People Question Their Contentious Actions In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
29. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Leave My Disabled, Verbally Abusive Mother Without A Caretaker?
“For context, I am (21 F), and my mom is disabled (66 F). Mom has depression, GAD, osteoarthritis, arthritis, spondylosis (crooked spine), and her arm broke and then healed up badly. She’s almost recovered from hip surgery for osteoarthritis in her hip, and is getting surgery for her arm soon.
She needs a caretaker to do her chores, walk her dog, get groceries, occasionally help her get things and give her baths. As far as I can tell she is in sound mental condition and can make her own decisions. I have been living with her as her caretaker and have not moved out.
I am getting money for being her caretaker.
Recently I’ve been seriously thinking about moving out. While the rental situation is not at its best around here (around $900-$1200+), a coworker said I could move in with her if I pay a third of my paycheck to her.
The reason why I’ve been thinking of moving out is because mom has been verbally abusive towards me. I’ve tried not to do the same for her, but I’ve been losing my temper and yelling back at her. I’ve tried talking to her, making compromises, taking breaks, etc. But it keeps escalating.
I seriously think either mom needs a personality transplant or I need to move away from her and hope we can still have a good relationship with each other.
However I’m worried about leaving her without a caretaker, I’m worried about her dog, as mom can’t walk her, and I’m worried about the state of her mental health if I move out, because she’s had people leave her before.
I planned to wait until she had surgery for her arm, but now she is yelling all of the time because she is so angry, won’t listen and won’t compromise.
EDIT: Also for clarification, when I said I was going to move out, mom said YTJ, which is why I’m asking here.
So WIBTJ? Let me know if you need more information.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Her situation sucks, but you’re 21 and deserve to lead a normal life, and taking care of an ornery, ill, abusive parent doesn’t fit that narrative. She’s not going to get any easier, and you’re not going to enjoy any aspect of your life.
She had a child at 45, that’s kinda old and it’s not it’s not responsibility to take care of it. It’s beyond normal parent-child relationships. If she needs assistance, there are programs and solutions for that. Move out. Enjoy your life. You are a person, not a forced caretaker.
She’s gonna guilt you, and that’s more a reflection of who she is as a person than it is a reflection of you.” HeirOfRavenclaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you would be the jerk, but I think that you should take the dog with you (if it’s in your possibilities) and if also possible, hire a caretaker for your mother.
You didn’t mention any siblings, so I’m assuming here you’re an only child. A few questions, tho. Does she get any kind of retirement pay of sorts? Who pays you for taking care of her? I’m assuming it’s her because you didn’t mention anyone else.
So, I think she should be able to at least help pay for a caretaker. If there are any other details maybe there could be some other options, I hope you can get out of there, the payment doesn’t validate she being abusive towards you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your prospective roommate needs to set a dollar amount for rent; a percentage would mean you’d pay more rent with a raise. See if you can find a neutral 3rd party to rent from.” Emotional_Bonus_934
28. AITJ For Charging My Sister Full Price For A Replacement Bracelet?
“I recently (like 2 months ago) started a small business and for just starting out I get decent traction on my social media and average a couple of orders a week. One of the items I offer is a glass bead bracelet with a crystal Hello Kitty charm.
This item cost me about $1.75 in materials but my time is also valuable and due to its popularity I easily sell them for $6 each. When I made the first batch my sister really liked it and asked if she could have one. I said yes and only charged her the $1.75 for materials as opposed to the retail price.
She’s had it a couple of months but is very rough on her jewelry constantly taking it on and off, twisting it, stretching it out etc. so of course the other day it broke. She managed to collect most if not all the beads so of course I told her I would put it back together for her free or charge no problem.
She’s now approached me asking to buy a brand new one. I explained to her I could easily put it back together and replace and missing beads for free but she insists she “needs it for her outfit tomorrow and would rather a new one” I told her that’s fine but she’ll have to pay the $6 retail price.
She thinks that’s unreasonable and is upset with me but I reminded her that my time is also valuable and that I can’t reuse any of the beads or charms that were on her original bracelet because they’re used obviously. I also told her that if she wanted it fixed for tomorrow she should have let me know that when we got home and given me the Beas to fix it instead of waiting till right before I was going to bed. AITJ?
I already have her one at a discounted rate and don’t think she should get another brand new one at the discounted rate since she’s responsible for breaking her first one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s not obligated to purchase it if she doesn’t like the price.
I’m tempted to suggest you give her a mates-rates discount (e.g. charge her $4) as she’s family, but of course that’s up to you. Remember that when she’s wearing your work she’s walking free advertising. Might actually be in your interests to give her discounts if it means she will wear your stuff and maybe her friends could become your customers.” Sweeper1985
Another User Comments:
“Good on you for starting a business. You are learning about a few business principles. Customers are demanding and family more so. Rush orders pay a premium, just ask Amazon. When you break something that cost $4, don’t expect to hear from the manufacturer regarding refunds or repairs.
In other words, you owe her nothing.” qlt_ml_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If my sister would start her own business, I’d be so proud of her that I’d insist to pay the full price and even a bit more. You told her the price, she can take it or leave it.
I know it’s easier said than done since she’s family, but now you’re also in a seller-buyer relationship which should be honored.” Tasha_2411
27. AITJ For Not Wanting My Prim and Proper Mother-In-Law To Be My Next Door Neighbor?
“Context – married to MH (my husband) for 12 years together for 16 in the past 16 years I have spent the equivalent of 3 months with my MIL .
She is a very prim and proper lady who likes to cook sew etc always very polished and put together, I am a loud bogan basically, I voice my opinions and don’t mind the odd harsh word thrown in, definitely not a girly girl happy to chill in active wear or pjs when home from work plus not good at cooking & sewing (she has previously tried to teach me)would prefer gym & shooting.
Basically when I am with her I can’t be myself as it is uncomfortable & awkward. I am a dulled down version of me.
She has bought the property immediately next door, which upon retirement she plans to move into until then it will be a rental. Her garden will backs onto ours.
MH didn’t object thinks it will be good and we are to help her with the maintenance whilst it is a rental on our time off work.
When she does move in I am picturing constant visits and intrusions. Not being able to do anything without scrutiny or judgement.
I have tried to suggest immediately having some ground rules like she can’t have a key, and we don’t have to have dinner together every night, we don’t have kids just a dog which she is scared of, but MH he doesn’t even want to hear this suggestion
She is moving across the country, with no friends or other family over this side.
I am freaking out and honestly picturing no privacy, alone time on our RnR (we work 8 days on 6 days off shift work)
Any suggestions on ground rules or how to avoid potential problems would be appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – WAY TOO CLOSE! I don’t want any of my family THAT close. It’s downright intrusive and I have an extremely close family. Probably because we all have 30 minutes between us. ETA – after thinking about it – didn’t your husband run this by you?
The property is purchased!” 2moms3grls
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but set your ground rules early on and stick to them. Besides that, start being yourself! You are a good person to be. Doesn’t matter if it’s not her idea of what women should be (she sounds pretty standard gender roles) but you don’t have to be that.
If she makes comments, tell her to stop. But please, work on not hiding who you are.” Owned_By_3_Kittehs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is already a problem when someone tries to “teach you” how to cook and sew if you don’t want to learn.
You can set your own boundaries and let your husband know what you’re willing to put up with when the time comes. In the meantime live your life as loud as you want.” Ok_Day_8559
My husband and I married when my MIL was in her 80s. She only met me once before we married, literally the day before we married, and liked and respected me from the get, and the feeling was returned in spades. BUT, she didn't know I was no one's idea of a traditional wife (childless, happy to be that way, with a career as a horse trainer and riding instructor which can be anything but ladylike and traditional), and I was a bit concerned the first time she and my SIL came to visit us after we married. On our property. With my business (the riding/training/boarding facility) in the front yard. You know what? She LOVED it! Turned out her family in Hungary had had property, orchards, dairy barns, the whole ball of wax, and her comment to me when I came into the kitchen was "You look like a farmer's wife." to which I replied "I AM a farmer's wife." and we grinned at each other and never had a problem with each other. She loved me unconditionally until the day she died, and I her, and I still miss her like he!!. So you never know what might happen. Best of luck to you all.
26. AITJ For Being Closer To And Spoiling My Older Nieces More Than My Other Nieces and Nephews?
“I have 6 siblings, all of them have kids. My parents kicked all of us out when we were 18.
When I was 18, my older sister was escaping a bad relationship. She had a 10 month old girl and she was 7 months pregnant. She asked if I could help with the girls until she got on her feet. For the next 5 years, I stayed with the kids during the day and worked nights while she went to school and worked during the day.
We barely scraped by during those 5 years. We lived in a van, in a “converted” garage, eventually worked our way to a one bedroom apartment. My sister graduated and got a better job shortly after the youngest went to school. She worked 2 jobs so she could pay for me to go to school and cover all of our expenses.
3 years later, I graduated and she got married. She and her husband have 2 more kids, a girl and a boy, and they’re in a big house. All of the kids have their own rooms and I have an apartment in the backyard that she refuses to charge rent for.
I still work nights and I pick all of the kids up from school/daycare between 2 and 3, take them home, and watch them until 4-5.
I love my nieces and nephew with all my heart but I’m especially close with the older two. I tend to spoil them a little more and they have sleepovers at my place all the time.
My sister gets it and she makes sure to make up for it with the younger two but it drives her husband crazy. I’m also much closer to all of my sister’s kids than any of my other siblings kids and they always complain about it when we’re together.
The older two are spending the night with me tonight and my BIL said something about me being a lousy aunt. The girls heard it and are upset and I wanted to know if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and of course not.
You were with them the longest. You are always going to be closer with those you have spent the most time with. This should be obvious to anyone. I get that maybe this is an issue for him, but it doesn’t make you a lousy aunt.
Also him feeling that way means he doesn’t have any empathy for what you all went through together.” TheFascinatedOne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not like you are the mom and you are neglecting your younger children. You are the aunt and obviously went through so much with the older two, created so much more memories with them.
You are being an amazing aunt, your BIL is being a lousy BIL and lousy human for making you feel bad about yourself for being a great aunt to his step daughters.” redchilipepperr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a closer relationship with the older 2 because you helped raise them.
If my math is right, there’s also a significant age difference between the older two and the younger two, and even a year can be a huge gap at certain stages. Keep doing what you’re doing. Include the younger kids when and if you’re up to it, if at all.” 2_old_for_this_spit
25. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Mother And Family Over Their Toxic Behavior?
“So this is a very long story stretched over multiple years, but I will try and keep it short.
In 2020, I received a couple of emails from my mother, claiming that my husband is a narcissist, he’s making me emotionally sick and loves how I’m losing contact with the whole family.
I ignored her emails and didn’t talk to her. Meanwhile, I did have contact with others. We live about 2 hours from her.
My husband’s mother (we don’t speak to her too) was also at the same driving distance from my mother, they instantly became best friends.
My mother visited her in the summer more than she did us in 3 years time. They started backstabbing and talking negatively over us, especially my husband.
I keep receiving the same emails from my mother. She sent me links to organizations that can help me, called an organization that has the power to put one of us out of our home and place me/husband somewhere else (even though I was then 25).
Yes, our country has that.
In March 2022, I got the diagnosis MS, I was at that moment hospitalized. My husband’s mother called me at 12 am. I could hear my mother screaming in the background. They know I was hospitalized as our family call each other about everything immediately.
I ended the phone call without saying anything. I got another few emails from my mother saying my husband caused my MS, he’s very happy that I’m hospitalized and now he doesn’t have to work anymore as he got his wishes – me sick.
Lastly, my mother came a few months ago unannounced to our front door.
I saw her, she started crying and I closed the door immediately. She later on said it was my husband who closed the door on her – he wasn’t even at home.
I also ended contact with almost the whole family (besides my aunt and her own family) as they interfered in all of this and started taking my mother’s side.
Basically, AITJ for not speaking to my mother and family anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And what is wrong with your husband’s mother too, why is she friends with yours and does she accept her to treat him this way” jmxd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They, particularly your mom, sounds insufferable. Stress is poison for someone with MS. For your own good you need to keep away from her.” VariousTry4624
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems that your mother is the narcissist. No therapy would help. A narcissist is feeding him/her happiness of the unhappiness from everyone else.
You should never feeling guilty to end a toxic relationship.” Justrennt
24. AITJ For Wanting To Tell A Customer Her Older Daughter Might Be Mistreating Her Sick Younger Daughter?
“I work at a small candy store in a mall. Over the past few months a woman, Rose (late 30’s) started bringing her little girl, Ava (5 or 6) in between 4-6 days a week.
Ava is sick. I honestly don’t know what it is but I know it will most likely be fatal. She’s still the sweetest little girl and we all adore her.
We all have little goodies stashed away for when she visits and I think we’ve all babysat her for a few minutes if Rose has to run to the bathroom or pick something up. Ava is very well taken care of. The vast majority of the time she’s here, she’s in a stroller and it always has toys, snacks, drinks, medicine, changes of clothes, spare diapers (she’s not potty trained), and everything else she needs.
Rose has to work from the office every Friday. I don’t know who watches Ava during school hours but on Fridays after school, I always see Ava being dragged around by a group of teenage girls. If they come in Ava is always very clingy with me and my coworkers.
They very rarely have Ava’s stroller and when they do have it they never put any supplies in it. Over the past 3 weeks, Ava always came in with a dirty diaper and the girls never had anything to change her into. I’ve had to take her to the family bathroom, buy her diapers and a snack (she’s always hungry when she comes in on Fridays), change her myself because they always refuse to, and take her back to be dragged around by her sister and her friends.
She cries when she has to leave the store with them.
I’ve been thinking of telling Rose about what we see on Fridays but her older daughter is probably just a kid herself and I’m not sure if I want to get her in trouble.
WIBTJ if I told Rose that her older daughter may be mistreating Ava”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you tell her, but it’s a bit weird that you’ve changed someone else’s child, and the parent has no idea about it? You’re an employee of a store the child likes, not a family friend or relative.
The oldest daughter shouldn’t be asked to take care of the younger one if she has lots of additional needs but that doesn’t change the fact that she is doing a poor job anyway and Ava deserves better. Tell the mom.” Corpsegoth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you’ve described makes it sound as if she’s terrified of them. I know it’s hard to speak out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there are neglect issues, especially if it’s a bunch of teenage girls in sole charge of a special needs youngster.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And to be fair, the older sibling is a teenager probably being forced (in her mind) to care for a sick child. We can all think that’s what siblings do but we don’t know this family dynamic. We also don’t know if something terrible happened. Either way, Ava is not being taken care of, it seems. I’m normally a mind your business type but not in this case.
I would talk to your manager and go from there. If you know the parents, to the point you’ve babysat, I think it’s okay to maybe find out what’s up.” hiseoh8
23. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Changing Her Phone Lock Screen?
“My (M54) partner (F55) and I are planning to move in together in Feb where I’ll put a stake into her house, so serious stuff, wanting to spend the rest of our lives together.
She has a friend whom she has known since 10 living in a boarding school in the same dormitories. They are very different people, but get on due to their history and proximity to each other in later life. My partner’s friend has never been faithful to anyone, has been unfaithful to everyone she has had a relationship, and in the case of her 20-year marriage was unfaithful many times.
He since ditched her and she has been very active on the social scene since despite having a long-time lover.
So they went away on holiday together which I was a bit paranoid about, where beforehand my partner had botox in her face (as did her friend) false eyelashes put on that look like brooms (honestly at this age have a bit more decorum).
Anyway AITJ for calling out my partner as she had changed her lock screen from a picture of me (had been that picture for 7 months) to one of her 20 year old kids whilst on holiday? This was after admitting her friend was looking at social apps whilst abroad which she played down as locality services popped up natives of the area although it would have also popped up same nationality as her that was visiting the island too.
Her friend is addicted to social apps.
My partner says she can’t remember changing her lock screen, to which I said timing sucks, and it’s not something you can do accidentally on an iPhone. She just says she can’t remember doing it.
In her defence, she kept the lock screen for weeks before she changed it back, when you’d think she would have changed it back on the flight back.
She really isn’t that stupid!
Am I the jerk for calling her out?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your partner hanging out with someone who likes to be unfaithful doesn’t mean your partner will be unfaithful when with them. And, it’s EXTREMELY easy to accidentally change an iPhone Lock Screen now, you just long tap on the screen and swipe.
You have no idea what you’re talking about.” highnoondrumparrot
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re judging her friend, putting her down for choices she makes about her own appearance, and being paranoid about her lock screen. The common theme between those things seems to be your deep-rooted beliefs about how she and her friend ‘should’ behave.
Look at your own language – “morally corrupt”, “have a bit more decorum”, “admitting” her friend went on social apps. I’m not seeing love and respect in your words.” AncastaOfTheRiver
Another User Comments:
“YTJ As an iPhone user, I have accidentally changed my Lock Screen, you just press and hold with the phone even slightly able to see your face and unlock via Face ID.
It’s really not hard at all! I changed mine last night because I got it into the change image section and said “you know what? I’ll play along, phone.”” MacPhage_VT
22. AITJ For Not Giving Up The Last Cake To A Child When I Bought It For My Pregnant Wife?
“My pregnant wife (our first!) messaged me at the end of my work shift that she had sudden cravings for cake, and I was more than happy to get her one. Unfortunately, as this was close to 6pm, the bakery only had a Swiss roll left in terms of cake.
As I was selecting a few other breads, a mother and her daughter came in, and the girl noticed the Swiss roll in the display cabinet and shouted that she wanted it. However, I had already ordered it, and when the worker took it out for me, the girl started screaming and crying.
The mother did initially ask if I could leave the roll for her, but I said that I ordered first. She then began getting extremely demanding, saying that I didn’t need to eat it, can’t you feel for a kid, how selfish, etc. It only stopped when the worker said that I had come first and ordered it before the mother and daughter had even walked in.
I got home and told my wife the incident. She said that I was a bit of a jerk for not giving up the cake for the kid, and that she would have understood if the store had no more since I did buy other sweet breads, or I could have gone to the supermarket instead.
She also asked why I didn’t tell the mother that I was buying it for a pregnant wife with cravings. I didn’t see the need to share private info, but wife said that maybe the mother would have understood, and that I appeared to be insensitive by sticking to “ordering first” as my argument.
We did end up enjoying the Swiss roll and she told me not to worry and just be more mindful next time, but I can’t help but feel a bit guilty. Was I the jerk for denying a kid a cake she wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“*NTJ* you were getting your Pregnant Wife something for a craving. I can tell you that I did a ton of driving and impromptu runs during both pregnancies when my wife had cravings. I did it because I wanted to and knew it would make her happy.
I may be being petty here…..but your Wife is kind of a jerk for calling you ‘kind of a jerk’ when you were making a run for her. It isn’t like you were nasty to the kid or anything like that.” 1u53r3dd1t
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This stuff annoys me. What are you teaching your child with this kind of behaviour? That they can always have what they want and are so special they can deprive someone else of it even if they got there first? If you wanted to, you would but if you don’t…well, it’s life isn’t it.
We don’t always get what we want. The mother’s reaction is very telling as to why the child behaves that way….” hausofmc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children aren’t magical wands, converting guilt into things-you-want. Just because the mother was worn down doesn’t mean you have to [as far as you knew] disappoint your wife.
Now if the kid had like, 3 days to live and the Swiss cake was her final wish because her father invented them and died in a horrible baking accident and she just wanted to remember the good times, well, then mom can explain *that* context.” SatisfactoryLoaf
21. AITJ For Flipping Off My Neighbor to Test If They're Spying On Us?
“My neighbor has been harassing myself, my husband, and most of all my dogs (that one got to the point that cops were called because of repeated physical harassment).
Now, we have been advised by the police and by legal representation to record ourselves and our dogs anytime we go out – as well as record any suspicious actions by our neighbors along the property line.
Our neighbors, in turn, have begun recording us.
They record our dogs when they are out (and often take measures to rile our dogs up so they get video of our dogs barking). But, we have noticed our neighbors leaving their cameras up and pointed right at our windows. Once, the neighbor stood in his yard and recorded me as I walked my dog inside, and kept tracking me with his camera as I walked in and then crossed from room to room.
If they want to record our dogs, fine. Then we will have footage from both perspectives when we eventually go to court over this nonsense. But recording through our windows and into our house is not ok.
So recently I started flipping the bird towards their house when I am inside.
I’ll do it randomly – sometimes I’ll do it after I’ve brought the dogs in, sometimes I’ll do it when I see them out in their yard. Sometimes I’ll do it unprompted.
My thinking is if the neighbors ever bring it up, then it will confirm that they’ve been watching us through our windows.
My husband, on the other hand, thinks it is only going to antagonize and escalate things. But, he also suspects they’re looking into our windows, and he is not ok with that at all.
So, AITJ for flipping off my neighbor to test if he is spying on me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However, curtains, blinds and sheers are designed to protect your privacy in your home. Sheers are not very expensive and will still let the natural light in while allowing you to see outside and give you privacy. Your neighbors don’t sound like very nice people.
Good Luck” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“Definitely it’s time for some window coverings. But also look at local laws because they may be violating those videoing you within your home. It may be worth to call the police non-emergency line to get their help again and they can give you guidance about what’s legal for your neighbor’s cameras and if your neighbors continue to physically confront you they might suggest a restraining order so that they can’t come near you” asecretnarwhal
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. It’s not cool of your neighbor to be recording the inside of your house and it may even be illegal. You may want to check with a lawyer on that one. But I agree with your husband, flipping the bird is just asking for things to escalate when closing the curtains or the blinds on those windows would be much more effective of a solution.” Wraithowl
20. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Quit Her New Job For Our Relationship?
“I (22M) met my partner (21F) at the job I am currently working at. We’ve been together for a year now and she got a welding apprenticeship that she has been trying to get for 2 years now. Her job is an hour away from my apartment which has naturally caused issues for her.
Before she got this job, we used to work at the same place. After we started seeing each other, she quit her job after getting our yearly bonuses, and remained unemployed for a few months. I told her she could stay at my place whenever which she accepted. Most nights I would get off work and she would have dinner already made and a show put up for us to watch, which I was extremely grateful for because I never asked her to do those things.
After a few months of unemployment, she got her apprenticeship and I was really happy for her. Problems would pop up shortly after. After she started working, our schedules became polar opposites to one another. She would wake up and go to work, I would go to bed. I would wake up and go to work, she would come home.
I would come home, she would be asleep. So I never felt like I got to spend any time with her.
A few more months of her working and we started looking for a new apartment to make her commute shorter. However she said if we can’t find a place within our budget by winter, she would get her own apartment in the town she’s stationed at and just visit me on weekends.
This caused me to have an emotional breakdown and beg her not to leave because I want us to build a future together and worry that if she leaves we will grow more distant. Now part of me wishes she would quit her new job and choose to be with me instead.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That is a really selfish request. Why does she have to be the one to quit, not you? If you wouldn’t do it, you shouldn’t expect or even ask her to.” soog0704
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your partner has an apprenticeship in a trade that is in demand and will eventually pay VERY well.
Why in the world do you want her to pass on the opportunity? Quit being so needy and clingy. That’s the quickest way to drive her away. Grow up and be proud of her for doing something with her life instead of making it about you and your insecurities.
Good Luck” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You both are VERY young, and she’s embarking on a new career. I hate to tell you this, but people in their early 20s are still figuring out adult life, and life is always changing. If you want to be with her going forward, you need to support the choices she’s making.
Not doing so will push her further away. Sounds like you found a strong woman, and if you can work things out, she’ll be a great partner. But you can’t ask her to not pursue her own dreams for your sake.” Klingon80
19. AITJ For Finally Telling My Overly Touchy Coworker I Don't Like Being Touched?
“I’m going to start off by saying I definitely screwed myself over with this one by not speaking up from the beginning.
I have a coworker that I despise because they are too in your face and overly friendly after a day of knowing each other and four months later and they are just as annoying if not more.
First week of knowing her was okay, we got on fine but I slowly started to realize she was the most annoying person on the planet and I couldn’t have a convo with her because she only liked to talk about herself and never listened to anyone else (cutting people off, not paying attention etc).
In this first week when we got on okay, she would keep patting me on the arm, the leg, the shoulder, she would even touch my face, I hated it but to avoid conflict (and cause I didn’t think this would turn into a problem!) I didn’t say anything.
Well it hasn’t stopped so now I just resort to avoiding her so I don’t put myself in a situation where it could happen.
Doesn’t work. She still comes over to my cubicle daily asking “why I’m so quiet” and if there’s anything wrong and I have to bite my tongue from saying “you’re the problem”.
I just tell her I’m focusing on working and nothing more.
Today she was really pushing my buttons (wasn’t listening, kept trying to get my attention to chat) and she then put her hand on my face saying she was glad to work with me (LITERALLY NO REASON to do that, I feel she is now overly trying to kiss my behind because I give her the cold shoulder).
I flinched immediately and told her I should have said it from the beginning but I really don’t like being touched. Her face immediately dropped and she said “okay” and then walked away.
Now I feel like the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are perfectly within your right.
It is not for others to dictate what you should, and should not be comfortable with. I’m quite touchy and love hugging people, but I would always respect other people’s boundaries in that respect.” nilzatron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You said what need to be said, she got the message.
I have worked with people like that all just a bit too touchy Feely. I don’t have a particular aversion to being touched but some people make your skin crawl. I have had to ask a couple of ladies I worked with not to. they were fine with it.
it was just how they were.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular take but ESH. Your coworker is obviously in the wrong because she just sounds like an obnoxious person point blank but you also suck for not shutting this down from day 1. I personally find it hard to sympathize with the “I don’t like confrontation” crowd who allow things to boil over before saying anything about it.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Encouraging My Husband and Daughter to Cut Ties With His Toxic Parents?
“I (f44) met my now husband Joe (m36) 14 years ago.
My fil wasn’t happy about it, first because I am older, 2nd because he wanted his son to work and support them.
My husband didn’t grow up with his parents and siblings as he was left in the care of his grandparents 18 hours away.
My husband grew up without any support from his parents, that is why he considers his grandparents as his parents. When we decided to get married, he valued their blessings compared to his dad’s. I didn’t know then that his dad was against us marrying, it was his grandfather who stood for us.
Fast forward to 6 years later, my job took me about 10 miles from where my husband’s parents live. I chose to get a place less than a mile from them so that they would finally be able to spend time together and see their grandchild.
Oh that turned out to be a big mistake.
My father-in-law, belittled me, compared my salary to that of his other son’s partner’s salary. He told my child (f7) he couldn’t understand why her dad (my husband) married me, instead of his rich and beautiful partner.
Now my daughter was thinking that her dad is having an affair with a beautiful and rich girl, she couldn’t concentrate in class because of fear that her father would leave us. And every time my daughter comes to visit he would demand that she ask us to buy him a new phone, new shoes, an e bike and so on.
Now my husband lost his job, and I became the sole breadwinner and he would message my husband every day asking for money. My husband doesn’t reply to his messages and my daughter doesn’t want to come visit them anymore. My husband wanted to block them from his social media and I am starting to do so too.
AITJ for encouraging my husband and daughter to stay away from them?”
Another User Comments:
“Good lord. NTJ. Block all channels. They sound incredibly toxic, harmful, and abusive. It doesn’t sound like there is anything redeeming for them, and this goes potentially waaaaay back to when they gave your husband as a child to grandparents.
Cut them off 100%, don’t look back, get therapy for your daughter to help repair the damage they did.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are you and your husband making decisions together? The way you wrote it, you chose to move close to his family.
Where was he in this? Either case, block and move on.” Thediciplematt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is so wrong for your husband’s family to manipulate the children for monetary gain. They will never change and how dare they compare and speak ill of you.
You’re strong for putting up with it for this long bit this was the scenario that broke the camel’s back. Consult your husband and make sure he understands your point about how damaging it is for the kids.” Wrong_Leek_9961
17. AITJ For Not Making My Fiancé's Sister a Bridesmaid and Possibly Uninviting Her From Our Wedding?
“I (Mid-20sF) am getting married to my fiance (Mid-20sM) in about a year, we have been together for about 10 years (Since HS). My Fiance, Michael, has 3 Sisters and 1 brother. 2 of the sisters are younger and 1 is the oldest. The youngest 2 are very nice to me.
They always want me around, enjoy my company, and gifts me on special occasions like on birthdays or holidays. The older sister, Katie, has never really liked me. I noticed this when it was about after the first year into the relationship.
Fast forward to recently.
At our engagement party it was our intention to ask who we want as our groomsmen/bridesmaids. Michael wanted to have Katie’s kids in the wedding and her husband, Doug, be one of his groomsmen. I have asked, Dawn, his other sister, to be my bridesmaid because we are close.
Someone leaked the information to Katie before he got to ask Doug. I was elsewhere at the time, but when I saw Michael, he was clearly upset. I later found out that Katie had a fit and left because Michael wanted Doug and their kids, but I didn’t want Katie on my side of the court.
The very next day she demands we talk about “this”. I understand her point of view of being left out. But, we would’ve had her sit in the front rows and tables (Not separated from immediate family). Katie demanded that her husband and child are not allowed to be in the wedding unless she was part of it.
She noted about finances, saying that she was forced to invite me to her wedding because her parents paid for everything, I sat in the back and wasn’t noticed. I didn’t even want to go because I knew she didn’t like me. Well, this is not the case with us, we are paying for our wedding by ourselves.
She said, “No offense, I respect you, but I don’t like you”. I said, “I don’t really care”. She has said that I don’t show enough appreciation towards her when she does decide to include me in family events.
My Fiancé is angry with her that I am treated this way.
He has stood up for me and is at his last wits. His family thinks its both of our faults. I have been nice to her with caution because of other instances. Saying only “hello, how are you”, not trying to be friends because I don’t want to say the wrong thing.
I honestly do not care much about her; I don’t have petty feelings. If she is rude to me, I instantly put on a face as if everything is okay.
As planning is underway, I don’t want to invite her to the smaller function (Dress Shopping, bridal shower etc.), she also has a tendency to make things about her and throw tantrums if anything is not about her.
None of them are in the wedding now. My Fiancé and I have agreed that if she makes things worse, we will uninvite her from the wedding all together. So, AITJ for not making her a bridesmaid and potentially uninviting her from the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You guys are paying for your wedding it has nothing to do with her wedding. I’m not sure how she even feels comfortable asking any of this. My SILs (his older sisters) will most likely not be in my wedding. He still will most likely choose his BILs ( his sister’s husbands) as groomsmen.
I love my SILs and have absolutely no problems, they treat me as a sister but they will not be a part of my court. It’s shocking that your SIL even expects that.” Flower0987654321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ is sister is a brat and their parents have allowed it.
The groom decides who stands up for him and the bride decides who stands up for her. He wanted Doug because they are close. You didn’t want Katie because she is awful to you.” Artistic_Tough5005
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Wouldn't Sell Him Because Of His Chronic Pain?
“So my partner (24M) and I (21F) watched the movie “Get Out” tonight (vague spoilers for the movie in this post) and in the last half of the movie I wondered aloud “I wonder if anyone has decided to not see white people anymore after watching this movie, it has to be at least one right?” (Context I’m white and my partner is Hispanic) and my partner looked at me and said “We need to break up”.
I wasn’t 100% sure that he was joking because yay autism (and we had had a pretty big fight like 2 days earlier that almost caused a breakup) so I went into damage control and said “If I wanted to seduce someone to sell their body for a brain swap I wouldn’t pick you.
I love you so much but why would someone pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to be in pain?” (I wasn’t saying I wouldn’t sell him because of his looks or his weight it was just because he has some reoccurring body pain. I’m physically and mentally disabled due to a genetic disorder that also includes chronic pain so it’s not like I would be a good candidate either.)
He got kind of upset and told me “that was mean”. I explained that I didn’t intend for it to be mean, I meant it to reassure him that I’m not with him to sell him or for any other nefarious reasons and I couldn’t just say “don’t worry babe I won’t sell you” because words are just words and if I was trying to sell him, saying “don’t worry I won’t sell you” might make me look more suspicious so I tried to put some logic into it so it wouldn’t just be basic reassurance.
He told me that “there was no other way to take it than in a mean way”.
I’ve already apologized because I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings but I’m curious if he was right and it could only be seen as an insult, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think a lot of people saying YTJ aren’t considering you’re autistic. You obviously didn’t mean anything ill will by it and did not mean to hurt him. Yes, he can still end up hurt by it, but intention has a big part in whether someone is actually a jerk (like trying to justify bad behavior) I don’t think there are any jerks here, just 2 people on the spectrum learning to communicate.
I hope it works out no jerks here” curiousjosh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ my partner is autistic too so I get your intention but it was a condescending comment to make. A backhanded compliment. You put him down (even though it’s a fact, some people are not at peace with their disability or what makes them different) and even though you meant it in a “loving” way, you also reminded him of why he’s not “good enough” and that hurt him.
You could’ve just said “ I can’t believe that girl did that. I would never sell you!” Instead of putting him down such as reminding him of his physical inadequacies.” yureika
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Tbh, I don’t know this movie so a lot of the context is lost on me, but you sound pretty insensitive.” BoyoDee
15. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé to Confront His Disrespectful Son?
“Am I the jerk for wanting my fiancé to stand up to his 25 yr old son.
My fiancé and I have been together for 5+ yrs.
His son doesn’t live in the same state but when he does come in it’s a complete nightmare!
I could understand if I was rude to him or didn’t include him but I include him in EVERYTHING! He gets gifts at Xmas, Easter baskets, birthday gifts.
I have been very welcoming.
However I think I have finally had my fill after his last visit.
Typically I do my best not to say anything when his son says bad things to me because I know his father doesn’t get to see him all the time, he has asked to bite my tongue because he’s worried his son won’t speak to him if he corrects him.
This last visit adult son decided to get completely inebriated and go off on me calling me a see you next Tuesday repeatedly, told me to stfu! I mean every possible name you can think of I was called.
My fiancé did nothing! His son actually had the nerve to say I deserved it because I asked him to leave my home since he couldn’t respect me.
My fiancé is still talking to his son as if nothing has happened. To me thats him condoning that behavior!
My fiancé says I need to grow up and stop bringing up his son’s behavior.
Am I the jerk for not wanting his son around until he can take accountability?
(For the record this is not his son’s first, second, or third time doing this)
I am setting healthy boundaries for myself and I think that means I might need to end things with my fiancé.
I feel my fiancé’s conversations with his son should be short; good morning, good night, love you, until his son takes accountability.
I also feel he should be sticking up for me. Guess maybe he’s not the one.”
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunately it’s been made clear to you that you will always be a distant second to his son, no matter what his son does. NTJ, but what you want clearly isn’t going to happen.
You’re stuck either dealing with it for the rest of your life or leaving him.” Dannah_Montanah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actually your fiance’s behavior is more disturbing than the son’s. It shows he really has no respect for you. He’s afraid his son won’t talk to him if he reprimands him?
He shouldn’t want to have a relationship with anybody who treats other so disrespectfully. Remember, this won’t get better. Time to make him an ex-fiance.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The amount of disrespect you are receiving from both your fiance and his son is unbelievable.
It is not clear from your post as to who owns the home you live in. If you are the sole homeowner you have every right to say who is able to come or not come into your home. Your fiance does not have your back and for him to tell you to just accept it… sorry, but that’s a massive no. Keep in mind you’re still just engaged, you don’t have to continue on.” Vispartofmyname
14. AITJ For Exchanging a Gifted Blanket for a Larger Size?
“A family friend marked a personalized blanket as purchased on our gift registry but when we received it we recognized she had ordered in the smallest size the seller offered instead of the one we requested.
We had listed the desired size and linked directly to the correct listing. The change in size was made by purchasing outside of the registry and marking it purchased manually so I didn’t have a chance to fix it before the gift was made and shipped. When I contacted the seller they were very understanding and agreed to apply a partial refund towards an order of the larger size as she could remake the personalized part of the blanket on a future order.
When the friend who had made the purchase visited recently she asked where the blanket was and when I explained we were still waiting for the larger blanket to ship she became upset and said now the gift isn’t “from” her and implied we are ungrateful as well as saying no one actually needs a decorative blanket in the size we requested.
I don’t agree we don’t need the size we requested as we measured where we intend to display it between uses. She said it was decorative and we should have been grateful for what she could afford. When I told her I don’t see the difference in returning gifted clothes for the correct size she said in that case the value is unchanged, I wouldn’t have had to pay a difference and a size change in clothing is need and not vanity based. I see now we hurt her feelings and implied she was being cheap but I’m not sure who is in the wrong here.
If she couldn’t afford the blanket we requested there were many other items listed for less or the opportunity to shop outside our registry and we never asked her to pay the difference.
AITJ for not just accepting the smaller blanket?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow. There were so many other options for your friend. Buy something cheaper, buy off registry. But to remove an item you specifically wanted in the size you wanted just to give a smaller cheaper version – that’s just rude. You are fine.
You wanted that item in a specific size. You aren’t rude for what you did.” Foggy_Radish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being remarkably petty and pedantic, saying the blanket was “decorative only,” that you didn’t “need” a larger one, and even going on about the value being “unchanged” if you were exchanging for the wrong size.
She needs to get over herself.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I probably would’ve lied and said it needed mending or something. Sounds like she’s very insecure about her financing and projecting her insecurity onto you. I’ve been there myself during a phase when I had experienced financial hardship but want to give the best I can to people I care about.” Least-Coach4860
13. AITJ For Confronting an Elderly Man Harassing a Walmart Employee?
“I M25 was recently on a short vacation with a few friends and we decided to stop by Walmart to get dinner/snacks before checking in to the hotel.
It was around 8pm in a rural town so the Walmart was relatively empty and me and my friends decided to divide and conquer. I was in charge of snacks and a few other small things. When in the Snack aisle, I overhear two people approaching in the aisle.
One was a M75ish and the other was an employee who was M16ish.
The teenage employee was leading the older man into the aisle helping him find what he was looking for. The first thing I noticed about this dynamic was that the older man was being short/demanding and the employee was very sheepish (which is understandable as it was probably their first job).
The employee scouted the aisle and said “Sorry sir, we must be out of the bulk pack of coke zeros” the old man got angry and replied “well isn’t that convenient, the one good item on sale is all gone. How are you going to make up for this inconvenience?” The employee stuttered a little and said “I’m sorry sir, we should be getting a shipment in tomorrow and there might be more in stock” the older guy said “Well you’re going to have to make this right somehow, I see that Diet Coke bulk pack is also on sale *then he starts trying to barter with the employee like it’s a pawnshop*”
After a good 2-3 minutes of the older guy berating him, I spoke up and said “here’s 3 darn dollars, (the price difference between two smaller packs and the sale bulk pack) now stop harassing this guy.” The older guy froze and told me to F off and that I was an entitled jerk.
Luckily my comment stopped the interaction. The kicker is, when in my car, I saw the old guy get into a brand new Escalade which made me question a lot about this guy’s intentions to start with. So AITJ for commenting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, old dude wasn’t at a flea market.
That kid does not have the ability to “make it right.” You buy what’s there at the price that’s listed or get something else. A friend of mine was at a store and went through this very scenario. She was at the checkout behind a guy doing the same thing.
She finally got tired of it and said, “sir, this is not a bartering system. Either pay the price or leave it behind.” The only entitled jerk was the old dude.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re a good egg for speaking up. Old dude was torturing the employee and you not only stopped it, you rightfully called attention to his bad behavior in a way that wasn’t disrespectful, aggressive, or violent.
We can only hope it made an impression that will translate into better behavior in the future.” DrKittyLovah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ though I think you should’ve been less aggressive about it. And I have to add, you took a huge chance, because it sounds like you were in the US and what you did was very dangerous.
You could’ve ended up getting shot by the guy. Last July for ex, a fight broke out at a Walmart in Florida City and a man was shot dead. It’s not safe to confront people in the US; it’s a dangerous country.” stroppo
12. AITJ For Blocking My Coworker Who Kept Asking For My Logins While I Was On Vacation?
“I finally had some vacation this year and scheduled a trip to be all by myself. I really needed to go somewhere quiet since I have changed jobs recently and I was alone for 5 weeks since a coworker had the holidays scheduled. It was a bit hard so I was eager to go away.
The problem: My coworker kept texting me every day, to my personal number, asking for my logins. I answered no, because they are personal. I asked why she needed my logins and she just kept saying that she needed them. At the third day I asked my boss what was happening and the boss answered that I was on vacation and didn’t want a text from me, so I stopped answering.
It was ruining my vacation. On my birthday, while I was having dinner with some people I met at the hotel and celebrating my birthday, she texted again asking for my logins. I did not answer. The next morning, after being bombarded with question marks, I told her that I was on holiday, it was my birthday and I don’t keep track of my personal phone while on holiday.
Well, at dinner she asked for the logins again. It was the time that I had blocked her.
I have returned to work and after she confronted me on why I blocked her, I told that as I respected get 5 weeks off, she had to respect my two weeks.
And since she was contacting to my personal number I have the right to block anyone that I feel that does not have consideration for me. I explained once more that it is not safe to share logins and that there are various e-mails sent saying that.
Now I am feeling guilty for putting my foot down but on the other side, I feel like the limits are being pushed. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Coworker should not have been contacting OP while they were on vacation outside of an absolute emergency.
Period. To say nothing of the daily harassing texts. Asking for personal login information and passwords is a major security no-no regardless of situation. It almost feels like they were trying to wear OP down to point they would commit a violation of protocol. I would lodge a formal complaint, especially since said coworker is now acting like a jerk in person.” ABeerAndABook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You contacted your boss for clarification and they told you that you should be on vacation and not connect to work. From this moment on you have the cart blanche to block her and not reply to her. When she confronted you on your return you could have used your boss as an excuse but you were also right to just point out she should respect your holidays.
Also, asking for personal logins is a HUGE no-no in any sort of cyber security setting your company has. You should ask your IT if that is even allowed to be shared.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your boss is right, you are on vacation so do not engage with work.
Why does this employee need your login? They should have their own login credentials for work. Never share yours – if she logs in with your credentials and something goes wrong then you will get the blame.” No-To-Newspeak
11. AITJ For Giving More Attention To My Partner's Sister's Neglected Dog Instead of Their Child?
“I visited my partner’s sister. They have a 1.5 year old and a dog.
I generally hate kids. Really. I find them irritating. I tell this to my friends but I don’t treat kids badly. I play with them and entertain them, give them gifts.
Nobody would ever doubt that I hate kids if they don’t know me personally. I mask it really well.
Now I went to their house and they give all their attention to only their daughter. Now I understand. The kid needs more attention generally.
And she’s also pregnant and tired and all so cool. I get that.
I could not help but notice that she literally ignores the dog. She once came downstairs and started calling her daughter’s name. The dog was super excited and started to go and climb or scratch her and asking for attention basically.
And she straight up ignored the dog and went on calling the daughter and started playing with her. The kid did not need her attention. She just went to play with her. I felt so bad for the dog. This was just one incident. But overall the dog feels left out.
So I played with the dog more than the kid. The kid was anyway not going to anyone other than her parents. So I gave all my attention to the pup. So much so that the dog was tired of me at the end. And was running away from me because she was tired of playing and running.
Cutie.
Now they all mentioned it multiple times that I played too much with the dog. No one ever said anything about not playing with the kid. But I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have done that but I felt so bad about the dog.
They also told that she did potty in the house twice and when they googled they found that they do this for attention. That broke my heart. And I loved her more.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ugh I’ve seen this happen and it’s heartbreaking.
Pets are basically as dependent as little children and need equal love and affection and engagement. People need to have a plan for taking care of them when they have human babies, just like they’d do if they are planning to have more than one kid.
If their kid wasn’t interested in interacting with you, not sure what you are supposed to do.” Loading-Laundry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sometimes pets are used as a ‘practice child’ for couples starting out…. And when the real child comes along, the dog is forgotten.
At least they haven’t moved the poor puppers out to a rickety dog house as faaaaar away from the house as they can get it….” Bananas4skail
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly their behavior (caring about one living being over the other so much to the point of not only them neglecting the dog, but chastising someone else for giving the dog attention) bodes terribly for them as parents; I know you hate kids, but maybe once they’re a little older, you might have to be the one to step in because they sound like the kind of parents who will play blatant favorites.” blanketstatement5
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Deceased Fiancé's Family The Engagement Ring He Bought For Me?
“Dead fiancé name “John” & I’ll start at the beginning, about 4yrs ago.
I was engaged to John, after being together for 4yrs.
When he proposed, the ring he used was 2 sizes too big. We went to the store, that he bought it from (2 weeks before proposing) & he kept the receipt. Gotten the right size & kept same style. We did plan to have to wedding, after 3yrs of planning & saving.
10 months after the proposal, John passed away in a car accident. I used the savings for wedding to pay for his funeral.
The day after the funeral, John’s brother came to me asking for the ring. I asked why, his response was that the ring had been passed down their family for 5 generations.
Told him that was BS, because I have proof of the ring was brought for me, less than a year ago. We argued for a bit & he then stormed out. Then I get the calls from john’s family, saying I’m a liar & demanding the ring.
Then I got a letter from their lawyer, in the letter they also demanded that I reimburse them for costs of John’s funeral. So I got myself a lawyer, showed the proof, about the ring & I paid for the funeral, in court & I won.
I thought that madness was over, until john’s sister recently messaged me. She & her partner are engaged, but haven’t gotten a ring & she wants John’s ring. After I said no, she went crazy & messaging non stop demanding. I have blocked her over & over, but she finds a way around it.
I was having brunch with my friend, my mobile was on the table, a message from sister popped up & my friend saw it. My friend knows about everything, before sister’s 1st message. I explained about her messages, friend believes I’m a jerk & I should give her the ring.
She told my other friends & they are all saying the same things. Now I’m doubting myself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this ring was purchased for you by your fiance, with the intent that you be the one to wear it.
Although I am sympathetic that John’s family is still grieving, this was intended by your fiance to be yours, not his family’s heirloom. Sorry for your loss. I hope your friends will come around to understand why you hold onto this ring.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what kind of friends are these? I think you need to reassess. They either don’t know that the ring was purchased for you as an engagement ring, a romantic gift that has nothing to do with his family, or they aren’t people who care about you.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if the ring isn’t a family heirloom and was bought for you I think it’s more than fair that you keep it, specially as something that means so much. You already paid for his funeral and I think that was very kind of you as a fiancé and not a wife.
Get your lawyer to make them stop harassing you. I guess the only silver lining here is that you won’t be entangled with these people forever” probablygoinginsan3
9. AITJ For Rejecting Bridesmaid Role Due to Forced Drinking Ritual?
“So I don’t like drinking, I’ve done it a few times, but it’s not my thing. I’ve stated it very clearly to my family and extended family that I don’t drink.
For my 21st birthday, my brother (M26) “iced” me (which is when you get surprised by a Smirnoff and you’re supposed to go on one knee and chug it). When I did it, in front of a good chunk of my family, I may add, they laughed at me when I couldn’t finish more than a quarter of the drink.
It was a very humiliating experience. All-in-all, my family are very big drinkers, I don’t mind people who drink, but I don’t like people who force it.
So the other night I came home to a bag on my bed (I work evenings) and on it was a note that said, “Chug the ICE on one knee to begin your first step of the bridesmaids duty… send video proof.”
I really have a disdain for drinking, but I feel obligated to say yes because 1. I like her, but I’m not close to her. 2. She’s my brother’s fiance (they just got engaged after 5 years) and 3. I don’t want the whole family calling me a jerk over “one little drink.” Also, I don’t want the next 2 years until the wedding to be about drinking and be called a buzzkill if I don’t.
(I say I like her but I’m not close to her because she lives with us but we don’t see each other because I was in school for the last 3½ years and now that I’m out of school, we’re working different schedules. Like we’ve gone shopping, but I personally don’t feel like I’ve developed a close enough relationship to warrant being asked to be a bridesmaid).
Like, I enjoy herbal relaxation, and I know that if I pulled the same thing on my cousin who doesn’t partake anymore, then my family would call me inconsiderate and selfish.
Would I be the jerk if I rejected my future sister-in-law’s invitation to be a bridesmaid because I don’t drink?
Update: I asked if I could replace the drink with water, and they said, “You don’t need to finish it, just do the best you can.”
Update 2: I accepted it, and I feel like awful. I have a headache. When I told my mom I accepted and that I didn’t wanna do it because everyone knows I don’t drink, her response was:
“stop being a killjoy..I told you to replace it with lemonade and she’ll never know don’t ruin her cute idea”
So that’s that. Thank you, everyone, for the wonderful advice, and I’m sorry I disappointed you all and gave into the peer pressure.
Is there any way I can post a screenshot of the conversation so I can show you guys I’m not lying?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would just explain that you don’t drink and will not be drinking, so whilst you would love to be her bridesmaid, if it comes with conditions that involve drinking, you will have to decline. If she is happy to have a teetotal bridesmaid, then you’ll be there with bells on.” PoetRevolutionary160
Another User Comments:
“NTJ first of all why does she need some type of “bend the knee” ritual for you to be a bridesmaid. This in and of itself would be a red flag for me. If you want to participate I’d start the video with since I don’t drink I’m chugging this water for you.
If she has a problem with that let her know you’ll be happy to sit out.” keesouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family’s mindset about “it’s just a drink don’t be a buzzkill” is wild. Imagine your SIL hated the taste of, say, olives…and refused to eat them even though everyone else loves them.
Soooo by your family’s logic, she should be guilted into eating the olives anyway? Nah fam. You have a right to your own preferences” PaintingCommercial40
8. AITJ For Wanting to Change My First Name Without Discussing It With My Mom?
“I (19M) have always wanted to change my first and last name.
For two reasons: my first name is my biological father’s middle name, and my last name is his as well, and he was a terrible person to me and my mother, and the last name portion is changing to my Mom’s maiden name before she got married to my Step-Father, in memory of my grandfather, with whom she shared a last name.
I was originally going to just change my last name for the grandfather thing, and strong dislike for my biological father, and my Mom was 100% on board with it. She thought it was a good thing to do what I felt I needed to do, and give a piece of honor in a way.
We have discussed it multiple times, and even my stepfather is on board with it.
But a few years back, I also started to dislike my first name. It was coupled with the reason I said before about my biological father, and I was always told by others I never looked like my name, and I looked like the name I want to change to.
I even felt like this was the right decision. And I still feel this is the right decision.
However, when I originally brought up to my mom that I wanted to go by a different first name, as well, she seemed hurt. She dismissed it when I was in high school, and I haven’t brought it up since.
I really want to change my first name still. It’s just personal preference. I’m still me and the same guy and son she knows, just with a different name.
I honestly feel like just going ahead and doing just this without talking to her about it first. But WIBTJ if I did do this?
I feel like regardless, I want to change my first name, but would it be wrong to do so without talking to her first?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are able to change your name if you want to, and, although I would recommend talking to her about it to see why she is hesitant about it, it is fully your choice to do it.
She isn’t in the wrong, either, for wanting her child to keep their name, though. I would say that you should discuss it with her, but if you do or don’t doesn’t affect the fact that you are in the right, but she is not in the wrong, maybe just misunderstood.” Wooden_Tell_8794
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in my opinion… it’s tricky because you are VERY much entitled to what you would prefer to be called, but clearly she has an appreciation for what she named you for. maybe find a compromise? like choosing a middle name to go by or finding a nickname you both appreciate.
it really depends how much you truly care about her opinion. best of luck to you! and I hope everything works out.” urgnomefriend
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It seems like when children post this stuff on the sub, not once do they ever even consider how that feels to their parents.
It’s your name and you can do what you want with it. But you aren’t entitled to being surprised when this whole thing explodes.” Mister-Scrubby
7. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Misused My Emergency Credit Card?
“My partner and I have been together for 4 years. My partner (34) has never been great with finances. His philosophy is he never had much growing up so if he wants it, he buys it. I am 28 and have always been frugal with my money. Fresh out of college I bought my first house with a 15k downpayment at age 22.
I’ve always been savvy with my finances and making sure I have enough to be comfortable.
My partner makes 2.5 times what I do. We have separate accounts. I take care of the big bills and he basically helps fill in the blanks but he always ends up spending more money on silly, little things (including regularly drinking, gambling, energy drinks) and ends up falling back onto me for help when he has $0 left until the next check.
One time we were literally stranded out of state on vacation and he ran us entirely out of money and I had to request my father to transfer us some money… (after that we separated banking accounts because that was too triggering for me)
This week he asked me for some help with gas because he had no money.
I was cutting it close so I allowed him to use an emergency credit card that I have been working towards paying off. However, he never gave it back to me. He made several other transactions (totaling around $100), without even asking me. Not an overly big deal but enough to annoy me slightly.
When confronted he said that I’m overreacting. All I said was it was rude and disrespectful to make extra charges on my behalf without even asking me to continue to use this card. He got mad at me for explaining my rationale and now he’s ignoring me after I said I reported it lost(which I actually didn’t, I didn’t want it used anymore as this is an extremely high-interest card and for strict emergencies)
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – cancel the card, because he will continue to use it, or attempt to in the off chance that he thinks it can still be used. As for the rest of this debacle? Why are you footing most of the bills for a 34 year old person who makes 2.5 times more than you do?
The way you describe him, he has absolutely no redeeming qualities at all.” toosheeptheorist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also, you didn’t even report the card stolen so why are we here? Ah yes – because you are seeing an irresponsible child! Seriously, OP.
You are making up lies to stop him from wasting your money and then asking random internet strangers if that’s ok. Is this how you want to spend your life? Trust me, it’s not. Break up with this person and find someone with some integrity and sense of accountability.
And learn to trust your instincts and value yourself highly enough that you don’t feel like you need the internet’s blessing to protect yourself.” mewley
Another User Comments:
” NTJ. You are not obliged to support his irresponsible behaviour (which he proved by violating the boundaries you set with that card with no remorse).
Highly unlikely it will ever improve. It would be different perhaps if he was making an effort but he just doesn’t come across that he is or is willing to try.” NotAtAllExciting
6. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Stop Snoozing Her Alarm?
“I (33M) and my partner (32F) moved in together a couple of months ago, and everything has been good so far except for one thing.
We both have to be at work at 8 – my job is less than a mile away so I get up at 7, hers is about a half-hour commute so she naturally gets up earlier.
But here’s the thing, instead of doing it the usual way, she will set her alarm for 5:30 or 5:40 and then keep hitting snooze until 6:30, or she’ll set it for 5:30 and then reset it a half-hour later, and so on.
Sometimes she’ll get up at 5:30 and lay in bed looking at news or memes or whatever on her phone, and when she does that she usually falls back asleep with no alarm set, until either I wake her up or she wakes up to my alarm in a panic.
The snooze button or the reset are annoying, but this one is the worst, because when she does it, I am now automatically lying there awake until she either gets out of bed or (usually) falls back asleep so I can wake her up, because if I do try to go back to sleep, that’s in the back of my mind and I’m all restless.
Anyway, this is killing me and I am dog tired at the start of every morning and usually throughout the day. I asked her why she does it that way, and she said she was used to it from before, when she used to wake up and run or go to the gym in the morning before work.
I told her, well you don’t go to the gym in the morning now, so what are you doing? All this does is wake us both up. She didn’t like that, and admittedly I may have been a little gruff because this was at the start of the morning when I was tired and at my worst. But I kind of think I’ve got a point.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Setting her alarm for hours before she needs to wake up, and then snoozing that alarm, is incredibly inconsiderate – not only is she waking herself up each time an alarm goes off but she is also likely waking you up, which is unnecessary.
While it’s her choice, how she wakes up, it is inconsiderate of her to be disturbing you each morning. I would recommend talking with your partner about finding a solution together that works for both of you, such as setting an alarm for around 6:00am and waking up for the day then.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but beware: I’m married to a “snoozer” and it doesn’t get better. I’ll say snoozing for an hour is ridiculous, hit snooze once (+10 minutes) but then get up. At 30-something you’re still quite young but also set in your ways already so she might not change anymore.” CaesarTjalbo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although I totally see why she will want to do it…I do it too but I am pretty sure I wouldn’t if I weren’t an alarm ní já. I literally wake up to the lightest first tone/vibration and I don’t think any of my partners ever had an issue.
Letting the alarms yell for hours is selfish af. Also being grumpy because she just wants to get up early and uses one is. I’d strongly suggest different rooms and a vibrating bracelet for her. Also talking when you are not groggy and grumpy, obviously.” Remedyforinsomnia
5. AITJ For Refusing To Fund Cousin's Wedding To Disrespectful Partner?
“My (m43) mother had one sibling, my uncle who was survived by his 2 daughters; Ann(26) and Lisa (24).
My uncle wasn’t the best with money. Growing up Ann and Lisa didn’t have much. So every time I would fly over to the states and visit I would try my best to spoil them, however I could. Especially as my business grew bigger and better, I tried my best to support my two cousins.
They’re my last piece of extended family, and they’re like little sisters to me.
Their father passed away. Didn’t leave them much.
Last year Ann got married to her ‘soulmate’, overall great guy; has a good career, respectful, faithful, trustworthy, and humble. I couldn’t be happier for her.
I pitched in together with the groom’s parents to pay for the wedding. Nothing too expensive or outrageous but we all agreed it’s a good gift for newlyweds to start their life.
Now this week. Lisa says she wants to marry her current partner, MJ.
Obviously she asked me if I would be willing to pay. And normally I would. But not if she is marrying this dude. I can’t in good conscience spend so much money on a relationship I do not believe in with a guy I absolutely dislike and completely disapprove of.
I only met MJ a couple of times but from my interactions with him this is what I got: he has a hood mentality, he completely disrespects my eastern European heritage, he was unfaithful to her once, he works a part time job as a cashier and has no goals or aspirations for the future.
I told her, she is welcome to get married to him, and I will come to her wedding and give her a gift, but she can forget about me footing the bill if she really wishes to marry MJ.
Well she got extremely angry, called me a jerk and whatnot.
But what bugs me is that my wife says I’m a jerk for ‘playing’ favorites and “controlling” who Lisa marries.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t controlling you are just not paying. It sounds like the partner first insulted you and then wanted money. He’s not the smartest. It looks like his parents aren’t stepping up for half like last time, no surprises there.
At the end of the day you are her cousin not her parent.” Sea_Firefighter_4598
Another User Comments:
“NTJ here, but you shouldn’t be surprised that she’d be upset that you paid some money for her sister’s wedding but won’t do the same for her.
It’s your money and you certainly aren’t obligated to spend it in this way, but from her perspective, she’s in love, you helped pay for her sister’s wedding, but are refusing the same offer for her. Sometimes being generous can have consequences like this, unfortunately.” apiratelooksatthirty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lisa isn’t a teenager, she’s old enough to understand your reasons for paying for her sister’s wedding but not hers. Her calling you a jerk for that decision speaks of ungrateful entitlement, considering how much you’ve done for her all her life.
If I were you I would mention that you don’t appreciate her attitude, but you love her and will be there for her if she ever leaves her husband.” HoshiJones
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex-Best Friend to Visit While I'm Home?
“I (straight, 22M) lived with my best friends until recently. Me and Friend 1 (?straight?, 21M) had some friendship difficulties after he kissed me when we went on holiday together, and I rejected him.
Things gradually went downhill and got progressively worse. A few months of friendship decline passed, and I caught Friend 1 and Friend 2 (straight, 21F) sleeping together, after me and Friend 1 had a large argument.
Friend 1 made it very clear to me that he did not find Friend 2 attractive or have any feelings towards her, they were just having a friends-with-benefits situation.
They continued to have this friends-with-benefits situation and Friend 1 made an effort to ensure I felt uncomfortable and excluded. Alongside this, he manipulated and gaslighted me, and went to further extremes to ensure that I was miserable, for example, he gaslighted me into thinking I had a range of psychological issues, and forced me to seek medical assessment and treatment which I didn’t need (I won’t go into too much detail).
At one point, it was just me and Friend 1 in the house for two weeks, because Friend 2 was at a wedding in Cali. During this time, we were back to being best friends, as if none of our previous difficulties had happened. I was happy and thought our issues had finally been resolved.
Then he spontaneously moved out, and I received a text from him saying to remove him on all social media. I did, and never heard from him again.
When Friend 2 returned. I explained to her that, after everything that happened between me and Friend 1, I would prefer it if she didn’t invite him over for any reason when I was home (I work 12 hour shifts so he can come over during those times).
She agreed, and informed me that the friends-with-benefits situation was over because she was in love with him, and this wasn’t mutual.
A week later, I wake up to find them in bed together. Not only did I feel disrespected by Friend 2 for completely disregarding my feelings, but disgusted by the audacity of Friend 1 to come to my home after saying he never wants to see me again.
Seeing Friend 1 reminded me of how badly I was treated, and brought up a variety of negative feelings. It had only been 2 weeks since me and Friend 1 officially fell out.
After everything that happened, I don’t want to see Friend 1.
Am I the jerk for not wanting Friend 1 to come over whilst I’m home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable to not want someone around in that situation, and you have a right to set that boundary.” beachb0yy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your description of your falling out with Friend 1 lacks enough detail to convey a justification for your “never want to see you again” response.” xordroyd
3. AITJ For Not Encouraging My Son To Call My Partner 'Dad'?
“I (26F) have a 6-year-old son whose biological dad has never been in the picture. He doesn’t even know his name or what he looks like. About 3 years ago I decided to start seeing someone again. I always had in mind that as a single mother, I wanted a serious relationship (marriage)
Well, I met this great man let’s name him “Fred” who always had a crush on me (that’s what he says) on a social media platform and well after a few outings he asked me to be his partner and I accepted, I did tell him since day one I didn’t want to introduce him to my son till I knew for sure if this was going to be a serious relationship (I didn’t want my son and Fred to get attached and then to not work out and them be sad)
After a year of being together and having so many things in common (future) I decided it was time for him and my son to meet. By the way, I’ve always called him “Fred” I just can’t help myself every time I try to call him by another name like “baby” ”babe” ”my love” just feels weird since everyone we know calls him “Fred” even his family.
Well, my son met him as “Fred” and since he always hears everyone call him “Fred” he would call him “Fred” too.
After 3yrs of being together and eventually moving in together he out of nowhere asked me why I don’t “encourage” my son to call him “dad” instead of “Fred” I told him that it’s not my call it’s my son’s, he knows the meaning of “dad” and I’m pretty sure if he wants to call him dad he will maybe he’s not ready yet or he’s just used to call him “Fred” like I do and EVERYONE does.
He says that somehow it’s my fault for not introducing him sooner in the relationship and for not telling him that he is his dad (that he wouldn’t know it isn’t true since he doesn’t know his biological dad anyway).
I honestly don’t know what to do now I don’t want my son to feel obligated to call him dad but I also don’t want to lie to him saying he’s his biological dad.
Since he knows he has my last name, not his. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely correct that it’s your son’s call and the fact that Fred doesn’t realize that is a giant red flag. When it comes to being a stepparent, the relationship has to matter more than the title.
Your partner has only been in your son’s life for two years. You’re not married and he hasn’t adopted him. There’s no guarantee that he’ll still be in your son’s life if your relationship doesn’t work out. A father is someone who will still be a parental figure to the child even if they’re no longer in a romantic relationship with the child’s mother.
Your partner hasn’t proven yet that he’s that guy.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son should get to choose, and it’ll take some time. I let it happen naturally with my kid. She has her own name for her that she chose because her mom is still in the picture.
Let happen naturally, and hopefully, marriage or long-term commitment will solidify it.” datfrog666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Fred is not “dad”, he is Fred. If your son chooses to see Fred as his dad, he will call him that. Until that time, Fred needs to understand that these things take time, and if you or he forces your son to call him “dad” then it will only build up resentment.
Question – is Fred taking up all fatherly duties, or is he just upset that he doesn’t get the title?” toosheeptheorist
2. AITJ For Asking My Family For More Thoughtful Gifts?
“Big Brothers and Little Sisters Birthdays are only 4 days apart; a month later it’s Christmas; 2 weeks later it’s my B-day.
Last year I spent around 200 bucks for gifts for their B-days and Christmas. I wrapped each piece of their presents up. I even googled how to make different bow styles per hand.
The night before Christmas my Dad asks me if I can wrap their presents as well.
I was a little upset at because one they knew I had problems with my sleep. So it would have been nice if they asked me earlier. And 2 getting/ giving gifts means a lot to me. But I agreed to it anyway. I asked BB if he could help me with it and he agreed.
I was extremely upset and brought to tears when noticed they expected me to wrap gifts that I was supposed to receive, sat there until 5am, and BB instead of helping me came home inebriated at ~3 am and went to sleep.
The fact that my presents were just random and loveless things made me cry on Christmas.
My Mom always gets perfume for someone else if she doesn’t want to think much about it. Guess what my present was.
She even told me that directly on that day. I gave her 8 topics that I am interested in for my B-day.
My B-day:
I get 1 book that doesn’t cover any of the things I am interested in. Not wrapped, the price tag was still on (12,30) and my LS gave it to me and then ran off because Mom needed her for something. All by myself I held a meaningless gift because all of them were busy.
I cried on my B-day.
Now BB and LS B-Days are approaching.
I am scared I’ll get something meaningless again.
I don’t care about the price tag (even though it did sting in this situation), I just want to feel the love behind a gift.
So WIBTJ if I asked them for better gifts?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. Asking you to wrap your own gifts is just bad, there’s no real excuse for that one. But telling your family you want “better gifts” may just lead them to give you nothing.
It seems like what you’re really asking for is love and attention from your family. Maybe you should focus on that instead of the content of their gifts.” Little-Martha31204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – my family did that too so I told them don’t bother wasting money on buying me gifts because it’s wasteful when they do not want to do it anyway so it was problem solved and I buy my own gifts and I also treat myself and go on vacay on my bday and yes it ticks them off but serves them right.
I also stopped buying them gifts too.” Glad_Performer_7531
Another User Comments:
“Re-gifting. Keep their gifts, then wrap them up and give them what they gave you. but mix it up. LS gets Mum’s, Mum gets LS, dad gets Big brother’s, etc. For complete carnage, next Christmas, swap the tags around.
Video or sound record their reactions. Wrap their birthday/Christmas gives in newspaper, or clear plastic bags. They are adults, why do they need the joy and excitement, of ripping paper off a thoughtful gift. Match their energy.” Stitch_little_blue
People have different love languages. Yours is giving expensive, thoughtful gifts that you take time to make even more special with the way that you wrap them. Your family, on the other hand, don't gift like you do. They also all sound like they've the emotional depth of a turnip, but I digress. Your family don't gift like you do, so PLEASE stop gifting them like you want to be gifted and think they'll eventually reciprocate. They won't. And the longer you expect that, the more hurt and disappointed you'll be.
What you should do is pick up a bunch of inexpensive, all purpose gifts to have on hand for your family so you don't waste another thought on any of them. And take the money you'd have spent on them and spend it on yourself, or save it for your future, or some of each. Start treating yourself the way you wish they'd treat you, and youll be much happier. Good luck.
1. AITJ For Avoiding My Sister-In-Law's Criminal Family Despite Their Kindness To Us?
“Basically I come from a culture that takes the whole ‘you don’t marry the person, you marry the family’ really seriously. So I’m good friends with all my in laws, my siblings in laws etc. Except for one of my SIL’.
She, herself is really lovely and I’m grateful to have her in my life because she makes my bro so happy BUT her family are all, to put it frankly, organized crime jerks. I’m not going to go into detail because I don’t want to get on the wrong side of that stuff, but there’s laundering and border police shenanigans, with the occasional drive by peppered in.
They’re also stupid wealthy as a result of all this (look, we are too, but mostly because my parents bought in bad areas before they gentrified).
I just don’t like being around them, or letting my kids associate with them. There’s this horrible sense of ‘the people who get hurt as a result of our crimes deserve it, because they’re too stupid to avoid criminal nonsense’.
Their actions impact some of the most destitute members of society, and exasperate problems in low socio-economic areas. It sucks. I don’t like it.
Here’s why I feel like a judgy jerk: on the whole, they’re lovely and pleasant to me and mine because we’re family.
I’m talking people who will take the shirt off their back for you, welcome you into their home with no expectations and give, give, give to the causes they think are worthy. They’re considered good members of the community in that they sponsor kids teams, organize scholarships and are present and visible at our local religious organization.
But every time there’s a get-together and I know they’ll be there, I just don’t go. No one seems to have noticed this yet, but my SIL messaged me saying how sad her mum is that she hasn’t seen the kids for so long, so I think it’ll come up eventually.
AITJ for intentionally not keeping the connections alive?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I get being concerned about the safety and welfare of your family but you can be around them at family gatherings without extending it beyond that. You can control your interactions with them.
You don’t need to go to their homes. You don’t need to hang out with them. Interaction appears to only be a mutual acquaintance. Keep it at that.” Sashasez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure I would expose my kids to criminals.
However, let your SIL’s mom come to your house to see the kids. Also, you said that your family is now “gentrified.” If that is the case, please use more “gentle” language.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and this is why you admit they are genuinely good people.
coming from a family like that, their way of making money does not determine the kind of people they are. my entire family has spent years in prison for many things but if you ask about them, everyone will admit how amazing they are, how loyal they are” AdPositive7749
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!