People Question Their Moral Compass In These "Am I The Jerk?" Chronicles

"To start, I have no problems with this person and I do hope he gets better.

I’m 20 years old, this will matter in terms of the context of the story. I have a friend who I will call Brett. Brett is my age and we went to high school together.

He was always a really smart and creative kid and I thought he would be doing great things at an early age. He was into graphic design, art, writing and all things artistic. In our senior year of high school Brett was out for 3 months and I figured he was just unwell and that is exactly what his brother told me.

Flash forward to graduation and I find out he was at a mental hospital and he had actual depression and needed help. We hung out and I made sure I was a good friend to him. He was heading off to school very far from here so I made sure to see him off by hanging out with him a lot.

He would still face time me at school and it seemed everything was going well for him. He was going to parties, making out with girls, and he even had a significant other for a moment. He was a computer science major, but at the end of the school year he said he doesn’t like his major and he might change it. One day I hear that he is dropping out and might go to school when he figures things out. I wasn’t worried because I figured he was gonna work and think about what career he wants to pursue. I ask him if he is gonna work while he is out of school and he says he is gonna start looking.

5 months go by and he hasn’t found anything. I push him a bit and tell him he has gotta do something but he kinda just shrugged me off. I thought “ok this is whatever but he is still my friend so we should hang.” I hang out with him pretty frequently and one day I see a bunch of freshmen at his house.

I’m not talking about freshmen in college, I’m talking freshmen in high school. I kinda found this weird but I didn’t judge so I just was friendly and acted like I was down when in actuality I really wasn’t. Skip 3 days later and I get a call. The person who called is his mom asking where he is and if I had seen him. She starts telling me that he is hanging out with some boy named George (hid his name here) and all they do is cause trouble. I tell her I will call him and assure her everything will be ok. I call and he doesn’t answer. I call all our friends and he still doesn’t answer. Finally at like 3 am his sister calls and says he found him. My heart stopped beating and I was not worried anymore. If you think this is a one-time thing you are wrong. This happened 6 more times over the next few weeks and I was so annoyed. They once found him in the back of a bus 10 miles away.

I was annoyed but I was still really patient with him. Before I tell you what happens here just know that me and my significant other were fighting and we broke up for like 3 months at the point of this happening.

One day I get a text from her saying she saw Brett. I then get a text from Brett saying “I just saw your ex.” And I was kinda keeping us a secret at this moment. I wanted to be sure we were back together. I respond to him by saying “oh that’s cool how was that?” He then responds with saying “it was good her features are still as nice as ever.”

And I lost it I went black for a second. I reply with “Listen jerk she is my girl now so back off, and even if she wasn’t, who says that to someone who literally broke up with his girl 3 months ago, you jerk.” He was Taken back and apologized for his mistake right away.

I said I was sorry and I apologized for going off but I am really protective of her and hearing things like that got me mad. Cut to 3 days later and he is teasing me saying why am I with her again and when a relationship ends it’s done (he has been in 2 serious relationships both lasting two weeks, this is not a hyperbole).

One day I open my social media messenger and it’s a message from him with a tumbler-styled photo with a caption saying “going back to a relationship that ended is like rereading a book, it has the same ending.” So I got really mad but I was calm.

I just replied with “Brett not to be a jerk but we are working things out and I appreciate the advice but you really should mind your own business here.” He then responds with curses and telling me with how I am a coward. I just said ok and didn’t really care that much. He then says “I don’t wanna talk to you anymore so bye, and btw I know something about your girl that you don’t!” I just responded with “The person who is most desperate in an argument curses the most to feel validated. (Or something along those lines. I then clicked off and asked my girl about it and she said she wouldn’t know. (One thing about us is that we told each other everything like all the unpleasant parts on her side and my side.

We broke up before cause of constant arguing not betrayed trust.) I trusted my significant other and just left it as it is.

The next day I see he unfollowed me and blocked me on social media. I told myself I’m not gonna wanna deal with him ever again so I blocked him on all platforms and his number. His mom called me the next week and I told her that I had no idea and we were fighting so I’m not sure if he wants to talk to me.

We have mutual friends and I still hear about him from many people. Everyone says he is doing bad and even visited the hospital a couple of times. I always feel bad and I don’t know if I am a jerk or not. I always ask mutual friends now if he is ok and I fear the day I hear that he is gone.

People ask me if I hate him and I reply with “nah I still love him like a bro, but he is mad and I don’t think we can be friends again.” I wanna text him but I lost his number and I feel really dumb asking for forgiveness when he kinda disrespected me. Am I a jerk?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. Depression is tough and it's great you stuck with him through phases where he wasn't making good choices. But you are not responsible for him. You can't make him change if he doesn't want to, and it sounds like he is toxic.

Hopefully he gets treatment that helps him, and perhaps he will talk to you and be a better friend. But depression is neither an excuse to be a jerk, nor a reason to continue contact with someone if you don't want to contact them. That's how you end up feeling trapped in a relationship. Keep checking on him if you want, but if he doesn't wanna talk to you and you don't wanna talk to him then don't go out of your way." StragglingShadow

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. It's tough to have to take such a drastic step as no contact to protect yourself, but you did the right thing.

If he doesn’t take the steps to right himself, that is his choice. It is your choice to take care of yourself and your significant other." Steel_Town