People Dwell On Their Actions In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
30. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mother To Attend My Grandmother's Funeral?
“I (M20) and my brother Maurice (M22) are in charge of my grandmother’s estate. She left us everything and we are also organizing the funeral.
When I was 14, my mother married Jacques.
He also has a son Henri (now 19). Henri was always a little pain. Especially because Jacques spoiled him endlessly and Henri would take every advantage. If myself or Maurice had something he wanted, he’d go to Jacques and then before long, it would belong to Henri.
My mother had no spine when it came to standing up to Jacques and Henri knew it.
The big turning point came when Henri complained that my grandparents gave Maurice and me better presents than him.
Which they did. They still got him something, but not as much and not as nice. Jacques went to my mother, and my mother went to my grandfather and said that unless they can treat Henri as a full grandchild, that they won’t have contact with us.
My grandfather was a good man, but stubborn as a mule. He wasn’t going to let anybody boss him around. He despised Jacques and also thought Henri was a spoiled little pain.
He said Henri is not his grandson and that he’s never going to regard him as such. He will treat him respectfully, but it is not his grandson. So, my mother cut us off from our grandparents.
Maurice and I secretly kept in contact with our grandparents until we moved out. When Maurice was old enough, he moved to Strasbourg to live with them. I now live in Nantes while I go to university.
Both of us have very little contact with our mother.
However, over the last year, my grandfather died. Sadly, before I ever got to see him again due to my mother not allowing it.
My grandmother told my mother that she broke my grandfather’s heart by taking her grandson (me) away from her father to please her terrible ogre of a husband and his terrible runt of a child.
My mother was unwelcome at the funeral unless she was coming to apologize to her father before he went in the ground and that she better not dare bring Jacques and Henri.
My mother hung up the phone and they never spoke again. My grandmother never forgave my mother for this.
Then last week, our grandmother passed. My mother heard about it and said she was coming to Strasbourg to manage the estate.
Maurice told her that the estate had nothing to do with her. It was left solely to him and myself and she has no part of it. We could tell she was fuming, but held it in.
Then she asked about the funeral and I told her that I didn’t think it was appropriate she come. She parted ways with my grandmother in life, so it is inappropriate for her to be standing there for her now that she’s gone.
My mother said she wanted to make things right. I said fine, I do know one way where I think our grandparents would welcome her. Under my grandfather’s terms. If she was coming to apologize and she can’t bring her ogre of a husband and his goblin child.
She started cursing us, we cursed her back and blocked her.”
29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of A Rabbit?
“I, 19F, live in a rented duplex with my two siblings Jay (17M) and Brice (18F), and our pet cats.
Back in April of this year Jay came to me about how his friend Naomi (17F) was without a home. He explained that she was kicked out by her grandmother and was without a home with her pet rabbit.
I was hesitant because our landlady was nosy and I wasn’t sure if Naomi would be allowed to stay. However I figured it would only be for a month or two.
I told Naomi that she can stay here until she can get back on her feet and figure out her living situation and that she didn’t need to worry about paying rent.
Since Naomi had a rabbit and we had 3 cats, Jay offered her his room for her privacy and the rabbit’s safety and he would just sleep on the pullout couch. Naomi was nice at first; she was respectful and mindful of the shared spaces (kitchen, bathroom) but this honeymoon period only lasted for 2 weeks.
Naomi then would bring her friends over, which would’ve been fine if they weren’t loudly partying in the room. I was tolerant since sometimes Brice would host parties here too so I didn’t bother her about that.
Then she began to not clean up after herself. She’d leave food out for the flies and ants and she’d leave trash on the floor and counters. Fine, whatever. I was used to cleaning up after my siblings anyways.
Naomi began to really get on my nerves when she began to eat a lot of our groceries. Our budget was made for the 3 of us and even sometimes it’s not enough for the week.
And no way was it enough for Naomi and her friends. One time we had a whole box of hamburger patties (30) and she and her friends ate all of it in one night.
I was upset and began to express my boundaries in early May. I told her that she can bring friends and they can eat but she has to buy the food for what they’re going to eat since our groceries weren’t enough.
She then began to disappear for days and a week at a time. Idk what she was doing but this forced me to care for her rabbit.
Eventually I grew upset so I told Naomi she needed to leave soon and she needed to take care of her rabbit.
I gave her 2 weeks to come get her things and to go. She left me on read multiple times… even on my reminders of the upcoming date. I then threatened to call Animal Welfare on her and to throw away her things if she didn’t come.
Two weeks rolled by and so I did what I said I would do. One phone call and dump run later her rabbit and things were gone. She finally called me yesterday and she was crying over how her rabbit was taken and how she wasn’t allowed to adopt another pet.
She was also upset that I threw out her things. I simply reminded her of my multiple warnings and reminders but she didn’t listen to me so it was her fault.
She called me a bully before she hung up. So, AITJ for reporting her for animal negligence and allowing the authorities to take her rabbit?”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Mother?
“My mother and I have always had a terrible relationship. I would describe her as a bully. She would always be cruel to me, pick on me, kick me out, and about once to twice a month remind me how she’s “counting down the days that I’m gone”.
So of course when I turned 18 I moved in with my brother. I’ve been with him for 2 years now and it’s been cool. Until one day my parents dropped by unexpectedly, I stayed in my bathroom to avoid them because I was wearing a wig and I knew my mother would say something negative.
They enter the bathroom first thing my mother does is start pointing out flaws of the wig, nitpicking (without even asking me how I’m doing because we literally don’t talk like ever) I get annoying but I believe I told her in respectful words but just not in the best tone to please stop because I’m getting ready and she’s making me insecure.
She wasn’t stopping so I told her to get out as one does when they pay for the place they live in. Big argument ensued, a lot of hurtful things were said on both ends, I tried to leave but was guilt tripped into staying by my brother into talking things out.
I barely was able to talk fr before being told don’t talk to them anymore.
This brings us to now. Me and SIL have a very good relationship and I also have good relationships with my siblings.
I was told today I’ve been uninvited to the gender reveal by my mother because it’s at her house and she doesn’t feel comfortable with me there. And if I want to come I must go and apologize by the day if the event.
I’m telling y’all right now there’s no way I’m apologizing, okay? What’s crazy is I was thinking about reaching out after I move out but now nope that’s not happening.
How are you going to weaponize my family against me when you started the issue? Also you can’t force someone to apologize like don’t they want it to be genuine?
No they don’t lmao they just want to win. I don’t care about winning I care about respect and I need space right now. Also I feel like you can’t just tell your kid not to talk to you anymore then be surprised they don’t.
You might be asking yourself “why did they tell you this now?” Well my friend it’s because when they both came into the grocery store that I work at I didn’t say anything to them (first time they came together my mother goes in there often when I work and doesn’t speak to me) and that was the final straw I guess.
Now my plan is to just get my SIL a nice bouquet of flowers, and a heartfelt card, show up but don’t go inside, be nice calm and collected, ask someone to give the gift and be on my way.
I know she won’t like the fact I’m making an appearance anyways but she can’t keep me away from showing my family some love.”
27. AITJ For Forcing My Guests To RSVP?
“Last week was our daughter’s 16th birthday.
We decided to go all out on her party for a variety of reasons. This would include a private tour of a place she’s wanted to go to and we rented out a room to have a catered dinner.
This should all have been just a smooth ride, right? Enter my SIL.
My wife and her sister do not get along. They can keep up a casual relationship for the sake of family but that’s it.
It doesn’t help that my experiences with my SIL have been incredibly dramatic. She’s quick to play the victim and gaslight. SIL has two daughters who are practically best friends with my daughter.
So obviously she wanted to invite them.
One big issue with SIL and her family is that when it comes to coordinating anything with them, they are unreliable on a good day and like trying to communicate with a blind deaf person who does not speak the same language as you on a bad one.
They are never on time, sometimes hours (or in one case a day) late, and will not communicate at all if they are planning to show up. The thing I hate the most is that she will just text you randomly after an event started saying they decided not to come, or show up when they said they said they can’t make it.
Because my wife does not get along with her, I told her I would handle it. I sent two emails, and three texts, and had a 20-minute phone call with SIL months ago telling her what we were doing for my daughter’s birthday.
Because of what we were planning, we needed to buy tickets for everyone and tell the caterers how many they were serving. I needed an RSVP as soon as humanly possible to organize this stuff.
She either needed to be on time or tell me she could not make it. I told her if she ghosts me, there will be no tickets for her and her kids.
She ghosted me. I didn’t buy her and her kids’ tickets.
SIL and her kids showed up (on time somehow) for the event.
My wife was livid, so I handled the situation on my own and told my SIL and her kids they need to leave because we did not get tickets for her.
If she wanted to join us for the tour it would cost quite a bit to get new tickets, and the caterers do not allow alterations after a certain amount of time out from the event.
At first, she tried to say she did RSVP with me, and then eventually started to shame me. Our guide called security and in the end, she and her daughters were escorted away.
The event was great, but my SIL’s entire family has blown up at me and my wife. The event was 2 hours away from SIL’s home and they say it was heartless of me to turn her away after the trip.
Along with this, her daughters have now stopped talking to my daughter. Telling her that I kicked them out of her party. I explained to my daughter the situation and she called me a jerk.
My wife has told me to ignore her family and that daughter will realize we’re not in the wrong.”
26. AITJ For Getting Upset About A Face Tattoo?
“My fiancé (26m) and I (26f) were in a long-distance relationship temporarily.
He originally told me about 2 months ago that he wanted to get my name tattooed on him. Personally, I don’t think anyone should get someone’s name tattooed on them and I told him this, but I also explained to him that it’s his body so the choice was his but to make sure that he thought about it because it was a permanent decision.
He then proceeds to tell me that he wants to save money, so he’s letting a buddy of a buddy that he barely knows do it at home. I told him that if he must get a tattoo to at least be safe about it and wait until he’s able to save up and get it done by a professional in a shop because of the risk of infection, injury, etc.
After talking more about it, he agreed that he’d wait and go to a professional. Fast forward to yesterday. We were talking on the phone instead of video chatting, and he’s telling me that he has a surprise to show me but wants to wait until we see each other in person.
The convo went on, and after me trying to guess what the surprise was, he finally admitted that he’d gone ahead and gotten the tattoo from his buddy. But not only did he get my name, he’d also gotten 2 more tattoos: one on his leg, and one on his FACE, right under his eye!
At first, I thought there was no way he’d really done that and was just telling me that to see my reaction, but as we talked more, I realized he was serious.
He explained to me in detail the tattoos. I was livid. Not only did he put himself at risk by getting tattooed by an unprofessional, he put himself at an even bigger risk by getting a tattoo right under his eye.
Also, he’s been job searching, so now he’s going to have a harder time getting a job since he’s gotten a tattoo on his freaking face.
I told him that maybe we should rethink our engagement because obviously we don’t know each other as much as we thought we did.
I told him that if he really knew me, he’d know that I hate face tattoos and find them tacky and unattractive. They scream “I make bad decisions”, especially in the workplace which he’s been having a hard time getting back into already and now it’s going to be even harder.
I also told him that I don’t know him as well as I thought I did because he’s not a man of his word. He promised me that he’d wait to go to a professional but went back on his word and did what he said he wouldn’t do anyways.
Of course, he told me I was overreacting and made me seem like some stuck-up jerk who won’t let him make his own decisions. AITJ?”
25. WIBTJ For Not Giving My Neighbors Parts Of My Garden?
“I recently purchased a small house that has a pretty large garden for its location.
It’s basically a rectangle that extends past my neighbour’s house right to the boundary. He has a small extension that mars this rectangle and has built a wall about 2 ft from the wall of the extension.
That’s all the space he has. They (he and a family member of his) have asked if I would sell them the part of the garden that is behind his property.
It makes sense I guess but there are a number of reasons that I don’t want to do this.
Firstly- it’s been an absolute Sisyphean feat to get to this point with every stage of the sale from getting the money (not eligible for a mortgage) to getting it closed- to finding enough to renovate this derelict house into a home being difficult.
I was also dealing with a divorce from an absolute dose and the fallout of finally getting away from him after years of not being strong enough. I am simply withered.
Secondly. These people have wanted this square of garden for a long time. Like 50+ years long time. I was renting very near where I bought and heard from a lot of locals about “the bit behind x’s house” and over/ over again statements like “I hope that girl knows that’s mine” etc – and that as far as they were concerned I’d be selling it.
They mentioned it to me twice before the sale actually went through- I was reserved in my response, first time joking that I can’t be committing to sell anything that I don’t even own yet and the second time directly stated that if I did decide I would do it, it would be for no other reason than to oblige them and added that I wouldn’t be making any decisions for at least 2 years after I was actually in the house.
So having someone else’s wants being forcibly added to the stress of all the above I possibly hardened against them.
When they asked directly about a month into me moving in.
I said I have no objection in principle but need to think and to have a break- that I couldn’t face dealing with solicitors/ surveyors and all that stuff for a while.
I told them plainly that I was exhausted and was not turning my mind to anything like this for at least a year.
They seemed satisfied with this. But it was brought up again the week after.
This time I agreed that it would be great for THEM but repeated that I was not focusing on it right now- I took the opportunity to say that I don’t need or care about money, would only be doing it to oblige etc so I really need to be in the right place to be dealing with all this and I’m not right now.
So WIBTJ if I choose not to? I am leaning that way.”
24. AITJ For Ruining A Group Member's Grade?
“We had a final project for a class where we were doing a mock trial. It was worth 25%. We were supposed to turn in an opening statement, argument, rebuttal, and closing statement.
Since it’s a fast-paced summer class, it was all due back to back. That meant if we finished one thing, we had to start working on the next one immediately to meet the deadlines.
My group was composed of four people. One girl did not contribute at all. This other girl, Sam, and I were primarily the ones working on it. We found sources/constructed an argument for the opening statement and data presentation.
The third girl, Mindy, said she would help on the rebuttal. She took notes on what the pro-side said. To make things easier, I stayed up till 7 am finding sources for the rebuttal so she could type it up.
I woke up to like only two paragraphs done. Sam and I had to work on the rest of it (4+ paragraphs). Don’t get me wrong Mindy helped us edit and clean it up and put a paragraph for the closing statement.
However, neither Sam nor I saw it cause she didn’t tell us.
For the closing statement, Sam said she had an exam so she said she would edit it. Nothing was heard from Mindy, so I was left doing it on my own.
I had to go to a family event around 7 PM. I did it as much as I could (four paragraphs). Thankfully, Sam was able to add more details and clean it up.
We were supposed to turn it in around 10 AM. When I woke up around 12, I saw no one had turned it in. I was kind of upset but I guess it could’ve been my fault for sleeping in too.
To add more salt to the wound, a girl from opposition started questioning and criticizing our sources, making our argument look weak. While studying for an exam, I had to respond to the girl and questions the audience had.
I didn’t want our argument to look weak and fall flat, so the comment debate went on FOR HOURS.
I was very frustrated from this ordeal. I really needed that A on the project to bump my grade to an A so I emailed the professor about Mindy not really contributing.
I attached a screenshot of Mindy saying she was busy and couldn’t help much so she understood if we emailed the professor. I explained that because Sam and I were the ones primarily finding resources and constructing an argument, I feel that we had a disadvantage because we were missing two teammates.
The enemy team has a team of four people working on the project, thus, making their argument better.
The problem is I feel guilty. I might have sabotaged Mindy’s grade even though she attempted to help us.
My friends think I’m NTJ. One said “it’s a level 300 university class, so Mindy should know that she needs to help or inform the professor/group if something is going on in her life.” Another friend said “Do you think you and Mindy deserve the same grade based off of effort?”
I think they’re right but I can’t help but feel bad. I don’t know if they’re making me feel better cause I’m their friend or they’re being honest. I’m just looking for reaffirmation.”
23. AITJ For Sharing The Memory Of My Mother?
“I (15m) have two younger sisters Belle (10f) and Miley (9f). Our mom passed away 8 years ago.
She got sick just after Miley was born and wasn’t able to recover. Our dad got married again 18 months after mom passed. The girls and Sarah bonded pretty quickly and they would go between calling her mom or Sarah (what I call her).
My dad and Sarah asked what would make me comfortable calling Sarah mom and I said nothing. I told them she was Sarah to me. She was disappointed but respected it.
Dad did too.
For years I have told my sister’s about our mom sometimes but the last two-ish years they have asked for more. So I show them videos I have of her and photos and I have told them stories about her.
How she loved us, how great of a mom she was. I showed them some videos of her singing to us and those videos were my sister’s favorites. They even ask to listen to them if they can’t sleep or had a nightmare.
My dad and Sarah are upset about the amount I talk about mom to my sisters and show them videos and photos. Ever since I started the girls called Sarah mom less and now they don’t at all.
They asked the girls why and they said that they didn’t like calling two people mom. They also said I only had one mom so they should only have one mom too.
They asked if I was telling them they couldn’t and they said no, because I never said that, I just wanted to make sure they could ask about mom or see her if they wanted and that we could still talk about her together.
Like I said I have done it for years just more after they started asking.
Sarah was really upset with them no longer calling her mom and she asked me if I would tell them to wait until they are 18 to watch the videos and see the photos again.
She said the stories are probably okay but they are connecting with someone they never knew when they see those things and it’s hurting their relationship with her. I told her I didn’t want to do that because they should be allowed to have that connection to mom.
That if she loved them that much she would want them to have that. Dad and her disagreed (he joined in at this point) and then they decided I could no longer share anything of mom with my sisters.
I didn’t listen. They didn’t punish me for it but they said I am being cruel to the girls and to Sarah and dad told me it might have been what mom would have wanted, but everyone will have a certain amount of selfishness when they pass away in not wanting to be forgotten, but the people left behind are more important and the girls deserve to attach to a mom who can actually raise them instead of the mom they will never get to know or meet.
He even tried to tell me I should focus more on Sarah than my mom, since I have never treated her like she’s actually my family or my parent.
AITJ for continuing?
AITJ for doing it? Every time it comes up with dad now he sure thinks so.”
22. AITJ For Buying My Friends Things?
“I’m a kid in high school with no job, so it’s safe to say that all the money I get is from my parents. I’m almost sixteen, and my best friend is sixteen as well.
My favorite thing to do is shop, I love shopping and collecting things like fragrances, books, jewelry, stuffed animals,etc. I have a large bath and bodyworks collection, something that I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on.
My best friend wants to have a fragrance/body care collection as well, however she continues to spend her money on other things.
When we go shopping together, I’ll bring a significantly smaller amount of money than she does.
Her family is extremely well-off. For example, one time I had brought $40, and she had brought $80. She had already purchased some things, but wanted so many other things that she couldn’t afford.
She asked me to buy a $20 dress for her, not even offering to pay me back. If I had bought it for her then I’d have no more money left for the things I needed/wanted to get, so I said no. She was upset.
Another time, I had spent all my money on a face mask set from Target. Something that I was really looking forward to using. I was also planning to use them with my little cousins, seeing as they weren’t as fortunate as I was, and I wanted to treat them a bit.
My friend saw that I got them, and asked if she could have some. I said no, and explained why. She called me selfish, saying that I didn’t need all of them.
We got into a huge argument, and didn’t speak for a few days.
Now, she just came over to my house. As I said before, I have a large bath and body works collection.
I’ve spent countless hours doing chores to earn money for it, and hundreds of dollars (around $800) on all of the products. I had never let her into my room before, and I finally did today.
She saw it, and within minutes she started asking for some of the products. I wanted to say yes, but it was a collection. I’ve had to hunt down numerous of the products that she asked for, so I ended up saying no. She got mad, but was over it within a few minutes, or so I thought.
Then, I showed her my jewelry that she asked to see, and she started asking for some of the rings. The rings that she was asking for were actually real gold/silver and contained real gems. Also, they had belonged to my grandmother who had passed a few months ago.
I said no, and she got mad. I tried explaining the reason, and she calmed down after a few minutes.
We then went swimming in my backyard, and after about two hours we went back to my room, again.
Within ten minutes of being in my room, she started asking for some of my bath and body works products, again. She kept saying things like “Well, you don’t need everything” or “I only have a few things from them, you could spare some for me” or ” I remember that you told me that you didn’t even like that fragrance, so why can’t I have it?”.
I said no again, and we stopped talking. I felt guilty about it, and I still do.
So, AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Allowing My Brother-In-Law At Our Wedding?
“My (28F) fiancé (30M) and I have been organizing our wedding for the past year.
Earlier in the year my sister (35F) called in the middle of the night crying because her husband (37M) left her & my nephew(10M) high & dry 3 weeks prior but was too embarrassed to tell anyone.
Now this isn’t the first time her husband has run off. He has done this 5 other times that I know of. My sis just accepts this as part of his personality & says he always comes back.
3 weeks though is the longest he has been gone. Now rent is due, she can’t cover it.
Without hesitation, my fiancé & I offered up our home. We helped pack their belongings, paid for a UHaul to move their stuff & even got them a storage unit for the large furniture (dining table, coffee table, couches).
After about 4 months of living with us, my sis says her husband & she are trying to work this out and if he can move in. I said NO. Absolutely not.
He isn’t allowed to stay over. He can come over and visit his son but he can not sleep here. I am not providing a roof over his head when he didn’t care if they had a roof over theirs.
My sister got upset and said he has changed. That her husband got overwhelmed with life as he spent all their savings (including my nephew’s college fund that our grandpa left for his first great-grandson) on a substance abuse spree and panicked. I responded grown men don’t run away from their life; he needs to see a therapist & enter into a rehab facility.
Clearly, he has a mental health/substance abuse problem. She started screaming & then yelled at my nephew to pack & they left. This was 2 months ago.
During these 2 months my nephew hasn’t had a bedroom or anything remotely stable.
They are couch surfing with people that allow them to stay a few days and once their time runs out they jump to another person’s couch. Meanwhile, I still am paying monthly for a storage unit and have their belongings in my home.
I get calls from family members who I rarely speak to saying they are angry at me for “kicking her out of my home”. Come to find my sis has called them crying saying that I left them homeless & that she moved in with me because her landlord raised rent (no mention of her husband being an addict who blew all their savings) I simply respond to each call you don’t know the true story and end the conversation.
My wedding is now 2 weeks away. My sister called me today and wanted to confirm times of certain wedding events so her husband would be off work in time to join her.
I confirmed the times but said her husband is not allowed anywhere near my wedding. He has not shown 1 sign of change or sought any help for his issues.
My family is now angry with me.
They are saying I’m childish. My nephew needs him & we just need to support them during this hard time.
I have emotionally not just financially supported. My fiancé went to every baseball practice/game my nephew had.
After work we took my nephew to the park to play. We had movie nights, games nights. The list of what we have done for them seems endless.
So AITJ for not wanting my sister’s husband near my wedding?”
20. AITJ For Rejecting My In-Laws?
“So my wife (32F) and I (34M) are expecting our first child, and as a result are working through some renovations around the house to get the place baby-ready. We’re only about 6 weeks away from the due date, so I’m in full-on get-things-done mode.
My wife has also been having it out with her mother recently and they’re not on the greatest of terms right now. Her mother has this neat way of flipping every situation into being about her and her feelings, no matter how far away she actually is removed from whatever said situation is.
My wife has gotten to the point where she’s done playing therapist to her mother, and is just giving her thoughts and opinions (when asked) straight with no sugarcoating. It’s been going about as well as you’d expect, but I stand behind my wife fully as I’m also tired of the nonsense.
So yesterday afternoon, just as I’m about to lay down some new flooring I hear some car doors slam outside and our dog starts losing her mind. Great. I see through a window that it’s my in-laws walking up the driveway and go to tell my wife.
She had no idea that they were stopping by, and we both dislike it when people drop in without giving us a good 30 minute warning, especially if they expect to come in.
We’ve expressed this many times to them in the past.
Anyway, my mother-in-law knocks and lets herself in, asking if we’re decent. I’m commando in basketball shorts and a very sweaty T-shirt, so I reply with a nope.
My very pregnant wife is still scrambling to get dressed at this point, and my father-in-law is standing just outside on the porch looking like he doesn’t want to be there (typical).
My mother-in-law starts asking all cheerily if they can come in and see the progress we’re making, completely ignoring that she’s been saying some very unpleasant things to my wife lately.
I tell her no, I’m right in the middle of doing stuff, I don’t have time to be giving tours, and neither of us are dressed for company. I think she thinks I’m joking, as I’ve been known to have a dry sense of humor and she’s used to getting her way, but I stand firm that this is not a good time.
They both leave and head back to their truck with stunned looks on their faces, my wife shooting me a mild stink-eye in the process and goes off after them.
So my wife is outside talking to them for a few minutes and then they drive off.
My wife comes back in stressing that I may have just made the beef between her and her mother worse, and that her step-dad feels snubbed because he wanted to help me with whatever it was I was working on.
Neither one of us believed that he wanted to help one little bit, that was just her mother’s in for coming over, but either way they should have called first.
My wife, however, was pleased that I was able to set a firm boundary with them, and generally agrees with everything I did.
I would have done the same thing with my own parents, even though I know I’d never have to as they respect our space and know how a phone works. Still, I can’t shake feeling like a bit of a jerk about it.”
19. AITJ For Inviting My Dad's Side Of The Family To My Wedding?
“This situation is going to be hard to explain without a ton of backstory but to give a short summary before going into the situation:
My father passed away when I was 2, and I was always very close with my family on his side
My mother allowed me to be excessively treated for issues I didn’t have when I was a child and had me sent away to harsh residential programs from age 11 to 15.
Before that, my mother cut contact between us and my father’s side of the family because she was misled by poor attorneys into believing that they were guilty of fraud and embezzlement (which I have every reason to believe is nonsense)
My mother is not malicious, genuinely loves me, and never intended to hurt me. Yet she is easily misled, has acute paranoia, and has some narcissistic tendencies.
Anyway, my partner and I are getting married this January.
We decided due to financial reasons that we were just going to do a small family get-together at a beautiful vineyard her family owns. I have no family left on my mother’s side of the family so my invites are basically her, plus my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins on my father’s side.
My mother still believes my father’s side family tried to take all the financial assets my father left for us, and has been making that very clear to me on a regular basis ever since I first reconnected with them when I was 20.
In fact it used to make her so angry, she almost made me homeless over it (very complicated story, but in short, she had control over the financial assets my father left me that I was living on and threatened to cut me off from it) So I was forced to listen to her complaints without pushing back
I’m 30 now, and she still is letting me hear it, though we’re in very different situations now: the financial assets my father left me is gone, I am making my own way, and own a house in the bay area, so she doesn’t have that sort of control over me anymore.
Anyway, to yesterday. After already having two phone calls with her about how much she isn’t looking forward to seeing them, she called me at 6:45 AM, on a Sunday. She asked if I was asleep, and I said yes.
She ignored me and then said “why are you doing this to me?” I was still disoriented from being woken up early so I didn’t reply. She then went into a tirade about how she hates them, how they ruined our lives, how she doesn’t want them there.
I absolutely snapped, cut her off and coldly told her “this isn’t about you” and hung up on her before she could even reply. I am normally someone who is extremely patient, and I have a high threshold for nonsense, but something about her opening with “why are you doing this to me?” as if I was planning my wedding day specifically to spite her, really set something off in me.
I am now questioning whether I even want her there despite the fact that she really doesn’t mean harm.
Was my response reasonable or should I have given her some more grace?”
18. AITJ For Getting Upset Over A Slice Of Cake?
“I (15M), returned home with a friend after being out for a few hours, and sat in the kitchen. I noticed that a piece of cake from a different friend’s birthday was about 20% of the size it was when I left it in the fridge.
When my mother (50F) came into the kitchen, I asked her directly as to where most of my slice of cake went. She said that she cut a bit off for my grandparents, which struck me as a bit odd, as she was planning on going the following day, and I couldn’t see any container or anything ready to be taken to see them (the grandparents).
We take cake to them all the time so this isn’t out of the ordinary, but I was a little annoyed on principle, as that piece of cake wasn’t hers to give away.
Fast forward to the following day, my mum is back from visiting my grandparents, and we’ve just finished cleaning up from dinner. I then ask if they (grandparents) enjoyed the slice of cake, when she reveals that she in fact ate it herself.
When I ask ‘Why did you do that and then lie about it?’, she responds with ‘I’m not very happy that you were rude to me in front of your friend’.
I inquire ‘So you ate my slice of cake because I asked you where my slice of cake went after you had already eaten it?’ She proceeded to shout at me to get out of the room and that she was sick of me and my ‘rudeness’, and called me ‘greedy’ because I’m ‘keeping tabs on everything’.
As I walked to the door, I pointed out that she notices when I so much as have a can of soda from the fridge. She didn’t like that and sent my dad (50M) to ‘deal with me’.
I walked out, and my dad followed. He told me that I was out of line, and that I shouldn’t argue back to my mother. I said that she couldn’t give me a valid reason as to how I was rude, and also wouldn’t apologize for eating my cake and lying.
The next thing I know is that my Xbox has been disabled remotely for the evening and following day.
I spent an hour in my room on my phone, and then come into the living room, where my parents are watching a film.
I ask them if they can explain why they have disabled my Xbox, as I am struggling to see what I have done wrong. My dad tells me that they won’t talk to me until I’ve had a shower.
I shower and come back down. I’m then told that they said that they weren’t speaking to me. I remind them of what they said only 10 minutes ago, and my mum tells me that I’m arrogant, annoying and (ironically) unable to take accountability for my actions.
My xbox is subsequently blocked for the next week, with a 3 hour time limit per day afterwards. My dad said that was because I’d had 7 hours already that day, but I said that I was home alone and that I go for weeks at a time without going on it, so he’s just trying to be difficult.
So, am I the jerk for asking my mother where my cake went, getting annoyed when she lied about it, and then pressing them for their reasoning behind my punishment?”
17. AITJ For Going Out For Dinner?
“My sister Beth has an addiction problem and is unable to get sober. Her husband divorced her about 17 years ago because of this & he got custody of their 3 sons, 10,12 & 14.
She had a relationship with all of her sons but as they got older the oldest and youngest went no contact with her because of her failure to get sober. Sadly they would not go to any family events where she would be at because they couldn’t deal with her so we barely saw them, my main contact was texting.
The middle son David still had an on-again/off-again relationship with her. Three years ago David got married to his fiance Diane. He was very stressed about having his mother at his wedding.
He texted me a lot about it and we had a few talks also. I listened and sympathized with him because what an awful situation to be in. He talked with Beth many times and she promised him that she would be sober for the wedding.
Sadly, she got intoxicated and was asked to leave the wedding.
A few months after the wedding my husband & I were going to be driving through Santa Barbara so I texted David to see if we could take him and Diane out to dinner.
We met and had a lovely meal.
Unfortunately, this got back to my sister Beth and she went nuclear on me. She felt that I should have asked permission from her, Though she admitted she would have said no if I did ask permission.
She also felt that the only reason I should see her sons would be to try and reconcile her sons with her. She was really so crazy, crying, yelling, accusing me of being an awful person.
I finally blocked her because I could see the only resolution she wanted was for me to apologise and tell her I was wrong.
Another piece in this situation is that my other sister Patricia believes that Beth is the victim here and that if her family, and her sons were nicer to her it would be better all around.
Beth’s sons are furious with Patricia because the only contact they have with her is Patricia texting them to tell them to text their mom and to help her. Patricia does not understand the concept of boundaries and that Beth’s sons have made boundaries with their mom for their own sanity.
Patricia has admitted that she thinks I am the A-hole for taking Beth’s son out to dinner. I believe that Patricia is what is called an enabler in 12 step groups. She speaks with Beth almost every day, and has gone to her when Beth had a DUI or will pack and move Beth the last times she has moved. She literally packed her up with little help from Beth.
I have had very little contact with Beth in the past 3 years.
This last year Beth will text friendly and I assume she wants to act like this is in the past. Patricia will put us on group texts about everyday stuff but I limit my participation.
Again I am not willing to pretend that all is ok.
I don’t think I am but AITJ. I am afraid of being told that I am the jerk but am willing to hear others’ opinions.”
16. AITJ For Causing An Argument?
“Ever since I was small I didn’t really get along with my mom, she never showed a lot of affection towards me, not as much as my dad. I guess I always felt guilty when I say I was unlucky because I’m from a privileged household, money never really was an issue, and my parents weren’t separated, but I was always sad because my parents were “old fashioned”.
I’m the youngest of five children, so not only was “the old fashioned thing” a thing but I always felt ignored by my mother, as if she was tired of having children.
Now a few months ago my parents and two siblings moved. We are tight on money and transportation is an issue, so I have been taking the subway. Never in my life have I gone on the subway before so this is a new experience, something I don’t know how to do.
For context, I’m a 14-year-old girl, and yes I’m aware that a lot of girls ride alone on the subway but I don’t know how to manage it by myself.
Lately I’ve been riding with my friend, who is 16. Today I had a sort of physical training thing that prepares you, it’s not a specific sport, just training in general. It ended at 8pm and my mom was late to pick me up.
What happened was that as soon as I got in the car, my mother started yelling at me, saying how it was so inconvenient to come pick me up and that I should take the subway, my dad was also in the car, just staying quiet, I tell my mom that I don’t know how to ride alone in the subway and that I’m scared to go by myself at night, and she starts yelling at me “oh if you just let me finish what I want to say” and she went on telling me how to use the subway to get home.
It would be a 20 minute trip and I told her that I was scared and uncomfortable to do it by myself since I don’t know my way around the subway and I’d probably get lost and she again yelled at me and I got upset.
She says “oh but friend’s daughter is two years older and she can manage by herself, I can’t believe you’re so useless and scared” and she goes on telling how rude and disrespectful I am for talking back to her and saying how I’m such a liar and that I always change what she is saying, she turns to my dad and asks for his opinion asking if she was mean about what she said when I got into the car.
My dad “sided with me” saying that she was speaking in a loud tone and that she was being rude to me and not understanding where I was coming from, she starts blabbering on how he is always siding with me and that I always prefer him and how she can’t believe him and how he is a liar.
So my dad says stop the car I’m getting out. “What, you’ve got to be joking my god you’re so immature” she pulls over and he gets out( in the middle of nowhere) and she drives off, she turns to me and says how I’m so difficult and look at what I’ve done, if only I kept my mouth shut and how she regrets having me.
When she later heard “my side of the story” she’d say I’m overreacting and that I wasn’t that bad and that I’m lying.”
15. AITJ For Hating My Parents?
“I have had an interesting relationship with my parents my whole life, which became more apparent as I got older. Long story short, my mom was and still is emotionally immature and emotionally neglectful, while my dad was her enabler and just went along with her to keep the peace.
They tried their best to shelter me and have very strict (pretty absurd) rules, i.e I couldn’t be in a relationship until I was married, I could never really have friends over, was not able to have social media or text message.
I recently moved out of state with my now husband, who I have been with since HS, we got married this past summer. (Aka I broke their relationship rule pretty early) My husband and I never planned on staying in our hometown, we had pondered the idea of moving out of state for a few years, taking tours of potential states we could move to.
We finally made the decision and moved this past winter. When I told my parents about our decision, my dad responded with “Your mother is crushed” and then my mom gave me the silent treatment for quite some time.
They did not support me, whereas my husband’s parents reacted as “normal” parents and were happy for us and supported our decision, looking to help us move anyway they could.
I was devastated over my parents’ reaction.
I have an older sister, who had moved out of the house shortly after college to a different state and I can only remember my parents being so happy for her and overly positive that that was a great idea for her.
But now that it’s me moving away, it’s a huge problem. They never congratulated me on the new job I got in this new state or even ask about how life is going here.
They will text me things like “We are going to XYZ restaurant, want us to pick you up?” and it’s a place that is close to them, aka a place 10+ hours from me.
Or things like “well that wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t move” or “we made dinner, want us to prepare you a plate?”
My parents were never really happy about anything I accomplished. I pushed myself to always be the best, straight As throughout grade school in all of the AP classes, an all-star athlete, all of the honors clubs, tried my best to look the best and prettiest and skinniest, 4.0 in college and a bachelor’s in nursing.
I wanted to please my parents any way I could, but no matter how hard I pushed or how many eggshells I walked on to make sure I didn’t upset them, it was never good enough.
Now being a grown adult myself, I sometimes feel as if my parents were never really the grown ups, which had become more evident with this move.
I understand I am the baby of the family and it’s probably an adjustment for them, but isn’t there a role a parent needs to play in supporting their child?
Especially when they are happy and living a successful life? Or AITJ for moving away from my parents?”
14. WIBTJ For Cutting My Mother-In-Law Out Of Our Life?
“I (18f) and my partner (18m) have been together since November 2021. For some context, 2 weeks after me and my partner got together, my parents kicked me out, mind you I had just turned 17.
My partner’s mom (MIL), we’ll call her P for the story, let me live with them. Mind you, I have kept stable jobs and had nearly 1,000 dollars saved up before moving in.
(Under no circumstance am I not grateful for her letting me stay with them.)
After a week of me living there, P started telling me I was the reason her son was failing in school and that I ruined his life and that I was a horrible influence all while I was doing his math assignments and working full time (I dropped out to take care of my grandmother and never went back to school).
After a while, P started asking for rent from me and asking me to buy her things for around the house. “You need to pay for dinner all week this week,” all she eats is fast food or expensive stuff.
While fixing my car every once in a while needing to buy new tires and gas to get to work and back, I hardly had enough to feed myself alone most of the time.
At the end of the school year, I’ve got a steady job and my partner is graduating alongside my brother, so my parents’ family is in town. I get told I have to move across the states to Georgia from Colorado to take care of my great grandma now after taking care of my grandmother for a year and watched her pass away.
Cool. I was in Georgia for 6 months and I came home in October. I got pregnant in December last year and I’m currently 6 months. P is our landlord and a constant pain in the rear.
She owns the house we live in, not the lot we live on, but she claims the weeds are part of her property and that we need to take care of them.
She called me a jerk and holds things over my head. We are currently paying 600$ to her monthly for rent and 495$ monthly to the trailer park we live at. She has overall been a horrible person and even threatened to take my son away. She made me, my partner, and his best friend pay 550 dollars to rent out a single room and would still get angry if we ate any food in the house.
She has bad-mouthed me for a year and a half and I’m getting very tired of her being such a pain to me when I spent well 90% of my paychecks on her and for her.
She thinks I’m going to hold this baby over her head but her extreme amount of rudeness is making me and my partner argue more than we usually do, well that and my OBGYN telling me that my stress is putting me at extreme risk for preterm labor.
Recently being only 10 weeks away from my due date, I’ve been debating letting her see my son at all. I just need to know what I should or shouldn’t do about her.
At this point, I don’t know.”
13. AITJ For Hiding Facts Of My Pregnancy From My Mother?
“My partner and I found out we were pregnant and we decided to wait till closer to the end of the first trimester to tell family. Because this will be the first child of this generation on my family’s side we wanted to make sure all the announcements were special. We wanted to tell my parents first since we knew this would be a big deal. We had planned to do something for Mother’s Day as it was the following weekend after we received our first ultrasound pictures!
Unfortunately, trying to schedule this without tipping off my parents was difficult and it ended up being pushed back a week. During that time my boyfriend slipped to a few of his family members.
We did a cute reveal for my parents and they were excited but I could tell my mom was hurt that some of his family members knew before she did.
We are getting close to our anatomy scan and we are super excited to find out the gender of our baby!
We want to find out privately and then host a reveal party for family. We had planned on doing this party a month after finding out not only to put together a registry but also so my brother, who is military, would be able to attend.
My mother called me asking when my anatomy scan was. Me not thinking anything of it told her when it was scheduled for. She then started rambling on about plans she had for gender reveals and things she “needs” to buy and “planning” that she needs to do.
I stopped her and said she wouldn’t be finding out the gender of the baby until we did our party a month later. She flipped out saying I was being disrespectful towards her and that “keeping something like this from your mother isn’t something you do”.
She even brought up that other people found out I was pregnant before her and she had to wait till I was much further along than finding out immediately. I don’t really like confrontation so I laughed it off while explaining how a gender reveal party works and what we had planned. She then said she was excited to be the “holder of the gender” and wanted to surprise us and see our reactions, that this screws up everything she wanted to plan.
She then demanded if we were going to do things this way we plan the party for the day after the anatomy scan. I wouldn’t mind readjusting the date but nothing that close would work for us and what we need to have done prior to planning the party.
There was also the concern of wanting to wait till my brother could be in town which not only my mother but my father flipped out on saying not to rely on him to even show up.
I’ve never seen my brother as unreliable before and with how excited he was to be an uncle I don’t see how they are so upset over this fact.
My mother even went on to say that she’s the grandparent to which I responded that he’s the uncle he’s family and he wanted to be there and she didn’t seem to care.
I feel like this is putting a lot of stress on me and making a problem that doesn’t need to exist.”
12. WIBTJ If I Kicking My Aunt And Uncle Out?
“I (26F) lived with my grandpa and grandma from 5th grade until I graduated and went away to college.
My grandma passed when I was in middle school, but my grandpa (87M) is still alive and relatively healthy for a man his age.
A couple of years ago, grandpa had a fall, and luckily he was uninjured but it was still scary.
We made the choice to move him out of his house and into a retirement community. He made me his power of attorney. Fortunately, he had some money squirreled away to pay for assisted living.
Most of his money though, is tied up in the form of his house, which I will have to sell eventually to pay for his care.
Grandpa and Grandma are/were a bit of hoarders, a habit which I managed to not pick up, but which he passed onto his son (my uncle).
So his house is full of stuff. Some of that stuff is heirlooms to be saved, or stuff worth donating to charity or selling to an antique store, but a lot of it is junk.
A lot of the junk belongs to my uncle, who left it behind when he moved out like a couple of decades ago. My uncle offered to move in “temporarily” from out of state and he and my aunt would clean out the house so I could sell it.
I was very wary of this offer. Uncle has a chronic illness disability and does almost nothing all day, and aunt has never managed to hold down a job for more than a month as long as I can remember.
Both of them are very messy people who don’t make good on their promises. They also owe Grandpa a lot of money.
Grandpa thought it was a great idea, and I wanted to respect him, so I let them move in to “clean the place.” As far as I can tell, over the like 2 years they’ve been there, zero cleaning has been done.
Every time I’ve gone over there to visit them or check on progress or help with cleaning, it’s basically exactly the same amount messy as it was when I last left. Sometimes it seems it is getting messier.
Grandpa has recently been demonstrating some symptoms of early dementia. The diagnosis is a problem, since it means he will have to be moved to memory care, which is more expensive.
I want him to have good care and a comfortable living place with fun things for him to do. I will HAVE to sell the house soon.
But here’s the catch – my Uncle’s illness also took a hard turn for the worse at about the same time, and he is having a stay in the hospital. If I kick Aunt out, she will either have to move back out of state to her family, or find a place in state to be near Uncle.
I also know that very soon she will probably ask to borrow *even more money* which grandpa can not afford. I plan to say no.
I know grandpa won’t be happy about this but it needs to happen soon.
WIBTJ if I kicked my aunt and uncle out of grandpa’s house?”
11. AITJ For Saying My Friend's Partner Is Copying Me?
“I (24F) have been living with (24F) Carla for 3 years now. It’s going really well, and we’re about to move apart.
For 6 months she has been in a relationship with Mira (26F). But Mira harasses people online bc they don’t agree with her, she once harassed a company for info about a singer.
For the first 4 months, Carla was crying every night bc of Mira. She knows its unhealthy, she told me she didn’t want to break up with her bc she was scared. And we talked for days, still she didn’t want to.
I said: Ok, you know what you’re risking by staying with her, and it’s your choice, it’s your life and I’ll be there for you.
One day Mira blocked me on Twitter.
I never spoke to her once. Carla asked why and Mira said “I’m sure she hates me bc of what you tell her about me”. Weeks passed and Carla was sad about that.
I decided to go talk to Mira to apologize for something I didn’t do, for Carla. Mira told me how disrespectful I was to her and crossed the line so that’s why she blocked me.
And again, I apologize.
I had a micro-fight with Carla about where I’m going to live in a few weeks. Mira then sends me messages destroying me, insulting me for faking my mental illnesses to manipulate Carla, trying to make them break up and all.
Mira was really mean. I don’t intend to answer. Carla didn’t defend me.
Carla keeps comparing Mira and me and how we “look-alike” and we have the same habit when we play games, for example.
But I really don’t like being compared to someone, It triggers me. But I didn’t say anything, I can’t tell Carla not to talk about Mira. Three years ago, I finally found the courage to dye my hair orange (not orange orange, but I really want to be a redhead).
And I really like it. For a year I’ve been doing orange-blond. The bottom layer and my bangs are blonde and the rest stay orange. I really like that. Mira has had brown hair with both blue front hair.
The other day, Mira dyed her hair orange. But not only that, she did the blonde too, just like me (she knows what i look like. She did the under layer, the bang).
And I was a little confused. I don’t own the hairstyle, but I didn’t like that now we were physically the same, AGAIN. Especially the fact that I don’t like her and think she’s a horrible person, I don’t want to look like her.
So now my own hair makes me uncomfortable.
So I decided to go and change my hair, every time I see my hair I see Mira and the horrible things she said and still says about me.
So I want to change. Carla asked me why I was changing my hairstyle, that I looked good in this hairstyle. I said, “I don’t really want to look like Mira,” but I was nonchalant about it, like it was no big deal. Carla got really mad “What’s wrong with her?
She can do whatever she wants!” and all that. She was really upset and I don’t understand why. But she is not talking to me all day and is pretty cold around me.
So am I the jerk?”
10. AITJ For Telling A Little Girl To Calm Down?
“I (38F) attended a concert tonight with 3 of my kids and husband. It’s a concert for young kids (maybe under 10), and it’s accepted that the kids dance in the aisles and let loose.
I bought tickets at the end of a row and front of a section, so we had a railing in front of us with a 4-5ft gap before the next set of seats.
A group made their way to the open seats in front of us, and a few of the kids were dancing in the gap. One of the mothers was videoing her daughter dancing, and I fully thought it was adorable.
But then the daughter started doing cartwheels and almost kicked a woman in front of her a few times. The mother kept recording her daughter, didn’t say a word. Then the girls started hanging on the railing in front of us, no big deal, but I was keeping an eye on it because my daughters (3 & 5) were right behind the railing.
The young girl who was doing the cartwheels (I would guess around 7) then put her back to us with her hands on the railing and started swinging underneath, hitting into my 5yo.
She did it about 3/4 times with no signs of stopping. At this point, her mother was no longer videoing or looking at her and had her back fully turned to us, facing the concert.
After the 5th time, I leaned over closer saying “Hon, can you please stop doing that? Thank you.”
Well the poor girl ran to her mom who immediately turned around with an attitude and said, “Don’t talk to her, I’m right here.
I would have told her to stop.” I said she’s done it 4 or 5 times hitting into my daughter, and you haven’t even looked at her. Then the mother asked if I touched her kid and I said absolutely not, but her kid was touching mine.
She again said I didn’t need to say anything to her daughter to which I responded, “watch your kid,” and left it.
I was proud of myself for standing up for my daughter who is inherently a kind soul, used to being a middle child, and has a hard time speaking up for herself as a 5yo.
I didn’t use any profanity (which is tough for my usual self!) and didn’t yell or make a scene. I was fully aware of my surroundings and tried to just move on.
The daughter cried on her mother’s shoulder for a while, and eventually the whole group got up and didn’t come back. I feel bad for the little girl. I have 5 kids, and I hate when any of them feel sad or embarrassed. But, I teach my kids to be aware of their surroundings and not infringe on anyone’s personal space.
They are my whole world, but they’re not the main characters in everyone else’s. Do they always listen? NO WAY! But I try my best to pay attention so I can correct them.
I feel lousy about the whole thing. I could have gotten her mother’s attention before I said anything, but she wasn’t even glancing behind her. I didn’t want to scream over the noise of the music and make it an even bigger deal. I also thought I wasn’t harsh in my words to the girl.
So AITJ for telling a little girl to stop hitting into my kid without talking to her mother first?”
9. AITJ For Wanting My Dad To Defend My Wife?
“My (30M) dad and our extended family were raised in a codependent way.
He and his siblings need to see each other at least 2x a week. When I was in high school, I was required to come with him even if I had an exam the next day or got off work late.
If I didn’t come with him, I got grounded.
Eventually, I moved to a different state for grad school and was the first one among my cousins to get married. My wife Amy (30F) and I have been together since we were 20.
She moved with me for grad school, and everyone was proud and happy. When Amy got into medical school, I had graduated and gladly moved with her.
My parents didn’t like that I didn’t move back home but were happy to have a future doctor as part of the family.
My dad’s eldest sister Sarah (matriarch of the family), however, sent my wife terrible messages about how a woman’s place is by her husband, not the other way around. Sarah told my wife to either get out of my life or be shunned from the family.
My mom and dad were apparently very heartbroken by this and became stressed. My cousins fully supported Sarah’s actions after seeing how stressed my parents became, because my dad is like a second father to them.
Maybe even the only father figure some of them have. They claimed my wife’s career was tearing apart the family, so they called other cousins, aunts, and uncles, and many either sent Amy mean messages or blocked her.
After a lot of confrontations, I went no contact with them outside of some holidays.
My parents never stood up for Amy. They just told her that people in the family are emotional. My dad loves his extended family and still supports them whenever possible.
A cousin gets fired for consuming tobacco on the job? He invites her to stay in my old room. He throws many birthday parties for them. The cousins always ask for financial and emotional help, because he is so giving.
One time at Christmas, I asked Sasha and my cousins why they insist on being so terrible to Amy. They said that no one had a problem with how they treat Amy, since my dad still treated them the same.
This week, Amy is starting her first week of residency and we are also pregnant! This was not planned and we’re both happy. Maybe we made the mistake of telling my parents, because one of my cousins is also pregnant and unblocked Amy just to text her that our baby will never be accepted and as loved as the others, because Amy chose medical school.
That was the last straw. I tried showing my dad the message, but he said he didn’t want to see it but that people are probably just emotional.
I asked him finally to choose between us and these extended family members who hurt us for no reason.
My mom said that was out of the question and that I am an ungrateful child for trying to control my parents’ decision-making. She now blames Amy for my sudden need for them to pick a side, and I feel like the jerk for inadvertently bringing more hate onto Amy during her first week of residency and early pregnancy.”
8. AITJ For Questioning About My Biological Father?
“Years ago when I (21f) was still in high school my maternal grandmother before passing away used to talk about an old partner of my mom’s. She talked about this dude like she was very fond of him.
For the sake of privacy, we’ll call him Mike. Mike and my mom were together when she used to live in her hometown in California for the longest time until she moved to Nevada and met my “dad”.
We’ll call him Reggie. Reggie and my mom were on and off for about a year after meeting and in between them being together my mom was with Mike.
My mom got pregnant pretty quick after being with my dad but soon after lost the baby and my parents broke up again and my mom started seeing Mike AGAIN.
Mike and my mom broke up and my parents got back together and soon after my mom got pregnant with me. From that point on I never questioned whether my dad was really my dad because I was never given a reason to believe otherwise until recently.
It was brought to my attention on this past FATHER’S DAY that Reggie may not be my dad due to what my sibling said to me about a fight my mom and her dad had after she kicked me out a few years ago that I had no knowledge of.
They were apparently fighting about me while Reggie was at work and my sibling was home who heard everything, at the end of the fight my grandfather yelled at my mom saying “if you don’t stop this and bring her back home I’m going to tell Reggie the truth!
I’m going to tell him that Isabella isn’t his.”
Since hearing about this I’ve done nothing but think and overthink. All those years of my maternal grandmother talking about Mike now feel like hints she left. I went to ask my mom about it after finding out just to clear things up and she started to act suspicious upon asking her, she got mad and said “how could you even ask such a thing, there’s no way you could be anyone else’s, besides that you’re mine, you’re my kid and I love you, that’s all that matters.” The rest of the night she acted really off to me.
Side note: when I was only a junior in high school I found a photo album that had nothing but a bunch of pictures of her and Mike together. When I asked her about the guy in the photos with her she snatched the album out of my hands and said “it’s none of your business, just an old partner.” And then hid the album.
I’ve never seen that album again.
She’s now mad at me for even questioning whether my dad is really my dad and I don’t know what to do.
If I brought this up to my dad it would break him and cause a lot of drama. There’s so much circumstantial evidence here that points to Mike being my real dad.
I looked him up and he has 2 kids that are roughly in their teens and I look like them. I barely even look like my other siblings. I’m not sure what to do.
AITJ for even bringing it up?”
7. AITJ For Buying Two Copies Of A Game?
“This all stems from an issue my partner has.
She has a problem when we are both playing the same game. It’s something that’s happened twice now. I’ll buy the game as something we can play and talk about together, then we start playing it but inevitably I beat it before her both because I’m generally better at video games than she is and also because she doesn’t have as much time to dedicate to it as I do.
But when I tell her that I’ve beaten the game she gets mad. She says that it’s my game now and that she doesn’t have the motivation to play it anymore and drops it, leaving me feeling bad for ruining it for her even if I don’t really understand why it ruins it.
When I’ve asked her why the response is conflicting to me. She says that I talk to much about what is happening while she’s playing, but at the same time she’ll often ask me for advice while she’s playing, even going so far as asking me to beat some tougher parts for her.
When i tell her that I’ll just be quiet then she says she likes talking to me about it and doesn’t want me to just be quiet. So I’m getting major mixed signals and not sure what to do so I just drop it and let her play games that I don’t have an interest in so it doesn’t come up.
This works pretty well actually because she mostly plays Pokemon and with the limited time to game she has that takes up all of her time. And I fell off of Pokemon (except for Arceus and that was one of the two games this has come up for) so she’s got it all to herself.
When were out shopping for something she saw a trailer for Sonic Frontiers on a TV and was excited when I told her it had been out for a while. Apparently she was real big into Sonic during the adventure games and we went straight to Game Stop to buy.
What she didn’t know is that I also really wanted to play that game, I just haven’t had the time to play it so I never bought it. I didn’t tell her that though, I pretended like I didn’t really care because I thought that if she knew I would play it and beat it before her she would lose interest again and I didn’t want to ruin it for her.
The deception didn’t last that long. I guess I knew a little too much about the game for someone who wasn’t interested in it and when she asked if I’ve been wanting it I came clean.
She got pretty mad about it. I tried my best to explain why and even told her I wouldn’t be touching it for a while since I just recently got tears of the kingdom to occupy me.
With as big a game as that is it should hopefully give her enough time to get a sizeable lead on Sonic before I start it, but that didn’t seem to really convince her.
I know that lying about my interest in the game is a little underhanded but I just wanted her to get the game she wanted and play it without this hang up she has about me being better than her at it stopping her.
Edit: I’m adding this in because a lot of ppl seem to be confused on this. I have clarified with her that it is not spoilers specifically that is making her upset.
I’m not giving away important plot details to her.”
6. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Out Of The Car?
“We live on a college campus in a suburban area of a notoriously rural state, and I grew up driving in a large city several states away.
I consider myself a very good driver, and ever since I’ve had my own car (recently) whenever I drive with other people I always refuse to drive until they’ve all buckled their seatbelts.
Overkill, maybe, but I had a friend who got into a really bad accident and I don’t want to take any chances.
So today, my friend group made plans to go to an event across town, and we decided that I and one other friend would drive everyone.
We split up so that three people went in each car. We were only about a mile down the road when my friend, who was sitting next to me, suddenly lunged forwards, pointed out the front window, and yelled, “Pedestrian!”
Of course, I reacted on instinct and immediately slammed the brakes. We skidded to a stop and I frantically looked around for a pedestrian. I swear my heart was in my throat.
I’ve almost never felt such immediate and severe panic.
But then my friend started laughing so hard he could barely speak, and when I asked where the pedestrian was, he just kept laughing.
I got really mad and started driving again because we were blocking traffic, but I yelled at my friend that it wasn’t funny, and why the hell would he think that was a smart thing to do?
He just said that I should have seen the look on my face, so I immediately pulled over to the side of the road and told him to get out. He didn’t want to at first, but I insisted and wouldn’t keep driving, so he said “Jesus, I’m sorry,” in a sarcastic tone and got out.
Then I drove away, still upset.
We got to the event just fine after that, and the other friend who’d been in the car with me told the other three what had happened. They were sympathetic, but also implied that I might have overreacted by kicking him out of the car, especially since he never showed up to the event.
The only friend who has outright told me I was right to kick my friend out of the car was the one who was in the car with us.
I do really feel guilty and like a jerk for kicking my friend out of the car, but I don’t really think I was overreacting.
The car directly behind us had to brake quickly to avoid hitting us, and I think we could have gotten in a really serious accident over this. What if I’d swerved and hit oncoming traffic or a light pole?
What if we’d been rear-ended? Also, it wasn’t like I was abandoning him on the side of the road. He had his phone, and it was easily only about a ten minute walk to where I’d picked everyone up, and the other car had stopped for gas and was a few minutes behind us on the road.
He could have called them and hitched a ride if he’d really wanted to. Do I need to apologize? I want him to realize that what he did was super dangerous and not cool at all.
I swear I’m still feeling aftershocks of panic. Am I the jerk?”
5. AITJ For Protecting My Dad's Farm?
“My dad was the youngest of 4 brothers. Earlier this year my dad decided to stop his cancer treatment and passed away.
There is only 1 brother still alive and his son Ricky thinks I am a jerk. It was myself (35f), my sister Hannah (31f), and Ricky who were bffs. Our Gma died and Ricky’s family broke up and he moved away.
Gma’s farm sat empty for 20 yrs. We still used it for family reunions. My family always stayed in the house because my parents played host. Also the other brothers did not really help with repairing the house.
Ricky’s dad is an individual who excessively drinks who has severely damaged the property several times. My dad was always the one to repair the place.
My dad bought out brothers to be the sole owner of the farm.
In order for Ricky’s dad to sell, my dad agreed to sign a first right of refusal stating that if he should ever sell or transfer the farm that Ricky was to be notified first. When dad got sick myself, husband and son moved to the farm so that we would work on fixing the place while he did chemo.
Plans changed when dad died. In his will he left the farm to Hannah and I. Hannah and I have agreed to keep it so we can continue family reunions. Hannah doesn’t want to live in the country so we agreed I will keep living here.
Ricky called to talk about my dad’s scattering of ashes which will be on the farm. Ricky asked how long I plan on living here. I said however long I need to.
Ricky asked if mom had inherited the farm since per state law where I am the spouse inherits unless otherwise stated. I said no, dad left the farm to us kids.
Ricky said “I don’t know if you know this but your dad signed a right of refusal. I have the right to buy back the farm before it is transferred to you.” The tone of his voice to me was condescending/threatening.
I told him that dad had told me, and that his paper is useless because my dad died and it doesn’t apply to inheritance. It says the heirs can choose to honor it if we so choose which Hannah and I will not.
He asked questions like when is the deed being recorded, who is dad’s attorney, when are taxes due, etc. I gave vague answers.
Later Hannah and I heard through family that he is upset and feels my dad tricked him.
His dad had to tell him it’s not an us vs them thing and I haven’t banned him from visiting the farm. I’ve just stepped up to take care of the place.
He has stopped talking to me and has tried to go around me to Hannah. Hannah also knows what he said to me and has seen online chats where he has stated that Hannah is the weakest link because she’s a former addict.
Hannah has been clean for 8 years now. Ricky has also said that I may live there but it’s HIS home. He’s never lived there. He lived next door until he was 14.
Some family members think I should keep the peace and make him part owner. Some family are on my side. But did I handle it wrong? I doubt myself because some people say I am.”
4. AITJ For Kissing My Friend's Ex?
“I’m a 22 M and I recently shared a romantic moment with a friend’s ex. My friend asked me if we had gotten together and I said yes we had kissed and he went off on me telling me a couple of things including the fact he lost all respect for me and to never talk to him again.
They were together for about 6-7 months and it was long distance. I recently graduated from college and went to school with her this last year so we spent a lot of time together.
Throughout this time I connected with her in a way I haven’t connected with many people and she’s grown to become one of, if not, the person that I feel most comfortable and happy with.
They split up about 3 months ago and I really tried to stay out of it since I felt like it was a heavy conflict of interest for me since they were both friends of mine.
They didn’t end well and haven’t spoken since. These past couple months we’ve been spending a lot of time together but I honestly never had a real interest in her or getting together with her up until a couple of days ago.
These past couple days we’ve been spending time watching movies together and we started getting closer physically which we had never done before, I started growing super comfortable with her in a way I hadn’t before.
It got to the point where it was so close so I just went for it and we spent some time kissing.
I hate imposing what I think on others but I find it so difficult that someone could get this agitated about this if they had been together for only half a year long distance.
I understand it more if it was a really long relationship but a couple of months seems like nothing to me. I personally do not care if my friends get together with an ex.
My friend feels things very intensely, which I clearly underestimated in hindsight. He told her he wanted to marry her when they split up, which I find so incredibly odd after being together for half a year long distance.
I also made sure it was really over between the two of them, not only through her words which affirmed that, but their actions as well. My friend has been back in town for a couple of weeks and has made no intent, even to talk with her at all while she’s been here as well which for me indicates he understands it’s over too.
I have no intention of writing off anything he feels and call it off as absurd because everyone operates differently. But in this situation I find it very difficult to understand why he feels the way he does and hence why the reaction.
I just want to talk to understand his point of view.
Now I’m in a bind because he’s one of the guys in my group of friends and this tension between us isn’t ideal. I told him that I understood what he had said and told him I was willing to talk whenever to which he didn’t respond.
I always try and be as open as possible in communicating things and this is one of those cases as well. I really feel like I’m just in a waiting game until he’s ready to talk.
AITJ?”
3. WIBTJ For Backing Out Of A Wedding?
“My sister and I (23F) have been friends with another pair of sisters for years.
Over the years, we have become closer with one of the sisters. The one we are closer to is Amber and the one we aren’t as close with is Kaitlin (23).
We don’t try to leave Kaitlin out; however, when the 4 of us are together, Kaitlin stops engaging in conversations and goes on her phone. It also doesn’t help that Kaitlin lives across the country from the 3 of us (her decision to move) and that the 3 of us have different interests than Kaitlin.
But we have never made her feel bad for anything she doesn’t agree with.
Kaitlin is not a great friend. She does not ask questions about our lives unless it’s about boys.
We know she asks us this because she wants to set us up with her fiancé’s friends so we will move to where she lives. All her questions have some kind of ulterior motive and not because she genuinely cares to know what is going on in our lives.
She is the type of friend to ditch you when she has a bf. And because of these things, she does not have many friends.
Kaitlin has been focused on getting married and having kids.
That is fine of course because everyone should do what will make them happy. But that is the last thing on my mind right now. However, she has said that she finds it weird that the 3 of us don’t want to get married yet.
Last week, she asked my sister and me to be bridesmaids in her wedding next year. We said yes because we care and support her.
However, yesterday Amber overheard Kaitlin saying to their mom how she is going to cut ties with my sister and me after the wedding.
It’s not that she wants to cut ties that bothers me so much because that is her right. However, I do have a problem with her using my sister and me for her wedding so she doesn’t look like she has no friends at her wedding.
She has no one else that she could bring into her bridal party.
My sister and I are angry about this because if she so badly wants to cut ties with us then she should do it now.
My sister and I do not drag her life down. She wants to cut ties because she doesn’t agree with how we are living our life. But why have people you don’t even like be a part of your bridal party?
I don’t really want to spend the time and money on someone who doesn’t even value me.
However, my problem with backing out of the wedding would be that we would leave Amber alone.
I don’t want her to regret telling us and I don’t want to let her down. But I do think that Kaitlin needs a bit of a wake up call.
She doesn’t respect people and only uses them for her benefit. It’s not okay and she needs to learn that. If she so badly doesn’t want us in her life, then I don’t think we should be in her wedding.
I’m torn between being there for Amber or respecting myself and giving Kaitlin a reality check. So WIBTJ if we backed out of the wedding and left Amber alone?”
2. AITJ For Surprising My Partner With Kittens?
“My (31F) BF (27M) and I have been together for about 5 years.
We’re long distance (about 3 hours apart). I have 5 cats, and he’s always LOVED my cats. He stays at my house when I’m out of town to take care of them.
He’s even agreed to adopt them if something ever happens to me.
Last year he got his own place, and he said he wanted to get a cat. We went to the cat cafe near his house several times, and he’d always fall in love with a kitten and say he wanted to adopt it.
But then he’d talk himself out of it and say he couldn’t afford the adoption fee, supplies, pet rent, etc.
About 6 months ago, a stray cat showed up at his home.
He coaxed it inside, took it to the vet, got it neutered, and paid the pet rent. He fully intended on keeping this cat. But after about a week, my BF called and told me that the cat had escaped. He said the cat rushed to the door when he was leaving and wouldn’t come back to him once he was outside.
Unfortunately, he never saw the cat again.
He had not mentioned getting another cat for a while, until recently he said that he wanted to adopt two kittens because they do better together.
He even asked me to contact one of my friends who breeds cats about whether she had any kittens available. I did contact her but she didn’t have any available.
So, I decided to look at my local shelter and found 2 super sweet kittens.
Brother and sister. They were already spayed and neutered and had their first vaccines. I bought all of their supplies, I took them to the vet, I drove them to his house, and surprised him when he came home from work that night.
He was shocked and anxious. I explained that they have everything they need for at least a month. All he has to do is love them, feed them, and scoop their litterbox.
I stayed for the weekend to help him adjust, and he wasn’t really bonding with them like I had hoped. Then, to make matters worse, the boy kitten peed in a pile of dirty clothes on the floor.
BF was furious and said if this continues, he would not be keeping the kittens. I asked him to keep the kittens for at least 3 weeks. If he still doesn’t want them at that time, I will come back and take them to my house.
Two days after I left, he called me and said the boy kitten had peed on his bed, even when the litterbox was nearby. And he said he wanted me to come get them this weekend.
He said that if he wanted a pet that he had to watch 24/7, he would have gotten a dog. I begged him to let me pick them up on the 30th when I get paid again.
And he agreed. But now he’s keeping them in the bathroom permanently, and I don’t know whether he’s giving them enough attention. Part of me wishes he’d keep them because I already have 5 cats, but I also worry they’re not getting properly socialized and loved. He’s making me feel like I completely misread his cues, and I feel like such a stupid jerk.”
1. AITJ For Getting Upset About Food Waste?
“I (33M) kind of started a fight with my partner (30F) over her wasting food.
She and I had very different upbringings when it came to food. Her family had the disposable income to eat out multiple times per month, and her family would cook large meals (enough to feed an army basically), and when the food entered “leftover territory,” the rule in their house was whoever gets to it first gets to it.
My family was much more money-minded, only eating out on special occasions and cooking just enough for one or two meals. Takeout was never shared, and if we had leftovers, it was equally distributed. Some would be surprised to learn this has caused a great deal of dispute in our marriage.
My partner does the majority of the cooking, and she likes to order take in a lot, as we both have demanding jobs. Over our 10 year relationship, she has learned to cook in much smaller helpings as much of it would spoil.
She’s not good about eating leftovers (the small of a lot of cold food makes her feel sick), so she tries to meal prep or cook just enough to cover 2 meals max as she knows letting food spoil irks me.
When we have leftovers, I always let her know when her portion is still in the fridge. Typically she tells me to have it if I want it. She has said before that if she were truly coming back for it, she’d write her name on it or tell me not to eat it as she was saving it for later, but to my recollection, she has never done that.
I always tell her that the leftovers are her’s so she can have them, and we go back and forth like that in several rounds.
The other night, we had leftover Chinese takeout (her leftovers, I ate mine).
She asked me what I wanted her to cook for dinner and I reminded her that she has her leftovers. She said “oh yeah, hand it here.” So I gave her the container and I watched her dump it straight into the trash without looking at it.
Wide-eyed, I asked her “what are you doing?” She proceeds to inform me that she has come up with a new system: if she tells me 3 times that I can eat her leftovers because she does not intend to come back for them, she will throw it out before it spoils.
Apparently that was the 4th time I reminded her about the leftovers so that triggered the disposal. I got quiet to process the fact that she made this decision without talking to me about it, and finally I said she could have told me she was going to throw it out, then I would have eaten it.
She firmly thinks that the statute of limitations expired as she told me 3 times I could have them, and she “could do with them what she sees fit.” I would have if I had known she’d toss them instead of conceding in eating them after understanding I truly didn’t mind her eating them herself.
I feel like she truly hasn’t listened to/disregarded my feelings/upbringing with food. I told her “do you” and haven’t really talked to her since. So, AITJ?”
If this has been going on for 10 years, assuming this comes up 4 times a week, that's 2080 times of him asking her if she wants to eat them, her saying no, & apparently most of those times, him not believing her. That is a LOT of annoyance! She didn't handle it in the most mature manner, but after that many times of being ignored & disbelieved, I guess she finally found a way to get him to listen! Hopefully he'll learn his lesson to actually LISTEN to her, so their communication can improve.
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