends are for her and my dad.
Then it will also not be 2 to 3 hours, it will end up being from the morning at 9 till the afternoon at 4.
These last couple of weeks, my mom has been very sick and still looks after my nephew. When my sister-in-law was a bit under the weather, my mom was not asked but instructed that he would sleep over for a couple of days so that my sister-in-law could get better.
This COMPLETELY made me mad because my mom was also sick. My nephew ended up staying for 3 or 4 days while my mom was sick but my sister-in-law had time to get better.
I just want to know, WIBTJ if I say something to my brother and sister-in-law because I feel they are taking advantage of my mother and dad, and my parents are too afraid to say something because they feel my brother and sister-in-law will take away their privilege of seeing their grandchild?
I am just feeling this way because he is going to school next year and they want my mom to drop him off and fetch him after school but they will be taking away her pay as they need to use the money to put him through school…
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepmom Babysit My Kid While I Work?
“My husband and I just had our first kid 15 weeks ago, both of our families have already met him.
I still have 4 months of paid leave and he still has 2 weeks, however before having our baby we agreed that I wasn’t going to be a stay-at-home mom (nothing wrong with that, just not my deal) and that I’d go back to work as soon as I physically could. We’re doing more than great financially and since we planned this baby, we’re opting for daycare that can introduce our son to early stimulation, we never expected nor hoped for our family to babysit.
Now onto the problem, my parents divorced and remarried years ago, I’m way closer with my mom and her husband because my step-mom always tried to overstep, since my mom was also a working mother who couldn’t spend that much time with me, I guess both my dad and step-mom hoped that I would forget about her and see my dad’s wife as a ‘mother’, but that never happened. They could never have children of their own and so, they kinda wanted me to give my step-mom what she could never have, but that never happened.
I moved out when I was 16 and only saw them on very limited occasions (and they never failed to tell me how much my actions hurt them), we had a few problems during my pregnancy, like my step-mom calling herself a ‘grandma’ when I said she wasn’t going to be a grandmother to my son, how she wanted to ‘be there’ for the name talks and nursery decorations like my mom did, but I never let her and a few other instances.
The newest is her offering to babysit our son ‘for free’ since she and my dad live close by.
I politely thanked her but said that there was no need since my husband and I planned for this and we already have a chosen daycare and a structured dropout/pick up plan, both she and my dad got mad, saying that ‘babies don’t need daycare’, but rather a loving relative during the early stages, I just agreed to disagree.
Later on, my dad called me and said that enough was enough and that I was a jerk for deliberately keeping my step-mom away from this when we’ve known each other for 20+ years. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Come With Me When I Buy Bathing Suits?
“So I (22F) am going on vacation this coming Saturday. This means I’ll have to start packing soon, and since the vacation is at the beach, I’ll need a bathing suit. Unfortunately, the bathing suits I’ve worn for the last few years are now too small for me, which means I’ll have to go out and buy new ones.
I’m not a fan of clothes shopping, so I like to go in, get what I want to get, and get out. When my mom also discovered that I needed new bathing suits, she went on saying how she didn’t want to go last-minute bathing suit shopping because she already had things to pack for the beach.
I told her I could go by myself and get some and she immediately tried saying how she’ll go with me because bathing suit shopping isn’t fun doing it alone and how no one wants to go bathing suit shopping alone.
I told her I didn’t want her to go because I know how she gets.
I would be satisfied with like 2 or 3, but she would keep pulling things out and wanting me to try them on. She promised she wouldn’t do that, but she does it every time we go out.
So this morning (like 15 minutes ago), she once again asked if I wanted her to go with me and I said I could do it by myself.
She started saying again how no one likes to go bathing suit shopping by themselves. I told her how I wanted to look at bathing suits on my own. When I went to ask her a question about something, she just responded ‘Just do what you want!’
I’m feeling guilty for wanting to do this on my own, but I do want to prove I can be independent of her.
I’m not sure if I was too harsh with her or not.
18. AITJ For Bringing A Passed-Out Girl Home From A Party?
“Last night I was at a party with my friends. My partner was working overnight so she wasn’t there. A typical party. This party was pretty big. The biggest one I’ve been to since 2020. It was one of those parties thrown by rich college kids. There was a girl on a couch that was just not there.
Her eyes were kind of all over the place. She looked like she was falling asleep and waking up a lot. Then she just totally passed out. She was around other girls so I thought they were her friends. I thought that they’d see that their friend is passed out and take care of her so I just carried on with the night.
A little bit later I saw that the girls who were around were gone and she was still lying on the couch totally passed out. This was later in the night when people were leaving or gone and I was planning on leaving too. So there were just a few guys around and the passed out girl.
I walked over and woke her up. She was speaking a mix of English and some kind of Eastern European-sounding language. It was very hard to understand. Her purse was next to her. I looked through it (hope that isn’t weird) and found ID. I checked her phone and again, it’s all in a different language on there.
I did manage to find her passport, the only thing I could get was her name and that she was 19 years old. She was awake but she wasn’t speaking or seemed all there.
Anyway, long story short. I took her to my apartment and let her sleep on my couch. I didn’t have to carry her or anything and I’m glad.
I would have felt weird carrying a passed-out girl to my car. I don’t want to look like THAT guy. I just had to make sure she didn’t fall. Help her up the stairs of my apartment and get her on the couch.
Now cut ahead to a couple of hours ago. My partner came to my apartment.
She let herself in with the spare key that I gave her. She saw a girl on my couch. This is what I’m assuming happened because I woke up to a text message saying ‘I stopped by earlier… see you have a girl over’ with the eye roll emoji. I understand how she feels. But she wasn’t in bed with me.
I have a studio apartment so the bed and couch are in the same big room but we were spaced apart. Even after I told her what happened she said ‘You couldn’t have taken her to where she was staying?’ I explained how she was barely able to talk. She said I should have gone through her phone and called someone she knew.
I said it was all in a different language and they were probably all in a different country. She said I should have asked a girl to take her home. I said the party was over and it was just other guys lingering around. Then my partner said ‘You have an excuse for everything don’t you.’
I know in her last relationship she got lied to a lot so I can tell it’s hurting her. Should I have done something different? I made the best choice I thought I could have made.”
17. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Parents Control My Finances?
“I (Female 21) still live with my 59-year-old mom and 70-year-old father. I’ve already realized since I was 15 that my mother is a narcissist, having me clean the entire house and care for their animals because I am the oldest and it’s my responsibility.
Due to many issues in the past, my mother and I have a rocky relationship.
During the last week of May, my mother told me I would have to pay 300 dollars for rent at the first of the month. Normally, I would have no issue with this, however, during a ‘vacation’ trip, they made me use all the funds I had saved to move and made me max out my credit cards, as well as put miles on my car which gave out and I recently had to get a new one (used).
I had to pick up more hours at work, causing me to have almost 80 hours at a pizza place to keep up with bills and still have a day of D&D to myself.
Our argument started off with how I only paid 200$ instead of 300$. I promised I would pay her more next payday, in 2 weeks, but I still have a loan and a credit card payment.
The argument then went to, ‘I was sick, and you never checked on me.’ I explained I did, but every time I did, it meant me waking her up, so she didn’t remember. She then told me, ‘I honestly think you want me to die so I don’t bother you anymore. You do not care if I live or die.’ I yelled at her, telling her it was not my responsibility to take care of her, and that I sure as heck wouldn’t be manipulated anymore.
Now my parents are telling me I have to give them all my bank statements and bills, and they will control where and when my money comes and goes. I’m afraid this will extend into my D&D time, and if that happens, I want to move into my car to avoid all of this.
WIBTJ if I did this, as I would be leaving my parents struggling with healthcare?”
16. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust Our Wedding For My Sister's Schedule?
“Last New Year’s Eve, after 5 years of being together, I proposed to my partner. We initially planned a longer engagement with a wedding sometime in May 2023, however, we are getting married in a country adjacent to the Eastern European conflict, and with the general state of the world and how long we’ve been together, we decided we would like to move the date up to late summer 2022.
We made the decision back in early March and found a venue with two dates that would work in August. We let everyone know who might be coming and support was pretty much universal. This meant a lot to us as it will be a destination wedding for about half the guests and pretty much everyone we want to come will be there.
The only issue is my sister. The first date we proposed clashed with a festival she had already booked in another country. I know this festival is important to her so this was fine, we proposed the second date but this, unfortunately, clashes with another local festival, as well as an old friend’s wedding. She was apparently going to attend both the wedding and festival, traveling between for the ceremony.
This has caused a massive argument. From her point of view, she had planned her events before we planned ours and it was inconsiderate of us to move forward with a date that clashed with her schedule.
From my point of view, she’s prioritized the first festival over both weddings, considering festivals are yearly things and neither wedding will be happening again.
I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect us to go back to the original May 2023 date because it doesn’t fit her party schedule. I would also happily drop pretty much anything for an event like this of hers if the roles were reversed.
I wish we didn’t have this drama around the wedding but AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Dad And His Sons?
“When I (16M) was 13, my dad (38M) came out as gay, and my mom and dad divorced (amicably). My dad swears there was no third party involved but I think he did, in fact, have an affair, because he moved in with his dude a month later.
My dad had me on weekends, and it was nice, he is a great dad and I enjoyed it, his then-partner was indifferent and didn’t really care about me and I suspect he didn’t want me there.
They got married a year after the divorce and immediately started talking about having kids together.
In the past 5 months, my dad and I have barely seen each other because he was too busy with the surrogacy process, they both had to travel to Canada a lot to get everything done, and my dad even missed my birthday because he had to check on the surrogate; when I complained about him missing my birthday, he argued that he and his husband have spent thousands of dollars on this and needed to check to have everything right so I let it go.
They welcomed twin boys three weeks ago and arrived from Canada five days ago, everyone in our family is over the moon and has gone to see the babies but, my dad has texted me to see if I’ll see them. He even came here to take me during his custodial time but I told him that I didn’t want to go, so we just hung out to have some father-son time.
He didn’t say it but he was seemingly sad that I didn’t want to go.
I have nothing against the boys but I know his husband doesn’t like me and doesn’t want me there, and my dad also hurt me by missing my birthday and just giving me a phone call at night.
Now everyone calls me a jerk and a spoiled brat because my dad refuses to take the first (professional) pictures without me there.
But I don’t know, it sucks seeing my dad so lovey and in love with a man that doesn’t like me and makes clear by his actions that whenever I’m there he doesn’t want me, and he acts like every access I have to my dad is because he agrees.”
14. AITJ For Shutting Down My Father-In-Law's Comments Before Walking Out?
“I’m married to the only daughter of my in-laws and I’ve always been seen as less than by my father-in-law. I try to shut up so as to not cause conflict but I get a full range of nonsense from him giving opinions on my parenting to straight-up calling me a lightweight when I open a beer even though I’m not poorly behaved when wasted (I mainly drink for a slight buzz so saying I’m a heavy drinker is a stretch).
Either way, this weekend I got sick of his nonsense. I don’t like wasps and tend to rush away from them but I swatted one away and he just had to make a comment that my son is afraid of going outside because of how I act around wasps. I responded with ‘Thanks for your opinion now shut up’ before storming off.
This happened in front of the whole family including my wife and kids. I grabbed my bag and left the cottage even though my wife and one of her brothers tried to talk me out of leaving. Fortunately for me, we drove separately so my wife could bring the kids home later.
As I drove home my wife called with her phone on speaker and she was mad I left and I heard her dad say he was just joking.
Knowing he could hear me, I told him to go eat crap and that I’m done tolerating being spoken to like that.
I drove the 2 hours home and celebrated by drinking a beer. A few hours later the rest of my household arrived and my wife and I argued about what I did. I’m refusing to apologize and it’s looking like I’m not welcome at the cottage anymore but I view that as addition by subtraction.
I’m also threatening back that he won’t get to see his grandkids.
Though this happened in front of my kids, I hope they see a good example of how to deal with jerks.”
13. AITJ For Bringing Up My Aunt's Dirty Past?
“This happened this weekend while we were celebrating Mother’s Day with my grandma. My aunt and her husband are not really liked much by our family but we include them in things and I have to see them a few times a year because my grandma is big on family.
My aunt is a bully, she openly talks trash about her husband to everyone. Has never had a job because her husband has a great job, and is just rude. I can usually tolerate this the 4 times a year I deal with her but she was being particularly annoying.
Here’s where it gets to the part where I might be a jerk.
I’m high-functioning autistic, they weren’t able to diagnose me till I was like 10 or 11 and I was kind of problematic because I didn’t know what or why I felt the way I did just knew I couldn’t handle certain things. The entire time we were at my grandma’s house playing games and eating she kept bringing up weird things I did when I was like 6 – outbursts I had that were because I was autistic and just stuff about kids being kids.
This went on and on and I allowed it.
She then started talking about how weird I was and how she always thought I was gay or something was off because I was different. I don’t know why this set me off. I’m not gay but referring to a child like that and digging up the past really made me mad.
I said ‘(insert aunt’s name) since you want to bring up stuff from the past about a child, most of which I can’t control, why don’t I bring up something from your past that you can control, that you did as an adult?’ I then brought up an affair from 35 years ago that almost ruined her marriage.
I brought up how she’s never had a job and the whole raising kids job ended for her almost 20 years ago when her oldest moved out. I brought up how no one in the family likes her so much that my grandpa goes to the other room when they visit.
Well, she and her husband just got up and left. My family is mad at me and saying that’s just how she is and we tolerate her.
Well, I’m sick of tolerating her and her nonsense. AITJ for throwing dirt in her face or should I have just kept my mouth shut?”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Sign A Prenup Made By My Fiancé's Parents?
“My fiance, Tolliver (23M), and I (24M) met when we were 16 at a private school. I was a scholarship kid and his family is really rich. His parents never really liked me because I was poor and apparently he had guys before me that only wanted to be with him because of his family’s money and took advantage.
So they were constantly trying to break us up all of high school or trying to set him up with other boys for him to go out with.
Tolliver has always found it hard standing up to his parents about anything other than being with me and so they finally gave up on trying to break us up even though they still don’t like me much.
We recently got engaged after he asked me to marry him and I said yes. As soon as his parents found out over the weekend they met with a lawyer on Monday and had a prenup written up and brought over to us for me to sign. They said they were just trying to protect Tolliver and that it was just best for everyone for when we get divorced.
That made me mad especially after Tolliver got quiet and just looked down with this guilty look on his face like he used to when we were kids and his parents would basically ‘politely’ talk trash about me being poor. I immediately refused and told them to get out. They then reminded Tolliver that they still controlled the purse strings and the family threatened to cut him off if I didn’t reconsider before leaving.
I saw Tolliver starting to freak out and I spent most of the night consoling him and reminding him that he has a degree now and a job so it’d be okay. I talked to my parents about it and they told me I shouldn’t have reacted that way because I know how the relationship between Tolliver and his parents is and I shouldn’t have put him in a tight position with them like that.
My sister thinks I should just sign it because it doesn’t mean anything anyway. AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Not Liking Babies?
“My sister and her fiance bought their first home dirt cheap but it needs repairs. At that time my sister was still pregnant, so she moved back home to be in a less stressful environment. The baby was born but renovations took longer than expected.
My sister often leaves the baby with us to go help her fiance with the renovations and since my parents are both still working there have been times when the baby has been left alone with me.
I have no problem when it’s asleep but the problem starts when it starts crying because it’s hungry or it pooped itself, I don’t like handling babies but I had to suck it up on a few occasions.
I’m one of those odd people who aren’t big on babies, I’m not having kids when I’m older, and my reluctance to help often gets me scolded. I keep telling everyone that I do not like being left alone with it, it’s so tiny and fragile, turns my anxiety to 11 whenever I’m alone with it, I think about how I could accidentally hurt it or worse.
Yesterday the baby pooped itself again and everyone was trying to pass the diaper duty to the next person. My father jokingly (not really) mentioned that he’d never seen me change the baby’s diaper ever since it was born, which is true since I’m never around the baby unless I’m forced to. The diaper talk kept going and the family decided that I’d be the one to change the diaper.
My father tried to hand me the baby and I told him no. Everyone was staring and despite that, there was no way I was picking it up. My sister told me to stop being so weird and it’s a valuable life skill I’ll appreciate one day when I have my own kids.
I retorted sarcastically because at this point I was annoyed that they just refused to take no for an answer, I’m not planning on having a baby and I’ll never need to know how to take care of one, I mentioned that I constantly tell them to get a sitter for when I’m alone with the baby.
I said that I don’t appreciate that everyone ignores me when I tell them that kids and babies make me uncomfortable.
I’ve never offered to help but I’ve said no, more times than I can count, perhaps when it learns how to walk, talk, and not cry for absolutely no reason I’ll chip in but for now, I’d rather keep my distance.
The room went silent and my dad told me that I didn’t have to be so extra and I should just change the diaper. He told me he is disappointed by me not putting any effort into helping with the baby even with the littlest of things. I got a bit mad that they just refused to listen to what I said and told them I don’t want anything to do with the baby which got me sent to my room.”
10. AITJ For Making My Dad Jealous?
“My (16F) dad (45M) pretty much abandoned me when he and my mom (39F) divorced when I was 7. I didn’t see him until I was 14. By that time, my mom had already married my stepdad, Thomas (31M).
My dad doesn’t like Thomas at all. He says that he ‘stole’ his wife and child from him. My dad wasn’t around that much until last year when he almost died. He said that ‘He saw what he was missing’ by being away from me so he moved right back to our town and tried to be involved with me again.
I didn’t like it. For me, the relationship was already over and I already had a parent (my mom) who was enough.
He didn’t like rejection tho, so he started to immerse himself in my life and that’s how he found out about my significant other (17M), Sam. I only found out because he started to go out with Sam’s mother (37) and one day when we came back from a date, my dad was there, making out with Sam’s mom.
He left soon after and Sam and I ran to his mom and I told her that he was my dad. She was so embarrassed and she broke up with him. At first my dad didn’t care because he did it ‘to get back at me’, but last month he came to me and told me that it was a mistake, that he really loved Sam’s mom but she wouldn’t take him back because we were together, and ‘kindly’ asked me to break up with Sam.
I obviously said no and he tried to argue, telling me that we were still kids anyway and it was not like we had a future. I just rolled my eyes and said that if he kept contacting me, I was gonna call my stepdad.
He left me alone for a while, but two weeks ago he started to come at me again, and one day I was watering my mom’s plants when he came and told me that it was enough and I had to leave Sam.
I yelled for my stepdad while aiming the hose at my dad and soaking him. My stepdad came to me and asked what happened. I hugged him while telling him ‘Help me, dad, this cuckoo is bullying me into breaking up with your soon-to-be son-in-law’ (he HATES when I call Thomas dad and I don’t hug my father anymore).
My dad threw a tantrum, called me a brat, called Thomas a thief, and left. Thomas only patted me on the head and told me to call him if he came at me again, but my dad has been dead silent ever since. LOL. My dad’s family contacted me and said that it was childish to make my dad jealous and that he only wanted ‘to love again’, I said ‘But Thomas is not jealous’ and now they’re mad at me too.”
9. AITJ For Being Embarrassed By My Significant Other?
“My (19f) significant other, ‘Jesse’ (19m), and I met at the start of college and have been together for almost a year. I’m majoring in the business field and he’s majoring in the sciences field. He is very smart and has a lot of hobbies outside of that as well, mainly soccer.
The hobby he has that irks me is video games. He really, really enjoys playing and often spends a lot of time doing it. It’s not too bad, he still has time for me and his friends, keeps good grades in school, and keeps time for his other hobbies but still manages to play quite a lot.
I just think that at this age and when you’re in college, finally becoming an adult and studying quite a mature major, video games should be heavily dialed down but he still plays A LOT. I know a lot of adults still play but when you’re all grown up and have life figured out, it makes sense for it to be a casual hobby.
Jesse and I both live on campus and are roughly an hour away from our families. Because of this, we still haven’t met each other’s parents.
But a week ago, we finally found a great time to drive back to our hometowns which were right next to each other. I met his family first and it went great.
They were all lovely.
The next day, we went to my house for dinner.
As expected, my parents asked me to get to know Jesse. He told them what he studied, how he was doing in school, about soccer and some other hobbies. Then he also brought up gaming and said how much he loves it and how he does it a lot in his spare time.
I got more and more nervous the more he explained. My parents had a slightly sour look and asked more about it. They asked how he’d keep good grades if he supposedly games so much. Jesse explained everything with a smile. My parents seemed to understand by the end but I was embarrassed beyond belief.
That night when we were sitting in bed together, I told him how much he embarrassed me with all the talk about gaming. He said ‘What?’ seeming very confused so I told him he didn’t have to go so far into detail about how much he plays. I ended up telling him that I’ve always found this hobby of his immature and embarrassing and he suddenly seemed very hurt since gaming was a big part of his life.
I admit I was a bit harsh with some words. He became really silent and barely said a word to me for the rest of the night.
The next day he drove back to his parents and has been there since.
I’m wondering if I went too far and should have said it nicer?”
8. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Shower Before Going To Bed?
“So I (22F) have some pretty strict rules around my bed area. No. 1 is always showering before bed (not necessarily directly, just sometime between getting home and going to bed), and No. 2 is no outside clothes on the bed. Obviously, there is some wiggle room, but the general principle is don’t come home after a day of being at work and on public transport and god knows where else and then sprawl all over the bed in your clothes or get in bed without washing yourself.
Now I will admit that these standards are ones I inherited from my parents, who I’ve come to realize do have some pretty germaphobic tendencies so I know even these rules will seem too extreme for some people (they have some habits/rules that are too extreme even for me). Regardless, I need to be able to get in my bed at the end of the day and feel that I and the bed and anyone else in it are clean otherwise I won’t feel comfortable and able to fully relax.
I have communicated these to my partner of several months and said that they were pretty much nonnegotiable for me, and she’s seemed fine. But then last night we went out for drinks with a few friends and then came home to my place because it was closer. We got home at around 2 and I said I was going to go shower.
When I got out I told her she was free to go, but she didn’t shower, just washed her face and brushed her teeth, and when I asked her she said she was too tired & tipsy to shower and it was fine for one night. I was annoyed because she hadn’t showered before going to the bar either and the place had also been pretty warm and crowded, I’d felt pretty gross and sticky before showering.
I asked her if she couldn’t just take a quick rinse before bed, just like 5 minutes, and she said no. So I just got into bed with her but refused to cuddle and asked that we each stick to our side of the bed.
Today she was really annoyed and said I overreacted and I can’t be in a relationship and expect people to stick to my ‘ridiculous’ rules all the time, and the outside clothes rule is also stupid.
I’m annoyed because from my perspective I put up with it in the best way I could, and I’m the one who now has to change my sheets just because she couldn’t take a 5-minute shower, and I told her that she knew my rules and if she can’t stick to them then next time she should go home.
AITJ for having these rules?”
7. AITJ For Threatening To Sue My Cousin For Using My Photo For Her MLM Posts?
“I (f 64) have arthritis, primarily in my knees. I am very active and it was ruining my life.
Several years ago I was getting steroid injections as often as possible and was getting artificial synovial fluid injections multiple times a year. It wasn’t helping and I did not want to have surgery so I did a deep dive on the internet and really cleaned up my diet and added a few supplements and my symptoms all but disappeared. Needless to say, I am committed to staying with this so I don’t relapse.
My cousin (f 67) is a rep for a health products MLM (multilevel marketing). She has reached out with suggestions for a multitude of vitamins, protein shakes, health bars, etc. I was nice but told her what I was doing was working for me and I did not want to make any changes. She started calling me out in family social media groups saying ‘L just won’t give these wonderful products a try, they will change her life’.
Then she got nastier about how I was not supporting her business, etc. I researched her products and they are overpriced crap that I don’t want or need and full of sugar which is the main thing I have to stay away from.
So here is the icing on the cake: I recently won a small, local bodybuilding competition and my hubby/trainer posted a photo on social media.
Someone in the family shared it where Cuz can see it and I just found out that she is using the photo as a sales tool telling people my success is due to her products and they ‘cured’ my arthritis. Apparently, there is even a false testimonial under my name. I was so angry I called my attorney and had them send her a letter.
So some of my family understands my anger and some say I shouldn’t have threatened to sue her and since I don’t live near her it won’t hurt anything. So, AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Punishing My Son For Backing Up His Cousin's Lies?
“I (29M) am the father of 3 kids (10M, 4M, and 2M) with my wife (29F). My older sister, Claire (33F), has 3 sons as well (13M, 10M, and 5M), with a 4th son due next month.
My oldest son, Adrian, and my sister’s middle son, Edwin, are in the same class together. They just started the 5th grade last week. Adrian and Edwin have always been pretty close to each other as they share the same interests and I, my older sister, and our younger brother see each other all the time.
His 2 daughters are not school-age yet though.
Edwin and Adrian can be challenging kids, especially Edwin. Both of them are into pretty niche anime, stuff like Pokemon and gaming, etc. They both have trouble accepting some kids aren’t into their interests and got in trouble last year for that. They also both got in trouble for homophobic and sexist comments, which we are still working on with Adrian, and it’s been a struggle.
Claire’s oldest son, Blaze, is a sweet kid, but he has a very rocky relationship with Adrian and Edwin, and he just normally watches baseball videos by himself when the family hangs out if he isn’t at practice or with his friends.
On Friday, my wife and I got a call from Adrian and Edwin’s teacher, telling us she was concerned about stuff the boys were saying.
She said Edwin was saying Blaze was getting in trouble with the law and other concerning stuff about him. He also said his dad worked at Nintendo and said I worked for Tesla and that Adrian was going along with it and helping him elaborate on these stories. She was concerned as she had Blaze and remembered him as a sweet kid.
I told her everything was made up and she then told me some other stories they were saying and it was just lie after lie.
I talked to Adrian about it after he got home and he told me his teacher was lying and continued to make excuses. I told my son that until he told the truth, he would lose video game access, but he insisted he was telling the truth.
My wife was at a party for work when he came home, so I waited for her to come home again to confront him, but when I talked to her she told me Claire was telling her what happened according to Edwin and both had a detailed story about the teacher not liking them and lying about them and it seemed to match up.
I then asked one of my coworkers about this and told him to ask his son who’s also in the same class. His son told him Edwin and Adrian were ‘full of crap’ and that the teacher was telling the truth.
After this, I took my son’s devices (and even let him save the game he was playing), but he started crying claiming I was being too hard on him and when I asked my wife and sister about this, they seemed to agree.
I’m conflicted, I love Adrian and just want what’s best for him, and I’m worried that maybe I did go too far but Adrian and Edwin are sticking to their seemingly debunked stories.
5. AITJ For Telling A Guy At The Gym To Leave Me Alone?
“So I (20F) have been going to the gym for the past couple of months.
I don’t particularly need to as I’ve been slim my whole life, I just started going to get myself to be more active again. I don’t have a set routine, I just focus on cardio and weights here and there.
Yesterday, while I was on the treadmill, a guy started walking on the treadmill next to me, which I thought was a little odd since the gym wasn’t busy.
He tapped me on my shoulder and gestured for me to take my headphones off. When I took them off I asked him if something was wrong and he started to introduce himself and let me know that he had noticed me whenever I arrived at the gym, since he was usually there at the same time.
He started talking about how he’s been going to the gym for a while now so he knows a lot about nutrition, the machines at the gym, how to achieve a specific target when working out, etc. He said that he noticed that I don’t really have a set routine when I work out and talked about how I don’t designate days to one area of my body but instead just work on several parts of my body each time, not doing sets, not using specific machines and ended up just calling my workouts a sloppy mess and said that I need to have a workout plan to work on a different part of my body each time.
I let him know that I don’t take the gym seriously enough to want to create a plan, and I prefer to work on each part of my body in one session since I don’t have the time to go to the gym every day. After going back and forth between him telling me what I should do for a beach body and me repeating that I am perfectly okay with the way I do things, I ended up getting frustrated and told him to leave me alone, he looked really surprised at my reaction.
Looking back at the look on his face, I slightly feel like I overreacted, but I also feel like my reaction was justified.
I told my brothers about the encounter and they said I could’ve handled the situation better – so I asked them to put themselves in my shoes, what if a random person had come up to you in the gym and let you know every time they see you working out they analyze what you do and formulate a routine for you, then gave you unsolicited advice despite you repeating the fact that you’re comfortable with what you’re doing.
They still told me that I shouldn’t have gotten frustrated and simply heard him out. Now I’m just all around torn and don’t know if I overstepped with my reaction. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Family Anymore?
“I (39F) moved to Europe nearly eight years ago and got married (2015). I have a nice job and my wife (45F) and I live comfortably — one cat, and no kids.
Just the way we always wanted it…
It’s expensive to fly back home (Texas/Tennessee), but I’ve done it twice since. The plane ticket alone for my wife and me is up to 1,000€ EACH. Not to mention the cost of a hotel (something we choose for ourselves to have space), food, other misc.
My sister doesn’t work (stay-at-home mom) and had a baby in 2018 and we went to Texas to visit for two weeks. It was great because I became an aunt for the first time and got to see my sister who I hadn’t seen in several years at this point. My mom also flew in during this time from Tennessee.
I have always begged my sister or my mom to come visit me in Europe. I want to show them the life I’ve made for myself here, teach/show them the culture, and admittedly, just feel the excitement of having them travel to see me. They’ve always said things like, ‘One day it’ll happen.’
My sister’s excuse has always been that she has a young kid and can’t just make spontaneous plans and travel. My mom’s excuse is that she can’t handle an international flight. She does have flight anxiety, but somehow she manages the 2-3 flights to Texas a few times a year. (Keep in mind my sister didn’t have a baby the first few years I lived here.)
2023 comes and my sister had her second child in June. At this point, I doubt she will ever visit. My mom already made her yearly trip to Texas and could seemingly care less about what’s going on in my life. I’ve been here 8 years and my mother doesn’t even own a passport.
I’ve even encouraged her to get one at my own cost in the case of an emergency. She’s just not interested. My sister and her husband do have passports.
I’ve pulled back from my family because of this. It was planned that we fly to Texas next year to meet my second niece, but I’ve canceled that trip.
I’m tired of the effort being one-sided. It’s also incredibly expensive. Mostly my heart isn’t in it anymore because it honestly feels like I’ve been put on the back burner.
The only time we really chat now is when it’s about my sister’s kids. Our family chat is nothing else but a conversation about my sister’s family.
I throw a pic of my cat in there every now and then and the engagement is the bare minimum of a heart emoji.
My phone doesn’t ring as much anymore. My private texts go unanswered most times or the replies I do get seem mundane. I’ve stopped initiating communication from my end because what’s the point?
My wife thinks I need to approach it differently because I’m being a little selfish and unfair. She does understand my side and has expressed that, but she thinks canceling the trip next year is an overreaction. AITJ because I don’t want to go anymore?”
3. AITJ For Not Telling The Guy I'm Seeing Where I'm From?
“I (24F) went to an event last month in New York with friends. While I was there, I really hit it off with this guy named Nick (26M). He asked where I was from and if it was nearby, and I told him no, that I lived hours away in a different state, and told him which one.
He told me he had some friends that lived in that state and it was about an hour from my town. He eventually asked for my number and if he could take me out. I said yes.
After that, we texted pretty often. He was still really cool and fun to talk to. Last weekend he finally came into my state to see his buddies and took me out.
Everything was fine until we hit up a bar. There was a group of guys inside, and one of them spoke with a southern accent, specifically an accent sounding like it was from my birth state. Nick and I ended up next to the group at the bar while ordering drinks and I got the chance to speak to the guy.
Turns out I have a decent ear because he was from my birth state. We chat for a minute until my drink is out, and then I excuse myself and follow Nick across the room.
For some background, I was born in the South. I spent most of my life in a suffocating small town.
When I was 21, I leaped at the chance to move away and start over. I’ve never been happier. Even though I’ve only lived here for three years, I consider my time in the South to practically be a different lifetime altogether. I don’t like to talk about it much, but I do miss the good things.
I also never had a particularly heavy accent. People used to ask me all the time in high school if I’d transferred from up north or out west. After three years in NY, none of the locals ask me if I’m from the South anymore. It only really slips out if I talk to someone Southern.
Anyway, Nick went on to crack a joke about how I’m good at mimicking accents, and I asked him what he meant. He said I’d sounded just like that guy and I said sorry, I didn’t realize my old accent had slipped out. He asked what I meant and I told him that originally I’m from the South.
He starts getting mad at this point and asks why I never said that then accuses me of lying and wasting his time. We got into an argument about whether or not I lied (I didn’t) and I asked why it even mattered that I was born in the south. He told me he doesn’t ‘mess around with cowgirls’ and that he thought I’d dropped out of college because I had ‘real problems’ and not because I was ‘an undereducated redneck’.
He then told me to go hit up the guy at the bar because clearly I liked his company better and left me stranded at the bar with his tab to pay. It’s been a few days and I’m still floored. He’s blocked me on everything, so even if I wanted to talk to him about it or apologize or something, I can’t.
A couple of my friends think that he totally overreacted, but also agreed that I lied and in a way kind of led him on. I don’t know what to think. Am I the jerk?”
2. AITJ For Calling My Significant Other Spoiled?
“I met my significant other, Kate, a couple of years ago. We clicked immediately and shortly afterwards we started going out. We have a very good relationship overall, but there’s something that has been bugging me for a while: our economic status is too different.
Her family runs several stores, pubs, nightclubs, and a hotel. It’s not like she’s filthy rich, but she’s definitely upper-middle class.
I come from a far poorer background and my family always struggled to make ends meet during my childhood. Nowadays I have a job that pays below the average, but my life is pretty decent.
Rather than the different economic statuses though, what truly bothers me is how different our perspectives are.
Kate is almost like a full-time resident in the hotel, which means the hotel staff pretty much do everything for her: cooking, cleaning her room sometimes, etc… this drives me insane altogether. She has a house with no maids or staff, but she barely spends time there.
A couple of weeks ago we were talking and I told her she needed to stop relying on others so much. She asked what I meant and I told her I was really uncomfortable because she seemed too spoiled. She got mad and we started arguing. She didn’t see any problem in her behavior, while I told her she’d need to grow up because normal people do not have their food cooked just by snapping their fingers.
Things escalated and she asked what was my problem. It’s not like I have a problem, but I don’t believe you can be an actual adult if you don’t do anything by yourself. It’s lazy and immature, and in my opinion not that different from adults living with their parents while they refuse to do any household chores.
In the end, she called me a jerk and stormed off. We only talked a couple of times since this incident, but she told me she needed some time for herself to think if she wanted to continue our relationship. She didn’t reach out to me yet.
Was I the jerk or too out of line?”
1. AITJ For Trying To Discipline My Stepbrother?
So, my entire family is on vacation right now at a beach house my stepdad owns. This includes me (19F), my stepsister N (19F), my brother (17M), my other stepsister D (16F), my stepbrother J (11M), my stepdad (56M), my mum (54F), my stepdad’s brother S (53M), his wife (52F) and their three kids G (23M), X (20M) and M (15M).
We’re a lot of people so there’s always chaos.
So, my stepbrother is a really spoiled kid. This isn’t something I say out of jealousy or whatever, he’s just genuinely spoiled. He has tantrums whenever something doesn’t go his way, he likes to hoard things people need for himself and refuses to give them back (think bags or beach towels that aren’t his), and is rude to everyone, especially my mum.
As a result, he argues a lot with my mum, his dad, and his aunt and uncle. They sometimes yell at him, which is needed and understandable because his behavior is really bad. However, sometimes when he’s not behaving badly they tease him about things he’s done and laugh about them to his face.
They can act very immaturely, and it causes him to act out. Honestly, I don’t know how they expect him to not react.
Anyway, sometimes when he does things I calmly explain to him what he did wrong and how it made people feel, and usually it’s all good after that. Today this was happening and I took him aside and spoke to him and it was fine.
Later though, my mum and my step aunt came to me and said I had no business doing anything and they had it all under control.
It’s just that I feel bad for him. His dad never disciplines him, that’s why he’s so spoiled. The others just gang up on him and treat him like every word out of his mouth is a mistake.
No one is looking out for him and no one is explaining to him what he did wrong without being condescending, so I thought I’d try and do that.
I know it’s not my place since I’m not his parent or even his actual sibling but I can’t see him like that and not do anything.