People Let It All Out In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Asking A Student With A Service Dog To Move Due To My Severe Dog Allergy?
“I (M18) am a college student at a fairly big school, and one of my classes is scheduled back-to-back with another class that uses the same room.
It’s not a problem for most people, aside from the fact that changing classes is difficult, but it’s a major issue for me.
This is because the class before mine has a student (F~18) in it who has a service dog. She often stays late after class and talks with the professor, which is okay most of the time because she leaves before my class starts.
However, she usually cuts it really close (her class ends at 12:40, mine starts at 1, and she’s in there until 12:55).
Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a huge problem. I could just walk past the student. But because of her service dog, I have an issue.
I have a severe dog allergy, bad enough that I could die if I’m near a dog for too long.
In high school I had to transfer out of a class because they moved a girl with a service dog into that class, and as a kid I had several close calls that ended with me in the ER because a dog licked me or got too close.
With her being in the classroom, I have no choice but to wait a long time to get into class, often cutting it very close to being late. Thankfully the professor usually comes in a minute or two late so I haven’t ever missed anything.
However, the recent incident was different. She left the classroom with her professor and stood directly in front of the door with her dog. Even the other students who weren’t allergic found her being in the way, since she was right in front of the entry, and had to walk around her.
I stood at the other side of the hallway to wait for her to leave, like I usually do (this has been an issue for the whole semester so far).
Eventually, when I saw she wasn’t leaving and it was a minute before my class started, I got impatient.
It had been 20 minutes since her class had let out and she was still there. I saw my professor going in and so I kind of panicked. I walked up to her, staying very carefully away from the dog, and told her, “Excuse me, but I have a severe dog allergy and I can’t get into my classroom.
Could you move?”
She just stood there, giving me a dirty look for a while, before the professor kind of urged her to move out of the way.
I realize she needs her service dog, and she can talk to her professor all she wants, but it was getting in the way of my learning and my ability to safely attend classes.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dog or not, she should not be blocking the doorway. Hopefully, the professor got the message and will move any conversations out of the classroom and away from the door. If it happens again, I suggest speaking to the professor.” wind-river7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a very reasonable request for someone to move, you made the request politely and also explained why you needed her to move. She’s a jerk for blocking the door regardless, but when you made a very clear and understandable request that she ignored (and gave dirty looks), she got promoted to Major Jerk.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a service dog, part of having a service dog means making the presence of the dog as unobtrusive as humanly possible AND being polite and considerate to those around me. If someone were to ask me to move I would say that’s not a problem but it may take me a minute due to needing to maneuver both myself and the dog.
Then I apologize for the inconvenience. Service dogs do not trump allergies. However I will say this, because your allergy is so severe, I would recommend giving administration notice of such if you haven’t already as they may be able to assist you going forward.
To add: a person who has a service dog has just as much of a right to the space as the person with allergies. If this happened in the US the Americans with Disabilities Act governs this scenario and essentially says that both parties are to be given equal access to the space which may include moving either the service dog handler or the person with allergies.
Neither should be refused access to the space.” WolfTotem9
23. AITJ For Kicking Out My Mother After She Destroyed My Apartment And Meds?
“I (19F) have a mother (35-45) who has bipolar, who recently had a dog put down. I kept begging her to put the poor thing down and thought about going behind her back to do it, that dog was originally mine, but she formed a close attachment to it.
The vet ended up telling us that there was a 0 percent chance of the surgery working, so they refused it. The dog was put down quickly, and my mother has been distraught since. So distraught, she quit her job, sold her house, and moved in without me knowing, she had a spare key.
I came home from college, and she was sitting on my small couch. She barked at me to get her some food. And she’s been with me ever since. (Roughly a month)
Because of her being so demanding/keeping me up at night, I’ve been getting in trouble in school, and I’ve noticed a dip in my grades.
This can’t continue, because I got into an Ivy League with a scholarship, and the school will take that back if I can’t raise my scores. So, I requested my mom try meds. She’s the type of person who believed in essential oils and stuff, and that tracking chips could be implanted in you.
She, obviously, said no. I told her if she can’t control herself I’m gonna have to kick her out.
Thursday was the final straw. I came home to see my apartment trashed, I go into my room, and I see my mom with a pregnancy test. That test was one she took because she thought the meds I asked her to take may have impregnated her, but she forgot about it, so she assumed it was mine the next morning (even though she didn’t take the right meds, she took ibuprofen on accident).
I told her that the test couldn’t possibly be mine, but she started threatening me, crying, etc. I felt no sympathy and told her that my house was trashed, and that if she didn’t clean it by the time I was home, she’d be out.
I went over to my friend’s house for the night, went to school, and came home.
Now, my tv was smashed and my bed was broken, as well as my ADHD meds all dumped into the toilet. My mom was simply in her clean room, watching her phone without a care.
She said “I carried you in my stomach for 9 months. YOU should be cleaning.” Without a word, I packed all her things and told her if she wasn’t out in 30 minutes, I’d call the police. She’s been begging for a couple of days, and I don’t know what to do.
I love her, but I’m still cleaning.
AITJ or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call your college counseling center and ask for an emergency appointment. This specific wording is important – tell them that you’re having a domestic violence crisis, your mom has destroyed your ADHD medication and you need help with 1) emergency temporary housing (most colleges have some units available) 2) working with the police on reporting medication theft and filing a restraining order against your mom 3) getting your ADHD prescription refilled. (You may need proof of the police report about the theft to help with that.) 4) Getting a referral to a legal aid society or domestic violence group that can help you get her evicted from your apartment.
5) Get your locks changed.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re going to flunk out of school if you let her stay with you. She’s trashed your apartment, tossed out your meds, and verbally attacked and bossed you around. It’s very sad but if she refuses to take medication then things will continue to decline and destabilize your life.
She needs to be hospitalized. This is beyond your ability to deal with while you’re trying to keep your grades up. I would recommend moving so she can’t find you and try to sneak back into your place. I’d recommend having her committed but I know that is almost impossible to do unless she agrees to it.” 666POD
Another User Comments:
“I have bipolar II and let me tell you, I would never burden my daughter, who is 19 herself and lives with me, with the obligation of taking care of me medicated, never mind unmedicated. It’s a parent’s job to take care of you, not vice versa, at least not at your age, and most definitely not one who refuses medical treatment for a diagnosed illness, mental OR physical. You have to draw a boundary.
Go low to no contact if you have to, change the locks and don’t let her back in. She needs help far beyond what you’re able to provide, so definitely NTJ, a hundred times over.” trstrongman74
you dint mention dad if you are in contact with him or mom's mom let them know what she has done send them pictures and tell them you can't do it anymore she's made herself homeless but then where's the money from her house etc
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Middle Daughter Take Her Older Sister's Babysitting Wages?
“I have 3 daughters (17, 16, 13). My middle daughter is very smart and has what I call a business mind.
When she was 11, she started babysitting our neighbor’s grandkids for free just because she liked watching them. Then she realized she could make money off of it.
When she was 13 she made a Nextdoor account and posted an ad for babysitting. She posts ads frequently and responds to every post she sees about someone needing a babysitter in our town.
Then when she was 14, she started expanding to neighboring towns.
Her business exploded. She was in such high demand that she was able to charge $25 an hour at 15. She eventually had too many clients and hired her older sister and her friends to babysit for some of these people.
She even had everyone she “hired” sign a “contract” saying she gets 20% of the money from jobs she gets them, except for tips, which they get to keep.
I always had a problem with her responding to every post and not leaving jobs for other people, but stayed quiet because it was the parents’ choice to hire her.
I never supported her taking part of her sister’s and friends’ wages though, but my husband fully supports it.
My oldest daughter is saving to buy a car and my middle daughter went to get “her share” of her wages. I didn’t let my middle daughter take my oldest’s money and she’s threatening to “fire” my oldest. My husband says our oldest knew what she was getting into when she signed the contract but that still doesn’t make it right in my opinion.
AITJ for not letting my middle daughter take my oldest’s wages?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your middle daughter created a lucrative business and then hired your older daughter as an employee. As an employee, your oldest daughter has to follow the employment contract that she signed. Your middle daughter was actually very intelligent to get all of this in writing since family exchanges are not covered by verbal contracts and most of the time will need a written contract in court.
If this went to court, your middle child would win because legally she did everything by the book. She also has every right to fire your older daughter if she refuses to pay what is legally your middle daughter’s share. THIS DOES NOT CONCERN YOU AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE INSERTED YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION.
You need to stay out of it and allow your middle daughter to run her business. If your older daughter wants to be a part of it, she knows what the contract states.
For everyone saying minors cannot enter into contracts, if parents accept the terms of a contract, a contract with a minor is enforceable.
Also, in a situation where both parties to the contract are minors, and it is clear that neither party is taking unfair advantage of the other, it is possible that a court would apply principles of equity and take some action against the breaching signatory to the contract in order to prevent his/her unjust enrichment and/or to enforce fundamental fairness.” PinkWytch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The oldest signed a contract, she knew what the deal was. Your middle isn’t taking her wages, she is doing all of the legwork and communication to get the jobs. Without your middle, your oldest wouldn’t have gotten these jobs unless she did all of this legwork herself.” TentaclesAndCupcakes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, this is business. She’s only taking 20% of the income, not including tips. Also, has your oldest even SAID anything about this? You said that YOU didn’t allow your daughter to take your others’ money? It sounds like you’re trying to take over.
This was the contract your daughters signed, so it’s not her money, 20% is your other daughter’s money. Not to mention, she’s only getting 5 dollars!” KandyShopp
She's not taking 50% jeez it's 5 dollars from every job for gods sake
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin's Kids Play With My RC Cars And Use My PC?
“Due to unforeseen circumstances, I (23M) lost a lot of funds and had to go back to my parents. Thankfully I managed to get a job in a certain fast food restaurant and have been continuing college courses. I have three RC cars, a 2 1/10 scale and a mini.
1 of my cousins, (I don’t associate with my family cuz of bad things they do) decided to drop over unannounced and she had two kids in tow. One of the kids looked 10 and the other 7 or 8 and they were already on a phone. My parents can talk with someone for hours and not realize how much time has passed, so when I came out of my room after finishing homework, the kids were whining about how they couldn’t use their mom’s phone since the battery died and they were bored. I left my door open when I left (ik bad move) and said hi to the cousin.
While I was greeting her, her kids decided to see what the light coming from my room was, which was my lock screen since I always lock my PC when going away from the keyboard.
So they first asked if they could play on my PC, which I quickly said no. Their mom, my cousin, gave me a bit of side-eye since I guess telling them no is some sort of super sin.
She asked why not and I said I had homework on the PC, and even then if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to let her kids use it. My parents hesitated but softly agreed since they can’t make me share my PC.
But then the 7yo kid was holding the mini car and was almost demanding to play with it. I would have let them play with it, but my NiMH batteries needed an hour to charge, and I know they wouldn’t have the patience for it.
So I said no to that, the kid of course started to cry about being told that forbidden word. Their mom asked what the big deal is, it’s just a toy car. It is a toy but due to its equipment, it’s not ideal for kids to use it.
So I told her that again I said no and that he should put it back.
The kid realized I wasn’t gonna let him play with it, so he began to cry loudly and jump up and down in a tantrum, and even threw the car onto the floor as hard as he could, thankfully the car is tough so no damage.
The 10yo kid was simply staring quietly as his younger brother threw himself onto the floor screaming. The cousin asked me how I could have no empathy and compassion for the feelings of her kids, and I simply told her coldly “I’m not responsible for tending to your kids.
And if I said no, they will not use my stuff.”
I took my car and went into my room again, I put it back and left the room, this time locking it, and the kid was still softly crying as the mom gave him a cookie.
She tried to lecture me about upsetting her kid, but I interrupted her with “you really need to teach your kid that they can’t have everything they want just cuz they are kids” and went back to my room. Later my parents told me how while it is my stuff, I could have been nicer about it and show kindness to those younger than me and not be rude to their mother.
But I am sure I have the right to say no.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled the situation appropriately. You were not unkind. You were firm. Evidently, your cousin and her children are not used to someone establishing boundaries and being firm with them.
I would keep your door locked when you aren’t in your room. If you don’t I suspect your cousin will come around again and let her children destroy your things.” Fickle-Willow4836
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your stuff, and you have the right to share, or not share.
It sounds like, even if you were inclined to, the RC cars weren’t available to use anyway. After that tantrum by the younger kid, it would be a cold day before I let them near my stuff.” AmethysstFire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: It is okay to tell children no. While it is kind to share things, you’re not obligated to, especially if it isn’t something appropriate for a child to use.
Not agreeing to let a child use a personal computer is perfectly reasonable. Your cousin is doing her kids a disservice by not teaching them to respect when someone says no. Instead of reprimanding her kid for throwing down the toy car, your cousin gave him a cookie when he threw a tantrum, thus encouraging the behavior.
She basically taught her kid that the boundaries of other people don’t matter and he’ll get rewarded for disregarding them.” Traveller13
20. AITJ For Not Letting A Kid Pet My Dog While I Was Smoking?
“Pretext: So I (26m) usually tend to be pretty mindful when I’m smoking, nowhere near children, never near entrances to establishments where people would have to walk near and past me – even when waiting for the bus I would be standing like 50 meters away from the actual stop downwind if there are other people there.
Since this is my bad habit I don’t want to basically assault people with my exhaust. I know it’s a bad habit that I should kick, but pretty hard (had tried before) but I try to at least not burden others with my addiction – I even have a pocket ashtray to hold butts so I don’t chuck them on the ground.
Situation: So this morning I was walking my dog – I usually don’t smoke while walking my dog but after a pretty bad night, I decided to just spark up to level out my head. While I was walking my dog a kid quite literally jumped out of a bush (???) and asked to pet my dog – he looked to be like 5 if I had to guess.
I told the little dude “sorry man, I’m smoking right now so not the best time” and a woman showed up (she walked around from the other side of the bush – she was also smoking) and asked why I wouldn’t let her son pet my dog, told her what I told the kid – because I was smoking and didn’t want to be near her kid (in theory I could have just extinguished it, but honestly didn’t want to) and she said “who cares, it’s just smoke, I smoke around my son all the darn time, it’s not an issue.”
This is where I may have been the jerk, but I shot back “That’s good for you that you don’t care about the health of your child, but I don’t want to be the dude who smokes around children” and started walking away. All the while the mom was blowing a fuse and was yelling (not exact words but close to what I had heard) “how dare you say I don’t care about my child’s health!
What nerve! Jerk!” I didn’t turn back since I didn’t want any of that business.
When I got home, I was telling my fiancee about the crazy woman – and she said “you shouldn’t call someone a bad mom just because she smokes near her kid – that’s rude – you should have just walked away.” So now I’m wondering if maybe I took it too far?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No is a no. You didn’t even really have to justify it. The mum should also take some responsibility, she is endangering her kid with secondhand smoke, no ifs or buts.” Even_Quiet4273
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s so entitled. She should have respected that you said no. You don’t have to have a valid reason even, it’s your decision and your dog.
I never get parents who let their kids just run into stranger’s pets. It could be dangerous and she’s really not doing her kid any services by allowing it. It’s nice you are considerate of your smoking. Yeah, you didn’t have to say that but I don’t think you were wrong about that either.
She shouldn’t be smoking around her kid like that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s sad how the kid’s mom is smoking around him, but just because she does doesn’t mean you’re okay to also smoke around her kid – you my dude have a good head on your shoulders.
You realize that smoking is harmful and you try to limit the amount your smoking affects other people and that’s A+ material right there. Although I feel you should apply that logic to yourself, but won’t harp on you for that, honestly wish all people with this habit cared enough about other people to do what you do.” ttoastii81
19. AITJ For Refusing To Serve My Husband At Family Gatherings?
“My (30F) husband (31M) and I went to my aunt’s house yesterday to spend the evening. I bought us all dinner from a local restaurant as a thank you to them for watching our dog for a month.
I bought two big trays of food along with some additional sides. On our way to my aunt’s house from picking up the food, he says, “babe, the only thing I ask is that you serve me.” I say no because he’s fully capable of serving himself.
There’s literally no need for me to serve him his own plate when he can do it himself. This caused an argument, as it always does. Whenever we visit my family, which is very often, I’m very close to my family and love spending time with them, he refuses to serve himself to the point where he would either not eat the food that was cooked or order outside food in.
It’s also gotten to the point where my grandmother or my aunts would just serve him so he could eat. I of course would get scolded and side-eyed because as his wife, I’m expected to serve him.
In our culture women are expected to fix their husband’s plates.
It’s like an unwritten rule or something. (I’m Dominican and he’s Puerto Rican for context but I suspect this is not uncommon in other cultures as well)
Like I said, this is not uncommon in our culture but I truly despise a lot of our machismo and sexist traditions, unwritten rules, and customs and I don’t subscribe to them.
My husband respects me and how I feel about certain things and doesn’t subscribe to it either but just hates serving himself when he’s not at home. He claims that he feels uncomfortable serving himself in someone else’s home and that I should just serve him because I know how he feels about serving himself.
I still refuse to do it. In his defense, he’s been like this since we first got together, we’ve been together since we were 17, and we still argue about it.
So am I the jerk for refusing to serve my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest you turn the tables and suggest he serve you, which proves to your families he is a manly provider who takes care of his wife. Otherwise, he’s just running a sexist power trip.” JoshOfArc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I hate nonsense like that.
His hands aren’t decorative. He just doesn’t like everyone else knowing that he isn’t able to keep you under his thumb like all the other men do with their wives. He’s also the one making it a big deal. He’d literally rather starve than treat you like an equal in public.” ArtemisStrange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My Gen X mum is from an extremely patriarchal and sexist culture. You know how she responded to that upbringing? By becoming strongly feminist and making sure to treat my brother and me the same, so that I wouldn’t have to go through the sexism she went through as a girl.
“It’s tradition” is never an excuse. Strong and morally upright people respond to harmful traditions by defying them, not by relentlessly perpetuating them regardless of how they make others feel.” ghfjdkslapqowieuruty
18. AITJ For Not Allowing Mixed Gender Sleepovers At My Kids' Halloween Party?
“I have 2 kids (14M & 15M) and offered to let them throw a Halloween sleepover party with their friends.
This is a semi-regular occurrence and myself and my husband (37 F/M) always stock our tall drinks fridge to capacity and provide food and snacks for them and up to 10-12 friends. I usually order pizza (£100) or buy a truckload of BBQ food as well as desserts and snacks and brand-name cans and bottles.
We also provide a cooked breakfast of take-out McDonald’s or the home-cooked equivalent and I wouldn’t dream of asking them or their friends to contribute. I have a habit of overfeeding our guests! We go through multiple huge pans of hot chocolate!
We invested in a large tent for them to sleep in with lots of camping gear, a fire pit, BBQ, an outdoor movie projector (they can use this for video games as well), and a giant screen for entertainment.
I am currently on the lookout for an air hockey/pool table and a dart board to add to the gear.
The issue comes from the invite list. Given the boys’ ages, I am happy for them to invite both male and female friends, however, I am very uncomfortable with a mixed group of 14-16-year-olds sleeping together.
I have offered to drive the girls (and any boys that don’t stay) home between midnight – 1 a.m. so they can still attend for the majority of the party however I draw the line with them sleeping in with the boys. In my head it’s just a liability waiting to happen.
It’s just not sensible.
My 15-year-old is very upset with this rule and has decided to not invite anybody because he thinks I am being very unfair and he has lots of girls as friends. It’s creating a lot of tension in our house and I’m quite disappointed to be honest as I honestly feel like I try my best.
I feel we have a responsibility towards all the kids that stay over and I would love to accommodate everyone but we don’t have the space to separate them, and even then, I couldn’t watch them 24/7, as I still need to sleep myself at some point.
Please tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ look I was 16 years old going to tent sleepovers cause I had “cool” parents. Believe me when I say you are doing the right thing. God forbid someone gets pregnant at a party you hosted. NOPE. Good job mom, you’re doing this right lol.” babyblues789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re the parent and responsible/liable for what happens at your house. You offered a very reasonable compromise that was rejected. If 15yo doesn’t want to invite anyone as a result, that’s his choice. Proceed with the party as planned or just cancel the sleepover portion of the party altogether.” HappiestApple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the parent, not the friend. Your decision is based on knowledge and experience far beyond your teenager’s. Your perspective is for their well-being. That being said, have you spoken with any of the other parents to see how they feel?
Could an alternate be offered like one group sleeping indoors? Or could you and your partner maybe forgo some sleep and take turns keeping an eye on the situation? Just some thoughts….I have 2 grown kids and spent many nights staying up just to make sure they didn’t burn the house down with their shenanigans lol.” MsMajic1
17. AITJ For Barking At My Ex In Public To Get Him To Leave Me Alone?
“Ezra, my ex (M, 40ish) and I (F, 36) split in 2018 when after maybe 6 months in he started to show some red flags here and there. I ran for the hills, got over him, found my person, and am overall happy in my life.
That’s now. Then… I focused on work, him on his new partner, that lasted maybe 8 months. Their breakup also started the calls. First for support, but they soon evolved into complaining sessions I wasn’t in the mood for. It got so bad I had to block him, the emails started coming.
I blocked him there too.
In the meantime, I moved with my man, 2 blocks away from my best friend and within a mile from Ezra’s baby mama’s place.
I was on my way home from my BFF’s, lovely night, I’m all tipsy and happy, headphones in and walk-dancing through the streets, when all of a sudden a wild Ezra appeared with kid (13) in tow.
Since I didn’t hear him calling me, he decided to rip one of my headphones and started yelling this and that. Basically rubbish on how I destroyed his relationship (never met the girl, so witchcraft it is!), and how I’m a huge jerk. Well…
So I started barkin’.
And kept barking, raising the volume to match his. People were staring, but I’m too tipsy so care. Lucky for him, a clever boy, he got quiet quickly, looked around, and left.
Eureka! Something works! Since then every time Ezra bothers me in public I just bark at him loudly till he runs away.
One of our common acquaintances is a happy gossip, apparently Ezra is, in his own words, traumatized by my behavior, he says I’m crazy, and I’m the jerk for humiliating him in public. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sometimes you just have to be a little louder and boisterous to get people to shut up and leave you alone.
As long as you have not initiated the confrontation, shut it down quickly and move along.” thanto13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you had to do to get away from the crazy ex. If he keeps saying that he was traumatized, tell the gossip acquaintance how he assaulted you (because ripping your headphones is assault), and you were so scared that you freaked out and started to bark.
Complain that you need therapy now.” tatasz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re delightful! He’s made the connection, in the moment, that if he stops his nonsense, you stop barking. Keep barking! I bet you’re just a few episodes away from him stopping altogether. He might be in what behaviorists call an extinction burst, don’t relent and he’ll go away.
Tell the gossip that the barking will continue and the only way for him to stop it, is to stop interacting with you. Call me petty, but I might unblock him just to bark at him some more. Like if he emails, send back a video of a barking dog, he calls – bark, he texts – barking gif.
If you get tired of barking… meow, growl, moo, bray. Keep having fun with it.” YinzerChick70
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Aunt $600 For Past Meals She Initially Offered For Free?
“So I (23F) live in a very small town, my family owns most of the businesses in town through some means or another and my Aunt (67F) runs the only restaurant in town.
Everyone in town goes to her restaurant, we have a lot of businesses and my Aunt feeds everyone it feels like. If she ever needs help and I’m available I help her out, she never pays me but we’re family and I try to help out.
It’s a buffet-style restaurant and plates are $6.00 per person.
I moved from the town, but anytime I would come to visit I would stop by the restaurant to eat and see my family. I would go through the line and always offer to pay.
My Aunt would wave me past and tell me not to worry about it.
Which is incredibly nice!
But, I don’t like the idea that she might be struggling so I never try to assume ‘I eat for free’ or anything so I always go through the line and offer to pay.
My partner (27M) just so happened to have a good work schedule one day for us to have lunch together, so I invited him to the restaurant to eat. We go through the line and when I get to the end it isn’t my Aunt at the register but her granddaughter, we will call her C (19F).
C knows that my Aunt normally won’t charge me. But I made sure to tell C that my partner was with me and to please make sure she at least rings me up for his food. Which she does, the cash register rings up for $6.00.
So I’m assuming she’s just charging me for his food, which is what I expected.
We sit and eat and have a great time. But then my grandmother calls me later and says my Aunt is crying and upset because I was refusing to pay for my food when I would go through the line.
So of course I’m like “what the heck are you talking about?”
She explains to me that my aunt told her I didn’t ever pay for my food and didn’t pay for my partner that day either. Luckily I had my receipt so I took it to my grandma to prove I had paid that day.
My grandma is now furious at my Aunt for lying to her but my aunt called me up and told me I was ruining her life so I just told her that I wouldn’t come to the restaurant anymore if it was going to be that big of a deal, then she cried because that wouldn’t fix it either and suggested I pay back all the food plates I had eaten over the last years.
I didn’t think that was very fair because she had told me at the time of going through the line that it would be covered. I don’t mind paying, but I think it’s unfair that now she wants to saddle me with a $600 bill.
I decided it’s just easier if I don’t go in anymore. If I’m not eating the food then it’s not a problem. Personally, I think she’s worried that if I stop coming into town people will talk (small towns, yknow?).
My cousin told me one of her big freezers just broke in the kitchen. I’m just suspicious that that’s what is going on, but I have no proof.
So yeah, I wanted a bigger pool of opinions, am I the jerk for just not paying her the $600?
Or am I right to just go on with my life and make it a not-problem?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That being said, I think there is a whole lot more going on here than OP posted, or even knows about herself. Her Aunt, who she supposedly had a good relationship with up until this very moment, suddenly decides to start telling the rest of her family that she has been rudely refusing to pay for her own food ever, then demanded her partner eat free as well.
This is despite always offering to pay for herself and actually paying for her partner this day. When physical evidence was provided proving Aunt declared OP was trying to “ruin her life” the only possible restitution would be to pay her $600. Something is real fishy here.
And correct me if I’m wrong OP, but this is a family-owned business that the Aunt runs? Not a business solely owned by the Aunt?” TogarSucks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you offer and they say no, you have no way of knowing that they actually want you to pay.
You have no debt with her other than her bizarre attempt to collect funds. She’s the one who made this difficult, so I agree with your approach of not eating there. That way she won’t be upset about losing income.” Lurkingentropy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your Aunt is behaving badly but if she’s normally a nice person, maybe she’s let desperation get to her. I understand your being angry because she tried to make you look bad to your grandmother. It would really upset me too. If you think this is out of character, then talk to her about this.
If you’re willing to help her out, ask if she’s having money trouble and offer to loan her some or to talk with other family members to come up with a plan to help her. If you think she’s always been willing to hurt someone to get herself out of a fix, it’s fine to just drop her.
The way she acted towards you was terrible.” TheTurtleSwims
15. AITJ For Not Sharing My Special Squid Chips With A Friend?
“After light holiday shopping, two friends and I ended the day at my place. Friend A I’m much closer with. Friend B I met through A and am friendly acquaintances with but have interacted with many times, just never solo.
The issue comes when friend B sees the chips in my kitchen. They’re squid chips and “foreign” but they’re Lays. You won’t find them in a normal grocery store. When my mom goes to the Chinese/Asian Supermarket she may get specialty chips but not regularly since she wants me to be healthy.
This one is Chinese; we don’t normally go to K or H mart (IDK why).
My mom dropped ONE bag off of the chips with some other goodies. I would have been happy to share. JUST NOT the chips. I offered my Pocky or some of my real dried squid (I had a variety).
B says gross to the dried squid and asks to have the chips again. I offered my spicy and garlic shrimp chips. She doesn’t like hot/spicy food and shrimp sounds gross
It was a single-serving bag. I felt badish but not enough to say yes.
Her arguments were a good host feeds guests and she’s super into Squid Games. So we could just open the bag and share while watching. When she found out I hadn’t watched and had no intention of watching earlier that day, she kept trying to persuade me to.
I’m just not that into horror. Interesting concept and love it, but won’t watch it. Friend A told me all about her take too when it came out.
I offered my other chips, original lays and lays BBQ, etc, and some Cheetos too.
But had to say no to Netflix. She said she wanted the squid chips and she sees them with the other chips. She said that it was poor manners to have food out if I wasn’t willing to share if I had guests over.
And it looked like I was a slob for having a cluttered kitchen. That never occurred to me. At home we always had stuff on the counters. My friends’ houses were like this too when I grew up. I was stumped. She said she was ready to leave and “over me”.
My friend called me later that night and explained she had taken B to H mart, and they couldn’t find them. She said she understood how attached I was to the chips but next time, let B have them and we’ll go have fun food shopping afterwards.
Monday we went to the Chinese supermarket and got three bags of the squid chips so my friend dropped them off with B yesterday. B didn’t want them anymore and sent me a text saying she “didn’t appreciate my behavior then or now”.
In private she told my friend she doesn’t want to be around me for a while now.
Both my friend and I are stumped now. We can see how I was a jerk then. But now we’re both confused and that throws a wrench in my friend’s Black Friday Friendsgiving plans for our friend group.
In the group invite this morning B said she wasn’t coming if I was there. So now I feel more guilty, and people are asking what’s going on and what did I do?”
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, NTJ. She certainly is, though. Sorry, NO ONE is OBLIGATED to feed you!
And no, they do NOT have to give you whatever you DEMAND, then throw on top of it she thinks you’re messy? She’s acting awfully entitled! What next? “You shouldn’t be wearing that watch if you’re not willing to give it to me!”? NTJ NTJ NTJ…I’d stay away from her for more than a while.
Like, forever. She’s disgusted by the shrimp chips, and the dried squid, but demands squid chips? Seriously? If you’d given in, and she opened them, smelled them, let alone tasted them, she’d have likely put them down with disgust, then you’d be a bad host for not having something else she wanted.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re not the jerk & you were never the jerk. B is a rude spoiled jerk who it sounds like should be dumped from the friend group before they cause more drama if they’re this bratty over some chips.
Their behavior is so weird and entitled. I can’t imagine harassing someone to give me specific food from their kitchen after they already said no once. Yeah maybe in an ideal situation there wouldn’t be food in plain view that you don’t want to share with guests, but that’s such a tiny thing & in no way entitles them to keep asking and asking for it.
Normal guests understand that not everything in your house is up for grabs.” rachelnyc
14. AITJ For Wanting A Christmas Gift From My Non-Working Husband?
“I don’t know if I am being materialistic, my husband says I am so I want to get some objective judgments.
With Christmas coming up, I did want a gift from my husband, mainly for the symbolism like the thought of getting a Christmas gift. I know he doesn’t have much money because he’s very reluctant to work and skips going to his part-time job most of the time, so I told him it could be something small, like a little stuffed animal or a keychain or even a Christmas card.
But today he told me he doesn’t have money and won’t have any until next year because he spent his last money on a video game he had been wanting.
He says I am materialistic for wanting a gift (even though he asked for several things which I already bought) and that Christmas should be about time with family instead of material things so I do feel guilty and like maybe I am wrong but I’m not sure.
If it matters I pay all the bills and living costs so it’s not that I’ve ever asked for anything (he did get me a card on my birthday when I asked him to) so I don’t think I’m that materialistic but I do feel a bit bad so is it unreasonable for me to want a Christmas gift given that it would be really cheap or is it a reasonable desire?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your man is gaslighting you. You’re accepting his incompetence. Leave him before it’s too late. I promise you there’s someone out there who will match what you bring to the table and provide love and emotions for you as well.” mashedpotatoeater
Another User Comments:
“ESH you suck for putting up with him, don’t be a jerk to yourself. “Know he doesn’t have much money because he’s very reluctant to work and skips going to his part-time job most of the time” “I pay all the bills and living costs” Like seriously why are you still married to this jerk?” KnightsSkye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your husband is a lazy freeloader. Return every single present you bought him, every single one …pull a Grinch! Take the money and go buy yourself something lovely, wrap it up, put it under the tree. You deserve it! He already got a video game for Christmas from himself, and after all he wouldn’t want you to go and spend money on your materialistic items for him now would he??” OutlandishnessNew259
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner To The NFL Game After She Ruined The Last One?
“Terra (27F) and I (30M) have been seeing each other for about 2 years now. My company has NFL season tickets. My boss asked if I wanted to have them cause I’m a huge fan and he hardly goes anymore. 6 tickets per game is what we get.
Terra isn’t into sports but she watches them with me and tries to follow along. She’s more into painting, reading, and things like that. So the first time I tell her about the tickets she gets excited and asks if she can bring someone with to keep her company.
I tell her that’s fine. I invite three buddies and Terra invites her friend Kyra.
Game day comes and it’s freezing, but we still tailgated. I put in a lot of effort for the tailgate and Terra/Kyra did nothing but complain. It was too cold, the food was taking too long, we didn’t have the right equipment, etc. I was getting a little fed up.
Game starts and we find our seats. Kyra does nothing but complain in the first half. She says it’s boring, too loud and it’s cold. Terra and she sorta keep to themselves while me and my friends enjoy the game. But honestly their vibe was so bad that it rubbed off on us.
Before the fourth quarter, the girls were asking about when we were leaving. Eventually I got so sick of it that I told them to leave if they wanted to and we’ll just Uber home. I gave Terra my keys and they left.
Fast forward to this past weekend.
My boss gave me tickets again. I asked my same buddies to go. But when Terra asked about bringing a friend I said no. She wasn’t getting another ticket this time. She was ticked off and I explained how her friend ruined the last game and I wasn’t having that again.
She asked if she could bring a different friend but I said no. All her friends are similar to Kyra and I knew what would happen. Terra said she wasn’t going then and I said that’s fine. Two of my friends asked their partners and they took the tickets.
I went to the game this weekend without Terra. Terra has been very short with me and I can tell she’s upset. I’ve been called a jerk now by some of my friends saying I shouldn’t have done that but I also want to have a good time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Terra is being pretty unreasonable. Ruining the fun for everyone doesn’t get you an invite the next time around. That’s life. You aren’t a jerk for not wanting to relive what sounds like a really awful time at something that should be fun.
I’m not a huge sports fan, but if I decide to go to a game (husband used to get loads of Trailblazers and Timbers tickets), I generally try to enjoy myself and get into the spirit of it, or I’ll tell my husband to please ask a friend because I know they would love to go more than I would.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would have had that conversation after the first game, not when talking about the second one. I would have the conversation now, but phrase it as “I know it isn’t really your thing, and you didn’t have fun last time so how about we find something else to do together?” That way you are not telling her you don’t want to do things together, but this might not be a good choice since it’s obviously not her thing.” dave7243
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not super into sports but occasionally get tickets and always have a blast. I usually find people who WILL enjoy the game because I’ve been around people who brought the vibe down. The only thing I would say is that you need to talk to her.
I feel like you should have handled it differently but not the jerk for not taking her to additional games.” Obvious-Result6853
12. AITJ For Confronting My Stepmom About Body-Shaming Christmas Gifts?
“I (21F) went to my father’s (47M) and stepmother’s (40F) house for Christmas morning.
Let me preface this story by saying, I already don’t love my father or stepmother.
My dad is a narcissist and my younger sister is the golden child while I’m the scapegoat, and my stepmom was one of the 3 specific reasons that our family was broken up.
All of us kids were opening our gifts, and as I opened the gifts from my stepmom, I realized that the clothes she got me were not only not my style (they were more of my sister’s style), but they were also a size extra small, or pant size 00.
(I’m 5’7 and wear a medium and wear a size 6 in pants.) I looked up and said “Oh. We must have got the tags mixed up on these. They must be my sister’s.” Because of the style, and my sister’s build is much more petite than mine.
My stepmom took a look and said “Nope. Those are yours.” I looked at her really confused and said “I told you that I was a size medium.” And her response was: “I know. But I figured getting you the clothes that would fit you when you finally lose all that weight would be a little bit of a motivator for you to work out.”
I struggle a lot with body dysmorphia, and I was not about to let something that came from my stepmom get into my head and give me yet another eating disorder. I asked her to step into the other room with me, as I didn’t want to get into it with her in front of her young kids.
Once we were away from them, I laid into her. Saying how dare she say something like that to me, pointing out that I am at a very healthy weight, and that working out and dieting is not something that I need to do more of and that I didn’t plan to change my appearance to fit what she wanted me to be.
I told her that what she did was disrespectful and downright stupid, and that I didn’t care what she did with the clothes, but that I was not taking them. She started crying and saying that she couldn’t believe I was acting so childish. She called me a jerk of a stepdaughter and said that I ruined her Christmas.
She called my dad in the room, and before he could speak I told him that my relationship with them is already on the rocks and that if he continued to let her treat me this way, he would never see me again. I then packed up any gifts I hadn’t opened yet and left for my mom’s house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ !! Girl, I get angry on your behalf. Her Christmas is ruined because she is a jerk. You didn’t fight in front of the kids and “saved” their Christmas. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself like that! You did great and it’s especially hard to stand up to family (even step-family).” Jupiter_Taw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please if things aren’t worth saving please go no contact with them. If your dad’s allowing her to do such things who’s to say he won’t let things go further? You’re body is none of her concern. But it’s also very rude of her to do such actions to you.” Foxfire_vixen
Another User Comments:
“I’m having flashbacks to Christmas with my stepmom. I always got cheap gifts or things like exercise videos when I was 11. She made me go to the dietitian and they always denied me food, I was not overweight more as I was muscular as a kid.
It led to lifelong food issues where I did become very overweight. I’m 44 now and still struggle. Good for you for standing up for yourself and telling your dad he needs to back you up. My dad never stood up to my stepmom. You are not the jerk.” Fun-Mixture3540
11. AITJ For Walking Out Of An Awkward Family Dinner Because Of My Partner's Mother's Behaviour?
“My partner made plans to meet up with his mom for an early Christmas dinner. His grandfather, step-grandma, and aunt came to make it less awkward.
We’ve only seen his mom once in the past two years due to neither side making an effort. He isn’t reaching out anymore because he is hurt by her rejection of me. She has been using various excuses, but I know she isn’t that careful and she has been socializing with others.
They finally had a long call and talked some stuff through and we decided to meet up. There is a lot of background, but I guess I will just sum it up as we have never liked each other, but she dislikes me more than she loves her son.
My partner gave her a foolish ultimatum a few years ago that he would never speak to her again if she didn’t break up with her partner, now husband, after he was very verbally abusive to me and threw my Christmas presents outside and wouldn’t allow me in his living room.
She chose her partner and has had a very minimal relationship with her son since.
When she came in she immediately went to change her baby’s diaper and her husband sat down, so when she returned the only open seat was next to me. She stood there for an entire minute before her husband realized she didn’t want to sit next to me and switched seats with her.
Her husband offered to hold the baby so she could eat, and she said no she would eat at home and proceeded to hold the baby so that her own face was blocked and not looking at her son or me. She changed her mind at some point and made her husband feed her, but still wouldn’t put the baby in a high chair which I think was in an effort to not have to talk.
At one point the baby was kissing her dad and she thought that was cute but then the baby blew kisses in our direction and she turned the baby away from us. This whole time I felt so awkward and uncomfortable.
The final straw was when she went to the bathroom with her sister and her husband held the baby.
He stood up the entire time, instead of sitting back down next to me, and he had the baby angled away from us. It just felt so dramatic and calculated like he wanted everyone to know we can’t be near his precious baby. I just walked out without saying anything and my partner ran out after me.
My partner was annoyed though and felt like that was his last chance of reconciling with his mom and that I was selfish and should have just sucked it up because it was uncomfortable for everyone.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If only for not quietly saying something to your partner, before leaving.
I have no issues with you leaving that farce, but communicate with your partner. If it was miserable and awkward for you, it was for him too. He’s blown off his family for the love of you. That was a moment for solidarity.” that_fork_is_mine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Idk what the backstory is as to why his mom hates you so much but you would have had to have done something so incredibly awful to be treated so badly. And your partner is a jerk also because he allowed you and him both to be treated like that.
Idk why his mom even showed up if this was how she was going to be.” Apart_Zucchini5778
10. AITJ For Leaving The Trip Early After Being Left Out?
“My friends and I decided to take a trip abroad and we were all really excited. We booked one of those all-day bus tours where there’s multiple stops that you get off at to explore before getting back on. The problem started when we first got on the bus: There were five of us in the group.
As we’re getting on the bus, there’s two consecutive empty rows of seats, which they instantly take. So now the four of them are sitting together without me, and I have to go sit on the other end of the bus alone.
I was a little irritated – I feel like we could’ve split up into groups of 3 and 2 instead of the 4 of them and then just me, but I didn’t want to make a big deal about it so I just sat by myself.
The thing, though, is that this was a FOURTEEN-hour tour and there were 6 stops on the bus where we got off and back on. Nobody ever offered to switch or rotate seats, they just sat back down and made me sit by myself every single time.
They were also talking, laughing, and even planning stuff for the rest of our trip without even asking my opinion in the group text. I was trying to be a good sport about it, but as the day went on I kept feeling worse and more left out.
After the tour, they all went out for drinks but I just went back to the hotel because I was upset. I think it may have seemed like I stormed off angrily, but honestly, I was really sad. When one of the girls got back to the hotel, I told her that I was upset at the situation and she just blew me off and said “that’s just what happens when you travel in odd numbers, IDK what you want me to do about it.” I was so upset that I just booked a flight back home for the next afternoon.
We all got breakfast the next morning and they all talked about how much fun it was to get drinks after the tour yesterday (without me). I probably seemed like I was being passive-aggressive and angry, but I was genuinely just trying not to cry.
So when anyone would ask me a question or try to talk to me, I was pretty short with them and seemed kinda cold, but I didn’t make any snide comments or anything like that. Then I took my flight back home.
Now I’m texting some of the girls about it and they’re angry at me for how I treated THEM, saying that I was “very cold” and it was “unjustified” how I was mean when they were trying to be nice the next day.
They said if I was upset at the situation, I should’ve said something during the tour – which I probably should’ve. I just didn’t feel like I should have to ask for people to have some basic consideration for me. Anyway, now they all think that I ruined the trip, that it wasn’t that big of a deal, and that I was mean to them and threw a damper on the rest of their trip.
I feel like maybe I should’ve communicated my feelings instead of just leaving but I honestly was sad and wanted to go home. So AITJ for being “mean” and leaving early instead of just letting it go?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Them mostly, they take the bigger piece of the pie for sure.
They really should have made more of an effort to include you during the bus tour and planning. However, judging by what you’ve written, the way you reacted/responded to the situation could also play a role in this dynamic. When you pout, withdraw, and get short with people, a lot of the time they’ll actually just leave you alone thinking that you want space.
They won’t necessarily run after you and double down in trying to include you, especially if you get distant or passive-aggressive. I’m really sorry about what you went through, no one should be excluded and maybe these people aren’t the best type of friends.
But in the future, maybe you can try a different response, like asking if someone can switch seats with you, taking the initiative in offering plan ideas even if they haven’t asked you, and overall just including yourself. Others won’t always do it for you, and it’s a really valuable skill to have.
Good luck!” MademoiselleBorgir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need new friends. I could never see myself doing that to someone, the least they could’ve done was rotate like you said. Get new friends.” Caribe92
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – I’m so sick of all the posts where all it takes is to just use your voice and speak up.
Going off without saying something is just as bad as them sitting & chatting whilst leaving you out. And in answer to your question, yeah you were a jerk.” Glowie2k2
9. AITJ For Moving States Without Informing My Ex-Husband?
“My ex and I started seeing each other at 16 and were together about 20 years in total. He was a good provider for years and was a great dad to our son.
Soon after the birth of our second child, he started hanging out after work and drinking, which turned into unfaithfulness and substance abuse. I was always worried sick and crying. He said it was just the area we lived in and his “friends” and that we needed to move to a better area so he could go back to being himself.
We moved from the city to a rural area and he switched jobs. At first it was great but then he started to hang out with his old buddies and got deeper into substance issues. He was starting to be completely unreliable even going awol for days at a time.
I was worried sick all the time. Then I found out he had been skipping the mortgage payments and I freaked out, got a job, and put the youngest in daycare so that I could make sure we had a roof over our head. He said this hurt his ego like he wasn’t a good provider but I didn’t know what else to do.
One day we came home and he was unresponsive on the sofa and his face was pale. I thought he was dead. I freaked out and called 911, they took him to detox. He called from detox the next day saying to come get him and I refused. I said he wasn’t welcome home until he got clean.
He was upset but got clean and did a 30-day residential program and he called home every day. I got the kids therapy, it was really upsetting to them to come home to their dad like that. He completed the 30-day program and was set to go to a longer-term program.
Weeks later I hadn’t heard anything, then one day he called from a new number and asked if I could help him get a three-bedroom apartment since I was good at finding resources for people. I was stunned, he said he didn’t like being forced to go to a program and that he met someone there and they are looking for an apartment so she can get custody of her kids.
I was shocked. He said you wouldn’t let me come home unless I met your demands so I found someone who will take me as I am. I said that hurts and he said he didn’t understand why since if I cared I would have let him come home.
I cried for an hour, it was literally my breaking point. I decided I was done.
I filed for divorce. I told the judge I didn’t want anything other than the divorce but since he didn’t show up the judge granted me full custody and put a child support order on him.
I felt so upset and defeated and literally everything reminded me of him, every location, store, street, building, etc. So I picked up and moved several states away to make a fresh start. When he finally found out he was furious, he cried and said how could I take his babies away from him and move without asking him.
He said he could sue me for leaving the state but he won’t. I have so many mixed feelings and emotions I literally can’t even talk to him on the phone without bursting into tears. AITJ for moving out of state without asking him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am sorry for what his addiction has cost your family. He surrendered his moral right to weigh in on the decision when he chose to abandon you & the kids and probably surrendered his legal right when he failed to show up in court.
I hope you and the kids thrive in your new life.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Was your ex concerned about your children when he asked you for help finding him and his new partner an apartment for her children? Now could you have gotten court permission to move as a precaution?
Sure. But if he was that concerned, he probably should’ve been more involved when it was time to discuss custody. His actions sound like he’s more concerned with his new partner’s children than his own. It’s not like you’re denying him visitation, he just has to make an effort to see his children.
You deserve your fresh start.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You have custody of the children. You don’t need permission to move from your ex. This doesn’t seem like a case where you should be hiding your location from him (he’s been an irresponsible jerk but he’s not a “threat” to you and the kids if he knows where you live), but going out of your way to try to track HIM down to let you know where you were moving to also wasn’t necessary.
NTJ.” ParsimoniousSalad
He wasn't bothered enough about his babies to go to court. Judge gave you full custody and him child support. You neither had to tell him nor ask his permission...
When He next rings you need to ask him this....
Are you Completely sober and clean and can you prove it
Why didn't you show up to the court hearing
Why are you bothering now
I would hazard a guess his new partner and he have split his family have read him the
Riot act and that's why he's ringing you. Tell him that you moved to help YOUR KIDS heal after seeing you face down unconscious on the sofa overdosed on substances.. you traumatised YOUR BABIES....
Then tell him if he is ringing cos he and the new bed buddy have broken up tell him so sad too bad.. I ain't letting you come back I don't know what you may have or where you have been and I value myself and our kids more.. that if he is sober amd clean you will allow visits but only after he passes a clear jerk test before EVERY contact and he won't see the kids until that's done away from the kids too... tnat he has to prove he has completed the longer residential program because you won't subject the kids to any more of his being a moron
8. AITJ For Not Tipping My Wife's Friend After Bartering Services?
“Wife has a friend (Liz). We were over at her house one night & mentioned that she had a tree that needed to come down in her front yard but was hesitating on hiring a tree crew for removal. Estimates were expensive, range was from $3500 to $5500.
Liz didn’t know I have a “lumberjack” hobby. I have most of the tools of the trade so I asked her to show me the tree. I felt confident I could drop the tree exactly where she wanted it. The huge cost was the crane the tree crews bring plus insurance & other overhead.
So I volunteered to do it. I told her I would fell the tree exactly where she wanted it. Delimb the trunk & make some piles. One for brush, one for small logs & finish off by cutting the trunk up into firewood-sized pieces.
She was surprised & happy.
I don’t mind the hard work & enjoy a day with my chainsaws. It’s great exercise too. She insisted on paying me. I refused but we did come up with something. She cuts hair at a local salon, rents a chair/booth so we worked out 2 years of free haircuts.
So the big day came, I cut her tree as described & started with haircuts. A few haircuts later & my wife asks if I am tipping Liz on my visits.
I respond no, we just keep track of remaining haircuts & schedule the next visit before I leave.
My wife was embarrassed & couldn’t believe I was that stingy. She says you always tip the stylist, especially because my wife likes the way Liz cuts my hair.
I asked if Liz tipped me and reminded my wife that I did a lot of hard labor plus consumed much gasoline & bar oil that I supplied. If you want to compare costs, 2 years of haircuts – so 24 visits at the average rate for men’s haircuts doesn’t even come close to the $3500 which was the cheapest estimate she received – that’s what I saved her.
I didn’t like to keep score like that because I didn’t mind doing a service for a friend plus I had fun, but in my opinion, Liz definitely got the better deal now that we’re talking about it.
Wife says I’m embarrassing her in front of her friend.
My view is that we bartered one service for another: free haircuts for free tree cutting/cleanup and no further funds need to exchange hands. When the free haircuts run out and I begin paying for them, of course I’d tip her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife doesn’t need to involve herself. If her friend is happy with the arrangement, there is no issue. It sounds like your wife for some reason is scared of being viewed as “cheap” and is projecting that onto you. I would just remind her that what you did for the friend was actually very generous, saving her a lot of money and hassle and that the arrangement was her friend’s idea.” Excellent-Jello7894
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and this is not your wife’s business. You & Liz made a deal, and there’s no reason to think Liz is unhappy with it. Besides, tips are almost always a percentage of the cost, so 20% of zero is still zero.” MildredNatwick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in a service like that I think it would be assumed the deal was tip included. Tipping is usually based on a price point how would you even start to calculate, that could go worse if you lowballed the tip and offended her.
I’m sure if she was offended by the lack of tip she’d find a way to let you know.” Smudgiecles
7. AITJ For Walking Out During Dinner After My Husband Criticized My Food Choice?
“When I (f43) met my husband (m46) I was a size 16.
During our time together I was very much in love and started working out and getting into fitness. When we got married I was a size 12. Our daughter was born a year later and I put the weight back on. Fast forward a few years and I am still struggling with the weight.
Well 6 weeks ago I flipped a switch and have started to eat very well. I put a lot of time and effort into weighing my food and making sure the macros are right. During this time I have lost 12 pounds.
Last night I just hit a wall and didn’t want to put much effort into dinner.
I made my husband and daughter corn dogs and fries and myself a can of spaghettios. As we were eating my husband asked why I was eating that junk and I said I was just tired and wanted something with no effort. I also reminded him it’s not something I do every day.
He looked at me and said come on you need to do better. I got up from the table and went into the living room and started watching TV without eating dinner. He proceeded to follow me and told me how immature and childish it was of me to leave.
As my husband, he has a right to hold me accountable. He then proceeded to lecture me for 5 minutes on how I said I was changing my habits and as such I need to be held accountable for my actions.
While he was talking and yelling I never said one word.
He said that I always have to have my way and no one can say anything to me to correct my behaviors. He then went into the basement for the night and we haven’t spoken since. I genuinely need to know am I the jerk for not accepting what he said as accountability?
I feel hurt by his words but don’t know if I should be apologizing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has no right to “hold you accountable”, he wants to berate you. Note that he didn’t go “hey honey, let me go make you something better than a can of spaghettios”, he just kept speaking.
Let him stay in the basement.” Ribbon-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m very curious to know if hubby ever does any of the cooking? If not, you are definitely allowed to have “lazy” cooking days. We all do. He should be supportive. His “accountability” is shaming and rude.
Why isn’t he taking over the cooking if he’s so concerned??” ZampyZero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He does not have “the right to hold you accountable.” He’s your husband, not your coach. And occasional indulgences are very much a part of most effective diets.
He should have expressed more concern about your mood or frustration. Unless you have told him “I want you to hold me accountable” which some couples def do, then he is def the jerk.” Efficient_Channel738
Probably hasn't cos well that's your job right! Soo tell him if he can't be supportive then he can feed himself while you concentrate on your diet etc as he wants you too
6. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister While My Parents Are On Vacation?
“So ever since I (22M) graduated from college, I have had a serious struggle with independence and boundaries with my parents. More specifically my mother. I moved to the city that I grew up in because I received a fantastic job opportunity that I couldn’t turn down coming straight out of school.
My sister (14F) was extremely excited cause that meant that she could be closer to her brother for a few more years. Unfortunately, this means that my parents feel entitled to frequent visits and regular meetings. I have my own apartment that is somewhat close to their house which doesn’t help my case.
I often work 12-14 hour shifts and I can sometimes work nights with less than a day’s notice. That alongside trying to kindle friendships and hobbies, I can be very stretched for time.
Anyway, my mother just informed me that they will be going to Italy next summer and that I “have to help out with my sister.” She tells me that I have to stay at their house for the two weeks that they are gone and I can just commute from there.
My commute is already 45 min from my apartment and they are 15 min further away. That also doesn’t take into account the fact that I will be on a different job by that time that will be even further away. So this would result in 1.5 hours with minimal traffic for my commute from their house.
Having to wake up at 4:30 am to not get home until 7:30 pm just doesn’t sound like something I want to do.
She states that they legally cannot leave my sister home alone for that long, but I have looked at the law in my state and it does not state anything about age restrictions on kids left alone.
But even to that point, SHE WILL BE 15 (at the time of the trip)! I might sound naive, but I feel like a 15 y/o does not need a full-time babysitter.
I have told her that I am more than happy to help out and stop by the house and take her out occasionally but that I cannot responsibly stay at their house for that long.
I even said that I can stay the night on weekends or nights I don’t have work. She then responds with “Yes you can. You can stay there (the house).” She refuses to see the fact that I will be so far away for more than half the day, I have my job and responsibilities to tend to, and my partner and I will be living together by then.
Eventually just said that I’m unprofessional and immature and that they will find someone else because I’m too much of an inconvenience.
I am more than happy to help and I am excited for them to be going on this trip, but being that far from work for so long does not make sense to me.
I just find it disrespectful that she would demand that I do this, especially after booking the trip and not asking me before. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just say calmly, “Whether I can or not, and I do not believe I can, I WILL not.
And I will not talk about this with you further.” And if she continues, say, “I told you I am not discussing this. No is a complete sentence, I have said no, and I am not changing my mind,” then hang up or leave. I find it amusing, personally, that they called you “unprofessional” for wanting to ensure you do a good job at the work you were hired and paid to do, and “immature” for reinforcing the fact that you are an adult and no longer a child they can order to do something.” Katja1236
Another User Comments:
“You don’t “have” to do anything. Unless you sign a contract with them. Liability and all that. Welcome to adulthood! I bet they aren’t planning on paying you, either. Heh heh, show them how wrong they are. Like, them asking you to keep an eye out for your sister once every few days?
Sure, that’s not that unreasonable. If you can do that, please do so. But you’re not her parent, because the actual parents are just planning a trip to Italy without bringing their underaged kid along. What kinda crap is that? That’s horrible. NTJ and I feel sorry for your sister.” YasminEatsApples
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents aren’t child-free; they shouldn’t be planning a child-free holiday. You are not obligated to mind your sister and your parents are not entitled to dictate what you do.” OK_LK
5. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister After She Showed No Concern For My Accident?
“This technically happened a couple of months ago – I’m just pretty hurt (emotionally and physically) and still angry at my sister – my parents said I have to forgive her but I don’t really see why.
Onto the situation. I (20m) still live at home while I attend the local Trade school (it’s like post-secondary for like electrical, mechanic, etc).
One day while I was chilling at home, my sister (16f) came into my room (didn’t knock) and asked me to go grab her some tampons from the store, since I needed to go grab some items anyway so I said sure and got ready to leave.
While on the way to the store, I was involved in an accident. A lady t-boned me and put me out in a bad way – was in the hospital for like a few days overall nothing really seriously bad happened to me, just a few broken bones, and a concussion – but my car has been wrecked. I finally got discharged and was picked up from the hospital by my dad.
When we got home, my sister jumped right into me about how I “let her down” and how I’m “not a good brother” because I never came home with the tampons she needed – my mom and dad both told her to zip it (their way of saying shut up).
I always thought she was weird but now she’s just a psychopath to me.
To be honest, at first I was mad, then I was heartbroken since my sister didn’t even seem to care that I was just in an accident – and now I’m outright angry at her.
Ever since then I can’t even look at her. But she had carried on like nothing happened. Would still ask me to help her and it’s usually now met with nothing as I just don’t engage with her.
Guess she brought it up with our parents, and they’re saying I should just forgive her, and she’s “just a teen who doesn’t know how to react to certain situations” and that I should just let it go.
I said forget that – no way. She didn’t even say sorry and had shown no interest in terms of my recovery. Honestly – I don’t think we can ever go back to how things were.
So I refuse to “make amends” and I still ignore my sister’s existence and my parents are still on my butt about this.
Last night – things escalated, came back from my friend’s place and my sister stopped me from going to my room and told me that I had been treating her like garbage and that I “should get off my high horse – it’s been months, you won’t even look me in the eyes!
I’m sorry I didn’t show concern when you came home, but you were fine!” I just got around her and proceeded to my room – with that she called me a jerk and an assortment of other colorful language.
And again my parents told me it’s time to let go – nope, I’m making plans on moving out soon – and won’t be turning back.
Sister is nothing to me now – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister showed her true colors right there. Not to mention your parents are enabling it by trying to force you to forgive her. It would be different if she made sure you’re alright and then cracked a joke about her not getting her things and then letting it go.
Of course I have a twisted sense of humor so who knows. Sad for this to happen but at least you saw it now instead of years down the line.” Finalbladestyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if what you wrote is an accurate statement of what went down – I wouldn’t be able to get over that either.
Your sister didn’t care you were in an accident that put you in the freaking hospital for a few days – that’s cold man and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that while you’re also dealing with your body recovering. I wish you well on your road to recovery my dude.” ttoastii81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was an incredibly bad way for her to act. That said, are you going to be able to keep up like this? With her so present in your life? You might need to think on things while you live with her.” PrinceOfPastel
4. AITJ For Not Giving My House Guests The Master Bedroom Despite Their Health Issues?
“I (f24) inherited my parents’ house and money a few months ago after they passed away. It’s a 3 bed, 2.5 bath. I moved into it almost immediately and then a few days ago, invited my friend and her fiancé (f24 and m26) to stay with me since they were having some financial issues.
I gave them the bathroom upstairs as well as the smaller bedroom (I have a lot of clothes so I converted the bigger one into an extra closet for me).
They moved in last week while I was away for a business trip and when I came home, they sat me down and asked if they could have the master bedroom and I move into the smaller one.
The master bedroom is huge. My parents had the house custom built for them when they just got married and didn’t plan on kids so the master bedroom takes up the majority of the upstairs. The bathroom is huge with a tub, walk-in shower, vanity space, and two sinks.
However, when I moved in, I paid $50,000 to have the entire bathroom remodeled.
I said no because it was my house and I am paying for the majority of bills (they pay 1/4) and the fact that I couldn’t fit all my stuff in the small room.
They argued if I couldn’t fit my stuff, then they couldn’t fit the stuff of two people. They then went on to explain how my friend has IBS and other digestive problems, as well as autism, and baths help comfort her. Their bathroom does have a bath, it’s not as big as mine, but it still works.
I still said no and that I’m sorry that she’s going through that. She complained that it’s tough for her to run out of the room and into the bathroom a couple of doors down.
They then went on to mention how if I am planning on getting my basement remodeled, I could remodel it to help fit their needs.
And I once again said no because I’m converting it into an office space for my partner (he’s currently in a master’s program) since we both will work from home. They said that they felt like I didn’t care about her health problems and was being rude for not helping them when they needed it.
I reminded them that this is not a permanent situation and they stormed off.
It’s been a week and they still have refused to move their boxes upstairs until I stop acting ‘spoiled’ and give them the master bedroom. Some of my friends are saying that I am the jerk for not just letting them stay in the room until they move out (when they keep acting like this is permanent) or even just moving my stuff out of the bigger bedroom and letting their stuff stay in there while others are saying that I have the right to say no and should just kick them out if they don’t just agree to stay in the smaller room.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your house, and you’re letting them stay there for free. Yes, your friend’s health is important, but that doesn’t mean they can demand things from the owner of the house they are living in for free.
You can’t renovate your basement for them, especially since this is not a permanent setup. You can kick them out without a doubt.” Ill-Anxiety533
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a very bad feeling about them. I would just kick them out now before they get even more entitled and you’re stuck evicting them and dealing with all the nonsense in court.
The fact you helped them out and they are acting so darn entitled! Just nope. Get rid of them now! Trust me you’ll regret it if you don’t.” badlilbishh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you don’t need this kind of drama in your home.
Simply tell them this is what you can offer them for a living arrangement or they can find elsewhere to better accommodate them. Let them know in no uncertain terms that you don’t want drama in your home and this is what you can do to help them.
If it is not good enough then they should go elsewhere. Do not let them manipulate you!!” [deleted]
They have liked waited until you got the house and the reno done then cooked up these financial problems cos they see you as an easy target with a big house to yourself
3. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband About My Cousin's Pregnancy Test?
“My 18-year-old cousin “Aria” asked me to buy her a pregnancy test and let her take it at my house because her parents are very religious and have a zero-tolerance policy for premarital relations/pregnancy.
She made me promise not to tell anyone because if this got back to her parents, it could end badly for her. She took the test at my house, and it was positive.
Later that day, my husband saw the test in the bathroom. Aria said she had hidden it in the bin but clearly, she didn’t hide it well enough because he saw it.
He automatically assumed it was mine and asked me why I hadn’t told him, he was telling me how excited he was and was getting very emotional. I told him it wasn’t mine, so he asked me whose it was. Aria specifically told me not to tell anyone, including my husband, so I told him I couldn’t tell him.
He assumed I was lying and got very upset with me. He started asking me questions about if I didn’t want to keep our baby. When I kept insisting it wasn’t mine, he told me if I told him whose it was, he would believe me but otherwise he would assume that I’m lying to him, and I didn’t want the baby but didn’t trust him enough to admit that.
This caused a lot of tension between us for a while.
Recently, it came out that Aria was pregnant, and my husband put two and two together. Now he’s mad at me again for not trusting him with this information and letting him go through the emotional turmoil of thinking I got rid of our baby.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you didn’t “let him go through the emotional turmoil of thinking you got rid of your baby”. He did that all on his own. Your husband needs to understand that not everything is about him, and that being married to you doesn’t automatically come with the right to know literally every single one of your ‘secrets’ – especially when it involves other people who trust you with private information.” bxbette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re not a jerk for not telling him, you made an important promise to someone else. However, could you have made that more clear to him? Or explained – I can’t tell you yet because she’s not ready for anyone to know BUT I’ll tell you as soon as I get the all clear….?
I think your husband is a jerk for not trusting you though. Jumping straight to “you’re lying” is a major red flag in my book…. As is trying to manipulate you into revealing information that frankly isn’t his business.” beeeeeebee
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Mostly you, in my opinion. why on earth would you not have gotten rid of it beforehand or failing that just say “a friend asked to take a pregnancy test but they aren’t ready to tell anyone. I’ll tell you as soon as I have permission.”” [deleted]
Girl, there are enough red flags flying here to make a communist parade. W*F is his problem? Has he always been this controlling, or does he want children now and you're not ready yet? Either way, I'd be rethinking a life with this man who clearly doesn't believe you when you're telling the truth. Something's not right, and I'd bet it's him. Get out.
2. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Coworker Her Husband Is My Neighbor And Possibly Having An Affair?
“I’m in a bit of a sticky situation. I’ve never been good at navigating social situations and this one has me really stumped.
I’m 25F. I just got my first full-time teaching job and yesterday one of the other teachers invited us all over to her house for a small get-together.
I live in an apartment building and was pretty shocked when she introduced me to her husband and I realized that he was my next-door neighbor at my apartment building. We’ve never spoken before, we’ve only seen each other in passing, waved at each other, etc. When my coworker introduced us it was really awkward.
He’s not at his apartment every day, he comes every few days, never with his wife or kids that I’m aware of (he has two toddlers and an elementary-age kid and I’ve never heard them), I’ve definitely seen him go in with a young woman.
I’m not sure if his wife knows about the apartment or not, rent is $2,000/month plus utilities but for all I know he could pay it all through a business account or she could know all about it.
WIBTJ if I mention something to the wife?
It seems so weird if I don’t say something. I’m not going to make assumptions as to what’s going on, if I do say something it would just be along the lines of “I’ve run into your husband quite a few times in my apartment building, does he have a separate home office?” (Which I don’t think is the case because their house is giant and he clearly has an office in it) I know the apartment is his as the mailbox has his last name on it, I’ve never seen anyone else going in or out of it other than him and the guests he’s with.
I’m extremely socially awkward, I have no idea what to do here, if I was in her shoes I’d definitely want someone to tell me if I didn’t know but I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her. She deserves to know that her husband is potentially being unfaithful. “Hey (Name), I didn’t want to say anything at your party, but I’ve already met your husband. He’s my neighbor at (Apartment Name). I see him there every few days with (girl’s description).”” AmethysstFire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but that’s going to be one uncomfortable conversation. She deserves to know, mainly because of the amount of money he’s blowing on the place. The possible unfaithfulness is a whole different issue. If you talk with her, have a pic at the ready to show her the mailbox with his name, otherwise, she may not believe you.” BJGuy_Chgo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s automatically suspicious he didn’t immediately say “Oh yeah! We are neighbors at the apartment I go work in.” Or whatever. He has made you complicit in a situation you didn’t ask to be in. I would definitely want to know if I was his wife, or at least have someone bring it to my attention and I reassure them there isn’t anything untoward if that’s the case.
You have no loyalty to him. You are fellow co-workers with his wife and are building a rapport that seems important to you. Worst case, she tells you to mind your business and it’s awkward for a bit. Best case, you save her from a possible double life scenario.” Minimum-Band-2077
1. AITJ For Doing A Surprise Solo Dance At My Friend's Wedding?
“My friend, Bridgette, got married yesterday. Bridgette and I were part of a dance crew in high school. Since the wedding will be a small reunion of our dance crew, we decided to give her a surprise.
It was the organizer’s idea too because apparently, the groom, Mike asked the organizer to prepare a surprise for his bride to help her relax. Bridgette is actually autistic, and her wedding gown might be uncomfortable for her. So even if she’s good at masking, she might experience sensory overload in the middle of the celebration.
Unfortunately, our former co-dancers were too busy to practice, so I decided to go solo. I recently found out that Bridgette loves K-pop, so I looked for some K-pop song. I picked I Can’t Stop Me of TWICE because I thought the choreography was amazing.
Anyway, the surprise dance happened, and I was able to pull it off. Then, after the dance, the emcee gave the mic to me, and I delivered my wishes to Bridgette. She cried, but she explained that my dance made her remember her youth. We even danced a bit after that because she missed dancing too.
After that part, I went to the ladies’s room to freshen myself. Her mom Susan entered and voiced out her disapproval of what I did. She claimed that her daughter was upset because I stole the show from her. I explained, Bridgette’s cry was out of happiness, like what she explained in front of everyone.
But Susan explained she knew her daughter more than me, and Bridgette is just being polite because she’s “trained to be one” (I’m not sure what she meant by that).
After that, I talk to Mike to ask if Susan is correct. Mike said Bridgette seems really happy, but he also commented that I overdid the dancing.
However, he said that even if it indeed upset Bridgette, he would take the responsibility because it’s him who asked for it.
I’m still wondering if what I did is a jerk move. I mean, I’m a passionate dancer so it’s natural for me to give my all.
But at the same time, maybe I really overdid it.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“It sounds as if you had good intentions–you wanted to surprise the bride with a dance that would bring up good memories of her youth. And as someone with ASD, we’re not always that great at masking our feelings.
So if she was upset, you probably would have known. NTJ.” DaniCapsFan
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Group dance, fine. Solo dance. Not fine. If you wanted to do something and the others couldn’t, you could have reached out to the groom and taught him an old dance from back in the day that was her favorite and he could have performed it for her.
Would’ve made her remember the good ol’ days, given everyone a laugh and it’d still have the focus on the couple. Good intentions but the delivery left a little something to be desired.” mazzy31
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you don’t do a spotlight dance at a wedding if only one of the married couple asks you to.
That is a bad judgment call on your part. The mom knows her daughter the best so unless she is a bad person I would go with what she said. She had to learn to read her daughter since she was born. You are a passionate dancer so your sudden moves being crisp will add to how much sensory overload is in a dance routine.
Also with being a passionate dancer if you think maybe you really overdid it, then you did. The mom knows her daughter the best so unless she is a bad person I would go with what she said. She had to learn to read her daughter since she was born.” beaglerules
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