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Deadnaming is rude as interesting, and it doesn't matter if it's gender-related; if your kid wanted to go by Jimmy and your husband insisted on calling them James in every context, he would still be an thingy who shouldn't be surprised if the kid goes low contact as soon as possible. Even/especially if the name change is not yet legal/official (and I can see the merit to asking a young person to hold off on that aspect if the idea is still pretty fresh), calling your teen something that makes her happy rather than something she's informed you makes her miserable is one of the simplest ways to show basic care and respect.
I don't see why nobody's considering the obvious solution - the person who legally acquired the right to the house's contents enjoy them on her wedding day, take lots of photos, and then return the dress (whose value is primarily sentimental); up to her whether to give back any other jewelry/'heirlooms,' but hopefully other reasonable requests for purchase can be considered after the wedding itself. The family had spent decades not wondering where that stuff was or asking for it, they can wait a few more months. Draw up a contract in the meanwhile, if it puts everyone's minds at ease.
This is probably the most important point - whether it's a pattern of thoughtlessness or a mismatch of expectations combined with a mismatch of communication styles. What I wonder more in this case to make a decision in who's the bigger/lesser jerk is about the quality of the gifts themselves that do arrive - are they at least relevant to the recipient's interests, or totally generic? Is OP only satisfied with something from a 'booth', whether IRL or digital, or are there compromises to be made in terms of more obscure/niche local or online stores that can guarantee short-notice fulfilment?
I wasn't expecting to have this much empathy for both parties but the other commenters are right that ESH. (NJH for the understandable feelings people are grappling with, ESH for inability to maturely process them out loud!) Hopefully you can have a healthy conversation about healthy boundaries, which is even more important than getting on the same page about the ranges of what constitutes healthy weights. Both sides beyond should acknowledge how much more harmful than helpful these body-centric discussions (especially when they are allowed to consume all or most of one's social time) often are. Congratulations to OP on finding a sustainable and comfortable routine/body, but please apologize to Jess for not stopping the conversation before your discomfort got so bad that you made a cruel and ignorant comment. If Jess can't also acknowledge that it was hurtful and thoughtless to project her own dysmorphia and frustration to the point of berating you for two hours for improving your own personal relationship with your body, you both might benefit from returning the friendship to 'text-only' for a while (if it is indeed worth saving).
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