People Admit To Their Worst Moments in These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Being Honest About My Family Issues During A Family Meeting?
“My parents called for a family meeting last Sunday and said they were realizing that we didn’t have the happy little tight-knit family they had expected to have. They expressed that we had all been closer when we were little kids. For context it’s me (16m), my brother James (14m), and my other brother Easton (12m).
But now it felt like we never spent time as brothers, especially me James, and that sharing a room they would have expected more from us. My parents said they wanted us to all be open and honest about how we felt and to express if we had any issues with the family to get out of the way.
They said they weren’t going to take a turn until after the three of us spoke first. And we couldn’t leave until we opened up and said everything.
I told them I felt like they had somewhat unrealistic goals, that they ignored some stuff that had been mentioned to them in the past that would have made the lack of closeness less of a surprise, and that it was weird for them to pretend they had no idea of anything going on.
I admitted that I hated sharing a room with James. That personality-wise, he and I clash, and he relies too much on being the younger brother and getting his way, which annoys me. I said I had told them this before. James will set up these sleepover nights for him and me on the floor and he’ll expect me to play football outside with him until it’s close to midnight and then go in and watch movies that bore me to tears and sleep in our sleeping bags instead of our beds.
I said he started insisting we do things he enjoys when we were like 8 and 10 and ever since that point hanging out with him has not been fun for me, it has not made me feel closer to him. I admitted that I would rather share with Easton.
I also said I had brought this stuff to my parent’s attention before. And even complained when he was messing up my side of the room and left me to clean up, which my parents expected me to do instead of him. I also mentioned that I hate hanging out with his friends who I have nothing in common with.
I told my parents they overlooked James being mean to Easton. It might be due to jealousy and resentment that I’m closer to Easton or it might be due to Easton being the youngest. But they would never let me say to James what James can say to Easton.
I also said they treat us like we’re little kids. They will tell us to go hang with much younger kids and do their activities at family houses and they’ll tell us no video games until we play outside. And that even after 16 years of knowing me, they still can’t accept that I don’t like sports and it’s not my idea of fun to kick a ball or run around and it never has been.
James was upset about the stuff I said about him. Especially about not wanting to hang out with him and his friends. My parents were furious with me and said I had no right to say all that. I said I was doing what they asked and they said that wasn’t what they asked for.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents didn’t think this through. You did, though. If you had a therapist in the room they would have applauded you for getting to the heart of the matter as long as you weren’t gratuitously cruel to your bro in how you said it, such as by name calling, contemptuous looks, etc. You deserved an A here.
You understood the assignment perfectly and were open and honest.” Curious-One4595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your parents were fools to think a conversation like that was ever going to go well. I guess just like pretending you were one big, happy family, you were supposed to lie to preserve the illusion.
They are completely wrong for being upset with you. Truth hurts sometimes.” Leopard-Recent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are jerks. They’re not dealing with reality. I can see where your brother gets it from. They make up in their head how things are going to go, and then get upset when it doesn’t work out that way.
They asked you to be open and honest about your feelings and then told you that you have no right to say it. That’s ridiculous. They’re not trying to solve the problem, it’s almost as if they’re looking for someone else to blame.” AbazabaYouMyOnlyFren
19. AITJ For Considering A Restraining Order Against My Dependent Ex-Partner?
“Just wanted to get a non-biased opinion because my family is saying that I’m the jerk. My apologies in advance since this might be a little bit too long but I’ll try to give as much context as I can while also trying to keep it short.
So me, “John,” (M30) have been married to “Jen” (F29) for a couple of years now, been together for 10. We had a child recently (this comes into play later.)
So I am considering filing a restraining order against my ex-partner, “Daisy” (F30).
For some background, Daisy & I grew up together and our moms were best friends and wanted nothing more for us to get married (think of the Summer I Turned Pretty if anyone has been made to watch that with their significant other, except we were down the street from one another lol).
We ended up together in middle school into high school for three years but it just didn’t work out, we broke up sophomore year of HS. As we grew up we just realized we didn’t have much in common, I was a homebody, she liked to go party with the cool kids, I did sports, she didn’t like sports, that sort of thing.
Nothing wrong with that. We were still friends, our moms were sad, but whatever lol
Unfortunately, Daisy’s dad got cancer and passed away within a couple of months of being diagnosed. Her mom then passed away in a car accident a couple of months after that.
This all happened within a year, during our senior year of high school. Daisy didn’t have any family to take her in so my parents stepped in to help out. I’m still not sure how all the legalities worked out with that but it was only a couple of months til we graduated/til she turned 18 so I’m guessing it was ok.
Even though we were together as kids, I have seen Daisy as my sister even though we were together. Daisy is someone I will always have love for, just not in the way our moms wanted it to be. Jen is completely comfortable and secure with this, we’ve all hung out, she came to the wedding, comes to family events, etc.
Unfortunately with all that happened with her parents within such a short period, Daisy has been dealing with major depression pretty much since everything went down. I’ve helped her out throughout the years (think of mental breakdowns, both me and Jen coming over at 2 am when Daisy was talking about how lonely she felt, etc.).
Jen even helped her find a job.
This was before kids. As I said earlier, we had a baby this year (baby is less than 6 months old) so as anyone who’s had kids or known anyone who has kids, we are tired as heck.
Obviously, with our baby, we can’t be there for Daisy like we were before (we live around 15 minutes away from one another.) Daisy has called in the late hours of the night, early hours of the morning type of thing, and now with a baby, we can’t help as much.
I’m exhausted, Jen is exhausted. Unfortunately, it has turned into Daisy coming over at 3 am, ringing the doorbell, crying loudly outside, and sometimes even screaming. This has gone on for the past 3 months and I’ve told her she can’t do that anymore as things are different now with the baby and Jen/the baby will always come first.
She hasn’t listened, and now I’m considering filing a restraining order. I told my parents who said I was a jerk and she was just lonely and needed her best friend, even my brother Jack (35M) says I’m the jerk since she’s our sister. My mom said she couldn’t believe I would consider doing this because the holidays are coming up Daisy is always at family functions and she can’t uninvite Daisy since she’s her daughter, and I’m ruining the holiday season.
I said at this time I cannot be around Daisy because she’s too dependent on me and we need to set a healthy boundary.
So, WIBTJ if I filed a restraining order? I feel bad about considering this since I do agree that she is basically my sister and that I would be “ruining” the holidays, but my child and wife will always come first but I’m not sure what other options there are.
I do feel like I’m at fault as well since I helped so much the past 12+ years and I feel like I’m abandoning her in a sense/making her too dependent, but I’m at a wit’s end. Jen feels bad as well but we’re both exhausted from this.
Does anyone have any advice? AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every single person giving you grief for not attending to an adult woman 24/7 can chip in themselves. Also, your family can go ahead and get cut off from seeing your baby since they don’t care about their well-being, letting you guys get distracted from parental duties.” Sebscreen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me be frank. She’s not your sister. She’s not their daughter. It’s great you all support her, but there are limits. Why doesn’t she go scream at their doors at 3 am? Something is fishy like maybe she does still have feelings for you.
Regardless, you can’t have a crazy person yelling outside your door, waking up your wife and child, and potentially the neighbors. While I appreciate your want to help her, she needs to help herself with some therapy. Sit her down, tell her it ends now or it ends with a restraining order.
Don’t leave any wiggle room. If it continues, a restraining order it is. You can ask for something like 2 years for things to settle down.” PossibilityWeekly902
Another User Comments:
“NTJ siblings don’t go crying at other siblings’ houses at 3 AM because they’re “lonely”, baby or no baby.
Does your actual sinking do that? No. You should get the restraining order as your whole family let it go too far (frankly your parents should have got her into therapy after her parent’s death) Edit: to clarify, yes, people do reach out in crisis (family death, emergency) but that kind of reaction for non-emergency when they’re not available?” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the rest of your family should be stepping up to help Daisy so you and your wife can focus on your baby. But honestly, Daisy is a grown adult and needs to start taking responsibility for her own life. It’s not healthy to continue to enable her behavior.
Sit her down, tell her she can no longer come over uninvited at all hours of the day and night and maybe suggest she find a good therapist. If she comes over uninvited then call the cops for trespassing. If she does it again start the restraining order process.
If your family chooses Daisy over you then you and your wife and baby are better off without them. Sorry, you’re having to deal with this…” Ornery-Process
18. AITJ For Being Upset With My Childhood Friend Treating My Home Like A Free Hotel?
“To give a little backstory: our parents were all close friends, so as soon as I was born we were inseparable up to the point where she got pregnant at 18/19 years old with a dude I hated and we drifted apart and moved away from each other.
I had not talked to her or seen her since that point like 14 years ago, so I(28 NB) was delighted and shocked when I saw her(33 F) at my front door Friday.
She tells me about her life and makes plans to hang out before she leaves on Monday.
I asked her to meet for dinner on Sunday, which she confirmed. I head over, wait until after our meeting time, and text to see where she is. She called me back to tell me she got her text chat with me and her sister confused and was heading to her sister’s place.
I was irritated but told her it was okay because it was inconvenient but an honest mistake. She makes plans to meet up at my house afterward and I grab food and head home, telling her I’d be home around 8.30 (1.5 hours later).
I make it home on time and start waiting.
9.30 passed and I hadn’t heard anything from her so I started relaxing and resigned myself to being ditched. 10.21 pm she texts asking if I work tomorrow. 11.14 pm she asks if I can stay up so she can come to visit because she and her Dude(40 M) plan on leaving tonight instead of Monday and I reluctantly agree (I don’t let her know my reluctance or irritation at all cuz.
know). She arrives at 12.10 am, and we chat for a bit (ie she vents and I listen), she introduces me to her Dude who complains about not feeling well and they have a chat in front of me like “Do you think you can make the drive” “I’m not feeling it…” “I told you we never should have checked out early.” I consider offering them to stay the night but, regardless of our closeness as kids we don’t know each other and I don’t know or trust her dude so I keep my mouth shut.
Doesn’t matter because they leave at 12.38 am and then pull back into my driveway at 12.42 asking to stay the night cuz neither can make it. Fine, I’d rather them rest and drive safely than be on the road tired and sick.
Today I woke up to texts from 6 am saying “Thanks, I appreciate you.
Also, he threw up in the bedroom trashcan but I think he tied it off so it should be okay” IT WAS NOT OKAY. He threw up on top of a closed trash bag and THEY LEFT IT THAT WAY? I find bits of his vomit splattered around and in my sink.
I’ve been avoiding checking the bed they stayed in because after I straightened it out a bit I saw they had taken the top sheet off and balled it up and that just makes me think it’s hiding something. They didn’t wake me when they left and they left my front door unlocked and slightly ajar.
I took time to calm down but I’m no less upset at her seeming to take advantage of my kindness, so WIBTJ if I texted her to express how upset I am with her treating me like I’m a free hotel after coming back in my life for the first time in almost 15yrs?
At this point, I simply have not responded to her text at all.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk (NTJ) for expressing your frustration and setting boundaries with your childhood friend. It’s understandable that you’re upset about the situation, especially when they didn’t clean up after themselves and left your home in disarray.
It’s essential to communicate your feelings and let her know that her actions were not respectful of your hospitality. A respectful and honest conversation can help clarify your expectations and ensure better understanding between you two.” shelbyserious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but serious question. Why?
If you think it will provide some closure go ahead. But your second friend might be right. You might just introduce more anger to your day.” Spektra54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should let your “friend” know that you’re done with her. If you think she’ll pay for what you had to clean up tell her you’ll be sending the bill.
I’d not just cut her off. She was rude, didn’t care about your schedule, doesn’t respect your space.” pnutbuttercups56
17. AITJ For Seeking Out My Biological Father, Despite My Twin Brother's Disinterest?
“For most of my childhood, I never knew anything about my (29M) biological father. When my mom found out she was pregnant with myself and my twin brother, she was already a single parent of two boys.
She had been seeing a financially stable older guy. However, she was almost certain that the father was a different man she had been spending time with. Despite this, she told the first guy that he was the father. They married before we were born, and she had two daughters with him in the following years.
When I was three, she left him, he had become increasingly controlling and abusive. I don’t remember much about him because she completely cut off contact and we moved back to her hometown. I was still fairly young when she told me that he hadn’t been my real father, but we never had a real conversation about it until I was older, and she gave me more information about him.
For the last 5 years or so, I have wanted to see if I could find our bio dad. My brother (who is autistic) told me he did not care at all about whoever our bio dad was.
A little under a year ago, I did a 23andme test. I got lucky with a close relative match (an uncle) and was able to message him.
I told him I was looking for my bio dad and the information I had. He confirmed that my bio dad was his brother. I gave him my email address and asked him to give it to his brother and explain the situation.
I received an email a couple of weeks later and we emailed back and forth for a bit before Facetiming.
We remained in contact, and I visited him for the first time 4 months ago. I also met his wife and two out of three of my half-siblings. The news had been difficult for his wife, but his kids found it exciting. He’s expressed disappointment about my brother not wanting a relationship and his wife made a comment to me that I was cruel for looking for our dad when my brother didn’t want to.
A few weeks ago, my dad and half-sister flew to visit me where I live. I told my mom in advance so she could have dinner with us one of the nights he was here. After that night she told my brother that he should also take the opportunity to meet our dad while he was around.
She eventually pressured him into it, and we went out for dinner the last night he was in town.
The night didn’t go well for my brother. He was too anxious, and our dad didn’t know how to react to him. My brother left after an hour seeming rather upset.
My dad appeared fairly upset as well. We talked about it over the phone the next week and he was feeling bad for my brother.
When I last visited my brother, he got mad and shouted at me about wanting to find our dad when we didn’t even need one and making him go to dinner when he didn’t want to.
He thinks I’m a jerk and I feel like one too. My brother thrives on routine and stability, and he hates emotional situations. Everything about the situation I created induced anxiety for him.
AITJ? Should I not get the chance to know my dad just because he doesn’t want to?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for wanting to find your biological Dad, that is a personal decision that ONLY you can make for yourself. Your brother cannot keep you from knowing your father just because he doesn’t want to, it is not within his control, and asking you not to was selfish.
However, he is NTJ for not wanting to meet his Dad and you guys should never have forced him to go along to the dinner. Your Dad’s wife was a jerk for suggesting that you shouldn’t have found your Dad because your brother didn’t want to.
I get it that you’re twins, but you are two different people, grown adults, who can make decisions for themselves.” SquishyBeth77
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Just because you’re twins you aren’t always going to want the same things, which you already know. You aren’t the one that pushed him into a meeting he didn’t want and wasn’t ready for.
Continue getting to know your dad if you want to, but don’t drag your brother into something he doesn’t want.” revmat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and neither is your brother. Tough situation but you have a right to know your bio dad. Your brother has a right not to know him, your mother shouldn’t have pressured him so much into meeting.
Your bio dad’s wife sounds a bit jerky to say you were wrong to find your father, she wishes you hadn’t so is trying to take some moral high ground.” Keyspam102
16. AITJ For Choosing Not To Attend My Sister's Wedding To Protect My Mental Health?
“My wife (25) and I (25m) have been married for about a year now, and she is my entire world. She’s kind, beautiful, and funny, and I stand by her decision not to go.
(Just putting that out there)
When I first met my wife I saw a bunch of red flags in her family, and as our relationship progressed I saw her cry over them on multiple occasions. I have only met them a handful of times as she does not like bringing me around them because of how they treat me.
On holidays we tend to just spend the time with my family as my parents adore my wife and treat her as their own.
It hurt my wife to be excluded or forgotten by her stepmom and half-siblings on almost anything and everything. They would wait till the last minute to invite her to anything so she never had enough time to take off work and when she couldn’t go she got blamed for it.
They would post pictures of outings that were supposed to be family outings but my wife and I were never invited or told. Then they would text her and ask her why she wasn’t there. In the time I have been with my wife, she has answered every call to help (mostly with money), and when she would ask for help they never could then they would go out and do something expensive, again excluding my wife.
There’s much more than that but I’m only sharing what she is comfortable with. Her family is vile.
Over the past year my wife has steadily started distancing herself from her family (with a lot of fighting and resistance) She would lay her boundaries or even try to discuss how she felt with them and would be met with text paragraphs degrading her, calling her ungrateful, and every name they could think of before she had to block them and go total no contact.
One sister that we were still on good terms with is getting married and my wife has decided to not go(and I’m not going to force her. Her family destroyed her mental health, and as she started going no contact her mental health got so much better.
She decided not to go as she knew the family she had blocked would start fights with her in her own words, “I have worked so hard to feel better and I don’t want to backtrack just because of a wedding.”
Now her sister is upset and is no longer talking to either of us.
My wife wants to be there for her sister but refuses to put herself in a situation where she doesn’t feel safe. My wife has tried to talk to her and figure out what she could do for her sister besides having to be around the family that tore her down for years.
There is nothing.
I am doing my best to comfort my wife, but she feels like a terrible person for letting her one good sister down. I don’t think she’s a jerk at all for putting down boundaries. I’m standing by her choice wholeheartedly. And will continue to do so.
Is my wife the jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t believe in putting yourself in an emotionally dangerous situation, so absolutely do not go if you think it would go badly. But will there be any other potential allies at the wedding? Could you arrange to arrive with some friendly cousins or something and just refuse to engage with the bullies all night?
Because it’s a wedding I’d assume they’ll try to be on best behaviour, and would only want to try anything if they could get you away from other people. My only advice if you change your mind is to stick together, and preferably stick with a group of other guests so that they can’t get you on your own.” EnvironmentalRuin863
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is NTJ. I recommend she stick to her guns and stay away. I had to go to NC with my entire family. I will never see them again *for my safety and sanity*. She is right: all the progress she has made will go down the drain if she goes to the wedding and they get their hooks in her again.
She has every right to protect herself. I hope that she can continue on her path to healing.” Sunnysmama
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like SIL is not that great. She just looks good compared to the others who are so much worse. For example, your wife did not get advance notice of trips or events.
Why didn’t SIL tell her? NTJ. It’s time for your wife to let go of the illusion that she has even one biological relative who is a decent person. SIL is the jerk, just more passively than the others.” Mammoth_Piglet_3063
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepmom In The Delivery Room?
“My stepmom saw a comment I made on a social media post several weeks ago that said I would probably have my mom in the delivery room with me if she were still alive.
The post was from a page I follow asking expectant parents if they thought their mom’s being there would bring them some comfort. She messaged me on social media when she saw it and told me I could still have one of my mom’s there.
I replied that it wasn’t her I meant.
I saw her a few days after and she brought up to me how embarrassing it was to have me openly state that on social media where people could see. She said most would assume I have two moms and that she would be worthy of being invited. I told her my reply was not meant to embarrass her but I was being honest about my feelings on the topic.
She brought it up more times and tried to advocate for me saying yes. When I kept saying no she said I was blessed with two mom’s and sometimes I act as though I only have one.
The background to this is as follows: I lost my mom when I was 6 and my dad remarried just before I turned 8.
My stepmom wanted to adopt me when they got married but I didn’t want that. My dad didn’t want to waste the money if I told a judge I didn’t want it and said the judge sided with me. I think my stepmom tried to be a good second mom and tried to fill the space my mom used to.
She didn’t remove Mom’s memory but she did compete with her memory a lot. I never wanted a second mom and always saw her as more of a dad’s wife than a stepmom, but saying stepmom seemed like a compromise to not rock the boat too much.
She has four sons with my dad. She’s a good mom to them though I think she always wanted a daughter and I do believe that is part of the reason she could never let go of the whole “mom” thing.
But anyway. The topic was not dropped by my stepmom.
I changed the subject a lot when she brought it up but over the weekend it came up again and she said I was already honoring my mom and MIL with my daughter’s name (not their actual names but associations with them) and I have never acknowledged her as being a mom to me or even a grandma to my daughter and the least I could do is let her be there and let her support me the way I dream my mom would.
She told me she could be my greatest advocate and it would go a long way in acknowledging the mother/daughter nature of our relationship.
I made it very clear to her then that I did not want her there and yes, I want my mom, but she never held that title for me.
I told her that she was my stepmom and she was not someone I would feel comfortable having there for the moment. She was upset and tried to pull my dad into it but he refused to get involved which… no surprises there. My stepmom said if I didn’t want her there then I should have at least deleted those comments and she also said I had made it very clear I think nothing of her feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You feel the way you feel and she needs to accept that and move on. It’s not your fault that she inserted herself into a situation she was not invited and it turns out also not welcome. You have zero obligation to have anyone who isn’t medical staff in the room with you while you give birth.
Your comfort is second only to your health during such a stressful event and you shouldn’t feel the need to include anyone you aren’t entirely comfortable having with you.” IAndaraB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and once and for all, childbirth is not a spectator sport.
I’m sorry your stepmother is offended (and I might have messaged her privately rather than respond on a public social media post) but she is ridiculous trying to demand a level of closeness that simply doesn’t exist.” Leopard-Recent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think some people are missing or not understanding what is visible to others on your social media.
You commented on something a page or group posted, that you’d want your mom at the birth. Your stepmom saw the comment and private MESSAGED you, and you replied to her private MESSAGE. Correct? Your comment that she and perhaps others saw was that you’d want your mom at the birth.
You’re allowed to miss your mom and want her at such a special and vulnerable time. Also, your stepmom sounds pushy. No means no. Stop trying to weasel into the birth.” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Standing My Ground About Not Buying An Investment Property?
“I set up a dinner meeting with a long-term friend, who’s a realtor, to catch up and hang out. She said she had some business to discuss with my partner as they are both into investing in property.
While on our way to dinner, my partner told me that I should buy an investment property….
I point blank have told him before this that I was not ready, so, I again reiterated to him that “I am not ready..” I gave him examples as to why, which include but not limited to helping pay for my children’s college tuition.
Things are starting to get tight and I don’t feel that I can handle all of that (down payment, renovations, maintenance, etc) at the moment. He dropped the subject until we met with my friend.
We chatted about life, our mutual charity group, and eventually real estate.
I excused myself and I was Coming back from the restroom I caught the end of a conversation between the two of them about my investing.
I sat down and listened to them for a while on the merits of it and what was available to help me obtain it.
I politely engaged and again said “I’m not ready yet” My friend got it and dropped the subject, her tact and grace were immaculate. However, my partner did not. After she left he continued on that subject again. That was until I started to push back on his views, saying he was not listening to me when I said no.
It got heated. I was not about to go silent on my counterpoints related to my current financial situation. It got to the point where he stood up and said I don’t want to talk about this anymore and he’s leaving. Yes, folks..
he left me sitting at the table dumbfounded for about 15 minutes then left myself.
I suspected I would have to get a ride home since we drove together but he was sitting outside. I proceeded to walk towards the parking lot not saying a word.
I was not about to talk to him when he wanted nothing to do with me. He followed me to the truck and we left together without saying a word the entire ride home.
Here’s where I think I’m the jerk….
Once we got home I tried to talk to him about what happened and how it made me feel.
Keep in mind it was fairly civil no screaming or yelling, I sat across the living room from him. We went back and forth and I had to take a moment outside to clear my head when I felt overwhelmed. When I came in we continued to argue about how events went, I continued to express how it made me feel (embarrassed/disrespected) and how he’s not apologizing for the perceived slight.
At the end of it, he was so upset at me that all he could do was tell me I could do whatever I wanted he doesn’t care, that he was done, and go to bed.
I don’t feel like I was wrong for standing up for myself… But, AITJ for pushing to talk about it and wanting an apology?
I’m just at a loss for all, thanks for listening”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you seem to be looking forward with logic, your partner somehow seems invested in YOU buying property. Take a look at why HE wants YOU to invest in something you think is a bad idea at this time.
To me seems like a walking red flag, especially walking away at the end. You have been with him for 10 years, do you want to be with someone who has no concern for what YOU want for yourself and instead seems determined to push HIS agenda onto you???” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know what part of “I’m not ready,” and the valid points you made he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t care to consider your situation. That makes me wonder if he’s too hard up to just go get one on his own, and if that’s the case, why would he want to risk ruining both of your finances, leaving you both with nothing but huge debts and property you’d have to unload at a huge loss?” vortices
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a red flag city! Talk to your friend and ask if she knows why your partner was trying to encourage you to buy an investment property so badly. I guess that he wants to buy a property but doesn’t have the credit or down payment or something, but he could qualify if he could convince you to be on the mortgage with him.
If he planned to convince you that “you” should buy an investment property and then segue that into “we” should buy a property together, your refusal to consider it would have wrecked his plans which explains his tantrum. Don’t buy anything with this guy, don’t give him money, and don’t have joint accounts.
Something is going on with his finances and you don’t want to be embroiled in it if the relationship ends.” User
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Around My Partner's Brother After Finding Unsettling Photos Of Me On His Laptop?
“We’re all male. My partner and I are gay. His younger brother is straight. They are very close and his brother spends a lot of time at our house or we at his.
We’ve been together for 8 years but I’ve known them for longer. I always got along with his brother but for some time he’s been acting weird.
At first, I didn’t notice anything. A little over a year ago he started touching me more. Nothing inappropriate but almost every time he’s close to me.
If I was walking by he’d pull me to his side or he’d start playing with my hair.
Lately, he also started pulling me into his lap or coming up behind me and putting his arms around me. He also sometimes makes comments about how I look.
I know that none of this is a big deal or anything that could be called inappropriate but sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.
I brought it up to my partner but he said he didn’t notice anything and that I could just be overreacting.
I thought he could be right because I’m close to finishing uni so I’m more stressed than usual. I had brushed it off until 2 days ago.
My laptop broke down while I was trying to finish an important paper and my partner had his at work with him. I asked his brother if I could borrow his laptop and he came by to drop it off.
I finished the paper yesterday evening and downloaded it.
I somehow messed up and accidentally put it in some random folder. I had titled it “[my name] [title of paper]” so I typed my name in the search bar. My paper did show up but there was also another folder with my name on it.
I know this will probably make me the jerk to a lot of people but I was curious so I opened it. It was filled with pictures. Most of them were pictures we took over the years with me and other people in it but a few of them made me feel sick.
Most of the pictures were harmless but between the normal pictures, there would be some of me sleeping or changing. Some were just me playing with my dog but taken from a strange angle that made it seem like someone was trying to take a picture without being noticed.
I had to stop looking because my hands started shaking and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
My partner came home shortly after and I showed him what I found. I told him I didn’t want his brother around me anymore. I won’t keep them from seeing each other but I didn’t want to be there for it.
He looked at me like I was insane. He tried to calm me down but wouldn’t listen to what I said. He just kept repeating that I should stop being so childish and that none of what I was saying was a reason for me to not want him around.
He said I shouldn’t have found those pictures anyway and that I should know better than to snoop through other people’s things.
I didn’t know what else to say because he kept talking over me and trying to twist my words. I slept in the guest bedroom and hadn’t seen him before he went to work.
He’ll be home soon and I know he’ll expect an apology for how I acted but I still feel sick thinking about it.
Did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Little brother is not straight and is creeping on you. If it were just the pictures, I’d have said something similar to someone else’s comments: then since you were already snooping it would make sense to quickly see if he’s got folders with pictures of other family members.
But there’s playing with your hair, being all touchy-feely, complimenting your looks. No matter what s*x and orientation, if I wasn’t in a relationship with someone I wouldn’t put my arms around them unless they were offering a hug, and I definitely wouldn’t play with their hair.” He_Who_Is_Person
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Trust your gut, if someone is making you feel sick and uncomfortable then you know there’s something wrong. Don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting. If your partner can’t support your feelings of safety then it may be time for a new partner.
Little brother sounds like he’s going through a creepy infatuation and needs to have a reality check. Either way, you should trust yourself when it comes to your safety alarm bells going off.” galleryghosts
12. AITJ For Shutting Down A Married Coworker's Romantic Advances?
“I (F19) have been working at a shop inside of a hotel for around four months.
In the beginning, I stayed pretty closed-off and kept to myself most of the time, but, eventually (and unavoidably), I started making friends with the people around me.
Thanks to this new wave of interactions, I met Jon (M25), a guy who worked at the jewelry store at the end of the hallway (My shop is the one at the beginning of it).
Overall, our interactions were very friendly and it was easy to keep up the conversation with him. After about three weeks or so, I asked him if he was married (I noticed he wore a ring) and he told me that yes, he was married and not only that: His wife was the daughter of the store owner (his boss).
So, with that, I’ll jump forward a month or so when his store changed places: From the end of the hallway to right in front of my shop. The thing is, this new proximity made our interactions more frequent. He started to show interest (romantically) so I tried to show him that I wasn’t interested as best as I could.
A few days later, he invited me to get lunch with him and I rejected him as kindly as I could, stating that I always bring my food and I don’t like changing plans last minute. He wasn’t going to accept a “no” for an answer and refused to get out of the shop unless I told him why I was rejecting him.
So, I asked him as a reply what was his actual intentions with me. To be honest, I was kinda sharp with my question, and I felt I made him quite uncomfortable, but he just told me “he needed some time to reply” and left.
Once it was my time to go home, I went to my usual bus station. The thing is that, when I arrived, he was there waiting for me. Not going to lie, this made me incredibly uncomfortable and I even considered going back inside to the hotel to call a cab, but my bus was coming in a minute and I chose to wait.
To summarize, he approached me but I got on the bus before he could say anything.
The next morning, he got inside my shop, ready to talk, but before he could open his mouth I told him: “Whatever you were going to say, I don’t want to hear it.
You are married to a beautiful woman. I know her, she knows me. Your job depends on your relationship with her. And, on top of that, I’m not interested, you must know that by now. Let’s keep things professional and don’t address me unless it’s something extremely important”.
He thanked me for being direct and left me alone.
Today, he came by again and asked me if I wanted to talk. I told him that we had nothing to talk about, and he just left giving me the dirty eye. The thing is, I feel like I was too drastic with my responses and that I made a big deal out of it, yet, I believe he is being incredibly disrespectful to his wife and that he doesn’t deserve any soft treatment.
I can’t stand unfaithful people.
So, AITJ for not even letting him confess to me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, this guy gives me the creeps and I’m not even there. You did a beautiful job of telling him you were not interested and why, and he came back the next day asking if you wanted to talk.
You weren’t too drastic in your response, he’s the kind of guy who can’t take no for an answer. My only concern is, could he make trouble for you at work? I can easily see him lying about you because you rejected him. Maybe you should give your boss a heads up, or record him if he tries again.” FitOrFat-1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were perfect in your response, if anything, not firm enough. Given that he’s taken to following you, I’m kind of concerned for your safety. I’m not trying to worry you or freak you out, but I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you.
The kind of guys who don’t take no for an answer and who feel entitled to women are the kind of guys who hurt women for their selfish wants. Please consider all of this in your future interactions and if this job is truly worth it.
Again, I hope I’m being paranoid, but please consider it.” t***********8
11. AITJ For Wanting To Call My Mum's Partner 'Dad'?
“I (18F) am having some moral dilemmas and would like to hear others opinions on this.
My mum and dad divorced when I was 3, and at 5 I was taken into another country away from my dad and lived with my mum. My mum is a saint, she may not be perfect but she is the best mother I could ask for, my dad on the other hand is tricky.
Living in another country, I rarely got to see my dad, maybe 1-2 weeks every 1-2 years. In those 1-2 weeks, he would only really spend time with me if my mum was present, or if tractors were involved (He’s a farmer and obsessed with his job) other than that he would usually just pin me off on either my step mum or grandma.
He only called on my birthdays, and that stopped at my 12th, and any communication with him would be started by me. This may not paint him in the brightest light however he was never abusive, or neglectful. If I needed to see the dentist, he was both taking me and footing the bill, he would pick me up from the airport and take me back every time, and he even chipped in to get me an iPad (though it might be the only gift he ever got me) and promised to chip in £200 towards a £400 college fee.
Not to mention that the single reason my grandma is still able to comfortably live on her own is that he’s always there at the speed of light when something needs to be done or fixed (plumbing, etc.) This may be the bare minimum however it still shows he still puts himself into the fatherly role (or at least does out of guilt) and at the end of the day he is still my dad, I am half of him and he never ignored me.
A lot of people, me included, think of him as “A very good person, pretty bad dad” and he might be a bit antisocial.
This is important because I wanted to get it across clearly that my dad may be below the bare minimum but he is still somewhat in my life and he still somewhat cares in his way.
After years of an abusive relationship (Not with my dad), my mum met a nice guy, her whole world lit up and she started acting like a teenager in love.
He is incredibly kind to me and we’re able to joke. I can honestly say this man may be the best thing to happen to all of us.
Recently, this man started referring to me and my sister as “his daughters” in a joking and funny manner and even bought me a little “Best Daughter” candle as a joke souvenir. With this, I’ve started to think about this new relationship in my life.
I’m beginning to wonder if when the time comes I should refer to him as Dad. On a basic level that only includes me, I would be thrilled to be able to call him Dad, however when I look at the bigger picture I do not want to disrespect my actual dad, and this man has been infertile his whole life so I don’t know if it would be insensitive to try to insert myself, a whole grown woman, as a daughter in his life.
WIBTJ If I called him dad, or would that be insensitive to both him and my actual dad?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you can call him what feels appropriate to both of you when you’re together, but I wouldn’t refer to him as dad in front of your bio dad.
It’s not worth the drama. I think the best daughter regalia is pretty much a sign the partner would be open to it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you get to decide what “dad” is to you, if it matters at all. At the end of the day, you have another family member who loves you and worries about you.
And that’s a truly wonderful gift to have, whatever you feel like calling it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You get to decide who is “Dad” to you, and it doesn’t have to only be one person. It’s not a matter of favorites, it’s a question of who you think of as a father to you.
I’ve called both my Dad and my stepdad “Dad” for years. My original Dad is dead, but I still refer to both of them as Dad. I just explain to people that I do this, so there’s no confusion. They both walked me down the aisle at my wedding and I love both of them so much.” CheckIntelligent7828
10. AITJ For Not Immediately Driving To Bail My Stepdaughter Out Of Jail?
“My wife (40F) has a 19-year-old daughter (Meg) who is starting her second year of college. Meg attends a state school that is about a 4-hour drive from where we live.
She started classes about 2 weeks ago. Meg has taken out loans to pay for her college and lives on campus so she has no rent and has access to food on campus. She worked all summer so she has a fair amount of her own money, but we still provide her with $100/month to help her out.
This past weekend, my wife got a call from Meg at 3 am. Every parent’s worst nightmare because no call at that time is good news. Thankfully, Meg was OK, but she had gotten arrested. She had been at a party with friends and gotten intoxicated. She walked home with a group but split off with a couple of other friends at some point.
This smaller group walked up to what they thought was one of their houses, but it wasn’t.
The people who lived there did not appreciate the doorbell ringing at 2 am and called the police instead of opening the door. When the cops showed up, Meg and the others ran.
Meg got caught and arrested. She called us from jail and wanted us to come bail her out.
My wife practically jumped out of bed and started to get ready. I asked her what she was doing and she said we have to go get Meg right now.
I told her it’s 3 am and a 4-hour drive, if I’m going to be driving that far I need to get some more sleep first. My wife ripped the blankets off the bed and told me we needed to leave “NOW!”
I got up and reminded her that there were 2 other kids in the house (Stepson 16 and our son 9) that we needed to talk to before we left and I didn’t want to wake them up at 4 am to tell them we were leaving.
I also reminded her that due to her astigmatism, I’m guessing she wants me to drive since it’s dark out. I told her she either let me sleep until at least 7 am, or she would leave now and drive herself. I told her that Meg was safe even though she was probably scared and uncomfortable but that maybe she needed to feel that way right now.
She tried to argue with me but I told her that I was not going to fight about this so she either left now or let me sleep. Thankfully, she let me get some sleep but woke me up right at 7 am and told me to get in the car.
She hadn’t slept and had already told the other kids what happened and that we had to leave but would be back later that day.
The entire drive my wife made comments about how scared Meg must be and how we should have left earlier, etc. I kept trying to tell her that Meg would be fine even if she was a little shaken up by this.
Then, my wife told me that if this was my son instead of Meg, I would have jumped out of bed just like she did.
That made me mad because I would be doing the same for my son that I’m doing for Meg. You get arrested at 3 am and want us to bail you out, you’re waiting until I’m darn well ready to come get you.
But my wife thinks that me sleeping instead of leaving right away was a jerk move.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She got intoxicated and rang a doorbell. Do you even care about the kid? Like, honestly. If she did something bad, I’d understand making her wait, but that’s a nonsense arrest. I’d bail out a cousin I’m not close to faster than that.
The fact that you made your wife wait is unconscionable.” lizziewrites
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I’m shocked there are so few people saying so. You have absolutely no guarantee she is safe in jail. You don’t know who else is there in the holding cell.
You don’t know which “bad apple” cop is there, with your still somewhat intoxicated 19-year-old. Mistreatment happens. Your stepdaughter barely did anything wrong and you’re not willing to lose out on some sleep to be there for her and to make sure she is okay.
She called you and her mom, trusting you to show up for her. She won’t trust that again. If it was me, I wouldn’t be able to see my stepfather the same after this.” Short_insomniac
Another User Comments:
“The way you describe your stepdaughter is like how college was 30 years ago.
You are being a hard jerk for an incident many parents would choose a million times over compared to the dysfunction rained on them. This seems almost make-believe it is so antiquated and naive. And you give her a whole $100 a month for spending money?
Holy cow, that is a fortune! This is a make-believe post or you are a time traveler from 1993.” Ecstatic-Move9990
9. AITJ For Cutting Contact With My Father Over Cat Allergy And His Lack Of Apology?
“My (24F) parents split when I was about 3 and the only thing my mother wanted from the divorce was me.
My father agreed to it. My mother, my stepfather, and I then moved about 3 hours by car away from the city my father lived in. My dad had other partners and kids but I would still visit my father about every other weekend and on half of the holidays and he would always come to pick me up and then drop me off.
The last partner of my father didn’t particularly like me (I think she was jealous of me because of the fun time we had with my father) but everything was civil. The only problem was that I have a kind of bad cat allergy that causes me skin problems and she insisted on the cat being inside, which I tolerated but asked them if it would be possible not to let the cat in my room.
They had no problem with that but almost every time I visited, I knew the cat was in my room because I always had skin problems there and sometimes, I even saw it run from there, and once it was on my pillow.
At the time I was 14 my father (well financially off) was buying a summer house that was not too far away from his house.
After coming home with bad skin problems on my face (I wouldn’t go to school because of it) I wrote him an email asking if we could spend our time at the summer house because I really couldn’t handle the skin problems anymore and if it would not be possible, I wouldn’t be visiting him.
He answered that in the case we won’t see each other for some time. I got angry and since then I haven’t seen my father for a while, I went VLC with him and NC after a few years.
Here comes the part where I might be the jerk.
In the years my father sometimes sent me emails but usually, he would be berating me about something I did wrong (supposedly didn’t greet someone on the street, spelling a word wrong in an answer I sent him, or not getting an allergy shot?..).
After these emails there were others where he was trying to be nice and asking me to answer etc. (even trying to bribe me with money – that I could be traveling with him if I talked to him). Which in my opinion was too little and too late and I was a completely different person in my life without him in it.
He never once apologized and some people that know both of us think that it should be me who apologizes. But I think that 1) I was a little kid and he was the adult at the time, 2) I do not need him in my life and if he wanted to be a part of it he should have done something and 3) I have a father (stepdad) who cared for me for most of my life and always was there for me – not just the fun parts.
Most people in my life either think that I’m in the right or do not comment on the situation but some say I’m the jerk for not trying to make things good with my father and not apologizing. In my mind though I cannot even imagine going back to having a good relationship with my father.”
Another User Comments:
“Apologize for what? For not wanting to be covered in a skin rash because your Father’s Wife deliberately let the cat in your room, on your bed, etc? No, your Father needs to apologize, profusely! You are NTJ and those that are saying you are?
VLC to NC works well for them too!” Chance-Cod-2894
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first of all, what kind of a father would allow someone to take their kid hours away from them? Right away he is a jerk. Second, he is putting his wife’s comfort OVER your health condition!
What kind of a dad does that? A bad one. Third, if you want to have a relationship with him, then you need to establish boundaries and talk to him without any interruptions about how you feel about him and why you have no contact.
Also, he needs to apologize.” General-Albatross-27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The takeaway from your story is that your stepmother let the cat into your room. Deliberately, right? And your father did nothing to prevent that. He deserves NC. But you might want to at least consider telling him why.
Not for his sake, but for yours. If you tell off the person who wronged you, chances are you will feel that you have resolved the matter.” RealbadtheBandit
8. AITJ For Starting The Eviction Process For My Jobless Brother-In-Law?
“I recently got into a massive argument with my sister and her husband who currently live in my apartment after they lost their home due to my brother-in-law’s stupid schemes. “Michael” lost all his money and all my sister’s money on forex and cryptocurrency and “working” the stock market.
To be fair at first the money was rolling in, he was often doubling, tripling, and even quadrupling the money he “invested” but as we all know now it was all an elaborate Ponzi/Pyramid scheme and like all get rich scheme’s it all crumble’s down at the end.
But Micheal continued to pretend things were going well and then my sister was pregnant with baby number three and was made redundant, which meant he could no longer pocket my sister’s wages to keep trying to recoup the money lost on his “investments”. He then stopped paying the mortgage and used his wages and credit cards to desperately try to get back the money he wasted on being a genius business-savvy alpha.
As luck would have it in this period laws were put into effect to evict people. Then it was lifted and the banks came to collect. They moved in with me in my small 2-bed apartment and it was hectic with 3 adults, two toddlers, and a baby, they stayed with me for 3 months (had to give decent time to my tenants to move out before I could move them in).
We agreed they’d pay reduced rent for the apartment and I had my lawyer draw up the paperwork.
He paid his rent and all was well for a few months. Then he suddenly stopped working saying he was depressed. My sister continued working and paying the bills.
He then got another job and quit after a few months. Again stating depression and anxiety. Just to be crystal clear I seriously doubt he’s depressed and if he is he refuses to do anything about it I have given him many opportunities to see mental health professionals and I’d be happy to pay.
He just wants to play games, talk nonsense online, and find “ways to make money”
I’ve had it and I told him he needed to pay rent or move out. He said that my sister was already paying it but I told him that he needed to be working as I agreed to reduced rent if both adult parties were working.
Since he isn’t upholding his end of the bargaining I’ve started the eviction process.
My sister is upset but she understands my frustrations and in many ways agrees with me as she is also fed up with his nonsense but unfortunately, my sister loves this man deeply.
Micheal is crying to everyone who would listen to him including our mother and my lazy father. Who have both been saying I am destroying a family and should be ashamed of myself. To be honest I don’t listen to my parents because they’re kind of stupid but having told two co-workers of the situation.
They’re saying I’m being a bit of a jerk and putting a husband and wife against each other as well as causing my brother-in-law to move in with his parents and so be separated from his family since there is no way for them to find affordable housing at the moment.
Have I gone too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He doesn’t want to pull his weight and is a burden on everyone, especially your sister. You can’t fix him, and you can’t support him. He’ll never learn to take care of himself. You’re in the beginning stages of what my friend’s brother did to their family.
He’s a lazy, entitled individual who mooched off the entire family until everyone but his mom cut him off. Now my friend is “dead to him” because she won’t give him money. After they finally let him become homeless, he went and got a job.
He’s still a long way from okay, and the first thing out of everyone’s mouth when talking about the useless brother is: “Don’t give him money!” The guy is 40 years old and has the mentality of a petulant 12-year-old. Your BIL won’t get better if others keep solving HIS problems.” SchrodingersRedditor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone with several people in my life who suffer from mental illness, it infuriates me when people claim to have one as an excuse to get their way. It will probably be the best thing for your sister too. Either it will be the wake-up call he needs, or she’ll have time away from him to realize what he truly is.” laurelblossom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you continue to have him live with you without consequences, he’ll just keep doing this over and over and over again. Throwing nonsense at a wall and hoping to see what will stick is not a good career path as you get older and have more responsibilities, didn’t you say he has THREE KIDS now?
If you start the process, and he sees that he pretty much has to shape up or pretty much be on the street, he will shape up hopefully.” Puff-n-Stuff
7. AITJ For Exposing My Aunt's Financial Manipulations To The Family?
“My (25F) aunt (47F) has two children, Mac (13M) and Jane (17F). Jane and I are very close, and she has always come to me for personal issues advice, etc. My aunt, Anne, lost her job about 6 months ago and has been telling everyone that she likes staying at home, and wanted to only get back to work if she was doing it for herself.
It took her a while to realize that that wasn’t realistic, so she finally started to job search after a couple of months.
At first, Jane was living on her savings. Things were well for a bit until she and Jane were out to eat one night and she asked Jane to pay and that she would pay her back later.
Jane, being her daughter, felt obligated and paid for their $40 meal. A couple of days later, Anne asked Jane to pay for groceries for the house (2 adults, 4 kids) and that she would pay her back. Jane has not been paid back and it’s been months.
A couple of weeks ago, Jane came to my house crying. Her mom has always had a history of drinking, but while she’s been home, it’s gotten worse. Jane told me her mom came home inebriated, and that she started fighting with Jane about money because Jane told her she was out of shampoo.
Things escalated, and Anne told Jane that if she and Mac weren’t around, she would be dead.
I felt that was extremely inappropriate and proof that her mental state was not well. I messaged Jane’s stepmom, Hannah, and told her what was said and I told her I wanted to make sure Jane was okay, as she was headed there that night.
Hannah told me that Anne had borrowed money from them. We had a conversation about whether or not something needed to be said to Anne to try to bring her back down to earth because she had been struggling so much.
A few days later, Hannah sent me a picture of a Venmo transaction between my mom and Anne.
I called my mom and asked what was going on with Anne, and my mom said she was letting her borrow money. I asked if she knew how bad her situation was, and she said she didn’t know.
Yesterday, we were at a family birthday party.
My nana and I were talking about Jane and how good she is. I asked Nana if she had talked to Anne recently. She said, “I have been financially supporting her for a while now so she can focus on looking for a job”. I told Nana that Anne had borrowed money from multiple people and that I didn’t think she was telling the truth about stuff.
Nana told me she would be talking to Anne about it.
Anne called me yesterday and told me I was out of line, that I was a jerk, and that I was overstepping. I told her that I was worried about her mental state and I was worried her children were going to start suffering as a consequence of her actions.
I then hung up on her. It’s been weighing on me today because my cousin hasn’t said anything to me and we are normally very close.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anne is manipulating family members and neglecting her kids due to an addiction.
She needs help. Family members shouldn’t lend money unless they are aware that they’re unlikely to be paid back. Jane is 17 and shouldn’t have to fund a household.” vidadeleeda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt is playing games with everyone and manipulating them to give her money, which she is using to buy booze.
She is just mad that she was outed. It is typical addict behavior. You did what was right because this was affecting the entire family, and I worry about your cousins. She may have forced Jane to cut you off because she is mad at you.” Pumibel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone needed to say it. You said 2 adults. What is the other adult doing? Paying? I hope everyone gets on the same page to help your aunt and her kids but keeping secrets from each of the people she is getting money from is very shady.” justcelia13
6. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Father's Pregnant Wife?
“I (17m) had not spoken to my father in a little over a year until he called to tell me his wife was pregnant and high risk and he wanted me to help him look after her.
My reason for not speaking to my father is he had an affair with his wife while he was married to my mom. They worked together, she was his boss technically, and when they got found out, they were both fired from their job. She was his supervisor and it was against the rules to be involved with someone you’re in a position of power over.
But they also did stuff at work which was against the rules as well. They tried to blame Mom and attempted to disparage her to me and others because they were angry Mom was so angry at them. My father’s wife said she had done nothing wrong and “did not like the hostility aimed at her when she was an innocent party”.
I was 15 when this all went down. He brought this woman into our home and expected us to be kind to her and accept that they wanted to be happy together. He expected me to be more welcoming than I was. I told him to go away and that I didn’t want to be around either of them and they were disgusting.
My father had every other weekend custody of me through the divorce proceedings but mom and I fought and won the ability for me to decide if I wanted to go to his place or not. Once that was in my hands I stopped all contact with him and I have refused to step foot inside his house.
So he called to tell me about his wife’s pregnancy and how it’s high risk. I didn’t answer but he left a voicemail. He called me back a few times until I answered. He said how she’s not able to work and she’s home on her own a lot while he’s working.
She can’t do much for herself and he wanted me to help take care of her and their house. I was like no way am I taking care of his wife. He said if I don’t want to do it for them, think of the baby who will be my little brother and he was like surely you’ll want a relationship with him.
I said *nope*. I won’t ever see his new kid and I won’t be his kid’s big brother. My father was saying that’s not how you treat family. I told him he ceased to be my family when he decided to try and turn me against Mom and brought his side piece into the family home.
I told him Mom had done nothing wrong. He was unfaithful. And there he was trying to poison me against her. My father argued that it had nothing to do with me. I pointed out he made it something to do with me when he tried to use me.
He protested some more and said he needed help. I said he can take care of his wife and when it comes to that, he can take care of his own family and leave me alone.
He lectured me about people needing help from time to time and I am being a little jerk about this.
He said she could lose the baby if she’s forced to do too much. I told him that was not my problem.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It says a lot that he is reaching out to you, a 17-year-old, to help out. They don’t have any friends or family who apparently have time or like them enough to make time.
Also, he’s 100% responsible for this but she knew he was married so she isn’t innocent in all of this. I would say try to forgive him for your peace but that doesn’t mean you have to be around them nor talk to them.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I know it won’t mean much but I’m incredibly proud of you and how you handled that situation. It sounds like you and your mom are healing and trying to move forward with therapy, take care of yourself. He’s a grown man who made his own decisions, he’ll need to be able to handle the consequences.
You don’t owe him a relationship, or anything else. You can work to forgive him for yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship.” GingerSnap4949
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, as others said, did this to himself when he went all out against your mother during the divorce when he could have accepted the guilt for what he did and tried to maintain his relationships.
Second – it’s good for you to maintain these boundaries now. Because the “requests” are just beginning. I suspect that his wife will want to go back to work, and then you will be “asked” to take on more and more of the responsibilities of raising the child because of “family” and because they work so hard.
Be ready for the guilt truck to show up at your door once the baby is born.” bamf1701
5. AITJ For Wanting To End Friendship With My Best Friend Who Lied About My Brother's Fiancé?
“My (19f) best friend (19f) Ivy and I have been best friends since elementary school, in 5th grade she liked my older brother (22m).
I was excited because I thought that if they got married, we’d be sisters. My brother was always genuinely nice to Ivy. When we were 12, Ivy told him that she liked him. I realize now what he said was to not hurt her feelings, he said that he was flattered and that maybe when they were both adults, they could go on a date.
Since then, Ivy had been with a few guys, but nothing serious. The thing is, now my brother has a fiancé (21f), Andy. They met almost two years ago, and he proposed to her in June. Ivy was furious. My brother and our entire family love Andy.
They thought that she was perfect for my brother, and because of Ivy, I disliked Andy even more. I was blinded by wanting Ivy to be in my life forever and I thought by her marrying my brother, it would be guaranteed. After the proposal, Ivy started telling me that Andy would tell her she didn’t belong here, Ivy had no reason or place to be around our family, and a lot worse.
A couple of days ago, we were all at my family’s house. Ivy and I were in my room, Ivy went to the bathroom and when she came back she was “crying.” She said Andy was being rude to her again, I had had enough.
I went into the living room, and I started yelling and cussing Andy out. Before I could get closer, my parents pulled me away and my brother stepped in front of Andy. They asked what was going on, and said that I couldn’t treat Andy like that.
I got more mad and said that Andy couldn’t keep being a jerk and making Ivy feel bad just for no reason. Everyone went quiet and Andy asked what I was talking about. I told her everything that Ivy had been telling me for months and Andy told me that she’d never even been alone with Ivy before.
I didn’t believe them and I told Ivy to tell them. She just looked down and didn’t say anything. That was when I realized that Ivy had been lying to me this whole time.
It was like my mind was all fogged up, and when I realized Ivy had been lying, the fog cleared. I realized how I was the one being a jerk and that I was a terrible person for letting my feelings fuel my dislike for Andy when there was never a single reason to dislike her.
I apologized to my brother and especially to Andy yesterday, and surprisingly, she forgave me. I still feel humiliated though and I get angry every time I think about Ivy. I went to Ivy’s house and told her that we were both wrong for how we treated Andy.
I told her I needed some time to think about our friendship, and if I still wanted her in my life. She broke down crying and started telling me that this was also my fault and that she wasn’t the only one who caused this.
When I got home I started getting messages from some of our friends and her family telling me that I’m a jerk for giving up on our friendship. I do feel bad, but I think this is for the best.
So am I the jerk for wanting to end our friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“She is right that it is also your fault(not in the way she thinks). You put your friendship with Ivy above your brother’s feelings. But you apologized and hopefully, you will put in more effort to make amends. That being said, NTJ for cutting off the friendship.
She was a negative influence on you…” Gaiagaang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She lied to you and made you look really bad in front of your family, your brother, and especially his Fiancé. With friends like her who needs enemies.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t know if I would end such a long friendship over it.
I understand that she lied to you and that lie caused problems in your relationship with your brother’s fiancé and ultimately your brother, but I think that she is a little unwell. For someone to be that obsessed with another person I think that there are underlying mental health issues.
Seeing your brother with his fiancé made her feel like she didn’t belong and had no reason to be around your family and she put those feelings on Andy and blamed her. I think if she was willing to go to therapy and deal with her issues and to apologize to everyone involved it could be worth giving her another shot.” jonjohn23456
4. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister That Our Dad Is Visiting And Will Discover Her Secret Dog?
“I (23M) live with my wife (23F) and my twin sisters (21F’s) In an old house my family has owned forever.
It was a perfect situation when we first moved here three years ago. My sisters and I all were attending the same college while my now wife was going to one in the same area. Since then, my wife and I graduated and she is a nurse and I will soon be a teacher.
We are saving up to move to a new place because we absolutely cannot stand living with my sisters anymore.
Over the last 3 years, the situation has soured as we are all very different people. My wife and I work crazy hours, and pay the mortgage electricity, wifi, etc. If it’s a house expense, we pay it.
Part of the deal moving in is that everyone would pitch in for these expenses, but from the start, neither sister has ever paid up. One has an extremely difficult major and is in a sorority so I don’t mind helping her out a bit, but the other hardly has any classes and she makes pretty good money as a bartender (she is very pretty and a decent bartender), and makes as much as I make.
Whenever I try to get her to pay her share, she immediately goes around my back to play “daddy’s little girl” and cries to my parents about how awful my wife and I are. I do the majority of the cleaning, as my wife works 14-hour shifts and my job isn’t nearly as taxing.
The bartender’s sister is a slob and leaves messes everywhere. I have seen her harbor at least 20 dishes in her room multiple times. Nothing is more infuriating than trying to have a nice house for your wife to come home to only for it to be destroyed mere hours after it is cleaned.
Anyway, here’s where it gets sticky. A couple of months ago, my wife and I wanted a dog. We asked my pops if we could get one because he is our landlord. He said no, and that was the end of it. But about a month ago, the bartender’s sister decided she wanted a dog and just came home with one day.
This dog has proceeded to tear apart my wife’s work hours ($150), peed in our bed twice, destroyed a PS4 controller, and tore apart my wallet. Oh well, puppy stuff. However, my sister took zero accountability saying “Oh you shouldn’t have left that out” etc. And of course, WE replaced the items.
My dad was adamant about no dogs while we lived here, we have all kept it a secret to avoid my pop wrath (he has a mean streak), as well as my bartender sister blowing up at us. My dad is coming to visit today to hunt with me.
(He lives 4 hours away). My sister knew he would be coming at some point. I genuinely didn’t know when he was coming today until yesterday, but my sister asked me to tell her when he is coming so she could leave the dog at a friend’s while he is here.
I’ve decided I am not going to say a thing. My wife and I are looking forward to the fireworks that are about to take place when my dad walks in and sees this idiotic heeler puppy in the living room. ”
Another User Comments:
“Something tells me your dad isn’t stupid.
He will be mad at your sister and I’m sure there will be consequences. For all those who think sister will try to say the dog belongs to OP, I think Dad will see through this. OP and his wife will both be calling BS if that happens.
But, OP don’t think that Dad won’t be angry with you as well. He told you no dogs in the house. Just because you didn’t bring it, doesn’t mean you didn’t know that it was wrong, and Dad will be mad that you didn’t tell him right away.
Be prepared for this.” frostedtim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- time to put on your adult pants and tell on your sister to dad(lol). No, but seriously, you’ve got to get that dog out of there- heelers are highly intelligent, active working dogs, I bet the poor thing is bored as anything.
Kind of explains all the destruction, and your sister is not a good pet owner, on top of all her other “challenges.”” InterabangSmoose
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Name Our Daughter After My Childhood Bully?
“I (f,28) am married to another woman, Lilly. Lilly and I have been married for about 3 years now, we love each other so much and every day still feels like our first date.
However, lately, our relationship has been strained because she wants to give our daughter a name that I hate.
I am the one who is going to give birth to our baby, however our baby is hers too. Before we were married, we had agreed that she could name our first baby whatever she wanted, and I would name our second child. She has reviewed baby names and told me about some but I hadn’t paid much attention until a couple of weeks ago when I was working on something and she was talking to me about the two names she had decided on.
She mentioned “Jocelyn” and then I laughed and asked if it was some kind of joke, she asked me why it would be a joke and I understood that she was so serious.
The problem with “Jocelyn” is that it is the name of the person who bullied me for at least 5 years in a row.
It was the kind of situation where your bullies pretend to be your friends and say “It’s all a joke” so many times that even you believe it. I ended up affected by that whole situation, bullying was practically every day. Jocelyn and other girls made cruel jokes about me, about my weight/body/face, about how “stupid and clumsy” I was.
They would open the bathroom door when I was in it and hold it behind it so I couldn’t close it, they would hide my clothes, and “punish” me by not talking with me for days until I cried and asked them to stop ignoring me.
Cruel things.
I had therapy, and Lilly is aware of this situation, I thought she understood because she was also bullied when she was a child. I asked her a second time if she was kidding and she said no, she said she had always thought it was a cute name so I said “You know you won’t name my daughter after my bully right?” and she replied that baby was also her daughter, that I should give a new meaning to that name and learn to love it because she had always wanted to name her future daughter that way.
She said, “Consider it, maybe it will heal something in you. We’re not little girls anymore”. The comment bothered me so I told her that there was nothing to consider. We started an argument about this that came to screaming and crying (mostly my crying), and then she said she needed air and left the house.
When she came home we were both calmer, we apologized and she promised that she would consider more options if I also considered the name she wanted, so I said yes, but I wasn’t going to until we talked (or fought) again last week and she said she was hurt because I didn’t take her opinion into account and just refused, and she wanted me to apologize.
She said that I was acting as a child. She also mentioned that I wasn’t a little girl anymore so I should face it and not make a problem out of it. I’ve come to think that I did take it too far and I’m the jerk for clinging too much to the past.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it may have been a bad idea to plant the seed that she could name the child carte blanche. She can come up with a name but you still have to approve. Same as when you name the baby. Picking a name you had trauma with was rude.” FamiliarStatement446
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wife is devoid of compassion. It seems almost as if she’s doing this to poke at your most tender and most vulnerable spot. It’s cruel to ask you to name your child the same thing as your bully.
You need to tell her no on that name. Your original naming agreement isn’t going to work because your wife is dismissive of your feelings and disrespectful of your pain. New deal: one of you can lead the naming process for each child, but the other has veto power.
Maybe she’d like to name a son Adolf? Why not?” pineboxwaiting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not too big an ask for out of the millions of names in the universe that she picks one that’s *not* the name of your tormentor. I have to wonder if there’s some kind of subconscious resentment (or feeling left out) on her end since you’re the one birthing the baby so this is some kind of power play?
Because if it is there are other ways to bridge the disconnect than insist on something that makes you feel bad.” No-Trash7211
2. AITJ For Refusing To Let An Acquaintance Stay At My Place?
“I met Shirley on a social media group last year, she had just moved into the state and was seeking friends.
We chatted on Messenger and also on Messenger phone a couple of times. This social media group is only for friends. I wanted friends and thought she did too. I gave her my number and she never texted or called me, she only would respond on messenger.
We never ended up hanging out. I never faulted either of us.
Now fast forward 5 months I met my friend Quincy online. Me and Quincy hit it off as friends immediately. I spent time with Quincy and she invited me to a birthday party for her friend.
Her friend was Shirley. Cool. I have absolutely no hard feelings. I found out that day that and Shirley live in the same apartment complex what a small world. I gave Shirley my number again that day.
Shirley and I still never hang out and me and Quincy do.
2 months after we all hang out I was invited by Quincy to a camping trip Shirley invited her too (Shirley told her to invite anyone).
We had a great time at Shirley’s events. Shirley had other friends and a partner so we chatted a little but of course, I spent most of my time with Quincy as me and I are friends.
Now the camping trip was 5.5 months ago. I have chatted with Shirley a little on messenger and that’s about it. We still haven’t made plans to meet up and I assumed it was because she didn’t like me as I gave her my cell phone number and she decided not to text me.
I had no hard feelings when Quincy asked if I hang out with Shirley and I said no, I explained to Quincy show Shirley was cool but didn’t chat.
Now fast forward to the end of last month. I got a call from Shirley on social media messenger we chatted for 5 minutes before she asked me if she could stay the night due to issues with her unit and not having funds for a hotel.
First I said yes then 2 hours later I told her never mind since I felt used.
I never told her why I said no, I just told her something came up.
Now on the phone, Shirley said she only asked me because her friends don’t live close and because she doesn’t have funds.
She never offered me anything in return. Not only that she implied very heavily that I should contact her right before bed and she would come over then to sleep at my place and leave in the morning.
Now I feel super used since she doesn’t even want to hang out.
Or even try to befriend me.
Again I said no and I didn’t hear from her until last week when again she hit me up on messenger saying “Got a place I can sleep tonight” then the next day saying “How she needs a place to stay for 2/3 weeks”
I just saw these messages today and I am so unsure how to proceed.
She needs help but I don’t know her, she isn’t my friend and isn’t showing me she wants to be my friend.
I feel used but also bad at the same time.
If she even would have made me feel like she wanted to hang out and build a relationship with me I would have let her stay. That’s the sad part.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t know her. She could steal your stuff, harm you in your sleep, let someone else in your house… all entirely improbable, but again, you don’t know her.
It might have been slightly bad to say yes and then retract it, but we are all trained to be so accommodating and you pretty quickly remedied it. Would it be nice to let her stay? Yes. YTJ if you don’t? No. Would I let her stay at my house were I in your shoes?
No. As long as you remain consistent, firm, and respectful, you are in the clear.” shifty_bench
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I let a friend’s friend crash at my old place once because their parents had temporarily kicked them out. Wasn’t a problem, later on, they asked to crash again and I said ok since it wasn’t bad at all the first time.
Well, the second time they let some of their friends crash there too and the next day when I got home I found some of my stuff missing because someone left my back door unlocked when we all left that morning. So definitely not the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She is only trying to use you. She doesn’t want to be friends just wants you for a bed for her to sleep in while during the time between she can hang out with her real friends. Just tell her you are not a Holiday Inn for her to crash at whenever she needs a place.
Shut it all down immediately with her. Go NC.” mustng66
1. AITJ For Choosing My Child's Birthday Party Over My Sister's Wedding?
“My (28M) sister (24F) is getting married at the end of this month on the same day as my child’s first birthday party.
My wife scheduled it for this day because it’s the only day certain family on her side can come. She also locked this date in before we knew her wedding would be then.
My sister and I aren’t close, but last year I had a major fallout with my parents and am not on speaking terms with them.
My parents have also never met my child. I made a point to sit down with my sister last year while I was having problems with my parents to make sure she knew I didn’t have a problem with her. Since then she’s still kept me updated about major points in her life.
She started seeing the guy last September, and he proposed in April.
I had never met her fiance when he proposed (I haven’t been attending any family gatherings), so in May my sister asked if we could all go out to lunch. The whole thing was pretty normal first meeting-type stuff, but otherwise not unpleasant.
About halfway through her fiance got up to go to the restroom, and my sister asked if there was any chance that our parents could meet my child. I said that I didn’t want to discuss that at that time. She got very quiet and we tried to move on to other topics.
She then asked if we would be going to her wedding.
At this point, I had already been feeling conflicted about it because I didn’t want to be the cause of any drama at her wedding. My wife said that she was sorry but we had already planned our child’s birthday for that day, so it wouldn’t work.
My sister seemed upset but let it go and we awkwardly finished lunch and left. My wife pointed out that it felt to her like the whole thing was just out of obligation and that it seemed like my sister just wanted to ask those questions and the rest was normal fluff.
She also pointed out that my sister ignored our child the whole time other than saying how big they’ve gotten (which is very out of character for her, she loves babies). I felt like I wanted to explain that I don’t want to stir the pot and that I don’t trust my parents to not do that if I show up, but since she seemed upset I figured I should give her space.
The next time I saw my sister and her fiance was at my youngest sibling’s baptism in July (I went by myself since my youngest brother specifically asked me to come), and all they said was “Hi, nice to see you” before walking away. Since then my sister hasn’t spoken to me at all, so I feel like I’ve offended her.
I feel like a jerk for not at least trying to go for a little and support her.
I’ve also been trying to decide if I should get them a gift or if that would complicate things. I know I feel guilty any time I find something my parents have given me, and I’ve even had to make myself get rid of some of the wedding gifts they gave us because I get too many mixed feelings.
I don’t want to put her in a similar position, but I feel like a jerk for not doing something for them or at least explaining myself.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are going to regret not going. Reschedule the birthday party. A birthday party does not take precedence over a wedding.
I think you are coming up with lots of excuses to not go. Your difficulty with your parents is not a good reason to miss your sister’s wedding. And yes, get them a gift regardless. You have very strange rationalizations, to be honest. Your sister is distracted because that is what happens when you’re planning a wedding.
It’s basically all you think about.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I am seeing two things here: 1. Your sister had a fantasy that her wedding would lead to some grand reconciliation between you and your parents, and she now sees you as the block to her family being together, so she’s distancing herself from you.
2. You sensed that your presence at the wedding could be disruptive and so you declined. That is your right, an invitation is not a summons. Send a nice, heartfelt gift with a note of apology that you won’t be able to be there, and enjoy the day with the family you chose.” BaltimoreBadger23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you go and there’s a bunch of drama, your sister will likely blame you for that also. She’s going to be mad either way so just stay with your family and enjoy the birthday party. I would send a gift with a card explaining why though.
Maybe she doesn’t fully understand that you’re trying to protect her from all the drama between you and your parents. Especially if she talks to them a lot, they’ve probably spun a tale for her. I would love to know the drama with your parents but that’s because I’m nosy, it wouldn’t affect my vote.” depressedmillienial
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if she shows up uninvited sbd unannounced you will call the cops and press charges for trespassing. Further explain you do not want to have to do that but you can no longer tolerate her behavior.
Tell her that if it occurs a second time you not only will call the cops and press charges for trespassing, but additionally you will file for a restraining order that will include no contact not only in person but will include mail, email, text, phone, etc. Further state to her that she is an adult and she needs help to learn to control her impulses.
Then stand up and leave her to think about her actions.
Then pay a visit to mom. Sit her down and tell her to keep her mouth shut until you are through speaking. Explain that you and wife are trying your best to be the best parents to your new baby and as such can no longer play therapist to Daisy in the middle of the night when she just shows up and starts banging on your door and shouting at the top of her lungs. It is not fair to you and your wife, who are already sleep deprived from new baby duty, and it is not fair to your neighbors to have to put up with her ruckus at 3 a.m. Go on and explain to your mother you sat Daisy down and told her to find a professional therapist because you and your wife will no longer be her unpaid. untrained therapists. Tell her you told Daisy not to come over uninvited or unannounced anymore and the 1st time she does you are calling the cops and pressing trespassing charges. If it happens a second time you will also be calling the cops and pressing trespassing charges, and then filing for a restraining order which includes in person contact, phone, text, mail, email, etc. Tell mom you explained to Daisy that now the baby is here that is your first and foremost responsibility.. also explain to yout mom you told Daisy she is an adult and she needs to address her issues as an adult. Then tell mom the ball is in her court. It is basically her choice: she insists on Dsisy being included in your family gatherings then you and your family will refrain from attending. Tell her uou hate to have to issue that ultimatum but your and your wife's mental and physical health, and the welfare of yourself child are more important to you than Dsisy's hurt feelings. Tell her to let you know her decision. Stand up and hug her and ieave.