Can Only Order Inside? I’ll Ride My Bike Inside Then

Whatever works, right?

“My whole defiant attitude started a few days ago when I got hit by a car.

See, I gotta bike everywhere because I haven’t had a car since ’09. That was during the Great Recession when I lost everything, thus I’ve learned to live without a car and just wheel around.
The other day, I committed the grievously, huge, carnal, bike sin of cycling on the wrong side of the road.
Yes, I’m a bike rebel, I know, but it was on a tiny residential street that was more of a very long driveway in and out of my trailer hood. So, I’m on the left side of the road (US) because up ahead, I want to turn left. Some days, I’m such a social deviant that I ride on the sidewalk, too! (Up goes a collective gasp!) But today, I was just facing traffic in preparation for turning the corner. Also, on that corner is a little family-run store where the denizens of the trailer park and I shop for food, snacks, and beer. However, I wasn’t going to Stop N Shop today; I was headed to work and to the train, which would take me to work. Pedaling past the parking lot driveway, I observed that leaving the store was an auto, just barely coasting to what I assumed was going to be a full stop before he entered the road. So, I kept cycling up the curb to right in front of him, where it was too late to dodge, weave, or believe that this guy wasn’t braking!!! He’d been looking to his left for oncoming cars, and seeing none, was just going to breeze onto the street, when bam, he hit a bicycle! Yeah, that’s just a lower case ‘bam’ cuz it was barely a tap- a tap that nearly knocked me over, but that was better than going under his bumper. I was fine, barely bruised – plus, I didn’t want to miss my train, so I accepted his, ‘Sorry about that!’ and cycled away, but later at work, my friends said I should have writhed on the ground in mock agony, screaming, “My leg! My back! My neck! Arghhhh!” …but I don’t roll that way.

This brings us to today, just hours ago, where I’m still feeling like indestructible titanium for having been assaulted with a deadly weapon (a car) and living to tell the tale …but hungry, too. See, now it was lunch-time at work, so I decided to bike to Ye Royal Burger Joint to feed my impenetrable armor. Nowadays, the place wasn’t very busy because folks couldn’t sit and eat anymore. I figured the quickest and easiest thing to do was to go to the drive-through, where there was only one car. Having done this before, I thought this would be a snap and rolled right up to the order window on my bicycle. “You can’t order here!” snapped the manager, or maybe cashier gunning for ’employee of the month.’ “You have to come inside!”

WTF- as I said, it’s not like they were busy and she was wanting to hand me over to another cashier to keep her line down. The place was empty; SHE was the only cashier, and there were TWO people running the restaurant; she and the cook …but no, SHE wanted me to come inside and order there because of reasons. So, I did as she ordered but reminder: I’m a rebel. Cycling around to the front, I rolled up the sidewalk ramp, pushed open the glass doors, and rode to the cashier counter, still pedaling on my bike.

“One burger, please!”

Gobsmacked, she actually rang me up and gave it to me.


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keni 3 years ago
Not revenge, not a rebel, just an idiot. There are very important reasons for the laws being what they are for riding a bike. Jerks like this are why bikers and drivers are perpetually antagonistic to each other. Seriously...don’t brag about being an ass. It isn’t a good look.
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