People Wonder Whose Side We'll Take In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"My partner has OCD - one symptom she experiences is her doing everything in 5s. Her mother passed away in March 2018.

My partner goes to therapy, and in January of this year when she brought up getting a tattoo for the 5th anniversary of her Mother’s death, I suggested she talk about it with her therapist. After doing so, she said that her therapist also didn’t think it was a good idea, as she believed that the drive behind her wanting to get the tattoo was her OCD, rather than the actual WANT of getting it.

However, my partner still went ahead and booked the appointment. After talking with a couple of friends about it, they all agreed that it wasn’t a good idea to make such a permanent decision which has purely been fuelled by her OCD.

If she had somewhat recovered from her OCD, I wouldn’t be so hesitant.

However, she hasn’t made any progress.

I emailed the tattooist (we have each other’s passwords) and canceled her appointment. I told her an hour before her appointment that it had been canceled, and as she had booked the last slot for the day, she was unable to get it done.

I knew she was going to be upset, but I didn’t really realize HOW upset she was going to be. It’s been a couple of weeks, and it’s honestly crazy how she’s reacted to it, but I am more than certain (and so are our friends) that in the future once she recovers from her OCD, she will be really grateful.

It’s clear that it was OCD influenced, as it has flared up a bit because of it - and she’s aware of that too - and has described it as making her physically sick when she thinks about the fact she’ll never be able to get a tattoo on the 5th anniversary.

So AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"YTJ. For Pete's sake, stop saying you’re waiting for her to 'recover' from OCD because you don’t, you manage your OCD. As someone with OCD, there is nothing you could possibly do to help. That’s what the therapist and meds if they’re on them are for.

The way you look down on your partner and treat her like a child is gross. This is extremely controlling and if I were her I’d dump you so quickly.

Even if 5 is her compulsion there’s nothing wrong with tattoos so I’m confused as to why you and your friend group think her getting a tattoo to memorialize her DECEASED mother would be a bad decision.

(Aside from the fact none of your opinions matter) People without OCD get the same type of tattoos every day." Starry_Myliobatoidei

Another User Comments:

"If you're an adult and aren't permitted to make the basic decision for yourself, then technically you're not free.

Who appointed you to be your partner's keeper?

Has she been declared incompetent? I'm guessing not. You had no right to interfere with her life or her getting a memorial tattoo. I really don't know who you think you are but it's clear you are only making things worse for her.

If she ever thought of you as a safe person, ally, or who had her back and truly cared about her feelings, she now knows better.

You've lost her trust and please don't kid yourself that she's going to wake up one day and be grateful. OCD or not, she has rights and you violated them. YTJ." theloveburts

Another User Comments:

"YTJ

You realize your partner is an adult, right?

Regardless of whether or not this is tied to her OCD, it’s something she wanted to do and you had absolutely no right to cancel her appointment.

It’s an incredibly controlling thing to do.

You didn’t realize that controlling your partner would result in her being upset? There’s also a chance that taking away her decisions could cause a flare-up around this whole process.

Also, if you want to help her in the future, go and talk to a therapist about how you should help someone with OCD.

A few of my relatives have OCD and you’re supposed to offer a patient and understanding environment.

If the person is at a point where they’re ready to tackle their compulsions, that has to be agreed upon together. That isn’t a situation where you get to force them not to act on them as that can backfire astronomically.

You can actively refuse to participate in any of their compulsions, but you don’t get to force them not to act on them." SeekingBeskar