People Expect Fair Judgment From Us On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Going To The Concert Without My Sister?
“I’m (18f) living with a friend right now because my sister (16f) and I weren’t getting along and we grew up in a 2-bedroom house with our parents, so with no space for me to get away from her, I decided this was better than things getting worse.
Our issues stem from my parents mostly. They baby her. She’s the youngest, she was also a preemie, and they let a lot of things slide with her and I believe it has made her entitled. She makes demands and rarely asks for something. I was always expected to take her along with me and there were times I was told not taking her with me to something meant I didn’t get to go.
This could be to movies, parties, friends’ houses, or amusement parks. And she would always want to go to this stuff. She would also rat me out if I tried to keep stuff from my parents so I didn’t have to take her. Like if there was a party or a movie, friends I wanted to see.
One time she read messages on my phone so she could see if there was anything I was planning she wanted in on, and then mentioned it to our parents. She told me I should tell her stuff. I told her I only tell stuff to people I like.
Onto the thing. I won concert tickets for me and my friends. My sister saw my name on the giveaway afterward. She sent me a text saying she wanted to go. I ignored her. A week passed and she told our parents. They reached out and told me it would be a chance for us to spend time together seeing as I haven’t kept in touch with her since I moved out two months ago.
I went to the concert without her. I am facing a lot of backlash from her and my parents over it. I said I would have sold the tickets before going with her. It made them more mad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Since when are you supposed to babysit a 16-year-old, because it sounds like that is what she and your parents are requiring you to do?
Screw them. Smart move moving out of the house. Now maybe you should cut way back contact with them, so you can live your life. Just remember. Doing so has consequences. Going to college? Need help buying a car? Need a quick loan? I think you get my point.
NTJ.” LDsailor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh, I just hate it when parents do this. They actually tricked both of you out of any chance for a normal, up-and-down relationship. By forcing you to always include your sister, they made her into the villain, when it’s actually them creating the conflict.
It’s understandable that a young child would take advantage of any perks she could get, and by the time she was mature enough to think about your feelings, it was just second nature to her to grab for everything.
Your parents stole your life and gave it to your sister; and wound up losing you.
I don’t know that there’s any solution, because your parents’ attempt to make you take your sister yet again, shows they just utterly fail to see just how destructive their child-rearing methods were. Your parents are jerks, not you. Your sister was raised to be yet another jerk, but it was trained into her, and that’s not her fault.” InternationalKick126
24. AITJ For How I Acted After My Husband's Aunt Made A Rude Comment Toward Me?
“I am pregnant with my 2nd child. I’m still in the first trimester, but only for another week. So far, we’ve only announced to a few close friends and family. Not our extended family.
We had my SIL and her kids in town. They were staying at my MIL’s, which is about an hour away.
We wanted to see them the last night my SIL was in town, because we only see them once a year, and we are very close to them. We decided to pick up our 2-year-old from daycare early and drive to MIL’s for dinner. Right before we left, I had a horrible migraine and became physically ill.
It’s just part of being pregnant, so I rallied and put myself in the car.
We get to their house and notice his aunt and uncle are there. The aunt has always been nice to me. The uncle has always said inappropriate and rude things to me.
My husband doesn’t much care for them. We only see them about once or twice a year, so it’s typically tolerable.
We walk in, I put my toddler down and drop my bags. The first thing I hear from the aunt is ‘I guess you’re not just gaining weight.’ I was in complete shock and said ‘Yes, I guess so.’ Ran upstairs and cried in the bathroom.
My husband was also shocked. He told them I had gotten sick. I’m grateful he covered for me. There were kids in the house, and I did not want their last night with their grandmother to be filled with arguing.
My anger is coming from two different places.
First, my MIL should have never shared our news without our permission. Second, I feel I was called fat the moment I walked through the door. I struggle with body dysmorphia and the early stages of pregnancy are difficult for me. I stayed upstairs for an hour watching music videos with my niece.
Finally came back downstairs when my child was eating his dinner. The aunt just grabbed my arm and said ‘Hope I didn’t offend you.’ I ignored her and kept walking towards my child. I refused to engage in any conversations with them for the rest of the evening.
I did talk to my MIL because she just got ahead of herself.
I left without saying a word to them. It was mostly out of spite, but partly because I wasn’t sure if I would completely lose my temper. Does this make me a jerk?
Should I have sucked it up and gotten over it for people I rarely see? I feel like I put a damper on the night for everyone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you had a migraine, are pregnant, and the first second you walk in the door the aunt calls you fat.
Added to the fact that your MIL spread news you didn’t want to be out yet. I would’ve probably done a 180 and gone back home.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m so sorry your MIL shared your news without permission and that your husband’s awful aunt was so rude to you.
It’s hard to stand up for yourself and/or confront people especially when you’re surprised or shocked. But I find pausing, taking a deep breath, and replying with something along the lines of ‘What a horrible rude thing to say. Why on earth did you think that comment was appropriate to make?’
Then stand back and watch them flounder to answer.” Tea_and_Biscuits12
23. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Neighbor's Neglected Puppy?
“I (37F) live in a small city. Two nights ago, a puppy showed up in my front yard. He was VERY skinny. I could see every rib and his hip bones were sticking out.
(I feel like emaciated is the word I’d use to describe him.) I gave him some dog food, which he scarfed down in 30 seconds flat. In all, I gave him about 6 cups of food, and he drank a gallon of water. He was a little skittish but very friendly.
He was also covered in fleas, with a small sore on his side where he had been scratching himself.
I have a spoiled rotten Corgi. Not knowing this new puppy, I left him in the backyard with food and water for the night. In the morning, he had escaped and was nowhere to be found.
Today, the puppy showed up again. I fed and gave him water again. This time, I also introduced him to my Corgi. They became besties almost immediately. The puppy has been at my house all day and I put him inside while I was gone.
It is about 107 degrees outside and I didn’t want to leave him out in the heat. My fiancé and I decided we would give him a home since he has shown up hungry twice now.
When my kids got home from school, my older son said the puppy looked familiar.
He then told us he had seen it at the neighbor’s house 2 doors down when he walked home from school. He goes to school with the girl who lives there.
I haven’t ever had any contact with this neighbor, but I do hear them screaming at one another at 3:00 a.m. a few nights a week.
I have also picked the girl up and driven her to school when she was walking to school in the rain. I’m not saying these neighbors are bad people, but the puppy is definitely skinny and seems pretty neglected.
My son offered to message the girl he goes to school with to tell her their puppy is here.
I told him not to because we were going to keep the pup. I feel a little bad because I know I would be devastated if someone found my Corgi-Boy and didn’t give him back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’ve been extremely neglectful of an animal. That is unacceptable.
However, I would say to call the local animal shelter and find out their procedures. If they seem reasonable and cooperative, turn it over to them. Tell them that you’ll be back in 5 (or however many days they require) days to check. Be clear, if the owner hasn’t come looking for the pup, then you’re going to adopt him.
Make them promise (in writing if necessary) not to euthanize the dog and promise (in writing) you’ll be back to adopt.
Once a reasonable period has elapsed, you can return and adopt the dog. If the neighbors find out you do have the dog, you will have a legal leg to stand on since you went through proper procedures.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you’re going about this wrong and it might get you into trouble and endanger both your animals.
Take the puppy to the vet. It shouldn’t have contact with your current dog either – it may have parasites, heartworm, etc and now both dogs may have them.
The vet can see if it’s chipped. If it’s not, contact your local shelter for the city policy on strays. Consider it a stray. You don’t know who it belongs to. GET IT VET CARE. There are a lot of dangers that come with it being so emaciated and again you may have foolishly exposed your current dog.” Kai-ni
22. AITJ For Wanting To Name Our New Baby After My Mother?
“My wife and I have five sons. Our oldest is 24 our youngest is 10. (It’s a large gap because our first was an accident when we were teenagers.) Recently to our happy surprise, my wife became pregnant again and this time it’s a girl!
It might be rough to have a baby in the house again but I’m truly happy.
Now I am not very creative with names, but ever since I was a little boy when my mother died, I decided that if I ever had a daughter I would name her after my mother.
When we had our first son my wife asked me for opinions on names, I told her I had no idea if it was a boy, but I wanted to name it after my mother if it was a girl. My wife agreed to this and said if it was a boy she wanted to name him after her deceased family friend who had been a father figure to her.
Well, it was a boy so he has that name.
When my wife became pregnant with our second child she insisted I name him this time. When we found out it was a boy I again said I had no ideas for boys’ names, my wife asked why not name him after my mother but change it to be more masculine.
I wasn’t sure and I said I wanted to wait until we had a daughter and name her my mom’s real name, but my wife said if we had a daughter we could still name her that, and I had no other ideas and agreed.
So my second son is named after my mother; it’s not exactly the same name but similar. For example, if my mother’s name was Elizabeth my son is Eli. The rest of our sons’ names were picked by my wife and come from her religion and culture.
When all our children turned out to be boys I was glad I named my son ‘Eli’ instead of waiting to have a daughter because I thought we’d never have a daughter. Now that I found out we were having a daughter I was overjoyed, so I sat down with my sons and told them the news that we were finally having a girl and her name would be ‘Elizabeth.’
Well, ‘Eli’ was upset. He said it wasn’t fair that he should have to ‘share his name’ with a sister and we should have at least asked him permission to reuse ‘his’ name. I tried to explain my point of view and assure him the idea wasn’t meant to hurt him, but he wouldn’t calm down and eventually, he just left.
All my other children think he overreacted (they were making fun of their brother when he left and I had to tell them to knock it off) and my wife thinks he’ll come around in time, but I don’t want to dismiss my son’s feelings even if I don’t understand them.
Am I the jerk for wanting to name two of my children after the person I want to honor more than anything?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. It’s like you are saying that he isn’t good enough and that you have to do it right this time.
He already said that he would be upset if you effectively tried to replace him.
If you really want to honor your mother, look elsewhere. Did your mother have a middle name? If so, maybe consider using that as your daughter’s name or middle name.
Did your mother have a nickname? If so, consider housing that as your daughter’s middle name.
Also, this is your wife’s first daughter. Don’t hog the experience. Let her pick one of the names. It could be in honor of someone she loves, or it could just be a name she likes.” madmanmx224
Another User Comments:
“A gentle YTJ.
Related names for siblings are nice as long as both involved parties (the people with the names) are on board. Eli isn’t.
Names are an important part of creating our self-identity, and he feels like his is being taken away if his sister shares it.
He also likely feels like there’ll be people mistaking him in the future – ‘Oh you have a daughter named Elizabeth so when you said you’re bringing Eli along I thought you meant her/when you said Eli is coming on my behalf I thought you meant her.’
I get wanting to name your daughter after your mom but here’s a thought. I was named after my father – not in the sense that we have ‘matching’ names, but in the sense that my parents looked at the meaning of my father’s name, and found a feminine name that shared the same meaning, but that sounded nothing alike.
Could you consider doing that? Look for a name that has a different ‘sound’ to it but shares a meaning.
Alternatively, ask your sons to work together to come up with a name for her, making it clear that Elizabeth and related names are off the table.
It’ll be a nice way for them to bond with each other and their baby sister, a great story for her to tell when she’s an adult, and you ask Eli if you can use Elizabeth as a middle name. If you do use it as a middle name, however, make sure that isn’t the name you call her as a nickname or whatever, or you’ll find yourself in this mess again.
Look, you can name her Elizabeth, and maybe Eli will talk to you again and get over it and whatever. Maybe your relationship with him will be okay.
But will his relationship with his sister ever be okay? Will he be able to have the bond with her that he would have if she was given a different name?
I don’t know, my feeling is you named a kid after your mom, and now he has some ownership over that name.” rishcast
21. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Announce Her Pregnancy At My Wedding?
“My sister (32) and I (28) have never really gotten along that well. My parents were divorced so we never really spent much time together during our childhood. Once we got in our early twenties though that changed and we actually got pretty close.
Both of us were in serious relationships and we would always talk about our dream weddings.
Fast forward a few years and my sister was finally getting married to her high school sweetheart, I’ve never seen her so happy and I knew this was going to be one of her most cherished moments in life.
That was until my dumb ex proposed to me at my sister’s wedding. Needless to say, I had absolutely no idea. I rejected his proposal and ended up leaving him after a few weeks of him showing no signs of being sorry at all. My sister was rightfully upset with both of us because in her eyes we had just taken away her spotlight on a day she’s been dreaming of for years.
I felt so bad that I ended up giving her around half of what she paid for the wedding, a little much I know but when you have your whole family against you, you’ll do anything for things to go back to normal.
It took a couple of months but our bond came back and I ended up meeting my now fiancé.
Our wedding is in a couple of weeks and my sister has been making jokes about announcing her pregnancy at my wedding. At first, the jokes were funny and I thought they had no real threat to them but after today it was pretty clear she was not actually joking.
My mom called me telling me that my sister said she was going to announce that she was pregnant during the speeches part of our wedding to get back at me for what ‘I’ did during hers. I texted my sister saying that it was completely unfair to not just me but especially to my fiancé and neither of us was to blame for what my ex did.
She won’t hear me out and I told her if she won’t drop it then she won’t be allowed at my wedding. I guess she’s been crying to all our brothers saying I’m a jerk and a trashy sister for not only ruining her wedding but for not letting her get a tiny bit of revenge.
I get it, it must be hard to have that happen at your wedding but how should it be my fault? I didn’t tell him to do that and my now fiancé definitely didn’t either. My dad and brothers said I was being petty and that it was only fair I let her do that considering what happened at hers.
My fiancé is on my side though and thinks it best I don’t let her come or at least not come to the reception. I know it might seem a bit unfair for me to not let her get back at me but I didn’t pay the 15k pity money just for her to try to ruin my wedding years later.
We are both adults and at this point, I think I could be being overdramatic. A pregnancy announcement and a proposal are two very different things but I won’t lie and say it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if she did do that to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You paid for half of her wedding because of what your ex did. It wasn’t your fault, and she is being ridiculous. Is she prepared to give you back the money you gave her? What your ex did was horrible, but it’s been years, and she needs to get over it.
You paid for HALF of her wedding because of your ex’s behavior, and she still hasn’t moved on. You need to ask her for that money back.” Fuzzyhat246
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What?! You paid for half the wedding. You paid your penance, did your time, and you owe her nothing further.
If she would only accept ‘ruining’ your wedding as penance, then she shouldn’t have accepted the money. She can’t now go back on said agreement.
If she would like to return the 15K prior to the wedding date, then we’re having a conversation. You also have the gift of knowing it’s coming beforehand.
You can be the one to announce that your sister has a big announcement that you’re so excited for everyone to hear. Imagine how amazing and selfless you’d look to all the guests.
I don’t think someone announcing they’re pregnant at the wedding ‘ruins’ a wedding.
I think all of these things are in poor taste, but people are SO overdramatic about it.
The only other issue I see here is your fiance. It’s HIS wedding, too. She wants to ‘ruin’ this man’s wedding when he had NOTHING to do with it?
I guess she also wants to be viewed by his family and likely other guests as a jerk. Guess she’s fine with that?
This is all super petty nonsense and it’s going to cause problems going forward in the family. Is it really worth it to her just to be petty?
If so, she doesn’t sound like someone I’d even WANT at my wedding in the first place.” RainbowScissors
20. AITJ For Going Off At My Dad After He Left My Ballet Recital?
“My (f 16) parents (m 34) and (f 34) had me at a pretty young age. They aren’t together anymore, I stay with my mom most of the time.
He has a new wife (my stepmom), a stepson (9), and 2 ‘new’ daughters (4).
Yesterday was the first time I was able to see him in a while (it’s almost been a month) because of our schedules.
Whenever I’m at his house he rarely talks to me and mostly does stuff with his other kids.
I usually end up texting my mom most of the time trying not to cry.
He and his family were going to go to my ballet recital, it was Cinderella and I had the part of Cinderella and I wanted at least my dad to see me perform.
During a section of the performance I wasn’t in I checked through the curtains and all of a sudden 5 seats where they were sitting were empty. Not even my dad stayed.
I was trying to be optimistic and think maybe an emergency happened but after my recital was completely over I checked my phone and got no messages from my dad or stepmom.
I was supposed to stay over at their house for a few days so I went over there to figure out what was going on. He was playing Barbies with his younger daughters. I asked what happened why didn’t you stay? He was like oh kids got bored so we decided to leave.
I said well I wish just (stepmom’s name) took the kids and left. I wanted you to see it. You didn’t even have to take the kids in the first place. I just wanted you there.
He wasn’t even listening to me too busy playing with his other daughters.
I raised my voice, Dad listen! He turned to me and said I need to chill out and it shouldn’t be a big deal he didn’t see the whole dance.
I finally went off saying but I want you to pay attention to me and talk to me and treat me like your daughter.
You never do that anymore you’re too busy with your other kids. Tonight was supposed to be about me but in some way, it’s always supposed to be about your other kids. I always see the other girls after recitals getting flowers from their dad and getting validation on how well they did.
You can’t even do that for 1 night, I don’t even feel like you care about me. He said I do care about you just you don’t need me anymore. I laughed sarcastically and said of course I need you still, maybe not for care but emotionally I still need you… if you can’t realize that then you’re not a good dad at all.
Then my stepmom puts her 2 cents in saying I’m just upset and I need to grow up and realize it’s not a big deal. I just left after that.
After I got to my mom’s house I got a text from my stepmom calling me a brat for yelling at my dad and then just leaving and that I needed to apologize.
I just ignored the text so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell your mom you don’t want to see your father for a while.
Hopefully, she’ll back you up.
You are at the age where the court is not going to force custody visitation so just refuse to go and live your life with the people who actually care about you.
I know you want your dad to be there for you and support you… but at some point, you just are going to have to accept that this is who he is and you are only making yourself suffer by holding on to hope that things will change.
Things are what they are.
Mourn the loss of a relationship with your father but then move on with your life. In the end, you will be stronger for it.
NTJ.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and for your mental health I would suggest you focus on the one parent who is there for you (your mom).
If you stop caring about your father emotionally, you won’t be disappointed in him anymore since there is a high chance he will not change anymore (not only bc of how he acted the last 4 years but your stepmom will make sure that he continues focussing on their kids and not spending more time for you).
Then you can enjoy the good things he does for you but won’t be disappointed when he treats you badly. Maybe you want to stop visiting him as long as you still care about him emotionally.” Every_Caterpillar945
19. AITJ For Setting Up Stipulations For When My Parents Have My Children Over At Their Place?
“So usually my parents would have their grandchildren (7 & 10) for 10 days in the summer as it is hard for them to see them due to school and the fact they live over 2 hours away. I have had no problem with this in the past.
However, the last time they did, when I attempted to contact them to speak to my children I could not reach them. This went on for 48 hours (tried calling home, mobiles, and leaving texts multiple times). Only when I texted my brother to see if he had heard from them did my dad text me saying they had taken them over 6 hours away to visit my brother.
They did not ask or inform me, and as a result, I was left panicking for nearly 2 days. I was close to calling the police.
Now I feel that at this point I must make clear my mother had several opportunities to tell me of this planned vacation, she told me not to call because I quote ‘I don’t need to call every few days’ and to make sure they had enough clothes for the week as she didn’t want to have to do washing.
Even when my eldest had been banned from his tablet for several days due to misbehavior, she tried to get me to lift this ban but with no good reason. Obviously, had I known about the vacation I would have packed extra clothes, let him have his tablet, and would have expected them not to answer the home phone or mobiles.
This was a planned vacation not spontaneous, they booked accommodation months before.
This caused me 2 days of gut-wrenching worry, when my parents finally told me I was clearly mad. However, after several arguments about it, I decided to drop the subject temporarily as I was getting married less than a month later and I didn’t want to make things awkward for the guests.
I did not say it was OK or that anything was forgiven just that I didn’t want to deal with it right now.
In February they asked to have the kids again and I provided 3 stipulations.
- They weren’t allowed to take bikes scooters etc as last time it took me months to get them back.
- They weren’t to take them away.
- I wanted to call the home phone every night to speak to them.
Now my parents have told me I’m unreasonable and I should just let this go. They have said sorry what more do I want. They are refusing to have their grandchildren ever again unless I drop this rule of speaking to them.
As my parents, they say I should respect them and trust them.
Apparently, I’m making them ill, and I’m awful and why didn’t I bring this up at the wedding?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These are completely reasonable boundaries. Honestly, I would not trust these people with your kids.
If my parents had taken my son somewhere 6 hours from where I thought he was without telling me and without answering their phones for 48 hours, the cops would have been called. YOU are these kids’ parents; YOU get to make every rule you want here.
Your parents have ZERO respect for you as a parent. Seriously, don’t send the kids.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents only live between 2-3 hours away. If it had been me, I would have jumped in the car and gone to check on them at the end of the first day of not answering.
Then finding the house empty I would have called the police to report them all missing.
There is no way that all the phones were dead for 2 whole days. That means they were purposefully ignoring your calls. That in itself is terrible. They must have realized with all the calls that you were worried.
They broke your trust. Do not give in to their manipulation. Follow through with what you said, and don’t let them see the kids until they agree with the rules. If they can’t agree with the rules, but your kids want to see them, only grant them visits supervised by you.
If they agree to the rule, but they break even one of them, go zero contact.” bluechameleon27
18. AITJ For Wanting Alone Time In The Morning?
“I (36m) am a morning person. My husband (35m) isn’t. On weekends I am naturally up around 6:30ish so I’ll make my coffee and sit out on our porch and watch the sunrise. I love my tradition and it’s some of the only alone time I get in a day as my husband is quite clingy.
Don’t get me wrong – I love him and I love spending time with him, but he likes to do everything with me. I don’t have the same mentality, but am usually welcoming to him. Not with my morning tradition though – it’s my two hours of personal silence in a day.
This morning when my husband woke up around 8:30 and saw me outside on the porch he looked visibly upset. He’s known I wake up before him for a while and never seemed too bothered by it. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he wished to take part in my morning routine.
He asked me to wake him up when I got up so he could.
I said no – and told him that I know he gets cranky when he’s up before 8:00, that he isn’t a morning person and would just be groggy and tired if he sat outside with me that early.
Plus this is some of my only alone time in a day.
He got pretty upset about this. He asked why I needed time away from him. I said I just like to be by myself sometimes and he knows this. He looked visibly upset like he was about to cry and said that I had hurt his feelings and now he needs some time away from me so I know how it feels.
He’s been upstairs since.
I mean I get how saying ‘I want time away from you’ can be hurtful but me needing my own time isn’t new to him. I guess waking him up isn’t that much to ask but I really don’t want to.
I feel torn because I’ve hurt my love’s feelings but also I just want to enjoy myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband doesn’t get to have every minute he’s awake to spend with you. That is codependent, unhealthy, needy, and clingy as you’ve recognized.
If he doesn’t grow up and become a fully functioning independent adult this is going to lead to big issues in your relationship.
Even when you’re married you shouldn’t be doing everything every minute together. He should be spending time with his friends, doing things by himself, as well as spending time with you.
If all he does is use you as his source of life you’re going to grow to resent it, feel smothered, and ultimately need to get rid of him.” ManofLegacy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Each person has their own needs, and needing alone time is just as legitimate as needing to be with people.
It isn’t a rejection of them.
This comes down to a typical trope in society: that people who want some solitude are somehow abnormal and need to be fixed.
Basically, your husband not only has this attitude but is only considering his needs and not thinking of yours at all.
He considered only his need to be with you and considered your need for solitude selfish and disregarded it without a thought.
Now he is emotionally punishing you by giving you the silent treatment, trying to guilt you into giving up all of your needs in favor of his.
Basically, he’s told you that this marriage is 100% about him and 0% about you.” bamf1701
17. AITJ For Not Asking For My Friend's Partner's Permission For Him To Be A Groomsman At My Wedding?
“I got betrothed last year and decided to ask one of my good friends to be a groomsman. My fiance and I are both close with this person but not so much with his common-law wife.
In addition to the regular old resting jerk face, she’s also just very standoffish and cold. She rarely comes to group functions and when she does she sits alone by herself and openly complains about the music we like. She has never once initiated a greeting or a ‘goodbye’ let alone a conversation and when we do say hi to her she kinda looks up and away and squints like she smelled a fart and eeks out ‘hi’.
She’s like this to everyone aside from her immediate family as far as we know. My friend even said ‘That’s just how she is’ and to not take it personally. So while I think she’s socially inept and aloof I still am always warm and civil with her.
So a few weeks after I asked this friend to be a groomsman he told me he didn’t think he could be one because he and his partner got into a huge fight over this. He said it was partly because they’re not officially married yet and it’s a sore spot for her but also because my fiance or I should have asked her for permission.
I just see it as her being insecure, bitter, and controlling but I still apologized to my friend and told him I understood and did not want to cause any problems in his relationship.
Now neither of them can even come to my wedding because conveniently it’s her cousin’s bday or something and she had words with my fiance last week telling her that she ‘messed up’.
Is this a thing? AITJ and is there some etiquette about asking the partner of a groomsman for permission to be in a wedding party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! This isn’t a thing for weddings – it’s a controlling, selfish, narcissistic thing. Is your friend OK?
Sounds like he’s in a horrific environment if that’s the monster he’s with. He may need a lot of support and help in the future if he decides he doesn’t want to be treated like her possession anymore.” IllustriousJacket83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even if they were married. You choose your wedding party based on your relationship to them, their partners don’t play into that at all.
Also, there are very few situations where I’d skip a close friend’s wedding to go to a cousin’s birthday party. Maybe if it might be the last time to see a family member who was really sick or something? But definitely not for a run-of-the-mill birthday – even if it’s like a first birthday.” somethinglucky07
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name Our Child After My Husband's Late Father?
“My (20f) husband (19m) and I are expecting our first child. I am currently 12 weeks along and of course, we’ve already started talking names. We don’t know the gender yet but my husband told a bunch of his family that if it’s a boy we are naming it after his dad who passed away in Feb of 2020.
Here’s the thing, I never agreed to this, and any time I try to tell him that I don’t like the name or that I want to at least consider other names he freaks out. The last time we talked about it he called me names and I was so upset that I left our apartment and didn’t come back for like an hour because I needed time to collect myself.
He says I’m being insensitive about the situation but I just want a say in my child’s name, I hate his dad’s name but I also hate the idea of naming my child after someone I never met who as far as I know used to be an amazing dad but then he left my husband in charge of his siblings 24/7 (at the age of 10) to do illegal stuff and never really saw/talked to him since.
My husband’s only reason for wanting to name the child after him is the principle of his dad being dead and ‘honoring’ him, but there are better ways to do it that we could compromise on. I have talked to some of my family and his family and they all say that they understand his position but think that I should still get a say in the baby’s name.
I’m just sick of the fights it’s causing but I know if I cave in I’ll have to live with my child having a name I absolutely hate for the rest of my life.
And before anyone mentions it, he has this weird notion that all the boys have to have the same middle name because it’s a ‘family thing’ and they can’t have any other middle names because he thinks it’s dumb.
Would I be the jerk if I stood up for myself and the fact that I hate the name?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Of course you get a say. Whether you compromise in some capacity (his dad’s name can be the middle name or if it’s a girl he has zero say in the name) or just outright tell him it’s not happening and you get a say in it.
The obvious question is what is the name in question that you hate?
Also, probably not the smartest decision getting pregnant at 20 to someone this emotionally immature but that bridge has been crossed.” Capital-Literature-9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely right to be annoyed. It’s pretty gross of him to make a decision like that on his own and tell everyone it, without even consulting you.
Also, a pretty bad look for him to get upset at you for… wanting to be involved in the naming of your own child? What?
So, no, you’re NTJ for resisting what you think would be a terrible name for your own child. He has no right to attempt to suppress your opinion on anything to do with your child.
It’s not HIS child it’s YOUR (plural) child.” HintOfMalice
15. AITJ For Letting My Little Sister Sleep In My Bed?
“My (20f) baby sister, Ellie (8f), went through something incredibly traumatic when she was almost 2 years old. She didn’t speak until she was 7 and people took advantage of her not being able to speak, which made things worse.
Ellie will not sleep alone. She slept in our parents’ room until she was 5, and then they started trying to get her to sleep in her room, which she wouldn’t do unless someone slept in there with her. They don’t need to be in the same bed or anything but she can not be alone.
Our mom slept in her room for a while but our dad started to get upset about how long it was taking and told her to leave once Ellie’s asleep (it doesn’t work) and she eventually started sleeping in their room again.
Here’s how bedtime has gone for the past 2 years:
8:30 – Our mom tucks Ellie in
9:00 – Mom goes back to her room
9:30 – Ellie’s asleep in my bed
My mom has always known about this and she’s always felt bad about it but my dad never noticed. I usually don’t mind having Ellie in my bed. If I need a break, I text our mom, she makes up an excuse about Ellie having a nightmare and needing to stay with her, and then she comes to my room and gets her.
Our dad also goes on business trips a few times a month so Ellie sleeps in their bed when he’s gone.
My dad recently found out about this arrangement and he is mad. He told me and my mom we needed to stop enabling ‘Ellie’s bad habits’ and was even more upset when I said no. Ellie’s still really young, developmentally she’s maybe 3-4 years old, and she just started therapy (our dad wouldn’t put her in therapy before she started talking because he thinks it’s a waste of money) so I think she’ll grow out of it eventually, especially if we keep up with her therapy.
My mom agrees with me but my dad is still mad so I wanted to know if we were the jerks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your little sister clearly has some trauma judging by the start of your post and you said she is developmentally delayed, I don’t know if that’s due to the trauma or something like autism or a mix of both but either way, it is absolutely common for children in both circumstances to react this way and need to be taken care of, especially at that age.
If your sister was neurotypical and trauma-free I’d agree with your dad but that’s not the case. My advice would be to put her into therapy and get the advice of a psychologist on how best to transition her into sleeping in her own room whilst causing the least amount of emotional disruption possible.
Doing it too early or with no regard to her feelings can result in permanent abandonment, trust, and affection issues.” qwerty7873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad and a bit your mom are though. I would’ve left any man who had this attitude about his TODDLER going through something traumatic a LONG time ago.
Your mom needs to put her foot down and stop letting your dad dictate (and stunt) Ellie’s recovery. The only people who should have input on this are Ellie’s therapist, Ellie, and you (since it’s your bed she’s sleeping in). Your dad’s lost the right to have any input, in my opinion, he clearly cares more about Ellie ‘seeming normal’ than what’s actually best for her.” User
14. AITJ For Telling Our Family That My Brother Stole My Cousin's Trust Fund?
“My uncle (father’s younger brother) died in 2009 leaving his two teenage daughters behind.
My dad and uncle owned a company together. My brother was named as the executor of my uncle’s estate and was informed in the trust that my uncle had set up that he was to give my two cousins the trust (which was in a CD) to them when the youngest turned 25 (which happened in 2017).
Well, my brother was an addict at the time of my uncle’s death (unbeknownst to my uncle) and ended up stealing every penny. My brother then continued to lie to my cousins for the next 13 years giving any number of excuses:
- He filed for bankruptcy and the funds were seized (this never happened)
- He invested the funds in ammunition that was stolen (obviously, this never happened either).
- His ex-wife stole the funds with a check fraud scam (also, never happened).
- The funds were spent on his many (and also false) medical conditions. For the record, he is ex-military so all of his medical is handled through the VA at NO CHARGE.
My cousin finally came to me to ask what was going on since I was still living in that house when my brother stole the funds and was in and out of mental institutions and rehab facilities. He also lies about medical conditions he does not have – telling her he is on chemotherapy for his seizures, or that both of his legs need to be amputated because of an autoimmune disease that the VA gave him – these are just a few choice ones as this list gets longer every day.
Anyway, I told her the truth that my brother had stolen the funds. My father then calls me and demands that I apologize to him, my mother, and my brother for ‘starting crap’. My parents have been lying for him to my cousins for years so they are complicit.
They then threatened legal action against me. My response to him was, ‘If you’re mad that I was honest with someone, then that shows more about your character than it does mine’. I have not had a lot of contact with these people in the last few years because of situations like this but now I am completely disowned by them.
But it begs the question – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If they do take legal action they have no argument and your brother would have to prove that those accidents happened in the first place, which would be hard to do seeing as though he hadn’t even seen combat.
He would also need evidence of the many mental illnesses that he said he had so he would need medical records.
Don’t worry OP you did the right thing by saying what happened.
NTJ.” nocaps_1underscore
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been telling the truth since day one and you are right about what you said.
The fact your parents are going with his lies is very telling of their character and makes them complicit. They are enabling his behavior and one day his mouth, if it hasn’t already will write a check no one can cash. I wish your cousins the best of luck and hope they file charges or a lawsuit against your parents and brother.
Perhaps that will put an end to this madness.” User
13. AITJ For Cutting Off My Aunt's Child Whom She'd Given Up For Adoption?
“Last summer, several members of our family got a message from a person who said they were my aunt’s child that she had given up for adoption when she was 20.
This was a total surprise to all of us because my aunt had never mentioned it. It had happened when she was in another state for college and didn’t physically see anyone for two years.
We then found out that this person had been harassing my aunt to introduce them to the rest of the family against my aunt’s wishes.
My aunt is a quiet, kind person who is married with two children now. She’d been promised that it would be a closed adoption and that she didn’t want to be contacted in the future.
But this person had tracked both her and the biological father down themselves.
And in both situations, after the biological parents requested to not be involved, went ahead and messaged all of the extended family.
The biological father is now going through a divorce while my aunt’s in-laws have turned against her completely. Her marriage is strained because of this even though her husband knew about the adoption.
Unfortunately, this person has had a very difficult childhood and now seems to want to integrate into our family instead.
This has caused big issues. The main one is my 80-year-old grandmother giving this person large sums of money she can’t afford because of the guilt she feels.
My aunt had a complete breakdown one day and requested that we please cut off contact with this person. And that she was being harassed by them, basically demanding a mother-child relationship.
So most of my family has decided to block this person.
I feel really bad that their life wasn’t great.
But my aunt gave them up for adoption for what she hoped was a better life. And having this person harass her and show up to family events wasn’t what she’d agreed to.
My grandmother and another estranged aunt are still in contact with this person while everyone else has blocked them.
I have as well. AITJ? This person messaged me from a different social media account saying my family was cruel to cut them off like we did. I feel very guilty about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell this person that further contact with you will be considered harassment and dealt with accordingly – or just don’t respond and take whatever steps you need to take to have whatever authorities they will respect make it clear to them that they need to leave you alone.
It’s unfortunate that their adopted family either wasn’t able to provide what they needed or that they had an idea in their head of how this was going to go that hasn’t lined up with reality, but that doesn’t mean they can force a relationship on you.
And if they’re struggling with that, they need to take it up with a therapist, not redouble their demands and trampling of your boundaries.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But wow, what a horrible situation for everyone. I do not blame your family at all, I mean you can’t force a relationship and you certainly can’t harass someone and demand it… that’s absurd and very intrusive.
Your aunt and the biological father have the right to not want to form a relationship, it was always their choice from the get-go.
But I do feel sorry for the child, it would be so hard having had a terrible childhood with the adoptive family and then being rejected by your biological family.
It’s just sad.” albert_cake
12. AITJ For Being Sick Of My Future Sister-In-Law's Excuses?
“My future SIL has a habit of saying ‘kids are sick’ every time she doesn’t want to participate in family events. Example Thanksgiving… Kids are sick. But all the kids came with Dad 2 hours later because they wanted to see their grandparents.
The kids are 6-14, there are 4 of them.
Current-ish issue: Last week I had a ‘meet the family/wedding party’ event. My fiance and I planned on eloping and knew this would be the only time we would all be able to meet and get together before our wedding. Our parents had not met in the 3 years of us being together or our brothers.
This was hugely important to me. I had given notice to all involved for over 4 months. Everyone was on board except my future SIL and BIL.
First, it was I don’t know if we can make it. But they live 20 minutes from the venue. It may be too far.
Then it was, ask me closer to when it is. Followed by, Is it even that important? Shifting to Oh!? You invited us?! I don’t remember. Ending with oh, we will try to find a sitter I guess… But the family that watches the kids are all going to be at this event… Sooo, I don’t know if we can swing it.
(Yes, if you are wondering. My catered event was no kids, not to be mean but I paid for it all myself, it was a prepaid kind.)
I did notice a huge shift between the BIL and SIL when we started talking about weddings. It got worse when we announced our wedding date.
They have been together for 20 years. So I don’t see why that would be an issue. But back to the event. Everyone starts showing up. We are all there except FBIL and FSIL, but the food is coming in and we are 1.5 hours into things.
So food is served.
Then the text from the FBIL… Kids are vomiting. Probably can’t make it. I’ll try.
My fiance hugged me and we just continued on. His brother showed up 15 minutes later. Talked to everyone else then realized he’d been there for over an hour, then left. Besides him, everyone else was so excited for us, and our parents and friends all meshed really well.
Better than I hoped for. So yes it was a success!
But here’s the next problem.
We are eloping-ish now and our parents desperately all want to be there. So we extended our elopement to include our parents and our brothers and their SOs if they could/wanted to be there.
My family is on board and his parents are as well. But his brother has already taken steps to state since the beginning of this year…. he’s not really hopeful about going… Expenses… Holidays. So his parents offered to pay for him to fly there and back with a hotel room.
The answer changes to… I don’t know, ask me closer. Only to find out they have a trip planned now right before. Yes if you are wondering. I feel like it’s me. Yes, I feel like I’m the issue and not welcome when it comes to them as a couple.
I’m so over the wishy-washy shade.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand why you’d risk family drama not inviting her when you’ve already gotten the desired outcome of not spending time with her.
When you get a wishy-washy answer, just say ‘Ok, I’m putting you down for a ‘no’ – let me know if you change your mind’.
Also, I didn’t see anything in this that reads like it’s about you. It sounds like they’re just not that social and don’t like big events. That doesn’t make them bad people, just different than you. Especially with the global crisis still out there, there’s simply no reason to take someone passing on travel and large social gatherings so personally.
YTJ for blowing this way out of proportion and they’re jerks for not just saying ‘no thank you’.
Everyone sucks here.” Early-Light-864
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t think the way you handle this is great for you. Why get involved in such drawn-out discussions with them?
Stop expecting anything from them, because it’s not going to be forthcoming. Invite them once, because that’s being the bigger person, then move forward under the assumption that they will not appear.
There’s someone in my family like this. We always invite her and then leave it in her court.
She and her daughter do show up to an event once every 10 years or so.” Jaded_Lab_1539
11. AITJ For Calling Out A Stranger's "Joke" To His Own Niece?
“Yesterday I (45f) took my son (9m) and daughter (17f) to a birthday party.
It was a swimming pool party (I live in a very warm weather state). The boy has a 13-year-old step-sister who has OBVIOUS body issues and POSSIBLY might be trans. She has a boy haircut and often wears boy pants and a hoodie (I see her every day at the school my daughter and she attend).
She still responds to her girl name and told me her girl name so I will refer to her as she/her however he/him is more fitting with how she displays herself.
The step-sister was wearing bike shorts and a long-sleeved swim shirt while swimming.
She was more covered than the parents! When she came up to get a drink she came near where I was sitting with her mom and her mother’s brother-in-law. Her uncle (25m) told her to ‘go put some clothes on.’ She ran into the house crying.
Her mom let her BIL have it. She put him in his place AMAZINGLY. He looked at me and said ‘It was a joke’ so then I joined Mom and I told him how his ‘joke’ was inappropriate toward a CONSERVATIVE swimsuit with a girl who has OBVIOUS issues with her body and who she is.
He ended up saying sorry to her mom and I told him he needed to say it to her. Mom was thrilled that someone ‘backed her up’ because dad’s family often teases her daughter for being ‘boyish.’ When I was leaving I told the girl (back in her hoodie at 95 degrees) that her uncle was a jerk.
My daughter (17f) proudly told my husband what I did. He said I was a jerk for getting involved in another family’s drama. I feel like I was defending a child who was confused and hurting and backed her mother up in an argument about it.
We both agree to let you decide. (Also he and I agree that the uncle is MASSIVELY a jerk)
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Family members often think other family members are too touchy or sensitive and can’t take a joke, dismissing the fact that the jokes are neither funny nor appropriate.
From my own experience, this behavior is often magnified when the offensive person is a male and the one calling them out on it is female. We females are far too often told we’re being over-dramatic and ‘relax, it’s just a joke’.
Having a non-family member validate that the joke was not appropriate and, indeed, hurtful to the poor child, will make the jerk of an uncle realize he needs to be more thoughtful and considerate with his words and jokes.
Also, the uncle is the one who brought you into the family conversation/argument. You didn’t just butt in. So, 100% NTJ. And your husband claiming otherwise is just ridiculous. You showed your daughter that you’re not afraid to call out bullies and she was proud of you for it.
Well done OP.” OK_LK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sticking up for a kid who is being mistreated (even as a joke) by her family is definitely worth it. I don’t think that’s exactly getting involved in another family’s drama.
Sounds like the kid doesn’t have a huge support group at home from what you’ve said and I think backing up the mum and validating her was exactly what was needed.
I think way too often other adults will turn a blind eye to behavior like this even if they don’t agree simply because it’s not their family or not their children. I guarantee they’ll remember your kindness.” eparis
10. AITJ For Wanting To Go To Hawaii For My Nephew's Wedding Despite My Husband's Surgery?
“My husband (M 50s) and I (F 50s) have been married for 15 years and each has kids from prior marriages (all adults & local) and no kids together. My husband has been having hip issues for 10+ years ranging from mild discomfort to extreme pain where he misses work for weeks at a time.
Over the years he has seen multiple chiropractors & multiple doctors & specialists who have all told him the same thing: lose weight, go to physical therapy, exercise, do stretches, be more mobile, etc. He tries for a while, but when he doesn’t get relief as quickly as he wants it, he gives up.
He wants a hip replacement, however, ALL of the doctors up to this point tell him he doesn’t need one.
My nephew is getting married on the 4th of July and it’s a destination wedding (Maui!). Since we are on the East Coast, we decided to spend a week and make it a vacation.
Not only are we supposed to go, but so are my kids, my parents, my siblings & their kids. This is the first time my whole extended family will be together in years.
My husband has found a doctor who is willing to do the hip replacement, however, he wants to schedule it 2 weeks BEFORE the wedding.
He has told me recovery will be 3-5 weeks and that not only is he not going to the wedding (which is fine), but said I shouldn’t go as well. I was not at the doctor’s appointment, so I’m only going by what my husband has told me regarding available surgery dates & recovery times.
I asked if he would consider scheduling it after the wedding, and he said no. I suggested that he keep the date, I would be home for the first 2 weeks, and I would go to the wedding, just not as long, his kids or a nurse could come and help if needed, and he said I should be home with him.
So, AITJ for wanting to go to the wedding? I’d prefer to stay the full week, but willing to do for 4 days (which includes 2 travel days).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he has had years to take care of this and is refusing to accommodate you for a few weeks.
Please Google hip replacement recovery times. He should be up and moving around without assistance after two weeks. Since he doesn’t want you to go it will probably fall to you to arrange someone to come in and check on him as he seems like the type to lie there helpless assuming you’ll cancel all your plans to nurse him.
Be sure he’s aware that you ARE going to the wedding. Enjoy Hawaii guilt-free.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m really wondering about your husband, though. Hip replacements aren’t magic. He’s going to need to do quite a bit of therapy and is going to be in a significant amount of pain for a surgery he could avoid, or, at least, postpone, if he just did his exercises and PT.
I’m also wondering why he scheduled it then. Doesn’t he want you to have time with your family? That sounds somewhat selfish at best and is bordering on controlling.
Now, if it was emergency surgery, that would be an entirely different thing.” Arbor_Arabicae
9. AITJ For Not Getting Anything For My Wife On Valentine's Day?
“I (35f) did not get anything for my wife (36f) for Valentine’s Day this year. Hear me out.
I told her in August that since I was going to be unemployed and going to law school full time the next three years I wouldn’t be getting her or anyone else presents the next three years. Mentioned it to her multiple times. She was then kind of mad at me for not getting her anything for Christmas despite this.
But she got over it rather quickly.
Monday morning I texted her happy Valentine’s Day (she leaves for work before I get up). I did not get her any presents because I didn’t have any money. She got me a bag of jellybeans for Valentine’s Day.
I didn’t need anything but I thanked her anyway. She was very very mad I didn’t get her a gift for Valentine’s Day. She said I could’ve just gotten her a small gift or even a homemade one. I told her it didn’t even cross my mind as I didn’t have the money for gifts but I will do that in the future.
I then made her a homemade card but she said that didn’t count because she had to ask. She also knows I do not like Valentine’s Day as it reminds me of a tragic event that occurred at my school in 2008. I also have had a cold all week and haven’t been feeling well.
She was still mad at me on Tuesday and reiterated the same points.
It’s now Thursday and she says she wants to forgive me but is still upset and feels that me not getting her something means I don’t care. I said I didn’t feel like I should have to apologize as I told her I wouldn’t have the money to get anyone gifts months ago.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You could have made her a card. You could even have left a little love note on a post-it. Regardless of your personal history, your casual indifference to a day that clearly means something to your partner is just plain rude.
I don’t think she’s expecting you to spend lots of (or any) $$$ or schedule a 3-ring circus… but geez, at least ACKNOWLEDGE your partner!” geedunkgeek
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife’s love language is gifts (love languages: acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts).
It does not have to cost money to give a gift, it’s the thought that makes a gift. You could repurpose something from a thrift store, draw a picture, or write a poem. I strongly recommend reading the book ‘5 Love Languages’ – a very short read that should take you an hour or two to deepen your understanding.
It sounds like your wife and you have different love languages. I would be interested in how you went about your I’m not buying gifts conversation, did you leave any space for her to tell you how that made her feel?” ccgbear
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex And Ex-Best Friend To Make Cheesecake In The Kitchen?
“So, I (22f) had been going out with a guy ‘Cole’ (22m) for about a year. I was all in on this relationship, but Cole was always super wishy-washy about putting a label on it even though we were always doing ‘relationship’ stuff together.
He went out of town for a few months and didn’t really talk to me, and when he got back, he said he only saw us being platonic friends from this point forward. This crushed me and I wasn’t ready to just be friends, but unfortunately, we go to the same university and have mutual friends so I have to see him all the time.
My close friend ‘Emily’ (20f) told me about a week after this ‘break up’ that Cole told her he liked her and wanted to pursue a relationship with Emily. She asked if I would be okay with this, to which I said no, and I told her crossing this boundary would make me really uncomfortable.
She said she understood and wouldn’t pursue anything further.
The next day I got a text from her basically saying that Cole makes her feel like herself for the first time in months so in the name of self care she is going to go out with him.
This really upset me especially after she saw how he treated me and how crushed I was, and I stopped our friendship immediately.
Fast forward a few weeks, and Cole and Emily were going out. One day I was hanging out and cooking with two of my friends in a campus common kitchen, and I was a little upset because I had just gotten some bad news.
Cole and Emily walked into the common space together and I decided I couldn’t deal with seeing their newly formed relationship right then, so I told them to please go somewhere else. Cole acted like this was a ridiculous request, saying they just wanted to make a cheesecake.
I told them there are other kitchens on campus and the least they could do right now would be to leave me alone. Then my friend (22m) chimed in saying that Cole had been nothing but a jerk recently and none of our friends wanted him around anymore.
Cole and Emily continued to roll their eyes and act like we were bonkers as the argument continued, but they eventually left.
People were generally on my side about Cole being a jerk at first, but now people are saying that I am a jerk for starting an argument over cheesecake and I should’ve just sucked it up or gone somewhere else.
They say that they saw me as the bigger person but this made me petty.
So AITJ for not letting my ex and ex-best friend make cheesecake in the kitchen?
Edit: Just to clarify, the kitchen common space is in my dorm so they had to walk across campus to get here.
I don’t know why they didn’t just bake a cheesecake in their dorm or one of the other 4 dorms they passed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are intentionally trying to antagonize you. Why else would they walk across campus to get to your dorm? I’d expect this behavior to escalate.
None of this is your fault. Neither of them are good people. Ignore them and don’t let them push you around. If your friends tell you to suck it up/play nice etc ask them why your ex and ex-friend would travel all the way across campus to use your dorm when they had plenty of other options.
Ask them why you have to play nice when they clearly aren’t. Don’t be bullied into accepting this behavior.” MissContrariwise
Another User Comments:
“You have a right to be hurt, Emily and Cole have the right to go out with whoever they please. While neither of them is obligated to go out with who you approve of they should still at the very least respect that you need them out of your space now.
It sounds to me that they were trying to force an encounter. One or both of them simply wanted to steamroll your feelings just to force you into making things go back to the way they were.
That’s purely selfish on their part. By going out with Cole, Emily knew this would likely end your friendship.
The same goes for Cole. They’re being greedy. They want the best of both worlds and are willing to sacrifice your feelings to that end.
NTJ.” suchfren
7. AITJ For Shutting Down My Friend's Comment About My Eyeglasses?
“I (19F) recently got a new pair of glasses for myself because of a change in my number. And boy, am I super obsessed with them! I have been wearing glasses since I was six, and full disclosure: to this date, I have never quite liked how I looked in glasses.
This is partly because I prefer myself without them, and partly because up to now, my parents had been picking out glasses for me, and they always used to get me those really thick-rimmed ones. I had always wanted to get ones with transparent rims/narrow rims, but they would somehow pressure me into buying the ones with thick rims. This has always made me feel insecure about how I look.
Which is why all my social media is filled with pictures of me without glasses. However, this time around, I was paying for my own glasses, so I got a pair with a style I love.
And for the first time, I feel really amazing about how I look… to the point that I now like to post pictures of me with glasses on, because the pair I now own accentuates my eyes and suits my face (at least in my opinion).
It’s been a real milestone for me to be able to do that.
Now, a few days ago, a friend of mine replied to a story I’d posted on my Insta and told me, and I quote, ‘Don’t mind me saying but these specs don’t really suit you.
You must have liked it but I really don’t like it. Please don’t feel bad’. I was really annoyed at the opinion because I had not asked for it. Besides, even if it didn’t look good on me, he could see I was happy with it so there was no need to comment on it.
I replied telling him off, using the exact same words above. He was offended and told me that he had my best interests at heart and was simply expressing his opinion as he thought he could as a close friend of mine.
The thing is, me liking a pair of glasses and choosing to wear them is such a harmless decision… one that doesn’t need a second opinion.
I don’t know why he thought it was so important for him to rain on my parade. But he is now mad at me for telling him off and thinks that I was rude to him.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I honestly don’t understand how these people go out of their way to inject negativity into someone’s day and to bring down someone else’s self-esteem… They always seem so shocked by the clap back at their bad behavior.
Life pro tip: when you experience something in your life that makes you feel really good about yourself, these idiots will come out of the woodwork in droves. They can’t have you feeling good about yourself for whatever reason. I’d question how much of a friend he is.” LalalaHurray
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, first of all, you didn’t ask, second, it’s not just an accessory that you can remove or change anytime you want, glasses are super expensive, plus they need to be on your face all or most of the time!
That’s like going to someone and saying their haircut is crappy knowing you’ll be stuck with it for at least a few months.
He should learn that if something about someone’s appearance can’t be fixed in 5 minutes or less, he shouldn’t say anything about it!” Vixen7-9
6. AITJ For Wanting My Wife And Stepdaughter To Include My Daughter In Their "Girls' Day"?
“I married my wife earlier this year, she has a daughter from a previous relationship. I have a daughter from my previous relationship, her mother is not in her life. Both girls are 15.
My wife and daughter get along fine, but they don’t do much together.
My wife will talk to her a couple of times a day, but that’s about it. Then she’ll have hour-long conversations with her daughter. She doesn’t invite my daughter to things unless my daughter specifically asks, but my daughter is shy and doesn’t like talking.
There’s only a handful of times my daughter has spent time with my wife and that’s when my daughter asks. My wife never asks her if she wants to come.
Every time my SD comes over for her week, my wife and she pick a day and they have a girls’ day, and SD’s friends are allowed to come as well.
My daughter is never invited to any of these. I can see the hurt on her face when they come back.
I asked my daughter if she wanted to go, and she said yes.
Wife and SD were going to spend the day together again, but SD was having a bad day so she just wanted it to be her and her mom.
I told my wife my daughter wanted to come but she said she promised SD it would just be the two of them and said she would take my daughter out another time.
I snapped at her saying she is always excluding my daughter, and listed examples.
She said she couldn’t know if my daughter wanted to come or not, but she’d know if she asked.
It’s meant to be a girls’ day, so she should have included my daughter when we moved in. She told my daughter they could spend the day tomorrow, and left with her daughter.
I told my sister, and she called me crazy. My wife looked upset but I think I did right by my daughter. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Why did you ask your daughter if she wanted to go like she was the only one who mattered?
Without even speaking to your wife first or asking her how she thought her daughter would take it?
So what if your daughter wants to go if her stepsister doesn’t want her there on a specific occasion or in general?
No real reason for acting like your stepdaughter should lose any individual time with her mother OR like she is required to be friends with your daughter.
Girls’ Day means with her friends. Why would your daughter automatically go? Did you think a girl’s day is generally all girls in the world?
Now, you could speak to your wife about generally working on a relationship with her stepdaughter and the two of them doing things together – but she’s still very much allowed times that are just her and her daughter.
You really decided the day for this nonsense was a specific day your SD wanted just her mom?” horticulturallatin
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Firstly you’ve gotten married to a woman who doesn’t get along with your shy daughter and doesn’t appear to be making an effort to bridge that gap.
As soon as she married you she had two daughters but she’s not taking the one that isn’t biologically hers on girls’ days or thought that she might like to be included. She may be a wonderful person but she hasn’t clicked with the most important person in your life – a massive red flag.
So for that reason, you are a jerk.
However, calling her out on that and trying to get her to integrate your daughter is a positive step, but throws you into conflict with another important person, your new daughter who wanted time with her mum.
These family dynamics should have been sorted long before the wedding bells rang.
Hope you can all get along in the future but you’ve got a rough few months ahead of you OP.” Relevant_doom
The fact your daughter is shy has nothing to do with it at all... she KNOWS it's rude to invite oneself to someone else's thing so she doesn't YOU expecting wife to take her or ask her is also rude.. your daughter has better manners than you do!!!
On the days wife and HER daughter go do their thing whyndont YOU AND YOUR daughter go do a dad and daughter day... you could take her for a spa day get a mani pedi woth her have a facial etc... show her there's no shame in men ta,img prode in their appearance.. teach her about the kind of man you would like her to be with in the future... at the minute your showing her that only a 'mom' can do that stuff... come on dude show your daughter you can do just what wife can with her kid
5. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Daughter?
“When I (34M) was 20 I was going out with Melissa (34F) and she ended up getting pregnant.
This was bad because I felt like we were heading for a breakup. We were fighting, weren’t communicating and the relationship felt dead. But we decided to try to work things out for our daughter Bella (now 13). I got a job with Melissa’s dad, Melissa was a stay-at-home mom.
But our relationship was terrible still. We fought constantly and weren’t intimate.
I did start to see other people. It wasn’t right and I make no excuses for it. I felt so guilty I finally came clean to Melissa. She kicked me out of our house and took me to court.
She tried taking full custody of Bella. Her parents are loaded and have a bunch of connections in their town. They hired some fancy lawyer for the custody battle. They tried using an MIP ticket I had at 18, and a bunch of other dirty tricks to try to get custody.
Fortunately, the judge saw through them and gave me custody thur-sun every other week.
Melissa made things awful for me every chance she got. I was let go of my job. And kept getting let go from any of my new jobs because of Melissa.
Melissa’s parents offered me 20k to give up my rights. She would purposefully drop Bella off late to me on Thursday mornings so I would be late to work. She would miss pick/drop off times by hours and even called CPS on me for injuries Bella got from playgrounds.
She tried to remove my emergency contact info from Bella’s daycare and school. Whenever she was dropped off, her mom/grandma would be like ‘Listen Bella if anything happens you know to call me’. Bella started to reject me and I could see Bella was being turned against me.
My sister noticed it as well and Bella even admitted that her mom said bad things about me. I tried to document everything and take it to court. Unfortunately I didn’t win my case as I couldn’t afford a lawyer.
Eventually, I realized how bad this was for Bella and made the heartbreaking decision to sign away my rights when Bella was 7.
I just didn’t want her to grow up in a toxic environment and couldn’t fight her mom anymore. I moved two states away to start a new life. Since then I’ve gone to therapy to get over the loss of my daughter.
Met my wife and have a 2-year-old. I’m very happy with my life now.
Surprisingly my ex called me last week. I haven’t spoken to her since the day I signed away my rights. She was asking me to come visit Bella. Bella has started acting out, asking about her dad, and being disrespectful to Melissa’s current husband.
She asked if I would fly to them and speak with Bella. I told Melissa to get lost. She made it impossible for me to be a dad and didn’t deserve my help. She broke down saying she was immature then and to think about what’s best for our daughter.
I said ‘It’s not my daughter, you made sure of it’ and hung up. My wife thinks I don’t owe it to Melissa, but maybe I do owe something to Bella. I just don’t want to open that chapter of my life after I’ve worked so hard to move on from it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but I think it’s worth talking about this with your therapist. I am not suggesting you just say yes but you have put a lot of effort into getting yourself in a good mental state and this sounds like something that could trigger old issues.
Another reason is that you did have a very warranted initial reaction but for your own mental health you should take time to talk this out with a neutral third party and make sure for your mental health that you do want no contact.” derbarkbark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to help your ex. She got what she wanted & she can live with it.
I would, however, encourage you to be open to communication with your daughter. She was manipulated by her mother & maternal grandparents, and it sounds as though she may be starting to realize it.
There is no easy answer, but I definitely would not blame you for refusing to involve yourself on your ex’s terms, but if your daughter reaches out to you on her own, I would speak with her.
God only knows what they have told her, and she may eventually be in a place to hear just how hard you fought to keep her.” plm56
4. AITJ For Calling Out Someone For Disrespecting My Looks?
“I dress kind of alt and gothy, I’d gone out grocery shopping in a pretty cute (I thought) outfit with platform boots, black flare leg pants, and a black sleeveless blouse. I’ve also got the sides of my head shaved and was wearing some makeup.
It wasn’t even that wild of an outfit. Like I’d literally just gotten off work at my office job and had been wearing the same outfit plus a blazer.
So at the store, this kid gave me a smile and told me she wanted to look like me when she grew up.
I smiled and said that was really kind of her to say and she made my day. I thought it was really cute until her mom rudely went ‘Like heck you will, we don’t want you working at a gas station’.
I thought that was so rude, like talking trash about me right in front of my face like I wasn’t there.
So I said ‘Excuse me, ma’am’.
And she didn’t reply.
So I continued and said ‘I don’t appreciate the way you just talked to me, speaking poorly of me like I’m not right here. I can see you and hear you, you know’.
She took her daughter’s arm and pulled her back which I felt was overdramatic because I was just standing there talking to her like a normal person.
And she goes ‘Stop talking to my daughter’.
So I said ‘I’m speaking to you. What was that about a gas station? You know, I did just get off work… I’m a software engineer. What do you do again, ma’am? What do you do that makes you think it’s okay to look down on other people?
I’d love to hear it, it must be something very impressive if you’re feeling so superior.’
She snapped at me ‘Leave my family alone’.
I said ‘I don’t know your family, I’m speaking to you because I don’t appreciate the way you disrespected me to my face like that’.
She left and I felt like that was such a weird interaction. Like who makes petty comments to someone then pretends like they don’t want to be talked to when you respond politely? After starting that talk?
I feel like I might have been too rude really calling her out but I feel like she was rude thinking she could speak to me like I wasn’t there and I wouldn’t just be like ‘what the heck, lady?’
AITJ for calling that lady out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – every part of her interaction here was rude, and it sounds like you kept your cool and were as polite as possible. I’m sure she won’t ever see where she was wrong here, but her daughter saw the whole thing and it might have helped her to see things a different way than what her mom is teaching her.” ooh_shinyobject
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She was attempting to gaslight you. She’s guilty, her daughter isn’t. That’s why she kept telling you to stop talking to ‘my daughter’ and ‘my family’. She wanted you to think you were going after the innocent party. If it worked, and she got you to feel in the wrong, you’d stop and apologize and she could use that to show that you were the jerk.
Had it happen to me when I told a rude family to stop loudly singing in a nice restaurant. The patriarch got mad and kept trying to tell me off and get me to apologize for talking to ‘his wife’ that way. Because if I took the bait, I’d apologize and it would look like I had berated a retirement-age woman.
She was the most sympathetic person in the party.” delkarnu
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reserve A Seat For My Fiancé's Late Son At Our Wedding?
“I’m engaged to my fiance (Sam, 41) and we’re getting married soon.
I will say that he was married before and had a 13-year-old son who passed away 4 years ago. Let me tell you he is still pretty much grieving, not judging him for that but his grieving can and will cloud his thinking sometimes.
We’re currently in the wedding planning phase, he asked that we ‘reserve’ a chair at the venue for his deceased son.
I was dumbfounded when I heard this but he said that he knows his son will be there for him spiritually and he’d like to reserve a seat for him out of respect and to make him feel ‘included’, I tried to be gentle because this seemed insane and told him we can’t do that because guests will be asking questions and will think he’s mentally unstable.
I asked him to let go of this idea but he offered a compromise by leaving the last chair (in the very back) empty so no one would notice.
I felt uneasy and asked him to just let it go but he kept bringing it up saying he gets a say since it’s his wedding and his son was and will always be family, I had a fight with him telling him it’s my wedding too and I don’t want people to laugh at us.
He said I have nothing to lose if I say yes and that I’m being selfish. I snapped and told him to get over himself and he got quiet suddenly and stopped arguing then shut down completely. I then heard him sob while he was smoking outside and refused to speak to me, didn’t even let me sit with him.
He has been like this ever since the fight and has been avoiding me. I could have blown this out of proportion but I thought his request would weird out many guests and make our wedding a laughing stock.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No one is going to think he’s mentally unstable or insane, that’s all in your head.
It’s quite common to have empty chairs for this reason, if you place a photo on the chair it’s clear what you are doing. They are usually in the FAMILY section where they belong not as an afterthought in the back.
Interestingly you felt only your fiance’s age was relevant here.
Given you care more about people laughing at you than your fiance’s very valid feelings perhaps you shouldn’t be marrying him. The only clouded judgment here is yours. You are the one who needs to get over yourself and stop caring about what other guests might think.
I’d be very surprised if he married you after this. He deserves better.” Mean_Environment4856
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A massive one. Like… couldn’t be more of one. He should not only get his empty seat at the very front but there should be a photo of his son in that seat.
He will ALWAYS be a father and the fact that you’re trying to erase his son from an important day in his life and belittling his feelings is a really big indicator of how the rest of his life with you will be. I hope he sees that before it’s too late (for him).” NorthernLitUp
2. AITJ For Firing Our Nanny?
“I (38f) hired a nanny (Kayla, 26f) for my daughter (9 months).
We’ve had her for a few months now. My husband (42m) and I work out of the home and occasionally at home as well. I will start by saying my daughter loves Kayla, and barely cries when it’s time for her, me, and her father to leave and I have noticed a lot of advancements in her development since Kayla has been with us.
Her doctors even say she is progressing faster than most children which I love. On paper, Kayla is a very qualified if not overqualified nanny. On paper.
I have however noticed some concerning behaviors from Kayla since I’ve started checking the cameras in my home while at work.
Kayla has inappropriate conversations with my daughter. She talks to her about her nights out over the weekend, her fiancé, TV shows she watches, & gives her ‘advice’ for when she’s older. Again my daughter is 9 months old. I once caught her saying ‘When you’re 21 and ‘turning up’ make sure you watch your drink, don’t play around, well let me be honest you’ll probably be drinking at like 16’ and started laughing which I think is awful.
She makes dance videos with the baby and claims she doesn’t post them but how would I know that? She sends the videos to my husband and not me which I think is rude. She only sends me the occasional photos and even then it’s in a group chat with my husband.
She also played a variety of music for the baby including hip hop which I think isn’t okay for a young child. She says there’s never any swearing but I highly doubt that. My husband pays this woman almost 1k a week before taxes and this is what she does when we’re not home.
I confronted her the other day about her behavior. She explained that she was ‘only playing around’ when she would say these things to my daughter but also that just talking to babies helps them to develop clearer speech in the future/helps them talk faster.
She said it was just a funny thing they do together but she’ll stop if it’s that serious. I told her she doesn’t have to change her behavior because she’s fired & she said I can’t do that because of the contract.
I told her the contract states she can be fired for inappropriate behavior and that she was terminated immediately. She started crying saying she loves the baby but if I wanted to be a ‘rigid witch’ she’d just report me to the agency and sue for wrongful termination since I ‘didn’t give her notice’.
My husband apparently got a call from her and now he’s angry with me saying I treated her badly and said he’s going to pay her until she finds a position.
So AITJ? I didn’t think I was but my husband says I’m being ‘stuck up’ & ‘mean.'”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your baby has little to no long-term memory at this age. She has no idea what’s being said. You are absolutely overreacting. She offered to change her behavior and you decided to put your little power trip over what’s good for your kid.
Here’s the thing – it’s clear you wouldn’t trust ANY nanny. You think you know what’s best and you have an insane set of standards. Consider speaking to someone about this because cycling through nannies is not going to be best for your baby.” User
Another User Comments:
“Massive YTJ and you clearly know nothing about babies’ development. They NEED to be talked to, not in a baby voice or infantilizing way, they need to be talked to like a regular conversation to help their speech. The baby is 9 months old, it will not remember or retain the things it’s being told, it just needs to hear the sounds to help develop language itself.
Also, kids do drink at 16, so deal with it.
She sounds like she dodged a bullet by you firing her.” Global-Program-437
1. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust My Cats' Lifestyle For My Partner And His Son's Dog?
“I (36F) have been with my partner ‘David’ (44M) for 2 years and we recently decided to take the next step and have me move in with him and his son ‘Ben’ (13M). I’ve only been moved in for about 3 weeks now. This is the first real friction I’ve had with either of them.
The issue is that Ben has a very sweet, shy dog, Zoro (~75lb German Shepherd mix) and I have 2 cats (a youngish-friendly orange named Ump and my old lady calico, Daisy). Ump has decided he loves the dog and would like to be his BFF immediately and unfortunately, it turns out poor Zoro is terrified of the cats.
We did do slow introductions at first but we took Zoro’s avoidance of the initial cat room/doors/gates as disinterest so we thought it would be fine to let them mingle and then we saw what was really happening.
Daisy seems pleased with Zoro’s fear of her, to be honest…
she doesn’t go out of her way to bother him; she’s 16 & uninterested but she certainly liked how fast he would get out of her way. You can see it in her lil sashay. But she ignores him otherwise.
Sweet Ump tried to approach him twice with happy tail and head bumps and Zoro booked it out of the room in terror.
We scaled back the introductions again and set up a tall gate on the landing to keep them all separated on different floors for now.
In my mind, there’s no problems here. Zoro is afraid, yes but neither Ump nor Daisy is being aggressive or antagonistic towards him.
We just need to go more slowly and give him time to adjust to an entirely new type of creature and he’ll be okay. In fact, I’m positive once he realizes Ump is soft, warm & safe, he’ll want to cuddle too.
But everything will be fine soon; no one needs to be punished or corrected here. No one did anything wrong. It’s just a matter of patience
Ben is upset that Zoro is upset and David is upset that Ben is upset. They’ve worked each other up into a tizzy about how ‘this isn’t working!’ and finding a ‘solution’ right now.
Their ‘solutions’ have included: keeping Ump & Daisy locked in one room permanently so Zoro can’t see them through the gate, ‘training’ the cats to not go near/look at the dog via spraying/loud noises & rehoming Ump.
Obviously none of these are acceptable to me and I have refused all of them, saying I’d rather move back out than punish my cats for existing.
I’m definitely not giving away my cat for being too friendly. David got really upset when I said I’d move out and said it would be choosing my cats over him & his son which would be the end of our relationship which I don’t want but I’m not going to appease such an over the top reaction & I’m disappointed in how he’s handling this.
Am I the jerk? Am I crazy? I feel like it’s an extreme, ridiculous overreaction (from David; I expect the black & white thinking from Ben) to such a mild situation that I think will resolve itself very shortly but everyone I talk to in my life is like ‘Well that’s his kid’s feelings, what do you expect?’ And I feel like I’m losing my mind here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe over-analyzing… but sounds like the kiddo is projecting his fear/anxiety about you moving in onto his dog, which the dad is trying to fix and taking it out onto you. This is a massive event in the life of the son, suggest looking at it through his eyes, his young life.
The safety of his dad/dog/apartment. Now two cats and a woman.
Suggest not looking at it as some type of next step. Moving in with a family is a massive change for everyone with all sorts of future implications that sound like they may not have been discussed with the son.
Is this pseudo marriage, playing house, just seemed like the right thing to do, etc?
Overall yes… the animal will likely simply resolve but doesn’t sound like there is anything of danger or whatnot happening. Just give them space and let them live.” tombiowami
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I suspect this may go beyond just the animals. Having a new woman and her two cats suddenly move into your home as a thirteen-year-old boy is going to take some time to get used to. It’ll take a bit to get comfortable with the new dynamics.
Of course a thirteen-year-old boy is going to be upset if it was always just them chilling and now his dog is stressed and he has to share his dad too. It’s understandable too that Dad doesn’t want to see his son upset over something that is being caused by him and his relationship.
At the same time, you and the cats were invited to move in and they being animals need to be given some grace and have an adjustment period so that the animals can get used to the new dynamics as well. It doesn’t sound like anyone has done anything wrong, maybe an open and honest family meeting may be helpful though.” bob-omb_panic
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