People Come Clean With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Admitting when we're at fault for something is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and others. Fessing up to Mom about breaking her precious vase by accident? That takes courage, but it sure feels good getting that off your chest. Plus, she deserves to know the truth. However, sometimes there are moments when we don't know if we're the one at fault. The lady who refused to let her kid go on vacation with his dad, the dude who kicked his friend out of his birthday dinner for not RSVPing in advance, the person who cooked a meal with deer meat but didn't inform everyone until it was too late... these people think they might be the jerk in the situation; yet, they're also not so sure. So, you help them decide! Comment your opinions below each story. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

15. AITJ For Accusing My Mom Of Kidnapping My Child?

“I (F32) emigrated to my husband’s (39) home country 5 years ago and we have a beautiful son who is 3.

My mother (52) has always been controlling and frankly is a typical narcissist. She was dead against my moving and was even more upset when I had my son. A combination of her husband being terminally ill and recent world events, she wasn’t able to meet my son until this week and she has complained bitterly about how we ruined her special time with her first grandson.

I wasn’t exactly excited about her coming to visit us but my husband convinced me we should try to let our son have a relationship with her. Well from the moment she arrived she complained – our house is too small, the garden is overlooked, etc. She complained my son doesn’t speak much English and so she can’t communicate with him.

She complained that my son didn’t want to hug her and that he wanted to stay with his paternal grandmother.

My son spilled a drink, and she shouted at him. We are taking the gentle approach, so I told her not to do that and why and she lost it telling me I have no idea how to raise a kid.

I told her she needs to respect my methods or she can leave. She stopped but the whole rest of the day you could tell she was furious.

That night my son was having one of those nights where he just isn’t going to sleep through. My poor husband also had an IBS flare-up in the early hours and we realized we had no medication.

When my son settled at around 7:30 am, I decided to do a quick run to the 24-hour pharmacy to get some medication. Leaving son and husband both asleep on the sofa.

I was gone for 20mins but when I came back my mother’s rental car was gone and so was my son while my husband was still asleep.

He was as shocked as I was they had gone.

Tried my mother’s mobile but no answer. After 45mins of me becoming increasingly hysterical, I called the police who came out very fast and when I explained as above they took things seriously.

6hours later my mother pulled back up and started telling the police (most adults know English here) that I had told her she could take my son out for the day, I am currently 6 months pregnant and she said it must be pregnancy brain which the police seemed to accept and acted like the matter was closed since my son was home safely and showing everyone the toys he been bought.

I told my mother to leave and that I never want to see her again. She started telling our family I kicked her out for no reason and she can’t find a hotel, and they blew up my phone to which I told them she had kidnapped my son, and I am going to pursue this with the police.

Now I am being called a jerk for saying my son was kidnapped when he was “just taken on a day trip by his loving grandmother” and that an accusation like this could affect my mother’s job as a nurse.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ in any sense—she took him without permission and she did it to spite you.

Anything could have happened during those six-plus hours he was missing, especially being at the mercy of a toxic narcissist veritable stranger who doesn’t know or respect the country or speak the language. You and your husband must have been terrified.

But please stop doubting yourself. You are not depriving your son of another grandmother.

You are protecting him from being subjected to the same type of mistreatment and gaslighting you yourself grew up with. That’s how one halts the generational trauma that gets handed down—your son will grow up with a sense of healthy love, safety, and respect, and without the toxic black hole of narcissism that you’re struggling with right now.

It’s not only about her kidnapping him—that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. But you don’t owe her, or any of your relatives, any explanations. You and your husband are protecting your son’s happiness and well-being. Period.

Going low or having no contact with your mother will likely be much harder on you than your son, who at three is happily oblivious.

She won’t go quietly or with any sense of shame or self-awareness. Think of her as an enraged parrot who continues to squawk, even after you have covered its cage and moved it out of hearing range. But you will ultimately find freedom and relief that will be life-changing.

Wishing you the best on the beautiful new family you’ve made in your adopted country!” MamaMowgli

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for calling your mother a kidnapper and kicking her out. Ytj for not insisting the police arrest right then. It doesn’t matter that he is fine and was showing people the toys that she bought or brought him back. She took him without your permission, you called the cops, and she tried to gaslight you by blaming pregnancy brain for it.

Where was your husband while you were speaking with the police? You should have insisted that you never gave permission. You are pregnant, not brain-dead. You don’t simply forget to give permission for someone to take your child for the day and forget all about it.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She literally kidnapped your son and then gaslit you about giving her permission (yes, this is the correct use of “gaslit,” folks…) while lying to the police.

Why would you have called the cops if you had given her permission to take him!? Oh, right…you didn’t.

The important thing here is that you need to get ahead of the narrative because right now your mother has fired the first shot and called her version of the story for everyone to get them on her side.

I would recommend writing a standard short response so that anytime a relative reached out to you, you can simply cut and paste the same response without even having to think about it. In my experience, flying monkeys back off once they hear the other side of the story. Something like this:

I wanted to respond to your recent message.

As you may know, my mother and I have had a very difficult relationship for years, and over the last several years, she has been furious at me for having a child. If you want, I can show you dozens of angry, unhinged texts that she has sent to me, but suffice it to say that for the last three years all I have gotten from her was a steady stream of rage bombs.

Several months ago she announced plans to visit us, which I was hesitant about because of a long history of toxic and narcissistic behavior. However, my husband convinces me that we should at least make the attempt to build bridges.

Unfortunately, problems started as soon as she arrived. We received endless complaints about the size of our home, the fact that my son speaks languages other than English, the state of our garden…you name it.

But it all came to a head when she started screaming at my son for accidentally spilling a drink and we asked her not to yell at him. This set her off in a rage, claiming that my husband and I didn’t know how to parent. At that moment, it became pretty obvious why my mother and I have the relationship we have: her single approach to parenting is to yell at and berate children.

Later that night, I had to run to the pharmacy to get some medication for my husband, who was sleeping on the sofa with our son. When I return 20 minutes later, my mother and son were gone without permission. I was absolutely frantic, as with my husband, who was unaware that my mother had taken her son.

I tried multiple times to call and text her, but got no response. Frantic, I called the police to see if they could help locate my son.

They returned six hours later, and my mother immediately told the police that I gave her permission to take our son with her for the day. I want to make this very clear: neither I nor my husband gave her permission to do anything of the sort.

She is now claiming that because of my “pregnancy brain,” I don’t remember telling her that it was OK. This is a complete lie, and she knows it. And the fact that she did not respond to any of our texts or phone calls for six hours pretty much proves that she knew she was in the wrong.

Allow me to be crystal clear: I never want my mother alone with my son, and I would have never given her permission to take him for five minutes, much less six hours. Because she crossed this line, I asked her to leave our home, and I want no further contact with her because of it.

I’m not quite sure what she told you, but I don’t appreciate you immediately jumping down my throat without hearing both sides of the story. My mother took my child without permission for six hours, and we were frantic about his well-being and whereabouts. If you can’t understand that, there’s really nothing more I can say.

She took our child without permission, and that is unforgivable.” Rajaboom

6 points (6 votes)

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shta 11 months ago
Kick her out of the country and dont let her back into your lives! She can everyone her version of her delusional story. I would've had her arrested but that's just me.
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14. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Gothic Wedding Theme For My Friends' Comfort?

Your wedding, your choice of theme.

“I know this is weird, but I want to know if I’m in the wrong.

I’m (24f) getting married on Halloween to my amazing fiance (30m) of two years. We both have a gothic style. Our home is like the Addams family since we brought an abandoned Victorian-style home. We love horror and creepy things.

So for the wedding, since we met at our city’s Vampire Ball. We decided to do that theme but more Royal and gothic.

The wedding is at a castle. I got a custom-made goth wedding dress. My wedding dress is a black ball gown with a lot of lace detail and a corset back. Plus I’m wearing a lace cape and a black tiara.

When I showed a few friends of mine the wedding look, they told me that it was too much and how it’s really over the top.

I was told that I should go more traditional since my style freaks people out and that I could tone down the look. I was also told that I should go in more of a traditional style since I only get married once. I told them that I don’t want a traditional wedding. They told me that they won’t go because I’m over the top and the wedding is scary.

I told them that they don’t have to come, but I’m not changing the theme over a few opinions over my wedding.

But am I the jerk and a bridezilla?”

Another User Comments:


I also got married on Halloween (10 years ago this year) and had a gothic theme. If I could have afforded what you are planning I would do it in a heartbeat because it sounds amazing.

Here is the thing about your wedding. It’s yours. Not your friends. Not your parents. Not your second cousin’s dog’s bffs. The only people who get a say are you and your partner. If you are being helped with financing the wedding, then the people who are helping can veto certain things that they are paying for.

You can show up in a black gothic ballgown. You can show up in a nun’s habit. It’s YOUR day. If you showed up wearing nothing but strategically placed glitter and a smile, you would not be underdressed because it’s your day; they would be underdressed.” Obsidian-Winter

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for dressing yourself and theming your wedding the way you want to.

You WILL be a jerk if you make the same level of commitment a requirement for others to attend.

Giving out set colors to wear – that’s fine. “Wear black, grey, red please” is ok. “The wedding is a vampire goth theme. Feel free to dress up for it if you want! Otherwise, we would be happy for you to attend in X colors” is good as it gives people options.” “To attend, you MUST wear a gothic-themed ball gown” will NOT be ok.

Basically, people should be able to attend wearing clothes they already own. People purchasing something new to wear for a wedding should always be at the complete discretion of the guest. So if the majority of your guests don’t attend black-tie events and will absolutely never do so, then asking them to go out and purchase a ball gown is unreasonable.

For your wedding theme? I would be comfortable attending. I either already own a black dress or would be ok purchasing a regular dress in black. I would 100% not attend if I had to wear a ball gown because that is unreasonable – I would never be able to wear it again and is thus an overly demanding request.” Ohcrumbcakes

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My tastes are eclectic nerd, and if I ever got married, I would want that to be the “theme.” Master sword in the cake? Heck yeah. Wedding dress based on my favorite character from my favorite movie of all time? Absolutely. Bridal party wants to wear cosplay? Of course. Security/bouncers dressed as Gandalf and yell, “You shall not pass!” if someone not on the invite list tries to sneak in?

Please and thank you.

If you want a gothic royal Adams Family ballroom wedding, do a gothic royal Adams Family ballroom wedding. ESPECIALLY if it means something significant to both you and your future spouse. Your ‘friends’ don’t sound like they are really friends.

ALSO: Morticia and Gomez Addams are an amazing couple to bless your nuptials, so much better than some of the other relationships often idealized (cough Harley Quinn and Joker cough).

ALSO ALSO: I hope your officiant wears a spooky hooded cloak. I wish I could go to this wedding, it sounds like it will be a blast.” Equivalent_Spread119

5 points (5 votes)

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Beenthruit 11 months ago
NTJ I think it sounds amazing and I'd love to attend
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13. AITJ For Calling It Babysitting, Even Though The Baby Is Biologically Mine?

I (22f) donated my eggs 3 years ago to my friends V and M (30m and 32m) since they wanted to have a baby. I wasn’t the surrogate,  just the egg donor.

Back then they used to say how I’ll be the coolest godmother/aunt to the baby and we’ll be a big happy family etc. Fast forward to when the baby was born, I only found out through social media posts, and when I congratulated them, they hesitantly said I’m the biological mother of the baby.

Yet they said my meeting the baby might hamper their bonding as parental figures and so they didn’t want me to meet him till he was at least 2 years old. Well, their kid and their call, so I never questioned it or argued about it.

Last week was the baby’s 2nd birthday and they invited me to the party and well I’m good with kids.

It’s easy to just pretend to enjoy whatever game they are playing and laugh along. They noticed him getting along with me too much and requested I keep some distance from him. I was weirded out but complied. Well, yesterday, they texted me that V has some family emergency and needed me to take the baby for 2 days.

I agreed but texted them babysitting rates. As a friend, I would’ve agreed, but since they never let me interact with the baby and acted weird, I said I will charge them. Now M is all over the internet ranting about how it’s called parenting and not babysitting when it’s your own baby etc., etc.

So AITJ for babysitting a child whose supposed to be biologically mine?!

Edit: I just found out from a friend that the ‘emergency’ is his sister’s plans to have lip and cheek fillers and he wants them to be there to ‘emotionally support’ her.

Well, as a lot of people pointed out, egg donation at 19 was too young (I had to even start hormonal preps at 18) I checked out the doctor; she was fine but turns out, their lawyer he’s well-known for a similar history of shady stuff and almost sued the clinic when they refused the procedure in preliminary steps.

Legally I was in the clear for not having the baby’s custody that I ensured. A lot of people said I should just fight for the baby’s custody, but 1) I’m not ready to be a parent financially or emotionally, and 2) don’t want to do anything with that family anymore.

Onto the social media kerfuffle.

One of my friends when she saw their posts about ‘parenting’ took it upon herself to set the record straight about their awful audacity and parenting. Well, social media is obviously fickle and soon people turned on them. I stopped receiving hate messages.

So well the legal issue, they tried to sue me for ‘defamation’ when they saw some social media posts, but thankfully, their case got dismissed.

And well finally, their audacity was at its peak, they begged me for almost 2 weeks that I donate them eggs once more, so their kid can have a biological sibling!! Even after all the legal social and well personal conflict, they asked for it again, saying how important are siblings and that gays deserve to have a big biological family too… They called me every name under the sun.

I refused firmly and filed for a restraining order.

So that’s all folks.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The baby doesn’t even know you and is not going to like being dumped with a stranger for two days. You are NOT a parent – they have made it very clear that they find you to be a threat to their own bond with the baby and want you at a distance.

They chose that and don’t get to rant about it now when it’s convenient to them to have you watch the kiddo. Especially since after those two days you probably won’t see the kid again.” Xellos1542

Another User Comments:

“Well, you don’t need to worry about this question because when people start blasting you on social media, you are under no obligation to do anything for them.

Of course, you’re NTJ. You’re not the baby’s parent. This was not an open adoption. You have zero parental rights (right?), and you’ve had zero role in the baby’s life.

On top of that, although you’re bending over backward to be cool about it, I think it would be fair enough to feel hurt and sad that after promising you a role in the baby’s life, they cut you off.

You don’t owe them a thing.

I’m not telling you that you should dump them. Because of the baby, this is not an average situation where friends suddenly reveal themselves to be jerks or immature or whatever is going on here. Whether you decide to have a relationship with them or not, you do not owe them a thing and it is totally appropriate to ask for babysitting pay.

You’re not a doormat to contact only when they need something.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“Ntj. I would reevaluate the friendship. You did them this huge favor and instead of being grateful, they are punishing you by not letting you meet the baby for 2 years and getting upset when you interact with the baby.

Guilt-tripping you and blasting you on the internet is just the cherry on top. They don’t seem to value you much as a person or have any respect for you.

Their insecurities are unfounded. DNA doesn’t make you bond to a child, actively parenting and caring for them does. They can’t simultaneously prevent you from being a part of the child’s life and then be mad bc you won’t babysit a child they have made very clear isn’t yours.

They are total drama.” HarlesBronson

4 points (4 votes)

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Bluemoondryad 11 months ago
NTJ. They are treating you like a backyard chicken they keep for eggs as needed.
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12. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Stop Complaining To Me About My Husband Bringing Up Her Fertility?

The topic of fertility is a sensitive one to bring up and even more so when you do it in a condescending manner.

“My f31 sister f35 “Claire” has struggled with her inability to have kids for years. She gets all kinds of questions from people about when she’ll have kids, but somehow she focuses on what my husband says about the topic and complains about how he constantly makes backhanded comments about her inability to have kids.

She once claimed he told her that “women in their 30s+ have lesser chances to bear children” or that one time she claimed he mocked her infertility by calling her garden “barren” just like her. I admit that my husband is the type to dish it out, but her complaining seemed excessive because she never liked him anyway.

Last week, we got together for dinner at my parents’ house. My sister came downstairs later while mom and I were in the kitchen. She told me that my husband “suggested” she back out of her IVF treatment and find “better use for the funds” when she announced wanting to try IVF. She went on about how insensitive and hurtful his words were.

I felt upset I told her she was right to be mad but that she needed to stop coming to me to complain about him as if he was my son and try to speak to him instead. She snapped at me saying she already talked to him, but since he’s my husband and “I” brought him “into” the family, then I should be the one to “handle” him.

I told her her reasoning didn’t make any sense, but she called me selfish and cruel just like him.

It got so overwhelming when my mom sided with her, even going as far as to say I was enabling him! I left and went home. My husband said my sister is just being too sensitive because he was just giving his honest opinion when she brought up the IVF and said that if she has an issue with him she should tell him to his face.

He also said that she was probably looking for an excuse to pick an argument with me and that I was innocent and had nothing to do with this despite her trying to involve me.

Neither she or my parents are speaking to me as of now. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


Fertility issues are INCREDIBLY personal and your husband has absolutely no place “dishing it out” as you call it over something so personal and sensitive.

And yes, she is sensitive. It’s a sensitive topic, and you should be absolutely ashamed of your husband’s abhorrent behavior. He is being a cruel, vindictive bully who needs to learn that every little thought that passes through his brain doesn’t need to come out of his mouth. Furthermore, him specifically targeting your sister says he actually wants to be cruel and hurtful to her.

And you enable him!

“Oh, don’t come to me about his behavior.” Why shouldn’t she? You married the oaf. He’s your responsibility!

Or… are you just happy that when your sister is around, he’s not being cruel and vindictive to you?” LetThemEatHay

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, and so is your insensitive, cruel husband.

Yes, you absolutely should be telling your husband to knock that off.

What is wrong with the two of you?!? Your husband should apologize to your sister immediately and cut that crap out immediately & permanently.

Did your sister ask for your husband’s advice or input? No. He wasn’t “giving his honest opinion”, because he wasn’t asked for his opinion. He was tormenting your sister and has been for quite some time.

You need to stop enabling him by giving him a pass & defending his horrible behavior, and he needs to either shut up or stay away from other people if he can’t speak to people like a normal human being.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“YTJ- if my partner ever said anything like this to my sisters, they would no longer be my partner.

If I said anything like this to my sister-in-law, my partner would dump me that very second.

There are lines in this world people shouldn’t cross- giving your sister crap about her fertility- something that clearly breaks her heart and that she has little control over is so far over the line, you need Google maps to guide you back to it.

I’m surprised your sister hasn’t gone no-contact with you. She must really love you or not understand how truly screwed up this is.” ChakraMama318

3 points (3 votes)

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Trish6529 1 year ago
Yta. Your parents need to step in and make it very clear neither of you are welcome in the home until you learn manners and respect. Your husband is a conpete jerk... and so are you for enabling him.
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11. AITJ For Not Kicking My Cousin Out, Even Though My Pregnant Fiancee Wants Me To?

“I (29) live with my pregnant fiance, Sara (27), and my cousin, Mira (18). To make a long story short, I’ve basically raised Mira myself since she was 4, and I was 15. Her parents are extremely negligent and when I was 20, she ended up basically moving in with me. While she calls me by name, and call me her cousin, for all intents and purposes we have a father-daughter relationship.

Mira is obviously important to me. She didn’t get along with Sara at first, I think she just hated sharing my attention. But I thought they get along well now. Sara and I have discussed Mira and her situation. While I knew Sara thought independence is better, I personally think it’s better for her to stay here while she goes to university.

A few days ago Mira came up to me crying and apologizing. She basically said she was sorry for being a burden and hurting me, for not realizing how I felt and that she would move out and everything. I had no idea what was going on, and when I managed to calm her down, she basically told me that Sara had talked to her.

Apparently, she told her that she’s old enough to move out and stop being a burden on me, that she needs to stop taking advantage of my kindness. I got pretty livid and reassured Mira that I love her and wouldn’t kick her out or anything.

I was furious and argued with Sara about it.

Apparently, she thinks I’m letting Mira take advantage of me, that she’s old enough to be independent. She thinks it’s such an issue that Mira has been referring to the baby as her little sister. That she’s my cousin, and I have an ‘actual daughter’ coming so I can’t keep coddling her. Basically, she thinks I’m spoiling her with all this, which is ridiculous.

That she did it this way because I left her no choice. The whole ‘just a cousin’ has really made me mad. Even if not by blood, she is my daughter, I raised her and love her. Sure I spend a lot of time and funds and whatnot on her, but I would do that for any child I had.

Our argument went terribly. I don’t understand how she can see Mira as some leech I need to stand up to, and that she did what had to be done. Mira was really happy I didn’t feel that way, and obviously hates Sara now. Sara and most of my in-laws obviously say she’s right and I need to have appropriate boundaries.

Our friends mostly agree with Sara. Even my best friend basically told me that Sara’s right when I vented. Apparently, I basically forgot my place and it’s unhealthy.

I really really don’t agree with them. But having so many disagree, especially my best friend, is giving me doubts. I want what’s best for Mira, and while I personally want her to stay, if it is actually unhealthy maybe Sara would be right.

Sara definitely went the wrong way, but maybe I was wrong to not take some of the worries seriously.”

Another User Comments:

“It’s great that you have this amazing relationship with Mira and you’ve taken on a fatherly role, but you’re being completely unrealistic that she can keep living with you while detesting your fiancée.

Burying your head in the sand and pretending that it can work puts both Mira and your fiancée in a terrible position.

I think the healthiest thing for Mira is to move out for college. She wants it to be just the two of you and resents your fiancée. That’s untenable. Being pregnant and having a baby is a very vulnerable time.

The first year is a notoriously stressful time for couples in the best of circumstances. Living with a young adult who hates you and who is rooting for your baby’s family to break up is going to bring out the worst side of your fiancée (and it’s already brought out the worst in Mira.) This is going to destroy your marriage before it begins.

You’re setting everyone you love up for failure — including your infant daughter.

Note, I am in no way suggesting that you abandon Mira. Keep in touch, support her with her education, and set a weekly lunch outing for just the two of you. Spend holidays together. Living together is way, way too much. YTJ for not understanding this.” veni_vidi_dixi

Another User Comments:


What Sara did (going behind your back) was wrong. There is no going around it. Might be partially coz of hormones but you need to be a jerk to pull such a move.

Having said that: The more I read your comments the more convinced I feel you either don’t acknowledge the full picture or you don’t share the full picture.

I cannot believe Sara woke up one day and decided to kick Mira out. If things were as peaceful as you say, if there were no previous conversations with you about how things will be handled going forward, I could agree that Sara is acting crazy and you are not the jerk. But I simply don’t think that’s how it went down.

So either you have been oblivious to her previous comments/behavior or you have left things out in this story (all your friends agreeing with Sara makes me more certain there is further background to this). You know for yourself what stands.

I cannot tell you if Sara is the wicked step-mother or Mira is not the innocent little girl you think her to be, perhaps they are both meh, but Sara is expecting your kid, she is supposed to be your partner and Mira is 18 and has other parents, you know, the people who gave birth to her.

You raised her as your own but she isn’t your own. She is your cousin and it’s wonderful how you took care of her but she is an adult and it’s time you focused on your own kids that is on the way.

Sara and the kid deserve your undivided attention, time, and income.

Doesn’t mean you need to kick your cousin out, it means you need to listen to your partner and the

mother of your child carefully and try to work on a compromise with her.

She needs to know you are on her side and that she and the baby come first. She needs those things badly while pregnant.

She needs the reassurance, and she needs you.

When you have actively shown her where your loyalties lie, perhaps she will be much more accommodating to whatever you wanna do with your cousin.

Again, you don’t need to kick the cousin out, but you need to realize making a family means making joint decisions about the present and the future.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“You had me until you said your best friend agrees with Sara.

If you have a new baby coming, you need to make sure you are financially ready for that baby. That doesn’t mean that you abandon Mira, but you need to communicate better with Sara.

Mira is 18 and should be covering more of her expenses.

You haven’t made it clear how much you are financially supporting Mira, and you haven’t made it clear how that impacts Sara and the baby. There’s a big difference between giving her a place to live vs buying expensive items.

It also isn’t realistic to give Mira EVERY Tuesday when she’s 18.

It’s reasonable to view her and treat her as your child, but it is not reasonable to treat an 18-year-old like a little kid who needs a dedicated day of the week.

You sound like Mira can do no wrong, and you casually gloss over how Mira didn’t like Sara initially. You have no idea how Mira treats Sara when you aren’t looking.

It’s admirable that you are being a father to Mira, but you need to communicate better with Sara and make sure that she feels like she and the baby are your priority. If you prioritize Mira over Sara, you will find yourself paying child support and only seeing your new baby on a 50/50 custody schedule.

I’m going to give you a soft YTJ because you seem really insensitive to Sara and the baby even though I find your commitment to father Mira admirable.” Smart-Platypus6762

2 points (2 votes)

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jomc2 11 months ago
Wow I can't believe so many ppl on here think you are!!!! You have raised that girl, Sara sounds like a nightmare and wants you to choose. I'd call off the engagement and kick her out. The audacity of her to act this way! She knew this from the very beginning of your relationship now she wants it definitely because she's having a baby.
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10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Watch My Partner's Kids?

“For context, I bought a house in January.

We lived an hour away from his family, and there was a great house in my price range, so I decided we could move up here. He has 2 kids, one has (forgive me if my terminology is wrong, I’m still learning) stage 3, non-verbal autism. He’s almost 8. His other child is 3 and is a typical, high-energy 3-year-old.

I myself have a 9-year-old.

When I bought the house, I established some ground rules. I don’t mind the kids coming over, we would accommodate safe spaces for his kids, especially since one is special needs. I don’t mind them staying overnight, but not on weeknights because my own son has ADHD, and I try to keep him on a consistent schedule, and he does struggle with sleep as it is.

I also work a full-time M-F job and need my sleep as well.

At some point, it was decided that the 3-year-old stay every Wednesday night. I never agreed to it, but I just let it go. Then, both kids started staying every other Friday. I alternate weekends with my son’s father, so I agreed to that but said it could not turn into every other full weekend.

The 8-year-old is a LOT of work, and I need my downtime. Maybe that’s selfish, I don’t know.

It turned into every other full weekend, even though I requested it didn’t. I did enjoy being kid-free every other weekend. But again, I let it go. My partner’s mother would come and help with the kids because my partner works at 6 am on the weekends.

The weekends are the only time I have to sleep in, I struggle with insomnia, and that’s the only time I can catch up on sleep.

Now it’s been decided that I will be watching the kids every other weekend. I have said no, multiple times. I feel like my boundaries have slowly been pushed. My partner says he doesn’t understand why it’s a big deal, it’s not every weekend.

The weekends are the only downtime I get, and the only times I really get to sleep. I don’t mind helping with the kids, but getting up at 6 on the weekend is really hard for me. I then spend the next week at work feeling over-exhausted and don’t perform as well. He is supposed to be looking for a sitter, but I don’t think he’s looking very hard.

I understand it’s hard to find someone to care for the 8yo.

My son’s birthday party is tomorrow, I was anticipating having the morning to clean, set up, and decorate. Now I need to get up at 6 am and try to manage all of that on top of caring for the kids.

I feel like my boundaries have been slowly pushed, and pushed, and I’m just expected to deal with it.

I feel like I am not allowed to say no in my own house. I feel like my partner chose a job working weekends, also knowing he would have the kids every other weekend, and just expects me to handle it.

Am I a jerk?”

Another User Comments:


It sounds like you’re really unhappy, and from other comments you’ve written, that your partner frequently doesn’t respect your wishes, ignores your comments, and just does what he wants anyways.

It also sounds like you’re not ready for an ending with him, which is unfortunate because even if he does love you (which I doubt) he’s using you and your house.

YOUR house. Which he should never be put on the deed or title for.

Maybe instead of breaking up, you two take a break for a month?

He can find somewhere else to live (with his kids when he has them because they won’t be coming back to yours during this time either) while you evaluate this….relationship.

I’m sure that once you’ve experienced the very basic wants that you’re asking for it’ll be easier to pull the trigger on completely eradicating this man from your life.

Because if you want your opinions and wants and needs met honey, he isn’t the one.” britt_gingee

Another User Comments:

“As a mother of a stage 3 non-verbal autistic child myself, I can say that they ARE a lot of work. A work you’re not supposed to be doing by yourself. All this flipping on his schedule (autistic child) affects him deeply.

He may struggle to sleep, his dietary selectiveness may kick in extra hard. He may even be violent towards himself and others while trying to self-regulate because everything around him gets confusing (different sounds, different smells, different people, different order of activities). He is a child! How can his dad think this isn’t a big deal?

Where is this kid’s mom?! I know that even as exhausted as I am, I would be the biggest witch about keeping my neuroatypical child on a regular and healthy routine. Do not keep jumping him from space to space. What the heck? He may be fine. It’s where Dad lives. Great. But that’s not how sensory overload works.

Eventually, it might just boil over and it is going to be a mess.

You are not the parent. You have your limits set and you are getting disrespected. As so are the children.

NTJ. And honestly, if you think the relationship is worth it, find the sitter yourself and foot the bill to your partner.

He sounds like he is not going to bother about you, thinking you will find a way to handle it and that it will be fine.” sis3838

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Not for the not wanting to babysit. That’s completely reasonable. But you’re being a huge jerk to yourself and your son by being a giant pushover.

Grow a spine. He’s trampling all over you and your boundaries. Why is he insisting his kids spend all weekend at your place when he’s away working most of that time? Do you enjoy being a babysitter? It’s clear that’s pretty much all he thinks of you as. He doesn’t respect you, your home, your established and reasonable ground rules, and the comfort and routine of your son.

It’s so frustrating reading posts like this full of wording like “it’s been decided,” “now I have to,” etc. No, you don’t. You allowed this man to walk all over you. You’ve allowed this situation to occur. Enjoy a life full of being this man’s doormat unless you radically change your behavior and end things.” Dreadhawk13

2 points (2 votes)

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NTJ! Lay down the law and tell him that your rules will be followed or he can get out! Your house your rules! If he can't or won't watch HIS KIDS, then they can't come over anymore and he can move out and take care of them. STAND YOUR GROUND! He and his family is taking advantage of you and you are the only one who can fix this. He is waiting for the day that he has them full time with you as nanny, chief cook and bottlewasher.
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9. AITJ For Making My Partner Eat Fast Food For A Week?

” “My man grew up in a house that valued outdated gender norms. The women were always responsible for cooking and cleaning, so he didn’t learn how to do any of that for most of his life.

That is, until he moved in with me after college.

He’s been good about a few things. He doesn’t mind helping with dishes or handling the laundry, but the one thing I can’t seem to get him to do is learn how to cook. The only thing he can do is microwave frozen meals. I’ve been trying to teach him the basics, but it seems like it goes through one ear and just comes out the other.

He still can’t turn on the oven or use the stove without help. The toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims. Doesn’t know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups. I just don’t understand why he can’t grasp this but is fine with other things.

Here’s the part where I may be a jerk. I went on a trip two weeks ago for work. I’m in charge of buying groceries (we have separate accounts) and I realized how expensive his frozen meals actually are. Three to four dollars for each. I said screw it and bought the easiest ingredients I could find for a lot cheaper for him to cook on his own.

He doesn’t like leftovers, so me cooking ahead for him was out. Before I left, I sat him down once again and gave him a very long lesson on using the oven, toaster, and stove, as well as how to boil/scramble eggs, toast a piece of toast, boil rice/noodles, and heat up pasta sauce.

I also taught him how to pan-fry things like onions and other veggies, and how to tell when they were ready. In case he didn’t want to cook both lunch and dinner, I also bought things to make salads and fixings for sandwiches.

I come back a week later, and he is angry! He claims I practically left him to starve, and how I know he has trouble cooking.

I retaliate, saying I showed him what to do, and I get a whole range of excuses. “Setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated” “He cut his finger chopping onions and couldn’t chop any until his cut healed” “He only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced”

Apparently, he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week.

He thinks I’m a major jerk for not telling him I’m not buying his frozen meals and leaving him alone to fend for himself. On one hand, I do think it was crappy of me not to tell him I didn’t buy his meals, and as someone who grew up in a home pretty much only boiled hotdogs and veggies, and only properly learned how to cook after moving, out I do feel for him, but at the same time, after a few months of not getting the simplest concepts, I’m left feeling partially justified in my actions.

So Reddit, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – He sounds like he’s deliberately refusing to grasp the concept of these “self-care” tasks because he’s not interested in doing them for himself.

Unless he’s got some mental deficiencies he’s still responsible for resolving, there’s little justification for his not knowing how to care for himself at 25.

You are not responsible for feeding him, even if you didn’t make more than him in this relationship ( thus logically leaving more of the chores for him depending on expense distribution for the sake of fairness). The fact that he’s guilt-tripping you into feeling responsible for his shortcomings is a major red flag, he’d rather manipulate you to cover it up than work on fixing it.

You’ve made it clear you are not okay with his incompetence in this area, he sounds like he’s doubled down instead of opening himself to personal growth.

Are you getting enough out of this relationship to justify overriding your own boundaries to maintain it? If not, start enforcing your boundaries in whatever way works best for you, and DO NOT play into his mind games about how horrible you are for leaving him “starving” instead of refocusing to his responsibility to take care of himself and his failure.

What if you die tomorrow? Break up? Become permanently disabled? Accidents happen every day, this distribution is not only unfair, it’ll be unsustainable unless you willingly take on all that extra onto yourself to maintain this status quo for no other identifiable reason than guilt over leaving because “he helped me through some things.”

Have you looked into this as a potential trauma bond instead of a healthy relationship?

Any which way you spin it, his feeling entitled to certain levels of care and being too immature at this point in his life to grow past it is in no way a reflection of you, your flaws (other than remaining even after he shows you), or your value.” 3tzamani

Another User Comments:


You really should reconsider any sort of relationship with him and do not under any circumstance even consider having children with him. You need to think ahead one year, 5 years and 10 years into the future. Put it this way: You get into an accident and are in the hospital, what is he going to do then?

How about if you give birth to a child or end up having a c-section and are at home, how is he going to be able to cook? How about if you get sick with the flu, and cannot get up to go and make something to eat, how is he going to take care of YOU?

What does he do for a job? I kind of find it hard to believe that a man, who has to graduate from high school, is supposed to be intelligent to go to college, cannot figure out how to turn on and operate a stove, an oven, a toaster and be able to read and comprehend a simple recipe on how to make a very simple meal, like say spaghetti.

How about him doing the laundry, can he operate a washing machine? Can he run the vacuum? Is he able to survive as an adult on his own?

I think you should reconsider this relationship and probably go out and find someone else who can at least do the basics when it comes to surviving, including making simple meals to not starve, and is willing to forget the gender roles and actually take care of YOU when you are in your most vulnerable state.” JCWa50

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You left him food, you showed him how to cook it. The entire internet is crammed full of recipes and instructions and step-by-step videos for even the most basic stuff. I’d expect most young elementary school kids to be able to use a toaster on their own.

And beyond that, if he had the change for fast food, he could have marched his happy butt to the grocery store and bought his own frozen dinners.

If he is literally weaponizing incompetence to this level, you need to take a hard look at what a future with him will look like. What is he going to do if you are sick and are the one who needs to be cared for? What is going to happen if you have kids? Is he also going to be incapable of learning how to change a diaper or dress a child?

Will a bottle warmer be “too complicated” for him? He’s definitely going to be unable to assemble all the STUFF that comes with a house or a child. Can he follow Ikea instructions?

Anyone who claims a toaster is “too complicated” either has serious delays and should be getting services to help them manage life, or is playing stupid.

If he can go to college, he can stick a slice of bread in a toaster and push down the button. How does he manage to even dress himself if he’s this useless?

Next time you have to leave meals for him give him jars of baby food and a plastic infant spoon. That’s apparently his competence level, so give him food to match it.” AdEmbarrassed9719

Another User Comments:


Regardless of how you feel about being the cook in your relationship, I do not recommend building a life with someone who is so dependent on your cooking that he can’t fend for himself when you’re not there to care for him, and it’s good you learned this before marrying the guy.

And while I understand that no one comes out of the womb fully versed in how to make Gordon Ramsay’s beef wellington or Julia Child’s coq au vin, it’s troubling that he’s a grown man who seemingly can’t grasp basic cooking concepts. To me that smells like weaponized incompetence; he’s pretending it’s too hard so you’ll keep doing it for him and he’ll never be expected to actually know how to do anything.

What also kills me is that he accused you of leaving him to starve, but you did SO MUCH to help him prepare for your absence, more than one should have to do for an adult partner. He really couldn’t go to the store? Order his own groceries? Use a food delivery app to order a salad or other healthy meal?

Come on now.

I think you really need to ask yourself what this guy is bringing to the table here. What value does he add to your life?” VisualCelery

2 points (2 votes)

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Hallowedaura 1 year ago
Even my 9 year old can make toast, this is ridiculous. If he can figure out to drive and use laundry machines then a cooker shouldn't be beyond him.
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8. AITJ For Calling The Police When Nobody Picked Up The Kid I Was Babysitting?

“My partner and I took his ex’s kid for a last-minute overnight stay since the father of the kid canceled on her. She had plans with her friends for the night, and we weren’t busy, so we took him overnight when the baby daddy bailed on her. We told her we had brunch reservations the next morning at 11, and while we were happy to help, she needed to pick him up by 9 am.

She knew this and agreed when she dropped him off.

Well, the next morning, it’s 9 am, and she isn’t here yet. We text and call her with no answer. 10 am rolls around, and we try calling her again. She picks up in a very groggy voice and tells us she’s got the worst hangover, and she won’t be picking him up until 2 pm.

We remind her of our brunch reservations, and she tells us to take him with us! This kid is 2 years old; it is not enjoyable to take a child this age out to eat. My partner cancels our reservations and gets ready to have this kid until she decides to pick him up.

I am furious at this point.

This is not my child nor my man’s child. I call her and tell her if she is not here by noon, I would be calling the police to collect her child (she only lives 15 minutes away). She calls me a witch. I then told her she had 30 minutes to come to get him.

I waited an hour, and there was 0 sign of her. (We couldn’t drop the child off to her since she lives in an apartment complex that you need to have access to, to get in.)

So I called the cops and told them I was babysitting, and I don’t know where his parents are; they were supposed to be here 2 hours ago.

They basically treated it as they would a lost child. They took him down to the station.

Little Miss finally rolls up at 3 pm and gets belligerent when she discovers I had actually called the cops and gave her child to them! She calls me all sorts of wonderful names and storms down to the police station.

Edit: We didn’t know where she was or if she’d even gone home. We also couldn’t contact the father since we had no contact information.

Edit 2: The mother of the child is also neglectful, and this was the last straw for us. She’d maybe change his diaper twice throughout the whole day (on a good day), and multiple times, I’d seen her refill a bottle that hadn’t been cleaned in days with actual rotten milk inside.”

Another User Comments:


I may get criticized for this, but when you bring a child into the world and assume responsibility for it, there are certain things you give up. Partying until the wee hours of the morning and waking up with massive hangovers is a luxury you are no longer entitled to. Your kid needs to be fed, dressed, and supervised at the bare minimum.

As Kyle on South Park said in the episode “The Jeffersons,” “When you have children, you have to grow up.”

I would have called the cops much sooner, continued with your plans for brunch, then texted the child’s mother, explaining to her what you did with the child. She agreed to 9 am, so that’s on her.” RighteousVengeance

Another User Comments:

“ESH. The mom is super inconsiderate and irresponsible. Getting people with guns involved was an overreaction. The role of the police is not to make sure you’re on time for your brunch outing.

Don’t babysit for this woman anymore, obviously. She doesn’t respect you.

With regards to your edits about her hygiene, if you’re concerned enough about it that you think intervention is necessary, call CPS.

I doubt they would prioritize this case at all, but that is their role.

It sounds like you used the police as a means of sticking it to her for being selfish and irresponsible, but that’s not what they are for.

You also lied to them. She told you she would pick up the kid at 2.

You told the police you were expecting her at 10, which was only true before she said she’d be there at 2. I don’t know if they would have taken the kid if you hadn’t misrepresented the mother as being a missing person essentially.

If the cost of the services provided by the police were broken down, it might have been expensive.

Don’t misuse that service.” the_hambone_15

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for calling the cops but YTJ for all the other terrible stuff you’ve seen and remained silent on.

I can’t blame you for calling them. You helped her out and made a plan that she agreed to but then without even calling to ask if it was ok, she decided she was just going to sleep in until she felt like getting up and had your partner not called her you wouldn’t have even known.

She is then woken up and told you have plans, and she pretty much says tough crap, and she’s going back to bed. You call and tell her you’re going to call the cops, and she tells you to screw off and thinks she called your bluff, only you weren’t bluffing lol nice very nice.

However, you list a few things along with indicating that you’ve seen it happen multiple times and only do something when it affects your schedule and you don’t even mention any of the neglect to the cops or at least didn’t say you did and since you haven’t reported her before this I imagine you didn’t tell them either.

If you see neglect you should say something. If you see neglect that is putting the child’s health at risk you should call someone who can fix it or remove the child. You’ve done neither so on that front YTJ. Ps don’t try the “it’s not my place or not my business” line either. When it’s a child involved ESPECIALLY a child who can’t speak for themselves it is your place, and it is your business, its just human decency.” waste0331

1 points (1 votes)

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Trish6529 1 year ago
I used to work for a child care center. If a parent was significantly the child was taken to the police station. End of story. The same should happen if they don't show up for an agreed time when babysitting. It does not matter if they call you changing the time later. If it's not agreed on then it's not ok. You are not obligated to keep someone's kid just because they don't feel like picking them up. This women had a good thing going. she had people who would step up to keep her kid for her overnight so she could party. The least she could do is show up on time to pick her kid up.
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7. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Son Go On Vacation With His Dad?

“I (37f) have joint custody of an 11-year-old child with my ex-husband. He is pretty hostile towards me because I collect child support from him even though we have shared custody.

He even got himself a paternity test.

The hostility is usually passive, and we don’t talk often but he has expressed it verbally before and called me names. He’s called me a “dumb witch” before through text. He doesn’t ever let me into his house (not that I want to) or let me near his family or other children (I don’t want to either).

If my son is with me on his birthday, he doesn’t come over nor does he let his other children come over. He just celebrates it on his day. My son even recently told me that he thinks his dad’s whole family doesn’t like me.

This summer, he wanted to take my son to Greece for 3-4 weeks and then to his Australian vacation home for another 2 weeks.

He has three other children. The oldest is 8 and is pretty close with my son.

But why would he make it so long? A month and a half?

Taking a child out of the country requires the full consent of both parents. I said no. My son was disappointed but I made him understand how Greece could be dangerous for young children.

Ex and family ended up going without my son, cut their vacation short to three weeks (decided to skip Australia), and came home early. He said they didn’t want to spend that much time on vacation without my son and asked if he could take my son to Niagara Falls instead and I said yes.

I feel like whether he intends it this way or not, my ex-husband’s actions are leading my son to like him and his side more than me and my side, especially given that he has siblings on his dad’s side. Why is a 6-week vacation necessary? This may not explicitly be parental alienation but it has the same effect.


Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Sorry. But taking long vacations in cool places is in no way, shape or form parental alienation. Shouldn’t even have close to the same effect. You refusing to let your son go on a great trip with people he seems to care for and likes to spend time with is likely going to do more harm to your relationship with your son than the vacation.

You refused a nice trip for your son for no reason really. (Is Greece dangerous for young children? Pshaw.) So. Yeah. YTJ.” rbrancher2

Another User Comments:


If this was truly about your child’s safety you wouldn’t have opened up the post with your ex calling you a witch. First of all, it’s common to dislike your exes, and I’m sure you’ve called him a couple of choice words as well.

Anyway, you have shared custody of the child. You denied the other parent the right to take a kid on a vacation. It would’ve been educational, fun, and it’s safe. Greece is a first-world country, do you think it’s that much more dangerous than the United States? Greece is actually safer. I think the REAL reason you didn’t want your son to go is because you’re afraid that he will like his father better.

Grow up.

You denied your child the right to be with his father on vacation. You are not the only parent in your son’s life. Your behavior and animosity towards your ex is what will alienate you from your son because it is now affecting him and his ability to spend time with him.” Medium-Audience5078

Another User Comments:


You both share 50/50 custody, and I understand that this would be a fantastic holiday; your son could have made excellent memories. But that’s a considerable amount of time to be separated from yourself, especially if communication is limited and difficult. It’s understandable you may be concerned your ex may not contact you with updates etc. They could have done a 3-week holiday, then scheduled the Australian trip for a different time.

Perhaps you could suggest this next time?

However, I will say it seems you might be quite upset that you couldn’t provide the same experience? That’s understandable, but children are understanding, and I really doubt this would be considered parental alienation.” Sugardumplin96

1 points (1 votes)

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Ana341 11 months ago
Is your ex from another country? Would he have moved to another country with his family? If there was a chance for child abduction, then yntj.

BUT if it was a vacation only, then ytj. Yes, I'm sure daddy & his family would fill his little head with all sorts of poison against you, but that is something that youd have to fix afterwards. The way you handled this, you were the one who put the poison in his head. Good luck with trying to be the "good guy" in the future!
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6. AITJ For Asking Adoptive Mother About My Share Of Inheritance?

“I (32, F) am the eldest child in a family of eight (dad, mom, 2 brothers (17, 25) and 3 sisters (29, 27, 15).

Our parents told me I was adopted when I was 10. All my siblings knew I was adopted, but I was never treated any differently, and I had never felt like I wasn’t a part of the family.

Some years ago, grandma (my mom’s mom) passed away in her sleep very suddenly without a will. As a result, mom had a lot of trouble with her siblings when it comes to splitting assets.

It took three years for everything to settle down, after which mom told us she would be drawing up a will to prevent the same thing from happening.

Mom came home from the lawyer’s beaming, saying everything was settled. We were like, “Okay, great!” but in her excitement, she started telling us who was getting what.

My 29-year-old sister told her she doesn’t have to tell because it’s awkward, but mom says she doesn’t want any surprises and wants us to know in no uncertain terms as to what we are getting so we don’t fight and contest the will because it’s final.

After she finished rattling off the list, my siblings and I realized that I had been left out of it, so my 25-year-old brother asked what I’m getting.

Mom stopped smiling and asked me if that was what I had asked my brother to say. I said no I didn’t, but I too am wondering why I hadn’t been mentioned.

I don’t know what happened, but something seemed to snap in her after I said that. She told me I shouldn’t be greedy and should be grateful that she raised me because who knows where I could be and what I’m doing otherwise.

I was hurt and told her that it wasn’t really about the assets, but leaving me out of her will was clearly hurtful, and if she had really seen me as her child she wouldn’t have left me out and said all those awful things.

Mom reiterated that the will’s final then excused herself. I left shortly after, but my 15-yo sis told me that mom didn’t come out of her room until the next day.

I tried to resume things as they were, but her speech and text messages to me had become short and curt and she no longer calls (we used to call each other regularly).

Dad told me I shouldn’t have been rude and disrespectful to mom, that I broke her heart, and should apologize. I told him what happened, and he said her finances, her decision, and that I shouldn’t have challenged her.

I didn’t want to argue so I said nothing. My siblings have been trying to talk to mom and dad about this, but it seems to only make them unhappier. Dad accused me of turning my siblings against them. I haven’t visited my parents since the incident with my mom (about 3 weeks ago, and we adult kids usually visit every week if nothing comes up).

AITJ for asking about my share of the inheritance, which basically challenges my mom’s right to her finances and assets, and for causing this conflict?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother is projecting her guilt onto you. She decided she only wants to give her biological children anything yet deep down she knows that she is being crappy and unfair to you.

Rather than face up to what that says about her, she is inventing reasons why she is the victim in all this, and you are to blame and deserve nothing. She is frantically doing mental gymnastics in her head to avoid owning up to her own bad behavior.

This is why right from the get-go she was ready to blame you for your brother’s question and snapped over nothing.

She had already been hiding from the voice in her own mind telling her what a jerk she was being. She was dreading someone else voicing out loud what the honest voice of her conscience was telling her all along.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj

Another User Comments:


The way you were treated is disgusting and she should be ashamed of herself.

And she did it the way she did to make sure everyone knew it wasn’t a mistake.

Kids who are in situations needing fostering or adoption are not lucky. Luck doesn’t land you there. You are a human deserving of love and safety. Everything that went into raising you is what you and every child deserves.

Stuff like this riles me up. I love my adopted kiddos with my whole being. I only provide what they have a right to, which is the same as my bio kid. They deserve safety, fun, understanding, and love. What they didn’t deserve was the trauma.

I’m rambling. What happened was hurtful and I’m so sorry you were treated so poorly.

You deserve better, and I’m glad your siblings are indignant on your behalf.” mchursty

Another User Comments:

“I am adopted, and I’m pretty sure this is happening to me too. I’ve watched it happen while my mother is still alive, anyway. Gifted her biological kid a house, business, now a vacation home, spoils, and always makes his life easier.

She’d never ask him for help with anything, and he’d never offer. She seems to enjoy watching me (adopted) struggle but expects me to do everything for her because I owe her because she saved me from some horrible fate if she hadn’t taken me in. The thing I always silently wonder when she’s communicating this?

“The fate of being adopted by someone with a child-first mentality that didn’t see me as a massive burden and indebted servant? Oh, the horror.”

She’s even gone so far as to play cards with her adult son and exclude me as a child; when I asked her why she would play with him and not me, she said “because he’s my son.” This memory has stuck with me.

Some people are jerks that want to be perceived as NTJ so they use needy, helpless children to make themselves martyrs.

OP is NTJ. It’s ok to even feel a bit entitled or left with the short end of the stick because you’ve never gotten the same things that most other children have gotten, like bio parents growing up, but it’s also obviously vital to remember that the world doesn’t owe you anything and is extremely unfair – which isn’t your fault, isn’t a reflection on who you are as a person or how hard you work or try.

Keep your head up. I would say to let your siblings fight this fight for you. It’s not your fight to fight and it’s better for your own protection and mental health to just walk away. Trust me.” SadlySuccumbing


1 points (1 votes)

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ankn 11 months ago
Ouch. You've been part of that family for over 20 years, but you don't count as 'family' when it comes to inheritance? Your mom just HAD to tell everybody that she doesn't consider you truly her child? Wow. That's gotta hurt. I'd go no contact with mom. At least your siblings consider you 'family.' That's something.
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5. AITJ For Being Upset At How My Family Reacted When I Announced That I Have Cancer?

“I (F21) live with my partner (M23).

With a long history of weird symptoms, I found out that I have cancer a month ago. My doctor explained to me that people with my type of cancer have a ~40% chance of surviving their next 5 years, which was very upsetting news.

I was inconsolable for a few days and stayed home and cried, and my partner was incredibly supportive. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I may not be alive in the next few years and have been speaking to a counselor.

I live around a 2-hour drive away from my immediate family, so I told them that I have important news I need to give in person, and my partner kindly drove me to their town.

It wasn’t easy, but I explained to them that I have cancer and my odds of surviving with the treatment.

Everyone went silent and had blank looks.

Then, after ~2 minutes of silence, my older brother’s wife (33F) announces that she’s pregnant with their 3rd child, and everyone immediately congratulates her and starts talking about babies and acts as if I hadn’t said anything at all.

Me and my partner were stunned and decided to leave. I sent the family group chat a message later on and explained that everyone’s reaction to my news made me feel uncared about. My older brother responded and said that I’m not the only one affected by my news and that I should understand that everyone else felt awkward and didn’t know what to say.

I said that I feel like my SIL owes me an apology for announcing her pregnancy right after my cancer announcement. My SIL admits that it was weird but said she doesn’t think she should apologize because she was “trying to lighten the mood.”

I got too upset to continue the conversation and have been giving my family the silent treatment as everyone is taking SIL’s side.

My family is saying that I’m being selfish and guilt-tripping them into getting my own way and that having cancer doesn’t mean I get to be treated like royalty. My older brother even made a remark that I’m acting like a “typical youngest sibling.”


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I recommend a therapist and a lawyer.

The first immediately, the second sometime before it becomes an issue…

At some point, it’s going to sink in. And there’s a non-zero chance that your parents are going to assuage their guilt by swooping in and trying to assert control over the situation as “next of kin.” And since they demonstrably don’t listen very well, that’s just going to add drama and difficulty for you and your very supportive partner.

You can thwart that by getting married, but there are alternatives if you don’t want to do that.

This may seem like a weird concern at this stage, but my brain goes to “now, how could OP’s family screw this up worse?” Answer: by waiting until you and partner are at your most vulnerable and making it about their feelings.

I would drop out of family group conversations entirely and go low-contact except with anyone who gets their head out of their butt enough to call you. Any chirruping about New Baby is just going to irritate you and then make you feel guilty about being annoyed.

I agree with others that they are probably just shocked. But you are allowed to be selfish and self-protective about this.” SaraAmis

Another User Comments:

“10 years ago, my husband was diagnosed with a cancer that had a 50% survival rate. He is still alive today, and life has gone back to normal. Please try and stay as positive as possible. I know that is hard.

You will find out a lot about the people around you in the next few months.

Some will surprise you about how fantastic they are, and some will surprise you because they weren’t there for you or abandoned you or like your parents show a complete lack of regard for you.

As crazy as it sounds you will probably even have great times during treatment. My husband and I both agree we bonded immensely over the 6 months he had chemo.

It was truly a ‘make’ moment in our relationship.

I wish you the best of luck with your cancer fight. It is going to really suck, but hopefully your man will continue to be supportive. I hope you also have some good friends that can also support you because that is what you need right now.

Your reaction to their behavior is very much valid, and you were not being a brat or selfish.” NovelAvailable35

Another User Comments:

“I recommended this to someone else on here who has a high probability of not making it and had experienced a severe lack of support similar to you.

Use “I” statements. Example: “I feel like when I delivered this really upsetting news that I was going to receive some support and comfort from people I love and hope love me back.

I could really use support and love right now as I am really scared for my future and would love the comfort of my family through this.” Please feel free to copy and paste that if you want to make it easier on yourself.

I am wishing you all the luck with not only your family but also your treatment.

News like this is earth-shattering and can feel isolating. Make sure to talk to your therapist about this. I highly recommend support groups, and hey if you want the link for the discord server I’m in that’s a safe haven for folks with disabilities of all sorts (including cancer) let me know! This goes for everyone else if they would like a warm supportive group of folks who get it and offer unconditional support.

Your family should have reacted better with their texts and after that announcement. I understand that it’s jarring news and no one knows what to say half the time, but you should at least offer a hug. I’m here if you ever want to vent or need a distraction.

NTJ.” Mrsvengence

1 points (1 votes)

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Beenthruit 11 months ago
NTJ. I'm sorry your family is so heartless and that you're going through this. I'm glad you have your bf with you. Wishing you well my dear. Go NC with your narcissistic family
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4. AITJ For Making My Mother-In-Law Think I Was Having An Affair?

“I (27f) and my husband (26m) are big gaming addicts. Our parents hate that we played games, and we have gotten into multiple fights as children and adults over our hobby. It is a sore subject in our family, and we have opted to lie and say we are outside if anyone asks what we are doing.

We both work from home, and right after work, we proceed to play games until midnight. None of us like leaving the house, so we are practically next to each other 95% of the time. There is no humanly possible way for either of us to have an affair.

I am currently pregnant, and this has caused our in-laws to visit very frequently.

Due to this increase in visits, we have reduced much of our gaming time for the better health of the baby and so they do not see us gaming. We have gotten in arguments about how our hobbies are “unacceptable” and “childish” and that we needed to change. Sundays are known to everyone as the “unavailable” day.

We always say we are out together or something, but in reality, we are at home getting our weekly gaming quota covered.

My husband went to a gaming cafe with friends vising and I stayed home last Sunday. MIL decided later to call me in the middle of a match, and I suppose I was acting very suspicious because I wanted to end the conversation asap.

She asked what I was doing and I replied automatically without thinking that I was on a date with my husband. According to my husband she then later called him and he said that he was at a bar with friends.

MIL decided to visit my house, where I was undoubtedly in the middle of another game.

I avoided any phone calls and pretended to not hear the knocking until my match was over (20 minutes or so). Afterward, I answered the door and pretended that I was sleeping which is why I wasn’t answering the phone or door. MIL exploded at me saying I was having an affair and that the child I was pregnant with was not her son (because otherwise, why would I not answer the door?).

The idea that I would have an affair and that it would even be possible to have an affair on my partner was so hilarious to me that I burst out laughing which angered MIL even more. She continued to berate me while I just smiled sitting there thinking how ridiculous all this was.

When my husband came home, she berated me in front of him about how I was having an affair on him.

My husband was visibly confused the whole time and confirmed with his mother that there was no possible way for me to do such a thing to him. He explained how we are together practically every moment of the day, and when MIL saw he was not getting on her side, proceeded to get mad at me for leading her on.

She called me a jerk for pretending to have an affair and never correcting her before she told other people.

Although I never clarified that I wasn’t having an affair, I do think that it was not her place to come unannounced and proclaim that I was. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Your MIL for being judgemental and controlling, and you and your husband for being cowards and lying instead of telling her that how you spend your time, and what your hobbies are, is none of her business and you don’t need to justify anything to anyone.

If any of them don’t like it their options are to either lump it or lump it harder.

Lying saved you from some short-term conflict with her, but inevitably blew up in your face and caused worse conflict down the road. It would have been better to set boundaries of how you will allow yourself to be treated from the start instead.

Stress from conflict in the service of defending boundaries and your independence as adults is infinitely better than the stress from lying, dodging, and appeasement of parents who are allowed to think they should still have control over their adult children. That’s just a constant grating misery.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj

Another User Comments:

“OP- you and your husband are adults about to be responsible for another tiny human.

You both need to get a grip and tell your parents to butt the heck out of your lives! Tell them that their unsolicited comments are not welcome and stop right now because you will refuse to have this behavior around your baby.

If they are still hounding you about gaming, can you imagine what they are going to do to you when the baby comes?

This is about control. They want to control your lives. Y’all need to step up and tell them to pound sand.

For what it’s worth you and hubby need to seek out counseling to 1) learn to set boundaries with your parents and become adults instead of lying and taking the easy route out 2) the possibility of gaming addiction.

OP, especially, is not going to have the time to game recovering from birth and if they are breastfeeding well, that’s a massive time commitment. If the husband continues to game as usual that’s going to have a massive impact on the relationship.” disney_nead_mom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I know of one toxic mil who is… Wow…!

It’s time for you and your husband to start writing out some very clear strong healthy boundaries that you want and need to maintain. Write these down, have both of you sign it and if possible, put it in a place where the both of you will see it regularly and your mil won’t.

Speaking from experience (with my own toxic family of origin), it WILL NOT get better once your baby arrives.

She is already acting this entitled with you simply being pregnant (congrats btw!), have you and your husband thought about and discussed what it’s likely going to be like when your baby, ahem I mean her grandbaby, arrives?!

If your husband’s on Reddit, he may want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists. Something that helped me A LOT, I could literally feel my backbone growing while I read it, was the book ‘Toxic Parents: Overcoming their Harmful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life’ by Dr. Susan Forward.

It was recommended to me five times before I finally checked it out. I would always say/believe ‘that my parents aren’t toxic, I just don’t like what they’re doing…’ I would encourage you, and especially your husband, to read the back cover. See if any of it resonates.” Next_Astronomer_2166

0 points (0 votes)

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Tarused 7 months ago (Edited)
I think it's funny mil jumped to that conclusion, would have done the same thing as op as it only makes her look stupid. Definitely ntj here, but would at least consider going low contact since it is obvious that she think op is in fact capable of cheating on hubby.
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3. AITJ For Not Telling All My Dinner Guests That I Served Them Deer Meat?

“A couple of weeks ago, my dad’s friend gave my dad some deer meat that he hunted last fall. I guess he was wanting to get rid of it since it was getting a little old.

My dad offered me some. It was vacuum sealed, stored in his friend’s deep freeze since November and looked to be in good shape. I took some.

I had some friends over this weekend, and I thought it’d be cool to make something with the deer. I made a Mexican dish called salpicon from the deer shoulder, where you cook and shred the meat and marinate it in citrus juice and serve it cold with chopped radishes, cilantro, onion, etc.

Everyone liked it, but I’ll admit there was no way to know it was deer because it was shredded and marinated. I mentioned in conversation that I was making deer, so most people knew, but I didn’t make it a point to tell everyone. Someone mentioned that you would think it was beef.

My friend’s wife asked what it was, and I told her it was deer.

She freaked out. She made some disgust noises stood over the sink like she might vomit (but didn’t). Then she came back so mad, saying, “Why are you serving us deer?! That’s disgusting. I don’t eat deer!

You have to tell people before serving exotic ingredients.”

I apologized, and we had a little back and forth about it. Basically, her point is that if you’re serving out-of-the-ordinary foods, then you have to tell people ahead of time. If someone doesn’t eat pork, for example, they know pork is a common food and are aware to make sure the host knows and will check if there is pork in something.

But no one expects deer to be served, so wouldn’t even think about checking.

I didn’t think deer was that strange. I did mention to others that it was deer, just as conversation. Everyone just acted like that sounds good.

She started saying things like, “Just in case, here’s a list of animals I don’t eat: deer, rats, dogs, cats, possums, etc.” I was getting annoyed at this point, and I jokingly said, “Don’t worry, next time I’ll make a special plate of chicken nuggets and fries just for you.”

We eventually changed the subject. She was fuming for the rest of dinner and they left pretty soon after. I asked people after they left if I was wrong, and most said I should have announced at the table that there was deer in it, since it’s not a common ingredient. Everyone else did eat and enjoyed the deer.


Another User Comments:

“Her argument is silly. You absolutely don’t need to tell someone you’re serving meat that is “out of the ordinary” for your area.

That being said, you absolutely should warn your guests when it’s wild game. Wild game hunted by your family does not have the same guarantees that commercially sourced meat does.

Not only do you have a much much much smaller chance of a parasite being in the meat when it’s commercially sourced, but you also have a whole lot of legal recourse if you or your guests get sick from it. With commercially sourced or local farm-sourced, it legally has to go through quality and safety checks (in most places) that your family hunting doesn’t have to abide to.

Not everyone is comfortable with that even when they aren’t bigoted like your guest clearly is.

I’ll say ESH. It could have easily been NTJ if you actually were reflective on it and genuinely concerned you did something wrong. In that case, it would have just been a learning experience. She definitely overreacted regardless (and I am heavily side-eying her reasoning), but some people have very genuine reasons to be concerned about the sourcing of their meat and you should just get in the habit of warning people you’re serving the food to that it was wildly sourced. Doesn’t even have to be a big thing, just when you actively serve it throws in a “and I hope you all enjoy this, my family hunted the venison themselves.” SnakesInYerPants

Another User Comments:


I think if you’re hosting a bunch of people it is common courtesy to check what people eat. Moreover, if the ingredient is unusual, it’s good to let folks know.

People may have food allergies, they may have religious restrictions, etc. So I can understand someone getting upset at eating something that they didn’t expect and may have some reason to not be okay with.

And the argument – it’s no big deal around here doesn’t really hold. If you went to a country where they served dog meat, I imagine you’d like to know before consuming it so you can make a conscious decision whether to eat it or not.

You’ve been not a great host and should apologize in my opinion.” criticalgraffiti

Another User Comments:

“I was on your side since it was an oversight, but your sarcastic reply of giving chicken nuggets as if your guest was a picky child was just plain rude. Deer are not brought up on farms, nor are they common meat dish, and depending on how the deer was killed/slaughtered, may not even be kosher for the person.

Your guest may have overreacted but she had a legit reason to be upset and you mocked them for it. YTJ for that.” Tis-but-a-scratch-yo

Another User Comments:

“ESH. She definitely went overboard here, but I feel like it makes sense to tell invitees ahead of time what you’ll be serving so they can make an educated decision whether to go.

I’ve had deer jerky a couple of times, but other than that, I haven’t tried deer, so I agree that it’s not as common, especially since you can’t find it in typical stores here. If invited for dinner, I wouldn’t expect deer, lamb, rabbit, duck, etc. While I’d be open to trying most of those things, I don’t eat baby animal (lamb / veal) and would feel rather uncomfortable sitting there as the only one not eating.

Also, I have a texture aversion, I can’t eat oatmeal, rice, lentils, etc. Knowing this about myself, I would ask what’s on the menu, but people who don’t have “obvious” dietary exclusions may not even consider that you’d cook something they wouldn’t feel comfortable eating. Octopus is a delicacy in some places, even live octopus, but if I went to a dinner party where it was served, I’d not be open to it.

In fact, I’d be fairly put off. I’d also never think to question if that was on the menu. (obviously, that’s quite a different scenario, but I hope you get the point).” Queen_Sized_Beauty

0 points (2 votes)

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NTJ! Venison (any wild game meat) is heathier than any store-bought meat. It is a delicious and healthy meat. People like her who "don't eat deer" are uninformed and ignorant. I had a friend who told me once that she could taste when venison is made. I know that it is probably because in the past, hunters would let their deer hang for days with the hide on (showing off their deer). Venison does taste gamy when this happens. I am a hunter as is my husband and as soon as we harvest a deer, we field dress it, bring it home and skin it immediately. My friend agreed to do a taste test of venison that I harvested and couldn't tell that it was deer. She loves it now, but only if I make it as she trusts me to process it properly. (I process all of my meat ie..., buy a pig or part of a cow, rabbits, whatever). Just saying that you don't eat deer is a cop out. Also, vacuum sealed meat is good for over a year so it was safe. And as for the person who mentioned parasites, a month in the freezer will take care of the problem (scientific and documented fact).
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2. AITJ For Wanting My Wedding To Be Vegan-Friendly?

“My fiancé and I have not eaten meat for over 30 years combined. It was one of the first things we bonded over when we met, and it’s both of our first relationships with another vegan.

I love that we share the same values.

After 6 years together, we decided to get married and got a cute little vineyard venue. It took us forever to find a venue that could provide vegan catering, but it’s something we really care about so we put in the extra effort and funds.

When we broke the news to my family, they insisted we add meat options since they’re not vegan.

I said no. After weeks of arguing back and forth, they finally said “we’ll just order pizza then.” which means I still have to pay $70 a person for catering that my entire family is going to ignore and order pizza instead.

I find it very disrespectful that the one day we’re supposed to be celebrating us and our life together they can’t go a few hours without meat.

Am I the jerk?

Me and my fiancé are paying for everything and don’t want to pay for animals being slaughtered. We are vegans ideologically; it’s not just a diet for us.

The catering is 2 open buffets throughout the event, each with 14 options, so 28 overall, including traditional dishes people in my country eat all the time that just happen to be vegan.

This also means that we can’t not pay for people who want to order pizza. We’re paying for the number of chairs, so if you’re sitting there, we have to pay the $70.

The vineyard is indeed vegan.

My family is pretty unanimous on this, but I think it’s just 2 or 3 people getting everyone riled up.

I have attended weddings with no vegan meals provided – I ate plain potatoes I got as a side dish and danced all night, celebrating the couple, without any issues. I wouldn’t even think about requesting a special meal since I know how stressful weddings are to organize. I’m not going to a restaurant, I’m going to someone’s wedding, so I don’t care what or if I eat.

I know not everyone is like me, which is why I’m providing 2 buffets with 28 options.

Bringing gifts to a wedding is not a thing in my culture (this is not happening in America). Your grandma might slip you an envelope with $50 if that’s what she does on your birthday, but that’s about it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is such a weird response from your family. They’re not obligate carnivores! I’m not vegan, but demanding a meat dish is served is just so weird.

Update: I wish there was something stronger than NTJ. SUPERNTJ?! You’re offering dishes that are customary in your culture, presumably that your family eats all the time, that just happen to be vegan and they’re still pulling this ish?!

Honestly OP, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m sure once they get there and see your wonderful spread, they’ll forget all about that gross pizza they were planning to order. Happy wedding!!” Pintsize90

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – if they cannot go one meal or a weekend without meat they have a problem.

They’re being really petty and turning down a meal because it’s veggies and not meat or whatever it’s really weird.

I wouldn’t even know how to argue with them about that because it’s so petty. They don’t have to pay for it. They just have to sit and enjoy the day.

Honestly blows my mind that they’re being so weird about it. It’s not like they don’t eat pork for a religious reason, and you have decided on a pork-only three-course meal. Not sure if pork pudding would round off a meal well, but you get the point. I would get it if they were allergic to something, etc., but not wanting to eat vegan for a free meal is crazy to me.

I doubt they would actually order a pizza, and if they do, you could get staff there to take it before they get it to it and then give it to them after the meal.” SpecificStrawberry55

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hardcore omnivore here. People are celebrating you, not meat. Vegan food is healthy, nutritious, and perfectly adequate.

It’s YOUR wedding, celebrating YOUR relationship based on YOUR values.

Anyone not able to get on board with that needs to go to someone else’s wedding.

Good luck. Hopefully your family retains enough class to NOT order pizza, but personally, I wouldn’t have the slightest bit of heartache kicking anyone out of my wedding that wasn’t there for me.” Reeyowunsixsix

Another User Comments:

“Leaning towards YTJ. You know what your guests like to eat. You are going to deliberately provide food you know they won’t want to eat. You’re going to get mad at spending your wedding budget on food that isn’t eaten. Why not just do ceremony, short reception with vegan appetizers, then everyone leaves to get the dinner they actually want?” kirroth

0 points (6 votes)

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Squidmom 1 year ago
NTJ. Your money, your choice. In the US most places rhat serve food do not allow outside food. You could check ans see if their pizza is even an option.
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1. AITJ For Making A Friend Leave My Birthday Dinner When He Didn't RSVP?

No offense, but is it really that hard to squeeze in just one more person?

“I had a birthday dinner this weekend. A week before the dinner I sent a mass text out to eight of my friends telling them the location date and time and to let me know by a certain date if they are coming so I can make a reservation at a hibachi place.

Most people said they could come, one friend said they couldn’t make it and another friend never responded. A couple of days later I was talking to one of the friends I invite about the dinner, and they said they thought the friend who didn’t answer was coming, but they weren’t sure.

I said that he needs to RSVP, so I have the girrest head count for the reservation. I never heard from the friend who didn’t respond, so I made the reservation accordingly.

I should add that before I made the reservation I texted in the mass text chain with, “Last chance to RSVP; I’m making the reservation at this time today.”

The day of my dinner, the friend who didn’t respond showed up right as the hostess was asking for the name of the reservation. I told her that we had an extra person show up and I apologized. She looked to see if she could place all of us but was unable to find a place to accommodate an extra person without us having to wait 2 hours.

So I told the friend who didn’t RSVP that he could not join us for dinner. He got mad and told me I was a bad friend. He told me it was embarrassing to be turned away from a birthday party and that he wasted time and gas coming out. I told him he should have RSVPed. He told me he told our friend that he might be going.

I told him that wasn’t good enough and that he should have told me. He told me that I should have asked him if he was coming. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


You DID ask if he was coming. That’s what all the group texts were. He shouldn’t have needed a personal invitation.

It’s a matter of basic respect. He couldn’t show you the respect of responding to the group text or responding directly to you. I see it as just arrogance on his part.

The only exception to that would be in circumstances where there’s an extreme personal issue. For example, I have a friend who deals with severe depression and anxiety.

She can’t handle it when too many messages come through; she gets overwhelmed. In that case, I probably would have assumed that a “maybe” via a friend was a yes and planned for her. That way if we are short one person, it’s not a big deal – it is far more difficult to add a guest than subtract a guest.

You haven’t indicated that he may have such difficulties like my friend, and he only gave a nonchalant, noncommittal “maybe” via your mutual friend. What were you to do? Assume that he “may” grace you with his presence? NTJ at all.” GadaboutTheGreat

Another User Comments:

“ESH – You’re both at fault. “Hey, you didn’t RSVP yet, are you going to come to ‘restaurant’ on Saturday for my birthday?”

“bUt tHeY aLrEaDy TeXtEd tHe gRoUp” Who cares, it’s an invite to a birthday dinner. If you wanted them there, you would have sought their decision. It’s a double-sided coin between they should have responded vs. you should have found out.

A good comparison is wedding invitations. If you don’t respond by the RSVP date, guess who’s ringing you up the next day to ask if you’re joining them on their special day.


He’s wrong to get mad, but either communicate better or stop inviting them places.” contich13

Another User Comments:

“ESH. The non-responder was obviously incredibly rude.

However, when the other friend told you the rude one was planning on coming, why didn’t you reach out to him with a text asking him specifically if he was coming?

It would have taken five minutes and prevented this issue completely. My guess is that this drama at the beginning had a serious negative effect on the evening’s enjoyment.

My guess is that this “friend” has a habit of doing this and you wanted, in a passive-aggressive way, to punish him for his rudeness and misdeeds.

Do you think that OP, as they were driving to the dinner, was hoping the friend would show up so OP could turn him away and tangibly punish him for his rudeness? My guess is OP did.

While the rules of etiquette are strictly on OP’s side, I think a simple text could have averted the situation and maybe saved a friendship.

For those who say it wasn’t worth saving because of the friend’s rudeness, then have the guts to end it like an adult and not play passive-aggressive games.” perry649

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Sorry, probably not a very popular opinion… NOT because of what happened in the restaurant, but because it seems the situation could easily have been prevented.

OP’s friend was very rude to not RSVP, but why didn’t you attempt to reach out once to him directly to ask if he was attending if it was so important? Eight people is not a massive group to manage, so there should be enough time to speak to one person individually instead of hearsay from a third party…?

In this case, if he would have told you “maybe,” you could have made the situation clear that you would not count him in, and the situation could be avoided. As this now unfolded, it might be hard to repair, and (at least prior to this) you counted him among your 8 closest friends…” javascripta80

-1 points (1 votes)

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thmo 1 year ago
All of you blaming OP are being jerks. Demanding that OP should have sent more texts or called. Yeah, no. OP did everything needed to confirm head count and a "maybe" isn't a confirmation. So all y'all crying that OP is the jerk? YOU are a bunch of entitled wastes of space.
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