People Whine About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
40. AITJ For Not Being Ready For A Relationship?
“My (32m) significant other passed away 5 years ago. We had been together since high school. Since then, I haven’t been with anyone or gotten into any relationship and I still have no interest in being with someone. I have a group of close friends from college that we still meet and hang out together from time to time.
So one time, a girl (lets call her Emily) came with us. I have met Emily a couple of times before that, she seemed a nice girl. But this time I noticed that my friends were really pushing things in a strange way.
They made comments about how I should start being with someone again, tried to leave me and her alone as much as possible. The whole thing made me uncomfortable. So I later asked them about this and they said that Emily told them that she liked me and would like to know me more.
They also said they are worried about me and that it had been 5 years now. I should start to at least open the door to a relationship again and try to move forward. I told them that I appreciate their worries but no I don’t want to be with someone and they shouldn’t give Emily any false hopes.
I also don’t want this setting me up thing to happen again and next time I won’t be nice about it.
So last week, Emily comes again and they try the same thing again. So I told her “I don’t know what they told you.
You are a nice and beautiful girl, but you shouldn’t waste your time on me because nothing is gonna come out of this. I am sorry but I have no interest in being with you”. She apologized, started to cry and left.
My friends called me a jerk for that. I told them that it was their fault that this happened. I already told them before to not to try this again. They said that if I continue like this, I will continue to be alone. They are just trying to help me. I told them “thank you but I am fine. I don’t want your advice or help.” So AITJ?”
39. AITJ For Not Paying For A Photographer?
“My husband and I got married about 4 months ago, and we had a photographer to take photos of us during the wedding and videos. We specifically asked her for a long wedding video, starting at my house, ending when the wedding ended.
She kept on saying (during the wedding) that she’ll give me the photos and videos within 1-2 weeks of the wedding. The wedding ended, we thanked her, and gave her the payment she asked for. (which was basically the price of a package including unlimited photos, videos, and 200 printed out photos)
For the upcoming 2 months, I’d hear a lousy amount of excuses as to why she will not be able to send me the photos, like her mother being at the hospital, she being at the hospital, her sister having an emergency and having to go to the hospital, her uncle passing away, so on so forth; all while she was posting stories on her private Instagram enjoying her day (she must’ve forgotten she has me on Instagram).
She sends me half the photos (outdoors), and one month later, she sends the other half (indoors) and let me tell you, I was furious. The indoor photos were blurred, photos of family, friends, all of them were blurred, and she didn’t have two good shots of my and my husband.
I still remained silent in fear that she will not send me the videos. Another 2 months of the same excuses, and at one point she told me to meet her at a specific day because she had a dentist appointment near where I live, but when I called her she refused to pick up, until maybe 8-9 PM.
She told me she was not able to pick up the phone because she was at the dentist’s, and when I asked why she couldn’t meet me up at the time we both agreed to, she contradicted herself by saying she’s been sick for 3 days, couldn’t get out of bed.
I got the videos yesterday, and it was only a 30 minute video, singular, with most of the sentimental moments missing, and the first 10 minutes of the video were at my house (pre-wedding), and the last 10 minutes were basically a compilation of all indoor photos.
I met her today, to take the printed out version of my photos, of which I paid for, but my husband told me to add 10 more unpaid photos, so she’ll have the motivation to get us the photos and get the additional payment.
I went on shouting at her, telling her how she lied to me, how she’s an unprofessional photographer and that she should’ve told me that her camera was out of focus because it’s broken (as she said to one of our friends at the wedding), and refused to give her the additional payment.
I even suggested she keeps the additional photos. She insisted I take them.
She made me wait 4 months to get blurred photos and a 30 minute video missing the most sentimental moments of the wedding.
I’m having second thoughts on giving her the price of these 10 photos, but I also feel like I shouldn’t.
AITJ for not paying her for the additional photos?”
38. AITJ For Choosing A Wedding Dress Similar To My Mother-In-Law's Wedding?
“I (26F) am getting married to my fiance (27M) later this year. His mother (52F) has never liked me, and the feeling is definitely mutual. She comes from a rich family, which means that she has been spoiled all her life, everyone has always catered to her whims, and she constantly makes herself to be the center of attention no matter what.
A few days ago, I was supposed to go shopping for my wedding dress with my mother, my sister and my aunt. But my fiance suggested that I could bring my future MIL as well, to help her feel more included.
I didn’t like it but I grudgingly agreed.
There, my family and I talked about many things, but MIL said nothing. Finally, I found a dress that I liked and showed it to the others. But then my MIL said that the dress I had picked looked too similar to the dress she had worn during her own wedding and that she didn’t want anyone to think that I had copied her, so I would have to choose another dress.
(Later on, my fiance did show me a picture of her wedding dress, and even though it had some similarities, I felt it had enough differences to tell them apart.) Everyone looked at her weird, and then I told her in a firm but polite tone that this is my wedding, and that only I get to choose the dress I want.
She went quiet and there were no more incidents after that.
The next day, I received a call from MIL’s daughter, my future SIL. As soon as I had picked up the phone, SIL started screaming that I had disrespected her mother and said very nasty things about me.
Eventually, I got tired of arguing and hang up. When my fiance came home, he was crying. Apparently MIL had told her whole family that I had excluded her from the whole process, that I rejected her suggestions, and even that I had been racist to her (she’s not white, BTW, everyone in my family is), which I found puzzling because I had never brought up race at any point.
As a result, everyone in her side of the family has decided not to come to the wedding. Which means most of my fiance’s family, except for his father and some relatives from his side. My fiance’s stepfather told him that he was choosing “some girl he was in a relationship with” over his own mother.
(There’s always been tension between MIL’s first and second husbands, but all of this has reopened old wounds.) Right now, there’s a huge disagreement on social media between my family and hers.
My fiance begged me to return my dress and apologize to his mother, even if just to keep the peace.
But the thing is, I don’t really want to. Aside from the fact that this is my wedding and my dress, I think it’s finally time that someone tells that spoiled woman that she can’t always get what she wants.
I’ve followed this sub for a while, and considering how many times the word “jerk” has been thrown around in the last few days, I figured that I might as well could post this here. So I’m asking, AITJ?”
37. AITJ For Hating My Father-In-Law?
“My husband and I finally bought our dream “house” a few years ago. It’s a really big estate with a few buildings dedicated for something (i.e: indoor hockey rink, and we rent these out to generate more income).
Before we tied the knot, husband and I agreed that we don’t want to put our parents in a retirement home.
Now for my father-in-law, he moved early this year. I hate it. He would come unannounced during breakfast and forces us (me, husband, and my 1yo twins) to eat his “healthier meal”. He then proceeds to complain how the eggs are salted too much (they aren’t), or how American foods are not good.
He would also talk in a VERY loud and rude manner when he sees my mother-in-law (they’re divorced) gardening. Like, he lives on the other side of the estate from her, and he would stroll over and rant. He then would police us on our free time: “at this time, we eat.” Or “wait for me to go swimming, we swim together” (he invites himself).
He would then make fun of my step-dad.
I’m so sick and tired of it. I can’t even walk around my house in peace. There’s always arguments in family gatherings because he talks and complains about my mother-in-law while she’s there (she walks away and ignores him).
He inserts himself while it’s my mother-in-law’s turn to hangout with the twins. AND worst, we can’t leave him unsupervised with the twins because he will start talking nonsense about my mother-in-law and telling the twins lies, while also treating them as if they’re in the military.
Lastly, he questions my husband and I’s parenting.
I finally sat down with my husband, and he agreed. He said he’s so exhausted and can’t even relax these past few months. And he has talked to his dad. But my father-in-law still won’t respect my husband even (you haven’t done anything amazing, why should I respect you? -Father-in-law to his own son).
Well, we gave my father-in-law notice, and there was a storm. Now he’s talking nonsense about how my mother-in-law and me are making my husband kick him out. And my brother-in-law is kicking up a fuss and guilt tripping my husband (he’s the only dad you have, he went through so much for you, he doesn’t have long, and etc.)
Well, no one budged with their nonsense.
Now they’re calling us jerks and ungrateful for kicking out an old man. He is also causing a scene on social media about us kicking him out despite all he did for us.
So are we the jerks for kicking him out?”
36. AITJ For Banning My Brother-In-Law From My House?
“Me (35F) and my husband (36M) have a lot going on right now. I’m 15 weeks pregnant with our first, and he just had knee surgery yesterday. We live in NYC but he is from the UK.
Last week, my brother in law (32M) decided to visit us for the first time.
He’s a failure to launch- never had a real job (unemployed now), lives at home, no significant other, games all night and sleeps all day- I could go on. When he arrived, he was the houseguest from the underworld- no thank yous when we picked him up or took him anywhere, always complaining, leaving clothes and trash spewing in the living room and bedroom (including used tissues by the bed which I can only speculate what’s in them), and embarrassed me at my job.
He gave my husband a panic attack- because his fear is when his parents are gone his brother will be our problem. Oh, and he said he wants to move to the US and would come back in August to live with us until he figures out what he wants to do (they are US citizens- my father is law is American) Didn’t ask just said it- our only spare room will be the babies room and we have no extra space, in NYC it’s shocking we have as much as we do.
When he left, it was early morning and he never said thanks, goodbye, or texted. That was the straw the broke the camels back and I wrote him a text saying I was really disappointed in how he treated us and until he changes his ways it’s best he not stay with us but I do want to build our relationship at a distance for now.
I wish my husband had said it but he’s not blunt and neither is his family.
Now my in laws are involved and upset with me. My British husbands culture is to be very passive and they were shocked how direct I was but won’t tell me this, only tell my husband when I’m not in earshot of video calls.
While my husband defended me, it’s left a strain where conversations are just awkward.
Now his parents are saying they want to stay with us for a few weeks to be here before and after the baby is born and I told my husband no.
I don’t mind at all if they stay in an Airbnb on our street or at a nearby hotel but we are cramped, about to be a new family of 3, and I just don’t want to play hostess- they are also messy but not as bad as my BIL.
My husband feels I’m asking them to spend money on lodging for no reason and wants to deal with it with more conversations because his mother is in denial that my BIL needs help, and is dragging his feet in having a conversation with them. AITJ if I set boundaries with where I am and am not comfortable with their staying here?”
35. AITJ For Telling My Dad To Back Off?
“I’ll start off by saying I (25 male) am from a DESI background and my dad (55 male) has a very traditional and cultural way of life for the most part. The problem is we have differing views in certain aspects, and we tend to butt heads.
During our most recent discussion we were talking about wedding planning as my sister (24f) and I plan to get married next year. I’m looking to get married during springtime and she’s looking for fall. Over a year ago our dad proposed we could get married in the same Banquet at the same time, and back then I felt it was a good idea, as did my sister.
I discussed this with my bride-to-be (24f) and she liked the idea as well at the time.
Well as we’ve been more proactively discussing our wedding for next year, my partner and I concluded that we want one huge event, instead of multiple large events.
I discussed this with my sister before bringing it up to my parents, and she said she’s fine with separating the events too since it works out with her as well seeing she wants multiple events during fall time. The biggest reason we combined the events is of course to save money but also to save time and energy for all our cousins, friends, family, extended family who would be attending.
This is also not unheard of as my parents, uncle and others in our community had done so as well in the past. I also decided I can cover the entire cost of the major event from the groom’s side since I changed our previous arrangement, and they could, save their money and contribute elsewhere like towards smaller house events or more towards my sister’s wedding if they wanted to.
I personally thought this was a good idea and confidently brought it up only to be hit with “This is what we’ve done in the past, this is what we’ll do now, and this is what we’ll do in the future” line from my dad.
The rest of conversation went a little like this:
Me: You don’t have to worry about financial contribution, and I’ll take care of it myself. We just want one big fun event.
Dad: Well that’s not how it works, and that’s not how it’s going to happen.
You two are combining your events and that’s the end. You’re only thinking of yourself, and I have to think of the family.
Me: Am I not a part of the family? Don’t I get a say in how I want my wedding to go?
Dad: If that’s what you want then you’ll have no financial support from us and you can do everything yourself.
I don’t care.
Me: I don’t care either, I don’t need your money or support anyways. You don’t care about the family, only yourself so don’t act like you care, etc etc.
A few more choice words were said, and he just remained silent towards the end and hasn’t talked to me since.
I feel bad for saying what I said, seeing that he was willing to pay for the wedding events had they been combined, and he does genuinely try to help, but for whatever reason I heard the classic “It doesn’t matter what you think” line and just told him off.
So AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother Any Inheritance?
“My dad recently passed, he has two kids myself (F29) and my brother (M28) but no other family.
My dad and I have always been very close. I call him most evenings for a chat and I try to see him once a week for a coffee despite it being a 1h drive to his house.
Point is, I make an effort because I choose to as he is my dad and I love him.
On the other hand, my brother makes no effort despite living and working in the same town as him and being less than 10 minutes away.
He also never calls dad nor makes any effort to spend time with him. Before he passed he called dad to go out for a drink with him and then stood him up. It broke my heart.
To the issue… My dad has basically left everything to me in his will.
The house, car, all worldly possessions.
He did tell me this a few years ago and I had always been hoping the relationship between him and my brother improved so he was then on the will, but it did not.
My brother was expecting 50% of everything but upon seeing the will he is angry and very upset.
He asked if I was going to give him anything and I said I’d have a think but I really don’t want to?
My brother and I have never been particularly close and I don’t want this to become an issue on the rare occasions we are at the same family function.
My mom and rest of her side of the family think I should split it but I feel like splitting it despite my dad actively not having him in the will kind of rewards or allows his behaviour of essentially only speaking to people when it suits him.
Am I the jerk for not wanting to split the inheritance?”
33. AITJ For Not Letting My Best Friend Be My Maid Of Honour?
“I (F25) am getting married to my fiancée (M25) and have been seeing each other since middle school. To tell all my friends that were going to be in my wedding, I invited them to our house and went in our party barn.
As I was handing out little boxes with their names and “bridesmaid” written on it, I noticed my best friend’s (who I will call Olivia) face lookup at me in disgust. I didn’t want to cause a scene so I ignored it and continued with the party.
Once everyone left Olivia said “what the actual heck? I’ve been by your side since you guys started seeing each other and I’m not even your maid of honor!?” I told her that I wanted my sister to be the maid of honor.
She told me the maid of honour was supposed to be someone to make the event more fun, which my sister couldn’t do. I told her not only was it selfish to say that but also since she knew what she was going through.
Side note: my sister was in a car accident and while she was in the hospital I told her about me getting married and she flipped and was even more ecstatic when I asked her to be my maid of honor.
She was so excited.
I was originally going to have her and Olivia do it but once I brought that up she said she knew Olivia was going to be the one to do everything so she might as well not be one.
I told her I would then let her be the only one as she’s never been in a wedding before. Olivia is well aware of this. At the wedding (I am catholic so it was in a church)
Olivia shows up in a dress that she had not informed me she was wearing.
Since I was getting married in a church I asked bridesmaids to wear an appropriate dress but one they still loved. Olivia showed me a totally different dress than the one she was wearing. I had just walked out of the room in my wedding dress to show them and then I noticed her dress.
I asked her to please change since it is very inappropriate. She glared at me and then asked if I was worried she was going to outshine me. I then pulled her over and told her she’s not going to ruin my day and she can sit with the other guests. She had a fit and stormed out. Her mom came over to me and said they will not be watching the ceremony and left. So, AITJ?”
32. AITJ For Telling My Sister Her Baby Names Are Silly?
“I’m the youngest of three siblings. There’s me (34M), my sister Katie (35F), and my brother Ian (38M).
Out of the three of us, Katie is the one who “made it” (her words). She attended Yale law school and is engaged to a neurosurgeon (Daniel) who attended Stanford medical school.
Over the years, it’s become clear that Katie looks down on me and Ian because we aren’t as ambitious/successful/credentialed as she is. Katie has expressed her astonishment that the family business is profitable even though someone who got C’s in high school and never went to college (aka me) has been running the day-to-day operations for 10+ years.
Katie also once told Ian to his face that he “wasted his potential” (context: Ian was the valedictorian of his high school class, just like Katie) by dropping out of college to help Mom run the family business after Dad passed away.
Katie and Daniel recently posted that Katie is pregnant with twin boys, and their names would be Stanford and Yale. I commented “Congratulations!” but later I texted her to say that it wasn’t right to give the boys ridiculous names that would put them under immense pressure to succeed from a very young age.
I also asked her about what would happen if one or both of them weren’t as successful/perfect as she hoped.
Kate didn’t like the points that I made. She texted back “I wasn’t asking for opinions, especially from someone like you. Consider yourself uninvited from our wedding until you sincerely apologize.” TBH, I was already leaning towards not attending due to Katie’s condescending attitude towards me, but the “someone like you” comment sealed the deal. I told Ian what happened, but he said that I should’ve kept my thoughts to myself.”
31. AITJ For Lashing Out About My Cooking?
“I (36F) was diagnosed with celiac disease when I was 8, years before gluten became a well known word. It was a huge adjustment for me and my family back then and it was certainly difficult but it’s just second nature to me now and also it’s all over easier these days.
My brother Adam and his fiancee Amy came to visit me and my husband for a week recently. We live on opposite coasts; I’ve met Amy several times but this was the most time I’ve ever spent with her. About a month before their visit, Adam told me Amy had been “diagnosed” with celiac (I’m putting diagnosed in quotes because they apparently went to a naturopath who diagnosed her after simply discussing her symptoms for a bit but whatever…).
He was talking about how nice it would be for her to not worry at all about food on her visit because our home is almost entirely gluten free, save for my husband’s cookie stash and I agreed, it’s not even an accommodation I need to make; it’s just my life.
Amy, on the other hand, felt differently when she arrived. It was a miserable visit when it came to food. She treated anything I cooked as suspect and felt the need to lecture me on cross contamination constantly. I’d say “I used tamari in the stirfry” and she’d say, “I can’t eat this, soy sauce has gluten”.
This was multiple items that I would explicitly explain how I made them and she’d respond as if I couldn’t possibly get it. I understand being cautious and I always am too but I felt like screaming “I also enjoy not being sick!”.
It’s been almost 30 years, I’m probably the most well versed person on gluten that’s she’s ever encountered outside of a doctor. I didn’t even care if she even ate the food at that point, I was just so frustrated by being treated like I didn’t understand my own disease.
No matter how many times I had tried to reassure her that my oven has literally never had gluten in it, the response was always condescending and suspicious
On the second to last night, I was slicing veggies for dinner and she came in and told me “wooden cutting boards hold gluten” and I said “then don’t freaking eat it”.
I really did not mean to say it, I had reached a boiling point and it just came out. Amy got really upset because I was rude to her and it became a big argument between all 4 of us with my brother yelling at me that I should, of all people, understand how overwhelming and stressful it was at first and to be more understanding.
But I just wanted to not be treated like an idiot about something that also affects me. My husband defended me, Amy called me a rude female and my brother didn’t stop her at all.
They avoided us on the last day and they’re back home now.
It’s been almost a week since they left and I got a long text message from Adam today about me needing to apologize to Amy or I won’t be invited to the wedding and that my behavior was “unbelievable”. I don’t really feel like I was in the wrong still but maybe yall will feel differently.”
30. AITJ For Enjoying Vacation Time With My Mom?
“My parents have been divorced since I (16m) was a baby. The divorce was pretty high conflict and they have never been the kind of people who stayed in each other’s lives outside of me. I have been told repeatedly there was no dishonesty but my mom has admitted to me in recent years that she did not like how dad treated her at the end of their marriage.
But she said that did not mean it needed to come between me and him. It just meant she would never be capable of being friends with him or forming a makeshift wider family with all of us.
My dad got married for the second time when I was like 5.
His wife and him have had an awkward relationship. They are sort of open but in the past were also kinda on and off. So they have kids with other people and each other from the last 11 years.
The dynamic has meant they don’t have a lot.
Of us all I am the most financially secure because mom has always taken good care of me and she can afford things my dad can’t. We have vacationed every year except for 2020 and 2021. Sometimes we even go twice a year.
I have been all over the world with my mom. Dad could never afford a vacation. I also get new clothes whenever I need/want something new while they have to share a lot of hand me downs and thrift store buys.
I get more gifts at Christmas every year and better gifts. They mostly get practical stuff while I get fun stuff. When I turned 16 my mom bought me a nice, but second hand, car. None of the others are that age yet by my dad and his wife won’t be able to afford it.
So with vacations. My mom has always asked me where I’d like to go. Normally my first choice has won out but not always. But I always go for fun places. This is something dad pointed out a lot in the last couple of years.
He said it was all stuff a lot of kids would like and I was like yeah, because mom gives me input in the decision of where. Dad was like, so you request these places and I’m like yeah.
Mom and I got back from vacation last week and when I went to my dad’s he was upset.
He said I am selfish and cruel to request these vacations when I know the other kids would love to go to all these places and he accused me of intentionally choosing places they will never be able to go just to be a jerk to them.
I said no. But I won’t lie about where I want to go to spare their feelings. He said I should. That I should love and care about them enough not to let them miss out like that. I told him it wasn’t my problem.
AITJ?”
29. WIBTJ For Warning My Wife About Her Family?
“I feel like my wife is being taken advantage of by her sister and I would like to let her know but not sure if I would be overstepping my bounds since it is her finances with her family.
My wife and I have been living in the same town as her father for the last 5 years.
We are a quick 15 minute drive away, her father lives in their childhood home and we rent an apartment nearby. My wife’s sister has been in the same situation living in the same town as us and their father but also renting an apartment nearby
Most recently due to rising rents and the welcoming of a baby into their family, her sister, sister’s husband and sister’s newborn moved back into dad’s home to save money on rent.
As part of this move-in, wife and sister had to clear out their old childhood stuff and clean the place. My wife cleared out whatever belonged to her but her also sister got professional cleaners to deep clean the place before her family moved it.
Afterwards, she Venmo requested my wife for half of the cost of cleaners. This had already rubbed me the wrong way, I don’t think my wife should be obligated to pay for anything that supports her sister’s family to move in.
If anything, her sister is reaping the benefits of free/subsidized rent so her sister should be the one to pay for all out it if she wanted to get the place cleaned professionally. Anyway, since this was a one time thing, I only briefly mentioned my opinion to my wife but did not push it further
Now her sister and her family have been living there a few months now.
Her sister called a tree trimmer to cut overgrown hedges and then also venmo requested my wife to split the cost. My wife agreed to it. This time I didn’t say anything at all to my wife but I can’t help but feel she is being taken advantage of.
Prior to her family moving in, her sister had never contributed to any maintenance expenses for their dad’s place. However, now that she resides there and the need for repairs arises in order to keep the place functioning to support her family, she suddenly insists on splitting the cost with my wife.
This leads me to believe that her sister’s intentions are not genuinely driven by helping their father but rather to make the place more comfortable for her own family, and attempting to offset those expenses by involving my wife, who has no involvement in it whatsoever.
My wife and I have separate bank accounts but also a joint account where we contribute equally and use it for common expenses and contribute to common savings (emergency fund, future child college fund, house fund). With separate accounts, my wife and I obviously have the flexibility/freedom to spend our own money but it also impacts how much she can contribute to our joint account if she is spending it on things like supporting her sister’s family when she doesn’t need to. WIBTJ if I gave my opinion on my wife’s sharing of finances with her family and telling her that I think she is being taken advantage of?”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Mother Anymore?
“My (16m) mom has me every other week and has extremely strict and unreasonable rules for me so I convinced my dad to go to court to sue for full custody and succeeded. My mom’s rules completely invalidated my privacy and degraded my mental health.
Every week she would look through every one of my messages to friends then ground me for anything bad I said like cursing or even crude jokes I make with my friends. I also wasn’t allowed to text girls for any reason, even if it was to ask for help with a group project because “I could get closer with her.” It got to the point where I just left my phone at my dad’s but even then she would still ground me for not bringing it.
She would never let me see or talk to my friends since I was grounded every time I came over there. Not being able to talk to anyone every other week really got to me. I started having depressive episodes which would be chalked down to teen drama by my mom.
Eventually I asked my dad if there was any way he could have full custody and after a bit of convincing he agreed to get a lawyer to try to sue for full custody. After he won my mom started leaving us voice texts with her in tears which is making me wonder if I went too far, so AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Having Rules At My Wedding?
“I (23F) am marrying my soulmate (23M) in about 3 weeks.
First of all, he paid for everything. Everything is already paid for and planned out. Him and my dad get along really well and went golfing yesterday, so I went with him to my parents and stayed at the house to hang out with my mom.
That’s when she was asking about catering and all that. She was excited until she asked “is there going to be an open bar?” And I said “no, there is no drinking” And she said that’s stupid and then said she’ll just bring a flask and I said absolutely not, and I don’t want any spirits there.
She then said her and “everyone else” will meet at her house and then drink before showing up.
I know how crazy this sounds and it was just me countering what she said, but I said “Ok, I’ll make sure everyone is breathilized before coming in.” And she said “then it’ll be a very sad wedding” and I said “it’ll be just me, (husbands name), and (our sons name) that sounds lovely!” And she said “I hope that’s what you want, because I won’t be going”
My dad and (soon to be) husband took my parents’ car so I took ours and our son and I went home and cried.
She even had the nerve to text me and told me to find a new babysitter, because they were supposed to babysit our son for a week during a honeymoon. She texted me about how she’s going to bring substances and I can’t tell her no because that’s her “medicine”, but I reminded her I can tell her whatever I want because it’s my wedding, then said no.
And she said “definitely not going now”
I haven’t talked to dad or fiancé yet. And no, I do not smoke or drink. Neither of us do. Never have never will, I just don’t see the point, however, as far as the wedding decision, It’s pretty small and it’s only our closest friends and family. I wanted everyone to be there in the moment and not intoxicated, but apparently that’s too boring for my mom and she’d rather be intoxicated and high at home than come to my wedding.”
26. WIBTJ For Cancelling My Daughter's Party?
“For my daughter’s 15th birthday, my spouse and I paid for her to take some of her friends out to a restaurant for dinner. During this dinner/party, my daughter got into an argument with one of her friends (15F). Apparently my daughter was upset that this friend gave her a cheap gift bought from a thrift store.
According to her best friend(15F), who told us what happened, my daughter seemed to like the gift at first and asked her friend where she bought it from. When the girl admitted it was from a thrift store, that is when my daughter lost it and called her names like cheap, beggar and other classist insults.
Now it is well known that this friend’s family is not well off, but I know that she is a sweet girl who did her best to get my daughter a gift with her meagre allowance.
My spouse and I confronted our daughter about it and she admitted she insulted her friend.
She went on to insult her further by saying things like – this is probably the only way she gets to eat at a restaurant so she should be grateful and give a decent gift. I don’t know where my daughter learnt such entitlement, but she did not learn it at home.
Even her best friend was uncomfortable by her behavior.
We immediately took away all her gifts and donated them. We also told her that unless she apologizes to this girl in front of everyone who was present at the party, we will not be sponsoring any more of her birthdays.
My daughter never apologized, and over time, the girl drifted apart from the friend group. My daughter’s 16th birthday is coming up next month and she has started talking about what kind of party she wants. I reminded her of our promise that we would not fund any more birthday parties until she has apologized for her behavior at her previous party.
Daughter is saying it’s been a year and the girl is no longer her friend anyway. She said her best friend is getting a sweet16 party (not a thing in my culture) and how will it look if she doesn’t get one? We told her she still has a month to apologize, but she is not planning to do it because she thinks we’ll cave.
My in-laws are offering to pay for her party, but we have forbidden them from doing that. Daughter and both sets of grandparents are telling us that we are being too harsh and ruining her social life.
WIBTJ If we don’t give her a birthday party this year?”
25. AITJ For Telling My Sister How To Parent?
“My sister likes to hold her baby boy in her arms instead of the car seat she puts in my car, especially if the baby is crying.
She gets a bit defensive when I criticize her parenting habits. She is my younger sister by 8 years, she is 23.
I’m her older brother, The baby is 1.5 months old.
She is of the opinion that I should always trust her judgment and not ever give her a hard time about any of her parenting choices.
In the past we’ve disagreed about similar topics where she thought it was okay to drink a tiny bit when she was pregnant.
She told me she only did it once and she heard from multiple friends it was okay. I gave her a really hard time about it, sent her a bunch of text asking her to promise she wouldn’t, called her asking her to promise, and I told her I wouldn’t hang out with her again if she did that, and she got mad at me and didn’t talk to me for a week.
A couple times when I first met the baby in person I told her I’m not comfortable with the baby not being in a car seat. When she disagreed, I didn’t push the issue. I let her hold the baby not in the car seat and in her arms while I was driving.
The second time I brought it up, and politely said I’d rather him be in the car seat and then told her she can do her thing I promised I wouldn’t say anything again to keep the peace. Mid drive I changed my mind because I thought more about it and I brought it up again.
Eventually she put the baby back in the car seat.
Now I’m making an official car rule that if the car is moving, the baby needs to be in a car seat.
Not only am I doing this for the safety of my nephew, but also for my own mental health, because if the baby dies in a crash, and I knew I could have prevented it if I had just been a bit more stern, my mental health could be ruined for the rest of my life.
I think that this is more than fair.
I might be the jerk because I went back on saying I wouldn’t bring it up again. I also might be a jerk because I’m pushing my opinion on her too aggressively.
Should I be more lax about this, AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad To My Graduation?
“I (22F) have just finished my undergraduate degree and will be graduating later on this year. I am able to invite 3 guests to the ceremony. The people who I want to invite to my graduation are people who have been present and supportive throughout my degree and my dad is not one of them.
For some backstory, my parents got divorced when I was 17, my dad has been pretty much absent since then, only calling every couple of months and we see each other once maybe twice a year. My dad had been pretty emotionally and physically absent from my life since my early teens.
On my prom night, he took himself off for a couple of days to visit a friend, he did not attend any school-related events during my teenage years and has hardly been interested in my progress at university. So I feel that just because he’s my dad, doesn’t automatically mean he should get the invite.
Not to mention that my dad’s behaviour towards myself and my mum (52F) has been pretty awful at times. I won’t go into it in too much detail, but he was constantly losing his temper and shouting, being completely selfish and gaslighting and lying to us.
He also refuses to admit to this or take any accountability for his behaviour. I don’t completely blame my dad for his behaviour as he had a very difficult childhood and young adulthood himself, but from my perspective it feels like he wanted the family life but without any of the emotional, financial and physical responsibilities that came with it and at times he was just so cruel.
My mum met her now fiancé (55M) a couple years ago. I’ll admit I was hostile at first because of what I had been through but I can honestly say that he has shown more love to me that I have ever felt from my own dad and has been hugely supportive of me and my studies since I have known him.
For this reason, I would much rather him attend my graduation, along with my mum and my best friend. But I can’t help but worry about whether I’m being unfair by not inviting my dad and what my dad’s reaction will be if he asks about my graduation and I have to tell him that I’ve chosen to invite others over him.
So am I the jerk?”
23. AITJ For Going Out With My Sister And Her Friends?
“So I’m 29F and my husband recently went out of town for a couple weeks for work and to see a friend. That left me by myself. I decided to spend the long weekend with my parents since I didn’t want to be alone in the house.
My sister is 22F and is staying with them as she looks for an apartment.
My sister mentioned her friends were in town and they were going out to dinner. I offered to chauffeur since there aren’t a lot of Ubers in the area and I had nothing else to do at home.
I chatted with them in the car (it was nice to talk to some new people) and when we got to the restaurant the friends invited me to join. I was happy to be asked and went along.
My sister didn’t seem to have an issue at the time, but after the dinner and we went home, she told me I should’ve said no, that they were just being nice.
I’m a bit socially awkward and don’t really have friends so honestly I didn’t pick up on this. I told her that if she didn’t want me to accompany, she could’ve said something. She told me I “third wheeled” with her and friends she hasn’t seen for a while.
I feel bad, but I don’t think I’m the jerk here entirely. AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister Or My Parents?
“I have an autistic older sister, 37, Annie, who has never had a job and lives with my parents. She has no personal skills and an extremely low EQ. She has frightening meltdowns that have placed her on court-ordered holds several times, and two times while she was in college.
She attended this local college for about 10 years to finish her bachelor’s degree in art. It was split up between an associate and a bachelor. She struggled and had breakdowns but my parents kept encouraging her. She graduated while the student loans were on hold and can’t find a job with her art degree and her personal skills.
She once had a major meltdown during an interview and my mom had to come get her from the hospital because the police were called. She’s a bigger girl so it can be intimidating for people if she has one. My mom tried to sue the employer and is always getting a lawyer for my sister for her actions or for discrimination because of her actions.
Now that there’s no forgiveness for student loans and my sister hardly gets enough disability to cover everything, my parents found out she’s in around 6 figures of student loan debt which they co-signed for.
It’s a massive debt that can’t be written off and my parents said they only filed paperwork like once or twice for my sister and didn’t even realize what was going on.
I told my mom maybe she shouldn’t have encouraged my disabled sister to get her Art degree. My mom is the type that posted the whole time about my sister going to college and living her dream on the spectrum. My sister repeatedly had to retake courses, had specialized requirements and private tutoring.
My mom is now publicly criticizing the university for doing this but I feel like my parents are to blame for basically giving my sister a blank check and acting like it was inspirational. My parents asked me to help out financially with my sister and I said no.
They tried asking me what’s going to happen to her when they pass away because she’s in so much debt and I said you should have thought about that because she’s not living with me and I’m not even going to take care of her. My family thinks I’m awful but I feel like everyone is irresponsible for even pushing my sister to be inspirational and forcing her into a life long debt that she’ll never pay back.”
21. AITJ For Ruining A Girl's Birthday Party?
“My daughter, who is 9 years old, goes to a small school with 11 girls in her grade. Her class is very close-knit and we all get along well. About a year ago, the girls started a book club and they meet up at different homes twice a month.
My daughter was part of it last summer, but we had to stop when the school year began because she is a competitive dancer and it requires a lot of time.
Fast forward to three weeks ago, when we had a girl from her class named Sarah over.
Sarah asked my daughter if she was excited to attend Addy’s (another girl in the class) birthday party. She mentioned that it was going to be a swimming party with a movie playing on an outdoor screen. My daughter hadn’t received an invitation.
When Sarah’s mom came, Sarah told her how we hadn’t received an invite for Addy’s birthday.
Sarah’s mom said that Addy had handed out the invitations at the last book club and had probably just forgotten to reach out to us. She suggested that I text Addy’s mom.
At first, I was hesitant because I have strong feelings about inviting oneself to things. I couldn’t see a real reason why my daughter wasn’t invited, especially since it was an at-home party and every other girl was invited.
I texted Addy’s mom and reminded her that my daughter hadn’t been at the last book club and asked if she was supposed to receive an invitation as well.
She responded that they had hired someone to do a spa for the girls during the party, and the service had a limit of 10, so they decided to only invite the girls in the book club. She didn’t expect us to find out.
I responded that I understood, but I felt it was wrong to exclude just one child. I told my daughter that we can’t expect to be invited every time and that this was just a life lesson.
Sarah’s mom reached out to ask if I had sorted it out.
I sent her a screenshot of the conversation. She didn’t respond for a few days, but when she did, she told me that she had decided Sarah wouldn’t attend. She felt it was wrong to exclude just one child, especially since our kids didn’t have any issues or drama between them.
They had hired someone knowing that one girl would be left out, and she didn’t agree with it.
A week later, I received a text from Addy’s mom saying that a total of four girls were not attending. She felt that I had ruined her daughter’s party and created unnecessary drama.
I explained that I had no intentions of ruining the party and had only spoken to one other mom about it.
I talked to my own mom about it, and she agreed that I should not have texted Addy’s mom. She said that if they had wanted us to be there, we would have been invited.
The only mom I talked to about it was Sarah’s mom, and I assume she must have told others. I never meant to cause others to not attend or ruin a child’s party. When I reached out, I genuinely felt like it must have been a mistake since my daughter was the only one not invited. Now I’m unsure if I was just being inconsiderate and caused unnecessary drama in our small group, possibly ruining a child’s party.
So, was I the jerk?”
20. AITJ For Ditching A Family Holiday?
“My mum has been debating whether to extend our (me 27F, brothers 23m, 25m and her 59f) trip to the North into a long weekend away to a destination she has wanted to visit for a long time. All my siblings have a strained relationship with our mum as she was emotionally abusive and continues to lack basic respect and empathy.
We are going up for my brothers graduation for which I booked trains three months ago. The trip is not linked to graduation celebrations.
Three weeks prior to the event, she decided she wanted to go and asked me to do the admin eg find accommodation and book trains with a specified budget.
She didn’t want to ask my brothers as they are studying at uni and cannot do it herself due to weaponised incompetence (eg cannot use computers so that I have to do everything for her. She does not ask my brothers as much).
I was feeling burnt out from lots of other life admin on at the time eg new job security checks, visa applications so I asked my brothers to help anyway who helped book part of the trip.
When I tried to amend train reservations, the company told me I cannot change only refund.
New trains were really expensive because of the journey would be so soon (UK train system). She kept ignoring me and telling me to amend the tickets because ‘you should be able to’. She then sent me scam train websites for cheap tickets to tell me I was wrong.
I got frustrated and delegated to a brother no.2.
Out of the blue, she messaged me to tell me that my brothers work harder than me and that I’m a bad person because my dad (long divorced from mum) supported me through university whereas he didn’t for my brothers.
She also demanded that she gets free holidays from me as she has paid for holidays for me in my life (and thinks I take my friends on holiday when I have not as I make average London wage). Although I recognise I got lucky in this regard, I felt it was unrelated to the task and saw it as an insight into why me and her have a bad relationship.
I took it to mean that she resents me for having a relationship with my father and for making more than her who is on minimum wage.
I pulled out of the trip and she consequently cancelled.
I feel bad because I have cost my brothers a trip and my mum is now not going to the destination she has wanted to visit for a long time. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Making My Husband Apologize?
“My husband and I live in a rent to own home, owned by his sister. It’s on the lot next door to hers (was her father’s, she inherited it 2 years- we moved in almost immediately following her inheriting it). My husband handled the legalities of it so I’m unsure if she has any ground to stand on but that’s admittedly not my concern right now.
Basically, my husband and my SILs husband (47) had a massive falling out 2 weeks ago and I honestly don’t think it’s an issue that can be mended. Our son (7) has ASD and has a hard time regulating his emotions and SILs husband lost it on our kid following our son throwing a tantrum.
My husband is still very much livid and I truly don’t foresee it going away, due to the nature in which his BIL lost it. To a point where under no circumstances are our children allowed there and under no circumstances is their kid or them allowed here.
Which I 100% respect and back my husband on, through and through.
Well, my SIL waited until my husband left for work this morning to come knock on the door and speak to me about it because she said “us women are more level headed than the men are”.
She basically stated that if my husband doesn’t forgive her husband than we cannot live on the property anymore. She said she didn’t want bad blood, so my husband had to be the one to essentially apologize and forgive because “anyone who has a problem with my husband has a problem with me” and “it’s hurting me that all of this is happening”.
Now.. not once did THEY give any sort of apology for the way her husband acted toward a disabled 7yo. In fact, when she told her husband to apologize, he said made a mean joke. So I basically told her I didn’t care how it made her feel and that maybe they should get their heads out of their selfish asses to see how we as parents and our 7yo feels. My MIL said I was out of line because SIL was trying to mend what is broken to keep the peace and possibly keep our home.”
18. AITJ For Asking Someone To Leave My Party?
“My partner and I had a housewarming party recently and invited some friends over. We’re pretty open to anyone when it comes to friends and we would expect the ones we know to bring people of good character, etc.
Anyway, one of our friends, who I have to say I’m a little disappointed in, brought a guy we’d never met.
He seemed pretty nice and was polite enough. I was kinda busy being a good host, which I pride myself on (which is why I didn’t even like doing what I had to do), when a close trusted friend came up and told me that he knew that person and they had ruthlessly bullied them in high school.
Now we’re all nearly 40 in age as a friend group, so it was many years ago, but it was clear that my friend was very uncomfortable and wasn’t able to enjoy himself. And he didn’t ask me to ask that person to leave.
I chose to and also, didn’t ask my partner, which might be where I was the jerk. But I did go up to him and asked if I could talk to him and the person who brought them privately, they agreed.
I pretty much said that one of my guests was uncomfortable with your presence and I want them to be here, and I don’t know you, so I’m gonna have to ask you to leave. Obviously they were unhappy, especially the person we knew, but I had to stand firm and I was apologetic, but made it clear this wasn’t really a request.
They did leave, and my partner was pretty upset since the person was more their friend. And I’m being told I’m a jerk, but I’m also not gonna reveal why as I don’t wanna put my friend who was bullied on blast, so I’m just asking people to trust me that it was for the best.
Yes, I told my partner after everyone left.”
17. AITJ For Giving My Twins Separate Parties?
“I’m the mother of identical twin girls, Allison and Jade. I’m also a fraternal twin. My girls are turning 10 in 3 weeks and I’m planning 3 separate parties on 3 separate days because the girls want to do something different.
Allison wants to go to see a cinema movie with her best friend. Jade has no interest and wants to go to the zoo, she’s also going to choose a friend to come along. Allison is afraid of a lot of zoo animals, so it wouldn’t be fair to bring her.
In between the two days, we’re going to do a birthday party with family and cake. I don’t see this as a bad thing, the girls are getting older and have two separate personalities and interests. Both girls are pretty introverted and have limited but tight nit social circles, some are shared and some separate.
My parents and their older sister don’t think this is fair. The twins are essentially getting two parties each, whereas my eldest (19) only got one day to herself for her birthdays. She has a large social circle and always had big birthday parties before she became a teenager, which turned into shopping trips. My parents say the twins only have one birthday so it should only be celebrated once and agree with my daughter, that it seems like I’m playing favourites. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Ruining My Partners Dishes?
“So my (25 F) partner (27 M) got in a disagreement the other day over washing knives. I know it sounds silly, but hear me out because I feel like I’m going crazy.
My partner, Jordan, has a collection of very high quality kitchen knives (or he says they are.
They just look like knives to me) that he spends a lot of time taking care of. He sharpens them regularly, rubs them on leather almost every day, and keeps them in a felt lined knife block. He doesn’t like me using them, because he doesn’t want them to get damaged.
So I don’t, I just use regular kitchen knives that I’ve had for forever. Jordan also refuses to let his knives go through the dish washer to avoid rusting or damage, while I put mine in a cutlery tray at the top of the dish washer that’s there for just that purpose.
Now, I hate cleaning, deeply, but I hate living in a messy space even more. In terms of the kitchen, this means that I throw every dish in the dish washer once I’ve scraped any scraps off and run it, then wipe down everything.
We don’t have any cast iron or anything that can’t go through the dish washer, except for Jordan’s knives.
I went to stay with my parents for a few weeks last month because they were both having health issues and needed someone to cook, run them to the doctors, take care of the dogs, etc, and my brother couldn’t.
I’ll admit, I didn’t leave the apartment looking perfect. There were a few dishes in the sink, and I had a project on a TV table by the couch. I was only supposed to be gone for a few days, but I kept having to stay longer.
But when I got back yesterday, the kitchen was a war zone.
I ran the dish washer with everything I could, soaked the rest, cleaned everything up, ran a load of what had been soaked and so on. I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing, I just loaded and hit start.
I ended up loading the knives in with mine. After starting the last load, I went to bed.
Jordan came back from work, and saw that some of his knives were missing. He found them in the dish washer and brought them into the bedroom to wake me up and show me spots on his knives.
I told him they’ll wipe off with a towel, it happens sometimes. He yelled at me for running the knives through the dish washer at all when I know better. I should have just told him that I wasn’t paying attention, but instead I told him that if he wasn’t lazy and did his own dishes it wouldn’t have been a problem.
He told me that he had run a load of dishes before he went to work, told me I was a jerk for ruining his property, and then left to go try to save his knives.
I had to go to work this morning, and I haven’t seen Jordan since last night. I feel like I should apologize, but I meant what I said. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Not Saving A Spot In Line?
“I (26F) attended a concert recently with a friend (24F) of mine, the kind of artist who is really popular online and has fans, but isn’t booking very large venues yet. The concert we were at was in the basement of a local bar and was standing room only.
It was quite crowded for such a small space.
While we were waiting for the opener a couple of younger girls (maybe in high school? I can never tell lol) in front of us walked away and were talking about getting a ride share.
My friend and I stepped forward into their spots, happy to be a couple feet closer to the stage.
About 20 minutes later as the show is finally starting the girls return, and we heard them arguing with others behind us to “let them back to their spot”.
When they came up behind us one of them yelled in my ear to move, and the other lightly shoved my friend. I told them this wasn’t their spot and tried explaining that they left their spot in the crowd, it’s fair game.
They got upset, yelling at the both of us, but thankfully the crowd around us agreed and told them to move along. They stormed off and called us many names before going.
Despite the crowd agreeing with us, friends we talked to after the concert have said we were in the wrong for not taking into account that these girls were young and might not have understood they might not get their spot back. So what do you think? AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Being A Caretaker To My Dad?
“Some important background: I’m 30M, gay, and my family is religious (they still care about me, just not regarding my sexuality, I’ll take what I can get).
My mom was diagnosed with late stage cancer 3 years ago and doesn’t have much time left.
I came out to my family just before we found out about my mom’s health, as I was seeing someone for 2 years and we were serious and he was moving 3 hours away for a significant career upgrade. I had planned to move out of the home and in with my partner after coming out because I know how they feel about homosexuality.
I even had a job lined up not too different from what I was already doing.
After I came out and told them I’m thinking of moving out, we found out about my mom’s condition and she begged me to stay because she doesn’t want to handle it alone (my dad isn’t the best caretaker or husband).
I decided to stay for my mom, and partially due to that, my relationship at the time dissolved as my partner needed to move either way and the long distance relationship wasn’t working well. I don’t blame anyone for this, it’s just how it is.
It’s been 3 years of caretaking and appointments and sadness and my mom’s mental condition has been pretty bad. I stayed at home throughout the year, avoiding seeing my friends because I was scared I could catch and pass on an illness to my immunocompromised mom.
I sacrificed a lot for her and I don’t regret it. She’s only got months left now and after the grieving process, I’m looking forward to some freedom.
My dad (70yo) and older brother (who’s married and moved out 7 years ago) are very close, but I’m not too close with my dad because he wasn’t a good father or husband and I don’t have much sympathy for that.
I don’t hate him but I don’t like him much either. I told my brother that after I won’t need to care for my mom anymore, I’m moving out and getting my own place. He got furious with me calling me selfish, saying how could you leave your old dad by himself.
I told him I’ve dedicated 3 years of my life to caring for my mom and I don’t have much capacity to be a caretaker anymore. I haven’t even lived alone yet and I’m 30, I need to start my own life.
He said that I have no obligations unlike him, he has a wife and kid and so he can’t care for my dad and have him live with them, otherwise he would have, so the responsibility should fall on me since I’m single (retirement homes aren’t part of the culture).
He says I’m being selfish for abandoning my dad in his highest time of need. I don’t disagree with that, but I believe it’s warranted. He said he didn’t know I would be such a selfish person willing to let my dad go through his last years alone. I’m a little conflicted. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Thinking Im Entitled To My Inheritance?
“So my grandmother on my father’s side passed and had inheritance set up for all kids and grandkids. All grandkids have a college fund (I am assuming they were all the same amount), and they also get a few hundred every month after they turn 30 or after they get a college degree.
My uncle acted weird about the whole thing at first and said I would have to talk to my father before he could continue talking with me about my college inheritance. I am NC with my father because he was mean growing up, my mom did reach out to him for me and my Uncle has zero issues with it now that he has my father’s permission I guess?
I had a conversation with one of my brothers where I mentioned how it’s stupid that my Uncle made me go through my father when it’s MY inheritance given to me from my grandmother, not my father.
My brother said he doesn’t think I should get any inheritance since I have “disowned the family”. While I haven’t made any particular effort to talk to any of my uncles or cousins, I haven’t tried to ban them from my life or anything.
I’ll admit I am a bit distant from them, but I don’t think most of them like me anyways for various reasons, and none except for the uncle that is in charge of the inheritance has ever tried to contact me.
I wasn’t super close with my grandmother because she hated my mom, but I never cut her out, and I did hold affection for her.
What my brother said has made me feel a bit guilty. Like I am being greedy and taking something I don’t deserve, but I also think that my issues with parents shouldn’t affect what I get from my grandparents.
AITJ for taking the inheritance even though I am not in contact with most of the family.”
12. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife Our Daughter Took Her First Steps?
“Me (27M) and my partner (26F), recently had a baby a little while ago. My partner was taking a nap and I had the responsibility of watching the baby. So I was. I was sitting on the floor with her, our daughter, and she was playing and she tried to stand up.
I encouraged her and she stood her own. She started walking, taking her first steps, and I started clapping and congratulating her. I stood up and picked her up and spun us around and my partner woke up and came in and asked what was going on. When I told her what happened she called me a jerk for not waiting for her to be awake to encourage our daughter to start walking. AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Wife A Gift?
“Me and my wife have been married for around 4 years but have been together for much longer. She comes from a different country and gave up her job to move together after we married. That meant that my income is the only income we have.
I made it clear that I don’t consider this MY income but OUR family income. So, we sat together and decided how we want to split it. We settled on a saving rate, on a share we both have for our own discretion (without the other one commenting on the spending) and the rest goes to a joined bank account to use for daily expenses and “short term savings” such as vacation.
That means that despite me “earning” the income we both have the same amount to our discretion (including buying gifts).
The second thing I should note, I come from a fairly gender equal bubble. My mother earned more than twice of what my father made and he took parental leave and later was working part time.
Also, in my bubble growing up e.g. occasionally women prided themselves for insisting to split the bill on a first date as a sign of gender equality.
After we got our first child besides the “baby stress” it also weighed on her that she gave up her job and her peers made career while she is taking care of the baby.
A couple of months after birth she mentioned that one of her friends got diamond earrings as a gift for giving birth. I was genuinely unaware of the concept of a push gift so I said something along the lines of “that’s a weird thing to do”.
She reacted a bit strange and in several separated arguments she brought up that she would have hoped/expected to receive a push gift. I never had heard of this being a thing and for me this goes against my understanding of an equal relationship.
I would feel as something like it being a dowry, like I pay her and expect her to bear children. That is why I refused to buy anything big. I think she heard me but deep down is mad about it.
So am I the jerk?
Some other things I maybe should mention. Its not about the money for me. While we are not rich, we are doing well. Something like a diamond earring would be something we would need to think about but would also not financially ruin us.
Also I made clear that whatever we can do to get her back working we should do (if she wants this) and if that means I need to work part time or go on parental leave I would do it.
AITJ for refusing to give my wife a push gift because it goes against my understanding of an equal relationship?”
10. AITJ For Giving My Sister's Cat Away?
“I (24F) have a younger sister, Emily (21F), who has always been irresponsible and neglectful when it comes to taking care of her pets, especially when we were kids, often leaving the care of them to either our parents or me.
Emily adopted a cat, Mittens, about a year ago. Initially, I was happy for her, thinking it might teach her some responsibility now that she is older. However, as time went on, it became clear that Emily wasn’t providing proper care for Mittens.
She would frequently leave the cat alone for days without arranging for anyone to feed or check on her. I expressed my concerns, but Emily brushed them off, claiming she was too busy with her social life.
Recently, Emily went on a two-week vacation without any plans for Mittens’ care.
She simply left a large bowl of food and water, assuming that would be sufficient. Knowing her history of neglect, I was worried sick about Mittens being left alone for so long. I tried calling and texting her, but she didn’t respond after 2 days, so I made a decision that I now question.
I reached out to a friend who runs a local animal shelter and explained the situation. They agreed to take in Mittens temporarily until my sister came back. I took the initiative and dropped Mittens off at the shelter, making sure she would receive the care she needed.
(For those wondering I would have taken Mittens myself but my roommate is allergic to cats, so she couldn’t stay with me. There were also no other family members in the area who could have taken care of her)
When Emily returned from her vacation, she was shocked and furious to find out that Mittens was gone.
I explained to her that I had given the cat to a shelter because I was concerned for its well-being. She exploded, accusing me of betraying her trust and making decisions without her permission. She argued that she loved Mittens and would have found a solution when she got back.
Now, my phone is blowing up and our family is divided. Some believe I did the right thing by ensuring the cat’s safety, while others say I overstepped my boundaries by taking matters into my own hands without consulting Emily.
So, AITJ for giving my sister’s cat away without her permission? Did I go too far, or should I have waited for Emily to handle the situation herself?”
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Don't Like Her?
“I (22F) have three younger sisters: (20F) Ariel, (14F) Lily, and (12F) Michelle. My parents have always been very open about favoring Ariel over the rest of us. Likely because Ariel has a more social and extroverted personality type, like our parents, whereas I, Lily, and Michelle are more quiet and usually stick to a small group of friends.
Ariel also was the only sibling who shared certain hobbies with our dad. So he especially (but still both of our parents) would show favoritism to Ariel through things such as being involved in her hobbies, having an active interest in her social life, praising her accomplishments, and getting her nicer presents whereas I did not receive that treatment and Lily and Michelle currently do not either.
I know that our parents are the ones choosing to openly favor Ariel and their favoritism isn’t her fault directly. But Ariel recognizes the favoritism to the point of being able to verbally acknowledge it yet is okay with it since she’s the favorite.
She actually rubs it in my, Lily, and Michelle’s faces. Just a few weeks ago, Ariel told Lily and Michelle that it was their faults that our dad ignores them by saying something along the lines of “He’d be interested in you as well if you were good at XYZ.
If you want that, then you should try getting into XYZ.” I only talk to our parents to stay close to Lily and Michelle. I don’t make any effort to be involved with Ariel at all.
This school year, both Lily and Michelle made the honor roll at their school.
Since our mom didn’t acknowledge it beyond an “Oh, good job” and our dad didn’t acknowledge it at all, I took Lily and Michelle to Dave and Buster’s and some of their other favorite spots to celebrate. I admit we stayed out pretty late.
My parents were spending the night somewhere else, so only Ariel was home by the time we got back. After Lily and Michelle went to bed, I was preparing to leave when Ariel asked to talk.
Ariel brought up that I hadn’t come to her graduation.
I told Ariel that she never came to any of my graduations, plus she didn’t even ask me to be at hers. Ariel told me her birthday last month was bad enough because a lot less people came than she expected and I didn’t get her a present when I clearly had the money to take Lily and Michelle out.
Ariel accused me of not liking her or caring about what’s going on in her life.
I told Ariel in as objective a way as possible that her accusation was true for the reasons explained in the second paragraph. She said herself, we aren’t “worthy” of being our parents’ favorite like she is, so just leave us be.
Ariel cried but I was too tired to deal with her and just went home. I talked to some friends about the situation, and a few told me that they feel bad for Ariel. They said she is also a victim of our parents’ favoritism and now she has to watch her sisters be super close to one another while she’s the odd one out. AITJ For still arguing with my friends that Ariel is now 20 and is no victim now that she’s an adult?”
8. AITJ For Sending A Girl Home?
“So, my (38M) daughter (12) often has sleepovers throughout the summer. Honestly, we’re kind of that house anyway. I feel there’s always some kids over, even just to hang out during the day. I don’t mind. I’m a single dad, my daughter is an only child.
So long as the kids are respectful and their parents are cool with it, let them raid the fridge and chill.
My daughter met a new friend, a neighborhood girl that’s the same age as her. We’ll call her Monica. Monica’s parents are a little stricter, which I respect.
My daughter had another sleepover on the 4th. Monica was among the group. I took the girls to watch some fireworks then took them home and left them to do whatever. Around 9, I heard some bickering and headed into the den where they were.
Monica said she wanted to go to bed. The other girls kept saying they weren’t tired. They honestly stay up pretty late. Monica said she had a strict bedtime and liked to stick to it. I came up with the compromise that if Monica wanted to go to bed, she could sleep in my daughter’s room (the girls usually sleep in the living room) while the rest had fun.
Monica was clearly a little disappointed that they weren’t going to stop the fun for her but agreed. I went back to what I was doing.
A half hour later, I hear Monica storming downstairs and chastising the other girls because they were being too loud.
My daughter said that it wasn’t fair to expect them to censor themselves. I tried to stay out of it but eventually went in there and asked to speak to my daughter privately. She said she wanted Monica to go home.
I said alright, made Monica grab her stuff and walked her home. Monica was once again upset.
Monica’s parents are angry with me. They claim the girls should’ve just gone to bed early once. My daughter doesn’t even go to bed at 9 on school nights, let alone in the summer at a sleepover.
I said it wasn’t fair to expect the girls to stop their fun or stay quiet. I suggested maybe Monica isn’t ready for sleepovers. This didn’t help. My daughter
does admit she didn’t tell Monica that they usually stay up pretty late, but also said she thought it was common knowledge that sleepovers are like that.
So, am I wrong for having Monica leave without trying to problem solve more?”
7. AITJ For Adopting My Friend's Turtles?
“I met my best friend Mark in college about 8 years ago, and from the beginning, we bonded over our shared passion for the ocean. Mark took a special interest in marine life, and once he owned his own home, he invested heavily in a habitat for his four pet turtles (not sea turtles of course, but turtles that are still important to him).
Recently, Mark has agreed to a career opportunity across the country and will not be able to bring his turtles with him. He asked if I could give them a new home, and I accepted.
This was a quick transition over the weekend, and we transformed my guest room into an indoor turtle habitat.
Mark spent considerable time and resources creating a suitable environment to accommodate the turtles, complete with heat lamps, multiple large tanks, and all the necessary accessories. I genuinely wanted to provide the best possible care for the animals and gave Mark complete control in making the proper arrangements.
Now, here is where the conflict comes in. My wife was out of town this past weekend, and when she returned home today she was not pleased with the home makeover. Her parents were planning to visit us for a week, and we had previously agreed that they would stay in the guest room.
However, with the turtles now residing there, I told my wife that her parents would need to find alternative accommodations, such as a hotel. This did not go over well with her.
My wife is furious and insists that her parents should be our priority and that I should have consulted her before making such rash decisions.
She argues that it is disrespectful to her parents to change plans when we had a perfectly good guest room and disrespectful to her to have renovated the home without her input. I tried explaining that I made this decision with good intentions and I wanted Mark to feel safe with his turtles, but my wife is adamant that I am prioritizing animals over family. AITJ for helping a friend on short notice when it disrupts my wife’s plans?”
6. AITJ For Annoying My Roommate?
“This year I had four roommates, including myself, living in a five-bedroom house for college, Me, Pete, John, Nolen, and Jack. The school year started fine, with everyone getting along, hanging out, and enjoying the start of our 3rd and 2nd years of university.
However, the house’s dynamic changed after the first two months in the house surrounding one individual, Nolan. Nolan, who had recently started seeing a girl named Olivia and had developed strange habits whenever Olivia came to the house to hang out.
First off, Olivia showed no interest in meeting any of the roommates. Whether it was hanging out with us in the living room, going out to the bars, or even interacting with anyone in the house when she entered the house to visit Nolan.
One great example is when Jack’s parents visited us and cooked us all a home meal, which is rare for us college students. Jack’s mom spent almost two hours cooking us homemade lasagna and shepherd’s pie to try and get to know the people Jack was living with.
Halfway through the dinner, Olivia walks into the house, does not acknowledge anyone at the table, and stomps up the stairs to wait for Nolan for two hours alone in his room. At this point, all the roommates stopped attempting to get to know Olivia, knowing it was pointless.
On the weekdays following this, Nolan and Olivia started consuming beverages alone, talking loudly, and blaring music in Nolan’s room at around 2 to 3 am. The habit started to become a problem for Pete and me, especially as both of our rooms sat across from Nolans, and we had classes at 7:30 am.
What started on Monday continued the following day, and finally, on Wednesday, Pete and I had enough and sat down and talked to Nolan about stopping this. He apologized and assured us it wouldn’t happen again. However, sure enough Thursday, this habit continued.
After many angry snaps and phone calls to Nolan with no answer and Pete banging on his door telling him to “Shut Up.” multiple times, me and Pete were at our wits’ end. We grab a giant speaker we kept downstairs, put it outside his room, and blast heavy metal outside his room at full volume. This led to his companion storming out of the house crying and Nolan coming out of his room yelling at us, calling us complete jerks, and saying we ruined his night. Was I in the wrong in this situation?”
5. AITJ For Turning Off My Son's Video Game?
“My son had a sleepover with a few of his friends last night. They had gone swimming and played at the park before coming back to my house to play video games in the living room. I bought them a pizza to eat and was overwhelmed by the smell of 10/11 yo boys.
I told them to go put deodorant on and they said okay. I checked in with them a few minutes later and they still hadn’t washed up. At that point they started to push back that they didn’t need it because they already put some on last night.
I said whatever deodorant they put on last night had gotten washed off at the pool and you all spent the last hours running around in warm weather. I told them again to put some on.
They still didn’t put any on so I turned off their video game.
Apparently they were just about to pass a difficult level before I turned it off and were very upset with me. My son later told me that I embarrassed him. I told him that I handled it the way that I did because I wasn’t getting their attention.”
4. AITJ For Wanting To Watch The Moon?
“Me (37f) and my partner of almost 4 years (56m) have been on a 2 week trip he said was mostly for my birthday, which was on 7/3. At that day, we had already been to a few places and were in Jensen Beach Florida.
We like to frequent beaches and establishments so I was stoked all the places we’ve been. I had been mentioning for days about my birthday being on the biggest full moon of the year. The last one where it’s as close to earth as it was that night.
After we got back from dinner he got in bed and fell asleep. I tried asking a few times, “Hey, the moon is rising! It’s amazing. Do you want to go on the beach?” And I got ignored. I pressed a few more times and said that was the most important thing I wanted the whole time.
It was free. No expensive stuff. Just the moon and us on the beach. I got ignored and told to grow up. Cried myself under the moon on a chair by the beach because I didn’t feel safe enough to wander by myself.
So the 4th, the next day. He wakes up and says nothing, as usual. There are never apologies from him for anything. He finds that childish and says to be an adult and move on. We spent the day at a beach, so much fun and free.
I try to pretend like he does that everything is fine. I mentioned a few times that the moon would still be bright and amazing that night, albeit not quite full but still, incredible. The moon rise was supposed to be at 9:59.
So I laid over the balcony waiting and waiting. And big surprise, he went to bed again. I got upset and cried, again. Trying to explain how badly I wanted to do that with him. He said some very mean things while I sobbed and mocked me.
He said I ruin everything and ruined this trip because nothing ever makes me happy.
AITJ for getting upset? I am an emotional, deep feeling, very sentimental person and I know that can get the best of me from time to time. But I know I’m not crazy, which is his favorite thing to call me. Help, AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Wishing I Was A Stay-At-Home Mom?
“My daughter just finished kindergarten and she had become best friends with a little boy in her class over the year, named “J”. I’ve now gotten to know his parents through arranging play dates and the like, and this arrangement has been quite helpful actually since her friend has a stay at home father.
In April I undertook a huge project at work and J’s dad was willing to watch my daughter after school so I could pick her up from his home later than the after school program.
I always thanked him for watching her, especially because he didn’t ask me to pay him.
One time I mentioned I would love to be a stay at home mom and spend all my time together with my daughter, but we just can’t afford to be a single income family like them what with our mortgage, rising expenses, the cost of tuition at my daughters school, etc.
He had replied with that he’s permanently disabled and it makes it hard to work. I hadn’t previously known that. So I just said about me that I would love to have spent more time at home instead of working, but maybe it’s just a fantasy because I’d be bored without work to do.
He didn’t say much at that point.
Having slept on it I felt like I’d put my foot in my mouth and the next day I apologized, saying I didn’t mean to imply there’s anything wrong with him not working and I think it’s very nice that he gets to raise his son that way.
I’m not sure what all happened to him but there’s always a bright side to everything. He just sat there and told me I didn’t actually make a good apology but he didn’t really need one from me either, and that it’s for him to decide what’s the bright side of his life especially since I don’t know what he’s experienced or the pain he’s in everyday.
All I could think to say was “oh.” No one has ever responded to an apology that way before!
Things have been tense since then, about a month ago. He’s still pleasant, but he doesn’t hang around to chat much if he’s dropping his daughter off, and if I’m over there I can tell he’s trying to cut conversation short and usher me out the door.
I don’t really see how I was being the jerk here, maybe at first when I didn’t know there’s a reason he doesn’t work, but I apologized for that and now he’s still taking issue with what I said. I’m not even sure what to say if I were to try again since he hated my apology! At this point I’ve done my part in meeting him halfway. AITJ here?”
2. AITJ For Ruining My Partner's Proposal?
“Tonight I (27M) was out with my partner and a few friends for beverages. We were talking about all of our future travel plans. One of the trips we had planned is a two week stay in Spain at the end of December with his parents.
The trip falls on our 2 year anniversary and my birthday. I made an off hand joke (one that I had made before) saying “oh I told him he’s not allowed to propose on this trip because it’s December. December is full already.”
We get in the car and talk about it more.
He’s asking me “what so if I did propose to you on this trip you’d say no?” I paused and said, “Of course I wouldn’t say no, but it wouldn’t be like an overly ecstatic yes because I don’t want to be proposed to in December.” We got back home and he was distant.
I went and talked to him and he just asked me if he could have some space and for me to sleep at my place tonight. So I started to pack my bag to head back to my apartment, gave him a kiss on the cheek and proceeded to leave when he stopped me to talk about it.
He said, “I was planning on proposing to you on this trip. That’s what this trip is for. My mom wants to see it. I already picked out like 2 possible spots, got the photographer and had it all set.”
A little about me..
I was born on December 28th and I’m an identical twin. Growing up my birthday was always looped in with Christmas. Everything was always just shoved into the same space and being a twin already struggling with society not seeing me as my own person, it caused me to resent it.
I never felt special or celebrated. It wasn’t until I turned 25 that decided to lean into it and just throw an amazing Christmas/birthday party for myself and my brother the FIRST weekend of every December. So I’ve reclaimed some of my piece of the month and found a way to enjoy it and love it.
I’ve always told my partner I hate the month and I’ve always resented my birthday/Christmas the whole shebang because it makes me a little sad. I always told him any important occasion should be its own date so it can have its own identity.
That’s why I’ve always thought it a bit tacky for engagements to be on a birthday or someone else’s wedding because it’s piggybacking off something else. It’s not its own individual special moment.
My partner had known this but “didn’t think I was so serious about it.” He’s really heartbroken about it and I feel like I ruined the engagement plan.
If he had run this by my twin brother, he would have immediately warned my partner about our mutual hate of December. I feel terrible but I also feel angry, like this opinion is not one I’ve kept to myself.. I’ve expressed it multiple times and so I feel like has he never heard me?? did he not care or did he think I would just get with the program? Am I the jerk?”
1. AITJ For Fighting With My Wife Over A Piggy Bank?
“Yesterday my wife did some DIY to a plastic container and made herself a new piggy bank. While she was at the store last night, I took all the change out of my loose stuff drawer and put it in her piggy bank (seems like it was about $4.13).
When she got home she asked me why did I put pennies in her piggy bank. She said she planned on just putting nickels, dimes, quarters and bills in there. She got annoyed because now she had to take the container apart because it was tainted by the pennies.
I was confused by this info because she’s one of those people that loves finding and picking up lucky pennies on the ground (heads up only!). As a loving husband I’ll routinely throw pennies on the ground near the pathways she uses around our apartment complex just so she can find more luck throughout her day.
Once she took the container apart I asked for all of my donated change back since her container was too good for my pennies. I also informed her I won’t be contributing any silver coins to her piggy bank. She then informed me that when she finally cashes in her change, I won’t be able to partake in anything her piggy bank pays for.
I told her she’s full of nonsense, that’s not how a marriage works and I guarantee I’ll get a piece of whatever the piggy bank supplies her with. She then called me a jerk and said that’s not fair. AITJ?”
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