People Find Themselves In An Awkward Position In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Eat My Candy When Her Blood Sugar Drops?
“My mom is diabetic, but she only seems to care about her diabetes when it is convenient, and she doesn’t seem to be well educated. Her neglecting to follow a diabetic diet has led to her being on two different insulins, and her pharmacist says they’re very high doses for the once-a-day, and then she takes a short-acting one at meal times.
She has a monitor in her arm because she claims she can’t remember to check her b***d sugar. We live together because of her disabilities making it difficult for her to live alone.
My friend got me chocolate for Valentine’s Day and I’ve been busy with work so I haven’t had a chance to sit and eat it.
I wanted to enjoy it, not squeeze it in before I go to bed when I’m exhausted.
I was in the kitchen the other day and noticed the bag was open. I asked my mom about it, and she said she had an episode of low b***d sugar where it was in the 50s, and that was the only thing she could eat.
We have orange juice in the fridge, cans of soda, Rice Krispies treats, fruit snacks, etc. I pointed this out when she said that and she said it was too early in the morning for her to think clearly, it was approx 2 am when she ate it.
Today, I packed my chocolate into my lunchbox and took it to work with me, so I could be sure I would get to eat at least some of it.
My mom texted me upset that she went to get the candy and it wasn’t there.
I told her it was my candy and she had plenty of options if her b***d sugar drops. She called me selfish. I don’t think I’m being a jerk because the candy was a gift, and I wanted it. She thinks I am being unfair by not sharing especially knowing she has low b***d sugar issues.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it was your chocolate, not hers. Diabetes is a very cruel disease. It doesn’t care what part of your body it attacks. My spouse is an insulin-dependent diabetic, and he’s having all kinds of issues that would have never happened had he paid closer attention to his sugar (A1C levels) in his younger days.
His hearing is going. His eyesight is terrible. He’s already had to have 1 cornea transplant which requires drops daily to keep it from rejecting. The neuropathy in his hands and feet is really bad, and it’s affecting his balance, so he has falls that scare me.
He now has a pacemaker.
Your mom is in for a world of problems and high cost of diabetic medications if she doesn’t pay more attention to the disease. Make sure her A1C level is under 7 and the carbs and sugars aren’t a part of her life that will raise her b***d sugar.
There is a time in the lifecycle of diabetes where the insulin just doesn’t do the job. They just added Ozempic to his medication routine, and it’s getting the A1C down where it should be. As someone who cooks and shops for food, there are things I just don’t buy anymore, and it’s really helping, but in the end, she has to make the choice.” ptazdba
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a pre-diabetic with b***d sugar issues (that are luckily managed without insulin or monitoring, though I have other disabilities I need caretakers for) I pre-emptively plan for low sugar and keep sweets on me at all times. It was very rude of her to use something that was a gift to you, and the fact that she even asked for it after you took it away with plenty of other sugary food shows that she wasn’t just fumbling around in the dark and ate the first sugary thing she grabbed; it was because she wanted chocolate, and is willing to take a gift from one of your friends.
Do you think that having a list of the high-sugar foods in the house on a whiteboard or notepad would be helpful to her if she has a low-b***d-sugar attack again? Maybe not since like I said, it seems like she just wanted the chocolate, but worth mentioning in case it would help.
I hope she at least replaces them.” ExpressFruit4351
Another User Comments:
“Okay so type 1 diabetic here. You’re NTJ. I don’t think she is the jerk for eating it in the first place because honestly at 2 am sometimes when your b***d sugar is that low you don’t think things through at all and especially that late you’re just literally so ready to go back to bed that you don’t always make the best decisions.
That being said, for low b***d sugar in general chocolate is not the best choice. The fat in it makes it take longer for the body to absorb. If she’s truly in a hypoglycemic moment, foods like juice, gummies, hard candies, or glucose gel/tabs are much better at getting her up quickly.
I have chocolate at home as I like it and like everyone occasionally want some but I never use it as a treatment for a low.” snowwwwy22
20. AITJ For Getting On The Flight Without My Friend?
“My friend and I booked a flight to New York to spend the long weekend.
The morning of the flight, when we arrived at the airport she had forgotten her passport and so she had to go back home to get her passport. We were already stressed for time in regards to making our flight, so I didn’t go back home with her and just checked into the flight.
She didn’t manage to make it back in time and has since missed the flight. I’m now being called an absolute jerk because I chose to board the plane without her and how I didn’t go back with her. She says that it’s a jerk move, and she wouldn’t have done that to me.
But we already booked a flight and hotel?! I don’t know if I’m being the jerk here because it’s not my responsibility that she forgot her passport? Was I supposed to miss my flight also and waste my money? I don’t know, maybe I’m not seeing it, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guessing your friend isn’t a 5-year-old, so she is responsible for making sure she has her own travel documents. It really sucks that she made a mistake she has to pay for, but I’m guessing you would be out a substantial amount if you went with her too.
When I’m traveling, the one thing I’m making sure I walk out the door with is my ID/passport. I think she is misplacing her frustration and anger on you, so she doesn’t have to take full accountability for her own lack of planning.” Lalalabambi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my friend and I booked an international flight, and I had the luck of being selected for a random security screening. It took a long time. Even though my friend and I were extra early for the flight, it was getting down to the wire.
She texted me if she should stay with me. I said of course not because why should we both be inconvenienced, and I wished her a safe flight. I don’t get adults who throw tantrums because they don’t want to do things on their own.
Not your job to hold her hand.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been worse for you, and really no better for your friend, if you also didn’t go. The friend can work out how to travel, maybe catch a later flight, but you just ‘being there’ isn’t going to help.
Emotional support is important for the loss of a loved one, etc… Just forgetting a passport is one of those things to be handled by that person. Dumb mistakes happen, and you can say you’re sorry she didn’t make it. Enjoy New York!” Tangerine_Bouquet
19. AITJ For Accusing My Husband Of Using His Deceased Brother As An Excuse To Be Mean To Me?
“My husband and I keep getting into fights about my weight and alone time together. Two weeks ago, I almost left him over these fights.
He says cruel things, and if I don’t just accept it – he doubles down. If I fight back, he brings up his deceased brother.
Today we had one of these fights, and I asked him to stop using his brother in fights because the fights have nothing to do with him. He and I fought more over that.
He got angrier and told me I was a jerk for saying that.
I told him I thought he was using his brother as an excuse to be mean to me. I told him I’ve tiptoed around the subject for years because I know he’s hurting, but I can’t take it anymore.
I know it’s a sensitive subject for him, but berating me for my weight all the time is sensitive for me too.
So I am conflicted. Am I the jerk?
I weigh in the 270lbs range, I’m going to the gym now after work as of 2 weeks ago. I’m losing weight. He has told me I need to eat less than him to the point where it hurts and I’m so hungry I want to puke.
And he’s called me a fat old man even though I’m cis female.
His brother was skinny. I never actually met him. He died before I met my husband.
Monday I call my therapist to set up appointments for therapy. It’ll probably just be for me.”
Another User Comments:
“I have been married for fifty years. When we were young, my husband and I had many disagreements over finances, the division of work, and who controlled what. We survived these disagreements and are each other’s best friend and supporter. In all of our fifty years, neither of us stooped low enough to criticize appearance.
When we were young, my husband told me not to bring my grandmother to our home. I brought her, and she lived with us for eight years before going into a nearby nursing home for four years. My husband accepted this and helped me with her care as well as visiting her when she was in the nursing home.
I gave birth to my third child ten days before my husband’s hunting season. Since I was living with my grandmother, whose health was not great, two young children, and the new baby, I asked my husband to come home one night mid-week to give me a night’s sleep.
He didn’t come home. As I look back, both my actions and my husband’s actions were understandable but not fair. Thankfully, we weathered this. Fifty years in, and I can’t imagine my life with anyone else.
I am really concerned about your relationship.
One thing my husband and I never criticized each other about was physical appearance. I am usually small, but in one period of my life, I put on a little weight. My husband never criticized me. My husband put on weight after our marriage. I never criticized. As an old lady, I am uncomfortable talking about our romantic life, but I will say that sometimes we had differences.
He respected me when I was uncomfortable with something he wanted to try. I respected him when I wanted alone time together, and he was too tired. If your significant other insults you because of your differences, this is a red flag. If your significant other tries to shame you for alone time, this is another red flag.
Disagreeing on decisions is one thing. Insulting someone is another. Please for your sake, re-evaluate your relationship.” Flowers1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…and don’t ever starve yourself to the point it hurts or at all. Let me repeat myself… Don’t ever starve yourself to the point it hurts or at all.
This is a recipe for disaster and will only end poorly. It sounds to me like you’re doing the right thing for you…. Going to therapy and going to work out! Now you just need to do one more thing, go straight out the door and don’t come back.
He sounds like an abusive person and you don’t need that in life. Your life is too short to have to put up with somebody like that and you’re worth more than the pain and suffering you’re having to endure by somebody as nasty as that.
Emotional maltreatment is real and this is exactly what it sounds like. He also sounds manipulative and a big jerk.” LeftEconomist9982
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He clearly needs counseling to deal with his grief, but honestly, I’d separate for a time too. You do NOT deserve this, and he needs a proverbial slap in the face, which separation would give him.
He would see that he clearly risks losing you, and at that point, if he doesn’t start working on himself, file for divorce. No one deserves that type of treatment.” draeneixirena
18. AITJ For Telling My Dad My Job Is More Important Than Him?
“I (37f) have a work-from-home position. Today, I was particularly swamped with work. While working, my dad knocks on my door to help him with an email.
I rushed and got it done. Twenty minutes later, I was in a meeting when he came knocking again. I said I couldn’t help at the moment. He said something, but I wasn’t paying attention to him. The meeting ended, and it took me over two hours to catch up on my work.
By the time I was done, he had gone out.
I use my lunch hour to pick up my daughter from school. When we got home, my dad was home. He started questioning why I didn’t let him know I was done with my meeting.
I pointed out that I had work to do. He complained that he needed another email sent. My father has a long history of treating me more like a maid and secretary than his own daughter. Frustrated and a bit hangry, I snapped and said that I get paid to send emails for work.
Sending emails for him isn’t more important than my actual job. He said that he’s my father and I should understand that he needs my help. I exhaled and said then he should learn to do these things for himself. He countered with some nonsense line and I left the conversation with he isn’t my biggest priority.
Keeping my job and being a mother is. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel for you as I live with my mom (post-divorce), and I have to lock my door for meetings and interviews because she walks in, sees me with over-ear headphones, and will start talking anyway until I TELL her I’m in meetings, lol.
It’s gotten better, but it was heck at first. I disagree with you having to leave home to get work done because it defeats the purpose of WORK FROM HOME. Instead, I would set aside 15-20 minutes a day to assist him with whatever he needs.
Block that time on your calendar and he can get all his tech needs met then.” Hotcrossbuns72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Out of curiosity does he live with you or do you live with him? As hard as this sounds, if he’s living with you, you’re not obliged to sacrifice your life for someone who isn’t willing to respect your priorities.
I had a similar situation with my parents, who for years preyed on my feelings of obligation. In the end, I had to ask them to move out or I would have lost my job. It took a long time to work up the nerve to do it because they had convinced me they’d be destitute, but when I understood they were going to ruin my career and I wouldn’t be able to support them anyway, I had to make the change.
I found very comfortable housing for them in a nice senior complex where rent prices are on a sliding scale related to income, where they’re living very comfortably.” Sea_Two_3556
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some parents have this thing where instead of being patient and learning how to do it, they just want you to do it for them and then get mad or guilt trip you when you won’t.
I’ve started saying no to my mother when she does this. Learn how. I’ve shown you. There are numerous tutorials. I don’t mind answering a question, but I’m not going to just do it for you because you’re too stubborn to learn.” Obvious-Birthday-667
17. AITJ For Allowing My Son's Teenage Partner To Spend The Night Against Her Mother's Wishes?
“My son (17) came home from school today with his girl (18) and asked if she could stay over because she had a fight with her mom and needed a place to stay.
I wasn’t ecstatic about the idea, but I said she could if she stayed in his older brother’s room (he’s away at college). They immediately accepted this condition, which made me think this was a real situation, not a “trick dad” situation. About an hour ago I got a call from her mom, Crystal. Crystal wanted to know if her daughter was here.
I said she was, and Crystal told me to send her home. I said she didn’t want to go home, and I told her she could spend the night. Crystal said she didn’t have a choice, and I said that she kind of does because she’s 18.
Crystal said high school students are still considered minors even if they are 18 (I don’t think that’s true) and that I needed to send her home. I said maybe a night apart would help them both cool down and could be a good thing. Crystal sounded really angry, and I sincerely think a night apart is probably what they need because if I send the girl home, she’ll probably just argue with her mom more.
Crystal called me a nosy jerk and said I have no right to interfere with her parenting. She said she hoped all my kids decide to run off and never talk to me again. Then she hung up. I do think generally it’s best not to get involved in someone else’s parenting, but this girl is 18, and even if I kick her out, she might not go home.
She might spend the night on the streets. Still, a part of me questions if I am getting too involved because I don’t want my son to be mad at me for breaking a promise to his girl.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. She’s eighteen, clearly, this seems severe enough she felt unsafe – either psychically, emotionally, or mentally – and knew not returning home that night was what was best for her.
Talk with the girl, don’t necessarily ask for details but what she’s willing to share. You “kicking her out” may make her never want to reach out to you for help, she obviously considered you a safe place. Unless you’re in Alabama (I think the legal age is 19 there) …she’s absolutely an adult and not a minor.
She would be able to drop out of school without her mom’s permission, get a job, apartment, etc. Thank you for being there for her in her time of need.” Cookies_2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s 18 for goodness sake, and I’m sure nothing good would have come from her going home when emotions were so high.
It’s not your job to demand her to do things, and it is great that you provided her with a safe place to be. If you kicked her out she would have probably just ended up somewhere else. Her mom sounds toxic and I think it was the very right choice.
I hope it all works out ok for them, and they can deal with this when they calm down.” Illustrious_Pear4586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have the right to it. If she wanted to play the, “My rules trump yours” card, she needed to play it with her daughter (which she can do by kicking her out of the home), not you.
“Crystal called me a nosy jerk and said I have no right to interfere with her parenting.” Legally, I agree with her. Legally, she’s not parenting. What’s she going to do, call CPS? And one night is not going to turn her daughter into a cult against her culture/family/religion and so forth.
Put this out of your mind already.” atmasabr
16. AITJ For Cutting Off Family When My Husband Passed?
“Roughly two weeks ago, my husband passed away. It’s been a rough time, not just because I feel a ton of guilt for not being there, but because who expects to be widowed young?
When I got back home, my stepskids and their mom came by.
Mainly to return my husband’s wallet (I noticed that it was missing because he kept it in a particular place), but then I started being yelled at by all of them after I told them how I was going to honor his final wishes and cremate him.
The ex-wife threatened to sue me and my husband’s siblings threatened to sue me to have him buried far away from me where not only can I not go see him, but neither could anyone else.
So, I came up with a fair compromise – I’ll have him buried, but near where his kids and I live, so I can go visit every day.
They called the funeral home threatening legal action. Luckily, those laws are clear and the funeral home told them all that they should be grateful that I even agreed to bury him for his family’s sake because I didn’t have to.
That’s part one.
Now, the day after I got home, I was trying to find his financial stuff so I could start that process and noticed that stuff was missing from my house – personal effects and a lot of financial statements and things like that.
So, I called the police, filed a report, and rekeyed the house. I understand they wanted things of their dad’s, but there’s a process and I wanted to give his kids things, but also keep things for myself. The ex, who was admittedly in my house, is the only one who would have an interest in my husband’s finances.
I blocked phone numbers after members of his family started asking me about his finances, life insurance, retirement, etc., and how none of it was going to be enough to set his kids up.
After rekeying the house, I got a text from the ex telling me that my husband would hate me for denying his children entry to the house and accusing all of them of stealing.
I also found out that she’s trying to go behind my back and get either the oldest (who is under 25) or herself appointed executor. I hired a lawyer.
AITJ for just trying to do things the way my husband wanted and trying to do things the right way?
I’m honestly in shock, not just over the sudden death of my husband, but I feel like I’m being ganged up on by a group of people that I thought genuinely liked me, and finding out all anyone is truly interested in was my husband’s money.”
Another User Comments:
“OP – first and foremost, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I was a widow myself. My husband wanted to be cremated and wanted some of his ashes scattered in two separate places. His mother tried to fight me on that.
I hated her (and still do, for so many reasons) and the funeral director told her point-blank that they will listen to no one but me as the surviving spouse. My husband had two children at the time, one was a teenage son, so I asked him if he wanted to pick an urn for his family for some of his father’s ashes as well, and he did.
One urn was for the scatter ashes and I have my urn. After the funeral, I received a letter from an attorney, thanks to my husband’s brother and mother, that said I needed to pay the ~$6k for having their family urn buried in a freakking wall (columbarium niche) where the funeral took place.
Let me tell you, I LOST MY CRAP. I immediately hired a lawyer to send a response letter saying that I had honored my husband’s wishes, I had paid for the cremation, funeral, urns, etc. and what they did with “their” urn after that, was not my responsibility.
I had scattered his ashes in the two places he wanted as well.
I know the funeral is over, and you’ve already been through that part with the ex, children, and family, but you are not required to listen to anyone about anything that pertains to YOUR HUSBAND!
It doesn’t matter that he was married to the ex, and he was someone’s son. At the end of his life, he was your husband. End of story. I’m sorry this is so long but you are unequivocally NTJ!” Judgy_McJudgy-Pants
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But since she already stole financial documents and suspiciously had his wallet, you need to be moving as fast as possible to handle his affairs.
My mom was in the same situation while pregnant with me. She was a new widow, and my dad’s high school ex-partner who he had a kid with begged for a copy of the death certificate pretending that she needed to sign up for survivor benefits for their kid.
Instead, she ran straight to his bank and wiped all our accounts pretending to be the widow. The bank told my mom the next week essentially “too bad, so sad,” so all the savings he put aside for me and for my mom’s recovery were gone.
They said she couldn’t even file a police report or sue the baby mama because, while she lied about being widowed, she didn’t bring in a fake marriage certificate but did have a death certificate in hand. They also practically called my mom an idiot for giving out copies of the death certificate before handling the most important affairs as if that’s something a 24 y/o widow would know.
Sorry for your loss and all the stress you’re dealing with, but you need to know there are things not even the court system can help you with if they try to sneak around and steal from the estate.” blickyjayy
Another User Comments:
“YOU were his wife, and this house is YOUR house, as such.
The decision for his final disposition was his. If he hadn’t stipulated his instructions in a living will, his relatives still don’t have a legal say in his final disposition, including his children. As his wife, you were the only one who had a legal say in this matter.
They can threaten lawsuits all their life, but any attorney would have told you that they had no legal recourse over the rights of a man’s widow.
You were absolutely NTJ here. You were within your rights to have the home re-keyed. I’d have done it right off the bat, as it seems that his ex-wife and kids seemed to think they had some sort of right to walk right into your home and make off with his possessions.
How I wish people would write up living wills and get them notarized. It would put a stop to so much bullcrap and harassment of widows and widowers if the deceased had left legal instructions about what was to be done with his or her personal belongings.
My husband and adult son both know my will, and I’ve no doubt it will be done according to my wishes. I favor cremation as it’s the least expensive option. If I could afford it though, there is a new option for composting human remains.
It costs around $7,000 to do, and takes between 4-6 weeks for the body to completely decompose and become usable ‘soil’. There is an organization that offers this service a few towns away, and if the family wants some of the soil for their gardens, it’s offered. The rest goes to an area that is currently being ‘reforested.’ In this way, I’d return to the earth and wouldn’t be polluting the earth with embalming chemicals, tooth fillings, etc. I’d become part of the planet, and part of the circle of life.
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your husband. And I’m outraged over his family’s behavior and treatment of you.” Howling2021
15. AITJ For "Being The Reason" My Sister-In-Law Got Injured During A Hike?
“My in-laws are currently in town visiting my husband and me. We decided to go on a beginner’s hike with the family this weekend.
The mountain we chose has a relatively easy track with a spectacular view of the ocean at the summit.
My SIL (21) has only started becoming more active since she began uni. I grew up doing a lot of nature walks/forest hikes/tree climbing with my parents. I’m far from my fittest these days, but I still remember how to do these things.
Basically during the hike, there was a small path off the trail which led down into a valley with a little lake. In the lake was an island with a tree in it.
I thought it looked pretty so I told my husband to tell everyone to continue without me and I would catch up after I went down to have a look.
Unbeknownst to me my SIL decided that if I (being overweight) could do it then so could she. Well, she tried to follow the path I had taken, got her foot stuck between two rocks, and ended up twisting it.
I heard her yelling and had to climb back up, and my husband ended up making a makeshift cold compress from the ice packs we had in our cooler bag.
My MIL and SIL have been blaming me for her hurting herself because somehow it’s my fault she decided to come after me and also it’s my fault that I didn’t wait for her? Apparently, I’m also not being sympathetic enough to her even though today she’s absolutely fine.
I maintain it was a bad accident but she shouldn’t have followed me (she had a swollen ankle for a few hours and a couple of scrapes on her arms. Both are healed as confirmed by a Dr. All I meant by the phrase “bad accident” was that it is a bad thing to happen, and it was an accident – this isn’t in any way related to the severity of her injury).
Am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your instruction was “y’all go on without me.” SIL disobeyed that instruction and therefore only has herself to blame. You grew up doing this stuff, she didn’t. It was her arrogance (and there’s no other way of describing it) in thinking ‘I’m on the same level as you, if you can do it I can too’ that caused her injury and there’s no way anyone can cite you as responsible for that.
If she’d seen you start juggling flaming batons would it have been fine for her to just have a go without practice? Of course not.” Spineberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t have followed you and she should have been paying attention to her foot placement.
However, she may be fine today but that joint is now weakened and she’s going to sprain it again. Hopefully, she doesn’t end up doing what I did.
“Got her foot stuck between two rocks and ended up twisting it.” That’s how I sprained my ankle the first time.
I was at summer camp and went caving (I was around 13), my legs were numb (cave water is COLD even in July) and got my foot caught between two rocks. Didn’t realize it and rolled my ankle spraining it. Didn’t hurt because my leg was numb, and I only realized there was a problem when I couldn’t get my boot on the next morning.
Over the years I kept re-spraining it until about 20 years ago when I finally obliterated two of the three ligaments holding the outside of my right ankle together and had to have surgery to reconstruct them. I haven’t had an issue since, but I’m permanently banned from wearing high heels as a result.
Hopefully, her doctor has made her aware that she is now more prone to spraining that ankle again.” naranghim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You can’t be responsible for other people, especially adults who know their own abilities and limitations! I feel this blame so much though as I once got blamed for my brother, who couldn’t swim properly and would barely venture into a pool for more than 10 minutes, let alone the ocean, because he decided to follow me swimming out to a sandbank far away and got swept away and almost drowned. Apparently, I, a 14-year-old, should have predicted that he would follow me, see him out of the eyes of my feet, and stop to help him…” Snowstarr83
14. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Dad For Not Giving Me Back My Passport?
“So, basically, I (14M) live with my mom now. My dad was toxic, so the judge gave full parental responsibility to my mom. My mom is married to my stepdad, the greatest man that I have ever known in my life. He takes care of me, he’s funny, we have the same hobbies, and he’s just a great person all around.
My mom never got my passport back from my dad, and we wanted to go on vacation to England where my stepdad is originally from. I reached out to my dad and asked him if I could have my passport back in maybe a month.
He said he’d give me my passport for the catch of $500. I told him that he was being ridiculous and that he should come up here where I live (we live two hours away from him), and we could have lunch and discuss it as we have not seen each other in 2 years.
He refused, and I got angry and probably said some things that I shouldn’t have. After I said that, he raised the price of the passport to $1,000. I snapped and told him to get screwed. He blocked me. I got another passport through a different route and went to England.
It was great, and he still hasn’t tried to contact me, and I was thinking that maybe I was a bit harsh on him, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wording was a bit unclear, but am I right in understanding that he tried to hold your passport ransom for $500 and then raised the ransom to a grand after a fight?
If so, that’s a crime. And a really messed up thing to do to a kid. Do you have any adults dealing with this situation with you? I don’t think you should be speaking to this man on your own. NTJ.” Stone_Bucket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have full rights to call the police and report your passport stolen and inform them that the man who stole it is trying to blackmail you for it back. That crap’s illegal to do. He can’t legally keep your documents for it, especially since getting a new one would cost, what, less than a hundred.” depressivedarling
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m glad you were able to get a replacement passport. He had no business demanding payment for it. You started out being gracious by inviting him to lunch and understandably got upset when he refused. He’s supposed to be the mature and responsible one here, and he wasn’t.
I’m sorry that your dad is treating you this way. You don’t deserve it.” LexGuy12
13. AITJ For Telling My Sister I'm Repulsed By Pregnancy?
It would have been totally different if they said they were repulsed by HER pregnancy.
“I was on the phone with my sister yesterday, and she was telling me about her life goals and how she eventually wants to start a family with her partner.
She told me that the “pregnant mom aesthetic is so serene and appealing.” Since we were just speaking hypothetically, I responded to her along the lines of, “Really? The idea of pregnancy has always seemed inherently repulsive to me, personally. I’m just grateful for the women that choose to endure that state long enough to bring life into the world.”
My sister got really cold with me after this and told me to not be so disrespectful over things I couldn’t relate to. I apologized and told her I didn’t mean to disrespect her, I was just speaking about my feelings since we were discussing hypothetically.
She is still upset. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has actually BEEN pregnant many times, I am currently laughing my butt off at your sister. Not too hard though, because once you’ve been pregnant, you have the bladder control of a 3-year-old for the rest of your life.
Cross your legs when you sneeze or suffer the consequences. Serene and appealing. I am deceased. I want to hear what she has to say about it the first time she’s throwing up in the kitchen sink while carefully pressing her blouse to her chest because she doesn’t have time to change before work.” ThreeDogs2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Could it have been phrased better? Sure. But it was nothing horrible or wrong. I hate pregnancy, the concept, the visual, all of it. Your teeth can fall out, you can go blind, labor can rip you from your no-no zone to your booty hole, and your uterus can fall out.
And when expecting parents ask me to touch their belly, I think of the scene from Alien where it bursts out. If it’s brought up, I start off with it’s not for me. Not something I want to go through or put my body through.
If they push or tell me I’ll change my mind, that’s when I go on about how gross I find it and all the damage it does to your body.” strawberrimihlk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And you’re allowed to have your own opinion.
If she’d been sharing that she was pregnant that would have been a little different. But this was a hypothetical discussion. And it’s good that she knows you feel that way – perhaps you won’t be the one who has to hear all the “wondrous things” that happen to her body should she one day be pregnant.
I still remember being at a baby shower and just being horrified by the stories brought out. Sometimes less is more!” RavenCT
12. AITJ For Giving A Guy A Hard Time For Telling Me To Smile?
“I was at work, doing work stuff, when an older customer appeared out of nowhere to tell me I should smile because it’s not that hard.
No one has ever randomly told me to smile before, so I didn’t really know how to react. I wanted to say something snarky, but I didn’t want to get written up, so I decided to just make direct eye contact with him until he went away.
It was really awkward, to be honest, but after a moment, he left. Also, the look on his face when I refused to smile at him was a bit funny in hindsight.
Anyway, I told my coworker “Bob” about that, and he said I should have just walked away instead of creepily staring, and I probably made the customer feel uncomfortable.
Bob told our boss, and she didn’t get me in trouble, but she told me to just walk away in the future and not to stare at the customers. I told two of my friends about it, and one of them said I was equally as creepy as the customer for staring.
If that happens again I probably will just walk away since my boss told me not to do that, or just not tell Bob about anything I do, but in principle, AITJ for staring at that guy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is such a strong gender bias with this.
I’ve never encountered a man who has been told by a random stranger that they should smile but so many women have. Not saying no one has ever told a man to smile, just that I’ve never heard of it happening. My point is most men won’t really fully understand why/how it’s annoying.
I once had someone tell me to smile because it wasn’t that bad and it was while I was taking the bus home so I could shower before returning to the hospital to be with my son, so yes, it was that bad and dude was all “oh, well, how would I have known that?” when I told him.
Yes, that’s exactly the point, random dude. You don’t know so stop telling people to freaking smile.” WamblingWombat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s why: toxic people tell you to smile (controlling and not caring how you feel so long as they get what they want).
Good people give you a reason to (empathy and making your day better if you had a bad one). Your reaction was on point. You weren’t rude. You didn’t submit. You made a silent point. Some also use it to see if you will easily comply and they can then come back and get you to comply with other stuff including getting into situations you would later regret.
It can be predator testing prey. What’s that meme.. my boss said I intimidate my co-workers so I stared at him until he walked away. I love that meme.” ElvyHeartsong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So the creepy customer feels uncomfortable after deliberately making you uncomfortable.
Too bad. Bob doesn’t get it, and I have to say most men don’t. As a young woman, being told to smile could make me angry and ruin my day, but it wasn’t until much later that I realized it was a common experience for women, and everyone freaking hates it.
Why? It dehumanizes you and makes you into an empty mask without a person behind it, whose role is to play-act a sweetness-and-light femininity to please men. You couldn’t possibly be a real person with an inner life, going about their own business in the world.
You couldn’t possibly be not smiling because you had a reason not to. (And don’t forget, you’re prettier when you smile!) The man who says it gets the pleasure of reminding you that you’re not your own person, that he has power over you, that you exist as part of his visual buffet, and that you’re letting the side down by revealing your autonomy about how you feel and act.
Stop that! Did I mention the smile thing makes me really cranky?” Enough-Builder-2230
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Family In My House Since They Showed Up An Hour Early?
“I (34f) am throwing a Super Bowl party at my house for my extended family today. My mother-in-law and my brother-in-law and his children were carpooling to my house.
I told them my husband and I’s party was going to start at 6.
This morning I texted them to ask what time they would be over here by. They didn’t respond the whole day, and they just came over at 5:00 pm unannounced.
I refused to let them in, since I wasn’t ready and they weren’t invited at that time.
My mil demanded to be let in and argued that it was cold out (it wasn’t that cold it was 45 degrees). I told them my house my rules and that they should go out and eat or something and come back in an hour.
When they refused, my husband and I said I would call the police if they wouldn’t leave willingly.
My brother-in-law left in a huff. When 6 rolled around, they didn’t come back, and my brother-in-law just left a snarky message saying that they were going to watch the Super Bowl at his house instead.
Now my extended family won’t speak to me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ when you write, “What time will you be coming?” It sounds like the time is flexible, so there is no reason to believe you will kick them out for arriving early. Further, you could’ve easily invited them in to help you get ready or entertain themselves until you get ready.
What are you setting up that they can’t be there to witness it? The fact you even posted this is mind-boggling to me. You think there is some world where you are not the jerk? Yeah, I guess they inconvenienced you by not communicating well?
You could’ve told them you were worried and next time they should respond to your text. That’s all you need to say?” NervousEmu4218
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – For heaven’s sake you threatened to call the police on them for arriving early to your home?
(And one hour – not two or three hours or in the morning or something absurd). I think they’d be better off going no contact with you. That’s not normal behavior. For anyone. Sure they were inconsiderate not getting back to you – but you went way past over the top here.
That’s just not okay. That’s a relationship ender right there. One of those stories that will be told at family gatherings (that you aren’t at) for years. I am going to ask – Were there drinks involved? Because if so – get yourself to an AA meeting.
You need to before you pile drive more relationships into the ground. (This is not how you treat family). And while I don’t like their lack of consideration for you? Wow. Your response was postal. 45 degrees is cold enough to have to sit in a running car.
Does that seem feasible to you? When there’s a house you’re going to be hosted in – in an hour. This is when you ask everyone to go sit in the living room – with the TV on some channel – while you finish prep.” RavenCT
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You were going to CALL THE POLICE?! Yeah, they may be jerks for the lack of communication, but you were a total jerk in how you guys reacted. It’s freaking family coming over to watch football. You all need to get over yourselves.” listen_to_311
10. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Parenting Plan With My Ex To Please My Husband?
“My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for almost 2. My husband (M,35) and I (F,35) have a new baby who has brought out the best in our new family! I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is soon to be 13.
She’s a wonderful kid – honor society, student council, and athletic beyond my wildest dreams. Her dad and I split when she was 7, and we have had a verbal parenting agreement that has worked for us! No lawyers, no crazy arguments we haven’t worked through, and we truly want the best for our daughter.
My now husband wants me to quit working, so I can be home with our baby, but I carry the health insurance for our son and my daughter. With his new job, he is able to cover all of us but said that if he’s covering my daughter, he feels it’s fair to get her tax credit every year.
My ex and I alternate tax years as he pays for her school tuition which isn’t cheap. Am I the jerk for not wanting to change our parenting plan? I’d love to finish out my daughter’s adolescent years without attorneys and all of their fees!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The answer is NO… The tax should be traded off every year to maintain fairness. He pays for her tuition. You (and by default now you and your husband) are responsible for her medical insurance. It doesn’t matter if it’s under your name or the husband’s name…it’s still coming from that side of the family.
Either he pays for it, or you need to stay working and pay for it still. You would be short-changing your ex-husband by either taking away the tax he is entitled to, or worse… making your ex pay for her insurance on his own. If your husband is so adamant about you staying home, then your ex can pay the insurance AND claim your daughter every year from now on.
Depending on the costs, he could ask for more on top of that. There is no point in upsetting a system that’s been in place and has worked for everyone involved. Your husband is being greedy, and frankly, the whole “wanting you to stay at home” thing is concerning.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“Oh my goodness, count the red flags:
1. He wants you to quit your job and be a SAHM, apparently against your own wishes. Does he want to be able to financially control you?
2. He thinks that as a stepfather, he should have precedence over her father in decisions about your daughter.
3. He thinks that you and your daughter’s father would “owe” him for taking on the financial responsibility of your daughter after he pushed you to relinquish your ability to pay for her. Will he stop at the tax credit, or will he demand more from you/her father/her?
Is she eventually going to be guilted into free babysitting or taking care of the house because she owes him?
4. He thinks that doing what’s right for your daughter (co-parenting well with her father) shows you’re disloyal to him.
5. He thinks that your disinterest in moving away from your support system shows disloyalty to him.
Your husband is displaying a lot of troubling behavior. It’s not about the taxes here.” that_jedi_girl
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not the jerk for not wanting to change your parenting plan with your ex for your husband. It’s important to prioritize what’s best for your daughter and to maintain a stable and respectful relationship with your ex, especially if your current parenting arrangement has been working well.
It’s also understandable that you want to avoid the financial and emotional stress that can come with involving lawyers and changing custody arrangements. Your husband’s suggestion to quit working and be a stay-at-home mom is something that you both need to discuss and come to an agreement on together.
It’s important to consider all the factors involved, including financial stability, healthcare, and the needs of your children. However, it’s not fair or reasonable for your husband to demand changes to your parenting plan with your ex as a condition for covering your daughter’s expenses or getting a tax credit.
Communication and compromise are key in any relationship, and it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your concerns and priorities. Ultimately, any decisions that you make should be in the best interest of your children and your family as a whole.” Rebecca_Nikson
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Mom My Phone Password?
“I’m 18. I recently let my mom use my phone for something, and she accidently locked it.
She asked me for my password, and I refused to tell her. My mother is known for going through people’s phones to try and find stuff she can use to blackmail them. When I refused she started screaming at me calling me names. She also started accusing me of sending inappropriate photos to my partner.
I grabbed my phone off the couch and went to my room. She then proceeded to follow me still calling me bad names. Mind you, the only time my partner and I actually talk is when we’re discussing getting a place together or if one of us is having a bad day because we’re both busy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m so sorry because as someone who is old enough to be your mom, she should NEVER be calling you names. Not ever, not for any reason. A parent calling their child names or other demeaning, dehumanizing terms like that is flat-out toxic, period.
Even if she had actual concerns about your behavior, which it sounds like she doesn’t have any legitimate reason to have, she should NEVER be trying to shame or demean you like that.
I won’t say that you’re “an adult” because while you are the legal age of majority, you’re still a teenager and have a lot of growing to do, but if anything, that means she should still be caring for and supporting you emotionally.
You are NTJ. You have a right to privacy, and more importantly, you have a right to love and kindness from your mother. I’m really sorry that she hasn’t given you that.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“It’s about you standing up to her, not complying with her demands on you.
It’s about you doing what you are supposed to do: becoming an independent adult, making your decisions for yourself. She wants control, from what little you say here, and you wouldn’t give it to her. You did the exact right thing: you walked away and didn’t engage in that conversation.
So she did what bad people and manipulators do: started to throw words at you that would make you feel bad and might make you stay and try to defend yourself. It’s what we tend to do when hit with false accusations, to present the truth against the wrong they are accusing us of.
They know it’s false, the accusations they make. They say these things just to keep us in the conversation and talking with them. I could see her thinking that she could demand looking at your phone to get proof if you had stayed to listen and defend yourself.
And possibly, her demanding your password after all, once she had worn you down after a long session of being accused, blamed, and emotionally maltreated.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“You are not a jerk or anything else your mother has called you. You are an adult with a right to privacy, a private life, and body autonomy.
Your mother’s behavior sounds quite cruel and very unhealthy.
Please look after yourself and set boundaries with your mom when you move out. It’s also worth considering doing some reading around attachment or talking through some of your experiences with a therapist as relationships with parents can have a significant impact on future relationships and lifestyle.
I wish you much happiness.” Opening-Ad-8861
8. AITJ For Banning My Nieces From My House Until My Brother Apologizes?
“I (35F) have been with my wife (38F) for the past 15 years, married for 11, and we have two kids (7 y/o M and 8 y/o F).
Our families have both been quite supportive, but we live far away from most of our family members due to my wife’s job.
My brother (41M) has recently moved into the city we live in with his family including his wife (30F) and daughters (5 and 7).
Our kids have always got along quite well with each other and because my brother and his wife both work long shifts, more often than not, they send their kids over to our house so they can spend time with their cousins.
It is very sweet that they all get along pretty well so my wife and I were happy with the arrangement as long as schoolwork was not being pushed aside.
They even study together which is another level of cute.
Anyway, my brother has recently told me that he would appreciate it if my wife and I kept our PDA to a minimum when their kids were over because he firmly thinks that showing affection to your partner in the presence of a child is absolutely wrong on so many levels.
He also complained that I am too affectionate with my kids and that was also not appropriate.
I was genuinely confused because we aren’t at all into PDA. We kiss each other hello and goodbye, kiss occasionally, hug, and cuddle when we’re watching a movie, but it is nothing that would pass as inappropriate in my opinion.
I asked my wife about this, and she agreed with me.
So I may be the jerk because I told him I was not going to change my relationship with my wife and kids to please him and if he really didn’t want his kids to see that, then he shouldn’t send them over to our house.
My mother called from back home and said my brother was in a bad situation and that I should try and be more understanding with him. As much as I love my nieces, I am not okay with them spending time with us until my brother apologizes.
Was it a jerk move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rationale: I don’t think you’re the jerk, OP, because you have every right to tell your brother to mind his own business. That said, if I were you, I wouldn’t make my nieces’ return to my home contingent on an apology from my brother.
Instead, I would leave it like this with my brother: “My wife and I aren’t changing our behavior. Your girls are welcome here, but you need to understand that you won’t be controlling the expression of affection between me, my wife, and kids.” Then the ball is in his court.
It’s not the girls’ fault that he’s being a jerk about this.” YupNopeWelp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother’s attitude towards you showing affection to your children is messed up. He’s being weird about your normal, healthy, loving relationship with your children. The only one being gross and inappropriate here is your brother.
He needs to apologize. If this is new behavior then you may want to ask him what the heck is going on with him. I feel so bad for his kids if that’s how he’s going to treat them.” JennieGee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it is natural to wonder if there is an issue with your same-sex relationship (which is ludicrous on your brother and sister-in-law’s part).
Your brother is definitely out of line for asking you to change your behavior with your wife and your children in your home. Not to mention that you and your wife are helping him and your sister-in-law. The fact that he feels entitled to police your family and your home is beyond troublesome.
I feel for your mother. She’s in a tough spot, but by asking you to “keep the peace,” she is asking you to make yourself small. That isn’t right. No one should have to/be expected to make themselves smaller to appease another. Especially a close family member.
I feel bad for all of the children. You have the option of telling your brother that you are not going to change anything in your household and continue welcoming your nieces into your loving, accepting home.” mrslII
7. AITJ For Calling My Wife Out For Favoring Our Daughter Over Our Sons?
“I (32, m) and my wife (33, f) have three kids. Our twin sons (10) and our girl (8). Normally all of them are sweet, obedient, and nice.
I consider myself lucky with them.
But in the last few months, I have noticed that my sons are doing everything according to the wishes of my daughter. She wants to play mini golf instead of going to the cinema. They say yes. She wants to play tea time with them instead of soccer (they love soccer), and they say yes.
Not doing sports but sitting in their sister’s room to “drink tea.” They literally treat her like their princess and always put her wishes over theirs. And they get nothing in return! My daughter is acting like an entitled brat and NEVER asks her brothers what they want to do or play.
When I talked to my wife about this, she just said how cute the twins were for adoring their sister so much and that it is good and healthy for them to be around her all the time. Her presence is “civilizing” them. She really said this!
As if my sons were savages without their sister. She told me to not intervene in their relationship, so I let it go.
Yesterday, we went shopping, and I allowed each of the kids to buy something nice for them. My daughter picked a pair of very expensive brand rain boots.
I told her that she can have something like that for her birthday, and she started to cry. And what happened? Her knights showed up and said that they would buy nothing, so she could have the boots. My wife (OF COURSE) said awwwwww, how sweet of you.
This was the moment. I exploded and said nobody is getting anything, and we are going home.
When we arrived, my wife called me a jerk who is trying to turn his own children against each other. I told her that she is a hypocrite.
If the roles were reversed, she would be furious, but since it’s the girl who is getting her way, it’s okay. We haven’t really talked since.
AITJ for standing up for my sons and revealing my wife’s favoritism and hypocrisy?”
Another User Comments:
“My guy, YTJ for your overreaction, and for not discussing this with your wife more, and for advocating your POV before flipping out and punishing all three kids. You taught them nothing, and you made your wife (your partner) feel less than equal in this dynamic.
You’re not wrong in thinking that your daughter shouldn’t always be told yes, and while your sons are clearly VERY sweet young boys, I understand that you don’t have an issue with them or a power dynamic between the kids, but you don’t want your daughter to grow up entitled and selfish.
HOWEVER, you are handling this HORRIBLY. Teach her in other ways, let your sons dote on her, and teach all three that they are all equal, and while it’s great to indulge one another, it’s good that they ALL reciprocate and treat each other that way, not just a one-way street.
The way you’re doing it is achieving nothing.
PS: Apologise to your wife for marginalizing her views and unilaterally making a decision on how to parent your children despite knowing her side of things. Very dismissive attitude, and you suck for it. You’re wrong for how you acted, and she deserves an apology for that.
Work WITH her on a solution that works for both of you. PPS: Your sons clearly are more mature than most their age, and I love that they’re gentle and selfless. Nurture that instinct in them.” Stroopwafeled
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m sorry but are you dumb?
My older brother always took care of me and played toys with me to keep me happy! Why? Because he loves me and was my first best friend. Our mom would give us a budget while going out. We would find one big toy we both liked and could share.
Even to this day (I’m 27F and he’s 31M), he will use his money to help me pay for something I would really like! I never asked him to do this. He just did because he was always a good kid and a great older brother!
Your boys are so, so sweet to include her and play her “girly” games with her. You should be happy! They will grow up to be great men who respect people! Your weird ego is the only thing that would ruin their sibling relationship.” michaelJ78
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You talked to your sons yourself. They told you in their own words that they want to make their sister happy. And instead of being happy that they are such caring and generous young men, you make up wild stories that they’re being manipulated to do this?
What the heck? How do you know your sons don’t enjoy playing tea time and mini golf? Because it’s what their sister likes (a girl), they can’t like it too? If so, this is incredibly sexist.
My best friend growing up was a little boy.
I liked playing with his wrestling figurines with him. You know what his favorite toy of mine was? Polly Pockets. The boy loved to play with Polly Pockets. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s completely natural, and playing with “girls’ toys” didn’t affect him in the slightest as a grown man with a family of his own.
Yes, you do need to teach your kids about fairness, but the way you went about it was all wrong. Throwing a tantrum in a store does not set a good example. As someone said, the appropriate response would have been to tell them that although the gesture was kind, they each needed to choose something for themselves in the budget allotted, including your daughter.
You need to apologize to your wife and quit interfering in your children’s relationships with one another.” Birony88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it is great that you can see the kids and their relationships objectively because the boys always catering to your daughter will not help her long-term.
I hope your wife sees this. I think that your boys WANTING to care for her so much is fantastic, and definitely something to build on. This is a great opportunity for you and your wife to teach all three of your kids ways to show care and appreciation for others, and what many people miss out on, for themselves as well.
It sounds like you and your wife will have kids with an unbreakable bond.” BaseballAcrobatic546
6. AITJ For Dismissing My Mother's Worries About Me?
“I (29M) am an individual on the spectrum and am very firmly an introvert. I have a limited tolerance for socializing, and once that limit is hit, I like to be by myself.
My mother (61F) and I…don’t see eye to eye. She has very opinionated views of what a fulfilling life should look like and tries to impress them on me. She’s always tried to openly or secretly make me do things I’m not particularly interested in.
She cannot fathom that different people have different definitions of satisfaction.
So a week ago she walked into my computer room and started a conversation, asking how life was going, how my job was, etc., etc. Told her I was doing fine, and I’m not experiencing any particular hardship.
(Side note: The house I’m staying in technically belongs to my parents; however, I’m paying the mortgage and assuming the responsibilities of keeping the house running. Rent to own, if you will.)
She then goes on to say that she feels bad that she couldn’t do more for me.
I say I appreciate the thought but I’m content as is.
She keeps the conversation in the same vein, noting that I don’t go out often or that I don’t seem to have very many friends or that I’m always in the computer room doing my own thing.
I tell her once again that I’m not unhappy with the situation.
“Well, I just feel sorry for you,” she says.
I got frustrated and said: “Mother, as I have stated, I am not dissatisfied with how my life is going right now. I enjoy my time by myself.
If you want to feel sorry for me, please go do it somewhere else.”
I acknowledge that she very well just cares for me and my well-being. I do feel as though I may have gone a little too far.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay so – I’m gonna give everybody the benefit of the doubt and say nobody’s the jerk here. I do think she was being annoying, but I don’t think that she necessarily crossed into jerk territory in this interaction. It sounds like she has a hard time understanding you because the two of you are so different.
I wonder if she’s projecting her own views of happiness onto you because she doesn’t understand what makes you happy and why/how those things make you happy, so she’s filling her own knowledge gaps with what she does know.
If you haven’t already, it may be worth spending some therapy time talking about what happiness looks like in introverts vs.
extroverts and for neuro-atypical people. Not saying you have a responsibility to talk about these things with her, but if the current situation is annoying you, a good few conversations might help you both.” Adverbsaredumb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, I get it. I had a kid in the early 2020s who now seems to have some social anxiety, so like, it’s a thing, and I want him to have a happy and fulfilling life.
But my job isn’t to put that on him. My job is to give him opportunities and experiences to decide what he likes and doesn’t like and figure out if there are underlying things that need to be addressed (and get some help if so), to give him the best tools to live a happy and fulfilling life on his terms.
If anyone is at fault here, it’s her, and her putting this “I feel sorry” crap on you is at best manipulative. It’s not really about you. If she’s dissatisfied with how you turned out, she need only look in the mirror. But the fact that you’re on the spectrum, introverted, and just, you know, a different person makes her comments especially gross.
It’s like she’s blaming you for not being who she wanted you to be. Whether that’s because you have autism or just have different interests, it’s crappy and wrong.
Frankly, I think you were as kind as you could have possibly been. If you were a child, more guidance and efforts to push you out of your comfort zone a little bit might be appropriate.
But you’re not. You’re an adult. Either she tried, and you decided that you’re just not interested in the stuff she is, (fair), or she didn’t, and she’s trying to suddenly force that now (not cool).” squishpitcher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is exactly why I’ve told my family that no one comes inside my house without prior notice, and I’m very likely to say no. Nothing personal but I have a big boundary about having my space invaded. Because every time they’ve done it, they’ve done the same as your mother.
Every time I see my grandmother, I know she doesn’t mean to be rude, but she keeps asking if I’m lonely and that she’s worried about how alone I am. I tell her no, I’m fine, I’m totally cool with it, and if I want company, I can easily call my mother or visit a friend if I prepare properly.
Only a few people in my family know I’m autistic, and they always accept what I need in terms of boundaries. My grandmother doesn’t know because she’d have a conniption about that, and I’d never hear the end of it.
Some family are like this because they cannot imagine what it’s like to be us.
They don’t understand that I like being alone for 99% of my time. I have my cats, I have warm cozy blankets, I have my PlayStation. I have three best friends who understand me completely. I’m not lonely, even if I’m alone. You either need to keep saying the same thing and ignore her, which accomplishes nothing.
Or you can explain and say, “This is a one-time explanation, and I won’t repeat it,” and maybe she will listen. Or ask her to ask you first before coming over, you could just go out for coffee to distract her. I don’t know how to make them stop.
It’s been years of the same conversation for me. It’s tiring. But at least no one enters my home without permission.” thebearofwisdom
5. AITJ For Belittling My Partner During Her Mental Breakdown?
His whole reaction to her situation is just wrong.
“My partner is self-employed, and in the past week, she has been stressed. She said she wanted to talk, and so when I was driving her home, she started to open up.
She said she feels like she’s drowning with paying her mortgage, handling clients, and the stress of being self-employed. She’s also taking an expensive course online to help with some of her marketing skills.
I told her, “We just have to toughen up” for her mortgage.
She said her coursework is demanding, but I reminded her it’s only 2 hours of lesson time a week.
She blew up and started crying and said she “has nobody to talk to.”
She’s upset because she bought a contract from a website, and I didn’t offer to look it over.
I’m a lawyer, but legally, I can’t give her legal advice.
I dropped her off when she was crying and went to lunch without texting her, and again, she’s upset.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She clearly communicated to you that she’s stressed, and you completely invalidated her.
“It’s only 2 hours a week” – on top of all the other things she’s stressed out about. I’m not sure what “we need to toughen up” means in relation to her mortgage, either, but it sounds similarly dismissive. Also, you mentioned that she “started to open up” during this conversation, which suggests she’s been holding it in for a while.
She finally lets you know how much pressure she’s under, and your response is to just dump her back home while she’s crying and not even check in with her to see if she’s okay? Is your relationship always like this?” Material-Aardvark736
Another User Comments:
“Yes—YTJ. 25-year lawyer here. When I talk to family/friends, I have to STOP myself from always giving advice because that’s not what people are looking for all the time. They want an ear, they want sympathy. Practice tip: that’s what your clients want too.
In-house, law firm, government agency, doesn’t matter. I’ve done all that, and I always do better when I am listening to the human in front of me and paying attention to their feelings along with the legal problem-solving. Here’s the thing—she specifically asked you to do a legal thing.
You could have, you didn’t, and it added to her stress. Almost no one in your life is going to ask you a question that will cause you an ethical/malpractice issue. Once that happens, you say, “Let me give you my law school classmate’s number” for a referral if you rep the other side in a lawsuit.
For goodness sake.” Realistic-Manager
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When people tell you they’re stressed out, telling them anything like “just have to toughen up” is such a jerk thing to do. You seem to think that she wanted you to solve her problems. Why? Did she ask you to make her life less stressful?
Did she ask you for advice? No. She wanted you to listen. She wanted to express her feelings to you, OP. And your response was basically an “oh shucks” followed by a complete dismissal of her feelings. That’s why she said she has nobody to talk to — because trying to express her feelings to you results in you invalidating them.
You don’t need to solve her problems, OP. Talking doesn’t always mean that she wants your advice. In this case, she clearly just wanted you to listen and empathize with her. When this occurs, the appropriate response is to validate what she is feeling. You can do this by saying things like, “I know it’s been really hard right now, and I hate to see you so stressed out.” Maybe follow it up with something like, “Is there anything I can do?” The issue with legal advice isn’t your fault or a factor here.
But how you treated her makes you the jerk.” toxicredox
4. AITJ For Telling My Wife With Chronic Pain To Get Fewer Massages?
“My wife suffers from chronic soft tissue pain in her neck, back, and shoulders. It’s been like this for years partly due to stress and old injuries. For years, she’s used a combo of physical therapy, pain meds, and seen a masseuse once and sometimes twice a month.
Nothing really fixes it, just temporarily makes her feel better.
Recently, she’s started to see the masseuse two and now three times a month, and the masseuse rates have gone up as well. It’s getting really expensive. I asked her to limit her massages to once a month to manage expenses.
She was upset. I really feel bad. My rationale is that the massages are not a cure, and they are really costly and are at the expense of other things our family needs. We both work and pool our income. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. This is an “everything sucks” situation. I’ve been in your wife’s shoes, and I’ve been in yours. I understand both sides. If she can find other pain management options, that might help with the expenses. If she’s into homeopathic options, there’s a great website called “The Natural Health Library” filled to the brim with more research being added. Free to make an account and access the reference materials.
I’ve used some of the recommendations there for my own pain issues and had it really improve. Another option might be to YouTube massage techniques and try to help her at home. It’ll take a lot of practice, but it can be a way to save money and bond.
Other than that, all I can say is I hope you both figure it out. Times are tough. Focus on communicating, it sounds crazy, but if you can truly discuss it, then you can find a compromise. (Married 10 years here.)” DragonLady8891
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, by the way you are communicating.
Your issue is cost but you focus on her getting massages because you see that as a luxury – but not her $300/month haircut. I get my haircut like 2x per year so this to me is a much better place for cost reduction. Also, you don’t need new clothes 1-200 per month.
Cut back on both of those, and that’s 400-500 a month. Also, agree on insurance possibly. Physical therapy is not a massage, but there may be insurance-covered massages. Talk about finances overall not that she doesn’t need massages. That’s the wrong conversation.” bahahaha2001
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your wife needs to cut back expenses (could be clothes, hair, massage, whatever but she needs to cut xyz) also I would suggest seeing a pain management clinic. My mom has back problems and was on disability for a long time until she went to a pain management clinic and they were finally able to help her and now she has a great job and the house finances are better.
A doctor once told my mom that they can go down the pain med route but you’re just gonna keep taking them and upping doses as you continue in life and then have to swap medicine, and your body will become addicted.” Public-Ad-1553
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get why some people think you are, but I know a bit about chronic pain. There is no amount of any remedy that will cure it. It’s not fair, no one is saying it is, but I know she could get a massage every day for the rest of her life and it still wouldn’t help.
I totally understand why she thinks it’s helping and if the placebo effect is what it takes for her to feel better then I think you’ve been reasonable by asking her to scale back on them and not give them up completely. There are people who go without their asthma medication for financial reasons when it literally helps them breathe.
They forgo breathing. I think she can take one for the team and scale back on the massages. She still gets to have them, and you get some financial stress lifted off your shoulders. Let’s just keep in mind that stress kills more people than chronic pain does.” Healthy-Arachnid1119
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Pain management massages are NOT the same as relaxing spa massages. The pain management massages are uncomfortable while they are happening, and sometimes even cause soreness the next day but can dramatically improve quality of life without harmful substances. Unfortunately, there is no “cure” for chronic pain.
Everything is a temporary fix. The massages work, and don’t cause dangerous side effects like some medicines do. I hope you never have to deal with chronic pain like your wife has because you will feel like a bigger jerk for this than you already are.” deepsleepsheepmeep
3. AITJ For Throwing Away My Baby's Poopy Diaper In My Parents' Trash Can Against Their Wishes?
“When I (39F) picked up my 15-month-old from my parents’ house yesterday after work (my mom (65F) watches her ~20 hours a week for free), her poopy diaper was wrapped up in a bag waiting for me with the car seat.
I put the car seat in the car, brought the diaper into the house, and asked if they wanted me to take it to the outside trash can for them. I honestly thought maybe they got distracted, and it accidentally ended up in the car seat.
They said no, take it with me, and throw it away in my trash can because their bins had just been emptied that day. I thought that was ridiculous and said no, but I’ll throw it away in your bins outside, and that’s what I did.
My mom was angry and short with me afterward. Should I have taken the poopy diaper home with me? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“These YTJ judgments are just stupid, in my opinion. Garbage cans stink in general. One poopy diaper wrapped in a bag (and tied to boot) is not going to overpower the other stinks of the rest of the garbage.
What do you all do with your pet crap? The garbage bin has a lid that seriously helps keep any garbage stink in. If you are one of those people who can smell a rat fart a mile away, like my mom was, toss some baking soda or a couple of dryer sheets into the bin.
Making someone drive home with that is just stupid! NTJ.” Elegant_Flan9641
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – yes, they didn’t want a poopy diaper stinking up their bin for a whole week until the next pick up, and frankly, I don’t blame them. Sorry you had to deal with that, but ignoring their request just because you didn’t agree with them makes this a jerk move.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this just strikes me as odd. We have to put our diaper pail bags in our outdoor trash can throughout the week, and the diaper pail bags seal in the smell pretty well. Maybe buy a diaper pail for them if you don’t want to deal with the hassle.
Honestly, my grossest-smelling trash items are when we clean out the fridge.
This reminds me of this time Domino’s accidentally delivered a pizza to my mother-in-law’s house (it must have been a no-contact delivery, so it had just been on the porch and the driver was gone before they noticed.) She kept calling the Domino’s multiple times to have them send a driver to pick the pizza back up, so she didn’t have to throw it in her own trash.
Keep in mind, they also have a garbage disposal. She ultimately had her husband go over to the Domino’s and had him throw it away there. Lol.” liminalrabbithole
I have never sniffed an outside garbage can that didn't smell like garbage so that is why it stays outside. Garbage cans never smell good unless you are one of those people who constantly wash and clean your cans and sanitize them just so you can put more garbage in then rinse and repeat and that us downright unnecessary. Trash belongs in the trashcan. Why should you drive it all the way to your hone when there is a trash bin right there. Did they not think babysitting their grandchild might generate poopy diapers? What pray tell did they do with your diapers when you were a baby? Get real.
2. AITJ For Refusing To Walk A Female Classmate To Her Car At Night?
“I 21(M) have an acquaintance 21(F) who I go to school with, we have a couple of courses together and are doing group work for some of them and are also in a student club together so we see each other often on campus.
We have known each other for about a year now.
We were working late together on campus on a robot for our student club, and when it was time to go home around midnight, she asked me to walk her to her car which was parked a 7-minute walk away.
I was not comfortable and refused because I get uncomfortable on those streets at night as there are people who seem to be on substances who just shout things and talk to themselves. I’ve never had anyone attack me, but it makes me uncomfortable. Additionally, she is a young woman, and I’m not her partner.
I don’t know if she has one, but if she did, he would probably not approve of it and could get mad at me. I have had partners of girls I know do this before.
The next day, she told me she was a little disappointed as she had volunteered to walk with me between two campus buildings and back late at night on a different occasion when I had to fetch something from the other building.
She also said that I could have dropped her off at the parking and taken a different route to my dorm from there and not have to pass through the sketchy street alone, which is true, or I could have taken her offer to drive me home.
AITJ here? I feel like her volunteering to walk with me is not the same as it was not as bad of a route and I never asked her to do so even if I did take up her offer. And while it’s true I could have avoided them after dropping her, I’d still be a little uncomfortable if I encountered weirdos while with her.
I don’t want this to turn into a big issue as we work well together and I’m hoping to keep doing group projects with her in other classes.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If someone feels unsafe and asks me to accompany them to feel better, I will do so, no matter if friends, acquaintances, random person in my class whom I hardly ever spoke to.
Feeling unsafe to walk back alone is valid, so you communicate and work together like, “Sure I‘ll walk you to your car, could you drop me off here again because I don‘t feel comfortable walking back alone?” Problem solved. You‘re very selfish and show that it‘s not worth working together with you as you‘ll think about nothing but your comfort.” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you, as a man, are uncomfortable walking that stretch of road, then you have a sliver of understanding of what SHE feels like. Plus! You know it’s not a great area and were okay with her walking alone. Women don’t ask for escorts for social reasons.
We ask for escorts for safety reasons. If she had a man who got livid that you made sure his girl made it to her car safely, then that’s on the potential partner and his insecurities. But good to know that a POTENTIAL partner with POTENTIAL negative feelings made you say no to a REAL woman with REAL fears.
I don’t see how you could possibly even second-guess your jerk level. Your only saving grace is that you said you’d walk her to her car in the future.” Sparks-Aflame
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why is he responsible for her parking decisions? Why does he have to be responsible for her safety?
Are they not both adults? Is she not an independent person? If a place doesn’t feel right don’t park there. Vote me down but everyone saying YTJ intends that if something goes wrong OP will/should/needs to defend his acquaintance and it is expected that he should do it willingly.
Op isn’t expendable and isn’t responsible for her parking decisions.” MaxTheGrim131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you’re afraid of walking those sketchy streets, but I’m worried that you promised to walk with her next time. Do you actually intend to do that? If not, don’t say you will.
You’re young and got a drubbing here, but if you feel like you’re being pressured into doing something you don’t want to do, you have to decide what’s important to you: advocating for yourself, or letting peer pressure push you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with.
Take care of yourself.” Meteorboy
1. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law's Partner That She Was Overdressed?
Kudos for her effort, though.
“We have dinner with my husband’s family at least twice a month, and it’s always a very casual affair. My brother-in-law is planning to propose to his girl, so his parents said it was okay for him to start bringing her to them.
She was nervous about her first family dinner, so they came to our house first, and we were going to go together to make it easier on her.
You could tell she had put a lot of effort into her outfit, but she was definitely overdressed. I wasn’t going to say anything, but she asked me if I wasn’t going to change, and I told her nobody ever dressed up for these dinners, and she was a little overdressed. I did make it a point to tell her she looked lovely, but she went into panic mode after I told her she was overdressed as she thought my in-laws were the type of family to dress nicely even at home based on how they dress in public and my mother-in-law’s personality.
I told her it wasn’t a big deal, but she wouldn’t calm down and she ended up fighting with my brother-in-law as he hadn’t warned her and was refusing to go to the dinner. He blamed me because he thinks I made her feel unwelcome with my unnecessary comment when I knew how nervous she was.
I told him he could’ve just taken her home to change quickly instead of arguing with her which has only made him more upset with me. His parents are also unhappy that they never attended dinner, and my brother-in-law keeps trying to get them to blame me for it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with NTJ, the jerk being the BIL. He would have known his partner was overdressed and could have told her. He’s also the jerk for blaming OP when it’s not really anyone’s fault. BIL’s partner asked about OP’s clothes, OP explained dress is casual and said she was a bit overdressed, which was clearly true if the partner noticed the discrepancy between the way they were dressed. I don’t think that’s a particularly bad comment.
I’ve been told I’m overdressed before, and I did not fly off into a panic and skip out on the event. I understand she was nervous, but this seems disproportionate, and I don’t think it’s fair to expect OP to have predicted she’d react so badly.
There are plenty of people who would prefer to be warned they’re overdressed before they go to something.” a-mathemagician
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t seem like you said it with any ill intent or negativity. She was really nervous so it’s okay to tell her she would stand out if she really wanted to fit in.
She may have been really uncomfortable being so dressed up with everybody else casual. Why does everybody here think you should have ignored or danced around her question? She didn’t ask it directly but obviously wanted to know. I don’t get what you did wrong.
Just because some people here like to be dressed up doesn’t matter because she wanted to fit in for this occasion. It would be the same if she was underdressed. I agree better over than under but she didn’t want either and it was seemingly obvious.
Her SO should have handled it when he saw her getting dressed in the first place.” _Voidspren_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – who cares other than you if she looked nice? It does sound like you didn’t like that she asked if you were going to change.
So you told her she was overdressed as you feel more ownership of the “right” to attend this regular dinner.” DGenerAsianX
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You took it too far by telling her she was overdressed. That implies she did something wrong. You should have just said, “We dress pretty causal for these dinners.
You look great though, and I’m glad you’re here.” That would have sounded more like a friendly tip rather than a critique.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“ESH, except your husband and his parents. BIL should’ve given his girl a heads-up about what to expect.
You didn’t need to tell her she was overdressed. She shouldn’t have freaked out. BIL shouldn’t be trying to blame just you when he also screwed up.” Spank_Cakes
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