People Share Their Worst Moments In These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Going Low Contact With Parents Over Their Dangerous Dog?
“My parents (60sF and 70sM) and I (40sF) have had a strained relationship since my child was born and I ran out of time and patience to cater to their entitled nonsense.
My father is an emotionally and verbally abusive narcissist and my mother is an enabler.
A few years ago they got a dog from an advert on an online marketplace, he was a 1ish-year-old untrained American Bully. It was a disaster. My father refused to have him neutered, yelled at him and disciplined him by throwing things (he has mobility issues so can’t really move from his chair).
My mother, who is a tiny woman with a bad back, walked him.
The dog played quite rough with my child and niblings, growled at me when I intervened, and made a fuss if left in the garden while we visited. I stopped visiting often and spoke to my mother, who brushed off my concerns as “he’s just young and playful”.
In spring, the dog bit their neighbour’s child, requiring the child to go to hospital and have her face stitched back together. My mother took the dog and had him PTS. It emerged in later conversation that the dog had bitten the same child months before and they had not told me because they deemed it the child’s fault.
That child is the same age as mine, they knew the dog was a biter and kept insisting I bring my child to visit. I was instantly furious, especially as my father was insisting he needs another dog “because of his depression”. I told my mother not to get another Bully, and if they must (my father won’t be reasoned with) to please get a puppy and get it trained properly.
A few weeks later they got another dog…an XL American Bully. Fully grown, from some guy my uncle knows from the pub in a whole different city. They know nothing of this dog’s background and it weighs as much as my mother, so she can’t control it on walks.
I told them they’re irresponsible and I won’t bring my child to their house while they this dog, they told me not to be silly and they’re keeping the dog. They won’t come to my house as they don’t drive and my father gets travel sick, and basically just doesn’t go out of his way for anyone but himself.
My mother won’t come alone as he calls her incessantly and then verbally mistreats her when she gets home.
My mother keeps calling trying to wear me down. “The dog is nice! It’s so friendly and soft! Even the child that was bitten likes this dog!” When that fails she cries “we miss our grandchild”.
I don’t care, they risked my child’s life and safety and I don’t trust them anymore. AITJ for going low contact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-But do you really think LC is enough? Your parents deliberately put the lives of you, your family, and your neighbors in jeopardy, and a child nearly died as a result and will be scarred for life.
To make matters worse, your parents deliberately got another large dog they can’t control and are repeating their selfish actions. This doesn’t even begin to cover how your father is emotionally and verbally abusive to your mother, how they try to gaslight and guilt trip you, etc. How could you take the risk that their terrible decisions and negative behavior won’t affect you or your daughter in the long run?” Realistic_Bike7138
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Where I live, we’re actually in the process of banning XL Bullys after a spate of violent attacks, including some that led to deaths of a – Chihuahua 17-month-old 10-year-old 54-year-old and a 65-year-old. As well as injuries to an 11-year-old and a couple of adults.
Do not risk it.” Clueingforbeggs
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Stepkids' Private Schooling And Separate Bedrooms?
“I (36f) have one (13F) child. My husband (46) has 4 kids (13F,11M,8F,6F) with his ex wife. Their divorce was very amicable and he gladly pays for his ex’s home and cash support as she was a SAHM.
This amounts to close to 8k a month. He makes 250k (15k month net) while I make 400k (around 23k a month, varies). I would guess his ex makes 60k a year now.
We live in a high-cost-of-living city so Ex’s house is only 3 beds and ours is 4 beds (almost 10k a month).
Before marrying me he lived in a studio down the street and he would take the kids during his days but put them to bed at her house. I lived in a two bedroom paying 4k, so my daughter had her own room. Now, his kids share a room at our house when they are here 30% of the time.
We have an uneven amount of kids and can’t afford a 6 bedroom. I have put my daughter in her own bedroom. She’s only 2 months younger than my oldest stepdaughter and is with us almost all the time. Her father is out of state and I receive meager child support.
Between that and my daughter attending private school (started 2 years ago before we married), I pay a little less than half my salary every month to tuition and mortgage payments.
Ex wife is now asking my husband to either allow my oldest stepdaughter or stepson to have their own bedroom, and to send all the kids to private school.
Quite frankly, we can’t afford it. I am making great money now but was basically paycheck to paycheck most of my daughter’s life. I pretty much decimated my retirement and got into big debt (100k) to start my business that just started thriving last year.
She is claiming I am treating my child like the favorite. I have always instilled academic values in my child- she has never received anything less than an A and has a lot of dreams. The other kids are great kids but they do not value education as much.
I’m not judging, just evaluating, but the kids are different. They have been raised differently, and that’s fine.
I told my husband we can consider private school for each kid individually as they get older and they possibly get more academic rigor but sending 5 kids to private school is just out of the question.
I feel like I am being expected to foot this bill because I am successful but I also have my long term financial security to work out. He has a healthy retirement (to which ex is entitled to half) and I have nothing to fall back on if my industry gets a downturn.
My career is half his career’s age, I do not have wealth like he has.
I asked my daughter if she was ok sharing a room with her stepsister, and she said she would prefer not to since the kids are messy.
AITJ for not wanting to pay for all my stepkids private schooling and changing up rooms?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like you, and only you, are paying for your daughter’s school. Fair would be either him, or him and his ex, paying for their kids schooling. Tell husband that he can stop sending his ex money and put that money towards the kids getting private school.
For the kids getting bedrooms, they have bedrooms, they have to share, and that is unfortunate, but it is what it is.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your husband and his Ex want to put their kids in private school, they need to pay for it.
Not you, them. They chose to have four kids and those kids are their responsibility. Similarly, if your husband wants his kids to have individual dedicated bedrooms without sharing, he needs to pay for that.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would stop communicating with your husband’s ex altogether.
Your husband should be dealing with her. I also would not pay for private school for your step kids. They have two working parents. If their mom wants them to go to private school, she can work towards getting a better job or allowing your husband to minimize what he pays her so he can afford tuition.
Please also keep advocating for your kid as you’re her only champion. I know I personally would have hated it going from me and my mom, to me and FIVE other people in the home.” friendlily
Tell him THEIR kids are for them to pay for not YOU and he end of conversation.. you would have been better off staying in your 2 bed home woth daughter and not marrying him
23. AITJ For No Longer Wanting To Financially Support My Parents?
“I 27(f) am a Filipino living in Australia for 15 years now with my parents and younger brother.
I, being the oldest sibling in a Filipino household, have always held the responsibility of financially supporting my parents. This is in despite the fact that my dad used to work in the mines in Australia earning well over 250k a year and my mum worked too.
Normally the kids of Filipinos are expected to provide financial support to family when the family still resides back in the Phillipines. Unfortunately, due to gambling and frivolous spending they have never been able to save.
So growing up my parents would never support me as I was a “bad” teenager.
Once my phone bill went over by $300 and I was panicking as that’s a lot of money for a 14 year old and my mum laughed at my struggles and pretty much said too bad too sad. I have never been able to talk to her or dad about my struggles nor has my brother.
When my ex was abusive, my mum would not comfort me but rather say that’s my fault for seeing him and would make it about herself. Even my brother who had his best friend pass away, wouldn’t tell my mum as he knew she would provide no emotional support.
My mum has a victim mentality and can be a serial narcissistic gaslighter. When I was in high school I was a bit of a rebel seeing guys, drinking and staying out late and this did not bode well with my traditional Catholic Filipino parents.
My mum would frequently talk negatively about me to relatives and the wider Filipino community. This caused a very bad reputation against my name and instead of my mum defending me, she would instigate or fuel it.
Fast forward to after finishing accounting at university, I had saved a lot of money and wanted to buy a unit for myself.
My parents wanted a house though so I used my 30 grand in savings to help them for a deposit on their first house. This along with paying off their credit cards, loans and lending them over 12k and never getting paid back.
Now that I have completed further studying and multiple promotions I am now manager at a large firm.
I am doing well career wise now and have a fiance and we have bought a house. Now my mum talks me up to all her friends saying how rich I am and how I am the best kid out of all the cousins etc.
Now that I have a fiance and we have a mortgage and need to save up for an engagement party, wedding etc. I have decided after I pay off their final credit card, that I am done. My mum did not like this and expected me to pay for their flights to the Phillipines next year which will cost 3-4 grand which is not a fair ask as I have a family of my own now.
My mum now is talking to relatives etc that I am a horrible heartless daughter. I’ve had multiple messages from family members reinstating how horrible I am. This is heartbreaking to me but makes me feel like I could be a jerk even though my fiance reassures me I am definitely not, and couldn’t be anymore in the right.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. And based on this information, your family takes advantage of you and generally shows conditional love/acceptance. I’m sure your culture is not adequately represented by the described financial misuse described above.” Asleep-Mastodon7668
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Perhaps, as an American, I’m not comfortable with social customs that are the norm elsewhere. But I think it’s absolutely silly for you to subsidize their excess lifestyle; they clearly want to live beyond their means. You have your own family to support. That’s your priority.
Ignore the overbearing family members; they’re not the one being hounded for financial support.” ArtShapiro
22. AITJ For Insisting My Partner Attends My Mum's 50th Birthday Instead of a Football Game?
“I’m 22 and my partner is 23. He has a season ticket for a football team in London which basically means every other weekend he has a game to go and watch. I am fine with this and accept that we all have our outlets in life.
He sees his friends enjoys himself and it’s all fine with me. I do my own thing as well.
I told him 3 months ago that my mum has her 50th birthday dinner on the 21st Oct. He agreed and said it would be fine as it’s in the evening.
So it would mean watching the game and meeting us after in London. Totally fine with that as dinner is at 7pm. He now told me now that the game time has changed for 5.30pm. I told him it doesn’t matter and he has to come to the dinner we have been together for 2 years and he knows my family.
He didn’t like me shutting it down and telling him he has to not go to the game and made me feel bad.
I don’t mind him going to watch his team even take up weekends but surely for special occasions he can miss it or am I missing the point?
Do I need to be more supportive about this. I just feel bad now for him as I never say no to anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would seriously communicate with your partner. It sounds like you’ve managed to get this far in your relationship as you don’t say no to him.
Now you have, and he’s shown you that he prioritizes football over you and your family. It might be a one off and he might change, but it would suck building a life and possibly raising a family with someone who does that.” Fuzzy_Bumblebee2629
Another User Comments:
“Some advice from a well seasoned person, sometimes you have to let people do what they want so you can see what they’d rather be doing. If he misses your mum’s bday for this game, you’ll know where his priorities lie and you can make a choice from there…” fastypastie
Another User Comments:
“I was ready to say you are one for telling him he can’t go to the match, until I saw the comment saying the match time was changed 2 months ago. He 100% planned on taking advantage of you not following the team to make it seem like a last minute change, thinking you would give him a pass to skip dinner.
NTJ, and your partner certainly is one if he insists on going despite agreeing 3 months ago to skip it.” CelebrationOk2239
21. AITJ For Applying For The Same Job As My Friend?
“I applied for a job at my company which made my coworker/friend(AA) upset.
I’ve been with the company for over 5 years, and I’ve known AA for 2-3 years. We’re the same age and have the same position but we work in different locations, which limits our daily interactions. A few months ago, our company posted openings for a management and a specialist role.
While I was interested in both, I was more inclined to the first. I was also aware that AA had applied for the specialist position so I only applied for the management role. Neither of us got it, which left me discontent, especially with ongoing structural changes within the company.
I told another colleague(BB), that I was unhappy and wanted to leave the company. BB is a close friend and one of the specialists. He asked whether I’d want his role. I would but was hesitant because this role was commission-based and I had just bought a house.
A week later, BB said there was an opening in his team and he could refer me. I asked if he knew anything about the applicant pool and AA. He said the job had been posted for a month, with limited interest, as his manager was still actively searching.
BB said he didn’t think AA applied. Assuming AA might not apply so soon after his rejection, I decided to submit my application.
Today, I was talking to AA and asked if he knew about the opening. He said he was talking to the hiring manager.
I asked how he would feel if I applied and he said he would be angry and I shouldn’t do it. I admitted I already applied. He got angry and accused me of trying to sabotage him. He said I had a bad sense of ethics and I was taking something important from him.
He said I knew how important it was for him and shouldn’t have applied. The fact that I didn’t tell him beforehand means I have a very low standard of ethics.
I told him I found that very hurtful. I have nothing but praise for him when I’m talking with other coworkers and I was even telling BB how I thought AA would be great for the position.
I know this position means a lot for him but it also means a lot to me. Just because it matters more to him than to me doesn’t make him entitled to apply for it. I consider him a friend and that’s why I wanted to tell him I applied. I think he does deserve the role but regardless of who gets it, I won’t have any hard feelings.
In fact, if he gets it, I would be happy for him because he’s been working for it for a long time. The conversation ended with him saying whatever and guilting me by saying if he doesn’t get it, he’ll have no choice but to leave the company so he will spend the weekend applying to other companies.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here. Could I have handled it better? Sure. I could have talked to him first. That said, that shouldn’t stop me from applying. If the roles were reversed, I would wish him nothing but the best and support him.
I feel like because we’re friends and this means a lot to him doesn’t mean I should give up my own development.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand AA really wants the role, but it was unreasonable that AA could “block” you from applying or accuse you of “sabotage” or “bad sense of ethics.” The best applicant for the role should get it, not the one who it “matters more to” (whatever that means).
Frankly it sounds like AA is not ready for the next level in their career. If they are that emotional and inappropriate with you about the role, chances are that others know how AA is too. Not your responsibility, you did everything above and beyond what fidelity to your coworkers and workplace demanded. It’s weird to think that a friend wouldn’t be supportive of your success — there’s plenty of opportunity to go around.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I work in a small group. We used to be even smaller. When we grew, a Team Lead position was created and more than half of us applied for it. I would have been really happy and supportive if one of them got it, and so far the only one who has acted salty is a guy whose base attitude is pure salt.
It’s silly to act like that. If your cohorts rise, and you support them, it’s more likely that you will have better prospects. People *see* how you behave, and if they don’t like your attitude they won’t want to work with you.” lyan-cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I feel like it’s more so the fact that you have BBs endorsement that’s upsetting him because that tips the scales very heavily in your favor in terms of getting the position – it shows you’re a cultural fit who will get along with the team since you basically do already, and he’s also already been passed over for it once.
If it’s between the two of you, there’s no way they’d choose him now. And if his motivation for wanting the role is alleviating financial strain, I can see why he’d be so upset.” baroquebinch
20. AITJ For Being Frustrated with My In-Laws' Lack of Support During My Wife's Hospitalization?
“(26M) My spouse (23F) had multiple seizures back-to-back Wednesday night and had to be taken to the hospital via ambulance. She aspirated water into her lungs causing an infection (Pneumonia) and had to be intubated and sedated for 4 days, including catheter and all kinds of tests.
She had just woken up at about 1pm and was very confused and hallucinating slightly from the anesthesia. So, I wanted someone here she knows to keep her company and help her instead of a stranger. This conversation started at 12:30am on day3 Friday night into Saturday morning.
Me: Can you and/or FIL stay with Spouse tomorrow between 3 and midnight till I get off work? Idk if they are gonna try to wake up her not but she’s having the mri tomorrow. And her lungs are getting better so hopefully they can.
She messages back 12:40PM on Saturday:
MIL: FIL will be back from town soon and I will see what he wants to do I’ll get back with you very soon. (Next text) I will be there at 3:00
I then receive this message at 3:08pm
MIL: I’m about to leave and take FIL the car so he can go to the hospital he’ll be there about 4:30.
Me: What the heck alright. I really need one of you here by 430, I cannot afford to miss another day of work. (Spouse can’t work due to seizures)
No response until 5:35pm…
MIL: FIL is about to head that way.
Me: Lol if he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to, I just need to know so I can call my boss.
I’m 2 hours late already and it’s probably gonna be another hour till he gets here. (It was)
MIL: He just left. You don’t have to wait on him to go to work I don’t know what you’re mad about but you don’t have to wait on FIL for you to go to work you could have already gone to work.
He left he’s on his way.
Me: Yes I do have to wait because your daughter can’t take care of herself, I’m feeding her, draining mucus out of mouth, I’m mad because you told me 3, then 430, then at 530 you say he’s leaving?
It’s very frustrating.
MIL: She has nurses there as well. If you were not there that’s what they get paid for as well. Do you think they would just let her be alone with no care. No reason for your frustrations. He had to wait for me to get back to take the car I left Granddaughter’s birthday party early so he could.
So I would appreciate you not being that way to us because we’ve been down this road we know what happens in the in the hospital. You have choices people still have to work and they still have to do things and he is on his Way.
I’m not going to argue with you. He is on his way.
Me: Lol people do have to work, no reason for my frustration??? You could’ve told me you were at a party, or at least updated me along the way but whatever cool thanks bye.
MIL: I don’t appreciate your tone. I gave you a time frame and he’s on his way.
(FIL also wasn’t there when I got off work, no telling when he left.)
I just sent her a thumbs up after that. Their daughter was unconscious and on life support for four days in the icu and this is the conversation I get.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, seriously? Even my mother would show if I was in ICU, and she doesn’t gaf about most things parents care about. Band performances? Nope. Hospital? Yes, the moment she’s asked. And yeah, the ICU nurses and techs will take care of her, but there’s eff all they can do about hospital delirium.
A family member in the room is super helpful for that, because there’s already a relationship of trust there. I hope your wife continues to improve. My husband had hospital delirium for his entire inpatient stay after bypass surgery, and it was basically resolved when we hit our front door, so she should be okay on that front.” geth1138
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Are your in-laws really that dense and self involved, or just completely in denial about the seriousness of their daughter’s condition? They are the jerks for not being there already, and double royal jerks for her saying one of them would be there when they had no intention of being there.
MIL is also a Super king kong mega jerk for going to a birthday party when her daughter is so ill” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if it was a stranger in the hospital and not her daughter, the fact is she told you she’d be there at 3 and stay until 12, and that was a lie.
She didn’t communicate with you in any sort of respectful way. Not saying it’s right, but people do sometimes get blase about hospitalizations for loved ones when that person has had frequent health issues. I absolutely don’t understand why, but I’ve seen it multiple times.
I think that you and your wife need to discuss a different plan of action for the future. The two of you have been shown you cannot count on your in-laws.” MeanestGoose
19. AITJ For Wanting My Abusive Mother's Dependent Son To Move Out?
“I (24f) allowed my brother (20m) to move in with me and my partner of 5 years back in January. He was coming from living with my mother, who has been abusive in every way possible our entire lives, so I knew he’d have some issues with stunted growth prior to him moving in, but figured it wasn’t anything we couldn’t manage.
(For context, we were raised by the same mother but have different fathers. My father was present, involved, and not abusive like my mother so I felt that I had an escape. My brother’s father was not present, so he was raised by our mother only and subject to her mistreatment a lot more frequently than I was).
Unfortunately, the situation since he moved in has been a lot more tumultuous than I expected.
There are often fights about many things. He does not help with household chores and gets very offended when I ask him to clean up after himself. He calls out of work often, runs out of funds quickly, and then expects me to help him with funds until he gets paid.
He expects dinner to be cooked for him every single night (which was never promised) and overall is a lot more disrespectful than I ever imagined. He is not putting in any effort to save for a car, and will often ask for rides in the middle of my workday (I work from home).
He doesn’t contribute to any bills except a small portion of rent, but when I ask him to make sure he turns his lights/tv off before leaving the house due to the electric bill, that also becomes an argument. These situations often turn into fights as he gets very upset if boundaries are set.
I never signed up for parenting, and that is what I feel like I have been pushed into doing. As much as I understand his trauma, I am trying to work through my own, and feeling like I am walking on eggshells in my own home is not helping.
I am constantly anxious and anticipating the next argument. My partner is also uncomfortable and I feel that this has driven a wedge in our relationship.
I have been having thoughts about asking him to move out when our lease ends next month, but I know that he doesn’t have anyone to room with or funds saved up so he will be going right back to our mother’s.
As much as I feel guilty for “sending” him back there, I don’t feel it’s fair to be subjected to this in my own home. I wanted to help him out but I cannot raise a 20 year old man. AITJ if I ask him to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can be supportive of someone’s trauma without having to be their servant. I think it’s a fair consequence to ask him to leave. But if you’re feeling guilty you could give him one last chance with very clear rules and boundaries.
Do not drive him around unless it’s prescheduled and convenient for you (i.e., not during your work time). Do not give him any more funds. Make him cook dinner for everyone a fair amount of time. Make him pay rent.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“You’ve been a halfway house, so he could learn how to live, away from your mother. Now it’s time for him to move on to his own place, likely with roommates. This will be another chance to see how people live together, and how some of his behaviors won’t fly with folks not related to him.
Fly little bird, fly!” QuietCelery7850
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know if it will do any good but you should probably gently suggest he consider therapy for the situation is not gonna get better. I don’t know if it will do any good but you should probably gently suggest he consider therapy.
This situation is not gonna get better.” SpookyReadingGirl
18. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Needs To Move Out Of My Dad's House?
“I (24F) have been living abroad for almost two years now. My parents (50M and 45F) are divorced and I have a younger (14) brother. During the divorce, when I was still a minor, my dad allowed my mother to stay in the house (which is his by inheritance) because she had me and my brother to take care of.
Now, 10+ years later, she bought her own house two months ago and started a few renovations “for safety”. She said it would only take 1 month max to finish and move out, however, every time the move out week comes something comes up that makes it “impossible” for her to move.
I will be living in the house she is right now with my dad when go back to my home country in 4 months and, as she never did any basic maintenance or paid ANY house taxes during this time, needless to say we have a lot of work to do.
Now, 7 days before her THIRD move out day, she texted me saying she can’t move out yet because ” it’s too much work for her to do in a week”, making me cancel every single professional scheduled to start working on the house and complicating my dad even further in his current living situation.
Am I the jerk for telling her I can’t wait any longer and she needs to move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just bring the professionals in around her. That will make it so uncomfortable that she has a choice… move into her place or live with the uncomfortableness.
The house is not hers. She is lucky that your dad allowed her to continue to live in his house. Perhaps you need to start formal evictions procedures. And as to the commentator about this being the OP’s mother he’s being mean. The OP’s mother mistreated him and probably shouldn’t have the title of mother.
Just because you came out of someone doesn’t give them the right to treat you as less than human. You have no obligation to them. You didn’t ask to be born.” KitchenDismal9258
17. AITJ For Scheduling My Wisdom Teeth Surgery On My Partner's Birthday?
“I (22F) have been seeing my partner (20M) for roughly a year and a half, with some breaks in between.
At the end of August he ended things with me over text while I was staying 3 hours away from the area we live due to a gap between leases. I was home packing my childhood room up because my family is getting a divorce- something that’s been hard on me emotionally.
He claimed that I wasn’t as invested into the relationship as he was because I chose to live with a close friend who I’ve lived with before instead of moving in together. He’s also ended things with me during our first Christmas as a couple because I chose to spend it with my family instead of his.
His family lives in the area we do, so he sees them much more often, and does not understand that it’s that it’s not that I don’t love him, but I do prioritize my family.
Anywho, I’m in need of my wisdom teeth removed. They’ve been causing some issues and pain.
I’ve had many major issues with insurance, and have lost around $500 at a surgeon’s office that I discovered was out of my insurance network. I came home for an appointment with the new surgeon’s office that is in my hometown and was told there was a cancellation for 4 days later, which happens to be my partner’s birthday.
With everything going on in my family, along with my own finances not being the best (I’m unemployed job hunting ((yet another reason right now is more practical then in a few months))), I may not have the best insurance coming up due to the divorce.
This new doctor’s office costs less that $400 total including the surgery since my insurance is in network with the doctor’s office and covers most costs.
I told my partner about this, and that I accepted that date of his birthday for my procedure. I told him how sorry I was, apologizing and promising to still make his birthday special once I’m back, and understanding that it’s upsetting and not ideal. He has been so mad and mean about it, attacking me and telling me I’m not as committed as he is.
I spent the entire day defending myself, and apologizing probably about 100 times?? He is expecting me to drive up the day before my surgery to attend his family party, and then drive back home for the surgery. This is 6 hours of driving and I don’t really have the gas money.
I’ve also explained that he did end things with me just about a month ago, and I don’t think it’s right for me to revolve my life around him when he didn’t even want to be together so recently. He then says that the reason for that is because I wasn’t as committed to him as he is to me because he wanted to live together and sign a lease together, but I pointed out how that would’ve been a horrible situation since he ended things with me- he says had I wanted to live with him it would’ve been all okay.
So now, he is saying this is why he ended things with me, because I don’t care about him like he cares about me & I’m not committed to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes these things come up. Life gets busy and stressful, and we can’t help that, but it seems to be a consistent issue with him that he gets upset with scheduling conflicts that are out of your hands.
Beyond that, I think that you need to leave him behind. He doesn’t seem to have your best interest at heart and can’t seem to understand that you are your own person. Do not sign a lease with him, do not move in with him, and do not continue getting back together with him.
You are right, there is toxicity in this relationship.” Wooden_Tell_8794
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not that you don’t care about him like he cares about you, it’s that you don’t care about him like he cares about himself. Same with the direction of commitment.
And you definitely shouldn’t. Joke ahead… It’s a good thing you’re getting those teeth removed. They must be defective because they sure aren’t providing the wisdom needed to handle this guy. Seriously though, you’re young and you deserve better. Go forth, be silly on pain meds, and live your best life.” ItWouldntWorkAnyway
16. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Bridesmaid Two Days Before My Wedding?
“This girl (“Allie”,27F) has been my friend for 15 years. I (26F) really care about her, but if I’m honest she has always treated me kind of poorly. We have great moments but she is self centered 90% of the time and hurts others due to it.
My fiancé (27M) and I got engaged 2 years ago, and due to how long the friendship had been, I asked Allie to be my bridesmaid 6 months after. I knew we had our ups and downs but I have always cared deeply for her despite her ways.
She was excited and always saying how she was so happy to be able to help when it comes time. So a year and three months pass, and finally it’s time to really start planning and making arrangements etc. She was given a fee very minor tasks to do, and told EXACTLY what the plans were for the week of and how much it would cost ($30 for dinner and another $50 if she chose to get her nails done at the salon).
Fast forward to three weeks before the wedding, she randomly decided to break her lease and buy an RV and move two hours away. She also hasn’t done any of the things she said she would, and is being rude about it and saying she doesn’t have time due to her new living situation.
Her partner took out the loan and bought the RV himself. During this time she has gotten a tattoo, several large purchases (“luxury” items so to speak, not necessities) and is constantly eating out. We are now 2 days out and she had just told me, at midnight, that she simply can’t afford to come to my bachelorette party nor can she come get her nails done (she just got another tattoo last week and bought a $50 acrylic nail kit) and she also won’t be able to get to the venue on time because she had a friend that wanted to dye her hair the DAY OF.
Wedding starts at 5, I asked her to be there by 1:30 to get ready with all of us and take photos. She said she can’t promise anything. At this point, I don’t even want her in the wedding. WIBTJ if I told her to just stay home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She knew about the wedding well in advance and wonder why (and BF) couldn’t wait 3 weeks to break the lease and buy the RV. As for her expenses? Well. You now know where her priorities lie. Regardless of whether or not you tell her not to come, this friendship is over.
My question is: will you regret dumping her for the wedding, or regret seeing her in your photos in 20 years time? And to be honest, I wouldn’t want to see her face in my photos in 20 years time.” Brilliant-Arthur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t sound like a bridezilla from the way you describe this situation!
Sounds like she has had enough advance warning of your plans (which don’t sound extravagant) and she has not responded in a timely manner to confirm. Not all friends are up for the commitment when asked, fair enough. But you’ve given her plenty of chances to figure things out, and she hasn’t followed through.
NTJ!!!!!” ElegantProvocateurXX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m so sorry this is how your friendship is ending/changing. It’s always hard when they change, but they do. I would release her from the ‘promise’ of being a bridesmaid, and you can decide if you want her at your wedding or not – maybe she comes along if that’s what you want, or not, if that’s what you’d prefer.
Your choice. Try and focus on your wedding, and what you want it to be, but allow yourself time to feel a little sad that your friendship isn’t what you thought it was.” Logical_Seat_8
15. AITJ For Feeling Neglected By My Mom After My Sister's Terminal Cancer Diagnosis?
“I (17) female has a little sister that is (7) she has brain cancer that is terminal, and she might only lived to the age of 16 ever since we found out about the news of her being terminal three months ago my mom has constantly had her up her butt 24/7 she doesn’t go to school since she’s homeschooled and doing chemo and she goes to work with my mom and get to do a whole lot of other stuff.
My mom has even created a social media page for her about her journey. Ever since all this test has started I feel like I have been in the shadows. I am adopted have been for almost 4 years now. And no matter what I do it always gets blindsided by my little sister.
A month ago I was requested by the school to be in the national honor Society.
I showed my mom this and she barely even said anything not even I’m proud of you that really hurt my feelings because I don’t do sports and I am only in the library club for my school so getting requested by the national honor Society was a really big deal for me.
She hollered and screamed at me after I told her I feel like she doesn’t even care. In a couple days ago, I showed her my report card it had all A’s except for one B and most of those A’s were 100s That was the best I’ve ever had considering that I’m a junior in high school.
She looked at it told me a good job and that was all before all that she used to tell me that she was proud of me and she would take a picture and post it on social media and tag me in and tell me how much she’s proud of me.
I understand that my mom is going through a lot. I know because I am usually there comforting her.
It’s just lately I’ve been feeling like a burden and that she doesn’t even care it’s always just about my little sister, and also to mention me and my mom are really close considering that I’m actually her cousin I’m (17)and my mom is (32).
she adopted me back in 2020 me and her are really close. She’s like my best friend and tell her almost everything and she tells me almost everything but lately we barely even talk to each other, and when we do it’s about my little sister.
So am I the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to say YTJ. Your family is going through an unimaginable time. This is difficult on everyone involved. What I will tell you is that I’m sorry your mom can’t give you the kind of support that you need (and deserve) right now.
You might not understand but that is hard on her too. Everyone involved is doing the best that they can under the circumstances. Sometimes it can help when you accept that and try to view what is happening through that lens. They may not being doing it all right–they may not be giving you all the support that you wish you could have but they are doing the best that they can every day just to keep functioning.
This is a challenging situation. Please find someone that you can talk to and help you work through it and provide you with the support that you need.” Applesbabe
Another User Comments:
“I feel for your mom, she must be going through a tough time, but you can love and support more than one person at a time.
My niece was treated for leukemia at 4 years old, she recovered but it took a while before we were confident she would be okay, my sister’s other 2 kids never felt left out or less than. It would take just a few minutes to make a quick social media post letting everyone know about your accomplishments.
What is she going to do when you are all she has left and she has irreparably damaged your relationship?” Mereadsalot
14. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé's Ex She's Just An Egg Donor After She Crashed Our Party?
“I (26F) am engaged to my fiance (33M) Brandon and have grown close with his daughter Lucy (4F).
Lucy’s biological mother Natalie (30F) has lost all physical and legal rights to her daughter due to neglecting her severely when Lucy was an infant, not to get into great detail but Natalie is addicted to opioids and Lucy had a withdrawal period.
Lucy and I have gotten close as I have been with my fiance for almost 4 years, Lucy was born 9 months before I came into Brandon’s life, we met at the hospital as Lucy had some major health issues in her infancy due to Natalie and I have a chronic illness that pushes me into pancreatitis.
She now calls me Mama even though neither I nor my fiance asked her to do so. I read her bedtime stories and I’m helping her learn to add and subtract.
During a get-together for Brandon’s birthday I hosted at his house, Natalie showed up with her new partner neither was invited. She tried to give Lucy a hug but Lucy didn’t know her.
She came to Brandon and me instead and told us a stranger had come. She then asked me to make up her plate because Natalie began to throw a tantrum in the middle of the party shouting about how she was going to take Brandon to court and because she’s the mom she’ll win full custody because she deserves to be in her daughter’s life.
During this time Brandon took Lucy inside because she had started crying because she was scared.
I admit I snapped. I told her she has no right to call herself a mother because she abandoned Lucy to go get high and sleep around. She hurt my baby so bad that she’s 4 and needs to go to therapy and has physical health issues because of her.
That she refuses to put her baby first and at best she’s an egg donor. I told her to get out of my house and never come back. She wailed all the way back to her partner’s car.
I admit I think I went too far.
I know that substance addiction is a disease and people who suffer from substance disorder need help, I think I went too far saying she was at best an egg donor. Brandon said I did nothing wrong. AITJ?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Showing up to a party you weren’t invited to is not the way to try and initiate establishing a relationship with a biological child who doesn’t even know you, and certainly doesn’t indicate that she is fit for any sort of contact with the child she abandoned. If she has no legal rights to Lucy anymore, can you get a restraining order?
Keep protecting her. Make sure any daycare/school knows who Lucy can and cannot leave with.” starryiid1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Mama Bear stands up for her step-cub. She just trespasses, intrudes and insults… you’d think she has some issue? You may have been blunt, but nothing short to combat her absolutely asymmetrical attempt to see Lucy ( I will not say her daughter either).
Brandon is right, you did good. Only one jerk here and we all know who that is.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You did not go too far. The truth can be painful, especially for a mess up like Natalie. The only mistake you made was allowing Natalie to stay past the first ten seconds of her intrusion.
She was stripped of her rights for a reason. Continue to protect Lucy – however that need arises.” Hapnhopeless
13. AITJ For Not Wanting My Disrespectful Brother-In-Law To Visit?
“I was introduced to my wife via her sister and brother in law as I worked with him.
BIL always have digs at my wife looking for a reaction, then constantly making jibes criticising everything and anything about us.
Make statements on how a woman should behave and how my wife should be, again SIL just ignores all this.
It could be making fun of our hobbies or our car. Note this guy is a loser with no hobbies and a drinking problem. He’s inherited a large house and acts likes he’s a self made man.
On a few occasions he’s been quite passive aggressive with me, but to keep the peace I’ve just let it slide. He’s also made quite a lot of suggestive comments that I should come to his house and do work, clean the windows etc. when I hear this stuff I can’t believe such people exist. The more I allow things to continue the worse his behaviour gets.
I can confirm neither me or wife have done anything to him to justify this behaviour.
A lot of the time he’s very controlling and attempts to dictate what you should do and constantly question and challenge your decisions. Again we do not need to explain to anyone let alone him.
More time passes and this behaviour is more common, so much so that me and my wife agree to limit interactions as much as possible on advice from her parents.
I want my wife to have a relationship with her sibling and nephew/niece. So do my best to do ignore this crap.
We follow on with the parents advice to ignore it, but on the few times we’ve visited them, it’s just been so unbearable. That me and my wife have a therapy session on the way home.
His wife is not exempt for his behaviour either (wife sister) he’s always criticising, putting her down, being rude and disrespectful to her.
A couple of times I’ve had to say something to him, as I couldn’t sit by and watch him treat her that way.
For me far to much has happened and I’m done, I can’t be around this guy because I will end up loosing my temper.
My wife’s parents tell us to ignore his behaviour constantly and keep the peace. Honestly I’ve had enough.”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like it’s time to put your cards on the table. Why is everyone afraid to confront this guy? Sounds like a typical entitled tool.
There is only so much “for the sake of family peace” one can tolerate, especially in ones own home. This guy is verbally aggressive to everyone because he knows you will all take it. Seems to me that ALL of you need to find a backbone.” klindy22
Another User Comments:
“When he starts acting like a jerk, pull your brother in law aside, away from the rest of the family and have a little heart to heart talk with him. I’m not saying you need to be confrontational necessarily. Tell him that for the sake of your wives you want to have a decent relationship with him and you would appreciate it if he would dial back on the controlling Behavior while at your house.
You can’t control what he does in his home but you should be able to have a say in how people act in YOUR home.” Jean-Jeannie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And why don’t you ever respond to him? I really don’t understand that. You want your wife to have relationship with him and his children.
Ok. But this does not imply you have to have a relationship with him. Nor that you have to be a doormat in your own house.” Lazy_Koala_698
12. AITJ For Spending Time With My Godson Without His Step-Sister?
“My godson is a preteen. My brother and his ex have been separated since he was a toddler.
My brother has had another partner since almost 10 years. She has another child that is a little bit older than my godson. She is a great kid, she is smart, kind, joyful (I really like her). The partner is a control freak but, very organized and I think it’s good for my brother.
However, she wants both kids to have everything the same. Ex: If my parents (grandparents) want to give a gift to him (their grandkid), they also have to give her a gift (it’s totally fine, we are happy to offer a gift to her since she’s been in our life for almost 10 years and we love her) but, both gifts HAVE to be the same value.
Same rule applies to me. I can’t do an activity with only my godson, I have to do the activity with both. Most of the time I’m very happy to spend time with both. If we do not respect her rule, she will be super mad at my brother and therefore, my brother would be mad at us.
My step sister’s family does not have to respect that rule. Her daughter’s godmother can take her shopping, on trips, etc. Without bringing my godson. Her parents always offer a super cheap gift to my godson and give normal gifts to their granddaughter.
So it’s a double standard.
Another thing is that we can’t give gifts that he can bring to his mother’s place (I tried several times, including non-toys gifts such as books, clothes etc) he is with his father only every other weekend.
My brother can’t buy him stuff (including basics such as clothes) to bring to his mom’s either.
The partner is also openly mean to the kid when his father is not around and it’s getting worse.
I’m quite ill and have been for a while now.
Each time I saw my godson for the past year, he asked me when he would be able to spend a weekend with me. I asked my brother and his partner but they insisted on me having the two kids over. I’m not well enough to take care of two kids and find activities with both for a weekend it’s too demanding for me.
I missed my godson and was eager to spend quality time with him. I tried to call my brother to discuss, he didn’t answer, he sent me a text telling me he’s busy. I told him to call me back when it will be a better time.
I saw him a couple of weeks ago, reminded him. He never called.
In the meantime, my godson’s mother called me to discuss the partner issues since the situation had worsened this summer. My brother forbids me to call her, which I did not, she called. I told her about my plan to have him over.
We agreed that it would cheer him up so we made arrangements on her weekend.
I did not follow up with my brother, it’s not his weekend, he would refuse because of his partner and he does not have the guts to step up … so I did.
Now the weekend is over, we had a wonderful time. My brother is now really mad at me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for allowing the partner to dictate what happens with your side of the family. I would deal with my nephew when he is with his mother and ignore my brother and his partner.” Adventurous-Row2085
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop dealing with your brother altogether and keep going through your former SIL. Your family should also completely disregard the partner’s rules. Give your nephew whatever gifts you want without matching them. Spend time with him whenever you want during his mom’s time.” Ok-Abbreviations4510
Another User Comments:
“Ignore the partner. Deal with your Godson when it’s his mother’s time. YTJ because you and your family let the partner dictate how to treat your Godson. I can’t believe reading this.” Aalock1377
11. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Eats My Expensive Groceries?
“My partner (39m) and I (33f) do not live together, but we frequently spend 2-3 days at each other’s homes. I’ve noticed that we both go about food and nutrition in entirely different ways, and we both recognize this.
I live far from the grocery store, so I only go 1x/week and buy all my groceries for the week or month.
I carefully meal plan and measure portions so that my food will last me all week or month. I work out and track my calories/macros to meet my fitness goals.
My partner is a snacker. He doesn’t plan ahead more than 1-2 days for his food, since he lives across the street from a grocery store and can pop out for whatever he needs at a moment’s notice.
When he buys food, it’s usually for the same day.
When I go to his house, I bring my own food from my meal prep. Of course I eat some things at his house, basics like bread, milk, eggs, etc. But since he doesn’t shop ahead, we would go to the store to buy snacks if we want them.
When he comes to my house he doesn’t bring any food. I keep basics stocked for him, sandwich stuff, eggs, milk, fruit etc. He knows better than to touch my meal prepped food, but when I have a large supply of some foods, he will still help himself.
This always seem happen with my expensive foods.
I’ll use almonds as an example: I buy almonds in bulk to last 2-3 months. I’ve repeatedly asked him to please not snack on my almonds all day, but he continues to do so. I even started buying peanuts as a snack for him so he’ll leave my almonds alone but he won’t touch them.
He doesn’t buy these kinds of expensive foods for his house, so it’s not like I would have the opportunity to do the same thing at his house.
Recently, he watched my dog for a 1 week trip I had, and when I came back I discovered that he’d eaten an entire months supply of almonds, even after I asked him to stop.
I mentioned this to him, not very upset, because after all, he’s watching my dog, but simply asked that he never, under any circumstances eat more than 1 serving of almonds per day or finish my entire bag of almonds, just because “they’re there”.
He said that he’s just not used to being so far from a grocery store and he doesn’t want to go all that way, and if I have that many almonds around then he doesn’t see why it’s an issue that he eats them- “food is for eating”.
Agreed, but I plan to eat that expensive food over a month, not all in 1 day because I didn’t feel like shopping. I plan ahead and he should to at this point.
Financially, we both do well, but I earn 2-3x as much money as him, so part of me feels bad that I can afford these more expensive foods.
But at the end of the day, he can also afford them, he just chooses not to buy them. We’ve only been together about 6 months and merging finances is not something we’ve talked about at all.
I’m frustrated with the situation, as this happens with only my expensive groceries like fancy coffee, almonds, and health foods.
AITJ?? Feels really petty to fight over almonds.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not about the almonds. It’s about his inability and/or refusal to just listen to you and respect your wishes. I’m not going to suggest breaking up over the almonds, but I am going to suggest looking at your relationship and seeing if there’s other places he dismisses you.
Could be something else “petty”, but if you see a pattern, it might be time to reconsider.” DinoSnuggler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’ve never heard of a relationship in which food that needed to be divided been “mine” and “yours” ended well. I think you need a conversation about whether you guys are partners or guests in each other’s homes when you’re together.” rainshowers_4_peace
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Ask him what snack foods he likes then clear some shelf space for him, go shopping together and stock the shelf with snack food for him that he likes so that he has plenty to eat at your house without eating things that are part of your meal plan.
This could be anything that lasts a while but make sure that they are things that he actually likes. Also if you know there is a particular thing e.g. almonds that he likes then plan around that and buy extra when you do go grocery shopping.
Alternatively ask him to buy a replacement and bring it round next time he comes to visit when he eats lots of a particular food or finishes something.” Recent-Mongoose1140
Honey younate in a relationship with a jerk but definitely ain't 1
10. AITJ For Not Delaying Retirement to Pay for My Daughter's Dream University?
“I (48F) was raised in Europe where I lived from age 5 to 28. I grew up in a small town as one of the only black people there and it did a lot of damage to me.
My identity, sense of self and belonging all suffered. Of course, there were benefits of growing up there, but overall I still had to do a lot of unlearning as a result of the traumas I suffered of being black in a white majority country.
At 28, I moved back to my country. I reconnected with a childhood friend who’d recently also returned home and we got married and started a family soon-ish after. We made the decision to raise our children in our country.
My children have enjoyed very comfortable lives.
They have had everything they need and a lot of what they want.
My daughter is thinking about university. She wants to go study in Europe. Though I hate the thought of her being so far away, I allowed her to explore the options and try to pursue her dreams. After reviewing, we told her we couldn’t swing it and she’s either have to look elsewhere in Europe (she wants to go to expensive cities and prestigious universities) or look at some good universities in our country or nearby which would cost a lot less.
We told her we had 2 other kids to think of and her studies would greatly impact what we’d be able to provide for them and that’s unfair.
She asked if we’d be willing to put off our retirement for a bit longer so we can work and pay for her tuition.
We said no, sorry – we’ve meticulously planned this retirement at 50 thing and her choosing to attend an overpriced school isn’t going make us work longer than we need to.
She became very angry with us. She called us selfish. For refusing to work for another decade so she can attend her dream school.
For moving back home when we could have stayed in Europe or the US (her dad) so she wouldn’t have to pay international student fees and could have had a better life than she had now. She essentially angry that we robbed her the opportunity to live the life she sees on TV.
I asked what was missing from her life that she would have had, had she been born in the West instead of her native country. She told me about things like baseball games and junior proms and all the things American teenagers on TV experienced. I laughed, and told her that was a fantasy many Americans don’t experience.
I told her of the things her father and I experienced: the bullying, taunting, trauma and confused sense of self. I told her we never wanted that for her, and we did our best to give her a good childhood where didn’t know what it meant to be othered. She asked me if I was at all sorry for robbing her of the opportunity to have a European passport and I said no. I said the costs far outweigh the benefits and I hope one day she can appreciate the life we intentionally built for her.
She told me I was deliberately misunderstanding her. She’s been quite surly for a few days now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is already good and generous to help her with school in the first place. She’s asking you to put your work for ten more years and put your retirement plans on hold so she can do something that is, frankly, kind of opulent and not possible for most people.” Burgundy_Starfish
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your daughter understandably is a little naive because of her age and doesn’t appreciate that working another decade is asking a lot. (After all, if you did it for her then the other two kids may expect that same kind of sacrifice.) You could have handled it better by not being so dismissive of her frustrations.
I think one way forward is to work with her on finding a school that will allow her to live and work abroad because that seems to be what she really wants, regardless of the treatment you and your husband received. While you made a decision to protect her from that as a child, she’s a young adult and your ability to shelter her will only decrease over time.
At some point she will learn for herself unfortunately that there are still prejudiced elements in Western and you’ll be there to help her through it.” Mukeli1584
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did your job as her parent: you gave her a great life and made solid parenting decisions based on your life experiences and the information available to you.
You are under NO obligation to provide her with her *fantasy* life. None of the things she thinks she wants or *thinks* she missed out on were EVER guaranteed to her, regardless of where she lived – there are far too many variables, and no one has a crystal ball to control their path with.
She needs to accept reality and stop romanticizing her fantasies.” TrainingDearest
9. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My In-Laws' Dirty, Bed Bug Infested House?
“So a year ago, after our fourth of July party, we discovered a bed bug on our couch. Knew it wasn’t my parents’ because they have extremely high cleaning standards and would absolutely not come over if they knew by chance they had gotten bed bugs.
I also know bedbugs are not necessarily caused by dirty/messy houses, but certainly thrive better in those environments.
Over a year later I know the state of their house probably isn’t much better than it was. I refuse to go over and want to live in a state of blissful ignorance.
They tried for months on end unsuccessfully to self treat their home. We felt we had no choice but to hire a professional because we weren’t about to play around and find out, but extinguish the problem right then and there. 500 dollars later they felt like they did not have any reason to even help pay half the bill, but turn around and get their 32 year old son with no good job or life prospects get a new car, LASIK.
Etc because he’s the baby boy. Mother-in-law says we “chose” to go that route and didn’t need to.
Mother-in-law also says we are keeping her grandbabies from her, but we just don’t want to have them over to our house, or our kids at their house (getting to this part next).
We’ve offered to meet for ice cream, at various parks, playgrounds, etc. We feel like we need to protect ourselves and our house from all the related traumas my wife endured as a child.
After the incident, I stuck my nose where it doesn’t belong and went halfsies on a very large dumpster to clean out their house.
Brothers and wives helped out, but Father-in-law was too busy golfing to help. Still bed bug infested at the time. Garage only had a path to walk through. Filled dumpster in one day. Old plates everywhere, weeks possibly months old dog poop and urine everywhere, torn up couches, you get the picture.
Moldy old cereal bowl in a bedroom dresser. Etc etc etc.
Now she calls us stuck up because we won’t have them over or go over to their house. They also have 2 large dogs who are not well trained and would probably knock my 3 and 1 year old over and hurt them.
We aren’t giving an inch until they change their ways and get it together/ priorities straightened out. Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My parents, bless their hearts, had a messy, dirty, smelly house. They knew it, but didn’t deal with it.
Which was their prerogative. But I wasn’t putting my children into that. So when we went to town, I got hotel rooms with enough space to socialize and they came to us. My older daughter never went into to that house until her 20s.
My younger has never been inside. They still had decent relationships.” BaffledMum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your wife and therefore your children are not real people to your in-laws, they’re extensions of the hoard which is why they HAVE to come over. It can’t be outside as that’s not part of the hoarding boundary.
My mother is a hoarder and I was desperate as a child for attention, now at 40 don’t care, but it took a long time as I knew she didn’t really care for me, and that’s crushing as a child. I would set the hard boundary with your wife, as your in-laws will never change that she can have a relationship with them as long as she’s in therapy, but you and the kids are 100% off the table.
You will never be treated by them fairly or nicely, as you’re at the same level as the dog poop covered couches.” miriandrae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. your in-laws are probably either suffering from hoarding disorder or struggling with self neglect. either way, they are obviously experiencing a level of delusion about the severity and impact of their behaviour.
if they are seniors, it might be helpful to see if there is an elder hotline for your area- self neglect is covered by the same organizations, that work with interpersonal elder mistreatment.” king_eve
8. AITJ For No Longer Waking Up My Unhygienic, Disrespectful Roommate For Class?
“First I’ll start off by saying this is my 5th week of college and so far it has been decent except my roommate.
I’ll call him “Jake” for this post. So “Jake” is gross and I mean really gross, he has yet to bother to clean anything, he lets his laundry build up until it is pouring onto the ground, doesn’t pick up his trash like there are multiple fast food bags and cups all over his desk, he even started a new trash bag that he kept in the corner with food and other trash for weeks(I took our normal trash out 3 times before he finally took it out), and I haven’t seen him brush his teeth in weeks and I’m pretty sure when he coughs it stinks up the whole room.
He also stays up until at least 4am and sleeps until at least 12 every day but one day he didn’t wake up until 6pm. He’s not out partying he’s not talking to people he just stays up with his tv on bright as can be, computer a foot away from his face playing some video and his phone like 5 inches away from his face scrolling or playing something.
Whenever I bring up him staying up so late he just says he can’t fall asleep and that he tries to. I have always had depression and struggle to get motivated to do anything and this has just increased it 10 fold as I am in a dark room most of the day.
The first 3 weeks I was waking him up for classes but now I have started to actively get him to miss his classes to drop out.
Every time he is still asleep and I know he has a class soon I turn off my tv and don’t get out of bed to cause as little disturbance as possible in hopes that he sleeps through it I even don’t go back to my room in between my classes in hopes he sleeps through his.
I would not be doing this if he showed any initiative in fixing it but he just does not care about anyone else in the slightest. Right now he has 20 minutes to make it to his 2PM CLASS. He also sets alarms for random times like he has had alarms going off since 8:30 and he still hasn’t woken up.
Not only does it wake me up but he just doesn’t do anything like not once has he gotten up from an alarm that wasn’t 20 minutes before class and even then he just now turned his alarm off and went back to sleep at 1:40pm.
I suppose I’m not doing anything actively to make him miss his classes I am just not providing any help or support for him anymore and quite frankly I think he deserves to be kicked out of school for not showing one ounce of respect towards me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your responsibility to make sure that the gross child gets to class on time – you are not his parent. But you do probably need to see if you can get moved elsewhere because this situation is not going to be good for your education.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is what the Resident Assistant is for. Please talk to the RA ASAP and explain this. College/University can be an overwhelming transition for people and many people just have no idea how to deal with the change – food, schedules, surroundings, roommates, teacher, etc. all of it can be daunting.
Your roommate (and you) need help. You do not want the guilt that comes from purposefully sabotaging him.” Cezzium
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He is an adult at college, he needs to take care of himself and go to class. Holding his hand, by waking him up for class, is not going to help with that.
As others have said, talk to the RA. You can’t live like that. If he sleeps all day and doesn’t go to class, is it a health/mental health issue or just being lazy? He doesn’t seem to be taking college seriously.
That’s something the RAs are there to help with.” timesuck897
7. AITJ For Telling My SO About My Friend's Potential Pregnancy?
“I (30s F) have been trying to get pregnant for a while. Two rounds of IVF have not worked. I have a friend, Emma (30s F, pseudonym) who has also been trying to get pregnant but hasn’t taken any major action yet.
A few months ago, Emma told me she was late, and that she had never been late before. I was so excited! It gave me hope about my own pregnancy so I told my SO that Emma and her husband were having a baby.
When I told Emma that my SO knew, she said she hadn’t even told her own husband or her parents.
She went on to lose the pregnancy within a week. She does not want to hang out with me since and told me that it wasn’t cool that I told my SO when she confided in me. I think she’s overreacting and that there’s no harm in sharing happy news.
Am I wrong? Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She confided in you as a friend, and it wasn’t your news to share until she was ready for you to do so. Some people don’t always see sharing with their SO as the same as gossiping to friends, but it 100% is.” PoetRevolutionary160
Another User Comments:
“Dude, YTJ. She hadn’t even taken a test yet. You took something she was being cautiously hopeful about and passed it on as if it were absolutely true. When I was trying to get pregnant I was once late for a week, but it was a false alarm.
It was really hard, and I didn’t have anything as devastating as a miscarriage. Never, ever share the news about someone’s pregnancy unless they told you that you could or they themselves had already publicly announced it.” Icy-Association-8711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t like you shared it with everyone else.
but some people view even sharing with the SO a breach of privacy. So next time, just ask if she or the other person is alright with you sharing the info with your SO.” insurrection6093
6. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Return Home After A Break-In?
“At 5 am I(26f) woke up to a man in my bedroom. I screamed and he said “I’m sorry” and closed the door.
I called 911 and then realized my house/car keys were taken. My partner (25m) is out of town 6-7 hours away for a concert. After some weird coincidences, I found out it was my next door neighbor’s cousin who had done it and was apparently intoxicated and “sleepwalking”, I had someone retrieve my keys from their home.
I am heavily traumatized and after I told my partner he said he would drive home immediately.
After a couple hours, he informs me that his friends convinced him to drink a beer and “sit on it” because they all didn’t want to drive home that day.
I am feeling intense abandonment and feel like I cannot rely on him to be there for me. Someone broke into our shared home and he would rather drink and party then come home to something so serious. I explained to him that this deeply hurt me and that I expected more from him.
He didn’t take kindly to that and left me on read. Am I the jerk for having higher expectations of him to come home immediately?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- unfortunately some guys really don’t understand how traumatizing this is because “nothing happened”. They don’t live with the possibility of these kinds of things as women do from the moment we hit puberty.
What he also doesn’t realize is that by not coming home he just drove a wedge between the two of you because he demonstrated he doesn’t take you seriously when something goes wrong.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do you have a safe place can go to, such as a relative, so you don’t have to worry about being there when the man comes into the house (your soon to be ex partner, not the cousin).
This would be a deal-breaker for me and I’d expect that if I pulled this behavior on my wife that she’d divorce me.” Legitimate_Level7714
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he showed you he is unreliable in a crisis and that he values fun times with his friends over you.
One of the key great qualities in a life partner is “recognizes an emergency situation and supports their partner without hesitation” and he massively let you down. You shouldn’t be sitting there wondering if you asked an unreasonable thing of him.” ViolaVetch75
5. AITJ For Defending My Nephew's Choice To Only Draw His Biological Family?
“My sister has three kids from her first marriage. Ryder (17M), India (14F) and Gray (13M).
My sister lost her first husband 9 years ago and remarried 6 years ago. Her husband came into the marriage with two of his own kids, Tasha (9F) and Nate (7M).
Ryder has always been a creative kid and he does a lot of sketches and drawings.
He’s really good too. Over the years he has grown so much and become good enough that he makes some money doing art for people online. He has also gifted some family members drawings.
A few weeks ago my sister was in the kids’ rooms and noticed that India and Gray had drawings from their brother.
Some of them were drawings of the family as though their dad was still alive, others of them as siblings and some of them and their best friend(s). She went into Ryder’s room and saw drawings of her late husband as well as more that Ryder drew of them all with his dad around.
There were none of her husband or stepkids.
My sister asked India and Gray where those drawings came from and they said Ryder gave them as gifts for Christmas some years and that he normally did that when it was just the three of them.
They said they only decorated their rooms with them in the last few months.
My sister then confronted Ryder and asked why he was only gifting to his bio siblings and not his stepsiblings and why he didn’t ever draw the blended family. He told her he didn’t want to draw the blended family, he wanted to draw his family.
She told him anyone looking at what he draws would think his dad was still alive. He pointed out to he adds RIP somewhere on his dad when he draws him. She told him it was still wrong and he should be doing more to include everyone in the drawings.
Ryder said he would never draw them and the two fought. She told him he better start drawing everyone “or else”.
She came to my house a few days ago and told me all about it and how Ryder had been fighting with her ever since.
She said she considered waiting for him to draw and making sure he included his stepdad and stepsiblings. She even considered taking away all his art supplies. Over and over she told me that she wanted to get him to cut the nonsense and embrace the whole family in his art.
I couldn’t hold back from telling her she couldn’t, and shouldn’t, tell him what to draw. That his art is personal and he’s being discreet when he gives some to his siblings. I also pointed out he has a lot of stuff he draws and she should focus on being proud of how good he is instead of turning his art into a battle.
I reminded her that he’s 17 and she won’t win the battle, she’ll simply push him away. This is when she cut me off and told me I had no right to interfere in her parenting and blended family and if I could not be supportive of her then I needed to shut my mouth.
She ranted that I showed how little I care about the family and accused me of being a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He is gonna cut her off as soon he is 18 and out the door. I came from a blended family. Well, many blended families.
My parents divorced when I was 6 months old. I have a half sister from mom and her husband and an “ex” stepsister from dad. I have very little relationship with my mother and 0 relationship with her daughter and husband. With 2 of my stepmothers (I had 3) I talk even to this day.
My stepsister is my soul sister. All this to say that you can’t force sibling bonds. She is wrong for trying to force him to bond with these people. My mother tried to get us to bond with her husband and her daughter and now we want nothing to do with them, they’re not part of our life.
Your sister is heading into the same direction.” Glittering_Mix818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister really wants a picture of the entire family, she could commission Ryder to draw one. No one should expect an artist to work for free, after all. If she pays for his art, that will show that she thinks his work is valuable and may help repair her relationship with him.” MythologicalRiddle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This makes me so sad. I feel terrible for Ryder – an artist draws/paints/writes what inspires. This seems to be his way of remembering, and honoring his grief in the way he knows best. I feel terrible for your sister because she never set out to hurt Ryder.
She likely thought she was giving them all a family when she married her husband. These drawings may touch pain she still carries at the loss of their dad, as well as a sense of failure in creating a safe, home space for their children.
I feel terrible for OP, as she loves them all.” Exact-Ad-4321
4. AITJ For Asking My Daughters To Be Less Noisy While Cooking?
“I (45M) have two daughters 14,16 and a son 13 and a wife 44.
We live in an apartment and have an open kitchen attached to our living room. My wife gets home earlier than I do because she has a shorter commute and typically my wife and daughters prepare dinner, sometimes alone, and sometimes they help each other.
In the past I have volunteered to cook, but they don’t like my cooking and don’t want me to anymore.
When it’s just my wife cooking, there are no major issues, however one of my daughters is quite noisy when handling kitchen equipment and even worse when washing the dishes.
The other is less noisy but still significantly more so than my wife. Additionally when my daughters are in the kitchen together they talk a lot to each other quite loudly.
At this time I typically want to chill in the living room, either gaming or on my computer and all this commotion can be quite irritating.
I told my daughters to be more quiet like my wife and explained how they need to be respectful of the common space but my elder daughter got mad at me and the other was clearly upset.
My wife is not taking my side either and thinks it is not a big deal, despite my elder daughter having even broken glassware and dishes while washing them due to being too rough.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “They don’t like my cooking and don’t want me to anymore” screams weaponized incompetence. Even assuming you just have zero talent for cooking and would help if you could, demanding silence so you can relax in the living room while your meal is being prepared is insane.
Your daughters aren’t your servants. They shouldn’t have to tiptoe around their own house. Get noise canceling headphones.” stars_and_galaxies
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t think anyone’s going to tell you any different. Be grateful that your kids spend family time cooking together FOR YOU.
Guessing you’re incompetent in the kitchen given your comments, and I wonder why your son is not cooking either? Might be a coincidence, but it sounds pretty sexist. Cooking is a good life skill to have and it’s a shame you don’t possess it and your son isn’t learning it (yet).
It’s not a good look for your family. Hoping you do the dishes and thank your wife and daughters for feeding the family with skills you don’t possess.” IndependentEarth123
Another User Comments:
“I feel you. My adult son is like this, no regard for anything.
Runs down the wooden stairs like a herd of buffalo, slams every cabinet door, he broke the handle on our microwave because he pulls it forcefully, He games and yells and laughs at the top of his lungs so much that I have to threaten to turn off the internet to get quiet…yeah, NTJ…” My_friends_are_toys
3. AITJ For Refusing To Visit The Vietnam War Memorial With My Partner?
“I have been in a relationship with my partner for 6 years since sophomore year in college (we’re gay if that gives any context). I’m a Vietnamese immigrant but I’m from the North and my family has only been in the U.S.
for 15 years. We’re heavy travelers but have never thought of going to D.C. until a college friend got a nice gig there and our group wanted to hold a celebration and reunion with him. We decided to spend a day checking through the city.
After doing everything as planned for a whole day, my partner suddenly wanted us to visit the Vietnam War memorial. I have known the story of his grandfather being a KIA fighter pilot in Vietnam since we started our relationship, but I’ve never imagined myself in this situation.
My grandmother died in 1972 when U.S. bombs, whether intentionally or not, hit a civilian village in Hanoi. My mother was 2 at the time and that story has a great impact on me. So I didn’t want to go with him and said I would love to visit and pay respect at his grandfather’s grave but not a memorial. My partner does not get angry easily at all but he was VERY upset today.
I don’t know. Maybe this is just a respectful thing and I made it a big deal/brought politics and personal grudge into it. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your grandmother (an innocent civilian) died in a war fought against your country by the U.S.
it is completely understandable that you would not want to attend a U.S.-centric memorial re: that war. I think it was a lovely offer to pay respects at your partner’s grandfather’s grave. He should not expect you to sweep aside your feelings to accommodate his.” UnhingedLawyer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My family is from South Vietnam, and I was born in the U.S. The loss of innocent civilians in war is always a tragedy. You did not make it a big deal or bring politics into it. Regardless of the intent, the fact is that the U.S.
and the Vietnam War led to the death of your grandmother. It is entirely understandable that you don’t want to visit a memorial commemorating the war.” soul-224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you both have trauma around the ear that need to be respected and understood as boundaries.
His attitude is not only not fair but feels very American in that Americans were the real victims despite being an invading force in a civil war. And very American in the lack of empathy for the indigenous peoples their action impacted. This story is repeated over and over again throughout Asia.
Your partner should respect your boundaries and if he does not consider what he really sees you as in the relationship and if you’re ok with that” KevinBantzUnderpants
2. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Father For Disrespecting Our House Rules?
“My father (53) recently moved in with me (35), husband (34) and our teenage son after my mom put him out after years of trying to make their marriage work she decided enough was enough.
When he called to ask if he could move in my initial thought was no but me and the hubby discussed it and decided that it would be okay for a few(3) months. We had rules set and when he got here it was okay at first but lately he has been breaking the rules.
For example, I work from home and my husband just purchased me a beautiful desk and chair and my dad would eat at the desk and not clean up after himself after we told him numerous times. He keeps telling our son to keep secrets from us because he talks to him about how we choose to raise him.
He is constantly taking lots of pills. He eats all the food which caused our grocery bill to double. He won’t respect any of the other rules that we set forth and he won’t look for a job. He just sits around all day making a mess and blaming my mom for how his life turned out.
I’m at the point where I cannot sleep and I don’t want this situation to come in between me and my family. Would I be wrong if I ask him to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your rules. However, you might want to sit him down and tell him straight that unless he starts operating under your rules, you’ll take the same approach as your mom and kick him out.
If he takes the hint and behaves, great. If not, well he’s only got himself to blame.” Chilling_Demon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sooo… What did he plan to do if you’d said “no”? What was the plan after 3 months? Why did he even ask you?
Did your mother really kick him (from their shared property?) on the streets? You can safely kick him out, he does have some other options even if he’s not telling you. He just lives with you because he gets free food and service. Your first instinct was correct, and your husband just doesn’t know your father as well as you do.” Ventsel
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Have you considered he is depressed? After his marriage collapsed he may be finding it hard to process it all. I think you should sit down and discuss what is happening with him. At his age it is extremely hard to go from dad/grandpa who is married to single man with nowhere to go.
It can be messing with him. Talk to him. Find out if there is more to it.” Significant-Stage-54
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother to Christmas After His Childfree Wedding?
“Over the Summer in May 22 there was a huge blowup in our larger family because my SIL ‘Eve’ got married to my brother ‘Bill’ and they had a childfree wedding.
Honestly, I didn’t lose that much sleep over it, since it’s their party and decision of whom to invite. We just stayed home since we’ve got a three under 10 yrs old, and would have had to be away overnight. But some of our siblings were more hurt that their kids were excluded, and there was a lot of drama.
Bill and Eve held their ground, explaining that the wedding was not for the family, but that it was their event for their guests as they decide, etc. The wedding went fine from what I can tell but I’m not super close with either the bride and groom or some of the more upset siblings and kids, so I don’t know a whole lot about what went down or not.
I basically stayed out of it at the time.
Now: I’m hosting Christmas at our our mountain house for my parents and also invited up (yet another different) sister Rogan and her 2 kids, along with some close family friends (Chrys and Ted) their daughter to stay.
This is actually all we can fit in terms of grandparents, my family of 5, Rogan’s family of four, and the family friends and their kid.
Last night Bill called upset since he and Eve got wind of the Christmas plans and asked why they weren’t included. I was kind of surprised and answered (maybe too honestly?) that we had just invited some select people that we felt like inviting.
He somehow knew we were having the Chrys and Ted family up to stay and said it was a slap in the face that we would put them ahead of family; and he kind of then went on a diatribe about us not inviting them up to the cabin to use the lake or indoor pool etc over the summer too.
I didn’t say much but was just really taken aback and told him we didn’t mean any harm but had just not seen it as a whole family event. He was all offended about that, like ‘what, you don’t think Christmas is a family event?” This felt ironic to me after the Summer, so I admit I did hit back and said “well, you yourselves made a huge stink about your wedding not being a family event.
why do you get to choose which family you invite to stuff, but I don’t have that choice? It’s my house, my food, my hosting, my guestlist.” We then got into a fight where he was arguing it is different because weddings are not holidays, and he would not stop for a long time until I finally hung up.
I don’t understand why he thought I owe him a Christmas invitation. My kids hardly even know who he and his wife are, whereas they love hanging out with Chrys and Ted and their daughter who is functionally sort of like a cousin. AITJ for prioritizing friends over family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as you said your house your food your party your brother cannot decide he wants to attend because he feels like it trust me you do right for you and your family i would rather have friends at an event rather than strangers that call themselves family when they want something” Glittering-One6271
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your brother is a certain kind of entitled isn’t he? Based on your statements, I don’t think he particularly cares to actually be part of the family Christmas, he just wants access to your place to hang with his new wife.
Your friends who fit with your family/kids dynamic are way more appropriate than a brother who throws tantrums.” miriandrae
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: It sounds like you invited everyone in your family (parents, brother, etc) to spend Christmas with you EXCEPT your brother and his kids.
Even if you’re not close, it’s understandable he felt upset and singled out, because you *did* single him out. And you felt like he shouldn’t care because…he had a childfree wedding over a year ago? A decision which you claim to respect but clearly don’t???
He’s right; that is a completely different situation.” lily_is_lifting
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Don't answer the phone to mother or father and if she is that bothered about seeing your kid then tell her in public NO DOG and dad can come but the second he starts we are done.. the reason i say in public is you can always alert others when he starts his crap