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When you get married, then you can tell him, if you chose to. He sounds like a controlling jerk and maybe you should look for someone better.
Have you lost your mind? You have 3 kids, do you not remember how difficult life was after each of them was born? These are YOUR 3 children. It is not the place of your SIL or anyone else to take care of them. You chose to have them, now deal with it. How dare you be angry at her for not wanting to look after your kids. Plus it sounds like you are expecting her to do it for free too. Apologize to her immediately, send her flowers and tell her what a thoughtless jerk you have been and hope that she will willing to overlook your entitlement.
If you were my husband, you would have been kicked to the curb before now. You are absolutely the jerk.
Pack up everything he owns while he is away and throw it at him when he gets home. That man is trash and needs to be kicked to the curb .
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