People Feel Weird About These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"My partner (21) and I (22) are both still studying and therefore live in different cities. We don't see each other often, so it's important to me that we still spend as much time together as possible — for example, watching movies or series on Discord, playing games together, or just talking. A long-distance relationship isn't easy. At first, it often worked well, but lately it has become less frequent. I have to be the one to ask him if he wants to do something or otherwise we don't spend time together. While we're both busy studying for exams, I still make time for my friends now and then. Unfortunately, I haven't made any friends at my university, so I spend most of my time online to stay connected with my old friends. That said, I would also like to spend more time doing things outside with my friends. In my hometown, I spent every weekend with my friends, and I miss that. I totally understand when you feel good and need to spend time with your friends. My partner keeps telling me he has no time because he needs to study. He is always scared that he wouldn't pass any exam, so I totally respect that he needs his space to study. It's sometimes hard for me, but I only want the best for him and he should get good grades. So yeah, I give him as much time as he needs to study, even if it's hard for me. But I often find out afterward that he's been out with other people. When I brought it up, it led to an argument. He said I don't respect that he doesn't have time. Naturally, I'm sad that we don't spend time together, and yes, I did react a bit angrily when I found out he'd been out. I was overwhelmed because he told me he would be studying the whole time and didn't have any time for me. He told me that going out after studying is the best thing for him right now. I understand that it makes him feel better — he's lucky to have friends in his town that he can meet up with. I would also prefer to meet my friends in person rather than just talk to them online (though I still value that connection). But when I ask if he can make time for me, he says no because he needs to study. We've been arguing about this a lot lately, and it's been a recurring issue over the past year. I feel neglected and have told him how I feel several times, but he doesn't want to change anything at the moment. I'll be seeing him next week, but I can't pretend that everything is okay. I'm sad and hurt. I believe it's important that everyone does things that make them feel good in their free time. I'm always happy when he can spend time with his friends. I just think it's frustrating when he tells me he doesn’t have time because of studying, but then spends an entire weekend out with friends. Am I the AITJ for bringing this up repeatedly? Are my feelings unjustified? I'm starting to feel like I'm overreacting." Another User Comments: "NTJ, but you guys should break up. I'm 37M, and for the life of me don't understand why young people insist on 'fight to save' a relationship that clearly isn't working. You're not married or engaged, don't have kids, not living together, not in any way 'bound' or 'stuck' to each other. You can walk away without any consequence. Think about it, the partnering/courting phase of a relationship is supposed to be the 'fun' part, and if this part is hard, just imagine how miserable you would be if you were actually sharing a home or had kids together." Secure_Ad_9966 Another User Comments: "NTJ. You are bringing it up because it isn't being resolved and his responses and answers aren't good enough. It sucks that you are lonely and busy... and that he is busy and busy with friends. Continue to have deep, honest discussions about how this is affecting you and your relationship and trust in him. Doesn't sound like you are asking very much from him. You aren't asking him to be your 24-hour entertainment. People show you who they are. I don't know how long this has been going on, but he is doing XYZ all weekend. If you had a bunch of friends, you would still make time for your SO, right? How long have you been together? And when will you graduate? Do you have plans to be together after graduation?" [deleted] Another User Comments: "NTJ, your feelings are valid. Here's the thing though... If he wanted to spend time with you, he would make time to do that. That's unfortunately not a thing you can argue him into feeling, and that's part of why this sort of thing hurts so much. I think the best thing for you to do is try to let this relationship go, feel the grief about it not working out, and move on. Don't waste any more of your limited time on this earth waiting and hoping for him to change. Find someone to be with who wants to be with you too; everyone deserves that!" Grouchy-Orchid-3723