People Wish To Defend Themselves In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Go On A Cruise Without Me?
“My partner is planning to go on a cruise this winter with his two parents. He and his parents have told me that they would like me to come with them. I’d love to go but have tried to make it as clear as possible that I don’t really feel comfortable spending the roughly $400 it would cost to evenly split a double occupancy room with my partner.
I live at home with my parents for now and could technically afford the $400 but I’m pretty young and have only just started the first real paid position of my life about half a year ago (a contract that has absolutely no job security) so I’ve just been trying to save up and don’t really feel like I can justify spending that much on a recreational trip right now.
My partner/his parents have made it clear to me that they’re planning on going on this cruise regardless of if I come with them or not. If I don’t go my partner will either get a single occupancy room or he and his parents will pay to upgrade his parent’s room to a suite and he’ll stay in that suite with them.
Both of these options are more expensive to them than if I went and evenly split the cost of a double occupancy room with my partner (so me going with them and paying for half the room with my partner saves them money on the cruise).
I’ve told my partner that what I’m willing to do is cover whatever the difference, if any, there is between the cost of having me join them and the cost they would otherwise pay for the three of them to go by themselves.
My partner was incensed by this suggestion because he thought it wouldn’t be fair for me to pay less to go on this cruise than he and each of his parents were. He said that I would essentially be getting a subsidy paid for by him and/or his parents.
But, in my eyes, I feel like I’d be the one subsidizing the cost of their trip if I were to pay the $400 because I’m not the one who’s trying to schedule a cruise at this point in my financial life even though I’d love to go.
I did tell my partner that if he goes on the cruise without me I’ll be mad because if he really wanted me there, he’d accept that I’m making an offer to come along with him at no cost to him/his family.
It’s not like I’m asking him to buy my ticket. I’m willing to contribute money, but I’m asking to only pay whatever the actual additional costs are of my joining them on this cruise.
AITJ here? My partner told me he feels like this could be a breaking point in our relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for expecting your partner’s parents to subsidize your trip. If you can’t afford to go, then say you can’t afford to go. You’re also the jerk for telling your partner that you’ll be mad if he takes the opportunity to go on a trip with his parents without you.
You’re not his wife, so you really have no say in what he can and can’t do. If you’re this much of a control freak before you’re even married, I’d hate to see what would happen if you were to tie the knot with him.
It’s no wonder your partner considers this a breaking point. You just hoisted a giant red flag.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I was originally on your side up until the end where you said you told your partner that if he goes without you, you’ll be mad.
You’re the jerk for that part.
That’s fine if you don’t want to pay the $400 to go. You’re not the jerk for that.
Your partner isn’t a jerk for not accepting your offer of a reduced payment. Don’t try to pressure him into accepting the uneven payment.
Just say you can’t afford half.
Not to mention, there are cabins on the ship that will accommodate 3 people (sometimes a suite if you look at the nicer ones), but it won’t be as comfortable or cost-efficient as two double occupancy rooms. These rooms are often used for a couple that has children that are also traveling with them.” JuicyFruuit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Wow, the audacity. Your rationalization has no boundaries.
They want you to pay your own way, which is perfectly reasonable. You want them to pay most of your fare, which is perfectly unreasonable.
Are you also expecting them to pay for your drinks and excursions, too?
Souvenirs? Meals eaten and drinks while in port?
They would like you to go and pay your own way. Any intelligent person would understand that means there isn’t a negotiation. It doesn’t matter whether they would pay more if you’re not there because it’s not the point.
Come down off your high horse and act like a grownup.
Then you tell your partner there will be repercussions if they don’t agree to your demands. I would dump you if I were him. Sounds like a lifetime of selfish demands.” tatersprout
20. AITJ Because My Wife Forgot To Invite My Mom To The Baby Shower?
“My wife and I already have 2 children and a 3rd on the way so I don’t see the need to have another baby shower.
My wife had made a social media group for her baby shower and sent out the invites.
2 days before the baby shower she realized that she had forgotten to add my mother to the invite list and texted her apologizing and giving her the info. The next day I get a text from my dad telling me how upset my mother is and how he thought it was odd this happened. I basically said that my wife was sorry and had already explained to my mother what had happened and basically asked him what he wanted me to do because I didn’t understand the issue.
My dad continued to text me telling me that my mother was upset and to just forget about him even saying anything because I didn’t seem to care.
Fast forward to the day of the party. I work the night shift so wake up later than the average person.
I woke up in a group text with my wife and mother arguing over the invite and party with my mother saying that her feelings were hurt and she could not make the party because of work. We haven’t heard from my mother since.
Flashback to a couple of months ago when my mom asked me to ask my wife to not even have a baby shower…
AITJ or does this sound like childish high school drama?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom asked you to ask your wife to not even have a shower in the first place.
Your wife forgot to invite her until a couple of days before the shower. Now you’re mom wants to act all butt hurt by not being initially invited to a shower that she didn’t even support happening?
Your dad has the nerve to contact you because your mom’s feelings are ‘hurt’?
You were absolutely correct in questioning why he was contacting you about it. There’s nothing for you to do in the situation except back your wife up.
Your wife is absolutely entitled to have a baby shower for each and every child if she wants to and if she wants to throw it herself then more power to her.
There are things that absolutely cannot be used from one child to the next as well as things that shouldn’t be. Each child needs to have their own car seat because (1) car seats have expiration dates on them and (2) the padding under the seat covers will mold to the child that’s used it causing it to not fit the next child correctly.
(Think about wearing someone else’s shoes that they wear all the time. Same concept.)
And unless you’re having your children fairly close together you may have to get another stroller because the manufacturers change the infant car seats just enough that a lot of times they’re not compatible with an older stroller even if it’s the same brand.
Not to mention that all babies don’t necessarily like the same bottles, pacifiers, teething toys, etc. (I have twin grandchildren who refused to use the same brand bottles and pacifiers.) Plus every baby deserves to have new clothes, blankets, etc.” kajudalu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it’s clearly important enough for both your wife and mother to be arguing about it and getting upset about it. Your dad probably doesn’t care about the shower but does care his wife is upset.
You should take a note from him and start caring about the women in your life and their feelings. I think you should support your wife but ideally try and reach a mediation. I think both your wife and mother have reason to be upset.
Your wife wants a shower but your mother was against it. I think it’s perfectly normal to have a shower for every baby but for a new gender for sure.
Often with 2nd or 3rd babies, we do showers that are mostly just diapers and clothes, and it’s really just about celebrating and being excited for the new baby.
I can see your mom being upset at the late invite, but it’s probably because she made it clear she was against it and your wife did apologize. So I suggest you stand by your wife, but also talk to your mom.
Like, don’t bad mouth your wife to get on your mom’s side, but try and explain your wife’s feelings to your mom and let her know you also understand her feelings but will be supporting your wife.” HallieMarie43
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for your wife.
Your wife deserves to have a shower if she wants one. Your mother shouldn’t have asked for your wife not to have one but she did and your wife forgot to invite her.
Your mother probably assumed it was intentional since she didn’t want your wife to have one in the first place. Honestly, even if it was intentional, I wouldn’t blame your wife for not wanting your mother there. Your mother sounds exhausting.
Now your mother is hurt because she received a late invitation to an event she opposed to begin with and has been complaining to your father who then got involved by telling you mom was upset.
You seem to be irritated that you’ve been sucked into the drama over a baby shower you didn’t think your wife should want.
Your wife has already had two kids and is giving you a third. Why can’t y’all just let her have her shower and be happy?” miyuki_m
Didn't approve of the idea of a baby shower, didn't want to be invited if there was one, wife left her out by mistake, wife sends invitation immediately after catching mistake, and monster in law is offended because she didn't get her invite, that she didn't want, the same time as everyone else? My gods, but she sounds excruciating.
You do realize that nothing y'all do is ever going to please this woman, right? What a miserable grandmother she must be. I'd be keeping my kids away from her, were I you. Poisonous temperament on that woman.
19. AITJ For Wanting Some Alone Time With My Long-Distance Partner?
“My (23f) significant other (24m) and I are currently in a long-distance relationship. He flew to my city last weekend for 3 days and stayed in my apartment. This is a rare occasion and we don’t meet as often, so last Saturday we planned a date that would take the first half of the day, and then we would hang out with my other (22f) friend at my place and watch a movie.
She and my SO are on good terms, but not really close, just had a few interactions in the past. My friend was also very excited to see him in real life.
But when we got to my place on Saturday evening she suddenly got mad at me for not inviting her on the date part of the day.
She told me that I was excluding her from the friend group because since we’re all friends and my SO visits quite rarely she also wanted to spend that time with him and me. I tried to explain to her that we needed some space and time to spend as a couple, but it was like talking to a wall.
She then decided not to ruin the night and the rest of the weekend went fine and we had fun as friends, just as planned. But as soon as my SO left she brought it up again, telling me that I’m toxic for not inviting her on our date.
Turns out she wanted to be with us all the time during his visit for 3 days straight. Since we last spoke about it, she refuses to talk to me until I apologize. I don’t see why should I apologize for going on a date without her, because it’s not that I’m trying to gatekeep her from being friends with my SO, I just wanted a normal date.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She has a crush on either you or your SO.
It is neither normal nor sane to try and invade someone else’s date or private time. Usually, we hear about this type of stuff from jealous exes or overbearingly enmeshed MILs.
From a friend? HAHAHA Nopes. Ulterior motives galore.
I would seriously put space between her and your life. Start gray-rocking, not giving her info, not talking to her about your relationship or your life at all. Keep it to discussing the weather or a random celebrity til she goes away.” C_Alex_author
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… and honestly it sounds like she is jealous. Does she maybe have feelings for you or your SO? It’s the only thing that really makes sense. You should not apologize, that would set a very unhealthy precedent.
You need to have boundaries. But, even though you should not apologize, be kind if she chooses to apologize to you. I hope she does. If not… Then I’m sorry but this person isn’t really a friend.
Friends don’t demand 100% of your time and to be included on all dates with your partner.
That would be grossly unhealthy. If she can’t see that, then either she is blinded by her own romantic feelings for one of you, or something is seriously wrong with her. If that’s the case, you really cannot change this but you can be kind yet firm about your boundaries.
If she breaks them… then it’s time to let this person go from your life. Best of luck!” Pippet_4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s having some kind of issue that you can’t control. Maybe she’s in love with you or your SO, maybe she’s having a mental challenge.
But you are not the bad guy for going on a date with your SO.
Maybe it is time to look for a new roommate. Because her escalation is really strange, and calling you toxic (but not calling your SO toxic for wanting to go on a date with you) is pretty odd.
Tell her you will not apologize for going on a date with your SO and that her entitled behavior is really concerning and odd. Does your SO have any outside contact with her?” External-Hamster-991
18. AITJ For Telling Someone At The Brewery To Leash His Dog?
“My wife and I had a Pub Pass to use, it’s one of the last 5 places we need to finish the book.
It’s something where you get a free beer for going to a brewery. Look it up it’s pretty cool. Anyway, looking online at the place my wife and I were planning to go it said it was a dog-friendly place.
Both my wife and I are not dog people, we don’t like them. We do our best to avoid them and when they are present we don’t interact with them but are respectful. Usually, a gentle go away is enough.
It’s amazing how many people expect you to interact with their dog though. We knew it was possible that this was a place we wouldn’t hang out at long, but went anyway to get our Pub Pass stamp and our free beer.
We didn’t plan to be their more than 15 minutes. This was just a taphouse with rotating food trucks. No kitchen on site.
We arrive, head to the bar, and take our seats. It’s apparent this place is very dog friendly based on the signage.
At the time we saw a few dogs but took seats as far away from dogs as possible. Well within 2 minutes someone’s unleashed dog comes walking up to us and sniffing around my wife’s leg, she repositions and it keeps following.
We tell it to go away, it doesn’t. I finally grab it by the collar and take it to the other side of the bar and leave it. Clearly, the owner doesn’t care if it’s wandering. I go to wash my hands and get gross dog germs off me.
I come out, and sit down, 2 minutes later the dog is back and now is licking me. Finally, I just yell, ‘Whose freaking dog is this? Come freaking get it’. Finally, a guy comes over and says ‘Oh Fido is just being friendly, just give it some pets and he’ll move along’.
I kinda flipped out, Told him I don’t like his dog, I don’t know his dog, I don’t trust his dog, I don’t want to be around it and not so kindly suggested he leash it and keep his dog near him.
My wife agrees with me, but the bartender essentially kicked us out based on my reaction. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is quite despicable behavior in my opinion and I can’t understand why you even need a judgment on this.
You know you don’t like dogs. You still decide to go to a dog-friendly place just because you want a free beer and a stamp? What exactly did you think was going to happen? Then a dog comes and sniffs around, does you absolutely no harm and you ‘drag his collar’ to the other side of the bar?
The worst part hasn’t even happened yet and you’re already a jerk. The dog comes back and you proceed to start yelling about a dog being around you, at a dog-friendly place. What exactly did you think could exonerate you from this situation?
You decided to go to a place that is dog friendly when you’re well aware you hate dogs and then you throw a tantrum about it. All for a free beer and a stamp.
Hope the dog’s fine, you should’ve been kicked out earlier when you dragged its collar.” danjjoo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Being dog-friendly doesn’t mean letting your dog wander around unsupervised. Same with kid friendly. You can bring the kid but you shouldn’t let them run around unsupervised.
However, you didn’t have to swear at the dog or the owner.
You could have called attention to the dog and told them that you guys are uncomfortable and tell them to take the dog. Better yet, call the attention of a person who works there and have them take care of it.” AffectionateCable793
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you hate dogs, don’t go to a bar full of dogs. And definitely don’t manhandle someone else’s animal when it’s doing you zero harm.
Should it have been on a leash? Probably. But it’s pretty obvious that the guy wasn’t doing anything out of the norms for this bar, and he wasn’t singling you out, so I don’t think he’s the jerk at all here.
You chose to enter clearly signposted dog-filled private property – it wasn’t like the dog was out wandering the streets – and didn’t like that a dog came near you. Instead of deciding you didn’t like the atmosphere, it wasn’t for you, and leaving – or having a private word with the bartender – you started shouting.
That’s why you got kicked out.” MelodicScream
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The dog shouldn’t have been off-leash. The business and the owner are both responsible for the dog being off leash and it apparently being the norm at the establishment without it being clear to new patrons.
You overreacted in an unnecessarily dramatic and negative fashion. The dog wasn’t being threatening or aggressive to you (based on your own description) and there are many ways you could have resolved the situation differently. It’s okay to want the dog to leave you alone, but your response and way of handling it still makes you a jerk.” notrightmeowthx
17. AITJ For "Cheaping" Out On Gifts?
“I (F28) am on the spectrum. I don’t really like children and I definitely do not plan on having any. I own my own house and I allow my parents to live in my basement.
It is a fully developed suite, not a dungeon.
I have an office in my home. I keep boxes of brand-new Legos in my office. Building the kits helps me relax. Afterward, I keep the minifigs and I donate the pieces and plans to a woman’s shelter so the kids have something to play with.
My brother, his wife, and my niece and nephew have come for a visit and my parents asked me to let them stay with me upstairs so they weren’t so crowded. So I said that my brother and sister-in-law could but that the kids should stay downstairs.
My office has shelves that are full of minifigs just lined up doing their own thing. No rhyme or reason to it. I call it controlled chaos. It’s the only thing I let be disordered in my living area.
My brother knows that I had Lego in my office and asked if his kids could play with it because they were bored. I said no. It would drive me nuts if I went to build a set and any piece was missing.
I came home on Sunday from my weekly grocery shop and I noticed that several of my sets were missing. So I called my parents and asked them what happened. They said that my brother had taken a couple of sets for his kids since they are just toys.
I was upset that he had gone into my office and also gone against what I said and taken my things.
I usually give my niece and nephew nice gifts when they visit. For their birthdays this year, I gave each one a Switch.
So the family was leaving today and my brother was waiting for me to give them a gift. I gave them each the sets of Legos that they had opened and played with. The kids seemed happy. My brother was upset because my mom had already told him that I had gotten them a PS5.
I found a bundle on sale and picked it up.
I’m keeping it for myself. He asked if there was any other gift and I said no. That he had already taken their gifts from my office.
Now he is upset because his kids didn’t get something that I had purchased for them.
He said that I’m punishing them for him taking my toys for them to play with and that I’m a cheap and spiteful jerk.
I think his kids got a couple of hundred dollars worth of ‘toys’ and that’s a pretty good gift. Especially since he basically stole them.”
Another User Comments:
“Holy heck NTJ whatsoever! He STOLE your Legos! Obviously, he’s the jerk here, and your parents as well for not stopping him from taking your stuff. Glad you’re not buying gifts for them, and, to be honest, I’d stop buying gifts for them completely since they clearly see you as a supporter of funds/free stuff.
Even if it’s ‘for the kids,’ those are his kids and he should buy their own toys if he’s so worried about it.
You set a clear rule and boundary, he ruined it. He gets and deserves consequences for violating them.
Hopefully, he admits his mistake and learns his lesson, but the way he’s acting and doubling down it doesn’t seem like he still feels entitled to your stuff and money.” KingPiscesFish
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ! Your brother is wrong, and he is teaching his children that respecting boundaries is not important!
He’s also teaching that bad behavior gets rewarded… HIS bad behavior! There are lots of adults who enjoy building Lego sets! Why not?! They are challenging and fun and really awesome! I am way beyond adulthood and I have a bunch of dolls and paper dolls and art supplies because they bring me joy in a chaotic world!
You owe no explanations to your parents or siblings, whatsoever!
I wouldn’t feel pressured to give the kids anything beyond what you feel you can afford and what is appropriate. It’s not HIS choice to go begging for gifts, especially after he helped himself to steal items out of your office!
I suggest you tell him that until the items are returned to you, with 100% of the pieces present, he shouldn’t expect any more gifts coming his way. I don’t blame the kids… I blame bad parenting guidelines.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are always generous with your niblings, even though you don’t particularly like kids. Knowing you were going to gift his family a PS5, your brother decided to choose two more gifts, items you have EXPRESSLY told him he couldn’t have, thinking there was nothing you could do about it.
Then, when seeing that HE was going to miss out on a PS5 (the kids weren’t expecting one and were happy with the Lego sets), he cussed you out. You did the right thing. He’s not a nice person. He didn’t deserve a reward for being awful.
The kids are happy and you have a PS5. If he decides to tell the family you were supposed to give them one, tell them he decided they really wanted 2 Lego sets instead, so that’s what you gave them.” External-Hamster-991
16. AITJ For Not Going To My Sister's Birthday Celebration Because I'm Taking Care Of My Wife?
“My wife and I are 23 years old and we have 2 kids. She’s usually at home while I’m at work.
Today she was very sick so I called out of work to take care of her.
My older sister turns 26 today so my mom wanted to take us out to dinner. I had to cancel because 1. I’m taking care of my wife and 2.
Am at home with 2 babies, and the restaurant wasn’t a place you should bring kids, let alone a 2-year-old and a 3-month-old. My mom was absolutely livid saying she made reservations and everything. I said I was sorry but I can’t go.
My mom actually showed up at my house and went into our bedroom to see my sick wife, just to make sure I wasn’t lying. I feel like it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I’ll see her in a few days.
She just took it like I told her to go screw herself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for begging off.
HUGE JERK for your absolute lack of boundaries with your mother. Dude, c’mon. Call Mommy and tell her that nonsense was out of line, she’s not allowed over until she apologizes to you both, and she has to return any keys to your home.
She can be as mad as she wants, don’t give in. Your wife’s home is not your mother’s territory. YOUR home is not your mother’s territory. If you don’t lay down the law, she’s gonna walk all over you and the wife.
Then 8 or 9 years from now you’ll be signing divorce papers and wondering where it all went wrong. Spoiler Alert: This whole encounter, if left unchecked.
Stop your mother, man. Your wife will thank you, your kids will thank you. Eventually, you’ll thank you.” Waywardcrafter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your mother was WAY out of line! Your wife was sick and you had two kids to take care of in addition to your wife. You prioritized their well-being over going to a restaurant to celebrate your sister’s birthday.
I think you stepped up to the plate and I’m sure your wife really appreciated that! Mom and sister will get over it!
Your mother needs to realize that going to the restaurant while a family member was ill would break all rules of common courtesy and respect for other diners, as well!
Sick people should stay home until they feel well again to help prevent the spreading of germs. Shame on Mom for not looking at it from anyone else’s viewpoint but her own!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother overstepped by doing that.
You should lay down some ground rules moving forward. What you did was absolutely the right decision, it’s what a responsible husband and father do. Your mother will no doubt want to push back, this is when you politely say this is not up for debate and end the conversation.
She may wish to go to family members and/or friends to gather a consensus of people to agree on just how right she was. Don’t engage in that kind of circus. Ideally, she simply apologizes for her overreaction.” Street-Wing
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Show Up To My Birthday Celebration?
“As the youngest in my family I have always been treated like my feelings are not important. My sister is the middle child and is somewhat of a narcissist and always needs to be at the center of attention. She was horrible to me growing up and to people in general. My parents let her have her way because it was easier to keep her calm than to discipline her.
This led to her being my bully and they did nothing about it. She has done so much that would not fit into a post.
2 years ago I went no contact with her for multiple reasons. She called me the night before my wedding crying about how unfair it was that I was getting married and ruined the mood.
She made up lies about me and talked behind my back to people to make me look bad. My sister is the kind of person that would say she would do stuff, make me or my mum do that thing, then take credit for it and throw a tantrum if I called her out on it.
In 2 days it will be my birthday and what was first planned was a night at a restaurant to celebrate.
A couple of days ago my sister gave birth to a baby and I do hope that that will change her into a better person.
My family decided to change the plans to turn my birthday celebration into their first time meeting the baby and put the focus on my sister when they know how much she hurt me and why I want nothing to do with her.
Is it wrong to want 1 day where they try to focus on me for once? She only tries to reach out to me if she benefits from it, she will never apologize to me for all the things she has done and my family just expects me to be the doormat they made me growing up.
Note that this has nothing to do with the baby and I will not make her suffer for her mother’s mistakes.
To me, no contact with my sister other than being civil at family gatherings has made me keep on going and my therapist said it was good that I stand up for myself.
WIBTJ for not showing up to my birthday celebration that is not my celebration anymore? In this case, my family would call me a jerk because I’m not letting the past be the past so they can feel good about themselves and focus on my sister.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you can do one of three things: not show up without warning, talk to them telling them why you won’t show up and that you made up your mind not to show up to a party that was supposed to be about you but was changed to focus on your childhood bully by her enablers, or you can go.
I recommend not going and telling your parents why, and if they push and make you feel bad maybe warn them that you’ll cut contact with them too, and they’ll be stuck with the bully. If you go, it continues sending the message to everyone that you are okay with it.
That’s what your parents have been doing for years, reinforcing her bad behavior with support for it. And someone needs to stand up. Maybe eventually they will see this and stand up against it, and she’ll either be on her own or learn.
Besides, moving on from the past doesn’t mean embracing the person who abused you. If they tell you to move on, tell them that’s what you are doing, and moving on means moving away from it in this case, not accepting it.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are well within your right to set boundaries with your family for your own mental health, happiness, and well-being. Tell them you look forward to meeting your sister’s baby but would prefer to do that before your birthday as a separate occasion so that it has the focus that day, and then celebrate your birthday after with its own focus.
If they get upset or refuse, let them know you’re declining the invitation to the event and leave it at that. Refuse to discuss it any further or engage in anything related to it. Celebrate your birthday instead surrounded by people who appreciate you and make you happy.
Don’t feel any guilt about it, either. There’s nothing unreasonable about wanting your birthday to be about you and only you!” creakybackattack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To avoid giving them ammunition in calling you one, tell them that the timing doesn’t work now for you to have the birthday celebration and you are sorry.
Mention that it would work better to revisit rescheduling the birthday celebration in a few weeks. Doing this will allow timing and natural consequences to work to your advantage without having to reveal why you don’t want to have a combined celebration with your sister.
And, by the way, if they push to know ‘why’ you have to reschedule, remember you are not obligated to provide that detail. Saying something like ‘things have gotten really busy, and I want to do the celebration when I have the time to enjoy it’ is more than enough explanation.” anitarielleliphe
14. AITJ For Suggesting That My Partner Adjusts Her Swimming Time?
“My (26M) partner (23F) and I rent a place from her family, the place has a swimming pool. We have a 2.5-year-old.
My brother and his partner are visiting (30 and 32).
My partner likes to swim in the morning from about 6-630, and then for another 10-15 minutes, she swims with our daughter because it’s a good bonding experience as well as exercise for both of them.
We’ve never had any complaints from neighbors, my partner isn’t exactly loud but our daughter can be, not every morning, and as much noise as you’d expect from a toddler.
My brother’s partner asked if we’d stop this for just while they’re staying due to noise and the fact she’s a light sleeper, plus my partner spends every Sunday in the pool and she and my brother don’t feel comfortable being around her in her swimming costume (but then said ‘but the noise and not being able to sleep are important’).
She did ask very nicely, I joked ‘at least she’s wearing a swimming costume while you’re here!’ But I did ask my partner because I know my brother’s partner has complained for a while about her sleeping problems.
But my partner says it’s a perfectly reasonable time, citing that she’s silent till 630 and it’s ‘her house, so until neighbors complain!’ But I just think it’s an easy request to maybe change it from 6-630 to 630-7 or something, well she’s upset with me and things are tense but I knew had I not asked things would be awkward with family, over such a simple thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
‘My brother’s partner asked if we’d stop this for just while they’re staying due to noise and the fact she’s a light sleeper’
Then they can stay in a hotel.
For a lot of people, keeping to a regular schedule is why something stays a habit; and I don’t think guests should have that much of a say in the regular household activities.
‘she and my brother don’t feel comfortable being around her in her swimming costume (but then said ‘But the noise and not being able to sleep are important’)’
They can sleep. They won’t be able to sleep into a time they prefer, but if they want that they can stay in a hotel instead of trying to impose their schedule on other people.
Particularly for an activity that isn’t even in the house.
But I think the bigger problem is they don’t like seeing her in a swimsuit, and that crap should be shut down immediately. That should not be put on your partner to appease.
What you are telling your partner is that the desires of temporary guests matter more than her in her own home.
Funny how you have so much concern for any awkwardness your brother and his partner might feel, but none for your own partner.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your daughter gets up at 6:30 she will be loud inside the house and wake your brother’s partner up anyway. Seems like Brother’s partner has an issue with your partner’s swimming and her bathing suit, not the noise.
If it’s such an issue they can rent a long-stay Airbnb/Hotel or get some earplugs. Also, this place is rented from your partner’s side of the family so it’s literally her property and she is nice enough to let your brother and his partner stay for free and they have enough audacity to make demands?!?
That’s crazy.” Medeya24
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
YTJ for not dropping it after she refused. NTJ for conveying your brother’s partner’s request the first time.
But your partner’s swimming session alone and with your daughter is part of her daily routine.
If she changes the time when she goes out swimming, she’ll have to make more adjustments during the day, so it’s somewhat of an imposition to make of your hosts by your brother’s partner.
Also, if your daughter is used to being active in the morning with your partner, there’s no way to tell if she won’t be loud at that time even if they’re not swimming.
A toddler’s noises are something your brother and his partner should accept when staying in a house where a toddler lives. Plus, 6:30 is a reasonable time to be out in the pool if the weather allows it.” Aggressive_Week9068
13. AITJ For Meddling In My Sister's Relationship?
“My (34F) little sister (28F) has recently started a Psychology degree, which I’m incredibly proud of. However, because of the cost of living crisis, she’s also having to continue working pretty much full-time (30+ hours a week).
We live together, so I try and help as much as I can but unfortunately, I don’t earn enough to cover her missing salary as well as my own bills.
She works in a school that specializes in behavioral children and has a boarding house.
Before she started her degree she worked her way up from teaching assistant to Head of Care (essentially Head Teacher) in the boarding house, becoming the youngest Head of Curriculum in the county’s history. She plans on doing a Ph.D.
and specializing in behavioral studies, such as autism, as that’s why she has a lot of experience with her work, and also because I’m autistic along with a few other members of our family.
The family, including myself, are all insanely proud of her.
A year ago, just before she decided to quit her job and go to uni, she started going out with a guy she’d known for years. My sister has always been afraid of commitment, but threw herself into the relationship, declaring her partner ‘the one.’ I was happy for her, although skeptical as I’d seen her fall hard and fast before.
A year later they’re still together and she’s still in love so I’m happy for her.
However, recently he’s been making a few comments that have been rubbing me the wrong way.
My sister is incredibly busy with work and uni.
I barely see her and I live with her. She’s at uni during the day and then works overnight. She goes out with her partner on Friday or Saturday nights for ‘game nights’ with his friends, even if she’s exhausted. Sometimes to the point that she has asked me to drive her because she’s too tired to drive.
And then every Sunday she has dinner with his family.
Recently he’s been making her feel guilty about not spending enough time with him. He keeps making digs about how he has to hold her hand all the time so that ‘at least I know she won’t disappear’, or at dinner the other night he said, ‘Hey maybe I’ll get to actually see you this week.’
When she left the room, I said to him that he was making her feel guilty and that wasn’t fair. She was working insanely hard, to the point of exhaustion, to better herself and to create a better future for herself, and him.
Maybe he should stop being so clingy for a bit and look to the future.
My sister came up to me yesterday and told me to keep my nose out of her relationship and that I’d made her partner feel uncomfortable.
I don’t understand what I did wrong. I didn’t snap at him, I stayed calm, and I didn’t use offensive language (I didn’t think). I’m just trying to look out for my sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You meant well of course, you see how much your sister struggles with time right now and don’t want anyone to burden her any further, but that’s still you meddling in their relationship and she clearly made you know that she doesn’t want your input.
Just respect her choice from now on.
It’s up to her to decide if his comments are OK or out of line. Imagine if they were already struggling to find balance in all this and you calling out her partner made him decide that he couldn’t take it anymore and left, even though they could have worked through this period.
He’s not necessarily a bad partner and unsupportive because he feels lonely and voices it to her.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for getting annoyed on her behalf. However, you may have overstepped when you made the comments to him.
It wasn’t malicious, but if your sister doesn’t want you to speak to him about it on her behalf, just apologize to her for doing so, let her know you only did it because you care about her and hate to see her being treated poorly, and let her know you respect her request to not do it and won’t do it again.
From now on, just speak to her about how he treats her. Point out the things he does and let her know she deserves better and that you’re there for her unless of course she also asks you not to speak about it, period.
Let her handle it with him, though, I know it can be hard especially when you care about someone, but we always have to respect the boundaries someone has set.” creakybackattack
Another User Comments:
“I’m split between ‘no jerks here’ and ‘everyone sucks here’… this is really nuanced. All three of you are at fault for something, yet have understandable reasons for doing what you did.
You’re trying to look after your little sister and you did the best you could, but don’t understand that it’s her choice to let her relationship suffer at the expense of her studies and career. The guy shouldn’t be making comments like that in public, but of course, he is going to feel the way he does when his partner is basically only present on a tight schedule – she has appointments with him, not a real relationship.
And of course, your sister is doing all of this for a better future, but everything has its price.
From a purely moral perspective, all three of you have to apologize to each other and also understand that this was inevitable.
But realistically, you’re being a third wheel and your sister is correct to ask you to stay out of it.” PermaThrwAway
12. AITJ For Bringing Only One Dish To My Brother's Wedding?
“My 18-year-old brother is getting married in a couple of weeks to a 22-year-old. I think the marriage is a terrible idea for several reasons, including the fact that their ‘relationship’ started before he was 18 and while she was still married so I feel like this whole situation reeks of grooming and instability but who knows she could just be reaallyyyyy immature for her age or something and I’m just being super judgy.
I know that this wedding will happen whether we want it to or not so I am trying to be civilly supportive so he doesn’t get isolated in a relationship to have it turn sour and not have anyone to turn to.
I volunteered to go suit shopping with my brother and offered to help the fiancee with decorations but she said her mom had it covered.
My brother put us all (my brother, his fiancée, my sister, me, and my husband) in a group chat to talk about the wedding plans.
It is a very small wedding with about 12 people going. They decided to have a potluck.
In the group chat, we had tentatively agreed on who would bring what when the fiancée added her mom to the group chat who then changed the plan and asked us to bring other stuff.
My sister and I again each picked a dish to bring. The mom then asked us to bring two dishes each since the budget is tight and they want to make sure everyone gets food.
The thing is, I really don’t want to.
I feel like if they can’t afford to bring food to their own wedding then they can’t afford to get married. I feel like it’s frustrating that we’ve offered and everything we’ve thought of has been shot down.
I don’t know if I’m blinded by my dislike for the situation and if I’m being a jerk for not bringing two dishes or if they really are being unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your instincts are sound.
This couple seems to need a lot of help already, and it’s not a good look. It’s one thing to participate in a potluck dinner. It’s another thing to be burdened with the bride’s mom’s demand that you bring more.
If there are 12 people and each one brings a dish that feeds 3-4 people, that ought to be enough.
I’m okay with potluck dinners UNLESS the host demands that I feed everyone or cater to his or her tastes.” Public_Object2468
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – You don’t approve of the wedding. Great, to be honest, sounds like a terrible idea. But then either go to your brother, say you can’t in good faith condone his marriage and won’t come to his wedding, but are there for him if, in any other way, he wants/needs OR support him and make the second dish.
I have no idea what you are hoping to achieve by not making the dish but being petty. If you hate the fact he is getting married so much that you can’t make the second dish you shouldn’t be going to the wedding.
Stand by your convictions.” AlternativeAd3652
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are 12 people in total. Has that been confirmed or did it change? 24 dishes for 12 people is a lot. If you don’t have the bride and groom make a dish, that leaves 10 dishes for 12 people.
It’s plenty.
Bring one dish per invite and make sure it’s enough to feed several people.
But this seems like the mother of the bride/the wedding is growing and Mother wants to throw a party she can’t afford.” EquivalentTwo1
11. AITJ For Not Budging When A Couple Asked Us To Move For Their Wedding Shoot?
“I was having dinner with my best friend in a very popular restaurant in our city. It’s one of those pink/full of flowers restaurants, those aesthetic ones.
While we were sitting there dining and minding our business, a couple dressed as bride and groom comes in.
They were having their day-after photoshoot around downtown apparently and also stopped at the restaurant to take pics because of the aesthetic.
Now I didn’t particularly mind their presence. They did their thing. When I started getting annoyed though was when the photographer asked us to move seats for around 15 minutes so he could photograph the couple at the booth we were sitting in because it’s one of the most famous parts of the restaurant.
We kindly declined as we were already dining, having a table full of meals. Plus the restaurant was packed so only a couple of really small tables were empty for us to sit.
The photographer kept insisting that we should pause for a while and do this favor to the newlyweds.
We kept declining.
Then the couple stepped in and started begging us about how special it is that they take pictures there. My friend and I said we understand it might be special but this is a restaurant, they don’t own the restaurant and can’t just have people move seats just like that.
The groom ended up yelling and asking for the manager to step in and move us. The manager declined since he was not getting any share for having the restaurant used as a photoshoot place and also defended us by saying that he won’t move paying customers so that the couple can occupy the place for free.
The bride was tearing up and said how we are heartless for ruining this for her and making her upset one day after her wedding. They eventually left.
My friend and I felt no shame for what we did but when we told our other friends they said we lack compassion and it was just a nice gesture we should have done to make someone happy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re lucky the manager let them take pictures, though I doubt they asked. The owner might not be happy with that decision if it’s got a famous booth. People probably pay a fee for taking pictures usually in that situation.
But it was extremely rude to not only interrupt an entire restaurant during a time when the restaurant was full but then to berate you for not moving! Did your friends that whined offer to move? Did they suggest to the couple to pay for the meal and to go boxes and you might move?
No.
They don’t get to say anything. Businesses are having a hard enough time staying open and recovering from their financial losses. People are still leery of dining out. Nobody wants their meal interrupted by people who are being cheap or cutting corners by relying on sympathy.” Kooky-Hotel-5632
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were in the middle of a meal and the restaurant was packed. Did they expect you to eat standing up? Even if there had been empty seats available, it is really rude to ask someone to interrupt their meal and move their plates to another table.
Plus, changing tables without permission of the restaurant staff can upset their seating/reservation system and service – moving tables might mean moving sections and waitstaff. That the photographer & couple kept on harassing is ultra rude.” uwe0x123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They were a couple of narcissists who believed they were so much better than others, they could impose their will on you for their own benefit. They should be grateful since now they have a story they can tell in the future.
A story about how they thought their day was so special, they could walk into a restaurant just to inconvenience paying customers to move so they could take photos in a specific booth. I’m sure everyone they tell that story to will empathize with them as well.” cycophuk
10. AITJ For Giving My Wife A Reality Check?
“I (25M) married my wife (33F) this past winter. We have 2 kids together (4F & 18 months M). I work full time but my wife’s a stay-at-home mom. The reason I mention this is that my wife has never had many friends, and by many I mean she’s had a max of 4 at any time in the years I’ve known her.
The one friend she’s always had, Kayla (33F) she’s known for 20 years. She’s 7 hours from us. Her other friends also have kids around the same age as our daughter. They are Codie (28F) and Casey (35F), they met as the kids have the same key worker at the daycare.
Kayla was supposed to be my wife’s Maid of Honor but she got ‘multiple trips to urgent care’ sick 2 weeks before the wedding. Eventually, we said it was best if Kayla skipped it. My wife was gutted not to have her best friend there but had Codie step in.
A couple of days ago I heard my wife talking to Codie and Casey about how she hadn’t heard from Kayla in months and Kayla doesn’t check in. They were trashing her and talking about how when they all met up with her for my wife’s doe show (like a bucks night for women) in Kayla and my wife’s hometown, Kayla had been boring, awkward, and a downer the whole time.
They pointed out that Kayla was a sucky, self-interested piece of ‘suck’ who didn’t understand how hard it was to be a mother and they’d all needed that night because she doesn’t have kids yet and that my wife was right to cut her the ‘duck’ out when she didn’t show to the wedding or apologize.
I waited for Casey and Codie to leave before asking my wife what she meant.
My wife’s response was to say that it was just girl talk and that Codie was right anyway about everything she’d said. I was very quick to point out that before the others, Kayla was the only friend my wife had, she bent over backward for my wife and my daughter and would often drop whatever she was doing to drive down in a babysitting emergency or if she just had time
I reminded her that it wasn’t practical for Kayla to take off work and drive 6+ hours for silly wedding tasks and that she probably felt completely alienated in her own home on my wife’s Doe show because I know for a fact that the only thing my wife, Casey, and Codie have in common is their kids so it wouldn’t surprise me if that was all they talked about.
She desperately wants to be liked by C & C just to have people around her so I get it.
I finished by pointing out how ‘ducked’ up it was for my wife to agree that Kayla doesn’t understand because she’s not a mother when she was there through Kayla losing 3 babies, and telling her that it’s her own fault that Kayla doesn’t want anything to do with her anymore because SHE is the sucky, self-centered friend, not Kayla.
My wife didn’t respond. She immediately burst into tears, packed a bag, and left. Everyone is texting and calling telling me I’m a jerk and I need to apologize, but I think it was the reality check my wife needed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately, NTJ
I think everyone is allowed to have a perspective, and I actually think you communicated respectfully. Your wife on the other hand seems to be the jerk for leaving and then obviously trying to get others to harass you.
Your wife sounds toxic, and unfortunately, if that’s who she is, you might need to consider leaving her. It seems impossible for her to handle any sort of proper discussion and this is only going to get worse with time.” Former-Ad-6422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there are better ways to say things. It seems like you were trying to hurt/humiliate her instead of having a conversation about how you think what she said is unfair and cruel.
It’s not like you can’t have an opinion about her friends, her feelings, her actions towards her friends, and her talks with her friends… It’s just that I think you don’t get to burst about something that isn’t really your problem and make her feel bad about something that you don’t quite understand.
She probably was unfair and cruel but I think you were not nice either.” Vayentha27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There may be more to it, but you did ask for an explanation before telling her your opinion. And, if there isn’t more to the situation, you were right.
You need to find out if there was more to it. You need to figure out what this means for you and your relationship too.
I’d imagine that the reason you got so upset is that you don’t want to believe the person you married and have kids with would act like this, right?
No one wants to find out their spouse is the sort of person who uses a friend and then abandons them as the other person needs them at all. Kayla didn’t even demand any support from your wife, she just kind of existed in a way that didn’t serve your wife’s needs.
Will she do the same to you, the kids, or your family someday?
Y’all are going to have to have a serious conversation where you both keep your cool to figure this out. Having an impartial third party like a counselor will probably help.” Massive-Emergency-42
9. AITJ For Refusing To Bump My Sister-In-Law Up To First Class?
“I (34F) have been married to my husband (33M) for 6 years now. We have two kids (4M and 1.5F).
I come from money and also make about 10 times what my husband does. When we first got together, I noticed that his family takes advantage of him financially.
He is a very kind man and the perfect person to have as a partner and father. To get around the whole greedy family thing, I offered to pay everything when it comes to us (house, living expenses, medical expenses, vacations, clothing… etc.), honestly, I wouldn’t even mind if he wanted to be a stay-at-home dad, but he loves his job, and I love to see him happy.
Early on, some of his family tried to get money from me, but when I brought up a contract and a notary, they backed off. I am now considered that rich daughter-in-law who happens to be a cold witch, and honestly I don’t care.
My husband’s whole salary ends up going to his family (paying almost everything for his parents, somehow one of his siblings is always in an emergency, or a cousin needs help with their business…) Even though they are all firmly middle class with good jobs.
Before anyone asks: when it is a true emergency, I always give money with no expectation of it being paid back.
Now to the situation, we are visiting his family for Thanksgiving, so we thought it better to go a few days earlier (they live in a mountain town, and it is gorgeous this time of year), I rented us a cabin and paid for 5 first class tickets (mine, his, the kids’ and the nanny’s).
We arrive at the airport, and surprise surprise, his sister just happens to be on the same flight. I call nonsense, it is obvious he told her when we would be going, and she decided to get a ticket for the same flight.
We greet her, then I hand the kids to the nanny and send her ahead to the lounge (because I had a feeling about what was about to come). Then SIL has the audacity to ask me to upgrade her to first class so she can ‘travel with her family’, kudos to my husband, he shut her down before I could.
Then she goes and asks us to switch her ticket with our nanny’s.
I told her point blank that I wouldn’t be doing that, that my nanny is needed to help with the kids (I am useless on a plane because of nausea and the meds, and my husband can’t realistically be expected to take care of two kids on his own).
She starts complaining and making a scene, I just turn around and start walking towards the lounge. My husband follows me about 10 minutes later. Apparently, he tried to pay for her ticket upgrade but it is a full flight. So he tells me that he will be switching with her.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I told him that he knows I can’t help the nanny during the flight, and if he was going to leave the poor woman to her devices just because his sister can’t live within her means, then this will be the last time I will be paying for his tickets ever again.
He texted his sister to tell her that apparently, he can’t switch tickets with her, but he is pretty upset.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you and your husband need to have a very candid conversation about his family and their expectations of him.
Because that’s what it has become at this point – they expect him to pay for them in their day-to-day living. And bless his heart, he can’t tell them no.
But set boundaries for what he will do to support them.
Maybe he doesn’t give them financial assistance unless you both agree? If everyone has a job and makes a decent income, I don’t understand why they are dependent on him to pay their bills.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your husband is flirting with a very important line.
He sounds like a very kind and generous person. But it also sounds like he’s crossing over that line into being an enabler. There’s generosity and then there’s co-dependency. The difference between the two is healthy boundaries. He’s not actually helping his family by giving, giving, giving.
They haven’t learned anything other than he’s their ATM. Help, more often than not, is teaching people how to help themselves… not just providing everything for them all of the time.
It sounds like it might be time to insist that his family start learning how to help themselves!” okayish_22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, your husband seriously needs to stop giving his family money. Just because YOU come from money, doesn’t mean y’all are responsible for their finances. He’s actively taking money from your family and kids because he knows you’ll just keep letting him do whatever he wants with ‘his’ money while ‘your’ money supports his lifestyle and family.
That isn’t fair. He may be a nice guy, but if he isn’t being used, he’s using you, and he needs to stop. Think about all the money he just gives away. That’s vacations, college funds, cars, etc., for YOUR shared children.” Saltynut99
8. AITJ For Removing My Parents' Access To My Bank Account?
“I recently got my first stable job after I finished my studies a couple of months ago. Before that, I used to have a bank account where my parents would lend me a bit of funds to buy food and maybe have a bit of fun on the weekends.
Now that I have a salary and save it in that bank account I decided to make myself the only authorized person to know the expenses of that bank account. There wasn’t much money when I decided to make it private.
I did this because I don’t want my parents to judge me on my decisions on how I spend my money. Some of those decisions are going to therapy or hair loss treatment, things that would make me feel embarrassed if they found out.
Now they’re really upset about this and want me to pay rent for living in their house. Do you think that’s fair? AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
As an independent adult with a job, you should have offered to pay something or pick up some bills.
On the other side, if your parents are letting you stay there rent-free, there’s an expectation for you to not be frivolous with your spending while you save up to have a better start when you move out on your own.
So while there’s no law giving them an actual right to know your expenses on the account, there IS something to be said about them being able to know that if they give you money for a bill, it goes to that bill instead of to a movie theater or other luxury.
The smarter thing to do would have been to leave that account alone, and just open a new one for your salary.” a_man_in_black
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m going to assume that because your parents are saying things about wanting you to pay rent, you are 18 or older.
That means you are entitled to keep your financial status private from your parents.
But that also means your parents are not responsible for supporting you anymore and shouldn’t get upset if they decide to treat you like an adult and require things like rent.
You can’t have it both ways… you can’t expect the full independence of being an adult but still be dependent on their income.” LelandHeron
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Depending on what country you live in, you are well within your rights to keep your financial information to yourself.
What you spend your money on is your own business, mostly. That being said, your parents are also well within their right to ask you to contribute towards rent since you now see yourself as an independent adult. Have a talk with them, and most likely it will end up being a situation where they won’t even be spending what you pay them, they’ll be putting it aside for you for when you decide to move out on your own.” Present_Simple4254
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an adult, you have every right to your own privacy and shouldn’t have to share your banking information with your parents. While they do have the right to charge you rent the reason I think they’re in the wrong right now is it seems like they are controlling and only decided to charge you rent when you didn’t give them full access to your financials.
You might wanna look into moving into your own place.” imabeast9000
7. AITJ For Not Liking My Fiancé's Best Man?
“Although my (f) fiancé has two very close real-life friends that he’s known for 6+ years, he considers his ‘best’ friend to be someone he met online through gaming a year ago.
They have never actually met each other. From the first time I was introduced to this person, (I’ll call him G), he has been nothing but rude to me. They excuse it as ‘gamer humor’, but G makes extremely personal ‘jokes’ about and to me, jokes that I’ve not ever said I’m okay with being made (i.e. making fun of my past struggles with addiction, calling me fat when he knows I struggle with an eating disorder; basically just really mean comments about things that are extremely personal to me disguised as a ‘joke’).
I have genuinely never had a pleasant interaction with G, and pretty much every time we speak, even briefly, it ends with me in tears. We’re about to start wedding planning, and my fiancé and I already disagree over whether G can be his best man or not.
While I understand that it is his wedding too, I don’t think it’s appropriate for G to be in my wedding or make a speech in front of my entire family when he has proven time and time again he does not respect me (and the disrespect is only one-off interactions through a screen – I couldn’t even begin to imagine how difficult he would make my WEDDING DAY).
I’ve told my fiancé that G is more than welcome to attend the wedding as a guest, but I do not want him in the wedding party and he should choose one of his real-life friends, arguably closer friends to be his best man instead.
Fiancé insists that it’s solely his decision because it’s his best man. AITJ (or a bridezilla)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I wouldn’t marry a man who continues to befriend someone that is toxic and mean to you.
That fact alone is a reason not to marry him because it shows he doesn’t care about you. On top of that, there is the fact that I assume he has known you much longer than this person and his priority is with him instead of you.
Then the red flag of ‘this is solely my decision’? Y’all are getting married. Everything from now on should be a compromise between both of you on a relatively even basis. It’s not a good sign that he already doesn’t want to do that.” Chelular07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I’d tell him this… it is NOT solely your decision because I will not be having anyone in the wedding party who disrespects me and if my fiancé is going to enable someone to disrespect me then I won’t be having a fiancé, and thus no wedding.
This is much deeper than that. You have serious insight into his character and priorities right now and what you see isn’t long-term relationship material, frankly. Reconsider this whole thing.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like you may lack some confidence.
Your fiancé lets someone that he’s never even seen in real life bully you about your weight, traumas, and addiction. Your fiancé might say that they are jokes, but if they hurt you it kinda stops being funny or a joke.
He thinks it’s fine to see you unhappy just to make his imaginary internet friend happy.
Get some confidence and reevaluate this relationship. If you keep negative people around you, you will keep thinking negative thoughts about yourself. Choose to be happy, only you control that.
Your fiancé gets to be near that, not the cause of your happiness.
Good luck with this. NTJ!” Aggressive_Cup8452
6. AITJ For Not Waiting For My Sister To Eat Thanksgiving Dinner?
“Every year we have dinner on Thanksgiving at 4 pm been that way since I was a kid and my parents still host. This gather includes my parents, my wife and kids, and various aunts/uncles/cousins. It also includes my sister.
She had to work this year but would be home by 615. My parents decided to push the celebration back so my sister could eat with us. I wasn’t very happy about it because we usually go see my in-laws for dessert but I figured we could eat quickly and be out of there by 7 to go to their house.
630 rolls around and my sister is nowhere to be seen. My mom called her and she said she had to wait for her replacement to come in but she was on the way and would be there at 645.
Everyone agreed to wait for her to eat but my wife shot me a glare.
I told my mom we had already waited long enough and already changed the gathering around for her and I had other places to be. My kids were hungry and getting cranky and my wife was mad.
I started making a plate so did my wife and kids.
My mom gave up and said fine everyone eat. Everyone started picking but it was awkward. My wife and kids and I finished eating and were getting ready to leave when my sister got home then everyone started making plates and talking and sitting at the table.
My wife and I left with the kids and went to in-laws.
The next day my mom called me and told me I was rude and it was only an extra 15 mins but really it was an extra 30. She said no one cares but me and after I left most of my family commented on how unnecessary I acted and that I made things uncomfortable.
My sister also feels really bad now because it’s her fault all this happened. Now my mom is embarrassed and saying she is not sure if she wants to host Christmas but I think I did nothing wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So much. The dinner was scheduled to start at 6:15. The fact that it has been held at 4 pm in previous years is irrelevant. You knew in advance that this would be the time and it was up to you to make appropriate decisions based on that.
If that meant having to decline one of the two events you were invited to, so be it.
You allotted 45 minutes to attend your family’s Thanksgiving dinner. In what world does a person think they can get in and out of a full Thanksgiving dinner in 45 minutes?
Many family dinners don’t start right at the given time even when nobody arrives late. People take time to socialize and hang out a bit before they eat. Sometimes the host/hostess is still cooking past the appointed time.
And yes, sometimes people are running a bit late and the hostess decides to wait for them before serving.
Then, because YOU failed to properly plan enough time to attend the event (or to choose to attend just a single event which is obviously what you should have done), over the hostess’ objections, you WENT AHEAD AND SERVED YOURSELF with the food she prepared when she wished to hold it for the late arrival. Seriously, if I’d hosted this dinner and someone did this, I’d have been outraged. She was the hostess and it was her call whether to wait on the late guest or begin without them.
Your rudeness and sense of entitlement far exceed any impropriety of the late guest that was held up at her job.” Throwaway-momsdress
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can see your side, but your scheduling can be really hard and you should’ve known the normal plan wouldn’t work and that you might not be able to do the dessert thing as it didn’t allow for a heap of time for the dinner, travel, etc. I get it would be annoying having to wait that extra time and that your kids were hungry etc but I think you gave up on the dinner and made your sister feel bad.
Again, still get your side though, that sounds annoying and I get why you did it but I also get why the family is upset.” nicoleisawkward
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s honestly a bit ridiculous that you planned such a tight schedule.
Thanksgiving dinners run late all the time—turkeys cook slower than expected, a guest gets caught in traffic, etc. Your sister was caught at work and couldn’t help it. You budgeting a 45-minute window should have never been anyone else’s problem.
And I can’t believe you ate the food when your mom said not to. If your kids are hungry and you needed to leave, make them some sandwiches from what’s in the pantry or refrigerator, but don’t cut into the Thanksgiving meal. That’s just selfish and rude.
The only quibble I have with your mom is that instead of breaking down and telling people to eat, she should have told you to drop your forks and leave.
It sounds like instead of splitting between your parents’ and in-laws’ houses, you should have just picked one this year.
Sometimes, when you’re married, you have to make a choice to be fair to yourselves and others.” PetuniaGoBlue
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom For Her Constant Comments About Our Wedding Preparation?
“I (32f) recently started planning my wedding with my fiancée (31f) and my mom immediately jumped to help us plan.
I thought at first it’d be ok but she will call vendors and venues she likes, and give them my information so they call me about a scheduled time and my mom swoops in to say ‘It’d be rude not to go since they invited you.’ It was obvious it was her after the third time when she wouldn’t stop giggling and admitted to calling beforehand and making appointments.
I wouldn’t take issue with this but my mom and I have wildly different tastes, every time I or my fiancée tell her something like how we want to have this color for the tablecloths or these flowers she’ll tell us that they look bad and will give us her own plan.
She recently showed us a massive binder of different ideas she wants us to look through.
It’s exhausting, at every step she will insist on looking at her ideas and when we reject them she’ll throw a fit and tell me I don’t love her because I ignore all her wishes.
I also want to add I think she’s had it in her head since I was a kid she’d planned my wedding. Even before I came out and went out with men she’d comment on how excited she was for the wedding, and when I told her my fiancée proposed she immediately started berating me about when we’d have the wedding so she could help us plan it.
Part of it is that when she married my dad it was a small courthouse affair because she was pregnant with me at the time and never got a proper wedding. My dad also died 17 years ago and she’s been going out with people sporadically but never for longer than a few months.
The last time my fiancée and I went to see a venue she tagged along and made all these comments on how gross everything was, pointing out all the tiny things wrong with it all. The person showing us was getting annoyed, my fiancée was getting annoyed and so was I.
She eventually said ‘If this was my wedding I’d NEVER even consider this dump,’ despite it being absolutely beautiful and within the budget. I snapped and told her that if she wanted to plan a wedding so badly she should get remarried. It was cruel but I was so tired of her trying to have her perfect wedding through me.
My fiancée thinks I’m not at fault but the rest of my family doesn’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moms get really weird about weddings and can easily overstep boundaries. If your mom already has a history of boundary stomping then I’d be prepared for her to take it up a notch or two as she gets focused on your wedding and trying to weasel her way around your ‘no’.
Call everyone involved with your wedding and set up passwords. I’m talking about the planner, the venue, the caterer, the florist, the photographer, the bakery, the dress shop/tailor, and even the place you ordered invitations from.
All of them need to know that your mom is meddling and it’s not to be allowed and only to go through you or your fiancée using a password that she can’t guess.
Heck, try to use FaceTime or Zoom for calls instead of voice so they can see you. It may seem like overkill but she doesn’t seem to listen to boundaries and tries to force you into doing what she wants.
Might as well set up precautions just in case she goes too far.” Silaquix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s the one being selfish and overstepping her boundaries. You’re exactly right, if she wants to plan a wedding so badly it needs to be hers.
Pulling the stunt of saying you don’t love her because you don’t agree with her is super manipulative. Honestly, if I was your partner that sounds like the MIL from the underworld. You need to set your boundaries now or soon she’ll be picking the name of your kids for you.
The decisions for your wedding are between you and your partner, and if your mother won’t support those decisions she shouldn’t be there, it’s not her wedding so her opinion does not matter and if she can’t accept that, you need to make it very clear that you won’t tolerate her disrespect and lay down a clear line she can’t cross.
She is being the jerk in this situation, mothers need to start to understand their kids are their own people and treat them as such.
You’re obviously a grown adult but she’s acting like a manipulative teenager and she’s bringing you and your partner down when this should be an exciting time.
If not for your sake, for the sake of the person you love and want to start a life with, don’t let her manipulate you now, it will set a dangerous precedent so stay strong and definitely do not apologize.” Fantastic-Leopard131
4. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws That My Husband Wouldn't Help Me?
“I’m pregnant and I’ve recently had an almost obsessive urge to reorganize everything in my home.
My library is one of the places I felt needed to be changed asap so I asked my husband multiple times if he would help me as my shelves are pretty high up and I have a lot of books that are heavy to move.
He kept telling me he would help me later as he was busy.
It felt like later was never coming so I finally decided to just do it myself while my husband was working. My in-laws came to visit us and they walked in on me grabbing books from the higher shelves.
They thought what I was doing was dangerous and that I could’ve fallen. My husband also freaked out and kept telling me to get down and saying I shouldn’t be carrying heavy things.
My father-in-law asked me why I hadn’t asked somebody else to move my books for me and I told him I did ask my husband but he wouldn’t help me.
He did try to correct them that he said he would help me later but his parents told him off for not doing it for me.
He thinks I made him look bad to his parents and is upset that I didn’t correct them and because I didn’t wait for him to reorganize my library.
We keep arguing because I told him that he didn’t help and that I didn’t want his help anymore and I would finish the library myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ. Solely because of how you put it as he wouldn’t help you.
His answer was that he was busy but would try to make time. To be fair, I don’t even have kids or a kid coming any time in the future, and it takes me a while to even find a free moment to clean my kitchen.
You are currently nesting – hence the obsessive urge to clean. However, this is not an emergency scenario and you are also pregnant, and climbing up on ladders is not safe for anyone pregnant.
Take it easy, and try to find something a little more ground-level to work on that needs to be cleaned and organized right now – like the baby’s room!
That is far more important than a library the baby probably won’t see for a long time.” Daligheri
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nesting is a strong mental drive and can take precedence over everything else. While it can be weaker for some, it can be maddeningly strong and irritating for others to not have their space ‘just so’.
When some people think of pregnancy not being an excuse, they think of things like emotional outbursts or cravings, which can certainly be mitigated. Nesting when not indulged is something that can cause stress and anxiety over time which is incredibly bad for the baby.
Maybe you could have said your husband said he would do it but kept putting it off to his parents, but he likely would have gotten scolded anyway. Besides, he definitely could have reorganized things with you at some point.
Ultimately, he is in fact a jerk.” Torntilla
Another User Comments:
“Eh – your husband isn’t responsible for your obsessions. Organizing the library wasn’t urgent – it was something YOU wanted to do. Which is fine, but it clearly didn’t seem urgent or important to your husband.
This wasn’t cleaning the kitchen or some other necessary task.
And to narc to his parents? Super petty. If you want to do something, then YOU do it. Don’t drag your husband into your projects, and don’t try and make him look bad because he’s got more important things to do.
YTJ.” sjsyed
3. AITJ For Not Doing Anything To Stop My Grandparents' Favoritism?
“My parents divorced when my older sister and I were both under 5. My grandparents were unhappy about the divorce as it caused a rift between my grandfathers who were business partners.
My dad is remarried and has 2 other biological children and 2 stepchildren.
My grandparents don’t treat them the same way they treat me and my sister. My dad has tried for years to stop the favoritism but it hasn’t worked because even when he threatened to keep us away from them unless they started treating us equally, my mum would let them see us.
Now that I’m an adult my dad wants my help to stop the favoritism. He wants me to tell my grandparents they can’t come to my wedding unless they treat my younger sister’s wedding the same as mine.
I don’t want to get involved because I know my grandfather doesn’t respond well to ultimatums and my future in-laws will find it strange if my grandparents don’t attend my wedding. They also paid for my wedding dress and have gifted me jewelry so I think it would be horrible to uninvite them even though the way they treat my siblings is unfair.
I told my dad I wouldn’t do it and it caused a fight because he thinks I should be willing to try and he wasn’t asking me to actually not let them attend. He only wants to see if the ultimatum is enough to force a change in their behavior but I honestly don’t care enough to risk it.
In the heat of the moment, I did tell him I didn’t care when he asked me if I thought it was okay that my siblings were treated the way they are by my grandparents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Understandable that your father is right to be frustrated with your grandparents about their behavior towards your half- and step-siblings. But this is Not. Your. Fight. This dispute is actually between your father and your grandparents and it is really unfortunate that you and your sister and half- and step-siblings are the battleground.
So, tell your father to take it up with your grandparents about this himself and to leave you out of it. It is not right nor fair of him to ask you to potentially damage your relationship with your grandparents for something that has nothing to do with you.” drusilla14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have a lovely wedding and I hope all the adults behave.
Your grandparents’ favoritism makes everything icky here. You love them. They’re generous and that feels nice. What doesn’t feel good is the way money is being used to punish innocent people, you and your siblings.
Setting you up in different camps is unfair and cruel. The way love and money are being used as weapons is distressing. Both your father and grandparents are doing it. Maybe you might tell them it hurts you when your grandparents are cold to your siblings, and when your dad expects you to emotionally blackmail your grandparents to fix a relationship with other people.
You just want to get married surrounded by the people that love you.” spacebunsofsteel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You can’t control your grandparents. Perhaps at some point, rather than an ultimatum, you could tell your grandparents that it hurts you that they treat your younger half-siblings differently because they didn’t choose to be born into the situation they’re in, and absolutely none of this is their fault.
Since they love and really want to support you, it might go a long way to hear that you disapprove of this and wish they would treat your half-siblings fairly.
But you definitely don’t need to blow up your own wedding plans over this, and your dad should have nipped this in the bud long before this if he didn’t want it to be an ongoing issue.” PsilosirenRose
You're not responsible for your grandparents ' behavior, and this isn't your fight. Tell Pops that he can speak to his own parents if he wants something from them, that you won't. What a wuss, and a coward.
2. AITJ For Not Giving Everyone Access To The Cleaning Supplies?
“I (21F) live with two other roommates (both 21F) and it has been an experience. Before moving in during the summer, we decided that we would split everything financially three ways, except for common groceries where we would just replace what was empty at the end of every week.
Now that we are reaching almost 5 months of living together, I have decided that enough is enough. I previously pitched in $100 of my own money to buy a vacuum for our apartment, and (after counting all of the supplies I have bought for us), I have spent over $200 on cleaning supplies and toilet paper for the apartment.
I have not asked my roommates to help pitch in at any point because they have said they have been too busy to buy anything for the apartment. However, recently, since I am a broke college student, I can no longer afford to buy things for all of us.
So, I asked for $8 from each roommate to split the past errand I ran into 3 ways. Both of them refused to pay and claimed they were broke. I asked that they instead pitch in by cleaning more, and Roommate #2 refused that request too.
Roommate #1 is financially broke, she is living paycheck to paycheck, and I do what I can to help her out. However, Roommate #2, is not financially broke, because her parents pay for college and she just recently flew across the country for a weekend with her friends.
I understood the reasoning from Roommate #1, but after realizing that R2 does not clean AT ALL, I’ve only seen her clean twice in two months, I see that her viewpoint is that because she doesn’t clean, she doesn’t have to pay for anything.
But, I’ve spent the past 5 months paying for toilet paper, and she won’t pay for what she uses either. So, like any tired and burned-out roommate would do, I took all of the cleaning supplies I recently paid for, and put them all in my room.
Roommate 1 is welcome to take the cleaning supplies upon request, but I can’t financially contribute for all of us anymore, I even took the big pack of toilet paper and put it in my closet. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very sweet of you to care for Roommate #1 too, but you’re also broke and shouldn’t be shouldering that responsibility either, let alone that of #2. It’s fine and completely fair to keep your supplies (yes, they’re yours and yours alone since you’re the only one who paid) in your room, and they can either contribute or purchase their own.
It’s never a jerk move to keep your purchases in your room for your own use. If they want to use them, they can pay up, otherwise, they can find a way to buy their own!” Theabsoluteworst1289
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this whole ‘replace what’s done’ mantra is not gonna work. Toilet paper gets split 3 ways or each person buys their own and takes it back and forth to the bathroom. Each person buys their own cleaning supplies for their rooms and whatever is used for communal areas is split.
Groceries is each man for his own that way each person buys what they can afford.” NaryaGenesis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (anymore)
They were mooching off you, and you were allowing it.
Keep all the cleaning equipment in your room as well as all the supplies you purchased.
If they want to use your vacuum cleaner, the rental price is a roll of toilet paper or $1 or whatever you deem to be fair.
They didn’t have to outlay money for a vacuum cleaner or use up space in their closet to store it.
This is a good deal for them.” ComputerCrafty4781
1. AITJ For Embarrassing My Sister For Taking Photos Of My Husband?
“My (25) sister (19) takes a lot of pictures of my son but I’ve noticed she does it excessively when he’s with my husband. I thought I was being paranoid at first but we all went on vacation together and she was constantly taking pictures of them.
My husband even commented on how many pictures she was taking of him.
I asked her to stop taking pictures of him because she was doing it while we were at the beach and it was weird. She was embarrassed because I said it in front of everybody so she got defensive and claimed she was taking a photo of my son but either way, my husband was still in the pictures.
I told her to stop again which upset her and she started giving me the silent treatment.
Later on, my parents pulled me aside and told me I shouldn’t have said that to her the way I did because I embarrassed her and now she wanted to go home.
They asked me to apologise but I told them she was being weird and she didn’t need that many pictures of my husband or my son.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it seems you’re in different stages of life.
She sounds like a youngster (19) who always takes pictures. And you seem like a young wife (25) still super in love with her husband and still a bit jealous if anyone shows your husband a bit more attention than unusual.
You probably don’t realize when she takes pictures of you and your son, because you’re then concerned with the kid.
Of course she was uncomfortable when you accused her of a crush on her much older BIL. I’d be too. In fact, I’d be offended. It feels like incest.” ltlyellowcloud
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for telling her in front of everyone like that but you aren’t wrong for asking.
You both want her to stop so she should just stop. Sounds like she’s willing just embarrassed.
It’s hard to guess her reasoning without knowing your family. My husband HATES getting his photo taken so my sister helps me take secret photos at events.
Lol most of my photos of him are suprise or natural shots.
Maybe she thought you’d want those types of photos more. It makes more sense cause the kid is in them too. Family photos. It’d be weirder if it was just the husband with no context.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was not being weird she would not have gotten embarrassed. You were at the beach to spend time with your family. She could have taken one picture and then put her phone away like a normal person, but she just wanted to take pictures the whole time.
‘Later on, my parents pulled me aside and told me I shouldn’t have said that to her the way I did because I embarrassed her and now she wanted to go home.’
I’d say let her go home.
She is not participating in the vacation by just being on her phone the whole time making you and your husband uncomfortable.” geman11
Another User Comments:
“If she’s your sister why did you have to embarrass her in front of everyone?
Plus she’s 19, she’s probably still embarrassed by everything. You’re definitely a jerk for handling it the way you did, she’s not some stranger taking pictures of your husband, she’s your sister. It takes 2 seconds to pull someone aside and tell them to stop.
You clearly wanted to embarrass her on purpose. This screams insecurity. YTJ.” PomegranateLimp9803
I know some people are saying you're jealous, you wanted to embarrass your sister, blah, blah, blah...
But the fact is, your husband mentioned to you that she seemed to be taking a lot of pictures of him and it made him uncomfortable. You addressed her about it and she got defensive.
You might have been a little mean when you repeated yourself by yelling at her in front of everyone. But she crossed a boundary and then was angry you called her on it. You're NTJ.
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