People Ask Who's To Blame In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Father For Not Respecting Me?
“My mom had to go to the hospital and I went with her. She was supposed to make dinner for the family and unfortunately due to how long we were there, it looked like it was not going to happen.
I knew my father had a long day at work so I decided to order out for the night since I couldn’t be there to cook myself.
I called the house and every time I called, I was told by my father that he and my brother can wait till we get home to make the order.
I texted my brother my credit card information after the first call so he can order while I’m not there. It was getting extremely late and I called one more time to have them make the order because after a certain time the place stops delivering.
My father got annoyed at me because I kept calling and trying to make sure dinner was taken care of and he told me to mind my business and stop calling and stop being annoying.
This in turn upset me so I told my brother to forget about ordering and delete all the CC info that I gave him. I told him specifically not to use my card and not buy anything.
Around 10 pm we are finally finished with the hospital, and my mom calls the house to check up on my father and brother. I overhear her say that food was ordered. I quickly check my bank account and I find out my funds were used and it was a lot.
To say I was angry was an understatement. I was livid. I quickly explain to my mom why I was so angry and hurt because I was first yelled at for trying to make sure the family was fed and then my brother went behind my back and used my funds after I told him not to.
When we got home I couldn’t even look at my father and brother. I went to the bathroom, took a deep breath, and told myself to just suck it up and just eat my food.
I sit down and the first words out of my father’s mouth are ‘Why is her face all twisted?’ My mom says to ask me instead of her. I tell my dad I’m fine, and my mom starts explaining why I’m upset.
My dad casually brushes off what she says by saying, ‘Oh, well she should have just called if she didn’t want us to order, and if she wanted a particular item off the menu she should have called.’ I calmly put down my fork and say, ‘Excuse me, I called MULTIPLE times to tell you to order not too late and you yelled at me and told me to stop calling.
Besides I told (and I pointed to my brother) him to tell you I’m not ordering anymore because of your attitude.’ That of course he didn’t want to hear and proceeded to yell saying how he never yelled, and my mom cut in saying she heard him yelling at me in the hospital when I was on the phone.
I told my father I did not appreciate the way he spoke to me and I also mentioned that he continues to not respect anything I say.
He blew up telling me to shut up and I can because I’m the father, to which I screamed at him that that’s not the way you speak to your daughter and it was just a constant back and forth with him getting in my face and telling me to shut up and eat my food.
He then told me if I don’t like it I can get out of the house and I quote, ‘IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT GET A REAL JOB AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! IF YOU WANT RESPECT GET OUT.
I’M TIRED OF YOU AND I’M DONE.’ He kept trying to get in my face but my brother was keeping him down and he finally went upstairs.”
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight, your father (presumably an adult) and your brother (at least old enough to take down credit card information and order delivery) couldn’t arrange their own dinner for one night? They didn’t even have to cook, and yet they still required multiple reminders and made you pay for their dinner? That’s messed up.
I’m presuming you’re a girl, but your father and brother need to learn to live in the 21st century and take care of their own meals once in a while.” Defenestratio
Another User Comments:
“It’s not okay for someone to use your credit card after you tell them not to. Your dad and brother are big boys, they can make dinner too. I don’t think you were a jerk.” JimmyKeepCool
22. AITJ For Not Supporting My Husband In Cursing And Spitting At A Fast Food Place?
“We were at a fast food place, we get our food, and a worker insisted we use an upside-down highchair to put our baby’s car seat on. We do it, start eating, and need condiments, so I get up and accidentally run into the highchair.
I would call what I did a nudge, it tips over and in a split second my husband grabs it by the handle, saving the baby from falling to the ground (at the time I was speechless, just impressed, but he’s got good dad reflexes).
I don’t think the baby would have been hurt, but it would have been jarring.
Everyone’s frozen because of the clatter, and the first thing he does is call the worker a dummy, loudly, semi calmly.
She’s nearby and just stares at him. I’m calming the baby and he goes on, almost shouting, saying how she recommended that position and she’s a dummy. I’m a quiet, non-confrontational person, and I’m honestly a little horrified.
The manager comes over and he tells her what happened. I think she was apologetic but trying to get him to stop yelling. He demands to-go materials, and as he’s getting them a bystander is staring.
My husband says how ya doing ma’am and she says not great. I’m getting the kids together, haven’t said a word. He’s calling her a looky lou and now they’re arguing. We leave, but after he exits he changed his mind and goes back in to spit at the looky Lou’s feet.
We get to the car and he asks how I feel, and I say I don’t want him to be angry with me. Two tears leak out of my eyes. He encouraged me to express my feelings, and I say I’m embarrassed and I feel bad for that woman.
He does get angry at me and calls me a coward. I say I don’t understand his white-hot anger, I never have. He says it feels awful to not be understood, on top of me crying and putting up a wall between us.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not a jerk, your husband is verbally abusive, and the person at the restaurant was an idiot for telling you to put the kids’ seat like that.
I ran restaurants for years and we constantly told people NOT to do that because it was a safety hazard. But your husband way overreacted.” User
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk, and neither is your husband.
Some people have been rather rude, especially towards your husband. Your husband is simply a man, and it sounds like he has high levels of testosterone. That’s a good thing. He was acting out against perceived injustice.
He was protecting his family and his pride. What sort of man would he be if he didn’t? You wouldn’t want a coward for a husband. So you should show him support and respect even when you don’t understand or agree with his decisions.
However, it does sound like he overreacted and was rude to you. You can talk to him about it later when you are both calm. Just whatever you do, don’t hurt his ego.” MaddPony
Another User Comments:
“No.
Part of being in a healthy relationship is holding each other to a higher standard. By which I mean, calling each other out on their nonsense. And what did your husband do? That’s some nonsense right there.
Personally, I wouldn’t have allowed it to go that far. If my husband ever behaved this way in public, I would be the first one to call him down and demand he behaves like a decent, rational, adult human being.
I get that he’s a father and, in his mind, he’s defending his child, but he’s wrong, and guess what, millions of people are parents, and it’s not a rationale for acting like a jerk.
You seem like you have your hands full. Good luck.” missshrimptoast
OP first describes what was (hopefully) a horrible accident. Then OP discribes their husband's reaction. And the bystander's reaction to husband. Now about here is where a normal angry person would have continued their meal, or grathered their family and left. Husband began to do that, but instead turned around and escalated the situation more by spitting at the woman. Spitting! What kind of adult does that (I've seen loads of Karen's do it to give you a hint)??? Then, calmly the husband gets in the car, and before even leaving the parking lot says "how do you feel?" OP answers "I don't want to make you mad" then, before she even tells him how she feels, two tears run down her face.
This sounds like a person who has been abused by this person before. I've see this situation before, and this is exactly what it looks like. It's kind like flinching because you know the slap is coming. OP reacted to husband before husband was mad. And OP predicted right, too. Husband did get mad. I guess it doesn't help that OP ended the story right there. But I would like to know what happened after? I hope nothing bad.
So, my question, OP, is, did I read your story right? Because if I did, do you need help?
And, if I didn't read the story right, same answer. Your husband is the jerk who handles his temper like a toddler. And to the tw@t-wad that said "husband was protecting his family and his pride and whatever you do don't hurt husband's ego": we left the caveman days ages ago you misogynistic egotistical uneducated bell-end!! Google it. NTJ
21. AITJ For Not Making Sure The Money Wouldn't Fly Away?
“My work has a deal drawer for drive-thru. If you don’t put cash under the bar or deep in the drawer, it tends to fly around and sometimes out. Our drawer has a notice telling customers to put money under our metal bar.
I cannot see whether customers put cash under the bar or far enough into the drawer. 99% of the time, this is not an issue.
On this fateful afternoon, a customer pulls up. I tell them their total is under one dollar.
So they put a dollar into the drawer, and remove their arm from the area, looking at me like they’re ready for me to pull it in. As soon as I start, they say ‘Wait!!!’ Too late, it flew out.
The customer attempts to find the dollar bill. No dice. The passenger looks at me, says ‘YOU are responsible for this!’ and for the rest of the transaction, proceeds to give me a death stare.
I am not permitted to cover the cost myself or ‘forgive’ the cost of these products due to laws/other rules. (Not to say that I necessarily would have anyways).
Perhaps I should have waited an extra 10 seconds for them to realize they needed to move the money? I don’t know.
I can’t win — if I wait, customers stare at me like I’m stupid. If I ask (for them to put the money under the bar), customers complain that ‘they can’t reach it’ or ‘Oh, it’s fine’ or ‘Hrrrmph’.”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the jerk.
It sounds like your boss has kind of a lousy system and strict policies that you were adhering to. Doing anything but what you did would have either rendered you a jerk or unemployed.” User
Another User Comments:
“Easy one.
Their fault. If he had to put money in a drawer like that, it’s his job to make sure it’s secure. He can’t blame the guy sitting in a box on the other side of a wall if he screws it up.
You’re not the jerk.” flignir
Another User Comments:
“It was an accident, one that was made more so on their part. They’re the jerk for blaming you.” IolairesMinion
20. AITJ For Forgetting To Say "Thank You" When Someone Held The Door For Me?
“So a while ago I was in my school show, and it had just ended. I walked home with my friend who does not go to my school, with whom I rarely get the chance to speak, and we hit up a really intense conversation.
As we left the building, a woman held the door open for us, but deep in conversation, we didn’t really take notice. When we get out of the building the woman stops our conversation, smiles at us, and says to us ‘You know when someone holds the door open for you, you say thank you,’ as if we’re in first grade.
We apologized and said thank you, and that was the end of the exchange. I understand I should’ve said thank you in that situation, but was her rudeness necessary in this case? This dumb and meaningless interaction has been hanging over my head for a year.”
Another User Comments:
“When I hold doors open I usually get a thank you, but when I don’t, it certainly doesn’t bother me enough that I’m gonna be like ‘UMMM AREN’T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING SIR?’ Thank yous are like a nice little affirmation or bonus, and I’d say that it IS rude to not say thank you when someone holds the door for you, but getting bent out of shape when two people already in a conversation don’t acknowledge you is unnecessarily surly behavior, in my opinion.
If I held the door for two people mid-conversation and they didn’t acknowledge me, my first assumption would just be that they forgot to say thanks because they were deep in a conversation, not that they were jerks.
Verdict: You’re not a jerk, and she’s probably not a jerk either, just crazy or something.” User
Another User Comments:
“I’m thinking, she may be a teacher to younger children or a mother of young children and at the moment her brain is just subconsciously forcing her to teach people about rules of politeness that you would teach young kids.
I hear it happens a lot with people who come in close contact with children, even if they don’t want to.
You’d be a jerk if you deliberately ignored her, but if you just forgot, it happens.
Use this memory to remember to say thank you or smile at people next time and move on.” Nihilistka_Alex
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not a jerk. When you hold the door open, especially at an event, it’s not reasonable to expect a ‘thank you’ from everyone. No one asked her to hold the door open. It’s a thankless post. You hold the door open to be helpful, not to get constant affirmation.” User
19. AITJ For Offending A Marine By Mistake?
“I worked for a car repair place a long time ago and right at closing a young guy and his wife, maybe early 20s, pulled up with an overheating vehicle. The machines were down but I knew they were traveling and he said he had to be back on base the next day so I asked the mechanic if he could help them out.
He was cool with it and we took their vehicle in. Turned out it was a part that we didn’t have and it was too late to get one. The guy asked if he could run somewhere and get it but it was a strict policy not to install customer-bought parts for liability’s sake.
He understood but was obviously upset. His wife understood too and told him that if they got a hotel and had it fixed in the morning they could still get back no problem.
I called a hotel and talked them into giving them a great rate and apologized again telling him ‘once again man, I’m sorry about that.
I hate seeing anyone stranded, especially a soldier who is willing to defend our country.’ Shake his hand and he said ‘thanks for understanding. And by the way, I’m not a soldier, I’m a marine! I take offense to that!’ I told him I didn’t mean to offend him and he said ‘it’s fine I guess, just don’t make that mistake again.’ Honestly asking, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s being a bit of a blowhard but that’s often the case with marines.
They’re insanely prideful of their distinction and can easily forget that most people don’t know or care about the different branches of the military. Normally I’d say no one is the jerk here but it sounds like you were bending over backward for the guy.
The least he could do was not be so confrontational about such a small thing, so I’d say he’s the jerk… or he was totally kidding and you just missed the schtick. Either way, you’re good.” DrProbably
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not the jerk here.
Young Marines are taught in training to be offended by it. For what it’s worth, soldiers are in the Army, Marines are in the Marines, seamen are in the Navy, and airmen are in the air force.
I can’t stand that either. It allows them to be jerks to people who are trying to compliment them and show respect only to basically slap them in the face. So it’s not his fault, it’s not your fault, it’s his DI’s fault.” RevRaven
Another User Comments:
“He is the jerk.
I would be like. Really dude? After all these things I bent over backward for you and you say that. Although… the way he said it to you and his tone is everything. We aren’t there.
So you’re the only one that knows if his tone was serious or playful. Regardless. I don’t care what you are in the military. If you’re a jerk. You’re a jerk.” forshow
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, just one person who didn’t know the distinction between the forces, and a marine who is proud of his distinction.
Most of the armed force branches say ‘I’m a soldier in the Army’ or ‘I’m a sailor in the Navy’, but a Marine never says ‘I’m in the Marines’ they always say ‘I AM a Marine’. They’re very proud of that distinction.” pharmasweaves
18. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Father?
“So I am 17 years old and 2 months away from moving to college and basically starting my own life. Ever since I was little, I have never gotten along with my dad. We don’t have the same interests, the only time we speak is if something needs to be done or if a question needs to be answered, and just never really spent time together as I was growing up unless we were forced to (family vacation, etc).
We do not casually chat or have deep conversations, the only time I can think of an instance like this was when I was checked into rehab where we both broke down and promised to try and fix our relationship but that didn’t hold up even a week after I got out.
We would always argue and disagree until it got to the point that we just started ignoring each other even when we were in the same room. I can count on my hand the number of texts I have ever sent my dad.
Since I recently graduated and my younger brother just turned 16, my dad said that he would get me a new car and pass down mine to my brother. When we were having lunch (silently) after looking at some used cars, we got into an argument that led to screaming.
He got frustrated that I would be so rude as to raise my voice when he does all these nice things for me like pay for my college and buy me a car. I am thankful for these things but afterward, he asked me if I even wanted to have a relationship with him.
I honestly didn’t know what to say because I knew that I do not want to have a functioning relationship with him like I do with my mother, but he said that it makes him sad because he wants to have a relationship with me more than anything.
When I got home I got into my room and burst into tears because of how bad I felt for not wanting a relationship but deep down I know that the emotional scars and 17 years of disconnect have really messed me up to a certain extent but he doesn’t know as I rarely spend time with him.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“A family friend passed away a few weeks ago. His son told a story during the funeral. He and his father were very different. His father was an outdoorsman while he was a computer guy.
They never really spent time together or talked because they had nothing in common. When he went away to college, he started getting into hockey. When his father found out, his father bought a book on hockey and began researching the local hockey team.
When he came home from college, they started watching games together. Over time that one shared activity allowed them to build a close relationship.
I don’t think you are a jerk. I think that you’re upset that your relationship with your father isn’t what you want it to be and you’ve given up hope.
Maybe your father doesn’t know how to connect with you. Maybe you can help bridge the gap. Keep an open mind. You never know what opportunities the future may bring or what opportunities you can create.” ArtGoftheHunt
Another User Comments:
“You’re kind of being a jerk, but I can understand your thoughts.
Just because he has been emotionally distant does not mean he doesn’t love you. In fact, it’s clear he does, and it looks the way he shows it might be by paying for your college and car.
It’s very possible he just might not really know how to interact with you. (You’re a teenager. Teenagers are scary to parents. Hormonal, figuring themselves out, dealing with brand new responsibilities and stressors while still being a ‘kid’.
This isn’t a criticism; it’s a fact of life.)
Also, remember that your father is a person who existed before you did. He has his own anxieties, insecurities, and stuff he has to deal with.
I know you don’t get along with him. Join the club. My dad and I don’t get along either–and, in fact, he can be a huge jerk, and often–but I’m willing to deal with it because I know he cares about me and does a lot for me.
I’m sure your father does as well… probably more than you realize.
You don’t have to be best friends.” starunner
Another User Comments:
“No one here is being a jerk, you are just stuck in a difficult situation.
Your father probably doesn’t know what to do and so he hasn’t really done anything for you other than giving you the basic necessities. My father was the same. I was an accident, one that ended up with my father getting tied down to my mother (due to his catholic family) and he never really seemed to know what to do with me.
We had a similar experience to what you and your father had when my father ended up in a really bad car wreck and we both ended up crying into each other’s shoulders promising we would be better towards each other.
When he got home, though, neither of us knew what to do. Then, about two months later, my father passed away from a heart attack. Ever since I have regretted not simply sitting down and talking to him, no matter how awkward it would have been so that we could have had a better relationship in the end.
I guess the rambling morale of this story is to put aside any perceived slights, sit down with him at the dinner table and TALK. If that doesn’t work… well, at least you tried.” IolairesMinion
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re being a jerk, also you seem to be leaving out crucial information.
What do you argue about with him?
Why would you get into an argument at all, let alone a screaming argument, with the person who is just about to fork out four figures to buy you something? That, truly, by itself, makes you a jerk.
Something to think about: There is a point in time, and it often happens a lot if you are being aware of it, when it’s best to just accept defeat, even if you know 100% that they are wrong, and I believe that argument, in particular, was one of them.
However, with me bashing you like this. Don’t take it to heart and dwell, take it constructively. As most people have said, you are only young, you will say things you shouldn’t and not realize what you have done.
Next time you’re in an argument with him, just agree with him. It ends the argument immediately and you can move on with other things.
On a side note, as you are 17, just remember that he has no obligation, and hasn’t since you turned 16, to do anything for you, not even house you, he could have kicked you out. All the things he has done for you, currently doing for you, and the things that he will do for you, he is doing because he cares and loves you.” titanicmango
17. AITJ For Splashing In A Pool?
“I was at a pay-by-the-hour pool with my partner. It’s $5 per hour to soak in a heated pool in a hotel catering to young hipsters and families with kids. The place makes its own beer and cider, and they sell pitchers for drinking in the pool.
It’s a small crowd today because it’s so hot, my guy and me, a group of friends playing and drinking beer, and a family with several small children swimming. We’re all horse playing and chatting for about 45 min when a new couple comes in.
They don’t have drinks, they come over to the corner of the pool we had colonized and post up about five feet away reading a paperback out loud while soaking.
My partner and I have been practicing handstands and somersaults, we hardly notice them.
I go for another handstand and my partner pushes me over, so I stand up and splash him. The splash goes a little wide and sprinkles the new couple. The girl says ‘hey, we’re reading.’ I said sorry and directed another smaller splash more narrowly at my partner, honestly not near them at all, and she again speaks up, ‘Hey, we have a book.
We’re reading a book.’ I said ok, stopped playing, and fumed for the next ten minutes until our time was up.”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. Any time there is water, there is a chance of something getting wet and she should have known that.
This girl was probably just trying to needlessly exert some sort of power over you just like most actual jerks do.” IolairesMinion
Another User Comments:
“I am a lifeguard at my local pool and this comes up pretty often, whether it’s kids splashing adults or whatever.
At the end of the day we don’t have to tell you to stop splashing so I guess ‘legally’ you’re doing nothing wrong. In my personal opinion, I think if you’re in a pool and complaining about getting wet you gotta get out.
So I think you’re good.” bios105
Another User Comments:
“My rule is that if I’m in a pool area, incidental splashing is to be expected. I don’t bring anything that I couldn’t handle getting wet close to the pool. Intentional splashing (e.g. doing a cannonball next to someone who doesn’t want to be splashed) is not OK.” tgeliot
16. WIBTJ If I Let A Prospective Roommate Look At My Roommate's Room?
“One of our roommates, we will call Bill, in a house of 4 was asked to leave/not resign the lease due to his narcissistic/passive-aggressive and controlling attitude/actions and we are looking for a replacement.
Bill claims to be a therapist (this is relevant) but I’ve never seen any actual evidence of this other than his word, and his actions/interactions with people do not match with him being a therapist.
He spends most of his time in his room or doing door dash.
Well it’s a month before our lease is due and we are trying to show people his room but he’s being difficult.
Claiming due to HIPAA regulations, we can only have access to his room while he is there due to his client’s documents. The problem is that he’s only offering 2 times during the day that he says the room is available for viewing: 10:30 am-11:30 am and 4 pm-5 pm.
Most people can’t make those specific times during the workday, and we have our first prospective housemate wanting to see the house/room this Thursday at 8:30 pm. Bill is refusing to answer if or when he will be home Thursday evening, just parroting ’10:30-11:30 and 4-5 work best’ and claiming that he can’t just put his laptop (which contains all his ‘sensitive’ documents) in a drawer/desk or out of sight.
I think he’s being purposefully passive-aggressive (his MO as he’s done stuff like this before when other roommates he doesn’t get along with we’re trying to find people to sublease) by shutting off access to his room, saving 2 hrs of the day, and also claiming that putting his laptop in his desk drawer isn’t secure enough and he needs to be there in person, when we are just trying to see the room (anyone with knowledge of HIPAA care to share their opinions? He claims all sensitive documents need to be double locked/preferably triple-locked to meet HIPAA compliance.)
WIBTJ if I just showed this person Bill’s room, regardless if Bill is there or not.
I plan on knocking first (I literally don’t know if he will be there or not because he refuses to answer that question) and then showing the room briefly. We won’t be moving or touching any of his stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like he is trying to put as many roadblocks as possible in a way to cause frustration or prevent you from kicking him out.
I would recommend also checking the HIPAA or asking him to tell you exactly what part of it he is talking about as he may just be spouting nonsense to delay you as much as possible by scaring you off with legal nonsense when the laws he states may not even protect him.” The_illusion_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would look into what your local laws regarding it are. I know that where I live, as long as I’m given 24 hours’ notice, I can’t stop them from showing my place if I am moving out.
I believe there are hours that would be expected to be ‘reasonable’ for a showing. But as long as they give me the advanced notice unless I have a really good reason I would have to allow them access.
But again, that’s just where I live. I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere.” CivilButterfly2844
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as long as you give him the appropriate warning, you are in the clear. Also, HE is responsible for protecting patient data.
Not you. If he is leaving this sensitive information out when he is not home he could face heavy consequences (if he even has clients). Him being home does not count as security for this information.” Ajohn286
15. AITJ For Trying To Avoid A Semi-Toxic Friend?
“We started talking when I was in grade 11 and he was in grade 10 in late 2013. At the time we were just average friends and talked about games and music. A couple of months later we started making YouTube videos based on this character I played, I won’t go into details about the character.
We didn’t make very many videos at first but between summer 2014 and November 2014 we started making more videos.
Over this time though he started to turn into a jerk. We always had to do what he wanted and only play the games he wanted.
He also started to ruin the character I had come up with at the end of the videos and would often call me fat (I do struggle with weight though but still uncalled for to me because if I took a shot at him back he’d start to get annoyed).
Around April 2015 he removed all the videos we had made which were 50+ videos and all of them averaged over 500 views including some breaking 1000 and more because he was scared his parents would see them.
He refused to give me the videos also. He also always wants to talk about the most random stupid stuff and would get mad at me when I didn’t talk about them.
Over the last 4 months, I’ve slowly started to try to ignore him.
One of the main reasons I don’t really have the stomach to tell him I don’t really want to associate with him anymore is I’m one of his only friends and he really struggles at getting friends, but whenever I’m doing things with him I end up just being miserable.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, not a jerk. He’s being a jerk and there is no wonder he doesn’t have many friends. You should, however, confront him if you have not done so already, let him know that his behavior is not cool and that you don’t want to hang out with him anymore if he keeps being like that.
Sounds to me like he really needs a wake-up call. I know you feel sorry for him but you can’t let him hurt you because of that.” User
Another User Comments:
“No you’re not the jerk. I could see why you’re one of his only friends…” Pattyfactor
14. AITJ For Being Mad At My Ex?
“We met online and we started developing feelings for each other. We texted every day and we always planned on meeting up. The problem was she was always busy, or something always came up.
This went on for 12 months before I called it quits. I get with someone else and contact between us stops after that.
Fast forward a few years and we start casually texting. Now, I am single and she is in a relationship.
Yesterday I receive a call from her. I answer confused as to why she would call and we start having casual conversation, but she starts making the conversation about her partner. She talks about how great he is and how happy they are, but then things get weird.
She starts telling me how they got together. They met online like we did except this guy pretty much told her after they had been talking for two months that he was tired of waiting to meet up and he left her.
He got with somebody else and she was heartbroken, but she still wanted him. They start texting and eventually, he leaves his partner for my ex.
After that my ex says she went out to rent a hotel and visited him every weekend for a while.
They eventually moved in together and have been with each other for almost 3 years now.
After hearing that conversation, I was infuriated. I felt slighted. I was there for 12 months and this guy called it quits after 2? Yet he is the one who gets to be with her.
Am I the jerk for being mad about this?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk, except for staying on the phone to this selfish and insecure person long enough for her to get her ego boost out of hurting your feelings.
Some people are just broken, they try to evoke pain in others to prove to themselves that they are wanted. My bet is that she is probably a lot less awesome than she has portrayed herself to be, that’s why she would never meet you, and this new guy probably doesn’t even exist, and if he does, he is much less awesome than she is making him out to be.
Smile and bask in the knowledge that you are awesome enough to not have to brag to someone inappropriately just to feel better about yourself.” —__–
Another User Comments:
“I don’t see a jerk here. However, it does appear that she is a game player, likes stringing people along from a distance, and just put out a new string.
In a weird way, it sounds like she wants to tell you that if you had been more insistent with her, it could have been you with her now. Almost doing you a favor by letting you know what not to do.
Even if that isn’t her intent, you can learn from it.” OsakaWilson
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk, but don’t let it get to you. You were through with this selfish person years ago. Don’t fall back into the trap of fulfilling her needs when you know well she won’t fulfill yours. Then you’re being a jerk to yourself.” User
13. AITJ For Still Not Getting Along With My Sister?
“My sister and I used to be the best of friends. I had an autism diagnosis in 1990. Things started to change once she hit puberty. As time went on things like our personal politics and ideas about how the world should be run started to shift, and she went through college, (grants, plus I tend to believe my mom and dad kissed her butt and paid for her tuition because she was ‘female’) became a staunch liberal democrat.
I, on the other hand, started to embrace far-right third position ideals such as national anarchism and traditionalism, and I now just avoid the topic like the plague in my house.
My father constantly white knights her.
She’s allowed to say whatever offhand nonsense she wants to me, but I CAN NOT retaliate verbally, and sometimes I leave dinner conversations (I’ve since moved out a long time ago, but when I visit this still happens) otherwise it will stew inside me and give me knots in my stomach.
She once yelled at me when I brought friends over to the house to swim the day before her wedding ‘without her permission’ and we got into it. It got physical and I had to flop on a friend’s couch for a week.
We’re in our early 30s and it doesn’t seem to be changing much. I just avoid the conversation now. It’s like she doesn’t even exist to me anymore. Am I really a jerk for trying to understand her meta-sarcasm and failing or what?”
Another User Comments:
“Oy vey.
Okay, I think you’re both being jerks here. Certain topics just should not be discussed with certain people, especially family. Religion, politics, and money being the big three, people are always bound to get their knickers in a twist over something about which they feel passionately.
Considering how divisive your two viewpoints have become, it’s a small wonder it’s come to blows, albeit unacceptable.
If (and I feel like it’s a big if from what you’ve described) reconciliation is to be a possibility, I think you would have to mutually agree that certain topics are simply not to be discussed.
Moreover, there is a clear lack of respect for both parties involved here, and before anything can be addressed, that must be established, or it’s a moot point.” missshrimptoast
Another User Comments:
“You both sound like the jerk.
But one of you can stop being a jerk. Stop feeling the need to ‘retaliate’ and stop feeling envious. Perhaps be even bolder and say positive things and give compliments. Magic things might happen to those who are willing to change.” turbo
12. AITJ For Not Going To My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister and I do not get along. We rarely speak if ever and we never spend time together. The only time she contacts me is when she needs something. We have never really been close growing up.
She does not treat my parents all that well either and she is marrying a guy none of us approve of, and no one really gets along with him either. She has invited me to the wedding and she and her fiance told me I was selfish and self-centered for not attending.
They said that this day isn’t about me, but about my sister, and should put my differences aside and attend. I thought it would be hypocritical and a farce for me to attend based on our relationship and lack thereof.
As well as my outlook on the groom. I also figured since my parents are paying, it would be wasteful for them to also have to pay for me… since I don’t even want to attend.
Am I the jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“How far out of your way do you have to travel to be there? That’s really what makes it or breaks it for me.
A wedding is one day. One day.
If you are close enough to the venue that you could drive there, then absolutely you are the jerk. The fact that they are willing to fight with you about it clearly means that they actually want you there, and the only reason you have to not attend is out of spite.
If you have to fly to get to the wedding, then it’s much less clear and depends on how long the flight takes and how much you have. If you would have to fly, for example, from the States to India, then you’re all clear.
A huge time/money commitment like that shouldn’t be expected if you two don’t get along. If you have to fly a shorter distance, like San Francisco to Seattle (2-hour flight), and you have the funds for it, then you would be the jerk.” Cuddles_theBear
Another User Comments:
“‘I thought it would be hypocritical and a farce for me to attend based on our relationship and lack thereof.
As well as my outlook on the groom. I also figured since my parents are paying, it would be wasteful for them to also have to pay for me… since I don’t even want to attend.’
This is the only thing that I find a bit jerkish here.
Consider that it’s not your call whether or not it’s wasteful to spend the funds; they’ve clearly decided it’s not a waste if they’ve invited you. It’s insulting to make that call for them.
As far as it being a farce, consider that if you’ve been invited, your sister either wants to keep up appearances or make amends. Either way, I don’t see what’s to be gained by slighting her, since doing so can cause major rifts in the family over what, exactly?
Also, nobody wants to attend these things.
I didn’t want to attend my own wedding. That’s the most irrelevant thing here.” missshrimptoast
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk for not attending. This is what SO and I say about when we get married.
If they don’t want to be there then we don’t really want them there. If you don’t approve of who she’s getting with then definitely don’t be there. The only people who should be at the wedding are people that support the marriage.
In my opinion anyway. I feel like it’s bad luck to have people there that deep inside don’t want or support the marriage. I mean in most weddings they do ask if anyone objects so it’s better to not fill the room with people who object and let that question be answered.” Doctorjames25
Another User Comments:
“In five or ten years, assuming she’s still married to this jerk, how likely is it that you will look back on your decision not to attend the wedding and think, ‘That was a jerk move?’
Along the same line, what’s the worst that could happen by attending? At the very least you show the rest of the family that you are capable of being more mature and making an effort to reconcile.
Not the jerk in my opinion, but if you do decide to go try to stay somewhat sober.” Foomancrue
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tip Our Waiter?
“Yesterday was my younger brother’s (A) college graduation, so afterward our family decided to go to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. After about an hour-long wait, we were seated and after about 20 minutes we got our bread, and 20 minutes after that we had placed our order.
Things were going okay, he wasn’t the best waiter but not the worst. The conversation was normal between us and the waiter, we shared a laugh or two, and said our please and thank yous.
It seemed pretty busy though, so I did not hold the long wait times against him.
A while later our food came, and we had our fill. Afterward, we received our bill, around $280, which we promptly paid.
This is where the trouble began for us. As dessert was brought out to us, our other brother (B) requested a drink refill, to which our waiter replied, ‘Okay’. However, the drink didn’t come, so we thought it had been forgotten.
So we wait for our waiter to return, but he’s seemingly avoiding looking our way. A couple of minutes later, we see him giving the table next to us a drink refill, and he gives Brother B the evil eye and walks away.
At this point, we are still on the fence about whether he is doing this on purpose or not. However, after this, we make several attempts to get his attention, even to the point where other waiters around us look at us, though he ignores us and keeps walking, and from his expression, he is seemingly angry.
At this point, we are sure that he’s now ignoring us but confused about why, when we decided the most likely cause is that he thinks he won’t be receiving a tip from us, as we did not include it on the card, though we were planning to tip with cash.
Brother B was on tipping duty today. I say that he doesn’t deserve a tip at this point and that we should leave, and maybe even talk to a manager about his disrespect towards us, but Brother A is adamant that we still tip him because his service ‘wasn’t bad enough to warrant no tip’.
We all have worked in the food industry, so we know the importance of tipping. When I asked Brother A if he would have acted that way if he didn’t think he was receiving a tip, he said, ‘No, but still, I always tip because I would like people to tip me’.
I’m all for tipping if the person does a decent job, or at least doesn’t burn the building down, but here I maintained my stand that after his blatant disrespect for us, he should not receive a tip, but he says that if we don’t tip, he will.
Eventually, Brother B reluctantly leaves a $40 tip and we leave without making a fuss or talking to the management. AITJ in this situation?
Edit: More times than I can count our cards have been charged for the tip (along with the cash tip we leave) even though we write cash tip, so eventually we just started leaving it blank and tipping with cash afterward instead.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if you had to wait an hour to be seated, it’s probably because the restaurant was very busy.
Since you’ve all worked in the food industry, you should know how exhausting and overwhelming it gets for waiters in those moments. Sounds like you’re holding more over that waiter’s head than a refill that didn’t happen, things that weren’t necessary for your waiter’s control.” The_Death_Flower
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it sounds like a combination of the restaurant being slammed and a misunderstanding with the waiter at the end there.
But Jesus, to stiff someone on a $280 check like that? Total jerk move.” theoptionexplicit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were camping at the table after you paid the bill, and did not indicate that you intended to tip. Not shocking that you didn’t get good service at that point.” Scrabblement
10. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom?
“My mum is all about veganism and organic living and all that. I’m 17 and so still live at home, I can’t buy or eat anything she doesn’t agree with or she’ll flip out.
I understand her whole thinking behind it all and in a perfect world, it would be fine. But since she has 4 kids and is a single parent, she doesn’t have the most income and often borrows funds from us.
Vegan and organic alternatives of things can cost 3 times the price of normal products. I have always felt that she’s kind of selfish for saving to buy the ‘right’ food instead of just buying a cheaper option and having more budget for other things.”
Another User Comments:
“No, you aren’t the jerk.
If she was able to provide those foods and you were upset because she wouldn’t buy you what you wanted, then you would be the jerk. The truth is she doesn’t have the funds and asking her kids to pay for her lifestyle is wrong.
If she wants to be a vegan, that’s fine. It is good to live with lots of fruits and vegetables. However, the whole organic trend frustrates me as it doesn’t make the difference people think it does.
Eating locally sourced food from places like farmer’s markets is good. Other than that, buying regular fruits and vegetables is just fine.
Also, I have some concerns about you and your siblings. Does she make sure you are all getting enough proteins, vitamins, and minerals? Sometimes people on vegan diets can have deficiencies in certain things.
If you eat a well-balanced diet you should be fine, but you may want to get your levels checked. Maybe start a daily multivitamin.
I would sit your mom down and explain that you can support that she wants to eat this way, but that you also have to stick to a reasonable budget and that you and your siblings can’t afford all the kinds of organic stuff she wants.
Tell her you can still eat vegan without being organic. Offer to help her by looking for coupons and looking in circulars every week to find the best deal. She may have to make some sacrifices, but she can still eat the way she would like.
If that doesn’t work. I would stop giving her funds for the food she wants. If you need food I would buy it for yourself. You are allowed to eat what you want. You don’t have to support her lifestyle.
She is an adult and she can do that for herself. I will say, don’t just buy a ton of junk food because it is cheaper. That is a path that leads to a very unhealthy lifestyle.
Look for deals. There are things you can get that are both healthy and inexpensive like eggs (if you are even allowed to keep them in the house), rice, beans, etc.
I hope your mom listens to you.
You are a minor under her care, she should be providing for you, not the other way around. I get that sometimes people need help and it is good to help when you can, but not when it comes down to supporting her trendy diet.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk.
It seemed like you were saying that she makes you eat vegan food which isn’t right. She should also probably cut back on all the vegan food buying if she needs to borrow funds from you.
Don’t worry dude! Next thing you know you’ll be off to college and wishing you had that vegan food.” Pattyfactor
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, but neither is your mom. Although it’s not great parental form on her part to borrow funds.
It’s frustrating to depend on someone else’s decisions about food and finances, but that’s why people eventually move out. You don’t mention what these ‘other things’ are or why she needs money. It sounds like her priorities and values lie in providing healthy food and caring about the environment.
You might think that’s selfish, but that’s probably just a difference in values. There are plenty of kids out there who think their parents are jerks for not buying organic vegan food.
It’s just a complicated situation for both of you when you’re not legally allowed to leave home, but should be starting to take a little more control over your own life.
Tell your mom you’re not lending her any more if it’s creating that much tension in your relationship. It doesn’t even have to be mean. You have the right to say no. That being said – eat your food.
If she argues about it, explain (as calmly as you can) how you feel about the situation until she accepts your decisions or you turn 18 and move out. It might also help to try and see it from her perspective, where (hopefully) she loves you so much that the thought of anything unhealthy even daring to come near you just brings out her protective instincts.” moksinatsi
9. AITJ For Getting Huffy With My Roommate Who Always Uses The Kitchen?
“I am almost always out of the apartment all day at work, and my roommate is almost always home 24/7. It’s to the point where in the entirety of the year, I was alone in the apartment for 45 minutes total.
I don’t like being bothered when I’m cooking – I just want to keep my head down and get on with it, and because of this I rarely use the kitchen. Someone always comes out and wants to talk to me or use the stove at the same time, and I don’t like being distracted.
Because I get annoyed, I try to remove myself from this situation as much as possible.
Today I wanted to sneak in some ravioli for dinner. They were fresh from a market that makes them on site.
Because they were never frozen, the total cook time once the water is boiling is around five minutes. These are the kind of stealth meals I try to make.
My partner (who is also a rent-paying tenant in this apartment – four people in a five-bedroom, in a tight rental market, in a decent location) had asked me to bring these ravioli home and make them because she had come from the dentist and wanted to eat something soft for dinner.
I get home, and the roommate had every surface area in the kitchen covered in food prep work. Cutting boards, vegetables, packaging, measuring cups, pots, pans, etc. He had all four stove burners going.
Keep in mind, that he is home all day. He has hours and hours of alone time every single day of the week.
Normally when this happens – and it happens a lot – I’ll just get delivery even if I was planning on cooking that night.
Often, even if I had just come from the grocery store with dinner. But my partner had her heart set on these ravioli. So I basically told her ‘I can’t deal with being down here, I will literally go anywhere with you right now, I will bring home food from a restaurant down the street, I will pay for a delivery, I will go to the grocery store and get you whatever you want, there’s just no room for me to make these ravioli for you.’ But she insisted on making them herself, so I removed myself from the situation.
I guess she got him to give up one of the burners and had to dance around him while she heated them up and then used the same pot for the sauce I had also brought home.
The thing is, I said all this right in front of him. He can surely tell that I get annoyed at him for doing stuff like this, but I’ve never ‘had a conversation’ with him about it because who am I to tell him when he can or can’t use a common area? I don’t feel like I have the right to do that.
Even if I requested it, I don’t think he’d care. I’ve asked once or twice to use a common room to watch a football game and he sat in the same room the whole time watching a movie on his laptop, with no headphones.
He’s not a bad guy, it’s just that unless it’s someone’s closed bedroom, he just doesn’t care about boundaries and I’ve given up.
I don’t think my outburst phased him too much – it’s two hours later and he’s still cooking.
But I do feel bad for my passive-aggressive behavior. I am ashamed, but things were at their ‘boiling point.’ Was I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, he’s certainly not a jerk for cooking his dinner in his kitchen in a way that he’s never been told is annoying to you.
You’re being really over-dramatic by saying there’s just no way that you could possibly cook these five-minute ravioli. All you needed was one pot, one hob, and five minutes. Your partner managed to do it, there’s no reason why you couldn’t.
You’re also being over-dramatic about her having to ‘dance around him’. She was just boiling pasta, for Christ’s sake, it’s not exactly hard to do while someone else is in the kitchen.
Have a discussion with your housemate about how better to share the cooking space if it bothers you this much.” jayguazu
Another User Comments:
“I think you guys need to have a conversation and set some rules.
These can be very simple, if you are gonna use the kitchen for a while make sure there is room for others to do their stuff too, or ask in advance to have the whole kitchen to yourself if you need it, so others can schedule around it.
Also, you can set rules that in the living room, the TV has the priority for sound and if someone wants to watch something else in the living room while the TV is used by someone else, they have to use headphones to not disturb others.
Very easy rules, that any remotely decent roommate should agree with.
By just making passive-aggressive comments about your roommate in front of him, you definitely are the jerk. Your partner being completely capable of cooking dinner with your other roommate in the kitchen proves that.
People are normally quite okay with sharing as it is normal when living together, from your story it seems like you are the one who has problems with sharing the common facilities.” ritsikas
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, you really just need to have ‘the conversation’ with him.
If my roommate gets annoyed that he is taking all the burners and the majority of the kitchen to serve a grand feast to Queen Elizabeth II, then there is a serious problem that is probably neither of your faults mainly because you just haven’t set your boundaries with your roommate.
People grew up with different standards and go about things differently, it’s as simple as that. The thing that tells me this in your situation is that your roommate doesn’t understand what you’re hinting at.
That’s why you need to talk with him instead of beating around the bush. For instance, my college roommate never closed the bathroom door when he uses the bathroom even though the rest of us do.
It’s a small thing, yes, but I really don’t want to hear you doing your weird and wonderful things while I’m watching Netflix and eating dinner. You just need to set your limitations and respect each other’s space, something that can only be achieved after you talk this through with your roommate.” DrewReaLee
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell Him About What I Say About Him To My Friends?
“This guy and I met through a mutual friend. For this story, let’s call the guy I met Logan, and the mutual friend Kevin to make this less confusing. Also, we’re all 16 years old.
Yeah, this is going to be really petty.
I’ve seen him before in the hallways at school, but we never talked until Kevin made a group chat with our phone numbers (he made it because Logan needed advice and wanted me to talk to him).
We talked and we got on really well, met in person at a party, and now we text just the two of us. Logan and I started to develop feelings for each other and we texted each other often in a flirty manner.
He often told me things like ‘You’re beautiful. You’re a cutie. You’re perfect to me.’ Once he told me that I was his ‘favorite human, favorite girl, favorite reliable friend, favorite humorous friend’ etc honestly, it made me really touched.
Then we hung out once, and we had a lot of fun. He even admitted to me a little before we hung out that he liked me. I told him that I liked him too.
But for some reason, he never asked me to be his partner despite having many good chances too.
Things started to go downhill a while after that. One day, Kevin texted me asking me if I really liked Logan.
I said ‘that’s a funny question to ask,’ and then Kevin told me that Logan just wanted to be good friends. That made me devastated. I kind of started to get upset at him, and before I started freaking out and saying something I regret I asked him to stop texting me.
Then I texted Logan and asked if he really asked Kevin to tell me that. He said yes.. and explained it was because ‘you’re amazing and all, but I’ve had my heart broken a lot from liking people and from past relationships and I’m not ready to go out with ANYONE.
But when I’m ready I’ll tell you. right now I just want to be close friends.’ (To be honest, I think he’s only had one relationship though? Makes me wonder why he’d feel this way, but who am I to question him when I don’t know his entire history…?) He expressed a lot of concern when I was upset, saying that he felt terrible and couldn’t eat.
So I made sure that I looked happy and told him that I was okay the next day, despite still feeling like absolute trash.
He didn’t really treat me the same after that. He no longer was flirty and no longer complimented me a lot like he used to.
I can live with that, but admittedly I really liked the attention since boys have never treated me like that before… And he started to text me less and less. Before, he’d text me right when he woke up, right after school, and until we went to bed.
Now he takes forever to text me, he’d usually text me at 7:00 at night. Logan once asked ‘why don’t you text me’ though. I told him that I was afraid I’d be annoying him and that he might be actually busy, but I would start to text him first.
I tried that once, it went okay, then the next time he’d take forever to reply, saying excuses like ‘Sorry I was at work. Sorry I thought I sent you that message,’ which I’m not sure if I can 100% believe.
Now he doesn’t text me unless he needs something from me like when does school start tomorrow and all that.
Yesterday he texted me ‘Hey, are you mad at me or something.’ I told him ‘Umm, what? Why?’ Logan then told me someone told him that I was.
Which was strange because I never said ANYTHING about being mad at him to anyone. I told him that, and I admitted that I do talk about him sometimes to my trusted friends. Logan asked what I talk about.
And well…
When I talk about him, I mostly talked about how our relationship is going, asked for advice, and how attractive, adorable, and amazing he is, y’know. And I REALLY did not want to admit that.
Logan kept bugging me to tell him (mostly over text), and I kept telling him no in a jokey manner. He kind of acted like that until he finally said ‘Fine, be that way.’ I realized that he was serious, and I texted him a sincere apology saying sorry that I’m being a jerk to you (was I?), that my friend and I like to talk about boys and I just talk about him in general and what he’s said to me (I just said basically that, nothing about advice as I’ve stated before) and that I didn’t want to admit anything because maybe he’d be weirded out.
He hasn’t replied since then.
Now, am I being the jerk or is it him? I’ve felt like he’s been leading me on because he was saying all those things about liking me and then telling me that a relationship wasn’t going to happen.
But I try to understand that he’s probably afraid to get his heart broken again and all. But if he didn’t want a relationship though, why did he treat me all special and then break MY heart? Plus he didn’t really understand why that made me feel upset…
he was asking why I was upset and then just said again ‘I never said I wouldn’t go out with you. I just wouldn’t go out with ANYBODY.’ And now he won’t text me, I’m assuming he is mad that I wouldn’t admit what I say about him.
I haven’t texted him myself, the last thing I sent was an apology and I haven’t seen him in school. But I apologized and I finally told him some part of it so he can stop bugging me.
Why is he still mad? It’s kind of petty IMO. Was that really that bad?
He is often known as a very nice kid. If you’d ask someone what he was like they’d most likely say ‘he is the sweetest and most adorable guy ever.
He would bend over backward to help you, etc.’ When I tell my mom about how our relationship is kind of not going well she says ‘he’s such a nice kid I don’t think he’s avoiding you because he’s mad at you.’ Which makes me doubt myself.
Is it really all my fault? Did I do something wrong without realizing it? Did I do something when we hung out? Did he change his mind about me and thinks that I’m weird and annoying? I really don’t get it.”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, I’ve been on both sides of this situation before, so I think I get what’s going on.
Of course, I don’t actually know you guys and I could be majorly off, but from what I’ve read I really identify with Logan here and this is what I read into the situation:
Logan feels like trash.
He doesn’t talk to you because he feels bad when he does so. It’s nothing that you did, he just doesn’t want to go out with you and knows that you want to go out with him, and he feels bad that he’s letting you down and trapping you in the friend zone.
I’ve been in that position before. I’m actually in that position right now with somebody. The normal response from most people, including myself, is just to stop talking to the other person as much.
If my hunch is right here, you aren’t going to end up in a romantic relationship with him (unless you do, in which case it will only last a month before he breaks up with you).
You can save the friendship, though, by making it clear to him that you do not want a romantic relationship and that no matter what happens you will always be friends.
Of course, he could just have something going on in his life completely separate from you that’s making him feel depressed, and he’s just talking less to people in general.
Either way, I don’t think for a second that he stopped talking to you because you did something to make him angry. I think he’s feeling depressed, either in general or specifically about you.
Honestly, you thinking that he is mad at you is just making the situation way worse because it’s going to make him feel even worse, and that will just cause him to withdraw more.
One important thing that stands out is that he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to go out with anybody at all. Here’s a big question: why? He may have said that he doesn’t want to be hurt again, but I don’t think that’s entirely true.
There could be underlying self-esteem issues, he could be grappling with actual clinical depression, or he could even be struggling with identity issues relating to gender, or just his own personality. Whatever it is, I can tell you that you are going to make the problem so much worse if you keep the mindset that he wants to go out but is afraid.
Having other people think you’re broken doesn’t help you get out of your funk, and additionally, it’s going to encourage you to say ‘oh, maybe if he trusts me enough I can bring him out of his comfort zone and fix him!’ You’re just asking for trouble like that.
Now, as for why he treated you so special and then suddenly stopped talking to you: this one is pretty easy. He enjoys spending time with you, acting flirty is kind of fun, but the moment your feelings towards him go from playful to serious, he’s now worried about hurting you.
That’s why that happened with exactly that timing. He wasn’t treating you nicely because he wanted to go out with you, he was being nice because he likes you. Those two things aren’t the same.
Everything outside of him being depressed and you being upset is just stupid high school gossip. High schoolers are stupid, and that statement holds for you and your friends and me too when I was in high school.
Your friends are literally gossiping based purely on speculation. One person sees you two acting distant towards each other and then they spread rumors that you’re fighting. Ignore them, and if you hear somebody say a rumor that you know to not be true, just tell them off.
It’s none of their business.
And finally, for the big question of the thread, who is the jerk? Neither you nor Logan is a jerk, all the people gossiping based on speculation are jerks.” Cuddles_theBear
Another User Comments:
“Maybe he misunderstood and thought you were talking behind his back or sharing his secrets with your friends? I don’t think you did anything wrong, at least from what I can tell.
Seems like he had conflicting feelings and that made things between you two weird. I don’t think either of you is a jerk in the end.
Also, you’re 16 so in the long run this won’t really matter too much. Try not to worry if one guy is weird.” infamous-spaceman
And that’s fine. Sure, you’re bummed. But 60 years has taught me that there will be other people in your life.
So be friendly with this guy. But don’t be texting repeatedly, analyzing his every word and over-thinking the whole thing.
Be friendly and if he asks what’s wrong, I’d probably say “Nothing. We’re friends. Like with all my other friends we talk or text when there’s something to say and we’ll hang out when it works for both of us”. Develop some new friendships and new interests.
7. AITJ For Warning Someone Who Parked Too Close?
“It was after work – a long day. I stopped at the grocers for a frozen pizza and some beer. This whole side of the parking lot was vacant when I parked. Was in the store maybe ten minutes, tops – and when I came out this idiot was parked up against my driver’s side door and the spot to his left was empty.
I waited ten minutes, then went inside and had them page the type, color, and license plate number.
Ten minutes later this 20-something guy comes out. I was cool about it – I would have climbed in through the passenger side, but I have a ton of crap in my truck right now (it’s my mobile office and I was picking up all kinds of stuff this afternoon) and I blew out my left knee (a recurring injury) a couple of days ago, and it’s just starting to get back to normal – and as far as getting in the driver’s side, the new Ford doors are pretty thick.
Dude comes out and walks towards his car. I point at his car and ask, ‘Yours?’ He says yeah, and I say, ‘This is a really nice little Toyota. If you park this close to people they are going to door ding it.’ He just gives me a blank look and says, ‘It’s cool.’ There was this old couple walking out who had seen me standing there when they parked, and the old guy just laughed and nodded his head.
When he backed out he did roll down his window and say sorry though – points to him for that.”
Another User Comments:
“Knowing from experience if you’re more of a non-conflict type of guy I would always sort of not know what to say when someone talks to me when I’ve upset them, that probably explains his lack of sincerity when he said, ‘it’s cool.’ He also seems to have gotten himself together and apologize, he was clearly in the wrong, but he doesn’t seem like a jerk.” megaman1410
Another User Comments:
“Honestly it doesn’t sound like either of you were the jerk in this situation.
You warned him for future reference, he basically said whatever go ahead, and you both went on your merry way.
It looks more to me like whoever measured those parking spots was the jerk, there is no wiggle room for two large cars to park next to each other at all.” pharmasweaves
6. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Partner Without Being Sure Whether She Two-Timed Or Not?
“We were together for over a year. She moved to another country to study. There she met a much older guy and she claimed they were just friends. Weeks passed by when I realized she was getting closer to him and we (she and I) started getting uneasy with the normal stuff.
We started talking less and whenever we talked we always fought. I knew things were slipping outta hand. Then one day she comes on Skype telling me a false story about her friend who sneaked behind her partner’s back with another guy and was also in a long-distance relationship.
She was doing that just to measure my reaction so that she could spill the beans later on about the fact that the much older guy and she did something after they got wasted.
I was really annoyed at this when I realized the gravity of the situation and just stopped talking to her completely. For a long time. We talked again after a while. I did have feelings for her then to get back.
But she was all bitter and unrelenting. I just let it fade away as time went by. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not, but I don’t think she is either – long-distance relationships are bloody hard.
I don’t know when the infidelity happened in relation to the unease/arguing in your relationship, or if your jealousy/suspicion created a self-fulfilling prophecy… I think you could have probably handled the breakup better (if you just stopped communicating instead of even a perfunctory ‘Okay, we’re done.
You know that, right?’); I think she could have handled her mess with you better; but it seems like by that time, the relationship was over, and it was only a matter of who pulled the trigger.” NatanGold
Another User Comments:
“Nope, you did the right thing.
Sometimes it is hard to dump a girl, sometimes it seems much easier to stay with her so you will forgive her or give her the benefit of the doubt.
Just get rid of her and be done with it.
She sounds like a parasite.” brinz1
Another User Comments:
“You ended an unhappy relationship. Regardless of whether she was unfaithful or not, you guys weren’t getting along, the long-distance thing wasn’t working. In no way does that make you a jerk.” sandra_nz
5. AITJ For Wanting Absolute Silence When I'm Having A Panic Attack?
“I have dealt with seemingly random panic attacks since I was a kid. I’m now 22 and currently living with my parents until I can find an apartment in my area.
Lately, my panic attacks have been getting more intense (I’m on meds and see a therapist).
I’m working on trying to work through the panic attacks. However, noise only makes them worse. It doesn’t even have to be a loud noise, it can just be somebody talking to me or hearing a TV in the next room.
I’ve told my parents that when I’m having these panic attacks, I need to be left alone for a little bit. I don’t want anyone to talk to me or ask for me, and I don’t want them to check on me.
It’s easier for me to mitigate the panic when I’m by myself and there’s as much silence as possible. If someone tries to talk to me, it just makes it worse.
My dad tells me I’m being overly needy and dramatic but my mom understands and just leaves me alone.
When it’s over and I’m calm, I’ll keep going about my day normally. I don’t know if this is normal for other people who have panic attacks, but it’s causing controversy in my family.
AITJ for telling my family that I need peace and quiet when I’m having severe panic attacks? Am I being too needy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should go off into your room and not expose others to your problems.
It can traumatize them… I too have anxiety disorders. I have a history of panic attacks but the fact that no one has ever died from anxiety helped me work through them. Now my panic attacks are much less intense, much fewer, and much briefer.
Anxiety is only fear and it’s fear we are giving power over our lives during a panic attack. I came to a realization that I was allowing this fear to become more powerful than my own knowledge of my sense of self.
Basically, I had to learn to trust myself, my ability to keep myself safe and believe in my ability to cope with any challenge I face. I had to accept my strength. Other people’s permission, acceptance, validation, recognition, or assistance is not going to resolve my panic attacks but more importantly, it’s not their responsibility so basically, if you are gonna live with your parents, experience panic attacks, and refuse their help when they don’t know how to handle the situation then you have to simply own your panic.
Remove yourself while you are experiencing an attack. Go to your private place and keep it to yourself because obviously no one can help you and it’s not their place anyway. Just be careful to not give your panic attack a life of its own and more meaning than it has.
It’s just fear. Ask yourself what am I afraid of when you’re panicking. Instead of getting caught up in the emotions of it which are overwhelming, try and cognitively figure out what you are fearful of, then you have the power to either protect yourself, change your environment, or give yourself comfort.
Good luck.” sub2865
Another User Comments:
“There’s a big gap in your title (absolute silence) and your final question (peace and quiet).
If you are demanding everyone in the house turn off the television, sit still, and refrain from making any noise, YTJ because while it’s not your fault you’re having an attack, you also can’t expect everyone to shut down their lives for indeterminate amounts of time while also trusting they will know exactly when to stop and when to resume their regular activity.
If what you’re asking for is to simply be left alone in a room and you’re not expecting the entire rest of the house to come to a complete and silent standstill and they won’t respect that, NTJ.” runravengirl
4. AITJ For Leaving Prom Without Saying Goodbye?
“So last week I had my senior prom at high school. I took a girl I was very close with and was very excited to go. She wasn’t thrilled honestly but got into it as the night went on.
In the last hour of prom, she told me she was gonna go talk to her friends ‘for a few minutes.’ I said ‘ok’ and thought nothing of it. I didn’t see her for the rest of the night until the very end when we were all going home or to our after-prom plans.
She also refused to do the couple’s dance with me.
So I was sitting in the lobby waiting for my ride when she came over to me. She didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with what she did, but I was livid.
I’m telling you right now, I was so mad I could barely speak to her. I didn’t explain why at the time. She then went to the bathroom for a bit, but when she did, I just left and didn’t say goodbye.
Solely because I was feeling so hurt and I just needed to go.
We didn’t talk for a day. Then I texted her saying I was sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. She asked why I did that and I explained I was hurt and mad at her.
She gave a halfhearted (in my opinion) apology and that was it. After that, we haven’t talked much. And she mostly ignored me at our graduation. We haven’t talked in close to a week by now.
So, am I the jerk or what?”
Another User Comments:
“Sure, she was rude – although I think it’s pretty clear that you each had very different expectations of the night, so I wouldn’t say her behavior was too awful, all things considered.
The thing is, walking out on someone while they’re in the bathroom is a pretty massive ‘screw you’ which, more often than not, is designed to upset and humiliate someone. As soon as you did that, you pretty much wrecked any chance of a genuine apology from her – and, what’s more, you gave her a full day to stew on it before apologizing to her for how the night went down.
It’s very close, but I would say you are the bigger jerk here.” jayguazu
Another User Comments:
“Don’t listen to the people white-knighting the girl. Sure, women don’t owe us anything, but there are expectations. She still went to prom with you, even if it’s just as friends, and it’s incredibly rude for someone to walk out on you and ignore you the whole night while you’re spending your time and money on them.
You can clearly see the bias here because everyone is defending her actions, even though they admit she was wrong while calling you a ‘jerk’ for leaving. Actions speak louder than words, she obviously didn’t care about you, so why should you care about leaving?
Take this as a learning experience.
You’ll find other girls and you’ll find good ones who respect you enough to give you their attention. If a girl disappears on you or spends the whole time staring at her phone move on to the next one.” SStrooper123
Another User Comments:
“She’s a jerk.
No one thinks it’s actually okay to treat people like that. She’s not into you but is too much of a coward to just say so, so she strings you along because it’s easier for her than outright rejecting you.
What a jerk!
That means it is reasonable for you to be annoyed. However, you then were too much of a coward to tell her you were upset and say ‘I’m leaving now, you need to come get in the car if you are getting a ride with me.’
Instead, you didn’t tell her how hurt you were (she could then rationalize her jerkish behavior as ‘not that bad’) and then ditched her.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
You’ve graduated now. If I were you I’d apologize for ditching her, just for your own sake. And then be done with her. You don’t want to be with someone that treats people like that anyway.” Reddit User
3. AITJ For Being Annoyed At A Family Member Who Doesn't Know How To Use The Computer?
“This family member is totally hopeless with computer stuff, and so often asks me, as I know how to do most stuff, to show them or explain to them how to do things.
Now I’ll admit first that this usually serves to really frustrate me, as I really fail to understand why this person finds this sort of thing difficult when I can do it with relative ease.
This is made particularly worse because this person keeps claiming that ‘they know what they need to know’. You obviously don’t if you’re asking me to do stuff I was able to do at 6 years old…
especially when you don’t even make an effort to learn.
Anyway, this family member asked me if I could help them with some issues they were having with their computer. So I went to help them, and when I got there, they wanted help sending an attachment to an email.
I was so frustrated at their stupidity that I really wanted to cry.
Anyway, we logged into the email account, pulled up the ‘new message’ screen, and filled in the body of the email. Then I started sorting out the attachment.
It quickly became apparent to me that I was going to have problems. This family member didn’t have a clue about using the ‘browse’ function of a computer, and the most basic terms like ‘file’ and ‘format’ were like I was speaking Russian.
I could feel myself getting so annoyed at this person I wanted to scream, and it must have been showing. I tried my absolute hardest to give an ELI5 (or more like an ELI2) sort of level explanation, but even then it wasn’t the easiest.
A few hours after this first situation, I’d gone to make a piece of toast of all things, and I set the dial on the side to 3. I set it away in the toaster and went off to do something else.
When I came back to it, the toaster was giving off smoke and the toast was charcoal. I realized the dial had been moved and asked this family member if they knew anything about it and they said they’d adjusted the dial.
I lost my temper and went on a rant about how I would expect something was a certain way when I left it, it’d be that way when I came back, and I still can’t work out the logic of someone changing it.
So, who’s the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard to tell from what you wrote whether you were being a jerk in response to the frustrations. We can’t hear your tone of voice, etc.
I would also be frustrated in both situations, especially the latter because that was just rude.
They were definitely the jerk in the toast situation.
As for the computer, I think there is some shared jerkery. You allowed yourself to get roped into doing something that you clearly resent, and then acted annoyed – classic passive-aggressive martyr behavior.
But they are being hostile by refusing to step out of their comfort zone and learn something new.
You really can just say ‘no, it’s too frustrating for me, given your lack of skills, to try to teach you extremely basic computer functions, and doing so makes me feel angry.
Please take a class, so we can remain friends.’ Or you could find out what the issue is and load up a tutorial video for them.” smnytx
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re kind of a jerk about the computer thing.
Someone asked you for help, and you’re looking at their computer illiteracy as a personal affront. If they knew what was up with computers, they wouldn’t ask you for help. Yes, there are people out there who can’t send email attachments.
If you don’t want to help them, then don’t.
About the toast. Yeah, it’s trashy to adjust the toaster while the toast is happening, but was that really worth a rant? It sounds to me like you’ve got more issues with this person than you’re letting on.” User
Another User Comments:
“They are definitely the jerk regarding the toast.
Seriously, who adjusts the toaster while someone else is using it? I might be tempted to wait until this person is using the stove and passive-aggressively adjust the temperature to much higher, or something similar.
As for the computer, it’s a toss-up I guess. You can always say no to helping them. Or explain it to them and let them do it while you explain. Even my 72-year-old friend knows how to send email attachments, though.” User
Another User Comments:
“You were the jerk.
Just take a deep breath and be calm as you ask the family member what needs to be cleared up then go make another piece of toast and ask your family member to not do that.” IolairesMinion
2. AITJ For Wanting A Large Sum Of Funds Back From My Family?
“My parents and I had an agreement that they would pay for all my bus tickets to and from college. However, after an argument, my mother decided that this would no longer be the case.
The idea was that I would eventually crumble, or she would otherwise test my finances by making me pay £50 a month for my bus fare.
However, she eventually relented, but only after this became a sum of approximately £290.
My parents aren’t the richest in the world, and I am going to uni in about 3 months.
edit: this removal of payment for my travel was not done in a motherly voice, was done purely in anger over something quite minor and had no purpose other than to test me financially.
The sum also includes times when the money was not given to me out of spite, but out of pure circumstance.
The agreement had no conditions on my end – I was to be given enough funds to go to high school and nothing was asked of me.
At no point did I mention the word ‘demand’, merely ‘want’. I had no intention to march up to her and take the funds, I just wanted to know whether it would be right to try to come to an arrangement where I got some funds back from this.”
Another User Comments:
“Ok.
I can understand where you are coming from because my MIL used to promise to pay for things for my husband when he was in high school/college and then take it back later. It was awful because he planned his finances around the fact that she would be paying for certain things.
She used it as a way to control him. There was a lot of other nonsense she pulled to maintain control over his life.
Based on what you’ve said, it’s hard to tell if your mom is like my MIL with a pattern of trashy behavior or if this was a one-time thing.
If your mom constantly pulls stuff like this then she’s a jerk, but you’re still not entitled to the money. Pursuing it makes you a jerk too. If this was a one-time thing, then you’re the one being a jerk.” ArtGoftheHunt
Another User Comments:
“I’m kind of mixed about this, but I think they should be paying for your transport to and from high school.
They should take care of you up until 18 and part of that involves enabling your education.
I think everyone thinks she stopped paying for your transport to go to college (by that I mean university), which wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Regardless of whether you deserve the money or not I think the way she handled it is jerkish (the way you’re making it sound, at least–you’re not giving a lot of details about the argument).” tpm_
Another User Comments:
“Dude you are an immature jerk.
You had to pay for your own bus pass for a while, and now you want your parents to pay you back for the amount you had to pay. Grow up and take care of your own finances.
If you are lucky enough to have parents to help you with going to college and paying for a bus pass, nickel and diming them is a jerk move.” MrDub72off
Another User Comments:
“To be clear, are you asking your parents to pay for six months of bus trips that you took and they said they would not pay for? Like, you got in a fight back in November or December, and your mom said ‘No more free rides’, and now you expect her to pay you back for the bus trips you made from Nov/Dec to the present?
If the answer to this is yes, then yeah, you’re the jerk, by a long shot. An entitled, immature jerk. There is no such thing as a free lunch, bro.” NatanGold
1. AITJ For Not Paying My Ex Back For A Trip They Paid For?
“My ex and I took a trip. The terms were we’d split hotels and gas 50/50 and then play the rest by ear. Ex put everything on a credit card that Rich Father pays for.
Afterward, Rich Father tallied up the bill and said I owed $1,000 for the trip. Ex says, hey, I’m gonna cover some costs of the meals I insisted on (and an extra night on our trip ex also insisted on) leaving me with a total balance of ~$600.
We break up.
Ex asks for $1,000 and ‘asks’ is a polite way of saying, threatens to take me to small claims, threatens to (and performs!!!) harass my family for the one thousand dollars.
AM I THE JERK IF I DON’T PAY HIM? So far, have not paid anything.
Still considering paying $600 though. Also no signs of small claims court summons.”
Another User Comments:
“I dunno man. If he had asked nicely about it and been like ‘hey look, we agreed on this and I really need you to pay me back,’ then I would try and pay him back in payments or something.
But if he was gonna come at me like that I might tell him he could have it when he came and pried from my cold dead hands. I’m not even necessarily recommending this course of action, I’m just saying that’s what I might do.
That might not even be worth it for you. It might just be easier to pay the jerk back. Whatever works for you.” UberDave_141
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely a jerk for not paying for something you’d agreed to pay for.
Since you said that you’d agreed on a 50/50 split, you should pay them the full $1,000. He is also a bit of a jerk for going back on his agreement to pay the extra $400 but if he’s asking for the full $1,000 now he’s entitled to it. Sorry dude.” SawJi
Another User Comments:
“You agreed to split everything 50/50, so yeah, you’re a jerk. He’s also a jerk, though, for threatening to sue you.” kebake
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