People Need Our Expert Opinions On Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories

Unsplash
Dive into a whirlpool of intriguing dilemmas, from confronting homophobia at a wedding to the delicate dance of setting boundaries for house guests. Explore the nuances of social etiquette, familial obligations, and personal boundaries in these compelling stories. Are they the jerks for standing their ground or just misunderstood? You decide. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Telling My Friend My Social Battery Was Drained?

QI

“So I (F) have a friend (M). We were in our English class and the teacher gave us an assignment that we could do with a partner, but working in pairs was not mandatory. I didn’t really want to work with anyone as my social battery was dead, so I silently started working by myself.

My friend walked up to me, and asked me if I wanted to work with him. I said, “No, sorry, I would like to work by myself.” He got slightly offended and started pushing it, but gave up after a minute or two.

The substitute of the class asked me why I was not working with my friend like I usually do, and I told her I wanted to work by myself.

She just laughed, assumed we had an argument, and made us work together. I was upset to say the least, but I cooperated.

After we finished working, he asked me why I didn’t want to work with him. I explained my social battery was dead because I had been interacting with people all day, and he took that as an insult towards him.

He told me that was rude to say, so I tried to explain what I meant by that. He still said that it was rude, but I didn’t understand why he thought that.

I’ve been feeling like garbage about it all day, and I’m starting to think that I’m the jerk in this situation.

My stepmother told me I wasn’t being rude and I was setting a boundary, but I can’t help but think I’m the jerk. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Most definitely NTJ – as a fellow introvert I understand completely what you mean, and I applaud your ability and strength to actually articulate that and set boundaries – I often find I lack that strength and just want to avoid everything.

Unfortunately, people (usually extroverts) completely lack the ability to even understand what we mean, let alone have the ability to empathize. But that is a problem they share. The sub was grossly out of line here, and I’d be having a word with her about that (when I was recharged enough to deal with confrontation).” Relevant_Turnip_7538

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your stepmother is right, and the substitute is the one who overstepped her boundaries. If I were your mom, I would call the school to complain about your being forced to work with a partner when everyone else was allowed the option of going solo.

I don’t know why your friend thought that forcing himself into your company would make you more inclined to want to spend even more time with them in the future.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s unusual to be so forthright with friends about just not wanting to deal with them or any other person right now, so that might be why your friend felt stung and lashed out a bit by saying you were rude.

You weren’t rude. Your teacher should not have forced you to work with your friend. There could have been far more insidious reasons for you to be wanting to work alone than the real reason, and the teacher should have respected that.” Thatstealthygal

2 points - Liked by pamlovesbooks918 and lebe
Post

User Image
Jigsaw1988 2 days ago
Most definitely ntj! I can totally relate to this! Extroverts are incapable of even understanding why we introverts feel this way. Your teacher was way out of line the way she handled it!
0 Reply

21. AITJ For Asking My Brother And His Wife To Pay Rent Or Move Out?

QI

“My bother moved into my home Jan of 2023 with his wife.

They were looking to get out of the craziness of Washington State and offered my home while they looked for jobs. Expecting it would be 2-3 months tops. They only had to pay the difference in utilities since they used such a crazy amount of utilities/resources.

While living with my wife and me, it became apparent VERY quickly that they were inconsiderate people.

Examples: would leave used bandaids on the floor, leave used napkins/tissues everywhere, never pick up used dishes, not put dishes in the dishwasher, have us buy food that they never ate and went bad, couldn’t play certain games, watch certain TV, listen to certain music, they flooded my spare bathroom, broke my trash can and hid/lied about it, and the list really does go on.

Some background: On my brother’s work qualifications, he and I are very similar. College graduates and Army Veterans. Neither of us do any harmful substances nor have had any problems with the law.

General background: It took me about 2 months from losing my job to getting my first paycheck, in this area.

Finding an apartment took me a matter of days, when I first moved to this state. Which is why I only ever expected them to be at my home for 2-3 months.

Well, my brother and his wife didn’t start working until May and April (respectively).

They went on a vacation, requested start dates be pushed back, and were eating takeout every day. Not the behavior of people struggling and destitute.

At the end of May, a full month after both were working, I told my brother that I expected them to start paying half the rent since they’re both working and that it was to start July 1st. He indicated he understood and that he would talk to his wife.

This would’ve given them both a full 2 months of work/paychecks.

Since they started working, they have been looking for a place to stay. Apparently, apartments are insufficient and they wanted to buy/rent a house which only added time to finding a place to stay.

They did manage to find a place and had keys to move into the new place just before July 1st, though not all utilities were set up like internet and hot water. They made it clear they weren’t going to start moving in for another 2 weeks once the internet was installed and would take their time completing the move.

Essentially saying they will be there for the month of July.

I asked my brother about paying rent. He assumed I would forget about it and never brought it to his wife’s attention. He and his wife made a big stink saying they they were poor and didn’t have money to pay rent.

Saying they didn’t feel welcome in my home and that I was taking advantage of their situation.

I offered them 3 options. Pay in full, pay when they get their next paycheck, or move out. They chose to move out into their new house the next day.

I think I did the right thing but it seems to have disrupted the family dynamic and I’m second-guessing myself. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but also probably should have let your feelings known sooner. Your tone about some stuff (how can these struggling people afford takeout, the fact that it took him a whole month longer than you to find a job) and the fact that they left literally the next day suggests to me that you may have let grievances fester and lashed out a little.

Of course, I could be completely wrong. You’re of course entitled to ask for rent, tell them to leave, or whatever (hence my vote), but if you did let all this stuff fester and that came out in your conversation with him, it shouldn’t be too huge of a surprise that the family dynamic is shaken up a bit.” carthrowaway9898

Another User Comments:

“Easy NTJ. You helped your brother and his wife in time of need and they returned your favor in spade. Disrupt family dynamic? If I were in your shoes, I would go no contact with your brother and his wife for being the entitled jerks they turned out to be.” macross1984

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They took advantage of you and abused your hospitality and know they did. If they can’t see that they were in the wrong, then there’s nothing you can do about it. You didn’t disrupt the family dynamic, their messiness and lack of accountability did.

If you have peace without them speaking to you, then enjoy the peace until they give you, at minimum, an apology for their behavior and a thank you for putting them up while they damaged your home and took advantage of your kindness.” wookiesandsilk

2 points - Liked by BJ and lebe
Post


20. AITJ For Keeping My Inherited Childhood Home?

QI

“I (30f) and my sister (33f) both lost our mom recently and before she passed away, she and my mom fell out after my sister stole around $4000 from my mom who was letting her and her kids stay rent-free and wrecked the house.

She was kicked out and she currently lives in a small apartment. Their relationship never really recovered.

When we got the will, I got the house we used to live in as children. This was a massive shock as everyone believed the house would go to my sister but it didn’t.

But she still got enough money to cover at least 15 months of rent and supplies for her kids and I got the rest.

After the will was read out she pulled me to one side and asked if she could stay in the house with her kids which I would happily do.

But when I said she could stay with me she said that I should move into her apartment and pay the rent and she should keep the house.

I said no because this house would help me because it’s closer to my work and it’s all paid for.

But she just started calling me entitled and some other derogatory words which I will not repeat.

But after a while with family members saying I should give my sister the house I’m double-guessing myself. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I would NOT let her live in YOUR house rent-free and without a SUBSTANTIAL security deposit because her PAST behavior has already indicated she is IRRESPONSIBLE.

I guarantee you she will wreck YOUR house. Think of YOUR house as a BUSINESS; that is, rent it out to responsible tenants where you get income and YOUR house increases in value. NTJ. In the event your sister winds up living with you in YOUR house, make sure you have the protection of a WRITTEN LEASE AGREEMENT.” MountainFiji

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, obviously. You’ve been thoughtful and generous and offered her a more spacious and comfortable place to stay than she currently has, and she has turned around and been terribly rude to you. I normally cringe when people use the term “ungrateful” around here because it’s often wielded in situations where no gratitude is warranted (e.g. abusive husbands calling their wives “ungrateful”); but in this case, your sister really is being ungrateful – showing no appreciation at all and just demanding more.

Meanwhile, I am laughing particularly hard at the irony of her calling you “entitled” because in the most literal sense she is correct, but not the way she intends: you are, in fact, objectively entitled to the house . . . because it’s yours. She seems to think that it’s an insult but saying that you’re acting as though you deserve something that, um, belongs to you, is an insult that falls pretty flat.

NTJ. Your sister is ridiculous.” Sorry_I_Guess

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your mother knew what would happen to her loved house. It would be damaged, fall into ruin, and lose all value. She was also probably trying to balance the moral books in that she gave your sister a lot more help in life than she did you.

As to the flying monkeys, ask each of them for $25,000 to compensate you for the loss of value of the house to you and help out your sister. Bet none of them will put their money where their mouth is so why should you? It is easy to be generous with someone else’s money.” Timely_Egg_6827

2 points - Liked by BJ and lebe
Post

User Image
Joels 2 days ago
If she stole from your mom what makes you think she won’t steal from you?
1 Reply
View 1 more comment

19. AITJ For Not Paying Half The Bill After My Ex Insisted He'd Cover It?

QI

“Yesterday, my (ex) partner and I, who have been together for a bit over 7 months, had plans to hang out. We planned to go bowling, so I got a Groupon and paid ahead. Before bowling, my partner decided he wanted to go to a wine and cheese place.

I pointed out how expensive it is, as I had just paid rent and my student loan payment so I could not afford it. He assured me he wanted to go and he would pay for it. This was confirmed several other times.

When we got there, I decided I wanted a little food because I hadn’t eaten in a while after working all day.

I said I wanted to get the $13 Mac & cheese and I’d pay for it myself, but he said not to worry about it. He then proceeds to order a bottle of wine and two cheeseboards, without my input on how much we should order.

We proceeded to have a really nice and enjoyable time together, I thought at least. At the end, when we get the bill, he tells me (does not ask, tells me) to send him $60. I am a bit shocked and ask if he’s serious.

I point out that he insisted several times that he wanted to go here and he would pay, as I don’t have the money right now to spend on something like this. He gets very angry and says that this “shows him who I really am.” He continues saying that and says “what if I couldn’t afford the tab?

You wouldn’t help me?” I told him I obviously would help in a case like that, but he insisted on going here and paying and didn’t even ask me to help. I pointed out that it was essentially a command, and he told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it.

My partner pays, gets up, and leaves, and I get up to follow and trail behind. He turned around as I was on my phone behind him and asked if I was ordering an Uber for myself. I said no, and he told me “I wish you were.” This immediately makes me start crying, and I turn around and walk across the street to the nearest bench to sit down.

He continues walking away and disappears. I get a call five minutes later, and he asks where I am. I told him I went across the street to sit on the bench, and he said he doesn’t see me, then immediately goes back into the argument.

I try to explain my perspective again and he ends up hanging up on me. He does not come back and does not contact me again.

It was dark at this time, and he left me alone, upset and crying, on the street. We both live in a highly populated area.

He didn’t even check to see if I got home safe or anything. I texted him one time to point out how he completely ditched me and didn’t even care to see if I got home safe, so he has made it clear that he doesn’t care about me (perhaps a bit dramatic?

I don’t think so though). He just answers after a bit “that’s crazy. Ok.”

I have since blocked him. AITJ for not helping to pay when he told me to?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and thank goodness he is now your EX-partner. “He told me that if he tells me to do something, I should do it.” What a sexist jerk!

He told you he would pay and then in the end expected you to pay 1/2. Looks to me like he did that purposely to test you to see if you would cave. So he would know how far he could push you. I’m so glad you didn’t.

I suspect you dodged a huge bullet in his future attitude towards you.” TossingPasta

Another User Comments:

“You are definitely NTJ. He made it clear several times he’d pay and then decided last minute that he’s not? And on top of that, he made a huge scene and ditched you late in the evening while you were upset.” ASSASSINKDOGG

Another User Comments:

“NTK. It sounds to me like this was some kind of warped test – he’d probably read somewhere that if your SO/wife doesn’t enthusiastically split all restaurant bills then she’s some kind of bum. You didn’t jump through hoops to split the bill – even though he’d deceived you into going in the first place and knew from the start that you couldn’t afford it.

In summary – he’s a manipulative weirdo, tried to play a game and it backfired. Well done for getting rid of him.” steplightly85

2 points - Liked by BJ and lebe
Post

User Image
helenh9653 14 hours ago
NTJ. Your (now thankfully ex) boyfriend was a liar and a bully, and clearly didn't care about you. You deserve better. Heck, nobody deserves him!
0 Reply

18. AITJ For Suggesting My Wife Should Quit Her Job To Care Of Our Kids?

QI

“For context, my (M29) wife (F28) and I have been married for the past 4 years and have been blessed with two sons. Recently my wife has been complaining about the difficulty of her job more and the amount of work she has to put in following a workday.

I work about 50-60 hrs a week whereas she works 40hrs a week and I have tried to increase the amount of home work I do over the weekends lately.

The problem for me lies in the fact that we take both kids to daycare which costs a pretty big chunk of our budget and is more or less 70-80% of her income per month.

I make enough for all of us to be more or less in the same financial situation with a few more overtime hours a week if she quit her job.

And since she has been complaining recently when she started venting yesterday I told her she might as well quit and just take care of the boys, and I’d bump up a few hours since it’s pretty much the same type of work (she works in social care).

According to her I’m minimizing her work and just not focusing on the real problem.

I’ve tried to talk with her about why she doesn’t want to just quit if she keeps complaining about the job in the first place, but haven’t had much success today.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You are absolutely minimizing her job. She likely loves her job. She likely chose it and trained for it as her career. Complaining about it doesn’t mean she hates it. I love my job, but it doesn’t stop me from complaining about the bad parts.

You’re basically saying that if she doesn’t love every aspect of her job, she should just give up on her career and become a SAHM, which frankly sounds like something she would enjoy even less than her current position.” inFinEgan

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Why is it ‘her’ income that pays for childcare?

Why is it not 50/50 from both of you? This really annoys the crap out of me when men say this and then try to use it as justification for their partner to be dependent on them. You don’t seem to understand the importance of having a job and earning your own money – maybe she doesn’t want to be dependent on you, and have to ask if she can buy things like some teenager and then have you complain about how she spends money.

Maybe she likes the interaction with other adults or just being out of the house without the kids – spending all day with small children on your own can be soul-destroying. Sure, we all vent about our jobs – that doesn’t mean she wants to throw it in.

She is venting about additional work outside of hours, a legitimate issue for many people. This is not the same as wishing she didn’t have to work at all.” alien_overlord_1001

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. “I’ve tried to talk with her about why she doesn’t want to just quit if she keeps complaining about the job in the first place, but haven’t had much success today.” Hardly surprising if you couched it in those terms…

Complaining doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to quit work. Maybe it would damage her career progression. Perhaps she doesn’t want to be a SAHM. “According to her I’m minimizing her work and just not focusing on the real problem.” So maybe ask her what the real problem is without labeling it as complaining or whining?” Apart-Ad-6518

2 points - Liked by Disneyprincess78 and lebe
Post

User Image
Disneyprincess78 1 month ago
Ntj, you both have a family and if her job isn't helping and she is complaining you have a right to discuss the options.
0 Reply
View 1 more comment

17. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Stepmom For Trying To Force Me To Do Whatever She Wants?

“I had made plans the day before to go see my mom and my stepdad who came to visit me from another country (9 hours away by plane).

I have a very friendly and respectful relationship with them and I love them very much. It was a 40-minute drive from where they stayed to where I was (school). They were gonna pick me up to go hang out.

I get a text from my stepmom 5 minutes before my mom and stepdad were gonna come and pick me up.

The text said that she needs me to stay with her 9-year-old daughter from 4 to 6 pm. Then I texted her saying that my mom and stepdad were 5 minutes away from picking me up to go hang out and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it on time but I would try to come before 4 pm.

It was about 1:20 pm. And my stepmom told me to cancel my plans and tell my mom to essentially turn around and drive home another 35 mins or tell them to wait until 6 pm and go then. I told her that that is kind of disrespectful towards them and I can’t tell them to turn around.

I went to hang out with them, then came home at 3:50 pm. She left for whatever she needed to do, my dad took my 6-year-old brother for his lessons in person (which is why he couldn’t stay with my 9-year-old sister). It turns out that the reason why my sister couldn’t come with my dad and brother is because she had her online French tutor lesson.

Then when I came down to eat dinner, my stepmom tells me that I have to let them know of my plans beforehand, because she always assumes I’m free after school. I said that it’s wrong to just assume I’m free and build your plans on that.

She said it was urgent (I call nonsense because she has a history of having plans and knowing all the details beforehand and just not telling me until the last minute).

I said that next time they should one not assume I’m always free and two if they need my help, tell me ahead of time.

Not only that but both my dad and my stepmom demand help from me. They never ask for help, they just tell me to do stuff. I told them that I have no issue with helping, but I would appreciate it if you asked for help instead of rudely telling me what to do.

(To their kids they always ask for help, never demand). Also, I told my stepmom that in this situation telling my mom and stepdad to turn around or wait was inappropriate and rude. She said she doesn’t care.

Then my dad told me that I have till the end of the day to decide where I want to live.

Either with him but by his rules, meaning they tell me what to do and I have to report everything I plan to do or go live with my mom and stepdad. They plan on moving to Canada closer to the summer this year, but plan to leave on the 6th of April.

So if I choose to live with them I have to leave school and move back to Ukraine (where my mom and stepdad live). Is it normal to never ask for help and just demand it? Being so rude to me and my mom and stepdad?

I do well in school, never get in trouble, never go hang out with friends late at night, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink yet I’m still a bad son.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You aren’t responsible for her poor planning. She’s incredibly rude and self-centered. I hope they don’t move here.

But you’re between a rock and a boulder and have limited options. As long as you depend on them you have to follow their rules. Generally, I’d say go to your mom, but I wouldn’t suggest anyone go to a warzone.” TheVaneja

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you’re kind of between a rock and a hard place. If you want to stay in Canada you need to become independent of your dad or he’s going to hold this over you. And by the sounds of it, he’s not going to change no matter how right you are.

It’s scary I’ve been through it leaving home at 17 but you start to make a plan. Tow the line until you can get a job and move. It won’t be pretty, you will likely have ramen for dinner a few nights a week or in my case peanut butter sandwiches.

You will have no money to do anything else but work your butt off. It gets easier eventually and it’s crap when you have to grow up a lot sooner than most but in the long makes you better equipped to deal with life and finances.” ireadrot

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but it sounds like you are dependent on them for housing until the fall. So you can have some validation on this thread but IRL you’ll have to fake an apology, do what they say, and wait until you can either move in with your mom or to college housing.

I think this is a good moment to start setting yourself up for financial independence and looking at what the cost of college housing would be. Now you know you shouldn’t rely on them to help you because there is a hidden price tag on their care.

That’s valuable info.” mellifluousseventh

2 points - Liked by AnD13panD3rs and lebe
Post

User Image
Mistweave 1 month ago
NTJ. There's no reason the kid couldn't be home for 2 hours at 9. Also, you're still a minor, if your dad kicks you out, go to social services and file for child support for yourself and let them know why.
0 Reply

16. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Classmate's Death Despite Not Being Close Friends?

QI

“My classmate died of cancer 2 months ago.

I would call him my friend, but I’m not sure if he thought of me that way.

For some backstory, my classmate got cancer in January of 2023. He was doing pretty good until he caught an outside bug and his immune system couldn’t take it and he died in December of 2023.

During the summer of 2023, we would voice chat and play video games almost every day. I transferred schools during the summer so I wouldn’t see him when he would be able to get back to school (now realizing I wouldn’t have been able to see him anyway).

When I found out he died, the news was from his brother on Discord. Obviously, I was really sad. I missed school for around 2 days because of my grieving. I still haven’t fully recovered.

Recently, one of my old classmates reached out and we caught up on a few things.

He was much closer to our friend. We talked about a few things like school and jobs and the topic of our friend came up. We both talked about how we reacted and he lashed out at me saying that I didn’t have the right to be so sad about it if I wasn’t close to him.

I apologized and explained our relationship during the summer but he left me on read. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Nope, NTJ. But the person you were talking to sure is. How close you and your classmate were is completely irrelevant. Their death affected you, and that’s all there is to it.

Your old classmate needs to work on their feelings instead of trying to police others’ feelings.” Consistent_Ninja_235

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I understand he’s grieving but as someone who’s had that said to them before that’s not the way to go about it. It’s completely understandable to be sad about it and shows you can have compassion for people you weren’t even that close to which is a good thing imo.

Nobody should be dying so young, it’s very sad and you’re in no way close to being a jerk here. I hope he’s in a better place now.” eldritchcryptid

Another User Comments:

“Sorry you lost your friend, that’s super hard and really unfair. NTJ.

Grief is unexpressed love. Love isn’t quantified by time. You may not have had decades together but meaningful connections only take minutes to form. Sounds like you were close, hanging out every day. You’re likely not only grieving the time you had together but also the time you expected to have to grow your friendship in the future.

Also, your other classmate is NTJ too. Hurt people hurt people. Anger is the easiest emotion to process because it makes us feel powerful. So sometimes we choose anger over sorrow when we are deep in grief because it hurts less. He could also be projecting a little guilt around his own feelings—grief is really complicated and it is hard to understand.

Just don’t take things said from pain as truth okay? Go easy on yourself. Allow yourself to feel as deeply as you need. Fighting your feelings will only make them return over and over and over again until you do feel them. Take your time and don’t worry about what others say.” Aggravating_Egg1881

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post


15. AITJ For Being Upset With My Mom For Taking My Puppy Outside?

QI

“I (28F) have a 4-month-old German Shepherd puppy. For context, our family dog was of the same breed and we raised him from when he was 2 months old. Unfortunately, he passed two years ago. Last month, I had to go to work in person out of the blue.

I got very little notice so I called up my mom and asked her if she could take care of the puppy for me. She agreed and came over, I told her he didn’t have his shots yet and to “be careful”. I went to work, I messaged her every now and then to ask how they were doing and she responded with a thumbs up every time.

I came back to an empty house and panicked, thinking something had happened to both of them or there was an emergency and they had to go to the vet. I called her and she didn’t pick up – her phone was switched off. I went over to my neighbor’s and asked them if they knew anything and they said they had seen my mom taking the puppy out on a leash.

I started walking to the nearby public park and what do you know, my mom’s there with the puppy, and like 2 other dogs. I went over and asked her why she didn’t pick up and she laughed and said her phone was dead cause she was too busy with the puppy to charge it.

When we got home, I asked her why she took him outside, that I’d told her not to – she said I never explicitly told her not to take him outside and turned it around on me “this is how you repay a favor?” and said the puppy looked antsy being all cooped up in the house (I have a substantial backyard).

I left it at that and the next day took puppy to the vet. All was clear at the time but 4 days later the puppy started showing symptoms and turns out he caught parvo. The poor thing went through a lot but he’s been alright for a week now.

A couple of days ago I left him with a sitter to attend the fam’s Easter celebration, and to note at this point I hadn’t communicated with my mom since the day of.

My cousin asked me how the puppy was doing and I told her the whole thing.

Word got around and now people are condemning my mom for her actions and honestly, I couldn’t care less. Mom called me today and demanded I “make things clear” with other people and that it wasn’t her fault my puppy fell sick and could’ve died. I asked for an apology cause even if she didn’t mean for it to happen, the puppy did suffer.

She declined. I blocked her.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Unfortunately, we see this with pets and children all of the time; “grandparents” or other mature adults think they know better than the younger generation with whom they interact and completely disregard directions about diet, play, sleep, and general care.

It’s pretty disrespectful. If your mom didn’t know that young dogs who haven’t had their shots yet should not be around other dogs, she should have asked. But, to your point, she is a prior dog owner herself, so that root cause falls flat pretty quickly.

Do I think your cousin is a blabbermouth who needs to shut her piehole? Yes, yes I do. So maybe one thing to consider is how much you tell her that you don’t want being repeated in an uncontrolled manner. But saying something when asked about it doesn’t make you a jerk.” Gonebabythoughts

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, how are you supposed to “make things clear” that it “wasn’t her fault” when it literally was in fact her fault that the puppy caught parvo? PARVO!!!!! That is so beyond terrifying, I’m so sorry it happened and I’m glad your pup is doing better now.

Yes maybe you could have communicated better to her, but I still feel it’s reasonable to assume that she would understand that “he doesn’t have his shots yet” = “don’t take him outside/let him meet other dogs”. That and she should be taking responsibility and paying for his vet bills since the illness was due to her mistake, not being angry at you for sharing a true factual story with a family member.” clevercitrus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is basic knowledge that puppies need their shots before going out! Anyone who has ever had a dog (and is a responsible owner) knows this! I have a puppy who just turned 4 months old, and when she did not have all her shots she didn’t leave the house.

And anyone who wanted to meet her, which we rounded down to my parents and my ILs, had to wash their hands. It’s just like a little baby. Let other people know. It’s her own (ir)responsibility.” Accountant_Rules

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post

User Image
Mistweave 1 month ago
The puppy got exposed to parvo in your care, so it wasn't going to matter how careful she was. You never told her not to take the puppy outside. She should have not taken the puppy to the park though.
-2 Reply

14. AITJ For Carrying My Exhausted Daughter After A Scary Incident?

QI

“I (38m) have a daughter (16) who went to a river to camp with her friends. She’s been scared of deeper water for a long time, and wanted to conquer her fear, but waded in, got scared, and froze, ending up drifting away from her friends.

She regained control and got out of the water, but got lost in the forest trying to get back until midnight, wandering around in her bikini.

She eventually found her friends, and was exhausted and crying, and wanted to go home. They called me, and when I got there, she had this tired look I hadn’t seen before.

I grabbed her stuff for her and put it in the back, then I picked her up, brought her to the truck, repositioned her over my shoulder to free an arm to open the door, and set her in.

Her friend’s mom told me not to “handle” her like that.

I said “I’ll give you this chance here to drop this and go on with your day.”

She said that was a husband/wife thing, not a dad/daughter thing, and I said “You blew your chance, have a good night.”

She called me a jerk as I got in the truck.

This issue has never come up before, but it’s been on my mind, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Well, you really should have just dragged her around by the ankle rather than showing concern and loving care to your exhausted and upset daughter. That woman was way out of line and you’re an excellent dad.

All you did was help your girl and take care of her. I hope she’s feeling better. NTJ.” Impossible_Disk_43

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, good job on the dad-ing. Buuuut… She wandered around until midnight? Didn’t anybody look for her? Didn’t anybody know about her fear?

And while your daughter was missing because she was trying to find her way back, nobody did anything? Like call you, look for her, call for her, whatever? Are those “friends” and that mom as bad as I think they are? Your daughter must have been terrified, alone, lost, and nobody even batted an eye, sounds like.

I’d have fewer friends after something like that, poor girl.” ILikeLamas678

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ! Oddly enough I’ve been in the same situation as your daughter when I was about 15, weak swimmer in a river for the first time going too deep. I got swept away into the rapids and then lost in the woods.

So I can say with certainty that when that happens all help is greatly appreciated, a friend had to hold me up crossing the river because my legs were so numb I kept slipping and a very nice (and very startled) family gave me a ride and a towel after I stumbled into their yard looking like a water ghoul.” verybeans

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post


13. AITJ For Defending My Son's Use of Different Languages During An Argument At School?

QI

“I (36F) have been married to my wonderful wife (Anna – 35F) for the past 10 years. We have a 5-year-old son, Liam.

Anna and I both work during the day so Liam spends the time until one of us can pick him up at his kindergarten. The other day, Liam’s teacher called me and said they would appreciate it if we both were available when we picked him up because he had gotten into an argument and they wanted to talk to us.

Initially, I was worried so I moved a few of my meetings and called my wife. We both went to pick him up. The whole issue was he had gotten into an argument with a girl over the rules of a game they were playing.

The teacher said as he got angry, he started speaking in a different language, and no one could understand what he was on about. The other kid’s parents said it was offensive to speak in a way that no one understood and we should have taught him better.

Now, I am a Greek woman, my wife is French. We live in an English-speaking country. While Liam can certainly speak English, he occasionally uses Greek and French. Both Anna and I learned each other’s languages so our household is a mix of all three at different times.

He picked up on both of them and can speak them more or less.

I said we have clearly taught him well since he has been able to speak in other languages fluently this whole time but only slipped when he was frustrated during an argument.

I said it was in no way offensive, that it was a human reaction, and that Liam would surely get it under his full control over time but he is FIVE now so maybe we all should take a deep breath.

The other kid’s parents were extremely mad saying their daughter was so upset she cried after the argument and that Liam had to apologize for making her feel this frustration via using another language.

My wife answered them with the same overall point as I did but they didn’t back down. Even the teacher said we had to work on Liam not making this a recurring theme which is fair.

After the meeting was over and we were going to drive away, the other kid’s dad made a comment along the lines of ‘you’re all arrogant rich people driving cars like this and thinking whatever you’re doing is right.’ In front of the kids.

I got really mad and said I hope you’re a better parent than what I’m guessing you are.

After we went home, Anna and I did tell Liam to not speak to other people in a language they don’t understand. Later we talked among ourselves and wondered if we really did escalate the whole argument even more.

I am asking on behalf of both us. Were we the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, not even close. Agree everyone needs to take a breath. There is nothing “offensive” here. Even the teacher sounds a bit ridiculous in chastising you over what is clearly an accident by a flippin’ 5-year-old.

An apology doesn’t even seem warranted — apologize for what? It would be the same as if I used big words to express myself that you didn’t understand. You say you don’t understand, I use simpler words, life goes on. People making a big deal out of it seems unnecessary.” Spirited-Meringue829

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There is nothing offensive about talking in a different language. Nothing! The other person might not understand you, but big deal. The teacher could have used this as a teaching moment to learn the kids about all the different languages spoken in the world, ask other kids if they speak other languages than English, etc and it would have diffused the situation by diverting their attention to something else.

By acting like this, the girl and her parents feel justified that somehow they were wronged when a different language was spoken. So stupid!” bartpieters

Another User Comments:

“Rubbish. Encourage Liam to speak in whatever language he wants. But under no circumstances should you tell him to speak only English around other people for their comfort.

Those entitled idiots were just mad because their little darling didn’t get what she wanted. She was uncomfortable because she didn’t know what was being said. Any inferiority complex is theirs and theirs alone. These are kindergarten kids, for goodness sake. These parents need to get a grip.

Don’t get me started on the fool of a teacher. What she should have said was, ‘Wow, you know other languages? Could you teach us some words and phrases?’ Not this pandering rubbish. You are NTJ.” NotNobody_Somebody

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post


12. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister For Not Following My House Rules?

QI

“I (26F) live in a two-bedroom apartment and I was living alone for the most part until last month when my younger sister (23F) started living with me after my parents kicked her out due to her not contributing to the house.

She had nowhere else to go and she pretty much begged me to let her stay with me.

I said that if she wants to live with me, she needs to follow my house rules. She is in her last year of university so I said that she didn’t need to contribute financially but had to contribute to household chores. Something that she didn’t do when living with my parents.

I am a clean person and I like my house to be neat and tidy. At first, she complied. She kept the kitchen clean, did her assigned chores, and would always clean up after herself. Then recently around two weeks ago, she started slacking.

She wouldn’t do the dishes on her day, trashed the guest bathroom, messed up the living room by leaving her clothes everywhere, and would not put things away.

For example, she made a sandwich and she didn’t put away the bread, the vegetables or the condiments! It was infuriating. I work 5 days a week and I’m exhausted. So I spoke to my sister and told her she needs to help me out by keeping my home clean.

She just went “okay okay!”

My sister did start cleaning but it was only after I started nagging and being ‘annoying’. I then sat her down and warned her that I will be kicking her out if she starts slacking and turning my apartment into a pigsty.

I said this is my house and she needs to follow my rules if she wants to continue living with me.

Fast forward to two days ago, I invited my friends over and I told my sister to clean the guest bathroom and the kitchen, and just tidy up the living room because my friends were coming over and I was at work.

So I wanted the house to be clean when I got home and I would just prepare snacks. Well, my sister didn’t do any of that! When I came home, the house looked extremely messy and it was not like that before I left. Dishes in the sink, food on the countertop, blankets in the living room, even the guest bathroom was messy.

I lost it. I yelled at my sister and told her to pack her stuff and get out of my home. She cried and begged me to give her another chance and I said no. She had one task and she didn’t do one thing!

We argued some more until she tearfully agreed to leave. She packed her bags and left.

I quickly cleaned my house and had my friends over like normal. My parents are on my side but my relatives are giving me grief for kicking my sister out and they called me evil and a control freak jerk.

My sister is staying with my aunt as my parents refuse to let her stay with them.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you gave her a ton of leeway and made it really clear what she needed to improve on and she still messed it up.

Incompatible standards of cleanliness is one of those things that will ruin relationships and living situations, you’re right to be serious about that stuff.” ardent-gleaner

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister has proven herself to be a lazy, inconsiderate leech. She should have been bending over backward to help out after you took her in.

I give it a week before your aunt is calling you or your parents complaining that your sister has trashed her house too.” Pure-Philosopher-175

Another User Comments:

“First off, NTJ. Your home, your rules. Secondly, your sister’s housing problem is not your problem. You attempted to help her and gave her very simple guidelines for receiving that help.

You gave her more than one warning. You are her sister, not her mother, you shouldn’t have to nag a 23-year-old to clean up after themselves. If you go to this family meeting, do not budge on your position. Should you decide to give her another chance, make sure that she and everyone else in that meeting know what is expected of her – and that if she screws around again, there will be no warnings, you’ll just pack her stuff and leave it outside.” RocMills

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post


11. AITJ For Snapping At My Ex Who Pressured Me To Repay Her?

QI

“My ex-partner whom I spent thousands on, messaged me today asking for $500 that she lent me for rent when I lost my job. She had already asked me last night and I told her that of course she’ll get her funds back but I still haven’t got my salary yet.

She texted me today saying she’s not taking funds from her dad anymore, thus why she’s asking again. I told her not to pressure me, as I still haven’t got my salary yet. She tells me that it’s not her problem and that I should borrow some funds from someone to pay her back.

I then said this:

“As much as I once loved you, as much as I regret doing so. You not taking funds from your dad anymore would’ve been my problem a few months ago, it ain’t now. It’s crazy that you got the guts to nag me to pay you back when you know how bad my situation currently is.

And you really talking about 500? Give me back everything I spent on you then. You’ll get your funds back, just stop pressuring me and wait till I get my salary.”

I feel like I went overboard. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You spending funds on her is not the same as her loaning you funds, if you both agreed it was a loan that you’d pay back.

You spent thousands on her willingly so that’s just a cost you’ll have to bear, and it doesn’t offset the fact that you still owe her funds – tbh it’s irrelevant. That said, I think you’re NTJ because she is aware of your situation and it’s frankly kinda mean to treat you like that.

She’ll get the funds when she gets it, just don’t message her until then.” Spirallama

Another User Comments:

“As much as it might suck, funds spent on her were funds you elected to spend knowing it was never coming back. You borrowed with the intent of paying back.

Don’t mix the two up. Going down that path just sullies you and your reputation. All that said, you’ve put forth when you can pay her back. Pay her back promptly according to the timeline you gave. If you can not, be big enough to talk it through with her and gain agreement on another time.

You losing your job wasn’t her problem any more than her not taking funds from her father is yours. Your debts are yours. You agreed to them. Honor your obligations.” Toomanywasteddays

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She never paid you back on funds loaned either.

I’m sure you gave her some jewelry, she can sell it. Never lend funds thinking it will be easy to get back. Both of you have learned a lesson. Time to just call it even, block, and move on.” OhioMegi

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post


10. AITJ For Serving Traditional Bengali Food To My Wife's Family Despite Brother-In-Law's Request For No "Indian Food"?

QI

“First things first, I’m not Indian.

I was born in Bangladesh and moved to America with my family when I was in primary school. I’ve been with my wife for a while, and I get along with her family relatively well, except for her brother. Overall, I’d say her little brother is extremely spoiled and entitled. He’s 20 years old and I swear he just has no ability to understand other people.

My wife is White.

It’s Ramadan, and my parents invited my wife and her family over for Iftar, which is when we break our fast, and then dinner afterward. This is done strictly at sundown, which was around 7:30. Although I’m not very religious, I do fast, and my wife usually fasts with me.

I told her family the details of everything, including that food would be served exactly at sundown, and that there would be two meals, one at sundown, and then another one about an hour later, which is the proper dinner.

Leading up to it, my BIL texted in the family group chat (which includes me) and asked me “not to make Indian food”.

I responded with, “That shouldn’t be a problem, I won’t be cooking Indian food.” The way I see it, this was a true statement in every way. Indian food would not be served, and I would not be making it, since my mom would be the one cooking Bengali food.

And I also just thought it was weird to go to someone’s house for dinner and demand they not cook their traditional food, but that’s beside the point.

On the day of, everyone comes by around 6. We have iftar a little after 7:30, as planned, although BIL didn’t really make that smooth either, since he was complaining about how hungry he was and why we were eating so late.

He seemed fine with the iftar foods, which were some fried foods and haleem, which is almost like a meat and lentil stew. Then for dinner, we had biryani and a few different types of curry, and that’s where the issues started. He again complained that he doesn’t like “Indian food” and asked if he could have more of the stuff from earlier.

Problem is, that was all finished, so he asked my mom if she could just make more. I wasn’t going to let her do that after fasting and cooking all day, so I said no. He got annoyed and basically sulked for the rest of the night, and then later texted in the group chat that I lied. His parents agreed that I didn’t lie, but that I “knew what he meant” and should’ve asked my parents to be “more accommodating to their guests”.

I fired back that they’ve never even bothered to get halal meat when inviting my parents over, and last time all they could eat was bread and mashed potatoes.

This happened over a week ago. My parents invited them over for Eid, which is tomorrow, and he said no, and then blamed me for “tricking” him last time.

My wife doesn’t like her brother very much, so she’s on my side for the most part, but thinks I was harsh with her parents who don’t know much better. Her parents don’t want to come if their son doesn’t, and he is demanding an apology before he agrees to come.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is extremely rude to go to someone’s home and complain about the food that is served, and if he had that much of a problem with it, he could have brought his own food. I have a hard time telling if BIL is super racist, or if he is just a little racist but a total spoiled brat.” nom-d-pixel

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. First, your in-laws sound incredibly uneducated and rather pathetic. I have to ask, is there some developmental issue with your BIL where your FIL/MIL can’t leave a 20YO unattended to go to a celebratory meal with their daughter’s husband’s family?

Sounds very sad. You and your family sound incredibly kind to invite them to these meals. These are not microwave meals, but obviously take time and love to prepare. This does not even address the religious/cultural significance. Their ingratitude and plain rude behavior should not be tolerated or in any way make you or your family feel ungracious.

Simply tell them you are sorry they will not be celebrating the holiday with you, and you hope to see them soon. This is ALL on them.” Odd-End-1405

Another User Comments:

“I’m going against the grain. ESH. Mostly him. But you effectively lied. You did know what he meant.

If you had said that you would be having traditional foods that would have been fine. But your “technically I’m not making and technically it came from a different country” is just you being a jerk. You don’t have to accommodate him, but you also shouldn’t mislead him about what food would be available.” angelerulastiel

1 points - Liked by Joels and AnD13panD3rs
Post


9. AITJ For Not Helping A Handicapped Woman With Her Groceries Because I Was Running Late For My Next Ride?

QI

“I am a full-time Uber driver. I only do rides (no deliveries) because I don’t like getting in and out of the car.

I received a trip to a grocery store that a coordinator set up which means the rider doesn’t have the app.

Most coordinated rides are for the elderly. When I pulled up to the grocery store, the coordinator texted me that I was looking for a woman in a wheelchair.

I found her and her groceries. She said she needed help loading them in the car.

She had 3 heavy cases of water, 3 one-gallon jugs of water, and half a cart of groceries. I was confused as to how she did all this shopping herself.

I loaded the groceries and her wheelchair in my trunk then I helped her get in the car.

The destination was an apartment complex. She directed me to a dead end and told me that her apartment was upstairs and about 400 feet away down a path a car couldn’t go.

I had already accepted my next ride which was a reserved comfort ride worth $75 which I was already running late for.

I drive full time and a juicy 75 doesn’t come often.

I unloaded the wheelchair and helped her in it. She told me to follow her with the groceries. The lady’s wheelchair didn’t have big wheels where she could push herself with her hands so she was scooting with her legs and was going really slow.

I didn’t want to miss the juicy ride so I unloaded the waters and groceries onto the curb and left. AITJ for not taking her groceries into the house for her?”

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ and you need to contact Uber. You need to tell them that this “coordinator” arranged for a ride that should have been Uber Assist, you did not have the ability to provide the special services that were required, the coordinator did not tell you that special services were required, and that it was unacceptable that you were taken advantage of in this way.

Tell them you are no longer willing to accept any ride requests from this coordinator and ask them to set it in the system so that you will no longer be notified of their requests (they can do this).” cat-lover76

Another User Comments:

“While unfortunate, NTJ.

That is out of the job description and could be potentially harmful. You are not the jerk for not doing something you didn’t sign up for. There are plenty of different apps/delivery services that could bring her groceries to her. I understand the need for independence, but she shouldn’t be making trips/plans on the assumption that a good Samaritan is going out of their way to help her.” sterlingstactleneck

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but the coordinator sure is. Uber Assist exists for a reason. I drove Uber for a while (I’m disabled) and pulled up to an old woman on a bench with a walker. She demanded I get out and put her walker in the car.

I didn’t even explain. I just said, “Have a good day,” canceled the ride and drove off. The coordinator needs to order the correct service for her client.” sarah47201

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post


8. AITJ For Naming My Son After My Father Instead Of My Father-In-Law?

QI

“I (26F) recently had twins with my husband Harry (30M). I love my babies so much but the labour was a nightmare.

It was extremely traumatic for my husband and me, and we’ve agreed that we are definitely not having any more kids.

I was laboring for two days and throughout the process we kept our families updated. When they were finally able to visit, my parents and my in-laws came to see us.

Everyone was fussing over the babies and my poor husband who only had about 4 hours of sleep for the whole two days was napping. My dad, however, sat by me first and just held my hand for a bit. When I told him to go get some cuddles in with the twins, he said ‘I’m here to see my baby’ meaning me.

It was honestly so sweet and I started tearing up. I didn’t even realize how invisible I felt when my husband was sleeping and my dad was there to make sure I was also being taken care of. He took me down to the hospital cafe and we had breakfast together while the babies were with everyone else.

I kept thinking about what my dad did for the next few days and I decided that I would give my newborn son my father’s name as his middle name. My husband was totally on board with this. However, this is where the problem began.

We knew my FIL would be pretty upset at this.

He always wanted a grandson named after him but it’s pretty clear now he won’t get one. He has two sons, my husband and his younger brother and my BIL is gay and currently says he doesn’t want to adopt kids in the future.

My FIL is also one of those people who cares about ‘bloodlines’ so I don’t think he’d want an adopted grandson named after him (messed up, I know).

My husband has a complicated relationship with his father so he wasn’t comfortable naming our son after him, but we agreed to give them the same initials so they’d both be AHD.

He accepted this, but when he found out we were switching the middle name for my father, he lost his mind.

He said that this was something he always wanted and we were throwing it in his face by giving the baby my father’s name as his middle name.

I tried to explain why but he cut me off and said that it was absurd to expect someone to check on me when there were babies that had just been born and my father shouldn’t be rewarded for ‘ignoring his grandchildren’. I tried to explain that it was more than just the moment because my dad has been my best friend for my whole life but he didn’t want to hear it.

MIL is saying we are jerks for doing this because my dad doesn’t care about any grandchildren being named after him but FIL has always wanted it. According to her, we are taking something away from him just because my dad chose to do something ‘unusual’ which to them was ignoring the babies until he was satisfied with me being okay (he did not ignore the kids, he got plenty of cuddles in when we got back from breakfast).

My dad is honored by our choice, but thinks we shouldn’t have done it because of what it means to FIL. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but next time, spare the explanations:

Why did you name them like that? Cause we liked it.

But why?

See answer n.1.

But you’re being jerks. It’s the hormones and sleep deprivation, leave us alone.

In general, I only have one piece of advice for new parents: do whatever you want; listen to all advice with an uncompromising smile, nod a bit, say nothing, and then keep on doing whatever you want.

Everyone’s going to come with the “you should”s, and you’re not in a position to waste energy on unnecessary discussion.” luisdomg

Another User Comments:

“So if you named your son after your FIL, you’d be doing so simply to appease a jerk. Not because he’s good and kind and someone you want your child to emulate but because he’s a bully accustomed to forcing others to do his bidding.

And let’s take that further. Assume you did name your son after him. Does it end there? Or does FIL feel he now exerts some influence and control over your son? Your in-laws sound awful and they don’t get a say in how you name your child.

As an aside, we didn’t name either of our sons after my dad who really was a wonderful man. We didn’t because my FIL really expected we’d name our oldest after him and would have been upset if we’d named either kid after my dad.

My FIL’s name is terrible and burdening a kid with that name would be an injustice AND he’s just not that great a guy. But the amazing entitlement of assuming he deserved my kid as his namesake. I have regrets about not naming one of my sons after my dad.

Be better than me. Stick to your guns. NTJ.” Salt-Lavishness-7560

Another User Comments:

“Why should the DEMANDS of a grown man, who had no right to make demands, override love? I disagree that your father does not care about the name. He does care – because the naming is an honor that demonstrates a love and trust – he is just not the type who demands.

I never ask much of my kids, they are all adults living great lives, but it means the world to me when they include me in their lives. Your father gives love without strings, I think you made the right choice. NTJ.” venturebirdday

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post

User Image
RisingPhoenix2023 1 month ago
I used my dad's name as my son's middle name. He was a horrible dad when I was a kid but he was stepping up when I had my son. That didn't last long and he became a jerk again. My son now HATES his middle name because of my dad's actions. This could have been your son's fate if you had used FIL name. You named him after someone worthy. Good job mom.
0 Reply

7. AITJ For Setting Boundaries For My Sister And Her Partner Who Wanted To Stay In My House?

QI

“I (25F) live alone in a 3Br house my parents own. The house was condemned for ten years before I moved in. I don’t pay rent, and in exchange, I buy new appliances for the house, make small repairs, and watch my parents’ dog for them.

My sister (29F) and her partner (33M) are trying to build a house together and need a place to stay while they build it. They don’t like all of the rules at their current apartment complex, so they canceled their lease. I am waiting to hear back from law schools and hopefully will be moving to a different city for school in the late summer/early fall.

I have had arguments with the partner in the past, mostly because he teases me and makes jokes in a way I don’t find funny, and he doesn’t take me seriously when I ask him to stop joking that way. In the past when I have had roommates, I mostly kept to myself in my room, so I didn’t think it would be a big deal to offer my house for them to stay at since we would only have a few months of overlap in the house anyway.

Last week, I was on the phone with my sister, we were talking about the house, and he mentioned fixing up the kitchen as soon as they moved in and was talking about construction as extreme as taking walls down. Since the house was condemned for so long, the kitchen is in bad shape: the walls aren’t finished and there is only one available burner to cook on.

When I told them I would like if they waited until I was gone to do any construction, because I don’t want to live in an active construction zone, the partner got an attitude with me. That’s when I started to panic.

I saw my sister later in the week and told her I had been living in the house for three years and I didn’t want him to come in and all of a sudden think he’s the boss and tell me and my dog what to do (he has a history of this kind of behavior.

He never listens and gets irritated when people say no to his ideas). She said she would talk to him. He sent me a long text about how he respects that it’s my space and he knows he can be a jerk sometimes and he wants me to call him out on it.

I responded by saying that I appreciate that he reached out and is being reassuring. I said I wanted to meet to go over some “expectations and deal-breakers.” (ex. no guns in the house) I did not ever specify what I meant by that or who was allowed to share.

He responded by saying that since I felt the need to go over expectations, that it wouldn’t be a good fit. I reached out to a mutual friend and she said they thought I was being tyrannical and would make a bunch of rules that they were required to follow with no flexibility.

I don’t think I came across that way, and it really wasn’t my intention, but I guess I can see their perspective. They didn’t even take the time to hear what I had to say before they decided they didn’t want to hear it. Did I come off as tyrannical and AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re essentially acting as a property manager by enforcing the homeowners’ preferences, and it’s not unreasonable to expect your sister and her partner to adhere to those boundaries. Moreover, it’s concerning that her partner seems so eager to take on major renovations without the owners’ consent, which could potentially lead to serious issues down the line.

You’ve done the right thing by communicating your concerns and setting clear limitations. It’s better for everyone involved if they find a space that suits their needs and gives them the autonomy they clearly desire. Your parents’ house is not a free-for-all fixer-upper.” Shelia_Smale

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Honestly he and sister lost me at “They don’t like all of the rules at their current apartment complex.” And it’s reasonable to lay out expectations and deal breakers in advance. My suggestion would be if they are going to move in that they have to sign an actual lease that states their financial responsibilities, house rules (ex.

no guns in the house), and so forth. That way there are no surprises. And the lease can include no DIY by sister’s partner. Things like OP is the property manager so any questions will be resolved by OP. But I imagine they thought that moving into Sister’s parents’ place would let them live free-  or really cheap – without restrictions and that’s not realistic if you have roommates.

Or neighbors. Or a community.” rak1882

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s fair to have concerns about someone altering a space you’re living in, especially when your parents—the actual homeowners—are not on board with those changes. Respecting the property owner’s wishes is essential, and if your sister and her partner can’t accept the existing living conditions or the boundaries set by the rightful owners, then not moving in is the correct decision.

This is not about being tyrannical; it’s about maintaining a respectful and safe living arrangement for everyone involved. If they want free rein over their living space, they should expedite their home building process or find a place that allows them that liberty, rather than imposing on you and your parents’ generosity.” Francisca_Inge

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post

User Image
Mistweave 1 month ago
NTJ. Tell them since the partner obviously isn't interested in the rules of the house, he can't stay.
0 Reply

6. AITJ For Saying I Wasn't Invited On The Family Cruise?

QI

“I, a 27-year-old trans guy, still live with my parents.

I’m on the autism spectrum and mom seems to think it means I can’t do anything on my own. I’ve made efforts to move out though. On to the point of this post.

My parents are good friends with another couple, whom I’ll call Bob and Lauren.

They’re family friends, really. Along with their sons, whom I’ll call Bailey and Harold. For reference, my sister, “Evelyn”, is married to Harold. At the tail end of summer, Bob and Lauren called my mom about maybe going on a cruise together this coming summer.

I overheard Mom talking to Dad about it and kinda thought it was a trip for the both of them. Further assured by the fact that I’d heard Mom and Dad talk about it a handful of times. They were the only ones in those handful of conversations.

A little time ago, we went out to eat for Evelyn’s birthday. Mom, Dad, myself, Harold, and obviously Evelyn had gone. (Our baby sister wasn’t able to be there physically because of her college schedule and I don’t know why our brother and his fiance weren’t there).

Eventually, Evelyn mentioned the cruise and if I was going with them? I guess she and Harold were also going along with our parents, Bob, and Lauren.

Before I could even really think about it, I said, “I wasn’t talked about it with. I guess I wasn’t invited.” Mom immediately added, “of course you were invited. Don’t be silly.” She talked in a joking manner, but I can tell she didn’t want me saying anything else.

Apparently, my parents, Bob, Lauren, Evelyn, Harold, Bailey, and Bailey’s partner all planned on going. I hadn’t known about anything about this. Mom even suspects that Bailey plans on proposing to his partner while on the cruise.

Mom looked at me with daggers in her eyes for the rest of dinner.

Everyone else was acting normal. Now, I’m wondering if I’m the jerk. I’d just blurted out that I hadn’t really been invited. I don’t think I was ever really invited. I don’t remember being asked, but am I just misremembering? It feels like I’ve done something wrong.

So maybe I am the jerk. AITJ for telling Evelyn that I hadn’t been invited?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ your mom probably doesn’t see you as an adult, and feels like she can answer for you. Which means they didn’t plan to ever ask you to join, but assumed you would go because she wouldn’t understand you have a life of your own.

She gave you that look because of COURSE you are going. In her mind, she just forgot that whole pesky thing of you being an adult and able to make your own choices.” Lunasea4

Another User Comments:

“It’s not your job to protect your mother’s schemes or omissions from coming into the open and embarrassing herself.

When someone feels shame, it’s very uncomfortable for them, so they often redirect that feeling into anger at the person who made them notice their bad behavior. This is what your mother is doing. You don’t have to do anything about this. They are her own feelings to manage and she can work through them without any input from you.

You didn’t do anything wrong. Leave the subject entirely (unless you actually want to go along). If she raises the issue of you shaming her, just lightly say “don’t redirect your embarrassment onto me, but if you want me to come along then I’ll be happy to.” NTJ.” HappySummerBreeze

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I don’t necessarily think you were left out on purpose. It’s entirely possible they just assumed you would be coming and just assumed you knew that without ever explicitly saying it since they had talked about it with you in the room.

There is nothing you’ve said so far to suggest it was purposeful and your mom may have just been embarrassed by what you said. Unless there is reason on your part to think otherwise I would give them the benefit of the doubt.” hadriker

1 points - Liked by lebe
Post

User Image
Disneyprincess78 1 month ago
So move out. If you have a job and can support yourself, they aren't stopping you. Bottom line is if you don't like how your parents treat you than don't depend on them.
-2 Reply

5. AITJ For Refusing To Take Off Work To Shop For A Dress With My Future Daughter-In-Law?

QI

“I have to travel for my job, Monday through Friday.

I have been getting on a plane every Monday and getting back on Friday due to a project needing to be supervised. My future daughter-in-law works four days a week (Wednesday to Saturday), 10-hour shifts.

She wants to meet up to get a dress for the wedding.

She wants to be there when I get a dress. Originally I was just going to wear the same dress I wear for all weddings (long blue dress) but she wanted me to wear something else since it will match her bridesmaids.

So looking at our schedule Sunday would be the best day to do this.

We are both off. She told me no since that is her rest day. She asked for Monday. I told her I can’t and have to work. Then I suggested Friday or Saturday after work, those got shut down. She wants me to take off work.

I then suggested she send me examples of what she wants and I’ll shop by myself and buy something like the examples. Also shut down.

After much back and forth I told her I will just wear the blue dress. This started an argument and she called me a jerk.

My son is mad that I am making the wedding about me and not taking off work. I don’t think I am being unreasonable but he told me to post here.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’ve offered reasonable suggestions to make this work, and she’s shot down each of them.

That’s not your fault. Why is she so invested in being there with you? Surely you can pick out a dress in a fit and style that would be appropriate and suitable.” Living-Assumption272

Another User Comments:

“I’m assuming since your son sent you here he will be reading the replies so this is for him: Son, your fiancee is being ridiculous.

Your mom has given her several options but she’s refusing them all and blaming your mom. I realize that some women behave badly during wedding planning–it can be very stressful, but your fiancee is 100% the jerk here. Good grief, she gets three days off of work.

If the problem is the color of your mom’s dress why can’t your mom just buy a dress in a color that isn’t blue (or obviously white)? Why does your fiancee have to go with her? Your mom IS NOT making this wedding about herself in any way.

Is your fiancee’s mental health always this fragile or is this just wedding stress? Apologize to your mom and tell your fiancee that she either needs to accept that your mom will wear the blue dress, allow your mom to select her own dress of the appropriate color, OR commit to a shopping trip on a day your mom is off of work.” celticmusebooks

Another User Comments:

“I’m sorry, the wedding may be the most important thing in your son’s fiancée’s life right now… but it isn’t in yours. If the woman wants you to wear a different dress than your go-to blue suitable for a wedding dress, and she insists she go shopping with you to get it, then she can take time out of her busy Sunday “rest day” to go do just that, or she can pipe down and let you shop on your own.

And, OP, I would be very careful about shopping on my own, the bride sounds very controlling and demanding and I can easily imagine the first dozen or so, (apparently, and to you, very suitable and within her parameters), outfits being shot down. I would insist she go shopping with you.

Give her your schedule of availability and let her figure something out. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63

0 points (0 votes)
Post


4. AITJ For Moving Out Because My Parents Wouldn't Let Me Park in Their Garage?

QI

“I (22M) had been living with my parents.

They have a two-car garage house in a really bad neighborhood. When I say bad, I mean a very old and ugly neighborhood where crime is relatively very high. While living there, there had been several nearby homicides.

When I got a car a couple of years back, I always felt scared to leave my car outside, let alone literally every single night, but I had no choice.

No matter how hard I budged, my parents would NEVER let my car in their protected garage, with my mom and dad having their cars in the garage every single night. When it’s too cold or it snows, I have to waste time scraping all the ice off my car while shivering.

I could go on.

Most nights, I deeply feared what could happen to my car… until the morning something actually did happen. As I was about to go to class one morning, I saw that my entire windshield had shattered. I figured that some person had broken it or something, but either way, this crossed the line for me.

I was very upset with my parents. I never understood why they would spend all their lives in such a terrible house and never thought about getting a better house in a safer area…

My parents felt heartbroken, but I didn’t care as I was already secretly planning to move out.

When they were at work a couple of days later, I packed up all my stuff and moved to a friend’s house (who had lived by himself and even let me park in his 2-car garage).

I haven’t seen or even communicated with my parents since I moved out.

As the broke college kid I am, it was dreadful to have to pay to get a new windshield.

Looking back, I sometimes feel guilty for just moving out like that, like sometimes I think about how my parents feel. But was all this really worth it?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It was going to be no jerks here. It’s their house, their garage, and they can park their cars where they want to. You’re a young male without any apparent disabilities; it’s safer for you to park outside than them. And you’re over 18; if you want to move out, you’re free to.

You don’t mention that they’re relying on your rent payments to live on or anything like that. Until this: “When they were at work a couple of days later, I packed up all my stuff and moved to a friend’s house (who had lived by himself and even let me park in his 2-car garage).

I haven’t seen or even communicated with my parents since I moved out.” So that tips you over into jerk territory. Why not just tell your parents, “I don’t feel safe in this neighborhood and my car getting broken into was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I’m going to live with Joey; he has a spare room, a space in his garage, and it’s closer to the college”? Why cut communications with them? Why are you blaming them for what happened to your car? If they let you park in the garage and your dad’s car got broken into one night, would that have been your fault?” SamSpayedPI

Another User Comments:

“Based on the info you have given YTJ. You did not mention paying rent to your parents so why would they give up their garage space for you? How does taking turns of who is in the garage matter? Also, why does your car insurance not cover the windshield being replaced or at the very least with just a small deductible?

If your parents tried to be good parents then they wouldn’t have burdened you with their finances so how do you know whether they could move to a better area? The other thing that perplexes me as a parent with a child your age is why you wouldn’t just let your parents know you are moving out?” saedgin

0 points - Liked by Joels
Post


3. AITJ For Confronting My Fiancé's Brother At His Wedding About His Homophobia?

QI

“I (M20s) recently got engaged to my partner of 3 years, for that we threw an engagement party with our respective families, and everyone was invited including my fiancé’s brother. All he did during that entire party was complain that he didn’t understand this whole “gay thing” and generally just ruined the vibe, though obviously my fiancé didn’t have the heart to kick him out of the party or whatever.

Fast forward to last week, my fiancé was attending his brother’s wedding and suggested I come with him as a +1, about which I was hesitant at first because of his behavior at our engagement party, but my fiancé told me he had a long conversation with him and they settled the whole thing down so I figured I may as well give him another chance.

At the wedding, he came up to my fiancé and asked him why I was there, to which he obviously answered that that’s cause we’re together. He said that was not acceptable. I decided to finally stand up for ourselves and loudly asked him so that everyone near us could hear if he was being aggressive towards me being there because we are a gay couple, then proceeded to say that he doesn’t get to be all whiny during our engagement party and then also act like I personally hurt his feelings by attending his wedding.

Then my fiancé said that he thought he was fine with me coming but apparently not.

After the wedding this man told me that my fiancé and I humiliated him in front of everyone, the parents also agreed with that and said that I took things too far and could’ve resolved this privately.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – there is an old sayin’ Don’t start none won’t be none. Your STB BIL needs a reality check and he started it when he approached you. Your response while some could view as confrontational was not unwarranted. I also would not be inviting him to your wedding or really want to be around him for any reason.

As far as if your fiance is around him that is up to him but I will never understand why people keep negativity in their lives for the sake of ‘family’. Congrats on the upcoming nuptials.” judgeeveryonesbiznes

Another User Comments:

“Your problem is really with your fiance.

He lied to you about being welcome at the wedding and it created a scene. When his brother confronted you at the wedding, instead of arguing you should have quietly left, not because he was right (he wasn’t) but because it was his wedding. Your fiance also let you down at the engagement party by not kicking his brother out.

It was your event and you deserved to spend it with people who support your relationship. Your future BIL is a jerk, but so is your fiance.

I was really torn as to whether the fiance caused these problems because he’s conflict-avoidant and lets problems grow as a result, or if he loves creating drama.

Because he brought OP to a wedding where he knew OP wasn’t welcome, and then did nothing while brother and OP went at each other, I’m leaning toward the latter. He uses his loved ones to create drama for his own amusement.” EvenWay4669

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: You were invited to the event, if this was done with the intent to instigate, whoever extended the invitation knowing that you would be the one invited is the jerk. So, if the one getting married offered your fiance an invitation with the option of a +1 and without any restriction on who that could be, they “ruined” their own wedding, especially if your fiance is correct in their assertion that they had discussed beforehand that you were that +1.” UnethicalFood

0 points - Liked by lebe
Post


2. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Ex For Allowing Our Daughter's Ears To Be Pierced Without My Consent?

QI

“I (27F) have 3 daughters (5F) (4F) and (3F). My oldest Rose is autistic to the point she’s on the same level as my 3-year-old. She is also my rainbow baby, I lost my son at 15 weeks pregnant before her. Her dad (32M) and I only share her and my son I lost.

We discussed when Rose was a baby piercing her ears and decided to wait until she was old enough to make the decision then look at taking her to a tattoo place which is sanitary and not traumatizing. Her father brought it up on the phone about a week ago taking her to get it done.

I reiterated the plan we had already made and he dropped it.

Fast forward to today when he stopped by with Rose to help bring my washer and dryer up to my 3rd floor. Rose stays with me but I let her dad take her for a week or 2 since she’s homeschooled. She would play with her sisters but was fearful when I would go to touch her.

I saw her ears when she sat down to watch TV with her sisters and went OFF. I confronted her dad who said his cousin (23F) bought the ear gun from a local pharmacy and did it in her house. I called her father an idiot, his cousin a jerk, and that he disrespected me and put our daughter in danger.

I told him if he ever made ANY decisions without consulting me he wouldn’t be around Rose again. My SO was there and said I was right but some of my family said I took it too far. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Professional piercer here – I recommend taking your daughter to a good studio to make sure the piercings are well-placed & perpendicular to the tissue.

If they are placed well, have the piercer swap the jewelry to something higher quality & more comfortable/safe for healing. Lobes take 4-5mo to be fully healed. Given the nature of the procedure, it’s highly unlikely she’s wearing jewelry that’s safe and suitable for a healing piercing.” theyxthem

Another User Comments:

“The father did not follow the guidelines or boundaries you both chose together. NTJ. I wish he could have been honest about his feelings. My mother had an ear piercing done with antiseptic and a needle. The issue isn’t the safety of the procedure.

The issue is he lied and did not fulfill the agreement you made. At the very least, as long as you clean the piercing it won’t hurt her health. Purchase the proper aftercare to make sure the piercing is clean while it heals. Also make sure you have a titanium earring.

This is safest for healing! I would recommend changing the earring to titanium if her dad did not pick that metal to begin with. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. He did not gain your consent, and you have every right to be mad about it.” inmylovelydream

Another User Comments:

“I had my little girl’s ears pierced by her pediatrician. Disaster. After a year I stopped putting in earrings. Despite the best of everything, quality earrings, diligent cleaning, and every good advice they were poorly placed and poorly healed. A year or two later she had them redone at Claire’s with the gun at her request. They were well placed, and healed very quickly, and now about 10 years later she rarely wears earrings but can easily insert them at will because they healed so well.

I think your reaction was extreme. I do not think you are wrong. Dialing it down a notch and being civil while extremely angry will go a long way to being able to co-parent. You want to work together and respect each other, calling names is not going to fix the missing respect on both sides.

ESH.” Icy-Pineapple-farmer

-1 points (1 vote(s))
Post


1. AITJ For Not Caring That I Offended My Pregnant Friend With Baby-Related IG Reels?

QI

“So I was unaware of this until today but apparently I’ve been ‘offending’ my pregnant friend with IG Reels for months. My friend, Amy, got pregnant 8 1/2 months ago. She and her partner do not have many friends or a great support system due to them not having a relationship with his parents.

I’ve been trying to be a supportive friend the entire time. I’ve taken Amy to her appointments when her partner can’t, I’ve taken her clothes shopping for the baby and whenever a pregnancy/young mom baby Reel comes across my page I’ve sent it to her for ideas.

Apparently, this is where she takes issue.

I want to preface this by saying that these videos were never supposed to be anything but fun little things for her to watch. They were just things like newborn wake windows, cute milestones posts, and discount baby thrift shops in our area.

This is her first baby and the first friend of mine to have a baby so I thought she would appreciate the support since a lot of people I know have turned their back on their friends after they get pregnant especially when they’re young.

I messaged her on Instagram today to ask if she had seen the most recent Reel I sent her with this baby thrift shop that’s about a 1 1/2 hour drive from us because I wanted to offer to drive her there while our partners were away at work (quite literally almost to the state border) and I received a very rude message instead.

In short, I’m ‘telling her how to be a parent when it’s none of my business’, I ‘seem to think she’s in over her head’ and ‘she has far more experience with kids than I do and I should butt out’.

I haven’t apologized yet because I don’t know what to say but AITJ if I simply don’t care about her feelings on this?

It seems like a stupid thing to get offended over when I have literally been half of her support system through these last 8 months? I have done nothing but support her, I literally got her a job interview at my job, to make money before maternity leave.

For her to turn around and essentially spit on everything I’ve done or helped her do – I do not care if a few videos on motherhood offended her so badly she felt the need to get agro at me about it. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If she didn’t want to receive the reels, she should have said before. And reading a reply of yours, you said she responded good to the other reels. So she’s either been lying about it, or there’s something else going on that has nothing to do with you.

“I’m ‘telling her how to be a parent when it’s none of my business’, I ‘seem to think she’s in over her head’ and ‘she has far more experience with kids than I do and I should butt out.'” I would tell her: “I thought that you liked receiving the reels and me being involved in your pregnancy, since you’ve been always replying in a good way to them.

I’m sorry this has offended you, that wasn’t my intention. I don’t think you’re in over your head. I won’t send them anymore or ask to take you somewhere.”” Pink_Cloud90

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, she’s 8 and a half months pregnant, you are a great friend.

I would suggest apologizing and clarifying your intent, not because she really deserves one but she’s likely got some new parent jitters and she thinks one of her most important supports has no confidence in her. The hormones and the difficulty sleeping, women over 8 months pregnant, particularly with their first, aren’t completely themselves, please cut her some slack.” Conscious_Hotel_5538

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but if it were me I’d still apologize saying that wasn’t my intent and was just trying to be supportive – this sounds like something she’s self-conscious about and is projecting that onto you and your (what I perceive to be genuinely kind) gestures.

I’d apologize, stop sending her stuff, and maybe make it clear that you’re there for her but maybe wait for her to ask for help moving forward instead of trying to anticipate her needs.” mishiebw

-1 points (1 vote(s))
Post


Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's not! You be the judge about who's the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)