People Ask Us To Carefully Evaluate Their Equivocal "Am I The Jerk" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Paying Rent?
“I (F 21) live with my parents. I’m a full-time student and I do seasonal work during the holidays.
My parents don’t charge me rent and I understand that I’m quite privileged.
I have one sibling, my brother Curtis (M 28). He moved out 4 years ago and lives with his wife and two kids, ages 10 and 6.
Curtis and I recently had a big argument and I think he is being unreasonably hostile towards me and owes me an apology.
I ranted about this situation to a friend and she suggested I ask people on the internet.
The argument started because my parents brought up my living situation at dinner and mentioned that the house would feel empty when I moved out. Curtis said that he thinks that I am spoiled because they do not charge me rent and that he thinks it is unfair that they charged him rent when he lived under their roof but don’t charge me rent.
My dad told Curtis to stop it and that that was different: Curtis already had a kid when he was 18 and was working full-time, and also had his different women at the time living in the house.
After dinner, my mom, Curtis, and I were alone in the kitchen and he again brought it up.
He accused our mom of ‘coddling’ me and said that if I was his child, he’d charge me rent. My mom kept deliberately talking over him but Curtis kept bringing it up and raising his voice. I just left the room and he followed me a few minutes later.
He accused me of being the golden child and said he didn’t understand why our parents wouldn’t listen to him. I called him controlling and said that whether I pay rent to them is actually not his business and doesn’t affect his life. He started full-on screaming at me and said he’d NEVER be controlling towards his family and I was horrible to even say that.
Everyone else heard his screaming and his wife told him it was time for them to go home and they left.
I’m feeling quite lost in this situation and I’m wondering if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t really see the disparity.
He brought 3 people into the household when you were a minor. Your parents put a roof over his, his child and other adults’ heads. Of course, he should be contributing to the costs accumulated. It could be worded that he was rent-free, the rent was because there was a non-family member adult in the household.
And a child is expensive so he should be contributing to the extra costs of having a baby/toddler in the house. I doubt the rent he paid even covered their expenses, and he was happy to pay them at the time.” Unlikely-Shop5114
Another User Comments:
“It’s odd that they would charge him rent because he had a child that he needed to make money for. However, they were housing his child and also helping raise the child. He has a 10 and a 6-year-old and only just moved out 4 years ago.
So I do think it made sense to charge him rent. Being a full-time student who only has time to work seasonal jobs doesn’t really allow one to pay rent. He’s jealous that he made some irresponsible choices when he was younger and resents you for not, and inaccurately blaming you and dubbing you the ‘golden child’ for not putting yourself in the same circumstances as him.
To continue to raise his voice over your mom when your mom clearly didn’t want to talk about it anymore, following you out of the room to continue insulting you, and then SCREAMING contradictory insults at you? He’s really immature and has a lot of misplaced anger for someone who’s a father of two children and is a whole 7 years older than you.
He needs therapy and you’re NTJ.” Regular-Coast7158
24. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Inheritance With My Cousin?
“I (32 f) used to have this really cool Uncle ‘Bill.’ He and my aunt ‘Sarah’ (55 f) started going out when I was 3 and we just had this type of instant bond. I loved this guy and he spoiled me to pieces. It was a constant joke that the only reason he married my aunt was so I’d officially be his niece.
He was ecstatic when my aunt Sarah became pregnant because being a dad was something that he always wanted and adored my cousin ‘Julie’ (24 f) for the first few years of her life.
Then one day while Bill was out of town, I was sleeping over and in the middle of the night I woke up to use the bathroom and heard the backdoor slam (it had a very distinct sound).
I was curious and peeked out the window from the room that I was in that was overlooking the backyard. There was a man there talking to my aunt, laughing and hugging before we went away and the way that he left was not circling around to the front where the other cars would be going over the fence and I thought that was weird.
I went back to sleep and when I woke up Bill was back and without thinking I mentioned what I saw during breakfast. Sarah tried playing it off but she was weird about it. Unfortunately, that began an avalanche of mess and not only did it come out that Sarah was having an affair and Julie wasn’t his, but my mom and (maternal) grandparents knew and said nothing.
There was a divorce and while Bill let Sarah have the house he knew she couldn’t afford to maintain it, left the country (he had dual citizenship), and never tried to stay in contact with Julie. It was heartbreaking, I missed Bill and I was sad for my cousin so I became a target for her and Sarah’s anger.
In their mind, if I hadn’t said anything Bill would’ve stayed. I felt so guilty about it for years that I accepted their acts of wrath in silence but when Julie hacked my email to reject my offer of admission to my dream college and two scholarships, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
There was a huge blowout between my mom and Sarah we’ve all been in very low contact since.
Fast forward to 2020 and I happen to see Bill on social media and I shoot him a message. Ironically, I was surprised that he responded and he asked about my life.
We would talk for a while after that but never once brought up Julie or Sarah. Bill never married and found out he couldn’t have bio kids and I knew that was tough for him.
Unfortunately, Bill has passed away. I went to the funeral in secret just to pay my respects and then went back home.
I expected nothing so I was surprised when Bill’s lawyer called and told me that I was left an inheritance. I was surprised and so was Bill’s ex because she tracked me down on social media and put me on blast where all of my extended family could see and word got back to Sarah and Julie.
They think that I’m a witch and my grandparents want me to split it to keep the peace but I kinda don’t want to given how they treated me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sooo NTJ, firstly you were a child making innocuous statements about something you saw.
YOU were not the one being dishonest and lying to your partner about the parentage of your child. On top of it, your aunt and cousin have been downright horrible to you, they deserve no redemption.
Your cousin could’ve still been the innocent collateral damage if she hadn’t partaken in the harassment inflicted on you AND MESSED WITH YOUR COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE AND SCHOLARSHIP!
(OP, I’m very livid for you).
You’re obviously a very nice person to even feel guilty about getting the inheritance instead of your aunt (who was horrible to you and Uncle Bill) and cousin (who was horrible to you). I definitely wouldn’t have.
Think of it this way, I’m sure Uncle Bill was grateful to you for pointing that out and saving him from a lie and sham of a marriage.
It’s not the wildest thought that he left his inheritance to you, a child he was fond of, who reached out to him later as well and saved him from a terrible person her and her family’s (coz your grandparents knew) web of lies. Enjoy the inheritance, you DEFINITELY deserve it after all you’ve been through.” ConfusedThunderstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not split that inheritance. To do so would dishonor Bill’s wishes, he was the only one with a right to decide where the inheritance went. Not your grandparents, not your aunt, not your cousin, not his ex. Giving any of it to your aunt and cousin would be completely against your best interests.
Not to mention an insult to Bill, as your aunt betrayed him in arguably one of the worst ways possible. These people are bullies who blame you for an adult’s inappropriate choices, as well as attempt to sabotage your future. They are not deserving of your good fortune or your consideration.
You need to stand up for yourself, and you need to not allow people like them to have power over you. You have nothing to feel guilty for, and it is not your responsibility to ‘keep the peace’. Your grandparents are out of line and need to teach their grown daughter accountability.” SummerOracle
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Mother's New Family?
“My mom (52 f) had an affair 7 years ago. My father (54 m) was devastated and they divorced and mom went and lived with her affair partner and got pregnant. My father was a broken man. He is a sweet and great guy but he is sensitive.
Before he was always happy, and bubbly and he was a wonderful and joyful man but after he became so depressed. He tried so hard to hide it from me but I could still hear him cry at night and he stopped his hobbies he was severely depressed. It took him years of work to get through the betrayal and he is finally doing better.
Well after the divorce I (21 m) decided to live with my father. We were closer than me and my mom and I were just so angry with my mother for hurting someone I care about so deeply so much. Her choosing to go stay with her affair partner and have his baby I felt was her not owning up to her ‘mistake’, it was like a continuous insult.
I had no contact after she had her baby and did not speak to her for 4 years but she continuously tried to get in contact with me.
After 4 years I started seeing my mother again, we usually go and eat at a restaurant, on the terms I never had to hear anything about her new family and that worked. But recently she has started to bring up her family and especially me meeting her affair child, cuz apparently he has been asking for me.
I shut that down quickly with my mother and told her I would go no contact if I tried to push it. Well, now my maternal grandparents are telling me I should reconsider. I even got a call from my mom’s affair partner, but I hung up on him after some well-chosen words from my side.
Now I have no desire to meet either the affair baby or affair partner and if I did I think it would look like I support that relationship and that child’s existence, which I don’t. My terms were clear when I started contact with my mother again and honestly this is a hill I am willing to die on.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set up boundaries and she crossed them. She even gave your number to her affair partner and sent her flying monkeys to bully you into having a relationship with your mother’s new family. She tried using her affair baby to guilt you into changing your mind.
You are an adult and you have the right to choose who you want in your life. If I were you, I would just cut contact because it’s obvious your mother doesn’t get how much her actions have hurt you (then and now).” Any-Rip-8105
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this child is asking for you, it’s because the child has been told about you, and told stuff that would make them think you’re supposed to be in their life. If you end up interacting with your mom again over this (not that you should, but I know she’s trying to force you into talking about it, so if it happens) I’d recommend cautioning her strongly that she’d better stop telling that kid anything about you ever, because she’s setting them up for a lifetime of disappointment, because you are never going to meet them.
Would she rather her kid grow up always hoping for a cool big brother who never materializes, or knowing that their mom had another kid once with someone else but that person is now out of the kid’s personal picture, that they (sounds like the kid is 4, so in 4-year-old-appropriate language) ‘went away’?
Because option B doesn’t hurt, it’s just one of those facts of life kids grow up with, and it’s fully at her disposal instead of tormenting the kid with her illusions about how you’re going to play along with her scenario.
If you did meet the kid it wouldn’t even be good for the kid.
Your feelings are real and valid and not going away, and kids pick up on that crap. You’d just find yourself embroiled in an endless toxic round of your mom trying to make you pretend you just looove the kid while the kid develops a whole anxious complex around you because your discomfort around the whole thing fills the room.
No way, man. And that’s just taking the whole thing from the point of view of what’s good for the kid! Let alone what’s good for you and your dad, which is of course ALSO to hold your ground. NTJ.” Crooked-Bird-0
22. AITJ For Calling My Sister Lazy?
“I (40 m) was on the phone with my sister (35 f).
I’m childfree by choice she had two daughters (12 f and 4 f).
She was venting to me about how playdates were getting to be a ‘pain in the butt’ because the 4-year-old wants ‘in’ on big sister’s playdates, and she can’t stand the ‘whining and crying’ that ensues when the 4-year-old doesn’t get to ‘play’ with them.
Obviously, big sister understandably wants time alone with her friends, my sister thinks her older daughter and her friends getting a ‘break during little sister’s nap time’ is enough and she should let her play with them the rest of the time, because she feels she ‘shouldn’t have to referee.’
She told me she informed her eldest that playdates are banned until she and her sister can ‘work it out’ because she’s ‘sick of the fighting’ and ‘she’s older and shouldn’t be arguing with a 4-year-old.’
I told her this ‘solution’ is leaving her at the mercy of a 4-year-old, because a 4-year-old can’t ‘reason’ and is unable to see past their own wants, so the 12-year-old solution is to give little sister her way or not see her friends and that’s bull crap and I told her so.
I said, ‘A playdate is supposed to be an experience for your child, not a break for the parent.’ And called her lazy and that it’s her job as the parent to teach her 4-year-old boundaries, not her 12-year-old to ‘work it out.’
She said I don’t know what I’m talking about because ‘I’m not a parent’ and I shouldn’t ‘judge’ her.
AITJ because I’m a clueless child-free man? Is there something I’m missing here? I know she’s overwhelmed but I feel this is more her job than her 12-year-old’s.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as a 12-year-old’s interests are very different from a 4-year-old’s, and she wouldn’t want to play with her sister all of the time. Plus, in front of her friends she would want to be the cool kid, and playing with a 4-year-old is not cool for preteens.
Also, banning the hangouts/playdates will only hurt her social circles in the long run as her friends drift away from her as she can’t do things with them, and she becomes more isolated from her peers outside of school. It seems like your sister just wants to wash her hands of the whole thing rather than actually parent them in this issue.” Sunflower-and-Dream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I think you as a child-free man have more clues about parenting than the actual parent. Your sister needs to understand that an 8-year age gap isn’t really that close and no way is it acceptable to punish the 12-year-old for not being a free babysitter for her 4-year-old sister.
Sounds like your sister needs to grow up instead of forcing her eldest to not socialize.
Also, her friends don’t wanna play babysitter. This will only make the eldest resent the younger sister… and the mom as well.
Your sister is, in fact, a lazy parent.
If she desperately needs a break, she can hire a babysitter or ask some other family member for help instead of dumping her responsibilities on her tween daughter. I hope she comes to her senses before it is too late to correct her mistakes.” Boring-Cut7636
21. AITJ For Calling My Father A Failure Of A Parent?
“I (18 M) received £1000 from a trust fund which is a long-term savings account, my mum invests money into it and it increases over time and I’m able to access it when I’m 18, my father (who is awful at managing money) gained knowledge of this and asked for £600.
Reluctant at first, I said fine, you don’t have to pay me back, just pay for my driving lessons (which are around about lessons) so he paid for the majority of my lessons. With the rest of my money, I bought Spider-Man 2 and PS5.
Now back to the present, my father couldn’t afford to pay £30 for my driving lesson to my instructor and he asked me to pay but I had no money to pay for the lesson (I’m a broke university student).
He scolded me for having no money in my account when he took 60% of my money. He then proceeded to complain to my mum that I had no money in my account and, by the way, my mum had no idea that he borrowed £600 from me.
My mum assumed that I wasted my money and started shouting at me.
Now here’s where I may be the jerk, I told my mum that father took £600 from me for whatever reason and we had an agreement where he didn’t have to pay me back as long as he paid for driving lessons and I called my dad a failure of a parent for relying on a broke teenager with no stable income for money and a beggar so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ. Yes, spending your entire remaining 400 on a PS5 and Spiderman as a broke uni student may not have been the most financially wise choice. Yes, it would have been better to keep the money you need for driving lessons and just give him the leftovers, I don’t know how expensive driving school is where you are.
And yes, it would have been even better to give him nothing, considering how financially irresponsible he is. However, the sheer AUDACITY of your dad to yell at you for having no money when he, as a grown adult, is ALSO broke, even after he TOOK 60% of your money!
If he continues to rag on you for this, tell him you learned all your financial planning skills from him. And next time if he asks you for money, don’t give him a cent. Or at the very least if you are going to give him money, insist he give you an itemized list of where he plans to use every dollar plus the receipts after purchase and/or access to his bank account transaction history.
Or you could give it as a loan and tell him you charge 20% interest every week. You’ll probably never get it back, but at least you’ll have something to snipe back at him during arguments.” Trying_My_Best_26
Another User Comments:
“In the first half, I was leaning towards YTJ until you got to the part where he completely threw you under the bus, and allowed your mom to join in at yelling at you for not having money – money you would have had if he didn’t borrow it from you.
Back a person in a corner and their only option left is to lash out.
NTJ. And it was fair to lend the money the first time but now you know you can’t trust him in the future. Also, I would still pressure him for the rest of the money he owes you.” More-Diet3566
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Dad for borrowing from OP and not holding up their end Mom for jumping to conclusions and not getting all of the details OP for claiming to be a ‘broke teenager’ when they had money and spent it carelessly OP please invest some of your time on learning financial literacy.
Work on setting up an emergency fund, and start investing for retirement now – yes now! Time is on your side, so much compound growth potential for you right now. From there, set up a spending plan where you continue to save/invest, cover your needs (food, shelter, transportation), and your wants all while not becoming broke.” LordNoWhere
20. AITJ For Refusing To Join My Parents' Trip Because Of Their Unreasonable Rules?
“I’ve been in a committed relationship with my partner Kevin (27 m) since my senior of college. My parents and the rest of my family LOVE HIM TO DEATH, and my parents have lovingly threatened me that if I ever let him go I’m going to be disowned. So I say all that to say that my parents love and trust him, sounds good, right?
WRONG. My parents harbor the delusion that I, and by extension, Kevin, am 15 years old and need constant supervision from my nonexistent teenage hormones and bad decisions. What do I mean? No PDA in front of them, most we can do is handholding, we couldn’t even kiss at New Year’s for Pete’s sake.
And of course, no sleeping together while staying with my parents, even though we’ve been living together for four years.
My parents have a friend who is going to let them use their lakehouse over the long Fourth of July weekend and the whole family was invited. Here’s where things went down.
Parents called me up and explained that my sister and her husband would be in one room, my parents in the other, and me and Kevin would be sleeping with their kids in the other two respectively. I just about lost my mind. I told them that we were nearly 30 and they wanted us to sleep with preteens and big kids?
They said, that under no circumstances are we allowed to sleep together. I said fine, we’ll just rent an Airbnb in the area or a hotel. They said to not be childish and to accept the arrangements. From there it was an argument that devolved into them not respecting our relationship and treating us like adults.
They said if we don’t like it, then we don’t have to come. I said fine, then we weren’t. They again said that I was being childish and selfish and to think of Kevin and his wants. I said not to mention him since they insisted on treating him like an untrustworthy, teenager.
Now here’s where I may really be the jerk, I said ‘Kevin and I will take our own trip where people will treat us like adults and we can sleep together in a big bed all day’. My parents said I was disgusting and just hung up the phone.
I knew it was kinda a messed up thing to say, but I was so frustrated. I told Kevin about what happened later that evening and he said that I handled it completely wrong. He didn’t stop me from standing up for our relationship, but he said I didn’t have to go so far.
He said the sleeping accommodations were annoying, but he could have sucked it up for a free trip. And that I didn’t consult him about what he wanted to do. I agreed to that, but I said I didn’t feel bad because I was fed up with my parents’ nonsense.
It’s been a few days now and there is no word from parents. My sister who dealt with the same issues says she found the whole situation hilarious. But I’m starting to feel bad about how I handled the situation, not really what I said, and maybe costing Kevin a chance to go on the trip.
So, AITJ for how I responded to my parents?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled the situation absolutely correctly. Your parents don’t respect your relationship, and honestly don’t seem to have a lot of respect for you or Kevin, in spite of ‘loving him to death’.
They needed a proverbial bucket of water to the face, and some crude language can accomplish that. It could’ve been worse. Instead of sleeping together in a big bed, you could’ve described all the lewd acts that would be happening in said big bed. That would’ve definitely lit their hair on fire.
Anyway, you’re better off taking your own trip or doing your own thing. Spending an extended vacation basically babysitting everyone else’s kids would suck. And that is bound to happen since you’ll be the ones spending nights in the kids’ rooms.
By the way, you need to sit Kevin down and set him straight, cause there is more going on here than just a crappy sleeping situation.
He needs to be willing to stand up for your relationship just as much as you. If he always caves to the crappy conditions imposed by your parents, then how is it ever going to improve? Your sister is right. The whole thing is hilarious.
So you should join her in laughing about it and stop feeling bad.” thedavidjw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kevin sounds like he likes being infantilized in exchange for free stuff from your parent, though, and that’s really unattractive, Your parents are controlling and they are always going to try controlling you as long as you let them.
If you and Kevin marry, they will want to control your wedding, If you have kids, they will criticize your parenting and butt into everything constantly. You have to train them now.” Slight_Citron_7064
19. AITJ For Not Wearing The Wedding Dress My Stepsister Made For Me?
“I (25 F) got married two weeks ago. My now-husband (27 M) and I paid for most of the wedding, but my father covered a few costs for us.
My father’s partner ‘Stella’ has a daughter, ‘Zoey’ (21 F), who is finishing her degree in fashion.
She wants to get into the wedding dress industry once she graduates. When I started planning my wedding, she offered to design and make my dress.
I was hesitant at first, as I’d been excited about picking out my own dress. I agreed because I didn’t know Zoey well (my father had only been with her mother for two years) and I thought this could be a nice opportunity to bond.
Also, I’d seen some of her work (she’d made a couple of ball gowns in college), and she seemed honestly good.
We met up a few times to discuss our ideas. During those, I realized our styles were drastically different, but we still managed to agree on a design.
I gave Zoey my measurements and asked her to update me.
She didn’t. Whenever I asked her how she was doing, she’d say she would send me progress pictures when she got home (she never did). It took her longer than expected to finish it, and I didn’t get the dress until a month before my wedding.
It looked nothing like the design we’d agreed on. It was the wrong color, the wrong style, everything. It looked exactly like the type of dress Zoey would want to wear, but I knew I’d never wear anything like it. I really did not like that dress.
When I tried it on, I found out it was also about 3 sizes too big. Though I knew I could probably have it altered, I truly did not want to wear that dress on my wedding day.
I called Zoey and told her I wouldn’t wear the dress.
I said it looked lovely, but not the style we’d agreed on, and I thought it would be best for me to find a different dress. I offered to pay her for her work (she’d made the dress for free), but she declined and hung up on me.
I went to a retail bridal store with my maid of honor, and we found a beautiful gown that didn’t need much altering. It looked exactly like what I wanted.
Fast forward to my wedding, I walked down the aisle in the dress I bought.
Zoey seemed to be on the verge of tears during the ceremony, and Stella gave me dirty looks throughout the reception. When I approached them a while later, they were both short with me. My father, Stella, and Zoey left less than an hour into the reception.
My father and Stella called me the next day and told me off for how I’d treated Zoey. This had been her first time making a wedding dress and had been excited to see me wearing it. They said it was insulting of me to not wear the dress she’d put so much effort into.
I tried to explain why I hadn’t worn the dress, but they were both insisting the dress was beautiful and I could have sucked it up.
My husband and my younger sister (not Zoey) are on my side. I’ve been feeling guilty about this since I decided not to wear the dress.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Zoey disrespected you by ignoring your wants. As a designer, she needs to listen to her clients. Plus her making the dress way too big means she isn’t that great at it. Give the dress back to Zoey, and let her know that you appreciated the effort, but this was not the dress you wanted and the two of you agreed to.
That you are sure she will find someone to appreciate the dress.
As for her mom and your dad. Let them know that Zoey needs to listen to her clients. And that though you appreciate Zoey’s efforts, it was not what you wanted and that as a client you don’t need to suck it up.
And that they should have learned to accept that people have a right to make their own choices. Especially regarding wedding dresses. Honestly wondering if Zoey did this on purpose to get attention during your wedding.” Popular-Jaguar-3803
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Zoey created a dress that was not what you had asked for or agreed to.
The fact she also never sent you photos after you requested them to ensure the dress was what you wanted is her own fault. The fact your father isn’t listening to you, his own daughter, makes him a jerk along with Zoey and Stella.
If you have any proof of what you had requested (text messages, written requests, or markups of what you and Zoey and done together) I would make a group chat with them and present the facts and tell them that you are upset with how they treated you for getting the dress you wanted when Zoey made a completely different design and tried to act like a victim.
Also, I would have a separate conversation with your father and tell him that you don’t appreciate him not sticking up for you and believing what you said. Especially because he called you the day after your wedding to start drama when you should’ve been enjoying your new marriage.” RelativeDear1044
18. AITJ For Refusing To Drop My Kids Out Of Private School To Give Money To My Parents?
“My (34 M) parents (59, 61) live a gluttonous lifestyle. They are both morbidly obese and have been for years.
They know how unhealthy it is as their doctor has been telling them they need to lose weight since I was a kid. They don’t care. In their words, they’d rather live a happy life than a long life. I tried to convince them to change their habits or to at least quit drinking soda instead of water but gave up a long time ago.
They both have countless health problems caused by their lifestyle and both have disability but it’s not a lot of money. My father finds it hard to work full time and my mom needs both her knees replaced. They don’t have anything saved up and won’t get retirement money from the government until they’re 65.
They are asking me for a monthly allowance. I said no, I don’t have that kind of money to spare. They don’t believe it because my kids (3, 7) go to a private daycare and school. Public daycares are ok here and cost 5x less and public schools are free.
The extra amount we pay for private education would be enough to support my parents. They think I should pull my kids out of their private schools and help them with the money instead.
I refused to do that and told them my kids love their schools.
Why should they suffer because of how my parents chose to live their lives? We could downsize elsewhere but I feel it would not be right for my wife. It would be her money going to my parents too.
I tried to explain that we couldn’t afford to support them calmly and politely but they kept shaming and guilt-tripping me.
They raised me so I owe them. I lost my cool and asked if they really thought they deserved it. Reminded them they fed me frozen pizza, dough boiled in lard, and potato chips. I was the fattest kid in class and was bullied relentlessly.
And it’s not that they don’t know, they both have university degrees and there are no food deserts here. They simply don’t care. I admit I do have a lot of resentment built up throughout the years. I despise their lifestyle. It ruined my childhood and now they want to take money from my kids.
However, they are my parents. While I do think they made their beds, it is also true that they will be facing poverty very soon if I don’t step in. But they will not change their ways if I do. Sometimes I feel like a jerk for refusing to help them.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“Did their parents subsidize them? I doubt it. You are doing what a good parent does. You are providing the best you can for your children. Please, do not feel guilty. Keep your money in your house. If you need to, see a counselor regarding the guilt you are feeling.
Remind your parents that the word no is a complete sentence. The second you start listing your reasons you invite a discussion. You don’t want that. A long discussion, or even a short one, will just trigger your guilt. I hope your children continue to enjoy their school.
NTJ. You are a good spouse and parent.” BoomerBaby1955
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please do not give in to their tactics. Your kids should not have to suffer because they led a lifestyle that they could not afford. Maybe if they become homeless, they will finally change their behavior but either way, it is not your concern.
When they start with the guilt trip for raising you, say that they chose to have kids but you didn’t get to choose them as parents so now you are even.” ERVetSurgeon
17. AITJ For Being Completely Honest In Therapy?
“I (16 m) live with my dad, my younger brother (13 m), and sister (12 f), and my dad’s wife Gwen and her kids (7 f and 5 m). My dad and Gwen got married 2 years ago.
They had known each other/were going out for a year prior to that. My mom died 7 years ago. Gwen’s ex took off when she was pregnant with her son and neither kid knows him or has memories of him.
Gwen’s kids are not my siblings.
I do not love them or feel the same big brother protectiveness. My relationship with them is very different than the one with my actual siblings. When we were younger I used to let them crawl into my bed if they had a nightmare and dad was working nights and we had a babysitter.
I would still let them sleep on the floor of my room if they wanted to for some reason. My brother did it once in the last year because he was being bullied at school. I hug my siblings and I will ruffle their hair and stuff.
But I don’t do those things with my stepsiblings and I wouldn’t be comfortable with physical affection toward them. I speak to them. I won’t leave the room or refuse to let them join me if I’m watching something. But I’m not going to cuddle them on the couch (which they have asked) and I don’t play with them in my spare time.
The kids have felt less loved because of this so my dad and Gwen wanted the three of us to talk things through in therapy. They said I have four siblings now and not just two and all four should be treated the same. I told them it wasn’t going to happen because I don’t love my stepsiblings or feel comfortable being that close to them or showing them affection.
I said I would be nice, I wouldn’t ignore them or be mean to them. But my relationship with my actual siblings is always going to be different from whatever develops between us in the future. Gwen snapped that I should say siblings for all four instead of saying stepsiblings.
I told her they are siblings and I don’t think I’ll ever think of them as actual siblings. She asked what about her and where she fits in. I said she’s my dad’s wife. Then she was like ‘So I won’t be mentioned as your parent when you graduate’ and I said no.
The conversation turned to Gwen not wanting her kids around such different treatment and discussions of whether I should leave. The therapist was like woah, stop talking like that, but they ignored the therapist and continued to discuss this in therapy, in front of us.
When the therapist told them we should be figuring out ways to live together with less hurt feelings, and she mentioned talking to Gwen’s kids, Gwen said she didn’t want me in the house and Dad said he understood. So I said dad could send me somewhere else if he wants and I won’t fight that.
Dad was mad that I would prefer him to send me away than embrace Gwen and the kids as my real family. He told me it’s not what mom would have wanted and she would be ashamed of me. I pointed out mom never had a close relationship with her step-relatives either and saw them differently from her real family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are in therapy, which is the place for brutal honesty. You can’t force love, and there was nothing wrong with your family dynamics, you were nice and treated them well. Your dad is a huge jerk for being able to think it’s ok to send his child away because his new wife is upset that you don’t want to pretend they aren’t your step-family.
Your mom would be horrified to see her child treated like that by his dad. It’s sick. I’m so sorry your life is in this turmoil because some woman has come in and turned it upside down. The one person who should have had your back has let you down.
Never stop being a great older sibling and your brutally honest self! If you have any other family out there reach out, and ask for help. I wish you all the best.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s therapy so of course it’s going to be brutally honest. Your feelings are 100% valid.
Your dad can’t force you to accept Gwen as your new mom or to accept your step-siblings as new siblings. It’s pretty crappy that he’s taking Gwen’s side instead of trying to understand how you feel. And it’s pretty trashy what he said about your mom.
He’s your dad and he let you down. And Gwen is so immature for what she’s doing instead. She’s the adult here. She should know she can’t just force you to accept her. While I do think you should think about being more open-minded to a relationship with your step-siblings, but that’s entirely up to you and it sounds like Gwen may have ruined that.” Jaded_Impression_318
It would be better to plan family outings, that everyone can enjoy. Let the kids learn about each other. Let a relationship build slowly.
16. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Falling Asleep While Babysitting My Newborn?
“My wife and I have a 1-month-old baby, but neither of our families are close by. Mine lives overseas, and my dad is sick with ALS – I’m planning a visit to see them as soon as it’s safe for my daughter at around 3 months.
It’s my mom’s first grandkid and she was super excited to come help. That said my mom can be a lot, not a malicious bone in her body, but she is crazy scattered and unintentionally super bossy and opinionated. My wife is very anxious and has a lot of personality and culture conflicts with her, but has developed an acceptable routine (she has kind of had to, we go to visit for a month at a time with my dad).
My mom insisted on coming to help us for a few weeks, and after some fraught negotiation, we agreed to two weeks once my daughter was 3 weeks old and that she would stay with us in our 2-bed apartment. The first week has been pretty stressful – lots of unasked-for advice, arguments over how cold the baby is, and general scatterbrained encroachment in our space.
But honestly, it’s been about what we expected until this morning.
I needed to take my wife to a PT appointment, and it was the first time we were going to leave my daughter alone with her, and we’ve been a bit anxious about it.
My mom has been taking the morning feeds and this morning I saw her asleep holding the baby – I sat and watched for a while to be sure, afraid to wake my mom and have her startle and potentially drop my daughter. Eventually, I got it, and woke her with my catching her – but it wasn’t a great start to the day.
When we finally headed out, my wife forgot her script at home – so I tried texting and calling my mom on both of her phones to no answer. About 30 mins go by, and we’re both freaking out because we can’t get in touch with her, so I finally head home while my wife is still at her appointment.
I send some pointed texts while I’m on my way home, explaining that this is causing anxiety and that if I am going to leave her with the baby she needs to be accessible. When I get home, she is visibly annoyed that I came home early and huffy so I let her have it.
I tried not to raise my voice for the kid, but I told her that even if she thinks we are overreacting it’s not her place and that she needs to understand how it makes us feel. I let her know between this and her falling asleep that it makes it very hard for me to trust her, and that the constant arguments and criticisms make it very hard to have her here.
I don’t think I was rude but I wasn’t kind.
So I know we’re new parents, tired and anxious, and we’re likely overreacting, so hence the question. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your primary role as a parent is to protect your child and that is exactly what you are doing.
Your mom made a huge error in falling asleep while holding your baby. She should be apologizing and doing her utmost to prove she is worthy of taking care of the baby. Instead, she was visibly annoyed that you came home early after missing calls and texts.
Discussing the situation is appropriate. Are you sure you were unkind or is it possible that it was simply an uncomfortable conversation? Either way, NTJ! Congratulations on your new baby!” Pleasant_Test_6088
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for allowing your mother to bring unnecessary rude behavior and not respecting boundaries.
I get it she’s your mom, but the unreasonable amount of stress that she’s bringing during this time to you guys as first-time parents is not acceptable. I don’t understand how you’re in no contact with her. If my husband just let their mother do this, I honestly wouldn’t have the words to entertain this.
Good luck to you though because you’re gonna need it since you have no backbone to speak up.” brazenback
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a tale as old as time. Most families need to reinforce boundaries once babies come into the picture. Grandparents always get insulted—they feel as if their own parenting styles are not good enough.
It reminds them of their shortcomings. Remind her she is a good mother and times are different now. Now that we know better, we do better. She’s a wonderful grandmother and you’re lucky to have her around. Tell her all that then give feedback.
It’s a tough transition but most families adapt.” Talking_on_the_radio
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Room To My Sister?
“I (17 F) will be graduating high school to go to university next year (class of 2025). Basically, my sister ‘Abby’ is 12 years old.
She used to always complain that her room was too small, but lately, she’s been personalizing it and is happier with her space. We’ve always joked as a family that she will get my room once I go to university, but lately, they’re getting serious about it.
For reference, her room is about 3/4 of the size of mine. It’s objectively smaller, but she has a good amount of space and a lot of storage. My parents told me she would probably get my room once I went off to university since she’d been asking for it.
I didn’t think they were serious, but they said it’s unfair for her since I will be out of the house and she’s soon to be a teenager and needs more space.
I’m really trying to be mature and not petty about this, but I feel like this is really unfair.
First of all, it’s not like I’ll be totally gone. I intend to still live in my house over the summer break since I won’t have an apartment, and that’s like 4 to 5 months out of the year. I’ll also be staying home for the Christmas holiday and the occasional weekend and things like that.
It’s not that her room sucks and I don’t want to live there, but I’ve lived in my room for 15 years and it feels completely like my safe space.
It just feels like I’m being pushed out, which I find hurtful and honestly kind of stupid, this is still my home even if I will be living elsewhere for school for half the year.
In the future, when I get my own apartment instead of a dorm, obviously I will reconsider, but am I wrong in thinking this is unfair right now? I know I should talk it out with them, but I want to know what the general opinion is to get my thoughts straight.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Remember when you were kids and your sister would ignore a toy but the SECOND you touched anything she would immediately cry for it? That’s kind of what you’re doing. Sure you’re not ignoring your room now, but 4-5 months is still less than half the year, and your sister still needs to be there the whole year.
You can’t expect your family to just put an empty room on ice while you go away to uni. You are beginning a new chapter of your life. One that doesn’t involve living full-time in your parents’ home. Why were you given the larger room?
I’m guessing it’s because you’re older. Your sister needs to live with your parents until it’s time for her to leave the nest. Let go.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“You will be there MAYBE 4 to 5 months out of the year. Abby will be there 12 months out of the year.
So, for over half a year you want your room to remain vacant and unusable – dead space to the rest of the household, filled with the stuff that you objectively do not need otherwise you would take it with you. Objectively, you are being selfish and unreasonable.
YTJ.
It is hard to say goodbye to your childhood, and you may be afraid of the unknowns of college, but you are moving on. Your new safe space will be your dorm rooms. You are not being pushed out, you are moving out. Unless you pay rent or own the house outright, you have no right to insist. Take some time to sort through your belongings, sort them into Take-Trash-Storage, give the room a once-over with a duster, say Thank you to your parents for the room, and start looking forward.” Ma-Hu
14. AITJ For How I Reacted When I Found Out About My Parents' Divorce?
“I (16 f) am an only child, it has been no secret that my mom and dad hate each other. I don’t think a week has gone by without them having screaming matches, and someone driving off in their car, you get the gist of it.
This has been kind of hurtful to me, they have never done anything to me, but they have always dumped their feelings about each other on me, I have always heard everything and yeah, no kid wants that.
They have been talking about getting a divorce in almost every argument since I can remember, like I think that is one of their most used words ever.
I have always hoped they would divorce, I love my parents I do but they also deserve a partner who loves them. So last night while we were having dinner they told me they had some bad news and told me to please not get upset, that they have tried everything, and so on.
They then broke the news that they were going to divorce each other, I just said ‘Oh okay’ and continued eating. They both started to cry and told me that I was insensitive, that I must have no feelings because who does not react to their parent’s divorce and more stuff?
They have been mad at me since because of my reaction, and when I talked to my friend she told me that it was really bad of me to react like that even though I was happy about the news.
Maybe I was a jerk for not reacting more but I mean I can’t really force tears for something for news I have waited my whole life on hearing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They exposed you to things they shouldn’t have repeatedly and their selfishness and desensitization and not protecting you from their dysfunctional conflict has resulted in you already finding this outcome normalized. If anything, they should accept it even if you celebrate their divorce as exposing children to this is abusive.
As adults, they have a responsibility to not be self-indulgent with their tempers and conflict when it comes to exposing children to it. It changes who children are and sets them up for life in one way or another unless they’re self-aware enough to know better or seek therapy.” PicklesIsACat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents have had screaming matches in which they are saying we should get divorced in front of you. You said that they basically hate each other. So when they finally pull the plug on their marriage they get upset that you’re not broken up over their marriage being over.
When their actions have essentially desensitized you to the idea of them getting divorced. You should be proud of yourself for how you handled this news.” Valuable-Job-7956
13. AITJ For Showing Up At My Father's Funeral?
“My (37 M) father (57 M) abandoned me and my 2 siblings at a young age, leaving us at the mercy of our abusive mother. He later married my stepmother (52 F) and had a do-over family. I kept contact with him after becoming an adult, mostly to keep tabs on my 2 new half-siblings.
My stepmother reached out to inform me that he had died from a stroke and they did not want me to attend the funeral because it was for ‘their family.’ She told me that she would call the police if I came. I responded that he was also MY father whether or not I was a part of ‘their family.’
I’ve had a chip on my shoulder my entire adult life for having to carry the weight of his decisions, so I admit I was not very level-headed with my decision-making. All I wanted was closure, and she has the audacity to even attempt to deny me that.
My last surviving sibling and I attended his funeral anyway, planning to give a speech in front of ‘their family’ about the original family he abandoned and the horrors he left us too. I also contacted a lawyer about contesting his will.
As expected, my stepmother called the police.
We weren’t able to finish our speech so I just left it on the podium and talked to the officers. We showed our birth certificates and pictures proving he was our father and we had a right to be there but they didn’t care. They kept saying it was a ‘civil matter’ and we needed to leave or be detained.
I filed a complaint against the officers but it probably won’t go anywhere.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had grievances but the funeral was the least appropriate place to air them. Sure, to you it was closure but it also feels like you wanted to expose him for how he was to you with the chip on the shoulder you admit doesn’t lead you to making rational decisions.
Your father’s widow organized the funeral, and she had a right to remove you for being disruptive. What do you think your speech would have done to your half-siblings?
It also comes across that you think he owes you, what with you contesting the will.
You’re making this all about you and not thinking about others. Your father’s actions in life weren’t that of a good man, but what has his wife done, his kids done, to deserve the dressing down you wanted to give his reputation at his funeral?
He’s not in a position to be accountable for his actions, and your closure is better sought in therapy rather than making a spectacle of yourself at the expense of the family mourning him. Even in death your father still has a hold over you that you need to let go of for your own sake.” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Legally you have no specific right to attend a funeral – it is a private ceremony under the control of the deceased person’s next of kin – in this case, their wife. Normally I would consider your stepmother something of a jerk for refusing to let you attend, but your actions completely justify her decision here.
You however used his funeral as a way to make a statement. Yes, your father may have done wrong by you, but using his funeral to highlight this will not provide any benefit given he is deceased, but will only serve to hurt his remaining family who are completely innocent here – you set out to hurt innocent people who are grieving the death of their father.
So yeah, you are the jerk here.” Nrysis
12. AITJ For Not Choosing To Go To A Vegan Restaurant For My Birthday?
“So my brother (m 39) is very very angry with me (f 40). He has been with his fiancée (f 25) for 2 years and since then every family gathering with them included has been 100% vegan and the reason is that his fiancée can’t ‘be around meat’.
Honestly, I never found it an issue, I love vegan foods and I don’t believe one vegan meal would kill you. We had one vegan Christmas at my parents (the other Christmas they celebrated with her family) anyway not all were indifferent about that as I was and I heard gossip and complaints.
I just usually grab some popcorn.
Unfortunately the drama this time is about me. I’m turning 40 in two weeks and I have made reservations in a restaurant. I sent the invitations. My brother immediately answered that I had forgotten ‘the rule’. On further inquiry, he explained that the restaurant wasn’t vegan.
I said that I knew that but that it had vegan options that looked delicious. One of my closest friends is vegan too and I put her and SIL in mind when choosing but most importantly I put myself in mind and I really liked the restaurant.
He called me angry and yelling telling me they always knew I didn’t like her. What are you talking about of course I like your fiancée. Now family is in the middle siding with me vs little bro. His fiancee is very upset at him as well as at me and saying I never liked her.
Even told him that she couldn’t be with him if his family hated her like that so he is very angry and telling me I am ruining his relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s allowed to be vegan. She’s allowed to not cook and handle meat in her home.
She’s not allowed to require everyone else to follow her guidelines outside of her home, at restaurants, etc. She and your brother are being rude and entitled trying to make this ‘rule’ for your entire family and it’s a shame everyone is going along with it.
My SIL is also vegan. When she makes the plans or when we’re celebrating her, it’s vegan. For anything else, she compromises. There are reasonable vegans out there.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only question you need to ask your sibling and family… is this birthday about you or about the fiance?
You are incredibly considerate to think of your friend and his fiance in choosing a place that has vegan options. It’s not your fault she isn’t considerate enough to be grateful. She’s super lucky that so many people will cater to her food preferences as the primary preferences.
Some of my family would have laughed her out of the house the first time she showed up if she demanded all food catered to her world. In their words, when you prepare, grow, and/or kill everything yourself you can determine the menu.” IWouldBeGroot
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Baby "Sophie"?
“When I was in high school, I was constantly bullied by Sophie. She made fun of my appearance, personality, hobbies, and grades.
She also spread rumors about me and often told me that she wished I’d die (and was pretty specific about this). In elementary school, there was a stuck-up brat named Sophie who endlessly spoke about how she was rich. In general, I do not have a positive connotation of the name ‘Sophie’ but wouldn’t just dislike someone because they share that name.
My husband (27) and I (26) were discussing names for our child. We don’t know if it is going to be male or female but started making a list of 10 male and 10 female names that we would consider. One of the female names my husband was very insistent on was ‘Sophie’, the name of his dead grandmother who basically raised him since his parents were always busy with work.
At once, I told him that I would not even consider it because the bully who tormented me throughout high school was also named Sophie. He got angry since he really wanted to use the name of the person who meant so much to him, but I refused. He told me that we should at least put it in the possible names, but I said absolutely not since I did not even want to consider it.
He got really angry that I wasn’t trying to take his opinion into account.
AITJ for refusing to consider naming our child Sophie?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get both sides, unfortunately naming a baby is a joint decision and in this case, the no vote usually wins out.
From his perspective, he wants to honor a woman who meant the world to him and you want to avoid a name that you associate with childhood trauma and people you generally don’t like. At the end of the day, a name is a name and if you’re still letting this girl affect you into adulthood to the point of refusing to let your husband honor his loved one, that’s kind of sad.
Understandable, but sad.
Find a name you both love, but you shouldn’t throw it out of the running for a middle name (even a second one) and then you’ll know you have created at least one good Sophie in the world.” chaserscarlet
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It’s not your husband’s fault that awful people in your past were named Sophie, to him that’s his grandmother’s name and it obviously is very important for him to honor her by naming your child after her. However, he should also understand why you feel negative emotions towards the name.
I would discuss a compromise where maybe instead of Sophie you go with Sophia or something similar. Sofia is the Spanish spelling so that could also work? I would also maybe seek to talk to a therapist to help you move past the grudge you hold against the name.” EquivalentPush7653
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your husband to look into different names that start with S, or start with the first three letters or the last three or two. He can’t use her name, but he can still honor her with an S name.
It sucks for your husband but that name is a no-go, remind him that if you name your kid Sophie you won’t be able to bond with your kid or look at her without thinking of your trauma, and you’ll have a hard time loving her.
Let him know that Sophie is out and that he will need to concede this one and pick another name. I’d also watch out for official documents for the baby’s name, so your husband doesn’t put her name down as Sophie and submit that to the government.” New-Link5725
10. AITJ For Not Allowing My Cousins Into My Bedroom?
“I (15 F) was born in Madrid, Spain to Spanish parents but we immigrated to the U.S. when I was 1 and we’ve lived here since. We do go back to visit my grandparents and whatnot but this year, they came to us.
I live in a small, 2-bedroom house with my parents.
I’m an only child so I get one room to myself and my parents get the other. This isn’t enough space for my grandparents plus my uncle and his wife and kids. My grandparents booked a hotel near to our house but my uncle is too cheap for that.
He wants ME to give up my room for his kids while he and his wife sleep on an inflatable bed beside them in my room. I explained that I have sleeping issues and would appreciate keeping my room. He kept insisting and annoying my parents about it till they finally caved in and told me to sleep on the couch in the living room.
I didn’t want to give up my room, so when nighttime came last night I rolled my bed to the door and locked it for extra security so they couldn’t get in. OF course, they were upset and tried to get more to open the door and let them in but I didn’t budge.
I kept my room for the entire night.
Morning time, I wake up expecting a huge blow-off. Basically, I got yelled at for having a ‘tantrum’ and not making a small sacrifice. I understand what I did seems like a tantrum but I don’t feel like they are entitled to my room.
I pointed out that my grandparents got a hotel and that they could have done the same. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Gently, YTJ. Your family is hosting your relatives. Yes, you’re a kid, but an older kid who can understand the kindness a host can and should offer.
What a gift that they are all visiting. It makes sense for one bedroom to be used for a full family and for you to get the living room, rather than a full family in the living room and one person in a bedroom. It is kind to offer a private space to guests when possible.
This isn’t a permanent situation, it’s how can everyone fit most comfortably together now. Be willing to be a bit more generous with family.” Indy-Lib
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I think there is potentially more to this story than your parents have told you.
It’s possible your uncle could only afford the plane tickets and your parents offered them to stay at your house so that they could come. Family does that this time of year if it means they can be together. I think there is a chance your parents won’t admit this to you because they don’t want to embarrass your uncle and his family, and also don’t want to have you upset with them/are trying to save face.
I’d be pretty happy to see my family and would give up my room, but I understand not everyone would be. I think the way you went about it was a bit problematic. You disobeyed your parents, as it sounds like the adults decided this before your uncle came.
Unless you guys can find a way to come to a peaceful outcome, the holiday will suck for everyone.” BumCadillac
Another User Comments:
“The weird thing is when things like this come up, it’s always pitched as a trivial sacrifice for the person being asked to give up their space… like how petty are you that you won’t do this tiny little thing?
But if it’s so small and simple, then obviously it’s equally small for the visitors… even more so because they’re already out of their personal space. And it’s especially revealing that the people trying to guilt YOU into this small thing are never volunteering their own private space.
If someone wants to go cheap and crash at someone else’s house, they should expect to get the cheap sleeping arrangements they asked for. NTJ.” BurnAfterEating420
9. AITJ For Giving Only My Daughter A House?
“I own two homes, the one I live in is in a nice area and I plan on dying there. The second one was my mother’s and it needed work but it is a very nice home. I made it clear that I would reward the kids if they helped me fix it up.
I have one daughter and two sons.
I truly thought my sons would help out but they didn’t even when I asked, my daughter on the other hand went full force into fixing the home. At one point I just gave her the keys and told her I trusted her.
The whole thing helped us bond more than ever and she learned a ton of skills. I think she tossed herself into this project to distract her from her ex.
Anyway, it took about one year of doing work each weekend and the home is looking great.
Originally I was going to sell and give everyone who helped the money from the sale but she is the only one who helped.
I know she was looking for a house and this spot is almost perfect, close to work, good area, and not far from her friends and family.
I decided to give her the home, I called her down and had all the paperwork. She was excited and happy.
Now I am getting crap from my two sons about giving her a home. I made it clear that they didn’t help so why would get anything from that house?
They have both called me a jerk. That I am a jerk for giving her a 700k home and that they got nothing at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand your point. Basically, the 2nd home needed work, a fixer. Those siblings who did work on the home would benefit from it directly when sold.
Only your daughter did any work so instead of selling it you signed it over to her. She put in about 40-plus weekends fixing that home while her brothers did nothing. They are all adults and knew the deal. I know you altered it some by giving her the home but she is the only one who did the work.
Even under the original terms, she would have received 100% of the money because she did all the work.” WinEquivalent4069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sons are being cry babies, clearly they didn’t learn anything from The Little Red Hen. Maybe you should have sold it anyway and given her more of the cash or something but your sons sound like they’d be mad about that too.
AS LONG AS they also live nearby. If they live far away or out of state or something or are extremely occupied with newborns or something then ‘no jerks here’ because it’s fair they would be upset but also it’s your house and you can do whatever you want with it, not all of your kids will always have the opportunity to get the same things (most families for example can’t buy each kid a car and so the oldest gets one passed down have to figure something else out).” Hopeful-Mud-3065
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Play Games With My Wife Anymore?
“My (39 M) wife (33 F) and I have been together for 13 years, married for 11.
We’ve always got along well, we’re team players in basically all aspects of our lives together, and we’re both pretty chill people. But whenever we play AGAINST each other in ANYTHING, she ALWAYS wins. It doesn’t matter if it’s Scrabble, Monopoly, a pub quiz, or whatever, I don’t think I’ve ever beaten her.
It can be a game of chance or skill, it doesn’t matter. It’s getting old, I don’t wanna play anymore, and she’s upset about it.
It’s not that she is dishonest. We sometimes disagree on how to interpret the rules, but either way, she wins.
I’ve even tried being dishonest too just to break the streak, but she still manages to pull off a victory.
It’s not that she’s cheap or ruthless. She isn’t mean or condescending or taunting or anything like that. She just always wins, fair, square, and in a sportsmanlike way.
It isn’t even that I’m plain stupid or bad at all games. I always did well in school, and when playing against others, I win sometimes and lose other times. Just not with her. It’s like some weird, almost supernatural thing where the universe won’t let her lose, at least not against me.
I don’t want her to let me win, either, because that’s humiliating. I just don’t want to play against her anymore.
I’m happy playing WITH her, e.g. parents vs kids, or in a game with no real winners or losers. But I’m tired of playing games where the outcome just seems predetermined no matter what I do.
She says it sucks that I don’t wanna play, that I’m not being fair, that I’m writing off a whole genre of pastimes. Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“Meh, it sounds like you’re way too hung up on the idea of losing that it almost manifests itself for you.
Outright refusing to partake because all you’re thinking in your head ‘Well I’m just gonna lose again’ sounds a little self-deprecating. Just in my opinion if you really put your mind to it and don’t even think about the win-to-loss ratio you may just start winning in games against her.
But at the end of the day is it even really about winning? Imma drop a slight YTJ but not full-blown because it sounds like you’ve got a loop in your head about winning and losing so much that it may just be affecting your performance when you play against her.” trashguy2000
Another User Comments:
“Refusing to play since you can’t win? That’s a bit much every sport only has one winner but lots of players. It’s supposed to be the fun of the game, and spending time together that matters. Just kinda seems like you’re a sore loser.
Unless you got another option where you can win doing that to offset your feelings about the end of the games where you only focus on if you win & unless you’re betting on the outcome, not the rest, I’d suck it up and see the big picture and enjoy the time with your wife.” Locabonita88
7. AITJ For Wanting My Significant Other's Family To Give Us A Heads-Up Before Coming Over?
“My fiancée and I just bought a house together. She is very much a ‘my house is your house’ kinda person.
If she lived alone, she would have almost an ‘open house’ type deal where family and friends just pop in and out casually.
Her family is quite like that too, and on several occasions now, her parents & siblings, or aunt, uncle & grandma have just shown up at our house completely out of the blue.
Both of our families live within a half-hour drive from our home. My family (parents & siblings) are very different in that they always call/text ahead to see if I’m home and let us know they’re about to make their way over.
We would ALWAYS do this, with the only exception being if we, the siblings, were visiting our parents’ house (same home where we grew up) – in which case we’d see no need to call ahead.
Yesterday evening around 8:30 pm my SO’s mother and sister showed up totally unannounced while we were home chilling. They probably sensed that I wasn’t too comfortable and left after after about 5 minutes.
SO was also quite surprised, and said she would put a message in their family group chat asking them to call or text ahead in the future before turning up, as it’s not just her house.
However, she said this would definitely be an issue for them and was likely to cause friction between her and her family.
AITJ for having my SO set boundaries with her family about turning up unannounced, even if it upsets them and causes a rift between my SO and her family?”
Another User Comments:
“Provisionally NTJ (rather than ‘no jerks here’), based on her presumption that imposing this boundary will cause more problems than currently exist. Your fiancée is agreeing to what you’ve asked, which is good. But she’s also saying that this will cause friction with her family, completely failing to recognize that the CURRENT state of affairs is causing friction with you.
She’d rather her family be comfortable than you IN YOUR OWN HOME. The old saying is ‘The squeaky wheel gets the oil.’ Her family is going to be loud about their opinions, it IS going to cause problems, and since she’s of the same mindset as them she might be inclined to give in or walk back boundaries.
You need to keep on top of this. If they try to pull something, discuss it. If she doesn’t agree, at least make her understand the consequences of their actions. Do you (or your relationship) want to be the wheel that fails with no warning?” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You share a home. All major decisions, like an open house policy, need to have the agreement of both of you. You have a right to privacy. Besides, for most people, it is considered common courtesy to ask before visiting someone, even (maybe especially) close family.
If asking for a simple phone call or text going to cause a rift between her and her family, then then there are major enmeshment issues between your SO and her family that need addressing. Good luck.” VariousTry4624
6. AITJ For Letting My Son Not Invite A Girl To His Birthday?
“I admit my kid can be a jerk at times but I truly believe all middle schoolers can be. Earlier this year he got in trouble for calling a girl (Sam) a suck-up. According to the school, Sam, and my son this went on for about two weeks and he got in major trouble for it.
He got in trouble at school for a week with after-school detention and he got grounded at home and had a long conversation.
I also thrown out that if she wanted I would be fine with him moving classes. So he moved classes and they don’t interact at all.
You would think the problem was solved but no. I kept getting messages from the mother, my son has class for 8 hours in another room and the school has told me both kids are not interacting. I have confirmed this with both teachers, they aren’t even in the same lunch period.
It’s his birthday this weekend and I sent out invites to his friends, I got a call this morning about why her daughter wasn’t invited. That she is unsure now and should be invited. That I need to make this right. I had enough and told her my son doesn’t owe her kid anything and if she can’t handle two weeks of being called a suck-up then she needs therapy.
She called me a jerk and I need an outside opinion.
I know my son messed up but seriously they haven’t interacted in a few months since this happened at the beginning of the year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly I don’t get why it was such a big deal that he called her and suck up anyways.
Did you even try to talk to him to ask him about her behavior? I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a reason, he said that and it is absolutely insane that the mother would think you would invite her daughter to his birthday party.
I will never understand the audacity of certain people. They obviously don’t get along and your son does not want to be friends with her. With a mother like that, I’m not surprised he called her a suck-up in the first place” chicharrones_yum
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s not cool to say a sensitive middle schooler needs to ‘be able to handle’ verbal abuse. Middle schoolers are mean and have thin skins, a terrible combination. They’re barely surviving. But that mom is insane. It sounds like that girl may now be hyper-aware of your son due to the previous situation and is conflating that with an actual friendship.
Maybe she was overly sensitive to your son’s remarks because she saw him as a friend. That little girl is not getting appropriate guidance from her mom, so perhaps be more sensitive because I guarantee that boundary-jumping mom told her daughter exactly what you said.” eightmarshmallows
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you talked to the mom. There was no reason to go off on her and tell her that because her daughter couldn’t handle your son bullying her she needed therapy. You know your son was in the wrong. Of course, your son doesn’t need to invite her to his party.
It’s for his friends, and she isn’t one of his friends. You could have just said that the two of them aren’t close, so she isn’t invited.” scarbarough
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Half-Sister To My Wedding?
“I (27 f) am having a very small wedding in the new year. It’s pretty much just a dinner with parents and siblings and will total 12 people.
My half-sister ‘Hannah’ (25 f) and I are estranged and have been for 9-ish years.
I’ve seen her twice in this time, in passing, literally said ‘Hey how’s it going’ and that’s it.
So, I didn’t invite her to the wedding because a) I didn’t think she’d come, b) I didn’t really want her to come, and c) if I don’t even have someone’s contact information I feel like I’m not close enough to them to have them at my very intimate wedding.
Well, Hannah found out about the wedding through our father and contacted me on Instagram to tell me what an awful person I am and how despicable it was that I didn’t invite her. I apologized for hurting her, genuinely I didn’t think she’d care and asked if she wanted to come.
She said no she didn’t and she wouldn’t have even if she’d been invited but the fact that I didn’t invite her shows that I’m awful anyway and still as mean as I was when we were kids (we never got along).
I don’t see the big deal about inviting her if she didn’t even want to come and I didn’t even want her to come, not to mention I haven’t had a proper conversation with her in a decade.
Our dad is now saying I should have invited her so that she could say no and I’m the jerk for not conforming to the social rules of engagement here.
I think that would have been a waste of everyone’s time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs to shut up. What social rules? What does he know about social rules? He’s dishonest! Why would you invite someone you are not close with?
Just so she can have the satisfaction of saying no? Her behavior speaks volumes about why you aren’t close. People need to stop projecting their issues onto other people. You are having a mirco wedding which makes it even more important that you only have people there who are important to you.” Banana_Puddin11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your list of guests. Bet you’ve friends who are closer to you than Hannah, blood ties sometimes have no meaning, and given her reaction she seems like the person who loves to start a drama. She doesn’t want to come to your wedding, she just wants to complain and make your wedding about her.” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
4. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Aunt For Pressuring Me To Get Married?
“My (32 F) aunt (55 F) is one of those nosy ladies you’d think only exists in romcoms. When I was a teen she asked me when I’d get a man, when I was in a steady relationship she asked me when I was getting married, and the marriage inquisition became even more invasive after my younger sister (28 F) got married this month – which probably gave my aunt probable cause to label me as the family’s ‘spinster’.
At the wedding party, she kept asking me why I had broken up with my ex, she said how she always thought we’d end up married soon, and she advised me to get serious about this if I ever planned to have kids because I’m not getting any younger.
It came to a point where I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore. Granted, I could have just asked her to stay out of my business, but since she was bringing up things about my personal life, I assumed it was fair to do the same.
So I said something like: ‘Even getting married is not a guarantee you’d be with someone forever, look at you and Uncle X, I’m sure you thought it would be eternal love yet now he’s with someone else’. It was the same as slapping her in the face; she accused me of being disrespectful and left the table on the verge of tears.
My mother (her sister) came to ask me what I had said because my aunt was crying in the bathroom, and she told me to go after her and apologize. I refused. Was I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is more to a woman than a production line to pop out babies.
She could ask you how work is going, and what you want to do in the next year, but she always seems to indicate that you only have value when you are attached to a man and if you are a mother. That isn’t exactly respectful to you, neither is referring to you as the family’s spinster at the ripe old age of 32.
And at some point, if she keeps bringing up marriage, she HAS to expect someone to bring up her failed marriage. On the plus side, she isn’t likely to bring up the subject anymore.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“You are clearly NTJ and your aunt clearly is.
But I’m curious, did your mom know what your aunt was saying to you and how it made you feel? If so, she’s way out of line. For decades, starting when you were still a child, she’s been embarrassing/shaming you over your life choices/circumstances and your mom is fine with it.
But you embarrass/shame her about her life and your mom is upset. Jeez.” Parrot-Head-1966
3. AITJ For Being Mad About Being Excluded From A Family Vacation?
“I (18 F) just recently found out that my family has been planning a vacation without me after my grandma let it slip while on the phone with my mother (39 F). In my family vacations are somewhat frequent because my great-aunt has a bunch of condos all around the US and she lets the family use them.
I’m currently staying at the one she has in Florida with my grandma (62 F) when I overheard her in the living room on the phone with my mom talking about my little brother’s (11 M) Christmas present which is a plane ticket down to one of the condos my great aunt has.
I later confronted her about who was going and she said my aunt and her family then my mom and brother. I asked her where my invite was (thinking that I was invited) and she told me I wasn’t going and when I asked why she said it was because no one wanted me to come.
A little bit of back story as to why I think they don’t want me around is because I have BPD 2 and I have very bad mood swings but I’m on medication for it that my mom controls but refuses to tell me how to refill or even let me do it so I’m currently not on the medication.
I’m not too sure if I have a right to be upset since I sort of understand why they don’t want me around but it still hurts knowing my whole family all agreed they didn’t want me to come on a vacation with them like I usually do and I will admit I definitely got very upset and started yelling which probably didn’t help but I was just upset.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry your grandma hurt your feelings. But, your being unmedicated is the real issue to me. You don’t need anyone to tell you how to refill a prescription because you’re 18. Call your doctor’s office and leave a message for your doctor that your mother won’t give you access to your meds and you need to be able to manage the prescription yourself.
It’s your right as the patient who is not also a chronological child. (Leave your mom and grandma out of that loop.)
About Christmas, of course, you’re going to be inconsistent in your moods and behaviors. YOU’RE OFF YOUR REGULATING MEDS! Tell your grandmother that pharmacology isn’t your mom’s area of expertise and she is making bad matters much worse.
Frankly, I don’t know why you are concerned about spending Christmas with them all. You deserve a break from their nonsense. NTJ.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to call up or physically go to one of your doctor’s offices.
Then you’re going to say you can’t find your insurance card and can they please send you the insurance info, showing you both sides of the card they photocopied and have in their records? Then you’re going to go to the pharmacy where you get your medication and tell them the same thing.
Once you have your insurance information, you are going to make an appointment with a new doctor who is on the insurance plan if you feel your mom is controlling your interactions with your old doctor. And you are going to get yourself treatment over which you have control.
Your mom has no right to any of your medical information unless she is your medical conservator, and I’m assuming she’s not. Your doctors are not allowed to talk to her about your healthcare. Your pharmacy is not allowed to withhold your medication based on her say-so.
The decision is yours. Take advantage of the time your family is away on vacation to begin to take charge of your own health care too.
Your mother is committing medical abuse. This is illegal. If she continues to make it impossible for you to take needed medication, call an abused adult hotline right away to get help.
BPD is very treatable with medication and therapy. You have to stay on top of it, but you can have a wonderful, fulfilling life. The whole nobody wants you on vacation thing is cruel and I’m sorry it’s happening to you. But you’re an adult now.
It’s time to think about more education or vocational training that will let you have a career that lets you support yourself comfortably away from your family of origin.
You get to pick your partners and your friends, and to build a nuclear family of your own when you’re ready.
You get to spend vacations with friends and family you choose as you become self-supporting and self-sufficient. You get to leave people who don’t treat you well in the dust behind you. BPD will not prevent any of this from happening. NTJ” Nester1953
2. AITJ For Wanting To Take Only My Biological Kid To Disney?
“I (31) have a kid (2) with my partner (31). He has previous kids from a previous relationship (8 & 9 years old). I am the breadwinner due to him not being able to keep the good jobs.
We lost our rental a couple of months back due to his lack of financial responsibility.
(I did not know he wasn’t making payments towards certain bills therefore, me paying for everything plus playing catch up became too much.) During these past couple of months, we have been living with his parents, and our goal was to pay off our debt.
Well, I’ve caught up on nearly 10k in debt while he’s been able to only pay off $500. I do give him grace knowing he doesn’t make much money, however, I know he has no other payments other than his phone and daycare. Therefore, paying a little extra towards debt should not be an issue.
Anyway, this summer, I wanted to take a trip out to Disneyland. I told him about us going as a whole, and he agreed. Well as it gets closer, he’s now saying we don’t need to go, it’s going to be too hot and too packed. ‘The little one won’t remember’ ‘ The older kids aren’t that into Disney anymore’ which he tends to do this type of tactic when he realizes he can’t financially do it.
I have no issue doing 50/50 but that’s where he won’t meet me halfway. He rather no one go.
So my question is, would I be the jerk if I decide to make it a trip with just my bio kid and me? And him paying his way if he can afford it?
I hate this situation but I am a firm believer in not letting my kid lose out on experiences if others aren’t willing to do that for them. This is why I work so hard, so she will never miss out on anything and have everything she wants and needs.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. On what planet can you afford a trip to Disney when you’re living with your partner’s parents? At least he has enough sense to think it’s a bad idea. Your 2-year-old isn’t going to remember anything; I think you’re using this as a means of sticking it to your partner because you’re resentful of his financial situation.
Well guess what girlie, you tied yourself to this man for life, and you’re living in his parents’ house too. This is also YOUR financial situation.” ParlorSoldier
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A 2-year-old isn’t going to make any quality memories nor are they going to care for Disney.
It’ll simply be a loud, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable environment for them. You’d told him previously that you’d all go as a whole – did that not include your ‘bonus’ kids? Now because he can’t/doesn’t want to pay that automatically removes those kids from the possibility?
You sound like you are/will be a terrible stepmother and if I were you I’d leave and be with a man who doesn’t have any kids.” ickymog
Another User Comments:
“You’re joking, right? Your priorities are messed up. Pay off your debt and move out of your partner’s parents’ house.
Not go on vacation. How rude is it to live at someone’s house because you lost housing and now want to spend money saved on a vacation instead of moving out? It’s absolutely ridiculous. Are you paying your partner’s parents’ rent? Or are they letting you stay for free to save up and move out?
You are both financially irresponsible. If your partner can’t afford to pay off his debt, move out with your daughter and get your own place. She is the priority.
Also, the guy is right. Your daughter is 2, and she won’t remember anything about this trip.
You want to go Disneyland for you don’t say it’s for your daughter. Everyone sucks here.” Ace_boy08
1. AITJ For Not Informing My Friend That My Sibling Is A Man?
“My older brother’s name is Viktor but no one has ever called him that. Ever. Everyone calls him Vik. I call him Vikky, something I started as a kid. He’s like ten years older than me, doesn’t live at home, yada yada.
Anyway, we’re going on our family vacation in a week.
I was allowed to invite a friend. I invited a friend from my dance class – we’ve gotten pretty close recently. I told her we’d be sharing a room with Vik. She was fine and we started planning our trip.
Anyway, yesterday my friend came over – she’s never met Vik, obviously, and our parents wanted her to meet him before we fly because he’ll basically be responsible for us (our parents pair the kids off so they get to relax).
When she got introduced to him she immediately, like, freaked out, and told me she no longer wanted to go and got her parents to take her straight back home. I was obviously upset and I didn’t know what had happened.
She called me later and said she was upset because I’d never told her Vik was a man.
I was confused because like, yeah, I’d never outright called him a man but I’ve definitely called him ‘he’ before and referred to him as my brother.
I said this to her and she told me she never heard me call him ‘he’ (blamed my accent) and that she assumed ‘brother’ meant my other brothers (I have seven).
She told me she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing a room with a grown man for a week and no longer wants to come. I’m really, really upset, but feel like if it was that big of a deal for her she should have asked?
I told her she was being unreasonable.
Like, fair enough she shouldn’t go if she’s uncomfortable, but it’s not my fault she didn’t ask. She thinks I should have been upfront about it.
My parents think I’m being mean, my brothers are divided. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You must have known that your friend believed Vicky was female, but even if not, you had an obligation to be clear with her.
I don’t know your ages, but sharing a room for a week with a man she doesn’t know at all and who is ten years older, would be a NO for many women. It’s highly uncomfortable. You are the one who withheld vital information from your friend.
Why would she think to ask if Vikky was a male? You have been unclear. Is it even appropriate for your much older brother to share a room with you? There’s a lot of undressing and all going on in the room-it would certainly make a stranger self-conscious, if not a sister.
Not to even consider these things makes YTJ.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but mainly for your reaction, not for the misunderstanding and miscommunication itself, that stuff happens in life. You used he pronouns when speaking about him coming with you. She likely forgot this because the nickname, Vikky, when said out loud, is commonly a woman’s name or nickname, And this is where the misunderstanding came from.
You could have been more clear, yes, and she was not being unreasonable for not wanting to share a room with a man 10 years her senior whom she does not know.” WolfsBane00799
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!