People Are Ashamed About These 'Am I A Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Posting Blurred Photos of Neighborhood Kids Damaging My Property on Our Community Group?
“I live in a densely populated suburban HOA-run thing. I have like 40 houses within a 5-minute walk from mine. There is one large social media group for the entire community with around 4k members and a smaller one for my part with about 180.
They are both private and require proof of residence for admission. I only mention this because it is relevant to the situation.
For like a year now, there has been a group of kids using my property as their hangout since I am at a corner spot of 3 roads with a large area of grass and steps.
While those bits are the HOA’s property, everyone signs an agreement with the HOA to maintain their adjoined common area. If it was just the hangouts, I would be fine. Kids are kids and all that. However, they dump their trash, leave their toys, turn over paving stones, and damage plants to the point of needing replacement, all on both my lawn and the HOA’s lawn I am responsible for.
I have not said anything to anyone about it because of the nasty attitudes towards complaints I see in those social media groups, and I do not vibe with my neighbors here enough to know most of them (whole other story.) I reached a snapping point, though, when two of the younger kids I sort of recognize from this group smashed a glass ornament on my front porch, then ding-dong-ditched. I could care less about the latter, but that glass ornament was something sentimental I’d saved from my mother’s house.
I tried to run out and talk to them, but they ran for the woods, so I didn’t see what house they belonged to and I don’t personally know their parents.
I posted a photo of them from my doorbell cam to the smaller of the social media groups, with their faces partially blurred. All I said was that I didn’t expect a reply, but this has been going on for a while, and could whoever please talk to these kids and maybe inform the parents of the other kids who these two hang out with?
30 seconds later in rapid succession, I got a reply, a DM, and a knock at my door. The mother of the boys yelled at me for having posted their photo “to the entire internet” and went on for about 10 minutes straight without letting me get a word in edgewise.
I took down the photo as asked, but I never got a chance to explain the rest of what I was hoping to achieve. She said something about how if I wanted recourse then I needed to “be a neighbor” and magically know who to talk to, I guess.
Also, she weirdly kept pushing offers to pay for what they broke, which was pointless and I refused money.
Of what I did manage to say to her, I told her that I understood her privacy concerns, but that’s why I blurred their faces and kept it to that smaller group, but she still claimed it was public to the whole internet (it’s not.) The other was mentioning that her social media profile was public with photos AND names of her kids – seen from her DM.
She now thinks I am stalking her, that I am claiming the HOA area as mine (I wasn’t,) and weirdly still hasn’t changed her profile privacy. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! I thought it was a post about public photos of children on social media, but you blurred the area of their faces.
That crazy mother is angry because now everyone knows that her children cause harm and are unsupervised. Maybe if she cared more about educating her children instead of harassing her neighbors, she wouldn’t have photos of her children on social media.” Harakiri0010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m a mother who prefers to keep her kids off the internet, but if either of my girls damaged someone’s property or caused upset to anybody in any way, I want to know!! Kids misbehave and do stupid stuff, it’s all part of life, but there are lessons to be learned, and how can I, as a mother, reprimand and educate them if I don’t know about their actions?
She should’ve spoken to her kids, apologized, gotten them to apologize, and learned that they are accountable for their actions instead of making you the enemy in this situation. You removed the photos, had the mother had any sense of responsibility, she would’ve, at the very least known where they were and introduced herself to you/the owner of the property to ensure that you don’t mind her kids playing on/near your property.
You handled everything perfectly and as a parent, I would be so grateful to have had someone bring this to my attention in any way they can so that I can effectively deal with the scenario.” Blissxx93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is upset it’s a picture of her kids being bad.
Not that their faces are online. If they were being cute little angels she would probably like and comment positively. Because you posted their blurred faces doing something bad then it makes her look bad. So she’s trying to turn this around on you and make you look like the bad person.
You are in your right to ask people to tame their children.” Antique-Sherbet-7733
18. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend $1000 From My Vegas Slot Jackpot?
“My friend (36) and I (30) went to Vegas a few weeks ago.
We agreed we’d split Uber/Lyft (or every other) and the cabana we booked. We’d pay for our drinks and food.
Before winning I paid $60 for drinks for our room, paid for the Lyft to the hotel from the airport, AND gave her $75 gambling funds within 18 hours of being in Vegas.
(She asked for the first $40.)
The day of: She’s a big smoker so we woke up and she wanted to hit a dispensary. I don’t smoke. Once again I booked the Lyft and paid for it (there and back). We had the driver drop us off at another casino hotel to grab breakfast. Then hit the slots there.
We both were losing so we left and walked the strip to another casino. We both were still losing. I sat down at one machine and made all the funds I lost back. I was cashing my ticket out and saw a slot I usually like.
I said “I’ll throw $20 in and if I win I’ll give you half of it” I hit the bonus a few spins in. It was a $60 bonus. I gave her $30. We cashed out and headed to a 3rd casino at this point she was at least hitting and made some money back.
I was losing. We played for a bit and then decided to head back to our hotel for lunch. We stopped to play a few slots before heading to lunch. We separated and I played one machine, I saw her and walked up to her.
She pointed at a machine across the aisle from her and said “Try that one”. I got on and it forced a bonus. I hit a jackpot for $3,750 ($2850 after taxes). MY FIRST HANDPAY ever! I was shaking excitedly. She immediately started throwing sly comments at me.
She was MAD I won. Which did not sit right with me. Before I even got the money she said “I deserve $1,000.” I shot that down. I replied “I’m not giving you $1000 but I’ll give you something. I have to talk to my husband.” She called her partner crying and all I got was attitude.
My joy of a first-time handpay was taken from me within minutes.
I got paid out and to start I gave her the $25 I had on the ticket I took out of the machine. We headed to lunch. Lunch was not fun. She was quiet, upset, and texting a ton.
She tried to pay half but I told her I got it and gave the waitress the money. She tried to force her money on me. I said no. She replied, “You’re just paying out of spite”. I’m not a confrontation girlie but that sent me off the ledge.
We argued.
After lunch, we separated. I called my friend sobbing. He and his wife calmed me down. I went up to the room to talk to her after about an hour. I decided to give her $200 in cash and offered to pay for a few meals while we were there and all the ride shares (Since we were 3 rides in and she hadn’t paid).
The rest of the trip was ok. Still felt tension but I thought it was fine. We’ve been home for 2.5 weeks now and I haven’t heard one word from her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If she had felt so strongly about it she should have played it.
I think you were super generous and she was acting like a toddler-temper tantrum. Take this as a lesson learned, she is probably not the person to go on trips with and not talking to you is childish. Re-evaluate this relationship. Congratulations on your win!” SliceEquivalent825
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-you didn’t agree to split winnings. You were pretty good at paying for what you did. Some people don’t like it when others have more or have luck that surpasses theirs. They’re good with you when it’s them having more or doing better.
Those are people you feed with a long spoon.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were far more generous than I would have been after your ‘friends’ first outburst. The whole point was to pay fairly for the whole trip, and instead, you ended up covering the majority of it.
And that STILL wasn’t enough for this lady? She’s not a real friend.” I_wanna_be_anemone
17. AITJ For Expecting My Unemployed Partner To Do More Housework?
“My (23F) partner (25M) has lost his job nearly 3 weeks ago now.
Thankfully, his old boss has agreed to pay him for 1 month if he left immediately, to allow him to find elsewhere.
This is his third job that he lost, due to redundancy.
I’m trying to be a supportive partner but I won’t lie, it’s stressing me out.
Due to everything going up in cost over the last 2 years, we spend nearly double on bills and haven’t been putting that much away into savings, as odd costs keep coming up. My entire wage just about covers all our bills but nothing else.
We are okay this month, but come May – we will most likely have to dip into our savings until he finds a job which isn’t ideal as we are trying to save up to improve our house.
Now, he has used this time to apply for jobs. He’s had a few interviews. He’s not been told no, the interview process is just drawn out, so he has to have at least 2 or 3 calls with each company.
My partner has therefore been at home for nearly 3 weeks now, and during this time has done barely any housework.
I work full-time, 5 days a week. I work from 9 am and finish at 6 or 7 pm, with a 30-minute commute. I find my job to be high-stress and low reward so I’m unhappy but obviously, it’s not wise for me to leave anytime soon, as at least it’s very stable.
After work, all I want to do is relax play games, and save all my chores for the weekend.
My partner only does chores when I tell him to, usually with me at the weekend. His job was pretty relaxed and he would always be home sooner than me, at 6 pm.
The house needs a lot of doing, with my job taking up more of my time recently, housework has piled up but I just don’t have the time. I’ve worked 3 weekends recently too. It would have been nice to come back to a clean home, and a maintained garden.
I tried to find a balance between being a supportive partner, so I hinted at housework needing doing. Prompting questions like what was he up to, and telling him that XYZ needed doing.
Nothing happened.
Eventually, I got annoyed and told him that as he’s not currently working, he should have the time to do housework – he’s not done anything, not even washing dishes after us.
He got defensive and told me he doesn’t sit on his arse all day and he has been applying for jobs, in call interviews, and had a couple of physical ones and a few more lined up.
It has been a week since I snapped but he’s still barely done anything around the house.
I know it’s stressful for him too, so I don’t want to pile on, but am I crazy for thinking he genuinely does have a LOT more free time to do the tasks we have struggled to get on top of such as garden work, painting, cleaning, etc, whilst both still working?
I feel bad for snapping, but I’ve come home today and the house is still a mess. I know he didn’t have any interviews today, and with the stress of my job and his unemployment – I feel fed up and I just can’t cope.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are both working full time you should both be doing roughly 50% of the household chores. If he’s unemployed he should be doing near enough 100% – it’s not like he’s contributing anything else to the relationship. Sure, he is applying for/going to interviews, but there is no way he is doing that from 8 am-7 pm and couldn’t spare a few hours.
I quit my job just before a major event hit (very unfortunate timing) and ended up unemployed for a while and you can bet the house was clean and dinner was ready when my wife got home. Needs to step up or step out.” Elivercury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ No job? More chores for you. That’s how it works. Your 8-4 or 9-5 job is applying to jobs, polishing your resume, interviewing, laundry, and dishes. No video games. No popping a cold one and watching an early ball game. You’re on the “Don’t be a jerk partner” clock until you get a job.” KronkLaSworda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just stop picking up all the slack. If the house gets messy, it’s not the end of the world. Do the minimum required for yourself. If he won’t do dishes, then don’t make his meals or buy him any food.
If he won’t do laundry, then do only yours and let him manage with his dirty clothes. Once he’s back to work, you will have to find a way to share all the housework. Of course, it’s stressful right now but obsessing about chores is not the best use of your energy right now.” hadMcDofordinner
16. AITJ For Only Paying Half of My Unexpected Student Loan Debt?
“I (26F) left for college abroad at 17. My parents always said that college would be taken care of. It was not my goal to go to college, I wanted to take cooking classes and build my own business. However, this request was dismissed. If I knew what I know now I would have fought more to achieve this.
When signing up I remembered the degree I chose was not government-assisted (I was born in the country I moved to study, and my parents planned all of this out) but I didn’t worry as I knew my parents were paying for my school fees.
3 years into said degree, we had a family meeting and my dad told us (my sister and I) that we were responsible for paying back our loans. I was confused as I thought they had saved up for college tuition and were paying comfortably. It all started to make sense why I had to sign bank papers every semester, I feel silly now but I was young then and didn’t fully understand the scope of things.
I continued college and in the final year started asking more questions about my loan, the amount, and how I was to pay.
They told me the amount and I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe my parents would take out so much money as we were not well off.
The loan is 150,00.00 and would take me 8-10 years to pay off.
Fast Forward to now, I have been paying on time for a year and it takes out a big chunk of my salary. I work (3 jobs, didn’t get a job in the field I studied for) and bring home 7,700 and have to pay 3k (loan fee) minimum per month.
Recently, I moved out of my family home because of safety issues, and a crime neighborhood, I was S.A once coming home and often harassed.
I feel more secure and comfortable but with rent and my school loan, it’s impossible to make ends meet.
I’ve told my parents I would like to request a deferral (as I am building my catering business, it has definitely helped financially but lack of money is slowing things down) and ultimately to survive. Also, I have to communicate bank queries with them as my dad is a joint person on the account.
They then let me know that my cousin’s land was used as collateral and contacting him to sign the deferral is not a good idea as his wife wants to take back the land paper to start their life because they need it for collateral. (which I was not aware of)
So I can’t get the deferral. They suggested I move back home (my home country: my dad is verbally abusive) or back to the family home where I used to live to alleviate the financial strain. Both are not options for me.
I feel very frustrated and let them know that I can only pay half of the amount.
My mom told me to only send what I could. Am I the jerk for doing this? I feel terrible because they are also struggling financially, as my dad lost his job 2 years ago (his fault) and most of the financial burden is on my mom.
I also feel very angry and resent my parents for putting me in this financial setback when it could have been avoided. I feel bratty saying “I didn’t ask for this”.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. You were lied to by your parents. You were led into taking loans you didn’t know about to pay for a degree you did not want and don’t use.
You would not be a jerk at all if you bailed on paying back the money your parents tricked you into borrowing.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They tricked you into a huge loan. They made stupid choices but since you signed the papers, you are stuck with it.
It’s infuriating when parents are so irresponsible toward their child.” Far_Dependent_8975
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Demand detailed invoices, this sounds like nonsense. They used “your” loans for something else. And: THEY took out loans for their kids. YOU never agreed to repay those. So don’t.
Let THEM handle their family – you have moved away and made your escape. Do not let those jerks nonsense you. Your parents LIED to you and tried to set you up with a life of debt – REFUSE to take over THEIR burden.” Excellent-Count4009
15. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Always Late Friend?
“I (24M) am starting to get annoyed with my one friend who’s always late and I don’t know if I’m justified or just being uptight.
Just some context. All three of us are first-year accounting students, I was only able to go to uni this year due to some circumstances that I won’t go deep into here, so I’m a few years older than them, we’ll call them K and O.
We met on the first day of orientation and spend the majority of every weekday together following the same timetable and a group chat.
K is mature for his age. I get along with K better than O and I don’t think I’d be friends with him if it wasn’t for K sort of making us a trio.
That’s not to say I don’t like him, he’s very kind and intelligent, but I feel like he’s very immature.
K and O live in the same building together just across the road from campus, and I live about a twenty-minute drive away. They’re almost always late to lectures, and it’s almost always O’s fault.
He takes his time, and then something he didn’t account for happens and he leaves late and K always has to wait for him.
But today it became annoying. We agreed that we’d go to a food market today, and all three of us agreed that I would be there to pick them up at 9:30.
I let them know what time I would be leaving when I woke up. I left at 9:10 and shared my live location with them through Google Maps.
I got to their building at 9:28 and let them know I was there. I have to park in the road with my hazard lights on since there’s no parking available – but the road isn’t busy.
K and a friend of his he’d asked to bring along came out at around 9:31. We made small talk and K decided to phone O and ask him where he was, O said that he was busy getting dressed and just had to take his laundry out.
We sat in the middle of the road for almost twenty minutes waiting for him until he finally came out of the building – I’d told K if he’d not come out by 9:50 I was leaving without him.
Later when we were at the food market about to leave, K’s friend mentioned he’d only woken up at 9:00 – and O said he’d woken up at 6:00.
I told him something along the lines of “he woke up half an hour before he was supposed to be ready and he was still on time”. O said that he had to clean and do laundry, and I reiterated that we all agreed that I would be there at 9:30 to pick them up (but I didn’t say that it was his responsibility to plan accordingly).
He made a few remarks about how if someone says they’ll be there at 12 he expects them to be there at 12:30 because he’s on “African time”. And that even on his first date with his partner around the time they were supposed to meet he was still getting his hair cut but blamed the barber and said it wasn’t his fault.
He said that late people are always relaxed and not stressed, but I thought that you’re not stressed but you’re passing the stress on to the people waiting for you
Am I being uptight and high-strung or am I somewhat justified in feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Chronically late people are annoying. It’s so inconsiderate of other people’s time and it just comes across as really selfish and self-centered. And before people start talking about neurodiversity and time blindness, people who struggle can find reminders to help them stay on time.
Your friend isn’t thinking of the time that he is wasting when he’s 20 minutes late. If I were you, I’d wait 5 minutes and then leave.” Socratic_Labrador_02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t care what time anyone is one. if we said we’d meet at 12 and they’re not there 20 minutes later, then I’m gone.
O is highly selfish and expects anyone to wait for him because the only time that matters is HIS. If I were you I’d be making it clear to K and O that you’re done waiting for them. If they’re not punctual from now on then they can catch up with you later.” Scary-Cycle1508
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like definitely a difference in personality and possibly even culture. I wonder if O is from a part of the world that views this differently. In some African cultures, the party might start at 12 but no one expects people to show up until 2 or 3.
Life is not a rush and flows. This is a struggle to deal with if you’re from a culture like the US. It could also be a neurodivergence thing. But regardless, I would set the boundary with him that you find this disrespectful and will not be waiting.
He can show up by the designated time or you will be leaving without him. Then follow through.” Weird-Jellyfish-5053
14. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Overweight Wife Out Of Bed To Prove A Point?
“My wife is very overweight. I’m not here to complain about this fact—she’s been large since I first met her, and I’ve always found her attractive. But she has gained a significant amount of weight over the last 4 years.
Shortly before our daughter was born in 2019, my wife weighed in at an appointment and was 428 lbs.
This was a shock to me; I knew she had gained a lot of weight since we met, but she is private about it so I never heard a number. Once she and our daughter were home, we tried to take healthy steps to improve ourselves together.
She recovered well from her pregnancy and was set to resume her job in March of 2020. Unexpected circumstances changed that plan. After 1 week back at her job, she was furloughed for 2 weeks. At the end of that period, they fired her. Luckily, my job went remote and I made enough to support our family.
For the past four years, she has become increasingly reclusive. When I have offered to take time off to give her a break from the kids, she has declined. We started taking stay-cations in the summer of 2020, and even once the situation was over she said she prefers staying at home to traveling.
Her weight has noticeably increased during this time; I don’t have a number but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s now over 500. Her mobility has suffered as well—she needs breaks when we take walks, we’ve had to put wall handles in our bathroom, and in the last few months she needs help to get out of bed in the morning.
When I’ve tried to address this with her, she admits it’s a problem, but she downplays its severity. Our marriage is great, she is a great mother to our two children, there’s nothing (at least nothing she’s shared) under the surface: she says she just likes to eat and struggles to control her portions and snacking.
This most recent incident started because yesterday evening, as we were taking our kids to the park, she insisted that I drive instead of her. Her insistence weirded me out and I asked her about it later when we were going to bed. She informed me that she’d begun struggling to fit behind the wheel of our family car.
This freaked me out, and we had a long conversation before going to sleep. She again denied anything was wrong, and when I suggested she visit the doctor to get a better picture of her health she was pretty annoyed. I was upset and told her to think about how she would take care of the kids if something happened to me.
It’s not safe for her to rely on me for so much. She kept ignoring me and went to sleep. I stayed up and stewed a little bit.
This morning, to prove a point, I refused to help her out of bed. I just went into the bathroom.
She was able to get up eventually, but it took a few attempts and she was crying and begging for help. I went in to work in my home office, and since I got off work she has been unwilling to talk to me. I think maybe I let my emotions get the best of me and should’ve addressed this differently.”
Is there anyone else she might listen to? She's got used to tuning you out.
13. AITJ For Offering My Unemployed Stepbrother A Job In Construction And Getting Angry When My Family Insulted Me?
“So I (24M) am working and have been since I was 16. I always found a way to work and make the best of things despite not being given much by my family.
While my golden children my stepbrothers (24m) and (29m) were given everything and were allowed to not do anything. The (24m) stepbrother realized things would turn out bad if he continued this same path as the older stepbrother so he changed his ways and is doing well with his life too.
But to give some context, I was forced to pay for my uni while they got theirs paid for. I also had to do 10 more than they did. My mom and stepdad also have a son (9m) and I was the only one required to help out while my stepbrothers got to play video games.
But despite that, I found a way to make my life and career successful.
But the issue is with my older (29m) stepbrother. Let’s call him B for the story. B has a degree in Computer Science and graduated in 2020. I understand it’s hard to get a job in the tech field but B has spent most of his time playing video games.
He works 4-5 hours a week as a soccer coach while not trying to work. It got to the point where his bedroom smelled like a hoarder’s house. For those who don’t know, it’s a horrendous smell. Imagine some of the worst smells, and now imagine all those smells mixed. I also have to hear B scream on the mic every night too and I have work in the morning.
I moved back in a year ago to help take care of a few members of my family who were sick and to help take care of my half-brother (9m). After they recovered, I was trying to move out on my own again. But my mother asked me to stay as she admitted I was a positive influence on my younger brother and she doesn’t want my younger brother following my step brothers.
Keep in mind, despite the time off, B never lifted a finger to help the family. And my half-brother doesn’t even say hi to B or have a relationship with B either.
Now here is where I might be the jerk. I work in construction and I offered B many different jobs that people new to the industry can do and it’s easy to learn.
Just until B finds a job in his field. B said no and claimed I insulted him by offering honest work with a decent salary. My mom (45f), stepfather (52m), and many other members of my family took B’s side and berated and insulted me.
I tried to explain that a job is a job and that B would be making decent money while waiting for a job in tech. I also tried to explain that there are very good opportunities here too. No one listened and I lost it and screamed that I couldn’t sleep due to B’ screaming on the microphone, the house smells bad despite cleaning, and when I wasn’t heard, I told them to go be rude to themselves
I know they were disappointed that I left the medical industry to work in construction as I found opportunities that suit me better but I don’t think this warranted me being attacked by this. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Look you need to move back out.
You’re allowing yourself to continue being the scapegoat and stunting your personal growth to be brow-beaten for being a good person. You’re not another parent to your brother. Your mother and stepdad need to step up and teach their son how to be a decent human.” Disastrous_Cress_701
Another User Comments:
“They will drag you down with them if you don’t untangle yourself emotionally from them. Be there for your little bro but do not live with them, it’s not healthy for you.” Glamonster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re taking advantage of you.
You were considered nothing until they saw that you were doing something with yourself. And they still consider you nothing, if you don’t do as they say. Move out and save yourself from that toxic environment.” Alfred-Register7379
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Dad's Wife To Attend My Mom's Funeral?
“My mom and dad split when I was 19, she was unfaithful to him with a friend of his and left my dad to be with this person.
She was with him till he died 2 months ago.
My dad already knew his now wife from work, they had been friends for a long time and got together about 6-12 months after my mom left. Stepmother was always weird with us kids (I have a bro & sis) and made it super plain she didn’t like us or want us around.
They got married after she stated that he either married her or they split up but she never liked us and it was plain. Apart from him.
They have been together for decades now and it’s ruined our relationship with our dad as he’s either turning a blind eye or just doesn’t see it.
And we were all devastated as after they split, my dad made loads of effort with us, which had not happened before. Of course, new partner syndrome means that wasn’t going to last. Not one person in our family or his friends likes his wife and she has been incredibly rude to other members of his family (not just us).
Whenever she attends big events she dresses inappropriately (think white *and* a wedding style dress at a wedding and a very short skirt to a funeral) and always wants to be the center of attention. He accused us of being jealous of his relationship with her when we tried to raise it with him, even though we actively encouraged it and supported him to move forward.
My mom got sick a while ago and was ill. It then got progressively worse and her partner had to get extra help (my sister and BIL) as he couldn’t cope. Eventually, we had to put Mom in a home a month or two ago as she was too ill to care for at home anymore.
My stepdad died a few days after she went into it (he was not happy about her going there) in a horrible car accident on his way to see her and she died a few weeks later.
When I told my dad about Mom dying, I asked if he wanted to go to the funeral and he did but he asked if his wife could go too and we all agreed that our mom would not have wanted her there as she didn’t like her due to the ill-treatment we received. When he was told no, he kept asking and asking why not even after we’d said it was against Mom’s wishes and that it wasn’t appropriate.
He stated that his mom was the one who left him etc and wouldn’t listen when we asked him to stop.
He left it for a while but the day after the funeral he called my sister and asked her *again* why not we both told him to leave it alone and asked why his wife even wanted to go to the funeral of his ex.
To which he said, ‘She doesn’t, she just wants to support me’.
It appears he is now not talking to us because of this and I am heartbroken and sad that my dad is so focused on this to the extent that he has.
So, AITJ for not allowing her to attend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “Not one person in our family or his friends likes his wife and she has been incredibly rude to other members of his family” First reason not to invite her. She’ll cause drama & make it all about her. “We all agreed that our mom would not have wanted her there.” Most important reason of all not to invite her.
Stand firm. This is about your mom. Sorry for your loss.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But now it’s probably time to uninvite your dad from the rest of your important life moments as well. You don’t want to be managing his feelings and his relationship amid your grief when HE should be supporting YOU.
My deepest condolences for your loss.” Alternative-Job-288
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The funeral director chimed in! Stick to your guns. Seriously. Tell the staff she is not allowed so they are prepared to kick her out if she shows up anyway. I’m not even playing.
She can walk out the door by herself or she can go in a pair of shiny silver matching bracelets. This is a day to honor your mom and to process *your* grief. As legal Next of kin you are the highest priority and your word is law in this arena.
Sorry about your dad. This woman is gonna mess you all over when he dies, and if she doesn’t do direct cremation will probably ban you from the funeral. I’m well aware of the type and they are disgustingly hateful. Try to get anything important from him while he’s here, it’s impossible when he’s not.” not_doing_that
11. AITJ For Offering To Pay My Sister's Debt Under Certain Conditions?
“I (27f) have always tried to do right by my family. If they need a dog and/or babysitter, I’m there. If they need someone to vent to or confide in, I’m there. If they need to borrow some cash, I’m there. Anyone in the family who has owed me money (Which has only been either my mom or brother) in the past has paid me back in full and without any grief.
I have always been happy to lend them a helping hand.
Well, this time didn’t go so well. My sister (28) is not much closer to paying off her debt than when she started a few years ago. She owes £11,000, which is about $13,700. So, it’s pretty bad.
She pays £400 a month which only covers a little bit more than the interest rate alone. I’m not sure how long it’ll take her to pay that off.
The only source of income I receive is benefits due to my health condition. The only reason I have as much money as I do is because I recently received compensation for damages.
What I received was just enough to cover my sister’s debt. I don’t see myself needing that kind of money anytime soon, so I thought I’d help my sister.
I offered to pay off her debt as long as she gave me the £400 she usually pays per month.
So her debt would go to me, but I would be more lenient when need be. If everything went smoothly, it would take just over 2 years to pay me back, and I was fine with that. The only other conditions I laid out were that I be assured that her impulse buying days were over, and she closed her credit accounts as soon as everything was paid off.
She said “No, thank you,” and I respected her decision and didn’t bring it up to her again.
The next day our dad dropped by her house to get something, and she was all upset. He asked her what was wrong, and she was mad at me and said I was “babying” her.
My friend “Sarah” came over last night to hang out and she said something about my sister I told her what happened and I also told her that I was pretty hurt over the “babying” comment. Right away she agreed with my sister. She said I was in fact “babying” her and it was “condescending” of me for basically saying she can’t take care of herself and also I was being “controlling” for wanting her to close her accounts if she accepted my offer.
I tried explaining my side more clearly, but she kept interrupting me and she raised her voice until she was almost yelling at me. Sarah said that I should trust my family and give her the benefit of the doubt, and if I didn’t trust her then that was my problem and I should think about why.
I said to her that £11,000 was a lot for the “benefit of the doubt”. Especially when that’s almost everything I have. I love my sister, but that just seemed like such a crazy thing to say. Sarah then called me a jerk for wanting £400 a month even after I told her that that’s what she’s paying now.
It’s not like my sister is starving. Money is a little tight but it’s certainly doable.
I honestly thought I was just helping.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re offering your sister a way out of her debt. The choice is now hers on whether to accept that offer, and it’s a very generous offer.
Sounds like you’re not even charging her interest, you’re just expecting the principal back. You’re a good sister.” ManVersusMan90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should view this as a blessing and remove your offer to assist your sister. She isn’t willing to make basic concessions to get out of debt – she will almost certainly continue her bad habits and remain in debt.
Also, what if she doesn’t pay you the 400 monthly? How would you enforce it?” thefinalhex
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You can make the offer, she can find it condescending and controlling. >I said to her that £11,000 was a lot for the “benefit of the doubt”.
Then don’t make the offer. If you put strings on your offer, you will be judged based on those strings. Similarly, banks and other lenders are judged based on their interest rates and transparency of their lending practices.” thirdtryisthecharm
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Adopted Daughter's Bio Mom At Her Graduation?
“4 years ago I legally adopted my Bonus Daughter by her request because her Bio mom is/was an addict and had neglected/abandoned her on more than one occasion from Infancy through 10.
The last straw happened when she was 11 and came to live with her father and me full-time because Bio mom was on yet another binge and nobody had seen her in months. She left Bonus Daughter with her grandmother and went missing. Hubby and I got word of what happened and We went and picked her up, filed for full custody, the whole 9 yards.
3 years later after 0 contacts from her, she shows up, on substances of course, and is pregnant with a random guy’s kid. That is when Bonus Daughter asked me to adopt her because in her words “You’ve been present in my life more in the past few years than my mom has my whole life”.
Not long after this, her Bio mom has the baby, who was taken by CPS because of neonatal addiction and she disappears again. Parental Severance and Adoption go through uncontested. Life is peaceful…
Fast forward to now. My daughter recently turned 18 and is getting ready to graduate.
She asks her extended family on Bio mom’s side to come to her graduation, which I am completely fine with since she has maintained contact with them (they didn’t abandon her). But she was asked if she wanted her bio mom to be there. She told them she does but at the same time, she doesn’t because she doesn’t know how it would make her feel to see her in person again, but at the same time she knows is still her bio mom so she has mixed feelings.
And just for context, Bio Mom is pregnant again with a new guy and has been clean for a year, but we all know she could slip again too easily.
I will admit I was quite hurt when I found out she was considering letting her be there.
The way I see it, she abandoned her yet again, almost zero contact or anything through the years so why should she share ANY of the happiness and glory that comes from MY DAUGHTER graduating? I know my daughter is 18 now and I can’t do anything if she decides to have a relationship with Bio mom, but it still hurts nonetheless.
Also, YES I know if it wasn’t for Bio Mom I wouldn’t have such an amazing daughter, but I also know that if I didn’t step up my daughter wouldn’t have had a stable mother in her life. Bio mom caused a lot of trauma for that young lady that I had to help her work through.
I put her in therapy, took her to the doctors, helped her gain weight, and made sure I was present for ALL the big things she experienced, all the 1sts that are important for teenage girls. 1st kiss, 1st partner, 1st heartbreak ,etc.
So AITJ for not wanting her Bio-Mom to be there for such an important day in my daughter’s life?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t about you, and it isn’t your choice. Your daughter shouldn’t have to “absolutely insist” on having her bio mother there. You can have all the feelings in the world about this as long as they stay just your feelings and not any words or actions towards your daughter or her bio mom.
Let her choose freely and don’t get in the way. You’re supposed to be her support, not her obstacle. It sounds like you’ve been a pretty great support to her through the last several years. Don’t change that now.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter’s bio-mom attending graduation doesn’t erase or replace you as being the mom who stepped up to help raise her. That being said, let your daughter decide on her own if she wants her bio-mom there or not. Don’t influence her choice as it could cause resentment between you and your daughter in the future.” callmesillysally
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t blame you for your feelings, but you would be wise to trust your daughter to make this decision. While you and her father helped her I am sure, this ultimately is her accomplishment and she should get to invite whoever she wants.
No, bio mom doesn’t deserve it, but that is not the point.” ShiloX35
9. AITJ For Asking My Legally Blind Partner To Split The Cost Of Our Parking Spot?
“My (29F) partner (30M) is legally blind and cannot drive. We are currently living in a city that is safe and walkable. A parking spot for my car is included in our rent.
We both take the bus to work, so mostly I use my car for errands. I drive us to visit his friends and family who are not accessible by public transit.
Towards the end of our lease, he told me he wasn’t happy living in our current city, and he wanted to move to a nearby bigger city for the following reasons:
* He wants to be closer to work and the train, which he uses to get around and visit friends. In our current city, he has to take a 15-20 minute bus ride to get to the train but would prefer to live somewhere he can walk to it.
He hates the bus. Also, if we moved to the downtown area of this bigger city we could both walk to work.
* He feels that our current city is boring. He said there is nothing to do, and the downtown area with a theater, bars, and restaurants is too far away (1 mile).
* He wants an apartment with amenities like a dishwasher, A/C, and an in-unit washer/dryer. It’s not always easy to find units that have been renovated with all these amenities in our current city because the buildings are older. In the bigger city, there are a lot of newer buildings.
I had the following reservations about moving to the bigger city:
* The area he wants to live in is not safe. I would not be able to take a walk in my neighborhood. When we have friends over their cars will be at risk of break-ins.
* The apartments are expensive. We will need to take on a roommate. I had hoped to be done with roommates and I will miss our privacy. Even with the roommate, we will both be paying more in rent.
* You almost always pay extra for a parking spot.
We are looking at a building where a spot is $175/month.
Despite my reservations, I agreed to move to the bigger city. He is the one living with a disability, and easy walking access to the train means independence to him. If I want to take a walk or visit my old city it’s only a 15-minute drive away.
I decided that it would be fair to ask my partner to split the cost of the parking spot with me for the following reasons:
* We both benefit from having a car.
* I’m making compromises on what I value in a living situation to make him more comfortable, spending more money to live somewhere I like less.
* I am only asking for help with parking because that cost is directly related to this move. I’ve never asked him to contribute to anything else car-related.
I asked him if he would consider contributing to parking. He gave me a cold look and said no. Immediately, I felt so embarrassed and greedy for even asking.
I apologized and didn’t even try to defend why I thought it might be fair.
However, I can’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t such a crazy request. I was thinking about bringing it up again, so I’d like to know AITJ for asking my legally blind partner to pay for half of the parking spot for my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A relationship is about compromise. You are making a large compromise by moving to a different city, paying more $$, living with a roommate, etc. No one is forcing you to do this – but you are doing so because you care about your partner and it will make his life easier.
However, a relationship is about give and take. Paying half your parking cost seems to be a fair compromise, and even though he might not _want_ to do it, it is the _right_ thing to do IMO. To add, if you are moving to an unsafe city or area of town where you don’t feel comfortable walking in your neighborhood – not only will you be using your car _more_, but I suspect you may have to drive your partner around a lot more than he thinks.” s4febook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only are you giving up a lot to accommodate his disability but you are doing all of the driving everywhere for both of you forever. I am saying this *as someone with a disability who cannot drive because of vision* if he is not also accommodating YOU by pitching in for gas, your parking spot, and the occasional Uber because your new neighborhood isn’t safe for you to walk around in after everything you’ve given up, he’s not accommodating you back, he’s freeloading and demanding; ditch him.” Fooftato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you might need to discuss this whole thing more. You are giving him a lot (it’s not even a compromise) by being willing to move to the city he wants to live in, given the things you cite…. his disability aside, plenty of people would NOT sign up to pay more to live in a less safe, less private situation.
You’re being very accommodating. One side effect of this move, which you have entertained, is the added cost of the vehicle. It seems like a very fair request that he shoulder some of that impact since you both use the car. I think it’s a good thing that this is coming to a head, to me it seems like you have more to discuss about why this new city is not a good fit for you.
I understand his reasons and this might come down to different preferences, but is he just not concerned about the safety, privacy, and cost aspects of this? Those seem significant. How about the fact that you are concerned about those things, has he taken that issue into account?
Is there possibly a compromise to be had, where you move to a different city but one that doesn’t raise your hackles about safety? Or move to another location in your current city with easier access to public transportation? I think there is more than one answer to this conflict and I do not feel you complying with his preference with no affordance of your concerns is the right one.” owls_and_cardinals
8. AITJ For Wanting to Move Out Despite Financially Beneficial Living Situation?
“I’m 21 and my partner (Jake) have been together for 5 years. My mum and I had lots of conflicts and so after a big one when I was 18 I started staying with Jake and his parents.
Jake works a really good job atm and is studying and is not going to move out until his uni degree is done (at least 3 more years).
His parents are letting us live there rent-free so we to save for a house.
I go in between my mum’s house and his parents (staying more at his parents) because of my job being only 9 mins away from mum so I stay with her between shifts and then go back to his on my off days.
I’ve always felt like quite an outsider within his family and recently it’s just becoming worse and worse for me. When Jake’s brother and sister IL come over for dinner, I get so much anxiety because I can go whole dinners without saying a word.
After all, he, his brother, and his dad talk about things I have no idea about like cars and tools, and his sis IL and mum work in the same place so they only discuss work and gossip about people they know.
For context, his bro and sis IL are both older than us but still in their mid to late 20s.
Jake says I can just be on my phone like he does sometimes, but I get frustrated because I’m trying to be present and polite, and there’s less pressure for him around his own immediate family for him to not care if he’s on his phone or not/being social.
Recently I’ve said that I want to move out and pay rent on my own to try and see if it improves things.
I am part-time at the moment (earning at least 1500/1700 per fortnight, not taking into account if it’s over a public holiday or if I pick up over time.)
The rentals I’m looking at are around $350 per week and then I’d have to pay bills/food. I could also modify my roster now and try to a day or change to full-time if needed (earning then at least $2300 a fortnight excluding penalties)
Jake is strongly against saying it would be a silly financial decision and I have a really good opportunity to set myself up. I mentioned I acknowledged it would be financially difficult but potentially great for my mental state, and he said I could just work through my mental problems in other ways.
I talk to psychologists and they still haven’t made this feeling go away so it’s not like I haven’t tried to make this work.
I don’t tell my mum anything about my anxiety because she usually makes me regret breaking down by telling me that I’m upsetting her for being so upset.
The reason I mention this is because my mum is saying that renting is “dead throw-away money” and that I should just wait longer and keep living with his parents. After all, it’s such a good opportunity. And she said that it does sound good to go out and live on your own and be independent but I should save and wait and buy a really good house instead.
She also said that if I did this, I would lose Jake, no doubt about it.
So AITJ for going against what Jake and my mum want and throwing away a great opportunity to save?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Free” housing all too often comes with hidden costs and uncomfortable strings attached. You’re talking about spending a truly low amount of money per month in exchange for your comfort, privacy, and well-being.
That’s money well spent. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it.” hiddenkobolds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Go for it as long as you have your finances sorted! Give living independently a try now, rather than regret not doing it when you have started having other responsibilities.
Enjoy it, and learn more about yourself. Don’t let Jake be an anchor dragging you, who knows, maybe you’ll grow into a person who’s not even suitably matched to your existing bf. And it would be nice that you have your own space, not Jake-space 24/7.
If the house purchase is delayed a bit, so what, you’re both so young (and, I wouldn’t jointly *buy* a house unless married). You may even not want to live where you are now after you’ve expanded your world. Heck, moving in with roommates is a good cheaper alternative, rather than living with your mother/bf’s parents.” peregrine_throw
Another User Comments:
“I have a question – Are you studying at the moment? It sounds like Jake is working and studying and you are just working part-time. If that is the case, you should work full-time. Having extra money will provide you with more options and also get you out of the house more.
Being at the house a lot alone with Jake’s family/your mother sounds stressful, even if they are kind and caring. YWNBTJ for wanting to have a private space, but you need to weigh your options carefully. Are there other places you can just ‘be,’ like parks and libraries nearby?
Good luck.” Complete_Special_721
7. AITJ For Wanting My Stepkids To Stay With Their Mom While My Husband Is Out Of Town?
“I (36f) have been married to my husband Nick (42m) for almost 6 years now. My husband has two teenagers with his ex-wife Lyndsey (40f) and they have been divorced for 11 years. My stepdaughter is Melody (15f) and my stepson is Jace (13m). My husband and I also have a 14-month-old son together.
Nick and Lyndsey have shared custody of my stepkids. And typically they can get along okay…ish. It’s not what anyone would call a friendly co-parenting relationship and both can be stubborn with the other at times. I’d hate to see them forced to sit in a room all day to mediate but it’s not as bad as some divorced people I have seen in my life.
My relationship with Lyndsey is not good anymore. Around a year into my marriage, she grew annoyed that she and Nick would be harder to reach than me and I was getting more calls from the kid’s school when they were sick or whatever. Jace has some health issues so it’s a common enough thing for him.
It made Lyndsey extremely jealous and during her custody time, I would be calling her to try and get the kid who was sick or to make plans with her. But her job made it difficult for her to be reached hence me being the only one available to pick them up.
Once we got to the point where she was jealous there was no going back. I had hoped during the period when the kids were not in school that it would maybe take care of some of the jealousy, but it didn’t. And once she turned against me so did the kids.
We had a close relationship before and now they don’t want that with me. They complain if Nick leaves them with me for a couple of hours or when I pick them up from school. They’re not as open and talkative with me. I spoke to them, Nick spoke to them, he spoke to Lyndsey and we even did some family therapy together but the relationship is not what it was and it’s not what it was becoming before the issues.
I bring all this up because recently my husband learned that during his parenting time, he will be out of town for four days in May and those four days fall on his parenting time with my stepkids. He wants them to stay with me for the four days so he can see them for a few hours on the day he comes back before they go to their moms. The kids do not want to stay at the house with me during that time.
They want to be with their mom. They were upset he wanted them to stay with me. It started a fight between the three of them and the kids told Lyndsey that she wants the kids to be with her, but the parenting agreement doesn’t have a clause about this.
I told Nick he should listen to the kids and he told me it won’t help anything if they refuse to stay in the house with me while he’s not there. I told him he better listen to the kids because I’d be the one facing the repercussions of him not doing so.
He told me I should want the kids with me and I told him not when I’ll be dealing with their anger and disrespect while he’s gone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wants to see them for a few hours after he gets back, he should go to their Mom’s house and take them out or something after he gets back.
It’s completely ridiculous for him to expect them to spend 4 days at your house when he isn’t even there and they don’t want to be there.* This is him saying he wants everyone to cater to his whims and convenience. Well, he shouldn’t have had kids if that’s what he wanted. *Of course, if there were some sort of emergency, there might be special circumstances where you could step up to have them over, but it sounds like you are the type of person who would do the right thing in those circumstances already, so that isn’t the issue here.” yepyep_nopenope
Another User Comments:
“At the risk of being a jerk, I highly recommend having yourself removed from the school’s contact list as well. You’ve been doing mom and dad favors all these years and it has gone unappreciated. Sure, it sucks for the kids to be stuck at school when they are unwell but they and their parents are old enough to know that behavior has consequences.
Let the parents figure their issues out while you focus on your baby.” Strong-Guidance-6092
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is generous with your time and energy. He has no problem with you and the kids being unhappy for days so he can see them for a couple of hours.
You do all the work, he gets what he wants. He doesn’t care that it will be hard for everyone but him. He doesn’t care what anyone else in this situation thinks. He does not care about anyone’s feelings, opinions, or wants but his own.
And he’s making you suffer for it. You and his kids. Why are his feelings the only ones that matter? Especially when he will be doing zero of the work. He won’t even be there. NTJ. If he’s out of town, why wouldn’t you bring the kids to their mom’s?
Whatever tantrum he’ll throw will be better than dealing with unhappy teenagers for four days.” CovidIsolation
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Best Friend to a Bar While Grieving?
“This happened a few years ago, but I still wonder…
I come from a very small town. Everybody knows everybody and everything. Lee was my best friend for years.
She was MOH at my wedding. I stayed at her house whenever I went home to visit. We were super close.
I had an unfortunate series of events happen within almost a year. My mother passed away from cancer. It was brutal. My unfaithful husband decided he was done with me.
I was now a single mother with two small children. Emotionally, I was a complete wreck.
Without warning, a beloved aunt (who helped raise me… almost like a bonus mom) died unexpectedly. I was beyond devastated. And kinda at a breaking point.
I flew home for a short weekend.
There was no funeral. But I went home to support my uncle and honor my aunt. I told Lee I was coming home, but wouldn’t be staying at her house. I wouldn’t be seeing her either. It wasn’t a social visit. I stayed with my sister and we just spent time with my uncle.
Here is where I may (or may not) have been a jerk. I found out an old friend’s band was playing at a bar right down the street from my sister’s house. I went to see him play. I desperately needed an escape from everything.
My sister dropped me off. I sat by myself getting inebriated and watching the band. Then my sister picked me up. End of story. I flew home the next day.
Speaking with Lee a couple of days later… I told her I’d gone to see the band by myself.
She was angry. “Why didn’t you call me??? I would have met you there!” I tried calmly explaining that it wasn’t a social visit. I sat alone and got inebriated by choice. I didn’t have words to socialize and make small talk.
“I would have sat there quietly!” For the record? We used to be roommates. Lee has never been quite a day in her life. She talks nonstop. I love her, but I just didn’t have the capacity for nonstop chatter.
I told her that I was sorry her feelings were hurt.
I meant no disrespect to her. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I just needed an escape. She was still angry. She kept harping on about it. I apologized several more times. I felt bad that her feelings were hurt. But this trip wasn’t about her.
I was just trying to process losing a second mother so soon after losing my actual mother. I don’t even drink. That should have been a huge red flag to people who know me. I wasn’t handling things well.
After several more apologies?
She still wouldn’t let it go. I calmly told her “I’ve apologized numerous times. I truly am sorry your feelings were hurt. But I am not going to keep apologizing fifty more times. I am done with this conversation. You can call me when you decide to accept my apology and move on.”
I haven’t spoken with her since. She never got over it. Some people say I should have just called her to meet me at the bar. Other people understood that I needed to be alone. I hate that I lost my best friend over this.
But I kinda feel that I had a right to grieve in whatever way worked best for me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Her refusal to move on after multiple apologies is ridiculously immature and petty. Her willingness to completely toss away a long-term friendship because you will not continue to grovel shows the value she places on you and your relationship.
Maybe someday when she grows up and stops thinking the sun rises and sets on her, you all will reconnect. For now, it sounds like you’re better off without her.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry your friend does not understand your needs and is refusing to communicate about everything in a mature way.
If the circumstances had been different I’m sure you would have made an effort to see your friend, but since you are going through it they should be more understanding of why you did not see them while you were in town. Maybe you can suggest planning a time to meet up with them shortly, but do not feel bad for going to the show alone.” a_milli_on127
Another User Comments:
“I was once on the other side. A friend I thought was a close friend came to my town and didn’t even tell me. All I wanted was an explanation, to understand why they didn’t want to meet with me. I never got one and we’re no longer friends.
You, however, gave her a very reasonable explanation, in advance, and then apologized for it afterward. So totally different story, you did everything right. I don’t know what else she wants. NTJ.” Broad_Respond_2205
5. AITJ For Being Upset About Receiving Camping Gear As My Graduation Gift?
“I have always hated camping. Since I was a child this was a well-documented fact and routinely the butt of family jokes. On the other hand, my mother loves to go camping/hiking/backpacking and has trips planned almost every other weekend until September.
She’s recently expressed that she wants camping to be something that we do together after I graduate from college in a week or so.
Last summer, we went on a camping trip with extended family in which I borrowed a sleeping bag and mentioned that it was comfy. When asked if I would want one in case of future trips, I said that I by no means needed one but would be happy to have one if it went on sale or something to that effect.
What started as a sleeping bag has now become that, a blow-up mattress, a tent, a backpack including poop shovels, and various other things. Not only do I have now a bunch of camping gear but more recently I have received the news that this gear is my graduation gift.
I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the sentiment nor that I don’t acknowledge the money that went into getting those things, but every time my mother brings it up I can’t help but wish she had thought of something else. Not only does she know I don’t care for camping but as my mother who I am close with I feel overlooked and misjudged on the things I like.
I’m graduating from film school and have always especially adored photography. When I was asked a while back if I had any ideas for graduation gifts, my first answer was a camera as I have never had one of my own. This is the only thing that I have consistently wanted (and expressed wanting) for several years.
Now my best friend has mentioned that their parents, who historically don’t gift well at all and aren’t the greatest in general, are giving her the camera which I have wanted for years. My mother knows this, and when I heard I expressed doubly that I would love to have something along those lines.
I am the first in my family to have achieved a degree, and while I wasn’t even expecting any graduation gift in the first place, I do feel like the one that I’m being given is not one that is really for me – rather, it is something which my mom got for me so that she could guilt me into staying at home longer to camp with her as opposed to moving away for work.
Even then, those camping trips that I mentioned? The ones that she has planned through the next year? I’m not going on any of them. Instead, my mom has decided that I have PROMISED her (never did anything of the sort) that I will stay home for the year so that I can watch the house and pets while she goes off and does her soul searching.
I’ve been told that to get a job and move away before they are done is inconveniencing her and causing her stress, so if I want to stay in her good graces I need to be her house sitter and wait to get a job until it’s convenient for her.
AITJ for being upset about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Being in her good graces gets you “gifts” that are gifts for her, denying you the one thing that you have asked for for years, delaying your independence for her convenience for an entire year (or who knows how much longer after that), plus making you feel like your mother is not thinking about your wants and needs.
If that is what “being in her good graces” gets you, are you sure that you want to be there? Sell the camping gear, buy yourself a camera, and start following your dreams. Move to where you need to be for work. Good luck.” latent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds kind of like a narcissist trying to be nice to you because that’s what is expected of her. I’m an avid camper and I know in my bones that some people just don’t care for it.
Same with hiking. Forcing someone along when they don’t like it or want to be there just makes everyone miserable. Sell the camping gear and buy yourself the camera. Move away and get your job. It’s incredibly selfish of your mom to hold you back in your career like this.” Salt-Operation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, presents should be something that the receiver will like, not something you think is cool. Your mom is in the wrong. She’s pushing you to do something she wants instead of rewarding your accomplishment by giving you something you want.” A_Dog_Chasing_Cars
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Partner's Birthday Because I Bullied His Sister?
“My (19F) partner’s (20M) sister, Anne (19F), does not like me.
For some backstory, when I was a kid I was a bully. In 6th grade, I met Anne. I was friends with a girl at the time who bullied Anne, and so, because of this, I too began to bully her as a way to fit in.
And even when my friend moved away when middle school started, I continued to bully Anne. This bullying continued until the end of 8th grade, when Anne left.
After high school started, I started to work on myself. I met my now partner. At the time, I didn’t know he and Anne were related. We became friends and eventually started seeing each other near the end of senior year.
A few weeks into our relationship, my partner asked me to meet his parents. When I went to meet them, I saw Anne. The entire time I was there she spent in her room. Later, I asked my partner about her and he explained that she had moved in with them around a month before.
When I asked why he had never told me about her, he said that he had talked about his sister before, which is true. I guess I meant more why he hadn’t told me who she was, because in the same conversation he admitted to me that he knew who I was and what I had done to her.
I never told my partner about Anne, but from the information he had heard from her and his family, he figured out that it was me. He said that he didn’t think it was necessary since that was in the past and we hadn’t seen each other for a few years.
A week ago, my partner was planning his birthday. His family was taking him out to dinner and he wanted me to come with. Anne found out he was planning to invite me and asked my partner not to, saying that if I was invited, she would not want to attend.
I respected this and completely understood why, but my partner didn’t. I told him that he can go out to dinner with his family and that I would take him out to dinner or to do something else after, just the two of us. He didn’t like that and said that he wanted us all to be together for his birthday.
He thinks Anne should give me another chance, but she said she wasn’t comfortable with that. I told him to stop bothering her about it and that if it makes her uncomfortable to be around me then we both need to respect that and just plan around it so that we can both be there for him.
Now, he’s mad at me and says that he thinks I don’t care about our relationship because I’m not even trying to work things out with his sister and attend his birthday dinner. I told him he’s being selfish. This made him even more upset and he hasn’t been talking to me since yesterday when we fought.
I really don’t want this to be an issue and am wondering if maybe I could have done something better, and maybe I could have reached out to Anne and talked about this. I understand that this is his birthday and he deserves to have everyone be there for him and that it’s not his fault that we don’t get along.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pretty much understand that you made your bed, and you can’t ever make or amend this relationship. And if anything you respect and understood it. You clearly are a different human being than you once was when you were younger OP.
Good job, I would think about dumping the brother however, he seems to be a selfish person who doesn’t understand or respect his own sister’s feelings.” GhostPantherAssualt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t work things out with Anne if she isn’t amenable to it. You’re doing the best you can with what the situation is: Leaving her alone and offering your partner other opportunities.
If you haven’t already then let Anne know you’re open to apologizing and discussing things. Other than that, let it go.” BirthdayCookie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re respecting Anne’s feelings, as you should. You seem to realize how awful it was to bully her, and stepping a ways back so she can celebrate her brother’s birthday without you is the proper thing to do.
It’s just too bad that your partner doesn’t seem to have as much consideration for his own sister as you do. Ideally – if this relationship continues, which at this point may be a big “if” – you and Anne will eventually make up enough that your presence doesn’t cause her discomfort.
But that has to happen naturally. You can’t force it, and your partner can’t either. Either way, his birthday dinner is NOT the place for the two of you to “work it out”.” natteringly
3. AITJ For Being Upset That My Sister Is Getting Married The Same Year As Me?
“I (24 F) am planning my wedding to my partner of almost 6 years. We got engaged at the end of November 2023 and we set our wedding date for September 2024!
Before we get into the current situation I want to provide a little context. When we were growing up it was always abundantly clear that my sister (20 F) was the family favorite. She was always given special privileges and talked more highly of her than me.
For this reason, we didn’t get along during our childhood and most of our teenage years.
After attending therapy as an adult, I came to understand that I couldn’t hold my parent’s treatment towards her against her because she was a child and the only people to blame were my parents.
After working through that, she and I became close. For the past few years, we have been inseparable. She’s my best friend and I am hers. I asked her to be my MOH and she was so excited!
She started seeing her current partner (21 M) in late October of 2023.
Of course, he just so happens to be everything my family has ever dreamed of in a son-in-law. The exact opposite of my partner. The past 6 months they have been together my sister’s partner is all my family talks about, even at my bridal appointments.
Right after my engagement, my sister said that when she found out about my upcoming engagement she made it clear to her partner that this year was about me so she didn’t want him to bring up anything marriage-related until after my wedding. She said she wanted this to be my year.
I’ve dreamed of this wedding my entire life and maybe it’s selfish to say but I just wanted this one thing to be about me.
This leads us to the current situation. Last night my sister (20 F) and her partner of 6 months (21 M) FaceTimed me together and told me that they decided to get married. They said that he would go to ask my parents either today or tomorrow for permission and then he would immediately go buy a ring.
They then said that they want me to help plan the official proposal which will happen in 2-3 weeks with the wedding set for November 2024. I told them that I needed time to process and I ended the FaceTime.
An hour later, my sister called me to talk about it and I was sobbing.
I explained to her how badly it hurt me that she of all people would do this after she promised that she would let this be my year. I explained to her that I wanted to be happy for her but I was grieving the loss of my special day because the second our family heard about their engagement it would be as if my wedding didn’t exist. She cried while I explained myself and then said “Don’t worry about it.
Just don’t worry about it. I have to go.” And hung up the phone. I haven’t heard from her since. Right now I feel like I have lost my wedding and my best friend. I am the villain in her story for ruining her moment and she is the villain in my story for taking this milestone from me even after she promised she wouldn’t.
Where do we go from here? AITJ for not just being happy for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did it on purpose. She got engaged 6 months into the relationship. Now you have to plan her “official proposal”, after that, they will ask you to plan other events for her wedding.
They are not even officially engaged and already have a wedding date coincidently one month after yours. If they look for venues they are going to find one available for a month before your wedding. Your sister gives the vibe of an immature child who needs to get something first at all costs and that of a high school bully who says something then does something else entirely.” Otherwise_Degree_729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, based on the information in the story. Your sister took the initiative to say she would delay her wedding–you didn’t ask her to do it. Then she went back on that commitment to you without any explanation. If you had put any kind of pressure on her to delay her wedding, or if she had a reason for getting married earlier, that would change the situation.” NaturalForty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would consider having no contact with your entire family, as they will always treat you as a second-class citizen. Do you have other friends who can step up and take the lead role in other events (bridal appointments, showers, bachelorettes, etc)?
You already know that your family will not provide the support that you deserve and nobody should feel like a second-class citizen at their wedding. Your sister may say that she’s your best friend, but (not so?) deep down, she still wants to be treated as the golden child.
She’s observed how your family is already treating you when she isn’t engaged, so to plan to get engaged now and get married not long after you are an intentional choice, especially when she and her partner haven’t even been together that long. Whatever her reasoning she is not your friend and you should act accordingly.” Legally_Blonde_258
2. AITJ For Not Including My Surprise Attending Sister in My Strictly Planned Wedding?
“About a year and a half ago, my fiancée (28F) and I (27F) started planning our wedding.
We wanted a small, intimate affair with only 65 guests, including the wedding party. My sister (30F), who lives across the country, was supposed to be my maid of honor, and she enthusiastically helped with the planning until she faced a serious health issue about a month ago.
Due to her health problems, my sister was advised not to travel after her surgeries, which meant she would miss the wedding. After discussing it with my fiancée, I offered to postpone the wedding so my sister could attend, but she insisted we stick to our original plans because she knew how important they were to me.
I told her that I would be replacing her as the maid of honor with my childhood friend, and she was perfectly okay with it.
Fast forward to two days ago, our wedding day. Everything seemed perfect until I spotted my sister sitting with my parents during the ceremony.
It turns out she had gotten clearance from her doctor to travel last minute and surprised us by showing up. I was really happy to see her.
After the ceremony, she came over to talk to me and told me everything. Amidst all the hugs and congratulations, I completely forgot that we had not planned for her to be there.
Due to the limited number of people at the wedding, we had strict seating charts and catered meals for everyone, as well as wedding favors. It turns out, my sister didn’t get to eat that night and just ate a few of the very small table appetizers.
She also didn’t have a proper chair and one of the venue workers got her a completely mismatched one from elsewhere, and she had to squeeze in next to our cousin. The wedding party and us (total 9 people) all sat at the front of the hall on a long table, facing everyone.
This morning, my sister calmly called and explained how excluded she felt at the wedding. I told her that yes, we didn’t have extra favors/seats because of how strictly we budgeted for it. She understood but also felt that I could’ve been more inclusive by asking her to sit at the bridal table since she was originally supposed to be a MOH, or getting her a meal.
She felt very judged the whole night and the least I could do was try to include her after she flew down. I apologized profusely because, had I not been so caught up with everything, I would’ve tried to get her a meal from somewhere.
But I also explained to her that she wouldn’t have been able to sit with the wedding party as we had a color scheme that she didn’t match and that she should know how detailed the guest list was for favors/seats. The conversation got quite heated, and she said “Well I guess it would’ve been better for you if I was still bedridden and I didn’t come at all” and abruptly hung up the phone, though I know that line was probably an emotional outburst because of how hurt she was.
AITJ for not including my sister at my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A last-minute extra guest at a small wedding is not trivial! Your mom or other relatives should have figured it out for you as your mind is highly preoccupied during your wedding.
If it had been me as a last-minute surprise guest, I would have eaten before arriving; if I was the mom, I would have split my food with her, as would anyone else in our family. If seating was a problem any one of us would get up and give up our seat, even if it meant standing or taking turns sitting.
Weddings are supposed to be about sharing joy with the couple and family. Though I do wonder about your comment about not matching well enough to sit at your table, that shouldn’t have even mattered.” LompocianLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad had told me he wasn’t coming to my wedding, fine.
The day before comes and my mom and I are setting up the venue, making place settings, etc. I mentioned having an extra set of stuff that would have been for my dad, but that I guess we didn’t need it anymore. My mom finally mentioned that my dad wanted to “surprise me” by showing up for my wedding.
He had gotten into town earlier in the week and told HER but not ME. He’s lucky I knew so that we had a spot for him… But if he hadn’t tried to get her in on his weird “grand gesture” then he wouldn’t have even had a place to sit.
That’s what happens when you say you can’t go–people plan for you NOT to be there.” Junior-Pride-9147
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – You for the color scheme comment (I mean really? That’s a jerk reason to not invite her to sit at the head table.
If that truly went through your head at your wedding and wasn’t just a heat-of-the-moment thing …. Yikes dude. You’re shallower than a kiddie pool) Otherwise, I do think that wedding guests often don’t understand that they can’t just show up last minute.
These things are usually planned out enough that it’s not easy to add another chair and get more food, especially when you’re paying by head for the caterer and don’t want, or remember, to take time away from the festivities to go reconfigure seating or negotiate for an extra plate.” honey-smile
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Biological Father's Unknown Stepdaughter to My Son's Birthday Party?
“I, 29 Female, have a 2.5-year-old son who I am fighting to get back from CPS. But in 2023, when his second birthday was coming up, I was frantically getting things together and making sure people would be invited. Mostly family and those I trust to be around him.
My dad’s side of the family has always been toxic to me growing up so I knew I didn’t want many of them coming to the party.
I was very hesitant about inviting my biological father to the party. When CPS was looking for a family member to place my son with, he wanted to be the foster family for my son.
Instead of him getting picked, it was my sister-in-law who became my son’s foster family. Part of it was due to me telling CPS I would rather have my sister in law to be the foster parent instead of my biological father. Another part is that his home wasn’t clean enough and didn’t have enough room for my son to live there.
When my biological father found out my sister-in-law got him, he and his side of the family went ballistic. My aunt even called my sister-in-law threatening to get a lawyer to sue her and so much more to the point that my sister-in-law backed out.
My mom and I had to talk to my sister-in-law for her to agree again.
I was scared that if my biological father came to the party, then he would start problems and ruin the party for my son. My sister-in-law told me that if he did, her husband would be there to back me up if I chose to tell him to leave.
Knowing her husband had my back, I decided to take the chance and invite my biological father and his new family. So it would have been him, his wife, and his 2 new stepkids. They said they would love to come.
Well about a week before my son’s birthday, my biological father called and said he invited his wife’s stepdaughter, from a previous marriage, and her husband to the birthday party.
This was the first time I have EVER heard of this person. My father had been married to his current wife for 2 years at this point. I only knew about the two younger kids who are now my new step sisters. So it was a surprise to find out that there is another that NO ONE knew about.
I had talked about this to my sister-in-law who was helping me plan this party for my son as well as my CPS worker. They both agree that if I do not personally know this person, then they should not come.
I texted my biological father the responses I had received and told him I even agreed with them.
He then messaged back basically going off about my sister-in-law. Saying that she has a problem with his new family and is being rude about it, basically calling her a jerk and that this person is family. In the end, I told him that I had to follow CPS rules if I wanted to get my son back.
He didn’t say anything after that. So am I the jerk for denying this unknown person from coming to the party?”
Another User Comments:
“The party organizer decides who comes to the party. Partygoers attend and enjoy. They do not invite. Your reasons for selecting who comes to the party are not subject to the approval of anyone.
NTJ.” harleybidness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for refusing to allow someone to attend, but YTJ for some extremely poor parenting and life decisions. When you are trying to dig out of a hole – and presumably you are since CPS is involved – you need to keep things small and quiet.
Why would you plan an event like this, inform people (family or not) that you acknowledge as toxic, and then continue engaging with them when it is obvious that this gathering is going to be an incredible mess?? (I got $10 that says the police have to become involved before everything is done; do you think that is not going to get brought up and used against you in future custody proceedings?) Your child is TWO!
Get a cupcake, have 2 or 3 people that you interact with every day (say, your SIL and her family) sing Happy Birthday, and call it done!! The kid won’t remember it a week later, and you could easily avoid all the drama. Quit oversharing with others who (a) don’t need to know and (b) don’t have you and your child’s best interest at heart.” Tarik861
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Get the HOA involved. Tell them the the kids, these and others, are being destructive on your property and the HOA piece you take care of. Advise them that if it continues, you will not maintain what isn't yours and prosecute anyone who ruins what is actually yours. Any push back from the HOA should be met with a respectful discussion in open forum at the next meeting in front of other owners who may be having the same problem.
You obviously have cameras, that network can be expanded for a nominal cost and catch anyone doing stuff. Good luck