People Use Their Charm To Convince Us They're Blameless In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

"I went no contact with my sister 8 years ago after learning she was having an affair with the guy I was engaged to at the time. It was not the first time something similar had happened. When we were teens (yes, I know, I know we were teens), there was a guy I really liked and we'd been flirting a bit and building up to something.

I would confide in her about it. Then she went and slept with him and told me she wanted to 'test him out' for me. At the time I let it go. We were sisters. I wasn't actually going out with the guy. But it stung that she would do that to me, and be so casual about it. But we were both young.

I met my ex when I was 20, we started going out when I was 22 and he proposed to me after 18 months. We were engaged for a year and had started planning the wedding when I learned they had been together for 5 months.

Not just sleeping together either but going out on dates, sneaking around to spend time with each other, and sleeping in my bed. She even brought him into my childhood bedroom and slept with him on my childhood bed while our parents were out of town. She had no remorse until I found out. Then she broke down and told me how sorry she was, how she hadn't realized how much it would hurt me, and that she needed me to forgive her. I told her that I hated her and that I wanted nothing more to do with her. She begged and pleaded. Even went as far as showing up at my job to try and make me forgive her. Even after she moved him in with her (yes, I broke up with him too) and he proposed to her, she kept trying. I told her she might be forgiven when she was dead, but not to hold her breath on that.

I have no relationship with her anymore and am not open to one.

She has two/three kids with him now. Not sure if they are still together. But her oldest turned 6 recently and my parents had mentioned how she wanted to know me and how she'd spoken to my sister and everyone would love it if I went to her birthday party, her 6-year-old included. I said no. My parents said they'd even pay me to make her a birthday cake (since I do that as a side gig).

Again I said no. They told me how she wants to know me and that my sister would let them facilitate it. I said I was not interested. My sister reached out to me on Messenger and begged me to come. She said her daughter knew all about me and wanted to meet me and have her aunt in her life. I ignored my sister. My parents were furious when the party came and went and I stuck to my word. They told me I should have gone and I should make an effort to have a relationship with her.

AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"That's a tall ask.

Not just to meet my sister's daughter, but to make a cake too. I'm sorry that you had to go through repeated betrayals from your sister. If you feel like you want to have a relationship with your niece, that feeling should come naturally and not under duress, or obligation to the feelings of others. It's also strange a 6-year-old would be so emphatic about wanting to meet you. It feels like your parents are being meddlesome. NTJ." Rigpa_Dakota

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

Your sister was deliberately going on dates and sleeping with your then fiancé and she 'didn’t know how much it would hurt you'…?

What!? No one in their sane mind would have done that, especially to their own sibling.

If your niece still wishes to get to know you, maybe your parents could arrange to have their grandkids for the day or something, and then you could go and visit without your sister around.

Whether they would agree to that or not would be questionable but at the same time, if they are that sure about making sure that child gets to know their other family members, they would agree to a compromise like that.

I honestly don’t blame you for going no contact with your sister over all these years and I wouldn’t blame you if you continued or just kept contact down to a minimum and for essential things only.

Good luck OP." sunshinemight

Another User Comments:

"NTJ, you never need to see or be in the same room as your sister and her children ever.

Her betrayal is the worst kind in the world. it's worse than his a million times. When she was sneaking around with your fiance and in your bed, she was there and then decided you were not sisters and not family.

She made that choice and now she needs to live with her choice.

Her daughter does not need an aunt, she won't die without an aunt. They are manipulating you.

Tell your parents if they bring up your sister again and try to force a meeting that you will go no contact with them too.

It's their choice." Big__Bang