People Ask Us To Call Out Any Wrongdoings In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friends For Calling Me A Spoiled Rich Kid?
“I (17 m) am pretty well off because of my parents. We’re not super rich but we have a nice house that my grandfather built and a lot of money due to my grandparents’ hard work. My father is the only one that works and doesn’t earn that much but the heritage allows us to do nice stuff.
I share a horse with a family friend and 3 other people, I go on vacation 2-3 times a year and I love snowboarding.
4 of my friends aren’t really wealthy and they seem to hate rich people. One of them works and the others are pretty much failing in school.
1 friend is as wealthy as me but only shares her cat and the clothes she buys and not her vacations.
I like talking about my hobbies and interests so I’ll share some stuff about snowboarding or my horse with my friends. But every time they shut me down and call me a spoiled rich kid.
I don’t get how I’m wrong for wanting to share my interests with my friends. Sure it might be boring to them but can’t they at least ignore it? It’s not like I’m talking about it to them in person, I’m just sending some pictures in our WhatsApp group.
And I mean they do the same with their interest. My friend can spam about his favourite video game which doesn’t interest me in the slightest but I still read his texts and try my best to respond to them. Is it really too much to expect them to at least not insult me for sharing pics of my hobbies?
I voiced it to them yesterday and they just called me a spoiled brat and said that they hate rich people. The one who works says that I’m living off my parents’ money and haven’t earned any of my hobbies. He says I’ve never worked a day in my life and don’t know anything about it.
Yes, I don’t have a job but I did some internships which were mostly physical work (his job is physical work too). And I work very hard for school while my other friends in school do nothing for it. One has never done his homework and then tells me he does more for money than me.
He tells me he would love to work but can’t even learn a bit for his exam. He’s also thinking about leaving the school and he has already repeated the grade once. And then he shames me for not wanting to work because I’m kinda scared of the work environment and afraid that I won’t be enough.
They also keep telling me that it’s right that I’m not enough because I don’t have any skills and only my parents’ money.
I asked why they don’t call my other wealthy friend rich kid and they said it’s because she doesn’t flex about it.
But I simply don’t see how talking about the things I love is flexing? I’m just sharing pics of my horse and snowboarding. I know that snowboarding is expensive but does that mean I can’t talk about it? It really bothers me that they keep bothering me and calling me a lazy spoiled brat.
I genuinely don’t know if I’m just talking from the perspective of a privileged rich person or if they’re being mean.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s generally no harm in talking about your hobbies. BUT, having been in the spot where an affluent friend often talked about their expensive hobbies and extravagant vacations, I can kind of see where your friends are coming from.
It kind of sucks being reminded that even if I might be interested in these hobbies, I can’t afford it.
Also while I get that fear of working, tbh, this sort of comes off as entitled/spoiled because I too don’t want to work if given the option.
I suffer from anxiety and some days it’s a struggle to get out of bed.
Many people are afraid of being in a work environment but they push themselves to do so because they have to or they won’t have food or a place to stay.
I know you’re only 17 and so young so I hope this mindset will change. So does that mean you shouldn’t talk about your hobbies? No. But maybe choose who you would want to share with. Maybe find like-minded people, like other snowboarders or horse riders.
As for your current friends, like your other wealthy friend, maybe talk or share about something you can all relate.” constantlypoorish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These guys aren’t your friends. Luckily you’re about at the age where you’re about to go to college or university, where you can make new friends.
Their constantly putting you down when you try to share what you love with them says a lot more about them than it does about you. Don’t be scared about the workforce, you’ll cross that bridge when you come to it. If you really do feel bad and want to pay things forward a bit, you could volunteer at a food bank or something, which could help you meet nicer people, feel better about yourself, and add something to your resume/college applications.” Royal_Basil_1915
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Allow Dogs At Our House On Christmas?
“So, there’s been a long-running tension in our family around my Mum’s dogs for many years.
They’re always badly behaved, some have been aggressive and there’s an expectation that we should just tolerate them when we visit.
After I had children, I was no longer comfortable doing this. We didn’t see her often, as she lived 2 hours away, but when my kid was small, one of the big dogs started jumping up and nipping me on the shoulder, so then I refused to be in the same room, or to let my kid near them (he was about 18 months at the time).
My kid is now 5 and I have an 8-month-old. My Mum recently moved back into the area and she tried to have the dogs in the same area as the kids when we visited my grandma, by keeping them on a lead, but they were barking at my eldest and he was scared of them, so I ask for them to be put in another room.
I usually host Christmas at mine, as my grandma and great-aunt are almost 90 and can’t really do a lot of cooking and organizing now. Now that my mum has moved nearby, she’s invited too. She agreed a couple of months ago that it would be ok for the dogs to come and stay in the car (a really large Range Rover) and we would take them for a walk after Christmas dinner.
Now she’s challenged this, saying that the dogs would be cold, so I considered that they could come into the porch, but not be in the house (my house is really small by the way, we just have a porch, a living room, and kitchen downstairs).
I feel like it’s going to be stressful enough having two small kids and doing Christmas dinner.
In addition to this, my husband dislikes the dogs and my MIL says she was so scared of them the last time they were around, that she almost called the police… so my hands are pretty tied anyway.
I told her that my rule still stands and she accused me of cruelty, said that I look down on her, that I don’t care about her feelings, that I don’t know what it’s like to be her (she’s currently living in a caravan on her friend’s land).
I do feel bad for her, but I’m not sure what else I can do, and feel like I’m always in the position of having to bend my own boundaries and make everyone else uncomfortable to suit her needs.
Now my great aunt and grandma have said that if my mum decides not to come, they’ll not come either, as they don’t think she should be alone at Christmas.
I’m really disappointed because I like making them a nice Christmas dinner and having them there with the kids, having a bit of fun and spending time together. I see that every Christmas might be the last for the older ones and try to make it nice for them.
I’m so sad that Christmas has been ruined for half the people in the family because the other half doesn’t want those dogs in the house.
By the way, I would be fine if the dogs were more placid and not scary.
Am I the jerk for putting my foot down on this issue and ruining Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The safety and comfort of your children is the most important thing. Certainly more important than two dogs. Your mum is a jerk for thinking that her dogs are more important than her grandkids. That’s how she’s acting and should be told.
People need to stop treating dogs like they’re children. A dog is fine if left alone for a few hours. Sitting in the car isn’t going to hurt them. If she’s so worried she can take them out for hourly walks throughout the day.” GreenTeaShaman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your house. People keep thinking their dogs want to go, but the dogs would be much happier to stay home in their own space and sleep. But you’re thinking about this all wrong. You’re not ruining Christmas for half the people.
You’re making Christmas pleasant for people whose Christmases have been UNpleasant for YEARS! Now it’s their turn to have a good Christmas without dogs.” FuzzyMom2005
20. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Urinate In The Bathroom?
“My partner went out our front door to smoke a couple of evenings ago and requested I come outside as well.
Our home, which we rent, is half of a double shotgun that sits maybe 10 feet or just over 3 meters to our neighbor on one side and our porch is less than 50 feet or 15 meters from neighbors across the street.
He proceeds to go around the corner of our house and pee outside right within the gate that is right up to our neighbor’s house and right behind our front porch. Within a 6 ft privacy fence, so no visibility to anyone, but it was still quite obvious what he was doing.
It was maybe 7 pm, so dark outside but not late. The gate was shut, private yard. No one was going to walk in. I don’t care, still unnecessary.
My opinion is that that’s kinda gross. The bathroom is inside, maybe 15 feet away. There are no plumbing issues.
We aren’t having issues with our water bill. It’s clean. That’s where adults go when they have to pee. I find it embarrassing if anyone were to hear or see that an adult man chose to urinate in the sideyard, private or not, rather than go to the bathroom.
He says men just do that. Why go inside if you can just pee right there? No one can see anything, and I’m being ridiculous.
Okay. If you’re wasted, and it’s 2 am, and you are taking the dogs out, and it’s the fenced backyard – have no issues with it.
Still seems silly when indoor plumbing exists but whatever. Sometimes it’s nice to not blind yourself to bathroom lights in the middle of the night. But to just make a habit of urinating outside is to me a bridge too far.
We live in a major city, with close neighbors, and while water issues are not uncommon we don’t have any.
His argument is that on Halloween we saw some wasted girl pee on a tree and I didn’t care then. Like, okay? So some wasted tourist did this without being around a public bathroom. You’re not a wasted tourist and the bathroom is right there – in your home, where you are at, you dork.
This is the stupidest, most petty debate. He says it’s normal, I say it’s weird and gross. Hey, maybe we’re both right. But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Men don’t just do that. It’s gross. Men and women relieve themselves outdoors only when there are no bathrooms and no people around, ie camping, hiking, way out on the back forty of your farm, or are very wasted with no public toilets around.
Not while you’re right next to your neighbor’s yard, within eyesight of them.” samk2487
Another User Comments:
“People have been urinating outside longer than inside. By millions of years. It’s absolutely normal, he’s saving water, fertilizing the yard, and not peeing on the seat or on the floor.
Not going inside every time means he’s also not tracking the outside in on the floor, and if you’re a civilized household that removes shoes at the door, it’s objectively more trouble to go inside.
I also know a woman landscaper and many female hikers who go so far as to bring a plastic funnel called a ‘p-style’ so they can urinate standing up in pants so as to avoid the tickle of plants during the squat.
Please get over yourself. YTJ” meeksworth
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For The Termination Fee Of Our Lease Agreement?
“My roommate and I both have our names on our lease that was renewed back in Oct 2023 which ends on Nov 2024. We made an agreement with each other that we would each be paying for half of the total monthly rent, and this agreement has been in place since before the lease renewal.
At the end of December 2023, he told me he found a better opportunity and would be moving out in January.
He told me that if we paid $x between the two of us, we could buy out of the lease completely and it would count for our rent payments for 2 months after that (we need a 2 months written notice to terminate the lease.) If that was the case, I told him I wouldn’t mind paying for half of it because it would be cheaper for both of us in the long run – mutually beneficial.
However, sensing this was total crap, I spoke with my property manager who clarified that the $x is a separate charge and we are still rent responsible for the following 2 months after that notice is given (so March 31st if we gave our notice before the 31st of this month).
That made more sense. I do not feel comfortable paying half of the termination fee out of my own pocket simply so he can move out while I stay here.
When I expressed to him that I would not pay half of the $x just so he could leave, I was told by him that we would ‘cross this bridge when we get there.’
He decided yesterday that he would ‘help me’ with rent until the end of February. ‘Help me…’ meaning that he shows no intention of paying his part of the rent after that point. Keep in mind that his name is still on the lease agreement.
If he chooses to terminate the lease sometime in February if a roommate isn’t found, our 2-month notice is pushed back to April 31st and we are both still rent responsible until then. That’s 2 full months of rent that he has no intention of paying.
I am unable to pay the entire rent on my own which means that he will have the face the consequences just as much as I would if he refuses to pay his half. This also means that even though he is searching for a roommate, I am in search of a roommate myself as well simply out of fear and obligation.
I do not feel like I should be responsible for not finding a roommate if a roommate is not found. I also recognize that since I cannot pay the rent fully on my own, we will both be legally responsible when he decides to stop paying.
So, I am kindly asking if AITJ for
A) Alerting him that I will not be accepting responsibility for paying the possible termination fee if it was his choice to leave in the first place
B) Letting him know that I will not be accepting responsibility for finding a roommate to fill the spot that he is leaving behind and letting him know that said responsibility is his own”
Another User Comments:
“Look it doesn’t really matter who is the jerk in this scenario. You have both signed a lease committing to paying rent for a specific amount of time. If the rent goes unpaid you will both be liable for it and can have problems renting in the future.
It may also impact your credit file. Both of you should be looking for a roommate. Your roommate should be responsible for 50% rent up until a new roommate is located or you can terminate the lease and stop paying rent.
You should be looking to ensure you have a roommate and don’t need to move out due to the lease break.
Yes, any end-of-lease/changing lease fees should be paid by your friend however that is between you to sort out or in a civil case. Legally the lease is signed by both of you so you are liable. It may not be fair to you in this circumstance but that is what happens when you go into a contract like this with someone.
For further and better legal advice speak to Tenant Support in your state.” overlytiredmum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely not for not paying his half of the termination fee and definitely not your responsibility to find a roommate. He definitely should be paying for rent up until April (or whenever the two-month notice ends).
If he pays the termination fee and gives the two-month notice, does that cancel the remainder of the lease?
I’m not sure about the legality of any of this but I would just pay your half the rent for the remaining two months if possible to show the apartment you haven’t broken your part of the lease and let them know he’s not paying.
Or possibly notify your apartment now? Again not sure about the legality of who’s on the hook for him not paying but you definitely shouldn’t feel like a jerk for not finding a roommate and not paying the termination fee. He should accept responsibility and the consequences of his actions!” _Huckleberry_5127
18. AITJ For Not Helping My Neighbors All The Time?
“I (27 M) live in a duplex with my fiance. The duplex has a single driveway that I share with my neighbors, but they both park their cars in the driveway even though both houses have a garage. I don’t hate my neighbors, we both just do our own thing, but I’ve attempted before to try and be nice and neighborly to them.
I’ve invited them to cookouts, offered help with yardwork, brought them their packages that were left at my door, etc. And nothing I do seems to be enough to get even a ‘thank you’ out of them.
We’ve gotten a lot of snow during the cold snap that’s affecting half of the U.S.
right now. One day, after we had a big snowstorm, I got done shoveling my side of the driveway and I decided to be nice and shovel and salt their side, too. I again didn’t get a thank you, even though I waved at them when I saw them getting home.
Then, a day later, we had another big snowstorm. I didn’t have time before I had to get to work, so I made plans to shovel when I got home. When I got home, the neighbor’s side of the driveway was cleared while mine was a literal mound of powder and ice.
I also noticed a snowblower left outside right in front of their garage. I admittedly got a little mad but didn’t confront them about it. I’d use one too if I had it, but to leave my side a complete mound that I had to shovel by hand, most of it frozen from the negative weather, and I felt like I could almost hear them laughing at me.
We had yet another snowstorm this morning, but today was my day off and so before my fiance’ had to go to work herself, I shoveled/froze my butt off. I only did my side of the driveway. After an hour, I heard a knock at my door.
It was the neighbors, both of them looking annoyed and cold. The guy asked if I could help them, as the furthest car down the driveway was stuck, so neither of them could leave (the other car was parked in front of that one). I thought about just laughing and shutting the door, but I just went out and got ready to shovel yet again.
When I stepped out, the guy started berating me, asking why I didn’t do their side of the driveway when I was out earlier. The woman, who was in the car, started yelling at me that it was my fault that he was going to be late for work because I could’ve cleared the snow behind them, but I chose not to.
So I brought up the aforementioned snowblower, but the guy said it was ‘out of the question’ and stated he didn’t have enough gas for it or the money to get it because of the high price. I asked if that was the case, I literally have a full gas tank in my garage he could use, but the guy said there was no time and I just had to ‘be nicer’.
So I got my shovel out of the garage, gave it to the guy, and then went back inside. They were both yelling at me even after I went in, and later on, I found my shovel in the yard. They did get their car out eventually.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, shoveling their driveway was their responsibility. They have not thanked you for the one time you did theirs, nor could they return the favor when they used the snow blower on their side only. Why they expect you to be nice when they have been very rude is a mystery.
I would not have broken out my shovel and told them to figure it out the second they started berating and yelling. He was late to work because of his lack of forethought and planning.” SweeperOfChimneys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, remember no good deed goes unpunished. You are nice to do their driveway a couple of times.
But you are not their slave. They can’t even say. Thank you for doing something nice. You would not be responsible for their getting out of the driveway in the snow. They’re not responsible for you so you did the right thing. You were even nice when you went through your shovel.
And they didn’t even have to shovel. They had a snow blower and could not be bothered. Next time it snows just do your side and they say anything you say. Well, you can do both sides of the driveway then. You guys don’t really interact much anyway so just forget about it and go on with your day.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Singing A Different Walk-Down Song At My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (23 M) love to sing. I’m not American Idol good but I’m considered a ringer at karaoke night by my friends.
I was a groomsman for my best friend ‘Travis’ (23 M) wedding to ‘Taylor’ (23 F). Taylor has been the exact opposite of a bridezilla. The only non-negotiable thing she had was that she did not want a track playing when she walked down the aisle and wanted a live band.
A reasonable request. They had Enchanted by Taylor Swift as their walk-down song, as it was the song he proposed to her during one of our karaoke nights.
Well, the day of the wedding comes, and the lead singer of the band ends up passing out during rehearsal. She had to leave to go to the hospital. As Travis couldn’t see her, I had to go inform Taylor through a bridesmaid.
The bridesmaid comes back and states that while Taylor was Empathetic and she understood, she was still adamant about no tracks. She asked if I was willing to sing in place, but I told her that my voice wouldn’t fit the song she wanted. Bridesmaids asked me to do whatever I needed to do and try to make something work
I spoke with the band, and I asked if they were able to learn ‘True’ by Ryan Cabrera, a relatively simple song with an hour’s notice, and a song I know my voice can handle. They were willing to and after a quick readjustment rehearsal with those actually walking down the aisle, minus Taylor, the wedding happened. I performed the song, and although somewhat confused, Taylor seemed very happy.
I then take place in my position as a groomsman.
At the portion of the photo, Taylor came up to me and jumped me with a hug, thanking me for stepping in. She asked why I changed the song but after a brief explanation of how my voice wouldn’t have worked, she understood and said she was happy I chose that song.
Travis, on the other hand, was not very talkative to me. After the reception and following days, he ghosted me. After finally having enough I went over to his place to talk this out. This is where all went loose.
He was very upset with me for changing the song, knowing it was Taylor’s favorite song and I couldn’t have sucked it up for literally 5 minutes.
I defended by stating the following:
1. I was following Taylor’s ONE request for no-track music.
2. My voice would not have made any of the video footage taken because the song didn’t fit my voice.
3. I chose another song that I KNOW he and Taylor loved and that I could actually sing.
He basically removed all that by stating that I should have done what was requested in the first place. As soon as I mentioned how Taylor didn’t mind, he kicked me out.
Several people are divided. Our friend group, AKA the groomsmen, are taking Travis’ side and stating how I’m the jerk.
The bridesmaids, Taylor’s friends, are defending me for choosing a song that I could sing and was still wedding-appropriate. Taylor has remained silent about this, as she is Travis’ wife, but know I did what I could.
I genuinely don’t know what to make of everything.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My thought is that Travis doesn’t realize the dynamics of singing. There are songs that just don’t fit a voice registry, and you were wise to point this out and drop back to a song that better fits your voice range.
I am a soprano, and I’ve been in situations where people have wanted me to sing something beyond my range. They just don’t realize how cringe-worthy it is.” Illustrious-Tour-247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were put in a tough situation and did the best you could with what you were given.
Beyond the fact that signing a song you could actually sing seems like the right decision, You do not owe it to anybody to ‘suck it up for 5 minutes’ and embarrass yourself in front of a bunch of people.
What I would do is reach out to both Taylor and Travis ‘apologizing’ but not fully, something along the lines of: ‘I’m sorry I did not sing enchanted at your wedding, I was put in a very difficult position having to fill in for a professional at the last minute when I am not a professional myself.
I tried my best to make your wedding ceremony beautiful, I am truly sorry my best was not good enough for you.’ I would keep that narrative to our friends too. ‘I tried my best, sorry my best was not good enough’.
The bottom line is that if your friends cannot appreciate the effort you made to save their wedding, you are better off without them.” Dramatic-but-Aware
I feel sorry for the bride now wife because she just married a 2 yr old who is going to have a tantrum every time something isn't what he wanted. They don't need to have a child as she already has one
16. AITJ For Going Off At My Grandmother The Day My Great-Grandmother Died?
“I (F 23) have always had problems with my mother’s side of the family. Most of it stems from my uncle.
My uncle at the time was in his mid-30s and still lives with his parents. He has the physical and mental capabilities to work but for the past 10 years, he just refuses to.
He doesn’t work, gets high 24/7 using money his parents give him, and is just a very angry and unpleasant person to be around.
When my great-grandmother died, my mom, dad, and I went up to be with my great-grandmother before her death and to be with family after.
During all of this, my uncle refused to even leave his room. He didn’t visit my great-grandmother and would call my grandmother to come home and make him dinner while she was visiting her dying mom.
Every time he would call for things like food, more funds for illegal stuff, for the bathroom to be cleaned, and for his laundry to be done, my grandmother would literally leave her dying mother to cater to her fully capable ADULT son.
The day my great-grandmother did pass, we were all deciding what to do for dinner.
My uncle decided he wanted to come but had recently decided he had a long list of food allergies despite never going to a doctor or having any type of reaction to these foods.
Every time a restaurant was brought up, my grandmother said she had to ask J and would text him a link to the menu of the restaurant and wait for his response. Mind you, he was upstairs in his room yet just refused to come down.
After about 5 refusals from restaurants, it was getting late and I lost it.
I told my grandmother that this is the reason why I never visit or talk to her. I said that her obsession with caring for her grown son was honestly weird and unhealthy.
I said that he needs to grow up and take care of himself.
She yelled and said ‘He’s my son, I will do anything for him and you have no right to talk about him like that. He is my only baby left and I have to protect him also you have no right to talk to me like that the day my mother just died.
At that point, I looked over to my mom who is her daughter. She was in tears.
I looked at my grandmother and said ‘You are sick’.
I then started packing my stuff and she came up behind me and yelled ‘You are going to stay right here missy and you are going to apologize to my son’.
I said nothing and just continued packing. Since my mom, dad, and I had all driven up together, we had one car. My dad slowly walked over and said ‘Just come with us’.
My dad and I then left. The whole time my grandmother was calling me and leaving voicemails that I needed to come back and apologize to her baby, that I couldn’t just leave like that.
The next day, my mom, dad and I left as scheduled, and the only thing my grandmother said to me was again, I need to apologize to her baby.
I honestly miss how things were before she started this with him and part of me just wants to placate her to keep the peace but another part of me knows it’s healthier to stay away.
AITJ for leaving and not apologizing?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yeah, for sure your grandma has an unhealthy relationship with your uncle, but that’s her problem, and she made him that way. I don’t think you needed to blow up on her that way, especially on that day.
You could have just as easily said you didn’t want to partake in this nonsense and left without going into details until a later date. But it’s all said and done now. I just wonder who will take care of the princess that is your uncle when grandma is gone too.
Don’t apologize for that waste of space that is your uncle. Apologize to your grandma and your family for the outburst.” Irdgafbra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – this day was likely hard on your mom especially due to how much your grandma favors her son over her daughter.
Your tantrum was at the wrong time, and you left your mom to manage all the difficult feelings she was likely experiencing without her support system, her husband. You should apologize to your mom. Your uncle is also a jerk, but I’m giving grandma more of a pass given her mother just died and you went for her.
Your frustration was reasonable, but your delivery was inappropriate.” Real_Editor_7837
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your grandmother and uncle might have a toxic relationship, but in my opinion, you have no right to comment on their relationship. They’re content as they are.
Your grandmother has no right to demand an apology from anyone. Forced apologies are worthless, in my opinion.
If I were going to apologize to anyone, if I were in your position, I would apologize to your mother, who lost her grandmother and might have her feelings about the way her brother treats her mother.
I might also apologize to your grandmother, because she lost her mother, and she might be treating your uncle this way to prevent him from killing himself with his substance use.” srgonzo75
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Mother For Always Pointing Out That I'm Fat?
“My (F 23) mom (F 62) and my dad (M 62) came to the US for Christmas, so that we could spend some time together since I study here and they live in Europe (where I was born and raised).
I hadn’t seen them for a little more than 6 months, and as soon as my mom saw me she commented that I gained weight.
I am not going to lie, I did gain weight, but I am not overweight and I am actively trying to lose those few pounds that I gained. I go to the gym often, I climb, and I try to eat healthy as much as possible.
However, living on campus, sometimes is difficult to eat healthy because the dining hall offers a lot of fried food, which I tend to avoid.
For this little family vacation, I traveled from one coast of the U.S. to the other to see my parents, we spent a lot of time together, but most of the conversations with my mom were about how fat I got, and how unlovable I was when I’m fat.
She started questioning if my relationship was real because she could not understand how is it possible that I was in a relationship while being this fat. I also overheard a conversation she had with my dad, where she was wondering if my partner has an affair, because ‘it’s not possible that he loves her, she is so fat’.
This whole week has been dreadful, I regretted deeply spending this week with them and I feel hurt. This morning, before leaving for the airport, she started crying and told me ‘You’re so intelligent and beautiful, why do you have to ruin everything by being fat?’ I got so mad and I told her ‘If you have to constantly complain about MY body, and have to cry because you think that I am so unlovable, then do not bother coming back to this country in 6 months to see my Masters’ Graduation’.
She stopped crying and started screaming at me, calling me names and saying that I do not respect her, nor accept criticism, and most importantly that I am not thankful for all they’ve done for me. My dad agreed with her and told to me that there was no reason for me to talk like this to my mother because she was correct and she was saying these things out of love.
I reminded them both that I went through eating disorders growing up that were triggered by my mom’s behavior and constant criticism of my body. They both said that I never had an eating disorder and that I was a jerk for talking to them like this after all they’d done for me.
Now I’m just confused and overwhelmed, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry that your mother’s insecurities (and dad enabling her) have affected you your whole life. You did great standing up for yourself and you have every right not to invite them to YOUR graduation.
If you have to hear her talk crap again, try to remove yourself from what she’s saying ‘You’ve gained weight’ and hear the real meaning ‘I hate my own body, but I feel better if I drag you down to my level, rather than fix me’.
I’m petty so I’d play her at her own game ‘You’ve gained weight’, ‘Why yes I have, thank you for noticing. Looks like you have too’ ‘My partner loves bigger girls, so I plan on gaining even more’ ‘Oh are you not using face cream, I’m sure you’ve got more wrinkles than last time’ ‘Wow, your hair got grey/thin’ ‘I’m surprised dad still loves you looking so old’.
Even thinking about these things may help you feel a little better. She has never protected your wellbeing, so don’t protect hers.” otterpics
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not. It sounds like your parents are gaslighting you by claiming you never had an eating disorder because they know deep down that they contributed in part to that.
You have nothing to feel guilty for! Whatever it is they claim they have done for you and that you ought to be thankful for does not negate the body dysmorphia and self-hatred they are cultivating. No parent should be influencing their child to think their worth and loveableness is inversely proportionate to the number on the weighing scale.” Jealous-Treacle5736
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive For 45 Minutes To My In-Laws On Christmas?
“I (23 F) and my husband (23 M) just had our baby a few months ago. My baby has been teething for the last couple of weeks which has made it difficult to travel to other places at times. My side of the family usually celebrates on Christmas Eve while his side celebrates on Christmas.
My mother’s is 30 min away. His mom’s is 45 min away. We’ll call his mom Jane.
For several months, Jane has been telling us that she would come down to our house for Christmas since our baby would still be so young. We gladly agreed since we wanted to spend Christmas at home for the first time.
A few days ago, Jane mentioned that her husband didn’t want to travel on Christmas anymore and asked if we could go up to their house instead. I told her that my husband and I would talk about it and get back to her.
My husband and I already decided that we were going to go to my mom’s side of the family since my grandparents are in their late 70s.
We told Jane last night that we didn’t plan on driving on Christmas day since it is harder with the baby. She mentioned that we were able to go to my side of the family’s so why couldn’t we go up there? I told her that we were already having issues with the baby on my family’s side, so we didn’t want to travel two days in a row.
She claimed that I prioritize my family over hers and thinks that we don’t like going to her house anymore.
This caused drama between her, my husband, and I. Jane’s husband said that we needed to make her Christmas better and go to her house to do that.
I just don’t understand why it was such a big deal for them to not come to our house. They would not be seeing their first granddaughter on Christmas because they didn’t feel like traveling. I want to do what I think is best for my family or to help make us have a good Christmas.
I feel like the drama could’ve all been avoided if I just would’ve given in and immediately said yes to going to her house. Jane is upset over this situation as well as I am.
AITJ for not wanting to go to her house?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a shame that babies and in-laws don’t come with instructions! You are doing the best you can for your baby and your family. There’s nothing wrong with that.
On the other hand, your MIL agreed to visit you, changed her mind, and decided that you should come to her.
Not wanting to travel with a baby who’s teething is understandable. If your baby is like mine, you’re not getting much sleep.
Your MIL did not consult you before deciding that you should go to her house. This is on her. You and your husband need to stay on the same page here and deal with your MIL as a united group.
Remember, no is a full sentence.” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband needs to be the one to deal with his mother. You shouldn’t be saddled with explaining anything to her, ever. He needs to leave you out of any drama with his family.
Husband could say, ‘We were already booked Christmas Eve, and don’t want to drive with baby two days in a row. You are welcome to come here, or we can celebrate Christmas with you on a different day.’ It’s not a matter of your family being willing to make an effort, it’s that you are limited with your small baby, and your husband’s family wanted to change plans in such a way that didn’t work for you.” tendervittles77
13. AITJ For Taking Toys From My Mother-In-Law's To Give To My Son?
“So I (24 f) and my fiance (26 m) went to his mother’s for Christmas Eve today as we’re going to my mother’s for Christmas Day. We did our gift exchange and my son (2.5 years), got some great toys including some Duplo which we were so grateful for as we’ve wanted to get him some for a while!
We were packing up and getting ready so we could head off after lunch and I heard my MIL yell ‘No! Those are staying here!’ I was confused and thought maybe I’d packed something that was hers so I asked for clarification and she stated that the gifts that she and my BIL purchased were to stay here as ‘grandma’s house toys.’
I responded with ‘I appreciate that you purchased them but they’ve been gifted to him therefore they should be at his house so he can play with them whenever he wants!’ Her response was ‘I paid for them so they’re mine and I want them to stay here so he can play with them here.’
Bear in mind that he doesn’t often go to my MIL’s house, maybe once every few months, and she’s also very strict about how he plays so he likely wouldn’t even be allowed to play with them however he wants (they’re a big Duplo set).
She wants everything to be tidy (which is, of course, fair enough) but because of that he’s not allowed to pour all his toys out and play with them the way he wants so I ended up just putting them back on the table and leaving.
Now my BIL just called me yelling about how I ‘ruined Christmas’ and that I was ‘entitled and rude’ and maybe I was. At the end of the day she did pay for them but am I really wrong for thinking that they’re HIS TOYS and he should be able to have them at HIS HOUSE?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Grandmother’s perspective here: anything I give my grandson, be toys or clothes or whatever can go wherever he goes. If his parents want the toys at home so he can play with them there, then that’s where they go. We have him roughly every other weekend, so there are always plenty more toys and clothes at our house.
We don’t gatekeep his belongings, including the ones we purchased.
Since your MIL obviously feels differently, she should have communicated that from the start with a simple ‘We bought some toys so he will have some here to play with when he comes for a visit.’ That would have been better than making a scene like she did when SHE ruined the Christmas mood.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wants grandma’s house toys, those just need to appear in a closet/toy box, not wrapped up under the tree! (Plus grandma’s house toys are free games for all the grandkids, so if there are other grandkids, is she re-wrapping?)
I just listened to a podcast about why littles dump their toys – their brains can’t ‘finish’ what they see. So you and I can see that the red block is part of an archway if we see part of it, but little kids can’t see that it’s an archway until they see the whole thing.
We’ve had enough experiences that our brain fills in the blanks, and until they are like 4-5 years old, their brains just can’t do that. So dumping toys is aggravating, but also an important step in the brain, vision development, and pre-reading skill! (It’s the same way your brain can finish words you read before you actually finish the word.” Long-Juggernaut687
12. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Parents Get Round-The-Clock Care?
“My parents were awful parents to me (29 M). They did not treat me the way a parent should treat their kid.
They were much better with my siblings. Not perfect. But they made the effort to give them love, show them kindness, and provide for them. I don’t know why I was different. And I can’t say whether I could be an affair baby or not.
I don’t care to find out. I cut all ties with my parents when I was 17 and my partner’s, now my husband, family was willing to let me live with them. They saw how bad my life was at home. Heck, they fed me more often than my parents did.
Most of the time anything I did get to eat at my parents I was berated for costing them money, time, and effort. It was never-ending.
My parents also liked to drink. It happened often enough that you could easily call it a problem but I know it got worse after I moved out.
My siblings told me it wasn’t ever that bad and they were happy with our parents. But they could also acknowledge that our parents treated me like trash and never should have been allowed to keep custody of me.
Now the drinking has caused problems with both my parents’ health and my siblings are taking care of them.
And they want me to do my part as well. They want us all to prepare for the future if they need more round-the-clock care and they want us to plan for their funerals when they inevitably die without anything arranged for themselves. They said as the oldest and the most stable I am in a better position to help.
I told them while I love them, it would forever haunt me if I helped care for our parents after the crappy life and treatment they gave me. I told them they do not deserve it and I deserve better than to be left making sure they’re taken care of.
I told them they could always choose to do nothing as well or they can choose to accept that they are going to take the weight of the responsibility for them (our parents). But that it would be cruel to expect me to make sure my parents are treated better than they treated me, and that they have more dignity than they ever allowed me.
I told them if I had become very sick as a kid I would have been lucky to see a doctor, let alone have my parents pay the money to care for me. None of them denied that. But they all (all 4) said I should do it for them, for the love I have for them and how hard it is.
They’re mad I said no. They were even more mad when I told them my primary obligation is to my husband and our unborn son who will be here next year and not our parents.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe your parents, or your siblings, anything.
Your parents brought this all on themselves with their drinking (and probably poor health in other ways). They’re only in their 60s by my estimate and your siblings are already discussing round-the-clock care and funeral arrangements… All because your parents didn’t care enough for themselves.
No one can put any of that on you. And your siblings don’t want you to share in the work. They want you to take on as much of the work of caregiving as possible. That’s why your siblings say that you’re ‘in a better position to help’.
They want you, as the oldest and most secure, to swoop in and fix these issues. But there’s really no fixing decades of drinking addiction.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can be mad. That’s their emotion to process. It doesn’t translate into an obligation on your part.
They are mad because:
1. They want your help/don’t want to have to carry the burden of your parents on their shoulders alone
2. Maybe they really believe you should love your parents enough to treat them better than they treated you. or Maybe they are hurt that you don’t want to make THEIR (your siblings’) lives easier by helping out.
Give them time to deal with that, but do not feel guilty that you aren’t giving them what they want. You never have to lift a finger for your parents or spend a cent on them. You can tell your siblings that you love and support them but will not do anything that directly helps your parents.
However, you may be willing to do things that make your siblings’ lives easier (e.g., treat them to a meal, babysit a nibling…) It may make it easier for your siblings to accept your boundaries, and it builds the relationships you want and value, without burdening you with your parents.” swillshop
11. AITJ For Refusing To Pay $100 For Our Family's Christmas Meal?
“My mother asked me if I could contribute towards food for Christmas day. I said that would be fine, and then she determined that I needed to provide $100.
which seems like a bit much. By this logic, the budget for 5 people for Christmas Day is $500.
When I asked her to break it down, I said to my mother that it felt way too much for one day of food… Especially because Mum has been saying this Christmas would be a lot more toned down and on the cheaper side.
My sister (25 f) buts in and says ‘Oh no the budget is like $300+, Mum and Dad are putting in $100. My partner and I are putting in $100 so you will do’.
It clicked in my head – that means they’re putting in the equivalent of $50 per person, why am I paying double?
In fact – based on my mothers complaining about funds and having no money – the devil on my shoulder has told me that my family is actually going to try and get me to provide the entire budget for food for Christmas, – based on the $400 rent I pay (fortnightly) plus $100 which is double what the others are paying… that’s more than half my paycheck…
I HAVE however put forward a compromise to my mum that I will go along with the shopping and pay for what they need me to that fits the budget I am willing to provide.
My sister still threw a tantrum (classy) and yelled that ‘Christmas is my thing, we don’t want you to come along’ which is when I put my foot down and said ‘I am either there to make sure my money is being used for its purpose or not at all’ to which she continued to flip out…
(Please note – my little sister and her partner are both full-time workers, with 3 pets, in the largest bedroom in the house – and pay no rent- I live in a closet and pay $200 a week…)
THE FOLLOWING MORNING HOWEVER:
While getting ready for work I heard my sister talking to her partner who said ‘Nah (Me) is going to pay for it all’ – I started recording on my phone – ‘She pays $400 in rent and if she pays the extra $100, then that’s $500.
We’re covered, babe’.
I took this to my parents with the proof and told them I would not be paying them a cent this fortnight because I refuse to feed the people who just want to use me for my money in unfair conditions and continue to be treated like dirt.”
Another User Comments:
“$500? For Pete’s sake, how many people are you hosting? $500 is quite a lot of money for a Christmas meal. It’s ridiculous. You are getting the shorter end of the stick & it is really not fair at all. Why don’t your sister & her partner have to pay rent?
And why should you have to pay for the whole thing? What did your parents say when you brought them the recording? You are NTJ. The whole family is trying to take advantage of you. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“OP, please move out as soon as you can. I know it’s not that easy, but trust me, I’m in a tricky housing spot myself but these people, who are your ‘family’ are taking advantage of you. I would refuse to pay rent until your sister does but at the end of the day they will probably all lie about it anyway.
I’m a jerk so I would stop paying rent and make them evict me but that’s me. Just watch out for yourself, now you know for sure where you stand.
Oh, by the way, dinner for 5 should be under $100 even with grocery prices as absurd as they are.
My turkey for Thanksgiving was 12 lbs and it cost $6.00. Potatoes, stuffing, gravy, veggies, turkey stock, and dessert were under $30. You can 5 for about $50 with dessert.” Lisa_Knows_Best
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Decide Everything On My Wedding?
“I played a college sport at a major university. It was a major deal for my family as I was the first and only sibling to go to college.
It was mostly paid for by the university, but not all of it.
My parents very graciously paid for my housing and a bit of my tuition, which was expensive since it was a city campus. It was so generous of them and I am very privileged to be able to say that.
That being said, I also worked very hard (60 hours a week) in the summer in order to pay for all my living expenses since I could not work while also playing this sport.
After I graduated, I got a well-paying job and got a promotion not long after getting engaged where I now make 250k a year.
It is such a privilege and a blessing to be able to say that I’ve saved up a lot for this wedding and worked really hard to be able to afford what my fiancé and I want. We are really excited to get married!
Flash forward to now, we are in the thick of wedding planning. Our budget is 35k. My parents very very generously gave us 5000 dollars for the wedding. I didn’t expect them to give us anything and I couldn’t be more thankful for their contribution.
I know they are extremely excited about this wedding too. I am the first child, grandchild, cousin, etc to get married in my extended family and so is my fiancé.
Since day one though, my mom has had some pretty extreme opinions about the wedding.
I’ve obliged most of them and compromised.
For example, I wanted an outdoor garden-style reception that felt more like a daytime dinner party. My mom said that it wasn’t formal enough. My fiancé and I wanted a very small wedding of about 80 people and no kids.
My mom and dad said that they absolutely wanted all their family members there. We wanted to have a destination wedding, but my parents said that was too much of a hassle for everyone and a big burden to put on our family.
Now, I don’t mind making compromises.
I love them and I’m grateful for them. I understand how much privilege and blessing I have in my life that I have parents who have supported me. But my mom broke my spirit today when she said that my invitation choice was too casual and that it’s disrespectful to the spiritual and sacred point of marriage And it’s completely disrespectful of their contribution to the wedding.
I mentioned to her that the theme is an informal, elegant dinner party. And she said, ‘OK well the vibe should just be beautiful elegant traditional. That’s what I’m trying to do because tradition and etiquette are that. It is us, your parents, who are inviting friends and family to the marriage of their daughter since it’s our family that is spending the money and hosting.
Also, the money may be coming from your account now, but we would have paid for the whole wedding if we hadn’t paid for your apartment in college’. I don’t really know what to say to that.
This felt like the last straw.
I know it’s just the invites but it’s all added up!
HELP!”
Another User Comments:
“As I see it, your choices are to allow your extremely opinionated mother who has no interest whatsoever in the kind of wedding you want to plan your entire wedding from here on out, or you have to cut her out of the planning entirely, perhaps including her in a couple of forced choices such as, we’re having either flavor A or flavor B wedding cake, which do you prefer?
It’s clear that if you keep her involved, she will use every guilt-inducing technique known to man to manipulate you. This is not her wedding. This is your wedding. And having her diss every choice you want to make endlessly is stomping on your joy.
Make it stop. Tell her that you love her and want to get along with her and that since you disagree about so many things about the wedding, in the interest of peace, from now on, you and your fiance will finish the planning.
Haven’t you compromised enough already?
And by the way, if the invitations haven’t gone out yet and you want child-free, do child-free. If you only want 80 people, only invite 80 people. If you want an outdoor reception, rent the venue and invite you to the outside reception. Have the beautiful wedding of your choice.
And if you feel guilty about the 5K either return it or get your parents an extremely lavish gift with it. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents helped you in college, it does not mean they bought you and your life forever.
It was their adult choice: to give money or not. On what terms etc. Selling your soul and your own life to them was not in the terms I guess.
I’d cut off all the family from any decision-making. It’s your wedding, you organize it with YOUR family (fiancee) so that YOU TWO remember that you made the wedding of your dreams. And you invite everyone you two feel like inviting to this wedding: be it 5 people or 555.
Your mom seems to be organizing her own wedding. Well, she can do it for her money, in her place, in her time – say, to renew the vows. And do it as formal, as white, blue, or black as she wants to.
Not her wedding, not her say.
So since you’re in the position of $250k/yr, you totally are someone who (sometimes) has to put people in place – politely, diplomatically, or however else. This is that very situation. Mom’s ‘job’ here is to be happy for her son, and to enjoy being a guest at the event.
If you ask for more – so be it. If not – have fun, Mom, here’s your neverending glass of champagne.” fromeverywheretoLA
9. AITJ For Rejecting My High School Bullies' Apology?
“I (F 23) am a former bully victim in my high school’s marching band organization in 2015.
Unfortunately, I was too quiet and polite, so many members made fun of my quietness. I didn’t expect that the members would be loud, obnoxious, and extroverted. The seniors would yell at me, like ‘Why I wouldn’t answer their questions and stay silent’ and others would join the bullying every day.
Also, I was constantly ignored by my team members who would continuously exclude me from formal meetings to casual hangouts. I eventually left the organization in only 1 year. Even on graduation day, many of them would still catcall, sneer, and give me hate looks.
So here are my worst four bullies.
The first one, Annie, would catcall me names when I was walking in the school corridors in front of many students publicly, such as ‘freak’ and ‘idiot’. Even worse, after school I would have to memorize several corridor pathways so that I don’t have to meet her.
I also have another three, Hannah, Clare, and Samantha. Hannah would stay silent when I was being catcalled and just ignore me and never say hi. Clare would insist on making social hangouts in my team quietly to make sure that I was excluded and would never join their meetings.
Samantha would make fake rumors about me among all members of the marching band, and make hate stares if I passed by her in school.
Today, my brother is an Ivy League grad (Cornell) and is currently working at Big Tech and I am now preparing for grad school.
So some of my former bullies recently & unexpectedly approached me.
Last year, Samantha sent me a friend request on social media, however, I rejected her friend request and immediately blocked her.
3 months ago, Hannah and Clare messaged me on Instagram, ‘Hey, how are you now?’ and apologized. I replied ‘Hi, I am currently preparing for my grad application to T20 Universities and the Ivies, and unfortunately I think we cannot be friends anymore.’ Hannah only read my message while Clare begged for my forgiveness, so I just said ‘Hi, did you even remember that when I was bullied, you were silent?’ then I blocked them.
Recently Annie sent a connection request on Linkedin. So I messaged her back, ‘Why are you ignoring me in high school and suddenly adding me here?’ She said that all of her actions were by mistake and unintentional. Yet, if it was by accidental mistake, why did she yell at me PUBLICLY in school corridors?
So I rejected and blocked her completely.
So, AITJ for rejecting an apology from my high school bullies?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! NTJ at all. They bullied you. And now they’re trying to bully you into accepting their lame ‘apologies’, which only makes it worse and prolongs it.
Keep blocking them. There is no reason for you to stay in contact with any of them. Why would you? You are the more mature person for moving on. They are the ones who can’t let go, let alone face their responsibility. Move on. You are about to begin the amazing journey of your adult life.
Why would you keep carrying stinky old ballast around, when you should travel light?” Very-last-boyscout
Another User Comments:
“As someone who was also bullied and excluded a lot in high school, in my opinion, you owe them absolutely NOTHING. You sound close to what I went through and I can tell you that even 25+ years after high school, those experiences still haunt me and no apology will fix it.
You’re the better person for just blocking and telling them why. Wish you the best in grad school. NTJ.
I also recommend some counseling as there may be underlying damage you may not even know about. I didn’t realize for 10 to 15 years how much that treatment affected me.” Ozzie_the_tiger_cat
8. AITJ For Refusing To Bring My Stepbrother With Me And My Significant Other To The Park?
“I (14) live in London (Kensington). My parents r separated (so sometimes I’m at one’s house and in others at the other’s house).
I have a stepmother and she and my father had a son, (John, 5 years old) and recently on my birthday, I received some makeup, perfumes, etc.
Well, all this started this afternoon when I got home after school, (I was just going to have a snack, bc then I was going out to go to the park with my significant other, and I had already warned my father about it), went to my room, to the makeup vanity, and when I went to pack some items there, I realized that my new Miss Dior lipstick was not in the usual place, and it was even full of lipstick marks on the outside.
I opened the lipstick and realized that it was like half of it, I thought it had fallen from its place and maybe broken, but then I realized that there was A TOOTH BRAND ON THE LIPSTICK.
I was extremely angry, I went to my stepmother and asked her if she knew what had happened and if my dog had somehow managed to bite my lipstick (I was desperate, I thought of 599 different situations lol), she calmly told me that John wanted to go to my room and that she simply opened the door for him and stood there leaning against ‘controlling’ what he was doing, he wanted to play with my makeup, AND THAT WITCH HELPED HIM TO ACHIEVE THE MAKEUP that was stored on a high vanity shelf (SERIOUS, UHG).
She let him use all the makeup that he wanted. (And he broke a mirror)
I’m not happy with the idea that a 5-year-old child can enter my room, mess with everything he wants, and that she didn’t do anything about it. (She saw him ruining the lipstick, didn’t do anything, and then didn’t apologize to me)
I was really upset, but I planned to solve this when my father got back from work, and I also didn’t want to get angry anymore before going out.
I took my bag, went to the entrance and she asked me where I was going, I told her (that I was going with my SO), and she told me to take John with me, I simply said I didn’t want to, especially after he ruined my lipstick, and that my SO and I wanted to spend time together to talk, hold hands, etc., and that we wouldn’t want to run after a 5-year-old child, and that I wasn’t a babysitter to take care of her son.
She said that I was being rude and that she would tell my father that he spoiled me too much and that I should take care of my brother and whatever. So, in case you’re wondering, I didn’t raise my voice to her, I wasn’t rude, I wasn’t ironic, I didn’t say ‘bad words’, I didn’t insult her, etc. I just said I didn’t want to take him with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a lockbox, there are some for just a tenner on Amazon. I know it’s a pain but lock up your makeup and stuff you don’t want him touching because if Stepmom lets this happen once it’s gonna keep happening. Try and talk to your dad about it but I guarantee when he’s not home she will pull the adult card and take her son into your room whenever she wants.
You’re not your step-brother’s babysitter, your stepmom is trying to force you to watch him so she can have time to herself and play it off as ‘sibling bonding’.
Also talk to your dad about this, that you need time for yourself and your friends, and that you will play/hang out with your stepbrother other times.
Maybe plan an activity like taking him to the park another day for an hour, just to keep the peace and so your step mum can’t argue that point. Stand your ground but remain polite otherwise step mum will paint you as the bratty child who is refusing to bond with their stepfamily.
Stay calm even tho it’s frustrating and talk to your dad maturely.” Important_Power4443
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmother can’t force you to take your brother on a walk. She needs to have empathy to understand your boundaries. She knew what she was doing when she encouraged your little brother to go to your room and mess with your stuff.
I’d suggest you talk with your father about your stepmother’s unacceptable behavior. And also get a lock for your room, or hide your stuff in a safe place.” No-Zookeepergame7396
7. AITJ For Wanting To Speak Only In Telugu At Home?
“I (39 M) and my wife (36 F) moved to the U.S. 7 years ago. We are both software engineers and we have a daughter, Jia (4 F). She is our adopted daughter, we adopted her at age 1.5 after finding out that my wife is infertile and likely won’t be able to have the children for the rest of her life, which was a very crushing blow for me, and her too.
Anyway, at home, I speak Telugu. After a long day’s worth of work, the last thing I want to do is to speak more English, and my daughter is picking it up well.
The issue is that we are talking to her preschool teacher during one of those parent-teacher meetings they do here, and the teacher told us that Jia is having trouble with phonics.
I explained that my wife was handling the phonics flashcards, but the teacher said that that was not enough actually and she was asking about languages that we speak at home, I explained that we just speak Telugu, so then the teacher recommended we speak more English around Jia.
When we got home, my wife started only addressing me in English and would ignore me unless I spoke back. This frankly really ticked and annoyed me because as you can see very clearly in the story in which I am writing, I have great English, so I told my wife that I’ll talk sometimes to Jia in English until we fix it, but my wife will say that it is the matter that we have to get used to speaking more English at home so it will come more naturally.
It’s been a week now, and I’m feeling kind of depressed because all I hear is English, and it’s harder to make jokes and have more casual conversations, it honestly feels like I’m back at work. I know you don’t attach emotion to a language but the sound and tones really bring me back to work so I told my wife, however, she is saying that this will pass and that I need to be a team player in the team together working as one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a very simple and easy solution/compromise that many bilingual families employ for their young children. Your wife speaks to your child only in English and you speak to them only in Telugu. When your wife speaks to you she uses English and you respond in Telugu.
That way you both get a little of what you want and more importantly, you BOTH foster your daughter’s vocabulary and pattern recognition. Now that’s teamwork.
There will be a learning curve where your daughter may mix the two languages together in sentences, but all you have to do is gently remind them to stick to one language when speaking.
Also, set the rule that she speaks English at school so she can show off how awesome her second language is as a surprise talent! The added benefit to this practice is that she can learn so many words in both languages as you and your wife speak to each other as essentially you two will BOTH act as real-time translations.
Children are sponges. No doubt she’ll progress wonderfully if you choose to implement a 1 parent 1 language policy.
Also, not for nothing but it’s kind of a trashy move for your wife to ignore you when not speaking English, it’s practically punishment for/shaming the skill of being bilingual. Your daughter is going to pick up on that behavior and may have unintended consequences unrelated to the language issue.
She’s going to see Mom ignore Dad. And that is the bigger issue (and also jerk behavior).” TangyTrooper19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for several reasons.
1. Your kid is 4. It’s absolutely common for children that age to struggle with phonics.
2. Children of bilingual households often suffer slight language delays, but then they get better than children raised in monolingual households very quickly.
3. Learning 2 languages lessens a person’s risk of Alzheimer’s and dementia.
My brother-in-law speaks English exclusively to his children, and his wife speaks exclusively to the children in Spanish. While there were delays at first by 3rd grade they were several grade levels above their peers.
The teacher is wrong. If your wife wants to speak English to your daughter, that’s fine, but you keep speaking Telugu to her. In the long run, your daughter will be better for it.” Artichoke-8951
6. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Stop Paying His Wealthy Parents Back?
“My (29 F) husband’s (30 M) parents are wealthy, and he tries to take whatever chance he can to pay them back for the privileged upbringing they’ve afforded him. We’re talking thousands per year – he tries to pay for their bills, send them $1,000 for every birthday/holiday/etc. They try to refuse because they do not need or even want the money.
When we’re talking wealthy, we’re talking they don’t bat an eye at spending hundreds of thousands casually on a new vacation home every few years. So the extra money means nothing to them, but my husband absolutely insists on sending them the money and refuses to let them send it back in hopes that he can eventually pay them back.
His privileged upbringing is an insecurity of his since often in modern society, it’s seen negatively to have grown up wealthy and be able to take the ‘easy street’ in life. He wants to say that his successes are self-made.
I bring this up to him each time, but he counters saying that I am selfish and ungrateful for all that they have done for us.
It’s not giving them our money. It’s giving back some of the money that they’ve given to us, he said. I usually let it go at the end of each argument.
I snapped the other day when he offered to pay their $3,000 credit card bill and confronted him after we got home, saying that he needs to consult with me before gifting his parents such large sums of money.
I asked him why he feels the need to be giving money from us, a middle-class working couple, to his parents who are in the top 1%. He got defensive and said that anyone and everyone would want to give back to their parents if they could, and because we have the means to, we should.
When I point out that it’s HIM they’ve given money to in the form of paying for his tuition, his car, his food/clothing, etc., he then countered that I can think of it as him alone giving HIS money back to them, even though legally, it’s OUR marital assets he’s pulling from.
He said that it was to my benefit that they paid for his education and a lot of things for him, because when we entered the marriage, he had more assets to bring, while I had fewer assets since I had to work through my student debt first. So he said it’s ungrateful for me to think that the money they’ve invested into him only benefited him.
I don’t think this is benefiting any parties involved. $5,000-$10,000 per year means a lot to us financially and is a sizable chunk of our annual income, but to his parents, this is couch change. They insist they don’t even want his money and seem uncomfortable with him forcing it on them each time.
I feel like he’s only doing this to address his insecurity, but he insists it’s not. I keep telling him that his parents want him to pay them back in the form of spending time with them, not in the form of money, but he’s stubborn.
AITJ here? Maybe I don’t understand because I am alienated from my parents and thus don’t understand how the normal parent/child dynamic should work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you want this to work for you long term then you need to nip this in the bud now.
Your husband is ignoring you which is a red flag. You say his parents are against it. Reach out to his parents and tell them he’s doing this without your consent. Tell them you want to have an intervention with him about his spending and that you’d like them to tell him at the intervention what they actually want.
Somebody else in the comments suggested time with him which I suspect is right. After this is accomplished use some of the money that is no longer being thrown away to go to a counselor with him.” MegaDom
Another User Comments:
“This is genuinely the most insane story I’ve ever read.
No one looks down on people born rich in a way that has any material effect on them, first of all. Like sure there is a lot of discussion about the way the class divide affects people’s ability to break into certain industries and an acknowledgment that we don’t actually have a meritocracy, but it’s not actually a disadvantage.
No one is denied a job or a spot at a prestigious school because they’re too privileged. Quite the opposite, it’s the strongest possible advantage any person could possibly have and you can’t undo it. You can’t ‘pay back’ your way out of having been born privileged. The entire exercise is insane.
ALSO – if you want to be the sort of person who casually drops $10k in gifts to your parents, um go get a really high-paying job? Like why isn’t he focused on becoming wealthy enough to be able to give those sorts of gifts away if that’s what he wants?
This is genuinely distressing. He’s BLOWING money that should be going to building your future and you need to 1) talk to a lawyer about what you can do now to protect your own property and your own portion of the marital estate and 2) think seriously about what you’re going to do if he doesn’t stop.
Because I don’t think he’ll stop. NTJ.” SaveBandit987654321
5. AITJ For Not Sitting With My Family At My Mom's Funeral?
“I (19 m) recently lost my mom to cancer. Her funeral was a week ago.
For some background info, my parents divorced ten years ago. My dad wasn’t a good guy. He had an affair multiple times during their marriage. He was never there for me.
When I was 14, my dad reached out to me. He remarried and I met his wife, ‘Rebecca’, and her 2 kids ‘Sammy’ (now 16 m) and ‘Katie’ (now 15 f). My mom had full custody of me up until that point but my dad decided to fight for 50/50 custody because his wife needed someone to watch her kids and money was tight for them.
For 4 years I was their free babysitter 2 weeks out of every month and they would ground me if I refused to help during my weeks with my mom. I spent a lot of my time grounded at their house which made me absolutely hate him and his family.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 17. She came from money but cancer’s a jerk and what she had wasn’t enough. I got a job and tried pitching in as much as I could. This bothered my dad as he had been in a tough financial situation for years and I never contributed.
A month before I turned 18, I told my school counselor that my dad and his wife were treating me badly. I had lied because they were keeping me from seeing or calling my mom when it was my dad’s time and I was getting frustrated. Their home was investigated my dad’s kids were talked to and obviously, nothing was found.
I got grounded and my stuff was taken away because as my dad put it ‘I had embarrassed him and accused him of not taking care of me.’
On my 18th birthday, I left. I’ve ignored my dad’s calls and cut out his family.
I was never close with his other kids so it didn’t really bother me.
This last year my mom got worse. I watched her suffer through her last months. I hated that I couldn’t do anything.
At her funeral, I sat with my best friend, Nick (19 m).
My dad was invited by some extended family and I didn’t even know.
After the service was over I got berated by my dad for not sitting with my family and not acknowledging him or his family in my speech. His wife was offended that I said that my mom was someone who could never be replaced and that she was always there for me.
My dad said that his wife had tried for years to bond with me and I never cared about her feelings. He said his kids were upset when I walked out of their lives and how I hurt them because I never cared for them.
I told him that he was being a hypocrite since I recalled him doing the same thing to me when I was a kid.
The fight escalated and he said that he tried to change and I got tired of his nonsense. He began insulting my mom, so I told him to leave.
When he refused, I cried until some family took him outside. My dad and even my mom’s side of the family have been telling me that I acted immaturely and it made my dad look bad that his son didn’t sit with him. I believe that he had no right to expect me to care about him.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. I am so sorry about your mom. Losing a parent you love is so much harder than we can even expect. This stranger is sending you long-distance hugs but your dad is out of line. The way they treated you growing up was awful, and the way they treated you at the funeral was awful.
I would keep your no-contact going with them and look for a family of friends that YOU choose. Any family that wants to give you a hard time about how you behaved at your own mother’s funeral deserves to be blocked and ignored. Your dad doesn’t deserve you in his life.
You can do much better on your own.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“My darling boy, you have just lost your mother after having lost your father as a real parent figure years ago. You are going through a lot. A LOT. And your bio-father is not kind or sensitive to it.
These people’s feelings and opinions are not important right now. Your own feelings and experience are.
Your father broke your family and there are consequences for that that he must bear. Please be gentle with yourself and do not concern yourself about them. If anyone tries to raise it with you, be direct: ‘I’m mourning my mother, and you’re being insensitive.
It’s not okay to talk about this with me.’
Gentle hugs from this Internet Mom to you. Take the time to be sad and remember the love you experienced from your mother. You get to carry that with you throughout your life forever.” wellbehavedhuman
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Partner To Live With Us?
“I’m (21 f) and living with my best friend (22 f). The first few weeks were fine as we were getting into a routine. I had met her partner who is 26M and the first impression was really bad.
We moved into this apartment in the summertime.
This is now winter time and my roommate’s partner had changed locations somewhere closer to us and had ended up moving in. I told my friend that I really wasn’t comfortable with him moving in and that it was only going to be temporary as he’s already eaten my food in the fridge.
Using all the utilities he even changed our living room space without acknowledging me or my roommate and just did it.
A couple of months have been going by and I asked when is he moving and she told me he was not and I told her that’s not really fair as I didn’t agree to move in with her and her partner I agreed to move in with her and it’s not fair that he doesn’t pay any of the bills he doesn’t pay for any of the essentials.
He uses all of my cooking ware and leaves them on the stove and lets them harden and leaves pasta in them and stains them orange from oil and that if he’s not leaving, I’m going to the leasing office to let them know that she is violating the leasing agreement.
She told me that I was being a jerk and that if I was in love, then I would understand her and her partner’s situation, and that oh, I needed to set my priorities straight. I told her if she wasn’t moved out by the end of the week then I was going to the leasing office.
They left at night and haven’t returned yet and I feel bad about the way that I’m talking to her but at the same time I don’t feel bad for the fact that this is also my space in my apartment as well and I feel like I can’t even use my own kitchen in or the bathroom or my own living room without constantly being in a filthy mess from him from not picking up anything and leaving everything out there, and constantly using all of our stuff they put in a second TV in her room just so he can play video games in the living room and she can watch TV in her room.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s gaslighting you so you’ll feel bad ‘Oh if you were in love you’d know where she’s coming from’ nonsense. You deserve to have a happy, clean safe space that’s your own. He’s not paid for anything.
Get him out of there. You’re not reporting it to the leasing office. This could definitely backfire on you in a very bad way, which could further damage you from getting into other apartments in the future. I do something now if you don’t go to the hospital when you have a broken arm.
It never fixes itself. I’d nip this in the bud as soon as possible, OP” VeeeeDazzzz
Another User Comments:
“Put a lock on your bedroom and put your pots and pans there so they can’t use it. Get all the utility bills since he moved in and divide by 3 including the rent and them how much he owes.
It’s crappy of her to move in her partner and not talk to you about it. If he comes back let your friend know that you are going to the leasing office the next day. Once the lease is up move out. It looks like you will lose your friend.” 18k_gold
3. AITJ For Being Angry At My Pregnant Sister For Kicking My Significant Other Out Of Our House?
“I (20 F) have a sister (23 F) who found out she was pregnant in October. I was happy for her, I was supportive but I told her that she would need a lot of help, and I’m not home often (I work 8-hour shifts and I’m also a student at a very challenging course that requires a lot of studying.)
Here is the thing – me and my sister live alone, our mom (48 F) lives in the same city, but we do not see each other often. My significant other (21 M) sometimes comes to sleep over when he has classes in the morning since he has to drive a long distance when he’s at home (he lives in a small town) and everyone was fine with that.
My sister got mad at me because of laundry one night, threw my clothes in the hallway, and kicked my SO out of our apartment (he did nothing wrong and kept quiet throughout my and my sister’s argument.)
Since then, I am not on speaking terms with my sister.
My sister is known for being toxic, she is toxic towards our mom and me, and manipulates everyone into doing things for her since ‘she was pregnant’. She is now 4 months pregnant and the belly isn’t showing. That’s the backstory.
My mom texted me yesterday and asked when I was coming over.
I said I didn’t want to talk about our argument since it had nothing to do with my mom. My mom said I am to be present in my sister’s life and help financially as much as I can. She is getting financial help from both mom and dad, I make 330 euros working as a student.
I said I barely made enough to support myself, and I could not support the kid financially, my mom said I was toxic, I was not to ask for another cent from her and I would still help my sister out. I feel guilty not helping her out after our conversation, but I still don’t think I want to help her financially.
Am I the jerk for refusing to help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult and no longer under your mother’s control. If she’s not going to give you any money anyway, what do you have to lose by telling her that, no, you will not be supporting your sister, and that’s that?
Use your money for yourself. Don’t let your mother sacrifice your life, your education, and future, for your sister’s sake. If you (barely) make enough to support yourself then you need that money. Any more you get should go toward making yourself more independent.
Get away from them if you can and avoid getting involved in their drama.
Obviously, your parents are going to focus on your sister and her baby now and you won’t get any help from them. Look at the silver lining – if you have to be independent anyway, you can take the positive of that – you are free of any obligations to your parents and sister.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“This is not going to work out. If there is any way you can get out of your lease and share an apartment with another working student, you’ll be much better off. Perhaps your sister can move back in with your parents, or with another new single mom so they can share some of the work and childcare.
But for you, this is a terrible arrangement. This isn’t about family cohesion; this is about you being exploited. Your parents’ expectations are unreasonable, and your sister is behaving very badly toward you. You don’t have to put up with it. Get out! NTJ” Nester1953
2. AITJ For Telling Someone Our Daughters Don't Have The Same Intelligence Levels?
“My daughter, let’s call her Sophie, used to be best friends with Kat. They used to be best friends in elementary school but ever since middle school, they have started to grow apart.
The school splits the kids in advance, and normal for math and science.
All other classes are still together. My daughter got placed in the advance and Kat got placed in normal. No big deal they still see each other in school. They were still close friends until group projects.
There have been multiple group projects and kids get to pick their partners.
Kat and Sophie usually work together, and that is when issues start happening. Sophie would get really frustrated that the work Kat did wasn’t correct. I told her to just turn it in without fixing it and she got a bad grade on that assignment.
After that Sophie went through a period of time fixing stuff after a while I told her to stop doing group projects with her. So they stopped doing projects together and the friendship blew up.
So they are not friends anymore. It’s Sophie’s birthday and invites were sent out.
Kat wasn’t on the invite list my daughter made. I got a call from her mom asking why she wasn’t invited. I informed her they aren’t really friends anymore, she said to invite her anyway since this is just a spat. I told her the people invited were people my daughter wanted at the event.
This went on for a while and came to why they weren’t friends anymore. I said it was due to both girls’ intelligence levels, and tried explaining the group project issue. She got mad, accusing me I am calling her kid dumb (I never said that).
She called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and in such a way that I worry the universe might collapse around you.
First, intelligence isn’t really a thing the way you’re thinking of it. Look up Gardner’s intelligences and consider these. Is your daughter truly as advanced across all domains?
Evidently not in the social one.
Second, consider what you are teaching your daughter. She’s allowed to be rude to and angry at people who score lower than her? Is that something that applies to anyone, because it will be interesting when someone excludes her for not being as advanced as they are, and she internalizes it as being her fault because that’s what you’ve taught her.
There was a real opportunity to teach her to respond with compassion and humility, which would have given her such valuable characteristics and lessons about how to relate to other people in school and the workplace. Instead, she will really struggle if she repeats this.
Go look up process approach to learning and ask yourself if you’re setting her up to learn or to stop learning as soon as she feels she is better than someone else.” MarshadowLivesHere
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are likely smart enough to know that while you didn’t call her dumb, you said everything but.
Why did you say that, I wonder. You could have just said the friends fell out over school projects.
Be wary of raising a child to believe she’s intellectually superior to other kids. Kids like that often fall flat in their 20s when grades are not important anymore.
Kat might be thriving by then with a friend group who recognizes her best qualities. And consider there are lots of reasons why kids can be difficult group project members. It could even be your daughter was hypercritical and Kat stopped trying.
There also are many different types of intelligence.
Kat could be smart in ways you don’t understand or value, so, maybe stop acting like an expert?” ProfessionalElk88
1. AITJ For Wanting To Invite My Family To My Wedding?
“My fiancee is from a very well-off family. They are really in a whole other world. We met online in our early teens (we’re mid-20s now) and have been in contact on and off for years. The support she gave me was priceless. She’s the kind of girl you can tell anything and doesn’t judge.
She’s loyal 100%. Loves my daughter like her own and gets on really well with my baby’s mom. We met in person a year and a half ago. Things are a dream with her. I proposed on our year anniversary. She said yes.
I’m cool with any kind of wedding.
Fiancee thinks the bigger the better. She’s been dreaming of it. The thing is, her parents are paying and taking a lot of control. They’ve vetoed so many of the people I want to come. Even said I couldn’t have the groomsman or best man I wanted. These are guys that are important to me (one is my brother).
The reason why is they have a criminal record. So do I. Some are felons. We grew up rough. Life sucked and we did what we had to do. My fiancee’s parents think having them at the wedding is trashy (they didn’t use this word but it’s implied) and that lots of their guests won’t come because these people are ‘intimidating’ and ‘scary’.
They make underhanded comments about me sometimes too. They aren’t trying to be mean. They are just out of touch and often off base – that is what it is.
My fiancee is 50/50. She gets nervous around some of my friends/family but she just needs to get to know them better.
She gets on well with my mom who is one of the most important people.
My fiancee really wants her big wedding. I think it’s pointless for me if I can’t have who I want there. She thinks we could later do a smaller wedding with my family.
But 2 weddings? That’s such a waste of money.
Yesterday I got into an argument with my fiancee. I said I didn’t want to get married if everyone I want can’t be there. Things devolved from there and some choice of words were said.
I’m kind of reeling honestly.
I DO want to marry her. Her family is just annoying me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe that’s the point of the parents’ planning. Have 2 weddings. It’s a great idea. One for the upper class and one for the workmen/servant class. That way they don’t have to mix.
(sarcasm). Maybe your fiancée is just used to going along with what her parents want or maybe she is just a spoiled her who wants her big poofy party. If she is willing to sacrifice your friends and family to get her dream wedding, maybe you 2 are not such a match.
It may be that after a year, she may know you but need more time to get to know your people. But this discomfort with some of your people may never go away and do you want to spend the rest of your celebrations with them delegated to the backroom?
NTJ. You need to talk a lot more before making any plans.” Some_Range_9037
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws are trying to control your wedding by paying for it. The strings are attached. If I were you, I’d demand my guest list also be included or flat out refuse their money and involvement.
If this means it can’t be the fancy lavish affair your fiancé wants, that’s a shame, but her priority should be how you BOTH feel on this special day both. If she’s willing to let her family stomp all over you just for the sake of a more expensive wedding then it shows where you stand with her.
By now she needs to have realized and accepted that marrying you means she has to accept that the people who matter to you are going to be a part of her life too. She and her family are trying to isolate you from your friends and loved ones because they don’t meet their standards.
I get the strong impression think little of you as well but are trying to keep it to themselves as much as possible for her sake.
Be aware these people will probably always look down on you. You come from different worlds; nothing wrong with that.
The only problem is if one side tries to reject the other. That’s what’s happening and you need to decide if you’re going to allow it to happen. If you do, it will continue throughout your relationship. Don’t expect it to end with just the wedding.
If you end up having kids with her I’m willing to bet money her family will favor these kids over your current one heavily. This could have a seriously negative impact on your child’s mental health.
The only way to avoid these kinds of issues is for you both to be on the same page about setting boundaries with family so that there’s no mistreatment happening.
Talk to your fiancé about all this. Make them include your guest list or cut them out of the payment/planning and have them only be involved as guests.” ElaNinja
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