People Wonder If We'll Agree With Their Actions In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
38. AITJ For Comparing My Current Stepmother To My Previous Stepmother?
“My (F 19) mother passed, and my father remarried ‘Sandy’ afterward.
I love Sandy, and although she’ll never replace Mom, she was still a fantastic mother to me. She never made me feel unloved, was totally involved in my life (went to every parent/teacher meeting, went all out for my birthdays, held me when I cried over my first break up, the whole nine yards).
My father ended up divorcing Sandy to date (and eventually marry) his much younger coworker (‘Michelle’), and it honestly devastated me and Sandy. Thankfully, I’m old enough to be able to choose to stay in touch with Sandy and we’ve continued to maintain a great and close relationship.
Onto the issue: during a recent family lunch, my cousin asked me how Sandy was and I could tell that it totally made Michelle mad. Just to be clear, it wasn’t like I was gushing on and on about Sandy. Just the standard ‘Oh she’s great!
She just got back from vacation and I’m getting lunch with her next week’ kind of update.
Michelle tried to make some snarky remarks about how Sandy wasn’t my mom anymore, to which I vehemently disagreed. I can totally admit that I got a little rude and told Michelle that if she couldn’t even take care of her puppy, she definitely had no right to call herself a mom (long story short her puppy got taken away by her sister because it was being neglected, and she has no actual children of her own).
At that point, Michelle taunted me and said my feelings didn’t matter because Sandy wasn’t in the picture anymore, and I replied that Sandy would always be my mom and Michelle would never be close to competing.
Things at lunch got waaaay awkward after that.
My cousins are on my side, but my dad is MAD because he’s now fighting with Michelle. I’ve also been getting the cold shoulder from her since (I live with them while going to school).”
37. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up Being The "Best Person" At My Parents' Wedding?
“My (28 f) mum has been with my stepdad for 13 years.
My stepdad has two daughters, Jess (29) and Ivy (23). Ivy and I hit it off right away, but Jess and I didn’t. Jess also didn’t get on with my mum, or Ivy, or her dad, and mostly stayed at her mum’s. When I was 19, my stepdad got me a job in his industry, which upset Jess because she was unemployed at the time and wanted the job.
She ended up having low contact with Ivy and very low contact with me, her dad, and my mum.
My mum and stepdad have finally decided to get married and are having a wedding in October. I was asked to be the ‘best woman’ and Ivy is my mum’s ‘maid of honor’.
Jess was obviously invited to the wedding and RSVP’d yes. That is until she found out that Ivy and I would have roles in the wedding and she would be there as a guest.
She has been badmouthing our parents to the whole extended family, and sending her dad horrible messages that have really upset him.
She has also been in contact with Ivy calling her a terrible sister for being involved in the wedding and letting her be excluded. This all went on for a couple of weeks before she made it around to calling me. I was already livid because the most important people in my life had been dealing with such awful treatment from Jess at what was meant to be a happy time.
The upshot of the conversation was, that Jess said she would only come to the wedding if she could have my place in the wedding. I said no, and now she’s saying she won’t come. My stepdad says that is her choice and we shouldn’t bend to her demands, but I can tell he’s still incredibly hurt that she won’t be there.
My mum is saying maybe I should just let Jess stand up with her dad at the ceremony and I can still do the speech, or some other compromise, but I agree with my stepdad that giving Jess what she wants would be letting her bully her way into getting things.
Also, she isn’t really in any of our lives, by her own choice, so I think it’s a bit rich of her to turn up now and expect everyone to bend over backward to welcome her into the fold. So, am I the jerk for not wanting to give up being the best (wo)man?”
36. AITJ For Telling My Partner "I Told You So"?
“My partner (28 m) and I (28 f) were at a BBQ at my father’s house. After we’d eaten my father wanted to give our dog a bone from one of the spare ribs.
I expressed that I thought it was a bad idea but my partner kept saying that it was fine and that he never had problems with such bones before. Our dog is a husky mix and my partner had one of those before. I expressed my concern that I would be too small, that there was a risk of him swallowing it, and that it was marinated and too salty for him.
In the end, I was outnumbered because my partner who claims to have more experience with dogs kept saying that it was fine. It’s important to know that he’s said that about other things about our dog where I’ve proven to be right because I did my research and I was said to be too cautious and it ended up exactly like I predicted it.
So my father gives him the bone and 5 minutes later it’s gone. The dog swallowed it. I insist on calling the emergency vet but everyone is against me. In the end, my partner called them and they came to my father’s house to give him a shot to make him vomit it up.
The dog was really uncomfortable both with the vet and the vomiting, and the vet said that it was good that we called because it could have been a lot worse. He may have needed surgery, had he not thrown up the bone. I stayed with him on the terrasse comforting him while my partner talked to the vet.
After the incident, my father’s partner said that no one could have predicted that this could happen. I said that I did indeed predict it and that my partner didn’t listen to me once again. Now my partner is saying that I’m a jerk for saying I told you so.
I said I wish I’d been more insistent if I’d known for sure that this would happen but since he claims to have more experience, I listened to him.
The dog is fine, he was groggy for a couple of hours but then we took him to the dog park and gave him extra dinner.
AITJ here?”
35. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's Not Special?
“I (17 F) am the only girl with two brothers (16 & 20). Both my brothers have autism and ADHD.
My older brother gets into a lot of arguments with my dad regarding his future. When he was in school he didn’t take it seriously his teacher even had to come to our house to get him at least to go to class so he could graduate (his senior year was online).
Since he turned 18 he has had at least 4 jobs and usually ends up getting fired because he doesn’t want to have a boss. He’s been working on music since he was 13 and he does make money from it but he only spends it on smoke and food.
All of these things plus more is usually what they argue about.
Well, a couple of days ago he got into a huge argument with my dad and grandmother I’m not sure how it started or what it was initially about because I’ve started tuning them out but as always I got brought up.
For some reason, all three of them like to bring me up as a comparison.
Now I do relatively well in school and have had a steady seasonal job since I was 14/15. So this time when I was brought up this is what they were talking about.
After the argument ended my brother sent this long message to the family group chat and it basically said was downplaying everything I’ve done and said ‘None of that crap she does is impressive. She’s basically a junior who does nothing all day and y’all allow it.’ (I am a rising senior, by the way, not sure why he said I’m a junior)
Maybe what he said was true but I was still offended and was giving him the silent treatment for days until earlier this morning he asked me to make him some of the food I was making and I just ignored him he kept asking till I said no make it yourself and he kept bugging me asking why I couldn’t just make extra.
Then I brought up his text message and said ‘Having a disability doesn’t make you special, with or without it you’re lazy.’ I put my airpods in and just ignored anything else he said and he walked away.
My grandma just called and I guess he told her what I said and she told me what I said was rude and uncalled for and that he deserves more credit than that despite all the things he says.
My dad is on my side and said he was glad I said something but I do feel a little guilty. AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Taking My Plane Seat Back?
“Yesterday I was flying home on an airplane. I had a nice aisle seat, and to the left of me was a mom and their son. Her son is about 6 years old. This man came up and tapped my shoulder and asked me if I could swap seats with him.
He told me that he was in the back of the plane and that he wanted to sit with his family as this was his son’s first flight, and he was like my seat is an aisle seat too.
I was like sure, so I moved to the back of the plane and went into his seat… And there was this really obese guy sitting in the middle.
First, he had the armrests up, and then when I sat down he put them down, but he started overflowing into my seat and the guy to the right of him as well. This was a 6-hour flight and I was not going to be uncomfortable for that long.
I went back to the dad, and I was like look man, nope, I want my seat back and he started to act dumb on why. I was like, dude no. He then started being like please I wanted to sit with my son. I just went to the flight attendant and I was like ma’am this guy is in my seat and he refuses to leave.
The flight attendant confronted him and he moved back to his old chair.
For the rest of the flight, the guy’s son and wife basically stared like they hated me. I just put in my AirPods and kept to myself for the rest of the flight.
Was I wrong here? It’s not like their son was sitting alone or anything. And if he cared so much for being able to sit with his child he should have just paid the extra $6 to select his own seat. For me, budget airlines are uncomfortable enough, I don’t want to make it worse on myself.”
33. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay The Makeup Artist $700?
“I’m getting married soon, & am looking for hair/makeup for the big day. A friend of a friend said she knew someone, so she sent me the stylist’s number and I texted her to ask if she was free for a trial. She says she’s actually free the next day for me to come in.
I’ve never done a hair/makeup trial before, but my married friends had paid like a max of $60 if anything at all, so I stupidly thought I wouldn’t be paying much.
When I got there, she told me she was going to do my makeup too.
I didn’t know she even did makeup, but hey, that’s great! So I showed her some pics, she got going, and… it was awful. Like, bottom mascara on only one eye & crooked eyeliner (she put liquid eyeliner in my waterline too?). BUT the hair was fine & she was perfectly nice, so hey, doesn’t matter if she’s not good at makeup, at least we maybe have some hair!
I asked if I owed her anything, & she said she’d calculate it. Here I get kinda concerned because I thought it would be a standard trial fee, but like I said, I’ve never done this before and I didn’t get to do any research given the quick turnaround time.
She said I owed her ’70.’ That sounded like what my friends have paid for trials, so I said ’70? Great!’ I gave her my card for her to swipe in her phone, & go to add a tip as she handed it back to sign.
When I clicked 20%, I noticed it said I’m adding… $140. I ask if it’s $70 or $700, & she now says ‘700.’ Darn, I must’ve misheard, or she misspoke when she said 70. Well, either way, it’s on me for not asking, so I kind of dazedly signed away a whole paycheck, thanked her, & left. Did I mention I hate confrontation & have a terrible urge to please everyone I meet?!
I was beating myself up for not asking the price before going, and I was just stunned at how expensive it was. So I Googled the rates for hair/makeup trials in my city.
$50-150.
Okay, I thought, she must’ve made a mistake and accidentally added a zero.
My fiancé saw how upset I looked when I got home, especially since I did not love the look, and was like Whoa, this must be a mistake. He offered to stay with me while I called her from my phone for moral support. Like I said, confrontation is hard for me.
I called and asked if she was sure it was $700 and not $70 and if she had an itemized receipt. She said she could send me the receipt, but that it was $700. She texted me the receipt but it was just the total: $840 with tip. Here’s where things got worse.
My fiancé jumped in, asking what she was charging $700 for. And she said ‘My services.’ He countered that there’s no way it’s $700 and that as a lawyer he’s not going to just pay that much money without knowing why. She flipped, saying ‘Talk to your fiancée,’ that he was ‘harassing’ her, & finally hung up on him.
My fiancé said she was scamming me because she knew I was a people-pleaser & didn’t want to cause a scene. He said we needed to dispute the charge with the credit card company as soon as possible, but I was so afraid I was actually the jerk here, especially because I did like her as a person.
AITJ?!”
32. AITJ For Grounding My Daughter For Bullying Someone At School?
“My (42 M) divorced my now ex-wife (40 F) 6 years ago on friendly terms. We have a daughter, Lilah (14 F), who I have full custody of, and Lilah sees her mom on weekends.
I’m going to try to keep it short. We were waiting for pizza, and we were chilling on the couch.
Lilah was looking through her phone one day, and I jokingly asked who her partner was. She snarkily (is that a word?) rolled her eyes and got back to Instagram or whatever social media she was on. I didn’t want to start a fight, so I let it go.
She got up to use the bathroom and left the room. I saw a notification pop up on her phone, and I casually glanced at what it was. It was from a guy I didn’t know, as she’s very open with her friends and stuff.
I unlocked her phone and started scrolling through these messages with this guy on Instagram. Turns out he was a kid from her school and she and two other friends of hers were giving this guy a hard time online for being gay. (though my daughter used stronger words than that in her insults)
I am a big supporter of LBGTQ+ rights (I supported my ex when she came out as bi) and I thought it was outrageous that she was bullying someone for that, or that in general. When she came back in, I asked her what that was about.
She started stammering, and couldn’t come up with an excuse. I told her she was grounded, and I was taking away her phone. I ended up buying like a burner-like phone where she could only text and call emergency contacts and grounded her for a month.
She did end up eventually getting suspended, as there are still 2 weeks left of school.
My ex thinks I did the right thing, but my parents and relatives, not to mention my daughter, think that I should let kids be kids and make mistakes. AITJ?
Edit: She’s never had problems before.”
31. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Help More With Packing?
“My husband (30 M) and I (27 F) are moving across the country in 5 or 6 days (whenever the movers come). I have been asking for his help with packing the last two weeks and nothing happened until last week when I nagged him to death and he packed one bookshelf (we have a 2-bed 2-bath apartment with 3 pets and he has A TON of stuff from before we met).
I am frustrated because he is not working right now and I am. I am a PhD student and I am teaching over the summer so basically no break. I do take some time for leisure every day but I do it assuming that he will help with a lot of the packing (his ‘job’ since he’s not working).
Basically, he hasn’t made progress, I have asked numerous times, and he always puts it off to do nothing or makes up other random errands/chores to do. Well now we are down to 5 days left and the boxes I’ve packed plus what he has packed is not even a quarter of our stuff.
We just had a fight about it and he has been acting super grumpy toward me like how you would expect a kid to act when you ask them to clean their room and they give you attitude.
I HATE this dynamic and he knows this as we’ve had many conversations about it in our relationship.
Anyway, he said I haven’t helped pack much either so it’s not just his fault that we aren’t packed. He said he knows I’m not working every second of the day (true) and I can help too. Well, I said I work and he doesn’t so I don’t want to sacrifice my leisure time to pack when he gets so much leisure time.
I said if he packed as many hours a day as I worked at my job we would have been done packing by now. He thinks I’m a jerk for saying this and it’s an unfair view of things. So AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Trying To Help Our Daughter?
“I have zero hate for the father of my child.
We ended things on a good note, we have still remained in a good and healthy relationship for the sake of ourselves and our kids. My actions were in no way an issue for him.
I was introduced to his new partner (Kathy) before she met our daughter (Amelia).
So the way our schedule works is one week on one week off. On Wednesday I got a call from Amelia (13) who was crying.
Kathy, while she was at a softball practice, was going through her journal.
We encourage our daughter to keep a journal and write everything she feels in it.
She struggles with self-esteem and self-confidence, she’s very critical about herself. Which leads her to get into a depressive mindset. We have put her in therapy after her request and both try to uplift her in the best ways possible. Neither of us read her book, it’s for her specifically to let her emotions out when she doesn’t want to express them to us yet.
She was very upset and asked me to pick her up. Kathy, who went through her journal, then decided to take a tape measure, and wrap it around her body to try and see her size, then tried to show her a dieting plan that she found to make her lose 15 pounds in a month, which only made her feel worse, and invaded.
I went over there and called Liam on the way there, who was unaware of the situation. My daughter didn’t want to speak to anyone.
I talked to Kathy she said she just wanted to help her since she thought she was fat. I told her that her heart might have been in the right place but she always needed to consult Liam or me and that that wasn’t up for negotiations.
I said that her actions could do much harm and that this was reckless. I ended it off by saying that she needs to be more sensitive to this situation that I will not tolerate this if I hear of this again, and that she cannot ever invade her privacy like that again.
She has that book for a reason, it’s not open for anyone but herself. I thought we ended things understanding but after this, I guess not.
So me and Liam decided it was best I keep her until she felt better, which lasted three days until she was ready to see Dad again.
We also agreed to what our daughter felt comfortable with. Which was only seeing Kathy with the company of one of us.
I thought this was good and so did Liam.
But, I got a text from Kathy, who said that I was coming between her relationship with Liam, and I treated her like a child for actually trying to help our daughter instead of doing nothing.
She said that now Liam is not letting her around our daughter alone and it’s my fault because I didn’t give her a chance to fix it and pick her up before she could.
I told my sister about this, and she said that I was wrong.
I thought I handled this in a mature way, but it definitely got me thinking that I didn’t handle it with Kathy the way I intended to.”
29. AITJ For Not Driving My Brother To School?
“My brother (15 M) has recently become an advocate for green living.
He has a lot of ‘rules’ for the house that my family follows. Like, no plastic bottles, we all recycle, try to find sustainable alternatives for things, etc. We’ve all recently started an individual bottle brick and spend time every night after dinner washing our plastic and stuffing the bottle.
My parents and I (21 M) are pretty busy people, so my brother takes care of most of the bigger things. We help out where we can. My brother has become a bit of a dictator, and we are always doing something wrong, so we’ve just left him to handle it the way he would like.
Anyway, I drove my brother to school this morning. It’s not far, maybe 3 blocks. I cut up an apple to eat in the car on the way. I accidentally left a seed in one of the pieces of the apple so I rolled down the window to throw it out at the stop sign.
My brother grabbed the seed from me before I could even start to toss it out and started yelling at me. He told me that I couldn’t throw out the seed as that was littering and it’s bad for the environment.
I challenged him and asked him how.
The animals will eat it or it will grow an apple tree/bush. It is the exact opposite of littering. I asked if it would be littering to plant seeds on the grass next to us. He said no, but I wanted something to grow there, I need to plant it, otherwise, it’s littering.
He was getting louder and more combative (leaning over to get in my face), so I told him he could walk the rest of the way. We were probably 2 minutes away on foot. My brother said he was NOT getting out of the car and that I was ‘required’ to drive him.
Y’all, I was fed up, I drove him back to the house, got out of the car, and went inside to start my schoolwork. My brother called my parents who chewed me out for making my brother walk to school over something as petty as an apple seed. I corrected them that I was making him walk for acting like a little drill sergeant.
Yeah, it didn’t go over well.
I’m the one that got into trouble (or as much trouble as a 21-year-old can get into) and my brother got to skip school for the day. My parents, brother, and maternal grandparents are all upset with me for ‘making’ him miss school.
I feel like I was justified. I don’t want him to think that if he speaks to me like that, I’m just going to roll over and take it. That’s not how family should work.
AITJ for not driving my brother to school today?”
28. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Destroying My Makeup?
“I (15 F) am a huge skincare and makeup freak, and I have a grandmother who is kinda wealthy so when she comes to visit me she gifts me a high-end beauty product.
Last week a friend of mine came to visit, and when she arrived at my room she immediately started to look through my stuff.
I politely asked not to because my makeup collection means a lot to me since my grandmother gifted me all of it. When I said that to her she started to joke about dropping a Dior blush which was also the first thing that my grandmother gifted to me.
I told her to please stop and be careful with that specific blush because it meant the world to me (and I previously talked to her about that specific blush) so she said that I was being a selfish person. I told her I wasn’t selfish and that I just wanted her to respect my things, then she suddenly started to yell at me saying that it seemed like I cared more about my stuff than our friendship.
I told her that I obviously cared more about our friendship. She said that I was lying and crashed the blush into the floor saying that she was ‘giving me a life lesson’ because I needed to learn how to share and brought up the fact that I didn’t talk to her for a month (a year ago) because she kissed my significant other (she never apologized because she thought that if I never knew my feelings wouldn’t get hurt).
I told her in tears that she needed to go then she stormed out of my house.
Yesterday she texted me like nothing happened. I told her that she needed to apologize she said she wouldn’t so I blocked her. People in our friend group told me to unblock her since ‘It isn’t that big of a deal’.
I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do.”
27. AITJ For Kicking Out My Significant Other's Dad In The Middle Of The Night?
“My significant other (23 F) and I (22 M) recently bought our first house together, a 1970s fixer-upper. Her mother was a tremendous help during our move-in and the initial unpacking. Meanwhile, her dad had plans to visit later, bringing some furniture and assisting with house fixes.
Now, here’s some backstory on her dad – I’ve never been a fan. He’s a textbook narcissist and treats the women in his life like maids. We’ve clashed before, and I was worried about him coming over, fearing a big blowout.
My SO shared my concerns about his visit – she doesn’t like him any more than I do.
But if we asked him not to come, he’d freak out, and we’d never get our furniture. Plus, we didn’t want to make things harder for her mom by starting family drama.
When he finally arrived, things were tense from the start. He was rude to me, criticizing my plans, and even laughed at me for wanting to bring some electrical up to code.
He insisted on telling me that he knew better, despite my background in construction, trade school, and woodworking.
As frustrating as that was, it got worse when he started belittling my SO. He told her she should be cleaning or cooking, and that she wasn’t capable of doing any home repairs.
When she offered to help him lift something, he outright laughed in her face. She wanted to learn about basic repairs, and he mocked her for it. I couldn’t stand to see him treat her like that.
I talked to my SO privately about it.
I was furious at how he disrespected her in her own home. She’s incredibly capable and smart. I wanted him out, but I didn’t want to make things harder for her mom or take away my SO’s autonomy. It was her family, her house, and her decision.
Ultimately, we decided I would call her mom the next day and brainstorm ways to talk to her dad about his behavior without causing a massive argument. We both agreed I had to be the one to talk to him, as he wouldn’t respect my SO enough to hear her out.
The next day, as we were about to head to the store, my SO went to help him clear out some stuff from his truck. During this, I heard him call her stupid for taking something out of the truck bed, though he had told her to clear it out.
She stood up for herself, saying he couldn’t talk to her like that, and that’s when I heard him call her ‘just an entitled, spoiled brat.’ That was the last straw.
I got out of the truck and told him to leave. He claimed he did nothing wrong.
I lost my temper, expressing my anger at how he treated his daughter and called him a sad excuse for a man. I made him pick up instantly and drive home – a 15-hour drive.
I don’t regret making him leave, but I’m wondering if I am the jerk here.
My SO supports my decision, but I wonder if taking it away from her was wrong. After all, he was here to help, and maybe I should have tolerated the mistreatment until he decided to leave. AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Am Tired To Being Her Son's "Parent"?
“My (15 F) brother (27 M) got married in May 2021. His wife (25 F) was previously married and has a daughter (5 F). When they were going out I spent my summer babysitting for them and getting paid 20 dollars a day. I had zero problems with this until recently.
They had their son in October 2022 and ever since I have been attached to my nephew. They also had a modular home put in the backfield so they were closer to us. I was back in school so I wasn’t babysitting anymore.
When summer rolled around again I started working my first job and offered to babysit occasionally when I didn’t have a shift and they didn’t have to pay me.
Eventually, I started to only work 2-3 days a week and they knew my schedule. Every day I was not working they would come by the house and drop their kids off. I started to voice that I wanted to be paid again if I was going to be babysitting so often.
They never paid me and kept dropping their kids off.
These last few weeks I have been busy getting ready for school to start and going out of town a lot. They had voiced that they were mad I wasn’t there to babysit for them.
Last week was a week where I was able to be home after I had decided to quit my job for the school year. They came in with only my nephew on Friday night and asked me to babysit while they quickly ran to her parent’s home and claimed it would only take 30 minutes or less.
When they came back, they never came in for my nephew but were making it obvious they were home. They were running around the yard screaming.
After about 2 hours of having him, it was his bedtime and I started to take him to his house since I knew they were home.
While I was walking toward the house I started to see their truck pulling out of the house until they saw me. I gave them the baby and decided I didn’t care until my mom texted me that they said they were going to take her daughter to the fair for a few hours without having to deal with the baby.
I finally got the nerve to tell my SIL I was tired of being more of a mother to him than she is and that I shouldn’t be expected to be at their beck and call. She hasn’t spoken to me since and some people say I’m being too harsh while others say I’m being completely reasonable.
I also want to mention that they always say it won’t take long and it either ends up being a situation where he falls asleep for the night and stays with me or it takes multiple hours and they always claim that they just end up talking.
My niece switches off with her dad every week and whenever she is back it seems like they dump her off to anyone that they can so they don’t have to take care of her.”
25. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister About How I Feel About Her Stepkids?
“My sister Emily (34 f) has been married to Declan (36 m) for the past 3 years. Declan’s first wife passed away 5 years ago. Declan has kids from his first marriage who are 13 f, 11 m, and 10 m.
While Emily and Declan were going out I noticed that his children were unhappy with the change in their lives and did not really appear to like my sister. I saw grieving kids most of all. And I guessed that they were seeing it as a betrayal of their mom for their dad to be moving on at the pace he did (meeting my sister after a year and marrying her a year later).
It was clear that Emily was trying to bond with the kids and they had walls up where she was concerned. Emily did not seem to notice and I debated speaking to her but I felt it wasn’t really my place, because surely it was something at least Declan would notice and they would discuss.
Emily had a baby with Declan two months ago and since the birth of her daughter she has noticed those walls and that chilly distance her stepkids keep with her. Declan apparently had not noticed and he sat down with the kids and Emily for a family meeting.
The kids said nothing until Emily left the room. This was when they revealed their feelings about Emily. Declan asked them why they waited for Emily to leave the room to speak and they said because he called it a family meeting, so they waited for it to be just the family.
In the days that followed Emily learned that the kids didn’t consider her any kind of family and they disliked having her around (though they never said they disliked her specifically). She learned that they consider her someone to tolerate having around for their dad’s sake but not someone they want to be close to, not someone they want to make things work with.
The youngest said he hates it when Emily mentions their mom, which his older siblings agreed with. The oldest also confessed to removing Emily from photos she keeps on her phone and laptop.
Emily was understandably upset to hear this and she confided in me about it.
I offered her an ear and a shoulder and at some point in this talk, she turned and asked me why I didn’t appear surprised. She said our parents at least looked more surprised and our brother really looked clueless. I confessed to her that I had noticed the signs before she and Declan married and that I had seen it for the last three years as well.
She asked why I didn’t tell her this. I told her I honestly considered it but feared it was both not my place and not something she would respond well to. Emily told me I should have told her. That I’m her sister and I could have helped her go into her marriage with open eyes, I could have helped her consider whether marrying Declan was the right thing to do.
She said I betrayed her by not saying anything.
AITJ?”
24. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Replace My Best Friend's Ex's Invitation With Her New Partner?
“I (F 24) am marrying my fiancè (M 24) this August at a beautiful venue. When I got engaged Jane was in a relationship and engaged to Ben. They were together for 8 years, living together, and had a little boy who is my godson and I love to death.
Jane and Ben were meant to get married last year but they canceled because of financial issues and Ben may have been sent to another country for his job. After all this, Jane decided that she didn’t love Ben anymore and that she was already talking to several other guys.
All while they still lived together and had their son.
After the official break up, they moved back into her dad’s house (rent was too high where they were living together) and she is seeing a guy who we went to college with and is a genuinely awful person with a god complex and I made it no secret that I disliked him but told her ‘whatever makes you happy’.
After a few months, Jane and I met up for coffee and she told me about the new relationship in which she stayed at his house for days on end, there were so many red flags from him and some from her (being that she was choosing to stay with the new guy and not be with her son).
Eventually, Jane and the new guy broke up (thank god), and a few weeks later she’s with another guy who we will call James. I arranged to meet up with Jane and when I got there she stood there with James without talking to me first about if I was comfortable meeting him.
I brush it off. She then tells me after a month of being with James. She’s moved into his house at least 40 minutes away from where we live and her son is still living with his dad at her dad’s house. She tells me that they’re getting married this year and that she wants me to be a bridesmaid!
Again. I just say whatever makes you happy and brush it off. She’s an adult I can’t tell her what to do with her life.
She then asked, in front of James, if it was possible to revoke Ben’s invitation and replace him with James.
The problem with this was that I knew Ben before I knew Jane and when I met her in college it turned out that they were together (cute little reunion and everything). I told her that I knew Ben before her and certainly before James so I would have to think about it and talk to my partner, the topic is dropped (for now) however when we booked our venue it came with 14 rooms which we allocated to certain people.
Including her, Ben, and my godson.
WIBTJ to tell her that I no longer want her to stay at the venue as it’s her drama between Ben and James of she shared a room with Ben and I’m already under a lot of stress trying to plan everything?”
23. WIBTJ If I Call My Sister Selfish And Entitled?
“My (29 f) sister (26 f) got married recently. Our whole family flew out to celebrate with her and she treated everyone in our family like crap. In our close-knit family, there were certain people she disinvited which was shocking and heartbreaking to them and mortifying to me but we all did our best to carry on.
Despite me and my dad paying for everything, she allowed us to participate in the bare minimum. Like she invited us to the rehearsal dinner but dismissed us after so she could hang with other guests. Allowed me and her other sister to be in the bridal party but put us last in line, sitting furthest away from her, etc…
and the day before the wedding, she invited her fiancé’s family up to their suite to hang out but no one in our family was invited. I only found out because I came up to drop off food for her and the groom’s party and they were all there.
There’s other stuff, but you get the idea.
What hurt the most was that she managed to yell at me in front of various guests exactly one time per day we were there, overreacting to something I did or said, and embarrassing me in front of her friends and our family.
Also, our dad seemed a bit disappointed to receive such a cool distant demeanor after paying and arranging all of this for her and being so excited to be with her on her wedding day. He’s been waiting his whole life for this and was clearly proud.
My dad’s been great our whole lives, by the way. No weirdness there.
I just think that she’s ungrateful for our family and all that we do for each other and I was really disappointed to see this attitude manifest at her wedding.
Since her big day, I haven’t really talked to her that much.
I don’t want to spoil her memories with my perspective, but I also don’t want to lie if she asks why I’m distant. This was only a few weeks ago, so I’m almost done licking my wounds after all that public humiliation, but I really think differently of her now.
WIBTJ if I told her that her attitude towards our family is selfish and entitled?”
22. AITJ For Walking Out On A Massage?
“Last Saturday morning I was feeling spontaneous and decided to see if there were any massage appointments available that day at the place I usually frequent. There was one with ‘Tina’ at 4 p.m., so I booked it online.
I showed up and Tina met me in the waiting room. She didn’t greet me as effusively as the other therapists usually did and wasn’t smiling, but I didn’t think much of how flat she seemed until she led me into the room, did her intro/explanation, and left me to get ready.
Another massage therapist, ‘Jenny’ passed Tina in the hall and I heard her say something like ‘Hey, you’re still here, I thought you were going home early?’ To which Tina said, ‘Ugh somebody booked at the last minute.’ Tina kept complaining about me, saying I took her last spot for the day, which she didn’t know about until she got in.
She then flat-out said that she didn’t want to do it but would push through since I was her last client
At that point, I put my clothes back on and walked out without saying anything except ‘Excuse me’ as I passed Tina and Jenny in the hall, then went up to the receptionist to check out.
I flat-out said I wouldn’t be paying for the massage, that I was uncomfortable with Tina, and that I was leaving. When Jenny and Tina came out to see what was going on, the receptionist ducked her head into the small office behind the desk and summoned the manager.
Tina tried to smooth everything over and said ‘Oh, it’s okay, she can cancel if she has to leave,’ but I was pretty mad at that point so I said ‘No, I’m canceling because I heard you say I took your last appointment and you don’t want to do it, so now you don’t have to.’
The manager looked pretty surprised, and Tina looked pretty embarrassed, but I just waved my hands and said ‘I’m leaving, I don’t want any drama about this, just please don’t charge my card or I’ll dispute it with my bank.’ When I left, I could see through the large glass windows that the manager was getting pretty animated in talking to Tina, who looked really unhappy.
I told the story to one of my friends and she said that it was pretty crappy of me to throw Tina under the bus and that I should have just pretended not to hear Tina, and gotten the massage anyway, or just let her lie about my having to leave so her manager didn’t get mad.
Said friend and I decided to ask this forum for a verdict. So, AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Call My Husband "Dad"?
“I (F 29) have a daughter, Skye, from a previous relationship. For a number of reasons, my daughter’s biological dad is not in her life and hasn’t been since she was little.
When she was 2, I met my husband (M 39), who has three kids from his previous marriage. Skye (9 F) has always been insanely shy, but it was love at first sight for her and my husband, so I knew he was the one.
Until recently, Skye has always called my husband by his first name, but out of nowhere last month she called him dad and has ever since.
Our littlest one has started speaking which might have prompted it, but she’s happy, so we are too.
After that, things went nuclear! MIL has never liked me because she thinks our age difference is inappropriate, and is convinced if it weren’t for me husband would still be with his ex-wife whom she loves.
We don’t have much to do with her anymore, but she does visit to see the boys occasionally.
While she was at our house, she overheard Skye calling my husband dad and told her that he was the boys’ dad, not hers. I said she was cruel and completely out of line for saying something like that to a child.
She accused me of forcing a relationship between my daughter and husband, so I could sideline the boys and start cutting out ‘his real family’.
She obviously spoke to my husband’s ex-wife as well because I’ve been getting texts from her calling me a selfish jerk for expecting her kids to share their dad and allowing him to prioritize our kids over theirs.
My husband says everyone’s just looking for drama, but this has been going on for years and I’m starting to wonder if they’re right and if I’m actually the problem here.
AITJ for allowing my daughter to call my husband dad?
Edit: My husband normally intervenes to shut this stuff down, but this time went to comfort my daughter and called MIL after to tell her she was out of line.”
20. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Come Into My Home Office?
“My wife and I both work from home. My job is mentally intensive and requires a lot of concentration, so we agreed that I could work in our home office.
Her job is much less stressful and doesn’t require quiet, so she works from an office space we created in the living room.
Just to be clear, I absolutely respect my wife’s job and do not think less of her because mine is subjective ‘harder’.
We both agreed on me having the office space due to the nature of my work, and she was still able to build out her own office space.
The issue is that my wife is very very social, and loves popping into my office while I’m working to chat, ask me how and what I’m doing, or she just likes to come and sit inside the room.
I totally get that we’re stuck at home and she needs to socialize, but I really need to focus to do my work. It’s gotten so distracting that my performance has actually declined to the point that my manager had to talk to me about it.
I absolutely love my wife, but I can’t lose my job. I’ve gotten up earlier to make her breakfast so we can sit and chat before work starts. We eat lunch together as well. I’ve tried to patiently bring up my concerns, even talking to her about it when I got reprimanded at work.
I’ve tried finding solutions like encouraging her to set weekly catch-up dates with friends. I’ve even tried to schedule in time during work to talk to her when I can.
But still, she completely ignores my needs and continues to barge in. It’s finally gotten to a point where I just started locking the door so she can’t come in.
It caused a huge fight, and she said it was callous, rude, and even dangerous in case something happened to her. I said that if I was back at the office it would be the same. Plus, I don’t listen to music when I work so I can hear what’s happening in the home, or she could always call me.
She’s pretty mad and my sister told me that I was a total jerk because my wife just wanted to spend time with me now. I do agree that I’m fortunate to have a loving wife, but I also have to work!”
19. AITJ For Thinking My Sister Shouldn't Be With Her Partner?
“My (23 m) sister (24 f) has been going out with this guy (24?) for about ten months and she shouldn’t be.
She’s constantly testing him to see if he’ll have an affair or lie and no matter how many times he passes her tests and says that he, rightfully, doesn’t like the tests she’ll still say she can’t trust him but also won’t break up with him.
Our family has told her to stop the tests and so have some of her friends but her logic is that if he loves her then he’ll know that she needs to be able to trust him.
He went out with some friends and mentioned it so she’d know he wouldn’t respond for a while and my sister, who knew some people who were going to the same bar that night (not many options), told a girl she was kinda friends with that he was single and interested in hooking up to test him.
Again.
The guy apparently gets hit on, realizing it’s a test again, leaves the bar, calls her, and asks if it’s a test, and when my sister tells him that it is, he dumps her and says he’s either going to hook up with the woman who flirted with him if she’s still up for it or find someone else to hook up with since he can’t handle my sister’s ‘crazy’ anymore.
My sister was very upset and he hung up on her so she went to our family in the main room (mum, dad, me) to tell us what happened and said that he had an affair and now the relationship is over. We’re all obviously upset for her and then get the actual story out of her and I laughed in her face because she lied. She caused the breakup and it was what everyone warned her would happen if she kept testing him.
I was called every name under the sun by my sister and our parents said that even though she was in the wrong that I should have been sensitive to how she was feeling and kept my thoughts private and because I didn’t, I’m a jerk.
Am I?”
18. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Dad's Baby's Backup Guardian?
“My husband (37 m) and I (37 f) have 4 kids ranging from age 4-12. My dad (65 m) is on his third marriage. My mom is the same age as him, his second wife is 50, and his current wife is 40. He had 2 kids during his second marriage (17 m and 15 f).
And now he has a 6-month-old.
When the 15-year-old was born, my husband (fiance at the time) and I were named in my dad’s will that we would raise my siblings if the worst happened and they were orphaned. We were fine with this. And we still are fine with it.
There is no doubt that if this scenario were to come to pass tomorrow, it would be extremely hard, but my siblings are now teenagers, so there would at the very least not be much physical hands-on care. Plus, the responsibility would only last technically for three more years.
This is obviously not the case with the baby. If the worst happened tomorrow, we’d be starting all over (My husband and I have agreed on no more babies and have taken the necessary measures to ensure that; and with our youngest finally fully trained, we are thrilled with the diaperless future ahead of us!)
So my dad told us a few weeks ago that he updated his will and naturally named us as guardians for the baby. I said he’d better change it then, because absolutely not, and outlined the reasons above. Dad didn’t take it well. He said it was really unfair that I was ‘favoring’ some siblings over others.
I reiterated that was not the case (though I do of course have a much closer relationship with my teen siblings than with my baby sibling. He’s cute and all, but I’ve got my own kids to focus on).
My personal situation is very different than it was 15 years ago.
I told my dad to ask people on his wife’s side of the family and he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t feel they’d respect his wishes for raising the kid the way I would. I said I’m sorry, but I am just not able to make this level of commitment.
Then Dad started complaining it’s not fair, due to his age, he really needs the assurance that his kid will be in good hands. So I quipped back. Due to his age, he shouldn’t have gone and had another kid. Dad responded that was a nasty thing to say and hung up, and things have been strained ever since.
I guess I could have been a little nicer, but I do stand by what I said. I am not in a position to commit to this, and frankly, having a baby at his age was dumb and he should have thought it through better.
AITJ for my refusal to be a guardian and for sharing my thoughts on my dad’s choices?”
17. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Brother His Wedding Gift In Advance?
“My middle brother is getting married in July. It is a destination wedding which will require me and my partner to spend a good deal of money to get there, along with accommodations, food, etc. during the trip.
This is not a problem as I really want to attend my brother’s wedding and I haven’t seen most of my family in years.
About a week ago my dad texted me to ask me how much I’m giving my brother and his bride for their wedding gift. My dad has always been sketchy with money but I felt comfortable answering this question and told him I would only match half of what my younger brother is giving him (which would be $300 from me) because I am spending more money and have to make more arrangements to attend the destination wedding.
Right after I mentioned this, my dad started to hound me over text asking if I could possibly give my brother and his fiancee the gift sooner rather than later, as in now. I told my father I would be giving them the band in an envelope on the day of their wedding.
My father proceeded to tell me that they were hurting for funds to pay for the wedding which was set to cost $25,000, and that they really needed my $300 or the wedding might have to be postponed. I didn’t have much of a response to that so we kinda just ended the conversation there.
Now every morning since that conversation, my dad sends me texts and tries to contact me over the phone and continues to tell me that unless I send my gift over the wedding will have to be postponed indefinitely. I think it’s good I didn’t buy my plane tickets yet because things in my family always get shifted around at the last minute.
I told him politely to let me be and that I had made up my mind and that they probably shouldn’t have this expensive wedding if they needed my gift that must. I told him I was getting off as I needed to get ready for work and he called me selfish and asked how I could do this to my brother.
AITJ for not wanting my brother his wedding money and possibly causing his wedding to be moved?”
16. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Partner For Being Needy?
“I (22 F) have been with my partner (26 M) for almost two months. We’ve known each other for 3 years now.
We are both from Asia and he moved to the USA for his Master’s degree in August 2021.
I was aware that it would be an LDR going into it. I have never been in an LDR before, so this is new to me.
Shortly after we started going out, he started having fights with one of his close lady friends. She told him that she wanted to stop being friends with him, out of the blue.
She had been through a bad breakup recently, and he had supported her through it.
But her refusal to acknowledge him or their friendship was hard on him. He tried to talk to other people in the same circle. They grew tired of the repeated discussions and told him that they weren’t interested in discussing the same thing over and over and that he shouldn’t take this to heart and leave her be.
He’s been depressed over this for about 1.5 months now. He’s feeling lonely and feels that their friends chose her and abandoned him.
All this while, I have tried my best to support him and be there for him. I have tried to be positive and cheerful and tried to cheer him up.
I have had endless discussions about the same thing with him
All this exploded about 20 days ago. The ‘said friend’ barged into his apartment and started berating him, over how he was overly clingy and annoying. And told him to grow up and accept that they aren’t friends anymore.
Both sides said terrible things to each other.
And other friends have chosen her and told him that he shouldn’t have been so harsh considering she was already having a difficult time. He’s taken a turn for the worse since then.
We have an 11-hour time difference.
He wants me to stay up all night to talk to him because he is lonely. He wants me to stay on video calls with him while I work (I work 8-6 currently, working from home as a software engineer).
I stayed up for a while but told him that it was hampering my productivity at work.
He was sad over me not talking to him all night. He wanted to be naughty over the phone while I attended a call because it was thrilling, I said no, I wanted to focus on work. He wants me to talk to him whenever he is awake so he doesn’t feel alone, which I think is impossible without sacrificing all my sleep.
Yesterday I had a particularly hard day at work and I had horrible period cramps as well. I was not in the mood to talk, but he wanted to exchange naughty messages. I told him that I was very tired and wasn’t feeling very well emotionally either.
He got mad at me because I couldn’t stay up ‘even on a Friday night’ to talk to him. He said, ‘That’s why you’ve never been in a good relationship before, you never consider the other person, you are selfish’. I told him that ‘That’s all I have been doing for all the while we’ve seeing eachother.
I have been talking of you, and your fights, and your mental health. Stop treating me like I am your emotional support animal. I have my life to handle’. He hasn’t talked to me since.
I feel terrible for my words, but I was overworked and tired and couldn’t help it.
Am I the jerk?”
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Pushing Me To Wear A Bra?
“Ever since I started puberty, my parents made me wear a bra around the house because it made my dad uncomfortable if I didn’t. This went so far that I came out of my room looking like I was without a bra.
My mother would scratch my back to try to feel a strap, and if she couldn’t feel one, or I couldn’t show it to her, she would send me back. I hadn’t thought this was all that odd until I went off to college and told some of my new friends about it who would give me odd looks.
The rule was always explained to me as ‘my house, my rules’.
During college, I did things my mother didn’t approve of, but the one I had the most fun with was piercing my nose. Growing up additional piercings or tattoos, etc. were taught to be a sign of moral degeneration, but I thought I looked so cute.
This is where I might be wrong. My mother FaceTimed me close to moving out and told me that while I was home I needed to change out my nose ring and into a spacer, and being used to the freedom of choosing how I present, I made a joke along the lines of ‘Okay mom, you either get to dictate my nose piercing or dictate my bra usage.’ I had meant it as a flippant comment but she got angry and hung up on me.
Fast forward about two weeks and I’m back at home. When I wake up, I get out of my room to get breakfast, sans bra. My parents are cooking breakfast and my mom happens to notice me first. She walks over to me and starts rubbing my back to see if I have a bra.
I jerk away and explode at her about how weird I now find this whole thing and how during college I didn’t have to wear a bra if I didn’t want to. My mom hasn’t spoken to me outside of necessity for the past couple of days, and I’m worried I was wrong for unloading like that.
She is my mom after all, and we used to be really close.”
14. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Grandfather's Carer?
“I (24 M) am an only child who just completed my master’s degree while living at home. During this time, my aging single mother developed several health problems. I averaged working on my degree around 60-70 hours per week while taking care of her and the house for 2 years.
My life pretty much solely revolved around those two things.
Three months ago, right before I finished my degree, my uncle, we’ll call him Tim, suddenly and unexpectedly collapsed and died. Tim was pretty much the backbone of the entire family. He lived with my grandfather and my other uncle, ‘Leo’.
Tim did everything for my grandfather, who is approaching 90, from cooking, taking care of the house, driving to appointments, etc. Leo, who lives with them, would work 40 hours a week and then relax/go out in his free time.
Fast forward to today, with the death of Tim, I have been voluntold to take care of my grandfather 16 hours a week.
One of my aunts, Betty, and her husband Bob, drive 2 hours from out of state once a week, staying at my grandfather’s to take care of him. My other aunt, Lauren, does the same but is only an hour away. Betty and Bob are both retired, and Lauren still works 40 hours a week.
In the mornings that they’re not here, I have been voluntold to stay with my grandfather, 8 hours a day, 2 days a week. They told my mother this, not even me.
I don’t have the time for this at this stage of my life. I write music for movies 40 hours if not more a week while still taking care of my mother and trying to have a glimmer of social life.
If I could bring my work to my grandfather’s, the solution would be easy, but I need my studio to work. Outside of this, I powerlift/bodybuild, and I’m a certified trainer, so I can’t easily cut this part out of my life. I’ve been planning a major move in the fall for a while now as well, so I’m really trying to get my life together in the coming months.
Leo, who’s in his 50s, is currently having a breakdown after three months of how he has to be a normal adult and can’t go out every day. My uncle Bob who is with Betty was just diagnosed with cancer, another obstacle in this mix.
None of this is long-term sustainable, and they don’t seem to be looking forward. My grandfather has no future prognosis of death, so he could be here for another 5+ years. He wouldn’t want to go into a nursing home, and the family wouldn’t want that either, which is understandable.
The other option would be to bring in a home health aid which he doesn’t want. I’m pretty sure money is not an object here.
Everyone is against me when I say I don’t have the availability for this. None of them fully grasp what my work life is like since I don’t have the typical 40-hour-per-week 9-5 job they all had.
My proposed solution is to give them my time for the next 4 weeks and tell them they need to bring in professional help after that. I understand that the situation is difficult for everyone.
I don’t think I’m the jerk or being unreasonable.”
13. AITJ For Threatening To Stop Bringing My Kids To My Mother-In-Law's?
“My mother-in-law is constantly asking my husband to defend her from drama she has created for herself.
My mother-in-law is a pathological liar who even lied about having cancer and about her own death. She lies to get her way and one of her lies has even gotten my husband arrested due to her lying about someone hurting her.
My mother-in-law had asked my husband for help because one of her neighbors had apparently stolen from her.
My husband has complained to me about having to be involved with all his mom’s drama and in this case even said he doesn’t believe her but is still putting himself out there to help her.
We have 4 kids and I don’t think it’s fair for them that their fathers put them at risk of being jailed for defending their grandmother who lies to gain whatever she wants.
So I told him that I’m gonna say something to her and he didn’t have any objection.
I called her and told her ‘You need to stop involving my husband in whatever drama you got going on and if you continue I’ll no longer be bringing my children over to see you.
Last time your lies got my husband arrested and enough is enough. You are a grown woman deal with your own drama and stop leaching on your son. Only call us if there is an actual emergency’.
My mother-in-law was unhappy to hear what I said and began to call me names and told me that ‘I have the power to get her son to leave me so I better back off’.
My husband ended up getting a call from his mother and left to see her not long after. When he came back he was upset and told me that what I said was disrespectful and that he was going be spending a few days with his mom to fix the issues I had created and then packed a bag and left.
He hasn’t been responding to my messages and calls, I have a 2-month-old baby at home and I feel like I must’ve really crossed the line if he’d just leave me like this
AITJ here?”
12. AITJ For What I Said About How My Friend's Wife Dresses?
“I have been informed by my friend that my wife seems to have a lot of body confidence on a few occasions.
She posts a lot of photos on Instagram in dresses, crop tops, and now that it’s summer – swimsuits.
I’ve never had a problem with it. I think most girls in their mid-twenties do the same thing, but my friend has been making weird remarks to me about her posts since we got married.
He essentially says her posts are too provocative for a married woman and that she’s putting herself online like she’s a single woman. He also makes the point that most married women do not post photos like she does, and his wife would never ‘disrespect him’ by posting photos like this.
I brought it up to my wife once and she just laughed and said he was weird. I agreed and haven’t said anything about it to her since.
Recently a group of us got together at the lake. My wife wore what I considered normal attire, a bikini, but my friend thought differently.
He made a comment in front of us guys about her butt being out and asked her if she just liked to make everyone uncomfortable and have people stare at her. And of course, he brought it back around to his wife saying how she dresses respectfully in front of other guys.
His wife had a one piece I think but wore a coverup most of the time we were there.
My wife wasn’t wearing a thong bathing suit bottom so I honestly don’t know what his deal was. There were other girls there in two pieces besides her.
I had honestly had enough of his incessant continuous comments about my wife and how he was continually comparing her to his more conservatively dressed wife so I said ‘Your wife just dresses like that because she can’t pull off a swimsuit. Stop fixating on my wife bro, it’s getting old fast.’
I know his wife hadn’t caused anything and probably didn’t deserve that but it did get him to shut up. We actually haven’t talked since then to which I don’t really care. We’ll probably run into each other the next time we have a friend throw an outing though.
I do feel like his wife didn’t deserve that, even if she didn’t know I said it, so I’m wondering if I’m a jerk. I don’t really want to apologize to him before he apologizes for all of his comments, but if you think it’s the consensus I might.
ETA: His wife was not around when I said this. It was just a group of guys.”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Surgery Fund To My Dad For His RV?
“I (38 f) was burned in a propane gas explosion when I was two years old in 1986.
I was burned over 85 percent of my body and sustained extensive damage to my airway. I’ve had about 90+ surgeries since then, and I’ll still need more in the future.
My father and I have had a strained relationship, mostly because he disappeared after the fire.
He didn’t ‘technically’ leave, but he took a long haul trucking job that took him away from his family 46 weeks out of the year and he was gone for ten years. I have always felt that he abandoned his family when they needed him the most using the pretense that he had to ‘make money and support his family’ when really he was trying to escape the situation because couldn’t deal with it emotionally.
Four years ago, I learned that the reconstruction they performed on my airway was deteriorating and that I would need to have a tracheotomy (breathing tube) implanted, and it would be permanent unless I could get approved for a full tracheal transplant. The first of this kind of surgery was performed in January of 2021, meaning that this surgery is highly experimental.
When the doctor was telling me about the surgery, he mentioned that the closest specialist who could attempt it was in Cleveland, Ohio (I live in Mississippi). If I were approved for the surgery, not only would I have to pay for it, but I’d also have to pay for the three months of aftercare and I would need to have a support system in place so that I don’t spend three months alone, and I’ll have to pay for that, too.
I’m disabled and live below the poverty line, so this is going to be a monumental undertaking.
My father drove me to the tracheotomy surgery (because I couldn’t drive myself) and heard the doctor telling me all this, and as we were driving home afterward, he said to me, ‘Why don’t we do this?
We buy an RV that I and Ella (my 6-year-old) can live in instead of an apartment or hotel. Then, at the end of the three months, I (my dad) will just keep the RV.’
I asked him why he would keep the RV, and he told me it would be to make up for all the income he would lose.
I was astounded by the suggestion, because, A: I didn’t ask him to be my support system, my sister is more than happy to go, so no lost income for him; B: There’s no possibility he would lose the amount of income necessary to buy an RV in the span of three months; C: I would be footing the bill for his entire trip.
Rent, electricity, food, gas, internet, literally everything; and D: I know that my father’s dream is to live out his retirement in an RV. He’s told me so.
When I told him I felt like he was using my surgery money to fund his retirement, he got angry and told me, ‘Everyone thinks parents are just supposed to give and give and get nothing in return.
Nobody ever thinks about how this affects me. Why shouldn’t I get something in return if I’m giving up three months of my life and income to go with you?’ My response was, ‘Don’t go.’
Am I the jerk?”
10. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter That Not Cleaning Up Her Own Mess Is Her Being Lazy?
“I live with my husband of 4 years, and we have children from previous relationships.
From my previous marriage, I have my children Sadie (f14) and Felix (m11). They visit their dad on weekends on holidays.
From his previous marriage, my husband has a daughter Nina (f15). Nina’s mother has been out of the picture since she was a toddler and my husband has full custody of Nina.
My husband and I both work, so we split the household chores 50:50. Our kids also help out with chores.
I’ve raised Sadie and Felix to clean up after themselves, and they know they’re expected to pitch in on chores because they’re part of a family unit.
They will help out with simple chores like washing dishes and taking out the trash without being asked.
Nina, however, is quite happy to watch Sadie and Felix do their bit with chores and doesn’t help out. Whenever I ask Nina to even clean up her own messes, she’ll roll her eyes and find any excuse not to do it.
Recently, Sadie and Nina got into an argument whilst my husband was at work. Nina was eating snacks in the kitchen and left crumbs and wrappers all over the kitchen counter then went into her room. Sadie followed her and told Nina to clean up after herself and put her wrappers in the trash.
Nina started screaming at Sadie to get out of her room and it turned into a huge shouting match.
I asked them what was going on and told them to stop shouting. They told me their sides of the story. Nina accused Sadie of ‘harassing’ her and said the mess wasn’t a big deal.
I told Nina to go clean up her mess in the kitchen, and if it’s not cleaned in 30 minutes she’s grounded. Nina yelled at me and said I can’t be serious. I told Nina she’s now lost her chance to avoid punishment and she’s grounded and said not cleaning up your own mess is being lazy.
After my husband got home, he talked to Nina about what happened. He’s now annoyed at me for how I approached the situation and said I was wrong for implying that Nina is lazy and I upset her.
Was I the jerk?”
9. AITJ For Not Engaging With My Housemate's Family When They're Visiting?
“My housemate (homeowner) (M 30) isn’t happy that I (F 26) am not friendly with his older brother (M 40) and, especially, his SIL (F 40) and nephew (M 18) when they come to visit.
I have been friends with my housemate for more than six years. I’ve been living in his house for more than seven months now. I’ve paid rent every week (which, in fairness, is really low as a favor since I was homeless prior to moving in).
Now, I don’t particularly mind my housemate having his family over to visit (not that I have a say), but I’ve genuinely tried to build some rapport with all of them, especially the first time I met the brother, before I met his wife and their son.
But we just didn’t click.
I’m pretty extroverted and I like getting on with people, but I’m not going to over-extend my friendliness for the sake of? I don’t even know.
The brother and I greet each other almost every time we see each other and we talk to each other when needs be, but we just don’t have casual small talk anymore since it always goes dry.
He’s been helpful tho and has complimented my singing voice so I don’t have anything personal against him.
The brother’s wife and I, sometimes, greet each other, but she’s more of a jerk, and gets a bit braver with her comments every time we fall into some conversation (the family has visited 3 times since I moved in).
She always makes seemingly innocuous comments about what I eat like ‘You really like meat’, and ‘You must have had a long day’ (referring to the size of my meals).
Two nights ago, I was watching RuPaul Drag, and she asked if I do my makeup like drag queens.
We don’t really talk otherwise. But after that last comment, I’ve completely ditched any effort to be friendly. She’s lucky I’m not biting back with my words, considering how much gossip I know about her and her husband, through my housemate.
Their son barely speaks to me at all and never greets me.
Has been like that since the first visit. And if he looks in my direction, it’s always some kind of dirty look. To be honest, I don’t see why I’d want to have anything to do with an 18-year-old child in the first place.
My housemate can see how awkward I am around them.
Plus, now I eat in my room when they’re all in the house, or time my trips to the kitchen. I barely left my room when they were here since halfway through the second visit (they were staying for over a week at that time).
He sometimes insists on me having dinner with them, but I just don’t feel comfortable around them like that.
What annoys me the most is that every time he tells me to ‘make an effort’, I ask him if he says the same thing to his family.
He never directly answers the question so I’m pretty sure he’s putting this pressure on me only.
I’ve told my housemate everything mentioned here when they happen. He, basically, said that I was being irrational.
So, am I the jerk for just wanting to keep to myself?”
8. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend Not To Use Her Phone When We're Hanging Out?
“I (25 f) have known my best friend D (26 f) since our school days. We were totally opposite of each other in terms of personality, but we became so close that even our teachers were surprised. Everyone tells us that we kind of balance each other, which is true because I am a bit introverted and shy and she is like a firecracker, and I love her.
We were always there for each other through difficult times, and with each passing day, our friendship grew stronger.
D is very passionate about love and relationships and was searching for true love, which eventually led her to two messy breakups in which I spent nights wiping her tears and taking care of her.
But 3 years back, we drifted apart because D went to a different city for work and I stayed in my hometown for further studies.
She recently got back, and I was so excited to finally meet her after so long. We met at the mall (our usual place to hang out), and while we were there, she told me about this new person, A (25 M).
They have been going out since January. I was so happy for her because her eyes sparkled when she was talking about him, but then it kept on going on and on about him only. Trust me when I say this: I know more about this guy than I know about her now.
Not only this, he kept constantly texting her and calling her every 15-20 minutes for what I still don’t know, but D was blushing a lot and ignored me all the time. We entered a shop to buy some clothes, but instead of asking for my opinion, she called and texted him.
I felt like a shadow, and our small meet-up was a total disaster for me.
She called to invite me to lunch today, and I agreed on one condition: unless there is an emergency, she will talk and listen to me for at least 30–45 minutes and keep her phone aside.
So we reached the restaurant, and her behavior towards me was the same, even when I insisted she at least put in an order. I felt so hurt that I just got up, walked straight out of the door, and drove away.
Her partner A called me and told me to stop being so jealous of them and that it was not their fault that my ex dumped me (my breakup happened 3 months back).
I called D because A said D was crying after I left and also screamed for me to stay, but I didn’t know this because I was also crying while walking out of the restaurant.
D said that she is hurt and does not want to talk to me right now.
I mean, is there any way to fix this? I don’t want to lose my friend over this small issue.
Edit – She gave A my number and also told him about my ex. She knows it’s a sensitive topic for me.”
7. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Come To His Stepmom's Dinner Party?
“I (40 F) love my son Avram (21) but I did not want to be a mom and was not allowed to terminate my pregnancy. I love him so much but I’ve never deserved him.
I was a terrible mom. I know it was bad untreated depression but it doesn’t excuse anything. His dad and stepmom took him when he was ten and they love him so much and made him the most amazing young man in the world and I’m so grateful.
After they took him I got therapy treatment and then spent time in an in-patient for my drinking. Avram kept wanting to see me, his dad let me have weekends and I tried to make the best of it and be a good mom this time.
He’d always tell me I didn’t need to apologize cause I was sick and he loved living with me. Since he turned 18 he’s spent more time with me and I know I don’t deserve it and his stepmom does but I don’t do anything cause it makes him happy.
This past Friday his stepmom was hosting a work dinner and wanted all her kids there but Avram wanted to spend Friday with me cause we always do that. She’s more his mom than me so I knew he should be there for her. But he wouldn’t listen and insisted on being with me so I pretended I wasn’t home that day and ghosted him so he’d go and I saw he did on his partner’s IG story.
But you can see who sees stories and she did and messaged me I was selfish for ghosting and I really upset him. She essentially called me a jerk without saying it. He hasn’t messaged me much since then either.
I don’t think I’m wrong, I’m trying to do what’s best for him and that’s showing gratitude to the woman who deserves his love.
But I thought to try for judgment here.”
6. AITJ For Sharing A Tent With Two Women?
“My friend is an avid hiker. Does about 8 multi-day trips a year and has done some pretty extreme treks. I’m more of a casual. Let’s bring some booze and spend a night or two in the woods watching the sunset over the mountainside. So, he plans a hike that’s more on my level and invites a few of his friends then we make a weekend of it.
So, boom. My friend hit me up a few months ago planning a trip on the Appalachian Trail. We’ve done this 4 years now and it’s pretty smooth planning. He tells everyone exactly what to bring and that way he doesn’t end up hiking 20 miles with 6 people all having their own tents.
This year I’m seeing someone and she’s awesome but it was already ‘a thing’ when she asked if could she come and I had to gently let her know it was tough terrain and maybe it was a bit much for her first hike. To be blunt she’s not as physically fit as it would take to go up that elevation and all the miles.
I get to the parking lot to the trail and wait for everyone to show up. The crew arrives. My friend, his significant other, another guy, and two girls. I didn’t even think much of it as we were shuffling weight between all the packs and we only had two tents.
Lots of small talk. Fun hike. Fireside drinks. Great views. We pitch the tents and I take one with the two girls. My buddy, his SO, and the other guy take the other. I did slightly intentionally cringe at the optics but it was no big deal just sleeping.
When I got back my buddy posted photos on social media and my SO saw them and started quizzing me on who the girls were since she’s never met my buddy or anyone in the photos. She then mentions how she only saw two tents at our campground.
And who slept where. I told her and she went ballistic. Saying what if she shared a hotel room with a stranger and suggesting all kinds of things. Saying I was a jerk and that’s why I didn’t want her to go.
In hindsight I guess all the guys could have shared a tent and all the girls could have got in the other.
But I don’t even think at the time it was that big of a deal to everyone.
So, AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister And Her Friends Use My Car?
“I (26 m) work full-time as an instructor for a driving school to which I spend roughly 40 hours a week on the road. When I am not working I have a strict policy of not driving unless I absolutely have to. The only exceptions to this are track days where I participate in time attack races at various local tracks.
This has led to my current situation with my mother and those of my sister Sarah’s (16 F) friends. It started just over a week ago during a group trip to my family’s cottage two hours away.
Like usual during the drive, everyone stopped at a diner halfway as it was a chance to have lunch and fuel up across the street.
While at the diner the topic of my car came up as my mother and those of Sarah’s friends asked if I could give them/sell them my car. They wanted it because they knew that very soon I would be picking up the 2024 Mustang I had preordered. My response to them was to say that I have no intention of selling the 1970 Dodge Challenger I use even when I get the Mustang.
This then led to them asking if I could just loan them it so Sarah and her friends could use it to practice driving. Once again the answer was no which led to them asking if I could just teach them using it. I wound up having to bluntly tell them that nobody touches or drives my Challenger and that I don’t work off hours.
This upset them heavily to the point that throughout the trip they kept pushing things.
Things really boiled over when it came time for everyone to drive back to the city. It started with my mother along with those of Sarah’s friends asking to ride with me.
I could smell the trap a mile away so I told them no and that I won’t be stopping on the way back home. Almost immediately this started an argument in which I told them to get lost before heading home. Following this I have gotten angry messages from my mother saying that I what I did was rude and that I need to apologize.
Am I the jerk?”
4. AITJ For Telling My Niece That Her Mom Didn't Actually Want To Have Children?
“My niece (I’ll call her Ella) is 14 and quite close with me. (I’m 28, we are like a cross between sisters and a mother-daughter type relationship.) My older sister (I’ll call her Anna) is honestly a very emotionally distant mom, she doesn’t act warm or loving to my niece (although she has not been neglectful or abusive at all).
She is very invested in her career and didn’t want children from when we were young, Ella was an accidental pregnancy.
The other day, Ella was feeling sad because she’d been fighting with her friends, and she called me to talk. She said that she’d tried to talk to her mom but Anna told her that she was busy and didn’t have time to listen to her whine.
And Ella asked me why her mom didn’t seem to want her. This caught me by surprise and I just answered without thinking, I said that Anna didn’t actually want children.
Ella wasn’t even surprised though. She just said ‘Okay’, like I just confirmed what she thought all along.
But then my sister called me and was really angry that I said that. She said I was trying to screw up her relationship with her daughter and that she was a good mom, so I didn’t have a right to say such things.
But it’s true.
Anyways, AITJ? What I said probably hurt my niece, but she knows I didn’t say it unkindly and that I was just telling the truth. The only person really upset with me is my sister. So am I the jerk?”
3. AITJ For Not Sharing My Bread With My Partner?
“My partner and I got take out from an Indian restaurant we like and order from usually when our budget allows us.
This place is really the only good Indian place anywhere near us but it is very pricey, so we try to keep our order small (1 entree for me, 1 entree for her, and a side of naan bread that we share). The thing is, the side of bread isn’t very much, and the entree just isn’t the same without it.
So it seriously annoys me when she eats the bread without dipping it in her curry. It’s such a waste of the little bread that we get. I told her this before but says it’s not my concern how she eats her food. Except it is my concern because she is wasting a SHARED side.
Whatever, I let it go each time.
This time she didn’t order curry like she usually does, she got biryani (rice and meat) so I was happy that I would get the bread for myself. While we were eating, she reached over for the bread and ate a piece on its own.
I got annoyed and moved the bread away from her and told her she didn’t need the bread since she wasn’t eating curry and didn’t need bread whereas I was eating a curry so I did need bread. Also, her entree comes with rice and she can eat that.
She got offended and ended up threatening not to pay her share of the food next time. She also called me a greedy jerk and took her food and ate the rest in our bedroom.
My friends are split, one of them says I’m in the right and it’s too much carbs for one meal for her to have bread and rice, but the other friend essentially also called me a greedy jerk.
It’s been hours and she’s ignoring me. AITJ?”
And your friends who say rice and naan is too much carbs for one meal, they're all jerks too. Again, what SHE eats isn't any concern of anyone but her.
2. AITJ For Being Honest With My Son?
“I (45 M) aromantic (no romantic feelings towards anyone). My psychiatrist also thinks I have alexithymia due to my brain’s structure (my insular lesion is underdeveloped) but he is not sure. In summary, I don’t have a grasp or affinity for human interactions(I do not feel anything other than satisfaction or discomfort when someone asks me to define my feelings) and I prefer spending my days behind a computer or books studying or working about something (I am a data analyst for a university).
I sometimes have weeks without seeing any people and it doesn’t bother me.
When I was 24, I slept with a woman while I was wasted (the first and last time I had a drink and I slept with someone) unprotected and she had a child.
I am the kid’s sperm donor. When I held the baby, all I felt was a huge discomfort. So I signed away my rights, his mom did not object but my family disowned me after this process (I never had an affinity for them, they also never liked me so it wasn’t surprising).
I was uncomfortable living in the same town with them at first but after 7 months, I had a job offer, moved out from my hometown within a night to my studio apartment and I have been living there since. I have a hobby (I draw technical pictures, photograph buildings, and make my own building designs), I see a psychiatrist for my sleep problems and my life is basically in order, or was in order until a month ago, until my son sent me an email for asking me to meet.
I didn’t know what to do so I said yes and he came to the place I lived.
When we tried to talk, the conversation only lasted for 20 minutes (it was mostly my medical history) and he asked me why I left them. I told him what I wrote here.
I told him how I was incapable of feeling any kind of emotions and how I felt discomfort while he was in my arms and I explained how he was conceived. He looked at me and said ‘Wow, I thought grandma was exaggerating but you are really a shadow of a human being.
I know you are you and you can’t change who you are but the only thing I feel is I pity your situation, it is good for everyone you stay here, and we should cut contact. I hope you are happy with your life and I wish you well.’ I said I couldn’t feel happiness but he also had my best wishes.
He left my apartment.
When I told all of this to my psychiatrist yesterday, he implied that I might have hurt him and it made me feel a discomfort. I usually don’t have any kind of feelings after interactions with others but this was different.
So, AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Not Helping My Daughter Fix Her Relationship With Her Significant Other?
“I (44 f) have an 18-year-old daughter. I raised her with lying being the worst thing to do to a person. My daughter is usually well-behaved and agrees that infidelity is bad. My daughter had never been the type to be in a relationship until a few months back.
She told me that she was in a long-distance relationship with a boy she had known for about three years now. I do not have a problem with her significant other, I’ve talked to him here and there, and he’s nice and respectful and whenever she talks about him it’s always in a good light.
In the second month, she gave him my phone number in case of emergencies. Her contact for him is the love of my life, she is very open about these things to me.
The problem arose when one day she received a text from a different messaging platform which was Discord.
She asked me who it was from and to read it to her since she was baking. It was from a weird name that wasn’t her SO’s name being affectionate with her. My stomach dropped I opened the phone and there was an affectionate text back from her side.
I put down the phone and excused myself. I felt so angry with myself and at the moment messaged her SO warning him that my own daughter may be having an affair.
Shortly after my daughter came rushing to me angry and sobbing saying her SO had broken up with her because of something I had said.
I told her what I found and what I did and scolded her that I taught her better. She then took a deep breath and explained the name I saw was her SO’s username and that he would text her via Discord if he was playing games on his computer.
Here’s where I may be a jerk. My daughter begged me to clear the misunderstanding because her SO had blocked her on everything. I refused telling her that if she wasn’t having an affair, he wouldn’t go to such lengths and that this all could be a lie.
If this was the case why didn’t she just have him under the same contact as his number? My daughter has been crying in her room claiming that she really did love him and now I’m wondering if I did the wrong thing by not clearing the air.
I just think because this is the first relationship she can reflect on this and better herself later. Am I the jerk?”
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