People Are Stressed About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
42. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Niece?
“My SIL and I have lived together for years. Never been any big issues honestly. My husband and I have 2 kids (6 and 10) and my SIL has 1 kid (12f). About 2 months ago she made the choice to switch to a night shift position because it paid 1.50 more an hour. At first it was fine and everything was normal (because her kid was in school) but now that school is out, she has just fully expected me to watch her kid while she sleeps all day.
She never asked me. It’s just a full-on expectation. She will go to take a nap and just leave her kid with me. Her kid can NOT be left unattended. She has severe ADHD and zero impulse control.
Well, I’ve been getting pretty fed up with constantly watching another child and cooking for an extra child so I told my husband that I was done watching this kid and his sister would have to find an alternative because her kid and her kids’ behaviors are stressing me out.
We sat down with my SIL about it and she said she would start arranging sitters or play dates over to her friend’s house. She followed through with this for maybe 3 days and then it was right back to square one. I’ve been stuck watching her kid again for a week straight and it was to the point of her not even telling us she was going to nap.
She would just disappear.
Well, today is 90° and I fully intend to bring my kids to the beach but I will not bring my SILs kid because I can’t handle her destructive behaviors or bossy attitude. So I caught my SIL sneaking up the stairs and I said “bring your kid with you. I have plans and I’m not a built-in babysitter.” She said “please don’t do this, in seriously exhausted from how much I’ve worked”.
I told her that wasn’t my problem. She didn’t work yesterday or today. She can take care of her kid. She is angry at me because apparently her kid was looking forward to going to the beach with us (I never said she could go) and my SIL “needs to sleep”. AITJ?”
41. AITJ For Not Paying For My In-Laws Flights?
“I have been with my fiancé for 9 years and we are getting married in 3 months. We’re having a destination wedding and it’s that time for everyone to get their flights.
I got a really good credit card that gets me a ton of points and I saved so many to book our flight and honeymoon with. I usually use my credit card on big purchases and buy dinners and have people pay me back. My fiancé told his mom about all our points and SHE suggested we can get her flight and his brother’s flight and she’ll pay us back in order for us to get points.
This is where it gets interesting. My soon-to-be MIL hasn’t worked in 10 years and refuses to get a job. She is young enough to work. She gets money from the state to get by. My brother-in-law works but is a habitual drinker and doesn’t manage his money well. I told my fiancé they need to pay us before we book it and he said he’s not sure how much it will be and he is going to book it for them.
I got super frustrated and said they need to book it and pay for it on their own. We have a lot of stuff to do and hand-holding grown adults isn’t on our to-do list. He said he understands and doesn’t know what to do. I told him let’s discuss it later because I was getting upset and didn’t want to lash out on him.
I feel like I might be overreacting but this doesn’t sit right with me. AITJ?”
40. AITJ For Not Giving My Sister My Clothes?
“I (22F) have always been very protective of my wardrobe. I take pride in my personal style and invest a lot of time and money into curating a collection of clothing that reflects my personality. Recently, my younger sister (16F) asked me if she could borrow some of my clothes for an upcoming event she’s attending.
Now, I want to preface this by saying that I love my sister and we generally have a good relationship. However, I’m hesitant to let her borrow my clothes because she tends to be a bit careless with them. In the past, she’s accidentally stained a few of my favorite pieces or returned them with loose threads. It’s frustrating because I’ve had to spend money on repairs or, in some cases, replace the items altogether.
When she asked me this time, I politely declined and explained my concerns about the previous incidents. I suggested she could ask our older cousin, who has a similar style and has lent her clothes to my sister before. I thought this would be a fair compromise.
However, my sister didn’t take my refusal well. She accused me of being selfish and claimed that I didn’t trust her.
She argued that since she’s older now, she would be more responsible with my clothes. She even brought up a time when I borrowed something of hers and returned it without any issues.
I understand that she might feel hurt, but I genuinely don’t think I’m in the wrong here. I’ve worked hard to build my wardrobe, and I want to protect it.
It’s not about trust; it’s about the fact that accidents happen, and I don’t want to risk ruining my clothes.
So, AITJ for refusing to lend my teenage sister my clothes?”
39. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner With Renovations?
“My partner and I (both in our 30s) have been together for almost 2 years, each makes decent money (he makes almost twice my income), and plan to marry and have kids in a year.
Less than a year into our relationship I agreed to move into his house which he owned for several years at that point.
Before officially moving in, all he requested of me was to pay 40% of the monthly mortgage and utilities payment and to take turns buying groceries. I gladly agreed and have consistently done that. I’ve also been paying for everyday necessities such as toilet paper, soap, papers towels, etc and we use my car 95% of the time because he’s pointed out that my car is more gas efficient (I always pay for gas too).
I estimate these extra monthly costs to be around $400-500 and never complain.
Since the beginning of our relationship, he’s shared his home renovation plans starting with the bathrooms which he estimates to cost at least $10k. I like the idea because the improvements would be nice to have (floor-to-ceiling marble, glass shower doors, new windows to add natural night).
There are currently no issues with the bathrooms but he insists we should get it done before we have kids and would like me to contribute.
I’ve always been upfront about my hesitation to contribute large amounts to a home I don’t own because we aren’t married yet and I’m not on the deed. I also don’t want to be like his ex who contributed to similar expenses and obviously that didn’t work out.
I told him it would give me comfort in knowing I contribute large amounts to something I also own and also shared my insecurity about ending up like his ex which he thinks is ridiculous because nothing is guaranteed anyway (we could marry and divorce).
He recently had other improvements made to the house which cost over $10k. I didn’t help pay or request these things but I have made previous comments about how these upgrades would be nice to have eventually.
Lately, it seems my partner has been building resentment towards me for not contributing more because he’s made comments that my monthly mortgage contribution doesn’t help a lot and that he feels like “he will always be alone in this”. I’ve told him I have no issues with contributing more once I’m on the deed. AITJ?”
38. AITJ For Not Wanting To Vacation With My Mother-In-Law?
“I planned a 3-week trip to Europe with my wife and young daughter. This isn’t any trip, it carries sentimental significance for me as it’s the first time visiting my ancestor’s countries.
A lifelong dream I’ve talked about and finally made a reality.
My wife and her mother are close. After booking the trip, she asked me if her mother can join us. I was completely caught off guard and wasn’t thrilled, but kept composed. There are some underlying tensions between my mother-in-law and I, but we maintain a cordial relationship. However, the thought of navigating those tensions while trying to enjoy the trip feels daunting.
Overall, she’s a decent person, but we had a significant disagreement and I don’t trust her the same. We’re always respectful to each other, but when she visits my home, it’s always a huge relief the day she flies back to her home.
During our initial discussion, I brought up my apprehension and my wife got emotional, saying things like, “This is the difference between you and me and our views on family” and ” My mom is alone, has nobody to travel with” and “We used to travel together all the time and I miss it.” I understand but my vision for this trip was different.
What’s even more challenging is that this trip is tied to my ancestor’s countries, and I may never make it back. I’m concerned that the tensions with my mother-in-law will cast a shadow over this experience.
I expressed to my wife that I wish she expressed these intentions before I spent a considerable amount of time and resources planning airfare, which is not refundable anymore.
I found myself in a difficult position, trying to think of a compromise, but I said no based on the grounds I mentioned in this thread. AITJ?”
So suggest a compromise. You'll pay for a trip for your wife and MIL to take together, after y'all get back from yours. That way, everyone's happy.
37. AITJ For Rating My Ex?
“This happened last week and I just need to know if I am the jerk.
For context, I (m20) and my now ex-partner (19) had been together since January this year, I loved spending time with her and enjoyed every bit of it, the only downside was she had a habit of rating things from cooking to watching films to how others behaved, even in bed. It was annoying, here are a few examples:
Ex: the food is nice but the flavour was a bit sweet for my taste, 6/10
Ex: the film was too long and didn’t really catch my interest, 3/10
Ex: he acts like an idiot to make you laugh, he should just use jokes instead, 1/10
Ex: that car’s too loud and makes my ears hurt, 0/10
It was not needed, I tried telling her to not rate everything, but she said she’s only trying to ‘help people better themselves and their choices.’ I could tolerate it but she then rated my family which was the final straw for me, this was last week after a family dinner which she was invited to.
I walked her outside to have a talk with what she said to my little sister.
Me: Did you really need to say that?! It wasn’t necessary.
Ex: It was only to- (I cut her off)
M: To better her? She’s 6 years old for god’s sake, she doesn’t need to be an adult. Let her enjoy her time.
Ex: Why are you so angry about this, what I’m doing is not that bad.
(Her face went from calm to shock) Oh my god, are you mad because I rate your performance? You are such a child to let words hurt you like that.
M: That’s not the focus right now, I want you to apologize to my sister before we leave.
Ex: Why should I? I was only helping.
M: You said she should stop watching demonic shows, it was Tom and Jerry, the only thing possibly demonic is the little devils they get on their shoulders along with the angel, and that’s not even bad.
Ex: It’s corrupting the youth. She should be reading something instead, also you shouldn’t be mad about my rating, I’m only being honest.
M: Oh for, fine. You want honesty, here is my rating of you. 3/10 for appearance, 1/10 for personality, 0/10 for social interactions, and lastly -100/10 for not shutting your mouth! Your opinion on everything is not needed, I don’t wanna hear what you think of anything anymore, I don’t wanna hear about your ex’s performance or compare them to mine.
Now say sorry to my sister or we’re through.
She began to tear up and left without another word, I told my family what happened and they agreed with what I said. The next day I got several messages from her friends saying I was a jerk for treating her like that, saying there’s nothing wrong about being honest. My friends showed me the messages they got from her and it was a completely different story basically labeling me as the bad guy, they didn’t believe her though as they knew me for several years.
Her parents are mad at me but I could care less.
So AITJ?”
36. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Meet My Husband's Family?
“My husband (30M white) and I (29F Honduran) have a two-month-old son and he’s never met my husband‘s mom and step-grandma because of me deciding to keep him out of the same environment as them. My husband has been consistent and persistent with begging me and I keep telling him no.
Reason backstory: I’m usually more on the quiet and observant side when it comes to being around my husband‘s mom because honestly she’s the most bitter person I’ve ever been around, in the best way I can describe it is it’s like no matter what she’ll turn any conversation into an argument for literally no other reason other than because she wants to argue.
I was nervous that this was going to happen, and it did. When we arrived his step-grandma was also there, we had no warning of that, and she’s similar to my husband‘s mom. We tried to keep the conversation light in our visit short until his mom decided to gripe about us not having a gender reveal party, she didn’t like our son’s name Rodrick (not real name- basically it’s a name that’s rarer and my husband decided to say it), and about how we weren’t going to be using blue decoration at the baby shower (we picked red and black).
I got hormonal and told her that if she doesn’t like our son’s name that’s fine and she doesn’t have to be around him if she doesn’t like it because it was my husband’s and my choice.
My husband tried to simmer down the conversation by telling me it was okay because his mother is family and that she doesn’t understand what people do these days and his step-grandma chimed in saying what happened to using nice and normal names like John and told us to name our son John instead while we still had time before he was born.
They both also got mad that our isn’t being named after any family members, that’s what’s done on his side of the family, and started to insist that if we didn’t like the name John to name him after my husband‘s deceased father— my husband and I already talked about possibly honoring his late father’s name in some way shape or form but the issue is his father has the same name as a notorious criminal and we didn’t want our son to live with that as his name.
When our son was born his step-grandma was upset about how our son doesn’t look like her and looks more like me- this is why I mentioned my husband and my race at the beginning and I perceived this as her not being happy that our son doesn’t look white. I told him they have no chance to meet our son even if they apologized.
AITJ am I being too harsh?”
35. AITJ For Saying My Husband Never Plans Anything?
“My husband has a custody schedule where he has his youngest every single weekend except for the summers. He and I talked about trying to take weekend getaways since we only have a limited time until we are back to having his kid every weekend.
Last week, my husband approached me and said he found a campground he wanted us to visit that weekend that was by a beach. He said he wanted to discuss with me first before making any reservations. I told him that sounds great and just asked for the website so I could see the place and what is nearby.
The next morning, he sends me the website.
It looks like a pretty awesome place. I was trying to see what type of sites they had but it looked like I could only see the sites when I input the dates for availability. Turns out, there was only one site available that had a yurt which was out of the price range my husband suggested. I double-checked with my husband about booking and he confirmed he hasn’t made any reservations.
I told him what I found and he suggests I look at other sites to see what is available by a beach.
That made me pretty upset. I normally plan any type of alone time/date night. It was obvious he just looked at a website and didn’t do any of the work to book it. Once he told me to look around, I knew I would rather stay home and work on a project I had been putting off.
Earlier this week, we got into an argument and my husband said he was not planning any of our getaways and only would for himself. I pointed out that he never actually planned anything at all. AITJ for saying that?”
34. AITJ For Ditching My Cousins?
“A lot of my cousins are around the same age and we were really close growing up. But no one really liked this one cousin, Leo. He was an extremely bratty kid and he was spoiled beyond belief. No one liked him. When he reached a certain age… 13? he just stopped showing up to family gatherings even though his parents and little sister always came.
Leo and I are 19 now. All the cousins involved in this are 18-22 years old.
Now, my mom told me that Leo went through something traumatic. She asked if I’d be willing to spend some time with him as my aunt and uncle don’t really know who Leo’s friends are and the therapist/doctor is encouraging Leo to hang out with people.
I refused at first but eventually accepted. My mom never asks me to do things like this so I figured that this was a big deal.
and it is because Leo isn’t Leo. He’s this whole other person and I feel so bad for him. It’s like trying to hang out with a child but in a sad way, not like a “he’s so childish” way.
I decided to keep hanging out with him. He usually just sits there while I talk his ear off or we paint together but it’s become a part of my routine. According to my aunt, he looks forward to our hangouts.
Anyways, my birthday was coming up and I decided I wanted to do something with Leo this year.
I brought this up to my other cousins and they immediately went absolutely not. They started telling me that it’s my choice to “babysit a grown man” but it isn’t theirs. I insisted that he wouldn’t be a bother as we’d just be watching a movie at my house but they were upset with that too because they wanted to party with beverages and all that.
I told them as the birthday girl, I should be allowed to do whatever I want on my birthday. They said “sure but we don’t have to like it” so I told them not to come then. They said fine.
Well it’s the day of my birthday, my aunt dropped Leo and his sister off at my house and we were getting ready for the movie when a few of my cousins rang the bell all dressed up saying that they booked something idek what.
I told them I had plans and they got annoyed saying that there is no way I’m actually going to ditch them for Leo. They were extremely hurt, brought up stuff Leo did/said to us when we were younger then called me a backstabbing person before leaving.
I get it, I really do. But I genuinely assumed they didn’t care about my birthday after our argument and I thought I made my wishes pretty clear.
I can understand the feeling of betrayal I suppose, but Leo’s older now. It isn’t fair to hold all those things against him, especially with all that he’s going through. AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Not Contributing?
“I’m a 25 female. Recently I had a gathering with my group of friends, Alyson (27F), Jamie (25M), Katelyn (26F), and Xander (27M).
We have a get-together like this once a year and it’s always been a lot of fun, this year though I have been tight on money and couldn’t eat as much as I usually did. This year’s gathering was the same as every year, we meet up at a bar, order drinks, get merry, go home, and order food for all of us to share.
As I stated, this year I was tight on money and could barely pay for any of the food or drinks we purchased. I volunteered to clean up instead of paying with everyone else and they agreed… all except Jamie. He said “just because I’m tight on money doesn’t mean I can’t pitch in on any of the food or drinks.” But, he should understand my situation since he grew up without money.
At the bar, I was sitting with the girls and we were enjoying our drinks when Jamie came over and said “we shouldn’t even be letting you come with us considering you can’t pay for yourself.” Alyson replied with “It’s alright for her to come since we have enough money to cover the cost for her.” Jamie scoffed and sat with Xander at a separate table.
After we left the bar we went to Katelyn’s apartment. The food was ordered and a five-minute wait was all we needed until it got there. While we waited, Jamie said “Make sure not to eat too much OP, don’t eat what you can’t pay for.” Everyone started laughing including me because we thought he was joking but unfortunately, he wasn’t.
When the food got there, everyone began eating except Jamie and myself, I was in the bathroom when it got there and Jamie was setting up water bottles and bottles in the freezer.
After I returned from the bathroom I myself began to eat as well. Keep in mind we ordered 3 pizzas (24 slices), 2 plates of wings (In a box, totaling 20 wings), brownies, and of course Soda.
The water was already there. Around an hour or so into the gathering (I suppose it doesn’t exactly sound like a gathering so more of a get-together) I took a slice of pizza and Jamie slapped it out of my hand, he said “I told you not to eat what you couldn’t pay for.” I was sitting there in shock when Alyson said “you didn’t have to do that, it was uncalled for.” Xander and Katelyn agreed with Alyson and Jamie left the gathering.
I left after him and went home.
The next morning I received a bunch of texts from Jamie’s other friends saying I shouldn’t have embarrassed him like that and instead listened to what he said and didn’t eat what I couldn’t afford. I blocked them all and now I’m receiving messages from Jamie himself talking about how bad of a friend I am for what I did.
But I really don’t think I did anything wrong. I was just hungry.
So AITJ for eating what I couldn’t afford?”
32. AITJ For Not Wanting My In-Laws To Stay With US?
“My husband and I (34) purchased a home recently and we have extra rooms. Currently it is us, our toddler (in daycare) our dog and hopefully by Christmas I will be expecting a second child. His family is coming for Christmas and I told him I didn’t want our house to become the default hotel.
He says it’s not fair that I do that to his family, but my sibling is allowed to stay.
For context – I have one sibling and when she comes to visit with her one child and no partner I offer the guest room. She helps contribute to meals, does her own thing, stays out of our space, and doesn’t expect to spend 24/7 with us.
It doesn’t happen often, and if my parents or other family visits they get an Airbnb.
He has several siblings, some that I am not super close with. The one who would want (when I say want, I mean he would assume because we have space he and his family could stay at our house) to stay with us for several weeks.
He (40) has 4 children (3 are under the age of 4) and a wife.
On previous vacations, I’ve seen that they don’t watch their children closely (once at a hotel their kid left the lobby and was wandering the hotel elevator and halls). They typically don’t stay in the same room with the oldest (9) and he wanders around and wakes others up to hang out.
They also don’t contribute, so we would be footing the bill any time we cook meals to feed 6 additional people and help to keep an eye on and entertain the kids.
I told my husband I don’t have the bandwidth to manage all of this and entertain them while here (I work full time from home). I would be working some of the Christmas holiday.
He says because we have the rooms (we have one dedicated guest room a basement living room) they should be allowed. If I worked upstairs (vacate my office which is next to the guest room) and got air mattresses we could make it work. My sister stays so why can’t his brother?
He understands the extra burden, but feels guilty because he thinks his brother *might* not be able to come for Christmas if we don’t let them stay at our house.
I don’t want to stop him from coming to Christmas… but I don’t think we should be the assumed free hotel with meal service.
So, lay it on me… am I the jerk for saying his brother can’t stay with us for the Christmas holiday even though technically we have the space for them?”
31. AITJ For Not Letting My Children Eat My Food?
“I have a renal disease which means I have dietary restrictions (for example anything with potassium or phosphorus is bad for me).
I’ve had this issue for the past 5 years. I have 2 kids of teen age. I try my best not to let my dietary restrictions be cumbersome for the rest of the family so when I prepare meals I will try my best to cook things the family likes and adjust the recipe for my restrictions. There are things that I simply cannot have or I can only have very little, like orange juice (potassium), or potato chips (potassium) or anything dairy (phosphorus).
So we go grocery shopping we’ll buy orange juice and another type of juice that’s better for me, same with potato chips, we’ll get snacks that are better for me.
The problem is it seems like every time we come home with something different that has been purchased “for dad”, my teens make a point of having this first before the other stuff.
So I’ll see them drink my juice in the morning instead of the orange juice we bought for them, or have my snacks when they come home from school instead of the potato chips etc. When I see them do this, I usually gently remind them to make sure to leave me some because I cannot have the other and they usually answer “oh, it’s true, I’m sorry dad!”
I’ve asked them if they simply preferred having my juice in the morning so I would simply buy more instead of the orange juice, same thing with the potato chips but they always say that they prefer the orange juice and the chips over my stuff.
Well, today I get up, make myself breakfast and open the fridge to grab my juice, to notice there wasn’t any left but the orange juice was almost full.
I confronted both teens and got upset at them for emptying my juice instead of the orange juice. My wife thinks I overreacted. AITJ?”
30. WIBTJ Not Telling My Mom I Changed My Wedding Date?
“I 42(f) plan on getting married in February of 2025. We were originally getting married in October of 2026, this was due to financial reasons and my kids graduating high school and many other factors. I was getting frustrated so my fiance and I talked and laid everything out on the table and realized that once my son turned 18 in February of 2025, the financials and school situation and everything was going to be where we needed to be to get married. So amongst ourselves and with my children, (17 16 and 14 right now) we decided that we are going to get married 10 days after my son’s birthday in 2025.
I am very excited about it, my fiance is very excited about it and my kids are as happy as teenagers are going to be about a wedding.
My fiance and I are paying for everything by ourselves. We both agree we want a small wedding of 50 guests or less. This is his first marriage and my second. I would be totally cool just getting married in a courthouse and then having a dinner after.
But he wants a real wedding and so that is what we are going to do.
For my first wedding which was 18 years ago, my mom planned everything, she picked the venue, she picked the cake, she told me who to invite and who not to invite, how to say in the invitations, vetoed the photographer I originally wanted, hired a DJ that would not listen to my requests.
Don’t get me wrong it was a beautiful wedding and I did appreciate her paying for everything.
This time around I’m 40 years old and I’m going to have another wedding I want it to be what me and my fiance want. I explained this to him and he 100% agrees with me that both moms do not get to be part of the wedding planning.
He did tell his mother and his family that we have moved up the date.
I refuse to because I know my mom and I know she’ll feel she needs to have a say in every little thing and I cannot stand that then she’ll do the guilt trippy thing when I tell her no, not that it’ll work but it’s annoying.
When we got engaged I told her first and said please don’t tell Dad or my brother I want to be the one to tell them. The second I left her house she called both of them and told them. So she doesn’t get to know things before everybody else.
My fiance thinks I should still tell my mother, my best friend of 30 years thinks it’s hilarious I’m not telling my mom and my other couple of friends agree with my fiance that I should at least give her a heads up.
So WIBTJ if I didn’t tell her anything and she found out when the wedding was when I send out save the dates to everybody?”
29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Mom or Sister?
“So, I’ve lived only with my mom for about 6 years (I’m 16).
She’s always been a wonderful Mom and always did everything she could for us, my Sister (21), on the other hand, has always been a jerk and abandoned 5 of her pets in the past, I love animals and, for me, the worst thing someone can do is mistreat an animal.
Almost a year ago my mom decided she wanted to go live in Switzerland and “build a better life for us”, all this without telling me nor my aunt (the one taking care of me) of her plans, not only that but she misled us about everything, for us she was just taking a vacation while we were too (this was during summer so it made sense) and then everything would go back to normal.
Now, my problem with this was never the misleading, but my cats, I had 2 cats that I loved above everything and I would have done anything to have them with me. But, apparently, my mom asked my sister to take care of my cats while she was gone, same sister that abandoned 5 pets (4 of them were cats) and was upset with my mom at that moment.
Next time I went to my old house to get some clothes, what was my surprise when I saw my house in a horrible state and my cats gone, nowhere to be found, I then found out my sister hadn’t given them food for 1 or 2 weeks and then left the windows open, the cats then got out and I don’t even know if they are alive, I was obviously devastated and that’s when I stopped talking to my mom.
Some months later, I went to court so that we could shift custody to my dad who was in Switzerland too so I could go live with him, After that my mom started texting me trying to explain herself with everything that happened in the past year. She basically said that she never wanted this and that her plan was to bring me to Switzerland when her situation was stable, but didn’t told me anything for some reason.
I was furious with that and the fact that she was saying in every single message how sad she was, and I just told her that I was disgusted by her actions and that if she really loved me or the cats (I was almost only upset about the cats tbh) she wouldn’t have misled us and she wouldn’t have asked my sister to take care of the cats knowing what she is capable of.
I then explained the whole situation to my family, showing the messages I exchanged, they said that they understood me but that I was too harsh and that they could understand my mom’s side too. Now that I’ve cooled down after 1 week, I’m starting to wonder if I’m the jerk in this situation or if my behavior was justified, idk anymore.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Hating My Mom's Partner?
“I (16m) never liked my mom’s (42f) partner, J (41m) he is constantly claiming to my dad, telling those around him that I’m his “oldest child” and that he’s raised me since I was young. All he was to me growing up was a freeloader who’s lived in my house since I was 5. He goes to work, comes home, plays on his PC for hours until going to bed and repeats it all the next day.
He hasn’t shown any type of parenting towards me or my little siblings (his actual children) in the past decade since I’ve known him. It feels unfair. I tell him all the time that he is NOT my dad and that I have a real dad. He cries and weeps saying he’s “raised me” and my mom says he’s “better than my deadbeat father” and that I should “respect him as my father” Both he and my mom have called me a disrespectful jerk and a bunch of other names for always reminding them that he isn’t my dad.
I don’t think I’m disrespecting him by saying the truth so, am I the jerk?”
27. AITJ For Using A Fan While I Sleep?
“I (27F) and my partner (27M) moved into a mother-in-law basement apartment in my landlord’s (52?F) home. I usually sleep with my window open and a small round fan in front of the window since there is no AC and it has been very hot in Colorado.
My landlord’s bedroom is above mine in the main house, and she has lately been complaining about “a strange noise” coming from our apartment. I thought maybe it was something in the garage like a pipe, I never imagined the fan could be the “loud noise”.
She and her significant other entered our apartment without permission to investigate said noise, and I receive a text from her significant other, who I have met a few times, but doesn’t live in the house, that said this – “Hi (Me), (Landlord) asked me to try and figure out what the noise was that she’s been hearing at night.
It’s the fan you guys have on the bedroom windowsill. She’s just really sensitive to sound, especially at night. She was up for several hours last night. If you open the egress cover on the window well you might find that you can better cool the bedroom without even needing the fan. Cold air sinks naturally, and it would certainly pour in that window at night with the egress lid open.
Thanks”
I responded that I would try moving the fan away from the window and I did, I moved it to the other side of my room away from the window the night I received that text. I thought that was the end of it, but I recently received this text from my landlord directly – “I can still hear the fan.
Monday night when you were gone, it was sooo quiet. I loved it. Reminded me of how much I miss the quietness. Is there anything I can do to get you to use the front bedroom? I can try and insulate the ceiling in that room, but it will be expensive and make a mess.”
To me, this text seems extremely rude.
I want to move out ASAP, but I don’t want to overreact. We pay $2900 per month to live here and have never been late on rent and are extremely respectful with noise. We are her first ever renters and when we first moved in, I always slept with a sound machine which she claimed to be able to hear so I switched to the fan.
My response to her text was this –
“(Partner) usually sleeps in the front room because he snores super loud, which I think would bother you more. I’m not sure what to do as the fan helps when you guys come home later at night or even when you’re just walking around and your steps echo around down here.
I don’t think the flooring is super well sound insulated. We’ve never said anything because it’s just part of renting and it doesn’t bother us too much, but it would wake me up without the fan or some sort of white noise”
Am I being unreasonable here?”
26. AITJ For Saying My Sister's Marriage Won't Last?
“As a wedding planner who has been in the industry for many years now, my (31M) party trick amongst close friends and family is being able to guess how long my clients’ marriages will last with pretty alarming accuracy.
If you ask anyone in the industry, there are specific indicators while working with a couple that allow us to be able to gauge compatibility. I can usually get down to around a six-month window when predicting when photos of each other will disappear from socials.
This is not me taking joy in the downfall of relationships. Working in this career field can actually leave you feeling jaded about relationships in general, which is why I’m reluctant to work for friends and family.
The specific stress wedding planning puts on some people/couples can bring out the worst in them that you don’t see in everyday life.
My sister is getting married early next year and practically begged me to plan for her despite my stance on clients I know personally. I finally gave in and we began the process back in March.
Last week, while we were meeting and finalizing a few things, she asked me about the party trick I mentioned. She said since I had been working with her and her fiancé for months now, I could give my prediction as to how long they were going to last. I laughed and tried to move on. I thought she was joking, but she continued to press the issue.
After her continually bothering me about this for at least 15 minutes when I’m trying to move on (I do have work outside of my specific appointment with her that I needed to get to), I finally told her I thought they would last forever. She claimed she didn’t believe me and wanted my real number, so I shrugged and told her the truth: A year and a half.
She was furious. I felt incredibly uncomfortable with the whole ordeal, especially with how little she respected my boundaries in what is supposed to be a professional setting, and just tried to usher her out of my office. Instead, she began ranting about my own marriage and said she gives us until the end of the year before we part ways, and accused me of being a homewrecker.
She finally left, and I emailed her saying I would no longer be involved in planning. I gave her the contact information for all of the vendors we were working with, but told her the venue would no longer be available as they only book to people they have existing relationships with and my involvement was necessary. I have had to “part ways” with clients before, but this felt particularly rough.
She has now told our parents that I am purposefully sabotaging her wedding, and that I was unforgivably rude to her when she just asked a playful question. I feel very silly for letting a person disrespect my boundaries over and over again, something I typically wouldn’t tolerate, but now I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Refusing To Help A Customer?
“I’m a small business owner with a storefront, and I also sell at a local farmer’s market once a week.
The market has set hours, and vendors are expected to set up on time and take down when the market is over.
Yesterday, after I packed up my van and was about to drive out of the market 20 minutes after closing time, a customer called out to me, and I heard them because I had the windows down. They wanted to buy something and thought the market closed an hour later.
I told them the market has always closed at the same time, that my product and cash box were already packed away, and that I had a pressing matter to attend to that wouldn’t allow me to stop, unpack, and assist them. I repeated that explanation when they offered to follow me to my store and make a purchase while I was unloading.
I thought that was the end of the conversation but continued to worry I had disappointed someone and that this could end up on our local ranting social media pages. About an hour later, the customer messaged my business. I’ll paraphrase as fairly as I can here. They said they were disappointed and suggested I adopt a more “can do” attitude.
They said I could have given them the product and let them pay me later. (I didn’t recognize this customer; I serve thousands of people.) They said I didn’t use my critical thinking skills and that I should have tried harder. They also shared how much money they spent at the market with other vendors.
After I had finished with my pressing personal business, I responded. I thanked them for messaging me and expressed my regret for disappointing them.
I said that money would not have convinced me to stop because I really had something that required me to pack up and leave as quickly as possible. I thanked them for shopping with us for the last several years and expressed my hope that even if they chose to stop doing business with us, they had found our products worth buying up to that point.
The customer sent another response I read this morning, which is what prompted me to post here. They said they only shared the dollar amount to show they were genuine. They said they were upset by my lack of interest in being helpful in a genuine way. They didn’t like my tone when I explained that the market has always closed at the appointed time and pointed out they were recovering from surgery.
They found my response to be disingenuous and said my comment about whether or not they would continue to shop with us was “telling” because they never implied that.
I decided not to respond, but I’m also really bothered by this whole exchange and want to make sure I do right by my customers, especially those who have supported me for a long time.
(Even though I didn’t recognize them, I could see they’ve shopped with us periodically for several years.) AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Kids To Go To A Different School?
“Blended families are complicated, and a lot of emotion gets tangled up in discussions about kids, so I genuinely want to find out if it sounds like I am being a jerk.
My husband’s former wife (the ex/mom) used to live a few miles away until she sold her house before the end of last school year. Now, she lives 7+ miles away and in another school district. The ex wants to use our address so the kids can still attend school in our district even though they have not lived in our home in 6 months (11-year-old) and 2 years (14-year-old).
The ex has a demanding work schedule and said she could not manage transportation by herself, so she wants my husband to agree to do a 9am pickup and then pick up at 2pm and 4pm. As an alternative, the ex suggests the 11-year-old come to our house by herself to hang out until my husband or I come home and can take her back to her mom’s.
The ex plans to do the 7:30am school drop-off for the 14-year-old and then expects my husband and I to do the rest.
I did the 3pm pickup every other week last year, which was very difficult and stressful with my job, and I need help to do it again consistently. My husband can only manage this schedule sometimes too, and honestly, it’s impossible to manage unless there is a lot of flexibility throughout the day.
The ex says that if hubs and I do not help, she must hire someone for transportation. Based on our experience over the past 5 years, the ex hires someone for a short period, then asks us for a favor because the hired person is unavailable, and then plans slowly fall by the wayside. My husband and I somehow end up doing all of the transportation.
I think it’s just too much, and I believe the kids attend school in the district their mom lives in so that they can ride the bus to and from school and back to their mom’s house without issue. AITJ for not wanting the ex to use our home address to register the kids for school in our district?”
23. AITJ For Quitting Family Therapy?
“My father and stepmother have had us all in family therapy for the last three years.
I turned eighteen four months ago and just graduated from high school. I told my father I would no longer be attending family therapy. He said I have to go. I asked if he was going to kick me out if I don’t go, and he said no. So I said I don’t have to then.
He’s mad, and my stepmother is furious.
The reason I want to quit family therapy is that for the last three years I’ve listened to the therapist tell me to compromise with someone that never compromises with me, to respect someone who never respects me and that my feelings aren’t valid. So, I’m done. My stepmother says “we’ve made so much progress,” which is a lie.
I missed our Monday afternoon session, as I said I would.
My stepmother told me I wasn’t welcome to eat dinner with them, and I said that was fine. At dinnertime, my father came to my room and told me to come to dinner, and I said I wouldn’t because I wasn’t welcome. He said I won’t be treated as an adult if I act like a child. Tuesday my stepmother said I couldn’t use “my” car that I pay the insurance on and gas for.
I said fine. When she wanted me to pick my siblings up from school, I said I had no car. She insisted I do it, but I refused. She had to drive, which she hates doing.
My dad says I’m being a jerk and throwing a temper tantrum over “teen angst nonsense.” I disagree. They don’t have to let me use the car (although I will stop making the insurance payment if I’m not allowed to use it) and they don’t have to feed me, but I don’t have to let them use food and cars to control my actions.
He said “this nonsense is why we need therapy.” That’s dumb, because we went for three years and here we are.
The only thing I feel bad about is my siblings, who don’t understand why everyone is angry and thought I was mad at them because I wouldn’t pick them up from school. My stepsister asked me to just come to therapy with them next month, and I hate telling her no, but I refused. Am I the jerk?”
22. AITJ For Being Upset I'm Excluded?
“I am turning 23 next week and my family decided to book an international family vacation to Bali with 5 days notice. I was fine with it, though a little put out as I had already started organising things for my birthday but I was also super excited to being going on a vacation. So whilst my family called me, mainly my dad ranting about how my mother and sister had pressured him into this trip by organizing it without his permission, I set to work helping to book everything.
For background, I am the eldest daughter and usually do all the research for family vacations. The trip initially involved a hotel which had extremely bad reviews of mold/dirt which my mum is sensitive to so I spent the day messaging my dad all the hotel alternatives whilst being made very aware that as a family of 5 (I am the eldest to a set of twins), as the “fifth” member I was complicating bookings a lot, often requiring a third room.
So I called my father and said if he absolutely had to they could leave me behind as I knew my sister had already gone ballistic about this trip as all her friends are in Europe but if so that I’d appreciate if they could be home for my birthday. I made it very clear that I didn’t want to sit out and that for only three reasons would I be ok being left behind.
1. If the expense was too much such as requiring an additional expensive room (I did also volunteer to pay for myself)
2. Logistically impossible being the hotel/holiday package couldn’t fit five 3. If the trip would run into my birthday party (scheduled a week after my birthday). The next day I call my parents and they tell me they have sorted this fantastic trip, with Hilton but that I’m not coming.
I was bummed as it meant I’d be alone on my birthday but assumed that being so late notice it must’ve been impossible to include me. I asked them what the struggle was and it was revealed they didn’t even try add me. I was annoyed but I said I’d call Hilton and see if one room can sleep 3 without any sharing bed, finding out they had a sofa bed which meant it was cheap/easy for me to go.
Yet, when I told dad he said it was so stressful making the original booking that he couldn’t be bothered to call and get the room reservation updated for
3. I called mum and she said “she didn’t want three kids in a room”.
I am furious with my family, I feel betrayed that they’d willingly leave me alone on my birthday at such short notice and ditch our plans.
I’m angry that they didn’t even try and that even when I patiently found a solution they didn’t have any motivation to include me. I live out of home and constantly organize things for my parents’ birthdays and feel super hurt that despite being a high achiever they constantly gloat about, I am apparently not worth the return effort and that it is especially evil to have your daughter plan trips that you then exclude her from.
AITJ for getting mad? I feel exhausted, isolated and like my birthday has been ruined.”
21. AITJ For Worrying About My Husband?
“Husband went night fishing with his buddy after he got off work.
I was, excited and encouraged him to go. I WANT him to spend time with his friends living a life outside of us. He said he would be home 1/2 am. He packed up a few beverages and left. The last texts were at 1:45 am. I told him the door was unlocked, be safe getting home. If he needed to wait to drive home our friends wouldn’t mind.
He texted back that he only had a few beverages and they were just talking and fishing.
I wake up at 3am, he isn’t home. I see his location is the lake. I text him “?” at 3:30. Nothing. I text “B” 15 minutes later and he says “oh yea he just left”. 4:20 am he’s home, and I had slightly dozed off.
He comes in the bedroom says hi, I say hi. Asked if he had a good time. He says yes. I say “I’m glad you had a really good time.” paused “Next time please tell me when you’re going to stay that much later I was worried” him- “my phone died”. idk why I said it, but I said “cool story” and rolled over.
It slipped out and I regret it. I waited a few minutes and here’s a summary:
Me- you could have texted me, your phone takes time to go from 100% to 0%. When you last texted me you could’ve told me you were staying out later
Him- okay well my phone died and I was using it as a flashlight.
I wasn’t paying attention. What do you want from me?
Me- validation for my concern and worry and acknowledgment that you didn’t communicate with me.
Him- I just won’t go out with my friends anymore.
Me- that’s not what I want, I want you to communicate with me so I don’t worry about you.
Him- I just wanted to come home, snuggle you, and you’re getting mad at me.
We then get into how invalidating that is, I’m his partner not his mom, I’m just expressing feelings . He then said I yelled at him. I asked him when. Right now? I don’t feel like I’ve been yelling.. I accepted that I raised my voice and apologized. I told him I didn’t appreciate tone/volume policing me to not acknowledge what I was saying was valid.
*He raises his voice at me sometimes, when I bring up behavior when we try to talk things out. I do not yell but I get emotionally worked up easier than I used to. I normally have complete emotional/volume control but lately it’s been so hard.*
He said that’s all he does is invalidate me, there’s always something, he always hurts my feelings, he just kept saying things like that.
I told him I had every right to be upset and all he had to do was simply acknowledge my worry, validate my feelings, and explain his phone died.
“I’m sorry you were worried babe, my phone died and I don’t even think about it”.
I didn’t feel like I was asking for much. I could’ve handled it better.
I don’t feel like I can tell reasonable from unreasonable anymore.
I think I might be the jerk because I could have let it go, accepted his phone died, he’s home now, and it’s fine.
AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Accidentally Stepping On My Partner's Cat?
“This morning, I went to feed my cat and my partner’s cat. As I was trying to serve my cat wet food, his cat kept following me and jumping at me.
When I finally went to put it down, I didn’t know she was right behind me when I stepped back. I accidentally stepped on her paw and she yelped in pain and went to hide under the bed. I tried to feed her still, but she wouldn’t come out.
In response, my partner started saying that I mistreat his cat and that I always hurt her.
He also said “shame on me” and “how did I not see her”. I felt really bad already, and I kept saying it was an accident. So he brought up a situation that happened a few days ago. He was tickling me, and I kept telling him to stop (like very serious, almost screaming) When I tried to push him away, he fell on top of me and sprained my pinky.
Which mind you, I am now wearing a brace and taking medication for the pain. He said, “well that was an accident, but you still bring that up”. This made me feel awful because he hurt me and instead of being apologetic, decided to bring it up and throw it back in my face for this situation.
After all of this, he went to talk to his cat to lure her from under the bed and is now locked in the bathroom with her.
I feel really bad about stepping on her, and I would never do that on purpose! I do feel extremely guilty though.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Not Trusting My Friends?
“Recently, my friends and I went on a trip which involved driving 2 separate cars for about 20 hours each. One friend, “Simon”, put his total gas bill in a group chat for us each to pay an equal share of, but I was immediately confused. His car was used slightly more than the car I was in due to it being driven for short miscellaneous trips, but his gas bill was 50% higher – $300 vs $450.
I had no idea how this was possible since both cars have almost the same gas mileage and they were both driven to the same efficiency.
I wanted to confirm this number with Simon, so in the group chat, I asked him if he could send just the individual numbers he added to arrive at the total (ie. the cost of each time he refueled).
He promptly told me to “Shove it,” and said “it’s foolish and immature [to fight] over 6 dollars”. I replied that it’s “rich calling me immature after [he] keep[s] getting upset over non-issues.”
He flat-out refused to send me anything related to it, saying “I’m not sure why you expect people to bend over backwards to accommodate you.” Simon then went on to say he was insulted by me thinking he was scamming me, which I made clear wasn’t true.
I explained that I did not think he was lying, but there was possibly a miscalculation, which he found hard to believe.
He realized that I never really questioned any bill sent to me before this one, so I pointed out that again, it’s not that I don’t trust him to be honest, but more that I am extra careful with my money around him for reasons that he probably knows already.
These reasons are that a miscalculation/miscommunication happened in the past leading to him asking for $350 from me instead of $150, and that he regularly takes months to send money he owes despite me occasionally reminding him about it and him having plenty of money in his bank account to shut me up.
The argument fizzled off with him saying “I just refuse to pull out every charge and go over it, I’m not an accountant,” and “I’m not going to stoop down, this is literally about principle.” He told me to just pay him $40, then later told me the least I could do is a bit more than $43.
One of my other friends told me that he doesn’t know why Simon doesn’t just look at his transactions since it’s literally just 3 mins of his time, and that Simon could just finish this ordeal in several minutes instead of getting into a heated argument. My view is that he’s the only one who can provide a satisfying ending for both of us.
I sort of just agreed to pay him that “more than $43” he asked for. I get his side, which is that it’s annoying to have to pull out that information and send it, and I realize it’s probably not a common thing for friends to have to do, but my side was that ultimately he should be responsible for doing that since the gas bill is technically equally all of ours and that information should not be intentionally hidden from us.
AITJ for requesting the information to confirm the total cost of the gas bill?”
18. WIBTJ For Reporting A Neighbour?
“So my 18-year-old neighbour has been operating a car detailing business from home for a couple of years now.
It started off small, so maybe 1 car a day 3/4 times a week and is now about 7/8 cars a day almost every day.
He offers a range of services from a simple external wash to steam cleaning and washing the seats and engine cleaning and makes a fair bit of money from it.
The main issue is the fact that the way he is operating is unlawful and violates environmental protection laws. He washes the cars on the street and lets the dirty water and chemicals go into the main street drains.
Here in the UK, to do so is illegal, although councils will turn a blind eye if it’s your own personal car.
However, car wash businesses are normally held under even stricter rules and have to store wastewater separately and send it off for treatment due to the chemicals before it can be disposed of.
While I haven’t been bothered with his business, we are currently entering drought conditions and with him washing cars all day and paying a residential rate as opposed to business water rates, this is something which is making me think twice about this.
So WIBTJ, if I reported him for breaking the law?”
17. AITJ For Not Showing Up At My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister Kara (24F) and her fiancé Matt (26M) are getting married. My sister Kara asked me to be her maid of honor, of course I said yes, (I’m 22F unmarried) and was very excited, she involved me in a lot of planning like helping to choose her cake, dress etc. As the wedding is getting closer Matt asks me if I want to surprise Kara with a birthday cake, as her birthday was before the wedding, I decided I’d help, as it would be very nice.
I soon stopped over at their apartment, as I walked in a saw the wedding planner, Kara and Matt all sitting in the living room. I was confused as Matt had told me Kara was gone, Kara stood up and waved me over, as if she knew I was coming. Matt looks at me blankly and the wedding planner stays silent.
So I broke the silence and asked, “What’s going on?”
Kara replies, “helping us with the wedding costs,”
I looked at her pretty puzzled as I was unsure what she meant by costs, I just stood there still puzzled so again I break the silence, “costs?”
Kara and Matt look at me frowning, “yes?” Matt said.
I looked at them and walked back out.
(For context I make 6 figures) I was very upset that they were using me for my money, I texted Kara and Matt “you’re going to have to find another maid of honor.”
Fast forward an hour, and I’m being bombarded with texts, emails, calls, etc. My sister and my parents are mad at me because I said I wouldn’t pay for their wedding!!
Fast forward to their wedding day, I chose not to show up altogether as I had been blatantly disregarded, again I was spammed with very mean messages and texts,
So AITJ for not showing up at my sister’s wedding?”
16. WIBTJ For Snitching On My Friend?
“I (21f) have a somewhat distant friend “Sharon” (30f). She disclosed to me that she’s planned on ending her marriage with her husband, “Bob”, of 10 years for a long time, didn’t find him attractive, all that other stuff.
They have two kids together under the age of 6.
She also told me that she’d been having a conversation for 7 out of the 10 years they’ve been married with another man, who we’ll call “David”. She said she’s been purely platonic with David up to this point, but has had feelings for him this entire time she’s been married to Bob, and has been sending him snapchats back and forth.
They met for dinner several times. She was also telling me she keeps an eye on David’s location all day and was looking for him even when she was supposed to be at work–Kinda creepy imho but the story continues.
She says she plans on reconnecting with David again after she and Bob end their marriage, since David was recently divorced as well.
Bob and my family have been friendly longer than we’ve all known Sharon, and to him, this divorce came out of the blue. He intends to give full custody of his kids to Sharon because (edit) according to Sharon, he feels they would be better with her, and I do not believe he knows the whole story. WIBTJ for discreetly figuring out a way to tell him or WITBJ FOR telling him?
It feels like she dumped a lot in my lap for my own comfort and I don’t know what to do with this information.”
15. AITJ For Wanting To Go To A Vegan Restaurant?
“My close male friend offered to treat me for my birthday meal. He repeatedly asked me to pick a restaurant, which I did. I chose a renowned plant-based restaurant that seemed very appealing and had a wide variety.
I was brought up on a vegan diet, so I’m not an extreme vegan or anything, but I enjoy vegan food and haven’t been able to transition to animal-based foods. I thought I should mention this.
When I shared the restaurant details with him, he called me and questioned, “did you really suggest an entirely vegan restaurant?”
I confirmed but quickly added that we don’t have to go there if he doesn’t want to.
He continued to argue that it’s almost inconsiderate knowing he “can’t eat there”, even though he has no allergies and can eat there but chooses not to. He believes I should’ve picked a place that also serves regular food.
I always compromise and never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or dissatisfied, so I usually opt for places that have limited options.
But since it’s my birthday, I thought it would be alright to pick a place I genuinely wanted. I feel guilty, but I’m also slightly upset, it seems like he doesn’t genuinely care about my preferences. He suggested that maybe we shouldn’t go and at least he made an effort, then added that before he can claim he made an effort, he’s going to search for a place where we both can eat because he doesn’t believe I was trying hard enough to find a place with vegan options and other dishes like steak.”
14. AITJ For Not Hosting My Cousin's Party?
“I am hosting a small gender reveal for my first baby (I know some of you might be against gender reveals but depending on where you reside and what type of people are around you, some people do it for fun). My cousin and his wife randomly asked me in front of everyone at another family gathering if that day they could also cut a cake for their daughter’s birthday.
First of all, her birthday is the next day and second of all, I am not even close with my cousin. They just moved here so it’s not like we grew up together and if anything, I dislike him but I like his wife. My siblings said yes, because I was so shocked and taken aback by their request I couldn’t say anything and everyone was staring at us.
I really didn’t want to do it but afterwards, everyone pressured me not to call them and tell them no. So today, I finally told my siblings and mom that I won’t call her to cancel; we can cut her cake at the end, then they all said they’ll get her gifts too. Which really upset me because now I am hosting a whole birthday for their daughter at my party and I said no gifts just cut the cake at the end that’s all.
Everyone kept on pressuring me again and that’s when I lost my temper and told them that none of them are taking my feelings into consideration. They are all making me feel like an evil person when all I wanted to do was host a small party and just enjoy it without worrying about someone else’s birthday when they are not contributing anything to the party.
They are coming as guests. Then my family agreed they won’t buy any gifts but they kept on making remarks about me being selfish and that they would do it if it was them and kept making me feel awful, so AITJ for saying no and getting mad at family?”
13. AITJ For Removing My Son's Door?
“Ryan is 16 and we reside in an old house.
So the locks on the doors are tricky, we are slowly replacing them but due to the type of door we need to get custom stuff or it won’t work correctly. It’s that or replace all the doors and we don’t have the funds for that so custom locks it is.
My son’s door is usually locked either by mistake or because he desires privacy.
That’s fine and we didn’t have a problem until now.
I check on the kids usually before I retire for the night, sometimes his door is locked so I just say goodnight outside the door. Last night he had the door locked but was playing music. It was late so I told him to lower the volume, no response so I knock.
Nothing, I call him and it goes to voice mail, I’m panicking at this point and think he hurt his head or something. No answers to anything we do so we take the door off the frame. He’s not in his room.
He returned at 4 and was at a party, so he sneaked out. As punishment his door is removed due to the lock and it will stay off until he gets a new door in about two weeks.
That door will have the normal doorknob lock. My husband and I agree with this punishment but he told his friends and one parent keeps blowing up my phone calling me a jerk.
Not to mention the argument I got into with my son, it’s for two weeks until his door arrives, I need an outside opinion.”
12. AITJ For Giving My Son A Break?
“I’m a 39-year-old mom and I have a son who just turned eighteen (for the sake of this post, I’ll call him Max). Max is a good kid at heart but he’s the definition of a troubled child. Last year he got a girl pregnant. Unfortunately the child was born with severe congenital issues and she passed away about four months ago.
We knew this was a likely outcome but Max has understandably been distraught. He already had a smoking habit and was trying to quit, but since the death of his daughter, it’s been 10x worse. He basically just sits outside and chain-smokes every day. I’m not exactly thrilled about it, but I haven’t badgered him about quitting. I understand this is a rough time for him and frankly the vacant look in his eyes scares me.
My husband though is of the opposite opinion. He’s always doing things like locking away the smokes, and reminding Max that he promised to quit. The way he looks at it, if we enable Max we’re only going to be hurting him in the long run. My husband’s father died of lung cancer so I can see where he’s coming from as well.
Yesterday, Max fell asleep on the front stairs and my husband once again took some of his smokes and locked them in a cupboard. A couple of hours after Max woke up he asked me where his smokes were, and I just gave him the cupboard key. My husband was annoyed when he found out. He said he’d left Max two packs already and that he was planning to ration out the rest of them.
I said I had no intention of forcing him to quit right now, so I didn’t care. My husband got upset, saying Max’s health is at serious risk and that he wished I would be on board with him regarding this. That we’d be bad parents if we don’t take some kind of action.
Am I the jerk for not forcing him to quit?
I have plans to in the future but I just don’t think now is the time.”
Oh and tell your genius husband that until someone is ready to do something, it won't happen. Whether it's jerk, jerk, or smoking, the person has to make up their OWN mind to quit, and all your husband's idiotic tactics are only going to make Max angry and less likely to quit. You both are pathetic parents. Leave him alone.
11. AITJ For Changing My Name?
“I was adopted at birth. My adoptive parents and I have a good relationship now, but it was rocky for a few years there. They didn’t tell me I was adopted and I found out in what I consider the worst way when I was 16: a spiteful relative told me.
Not out for my best interest but they got mad at my mom and was trying to ruin her life. It caused a huge fight within the family and everyone focused on the drama rather than my entire life crumbling. I finally ended up in therapy at 18 and have been attending on and off for the past 10 years (currently on).
I didn’t speak to my parents from the time I was 18 until I was 23. They acted like I was insane for being upset about all this.
Eventually, they apologized and began going to therapy themselves. We’ve slowly rebuilt our relationship. They have since accepted my search for my bio family and upon finding my bio mom, have been amazing with her.
My bio mom was coerced into giving me up. She hadn’t wanted to but her family all but forced her. She had no support. My parents didn’t know this part but purposefully chose a private adoption so I’d never know I was adopted. My bio mom and I have known each other for 4 years now. She is an amazing, kind and generous woman who is just like me.
I spent so long feeling unseen and different. She was like completing a puzzle. My bio dad died when I was 12 and it’s devastating to know I’ll never meet him. He didn’t want to give me up either but they were very young and again, no support.
My bio mom told me she had named me Summer, but my adoptive parents changed it.
She understood but I could tell the name meant a lot to her.
I recently got married and am changing my last name. I decided since I’m changing my last name, I’ll change my middle name too. It’s got no sentimental meaning vs Summer, which does to my bio mom as it’s her favorite season and I was born on the first day of summer.
My bio mom cried tears of joy when I told her. She is so touched.
My adoptive parents are upset. They say that I have erased them. I kept my first name that they gave me. They say if I “had to” I should’ve just added Summer to my name.
AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Gossiping At Dinner?
“I (32M) was invited to dinner at my best friend’s (Adam – 32M) parents’ house.
They’re my family too after Adam and I have been best friends since kindergarten.
I used to be in a relationship with Adam’s younger sister, Avery (30F) way back when we were in high school. We ended things on good terms. She got a scholarship and moved away after graduation. I know she’s gotten married to a woman and has a kid both through Adam and social media.
To my surprise, Avery, her wife Julia (28 ish?) and their daughter Hannah (4F) were also there at dinner. I was happy to see her and it was a lot of fun, catching up with her and everything. It was good to see her happy and at peace. Also, Julia was just lovely.
I mentioned something about Avery being a horrible driver when we were in a relationship.
Avery and Julia were cool, Julia even said something along the lines of ‘she drove so insanely that I used to have her surname saved as Schumacher in my phone.’ She’d changed that habit after Hannah.
Adam called me a jerk the next day for bringing up my past relationship with Avery at the table and said it made the night so much more awkward than it could have been.
I said it was clear that Julia knew so what was the big deal. He said she knew but she didn’t need a reminder of that, and that I drank a bit too much and said some nonsense.
He says I owe an apology to Avery. I’d gladly apologize but the conversation I had isn’t a big deal imo. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Go To A Party?
“I have two daughters, “Anna” (18) and “Beth” (16). Anna has always been the attractive and popular type, and it’s been a challenge to keep her grounded as my MIL is the most classist, obnoxious woman I have ever met (followed closely by the rest of my husband’s family) and she’s gone out of her way to try to spoil my girls.
I thought we had done a good job of teaching them to be kind people when a few days after Anna’s junior prom I found out she had taken part in a particularly cruel “prank” involving a less fortunate girl whom she deemed less than. Of course I grounded her, took away her electronics and her fancy clothes. I donated them and bought her some from a thrift store so she could know what it felt like to only have cheap, ill-fitting clothes.
I banned her from seeing her partner as he was the instigator of the “prank” and made her spend her weekends volunteering at a homeless shelter. MIL was insistent that we were blowing things out of proportion so I ended her access to my girls.
A week after school ended she turned 18 and that’s when I found out MIL had been picking her up from the shelter minutes after I dropped her off to take her shopping and out to nice restaurants.
She even got her a nicer phone than she had had. Her friends had been bringing her clothes to change into before school every day. Anna moved into MIL’s house that day and had two birthday parties after I had told her she wasn’t having any. Beth and her were always close so I was furious at her for how she helped Anna avoid her punishment.
Instead of seeing what she and Anna did was wrong she has spent the whole summer arguing with me over wanting to spend time at MIL’s house. She’s still upset that I didn’t let her go to Anna’s birthday party or any of the other pool parties she’s had since then. There’s another party tonight (the 2nd one there I’ve had to tell her no to in 4 days) and she’s been upset all day about not going.
I told her we’re going to have our regular 4th of July at home (hot dogs, sparklers, etc.) but she keep saying that MIL & Anna’s party is better, which is so ungrateful.
My husband had been on my side but is starting to waver, which is concerning. I know it’s because he’s been talking to his sisters who aren’t much better than their mom.
They keep telling him if we keep up with this we’re going to lose Beth to MIL too, that Anna’s victim isn’t worth losing Anna for, and keep asking him what color she wants her bedroom they’re painted.
AITJ for not letting Beth go there to spend time with MIL and Anna? I don’t want her influenced by them more than she has already been.”
8. AITJ For Opening Up To My Father's Boss?
“I’m estranged from my father simply because he married the mother of the girl who was tormenting me when we were 8 years old.
He was my only parent and hugely let me down and I will never forgive him for subjecting me to having to be family with someone who treated me badly like that. Even though it did eventually get better, I will never ever claim her as my family and I made sure I cut all legal ties (had two family members adopt me when I turned 18).
My father never understood my anger at him or why I refused to at least try to make a family with them.
He is close with his boss and I was in town visiting some family and he saw me. He recognized me from a few years ago and mentioned how he hoped I would be able to attend the next family day at their job.
I said that would not be possible as I am no contact with my father now. He was stunned. He asked what happened and mentioned “my sister” and I told him she was not my sister and that she was actually my tormentor before dad married her mom and that he married this woman knowing her child was tormenting me.
I told him that made our relationship unsustainable. He apologized and said he had no idea. Apparently he later confronted my father outside of work and was like how could you never say anything and what kind of father are you.
Word is now spreading around people my father knows and works with.
He tore into my family members who adopted me (who are his family members).
Then he emailed my very old email account saying I had no right to spill such personal business to his boss and it was petty and childish and shows I have no decorum.
AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Letting My Dog Chase My Roommate's Cat?
“I have a puppy who’s very young and my roommate has an adult cat. Naturally, because my puppy isn’t potty trained yet, I keep my door open and filled with puppy pads so she doesn’t go on the floor. My area is right by a dog park, so a lot of unfamiliar dogs/puppies have walked around any areas I can take her out to.
All the neighbors have dogs and there was a parvo outbreak within one year here. One night, my roommate forgot to clean the litterbox when it was extremely full. The cat made a mess on the floor, I cleaned it up trying to be a good roomie and understanding because things happen.
She cleaned the litterbox when she got back, I thought it’d be resolved. Next thing I know, I go into my room, and there’s cat poop on the towel my puppy sometimes pulls down.
I thought at first it was my puppy just getting into the litterbox when I didn’t notice. Then I noticed another cat poop in my room, when my puppy was definitely accounted for all day and was taught to leave the litterbox. I caught the cat going in and out of my room, and my puppy is very gentle with the cat but loves to play.
So I let my puppy chase the cat out of the room any time she came back in. She doesn’t chase the cat normally and I put a stop to it if she tries, but man I’m not trying to have cat poop in my room. AITJ for letting my dog scare the cat?”
6. AITJ For Wanting My Own Room?
“So my family has been visiting the same beach house every summer since we were kids. It’s pleasant enough. My parents and dad occupy the main bedroom, and my sisters (21f and 23f) and I (25m) each have our own rooms.
Well this year my dad invited our grandma to join us (didn’t consult the family before doing so).
She’s had some health issues lately so he’s trying to spend more time with her, which I totally understand. But here’s the issue.
He wants to assign her my bedroom. I have always stayed in the guest house (right next to the main house) since I don’t get along with my sisters and need space. My dad believes his mom should have my room since it’s the only one that has a private bathroom.
That implies I need to sleep on the pull out couch in the living room, which offers no privacy and is uncomfortable.
Obviously I have a significant problem with this. My parents told me to discuss with my sisters about figuring out an arrangement that seems fair to all of us since “we’re all adults.” But my sisters are total brats and will not agree to give up their rooms.
My suggestions were that either they place my grandma on the couch since she probably doesn’t mind and will be happy just to be invited to our family vacation. Or that my parents surrender their bedroom since they were the ones who invited her and not me. When I told my dad this, he told me that since he pays for the trips, he makes the rules, and if I don’t like it, I should go on my own vacation.
I’m unable to work due to anxiety issues and he knows I can’t afford to pay for my own vacation. I told him that and he said “well you don’t have to go then!” I found that very disrespectful since I believe everyone deserves to have a vacation! I’ve had a challenging year too due to mental health issues and I’ve been anticipating this.
So I’m hoping you all can help. AITJ?”
5. WIBTJ For Forcing My Daughter To Cut Her Hair?
“I (30F) have a daughter (10F) with my ex husband (37M). We have a 70/30 custody split so other than rare occasions she never spends more than 72 hours with him at a time. However EVERY week now she’s coming back with massive knots in her hair. Through some prodding I’ve gathered that she doesn’t shower or brush her hair while she’s there.
This isn’t surprising to me since getting her to do those things here is almost always a fight. Recently though it’s gotten bad. Her hair is a little more than halfway down her back and extremely thick. It knots up so easily and she’s coming back with large visible knots. Most recently when she came back this week her hair was a wreck.
I gave her two hours where she worked at in on and off before telling her she needed to let me help.
With a lot of detangling spray and 40 minutes I was able to get it untangled but it was still extremely greasy. I’ve talked to her a few times about taking care of her hair or possibly cutting it shorter.
She always shuts it down and says she loves her long hair and she won’t cut it. I brought it up again tonight and she snapped at me that it’s HER hair and I can’t tell her what to do.
I’ve tried a few times, including tonight, to ask her why she has a hard time taking care of her hair and if there’s anything I can do to help.
She always insists that she just forgets when she’s there. I’ve tried texting her reminders (she doesn’t answer), buying nice shampoo and conditioner, having detangler in both bathrooms and her bedroom as well as sending some to her dads, and buying her a bulk pack of the specific hair brush she likes so she can have some here and some there.
Nothing has helped though and I’m getting really frustrated with having to fight her every week to let me help untangle the mess.
I try hard to give her autonomy and let her do whatever she wants. She’s had multiple different hair colors and cuts over the year and I’ve never cared. At this point though I’m thinking it may be time to tell her she needs to cut it short (I’m thinking about shoulder length) until she can learn to consistently take care of it.
I’m feeling very torn though on whether or not that’s the right thing to do.
So Reddit: WIBTJ if I make her cut her hair?”
4. AITJ For Accidentally Killing One Of My Roommate's Fish?
“My (32F) roommate (28F) has a saltwater fish tank in our living room. I’ll just call her “Stacy”. Stacy and her partner planned to go camping for Memorial Day weekend, and since I was staying home she asked me to feed her fish.
I had no issues with this, so I said, “Sure. No problem.”
Well after they left while I was cleaning the living room I noticed some green/yellow stuff forming at the sides of the fish tank. So I grabbed one of the new white sponges that we use for most cleaning, and wiped down the outside and inside of the tank.
It was brand new and bright white so I didn’t think it would be harmful to the water.
Everything was normal, I went about my business and it wasn’t until they came home that I knew anything was wrong. Apparently one of her fish had died and she immediately blamed me and yelled at me. I told her everything I did, feeding and cleaning the tank for her and she looked angry.
She asked me to show her which sponge I used, and when I did she told me it was a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and that there were chemicals inside of those sponges.
I said I was sorry, but she wants me to pay for her fish “stuff” (I’m not sure what all needs fixed, but I know it’s expensive) and won’t talk to me till then.
She knows I can’t afford this so I refused. I don’t think I’m the jerk but my partner thinks I should at least pay for some damages. Am I the jerk?”
3. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Her Brother Is Smarter Than Her?
“So I (39F), have two kids, Son (15M) and Daughter (16F). They are both intelligent kids in their own way. You can say that my daughter is more “traditionally” intelligent, she gets straight A’s with a 4.0 GPA, but she studies A LOT.
She’s always in her room, reading or studying, doesn’t interact much with the family, have only a few friends that she likes to spend time with.
My son, on the other hand, is her polar opposite. He has a lot of friends, very outgoing and funny. He makes everyone laugh with his jokes. But he isn’t the best student when it comes to school.
He is always in trouble for talking too much during class and “disrupting” the learning environment. At home, I never see him studying at all, but he still gets good grades. Mostly B’s, but he has a good amount of A’s as well and very occasionally a C. But he manages to get these grades without studying or paying attention in class.
Well, a few weeks ago all of our family (me, husband, son and daughter) did an assessment with a trained therapist that included all sorts of tests, including an IQ one. In the IQ test, I got a 94, husband a 118, son a 128 and daughter a 140. I was pretty shocked with those results, not gonna lie. But ultimately I don’t believe that a test is able to measure one’s intelligence.
Well, the other day, after this assessment, my daughter came and asked me if I *still* believed her brother was smarter than her. I found the question weird because I’ve never said that to her before. But ultimately I tried to brush it off by saying I thought both were intelligent in their own way. She kept insisting on an answer so I told her that I believed her brother was maybe a little smarter than her, but in a different way.
She then said ok, thanks but left visibly upset.
My husband said I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but in my defense, I tried to, but she just kept asking. So, AITJ for telling my daughter I think her brother is smarter than her?”
2. AITJ For Being A Bad Host?
“I(26f) do not appreciate “messy” foods and by that I mean a lot of extra sauces, dressings, and the like on my food because for me it overpowers the taste of the actual food and leaves a lot of wasted ‘extras’.
When I cook I use very small amounts and generally don’t purchase something until I need it for a recipe. If I can get away with nabbing extra packets at restaurants I prefer doing that. The only condiment I ever really have on hand besides salt and pepper is mayo since I use it for sandwiches and mixing some different salads.
That is pretty much what led to my issue. I’m finally renting a house all on my own. I was thrilled that I could have my family and a couple of friends over all at the same time without having roommates to worry about so invited everyone over for dinner. I grilled up some chicken and fish, did some shrimp, veggies, and some baked potatoes.
Once we started eating they were asking for things like tartar sauce, cocktail sauce, hot sauce, sour cream, ranch- just all these things that they should know I don’t readily keep on hand. I told them I had made a dipping sauce for the shrimp so they could just use that for anything else because it’s pretty good. My brother said he had tried it but didn’t like it and things like cocktail sauce and tartar sauce are pretty basic staples to have around if you eat any kind of seafood and I told him he should’ve brought some instead of expecting me to waste money on something that’ll just sit in my fridge.
Last night our mother called me and told me I need to think about my guests if I’m going to invite people over. I told her I had already cooked for everyone, and expecting anything more was a bit much. The gist of the rest of our conversation was her basically telling me a good host that invites people over to pick up drinks or a couple of condiments that they know their guests like or are likely to use.
And that if it was a cost or waste issue, I should’ve asked them to bring some when I invited them.
I said I just won’t host anything else at my house and hung up. But now I’ve had time to think about it and it wouldn’t have been a lot cost wise but I still don’t think I have any obligation to provide that kind of stuff for people that I’ve already gone out of my way to cook for.
AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Wanting To Go On A Trip With My Partner?
“My(32F) partner(27M) has had an overseas trip planned with his siblings and their spouses for a number of years.
They’ve all been saving for it but when the global situation occurred they had to cancel. I’ve known about this trip since before we started seeing each other when we were just friends. Once we were together for a while, he invited me to go too. I accepted.
The trip has been scheduled for later this year and we were supposed to be gone for a little over a month.
I am up for promotion next year and to keep my chances high, it means a lot of travel and training for my job this year. One of the training sessions is during the trip. Obviously, I put my career first because better pay means more travel opportunities in the future. I was upset when I told him I wouldn’t be able to make it and suggested that either we go by ourselves and then plan to go with his family in a couple of years or we talk to his family about rescheduling for next year.
He said no because the time picked was already the time that worked best for everyone and they want to get a long overseas trip finished before their kids are older and they start taking more kid-friendly vacations. I could not get him to see my point of view regarding scheduling or how it’s kind of cruddy to go on vacation for a month without the person you’re talking about sharing a home with and marrying, plus I’ll really need his support during that time.
I think it’s pretty reasonable to bring it up with his siblings so I created a group chat and explained the situation to them and how my talk with their brother went. I also thought that maybe if he heard my concerns from married people close to him he’d get the picture. His brother and sister pretty much repeated what he said about rescheduling and told me I should be alright with him going because I know how much it means to him and these plans predate his relationship with me.
I accepted their no and that was that but I guess they did talk to him just not about rescheduling. He called me and was disappointed I “went over his head” to talk to his family like that and I had made myself look bad because he was now having to defend me to his family that I’m not controlling or want everyone to do things my way because of my decisions.
AITJ?”
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