People Debate Their Discomfort In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Dilemmas
26. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Quarter To A Kid At Costco?
“I went to a Costco, and put a dollar in the water machine. I got my quarters, and a little boy came running up to me and asked, “Can I have one?” I figured he probably wandered off, and asked him where his mom was, and he pointed to one of the food court tables and said, “I forgot the pennies.”
The mom was sitting here just watching, and she had this expectant look on her face, as if it was already a foregone conclusion that I would buy him a water. So, I’m pretty sure she put him up to it.
I’d seen that look many times over the years, and as a former doormat it really rubs me the wrong way when people just assume I’ll do something.
So, I said, “No, sorry, go ask your mom.”
The kid says, “*No!*” and tries the coin return. It was less ‘I refuse’ and more ‘No, that *can’t* be’, and I was starting to feel bad when the mom came to retrieve her kid. She didn’t say anything to me, just dragged her protesting kid away after giving me a poisonous look.
I could have given the kid a quarter. It would have been a nice thing to do. I might have been TA because normally I don’t mind spotting someone, and I’ve offered a few times. But that *look.* AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s important for kids to learn that just because they ask, doesn’t mean they’ll get a “yes”.
And that mom likewise needs to learn that just because she thinks her kid’s antics are cute, that doesn’t mean they actually are, lol. You were polite and kind about it. Hopefully, the kid will think about this experience the next time he tries it.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom is teaching her kid to panhandle. If she was short of funds, she could have asked OP herself. If she was having a medical issue of sorts, she should be engaging with an employee who could get her help. Not another customer in the store.
The parking lot is a different story if she needed help.” Lolarita02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s shaping him to do her begging for her. Yeah, it’s just a quarter………..this time. Nope, no thanks, nada. People will stoop to anything it seems. SMH. Just reminds me of the panhandlers who send their kids up to you with chicklets begging for funds.” Nurse5736
25. AITJ For Refusing To Get A Cat Because I'm Allergic?
“I’ve been living with two of my friends, Daniel and Kevin, for just over 2 years now. Recently Daniel asked us if it was ok if we were to get a cat, however, whilst Kevin wasn’t too fussed either way, I said no because I am allergic.
A fact that we all learned a couple of weeks ago because when we visited another friend’s house, I kept coughing and sneezing as soon as I went anywhere near their cat. (Also, I kind of suspected I was allergic because whenever I’ve gone to other people’s houses and they have cats, I’ve had the same reaction).
He did ask me if I was willing to buy pills for my allergy, however, I refused because (1) I don’t want another expense and (2) I don’t think it’s fair for me to buy medication for something that I don’t care about.
Daniel didn’t take too well to me rejecting his request and has since gone on to make constant jokes about my allergy to the point where it’s not even considered “banter” anymore.
On top of that, he has tried to gaslight me several times into acquiescing as well as making snide comments like “We should replace you with the cat” or “We should get a cat and make him live with you in your room.”
I’m kind of at my wits end with all of Daniel’s bs to the point where if he were to make another comment, I straight up might lash out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All members of a household should agree before a pet is introduced. You have a good reason for saying no. But you said: *if he were to make another comment, I straight up might lash out.* Don’t lash out at him.
Instead, you should be making plans to move elsewhere, because this isn’t going to get any better. Daniel wants a cat, he is angry that you refused, and he is already dropping heavy hints such as “we should replace you with the cat”, and he is unlikely to let the subject go any time soon.
He is goading you. Don’t take the bait. Stay calm and polite, and work on your plans to leave. You can tell him your plans if you think it will help: “I’ll be out of here by the end of September, Daniel, and then you’ll be able to get all the cats you want.
Can you drop the subject of the cat until then, or do I need to go earlier?” You call Daniel and Kevin your friends, but Daniel is not behaving like a friend.” ThisWillAgeWell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Check the lease agreement for policy on pets.
If Daniel wants you to take medication to allow you to live comfortably with his animal then he can buy you a supply of antihistamines to last until your lease renewal date. “we get a cat” means he wants to share the costs of the cat… food, vet bills, chip, sterilization.
Daniel is not your friend in this instance. He’s acting like a sulky selfish child.” solidcordon
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Include My Fiancé's Sister In My Bridal Party?
“My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years now. At the beginning of my relationship with my fiancé, the relationship I had with his sister and my soon-to-be MIL was fine, we got along.
Over time our relationship changed. Long story short, his sister moved in with us (she’s 19) which was fine at first, however she wouldn’t clean after herself and she would stay out late during the weekday when my fiancé had to be up at 4 am for work the next day and myself at 6 am.
My fiancé didn’t want to tell her anything or intervene because he said he didn’t want to cause problems or make her feel unwelcome, which I understood at first.
I let it go for as long as I could but I eventually told her to please pick up after herself and try to come in at an earlier time for the sake of her brother and me having to be up so early for work the next day.
(She does not have a job at this time.) She ended up telling her mom which enraged her because I was telling her daughter what to do and being bossy. It led to an enormous yelling argument with my STB-MIL. Many things were said and curse words exchanged, and I realized the true colors of how she felt about me.
After all the yelling I told her I only wanted to be cordial with her from now on for the sake of my fiancé. I told her I didn’t care to have a close relationship anymore with her just as long as we could get along and be in public together.
His sister is now 21, we do not talk other than friendly “hello“ at family hangouts or holidays and simple happy birthday text messages once a year. We never really talked to each other much and less even now after everything. I’m hesitant to include her because we aren’t close at all and talk maybe every 3/4 months at family gatherings.
I don’t have a relationship with her and unfortunately, my fiancé feels like he barely has a relationship with her as well, as kids they weren’t close and they drifted apart even more as they got older. I can’t imagine that because my brother is my best friend.
My mother says I have to because that’s his only sister. But I can imagine how awkward a bach party might be with my closest friends or just the experience in general with the age gap as well (I’m 26). And I’m just gonna be plain honest, I don’t feel like I should have to if we don’t have a relationship to begin with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bridal party is for friends, not for an acquaintance that’s related to your fiancé. It would be awkward and weird to invite her. Having a sister of the groom, or even your sister is not written in stone. It is people close to you, that have your back.
Don’t include her…” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom is a jerk, don’t listen to her. This is easy: YOU have the persons you love most on your side, and your partner does the same for his side. DON’T have someone you don’t like in your wedding party.
And: It is a good time to start setting boundaries with you and his mom.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, you don’t need to include her! Your wedding party is for YOUR close friends, not anyone who happens to be blood-related to either of the couples.
She’s not even close to her brother, so she doesn’t need to be at his party either. Your mother has no say in the matter, so stop listening to her.” ParsimoniousSalad
23. AITJ For Helping My Fiancé Be Less of a People Pleaser?
“Everyone mentioned is in their 30s.
My fiancé is the sweetest, most agreeable person you can meet. He will help people until he’s injured or can’t sleep due to stress. He cannot say no to people, and will even go above and beyond what they ask of him, and people have taken advantage of that in the past.
I was recently chatting to my friend about people pleasers and mentioned that without me my fiancé would be a massive people pleaser. When she asked me to explain, I told her that often he’ll first approach me when someone has asked something of him, and he asks my opinion.
If I think they are asking too much or being rude, I will tell him so and he asks me to help him write a response. This mostly involves removing about half a dozen “I’m sorry”s from his reply. Or saying things like “I might be able to help at the weekend but not tonight”.
Rarely, I’ve had to put my foot down (usually when it comes to his boss expecting him to work for free/or his family insistently demanding things of him/close friends treating him like a slave/if we already have plans that were set in stone) and insisted he is more direct and say no to people.
He always gets the final sign-off on his responses and we often say we balance each other out because he stops me from sounding too blunt at times. Funnily enough, we’ve joked he never has an issue saying no to me!
My friend was horrified and said it’s controlling and manipulative of me to do that and if he wants to be helpful then he should.
She said that he’s always been that way even before I met him (she’s known him two years longer) and it’s not right for me to change him. And now if she ever asks a favor from him she’ll feel judged and that it’s not him responding, it’s me.
I thought I was helping him but now I’m not sure and I hate the thought that I’m also taking advantage of him but in a different way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You aren’t forcing him to behave any sort of way he comes to you for help in an area he struggles in.
He recognizes that he wants to say no but also realizes his way may not be a clear way to communicate “no” so you aid him.” Stardust_Shinah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – encouraging him to be more assertive and set boundaries isn’t necessarily being a jerk; it’s about helping him establish healthy boundaries and prevent burnout from pleasing people.
Methinks communication is the key here, you might want to ensure that your fiancé is comfortable with the way you’re helping him. If he’s okay with your assistance and final sign-off on his responses, and if it’s improving his overall well-being, then it might not be as controlling or manipulative as your friend suggested.” VY_Canis_Majorys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m in my 30s and have been a habitual people-pleaser my whole life. I’ve just recently taught myself to try saying “no” more because I was getting pretty worn down. But I would have loved to have a SO, or anyone really, do for me what you’re doing for your fiancé.
Because if he’s asking your help or opinion on these things it’s because he trusts your judgment and likely already wants to say no on his own but doesn’t know how to. So if he’s anything like me, you have no idea how much he probably appreciates your help.
On the other side of that though, and I saw a couple of others say similar things, your friend seems to be much more the problem if she’s getting upset that she may not be able to call in free favors from your fiancé anymore.
That’s a bit concerning to me that she reacted that way. But overall, if you and he are doing fine with that support system, keep doing what you’re doing and ignore her complaint.” Broken_Rain_Y57
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Dad Alone While My Mom Takes A Vacation?
“I’m kind of conflicted here. Here’s some backstory. My (20F) dad (70m) had a stroke in November 2022 that left him unable to walk. I was living alone until April 2023 when I came home to help.
My mom (48f) and I juggle the responsibilities of taking care of me.
I was recently in the ER this week to get checked out and found out I have some respiratory bug. This week, I’ve been completely knocked out and sleeping a little more than I would like to.
That’s pretty much what happened today, I accidentally fell asleep at around 7 pm and woke up at around 9:30 pm to her screaming that the bathroom wasn’t done, that I’m lazy, and that she’s a slave in her own house. I didn’t mean to sleep for that long, I was just so tired and my body just let me sleep.
My mom is still screaming. I don’t want to get in her way as she’s screaming so I just stay quiet.
She comes into my room and screams “The bathroom, OP!” and slams my door. My mom does this a lot and I think I’m just tired.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
I’m moving to a different town soon to pursue my BA. My mom wants to take more solo trips before she’s stuck with my dad until I finish university.
My mom is planning on taking a trip to the East Coast for ten days at some point, leaving my dad in my care.
I don’t want to not take care of my dad but it feels unfair that she can scream at me all she wants but I still do this big thing that she wanted me to do.
I know I probably should’ve cleaned the bathroom when I was more conscious but I don’t know.
I don’t want to keep doing nice things for her if she’s just going to scream at me when I’m sick.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom married a man 22 years older. She needs to figure out how to get him the care he needs.
Home health care, respite care, nursing home, rehab hospital, adult day care. Whatever it takes. Not sure where he is, cognitively. She also sounds like she needs a caregiver support group. You can’t be her only source of support or relief. It’s not fair to you and honestly, she needs more support than you can provide.” jillian512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that your mom is overwhelmed, but you shouldn’t have to be the punching bag for her to relieve stress. She’s complaining about being a slave in her own house while actively treating you… like a slave. This is beyond your capacity or responsibility to fix.
Stepdad needs actual medical care, and it’s wholly unfair to expect you to drop your life to take care of him. Helping is good yes. Sacrificing your future, health, and mental health, not so much.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re sick, and she doesn’t care and is screaming at you.
You were there voluntarily. You don’t have to put up with this kind of treatment. Seems fair that her screaming at you has consequences. Remove yourself and let her scream at herself and let her handle the whole thing herself.” extinct_diplodocus
21. AITJ For Declining A Paid Trip Because I Had To Sleep On A Couch Or Air Mattress?
“AITJ for declining an overnight and out-of-town getaway that a friend planned/paid for because I would be made to sleep on either the couch or an air mattress on the floor. All other guests (6 people), including the host, would have their room and bed, but the host said that the only way I could join was to sleep on either the couch or an air mattress because there was not a bed for me.
Since I lived less than an hour away, I offered to drive home to sleep in my bed to get a good night’s sleep and come back in the morning. I was told by the host that this was not an option and would not be able to participate in any of the weekend events if I slept in my bed.
I told the host that I would not feel comfortable with those accommodations and declined their offer for the stay. I am over 50 and am beyond the days of sleeping on the couch or floor – a bad night’s sleep sets me back a few days.
I feel horrible for declining, but more sad/disrespected that accommodations were not the same for all guests invited. I would not have the same privacy as everyone else and would be at the mercy of sleep/wake times according to other people roaming in and out of the common space.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The “host” is completely inhospitable, demanding that you be relegated to inferior and uncomfortable sleeping arrangements in order to have the privilege of participating in group events. Why should you feel bad about refusing to agree to those terms?” sarpon6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you sleeping at your home make you disqualified from participating in the day events…? For my bachelorette, 3 of 6 bridesmaids slept at their home instead of the air bnb (we were in their home town to be fair). It was slightly annoying (aside from the girl who was a mom) but really didn’t bother me much at all and they came to the events during the day without any flack.
Host is being ridiculous.” tnkmdm
20. AITJ For Asking A Friend To Help Lower Our Car Insurance Premium Against My Wife's Wishes?
“I (37 M) messaged a friend who works at our car insurance provider to see if there was any way to lower our insurance premium. My wife (35 F) and I pay over $650 a month to insure our 2 vehicles.
My wife used to work for our provider and feels the only way to lower our premium is to make changes she doesn’t want to be made. I messaged our friend and asked if she could look through our account and see if there was anywhere we could shave some funds off the premium.
My whole intention was to try and save funds. We get by fine financially but if I can save some funds I want to.
As we got ready for bed last night, I recalled the text and, I told my wife I had sent the message and that they had said they would look into it tomorrow because they had gotten busy and didn’t see my message until they had left. She got very upset to the point of tears and told me that I don’t trust her judgment and don’t believe her when it comes to funds situations at all.
To be fair we have had many arguments in the past about her excessive spending. I however do not feel like this had anything to do with me feeling any type of way about her or her spending. She feels because she used to work there that she knows what is best and I was not right in asking someone else to look into it.
I tried to explain I only asked because our friend has access to the programs and can actively look into the account. I told her neither of us knew if anything had changed since she was working there. I also told her no matter what they told me we could do to bring it down I would go over it with her before making any change.
She still felt like I was wrong and just needed to listen to her about it and that I was a jerk for even asking about it. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tears don’t make a person right. You asked for advice from a professional who has access and current knowledge.
That will always be more relevant than your wife’s opinion on it. She doesn’t work there anymore. She’s not up to date on things as they stand today, and she doesn’t have access to the systems to review things firsthand. You did exactly what you should’ve – got a professional opinion on the matter.
Is she trying to prevent you from finding out about something? Did she have auto claims she didn’t tell you about, or tickets, that raised your premiums and doesn’t want you to learn about?” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in this incident. Your reason for calling the agency, if true, is valid despite your wife having worked there previously.
However, I will also add that your wife’s feelings of not being trusted in funds matters must also be addressed. How long has this been an issue for her? How recently was the last argument you two had about this? I only ask because if this issue has been ongoing recently, I can understand why this act of yours upset her this much as she took it as a continuance of the trend.
It is a good sign that you are looking for outside judgment to find out if what you did wrong but the fact that you pointed out only this incident in which you are in the clear and not what led to your wife feeling a lack of trust shows me you are not taking her complaints seriously.
You would be the jerk if this continues.” Shoddy_Career1520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that is a very high premium. Do you have a bad driving record or bad credit? You pay in 2 months what we pay for 2 new cars and a motorcycle with full coverage for a year.
We have an F250, a Tahoe, and a Harley. It never hurts to ask. She overreacted. She is either a control freak or hiding something.” Catlady0329
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Rent For Using The Smaller Bathroom More Often?
“My 2 roommates and I, whom we met online and teamed up with, moved into this 3-bed 2-bath apartment this month.
I’m the one who found this apartment and divided the rent based on room sizes: I pay $1340, while the other two pay $1304.50 each since my room is slightly bigger. We all agreed on this before signing the lease and paid the first month’s rent and security based on this arrangement.
We have 2 full bathrooms. A slightly larger one with a window near the 2 roommates’ rooms, and a smaller one w/o a window near mine. Naturally, out of convenience, the 2 roommates use the larger bathroom near their rooms, while I use the smaller one near mine.
But after 16 days of living here, the roommates believe that I have the smaller bathroom all to myself and it’s not fair. They’re suggesting that I should exclusively have this smaller bathroom and pay more rent, as well as keep the shared cost for bathroom amenities separate.
I want to emphasize again that this bathroom arrangement occurred out of convenience. I never prevented them from using this particular bathroom.
I agreed to split the shared bathroom expenses separately as a compromise, but the roommates are pushing me to have a private bathroom and pay more rent.
I earn the lowest income out of the 3 of us, with one roommate making nearly 3x of my salary. Despite this I’ve willingly covered the costs of communal items like cleaning supplies, toilet brushes for both bathrooms, a window screen for the bathroom I don’t use, a ladder, dish soaps, paper towels, and toilet papers, all out of my pocket (all high quality too).
Yet, it’s as though the roommates have no concept of pitching in or helping out; everything has to be split equally.
I firmly declined and even expressed that I was offended, but they want to revisit the discussion next week.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t agree with that. But if you are okay with some changes, offer them ‘okay, if you think the one bathroom should be private – we can switch rooms. So whoever wants the bigger room and the private bathroom has to pay for both.
Or we keep it like it is at the moment? I pay 40$ more because of the bigger room and we all use both bathrooms. As well as being civil to each other, we have to live together for at least ‘lease time.'” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d just say “Well, we agreed on the split we have, and paying more than that is not in my budget. But if you both want to do it this way, one of you can trade rooms with me and pay more for the bigger room and have that be your private bathroom, if you want.
But when we agreed on this arrangement we planned on splitting rent the way we have it and sharing both bathrooms, and I’m also happy to continue doing that. I don’t want a private bathroom and can’t afford to pay more.” lawfox32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you agreed to the terms for being roommates for the duration of the lease, and as far as I can tell, there are no actual grounds for renegotiation. You pay more for the bigger room, but everyone is free to use any bathroom they want to.
Your roommates choose to use the one closest to their rooms out of convenience, not because they aren’t allowed to use the one close to your room. They’re essentially free to walk a little further to use the other bathroom but choose not to and then decide that you should contribute more based on their laziness.
This makes them a bunch of lazy jerks.” ComplexSyrup8848
18. AITJ For Not Trusting My Dad To Pay For My Dream College?
“I (16f) am a junior in high school and struggling with a lot of pressure about college.
Apologies for the formatting I’m on my phone.
My high school is part of a program that lets you go to any of these 5 community colleges in my city for up to 2 years. There is a university in my city that connects to that same program so you can go to that university for free for up to 4 years.
However my dream school is Texas Christian University but it’s 14k a year, and I’ve resigned myself to using those two programs because I’d rather graduate with no debt than with 60k of debt or more.
I recently took the SAT and brought up to my dad on the car ride home how scholarships look at those scores if I want to go to TCU I need to do well but I was worried I didn’t.
He replied, “If you want to go to TCU we’ll figure it out.” He used to have a good job but lost it he has a slightly better one now but we still don’t have 60k to throw at college, we live in a poor townhouse on a poor side of town with a crappy van.
My parents are also in the middle of a divorce and my dad is looking to rent a new place and buy a new car. In all fairness, my dad grew up in poverty so it makes sense that now that he has funds he’d throw it at everything for us.
I still haven’t gotten over some stuff he’s done in the past and as a result, I don’t trust him. Some examples: he used to take gifts away because “he bought it so he can take it away”. He wanted me to open up at a very low point but when I did I got threats of being put in a mental institute because he didn’t like that I would go to anyone and everything else but him.
I brought up this in the argument we had about him paying for me to go. I also told him “I’d rather go to college for free and graduate with no debt than go to college and be stuck for 15+ years of debt. If I can go to TCU on a full ride I will, but if I can’t I won’t and I don’t expect or want you to pay.”
He told me I was looking for excuses for him to not pay. I feel he’s being unrealistic for putting a financial strain on himself and I don’t want to deal with the consequences of his decision later down the line if I end up not being able to do anything with my degree.
And I told him as much.
He got really upset and said, “Well I guess you don’t trust me for anything now.” Which is partially correct but I didn’t tell him that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The smart play is to think realistically and realize that your dad has disappointed you in the past and the past is a great indicator of the future.
Your dad probably means well but “we’ll figure it out” is not a plan. Kudos to you for being wise in focusing on graduating debt-free. It’s the best gift you can give yourself! Please don’t saddle yourself with student loans and shoulder the regret so many have right now and struggle with.
Look for scholarships, and grants for TCU in the meantime. Best of luck!” PatentlyRidiculous
Another User Comments:
“Nothing prevents you from applying to TCU if you have the application fee. In the meantime,e you have other viable options if you don’t get in, get wait-listed, or want to get your core courses out of the way and transfer.
I don’t think you’re a jerk for being concerned about the affordability of a higher education. You need to take it one step at a time.” Peony-Pony
17. AITJ For Not Being Able To Afford To Attend My Sister's Graduation?
“My family lives in NH and my older sister (22F) is graduating next month. I (20F) currently reside in Florida and go to school full-time.
When I transferred schools and moved down to Florida, it was expected of me to be able to afford a trip back home to attend my sister’s graduation.
For the first semester, I realized that the only way I would be able to afford to go is by relying solely on my refund check as I don’t have time to work as I am busy with classes.
With the price of being across the country, plus paying for my sister’s (18F) and my braces (about $310 a month) I quickly realized that I would be a couple of hundred dollars short of graduation. Because of this, I decided to wait for the next check and pay for the ticket immediately.
During this time, life just happened. I told my family that I have a partner and to my highly conservative mom, that became the topic of most conversations to eventually arguments. My mom was upset that I wanted to continue to go to school down in Florida and it escalated to the point where my older sister and mom made the decision that I was not going to attend due to the discussions and how we weren’t getting along.
So from that point forward, I simply put the funds towards the braces bill and casual expenses for living across the country.
In the middle of March, my family and I started to get along and wanted me to come to the graduation. Upon looking at the prices, I saw that they have doubled and even tripled in price.
From there, I sent my older sister screenshots of the prices and told her that I wouldn’t be able to attend due to not being able to afford it. I promised her that I would buy her a nice graduation gift and at the time she said it was okay because the prices were crazy.
Fast forward to today, I have been disowned due to other outside circumstances. I pay for everything myself and my budget is tighter than ever. My mom and my older sister are upset that I won’t be at the graduation, stating that I should’ve had a job, had my partner pay, or not have the braces bill.
They are both upset that over time, I haven’t been able to afford it stating that I “don’t care for the family” and that I am “selfish” for not going.
I genuinely feel awful that I won’t be able to go. As an upperclassman at my school and the nature of my major, I don’t have the time to do anything really for myself.
There were times when I attempted to make some side hustles for some extra funds but it wasn’t successful. AITJ for not going?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and save those funds for the therapy you will need because your family did not raise you with unconditional love.
Send your sister a gift with a note telling her you will always love her no matter what and be done with it. They never supported you, to begin with.” stephied333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my experience, if the family wants a remote member to come to an important milestone event, and that remote member is unable to afford it, other family members will pick up the cost. This is ESPECIALLY true if that remote family member is in college, and this by definition is unable to afford extended travel.” EnderBurger
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Grandma Watch My Baby?
“So my husband (25M) and I (21F) are first-time parents to our little girl (1mth). I’m a SAHM, and I am with my baby the majority of the time while my husband works. She is the most perfect baby I have ever met. She hardly cries unless she’s hungry, needs a diaper change, or just wants to take a nap.
Here’s where the problem starts:
My husband works 10-12 hours every day, 5-6 days a week. This means I am home with my baby alone anywhere from 8-10 am to 8-11 pm. I have brought my baby everywhere with me so far, even if it’s more of a hassle to bring her along.
My grandma (58F) has begged me to take her for a few hours to allow me alone time or to get things done around the house. There are a few reasons why I won’t allow her to watch my baby:
1. She smokes in her car/house.
Neither I nor my husband smoke, and I’ve clearly stated I don’t want my baby around it either.
2. She has an ankle-biter dog that snaps and growls at little kids.
3. She disrespected and disregarded my every wish throughout my pregnancy and delivery.
So, a little tidbit of backstory.
My mother and I have lived with her since I was 14. My mom was very sick and needed someone to care for her daily. My grandma was that person. I moved out of state when I turned 18 but moved back home a year and a half later.
My mom passed away last year, and since then, my grandma has tried to be a “mother figure” in my life, even though we were not close when my mom passed. When my husband and I got married, my grandma made everything look good and convinced my husband and me to move in with her to save funds.
It turned out we had just recently moved into our own home in January. It causes her relationship to plummet. Never seen each other even though we are practically neighbors. Only calling.
Since we’ve moved into our home, and had our baby, my grandma has been calling every day and telling me I “need” to let her watch my baby so I can do things I need to do.
That I’m being stingy with MY baby. I need to go visit the rest of the family because their feelings are hurt that I didn’t invite them to see the baby at the hospital. (We wanted no visitors, but my grandma invited people without our consent).
She is saying that I am the jerk and causing the family to be upset even though they never called or texted throughout the pregnancy.
I’m standing my ground on my decision, and my husband’s family agrees with me, but now my family are all agreeing with her and calling me the jerk.
So, AITJ for not letting my grandma watch my baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve stated your reasoning which is solid. Not that you need any reasoning because no one other than the parents has the “right” to a baby. It is not a toy to be passed around for other people to enjoy.
What you are dealing with sounds exhausting but you are doing the best thing for your baby by not allowing a smoker with dangerous dogs unsupervised access to her.” wooden_werewolf_7367
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is YOUR baby, not hers. You are making the right choice about not letting your baby around smokers and nippy dogs.
Also, you do not need to go visit family members. It is hard to pack up a one-month-old baby and all their supplies to go visiting. If people want to see your baby, then they can call you and ask to come for a short visit.” IPreferDiamonds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ oh honey all I needed to read was ‘1 month old’. Not. If the baby is awake, it will cry and want mama like it’s the air it breathes. Nobody, not even my MIL with whom we have a great relationship, could look after the baby until she was 6 months old.
I had trouble even letting other people hold my baby for the first month. Set boundaries, momma. Nope! Hard nope.” Funny_Effect_9239
15. AITJ For Banning My MIL From Our House After Her Insensitive Reaction to My Pregnancy?
“I was in my late 30’s through IVF now 8 months pregnant, it was a roller coaster for us to get pregnant.
I had 3 operations, 2 failed transfers, and finally made it. We live with 2 cats, MIL keeps asking my Hubby if we have plans to have a baby, we just say when the time comes, but we didn’t tell her about the procedure. Every month she comes to us because I cut her hair so she can save funds going to the salon, I’m not a pro but I enjoy doing it, since my relationship with my Hubby I’ve cut his hair for 6 years now, and it saves us money.
One day we invited MIL for Dinner and asked my Hubby if I could color her Hair, I was hesitant due to pregnancy I didn’t want to inhale Chemicals, I couldn’t say no either so I did it, I just put on a face mask.
During dinner finally Hubby informed her that I was pregnant, she casually said ok and asked if we informed the CATS already & if they allowed me to be pregnant, she is a cat mom too. I was speechless she didn’t even say congratulations to her son, then she adds that she hates kids.
My hubby asked her if she had something good to say after all the effort I made but she didn’t nudge. At that point, I could kick her out but I kept my cool down and thought of my baby, so I kept quiet until she left. My husband looked at me with horror in his eyes, he knows my temperament.
I told him from now on I didn’t want to see her or come to the house or he mentioned her name to me, or even after birth to see the baby. Every time MIL calls my hubby either he ignores her calls or he goes out outside to answer to avoid me being upset.
My hubby rants sometimes about his mom, he’s upset also cause he has nobody to talk with over his frustration only me but I get annoyed when it’s about her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Her response was insensitive and you sound a bit scary to be around right now.
When you say your husband looks in horror as he knows your temperament and that he hides from you to take calls with his mom, that sounds like things have gone too far. Hopefully, once the baby has come you will be better able to accept that not everyone likes kids more than cats, but that doesn’t make them bad people.
Forcing your husband to cut some contact with his mom over something like this is extreme.” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- While I don’t know if your MIL has been up to date with your fertility journey and knows what an especially terrible involved will think she said.
She also doesn’t sound like a supportive person at this point or a helpful earnest grandmother… At all. It seems okay that you banned her from the house, you need to keep the stress low. And she seems problematic. It isn’t your fault your husband can’t just walk outside for her calls or see her on his own.” Lithogiraffe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. Not the warm and fuzzy grandma type. You do need to let your husband talk to you about it, that’s what having a partner is for. He needs someone to talk to, and so do you. Do either of you want to try one more time?
Had she apologized to him when she called? Has she congratulated him when she called? Anything? Otherwise, I wouldn’t let her come either, and she shouldn’t want to come. Your home will soon have a beautiful cooing baby that she shouldn’t want to see in residence.
Congratulations!” Less_Ordinary_8516
14. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Arrange Childcare While He's Sick, Like I've Done Before?
“Over the last 7 years, I have been the primary caretaker for my husband and my 3 children (7,5,2). Through maternity leaves, and then working evenings or overnights, I am still the one who does the most childcare and household tasks.
Whenever I was staying at home with the kids and was not feeling well, my husband would just go about his routine as normal. He would leave without checking if I would need help for that day.
There would be times when I was so ill I needed to call reinforcements, but I would arrange that.
Recently, my husband got a job where he gets one weekday off. Today is his day off. I am working today and have several meetings and trainings that I need to attend.
He has been messaging me nonstop that he is not feeling well. I told him that it was his responsibility to arrange for care since he was the parent at home, as I had done many times when I was home with our children. He has texted me WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU several times about me telling him he needs to make his arrangements.
I asked him several times if he had ever asked me if I needed help while not feeling well. He keeps asking what is wrong with me.
I don’t feel like I am the jerk because this is the same treatment he gives me but maybe I am?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I swear when most men get a cold they act like the world is ending. Tell him to act like an adult and find help. There’s nothing wrong with you! Tell him to grow a pair and act like a parent!
I’m sure you’ve also had to care for a sick child while not feeling well just like I have. There’s no reason he can’t do it.” NoTomatillo3430
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for treating him the way he treated you necessarily – you managed to get through it and that was the norm and expectation he supported, so it’s hypocritical of him to expect to get extra help from you in this case.
Hopefully, rather than be a forever game of tit-for-tat, you can have a conversation with him soon about this situation. You previously felt unsupported and abandoned at times when you were under the weather, and this situation should show him why that’s problematic AND NEEDS TO CHANGE.
Ideally, you’d both move on from this in a more helpful and supportive frame of mind for one another in the future, rather than always keeping score and punishing the other person. You need to get out of that mindset because I don’t think it’s conducive to a healthy, loving marriage.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “What is wrong with you?” “I’m fine, thanks for asking, will see you later.” When you get home, don’t back down. You did nothing wrong. The only thing wrong here is him. Show him this post so he can see what everyone thinks of him.
Okay, the repeated all-caps yelling just revolts me. This impotent rage “Why wouldn’t you just conform to being my servant as per usual” just smacks of entitlement and boorishness. I’m so sorry OP. Time for a truthful convo about division of labor and mental management.
If he refuses, that’s grounds enough for you to leave, find someone better who WILL value you. Edit to add extra disgust at the husband.” Decent_Ad6389
13. AITJ For Refusing To Switch Home-Cooked Meal To Pizza For My Nephew's Picky Partner?
“I (35F) invited my nephew (18M) and his partner (21F) over for dinner tonight. I do this with my niece and nephew and their SOs every few months just because it’s a good way to catch up on things, I like to cook and they enjoy home-cooked meals without having to lift a finger or do dishes :D.
(Young people with full-time jobs I get don’t cook every night)
My nephew has a new partner and I invited her along, since she is an extremely picky eater (not because of mental health issues or EDs or anything just extremely picky) I asked her beforehand what she liked to eat and catered a full meal to her liking with her food preferences.
I spend the whole day doing groceries and cooking today as it’s my only day off from work and like I said I enjoy cooking so I do not mind this at all. I also invited my mother so she could see her grandson and I always make way too much anyway.
I had just finished everything in prep work that I could when my nephew calls and I can tell he’s sort of awkward in calling. I ask him what’s up and he very carefully asks me if it’s okay that we just go out for pizza instead tonight.
I explain to him I’d rather not since I’ve been cooking all day and it’ll just go to waste and he explains to me that his partner only likes the foods she told me she liked when they come from fast food places and she’s worried she won’t like it so she’d rather either not come at all or go out for pizza (implied that I’m paying for all the pizza as well).
I can tell he’s sorry for the drama but I inform him that I’m just not gonna budge on this and I won’t be springing for pizza when I’ve been cooking all day and that she doesn’t have to come then I’ll just see him and my mom.
But she would prefer him to stay home as well if I won’t cater to her needs. And since the car is in her name I would have to go pick him up which is half an hour back and forth for me at this point and not ideal.
At this point, I was annoyed and told her she was kind of being disrespectful and entitled and he said he agreed but just couldn’t deal with the drama of her right now.
I told my mom this and she said that it’s financially no problem for me to spring for the pizzas and I could just portion out the food and put it in the freezer it’s about all of us being together not about what we eat and that I was being a jerk for not accommodating my guest?
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t pay for pizza, instead I would pay for an Uber for your nephew to come to your meal. She sounds awful, and he’s on the fence anyway, he just needs a push. Get him away from her influence for an evening, and give him a nice long run down of what his life will look like if he stays with her!
NTJ” Curious_Puffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your poor nephew sounds rightfully embarrassed over his entitled and rude partner, hopefully, she either matures or he leaves. I like the other poster’s suggestion to get an Uber for the nephew to come to dinner if funds isn’t the issue for you.” Plastic_Concert_4916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure. TBH I feel like the partner is the jerk here, since she knows she would not want to eat the home-cooked meal ahead of time but still gave a list of food she would eat and waited till the day off to tell you she would prefer pizza.
If she wanted to get take out/go to a restaurant she should have said so when making the plans originally.” a_milli_on127
12. AITJ For Giving Away My Dad and Sister's Graduation Tickets After They Planned to Be Late?
“I (18F) have my high school graduation ceremony this Wednesday. It was sent to my parents in an email that I would be giving a speech that day as my grades made me valedictorian of my school’s class of 2024, and I was excited to do so.
My school made us reserve and buy tickets to the ceremony weeks in advance, and I picked mine up on the 26th.
The problem started at dinner when I told my family I picked up the tickets for my graduation day and would keep them with me until the day of just to make sure they didn’t get lost. My dad told me that he and my sister had plans for an hour before the ceremony, but that my mom would be there the whole time, and that they’d try to be there for the afterparty.
I was honestly shocked for a moment, before starting to laugh, assuming they weren’t serious.
When I realized they weren’t joking, I’ll admit I was a bit mad. I’m usually a very shy and non-confrontational person, even around my family, but I started yelling at my dad and sister, asking if they were seriously ditching my graduation ceremony.
I told them that the afterparty was useless to attend and that all the pictures of the graduates with their families would be taken at least 2 hours before the ceremony. They said it was fine and we could take our pictures the day after my graduation, but I got up and left dinner.
Over the weekend, I saw a few people on my class group chat complain that they didn’t get enough tickets, so I offered up the two tickets I had and met up with a girl from my class to give them to her, and even though I told her not to, she paid me the original price for them.
When the topic of graduation was brought up by my dad today during lunch, I told him that I gave the other two tickets away and only my mom would be attending, so they shouldn’t bother with the afterparty. He got mad and asked why I would do that, to which I replied that I don’t see the point in wasting funds on tickets if they’re not going to use them.
My dad blew up on me, saying I was acting like a spoiled brat, and it’s not like I’ll die if he and my sister are a bit late to my graduation.
I spoke to a few people about it, my friends and my grandma.
My friends said good riddance and if they consider their plans more important, they can have fun. But my grandma said that while she understands my side, I shouldn’t have given away the tickets just to spite my dad, because maybe he would have changed his mind and gone on time.
So I’m looking for a non-biased opinion. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re learning young that people are who they are, and you should treat them accordingly. You’re the valedictorian and they said they had plans before your graduation, leading you to believe they didn’t think it was important enough for them to attend.
And then you gave the tickets away. And THEY are upset? They are so wrong. Just wrong. Congratulations on your achievement. I hope you do just as well in college. And I hope they have learned their lesson and will be present for the next graduation ceremony.” Deep_Advertising_171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Granny can go kick rocks and stop being so tacky. It’s a formal event, it’s incredibly rude to swan in late or to just not show up until the after-party. ‘Maybe he would have changed his mind’ is a ridiculous justification for wasting your funds and denying other people a chance to support their family on such an important day.
It’s incredibly rude that your dad and sis decided to plan stuff so close to the ceremony, and you’re not obligated to be nice about them choosing not to support you. They didn’t care enough to not risk missing the event entirely, he didn’t have the right to get huffy because there were consequences to his choices.
Congrats on graduating! And Valedictorian?? That’s awesome!! I hope you’re incredibly proud of your achievements, and I’m so sorry your family isn’t appreciating what a big milestone this is for you!” Scree_fox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m doing this right now for my daughter’s graduation.
Anybody who won’t commit because they’re holding out for, I guess, something better to do, loses their ticket. And if you’re skipping my ceremony not because you can’t attend but rather because you don’t want to attend, you can skip the party too because clearly, we’re not important enough.
I’ll be sharing my extras with other kids who need them. The only thing I’d say is you need to give them a few days to wake them up after your reaction, but after that, you’re good.” RedneckDebutante
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Family To Throw Me A Bridal Shower?
“My husband and I have been engaged for over a year, and got scammed with a “free” vacation and took a week off work to go before we knew we were scammed so decided sorta last minute to just make it the wedding (little over a month out).
We of course told his family, & my mom offered to pay for the venue & other parts of the wedding. His mom & aunt immediately accused me of being pregnant. I honestly took offense to this, as we’ve been engaged for a year.
Anyway, his aunt wants to throw me a bridal shower, but I am against this for several reasons. First, it would just be his family, & it’s something I’d want to experience with my mother if I decided to do that at all, but she’s 10 hours away.
Second, she wants to invite my husband’s cousin’s daughters, 19 & 11. I briefly tried to forge a friendship with the 19-year-old but she called me fat (which caused me to relapse with my eating disorder, where I became very underweight), she then called me a “jerk” (I’m high-functioning autistic) & then said my husband was ugly, all within one ‘hangout’.
I never saw her again, as I won’t stand to be mistreated. The 11-year-old is a spoiled girl who has to open any gifts at birthday parties & other celebrations that aren’t gifted to her, because she’s been enabled to do this by her family, furthering her descent into being a social outcast. I just keep my distance as I find her behavior annoying.
Why would you host a celebratory event for my wedding if the 11-year-old will be opening any gifts for me? Why would I want the girl who called me names & insulted my fiance on this day meant to honor me? It’s gonna be a modest wedding, so I want to make it as much about what makes me comfortable & happy.
Rather than bring up my objections, I just want to politely decline the offer.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. *”Oh, thank you for the kind offer, but I don’t want to have a bridal shower.”* You don’t need to explain or apologize more. It’s your marriage and your celebration and YOU get to call the shots.
If they want to do something to celebrate you and your husband, maybe let them host a dinner the night before or something (when your mother can be there).” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t decline the offer, flat out tell them that you don’t want a bridal shower at all.
Just have one with your family if you want one, but don’t give them a way to not know that you don’t want one, because they may ambush you and throw you a surprise bridal shower if you simply decline their offer. Make sure your mom and family know why you don’t want them to throw you a bridal shower just in case they decide to try to invite your family to a surprise shower.
Trust me, I know people like your future in-laws, and there’s no telling them anything politely.” Rezolution20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need to have a bridal shower, especially with these crazy family members. If you still want to celebrate, have a little celebration with your most loved ones when they come for your wedding, maybe the day before or a couple of days after.
Maybe go to a fancy coffee shop or for some high tea or just have a girl’s hangout at someone’s home with snacks and beverages. I find bridal showers to be super tacky most of the time, I didn’t have one either, there is too much drama, and most of the stuff you’ll get will just cause clutter anyway.” OrangeCatLove
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Supervise My Brother-In-Law's Move While Recovering From Surgery?
“I (46m) just had a colectomy last week. I can’t drive or return to work for two weeks (doctor’s orders), however, I will return to work remotely in the next couple of days. My wife (43f) has been super supportive and has taken amazing care of me the entire time.
She took time off work to be with me the day of, and the days following, even though it was bad timing for her. She’s been my absolute rock!
Her brother (41m) moves around a lot for work and happened to live in the same city with us for about a year.
He’s moved on to another gig, and he has already moved there. He’s staying in temporary housing until his new employer can come get all his stuff. He and my wife had a conversation about the movers and he asked her if she could meet the movers to let them in, watch them package everything for a cross-country shipment, sign for it, lock up after, and turn the keys into building management.
I wasn’t part of this conversation but at some point, she agreed to it but requested it be on a weekend when she doesn’t have work because she can’t take any more days off work. I got all this one evening when she told me about it.
I wasn’t being asked to do anything at the time, so it was just informational. Her brother did try to schedule on a weekend but that was impossible because they’re too busy.
So, now I’m being asked to take care of it and I’m unsure if I should take on this responsibility right now.
On one hand, I have quite a bit of free time on my hands and I’ve been doing great in recovery. Technically, I could Uber there and do all the things he asked. On the other hand, this isn’t exactly the kind of activity I should be doing right now.
It’s an apartment so it’s not a house full of stuff, but I know from personal experience when they pack stuff up to ship cross-country, it takes a good amount of time to dutifully package even the smallest of items. We don’t have an estimated time it will take the movers, but if I had to guess, I’d say 2-4 hours, but regardless I’m stuck there until they’re done.
It’ll be 10 days after my surgery and I can’t help but feel like she’s asking a lot of me. She seems to act like it’ll be no big deal and I’ll be fine. She said he had no one else to do it.
I didn’t flat-out say no when we discussed it yesterday. I aired my concerns, she didn’t see an issue, and we left it there. Part of me felt like that caring, nurturing, “don’t get up”, and “be careful” every time I get up person vanished in the blink of an eye.
So what say you, AITJ for not wanting to take on this responsibility so soon after major surgery?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s against docs orders to drive to work, certainly this counts double. If you set yourself back you could be out longer.
Sounds like your wife doesn’t want to disappoint BIL and is caught up in his immediate needs, because this should be obvious to her too. But you’re on solid ground to say it doesn’t fit with your medical guidance. Maybe if you’re calm and matter-of-fact it’ll snap her back to reality.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and do not do it. Post-surgical recovery time is there for a very good reason – and the thing is, it’s not just “setback” or “delayed healing” you risk, but permanent changes, especially in any surgery involving the abdomen. Think of those internal stitches as if they are in delicate tissue paper as the tissues are healing.
If they are torn before the tissue is strong enough, then the internal healing can go awry, and cause adhesions and other complications, and the thing is that it’s not so easy to fix. More surgery to try and repair the damage? Same risks.
Please take care of yourself and do not go against the doctor’s orders here. Most people don’t understand this – probably your wife does not know – and I think the most common cause of post-surgical complications like this is due to social pressures to do too much, too soon.” peppermintsoap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Movers who come in to move a household will usually need to pack a truck a certain way. They’ll typically pack larger furniture in the nose of the truck and then backfill with other items, keeping the load even on both sides.
Wrapping and packing boxes of dishes, clothes, etc. can take 2 people up to 8 hours depending on what the job looks like. If they’re packing items in the closets, cabinets, etc. because it hasn’t been already boxed and it’s more than 2 bedrooms, plus taking things down off walls or shelves, prepare to make it a day.
You’d be likely to have them leave you a chair out to sit in, but it can be more than a couple of hours. I would have them reschedule again for a later date that would work for your wife for a weekend, or for sometime after you’ve healed. It’s not like your BIL is sleeping on an air mattress.
I’m sure they’ve probably got him in an extended stay hotel and he can live there quite comfortably for a bit longer.” chocolate_chip_kirsy
I have had abdominal surgery and mine was arthroscopic but yet when I stood up it honestly felt as if my insides were going to fall out of my body and it was quite a few weeks before I could stand up that it didn't feel as if my abdomen wasn't straining. Don't do it. It could seriously derail your recovery.
9. AITJ For Limiting Who Can Hold Our Baby Due To My Fiancé's Past Trauma?
“My fiancé had lost a child from a previous marriage. The child’s illness came from his mother. And my fiancé had to watch his son pass away and there wasn’t anything he could do to save him.
Moving forward. My fiancé is now in a relationship with me and fears that when we have kids our child might suffer the same fate. So to ease that fear, I told him that we can limit who touches our baby. He is comfortable with two people, no more.
However, I have a big family, and even though I told my mom she could hold our child, she is still upset that the entire family can’t. She even messaged my sister and told her that I said that my sister couldn’t hold my baby.
Because the other person who will be allowed to hold my baby will be my grandmother, my fiancé said that both could be my family since his family would understand. The problem I’m dealing with is my mother trying to guilt trip me into letting everyone hold our baby.
And telling me that everyone will be hurt by us saying no. And I brought it up to my fiancé but he said that the baby’s safety is our priority, not people’s feelings. I’ve tried to explain to her that my fiancé can’t handle the fear of something bad happening again.
But she said that if there is something wrong the nurses will take the baby. But I told her that even if everything is okay the baby still doesn’t build up an immune system until two weeks. She said that everything went fine with her and that it is normal for a bunch of people to hold the baby.
It’s like she doesn’t understand that my fiancé has trauma from losing his kid. AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you are putting the cart before the horse. There is no point in even discussing this until a baby is on the way and relatively close to arriving.
I would refuse to discuss it further with your family. You don’t need to explain or justify your measures to protect your hypothetical future child. Don’t let your mom pressure you. If she starts doing so, just say it isn’t open for discussion. If she persists, hang up on her or walk away.” ShiloX35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, two weeks is nothing. I just wouldn’t invite anyone over for the first two weeks. I had a baby during a certain period, so we waited quite some time before introducing our baby to extended family. It was fine! Nobody missed out on by not holding the baby for the first few weeks.
A three or four-week-old baby is still a baby. To add that it also wouldn’t be unreasonable for you guys to require that anyone who wants to interact with your baby in the early months has at least had a TDAP booster. Things like RSV and whooping cough can be so dangerous for every baby.” Diligent-Mind-9370
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For TV Installation Damages I Didn't Cause?
“I live in an apartment which I share with 3 roommates. I live in the pretty big master bedroom. As soon as I moved in I installed my TV in my room since I spend a lot of time there, the installation, provided by my landlord cost me 30 bucks.
One day one of our roomies, we’ll call her Dani, mentioned that her mom and dad came over that the silence in the living room was super awkward, and that our landlord offered her a TV they had lying around. It had no cost, we just had to assume the installation cost. When it was installed they charged 45, when I asked why it was more expensive when he charged me 30 last time, he said that they had to take the TV down from where it was before and it damaged the wall so they charged 15 more for the repair.
If we split the cost by 4 we only had to pay 11.25 a piece, not bad.
I paid the guy and told my roommates to pay me whenever they could. Only Dani paid, so I lost 33.75, which I let go of, wasn’t gonna make a big deal out of that.
Now, a few months later, the landlord asked for the TV back, and we agreed since no one was really, using it. When they uninstalled it, of course, there were holes in the wall and also the PVC cable covers peeled the paint so it damaged a bigger part.
Now they are charging 80 for the repair and they want me to pitch in 20. I disagree completely… I never needed the TV because I have my own, plus I’m already out 33 bucks from the installation.
In my opinion, the landlord should be paying for it because he requested it to be taken down.
We assumed the $15 surcharge for repairing the installation from the previous home so I feel he should do the same.
He says he will give 30, and we pay 50.
Our other roommate, Nelly, says she will only pay 10, she’s never home cause she’s with her partner and doesn’t have a job, so she doesn’t believe she has to pay.
I’m telling Dani to figure it out because I won’t pay anything else. I was out of a job for three months and am broke as can be. I finally have a job and am paying off a bunch of debt, student debt plus funds I borrowed for rent last month.
She paid 20 but says she can’t afford more. I’m not budging though.
Dani is a college student with parents that have funds, I’ve seen her tell her parents she wants a purse, and they pay 150 dollars for it no problem. She always talks about how her pants cost 300 dollars and how she pays 20 bucks to have them dry-cleaned. I think she can afford 40 bucks.
Am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think you should have paid for anything on this TV, installation or removal, since you paid for your own in your room. The fact that you went ahead and paid for the installation of this second TV was very nice, but to ask you to pay for the removal/repair is very nervy.
You didn’t request it, Dani did. She needs to pay. You are already out funds on it from the installation.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why are we installing and uninstalling wall-mounted TVs in a rental unit? I don’t get how this all started in the first place, you had to have known there would be damage, the cost of which would be assumed by the collective tenants to repair later.
Just because the landlord did it first doesn’t mean they won’t eat into your security for it later.” armchairshrink99
7. AITJ For Being Upset That My Cousin Wore My Wedding Dress Without My Permission?
“My (29F) wedding was a week ago, my aunty (61F) and cousin (22F) are staying at my mum’s (67F) house while here as they live in a different country.
My wedding dress has been at my mum’s house before and after the wedding day.
A few days after the wedding, I visited them as I wanted to catch them one last time before my honeymoon.
While I was there, my aunty was showing me some photos she had taken that week & while swiping I saw a picture of someone in my wedding dress.
My aunty got flustered and started swiping quickly so I couldn’t see the picture properly. I asked to look at her phone, she gave it to me and I swiped straight to the suss picture – it was my cousin in my dress.
I have no idea whether this photo was taken before or after the wedding, either way, I was completely shocked to see someone else in my dress!
This dress is extremely special to me, my mum and I designed it together, something unique to anything we have seen elsewhere.
I didn’t say anything then, but I slept on it and decided to text my mum to ask if she knew what my aunty and cousin did.
I didn’t receive anything back from my mum, but my aunt tried to call immediately. I didn’t feel ready to talk to her, so I texted her instead.
I explained that I wasn’t upset with my cousin (she’s young), I was more upset with my aunty, as a mother I’d think she’d understand the significance, and the fact she encouraged it, taking photos, not thinking of asking me & then trying to hide it hurt.
I honestly think I would have been okay with my cousin trying on my dress, she’s like my little sister, but I would have wanted to be there for it, definitely not behind my back.
My aunty apologized and sounded remorseful in her response, so I was happy to move on.
A few days later my mum was driving my husband and me to the airport for our honeymoon & I asked my mum if she knew at the time what my aunty did, I didn’t think for a second that she would have known – I assumed she’d understand how disrespectful it’d be to do this behind my back.
Turns out my mum knew the whole time – instead of just apologizing & moving on, she started crying and getting defensive. She said “It’s (Aunty’s) fault for taking those photos” and accused me of being a jerk for making them feel so bad about it.
I snapped a little at this point and raised my voice, I asked her to take accountability instead of deflecting the blame.
I’m shocked that my mum of all people reacted like this & had a total lack of accountability. AITJ for being upset about this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I disagree with you not being upset at your cousin, she’s old enough to know better, at 22. She is not a child. Even if she didn’t understand the sentiment of the design, it’s a wedding dress. You don’t put on someone’s wedding dress, especially without the permission of the owner.
I feel like your mom is trying to gaslight you, she knew and had no reason to cry at a question about it. Then blame everyone else.” Suspicious-8388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “I snapped a little at this point and raised my voice, I asked her to take accountability instead of deflecting the blame.” Free pass given.
What you said is right. Your mom projected onto you (she’s the jerk in this) when she could’ve apologized sincerely for getting this so wrong.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would be upset at the cousin too, has she reached out to apologize?
Because at 22 you know the significance of a wedding dress and if you were a decent person, you wouldn’t wear someone else’s wedding dress without them being there; especially not so close to the wedding. Everyone’s disrespected you horribly in this scenario and I’d move my wedding dress immediately.” canyonemoon
6. AITJ For Not Catering To My Partner's Insecurities Anymore?
“I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for almost 8 months now. She (24F) and I (30M). Since we started seeing each other, I’ve noticed that she has a big insecurity problem. At the beginning of the relationship, without me having done anything to provoke it, she would interrogate me about my past. We could be doing anything, and out of nowhere, she’d ask me questions (which frankly felt like interrogations) about people I followed or who followed me on social media and/or things in my past.
To calm her anxieties and be transparent, I would try to explain in detail, but she would refuse to listen, claiming that “the more she knew, the worse things she would think.” I told her it didn’t have to be like that because I respected her, and what I was telling her was true.
Recently, I had to delete my Instagram because the interrogations about my past were becoming too frequent. I wanted to give her fewer reasons to doubt and to create a secure environment so that she could heal, but the first thing she did was doubt me, telling me she felt like I was hiding something and that it was suspicious that I deleted my Instagram.
After that, the interrogations did decrease, but they didn’t disappear. I suggested that it would be best for her to start seeing a psychologist (I already do it for other family issues), and she also took this defensively, arguing that she has “other forms of therapy” (reading, writing, etc.) and that I’m nobody to condition her healing process.
Now this is the question of my post:
What happened now is that she’s on a trip with her family, and I responded to her message with a casual “What’s up,” She said she didn’t like me responding like that and asked me not to do it anymore because it made her feel insecure (I don’t understand why).
I told her I would try, but she needed to understand that it’s something that could happen again since it’s a greeting I do unconsciously. She insisted that I try, and even though it wasn’t something bad, I should understand her feelings and respect them.
That’s when I told her that she needed to manage her insecurity, and there was nothing wrong with me saying that, that I had the right to do it if I wanted to. After that, she started crying, arguing that I should take care of her feelings without so much questioning, but frankly, I’m tired of giving in to these behaviors.
I’ve changed a lot of what I say and do to the point where I’m starting to feel manipulated and frustrated.
I truly love this person, for many other reasons, and despite my actions, I’m starting to doubt if AITJ (Am I the Jerk) for not being as supportive as I’ve been, by “not taking care of her feelings” anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds exhausting. Her insecurities are HERS to deal with, not yours. You’ve been walking on eggshells and doing things you shouldn’t have to (being interrogated constantly, deleting social media, accused of hiding things from her) to appease her but it sounds never-ending.
Is this how you want to live your life? She sounds super high-maintenance while expecting YOU to coddle her in every situation. Making a whole drama about a “what’s up?” text? Again, exhausting. Maybe time to reevaluate this relationship and ask yourself what YOU’RE getting out of it.” glimmerseeker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t know what’s worse – her insecurities, or the fact that she doesn’t want to seek therapy to sort it out. Your partner claims to have “other forms of therapy” but they are not working. It sounds like your partner needs to see a professional and figure herself out because you should not have to go as far as deleting your Instagram over a fear of being interrogated out of nowhere.
The past is the past. It’s none of her business. Also, you should never have to worry about saying something as ordinary as “What’s up” I mean??” SuperSaturdayMorning
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your significant other doesn’t seem ready for a relationship. She wants you to bend over backward for her insecurities, which don’t make any sense.
She says that you should take care of her feelings without questioning?!?!” Hellokitty55
5. AITJ For Asking My Dad For A Photo Of The Camper We're Supposed To Stay In For A Family Reunion?
“I (M33) and my wife (F31) were planning to attend my family reunion (dad’s side that happens every 5 years or so) at the invitation of my dad.
He wanted me and my brothers all to attend this year, so we obliged. When it came time to talk about accommodations, my dad said we would be able to stay in a camper parked on the property for free (my brother and his wife, my dad and his wife, and my other brother were both staying in rooms inside the house).
Now for background, I’m very outdoorsy and wouldn’t have minded sleeping in a tent, but my wife is the opposite and is not a fan of camping at all, and has never been. The reunion was also happening during her birthday/birthday weekend.
To make her feel more comfortable, I asked my dad if we could get a photo of the camper, as my wife didn’t even know what one looked like. Another piece of background, my wife was concerned about the bathroom situation in the camper because she has stomach issues and wanted to have one close by if possible, especially if she had to go in the middle of the night.
So, when I asked my dad for a photo of what we would be staying in, he was offended, saying we should just be happy we have a place to stay for free since this was more of a family obligation than a vacation. Also important to note that we were the family members traveling from out of state for this, along with my brothers.
AITJ for asking for a photo to try and put my wife at ease?”
Another User Comments:
“There is no such thing as a family obligation meeting, you either want to attend or you don’t, and nobody can tell you anything in either case. NTJ for asking for the camper picture because of your wife’s needs, but you might just want to tell your dad that if he is offended about you not wanting to drag your wife during her birthday weekend to the questionable family event then you better celebrate in a cozy place with your wife alone without any offended drama queen.
I wouldn’t attend if everyone had their rooms but me and my wife would be camping outside against our will.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just get a nice hotel. Treat it like a mini vacation around things she would like and stop by the house for a meal and the reunion event.
Stomach issues and camper toilets don’t work well together. You really should try to not even poop in those things. If he’s not willing to provide a photo and basic assurances for her medical needs, it’s because he can’t. The camper is probably in terrible condition.
The family you must is your wife and her medical needs, then her comfort on her birthday if you are a caring husband. You can be at your dad’s mandatory event without staying at his house.” tealcandtrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a good husband, trying to make sure that things will work out well for your wife.
Your Dad is a jerk for calling you out because you are a good husband. Plus, his reaction makes me suspicious. Like, he knows that the camper isn’t acceptable and he doesn’t want you to find out until you are there and it’s too late to back out.” SushiGuacDNA
4. AITJ For Not Sending My Sick Nephew Home to Babysit His Sisters?
“I (old enough to be a curmudgeon) was surprised yesterday when my oldest nephew Joe (alias, aged 17) texted me to ask if I could come to get him from school because he was not feeling well.
I am on the list and can/have picked up Joe and his sisters before on occasion when needed. To my knowledge, the school had already informed his mother (my sister, “Amy”) that he was unwell but she couldn’t get him for a while.
I got him and he had been getting sick through the day, even had to pull over once on the drive to my house. He crashed on my couch and slept from about 10:30 AM until 3, then took a shower and went back to sleep. At about 6 his mom called me and asked me to either drive him or have him walk home for dinner.
I told her he was asleep and probably didn’t want to eat. She said she needed him home by 6:30 so she could take one of his sisters to her school event and she needed him to watch the other two girls.
I felt a little uneasy.
Joe and I don’t get to see each other too often (partly my fault and I feel terribly for it) but when we do he’s always the babysitter. Not only that, his sisters (ages 12, 10, and 7) are very loud and physically clingy which I’ve gathered bothers Joe very much.
I told her I didn’t think it would be a good idea for him to watch them at that time.
I told her she could bring the girls to me so I could watch them without waking him, but she said it would be too much hassle and they wouldn’t get to the event on time and she didn’t want to make extra stops.
I stirred Joe and told him what was up but he went immediately back to sleep. I texted her this and asked again if she could drop off the girls. About 20 minutes later, my sister came banging on my door. She tells Joe he needs to come home, he gets up and goes with her after thanking me but not saying much else.
She said I was a jerk for wasting her time and not sending him home, saying that the fact he got up and went with her meant I was exaggerating and just not wanting to bring him home myself.
A day later she is still angry with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, she was able to drive to your house to gather up her ill child and force him home to babysit, but it was going to be too much to bring her well children over so that you can watch them?
You’re NTJ, and if you ever get the chance to talk to Joe alone, remind him that in less than a year he will be able to make his own decisions and he always has a place to live with you if that is what he would want.” WaywardMarauder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister is prenotifying your nephew!!! “She tells Joe he needs to come home, he gets up and goes with her after thanking me but not saying much else. She said I was a jerk for wasting her time and not sending him home, saying that the fact he got up and went with her meant I was exaggerating and just not wanting to bring him home myself.” She is projecting – when your nephew turns 18 offer him a soft place to land with you because otherwise, his entire life will be babysitting his younger sibs.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Besides the fact she’s forcing him to babysit all the time (from what I gather), she also cares more about him doing his “duty” even if he’s sick! Not sure if he had the flu or other illness…or was simply exhausted!
I’d call her out on that one. Not caring that her son is ILL! I hope you can be a refuge when he turns 18. Help him set up for whatever he wants to do next without being a manny to his siblings.” ammonites
3. AITJ For Being Upset With Friends Who Constantly Distract From Our Study Sessions?
“I’m (21F) and the two friends who this post is about are “Rita” (20F) and “Nia” (22F). Rita and Nia have been best friends for the past 3 years I became friends with Rita almost 1 year ago and we just hang out as a trio even though I’m not that close to Nia.
We are in university studying medicine and our exams are coming up in a few weeks so I and Rita decided to group study whenever we can Nia was against it because she is exceptionally smart, if she studies for one day she can pass with flying colors so she didn’t want to start studying weeks in advance but I and Rita do so we told her that we will still do it and she is free to come along with us and study if she’d like so she begrudgingly agreed too.
Nia constantly tries to make us stop studying by trying to talk about random stuff and tries to convince us to do something else, Rita frequently gives in to her demands which annoys me and they always say that “it’ll just be a 15-minute break” but they always end up taking 1-2 hours so I’ve stopped taking “breaks” with them and just keep studying.
Anyway, so I was gonna skip my class yesterday because I was feeling a little under the weather and just didn’t feel like leaving my room. Rita asked me if I’d come and we could study together and I told her that I didn’t really feel like it but she insisted and I said fine but I’ll only come if she didn’t leave with Nia today when I’m only coming per her request and she promised she wouldn’t.
So we met up and surprise surprise Nia tried to get us to do anything but study with her Rita ended up agreeing and I was like wtf? you promised you wouldn’t do this and Nia said that they’re only getting coffee and they’ll come straight back, I didn’t believe them but I said whatever, they weren’t back for an hour so I just went back home and they called and texted me asking where I was 2 hours after that, meaning they were gone for 3+ hours.
I didn’t reply to them and was upset/cold to them today and they gave me weak apologies and said they got distracted and “hey at least you were productive” and just stuff that kept annoying me even more. They never owned up to anything and because I wouldn’t stop being cold they snapped and told me I was making a mountain out of a molehill and overreacting over something so minor.
And now I’m feeling like I’m mad at them over something I shouldn’t be so AITJ for being upset and cold with them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but time to take stock of the big picture: Rita has consistently chosen her old friend over her new friend and she is unrepentant about breaking her commitment to you.
Those two have different priorities than you do. If you continue to try to have a relationship with them, they will continue to treat you disrespectfully. Or poorer, because they will see that bad treatment has no consequences. You deserve better friends who are responsible, kind, and share your goals — or who at least support you in yours from the sidelines.
These two people will just undermine yours. They don’t deserve the time you’re giving them. Go find people who are better for you than these two jerks.” SearchApprehensive35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Find a different study partner. Nia doesn’t want to study anyway and will keep pulling Rita away.
Rita will go with her no matter what. Surely there are other people more interested in studying that you can pair up with instead. They don’t even need to be your friends, they just need to have a common goal. You can still hang out with these two if you want, but they don’t deserve it and are poor friends.” Creepy-Handle-6789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are trying to take your studies seriously, if N is smart enough that she barely needs to study then good for her, if R is willing to risk not studying that is on her. Don’t risk what you have worked toward for “friends” who don’t respect how hard you are working.” Flimsy_Strength_6738
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wash My Hands Before Putting Away Clean Dishes?
“I have been living with my partner for two years. We’re both in our forties and perhaps quite used to living as singles and doing things our way, maybe that causes this sort of little problem.
We don’t have a dishwasher, so everything gets washed by hand and left on the drying rack by the sink, usually overnight if it’s the dishes from dinner in the evening. I tend to put it all away in the mornings as I’m often first up and like to have the kitchen back to normal before the day starts.
Recently she asked me to wash my hands (soap and water) before putting the clean dishes and cutlery away in the cupboards and drawers. I found it weird (and a little offensive) that she was saying that my hands are generally gross enough to contaminate the stuff that had been washed, but she was hurt that I didn’t understand it was important to her to think that the plates and things are properly clean.
I’ve no problem with washing my hands before making food etc, but this seemed unnecessarily fastidious and something it had never occurred to me to do before. But I have to admit that I have no idea if this is a completely normal thing that everyone else does or not.
AITJ for not wanting to do this extra step?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Everyone’s hands are gross. That’s why we have whole hand-washing campaigns to limit the spread of respiratory and enteric infections. Wash your hands.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You wash your hands before cooking, including things that will be cooked, yet you don’t see any issue with touching the dishes, where the food will go, without washing your hands?
Really?” PinkNGreenFluoride
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Unreliable Brother-In-Law Anymore?
“So let’s call my brother-in-law Kyle.
We enjoy inviting people over and having a good time. Since the brothers of my husband don’t have much of an age difference they will come over as well and party with us and our friends.
Lately, I decided I do not want to invite Kyle anymore and he is telling me I am reacting too sensitively and it’s just how he handles things. He is upset that he can’t have a nice time with his brothers at our home anymore.
So if we invite him most of the time he won’t answer our messages. He either shows up or does not. In some cases, he does answer if we push him to and say he will come by and then does not show up or he will show up hours later.
It’s not only for parties at home. It’s for planning something outside or eating out as well.
I told him I didn’t like this. I am planning everything, buying everything, or paying for the activity and he does not even care to apologize if he can’t make it.
I mean he has special tastes in drinks and so on. So every time I will prepare everything for everyone so they will have a good time. And if he does not show up I can throw things away. And if I do not buy it he will sit there grumpy that there is nothing what he likes.
So I am done. If he wants to participate he has to change his attitude.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s unreliable and flaky and doesn’t seem to care about other people’s plans so he loses the chance to hang out with the family until he figures out a way to be better.
INFO: what does your husband/his brother have to say about this? Is he frustrated and can speak to him as well or is just used this behavior and doesn’t care?” GuildensternLives
Another User Comments:
“This is 1000% your husband’s problem. Relieve yourself of this stress.
Tell your hubby that if it’s that important to have his brother there, he will be the one in charge of all communication with him, planning the food and beverage for him, and cleaning up after him. This is not up for negotiation. Enjoy your future gatherings, stress-free OP.” Foodandtheatrenerd
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You don’t get the only say if your BIL can attend especially since hubby wants him invited. You are married and some people will enrich your life and not his (and vice versa). You sound rigid with party planning and invites so consider assigning your husband to solve BIL’s food (etc) needs….take it off your list. BIL sounds odd; perhaps a mixture of entitlement, spontaneity, and socially awkwardness….either way, he is who he is.
We don’t get to pick our relatives.” DesertSong-LaLa
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It is YOUR wedding, not your mom's