People Ask Us To Be Direct When Judging Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Kicking My Ex Out Of My Son's Birthday?
“My ex and I (33 M) broke up 2 years ago. We had been trying to have kids but couldn’t because of my infertility. It was just very disheartening for me. My ex wanted to keep trying but it was just too painful, I told her that I wanted to stop for now. Not stop forever but to give me some time to grieve the fact that I’d never be able to father kids of my own before we looked into other avenues.
She didn’t want to wait any longer and broke up with me.
A couple of months later I had a one-night stand with my son’s mother. To my surprise she got pregnant. And yes we made sure he was in fact my biological child because I never thought this could ever happen.
He was a beautiful miracle.
My son’s mother unfortunately passed away when he was 4 months old.
Ever since I’ve been a single father my ex has tried to make contact. I don’t want to have any contact because my life is different and there’s no place for her anymore. Her biggest advocate has been my sister because we were together for years and broke up due to the kids conflict.
And apparently, now that I have a child we could ‘make it work.’
We celebrated my son’s first birthday 2 weeks ago. My family and his mom’s family were there. My ex found out (I’m sure through my sister or someone else in my family). She brought a gift for my son.
But I didn’t even let her come in. We had an argument at the door because she would not leave. My ex was trying to convince me to let her stay so she could meet my son and we could talk about things. I already knew why she wanted to, because she felt like she could take his mom’s place in his life and that’s not gonna happen.
She eventually did but I was pretty mad at that point. My ex wanted to leave the gift for him. The reason I refused to accept it is so she doesn’t think she has a chance of being around. Well, she left it at my door so I just threw it away. He got plenty of other gifts anyway.
Because this happened in front of everyone, my ex and sis think I was a jerk for humiliating her in front of not just my family but also my son’s mom’s family. It would’ve been less chaotic to have taken her to the side and had a private conversation so she could have slipped out without anyone noticing.
On top of that, she found out I got rid of her gift, which they thought I was a jerk for because that was meant for him, and it didn’t give me the right to throw out something that belonged to my son.
I’m still bitter towards my ex for how things ended and seeing her made me react that way.
Because it was out of anger and hate for her, I’m wondering if I’m a jerk for how the whole thing was handled, or was I in the right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is, in my mind, stupid. If a relationship can’t work on its own, having a child in the mix isn’t going to magically make it perfect.
If your ex continues to try to insert herself in your and your son’s lives, tell her to stop or you will take legal action.
Look into getting a restraining order, just in case.” mdthomas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your ex is obviously obsessed with you even 2 years later. The birthday party behavior is over the line.
You also need to have a serious discussion with your sister and make clear that if she keeps interfering in your life by supporting your ex’s nutjob behavior, you will cut her out of your and your son’s lives.
Finally, also make it clear to your ex that this stalkerish behavior verges on restraining order territory.
If she doesn’t stop, get one.” MayorCharlesCoulon
23. AITJ For Locking My Locker That Had My Coworker's Things In It?
“I (21 f) work in a kitchen with 10 other women. We have everything we need down there, including our own bathroom that has our own lockers.
If you want a locker, you get it at orientation, including the lock with the combination on it. I got one because I have a fairly big purse, and it would be easier to put it in there than in my car.
Since they are also in the bathroom, and we have a couple of coworkers who like to spend all their time in there, I often wait at the end of my shift for about 20 minutes before I can get my stuff. I hate that because I’m very possessive over my things. I wasn’t able to use my locker for about two months because of this, and I’d rather just put my stuff in my car than wait 20 minutes.
Recently a coworker left that hogged the bathroom, so I decided to start using my locker again, only to find it full of things that I don’t use. Everything I bring with me to work is in my purse, so these things aren’t mine. I simply just move them to the side, and put my purse in there.
By the end of my shift, I noticed that my purse wasn’t in my locker, and instead was in a different one with no lock.
Over the next few days, I asked all my coworkers if they knew whose stuff was in my locker, and all of them said they didn’t know or denied it.
I even double-checked with my boss to make sure this was my locker, and my lock was the correct one for it. It is.
After this happened about five or six times, I got impatient. On a Friday, I checked before I left and again, my purse was moved, and all the stuff was in there.
Since I didn’t work this weekend, and I had planned in advance by putting a whiteout over the combination on the lock, I locked it shut for the weekend with all their things inside.
When I returned on Monday, one of my coworkers immediately came up to me asking if I locked this locker.
I told him that I had. They then proceeded to get mad at me and yell at me for a good five minutes saying how they couldn’t get to their stuff all weekend. I told her, ‘I have checked with the boss, and it is in fact my locker. I’ve asked you multiple times if your stuff was in there, which you denied. Since it is my locker, and I have the combination for the lock, I will unlock it and do with it what I see fit.
If your stuff is still in there by tonight, it will be locked every night.’
She tried to get the boss on me but the boss agreed with me, saying it was my locker. Most of my coworkers agree with me, but a couple of them said I was petty, and shouldn’t have locked it for the weekend, instead to just let it go.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“C’mon you know the deal: YTJ. You could have put a note on day one telling folks to knock off the shared locker thing. You could have also locked the locker on a weekday. Or asked around. Or put blue tape with your name on the locker. Or put your phone number on tape on the locker.
Don’t be surprised when someone screws you over down the line. And no one will back you up either. You pulled a jerk move.” FunOnAita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I mean, you could have tossed their junk in the trash and locked the locker. Or moved their stuff to a different locker and locked the locker… but if they didn’t want their stuff locked up then they shouldn’t have taken over your locker.
Personally, after asking around, I would have tossed their stuff and claimed I thought it belonged to the coworker who left.” UnluckyDreamer1
22. AITJ For Telling Personal Family Stories On A Social Media Group?
“My dad left my mom when she was pregnant with me because he got his mistress pregnant.
I have a half-sister who is 3 months younger than me. I grew up with my parents sharing custody of me. There was no way to keep the truth from me since my parents had been married and the age gap between my half-sister and me. I think my dad and stepmom (or mistress as I think of her) are trashy people.
I’m almost 18 and entering my senior year of high school.
This guy posted in a private social media group I’m part of, a local one that is like general ask questions and agony aunt kinda thing, and said he was married and his wife just found out she was pregnant and he was tempted to have an affair with this other woman and wanted to know if the idea was a bad one or I guess why he should resist. People were commenting and he was responding.
So I spilled all the sordid info on my family and I told him he runs the risk of his kid thinking of him as a piece of crap, of him having kids with both women and creating a mess where a family is never truly formed and since others were already saying it that he would destroy his wife and break his family before his child is even out in the world.
He was really interested in my answer and asked a bunch of questions which I answered. I was fully honest and held nothing back.
Apparently, someone in my dad’s family was in the group and saw the post and my comments. They shared with my dad and his mistress and they went off on me.
My dad said that is the kind of thing you don’t share with the internet while his mistress asked if I enjoyed publicly shaming them. I told her if she thought it was so wrong she never should have been a mistress. Dad said that wasn’t the point and I told him he was the one who decided to betray his pregnant wife.
He asked if all the years they had stayed together meant nothing to me and I said yeah, it doesn’t change what he did, it doesn’t take away the fact he made me come into the world in one of the messiest ways and he complains about the stuff he missed out on with me but he made choices and those had consequences.
They said no matter how I felt I never should have shared such personal information online.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is your story too, and you have the right to tell it.
That said, it may be time to consider how you could move past this hurt that your dad caused and whether you could have a relationship with him and his wife that is not rooted in anger.
And hey, I would be so furious as well, like, you are completely justified. It’s just… holding onto that anger sounds exhausting.” Temporary_Agency_599
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your dad and his mistress sound two-faced. They want to have all the respect that comes with being good and honest people without being good and honest. You’re messing with the facade they’ve erected to hide their shameful behavior.
But ultimately, it’s not just their story. It’s yours too and you told it from your perspective. Your feelings. Your opinions.
If they don’t like you sharing those things with other people? Tough crap. Don’t let them silence you and make you feel guilt and shame for their mistakes.” oscillius
21. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Family Even If I Have The Means To Do So?
“So I just recently turned 30. I live with my wife. I used to work in tech and real estate which has allowed me to semi-retire comfortably and allow my wife to quit her job and spend her day doing the things that interest her.
I had a tough childhood of constant ridicule and disrespect because I was a lazy student (good grades were the only thing my family cared about). Often times as a kid I was told I’d amount to nothing from many family members growing up and that I’d always need their help.
About 8 years ago my parents told me I had to start paying rent and for the most part I did even if I was late a few times.
One day I got into it with my mom and she kicked me out. Just a week to get my stuff and find other plans. Thankfully my partner’s (now wife) mother let me stay in a spare bedroom they had. She helped me get my finances and life together which I could never thank enough.
Fast forward: I’m doing pretty well in life and ever since I moved out cut off all contact with my entire family. My uncle found me on LinkedIn the other day and asked to meet up. I didn’t mind because this was the only family member who didn’t constantly ridicule me. We met and did all the small talk people do after reconnecting.
I invited him back to my house to say hello to my wife. He was taken aback by how our house looks and how well we’re doing. No big deal I don’t brag nor care.
A few weeks after he reached out again to meet for dinner with my wife and his. I arrive and not only is his wife there but so are 6 other members of my family including my mom.
During dinner they tell me how badly they are doing as well as some of my cousins and since I’m doing so well I should help. I tell them no because they didn’t believe in me when I was younger and tried to belittle me and kicked me out. So I have no interest in helping them in any way even if I can.
They tell me that I only have one family and one set of parents and I should want to help despite what happened in the past and not harbor any hatred towards them. I tell them I have no ill feelings. I just don’t care to help people who weren’t interested in believing in me.
The bill came and I paid the entire thing around $1470 just to prove if I wanted to help them I could and left with my wife. My wife congratulated me for standing up for us because she knew how they treated me when I was younger.
The next day my uncle called and told me I was rude for not trying to help my family if it wouldn’t affect me and I could.
How my mother gave birth to me and without her I wouldn’t be here. I remind him of how I was treated when I was younger and tell him I have no interest in helping. He calls me foul for that. Saying that he believed I’d want to help and assured them I would.
Growing up I always held my uncle’s opinion of me in high regard so his words stayed in my head for a while. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Note how your mom only showed up once she heard you had money. Where was she all those years before that?
Also, your uncle does not have your interests at heart.
Where was he when your mom kicked you out? Where was he all those years? Why did he go behind your back and organize a $1450 dinner and ambush you with it instead of approaching you honestly?
For 8 people, they must have been ordering like kings. That’s almost $200 per person. You’re telling me that they were in such dire financial straits yet ordering like that?
Obviously, they all expected to sucker you into picking up the bill for their fancy dinner and night out, and you fell for it.
I assure you, he’s not the good guy you think he is. Maybe you used to see him as that because he was the least bad of the bunch, but this man is not your friend and only wants to use you.” NachoPrecarioso
Another User Comments:
“Treat others as you would like to be treated. Your family made it abundantly clear how they felt about you with the total lack of contact… before they realized you’d done well for yourself.
Their opinions of you haven’t magically changed. They’re just seeing a chance to beg for some easy finances.
If your uncle feels they are so worthy of financial help, well, his own wallet’s right there. You spend your own money, not other people’s.
And on top of all that, you were entirely civil and treated everyone else to a nice meal.
Not even CLOSE to being a jerk.
NTJ. The shower of leeches that would like to present themselves as your supposed family (as much as they didn’t make a big thing of it when they didn’t think they had a chance of wheedling cash from you) are.” ieya404
20. AITJ For Going To My Ex's Favorite Restaurant?
” “So when I was going out with my ex he’d take me to this wonderful Korean BBQ place, it is his favorite restaurant and I love it too.
We ended up breaking up in a rather messy and bad way as the relationship turned sour, I won’t play the blame game there was fault on both sides.
I wasn’t about to let a bad breakup prevent me from going to get food I loved though so I still visit the place from time to time, we broke up a year ago and a little while ago we ran into each other there while he was out with another woman, I resolved to ignore him and enjoy my food but he saw me and demanded to know what I was doing there and even asked me if I was stalking him, apparently my laughter at the very idea offended him even further and I told him he was flattering himself far too much that I just like the food there.
Some of my friends think it’s weird I continue to go here though and that it could cause further incidents if I run into him and that I should just not go here anymore as it was his first and be considerate, I think it’s ridiculous as it’s just a restaurant I happen to like, am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He doesn’t own the restaurant.
Next time you see him there and he talks to you, accuse him of stalking as soon as he opens his mouth. If he got a date, tell him he is using the poor girl to make you jealous. How immature of him to keep going there knowing that you love the place.” tatasz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he doesn’t own the restaurant. I’m sure the actual owners wouldn’t appreciate him trying to run off other paying customers. Also, hope his date dumped him after that ridiculous display of immaturity. Your ex is the jerk, and honestly, your friends who think he’s right are suspect as well! Enjoy the good food, and find some better friends!” Relationship_Winter
19. AITJ For Wanting To Visit My Parents?
“I’m from continent A, my husband is from continent B and we met on continent C. We lived on continent C together for a few years. Then husband wanted to move back to continent B to be with his elderly parents. We agreed to move, he’d go into early retirement and be a ‘house husband’ and I’d continue working.
I agreed to buy a house almost next to his parents even though that meant a 1.5-hour commute (each way) for me every day and I had to get up at 4:30 a.m.
A couple of years later his father passed away and my husband told me we had to move in with his mom to take care of her.
I didn’t mind but requested we buy a new house closer to my work and move into that together. My husband and MIL agreed. MIL is now in her 90s and my husband and I share caretaker duties. We also got 2 dogs, that I really wanted – they are considered ‘mine’.
I have not been home on continent A in 9 years.
So far my parents have been coming for visits once a year but my father is now in his 80s and 16-hour flights are very hard on him. I haven’t seen them in 2 years due to the global crisis and my father not wanting to travel this far anymore.
For the last few years, my husband and I have had the same fight.
I want to go visit my parents. I want to meet my best friend’s children and my cousin’s spouses. I mostly want to see my parents as much as possible while I still can. But the only way to do that is if my husband stays home on continent B to watch his mother and our dogs while I’m gone.
And he thinks that’s really unfair. He feels it’s unfair that I get to go on vacation and he has to stay back. He says we are married and should travel together. He doesn’t want to be ‘that’ couple who goes on separate vacations. I keep telling him it’s not a vacation.
I’m not going to lie on a beach in Hawaii, I want to see my family. He feels it’s unfair he has to take care of his mother and the dogs by himself.
Now, I’m not talking about going there for 3 months, I’m talking about 10 days or so (I have to work after all).
At first, I thought my request was very reasonable but after years of fighting about this, I’m starting to doubt myself. So I think I might be the jerk because I want to fly to continent A and see my parents while leaving my husband behind who then has to take care of MIL and dogs by himself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is being completely unreasonable. You have spent a large portion of your adult life taking care of his parents, you are within your rights to want to do the same for yours. If he wants to go that badly tell him to find someone to stay with your MIL and dogs while you are both gone.
Do not back down. Go visit your family.” Electronic_Trick_13
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight… you moved to his country so he can take care of his parents, you are the breadwinner of the marriage and you haven’t been home in 9 years because your entire life revolves around you working and caring for your MIL?!
NTJ. You literally made every single sacrifice for your husband and he is very, very selfish and is a jerk to say you’re just going on a vacation when you haven’t been home in almost a decade. Sounds like you need a vacation! Go visit your family before you can’t anymore.” Alert_Corgi3824
18. AITJ For Refusing Help From My Ex?
“I ride horses and compete in low-level dressage, jumping, and endurance competitions. I go to have fun doing horsey stuff around horsey people.
In 2015 I’d entered a competition over a weekend. I’d also been seeing a man for about 3 months at that point. I have a son who is now 17 but was 10 at the time.
My partner knew about my competition and my plans to go and spend the day on the grounds doing horsey stuff. I planned on driving myself, my horse, and my son there, doing my two dressage tests and my penciling for the judges and just generally having a nice day. He also knew I was borrowing a friend’s float that I had to collect before and return after.
The morning of the competition, my partner woke up with a migraine, no problem, he didn’t have to come. I let him know that I was going to get float, get horse washed and loaded on a float with my vehicle and that I hoped he felt better.
Whilst getting the horse ready, he arrived in his vehicle with my son, unhooked the horsefloat from my vehicle, and hooked it up to his vehicle.
He said he woke my son up to bring him over and that he wanted to come and help. He still had a migraine.
He drove us to grounds 45 minutes away, I got my horse and myself prepped and gave my son permission to hang out with the other young people. My partner stayed sitting in his car, in the sun, with a migraine.
I rode my first test, then left the horse on the float whilst I sat in the judging vehicle with the judges and took down judges’ notes on the class between mine – this was a mandatory part of entering the competition and my partner knew it.
I started getting multiple missed calls and angry abusive messages from my partner over it taking too long, that I was wasting his time, that he was hot and in pain and wanted to go home, and that if I didn’t come back and load horse he is going to unhook float and leave us.
I was quite distressed. I finished my penciling for the judges, scratched from my next test, packed my gear and son and horse up and he drove us back in silence. He left us at my horse’s agistment and went back to his place – I took care of the horse and returned the horsefloat.
We ended up breaking up but 7 years on are friendly enough, I am back out competing after a hiatus and he offers the use of his vehicle which I keep turning down and he gets upset that I am holding a grudge against him and that I should be over it by now.
AITJ for refusing his assistance after his antics?
He didn’t need to go that day, he insisted despite his migraine, ruined my day and yes it makes me angry to think about the way he treated me that day. He ruined what would have been a good day. I don’t want to use his vehicle even if it is nicer than mine because it comes with strings attached and I would be always waiting for the abuse to start.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Forgiveness =/= forgetting. You can have moved on and remained friendly, but still retain the lesson learned.
Honestly, it’s weird he even keeps offering. Is this a normal thing in your circles or community? You aren’t asking for use of his vehicle, you’ve told him you aren’t interested in using it, and you have your own vehicle.
Why does he keep offering? That, in of itself, is him on some weird power trip.” throwaway1975764
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You relied on him before, and he was abusive and ruined your day of fun. You‘re not necessarily holding a grudge; you’re protecting yourself from being in the same horrible situation again.
That’s just being smart. You might consider breaking off contact with him entirely, depending on how often he’s offering, and then getting mad when you refuse. Just a thought.” gollumwasrobbed
17. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My Niece's Puppy?
“I (18 male) am the youngest of 3 brothers, both of whom have kids. It was recently my niece’s birthday and she had begged her parents to get her a puppy, so they did. Sadly it was more like a 2-week wonder.
Soon they were all saying they don’t want to take it out for walks, they don’t want to clean its poo, and they don’t want to look after it in general.
Because of all of this, my brother decided to reach out to me. I already own a gecko and he is the cutest thing in the world, so my brother thought I was a good person to reach out to.
He explained what was going on and asked me if I could take care of the puppy. I asked him for how long and he said indefinitely. I wasn’t surprised, to be honest, I told my brother not to get her one because she would become bored of it and it would just become an annoyance.
I explained that even if I wanted to I couldn’t because of my gecko. Geckos, especially cresties like the one I have, according to the person I got my gecko from, do not do well if you have any other big animals. Anything like dogs, cats, rabbits all those types just would scare it to death, quite literally.
I told him that I’m sorry but I just can’t take the puppy in. He said that he would give me all the food and everything I will need to look after it but they just don’t want it anymore. Those words hurt my heart. I’m not an animal lover but I do care for animals, they are living creatures just like us.
I continued to say that I would not take it in and that maybe you should ask someone else. If worst comes to worst you will have to take it to a shelter. My brother told me that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that I only have one gecko so I could easily take the puppy in.
He said that I was being a pain and difficult because now he will have to find someone else to take it in.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A dog is a HUGE responsibility both in terms of time and money. Your brother could only hack it for two weeks but he wants an 18-year-old to take on this responsibility for the next 12-15 years just so he can put in the least possible effort in rehoming the dog.
If you wanted a dog you would have one. You should not feel the least bit obligated or guilty about saying no.
Your brother is a major jerk for telling you that you are the one being difficult here. He made this mess and he can see it through. Not your dog; not your job.
Yeesh.” throwaway20698059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not your responsibility to fix the problems caused by his own poor decision-making. He got the puppy, it’s his problem to solve, you have no grounds to be involved in this by him. Keep your responses to ‘I told you so!’ and he’ll head off to find someone else to make responsible for his problem.” maroongrad
16. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Essay Topic?
“I’m (F 18) in the middle of graduating.
In this last school year, the whole course has to write a 15-page essay about a certain topic (deadline is October this year). I’m in biology class and the main themes to choose from are ecology and anthropology. I’ve decided to go with anthropology and after weeks of researching a specific topic I finally had a question to write about: ‘Does asthma have the potential to be fully healed in the future?’
A few months ago, in the middle of October, I told the associated teacher (f~35) and she AGREED. I repeat – she agreed, saying the question was good to use. I explained to her multiple times how I wanted to write and form it (we met once a week and basically talked about it over and over again) and like I said she didn’t mind it.
Now this is where the problem starts. After researching, talking to doctors about their opinions, and starting to write my essay, she asked the class to write an expose for her to look over.
Weeks after that she walks up to me and says that she talked to her partner about it and wants me to change my topic because it’s more of a doctoral thesis and she thinks it’s too difficult to write.
I told her no it’s fine I already started writing months ago and I don’t think it’s that difficult since I’m already on page 7 and it went all smoothly so far.
We then started to have an argument about it not being suitable and me needing to write about something else.
She said she’d grade it badly if I didn’t change it no matter the content. I got angry and argued that she should’ve told me this sooner, not just come back after 3 months after agreeing to it and telling me to start again. I told her that she’s incapable of making decisions, this is my graduation year and my graduation essay and I don’t need an unreliable teacher who goes to her partner for help even tho it’s her job and not his.
If she wants me to start again then she should give me the three months back.
I did end up being a little childish and ignoring her for the rest of the class but I don’t regret saying what I said. My friends said I’m overreacting and should just start anew.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and almost certainly she or her partner wants to use the topic for themselves. Do you have any of what she said in writing? If you don’t, I’d recommend writing her an email going over what you and she have said with the timeline of when you picked it, she approved, you discussed it, etc., etc. ESPECIALLY the part where she said she would grade you poorly for your assignment for no reason and her partner agreed. Then take it all to the head teacher or whoever her boss is and report her.
You picked a topic. She approved it. You’ve already started researching and writing your paper. To throw away what you’ve done and start all over is putting you at a severe disadvantage to the rest of the class and could in theory be setting you up to fail. Screw her. Your paper sounds very intriguing.” Myplantsaredead67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is ridiculous behavior from your teacher. On the one hand, she’s offering advice – basically that the topic is too large and hard to address properly. On the other hand, she’s threatening to grade you badly BECAUSE YOU DON’T TAKE THE ADVICE, not because you do badly on the essay.
There’s a very big difference between ‘I’m worried that if you keep on with this topic, you won’t find enough reliable sources to answer your question properly, and you’ll be unable to earn a good mark’ and ‘If you keep on with this topic, I’ll give you a bad mark because it’s a bad topic’.
One is absolutely her job, and the other is unfair.
These essays actually have quite strict marking schemes. The teacher should be telling you specifically which criteria she thinks you are going to struggle with on this topic. Then you can have a productive conversation about how (and if necessary, whether) you’re going to be able to meet those criteria on your current path.
For what it is worth, while it sounds like an overly broad topic, I would have thought any problems would be in the ‘fixable, by narrowing the question down to something within your time and ability’ rather than ‘this is impossible, start again with something brand new.’
Presumably, you’re not planning a proof by demonstration, where you argue that asthma is curable by presenting a cure?
Rather, you’re spending most of your time explaining what asthma is, and what one or two of the current most promising ways of treating it are, and then whether that would count as a cure? That seems challenging, just because of the ability to locate, read, and understand the right sources, but ultimately doable given the work you are putting in.” Dioptre_8
15. AITJ For Resenting My Cousin?
“So my cousin (f 17), who is the same age as me (f 17), has moved in with us after 4 years of living overseas with her family to get her diploma. I’m pretty distant from her as even before she left I wasn’t exactly friends with her and now as I literally don’t even know her it’s kind of awkward.
So we share a room (used to be my room, they just bought a single bed to move in) and my mum bends over backwards for her which sometimes comes off as her ignoring me and forgetting I exist.
For example, the desk and bookshelf that used to belong to me are now hers to use for studying, because she ‘came all the way from overseas just to finish high school and needs good marks’ when I’m in my final year and need a quiet place to work as well, but apparently, the dining table where the entire family is always doing something on is good enough for me.
With cleaning as well I’m responsible for it all, even though a whole person my own age is living with us, and my mum replies with ‘she’s a guest and it’ll be rude to ask her to clean’ but at the same time, I was told to treat her like a sister. I don’t know what kind of guest stays for a year but LOL.
The one that started the whole argument was when I ordered some stuff online for my birthday (happened in Dec but the stuff was lying in the post office for a while so I only picked it up now) and my mum told me that it was rude for me to get myself all these gifts and openly have them in front of her, as she’s without family or whatever and will see it as me getting treated better.
I flipped at this while she was in the room and just lost it because at this point I was so annoyed at my cousin just sitting in silence expecting me to give her stuff that I BOUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY.
Anyway fast forward to the next day and my aunt (her mum) was telling my cousin off for being so entitled. I was asked by my mum if I agreed and I said yes but very politely.
I got a bunch of text messages that night from both my parents telling me that I was a jerk for being so rude to someone who came halfway across the world and this and that and I feel like I’m just being guilt-tripped. Admittedly, because of this whole situation, I do resent her and never talk to her which I guess probably does look jerky but I think I’m not in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your cousin is a jerk.
I understand your mother’s perspective and it’s evident that she has been bending over backwards to try to accommodate your cousin. She has been overseas for many years and is now settling back in. That has resulted in you being in an unfair position because you do disproportionately more work than your cousin.
That dynamic has been the result of your mum but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it makes her a jerk.
Your aunt clearly sees that your cousin has not been pulling her weight, something that you’ve obviously experienced. It’s been a year and she’s still not doing stuff. Clearly shows that she’s content with her current situation and happy for you to keep on doing stuff for her.” Orageux101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘my mum told me that it was rude for me to get myself all these gifts and openly have them in front of her, as she’s without family or whatever’
Look your mum dead in the eye and tell her that your cousin is the lucky one because the way she is acting makes you wish you lived far, far away from your mother.
That you hope her relationship with her niece is enough because she is destroying her relationship with her own daughter and that if she keeps it up you’re unlikely to ever visit after you become an independent adult.
Then go to her room, suggest she give it to your cousin, and then point at her personal belongings and start chastising her for being rude by openly having all those things in front of others.
Expensive perfumes, fancy shampoo, her best blouse, jewelry.
If she doesn’t like it, tell her you don’t like it either and that the more she does it the more respect you lose for her as a mother.” quarantineinthesouth
14. AITJ For Taking Only My Daughter Shopping?
“A lot of the time, I (31M) pick my son up from school and then will go straight to the supermarket to grab stuff for dinner or nappies or any multitude of things that a household with 2 toddlers and a baby needs.
My son enjoys these trips and when we get back will mention that we went. My daughter is younger and hasn’t started school yet so she will not go with us. She doesn’t express any disappointment or cry or anything but will ask about the trip, and would most likely have liked to go.
Today is Saturday and I needed to nip out to the supermarket again for a few bits, so I told my wife (31F) I would be taking my daughter but not my son, but in private so my kids don’t hear.
She asked why not my son too and I said because my daughter doesn’t generally get to go alone. She said I could still take my son too, which is what I would normally do on a weekend, to which I replied I could, but it would be nice to take my daughter alone for once, as it seems like I get to take my son alone more often.
My wife said it’s not really fair as my daughter isn’t excluded on purpose whereas my son would be. On the rare occasion I do go somewhere with just my daughter, my son also doesn’t express disappointment or cry, etc so I said once we’re gone he won’t really care, and I’d like to spend a little one-on-one time with my daughter as I do my son.
My wife still didn’t think it fair.
I did end up taking just my daughter, and as expected my son wasn’t really bothered, in the same way that my daughter wasn’t really bothered when I had been with just my son. My daughter enjoyed the trip, but would likely have also enjoyed it had my son been there, but did enjoy it a little more as she kept telling my wife ‘I went shopping with my dad!’ All in all, though, I don’t think I ‘needed’ to not take my son with us, just thought it would be nice for my daughter and for me.
Again me and my wife haven’t had some blowout, she thought I was excluding my son for no real reason, and I’m wondering AITJ or not?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It’s actually really healthy and important to have moments where you do trips or whatever with just one of your kids. They appreciate that time with their parent, you get to spend some quality time with them and it’s honestly not a big deal. Your son gets to go on plenty of shopping trips with just you and your wife’s heart is in the right place for pointing out that excluding your daughter isn’t intentional, but it changes nothing about the fact that it still happens.
To be perfectly honest, your wife was taking a non-issue and making it an issue and I’m not entirely sure why she did that.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids need to feel like they’re special in their own right regardless of age, & it sounds like your daughter had an absolutely fabulous time getting to go out with you by herself like her brother usually does.
It’s not something you plan to make a regular exclusion out of, so I’m not sure why your wife would be annoyed by it unless she was hoping for some alone time (EVERY mama needs that!), but if that was her reasoning she should have just told you so.” Far_Anteater_256
13. AITJ For Spilling A Drink On My Wife At A Work Party?
“My wife has always known that I’m pretty good friends with my boss.
I guess she assumed my boss was significantly older than she is, due to her being CEO. She’s 26 and the owner’s daughter, but that was never clarified.
Recently we had a party to celebrate a large accomplishment for the company. This was just a chill thing at a bar, so I told my wife if she didn’t want to come it was fine because she does sometimes get anxious at events like that.
She wanted to come and it was her first time meeting my boss.
She was shocked at how young she was, which I get. When most people picture a CEO, they are probably thinking 40 plus, but she was mad at my boss’s outfit. She was wearing a crop top but with wide-leg pants and heels.
I think she made it look pulled together. I made a joke. Well if you don’t like it, good thing you don’t have to wear it, and my wife became upset. She demanded to know if I thought she looked inappropriate, so I just agreed, though I thought she looked fine.
After a few drinks, she was trying to tell me how much she hated my boss, because of her outfit, because she hugged me, and because she was ‘sitting on some guy’ which I didn’t see that part.
I was freaked out that someone was going to overhear and it was going to get back to my boss. I told my wife I wanted to leave, but she refused. She was fine for a couple of minutes and then she began again with ‘Maybe I’m just crazy or old-fashioned but her outfit…’
Maybe I’m a jerk but I had to get her out of there. I spilled a drink on her and convinced her it was time to go. She hates being dirty, so she went willingly. I think she knows I did it on purpose and she is mad, and she feels that I put my career before her.”
Another User Comments:
“No judgment here, because obviously, you want to keep your job, but even being super liberal myself your boss sounds wildly inappropriate. She shouldn’t be wearing a crop top to work, she shouldn’t be hugging subordinate employees, and if she really was sitting in someone’s lap at a work function that’s also incredibly inappropriate.
And I know it’s a ‘chill thing at a bar’, but it’s a celebration of company happenings, held by the company, with employees in attendance. There is a certain level of professionalism you need to maintain in that kind of situation. She can wear whatever she wants in her private life, but this isn’t private life.
So yeah, OP, your wife was being a jerk, but your boss also sounds shady. Maybe don’t hide it from your wife in the future that your boss you spend time with frequently and hug and stuff is a 26-year-0ld woman who feels the need to dress inappropriately around employees.” EthanEpiale
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your wife sounds insecure and jealous, but I don’t think it’s outrageous for her to feel this way since you’ve clearly hidden that your ‘good friend’/boss is actually this attractive twentysomething.
Your ‘good friend’/boss sounds very unprofessional, which isn’t surprising for someone who had an inflated job title from Daddy.
Your boss isn’t supposed to be your good friend. Your boss is your boss. Will she be your good friend if she needs to lay you off because the company is struggling? Hugs from your boss are almost always inappropriate. Her choice of outfit does sound inappropriate. Unless you work in like high fashion or adult entertainment or something, it sounds pretty crazy to wear a crop top to a work function.
You spilled a drink on her? On purpose?! To get her away from this woman? The dynamic here is so obvious. I think you deliberately concealed some things about your boss from your wife, and she surprised you by attending this work function. You were scrambling and took a really immature, cartoonish way out.” GelatinousFart
12. WIBTJ If I Sell My Baby Stuff Instead Of Giving Them Away To My Pregnant Friends?
“I (33 f) am about due with my 2nd daughter. We bought just about everything for the first daughter brand new, knowing that we planned to keep and reuse it for our second kid. Thus, a lot of our items are gender-neutral. I was shamed incessantly by my mom for not shopping on social media for things and paying full price, but we felt like it was worth it to buy new because we knew we’d reuse it all and have gone above and beyond taking care of everything so most is in like new condition.
We’re done after this second baby, and the plan was always to sell most of the items when we’re done with them.
All of our friend circles are also having kids around the same time as us, 2 are due in about 6 months, and a third friend trying now. 4th friend just had her second and ‘gave’ me all of her baby things.
She phrased it as giving to me, but they were really expensive items like a Mamaroo, Dock a Tot, Halo, Brezza, hundreds of leftover diapers, etc. Mostly items we hadn’t bothered with the first time around but would be convenient this time. I knew she could use the money and she mentioned a few times how much she could have sold them for.
I gave her in total about $350-$400 for the whole lot, which probably cost $1000 a few years back.
When we were out with one of the expecting friends, she made a comment that she had given me a lot of her baby stuff but I’d probably be done with it by the time her baby came along and I could probably set her up with everything she needs.
She made it sound like I was just going to hand all this stuff over. And I can feel the other two friends also eyeing all of our big-ticket items. A few have made comments about me handing things down to them.
WIBTJ for ignoring them and listing the items for sale when we are done using them?
After spending probably thousands on baby things over the years it would be nice to recoup some of it. Also worth mentioning is that all of our friends have high-paying jobs and are dual-income families. I would gladly give things to someone who needed them, but all of our friends can more than afford what’s needed or buy them from us if they’re looking for discounted items.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you gave her cash for the items (even though she didn’t request it), then they are yours to do as you wish. If not, I would regift the items she gifted you only. You have every right to sell anything you bought and paid for. But it sounds as though she was starting a pass around with you, but she should have mentioned that to start (though, as I said, if you paid for it, it is completely yours).” Dragonr0se
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend didn’t ‘give’ you her things, you bought them from her. Next time correct her on that when she mentions it.
Also, where does she get off, offering your items to others? That’s weird to me. It’s not up to her what you decide to do with your things. Especially since she was happy to accept money from you for her items.
Personally, I’d address it with the friend who offered your items to other friends and tell her in the kindest way possible (no need to create animosity) that it wasn’t appreciated. You bought her items and you’d like to sell your items when you’re ready to part with them.
Then when those other friends ask about it, tell them plain and simple that you bought every single item you have used for your baby and that you’d like to sell things.
You could give them a friend discount if you please, but you don’t need to gift them anything unless you want to.” Throwaway-2587
11. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law Her Daughter Doesn't Deserve Her?
“I (F 27) had an argument with my SIL (F 34). Before she met my brother (M 36) she already had a kid (F 15), she was 9 when we met. I am not gonna lie, it was rough to see her grow up in such a toxic environment.
My SIL is a gorgeous woman, smart, hardworking, and independent. If it wasn’t for her personality I’d admire her so much. But she’s a TERRIBLE/HORRIBLE person, and worse as a mother.
I love my brother but he is an idiot for marrying a woman like my SIL.
She cut her daughter’s hair with scissors, to the point she had a bad pixie cut just because she didn’t wanna hug her; she called her daughter filthy when she had lice; she wants to be the center of attention every time, and be careful if you are kinda having the spotlight because she’ll make backhanded comments like: ‘Really?
Wow, I’m surprised, congrats. I’m astonished you made it since you know you’re not that smart’, ‘I mean it’s a lovely dress… good thing you have a pretty face’.
I’ve talked to my brother multiple times about her behavior but he’s so used to being mistreated that he doesn’t do anything about it. I try to behave myself in front of her, I love my niece and know if I make a wrong move then either my niece or my brother will suffer.
Well, yesterday they visited us to celebrate my niece’s birthday at my parents’ house.
I cooked her favorite meal, decorated with pink and red balloons (her favorite colors), and had some confetti on the floor. When my niece came in, she loved it, but then my SIL commented: ‘Oh how cute, red and pink are such an interesting choice.
I know who not to call for color selection’. Then when we were eating my niece told us how well she was doing at school, and again my SIL: ‘Yeah, incredibly smart. That comes from my side of the family, poor her if she had that from her dad, though she isn’t, you know, very good at making friends’.
Well, it was time to cut her cake, when my SIL stopped us and told us she had an announcement to make. My brother was next to her and they told us they planned to have a baby. I was shocked, and that’s less to say about my niece. She was crying and not happy tears.
I just couldn’t contain myself: ‘Just because you can have kids, doesn’t mean you should have them’.
SIL: ‘I beg your pardon.’
Me: ‘I just think a kid deserves a parent who loves them and not to be treated like a dog’.
My SIL was furious, but she is a professional narcissist so instead of responding she just started crying and saying things: ‘She won’t love my baby cuz she envies us so much’, ‘She hates babies’, etc. Then they left.
And if that wasn’t enough, she then uploaded an IG story about how sad she was, I hated her so much and wished her the worst, also that I hate babies and stuff like that. Of course, people sent me DMs to harass me.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, but even my friends are calling me a jerk for going too far.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But I think this is an example of letting things pile up and then exploding at someone, which usually isn’t a good idea. It’s much better to correct people in the moment when they say trashy things to you. Just flat out say that’s a rude thing to say. Don’t get mad, don’t harass them, don’t explode at them, don’t give them any reason to complain to others that you’re the one making a scene.
Just calmly, and with good humor, let them know that you’re not going to take their nonsense.
As for your brother, it’s his bed, and he’ll lie in it. You have to accept that you can’t control what happens in their family, but maybe you can be a bright, warm spot for any children they might have, in the same way that you are for her existing child.” User
Another User Comments:
“Oh God nah. Absolutely NTJ. Things like politeness, tact, and timing can be set aside when someone acts like this toward their child. You did good, OP. Disregard what her trashy friends and family think of her IG post, you do not need to answer for anything, but you’re a better person than me because I would 100% call her out.
You may not be able to control your niece’s environment right now, but you can be a beacon in the fog for her and let her know you will be there for her and a safe haven when she can legally leave. In fact, I hope this poor kid seeks emancipation.
Hope SIL enjoys the government nursing home and absence of any future relationship with her daughter and most likely any grandchildren, because that’s almost certainly what’s going to happen.” Rarefindofthemind
10. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Be Responsible For Taking His Dog Out?
“My husband works a normal 8 to 4 job outside of the home in a restaurant and I work 9 to 5 from home through a call center. We both work Mon-Fri with weekends off. He gets up at 6 a.m. every morning (his job is 5 minutes down the street) and lately, he hasn’t been bringing the dog out in the morning.
He will wait until I’m up (at 7 a.m.) and say he is running late and ask me to do it. It’s his dog – if that’s important.
So I am the one who brings the dog out all day long because I’m the one who is home. Up until 3 or 4 weeks ago, he would get home and immediately bring the dog to the dog park to exert her energy because despite us living on a farm and having a lot of acres, she doesn’t really play when she is outdoors.
She just starts herding the sheep and it’s more like a job versus play time. So he was bringing her to the dog park and would stay there for a good hour or so.
But anyway, everything has changed lately. He is saying he is tired from work and doesn’t have the energy to bring her to the park anymore and has been asking that I do it because my job is ‘less demanding’ and I generally have more energy after my shifts.
For a couple of weeks, I would because it was obvious that he was tired. However, I just got my proofbook back (I am publishing my first book) and I have a deadline on when I need to return it with the corrections they laid out for me and I need to get this done.
It’s a large novel (1,422 pages) so it is going to take up a lot of time. Therefore, I told my husband that if he is home he needs to be the one bringing the dog out because I’m on a deadline here and there already isn’t enough time in the day (I also run a small catering business on the side that takes up a lot of my late afternoon).
He thinks I’m not helping him enough because as I said, it is very obvious that he is exhausted and I do clearly have more energy than him. But in my opinion, getting this novel corrected so I can get it published (which has always been a dream of mine) is incredibly important and I simply don’t have time to be doing extra.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The argument about whose job is more stressful, who has more free time, etc. is not winnable. The fact of the matter is that this is his dog, and he should be responsible for it when he’s home. I understand that he’s tired, but taking the dog to the dog park also gets your husband outside.
Anyway, your husband isn’t holding up his end of the arrangements with his dog. Right now, you shouldn’t be doing anything dog-related when your husband is home. Proofing over 1,000 pages sounds like a HUGE job. Good luck!” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Husband needs to take care of his own dog and not try to palm it off on you.
The problem here is people working from home. Working from home should be treated like you are in an office. Which means you are treated like you are NOT home.
Your husband seems to have the same attitude that so many others have, that working from home is not as demanding as leaving the house.
This is utter nonsense. This is a discussion so many need. Working from home means you cannot do personal errands for them, or things that stop you from working your normal hours.
Your boss is not paying you to do errands during the work day. Just because it is ‘working from home’, doesn’t mean you have all the flexibility in the world.
Some work from home needs specific hours, not as you feel like it.” KarenMaca
9. AITJ For Not Going To My Dad's House Because Of His Wife?
“My parents divorced when I was 8 (now 19), and ever since I’ve visited them 50/50. Me and my dad used to be very close and spent a lot of time together. Usually, we would sit on the couch, watch TV, and do our own things together.
In 2019 my dad introduced me to a woman, let’s call her S, and in 2020 they got married. Since her coming into our lives, everything has changed. I feel like she took my place on the couch. I spent less and less time with my dad because of her and I fell back into my depression.
My depression and S taking all my dad’s time led to us never really spending time together and our bond kind of disappeared.
Now, going to my dad’s place feels more like a chore, rather than being fun. It feels like I’m not wanted there, and I feel like a burden most of the time.
Usually, I would just sit in my room and play video games or something. S has a son (14) who also lives 50/50 with his parents and usually, S brings him food right to his desk and checks on him multiple times, while I’m sitting in my room all alone.
S would also comment on my appearance and weight and buy me clothes clearly way too big for me and not my style at all.
I was also asked to do chores, while her son could just play and hang around the whole day. I also had to look after him and make him food, even tho he was perfectly capable of doing that himself.
I feel like my dad has also changed a lot, he used to joke around a lot, but now he seems to be always tired and drained. S is constantly ordering him around in our own home and complains about the mess in our home, not realizing she has caused it herself by bringing her stuff there, even tho she has her own home too.
I’ve not been to my dad’s since January, and in March S scolded me quite badly for not visiting and basically told me how she feels bad about it, even tho my dad has messaged me only once about visiting. She also used strong language and called me names, which made me want to visit way less.
I showed my mom and a couple of other close people the messages and they all said how she went too far and I handled the situation maturely. Since then this has been on my mind more or less, and it even keeps me up at night sometimes.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re not a child anymore. They’ve been together for two years? So you were 17 when they got together?
Talk to your father. Ask him to do something outside the house, just the two of you, and tell him how you feel and your concerns about him. Don’t lay blame or make accusations. Don’t complain about her and stuff like the clothes.
This is about your relationship with him. Maybe you guys doing something alone is the new dynamic for your relationship and it’s what he needs.
You also don’t need to take crap from a stepmother at this age. Be civil, but stand up for yourself.” Fenriswolf_9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as a young adult you are free to spend your time with folks who treat you well… your father’s wife is not one of those people, and you shouldn’t spend weekends with him.
You could invite your dad to do things outside of the house if you want to maintain a relationship with him, but you are not obligated to visit him in an uncomfortable environment. A therapist might help you determine what boundaries you would benefit from setting with step-family, and help you deal with your depressive episode.” AcceptableEcho0
8. AITJ For Using A Dishwasher?
“So my (36m) partner (34f) moved in with me a couple of weeks ago. We split chores equally. When it is my day to do the dishes, I just put everything, pots and pans included, in the dishwasher, and turn it on at the end of the day. I never hand wash anything unless it won’t fit in the dishwasher.
I do this because it uses less water/energy and because screw scrubbing dishes when I have a machine that cleans them for me.
My partner, on the other hand, hates using the dishwasher for reasons that don’t make sense to me. Basically, she thinks using it is taking the easy way out and that’s bad for reasons she can’t really articulate.
Instead, she hand-washes dishes immediately after they have been used. We have had arguments about how wasteful this was but she points out that she doesn’t tell me how to do chores so I just dropped it.
Until tonight. She tells me that she does more work doing the dishes than I do and it isn’t fair.
I tell her that she’s right, her way of doing the dishes is more work, which is one of the reasons I use the dishwasher as much as I can. And that if she was so concerned about things being fair, she can start to use it, because there is no chance I’m going to start hand washing dishes just because she has a weird hatred of dishwashers.
I also pointed out what a hypocrite she was being.
She told me that if I really loved her, I would do it for her. I see this for the guilt trip it is and turn it around and tell her that if she loved me she wouldn’t be trying to manipulate me into doing pointless, wasteful tasks.
She got mad and called me a jerk. Even tried telling me that I had to sleep on the couch. Yeah, not happening, if she doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me, she can sleep on the couch.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds like she’s just trying to be difficult, or this could be something else such as a germ thing.
I know that our dishwasher has some kind of way for tiny ants to get into it, so we have to run it often and not spill things. The dishwasher may not have cleaned well enough at her childhood home, or had something wrong with the water, etc.
If she can’t articulate why she hates the dishwasher so much then it might be time for you to take over the chore, and she can put her effort into taking over one of your chores.
If she’s against that, then she needs to work on her communication skills. Maybe writing down how it made her feel and why she felt that way would help?” Brain-of-Sugar
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. There are dishes that absolutely cannot go in the dishwasher because it will ruin them – sharp knives will become duller, non-stick pots & pans will lose their coating & become dangerous to use, wooden cutting boards or utensils can become warped, plastic that doesn’t say it’s dishwasher safe can become both unusable & unsafe, insulated cups/thermoses ruin the insulation, the list goes on.
By all means, if something CAN go in the dishwasher, do it, I lived somewhere without a dishwasher for years & having one now has made my life so much easier. But if you insist on putting everything in the dishwasher regardless of whether it should, you are outright ruining some dishes.
My guess (based on my own experience) is that your partner learned from a young age what dishes should & shouldn’t go in, & that might be why she can’t articulate well why she doesn’t want you to use them.
But she shouldn’t be guilt tripping you with the ‘if you love me’ bit, & for the dishes that are perfectly fine going in the dishwasher, that should be the choice of whoever is doing the washing on how to wash them. You should both maybe do the slightest bit of research on which dishes are actually dishwasher safe & agree for both of you to hand wash dishes that actually need to be hand washed & for all other dishes, agree to each their own.” daniellesamntha
7. AITJ For Not Letting A Rude Student Take A Test?
“I (M 25) am a graduate teaching assistant for a statistics and graphing class and it was test day. The professor was out that day and told me to proctor the exam while he was away. The professor has told the students multiple times to respect my position and speak to me as they would him, especially when he is not there.
He even told me that if they start raising a fuss or disrespecting me, I should not be afraid to snatch a test away and hand them a zero.
As the class period began, I noticed that one of the female students looked to be in quite the mood but I paid it no mind.
I began to tell people some announcements while I was passing the tests out and I noticed in the corner of my eye that the same student in a bad mood was mocking me so I asked her if there was something that she wanted to share with the class, she said there was not.
When I finished handing out the test, I tried to do a page-by-page overview with them.
The professor had said that he wanted that done since the test had a few errors on it that he did not have time to correct and he wanted me to go over it with them just so no one would waste their time or get stuck on something that wasn’t worded properly.
I say ‘tried’ because the female student kept interrupting and saying how dumb this ‘pre-test nonsense’ was and that I was wasting their time. I ignored it but then the final straw was reached when she told me to ‘let us take the test.’ Upon hearing that, I quickly snatched the test away and told her to leave which she did.
After the test, I met with the professor and he agreed with my decision and told me that he would have kicked her out when she started her mocking. Others who heard about the situation felt that I may have been too harsh. Some of the female student’s friends approached me, telling me that I was way too harsh and that she was going through some personal issues and normally would not have behaved that way.
I have heard several people say I was in the right, and several others say that I was in the wrong. So, in this situation, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a harsh and needed life lesson. You are the equivalent of a junior manager or something in essence; when this student is in the real world whether at a company, a non-profit, or whatever and she decides to get lippy and attitude during a work meeting or the like (which would be a good analogy I guess) she can get her butt easily fired.” ironwolf56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You followed the professor’s instructions, and he agreed with your actions. That’s all you need.
Her ‘going through some personal stuff’ might explain her behavior, but it doesn’t excuse it. If her friends press the issue, tell them they would be more helpful to their friend by helping her access whatever student resources are available for her situation, rather than badgering you about an exam.” rocketmunkey
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mother To Bring Her New Partner As Her +1 To My Wedding?
“I (33 NB) am not close with my mother (55 f) at all. She divorced my dad (60) when I was 7 and almost immediately married my stepfather ‘Mark’ whom despite everything, I was close with. They remained married until I was 16. I was upset when she divorced him and went to live with my dad and stepmom. In my adult life, I’ve chosen to remain close to my stepdad and even attended his wedding to his current wife, who is a very nice woman.
My dad and my stepmom are great people.
Since her divorce from my stepdad, my mom has been in and out of relationships, each time claiming this guy is the love of her life until they do something she didn’t like and they aren’t the love of her life anymore. Both divorces with my dad and my stepdad were for very petty reasons (Dad, I think because he wouldn’t allow her to get a new car because the budget was tight).
I think the one that lasted the longest was 6 years and I think it’s the current guy she’s with, according to my sister. After I left home, she never did anything with me without her partner.
When I was 25, she broke up with her partner and tried to cry to me about it. After working with my therapist, I set a boundary with my mother that if she wasn’t willing to do anything with me without her partner to not bother and I didn’t want to talk about her love life.
She was very hurt and we fell out for a while but she came back around about a year later and has respected my rule since but we only get together about 3 or 4 times per year. I understand that my mom’s relationships and love life are important to her so I respect that we don’t get together often.
Fast forward to this year, I’m getting married to my partner (35 M) of a decade in October. It’s a small intimate backyard wedding and reception/BBQ. We live in a rural area and our backyard wedding will have roughly 40 people. My dad, stepmom, stepdad, and his new wife have all been invited. My mom asked if she could bring her partner, I said no because I don’t know him.
My mom asked if she could bring him to meet me so I could meet him before the wedding. I said no and that I still had no interest in meeting her partner. She said she understood but she felt it was unfair that I wasn’t allowing her a +1 to my wedding when my dad and my stepdad were allowed to bring their spouses.
I told her that the difference was that I knew their spouses. She wanted to know why I was so adamant about refusing to get to know her partner. I explained to her that I saw no need since she’d just break up with them and move on to someone else eventually as she has always done before.
She started to cry and told me I was being unreasonable.
Both my fiance and my sister feel like I should suck it up for one day and let her bring her partner so she can be comfortable there. I’m seriously considering it but I wanted to know if I’m a jerk here for sticking to my boundary at my wedding and what your thoughts are.”
Another User Comments:
“I get the impression you feel that in the past your mother did not care enough about you and too much about her relationships. That might be true. However, your mother’s relationship habits seem completely normal to me. She was married twice and now has been in her relationship for 6 years. Acting like you shouldn’t bother to get to know her current partner, because she will eventually leave him as well, seems unfair to both of them.
After 6 years he is most likely an important part of her life. Wanting a relationship with your mother but insisting vehemently on excluding her partner does not seem sustainable. So even with a lot of sympathy for your position and your feelings, I reluctantly gravitate towards YTJ and suggest you give her partner a chance.” Aggressive-Basil-857
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you kind of are. I mean, you’re entitled to invite whoever you want, however, you’ve decided that your mother can never ever have another relationship because you don’t think she broke up with your dad or stepdad for adequate reasons. And sure, you were hurt when she did and deeply affected. However, you really have no idea why they broke up and you have no idea what her relationship with this current partner is like and you refuse to even meet him.
So for the lack of an invite… not the jerk. For deciding she’s never again allowed to try to have a relationship with you AND a significant other where you can be in the same room together, YTJ.” corgihuntress
5. AITJ For Not Telling My Friend's Parents About Her Death?
“I (22m) had a childhood best friend Luna (23f). We were very close and she lived across from me and we even went to the same school.
I loved her so much and she was honestly there for me in times when no one was and she was the sister I never had.
Luna was raised in a strict Christian household and her parents are very religious. Luna came out to them as bi when she was 17 and they kicked her out and told her to never come back.
Luna lived with my family and me for a year and when she became 18 she started working her butt off with various jobs.
I was there for her and I know what she felt and how alone and betrayed she felt by her family. I still get mad when I remember how exhausted she looked at that time.
She used to live in a tiny studio apartment and did her best. She sadly couldn’t afford to go to college so she had no other choice than to work as a ‘dancer’ and a McDonald’s cashier.
2 months ago I received the devastating news that Luna had died from reasons I am not comfortable sharing.
I was and still am very sad and I feel like a part of me is gone. Her funeral was paid for by me and our friend group and it was a small funeral and small attendance (her friends and their parents plus mine). No one reached out to her parents because they hadn’t contacted her or asked about her since the day they kicked her out.
Last week her parents called me and asked me about Luna. I asked them why they were asking about her suddenly, and they told me they had been thinking about her for the past three months and missed their daughter dearly. They told me they learned a lot about the LGBTQ community and were hoping to apologize and reconcile with her but couldn’t find her number.
That’s when I told them she had died. They didn’t believe me at first and then that turned into anger. They yelled at me and told me how selfish it was for no one to tell them their own daughter had died and if I had bothered to tell them they would’ve been there at her funeral and helped with the preparations and maybe they even could’ve prevented her death.
I heard that her dad went into a depressive episode after that and her mom is on the verge of a mental breakdown. I know that they kicked her out but a part of me still feels like it was wrong of me to not tell them about her passing. She was still their daughter and maybe I owed them that, I don’t know, I want an unbiased POV.
AITJ for not telling them? Or was that the consequences of their actions?”
Another User Comments:
“Luna’s parents were owed what they earned. By kicking her out and never initiating contact, they earned the right to have no contact with Luna.
You happened to get the call so you’re an easy target for them to deflect their responsibility, but literally nobody told Luna’s parents about her death – nobody.
Everybody who was actually there for her in life was there for her in death. Her parents don’t get to make up for years of trashy behavior by swooping in at her funeral and putting on a show.
NTJ. They will forever live with the knowledge that their daughter died knowing they hated who she was, but they didn’t get a chance to fix that because they didn’t make the effort to fix it.
None of that is your fault for not telling them she had died.” baka-tari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think in alternative circumstances you would be the jerk… But they threw her away. Like trash. Do people expect refuse collectors to tell them what happened to the used tissues they threw out?
I realize it would have been more compassionate to inform them, but that also wasn’t your responsibility.
I’m glad to hear they’re learning to be less ignorant, but they’re learning hard lessons about the results of their own ignorance. I’m hoping their plea was genuine so they experience growth as human beings and just not going to use the death of the child they threw away for attention.
I’m sorry for your loss, love.” ThisIsTheCaptain
4. WIBTJ If I Tell The Guy My Sister Was Seeing That She's Pregnant?
“My (22F) sister Alice (29F) has two kids and she’s recently announced she’s pregnant with her third. She used to have a good co-parenting relationship with her oldest’s dad but she used to break their custody order a lot to the point she took my nephew out of state for 2 weeks without telling his dad and wasn’t returning calls or texts when it was his week with him.
After that whole ordeal was resolved Alice said she didn’t want to have to deal with anything like that again. When she had her second kid she never told the dad she was pregnant. Our parents asked who it was and urged her to reach out to him so she could get support and help but she told them she wasn’t interested and didn’t need him involved.
When she told us all she was pregnant again the same conversation followed. She doesn’t want to ‘deal with someone else’s schedule impacting her life’. Normally I’m all about people living their own lives and am very respectful that some parents have very good reasons to not want the other involved but that’s not Alice’s case.
What makes it worse is Alice is already struggling and always asking for financial help and for our parents or me to babysit. I don’t mind babysitting when she has work but when she wants to go off for a weekend or a few nights a week I don’t want to so she usually gets our parents to do it and they’ve expressed they’re starting to get worn down too.
Her son’s dad and his family will help out with him and his expenses but that still leaves us with my niece and soon a second baby.
My dilemma is that I know who Alice has been hooking up with and she’s said she’s going to miss hanging out with him when she can’t hide being pregnant and will just look him up again after she has the baby.
He comes into the shop I work at and has seemed a pretty alright guy. I don’t plan on staying in this city so soon it’ll be on just our parents for extra childcare and financial help when I leave. WIBTJ if I tell him that Alice is pregnant and there’s a chance he’s the father so he could possibly be involved and help her out since we can’t keep doing it on our own?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She shouldn’t get a say in whether or not a man knows he has a kid. She is robbing her 2nd kid of the opportunity to bond with their father and she’s going to do the same with her 3rd. As long as you tell him that it’s possible he’s the father, then you’re just giving him information, what he does with it afterward is on him.
I’m a woman. I’m a pro-choice feminist who is fully capable of taking care of herself. I’m not an incel nor am I a 50s housewife who thinks men should be providers of the family. Women should not have the right to hide babies from the father barring special circumstances (mistreatment, addiction, etc), and not wanting to deal with custody issues isn’t a good enough reason.
Your sister is being selfish and she’s not in a financial position to be selfish about anything. Stop supporting her, get your parents to stop, and make her realize just how hard life is when you don’t have a safety net. Because until then, she’s never going to do what’s right for her children.” SnooDrawings1480
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your sister is horribly irresponsible and immature, she shouldn’t have kids in the first place so she definitely shouldn’t be having more.
You and your parents always helping her is just going to enable her behavior. She knows that y’all will always take care of her and her children so she’s never going to stop acting like a child herself.
It sucks that the kids have to suffer because of their terrible mom, but if y’all really wanted to help those kids you’d be building a court case against her to get custody.
You don’t know for sure that the dude is the father you just think he is. Maybe he is, but this is one of those things you have to be 100% sure about before you go shooting your mouth off.
If you know for sure, then go ahead it’s not gonna make Alice’s trainwreck life any worse; it ain’t the morally right thing to do, but neither is any of her choices by the sounds of it.” Swampman5000
3. AITJ For Not Answering My Mom And Causing Panic In My Family?
“My (F 29) mom (F 58) and I have a bit of a love-hate relationship. Everything is smooth sailing while things are going her way, but God forbid I do something she disagrees with.
My husband (M 30) has been encouraging me to stand up to her more and be more willing to share my thoughts, but it is so difficult.
I am so tired of having the consistent drama of her not liking what I am doing.
I am 28 weeks pregnant with my first, and I don’t want to bring a child into this super dysfunctional relationship. I am making sure to enforce really strong boundaries and consistent consequences during my pregnancy so hopefully, it is easier when the baby is born (or at least, she knows I mean business).
Thankfully, my husband is a saint and is pretty keen on us having very firm boundaries.
The last few weeks have been an ordeal. I have had to stand strong against all kinds of things, and she has tried every weapon in her arsenal to get me to crack. I am talking guilt trips, the silent treatment, slandering me to other family members, the whole shebang.
I am just exhausted.
The new fight today is that she doesn’t like my baby shower plans. I want something so small, just my two best friends (F 29 and F 28), my SIL (F 32), my sister (F 23), my mom, and my MIL (F 62). The plan is for high tea, that way we can relax and just chat.
My mom is convinced that this is inappropriate and I will get uncomfortable sitting at a cafe for a couple of hours given the heat. The thing is, I don’t actually care anymore about her suggestions, because I know they aren’t coming from a good place when they start with, ‘I know you don’t know how to be a mother yet, but…’
Basically, I sent her a text telling her that I can’t go to war about every little thing and to please give me space. Then, I muted her notifications. It was blissful silence for a few hours until my sister phoned me absolutely out of her mind saying that my mom had told her I stopped answering and that I was in the hospital.
Now my sister is upset because half the family was panicked and thinking I was dead, which could have all been avoided if I had answered my mom. So, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your family’s hysteria is part of the process. Once they get used to the idea that you will not respond to your mum when she’s being like this and that your mum will then run around making them all crazy, they will learn to ignore your mum as well.
And if they don’t you ignore their hysterics as well. It’s hard. But you can do this!” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mother is a control freak. It’s your baby shower, not hers. But to call people and say you’re in hospital and aren’t answering her calls, so she thinks you could be dead.
Your family is enabling her. So apparently you were hospitalized but your mom didn’t know where?
Is your sister and whoever else believed your mom’s nonsense that stupid? Seriously. They all need a reality check. Right now they’re flying monkeys for your mom.
You need to have no contact with your mom and the family members believing her obvious lies.
Of course you don’t know what it’s like to be a mom yet because you’re still pregnant. But seriously you need to make some hard boundaries with your mom. No child comes with an instruction book, every child is different and as you’ll come to learn, mostly no one knows their infant better than the mom.
If you let your mom be around you in the first few months it sounds like she’ll undermine anytime she can.
Best to go no contact now and reassess once the baby is a few months old.” dire012021
2. AITJ For Telling My Wife My Job Has To Come Before Hers?
“My wife (34f), our two kids (3 and 5), and I (35m) live in a very high-cost-of-living city. I make about 5x as much as my wife, so we do pretty well. If my income were the same as my wife’s we would not be able to afford to live in our city.
My job is pretty low stress, about 35ish hours a week with the only requirement that I be ‘on call’ for 1 week out each month. Normally nothing ever happens, so I do my usual routine with the understanding with my wife that if I am needed I will drop whatever we are doing and work until the work issue is resolved. This only happens once every quarter and only lasts a few hours.
My wife on the other hand has a much more stressful job, her boss is incredibly demanding and often demands random and inane things just as a power play with her subordinates. She usually works about 45-50 hours a week. As a result, I take care of most home stuff, drop off/pick up kids from daycare, cook meals, and generally keep the house clean.
The AITJ Incident:
It was an on-call week after work hours when my wife got a text from her boss about fulfilling an emergency ‘request’ for a client. My wife complained to me that this request really could wait until tomorrow but she would rather get it done so she doesn’t have to listen to her boss go off at her in the morning if it’s not done.
I had no problem with it, but I reminded her that I am on-call so I might need to switch with her if something came up, she made a grunt of acknowledgment but nothing beyond that.
About 2 hours later I get an all-hands call to immediately come into the office. Normally I can resolve issues remotely, but we had an issue that prevented us from remoting in.
I rushed upstairs and told my wife I had to leave only for her to turn around and say, ‘Sorry but my issue came up first, you are going to have to tell your work you can’t.’ I was taken aback and told her that no, this issue isn’t something I can skip for anything short of ‘I am physically in the hospital and can’t come in’.
She got increasingly angry and started ranting at me, but I told her that I didn’t have time for this and that I was leaving, when I got back we could discuss this.
She started crying, but I had no more time, so I left for the office. On the way she called me to continue the argument and in the heat of the moment, I said, ‘Look, I respect that you put a lot of time and energy into your work, but we cannot afford our house or lifestyle without my job, so when push comes to shove, my job has to come first otherwise we are going to be on the streets.’ She hung up on me after that.
When I got home about 3 hours later (around 11 pm) the kids were crashed out on the living room couch with several bowls of cereal spilled around them. I went upstairs and my wife was locked in the bedroom and refused to talk. In the morning I found out from the kids that she spent the night crying in her room and didn’t feed them dinner or tuck them in so they made cereal and had a sleepover in the living room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife, however, needs to talk to a therapist. Her reaction is not normal nor is it healthy. She should also look for a new job as her current job is clearly interfering with not just her life but her emotional state. She knew you were on call – this was a known, pre-arranged agreement.
Her suddenly going back on it & also neglecting your children is not healthy. What if one of the kids choked on the cereal? What if one of them slammed their head into something which gave them a concussion? Not caring for the children is a serious issue & signs of a much larger problem.” HelenAngel
Another User Comments:
“I was going to go with ‘no jerks here’ until the last paragraph. She knew you were on call, her work didn’t have to be done there and then, ergo when your work called she should’ve stopped working and acted like a parent to your children! Having a childish tantrum in her room and ignoring the kids is unacceptable.
If her job is so crappy she should move roles, not take it out on her family. You’re NTJ.” Opposite-Guide-9925
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Partner To Get A Job?
My sister (22) is starting med school in the fall. She has been in a relationship with ‘Jack’ (23) since high school. He has been in college for five years now, changed his major twice, and only has an associate’s. We were having a dinner to celebrate my sister, and my whole family was there. Jack decided to tell everyone at my sister’s dinner that his parents told him they wouldn’t pay for his schooling anymore.
My sister started to comfort and reassure him. It annoyed me that she had to do that at her own party. I told the partner I could help him with his resume, but he said he didn’t need to work on his resume since he didn’t have his degree yet. I asked what exactly his plan was, and he said he didn’t have one yet.
I changed the topic to my sister’s upcoming trip she’s taking with her friends. Jack then uses this to transition to talking about how he wants to apply to study abroad but is not sure how he will pay for it. I said I’ve always found the best way to make money is with a job.
He glared at me, and my dad changed the topic.
After dinner, Jack came up to me and asked if I had a problem. I said I didn’t appreciate him tainting my sister’s event with his sob story about how he couldn’t get a four-year degree in five years. He said I was a hypocrite with a useless art degree who doesn’t even use my degree in my job.
I said that’s irrelevant because I HAVE a job and he should probably get one too, because my sister is a student and can’t afford to carry his worthless butt.
He called me a self-righteous jerk and left. I’ve been thinking about it, and I think I overreacted, I could have just blown him off and not talked to him when he came up to me.
I doubt cussing at him is going to convince him, so I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a celebration for your sister. Her partner should not have tried to make it about him instead. His announcement was out of place.
You offered to help him and then changed the subject.
Her partner chose to bring the attention back to himself.
Your talk with her partner about his behavior was after the party, in private. You did not overreact.
By the way: your art degree isn’t useless, because it is a college degree. Most jobs specify the need for a college degree but don’t care about the major.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Regardless of how he handled the dinner (and there’s not 100% clarity on exactly how those conversations went down, from what you said), you seemed to already resent him for not being as academically successful as your sister and think that makes him ‘worthless’ and below her. None of those things had anything to do with the dinner – your frustration was just a trigger to say how you really feel, and you started making unnecessary digs.
His academic success or lack thereof does not make him more or less of a person. He’s dealing with a big life change and is trying to work through it, it’s reasonable for him to take the summer to figure it out, and you’re kicking him while he’s down and being unnecessarily harsh while acting as if you and your sister are above him.
You 100% are being a self-righteous jerk. He is correct.” marangonimacaroni
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