People Beg Us To Acknowledge Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
24. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Bus Seat For A Child?
“So I (20) was on the bus, sitting next to my friend (20) and we were going to uni and it’s basically a 45-minute ride (so basically the whole way of the bus route).
Not long after we got onto the bus, a group of kids (probably in kindergarten, so about 6 years old) came in with their teacher. There were about 10-ish kids at the back of the bus, where we were, and there were more in the front part of the bus.
An older woman was standing right in front of us and she looked at me and said ‘Why don’t you give your seat to the kids, are you not ashamed?’ I just looked at her and ignored her basically, cuz the kids were fine in my opinion.
Like they were jumping, laughing, and yelling, as kids do, and I didn’t think I needed to give up my seat for 1 child to sit out of 10 of them. It just didn’t make sense to me.
A few minutes later, a guy standing near us said to me ‘Are you pretending to be deaf?
This woman told you something.’ and was basically pretty rude to me. I asked my friend if she wanted us to give up our seats, and she said no, so I ignored the guy as well.
I did feel kinda bad since two people were pretty rude to me about something like that, but I really didn’t think I should give them up my seat.
If I had seen that they couldn’t hold onto the bus railing and were basically falling over, I would gladly get up and give them my seat.
Also, they were riding for about 10-15 minutes, while being pretty active (like jumping and pushing each other).
Was I supposed to just give up my seat or was I right to not give it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I know kindergarteners, they would not have sat. Standing was likely the better and more fun for their choice as long as they all had something to hold on to.
If the teacher had approached you and explained that they couldn’t stand for safety reasons or disabilities then you should have moved but a bunch of healthy kids are fine to stand.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been one thing if the teacher had approached you and said something like, ‘Johnny hurt his leg.
May he have your seat?’ Then you would have been obliged to give it up. As an adult, you are NOT obliged to take orders from random adults. If you still live with your parents, you should listen to them. You should also listen to employers and teachers.
The only strange adults you should listen to would be people like doctors or police officers. Feel free to ignore older busybodies who believe younger people have to obey them simply because of their greater age.” Architeuthis81
23. AITJ For Staying At A Hotel With My Partner?
“I’ve stayed with my aunt and uncle during my summer break from college for the past two summers now. I am in a long-distance relationship with my partner, we’ve been together for a year and a half and we met in person first before going long distance.
At the time of this story, I hadn’t seen him in person for 10 months and it was finally time for our plans to meet up.
With my aunt and uncle’s permission, we planned for him to stay at the house. (under the condition that he sleep on the couch and I stay in my room) then suddenly the morning of the day I was supposed to see him my uncle kinda freaked out and told me he actually couldn’t stay there.
It’s important to note that this had nothing to do with my partner, he hadn’t done anything wrong but my uncle has severe anxiety and OCD and he just couldn’t handle the stress that the visit was giving him
I was obviously very upset but he said I was allowed to keep using his truck and then he went to bed. With that in mind, I suggested to my partner that we just sleep at a hotel since he couldn’t stay at my aunt and uncle’s house.
I drove the truck and met him at the hotel he booked and we had an amazing time seeing each other again and going to get food and watching movies. I texted my uncle when I got there so he wouldn’t wonder where I was when he woke up, he also had my location the whole time.
When I came back home my aunt and uncle were furious and they said I was behaving like a flirt and they wouldn’t look me in the eye for days because when they looked at me ‘all they could see was dirty hotels’. I’d like to mention that I am 19F and I don’t think there should be any problem with me getting a hotel with my partner ’cause I’m an adult and it wasn’t like I was meeting a random person.
They ended up making me go home early, causing me to screw over my job cause I had to leave with zero notice and things haven’t been the same with them since which is really sad for me since they were my favorite people and it was my favorite place to be.
I’m upset with the way they shamed me but they are still upset over the hotel so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but they are. Not only did your uncle change his mind at the last second, but also they made you look like a flirt.
You acted very mature, understood that he may not want your partner to be at their home for anxiety issues, booked a hotel, and even let them know where you were, in other words, they were the ones to act like children, especially when they said that when they looked at you ‘all they could see was dirty hotels’.
I think from now on, it will be better to not spend summer break at their house unless you can sit down, talk to them, explain your feelings, and see if there is a change.” ThatManwithQuestions
Another User Comments:
“I’m really sad for you. It sounds like a lot of your trust was broken for weird reasons that don’t make sense.
What’s more, you sound more responsible than like 50% of the people that post here – you’re 19 with a long-term partner and a job, you didn’t flip out on your unreasonable family, and you went to a hotel and let everyone know where you were. You did everything right.
For some reason, some parental figures seem to have a lot of trouble with a woman’s personal decisions, and it sounds like they’ve decided to shame you based on some wild assumptions they’ve made. They owe you a huge apology and an explanation as to why they suddenly decided you are immoral. Hang in there, friend.
Keep standing up for yourself.” unled_horse
22. AITJ For Shouting At My Cousin's Son?
“I (27 F) hosted a family dinner earlier with all my cousins, aunts/uncles, and of course, their kids. Before I agreed to host the dinner, I set only one rule.
‘Do not enter my office.’ And to instill this rule in the kids
Why? My office serves as my personal ‘mini zoo’ and tech zone. I have 2 Ts and 1 corn snake. I kept them in my office because I have 2 Labs indoor and 7 birds (crazy, I know).
When everyone arrived I was so busy entertaining my family that I did not realize the kids running around snuck upstairs. My daughter (7 F) knows she’s not allowed to go upstairs unless I am around or an adult is around so she stays downstairs mingling with her aunts.
The dinner hadn’t even started at this point when I heard a loud crash from upstairs.
My cousin’s son (10 M) was crying because he fell off a stool in my office after climbing up and dumping almost a hundred superworms in one of my Tarantula’s enclosures.
An FYI, live superworms can harm Ts especially when in molt. When I saw what happened tens of these worms already burrowed in my T’s substrate. Not to mention the rest trying to burrow too. This means I have to remove my T from her enclosure and clean up the worms.
I was stressed and shouted ‘What did you do?!’ to the kid. I still helped him up tho but all of my aunts and uncles ended up shouting back at me for being a jerk to the kid when I could’ve been gentle.
I love my pets and this really stressed me out so much I ended up crying and leaving everyone to fend for themselves downstairs. My daughter went up to help me but I told her to go downstairs and have fun.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made it explicitly clear not to go into your office and it was the parents’ responsibility to pass that message on to the kids, they have obviously been purposefully defiant, and it is an important lesson for kids to understand that actions have consequences and to respect others’ wishes, I personally believe this is bad parenting on their part and you had every right to shout at the kid in the moment” Strength_Vigilence73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t have to be gentle. The kid was a disobedient, nosy troublemaker who could have harmed your pets and broken your stuff. Ten is too old for that. Everyone being ‘gentle’ to him in situations like these is probably WHY he feels free to do what he wants in someone else’s house, going into places he knows he’s not allowed, doing things he knows he shouldn’t be doing.
‘Come on Timmy, you know you shouldn’t be doing that. All right, now that’s settled, let’s go get some ice cream.’ Timmy kicks over a pot plant on the way out while giving you the finger. ‘Does that mean you only want one scoop?
I was going to give you two.’ I swear I have to subtract about five years from the age of kids in stories like these to get them to make sense.” kurokomainu
21. AITJ For Standing Up For My Cousin And Service Dog?
“I (20 f) and my cousin Willow (8 f) went to the mall with my Service Dog Tilly for Willow’s birthday.
For context, I have a mental disability which is the reason I have a service dog (Tilly has been in training for a year and a half).
After shopping for about an hour we went to the mall’s playground. I saw a girl (I’m gonna call her Abby) who looked about my Willow’s age.
Abby kept eyeing Tilly so her coming up to me was expected. She started baby-talking to Tilly and I explained that Tilly was working and asked her to please not mess with her.
She walked away so I thought that was over with.
Abby came back and got in Tilly’s face and started asking her name. I said Stwifty so if she called her she wouldn’t respond. She started calling Tilly and crawling around and barking at her.
I asked her to stop once again and told Tilly to get under my chair.
After about 20 minutes Willow came to me to get water and Abby followed her and almost sat on Willow and started yelling that Willow should pet Tilly, which would not have been a problem since Tilly is 110% used to Willow.
But the problem was that as well as me Willow has sensory sensitivity and didn’t like that Abby was that close. So I grabbed Willow and Tilly and started walking to the other side of the park.
Abby followed me and kept trying to ask questions.
I ignored her because I was overwhelmed and didn’t want to talk, this set Abby off and she started to yell and cry. Which almost caused me a medical episode so I rushed to the family bathroom with Willow and Tilly to calm down.
I walked out after calming down and thought it would be over, but as soon as we walked out Abby and her mom ran up to me and the mom started yelling and cussing at me. I quickly got a security guard and Abby and her mom were escorted out, but even as they were walking out they were still yelling at me
I feel bad for ignoring the kid but I don’t feel I was wrong. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The unsupervised child who was never taught how to behave caused her and her mom to be removed. Her mother’s lack of parenting and entitlement caused them to be removed. You have every right to use a public building with your service dog without being harassed by an ill-behaved, entitled brat and her brat mother.
How on earth the mom didn’t bother to teach her little menace not to bother service dogs, their handlers, or talk to strangers, in general, baffles me.” classielassie
Another User Comments:
“Not only are you NTJ, you’re the hero of this story! You stood up for your little cousin and for your service dog – and you were remarkably patient with that obnoxious kid Abby in the process!
Good for you, OP; whatever your disability/challenge, there’s nothing wrong with your heart, your good sense, and your courage.
Please don’t doubt yourself; you did everything right and it wasn’t your fault that Abby’s mother is a dingbat who lacks even the sense to tell her child not to mess with animals that she doesn’t know and whose owners have told her to leave those animals alone.
(And for the record – Abby is going to get herself badly bitten by an angry or fearful dog if she keeps on acting like this. And half the fault will be her mother’s for not teaching her commonsense behavior around animals!)” DancesWithFlax
20. AITJ For Letting My Roommate Find Other Roommates To Live With?
“So basically 3 of us rent a house. I’m friends with Roommate 1 (Carmen) and Roommate 2 (Molly) but they aren’t necessarily friends with each other. They aren’t mean or dislike each other by any means, they just don’t particularly engage in a friendship of any kind.
Carmen said she would be moving out at the end of the lease since we signed it about a year ago, Molly and I were planning on staying at the house together and re-leasing with a roommate that we would find later.
Well, I got an opportunity to buy a house with my partner so I’m taking that opportunity and am currently helping Molly find 2 new roommates to replace Carmen and me on the new lease that ends in a few weeks.
The reason for this is that Molly doesn’t want to leave the house, it’s close to our college campus and the rent is good so I want to help her so that she can stay, but still be able to afford rent.
We hadn’t heard many updates from Carmen other than her original plan to leave the state and move in with her partner who lives out of state.
We supported her decision as this seemed like something that would make her happy.
Well, Molly found a couple looking to rent that she’s friends with and decided to move forward with them on the next lease. She told me and Carmen about it a few nights ago and I noticed Carmen got kinda uncomfortable and worried.
She pulled me aside later and said that she had assumed that Molly hadn’t found anyone and that she and her partner had discussed several weeks ago about her moving down here and just resigning the lease with her, her partner, and Molly.
I told her that she should have spoken up about wanting to change plans as neither of us knew that she wanted to stay down here when the original lease ended.
Something to note is that Molly does not get along with Carmen’s partner as the few times she’s come to visit has left the house a mess and expected others to pick up stuff because ‘she’s the guest’ as well as just ignoring me and Molly all around.
Well, Molly told Carmen that it was too late to change her mind as she had already told the couple that the rooms would be available and the landlord was already in agreement with the new plan.
Carmen tried to complain to me, but I told her she shouldn’t have made assumptions about anything without asking and should have told Molly about the change in plans from the beginning.
I also told her that it was presumptuous of her to assume Molly would be okay with living with both of them.
Carmen is now trying to tell people that Molly is trying to make her and her partner homeless, which isn’t true as we are both trying to help them apartment hunt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Carmen did not communicate with either Molly or yourself, she made assumptions, and at no point did she even discuss the idea with Molly. The lease was a term of one year, she said she was leaving and did not state anything different or discuss re-signing a lease – that is completely on her.
I find it frustrating that not only did she assume this, but while she assumed this – she was fine to waste your time and Molly’s in posting, searching, and vetting/interviewing potential roommates. That was time and energy that were unnecessary and for me were enough to stop any help in finding a new apartment.
She did not have any consideration for you two, why give her more of your energy especially as she is bad-mouthing Molly.” Jaylloyd24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Carmen’s failure to plan does not constitute an emergency for you or Molly. This is on her alone.
They will need to come up with alternate plans. Carmen should have spoken immediately to Molly, and everyone else involved. It’s now too late to change plans.
Also, the friends that Molly is moving in with, are planning on this being their home for the immediate future.
They would be made homeless, or put into a stressful situation, by backing out now. Carmen caused this.” OceanStsr
19. WIBTJ If I Don't Come To My Sister's Wedding?
“When I (30 F) was pregnant, my sister (23 F) was very pushy and insistent about putting together the baby’s crib for me. But then the crib arrived and sat in my entryway for a month, with no ETA on when she was coming to help me.
So I put the crib together myself.
My sister got very mad about this and made a fuss. I called her and politely told her that her reaction bothered me. I am open to her help, but I would appreciate it if she didn’t treat me like a child.
She got mad, called me a name she knows I hate, and hung up on me. I called her the next day to resolve it and she didn’t pick up or call me back.
I let it be. The couple of times we saw each other after, I didn’t bring it up and carried on civilly with her.
But then I had the baby and she ghosted me. No call, no text, no congratulations. I didn’t hear from her for months.
My kid was nine months old before we ended up in the same room again, and by then, I wasn’t interested in pretending like everything was fine because people were watching.
I didn’t say a word to her.
Fast-forward to now, I found out she’s pregnant with a girl and engaged. I did not find this out from her. Our father had to text me. I decided to call and congratulate her, and that’s how I found out she blocked my number.
Honestly, I am not interested in this mess anymore. Even I know how ridiculous this whole situation is. A blow-up over a crib for my kid. A friend says my sister was just hurt because she wanted to help me and I wouldn’t let her.
And it was that ‘hurt’ that kept her from calling or texting after the baby was born. She claims I need to be the bigger person, or I won’t be in my niece’s life.
At this point, I accept that. My family has always been a toxic mess, but no one ever saw that because I was the scapegoat.
I was the one with the problem and making the problems, and nothing would ever be wrong if it wasn’t for me. Exactly like what is happening now. There wouldn’t be an issue if I had ‘just let her help me and put together the crib.’
I’m tired of it. I know they’re (my sister and stepmom) going to invite me to the wedding because my father will make sure they do, but I will not go without a sincere apology from her. I tried to make it up to her, despite doing nothing wrong and got nothing but the silent treatment at every turn.
I have no interest in going to the wedding so we can keep up the facade of being a happy family.
But if I don’t go, it’s just more fuel for her, and more proof that I’m ‘resentful,’ ‘not letting it go,’ and ‘the problem.’
WIBTJ if I toss that invite in the trash?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off this whole crib situation is ridiculous. You gave her a month, but she didn’t do it so you did. Disappointing but honestly could be water under the bridge. But she BLOCKS you and never even communicates what’s going on?
Absolutely not. You’re not responsible for her feelings, and you don’t owe her an apology. Don’t go to the wedding, don’t send a gift, and just move on with the healthy relationships in your life. Maybe plan a trip somewhere fun or have a spa day on the wedding date.
Treat yourself, mama!” Equivalent_Juice2395
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you weren’t informed and the invitation has not arrived yet. You might not be invited to this wedding, despite the fact you are sure that your father will be mad if she doesn’t invite you.
Given your relationship with your sister described here, I am sure he was mad before and she didn’t comply, so she might not do it now either. Still, why would you go to a wedding to which, if you are invited, you know you are being thought about only because another person has forced the bride to invite you?
I wouldn’t want to go either unless your relationship was good enough before the incident for you to want to make another effort, but you don’t seem very keen on it, so don’t go. Save yourself the money and the trouble.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Being On PTO On Christmas?
“I (31 M) have been working for this company for just over 5 years and this will be my 6th Xmas working here.
I work in IT and we used to have a couple of us working from my team over Xmas to handle emergencies and make sure everything runs smoothly.
I have always worked over Xmas because I am Muslim and don’t celebrate it and honestly I didn’t mind because it is generally quiet and I can get loads of stuff done that we are usually too busy for.
Our team as well as the company got downsized in the middle of 2022, bringing my team from 9 to 4 (1 Manager, 3 Techs), so I worked 2022 Xmas by myself. Well, to put it kindly it was a crap show.
To cut a long story short – There was a network outage overnight due to a faulty piece of equipment that needed replacing.
– Got quotes from vendors to provide replacement equipment and same-day delivery and installation. – All quotes need to be approved by the Directors of the department, reached out multiple times to mine (who was OOO) and got no response- Reached out to other directors who were ‘working from home’ and didn’t want the cost associated with their department and all of that other office politics nonsense.
– Eventually, got authorization but it was after 3 pm, too late for a same-day fix, the issue was resolved the next morning. – People were annoyed by the length of downtime.
I simply said to myself never again and immediately put in holiday for Xmas 2023, not wanting to deal with that again.
The manager approved, happy days.
So here is where the issue lies, over the course of 2023, my manager left and one of my colleagues was promoted (fairly so) and hired one of his buddies to take his old job, he was qualified so I had no issues.
All was good until a few weeks ago when my new manager realized I had taken Xmas off and this meant the new guy (been here 4 months) would be covering Xmas. We had a conversation and he mentioned me taking Xmas off, I jokingly said something along the lines of ‘After last year, I ain’t doing that again.’ and we shared a laugh and I thought that was the end of that.
Instead, I have been getting asked by both my manager and the new guy if I could take my PTO earlier in the month and cover Xmas multiple times. I simply kept rebuffing them.
The vibe in the team has shifted and I have been getting short, curt answers or no answers at all when asking questions as if they are trying to freeze me out.
It’s petty and childish, but I can do passive-aggressive and petty as well, so when someone came to my desk yesterday for help, we got to chatting and I asked about their holiday plans, and then they asked about mine. I raised my voice so they could hear and said ‘Not a thing, me and the wife will probably be sitting watching TV most of the time’.
The looks I got of disdain were great and I loved it. I went to dinner last night with some friends and told them my tale, some found it hilarious, and some were less amused.
So am I the jerk who stole Xmas?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your request for Christmas Day off is approved. It doesn’t matter if you don’t celebrate Christmas. It’s the same argument people make when you are single. Well, you don’t have a family as tho people were dropped out of the sky by a stork.
You don’t have to be married to have a family. The majority of the people who take Christmas Day off don’t spend it in church praying. They spend it kicking back with family and friends. Some people go to the movies. It stinks to be the new hire but the low person on the totem pole works the holidays because they don’t have seniority.
If people are taking offense that you plan to spend Christmas doing the same thing they do, oh well, not your problem.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unfair that you’re expected to work Christmas because of your religious background. You booked time off a year in advance, with valid reasons.
The office has no right to judge you for your choice, nor do they have the right to be petty because ‘yOu DoN’T CelEbRatE ChRIsTmAs’, nor does anyone have the right to pressure you into giving up your time off, or taking it earlier to appease others.
And if your manager is worried about the other colleague covering the Christmas shift, then your manager should’ve hired someone whose skills they were confident with. If things were to go tits up again, that’s not your fault and, though they’d probably try to blame you, they’d have no right to insinuate as such.
You’ve worked the past 5 Christmases, you deserve this one off, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Gamerthon98
17. AITJ For Not Sending Class Material To My Lab Partner And Then Blocking Her?
“I’m currently in my fifth year of college studying chemistry which has been a nightmare and even more now because I am at the stage where I have a few classes left that I can’t take altogether.
This is consuming me emotionally and physically as I have begun commuting because living on campus is not smart for me now that I have literally no classes left to take (just one by one til I graduate). I’m stuck taking OChem and this is my second time repeating the class and the lab, I had passed the lab before but wanted a better grade so I decided to take it again.
Last semester I met someone who we’ll refer to as ‘Patricia’.
Patricia is in her second year of college and is doing very well, but she is very insecure when it comes to lab work. I didn’t know this last part, sadly, up until I had already committed to be her lab partner.
The whole semester I’ve had issues with her because I already know what to do but she stops me from doing it because she is ‘scared’ and I am now very tired of this because we are often behind or we make mistakes because she won’t allow me to step in.
She has continuously texted me after class and even called me like at 3 am to ask me for lab data that she ‘doesn’t have’ and I always have to step in then to help her because she’ll literally bombard me with messages.
One time, I missed a class and asked her for the material and she just dismissed me telling me that she had her notes on her iPad and couldn’t send me pictures.
(I have an iPad too and didn’t understand why this was so relevant?) I insisted 2 weeks later asking for it and she took another week AFTER THE TEST to send it to me (I had already asked someone else and they sent it right away).
The thing is, the semester ends on Friday and tomorrow’s the last day to submit everything lab-related. After so many free days she has decided to start bombarding me asking for stuff again. I had already decided to block her everywhere, just not on iMessage, and now she’s going at it through there.
She has even resorted to texting and mentioning me on a group chat that we have with our professor asking me (and outing me) to send her the data she needs like she wasn’t there and like she hasn’t literally bombarded me since the beginning of the semester with questions.
I am now at a loss cause I don’t know if I should just give in and tell her that I do not have what she needs (cause I don’t) and answer the message on the group chat letting her know I have responded to her private message or just let it be.
I’m a little angry knowing that she has done this with the intention of getting the professor involved as if we were still in high school and I do not wish to entertain this kind of behavior, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s the one who wanted to bring the prof into the discussion, so use it to your advantage.
Reply to the group chat that, since you both attended the same labs, you do not have any more information than she has. It wouldn’t hurt to mention something like, ‘As I have said in response to your previous messages to me…’ You could also mention that her continual requests, in spite of getting answers, are making you uncomfortable and that you would appreciate her giving you space to study for finals.
Just some thoughts. Congrats on almost being done with Ochem!” Spudsational
Another User Comments:
“I mean… technically she should already have the material from when you initially sent the stuff. Why does she not have it anymore?
NTJ, but I wouldn’t engage with her any longer and send the professor an email outlining the fact that you had sent her the information earlier in the semester and she should have it considering the fact that she has been to all the labs for the semester.” Suspended_Accountant
16. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Fly Out To Be With Me At The Hospital?
“I (22 F) have cystic fibrosis and have been fairly healthy my whole life.
In the past year, my health has gone downhill really fast. I’ve spent months trying to figure out severe health issues.
Well, on Thursday my Cystic Fibrosis team had me fly 2,300 miles for proper in-patient treatment to try to figure everything out. Test results are coming back negative and it’s a medical mystery.
I’m probably going to have to have exploratory surgery.
My husband (23 M) did not fly out with me. The plan was for him to fly out on the 20th to be here for Xmas. As things were getting worse, I asked him to fly out sooner to be here with me for the procedures.
He said he ‘wouldn’t have anything to do out there’ and ‘there’s no point in him coming out because him being here wouldn’t magically heal me.’ He then said he had ‘things to do like the dishes and laundry’ and told me I was acting extremely over-emotional while crying under the influence of pain meds.
I told him I hadn’t been getting the support I needed from him in our marriage and that if he could drop me so easily when I needed him the most I would leave.
He’s saying I was a jerk for being over-emotional and irrational and ‘being dramatic.’ Mind you he was on the phone with my Saint of a mother while I was screaming in pain last night and was like ‘Ugh have her call me when she calms down a bit.’ (My entire digestive system had filled with air due to a medication mishap and I was in serious danger of rupturing a bowel.)
He works for his family business (can take time off) and we rent from his uncle (who is an ER doctor and would allow us a rent extension if needed) so his taking time off is completely understandable. He just doesn’t want to be ‘bored.’ Just like Thanksgiving….
His family now thinks I’m an over-dramatic naggy wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And now would be a good time to work with your mother to help you put a bulletproof support system in place that does not include your husband. If your husband is Nope-ing out of things already, they are not going to get any better as things go on, especially if and when things get worse.
He has such a cushy life already with an unsupportive family for both a boss and a landlord, and still, he thinks that supporting you is just… too much.
He does not deserve you. Don’t give him the privilege of being by your side in the good if he refuses to also be there in the bad.” AproposOfDiddly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… first of all, hugs. Second of all, he knew you had cystic fibrosis when you married. That does not just pop up one day. Second, good for you. Give him that ultimatum. It is clear you are not a priority to him.
My husband would have never even let me fly out there alone, let alone not come when I asked him to. Take him to the cleaners first all you can get. You deserve it. Blast that puppy and his response all over your social media.
Call his family out as well for calling you a nagging wife. See how fast that family business goes kaput.” Worth-Season3645
15. AITJ For Threatening To Tell My Brother's Fiancée About His Other Woman?
“My (F 30) brother (M 27) has been in a relationship for 7 years and proposed to his partner (F 25) a few months ago.
About 2 months after the proposal and the plans for the wedding started, he decided that he was not sure about the relationship and if he ever wanted to get married. I and my brother have always been quite close and he came to me for advice and to mediate when he spoke to his fiancé about his doubts.
I figured he was having a bit of cold feet and told them both to take a bit of time from each other. They have also both been very stressed navigating wedding planning and they had just bought a business together so it’s quite difficult to not spend time with each other.
It turns out his head had been turned by a girl (our cousin’s fiancé’s sister). He asked me if he should explore things with this girl while he and his fiancé were taking a bit of a break and I told him it was immoral and that if he thinks the grass might be greener he needs to discuss this with his fiancé or break of the engagement and end the relationship.
At the time he seemed to agree it was wrong to pursue things with the other girls.
Last night we stayed over at our cousin’s house and I caught my brother on top of the other girl sucking face with her. I blew up at him and told him that infidelity isn’t ok, let alone with someone who will cause damage in several relationships.
He behaved like it wasn’t a big deal and if I hadn’t caught them it would have been a slight make-out session and nothing more. He proceeded to tell me I was being melodramatic and that nothing happened.
I was extremely angry and disappointed and I told him that he needed to be honest with his fiancé, cut her loose, and put her out of her misery or I would tell her.
He said I needed to chill and stop overreacting to nothing. Am I overreacting and AITJ for giving him an ultimatum?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is the human embodiment of a dumpster fire, a walking, talking disaster of a human being. His betrayal of his fiancée is not just a mere indiscretion; it’s a grand spectacle of moral bankruptcy.
He’s not content with ruining one person’s life; he’s on a mission to leave a trail of destruction in his wake. His attempts to gaslight you into thinking it’s no big deal showcase a level of delusion that would make even the most accomplished con artists jealous.
If he thinks for a second that he can escape unscathed from the web of lies he’s weaving, he’s in for a rude awakening.
Your ultimatum is a mercy compared to the hurricane of consequences he’s about to face, and frankly, it couldn’t happen to a more deserving scoundrel.” JimmyAutosXOD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your brother has already checked out of the relationship with his fiancée but didn’t let her in on that fact. He’s stringing her along at this point and monkey branching into a new relationship while keeping his fiancée on the back burner in case things with the new partner don’t work out.
You’ll be doing his fiancée a favor by letting her know what’s actually going on.” MonOubliette
14. AITJ For Wrapping My Gift In Multiple Boxes?
“Last year, I (25 m) and several of my coworkers decided that we would hold a Secret Santa gift exchange.
We also invited any partners to join in if they wished, since we all mostly knew each other. I drew my coworker’s wife, Hannah.
I’ve met her a few times and had some conversations with her, and I knew she likes to read. I have a sister who also likes to read, so I asked her what books were popular, and then asked Hannah’s husband if he thought she would like that gift. He thought it was a good idea, and fit the budget of $20.
Now I had recently moved into a new place and still had a bunch of boxes. I thought it would be good fun to wrap her gift as a box within a box within a box. So we get together for Secret Santa, we exchange gifts, I hand her the big box, she unwraps to find another smaller box, etc. but eventually she gets to the book, and although I hadn’t noticed at the time, others told me she was very obviously displeased with that gift.
Sometime later, we got together and we told our coworker that he should bring Hannah along. He reveals to us that Hannah hasn’t gotten over when I ‘humiliated’ her at Christmas. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but he clarified that her having to unwrap several boxes to get her gift was embarrassing to her.
She felt as well that we weren’t ‘close enough’ to pull a joke like that on her, which I didn’t think there was an appropriate level of closeness for something like that, it’s just a harmless joke in my eyes. However, we’re doing Secret Santa again this year, and she has refused to participate in that or any social hangout I’ve been a part of since then.
So AITJ for humiliating my coworker’s wife by wrapping her gift in several boxes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a pretty ‘standard’ joke for unwrapping Secret Santa gifts. I’ve seen it being done at 3 different companies in my time. BUT perhaps you should apologize? Or at least ask to have a conversation with her and just explain that you weren’t trying to humiliate or embarrass her.
That you genuinely thought she’d like the gift and the multiple-box thing was a playful way for her to unwrap it. And make it an opportunity to express that you and everyone else would like her to come back and enjoy Secret Santa together.” 2020_MadeMeDoIt
Another User Comments:
“Whaaat??? Obviously NTJ. This is a completely standard and normal way to wrap gifts in a fun way and is in no way ’embarrassing’ to the person opening the gift. Unless people were making fun of her while she was unwrapping it or making rude comments about it, I truly do not understand how that could be perceived as ’embarrassing.’ Is the wife from another country than where you live?
Perhaps she is unfamiliar with this practice?
Also regardless of if the whole thing was embarrassing for her or not, to go so far as to not come to events you’re at anymore (rather than talking to you about how it made her feel) is insanely petty and immature.” ariesgal11
13. AITJ For Not Giving My One Friend A Friendship Necklace?
“I (16 F) have been friends with Elise and Eleanor (also 16 F) ever since 5th grade. We were a trio and didn’t talk to other people in our grade very much (pretty unusual because we go to a very small school). This summer, I went to MA to visit my aunt.
She owns a small jewelry store and I bought three matching necklaces for our friend group. I planned to give it to them for Christmas.
This year a new girl, Rosilee, moved to our area and started going to the school we attend. She was very nice and unexpectedly joined our friend group.
We all liked her very much as she seemed kind and funny. Her birthday is four days after Christmas, so I went shopping and got her a lot of stuff, typically more than I usually give for birthdays because she was easy to buy for and because I wanted to make sure she got stuff to make up for not getting one of the matching necklaces.
I gave them to her the day before break and she thanked me a lot and told me how much she loved the gifts.
I considered not giving my friends the necklaces because I didn’t want her to feel left out, but I spent a lot on the necklaces and had been waiting to give them to Elise and Eleanor since August so I gave them the necklaces.
I told them to not talk about them in front of Rosilee so she wouldn’t feel excluded. They agreed and even if Rosilee noticed I thought it would be fine because she was so nice and she would understand.
At lunch that day Rosilee came up to us and got really angry because of the necklaces.
I tried telling her I got them before I knew her and I couldn’t get another because they were from MA. She told us that was just an excuse and that if we really were friends with her I would’ve never given them the necklaces or I would’ve asked my aunt to send another in the mail or something like that.
She also said I was cheap for trying to give her ‘trashy presents’ to make her not notice that she didn’t get a necklace. I was getting a bit annoyed at her and said she was sensitive, and Eleanor said we’ve only been friends for 3 months and that it was just a necklace and Rosilee stormed away.
Elise called after her that she was glad I hadn’t gotten her a necklace because she wasn’t our friend anyway.
I feel like all of this is really childish and stupid, but I’m starting to feel a bit bad, both about the whole necklace thing and about what Elise, Eleanor, and I said to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve known them for 5 years and got the necklaces BEFORE you even MET Rosilee. If I were in Rosilee’s shoes I would feel a little awkward, but I wouldn’t get mad at you, ESPECIALLY considering that you spent MORE MONEY on gifts than you normally do for Rosilee’s bday.
You asked your friends to not talk about the necklaces in front of her. You put in CONSIDERABLE EFFORT to not make her feel excluded. (also on the absolute entitlement and another aspect of nonsense in ‘if we we’re really friends, you would’ve gotten me one or not given them to anyone!’ That’s not how relationships work, gifts are nice, but they’re not necessary.
My partner and I don’t get each other expensive gifts, it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other).
You’re not going to get someone you’ve known for 3 MONTHS the same kind of gifts you would get for your BFFs of 5 YEARS. It doesn’t take a genius to understand it’s NOT PERSONAL.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You 3 have been friends for what? 6 years? That is quite a long time and your wanting to give the matching necklaces is very sweet and will most likely be a very nice memorabilia of your youth once you are a bit older.
Meanwhile, Rosilee had been your friend for 3 months and still got presents from you, just not the ones ‘tailored’ for what sounds like your best friends (or at least something close to best friends) and she threw out the whole friendship like a dirt rag in response on top of being ungrateful.
(honestly just ask for the presents back if she keeps bugging you about it after the semester starts, that should probably shut her up or make her stay away afterward).
Also if you want some perspective, I have had cabbage in my fridge for longer than your entire friendship with Rosilee and I have also had 2+ year friendships that went up in flames in less than 10 minutes due to a stupid argument (about gaming history and design of all things) so you should not feel too bad about it since you did not start the crapshow and your comments in response to her outburst were not out of line either.
Anyhow they say that close friendships that can last for 7+ years even without mandatory gatherings (i.e school, workplace, and so on) are extremely likely to last a lifetime so take care of Elise and Eleanor since it seems they got your back.” Shy_guy_Ras
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Should Kick My Brother Out And Cut Him Off?
“My (30s M) brother (28 M) has been an addict for most of his adult life. As a family, we’ve tried to get him into rehab and support him but nothing has worked. The first time he was caught, he was in his early twenties, and the cost of lawyers and reimbursing the victims he stole from completely drained my parents, and they never fully recovered.
He was kicked out two years ago. I don’t live at home but my other sibling does (I’ll call them OS). OS works and stays at home to save money that would otherwise be spent on rent.
A year ago he came back into our lives because our dad was sick.
Dad passed shortly after and I went back to my life but mother. OS and my brother were still at home. He kept stealing. Even stole our late dad’s personal property. Mom told me this over the phone and told him it was time for him to go.
He left, taken in by aunts and uncles. The same thing happened, he was kicked out (but not before he stole, and was bailed out at great cost by them, as Mom and we refused to bail him out).
I’m home for the holidays now.
He did it again. I was talking right in front of Mom and OS and I told her that as it was her house, she gets the final say so she should kick him out and sever ties because he’s irredeemable.
Mother is kind, too kind, and after the loss of dad, she has tried to keep the family together so my words (in anger, I admit) carried a combative edge.
He went on to say that I was being cruel and callous for suggesting he be homeless over the holidays. I don’t care at this point. I’m prepared to lose him. I have been for a long time, even before Dad passed (for many, many reasons).
I’ve been accused of holding on to grudges and using them as a pretext for trying to get rid of him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a sister, he is only your brother by blood. His actions have severed his ties as a family a long time ago.
I’m sure in a lot of ways you mourn the ‘brother that could have been’, and that’s ok. But your mom, well, she will hope until her last breath that he will come around and she will fight tooth and nail to make him whole.
Even if in her heart she knows that the chances are slim.
Moms never give up, even if they are the ones hurt in the end. The best option is to let her know you love her, but you are through with him, helping him, making excuses for him, bailing him out.” justtired2022
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry that you and your family have to deal with this. No jerks here. You are not the jerk in needing and wanting to protect yourself and your family from this never-ending cycle. Everyone has a breaking point, it seems you reached yours, and based on this story, nothing you said was unwarranted.
Your mom is not a jerk for wanting to keep her family together and wanting to do everything she can for her child, especially after everything your family has been through.
Your brother is sort of a jerk, addiction is real, and it’s not fully his fault that he ended up as an addict.
To be clear, I’m not excusing his behavior, or saying that it’s fine he’s an addict. All I mean is that it’s a disease, and the disease is controlling him. His actions are his fault, and he is the only one who can decide when he needs help.
Tough love can often help addicts, and I do hope that he soon realizes and accepts the fact that he needs help. This didn’t happen only once, or twice, or even three times… this has happened over and over again. You tried, your parents tried, your relatives have tried, and you can’t keep feeding into his addiction.
I wish you all the best and hope that you have resources available to help you with this too.” introvertedrabbit175
11. AITJ For Replacing My Model For My College Project?
“I (16 F) am a college student taking textiles as one of my subjects. For a project, we had to create a collection of designs that would be showcased in a school fashion show. Most of the other girls chose to model their designs, but I initially felt too shy to do so.
I chose four friends to model for my outfits, who were from UK sizes 6-10 and made my dresses to fit their measurements.
One of my friends (17 F) was a size 8 (a size 4 in the US, by the way), and her dress was meant to be the centerpiece of my project.
In the four months since I first started working on the dress, my friend has managed to gain a lot of weight. She was taking medication for her bipolar disorder, and one of the side effects was weight gain, going up 8 dress sizes. The material I used for my dress was quite stretchy so I thought her size wouldn’t matter that much.
However, we were rehearsing for the fashion show a few weeks ago when her dress suddenly split down one of the seams. We were three weeks away from the showcase, so there was still enough time to fix it. That said, I was worried that the dress might break again and there wouldn’t be enough time to mend it, or even worse, it might break during the actual catwalk.
I decided that I should wear the dress instead since I knew the choreography of the catwalk, so we wouldn’t have to waste time teaching anyone else. Plus, all the other designers were wearing their dresses, and I started to regret my decision to stay behind the scenes.
I broke the news to my friend and she was extremely upset over my decision. She had been looking forward to this for months, and she had been feeling depressed over her weight gain and thought that modeling make her confident again. I told her that it wasn’t her fault she gained weight due to her meds but I just needed a good grade and it wasn’t anything personal. She pointed out that we had three weeks until the show, so I had plenty of time to adjust the dress to make it bigger.
To tailor the dress I would have to remove most of the embellishments and reapply them again after adding a large panel to the bodice. I still had to study for exams in two other subjects, and I didn’t want to risk overstressing and having an incomplete dress by the deadline, so I refused to alter the dress.
Ever since then, she’s been acting passive-aggressive towards me, always bringing up her mental health and body image issues around me, as if she’s trying to make me feel guilty for my decision. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, it sucks for her, but this is school.
You’re not doing this project for giggles, or to help your friend’s mental health. It is work, and as work, a model is expected to maintain her size and body type for jobs she’d been hired for. Also, not to be insensitive, but I’d imagine you’d want the centerpiece for your collection to fit your vision.
Your vision was not 8 sizes larger than when it started. The DRESS is the important part of this relationship, not the MODEL. She should have offered to pull out the instant she realized the dress did not fit anymore. Not ask you to change your vision for her ego.” According-Western-33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have done the assignment for this class. You created the dress based on her measurements from four months ago. She is asking you to completely redo the assignment. This would be ‘no jerks here’ but for her reaction and continued passive-aggressive comments.
It is perfectly reasonable for you to switch models so that the dress you designed and made can be worn as is. It would also be perfectly reasonable for you to make this decision even if the dress did fit her – you now want to wear your dress to your show.
That’s great! You’re lucky it tore when it did so you could make this decision, rather than during the show when you could have lost marks. Good luck with the show! I hope it goes well.” embopbopbopdoowop
10. AITJ For Making Our Neighbor Move Their Fence?
“A neighbor hired a contractor to build a wood privacy fence. I came home after the posts were set and immediately suspected the fence posts were on my property.
We live in brand-new homes so I asked her to meet me outside with her survey. I had already staked out the property line, and it was clear to see the posts were on my property.
Before I could say a word, she said ‘You can’t tell where to put a fence with a survey’ which astounded me and left me shaking my head.
After a few minutes of trying to explain that a survey is absolutely the way to determine where your fence should be, she threw her hands up and said ‘my contractor has my survey’ and walked back into the house.
The next week, the contractor continued to finish the fence without moving anything.
We emailed her and called her and she ghosted us. I paid $900 to have a surveyor do a site visit and write a report that clearly showed the fence was on our property. We sent that to her from our lawyer and she finally responded ‘There must be some mistake’.
Only after more legal threats did she get her contractor back to move it off our property.
Meanwhile, she trash-talked us to everyone she could and labeled us bullies, etc, and has half our new neighborhood believing her. She won’t talk to us, which is actually fine by us, but it really maddens us knowing she has created this negative impression about us.
I should mention that our lots are pretty small and we had a very large backyard project done this summer and the fence was taking up valuable real estate that we needed to fit our plunge pool in. We tried to deal with this in a polite neighborly way and she forced us to bring in our lawyer.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How could you be? You tried to be polite about her stealing your land and she ghosted you. Your only recourse at that point was to get the courts involved. Even then, you were polite about it and she kept trying to fight something that I’m sure her lawyer told her was an unwinnable case.
I’d print up a flyer that states exactly what happened and how you hope everyone will see that you were not bullying anyone and that you just needed the property you paid for.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all – in fact, if you wanted to you could take her to small claims court to recoup your survey cost. Or you could just tell her this next time she starts in on you.
You can be the nice one here and let that part go but make sure she knows you have more options if she doesn’t leave you alone and continue to slander you. Any reasonable neighbor would’ve immediately gone back to the contractor to question it – after all, the burden of cost isn’t even on her to move the fence – it’s 100% her contractor’s fault for not following the line.” JusCuzz804
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepkids To Live With Us?
“I am marrying my fiancé a year from now, he is a wonderful man. He has two kids from a previous relationship and I get along with them well. They have been living with him and his grandmother for the past few years, and that has been working well, or so I thought.
He has been spending more and more time at my place and increasingly pushing for the kids to move in with me. I love him being here and am fine with him moving in with me down the line, I let the kids visit, but I am not ready for the kids to be here full-time.
For background, I am autistic and have a learning disability, but I’ve been very successful in life by knowing my limits and knowing what boundaries I need in order to be successful in a world that’s not tailored to my traits. One of those needs is a distraction-free/’quiet’ room.
So when I moved after my med program I made sure to purchase a two-bedroom apartment in which one room is the bedroom and the other room is my quiet office and cooldown room. This worked for two years very well.
Since I got a stable job, I haven’t been using the room as much, though it is still very nice to have, and is filled with my clothing and belongings that don’t fit in the tiny bedroom which contains my fiancé’s storage bins.
To be clear, only my name is on the lease, I’m the only one who pays rent, and this is my apartment. My fiance visits very often and usually stays over at night.
Over the past year or so he has been increasingly pushing for the children to move into my apartment.
I’m not comfortable with this, as I am not ready to be a full-time stepmother yet, my career has just started, I work a very busy medical job that is high-stress, and I plan to be a more active parental figure after we are married. However, he insists that I need to empty out my office and make it a children’s bedroom.
If I do that, I won’t have anywhere for my belongings or any place to cool down or get away from overstimulation. Since I am the only one paying the rent and it is my name on the lease and I’m not supposed to move anyone else in right now, I’m not comfortable doing this, and I don’t feel like I owe him that.
He says his grandmother is getting increasingly difficult with the kids, so I suggested maybe he get a separate apartment for himself and his kids, but he doesn’t have the money to do that, and would rather they all move into mine.
AITJ for not turning my office into my stepkids’ room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, but you need to remove the rose-colored glasses. Compare his rosy plans with what you know to be true. Your current living situation is perfect for you, but not for him. He has said that you all need to live in a bigger, more expensive place.
Honey, if he has to live with his grandma because he cannot afford to live on his own, what makes you think that he is going to be willing to foot the bills when you live together? Because he says so?
In addition, Grandma has been his unpaid nanny and housekeeper for how long?
Who is going to be expected to take on all of that? He surely won’t because he isn’t doing it now. My guess is that Grandma is tired of it all and is telling him that it is time to take the kids and his lazy behind and go.” OldestCrone
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Does your fiance pay the living expenses for himself and his kids at Grandma’s? Or is Grandma helping to provide for their expenses? And who takes care of the kids when Fiance spends the night at your place? Reading between the lines, Grandma is probably taking care of the kids.
And your fiance sounds like he wants to start having you help me take care of them.
If Fiance isn’t taking care of his kids’ needs and is trying to push his responsibilities onto you, that makes him a jerk. But if you actually plan to marry this guy, you should really give the living situation a trial run before you tie yourself to him legally.
If you need to get a bigger place together (and split the costs with him) to try things out, first, that would be a good idea. But what I’m really hearing is that you aren’t going to be ready to live full-time with him and his kids any time soon.
In which case, you’re a jerk for not being honest with yourself and your fiance about what kind of relationship you truly need. And it really sounds like the two of you have significant enough incompatibilities that you wouldn’t be happy being married or like living together.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should live with him and the kids before getting married to him. Kids are a lot of chaos at the best of times and no one wants to discover that you’re baseline incompatible with each other after you get married. That he’s not able to provide for and take care of his kids is… concerning.
That you expect that you’ll be more maternal at some point in the future is also concerning – developing a step-parent relationship is touchy and delicate at best, and expecting it to appear after marriage is horribly optimistic. So while you should see how the group lives together, you shouldn’t do that in an apartment that is too small for all of you together!
Set your family up for success where you all can get what you need! If the kids can share a room, that sounds like needing at least three bedrooms. More of someone works from home or the kids will need their own spaces. (Or if you can find something with a big walk-in closet that you can claim as your decompression space or whatever) But starting at a baseline that has at least one family member (you!) not getting what you need to navigate life with grace and sanity is Not Okay.
Go very, very slow with this man. Going fast can really screw up the kids and end up with you cornered in a situation that is very difficult to get out of.” KindCompetence
8. AITJ For Not Paying For My Pasta?
“So today I went to a friend I hadn’t seen in 4 years.
We had grown apart and I felt like she was taking advantage of me. After all this time I wondered if it was just me not setting clear boundaries, and since she just posted she had another baby I thought it was a good time to congratulate her and ask her how she was.
She apologised for how she acted the last time we spoke and I convinced myself it’d be fine.
Today I was reminded of all the reasons I didn’t wanna see her anymore. From how she tried to convince me to get back in touch with my very manipulative toxic family because you need your family… to punishing her oldest child cause he got headlice at school for the 4th time… ‘Cause she just had a baby I brought food to feed the whole family for the day.
We had some for lunch but there were loads of leftovers. I drove her to her gyno appointment so her mom wouldn’t have to drive her (she can drive though but never does, often her husband has the car and he doesn’t want her to drive his car… but they could easily have a second car), but fine I drove her cause I thought it was stupid for her mom to drive half an hour just for a doctors appointment.
I helped in the house and took care of the baby so she could do some other things she wasn’t able to when she was alone with the baby (which I didn’t mind… the baby was cute and I wanted to help). She asked me to photograph the baby (I am not a pro but I do take pictures for people from time to time and normally get paid a bit for my effort).
I brought a gift for the other child cause I didn’t want him to feel left out. They ended up getting takeout in the evening (while I spent the night before prepping for all the food) and she asked me what I wanted so I had pasta for like 11 pounds…
After her husband left to get it she told me I wouldn’t mind paying for my food cause it would get too expensive for them to pay for mine as well… I literally brought my own water bottle (I always do) I didn’t dare to charge anything for the pics cause she was suggesting it was good for my portfolio, I brought a gift for her son,…
I ended up pretending I was fine with it but I was shocked… I ended up not paying cause they didn’t ask again. Now I’m scared she’s gonna send me and ask and I don’t know what to say. AITJ for not wanting to pay for the pasta or should I just pay for it?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re a doormat if you stay friends with this toxic selfish woman. She also sounds like a very bad mom, how can a 4-year-old prevent lice… freaking adults get it! One for child protective services for sure. Send her money and tell her you never want to speak to her again.
You don’t owe her an explanation either. Her behavior is mortifying. She does not deserve consideration of any kind for being so utterly thoughtless and unkind.” SlipNational7212
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Let the friendship go. You did all these nice things for her and were entitled to them buying your dinner in return?
If I order food with friends I expect to pay for my portion and often we cover each other’s because we want to, there is no expectation. When friendships become transactional they’re done.” EphemeralStylist
7. AITJ For Canceling Our Family Trip?
“I (32 f) moved away from my home state about 5 years ago.
In June of this year, my husband (33 m) and I welcomed a baby boy. He’s the first and only grandchild on my side. My husband and I decided to fly back to my home state to spend Christmas with my family. My parents were excited and assured us they would get the house baby ready.
My parents live in a 4-bedroom house. My parents have the master and the other 3 rooms belonged to my sisters and me. But now that my folks are empty nesters, the rooms are unused except for occasional visits. They kept my sisters’ rooms relatively the same but they turned my old room into my dad’s office.
I was a little sad, but it’s not my home anymore and I don’t get to dictate how other people utilize their house. But in my 11 x 8ft childhood room, there is now a queen-sized bunk bed, dresser, desk, chair, and side table. That alone makes it cramped. But since my dad is very disorganized there’s usually also paperwork on EVERY surface (including top bed bunk) and random crap from the house.
It’s basically a storage closet with a bed. It’s so cluttered that the floor isn’t even visible most of the time.
2 weeks ago I asked if we could NOT stay in my old room. My parents didn’t even entertain it. They said that that’s where I’ve always stayed when I’ve visited and I’ve never had an issue with it (I’ve always taken issue with it, I just never said anything).
I explained that there was no room for 2 adults and a pack-n-play in there but my mom just said they would make it work.
The next day, my mom sent me a picture of the room with a pack-n-play in it. The bed took up the last bit of floor space.
I showed it to my husband and we agreed that would not work for us. I let my parents know that we would figure something else out.
But after looking into local hotels, we decided to cancel the trip altogether. My parents live in a very touristy place and getting a hotel for a week on short notice was more than we could afford.
I broke the news to my parents and they were not happy. They said I was overreacting and the room would be fine. I told them we would miss them, but we couldn’t afford a hotel, and in order for the room to be usable the floor would have to be at least a little visible.
They asked if that meant we would never be visiting and I said ‘I don’t know if we will never visit, but I do know we will never stay in that room as long as it’s in that condition. If it got decluttered, or you allowed us to stay in a different room, or if we saved up enough for a hotel, then we could visit’.
Now my entire family is mad at me. My parents told the extended family we were coming, and now they have to tell them we are not. They’re also sad they won’t get to see their grandson like they planned. My sisters are also calling me entitled for being picky about a free place to stay and expecting one of them to take the crappy room.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your needs are different now, if it was just you and your husband I might lean towards saying ‘It’s not ideal but just suck it up for a few days and deal with the inconvenience’, but you’ve got a baby to consider now and if the room arrangement is going to cause issues with your son’s care then you have to put him first and decline, as you did.
I’m not sure why your parents are so fixed on you using the office/your old bedroom and not another room in the house – maybe it’s worth one more attempt to get them to see sense and make adjustments for your new family setup, perhaps by asking your sisters to make it clear that they don’t mind sacrificing the occasional use of their own former bedrooms in the best interests of their young nephew.
If your sisters won’t do that or if your parents still won’t listen, there may not be much that you can do.” BanterPhobic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sisters aren’t falling over themselves to take the ‘crappy’ room are they? It’s perhaps time for your parents to make all of their spare rooms into bedrooms for everyone now that you have all moved out.
Otherwise, they won’t be seeing much of their grandchild. If that’s a priority for them they are the ones needing to make changes.” Dogmother123
6. AITJ For Cutting My Neighbor's Electricity?
“I (24 F) have been working remotely since 2020. I moved in with my SO (30 M). A lot beside his house has been sold to a couple (35 M and 34 F) (they have kids (10 and 15)) during the global crisis but they can’t afford to have electricity registration and ask if we can install a submeter so they can pay us their portion while they money to have theirs installed.
6 months ago they have been failing to pay on time, to the point that they are 4 months behind I’ve been shouldering their part too. Please note that I don’t add a single cent to their bill as I know the struggles of trying to start a home.
They kept on promising the money moving it a week every time I asked for it. So ultimately I disconnected it after warning them twice.
Now, their daughter is posting nonstop on social media about how cruel I am and that I’m just evil. The money they owe me is about $100.
People think I earn so much money since I have deliveries left and right but I’m agoraphobic so I do my groceries online plus they have discount vouchers. They are also spreading false rumors that I sell illegal stuff because I don’t go to work but I earn money.
The neighborhood is labeling me a jerk for wanting the neighbors’ kids to suffer without electricity. I don’t know, I’m questioning my decision. I needed the money last month as my partner bought a vehicle for work since it will save a lot of money fare to work is about $10 round trip and the vehicle’s monthly amortization is just $100 a month plus $100 on gas and meal. Which is significantly less than his fare every day.
The neighborhood pressure is making me think I’m in the bad here since they think we can afford to take the hit while they catch up on their finances.
US couples earn about $1500 together no kids. In our country, the minimum wage is about $350 monthly but they don’t know this they just think that we earn enough to shoulder them just because we don’t have kids.
I think this should also go to true of my chest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You helped them and they paid you back by not paying for the electricity they used, for months. If any of the neighbors call you a jerk, answer something like: ‘I’m so glad others from this community are willing to help this family the way we did.
I’ll be happy to show you how to create the connection so they can get electricity from your house’.” Helpful_Hour1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly it shouldn’t be on you to reconnect their electricity after the way you were taken advantage of.
While it sucks that you’ll have to be the one to go around and explain the situation to your neighbors, that’s part of the worst iteration of what could’ve happened (and did). I find people are usually brave in mobs/groups and not so much as individuals.
If you do consider helping them out after they pay you what they owe them you should consider upfront payment: average out their bill and tell them at the beginning of the month that they will pay you more than the anticipated electricity.
At the end of the month, you can show them the bill and give them back the difference.
If they don’t prepay then they get no electricity. And honestly, you should work out a service charge cause this takes away from your time, even if it’s $5 a month. They’re perfectly willing to take advantage of you and bash you through social media so make it all official.” Agreeable_Pickle_806
5. AITJ For Refusing To Pay To Fix My Neighbor's Flooding Issue?
“Our houses sit on a hill right next to each other, where our backyards are the high point and the land slopes down to our front yards.
My house also sits much higher than his, even though they are only about 25 feet apart. The water from my roof goes directly to his property. His house also sits in a bit of a bowl. His land rises toward the front of his house before dropping off again, effectively trapping all the rainwater right around his house.
Last year his basement flooded completely. In an effort to help, I had new gutters installed on my house. The leader goes into what I thought was an existing dry well. Apparently, it is only a small catch basin that does not hold much water.
In major storms the catch basin overflows and we are back to the water going directly to his house. Now his basement flooded again. He wants me to rectify the problem. He does not have French drains in his basement and said he does not want to break up his floor to install them.
His property really needs to be regraded, but it would be incredibly difficult and expensive. It would be difficult to get machinery there and he would likely have to destroy his driveway.
I could have a new dry well installed in my backyard to handle the overflow from bad storms, but doing it correctly would be a real financial hardship.
It just seems a bit unfair. Why should I have to bear all this cost when he is unwilling to do anything to improve his own situation? Even if I install the dry well, there is no guarantee that it will solve the problem.
AITJ if I tell him I’m not willing to spend any more money to fix his flooding issue?”
Another User Comments:
“This is your neighbor’s problem. He should sue the builder because of the way the land is sloped. But you didn’t build your house, did you? You just bought it, as most people do? So you didn’t cause the flooding problem and it’s not your job to build anything to benefit your neighbor.
Maybe you should talk to a lawyer just to make sure, but I don’t think you have any liability or requirement to spend all kinds of money and effort to help your neighbor with a drainage problem on his own property. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“I’m a lawyer. Most likely, YTJ. If the construction of your house or any improvements to your yard caused an unnatural flow of water onto your neighbor’s property, then you are responsible for it and you must take steps to correct the problem. If the property, in its natural state without the house or any changes to the yard, would have created the exact same flow of water onto your neighbor’s property, then you are not responsible.
However, it’s most likely the construction of the house and the grading of the yard that is causing the increased flow of water into your neighbor’s property, and therefore under the law, you are legally responsible. There are tons of cases on this and the majority view says the same thing.
Check it out.” jaredsparks
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Depending on your location and what exactly you did to the gutters you could be liable for making the situation worse. Stormwater management typically needs approval for exactly this reason. You could probably just pipe it towards the front yard far enough that it runs down across your property rather than ‘the water from my roof goes directly to his property’.
You typically can’t direct your water off your property. However, your neighbor needs to realize if his house sits in a bowl he needs regrading or some exterior drainage of his own to keep water away from the foundation or he’ll always have issues even without your roof water.
Or sump pumps to deal with the water in/under/around the foundation” Legitimate-Corgi
4. WIBTJ If I Sell The Christmas Gift My Parents Gave To My Kids?
“My (36 F) parents are like the Beverly Hillbillies. We grew up dirt poor and then they struck it rich through mostly dumb luck when I was an adult.
But poor or rich, they’ve always been narcissistic and have had a complicated relationship with all of my siblings. Only now they occasionally dole out expensive gifts to reward good behavior or to pit us against each other. Yes, there is a golden child and no, I’m not it.
Mom has a habit of ruining my big life milestones (my wedding, my pregnancies, etc.) by picking fights and not speaking to me for several months. It hurt at first but it’s lost its effectiveness.
Last year, I got fed up and told her that I was going no contact myself.
She’s still welcome to call or visit my kids (12 m, 4 f, 3 f) but I wasn’t putting in any effort with her anymore.
A month later, she sends a group text to all the kids – we need to show up at her house in 3 days to receive a check and show our gratitude.
It was condescending in the extreme but on brand for her. I happen to live 2 hours away.
I had a work event and a family anniversary that weekend, but kind of wanted to get over the silent treatment, so I asked if we could reschedule for another day with more notice.
This caused a huge blow-up.
She said I’m ungrateful. I said I didn’t need the money. She said she was writing me out of the will. Fine.
Going no contact felt great. My husband and I both have great jobs, own a house, and are happy – even more so with less family drama!
The silence lasted a year. Mom has texted my husband 2-3 times but not me. Then around Christmas, I receive a huge box on my doorstep.
My parents had bought an expensive outdoor playset as a group gift for my kids. I was planning on getting one myself this year for them so it should have been great.
However, this one was too large for my yard and too flimsy for my 12-year-old to use.
I want to sell it and use the money to buy something all the kids could enjoy. This could have been seen as an olive branch and I know that selling it would be the ultimate insult – but not why I would do it.
It simply doesn’t fit my family. There’s no way I could explain this to them that they would take it as anything less than a middle finger from me.
I haven’t heard from my parents in almost a year and I’m on the fence about whether I want to fix this relationship any time soon.
It’s not like they’ll see that I’m not using it and I’m honestly happier without their drama. I feel bad that my kids don’t have a better relationship with my family, but they’re too young to really notice their absence.
WIBTJ if I sell my parents’ Christmas gift to my kids to get something that they all could use?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this isn’t robust enough for your 12-year-old it’s a literal safety hazard. You can’t use it, and if your parents ask/freak out tell them you’re not going to put your child’s life at risk to appease them.
If you are still in no contact and don’t want to ask them to exchange it (understandable) then I say either talk to the store/company about a suitable exchange or sell it on your own. Go for it. Put your kids first, always.” SpicyTurtle38
Another User Comments:
“While it’s understandable that you want to get something more suitable for your family, selling a gift from your parents, especially considering the strained relationship, could be perceived as disrespectful. It might be worth considering other options like exchanging or returning the playset if possible.
If selling it is your only viable option, perhaps communicate your reasoning with them, emphasizing your intention to use the funds for something the kids can enjoy. However, be prepared for potential fallout, as it may still be seen as a sensitive matter.” Encouraging_Angels
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Giving Me Gold-Digging Tips?
“I (25 f) have been getting conflicting answers to whether I’m a jerk or not for telling my mom off for giving me gold-digging advice, my friend suggested asking strangers since they’re more objective.
Ever since my partner came to pick me up at a family braai (barbecue) because I was too wasted to drive and I stupidly told her what he does for work, my mom has been giving me ‘tips’ on how to keep him ‘satisfied with me because he has so many options willing to do whatever’.
She first started doing this when I told her I was canceling our dinner date because my period cramps were debilitating. She told me to ‘suck it up and go’ because my partner is such a busy man so he shouldn’t be disappointed. I didn’t go, and he wasn’t disappointed. He came over and took care of me.
My mom didn’t talk to me for two weeks after this.
She’s continued telling me to give him whatever he wants because ‘this is a once-in-a-lifetime man for people like me’. Whatever that means. I find her new behavior weird because she’s never done that with any of the guys I’ve gone out with so, I asked about my happiness and she said my happiness doesn’t matter because ‘this isn’t a regular Joe’.
He is though… She told me it’s better to cry in an aston than a Ford (which I have had for 4 years). I’m not a car person all I care about is it gets me from point a to b so this meant nothing to me and I let her know it.
She’s only met him once but referred to him as a ‘high-value man’. Can someone explain what this means because I still don’t get it lol?
I finally told her off when she told me to ‘ditch the feminist agenda’ and go grovel and give my partner ‘intimate’ favors when HE was in the wrong.
My mom
waffled about how I should be playing the long game, I should keep him happy so I don’t have to sign a prenup and things like that. I couldn’t control my laughter which is rude but I just found it so ridiculous.
I had to laugh.
After I composed myself I firmly told her to stop giving me gold-digging tips as she’s a failed gold digger herself, I firmly reiterated that I don’t NEED this man. I WANT him. I don’t need tips on how to get him to buy me expensive jewellery or pay my rent, I have a job and I’m happy living within my means!
Just like all my other exes I will leave when I notice a red flag. She hung up and hadn’t spoken to me in two weeks.
My dad called to call me a jerk because I could’ve been nicer and less blunt with my mom but for weeks I wasn’t getting through to her when I was gently telling her I didn’t need to do all that.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for pointing out that you aren’t a woman who gets paid to sleep with someone or in a relationship for money. She’s giving you HORRIBLE advice. Good advice would be saying be financially secure yourself.
Never depend on a man for stability. Never put yourself in a position where you have to eat crap to survive. It’s all she knows and doesn’t know any better. It’s who she is and where she came from. You aren’t the jerk.
Next time you have a conversation ask her if she’d rather you be the ‘high-quality’ partner and in control of your own life, financially stable and happy or if you should throw all that out the window and have to be someone’s bedmate and servant.
Understand your mother’s limited circumstances and why she’s got this thinking. Never take her advice. ” No_Scarcity8249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The fact that you have become an independent woman with a strong character despite your mother’s views is remarkable. It must be annoying to get all these tips, but the bit about crying in an Aston instead of a Ford made me laugh.
I’m sure she only wants the best for you, but she should also realize that your partner loves you just the way you are. I’m sure he’s had experience with Gold Diggers and can easily see through them. Maybe she’ll understand this perspective better.” AllRumoursNoGlamour
2. AITJ For Giving My Niece A Book With The Title "Jokes From An Actual Class Clown"?
“I (26 F) have a sister (37 F). She has 4 kids, including her oldest, her 13-year-old daughter. I saw them all on Thanksgiving.
My 13-year-old niece is always getting in trouble at school for bullying in the form of ‘jokes’, she has made fun of other girls’ looks, making fun of LGBT students.
My sister and her husband defend her as ‘the class clown’ and say her teachers just don’t like her.
I’m a teacher in a neighboring district, and I teach 7th and 8th grade. One of my 8th graders is also a ‘class clown’, the difference is he’s actually funny.
He’s popular and on the baseball team, I’ll admit sometimes his jokes get the class off-topic, but if he ever becomes too much of a distraction, I and other teachers will threaten to email his coach and he’ll tune it down. He also, on occasion has made jokes about trans issues and racism, the difference is he makes them about transphobes and racists.
This has included making jokes about students who are bigots, including going after his own twin brother for being transphobic, which his parents weren’t happy about, as they aided with the transphobe. His jokes are very memorable and sometimes I’ll even write them down after class is done because they’re good zingers.
After constantly hearing my sister complaining about how her daughter’s school just punishes her for ‘being a class clown’, I decided to write some of these down and give them to my niece.
I asked one of my friends who teaches elementary for a blank copy of a little book that her students use when they make their own poetry books.
I wrote down the jokes and then on the cover put ‘jokes from an actual class clown’.
After we ate on Thanksgiving l, I told my niece I had something for her. I gave her the book and she got mad at me, saying I was being a bad aunt.
My sister also got mad at me, saying that I was being petty and that I was ‘siding with a bad school district and teachers’. She asked me to apologize to my niece but I refused. She’s now telling me I’m acting like a toddler.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – What you did was funny and it sounds like it was deserved but it also comes off like bullying a 13-year-old at a family holiday when there was probably a more mature way of handling the situation.
‘In my teaching career, I have seen a number of class clowns, some are great kids who know how to provide some comic relief to the school day and some are just disruptive and cruel. Sadly, my niece falls into the latter category and you both encourage it.
I’m not interested in being around your family’s negativity, so please keep the conversation about her poor class behavior to yourselves or expect that I won’t continue to come to family events because I’m not okay with your transphobic actions’ and if they don’t respect that then leave.” KartlindWitch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Clearly you are frustrated and worried about your niece’s behavior, totally valid. But you addressed it in an extremely petty way, obviously out of spite. I feel like you know you’re being the jerk. You went out of the way to address this in a mean, passive-aggressive way.
What your niece is doing needs to be addressed, but what you did is clearly not helping anything.” GarbageKillsMegan
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, the line between whether something is funny or bullying has a lot to do with punching up vs punching down.
Using a ‘gift’ to put a 13-year-old in her place is a bit mean coming from an adult. Your niece is a bully and a bigot and your sister is encouraging her, these are all problems. But what you did is also a major problem.” ViolaVetch75
1. AITJ For Being Mad At My Family For How They Acted During My Wedding?
“My husband and I were married in September and I haven’t spoken to my parents, sisters, or bridesmaids since (it’s December currently).
I will try to be as blunt as I can. I was married out of province at a location of 4-7 hours travel for my family. It was also a bilingual wedding, he is French/I am English. I invited 40 people and 30 came, but my husband’s side was much bigger at 150, so basically it was a 200-person wedding.
The ceremony was beautiful, it was everything I dreamed of. The reception is where it went awry, as 2 of my 5 bridesmaids became belligerently wasted to the point they were removed from the building. The other three bridesmaids did not get up from their table one time, they sat for 3 hours and did not talk to anyone but themselves.
We didn’t have an emcee and our food situation was very hectic so we were trying to keep people entertained while they waited for their food – my mom looked bored as she sat playing a game on her phone at the head table, totally oblivious that other people were waiting 3 hours for their food.
My dad was being social, but he always followed Mom.
We were late cutting the cake at 9:30 pm and our dance commenced by 10:15 pm or so, but by then my parents, sisters, and other bridesmaids had said their good nights to me and left. They didn’t stay for more than 1 song at our dance, and what hurt the worst was that I didn’t get my daddy-daughter dance I had been looking forward to my whole life.
The entire side that I invited was gone by 10:30 pm on my wedding night.
The next morning I arrived at the house everyone was staying at, and nobody was there. It was 8 am and everyone had left at the same time to catch the ferry back to their home province.
My phone was dead, so when it recharged I got several texts from my friends and family saying how lovely a time they had.
This is when I became incredibly upset because they could have waited 15 minutes for me to come to say goodbye and have a minute with my family.
They weren’t going to miss the ferry, they would be there with 2 hours to wait and 2 more ferries in the day. We were hosting brunch – they didn’t even have to stay for that, just at least say goodbye to my face, I feel I deserved that.
I also understand that people are tired, but I had a 10-month-old at the time that nobody even offered to help me out with, I had no sleep but I still turned up because it was expected of me. My husband even paid for the whole thing because he saved his whole life for a wedding.
Lastly, since I refused to speak to anyone, I have been told I am immature, I’m mad for no reason, and I am tearing the family up. Apparently, my sister is telling my 5-year-old niece that ‘Aunty will get over it and remember us’.
This same sister keeps trying to text me like nothing has happened.
So, am I a jerk for not speaking to my family/friends based on their actions at my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wedding wasn’t well planned. Bad things happen. You didn’t even start dancing until after 10.
That’s not anyone’s fault but unless you communicated with your parents, how late did you expect them to stay/wait? What was wrong with your parents’ behavior? Did you expect them to fix the situation? Even your bridesmaids, ok the 2 that got kicked out are jerks but you Saud you only had 40 people invited, and there was a bi-lingual situation.
How many people did they know? Honestly, it sounds like it was your husband’s party and your family was the afterthought, and they acted like it. Not everyone expects brunch the next day, usually in my area that’s the first day of the honeymoon. So why would they stay and wait to say goodbye, that happened already the night before.
I get it, things didn’t play out the way you wanted. But it’s not their fault either. YTJ for dragging this mess out so long.” A-typ-self
Another User Comments:
“YTJ so much. Let’s recap: – Your family has traveled a good many hours to get to your wedding – Two of your bridesmaids got overly wasted because you had no food there for them and they hadn’t eaten all day.
Not a good look for them but partly your fault.
– You expected your other bridesmaids to… mingle with the guests and entertain them. Did they know these people? Did they know French? Did they know you expected this of them?
– You have no one keeping track of time and managing guests;
– You’re complaining because your mother was bored, tired, and hungry because you had no food;
– They managed to stay for the cake cutting and dance but were exhausted and wanted to go to bed, but that’s not good enough for you. Seriously 9:30???
– They left early the next day because they had a long trip home and wanted to make sure they didn’t miss the ferry.
Did you even tell them about the brunch in advance or was that also last-minute notice?
– Who cares that you have a 10-month-old and still showed up? Of course you showed up it’s your wedding! Then the audacity to complain no one helped you with her!
Should have hired a baby sitter and not expected wedding guests from afar to pitch in;
– Now you’re stroppy and throwing a tantrum because of your own terrible planning.
This whole wedding drama is pretty much all your fault.” tiragooen
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