People Appreciate What We Have To Say About Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

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Dive into a whirlwind of moral dilemmas, family feuds, and personal conflicts in this captivating collection of stories. From defending the rights of a deaf child to confronting family hypocrisy, each tale explores the question: Am I The Jerk? Navigate the murky waters of social etiquette, familial obligations, and personal boundaries as we question our actions and their implications. Are you ready to challenge your perspective and question your judgement? Read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Defending My Kids' Right To Privacy From My Partner's Son?

QI

“I’ve been seeing my partner for a few months now. I’ve got two kids (10m and 7f) and she’s got one (3m). Her son is autistic and that is new for both me and my kids so we’re trying to learn and understand. My kids are pretty independent and love to do their activities in their bedrooms (Legos, art, etc).

My daughter on numerous occasions has let her son come into her room and go through her things, like her markers and such (just likes the colors, isn’t drawing on things).

The other day my daughter moved him out of her room and closed the door and locked it.

He threw a fit and my partner noticed this and came to me saying she feels that it is rude of my kids to shut him out of their rooms. I told her that those were their rooms and that her kid needs to understand boundaries and that my kids don’t have anywhere else in the house (besides the bathroom) to be alone.

I also said it’s not their responsibility to entertain her son. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: I understand the struggles of dealing with kids with autism, and that when it comes to social norms, it’s appropriate to give them a little more leeway than might be given a normal child.  But that doesn’t mean they get to cross whatever boundaries they want.

Even autistic and other “special needs” children require boundaries, and the idea that your daughter should be forced to allow a boy into her room is repulsive.” LelandHeron

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for protecting your kid’s privacy but you’ve been seeing this woman for MONTHS and she’s already been in your house?

Met your kids? Tried to force your 7-year-old to take responsibility for her TODDLER? She’s already shown you that she doesn’t respect your children in their own house and doesn’t believe your daughter has a right to advocate for herself. Don’t invite your next partner into your children’s lives until you’ve been seeing them for at least a year.” Necessary_Counter20

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Kids do deserve privacy, and their own rooms, especially, need to be a space where they can go when they feel the need to be by themselves. Also, their rooms are a place where they, and their stuff, are secure, so others should not be going into their rooms on a regular basis without permission.

This is especially important in your case where you have such a big change happening where you are blending families. Just because your daughter has let your partner’s kid into her room in the past does not mean that the child has blanket permission to go in whenever they want.

And you are also right about something else – it is not your kid’s job to entertain your partner’s child. It’s her child, not theirs. They are kids also, they need to be able to be kids. And your partner’s child is not an only child anymore – he will need to learn boundaries if he is going to get along with your two kids (and his mother will have to understand this as well).

You did a good job standing up for your children.” bamf1701

5 points - Liked by lebe, Disneyprincess78, Eatonpenelope and 2 more
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Kilzer53 2 days ago
Ntj. Even autistic children can be disciplined and taught rules. They can understand what no means.
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21. AITJ For Giving Donuts To My Son's Sleepover Guests?

QI

“My (43F) son (10M) had a sleepover this weekend at my house with 4 other boys.

They were fine and well-behaved and played video games and stuff… you know kids!

In the morning I thought I would give them a special treat since it was a sleepover and got a half dozen donuts for the boys and one for me. Quick and easy breakfast for a fun morning.

I typically make things like eggs, toast, fruits/smoothies but again I thought it was a special occasion.

One of the boys told his mom I guess and I got a horrible social media message saying I’m terrible for feeding my kids this and that I’m going to make him obese.

I tried to explain but she just said her son wasn’t going there again and blocked me. As far as I know, her son does not have any health issues in which eating a donut would be super detrimental to him.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Donuts after a sleepover sounds perfectly normal and delightful. If this kid’s mom didn’t want her kid to have sugary sweets, she should have let you know ahead of time. Also just wondering what she was expecting to happen food-wise at a sleepover.” fallingintopolkadots

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If the mother has food restrictions for her kid (no sugars/deserts/processed foods) then she should have passed that on before she let her kid spend the night somewhere. If the kid was supposed to pass that on then… one… the kid is 10 and two… again if the mom felt so strongly about this then she should have had a conversation before he spent the night.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“When my daughter had sleepovers, I made the refrigerated tubes of cinnamon rolls, one cinnamon and one orange. They’re about as unhealthy as you can get, probably much worse than donuts, but it was a special treat. The girls loved them, and no moms ever complained. That poor kid has a mom who was looking for a reason to be outraged. I wonder if she flounces like that after kids’ birthday parties.

“You fed my child cake? With FROSTING? You’re a terrible parent!” Name a donut after her and move on.” bambina821

4 points - Liked by lebe, KlShearer, sctravelgma and 1 more
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helenh9653 6 days ago
NTJ. I feel sorry for her son. If it was a health issue, or a strict household rule, the mum should have told you in advance.
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20. AITJ For Calling My Sister Dumb For Planning To Marry A Stranger?

QI

“My sister (29) left her fiancé in 2023 who she’d been with for 10 years because she didn’t love him and was unfaithful to him (they have 2 daughters together) and is now planning to marry someone she’s been seeing for a month.

She texted me (25f) and my younger sister (24) two days ago announcing that she filed for a marriage license to this guy who I and my younger sister don’t even know and she expects us to be happy for her.

I immediately just told her she’s being dumb and she’s gonna ruin her life.

She has two young daughters she needs to take care of but she’s more focused on finding a guy to be with. It’s really concerning to me and the rest of our family, our mom and dad have been telling her she needs to get her life together but she’s just not.

Anytime anyone tries to tell her she’s being an idiot she just laughs it off and acts like it’s not a big deal. She’s been seeing random guys on and off and her living situation has been all over the place since she left her fiancé months ago.

I just can’t deal with the way she’s been acting and I don’t want to come off as a jerk but I just can’t deal with it anymore so I’ve stopped texting her back.

She sent a picture of her ring at 2 am and I haven’t responded. I know for a fact she thinks anyone who disagrees with her is being mean to her, she would call me complaining about my mom and our younger sister for telling her she needs to figure her life out and so I know she’s probably doing the same about me now.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Some years ago I did something a bit like her. After the end of a long relationship I was in (no one was at fault in that though), I hopped from relationship to relationship, ended up hurting myself and others in that.

The difference though, is that it was that I had no kids and we weren’t married, just broke up. My suggestion is, let herself get burned. You and your family did your part in warning her, but she didn’t want to listen. Hopefully, she’ll learn and get to her senses before she does something stupid (say having another kid with this guy or the next one).

Just make sure to stay there for your nephews, because they’ll need all the help.” Grey_Light

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I agree with the other NTJs I’ve read so far. Has anyone mentioned possible substance misuse? I knew this girl who split up with her baby daddy a few months after giving birth.

She ran off to crash at a friend’s house and spent nearly every night at random bars with strangers for free drinks, free stuff…you name it. Every week you’d hear “oh she hasn’t left this one guy’s house for 4 days” then sure enough she’d be calling friends for a ride because something would inevitably go wrong.” Ekim_Uhciar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hate to say it but this might be one of those situations where you just have to let them crash and burn. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Rather this is an early mid-life crisis or a mental health crisis it’s obvious she doesn’t care, nor see the consequences her actions are having.

It’ll only be when she’s burned every bridge and in need will she understand what’s wrong. Unless she’s in a life-threatening situation then it’ll be best to take a more passive role in her life. Even go LC with her.

Right now sadly you need to let her drown. Besides you got bigger problems. Married to some guy after one month of knowing each other is a recipe for disaster. No sane person marries someone that fast.” FluffyPal

3 points - Liked by lebe, sctravelgma and Whatdidyousay
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19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Son's Full Flight To Visit His Dad?

QI

“I (45F) am a single mom to a 17M. Their dad (45M) recently moved to Southern Florida and has not been that involved with the raising of our kid as he has chosen to move farther and farther away for work and holidays. (Around a 7-hour flight.) We have been divorced for over 8 years, and in that time, my ex has started seeing “B” 30F.

She has not been kind to our kid and only tolerates him for the sake of their dad. This will be important later.

For years, I have paid for half the flight (always the flight there even though our agreement does not state I have to because of the income difference) so our kid could visit their dad.

I always wanted to be an encouraging co-parent to ensure our kid grows up knowing his dad no matter where he chooses to live. So when my ex decided to live across the country, I sucked it up and would pay for half the flight to ensure they got to visit.

Now, please note our divorce agreement has me only paying for a trip to the closest big city that would at max cost $200.00 because that’s where my ex first lived. And I could afford the drive or flights when they were on sale. After that, every few years, he would move farther and farther away until he ended up in Southern USA.

Now 1-way trips are $700 and up.

Side note: A few years ago, our kid started acting out, and I put him in therapy. It turns out while Dad was at work which I guess is quite a bit, his partner was very verbally and emotionally abusive, and our kid wanted to go no contact with the partner and set strong boundaries with the assistance of his therapist.

However, unfortunately, both my ex and the partner would force the issue, and she would show up for part of the trip, triggering our kid and completely disrespecting his boundaries. Dad would be on her side, saying she is part of his life, and our son had to get over it.

Our son stopped talking to him for quite a while and just recently started talking to him again, which is great. I’m glad they worked it out. However, now his dad wants him to fly out to the USA to see him. I have said yes, but I would only pay for the length I am mandated to pay, not the flight to Florida.

My ex thinks this is unreasonable and that he refuses to pay for my half, but considering he doesn’t help with things like driving lessons, medication or car insurance for our son, I don’t think I am being unreasonable. (He should be paying 70% of extracurriculars but he ghosts me) I also want to make sure I can afford to go and get our kid in case he gets put into a bad situation.

So AITJ for not paying for the trip?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Pay only what you have to and let him pay his share. He’s the one who decided to move away so it makes sense for him to pay for most of the travel if he can afford it.

I’d add that you don’t have to be accommodating on this and pay more to send your child to a place where he’ll potentially be mistreated. If his partner has verbally abused your son to the point where he needs psychological support, I wonder how he can stay with her.

Clearly, his son is not his priority.” Asciutta

Another User Comments:

“You need to renegotiate your co-parenting plan. Document the mistreatment and have the judge address the question of how to deal with it, and work out the change in what you’re willing or able to cover there.

This does not seem like a jerk situation to me, it seems like a legal one. Co-parenting plans have to be “living documents”, things change.” mifflewhat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You had a court set the boundaries, stop allowing him to break them. Pay the $200 and let him know you’ll be going after him for his missed payments, and then follow through.

I understand you want your kid to have a good relationship with his dad, but you bending over backward for a deadbeat who lets your son face emotional abuse, is not helping. Keep it professional with your ex, he can handle his commitments or he can’t.

If he can’t he can discuss that with the court. Talk with your son about what HE wants to do in regard to his dad, and support him in making that happen.” 777joeb

3 points - Liked by lebe, sctravelgma and Whatdidyousay
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DAZY7477 3 days ago
Why are you allowing this to go on? Get full custody and full parental rights. His father has not been putting his son's well-being first and if he flies there, what makes you think he won't get triggered?
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18. AITJ For Distancing Myself From My Friend Who Changed After Marrying Rich?

QI

“We are three friends: Ada, Lisa, and me, Sam.

Lisa is a very genuine and kind person. Ada is more complicated. Her life was always aspirational – her relationships, her high-flying career, her appearance/health, etc always seemingly perfect.

Lisa and I were bridesmaids when she married her first husband, and it was around this time I noticed that her personality changed to fit the person she was with. It started to feel like we were becoming very different people. She’d be unnecessarily confrontational at times to waiting staff, for example.

Still, I gave her the benefit of the doubt because of our history.

A few years ago she got divorced. It came as a huge surprise, because as far as we knew it was a perfect marriage. After the divorce, she changed back to the person I knew – someone who wasn’t scared to be vulnerable, not always performing, someone fun and open and, honestly, also less of a snob.

Her husband had been quite wealthy and this very much impacted her attitude.

Then she met a guy – an investor with a wealthy family and rich friends. She got pregnant after 6 months and now they have a beautiful baby. She changed again, and I began to dread being around her.

She brags constantly about money and her new wealthy friends, she has expressed some very mean beliefs and every interaction with her is laced with an air of superiority.

Before the baby came, Lisa and I took her on a weekend abroad, on which she was constantly making pointed comments and managed to make two taxi drivers cry.

It felt like she was punishing us, though she interspersed this with some cheerleading to make it quite emotionally confusing.

After this, I distanced myself for my own sanity. But I still showed up for her – I let her stay at my house when needed, used my contacts to get her a discounted holiday, expressed my happiness for her and her new baby, sent gifts, etc.

Out of the blue, she texts Lisa to say we haven’t given her the support she would have showered on us after a new baby, and she’s therefore no longer prioritizing our relationship. Lisa and I both have ailing family members to care for, full-time jobs, and fewer resources.

She has not once told us she’s struggling or asked for help – in fact, all she communicates is how perfect her life is – and so, yes, I have not been prioritizing her. She has also not enquired about any of the issues she knows I am experiencing, though with a new baby, I wouldn’t have expected this from her.

Lisa, however, has been more hands-on; minding her dog for weeks at a time, texting every day, and helping with her new business.

I can’t help feeling like she wants to shed us to make room for her new, rich friends.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ it seems like it’s been a 1-way friendship for some time now and since you’ve taken a step back to deal with real issues the spotlight of the friendship is off her and she doesn’t like it. People grow apart it’s fine to let her go without making a big deal about it.

People come and go from our lives all the time. She’s another divorce away from having all her new rich friends never look in her direction again. She’s too self-absorbed to understand that her life is leeching off the partners she with via status, money and attitude.

The people she gains during that time don’t actually like her and will drop her like a bad habit as soon as they aren’t forced to deal with her. She isn’t your problem anymore. Let her go. Choose peace in your life.” terayonjf

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Knowing the nonsense that taxi drivers usually have to put with, I can’t even imagine the level of abuse she gave them to make two separate cabbies cry. At this point you’d be the jerk if you did stay friends, the rest of the post is almost irrelevant.

The way you treat customer service people is one of the most accurate measures of whether you’re a good person. I have no patience for people who treat them badly, and little patience either for friends/family who are bystanders to the abuse.” grammarlysucksass

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “Ada this is the second marriage you have been in when you become a pretentious snob based on your husband’s income. I don’t think you understand that the way you treat people is unattractive. Instead of complaining about us not supporting you maybe you should ask yourself why there is distance.

You are not better because you married money and you should think about the fact that if this one ended in divorce too then none of his wealthy friends would even think about you. You have become someone who is rude, unkind, and generally just unpleasant to be around.

I have my own things I’m dealing with and don’t have time to worry about your perfect life.”” seanthebean24

3 points - Liked by lebe, sctravelgma and Whatdidyousay
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Kilzer53 2 days ago
Ntj. She is a two faced user, not a friend.
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17. AITJ For Not Allowing Previous Homeowners To Visit Our House?

QI

“My husband, daughter, and I live in a small rural town. We purchased this house with acreage about 4-5 years ago from a couple with two adult sons.

It’s a very beautiful custom country French house that the man and his sons built themselves over the course of several years. The house is very luxurious and so I can see how special it is for them.

Yesterday I was checking our town’s social media page for updates on things, and came across a post of a man asking how to contact the owners of a house that matched our address because he wanted to show his kid his childhood home but didn’t want to randomly come unannounced, especially since we installed a gate at the entrance.

A lot of people gave him ideas on how to look us up on the internet and find our phone numbers and contact us. My husband and I are very private people and this kinda bothered me. To put a stop to it, I politely commented on the post that we are not interested and apologized.

Now, people are calling me a Karen for not wanting them over. I can see why they’d think I’m a Karen, but to be honest, I feel relieved that I was honest because I didn’t feel comfortable with having them over in the first place.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s your house, and you get to decide who comes in and who doesn’t. Sure, the old owner’s son must miss the place, but that doesn’t mean you have to let him wander around. It was nice of you to address it publicly like that, shows you care about his feelings.

People calling you names for just wanting some privacy are way off base. We all have different comfort levels, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting strangers in your own home. It’s all about respecting boundaries, and you haven’t done anything wrong.” VioletSassySunset

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s your house and you can do what you like. However, small towns are different. Everyone knows each other – my barber’s son was in my mother’s 4th grade class. I run into the gal from the butcher shop at the doctor’s office. A TSA agent at my nearest airport used to be my UPS driver, and he asked about my parents (by name) the last time I flew.

I could go on for an hour. You are not a jerk but your neighbors might think you are, and you’ll get a cold shoulder now and then. The anonymity of the city vs the closeness of rural areas is interesting. It can be a challenge to figure it out.” woodland_dweller

Another User Comments:

“NTJ full disclosure. I’m up in years and new to internet slang, and watch too many dateline-type shows. but isn’t that called Doxxing or something? You are private people. You have a gate. They are internet strangers. Just because this anonymous post claims they were the previous owners, who’s to say they are?

Then they come into your home, and what? Case the joint, or worse? No thank you. I would have done the same as you. Let them do a drive-by and look through the gate. I am sure they have pictures. Privacy is not a bad thing and you don’t owe anyone a peek behind the curtain.” DorothysRevenge

3 points - Liked by lebe, sctravelgma and Whatdidyousay
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Kilzer53 2 days ago
Ntj and how could u be a karen for wanting to keep ur privacy? Sounds like these people wanted to be the entitled ones thinking they should have access to UR house. Dude may have built it, but U bought it. End of story. And anyway. Who cares if they call u a karen. It IS ur house and u ARE entitled to say no.
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16. AITJ For Telling My Critical Mother-In-Law To Clean My House?

QI

“My (32F) husband (33M) and I have been together for 5 years and my MIL has always been quite problematic. She likes to make everything about her, and her life is worse than everyone else, she loves to talk bad about everyone behind their back but is all smiles and friendly in their faces.

We grew used to it, especially since now we don’t live anywhere close to her and we only have to see her every now and then.

So she came around to spend some days with us. I was not thrilled about it, but thought I could pick up a few more shifts at work and deal with her the least possible.

However, when she arrives at our house the first thing she comments on is how my skirting boards are dirty (yup ..) .. to which I answer with the biggest smile on my face “oh look at that .. you’re absolutely right, if you would like, you can grab a cloth from under the sink and give it a wipe, it would look so much better” ..

my husband looked at me with a very serious face but didn’t say anything, but I felt like I may have overstepped the line.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My mother was a clean freak, except she had “help” to do her cleaning. One day, I was visiting her with my own children.

We left for an event and, even though I cleaned and wiped the bathroom down just before leaving her home, I missed a hair. One hair. She scorned and hollered when I got back and it was obvious she had stewed all night about the audacity of that freaking hair that destroyed her house!

“If it bothered you so much, why didn’t you take a tissue and clean it!” She was speechless. It had never occurred to her that she could resolve the disaster herself. Next time, “Husband, do you know where I keep the cleaning supplies? Your mother needs you to clean something I missed.”” RemDC

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You simply responded in kind. Your suggestion that she help clean the skirting boards may have been a bit cheeky, but it also served to highlight the inappropriateness of her initial remark. Your home should be a place of comfort and respect.

While guests, including family members, are welcome to express their thoughts, it’s crucial for them to do so in a manner that doesn’t belittle or criticize the people who live there. By making an unsolicited comment about the cleanliness of your home, your MIL opened the door for your response.

It’s understandable that your husband might have been a bit taken aback by your reaction, but remember that he has likely become accustomed to his mother’s behavior over the years. This doesn’t mean you have to accept it or let it go unaddressed.” AmeliaaBrook

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sometimes comments like this are just what people like that need. You didn’t throw a fit, you didn’t scream, you didn’t swear at her. You just simply said you’re right, if it bothers you, you can clean them if you like. I personally love it.

As a working mom, I am well aware of what is dirty in my house. Things like baseboards and window trim always get neglected. Why? Not because I don’t realize they are dirty but because the rest of the house and spending time with my family takes priority over dusty baseboards.

They will get clean when I have time and if they don’t they aren’t hurting anything. If someone walked into my house and pointed out the one thing that was dirty that is that insignificant I would probably say the same thing. Or just hand them a rag.” DiamondsNDenimBabe

3 points - Liked by lebe, sctravelgma and Whatdidyousay
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Kilzer53 2 days ago
Ntj and NOT over the line. U just offered her a solution to her griping. If someone is going to find a problem they should be willing to solve the problem.
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15. AITJ For Asking A Girl To Wait Until I Finish My Workout Set Before Interrupting Me?

QI

“So another Monday at the gym, I’m starting my workout with some seated leg curls. I noticed this girl on the other side using two machines (the lying leg curl and another glutes machine I don’t know the name of).

Well, I’m on my last set (I don’t even take that long because I keep my breaks to maybe 1-2 mins for this exercise and am never on my phone at the gym).

So anyway, I’m on my last set going all out, feeling the burn in my hamstrings, you know the kind where you’re almost grunting and just squeezing a few more reps, when all of a sudden this girl comes and stands right in front of me with her hand literally on the machine and starts waving at me.

At first, I ignore thinking she’d get the hint to wait but she doesn’t, keeps waving and trying to catch my eye. So finally, I stop, I already know she’s gonna ask “how many sets I have left?” She does. I take my AirPods out and say “Could you please wait until I finish my set, this is my last set anyway.” To which she replied “It’s not a big deal” and walks away with a face.

Now I don’t know if I was rude, I have never seen her in the gym before and I know almost all the folks that come around that time so she was definitely there (at least at that hour) for the first time. I kinda feel bad, what if it was someone new to the gym and I ruined it for them?

But also her reaction of making the face and saying “it’s not a big deal” made me not feel as bad for her.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is not even gym etiquette, it’s just etiquette. When someone is in the middle of an activity which you know is only going to be a few seconds, wearing headphones and you keep waving at them rather than waiting for them to finish to speak to them, then there better be a fire or a revealing tear in their shorts, otherwise it’s rude.

If someone was on the phone and I wanted to speak with them, I would make my presence known, and then step back to allow them to pause or finish their conversation. Standing in their face and continually waving would be extremely rude, unless it was an emergency.” kimba-the-tabby-lion

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s common gym courtesy to ask when people aren’t actively working out. I worked at a gym for four years, always told new sign-ups this and if the person was being a hog to come talk to staff. I work out at the Quebec version of a Fit4Less.

There’s this couple that will stand as close to you as possible while you’re using machines I take as their way to tell you to hurry up. The time they did it to me, the exact same machine was beside the one I was using was open.

So guess who did 4 extra sets? My logic at the gym, is be kind, don’t bother people while they’re actively working out, don’t hog machines/equipment and please wipe after you’re done. And also don’t be creepy.” Witty-Menu-3585

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I hate that! I once had my earbuds in, had just finished my warmup, and was in the middle of my first round on one of the four heavy bags, and some guy gets right in the space I’m moving through to ask me (quietly enough that I had to remove a glove so I could mute my headphones) how many rounds I had left. Like buddy, if you don’t get out of my way right now, you can be the bag yourself.

Ask somebody who’s not in the middle of a round.” Mbt_Omega

3 points - Liked by lebe, sctravelgma and Whatdidyousay
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14. AITJ For Enrolling My Deaf Daughter In A "Normal" Gymnastics Team?

QI

“So I, 38f, have two daughters, Scarlett (9) & Mackenzie (7).

They are very athletic and LOVE gymnastics. Mackenzie is deaf but uses cochlear implants. She can hear with her implants on and loves to talk and sing…a lot. She’s been on a gymnastics team for deaf children since she was 3 years old. Scarlett is on a team at a different gym, and they do more competitions.

Mackenzie has recently shown interest in joining a team at her sister’s gym because she is bored in her deaf class. It also helps me out a lot since I don’t have to take them to different places.

The reason I have never put Mackenzie in a “normal” class is because of my worries about her not hearing the coaches or getting bullied.

I gave in though, and a month ago I called up Scarlett’s gym and explained that Mackenzie wanted to join the team. I also asked if the coaches could wear a voice box that would connect to her cochlears and help her to hear better.

The people at the gym explained that it might be hard because the voice box could be a choking hazard. Still, they said they would work something out, and Mackenzie could join that next week.

On Mackenzie’s first class, I decided to watch the girls from the waiting room rather than just drop them off and run errands.

I was so excited to watch both of my little girls showing off their skills. They both looked super happy and I was so glad to see that the coaches were also working one-on-one with Mackenzie.

I noticed two ladies sitting near me who were talking about Mackenzie in a very rude way, saying things like “She’s taking attention from the other girls” and “She shouldn’t be on the team”.

I finally went over to them and explained that she is deaf but can hear with her cochlears. They told me it was odd that I put my daughter on a normal team and that kids with disabilities “shouldn’t be on a team with normal kids”.

I was super mad and told them to stop talking about her. They stopped but I knew they were glaring at me and whispering the rest of the practice. When my kids were finished, I asked Mackenzie how it was. She told me that she loved the coaches and the girls were super nice.

But as the weeks went by, I noticed that Mackenzie wasn’t as excited to go to practice. I asked her why and she told me that the girls aren’t as nice to her. They have been talking about her behind her back and excluding her; she even found out that they all had a sleepover a few days ago without inviting her.

I have also seen the moms talk about me and my daughter.

So two days ago was a big competition. Both the girls were competing, but it was Mackenzie’s first competition. While Mackenzie was performing, the other moms were rolling their eyes. She won her Bar Routine.

One mom told me “You’re a jerk for putting her on the team”. I understand that she does take some attention from the other girls, but she feels really bad about it. I don’t understand how this makes us bad people. I just want both my girls to be happy.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ. Ignore the ableist jerks and their arrogance and ignorance that they’re dressing up and parading as intelligence. There’s always going to be jerks that harass or insult those of us with disabilities. Don’t let them stop your daughter from living her life on her terms.” GothPenguin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I (30F) am deaf with cochlear implants and was always integrated with hearing students and sports teams. It was challenging but rewarding, especially when I had coaches willing to work with me on strategies to overcome difficulties with communication. Continue working with your daughter and coaches to get her the support she needs.

Being a new arrival in any situation can be isolating initially, deaf or not. Work with your daughter on ideas to help her get to know the team better – maybe having some kids over after? Ignore the other moms for now, but if the problem continues it may be worth confronting head on to make sure other parents and children aren’t also hearing their abuse.

They should be able to hold their tongues at meets and practices at least, and if they can’t, they really shouldn’t be there.” Awkward_Ad_6708

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s interesting that the girls in her class were nice to her at the beginning, but no longer are.

I’m willing to bet that the parents you encountered have been in their daughter’s ears with their opinions and naturally the girls are following suit, and if they’ve all known each other for a while then it makes sense they’d all group together, however unfair that is.

Might be worth talking to your daughters about the class and what they’d like to do moving forward. If they’d like to continue attending that class then I would say if it’s okay with your daughter talk to the coaches and see if you can find a solution to teach the girls that it’s not okay to exclude someone because they need extra support (esp when it’s something they have no control over).

Sounds like the parents also need to educate themselves, and maybe even speak to your daughter and realize she’s just a girl who wants to do gymnastics. If they’re just mad because their daughters aren’t winning, that’s their problem.” indigo263

2 points - Liked by lebe and Whatdidyousay
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sctravelgma 4 days ago
I agree that tgey girls are emulating what they are hearing from their entitled moms. If it continues or gets worse you need to speak with the coaches and tte sponsors of the team. For example, if sponsored by a recreation department or a school; even if it is a privately owned school, they are legally obligated to be non discrimatory. My personal ferlinb is those moms need to be barred from prsctices times and competitions
1 Reply

13. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend Who Compared His Absent Father To My Dying One?

QI

“My friend, let’s call him Bill, has never known his father.

He abandoned his family when Bill was 1. Bill loves to remind everyone about that fact whenever anyone brings up fathers. I have always tried to be respectful whenever he talks about it because I know it is a sensitive area for him but recently I lost my patience.

My mother informed me that my own father has cancer and the doctors only give him a few months. That broke me when I heard it because I love my dad more than anything. For about a week I wouldn’t really talk to anyone and would spend all my time at the hospital with my dad.

Bill noticed this so he reached out and asked me what was wrong. I told him everything that was going on and I was on the verge of tears when he said that I was just lucky to have a dad and how he wishes he was me because his dad walked out on him.

That made me mad and I lost it.

I screamed that I know his dad walked out on him and that I don’t care right now. This caused him to burst into tears and run away. It has been 2 days since that and I have tried to reach out and apologize but he says he needs some time.

So I want to know if I was being a jerk or not.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Why? Because he shouldn’t have compared his situation to yours (seeking pity/attention). It was inappropriate, and yes a lot of people would have felt kinda outraged too.

Nonetheless, personally, I remark that people with those tendencies are often oblivious or don’t notice their comments are unsensible, it is like they have a harder time empathizing cause their judgment passes by a comparison of themselves (Did I go through a similar event? Yes.

I can empathize telling them my miseries and that compared to them mine is worse, they’ll feel better and I justify my sorrows). This is pretty oversimplified though. I think you screaming at Bill was uncalled though, but honestly, it’s very hard to control emotions in such situations.

Also, you gave him a reality check, it’ll hurt. I send my best wishes to your family, it ain’t easy times but I hope you can make the best out of this event, make lots even.” Sea_Sapphire_2168

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My dad was my best friend and after he died, another friend tried to cheer me up by telling me about her abusive father.

I’d known her for over a year and she had never talked about him before, so I listened to her tale and then said “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but no one gave me a choice between a long-living jerk and an amazing dad who would die before I turned 20.

Telling me about worse fathers doesn’t make my loss any easier.” She understood and it never happened again. Some people have the best of intentions – not sure if Bill does, but maybe Bill has his script he recites about fathers and doesn’t realize it’s the opposite of helpful.

OP should explain it to him and if he’s a friend worth keeping, he’ll stop comparing OP’s father to his own. If OP explains it to Bill and he keeps it up, that’s a good reason to demote Bill from friend to acquaintance.” shesinsaneornot

Another User Comments:

“Hopefully he takes that time to reflect on how insensitive and self-centered he was being and not on deciding you were wrong for reacting like that. I think he needed to hear it and you were perfectly justified in giving him that wake-up call at that moment.

You both sound young and I don’t think either of you are terrible people, just figuring things out still. You can apologize for shouting at him, but really he should have an apology for you as well. Make sure to surround yourself with people who can support you in this scary time.

Your friend has, frankly, had a lifetime to come to terms with his daddy issues. You shouldn’t have to be tiptoeing around the subject when you are going through this. I am sorry about your dad.” Alternative_Boat9540

2 points - Liked by lebe and Whatdidyousay
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Kilzer53 2 days ago
Ntj. There will always be people who think their situation is worse. Bill sounds like that type of person.
1 Reply

12. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother-In-Law Pet My Service Dog At His Wedding?

QI

“For context, I (M20) have had seizures on and off my whole life. Nothing serious, but I recently got a service dog named Sully for my safety.

Recently, my older sister (F26, who I’ll call Sarah) got married to her husband (M29, who I’ll call Tucker). I attended my older sister’s wedding with my service dog Sully to ensure my safety, and I bring him everywhere.

The wedding went very smoothly, and apart from a few cousins getting a bit too merry everyone seemed to be having fun celebrating my sister.

That was until Tucker tried to pet Sully. I informed him he couldn’t, because Sully is a service dog so whenever he’s with me he’s working. He seemed to be understanding, and we talked a little about the ceremony until he left to speak with other people.

I got the chance to speak with Sarah a bunch during the reception as well, and she seemed to have no problem with Sully being at my side.

A few days after the wedding, though, Sarah started blowing up my phone yelling about how I didn’t let her husband pet Sully.

She said it was Tucker’s special day too and I should have let him pet Sully if he wanted to. I told her I never let anyone pet my service dog, and I wasn’t willing to make any exceptions because someone was getting married. She called me a jerk and said I didn’t have any of my stupid seizures anyway so I would have been fine.

I told her how out of line I thought that was and stopped talking to her.

Later I started getting more messages from family telling me to speak with my sister, going on about how ‘it wasn’t that serious anyways’ and ‘she just wanted her wedding to go perfectly.’ I repeated myself and told all of them I’m not making any exceptions for anyone, especially at the risk of my safety.

The only one, surprisingly, who’s on my side is my BIL’s father, who messaged me saying Tucker should be understanding of Sully’s job and my safety.

I haven’t spoken to my sister at all since this all happened, and I’m just waiting for it to blow over.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because it should be common knowledge that you cannot/should not pet a service animal while they are working. For the family members who said it wasn’t that serious, I would remind them that if Sully had gotten distracted and did not signal that you were going to have a seizure, it could’ve been bad for you.

You cannot control when you have a seizure and just because you didn’t have one during the wedding, doesn’t mean that there wasn’t a possibility that you could have one.” att7442

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you did absolutely nothing wrong. It being Tucker’s special day doesn’t entitle him access to your dog, especially while he’s working.

Period. It is, in fact, common knowledge to not pet a working dog while it’s working. Tucker just thought the rules didn’t apply to him and he didn’t consider that distracting your service animal could put you at risk. Your sister is diminishing the value of your service dog by basically saying, “well nothing happened anyway so I don’t see what the big deal is.”” IamIrene

Another User Comments:

“Wait – – someone tried to pet your service dog, you said No, and they’re saying YOU’RE wrong? LOL, Tucker was wrong and you (hopefully gently) corrected him that your dog is not a fun dog but a working dog. Was he drinking too much that night?

It doesn’t matter if he was the groom or the governor of California, you don’t pet service dogs! I’ve seen parents tell their little kids (3, 4, 5) that they have to ask before petting a dog and if the owner says No, they can’t pet the dog – – and these are non-working dogs.

You’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH

2 points - Liked by lebe and sctravelgma
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Whatdidyousay 6 days ago
What kind of an idiot tries to pet a in service working dog? NTA
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11. AITJ For Kicking Out My Fiancé's Overbearing Mother From Our House?

QI

“I (27F) am getting married to the love of my life (31M). We’ve been together for 4 years. His family never accepted me. His mother spread rumors about me, and compared me to his brother’s (27M) ex-partner (22F). His mother brought the girl up in conversation, stating that she was so close to the ex-partner.

She spent nearly 2 weeks in my home. She didn’t pay a dime for the duration of her stay.

What drove me over the edge was she told me what I can and cannot do in my own house. She refused to eat what I made for dinner and she tried telling my fiance what he can eat and what we must prepare.

Mind you, she is on a vegetarian diet but doesn’t buy her own food.

I called my fiance and told him to get his mother out of the house or I will tell her myself to leave.

His mom left at 10 pm with all her stuff.

So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your house, your rules. But this is a great test to see whose side your fiance takes. If he can’t see the problems with his mother’s behavior, your problem is him, not her. Even if he stands up to her in public and not in private, be careful.

Consider what it will be like for you when you marry into this family and possibly have kiddos. She’s not going to be less of a nightmare. So unless he is willing to set boundaries with her over and over, this will cause conflict between the two of you.

Good luck!” purplepeopletreater

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, there is such a thing as a “gracious host”, catering to the comfort of guests and their preferences. This is generally a good thing and little gestures of understanding and thoughtfulness, make every visit more pleasant, at minimum disruption to your life or daily routines.

For example, if someone likes a certain beverage that you don’t drink, you pick some up at the store. They have a dietary thing, so you make sure there is enough for them to eat with each meal. Perhaps you make an extra vegetable dish, just because.

Good hosting, great even. There is also a concept of being a “gracious guest”. If you are spending time in someone else’s home, maybe try to help out, at a minimum pick up after yourself, and try not to disrupt their lives too much. If you have specific dietary issues/requirements, make an effort to bring some food that you eat and enjoy, perhaps bring extra!

That could even become a shared bonding experience. OP, you sound like you did your best to be a gracious host, above and beyond even. Mom sounds like an entitled jerk. Her blocking you was a favor and I hope the door did hit her on the butt on the way out.

I reiterate, NOT the jerk.” ethical_sadist

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The boundaries needed to be drawn. Not your fault whatsoever. If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been another girl. If it wasn’t an issue with food, it would have been something else. This is really between your fiancee and his mom, and this was his much needed opportunity to cleave.

These situations rarely have anything to do with the wife/partner personally, but the fact that he dare even have a wife in the first place. You can help him see where his priorities are, but this is a battle that he and he alone must ultimately fight with his mother.

If he doesn’t, he’ll die alone without a partner or a family and I’m sure at this point he knows it.” Primary-Abrocoma3978

2 points - Liked by lebe and sctravelgma
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10. AITJ For Telling My Sister I'm Not The Golden Child, Just Less Troublesome?

QI

“My sister is a real mess, she was a lot growing up and each week some issue would appear. These could be as simple as a tantrum, or mom/dad getting a call from the school.

In short, she was a lot. Not to mention therapy for her basically drained the family dry. I was given more freedom since my parents trusted me. I could go to the mall by myself and they knew they wouldn’t get a call from security about stealing.

That happened before.

So they trusted me and gave me more freedom to do stuff. I have literally watched her get a chance to prove our parents can trust her and then mess it up.

Our relationship isn’t good. My dad gave me his old car for my last year of college.

I need it for an internship. My sister made a comment that of course the golden child gets a car.

I snapped and told her I am not the golden child I just wasn’t a pain in the backside. The family has drained themselves dry for her multiple times, and to keep her mouth shut.

She called me a jerk and ran to her room.”

Another User Comments:

“I’m almost 50 and my older brother calls me the golden child. He spent his childhood playing truant, getting picked up by police, stealing from family, and ending up in boarding school.

Our mother wasn’t the best, she was a very self-absorbed person and my brother has the same personality. (Our dad was always at work but did his best when he was home). I have told him that I am the golden child. Not because they actively favored me, but because I wasn’t in trouble every single day and as an adult, I’m the responsible adult helping them, not just turning up when he needs something.

NTJ. Hard truths need to be said.” rebootsaresuchapain

Another User Comments:

“NTJ my brother does the same stuff. He is constantly late to literally any event, dinner, etc. He lies about our family to make himself look like the poor, abandoned child that no one wanted to his friends and online like he’s a black sheep dying for the love and affection he never received as a child.

He complains that our dad bought me a car, and ignores that he also bought him one, and goes on and on about me being the “golden child” and him begging for scraps to anyone who will listen. Some people just live in their own reality.

I suggest you ignore her and move on with your own life. In my experience, it never gets better. Toxic people don’t want to improve, they just push your buttons until you lash out so they can point a finger and say that they were right all along.” ArtfullySnarky

Another User Comments:

“Our family is a sociopathic brother (who was a violent teen substance dealer), a sister who lived under his spell (she was not totally out of control but she was not nice), myself (a very self-contained person), and a younger sister who to this day is kind and gentle.

My mother LOVED my little sister. My older siblings still woe about how nice my mom was to her, mind you my mom has been dead for decades, and I reminded them of how evil and cruel they were as teens. YUP, just like in your home, they see no connection between their bad behavior and my mom’s preference for the kind kid.” venturebirdday

2 points - Liked by lebe and sctravelgma
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helenh9653 6 days ago
NTJ. But in her eyes, all she sees is you getting a car when she didn't, etc. She doesn't see that the worse she behaves, the better your behaviour looks. Until she does, you will, to her, be the golden child.
1 Reply

9. AITJ For Not Eating Out With Friends Who Don't Pay Their Share?

QI

“I (20f) frequently eat at restaurants/cafes in my college town with my friends. I normally eat out with three of my friends, who are great at paying me back. We always split the bill right down to tax and tip, and everyone Venmoes while one person pays the bill, who normally rotates.

Two of my other friends whom I’ve grown close to, Rory and Lane, are great friends but it’s annoying eating out with them. If we’re getting coffee it’s fine cause we order separately. But in the three times I’ve gone out with them to a restaurant, I’ve had to put my card down cause they just avoid looking at the bill on the table.

And they’ll take two weeks to pay me back even though I’ll remind them a couple of times. Two of the times they both didn’t pay for tip/tax AND rounded their cost down. So I just stopped asking them to go eat out and we probably haven’t been out for a month now.

I still hang out with them while studying/shopping but not at a restaurant.

However I still eat out weekly with my other friends and I’ll post pics of it so Rory and Lane know that I’ve been going to restaurants, just not with them.

One of them brought up trying out a new place in town and I said I couldn’t make it. They asked if another time would work and I said no sorry. Eventually, they were like what’s wrong because I’m normally down so I said it’s really annoying splitting bills with them and being stingy and I just prefer to avoid that.

They said sorry but said I’m making a big deal out of nothing and they’re avoiding me.

I come from a wealthy family, which they know, but I work a job on campus and am careful with my spending money. I’ll treat my friends to Dunkin’ or bagels because I love them and I’m not stingy but I can’t just pay 80 bucks for their food every time we eat out.”

Another User Comments:

“Do restaurants still have the option to split the bill and you each pay separately to the restaurant? Or does Venmo make that obsolete? Honestly, I’m confused if this is even a legitimate AITJ post? Your friends aren’t playing fair in any scenario here.

Never offering to pay. Never paying back immediately and then not even paying their full share. This is not an AITJ scenario at all. It’s objectively inequitable. If we are talking pennies here, then maybe it’s worth letting go. If it’s only moderately inequitable then it’s up to you to decide if being gracious about it every time is worth it going forward.

Some friendships are worth letting some things slide and some aren’t.” Glass_Applarium

Another User Comments:

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing?!? lol. But yet, they never reach for the bill. Clearly, they are taking advantage of you. Waiting weeks to pay is probably in the hopes you’ll forget.

They are the huge jerks. One time I covered the bill for a group of 8 of us. I don’t think I had even gotten my card back from the server before everyone had Venmo’d me their share!” Goalie_LAX_21093

Another User Comments:

“Easy fix, stop paying for everyone and make it clear SPLIT CHECKS.

Sorry, but if you continue you’re just enabling their behavior. Now for reference, I pick up the check often in my friend group, however, there are a couple I had to have hard conversations with because they really tried to take advantage when they attended events.

Things like buying expensive shots, meals, etc but disappearing when the bill arrived and never even offering to reimburse me. I suggest you stop avoiding them and just be honest and let them know you felt like they were taking advantage of you.” Horned-Beast

2 points - Liked by lebe and sctravelgma
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Mistweave 3 days ago
NTJ, but all you had to do was ask the server to split the bill.
1 Reply

8. AITJ For Defending My Uncle Against My Sister's Insensitive Comments?

QI

“My sister (26F) and I (23M) are pretty close with our uncle, he lives in the States, while we are in Canada. We don’t see him that often but we have a good relationship.

About 10 years ago, his wife developed some sort of psychosis, bipolar disorder, and severe depression.

I am still not really sure what it is exactly because the family and my uncle don’t like to talk about it. She has always been a bit odd, and really shy.

I had seen it firsthand one time when I visited when I was like 14 or 15.

One day I was over at his place and my uncle was sitting reading a book, and my aunt was looking out the window and just started crying. He asked her what was wrong and she said that there were 2 birds sitting on a tree and one of them left.

He asked her why that bothered her and she literally just exploded, screaming and wailing saying that one day he will leave her and she started jumping up and down and not even speaking English at that point, it was terrifying.

My uncle came to visit us this week.

Apparently, she’s doing a lot better now (I say that relatively compared to what I’ve seen).

I had a deep conversation with my uncle and my sister, he went into a little more depth about his relationship, and then he confided in us that he honestly does not love her anymore, he says he feels like he wasted his life trying to “fix” her because she has always been kind of messed up.

He says he stays with her because he doesn’t know where she would go or what she would do.

I respect his honesty, and I respect that he cares enough to stay by her knowing that she’d probably go into full-blown insanity if he did decide to abandon her.

He told me to be wary of trying to stay in a relationship where you are constantly trying to fix or improve things, etc.

My sister scoffed at him saying these things saying he made his choices and this is the consequence of his actions.

She then said that a relationship is supposed to be about working past issues and flaws blah blah blah.

I told her to chill out and she said his life is not a tale of tragedy, it’s a tale of consequences.

I told her to shut up because it doesn’t matter, the point is he’s being honest with us and he’s being vulnerable.

I’m not on speaking terms with my sister, parents are telling me to apologize because I told her to shut up. No, she was being so rude to our uncle who was just sharing a harsh part of his life. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

She doesn’t sound like a super empathetic person. The stuff she was saying was pretty immature and cold. The three most likely reasons for her saying this stuff I can think of are: (1) She’s being arrogant and is viewing someone else’s mistakes as a stupid thing, undeserving of sympathy (sort of like how some people ridicule addicts and homeless people, say it’s their own fault and all that jazz).

This is generally a pretty small-minded and apathetic way of going through the world and hopefully, she grows out of it. (2) She’s projecting. Like maybe she tried to fix someone at some point, it didn’t work, the relationship failed, and it’s still a sore point so she lashes out when she encounters something too close to that experience.

(3) She just doesn’t like your uncle. If that’s the case, she should just try to keep some distance rather than trying to hurt the guy.” EmperorKittyMeowMeow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Uncle was trying to open up, share and be vulnerable, and caution about what he’s learned in his relationship, and advise the best he can…and sis absolutely was rude to him and shredded him.

You tried to tell her to chill out, but she kept attacking before you escalated to stop her attack on your uncle. Sis owes you an apology and a massive apology to your uncle.” OctoWings13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What a horrible belittling response from your sister to your uncle when he was sharing the difficulties of being a main carer to his mentally unwell wife.

Glad you stood up to her, apologies should be coming from her for her insensitivity, not the other way around. If she has nothing nice or helpful to say, when someone is being vulnerable, then she should say nothing.” JSJ34

1 points - Liked by lebe
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7. AITJ For Wanting Father-In-Law To Sleep In Separate Room During His Visit?

QI

“I (28)F and my partner (29)M live in a small one-bedroom condo in the city with a dog.

Last time his father-in-law came to visit, he slept on the pull-out couch. I have nothing against my in-laws, they are lovely people. However, when my father-in-law stayed with us for 2 weeks, I felt very uncomfortable especially sharing a small space and only having one bathroom.

I just couldn’t fully relax and unwind when I got back from work. It took a toll on my mental health. I actually went to my parents’ house 2 hours away for a couple of days. (Going to my own parents’ house isn’t a feasible long-term solution because I would have to commute 2 hours one way into the city for work and another 2 hours back just to go out of my way.)

Any suggestions for getting a hotel are out of the question for my partner because my father-in-law does not have the funds for it. I offered to help pay for a portion of the hotel stay but my partner refused and was offended.

This year, his father-in-law will be coming in September for a week.

By that time, we will have moved into a larger condo with a solarium that can double as a small guest space. I came up with the idea of getting a chaise pull-out bed that unfolds into a single bed for the solarium so that communal space isn’t being taken over by his father.

I’ve tried to compromise by okaying guests as long as they have a separate area to sleep in. My partner thinks that it’s rude to not offer the pull-out couch in the living room. So, he will still try to offer the living room pull-out couch and nothing would change with the setup.

I’ve told my partner I don’t feel comfortable with visitors for any longer than a weekend but since it’s his father, I would be willing to compromise with the solarium setup. But, I will not be okay with anyone sleeping in the living room area.

I need my own space to feel safe and to function properly. I grew up with a lot of family abuse, and as a result, I really value personal space. My partner tells me that his parents aren’t like my family growing up, and that I should move past my trauma.

He comes from a large family, and he is the only one in my country so he doesn’t get to see his family back home and misses them a lot.

I’m not sure how to move past this. I empathize that he misses his family and I’ve tried coming up with ideas to compromise and find solutions but it seems like any suggestions are shot down.

Not sure what to do, am I being unreasonable?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have legit trauma. And you have tried coming up with alternatives. Partner hasn’t. His suggestion is for you to get over the trauma (true, you need to work on that but for your emotional well-being, not so it doesn’t inconvenience your partner) like it can be switched off at his convenience.

Also, he hasn’t really tried to understand your trauma and your feelings around it, if his comeback is “his family is not like yours”. So that solves everything in his head. Plus he shoots down all your suggestions. You even offered to help pay for a hotel.

He’s clearly made this a “you” problem rather than something you need to figure out as partners. Which points to him being selfish and inconsiderate. He wants what he wants regardless of how you feel about it. Is he like this in other areas as well?

Or just for this one instance?

Conclusion: Partner is a massive and selfish jerk. And doesn’t seem to care that much about you. Like he cares but as long as it doesn’t inconvenience him in any way. And unless this is solved, I’d reconsider that move together to the condo.

I’d suggest living separately for a while after your lease ends and working on your relationship. See if you can get to a point where your partner actually puts you first. But this needs to be the hill to die on. Cause if his entire family is living in his home country, you will keep hosting them anytime they come over and this issue will keep happening over and over.

And your partner has proven that he will disregard your feelings on the matter.” solo_throwaway254247

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. In any relationship we need room for compromise, your partner is being unrealistic and disrespectful by not hearing out your perfectly reasonable request. It’s your home too, and as you’ve rightfully stated everyone needs their own space to unwind and switch off comfortably.

I’d definitely stick to your guns on this one. I’m also wondering if your partner has actually done any research on trauma and how it can impact you, if they have shown empathy and compassion during your time together? To dismiss your needs so easily is a huge concern.

Is this perhaps a cultural thing? I know some religious backgrounds and traditional families can have very strong views on respecting your elders etc.” spookobsessedscot

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Fish and staying guests smell after 3 days. Having someone sleeping in the living room for 2 weeks would be too much for most people.

I think your husband needs to listen to your ideas re his father’s stay. Try and frame it as a better solution for your FIL to stay in the solarium than in the living room. He will have more privacy there. Frame it as an improvement all around.” FragrantEconomist386

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Mistweave 3 days ago (Edited)
NTJ. It's obvious your asshole partner isn't going to consider your feelings or help in any way though. Just make it where the FIL doesn't want to sleep in the living room. Stay up watching TV on the couch and tell him he'll have to wait until you're done using the couch to fold it out. Make a ton of noise in the mornings to wake him up. Accidentally trip over the corner of the fold out. The list could go on forever.
1 Reply

6. AITJ For Confronting My Stepmom About Her Daughter's Bullying?

QI

“I (18 f) have a stepmom (38 f) who shows favoritism to her daughter (16 f).

It is not with gifts and money but more allowing her to be mean to me and the rest of my 5 siblings though she (daughter) mainly targets me. My father (41 m) and stepmom have been married since I was 12 (together since 11) so her daughter and I have shared a room before though we don’t currently.

She would bully me until I was on a streak of crying myself to sleep and my father and stepmother almost divorced because of it.

Currently her daughter just constantly talks about my weight, my looks, how I’m annoying, mocks my intelligence, and so on.

I don’t weigh any more than average (120 lbs @ 5’3), she’s failing 5/7 of her classes and she is known as the “weird kid” at school. My father tries to make comments to defend me but is immediately shut down by my stepmom for being mean to her daughter.

Yesterday I told my stepmom I thought her daughter had thrown my AP class flashcards at my door but backtracked and said she didn’t because I realized I was just angry. I told her that I no longer cared about the cards and to just leave them.

My stepmom said it was annoying how her daughter and I always go back and forth with emotions. (we both are diagnosed with depression) I told her I didn’t want to talk anymore because nothing would change and it wasn’t like she was going to do anything to discipline her daughter.

She told me not to talk to her daughter anymore and for some reason, everything just came loose. I told her that I couldn’t stand how she just lets her daughter be mean to me and everyone else in the house and she just gets away with it all.

I also said that if I were to do the same thing (which I have tried to) I would get yelled at (which I did) but she gets to act that way because it’s apparently her personality. My stepmom said to stop letting others control my emotions and I said that her daughter being terrible shouldn’t fall back on me not “controlling my emotions”.

She then told me in the most simple terms that I needed to grow up if I needed to join the military and I admitted that I only INITIALLY wanted to join so that I could get away from home, her and her daughter.

I have spoken to my father before about stuff like this and he says it is because my step-sister is jealous of me and my stepmom feels bad for the fact my step-sister lived with her grandma for about a year while my stepmom was deployed in Korea.

My grandma is a good person and my step-sister was never mistreated in any way while there. Another theory my father has is my stepmom acts this way because she lost a baby (stillborn) about two years before she had her daughter. My father told me to just deal with it until I move out and I tried to but I’m just exhausted of being treated like that and seeing my stepsister do it to my other siblings.

Sorry I know this is a lot but I genuinely want to know am I overreacting and being a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But why doesn’t your dad say these things to his wife, to help deal with the issue and fix it? It only helps a little to hear it from him, it doesn’t fix anything between you and your sister.

Step-siblings don’t always get along, and you can’t force it. Most bullies do so because they are insecure about some aspect of themselves, feel threatened by those who they bully. This will cause HER more problems in life than you, so given you’re 18, try to minimize her effect on your life…push her into the peripheral, understand that she is just a nasty, insecure person who, if her own mom won’t help her be a better person, what possibly could you do.

Focus on school, your friends, try to let her nonsense roll off your back until you move out. You can be the calm. Not because it’s good for your sister, but because it’s best for you.” Canadian_01

Another User Comments:

“Honestly you’re way better than me.

I’m a big believer in karma but also think it needs a little help sometimes. I’d have snapped before now. Every little petty thing to annoy them would be done. Rearranging things, hiding her things in her own room. Turning bags and purses inside out then putting things back in.

Just really petty annoying things. None are harmful or dangerous. But that’s just my way of dealing with siblings and I never got caught, suspected sure, but no proof.” Broad_Woodpecker_180

Another User Comments:

“Hey…. don’t beat yourself up for feeling what you feel and letting your emotions out.

Perfectly natural what you are feeling and how you reacted. Right and wrong don’t really come into it. It’s really a tough one. There is more than one issue here. While most of the issues are with your stepmother also be aware it’s very likely she is internally aware of what she is doing and unhappy about or regretting it without being able to do much about it or admit it to herself let alone yourself and your father.

She has to admit to herself that she and her daughter are at fault and being honest with yourself can be a hard thing. Sounds like she has past trauma and trust issues. She hasn’t truly let go and committed either if she can’t let your dad parent her child.

Your father needs to have a conversation with her because you are meant to be one family, no sides you need to be able to parent all children in the house. It’s also the parent’s job to stand up for their children when they are unable to.

(Also easier said than done) Mental and emotional maturity are things that don’t come some easily or ever, unfortunately.” Spazmonkey1949

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Mistweave 3 days ago (Edited)
NTJ, but everybody else is. Start messing with her back. I'd say deck her one good time, but you're 18 and she isn't, so that would backfire.
1 Reply

5. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Hypocrisy About Weight Loss?

QI

“3 months ago my best friend came over to my place and we were having dinner with my sister. My sister mentioned how she wants to hit the gym and pay more attention to what she eats because she wants to lose a bit of weight for health and aesthetic reasons.

My friend then said to her that she doesn’t need to lose weight at all and needs to accept herself how she is and that she is beautiful as she is and she shouldn’t lose weight for anybody, especially guys.

I then told my friend it’s okay, if she wants to make this decision then it’s her decision and I totally support this decision that my sister chooses to actively improve her health and I also don’t see anything wrong in her wanting to change her aesthetics with sport.

My friend then said that I basically said that my sister would be prettier if she loses the weight and in general that being bigger or having a belly is ugly and low-key accused me of being fat-phobic. She said I should accept my sister how she is, doesn’t matter how she looked and even if she is much bigger than she is now.

I told her that I don’t have anything against bigger people and objectively I find a slimmer figure nicer than a bigger one, but it doesn’t mean I am fat-phobic. That’s my preference. Also, my sister is primarily doing it for health reasons and it’s not like she is skinny-obsessed or something.

Conclusion for her: I think bigger people are ugly and I am semi-fat-phobic.

Fast forward to yesterday: My friend complained about her bloated stomach and in general her stomach and told me she thinks she gained weight so she will pay more attention to what she eats to lose the weight.

I basically called her out because she made a storm 3 months ago at my dinner table and accused me of being fat-phobic because I support my sister’s decision to go to the gym and eat healthier and now she wants to lose weight because she gained. By her theory, she shouldn’t do anything about it and accept her body how it is or else she thinks gaining weight is ugly and is fat-phobic herself.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think your friend was self-reflecting. She may want to lose weight or get active herself but can’t find the motivation, but your sister wanting to or making the progress to only shows what she can’t bring herself to do.

You’re not fatphobic for having preferences and your sister isn’t terrible for wanting to do something better for herself.” Correct-Speaker-5896

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you were being supportive of your sister’s own decision to better her health and lose weight in the process. You weren’t the one to bring it up, or to make comments about her appearance.

I think your friend made it about her own insecurities (as shown by the later interaction) and was afraid you would be thinking less of her if she didn’t make the same decisions.” little_unsteady_one

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I call people out on hypocrisy as soon as I see or hear it, in a sarcastic, funny, or nonchalant way depending on the age and relationship of the recipient.

My friends appreciate my brutal honesty. It has gotten people to change their behavior to increase their happiness. I would have said at the table, yes go workout and make it a habit, don’t give a Dr an excuse it’s because of your weight. About the phobia remark, I would have turned it around and stated are you health-phobia with a laugh.

UlfberhtLight

1 points - Liked by lebe
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4. AITJ For Confronting My Niece About Eating My Daughter's Birthday Cake?

“My four-year-old daughter and I live with family. I really appreciate my family for allowing us to stay while I work on getting our own place and whatnot. There is tension… Not that it applies to the story but I am disabled and waiting on disability approval. I moved with my daughter out of state due to an extremely abusive relationship.

I do buy my own food and contribute to the household, including chores. I make sure our space is clean and that I clean up any messes my daughter or I make. Point being is that I am trying to be the best guest I can be.

I have done a number of different things to help our situation but at this point, it’s a waiting game.

My daughter just had her 4th birthday. She had the stomach flu that night and then everyone else got sick. So, she didn’t get a chance to have any more of her cake.

Today, I go to pull something out of the fridge and the entire cake is gone. I look over and the case is sitting on the counter, empty… There was half a cake left out of a 10-inch cake. That’s a lot. I knew immediately who ate it… My seventeen-year-old niece.

How do I know this? Because she has a problem, at least I suspect, with binge eating. She and I are both um, fluffy. She has taken my food before. I wouldn’t have minded if she took a piece or if she takes a small amount but she doesn’t… She takes the whole thing.

Blocks of cheese, an entire box of cereal after it was opened and one serving was taken, bags of chips after they are opened. She doesn’t have a specific food. I don’t do this, I have medical conditions, and medications like steroids, so my fluffiness is a little different than hers.

I can totally understand food cravings but I have never binged.

I understand depression. I have it, been managing with it for a long time now. Still, my depression has never caused me to seek food as a dopamine fix or coping mechanism.

I saw my niece in the hallway and asked to speak with her.

Yeah, I was mad. I basically told her that I didn’t care too much about the other food but that this was crossing the line. That among all the other tons of snacks, including the ones she buys for herself, that she felt the need to eat a four-year-old’s birthday cake is nonsense.

She shrugged her shoulders and gave an apathetic, “sorry.”

My jaw dropped and I just said, “what?” I rolled my eyes and told her that she needed to think about why she did it. She shrugged again and I walked away. I did try to talk to her mother, my sister, later.

At first, she was angry with me but then her mood changed. She said that she should not have done that but that it’s another reason why we should find another place to live. That I should not have said anything to her daughter because she was going to keep doing it and it probably didn’t help her situation anyway.

Now, my niece has not been diagnosed. She doesn’t want therapy and my sister doesn’t want to push her into it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but your sister and niece are huge jerks. Your niece is almost an adult. Even with an ED, she absolutely should have enough self-control to not take a child’s cake.

Her reaction to you confronting her just shows she doesn’t care about you or your daughter’s feelings. Your sister is a bigger jerk for just enabling her daughter and refusing to get her any help, and also suggesting you should GTFO soon. If you can, stay with someone else until you can get your place, or your relationship with your sister may be ruined because I doubt this will get any better.” Another_Loner

Another User Comments:

“That is the sound of your sister telling you that you have worn out your rent-free welcome, and you need to speed up your alternate living situation. She is done. She is paying all the bills while you throw out some groceries and get mad when someone eats some of them.

While it hurts that this was leftover birthday cake, it is a reminder that you are living on charity in someone else’s home. Of course she is going to protect her child in her own house. You don’t say how long you’ve been living with your sister and niece but it’s longer than they are comfortable with.

You can try labeling your special foods, but your sister just said ‘your’ food is open to the household so accept it, be grateful you aren’t on the streets, and get moving finding another place and some income. Maybe you can move in with some different relatives for a time.

Maybe you can get help with your issues so you can work instead of claiming disability. Maybe you can hit the child’s father for child support or seek more support from state or local institutions. The bottom line is you are responsible for yourself and any children you create.

You can dictate who eats leftovers in your own home when you make one. For now, buy another cake, give a piece to your daughter and one to your niece, and then cut the leftovers into pieces and label them. It is a cheap price for a place to live and household harmony.

Good luck, OP. No jerks here/ESH.” Avlonnic2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Depression and binge eating issues aside, it’s simply common courtesy not to eat another person’s food without asking – especially food that has emotional significance like a birthday cake. I’ve struggled with depression and binge eating too, but there are lines you just don’t cross.

This is literally like taking candy from a baby. Binge eating is an addiction and she may not have been able to stop herself from fixating on the cake, but people with addictions aren’t unthinking zombies. Controlling binge eating every day with nothing but willpower is next to impossible, but stopping yourself from eating a particular food for a day or two is very possible.

It’s common for binge eaters to eat in secret and to minimize what they’ve eaten, so her lack of a real apology isn’t surprising. Hopefully, you’ll be able to move out soon! In the meantime, buy your kid a single slice of cake or a cupcake, let her eat it in front of your niece, and throw away any leftovers.” shinkouhyou

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Mistweave 3 days ago
NTJ. Tell her she needs to replace it and what the cost is. If she wants to eat everything she sees, she can buy it herself. Next time you see her with something your daughter likes to eat, just snatch it out of her hand, shrug, and say "Sorry, you obviously don't need it."
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3. AITJ For Wanting To Wear My Old Wedding Dress To My Second Wedding?

QI

“I (30F) am getting married to my fiancé (36M) in about a month. We’re having a small wedding because we aren’t the most financially stable people and have found cute and crafty ways to save money. I however have been married previously and still have my wedding dress.

I still love it as much as I did the day I bought it and so I recently decided instead of blowing money on a new one, I’d wear the one I already have and love.

I mentioned to my fiancé about how I’m going to wear the old dress thinking he’d agree it would help save money but he didn’t have the same opinion as I did.

He told me it was disrespectful to wear the same wedding dress I had worn at my first wedding to ours and how he was just going to be reminded of my ex-husband by wearing that dress. I brought it up to my family and they agreed with him saying I was clinging to the past, and didn’t I want a new beginning?

My ex didn’t ruin the dress for me though it’s not like he was a horrible husband and the divorce was mutual but for some reason, it seems to remind everyone around me of him. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Sorry OP, on this one it’s a YTJ.

You may not associate the dress with your ex, but your fiancé does – and I think that’s understandable. If my partner decided to stand at the altar in their outfit from the first marriage I would feel I’m just simply the next in the procession line.

And call me superstitious, but I would feel there is some bad energy attached to that dress, that wearing it to your next wedding is a bad omen.” Fearless_Spring5611

Another User Comments:

“YTJ I kinda don’t want to go hard because you say: “I still love it as much as I did the day I bought it and so I recently decided instead of blowing money on a new one, I’d wear the one I already have and love.” I think… hopefully… there’s a naivete there, it’s not a clinging to the past thing.

BUT why do you think your fiance would want you to wear a dress you married your ex in? “Didn’t I want a new beginning.” This IS a new beginning. I’m not an advocate of spending thousands of $ on a new dress if you don’t want one.

You absolutely should “blow” some money on a new dress here though. Buy a new dress. Have a lovely wedding day.” Apart-Ad-6518

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ. I get the feeling of being attached to a dress, not wanting to spend money on another that is just as nice, or not being able to find another you like as much.

But wearing a dress that reminds him of somebody else is going to put extra stress on your special day. It’s also putting secondhand embarrassment from everyone onto him, which he has to deal with. Maybe sell the dress, and find a similar one with the money you make?

There are also a lot of secondhand wedding dresses available online.” americancoconuts

1 points - Liked by lebe
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2. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Stay Out Of My Financial Argument With My Husband?

QI

“My MIL (F73) and I (F37) never had the best relationship, but since my FIL died in February 2023 we clash even more.

My husband (M52) is a mama’s boy. She can do no wrong, especially now that she is a widow. He helps her when needed and she comes to ours every second weekend, having family dinner and family time. I try to engage as little as possible but it’s not always as easy.

Our two children (F16 and M13) hate the weekends she visits because they feel obligated to spend their time entertaining her. Her family image is just sunshine and roses where you have no arguments and never raise your voice. I, on the other hand, think arguing is not always bad and is sometimes needed for a fresh start.

Now for my most recent situation: While at dinner my husband and I got into an argument and it got heated, especially from my side. For a little context: he lost his job and is suing his ex-employer for settlement funds since they laid him off.

We were arguing about what’s gonna be an acceptable monthly salary for him to start a new job. She jumped in and wanted to tell her part to which I told her to keep out of it because it has nothing to do with her in a loud voice to which she had a meltdown and left, practically running away.

My husband says I am in the wrong for telling her off. I don’t know anymore.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. MIL inserting herself into a private financial discussion between you and your husband is an issue. Problem is, this wasn’t a private conversation. It was at a dinner table with other people, you can’t do that and expect people not to occasionally give their two cents.

In this case, you’re not only laying into someone for not sitting in awkward silence while you and your spouse act out the most uncomfortable option for dinner theater, but you’re also humiliating a family member who, given that they no longer have their partner and are elderly, probably view you as a primary support network.

You might be right that your husband is a mama’s boy, and you might be right that MIL can be overly needy/demanding, but this was not the way to handle this situation.” Narkareth

Another User Comments:

“Man, I charged in here ready to back you up, and was nodding enthusiastically all the way through the first part of the post. But none of the first part had anything to do with the specific situation.

Why are you having such private conversations in front of someone you don’t want to be involved in your private business? Every fiber of her being was vibrating with the need to give her opinion while you dangled this delicious opportunity in front of her, yet you expected her to sit there chewing in silence, mentally visiting Hawaii as you and your husband had a heated argument in front of her?

Then you loudly fired back at her to mind her own business despite being so happy to wave it about in front of her face. YTJ and super rude.” SunshineShoulders87

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There’s a time and place for airing grievances and having what should be private arguments.

It’s not during dinner in front of other people. If you don’t want their opinion on these private matters, don’t have these discussions or arguments in front of them. You didn’t put anyone in their place. You were rude. First, for having the argument, then for turning on her for weighing in.

Your husband should learn these words, and you should take them to heart: This is not the time. We will discuss it later. There are very few things more obnoxious than a bickering couple arguing over a private matter in a social setting. Excuse yourselves and take it private if the argument absolutely can’t wait.” Cosmicdusterian

1 points - Liked by lebe
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Mistweave 3 days ago
NTJ. She needed to mind her own business. Unless she's gonna start chipping in at your house on bills.
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1. AITJ For Using TSA Precheck While My Partner Used The Regular Line?

QI

“So I (31M) and my partner (28F) recently went on a vacation to Paris from NYC. Before the trip, I mentioned to her that I would pay for the entire trip if she applied for Global Entry, which includes TSA Precheck.

I thought this would be a great way for us both to avoid long lines at TSA. I even started the application for her, and all she had to do was finish it.

However, she didn’t complete the application, and I ended up paying for the whole trip anyway because I was planning to do so regardless.

I just wanted to give her an incentive to apply for Global Entry.

When the day of travel arrived, I went through the TSA Precheck line, and she had to go through the regular line. For the beginning part of our trip, she was mad at me for this.

AITJ for using TSA Precheck while my partner went through the regular line, even though I had offered her an incentive to apply for Global Entry?”

Another User Comments:

“It’s odd to bribe your partner to get global entry but I vote NTJ for using Precheck.

I used to travel for work a lot and I never got my stuff together to apply for global entry until I left the job. I was busy but also just lazy. It was always assumed that anyone with precheck would use that perk while I (with the other people who couldn’t get their stuff together) would use the regular line lol.

My fiancé traveled a lot for work too and had precheck. Same thing applied for personal travel lol. He would go through the precheck line and roll his eyes at me while he waited lol. I was definitely the jerk in the situation cause I could have applied but kept putting it on the back burner.” Status_Expression424

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – When my husband (who has Global Entry) and I (only TSA precheck at the time) flew to Paris out of LA last October, the airport staff placed us in different lines and would not let my husband stay with me in the general line.

We met up once we were both done with security – not the end of the world as I was in line about 15 minutes longer than him. I’m not sure how difficult it is to get a Global Entry interview scheduled in OP’s area but it is really tough to get an appointment here on the West Coast. Luckily, LAX allows you to do your Global Entry interview upon arrival from your international flight.” asuagd

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you save no time doing this, because you have to wait for her out the other side. My partner doesn’t have precheck. When we traveled together, I stood in the longer line with him and joked about having to be in line “like a peasant”.

But you know what I was doing during that time in line? Hanging out next to the person I love. Instead of sitting on a bench out the other side waiting for him to come through.” SJoyD

0 points - Liked by Whatdidyousay
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Kilzer53 2 days ago
Lol how in the world would u be the jerk? U tried to get her to do the precheck to avoid that lone and she didn't do it. That is on her. She is an adult and she should have taken on that responsibility for.herself. ntj.
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