People Want To Explain Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Twin Sister Be A Bridesmaid?
I (27F) and my sister (27F) are identical twins. She has been told by almost everyone that she is the more beautiful one. My parents favor her more and will do anything that she asks. I used to be jealous of her when I was younger but quickly got over it.
She went off to attend college and got engaged after graduating.
I wasn’t invited to her wedding. She told me it was because they were having food I couldn’t eat. My parents threw her a huge wedding that cost hundreds. She and her ex went through a ton of hard times. I tried to be there for moral support, but each time she pushed me away.
I am now engaged to my fiance (28F). Her parents offered to help with wedding expenses. My parents wanted nothing to do with our wedding. My sister found out we were engaged and started begging me if she could be a bridesmaid. I told her no, but she would receive an invite. She blew up on the phone at me that I was choosing friends over family and she deserved to be a bridesmaid.
My parents called me and told me to let my sister be a bridesmaid.
AITJ for not letting my sister be a bridesmaid?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Independent of context, you have the right to choose your bridesmaid/s and it’s perfectly civil to invite your sister without offering that position to her.
In context: she didn’t invite you to her wedding.
She has some gall being anything but grateful that you’re willing to look past that and invite her to yours. The excuse she gave for neglecting to invite you is nonsense – you don’t go to a wedding for the food, nor do you invite people just to feed them.
As for your parents, if they refuse to be supportive of your relationship and marriage, they deserve no say in this matter.
You say your parents ‘wanted nothing to do with (the) wedding’: why, then, should they have an opinion on who the bridesmaid is?
Invite your sister to the wedding if you want to retain the possibility of a better relationship with her, but choose your bridesmaid yourself. Your wedding is a day for yourself and your fiancé, not for your parents who refuse to be a part of this new chapter of your life or your sister who didn’t open hers to you.” musixlife126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the obvious reason they didn’t want YOU at HER wedding. I mean, it’s only fair. They should learn to reap what they sow.
It sounds like your parents are bigger jerks than her. Even less right they have to suggest anything. Regarding your ‘golden child’ sis, she also should learn the basic manners of being grateful for the forgiveness other people show to them (had I been you, she would’ve gotten a laugh and a get out of my wedding) instead of demanding to be given the best place at everything (does her name start with a K?)
‘Choosing friends over family.’ So rich of her to say that. Your family un-chose you, she should apologize profusely first. More importantly, your fiancée is about to become your family, so she can turn around and take a long walk off.
I guess why they are so rejecting of you, it would be very kind if you could confirm.
Regardless, I congratulate you for not budging. I wish you a very happy wedding, marriage, and life!” EchoWillowing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It sounds like after a lifetime of feeling like the ‘superior’ twin, your sister is now jealous of you. Think about it – she excludes you from her wedding with a heinously transparent excuse.
Everyone enables her because they always have, she’s the forever golden child. But then her marriage ends, and the sister she felt so superior to starts offering moral support. She rejects it because it was never the support she wanted from you. She craves your jealousy.
Now that you are getting married (congrats btw!!!!), there’s no way for your sister to be the golden one in this situation.
You’re getting a wonderful wedding with a lovely partner, while she’s still undergoing bad times. All eyes will be on you. Begging to be your bridesmaid is her way to get positive attention again – and probably find a way to take you down a notch so she can once again feel better about herself.
I also wonder if she’s stirring up this drama on purpose to get more support and validation from your parents. They can’t get excited over your wedding if they’re too busy defending their golden child, right?
In any case, please pour all your focus into your partner and the amazing day you two will spend celebrating your love.” lucyrne
12. AITJ For Telling My Coworker I'll Report Him For Announcing My Pregnancy?
“I F33 have been working in this company for 4 years. I have a great relationship with my co-workers and one of them is ‘Austin’. Austin is incredibly sociable and easy to adapt to new co-workers.
We talk about all kinds of stuff while of course keeping it professional.
I’m married and recently found out I was pregnant but only my husband knew about it. Haven’t even told anyone in our families or friend circle. The other day at work I and the co-workers were on lunch break and Austin was with us.
We talked then he suddenly got up from his chair and asked for everyone’s attention for a minute. I didn’t know what that was about til he loudly announced that I was pregnant. I was stunned, like mouth open eyes not moving just staring at him as he and the others rushed to congratulate me and flood me with good wishes and parenting jokes and advice.
I was in utter shock I asked how he knew and he said ‘remember when you gave me a ride the other day? I saw your pregnancy test result on the dashboard.’ My first action was lashing out at him in front of everyone asking why he just shared a piece of private medical information at my workplace.
He said he was just sharing ‘our joy’ with everyone else since only he and I knew. Other co-workers asked that I calm down but I meanly told him he was out of line and that I will be reporting him to my superior for this then stormed off while Austin just stood there.
My female co-workers came to tell me how rude I was towards Austin’s ‘nice gesture’ and insisted I hurt him and that I overreacted especially for saying I will be reporting him since he was just sharing the happy news with everyone and I was just being too sensitive but I felt my privacy was violated plus I wanted to tell everyone on my own terms. Still, my co-workers tried to talk me out of it.
Not just that but apologize to him for lashing out like that.
AITJ for my reaction?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And you absolutely did not overreact. He had no idea what the situation is. What if you aren’t able to carry a pregnancy safely. What if you & your husband don’t want to have a child.
What if YOU don’t want to have a child. What if that wasn’t YOUR pregnancy test. There are a million things that could affect who you want to know and when if ever you want them to know. Austin was beyond inappropriate. And anyone at work or on here that thinks you overreacted is wrong.
He deserves to be reported & I wouldn’t allow him in my car again. You did him a favor & he repaid you by using that small peek into your personal life to announce your pregnancy to your coworkers. Especially coworkers as many women know the moment your work finds out you’re pregnant your job can be in peril.
Legal or not, right or wrong, it’s the reality many pregnant working women find themselves in.” Gimmecheesenow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like major and he needs to be reported. He had no right and honestly it was really creepy that he did this. Honestly, if that happened in my workplace, I’d think they were sleeping together and wondering if your husband knew if you were having an affair and if the baby was even his.
If he did this for attention, then he got it. I’m sure the rumor mill is already going with people who think in line with me. His ‘nice gesture’ just made your workplace a possible hostile one.
Tell those female coworkers that he took your ability to tell them on your own terms and how creepy this was.
That it was not his moment to announce and don’t you find that odd? Like, imagine if Susan got engaged, and before she could even tell anyone Austin announces it for her because he saw the ring. His behavior is just flat not okay, report it!” Apprehensive-Two3474
Another User Comments:
“You will never be the jerk for this.
Screw the girls trying to get you to apologize, and screw Austin. Idk how far along you are, but you clearly have your reasons why you haven’t told anyone BUT your husband yet. This is YOUR news. And your choice as to if you tell anyone yet. Definitely report him for this, and if they shame you for it, screw ’em.
Additionally, like I’ve seen others say, him just ‘seeing the test on your dashboard’ never indicated that it was you SPECIFICALLY, and it also didn’t indicate how new it was. So, he just assumed.
It was an invasion and BREECH of your privacy, and he needs to know. At MOST, maybe apologize for your ‘meanness’ (though I don’t really think he deserves any form of apology personally), and inform them all that he had NO RIGHT to tell anyone WITHOUT YOUR SPECIFIC PERMISSION.
It was incredibly rude and presumptuous of him to assume that you were even ready to tell anyone. You’re the one pregnant, he’s not the father, it’s not his business to spread the news.” Aiyas-SweetSugaVerse
11. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Having Girls' Night Because My Partner Thinks It's Wrong?
“So I’ve been seeing this guy Will (27M) for months now. He’s so sweet and funny and creative. Fun fact: he drives 2 cars that he adjusted/fixed on his own.
We don’t live together but we do meet at my place every weekend. He called and asked what we will be doing on Friday and I said I wanted to host a GNI (girls’ night in) since it was my turn.
He asked what the heck was a GNI. I said a girls’ night in and he got quiet then asked if I was being serious. I was confused as he started talking about how outdated and sooo 1950s those events are and said that I should stop promoting and advocating for those events as they are sooo toxic and flat-out reek of misogyny.
I was shocked by his long rant but he said that was his honest opinion. I told him regardless I still plan to host the event after he tried talking me out of it and suggested we go out together. He threw a fit after he suggested bringing his guy friends to join us and I refused since this is not how GNIs work!
He called me misogynistic for having a girls’ night in and making it so obvious instead of being ashamed of myself. He said that my mentality will cause me issues in the future especially if I behave like that in a professional work setting. Let me tell you I was BLOWN AWAY by how he got so worked up like that over me just missing my girls and wanting to spend time with them.
We argued some more and he hung up on me after I said I will not stop hosting or being part of GNIs no matter what he says about it.
I tried to call and apologize for lashing out later but he sent a text saying he was hurt by how I handled our small disagreement and needs time to process what he just found out about my personality.
This hurt me but my friendship and the bond I share with my friends is huge and I don’t want to risk years of friendships by no longer being part of our bonding activities.
AITJ for making this my hill to die on as he says?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The way that he behaved sounds immature and didn’t sound like he actually wanted to have a real conversation about it.
I’m curious about what you do for your GNI? Whenever I go to GNI it’s usually watching a movie, chatting, board games, doing nails, makeup, and/or looking up fun things on the internet to ogle over. As someone who is non-binary/gender fluid I also enjoy MNI (men’s night in) as much as GNI.
MNI we play video games, watch movies, play darts, chat, drink, and/or start a campfire. Different atmosphere, different fun. Is it possible he’s non-binary and frustrated about not being able to express his feminine side?
I doubt it, but I thought I’d add it to the conversation. There is nothing wrong with having GNI but it is wrong to deny men the right to a feminine side if that’s what they desire.
It’s also your party and you can invite who you want to of course!
Not saying you have to do this but it would be fun to see his reaction if you did invite him and his friends to GNI on the condition that you all do the things you normally do during GNI and any hint of hitting on other people at the party or trying to redirect the fun or feminine atmosphere will get them kicked out.
They’re also free to have an MNI and offer to invite girls who won’t derail the masculine fun or atmosphere. My rule for MNI and GNI is it’s strictly about friendships, fun, and reveling in masculine/feminine identities – not flirting!” Numahistory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First off, get this guy a dictionary cause words mean things.
Second, he’s using some abuser’s techniques right here. He’s attempting to usurp or eliminate something very precious to you – quality time cultivating relationships (WHICH DOESN’T INCLUDE HIM.)
He’s testing your boundaries by creating a conflict that requires you to unnecessarily prioritize him over your other relationships. So what else can he pressure you out of?
My experience is that guys like him will chisel away at a woman’s other relationships, insert themselves in every scenario to isolate her & make her more dependent on him cuz he’s a selfish jerk. He will likely fight to the death for private time with his ‘boys,’ painting a woman as petty & immature for expecting to be included in an equal fashion.
Cause he’s a selfish jerk.
This behavior is often waved away as simply immature or at best overprotective when the reality is that it’s a precursor to other types of abuse. Many domestic abuse & IPV survivors point to red flags early in toxic relationships. Unfortunately, women are groomed to respond as you did – apologize for being less than ladylike in the face of his garbage behavior.
The fact that he’s doubling down with guilt-tripping indicates that he is incredibly comfortable with this behavior. He’s gotten results in the past & sees no reason to change for the future.
Really throwing in a lot of random, unrelated things like lack of professionalism is concerning to me. He’s drawing a parallel between your partnership & your profession?
So he thinks he has the same authority over you as an employer???
Anyone who is so easily threatened by a partner’s other platonic relationships isn’t worth the hassle – unless you want to be 1/2 of a couple whose sole function is to placate your partner.
I’d suggest taking a couple of weekends off from this guy & spending more time with people who have demonstrated concern for your best interest.
Best of luck to you.” SnappyCapricorn
Another User Comments:
“Men who get worked up about women creating time together are typically misogynists and/or have issues with respecting autonomy and boundaries. People wanting to control their SO’s interactions with friends are often sexist and/or abusive.
Rule of thumb: when members of groups with greater societal power balk at those with less power creating time and space together, it shows a fundamental lack of understanding about privilege and unmasks their own -isms.
At best it may be that Will is hurt that OP won’t be spending time together on Friday and was taken aback by the surprise so close to the weekend. But then – instead of talking about those feelings – chose to attack OP and try and shame her, patronize her about her professional career, and insert his own agenda.
So best case, he’s a giant jerk.” Imaginary-Weakness
10. AITJ For "Ruining" My Brother's Wedding?
“My (20f) brother, Nate (28m) is going to get married to his fiancee, Emily (32f) in a week. I was extremely close to my brother growing up, he’s my favorite out of all my siblings. However, when he started going out with Emily, we kinda grew apart but we still talk often.
Emily, on the other hand, we don’t get along at all. She hasn’t done anything to me, I haven’t done anything to her, we just don’t see eye to eye on things.
They’re having a ‘child-free’ wedding. But in Emily’s eyes, a child is anyone under twenty-one years old. I know, stupid rule. Originally, I wasn’t allowed to be there for the ceremony or reception.
I told Nate how much it would hurt to not be there for his big day, so he ended up convincing Emily to let me stay for the ceremony.
We had a family dinner earlier this week and Emily brought up that she would like to have a daycare service for the children of her guests at the wedding.
And somehow, she mentioned that she would love for me and my partner (20m) to look over the kids. My partner and I love children, we’re actually studying to become a teacher and pediatrician. We were on board with it until we heard that we’d be watching 40-ish kids for six hours, and only get paid $50 each.
We agreed that we’d do it for $150 each, but Emily insisted on her original offer. And then Nate got involved, saying he told Emily that we’d be happy to watch the children and it would save them a lot, and how it’s too late for them to find a different sitter.
The more I refused, the angrier Emily got.
She proceeded to tell me that I was being a greedy, selfish brat and that I should be paying her since she’d be giving me practice for my teaching career. And then she said that if I don’t do this, I will ruin her wedding and won’t be welcome at the ceremony.
At this point, the dinner’s ruined. My partner’s uncomfortable, I’m annoyed, and the entire restaurant is staring at our table because Emily’s practically screaming.
We paid for our food and went home.
Now here’s where I may be a jerk. I honestly don’t care about babysitting. In fact, I would probably do it for free. My entire family knows this. That’s why they’re so mad at me right now. My phone has been blowing up all evening, telling me that I should want to do anything that will make my brother’s wedding perfect and I’m being a childish jerk.
Sure it sucks I’ll probably not be at the wedding, but I’m sick of Emily being a jerk to me. I feel bad for putting Nate in this position and I hope this doesn’t ruin our relationship too much, but it is what it is.
I know I’m being kinda childish about this, however, I do not think I’m being a jerk.
So, what do you guys think? Am I the jerk for ruining my brother’s wedding and potentially our relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and Emily sounds dreadful. You’re an adult by pretty much any reasonable measure, at least with regards to this occasion, and she is infantilizing and condescending to you in egregiously obnoxious ways.
I’m shocked that your family is okay with this.
First of all, the only reason most people have child-free weddings in the first place is to avoid the disruption that comes with having children around, which is why sometimes even older teens are exempt. The idea that a 20-year-old would be disruptive or not know how to behave at a wedding, and shouldn’t be invited as a ‘child’ makes no sense whatsoever.
Excluding you in the first place is odd and petty, and pretty much indefensible.
As for asking you to take care of 40 children for 6 hours… that’s a HUGE responsibility, even for someone with professional training. Asking you to do it at all, while simultaneously excluding you from your own brother’s wedding is rude. Asking you to do it for $50 apiece, which is less than most pre-teen babysitters would get to watch one or two kids for an evening, is outrageous.
And suggesting that you need ‘practice for your career’ is… well, a bit offensive. You’ll have teacher’s college practicums for that. You don’t need her to do you a ‘favor’ with a vastly underpaid wedding babysitting gig. You’re being treated incredibly disrespectfully, and the LEAST they could do is pay you a reasonable amount for the huge favor they’re asking of you.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — you and your partner should have been invited to the wedding and reception from the start. No one thinks ‘child-free wedding’ and expects that to mean literal 20-year-old adults. Or 18, or 16.
Asking you to babysit for $50 each is insulting. Even $150 is insulting, for 40 kids for 6 hours. You are LUCKY she didn’t accept that offer because it would have been miserable if not unsafe and illegal.
40 kids of such a wide age range for such a long time and she thinks some crayons and board games will cut it? What about food? She sounds too cheap to be paying the caterer for all of these kids to eat and six hours is at least one meal and snack. And with that many kids, there have to be allergies to account for.
Then there is the legal liability of keeping so many kids safe from themselves and each other. And any time one of you would have to take a kid to the bathroom (or go yourselves) that leaves one adult responsible for the other 39 kids which is an impossible task.
They aren’t just asking you ‘to babysit.’ They are essentially asking you to gift them 1k+ dollars, which is what the actual cost of feeding, entertaining, and safely watching that many children would cost. Plus asking you to take on the liability.
And is the venue even aware of her plan?
The consequence of a child-free wedding is accepting that your friends with young kids might not be able to come.
She wanted to use that excuse to exclude you and now she wants you to pay for that exclusion and offset her natural consequence? She should just shut up.
Even if you did this she would not appreciate it or acknowledge the huge favor. And if someone’s kid got hurt or sick you’d be accused of ruining the wedding anyway.
There is no upside to this for you and it’s an insult any way you look at it.
Don’t do this to yourself and your partner.
Stand firm and accept that your brother is already lost to you while he’s with her — but the bright side is it may not be all that long. Good luck and I’m sorry they’ve put you in this situation instead of treating you like family/guests.” enameledkoi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m gonna say that 40 children is a lot, and I doubt you and your partner know every one of these children, their allergies, medical history, or even age range, there could be a 1-month-old to a 16-year-old age group.
Even children under 3 will need extra attention. And how many hours are we talking here? Even two hours would be hectic, and what happens when 1 of you needs to go to the toilet? I’m assuming you’re supposed to eat with the children as well. I can tell you right now that you and your partner won’t get a chance to.
And you won’t be attending the ceremony, I know you said you will but that’s not going to happen.
If it was 10 kids then sure, still ridiculous but that is in the realm of reality.
And no you didn’t ruin a wedding, this was the first time they’ve ever really tried to iron out the details with you.
I’m guessing it was a suggestion that you and your partner were on board before they told you the numbers, that’s on them for not being clear on expectations.
And family giving you dang grief, tell them great I’ll count on you for helping out, you can come join us when the ceremony is over and help out since it’s not that big of a deal, thanks for the offer I appreciate it.
And I can tell you as well any parent that sees two young adults taking care of 40 children will either walk away with their child or doesn’t care about how their children are taken care of and should be looked into for child neglect if they think that’s safe.
Never will you or your partner be looking after 40 kids in your jobs like this, as far as I am aware in child care it is a 1 person to every 10 children ratio and that’s if they are 4- 5 years old, younger it’s fewer people.
Even if you go ahead this is just going to blow up in your face.” ijustwntevrytobeok
9. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Deserved To Be Called An "Idiot" By My Sister?
“OOOF, first Thanksgiving without our beloved BIL (Sis’ husband 30s, passed away months ago from a serious medical condition).
He and my sister and their kids used to come to spend Thanksgiving at my parents’ house every year. This year and seeing how sad my sister has been we weren’t sure whether she wanted to join us but were surprised when she showed up with her kids while we were about to eat and brought her youngest SIL too.
We were happy to see them.
My sister took off her jacket and sat down at the table and we started eating and talking about a bunch of stuff when my husband stopped and casually pointed at the empty chair and said ‘Damn, that’s where Thomas used to sit wearing that same brown trucker jacket and talk about his plans for the future even when sick.’ I looked at my sister and saw her grudgingly staring at him as he went on to speak to the kids directly asking if they miss daddy and they noded. He then looked at my sister then back at the kids and said ‘oh please don’t be so sad because Daddy’s just gone to sleep just like we all do… except that he won’t ever wake up.’ We were all shocked as my niece started crying suddenly and my sister got up from her chair and started unloading on my husband calling him an idiot and that he should’ve kept his mouth shut and not talked to the kids like that.
My husband got up from his seat and got into an argument with her and I got involved trying to calm them down but my sister told her SIL to get the kids ready to leave and took her stuff. I tried to follow but she told me to leave her alone I’ve done enough already (?).
I went back inside and my husband said he was just trying to comfort the kids and didn’t understand why she went off on him like that. I was pretty upset and later at night my sister called saying her kids are now traumatized and terrified of sleeping thinking they too won’t wake up just like their dad after what my husband told them.
I said oh my God I’m so sorry then literally got into a big argument with him as he tried to say he’s the victim and my sister was overstepping by calling him an idiot and humiliating him in front of the whole family I said he deserved to be called an idiot and more after the messed up line he told the kids and let him know that he just traumatized his niece and nephew while this whole situation was preventable.
He threw his hands up in frustration and took his phone and bag and left the apartment after saying we were all being too much and unfair to him over an innocent attempt to comfort the kids.
He thinks I should be with not against him.
Context: and in case it’s relevant, my husband has always disliked my BIL and they were never close that is why I was dumbfounded when he mentioned him at the table.
Most of my family are saying he did it to be malicious but he says they’re wrong and need to get over themselves. He even said he’d return the similar gifts my BIL used to get for the kids on Christmas after this.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not shutting this down when it was happening.
For waiting for your sister to call you before you apologized and called out your husband. And, I strongly suspect this is not the first jerk move your husband has made. I’m making an educated guess that he does this a lot. You should leave him, OP. This isn’t just a mistake he made or a brief moment of being a jerk.
This is your husband’s personality. He’s a jerk. Make him your ex.” lawbaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had no idea what he was going to do before he did it.
If I were you, I’d start doing research into narcissistic personality disorder (and even read up on sociopathy and/or psychopathy. Look up the dark triad; I’m sure that you’ll find a thing or two relatable.)
I’m willing to bet that your sister’s husband was more liked by everyone than your husband is (probably because he’s a giant jerk), and that’s an unforgivable sin to a narc. They have to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral, the center of attention. And a lot of them are so hard to deal with that people just let it slide to keep the peace, so when a boundary is established they will absolutely go off the deep end with the ‘victimization’.
That’s why he hated him for something that was none of his business in the first place. He kept harping on it because it’s the one thing he could point to make his ‘enemy’ look worse than he is.
He thought that throwing some ‘comforting words’ out into the air like that would get him admiration for his ‘thoughtfulness’ but he doesn’t have the empathy to understand the impacts on the normal people around him.
He thought that ‘buying presents’ like his brother-in-law did would be all that was necessary to take on the role of a family good guy.
And when it blew up in his face, he lashed out. The whole family is not working as he expected you all too; if you would all just fall in line he wouldn’t have to feel any of the consequences of his own actions.
Check out narc injury, literally a ‘wounded ego’. Not falling over yourselves in gratefulness at his attempt to be ‘the good guy’ is a direct attack on him as a person (as it should be in this case). To a narc, that’s the worst thing of all.” Tatterhood78
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for your sister and her kids.
I happen to believe that your husband’s initial statement was a really clumsy attempt at breaking the ice and acknowledging the loss the family suffered. It probably came out a bit insensitive since the 2 men weren’t the closest. However, the moment your sister and her family started making faces and showing visible discomfort, your husband should have known to stop and apologize.
The doubling down when your sister freaked out, makes him an even bigger jerk. And you suck because you should have had the good sense to interrupt him and put a stop to the disaster before your sister ever started yelling. Your husband needs to pull his head out of his butt and apologize to your sister.
She’s struggling enough right now, she shouldn’t have to deal with your husband’s temper tantrum.” mythicb33ch
8. AITJ For Going Over My Teacher's Head To Get My Grade Changed?
“I’ve had a plan since freshman year— get into one of my top choice colleges and then spend the rest of the year having fun.
This is because my last few years I’ve been grinding a lot on my grades, tennis (which I’ve been playing since I was 7 but competitiveness picked up during high school years), SATs, etc. So I’d want some time to chill during senior year— most seniors do this anyways once they get into colleges.
Usually, colleges don’t accept people until later in the school year but I got recruited by one of my top choices for D1 tennis, meaning I’m more or less guaranteed admissions if I keep my grades decent— so Bs or better. If my grades dipped below that I would get rescinded.
I’ve kept all As for most of my high school career but I calculated if I scored well on all my tests, I could maintain Bs in my classes without turning in any assignments and thus have more free time.
So I did just that this year so far, and most of my teachers are chill with it because they know I already got into a good college. My AP Calc teacher on the other hand is a jerk that decided it was unacceptable not to do the work. So he retroactively changed all the assignments to be worth more points so I now had a D in the class.
I complained to the principal because a) that’s just unfair in general— retroactively changing stuff is dishonest and b) that messes up my college chances. I framed it as mostly an A issue rather than a B one and also said it would look bad on the school if a student from there that was supposed to attend had to be rescinded. The principal saw my side of this (and I’m sure other students complained as well so it wasn’t just me) and he made the teacher revert stuff back to the original.
This clearly angered my calc teacher and he’s been acting passive-aggressive towards me, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong. There’s nothing wrong with chilling out a bit once I got into college, and besides I was getting As on the test and a B overall which shows I understand the material. Plus as I touched upon before it’s just unfair to retroactively change things.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You think you can just skate through your senior year and not do any of the assignments. I’m not so sure your teacher did anything wrong. That requires more information. I’m basing my opinion on your attitude in general. If you think that’s how it works, you need an attitude adjustment.
If you want to guarantee your spot, then do the work like everyone else. From your own words, it sounds as though some teachers are just letting you slide and giving you good grades without doing the work. That’s manipulation in case you didn’t know it and it’s unfair to everyone else who is required to do the work.
Grow up! You’re in for a rude awakening when you get to college! Tennis won’t carry you!” Justanopinion24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
AT ALL. A lot of people are calling you a jerk, not for talking to your principal about the trashy thing he did—which is the literal thing OP was asking about—but for not wanting to do assignments.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially your senior year, have fun man.
To address some of the arguments here, I read a comment that said something to the effect of ‘so you’re just not gonna learn anything wow that’s wild’. And I must’ve missed the part where you actually learn stuff in high school.
And besides, you still have to pass the tests anyway, so you still have to learn the material. So who cares? OP could probably do the work, but do you people remember homework? If you know the material already, doing the same equation, but just different numbers and orders over and over are tedious and a waste of time.
‘Oh so then he’s just gonna be memorizing the material for the tests instead of retaining it.’ YEAH, you just described school. Do you remember anything from AP Cal? I can’t even remember the classes I took, much less the material.
Then there’s the position of ‘well if you learn to skate by in life, you’re gonna be shocked when you see the real world’.
Just a thought here, but somebody who’s been playing tennis at a high enough level where they got a D1 scholarship and maintained all As throughout their entire high school career PROBABLY HAS A GOOD WORK ETHIC. How is this ‘entitled’ behavior?? You worked for everything you got.
ALSO, the adult in the situation is VERY clearly a jerk.
Retroactively changing the weight of grades is suuuuper messed up, because it actively and intentionally damages OP. The teacher took it personally and had to exude their power over their student, rather than genuinely trying to reach out to try and get OP to see their side. But no, they decide to sabotage OP’s college prospects instead.
ALL the other teachers were cool with it because they recognize that it does not matter, but the AP Cal teacher refuses to acknowledge that and thinks they’re the main character and that they need to show OP a lesson. I just don’t understand why so many people are trying to run defense for this teacher who is very obviously delusional and punitive.
Teachers like that forget that you have an entire life outside of that class and expect you to treat them like they’re the only class you have. And when they’re forced to acknowledge that their little classroom isn’t the globe, they get annoyed. It’s so clearly a retributive move rather than a rehabilitative one.
High school matters SO little, the American education system is absolute trash anyways, and high school is the only time where things don’t matter before the real world. So enjoy the youth while you have it because when you look back you’re gonna be glad that you spent time with your friends rather than doing AP Cal homework.
I saw a comment of yours where you said something about ‘learning where to put your effort’ and I absolutely agree. We live on a tiny rock hurtling through space and people are getting all worked up because a teenager managed to work their way around a trashy system and trashier teacher so they can maximize their personal fulfillment?
Who gives a damn???” Adonis-DOH
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Look I get it, I was in a similar position in HS, I didn’t need homework to understand the material or ace the tests so I just wouldn’t do it. The same attitude of why bother with busywork when it does nothing but waste my time?
Lots of my teachers were nice and passed me with a decent (not great) grade and let me be on my way because I wasn’t a problem and they had too many other kids to worry about but honestly it was a disservice to me and made the transition to college and the real world much harder.
What no one tells you is that life is busywork that really isn’t worth your time and following rules for the sake of rules but you have to do it anyways. School, work, relationships, teams, etc. all of it you have to do stupid stuff because you have to do it, and getting used to blowing off stuff because it doesn’t matter to you and you think it shouldn’t matter to others makes it that much harder to suck it up and follow the script later.
Sure we all want an easier go of it and I can’t blame you for wanting to have an easier senior year but this attitude is dangerous and will end up shooting you in the foot now and again (like now with your calc teacher) so be thoughtful about how you use it.
It’s almost impossible to give advice to a teen who thinks they ‘know’ anything so I don’t expect you to understand until it’s too late but in case you’re one of the rare ones who can learn from others’ mistakes without having to make them yourself be careful, you’re gambling that head start you have and life doesn’t always give you a do-over.” sammers510
7. AITJ For Refusing To Sacrifice For My Younger Brother?
” “I’m the oldest of four. We are 16f, 13m, 12f, and 9m.
My parents are pretty irresponsible with finances which has left us short more than once. We’ve missed birthday parties and stuff. They would always say it would be made up for and with my siblings, that was true. My sister’s 8th birthday party was skipped because they ran out of funds. She got a really cool gift a couple of months late though and her 9th birthday party was crazy.
Same with 13m. He’d wanted a games console for Christmas and our parents couldn’t afford it so they promised if he waited a bit he’d get that plus five new games for it. It was especially tough on us when 9m was diagnosed with cancer when he was 5.
A lot changed financially except for my parents’ responsibility with it.
And they have especially done their best to make things up to him in crazy big ways, or they try to avoid having things not work with him especially. With me, they make the promise to make it up to me but never do. My 7th birthday was never made up for, neither was my 8th or my 10th.
They have taken money off me and never paid it back. They have made me cancel plans and then promised they would make up for it and never did. I have asked about it and they always say they will but they never do. And then my siblings started asking me for stuff our parents couldn’t afford and my parents would beg me to not let them down.
Now it has come up again. My youngest brother will be 10 soon and they want to throw him a big birthday party to celebrate and to mark another year cancer-free. They can’t afford it though and they want to ‘borrow’ the 400 dollars off me. Now, I do have the funds, I have savings that I hide and I could in theory do it.
But that would be me paying for it, rather than just being borrowed. And so I told them no. I said I didn’t believe them and I wasn’t paying for more stuff out of my own pocket so everyone else could be happy at my expense. That nobody would do it for me. My parents told me I need to think of my siblings first. That they will pay me back, that they always do their best for us, and now isn’t the time to take my issues with them out on my siblings.
But my siblings don’t give a crap either. One time my brother couldn’t get a brand new game on launch day because I wouldn’t give him the money and he called me a witch who does nothing for them ever. My parents always took credit for the stuff I paid for. They have always said they made it work and my siblings do not believe the stuff I have missed out on.
So for me, it’s like why would I sacrifice when I’m apparently someone who does nothing for anybody and lies all the time? And yet I know this is on my parents.
They have taken so much off me over the last three years, and even before, they took birthday money from friends. It’s probably close to 5k they have taken from me over the last 8 or so years.
It’s not just groceries either, but gifts and parties for my siblings and treats for them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your parents are using you as a paycheck. Keep as much money away from them as you can. Like if you can access the account, start taking money out every day that you can and hide it.
You might lose out on some interest earnings but that loss won’t be nearly as much as them withdrawing a $400 ‘loan’ etc. Your funds are safer in coffee cans in the backyard at the moment
Start working on a way out. Like college several cities away from where you have to live on campus with your funds in a bank account they can’t get to etc. and try to find your birth certificate, social security card, etc today and hide them from your parents.
If possible check your credit report now. If you can’t now make a note to do it as soon as you turn 18. They could be taking out loans and credit cards in your name
And if you have detailed notes about all the funds they have taken you could consider filing a suit in small claims court once you are 18.
No promise you’d win etc but the filing fees are low. But you’d likely burn a bridge so make sure you are out of the house with no reason to return (nothing left behind etc) and you don’t need their funds to pay for college and all that.” Techsupportvictim
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Hear me out. Your parents have 4 kids, one with cancer, and have a hard time making ends meet. I’m not an old fogey, just 35, but I’ve grown up in poverty, and I know that it’s extremely common for teens in poverty to help contribute to the household. It’s not fun, and it shouldn’t be an expectation placed upon you in these modern times, but all these nickel and diming gifts seem tiring.
You are all harboring grudges against skipped birthdays and Christmases. You’re 16 and you are still talking about your 7th birthday! Heck, many Christmas I received coloring books and crazy carpets from the dollar store, and I was ecstatic. We never had gaming systems, or the latest toys, but were always clothed (thrifted) and fed. I guess I knew I was ‘missing out’ on the big name brand gifts and gear, but I knew we were also poor and living in a one-bedroom place.
Of course, I complained here and there, especially when my parents would save 800$ to go to a resort in the Dominican for a week, but they worked really hard so I don’t hold any grudges about it now.
Your parents are walking a tight line on making demands for a sibling’s birthday, while not being able to predictably budget their finances.
You don’t owe your parents 400$ for your sibling’s birthday. Your siblings are young and, as such, don’t have the cognitive function to be as benevolent as you’d like them to be. You don’t yet either – your emotions are highly volatile, and I know that at 16 you feel fully formed, but you aren’t yet.
With these financial troubles, I feel it’s understandable for your parents to ask you to pay for your own clothes, except for basics, and your own entertainment.
I think it’s also understandable that they sit down with you and go over finances, and see that you can help in the family pot, if you can, without compromising your future college fund. What I can’t comprehend is them wanting to blow 400$ on a birthday.” ilovebeaker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it’s definitely in your own best interest to stop ‘lending’ them funds sooner rather than later.
They essentially see/are treating you as an extension of their own credit and resources, and don’t seem to care about whether you get reimbursed or where that leaves you in terms of funds and fair treatment as their child.
You can be sure that they’ll continue to try and lean on you, especially as an adult, to bail them out of their own irresponsible financial decisions so they never have to experience the consequences of their own choices.
Based on your post, I’m not sure if your parents are just generally irresponsible with finances, or if they are overspending on your siblings to make up for times when they have been affected by your parents’ poor financial management; but either way, your parents have the means/income to provide you/your siblings with amenities, gifts, and fun outings/experiences, but frequently can’t, because they can’t be bothered to set some funds aside or slightly scale down their own spending habits to plan for these consistent, predictable occasions for their own kids.
It’s unfortunate that you and your siblings have to bear the brunt of your parent’s poor financial decisions; but that’s their responsibility to rectify, not yours. Parents also don’t have to spend exorbitant amounts to make their children feel loved/appreciated; your parents insist on doing this for your siblings, but again, either can’t or won’t put the effort to do this with their own money/without plunging the whole family into financial insecurity to make this happen.
Your siblings’ entitlement/lack of financial awareness is not surprising at all, because they’re a) very young, (kids/preteens/early teens) and b) have a distorted view/poor example of financial management from your parents. While it hurts to feel like your gifts aren’t appreciated, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt, at least until they’re young adults.
There’s no guarantee that one or any of them will grow out of it, but odds are that if they do, it’ll most likely be once they’ve moved out and are in college or on their own that they’ll realize and appreciate the meaning of what you did for them.
This comes to my last suggestion: please, instead of giving the money to your parents, buy affordable gifts for your siblings on their birthdays and for holidays that they will likely appreciate, but don’t break the bank for you.
That may be $20 per person per occasion, it may be $10; but showing them that you care and thought of them/their happiness is what matters, not the value of the gift.
You’re 16. You probably don’t have a job, and even if you do, you’re probably significantly limited in your options for hours and means of travel/commute (not to mention, your own education should be your priority, you aren’t even an adult/out of high school yet, for crying out loud.) You simply can’t be buying several hundreds of dollars worth of gifts for your siblings; you don’t even have that much at your disposal, to begin with, let alone for discretionary/gift spending.
Anyways, this is getting long. The point is, you need to establish boundaries with your parents, while still showing your siblings that you care for them in affordable/creative ways; this will protect your own assets/financial security in the future, and hopefully give your siblings the chance to see a better example of being a responsible adult, and something to appreciate/aspire to themselves.” ScratchShadow
Their irrsponsibility when it comes to money and finances and anything else is not your problem, it is not up to you to now start paying for your siblings birthday parties because they're too irresponsible, they are looking at you as an ATM now
6. AITJ For Not Eating My Sister's Eggs?
“My (F28) older sister (F35) ‘Anita’ has been keeping chickens for a ~4 years. Over time, it has slowly become her entire life.
For example, her husband ‘Frank’ supports their family, but she has always maintained a part-time job. 2 years ago, she quit staying home full time because ‘her babies’ (the chickens) needed her. She didn’t even do this when her actual kids (15M, 13M, 12F) were small. She misses social events, sports games, etc. if the timing doesn’t work with her chicken schedule.
Anita will also only cook with the eggs from her chickens. She insists on hosting all family events. At each one, there is a little ritual she does where she puts out two versions of some kind of egg dish (deviled eggs, egg salad, quiche, etc); one made with store-bought eggs and one made with her chickens’ eggs, and demands that everyone eats both and casts a vote for which is better, to demonstrate how much better her eggs are.
Frank does not participate, because he won’t eat her eggs after an incident that put him off, but everyone else is expected to.
This past weekend, for the 4th, she made deviled eggs. My husband fixed me a plate of food while I was talking to my dad, which included 1 egg. The egg he grabbed happened to be from the ‘store-bought’ plate.
My sister quickly came over and reminded me that I needed to eat a ‘real egg’ as well so I could vote. I told her no thank you, I only wanted one egg. I’ve struggled with my weight for several years, and have lost ~20 lbs in the last 9 months. I don’t starve myself by any means, but I’m careful about portion control, and I was only having a little of each thing so I could try the food everyone had brought.
Also, I just didn’t want a second egg. After repeatedly trying to make me eat a second egg, my sister finally said, ‘Fine, don’t have one. I don’t want to be blamed when you get fat again.’ (I’ve had a few times where I’ve lost weight and gained it back).
As we were going to leave, my sister came up to me holding a large container full of her chickens’ eggs and told me to take them home so that I could see how much better they were, since I ‘refused to participate in the game’.
I got irritated and said, ‘No, Anita. I don’t want your eggs. I have eggs at home. We’ve all played along with your petty egg thing for years, I know what they taste like. Stop.’ She made a face and then ran upstairs to her room and began sobbing loudly enough for everyone to hear her from downstairs.
Since then, I’ve gotten texts from my mom telling me to apologize, from my dad telling me my mom wants me to apologize, and from Anita telling me that I humiliated her in her home and that she doesn’t want me around her kids because I’ll poison them against her, and that it’s probably my fault that Frank won’t eat her eggs anymore, and then accusing me of having an affair with Frank.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Sister may have mental issues, but she’s certainly a drama queen extraordinaire. I damn near expected her to gasp in shock, lifting the back of one hand to her forehead when you refused her precious gift of eggs, exclaiming ‘I do believe I’m coming down with the vapors, I simply must retire to my boudoir post haste, where I shall relieve the agonies of which you have burdened me with, my evil wicked sister’ and then slithered up the stairs to begin that horrific wailing.
Don’t apologize for anything. You did nothing wrong. You were just done with her Pepperidge Farms routine. They’re eggs, sis. You didn’t invent them for Christ’s sake. Give it a rest. Your children aren’t babies, they know you’re nuts. That’s what most kids think. Get used to it.” AliciaTransmuted
Another User Comments:
“You probably aren’t gonna see this or agree with it.
IMO yes you’re a jerk, not for rejecting her eggs but for the way you handled the situation.
From a ‘normal’ person’s, with stable emotions, perspective, you’re NTJ. But you know your sister has some mental issues and I feel you could be a little kinder.
When she offered you to try her eggs, you could’ve suggested taking half of it or splitting it with a family member.
You knew this was going to happen but you still chose to antagonize her by rejecting her eggs. You didn’t need to finish the egg too. She just wanted people to taste and it say hers was better.
Your sister tried to reach out again and give you her eggs to take home. But you were the one who got irritated and said nasty things first. From her perspective, she could be wondering why are you so mean to her and rejecting her eggs which clearly are the center of her life.
I’m not saying she’s faultless by any means. She needs help 100%. But you’re the jerk for the way you handled the situation.” swtnthng
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But this doesn’t make sense in many ways. Why would she continue to buy store-bought eggs and make them into dishes just to show eggs from her chickens are better?
Surely this isn’t the first time someone hasn’t wanted to eat more than one egg? A lot of people have heart issues and eating a lot of eggs just isn’t an option for them.
Also, I get that Frank had a bad experience with a fertilized egg but that doesn’t explain why he wouldn’t eat anything that’s already cooked from her eggs.
In general, I think it’s great when people keep their own chickens and have fresh eggs. But obviously, this is very much overboard. If it’s real then the sister definitely has a lot of issues and may think that the chickens/eggs are all that she has.” Circuit_Strike
5. AITJ For Bringing Fast Food To My Friend's Wedding?
“A couple of weeks ago, my friend got married. Her husband’s family is rich so they had a huge and very formal wedding, complete with a stunning 4-course meal. She posted the food menu in advance and I found out very quickly that I didn’t like many of the meals. Her family loves seafood so she had things like baked scallops, lobster tail, crab cakes, etc. All seafood options.
Now, this might sound heavenly to some people, but I really dislike seafood and the vegetarian alternatives didn’t sound much better so I asked my friend if I could just bring my own food.
She said yes. Nice! At the dinner reception after the wedding, I ordered some burgers from a popular fast-food chain to be delivered. Not going to say which one but there are only a few that you can really guess.
Anyhow, as I was eating my food, everyone just kept side-eyeing me. I know I probably looked weird, eating a fast-food hamburger while everyone else ate scallops and stuff, but I also felt like I was being majorly judged. My friend (the bride) also gave me that weird side-eye at some point.
After the dinner portion was over and people started dancing/socializing more, one of the bridesmaids told me that it would have been more ‘proper’ to eat something that ‘didn’t draw so much attention.’ So I guess she was referring to the paper bag and drink I had since it did kind of stand out.
Not a big deal but I don’t know, I guess the comment just got me thinking. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ from me. Like, it’s food. I don’t see how it matters that it came in a paper bag, that it’s different from what other people were eating, or that it came by delivery as long as they didn’t interrupt the party to deliver it.
I think that people who are looking at your food as opposed to the bridal party/the party generally/their own plates should mind their business and find something more interesting than you eating burgers to look at. I get it looks ‘tacky’, but that’s just arbitrary standards we made up, so I don’t really care.
But this was all perfectly predictable. People don’t mind their own business. People do care if something looks tacky, particularly when they’re throwing a very expensive party, which is what a wedding reception is. People will expect you to minimize or completely avoid any interruption to that kind of event, and interruption can just mean being the object of other people’s stares.
And assuming you’re a mostly grown human who hasn’t been living in a cave for most of your life, you should have some idea how to do this without drawing so much unwanted attention. Or how to suck it up and try the food offered or eat later.
I’d invite you to my hypothetical Bring Your Own Burgers wedding no problem.
(And trust me, if I ever had a vow renewal or something, that’s about the level of casual I’d want). I think pearl-clutching over someone else’s meal is stupid. But I’m in the minority, and you still get a YTJ for not being situationally aware enough to handle this better. You don’t have to love every social norm or unwritten rule or whatever, but you’ll need to know them and work with them if you want to survive, and this isn’t one of the ones that it’s worth making a stand about.
(There totally are some that you should make stands about, but doing that loses impact if you also insist on eating out of a paper bag in the middle of reception for no other reason than you don’t like the menu.) Sorry.” Broad_Journalist2264
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The couple put a LOT of money and effort into providing a gorgeous meal, including luxury foods that most people only get to eat once per year at best, and I would imagine a formal table setting with expensive centerpieces, chargers, and crystal stemware… and you decide to sit at the table with a greasy paper sack and a golden arches paper cup with a straw?
Are you 5? Many people don’t like seafood (not me… I would have eaten my share, your share and the guy next to me would be trying to pry my jaw off his lobster tail) but surely there was a salad course. Bread course? Is your palate so unrefined that you thought that the Golden Arches was more palatable than say… ordering from a local steakhouse?
What you did was incredibly rude and disrespectful to the couple who no doubt had to pay for your plate regardless of whether or not you ate. Aside from the fact that fast food already stinks to high heaven, you’re rustling around greasy paper and hoovering fries and ketchup into your pie hole with your bare hands while other people around you are dining on white linen and bone china.
And the PAPER CUP??? You couldn’t just ask the wait staff for a glass of pop, which I am sure is included in the open bar?
Asking to bring your own food is ridiculous unless you have a severely limiting food allergy or celiac. In those cases, you will find that reception facilities will bend over backward to accommodate a guest who needs accommodation (when my ex-husband and I had our reception, they created an entire special menu just for his dad who has an autoimmune disorder that attacks his digestive tract and severely limits what he can eat… they created his own salad, starter, main and dessert… and this was NOT a particularly expensive venue.)
If you can’t find anything but a freaking Big Mac, you should have eaten it somewhere besides the dining room. You absolutely came off as piggish, without a single shred of class or tact.” Glass_Status_5837
Another User Comments:
“I only heard people ask if they can bring their own food if they had dietary restrictions, food allergy, and generally several food allergies/intolerances and/or if it’s life-threatening, and they don’t want to risk anything.
OP doesn’t say if they told the bride their reasons to bring their own food. So I think it’s possible, that maybe the bride thought OP asked because of an allergy she doesn’t know about, and not because OP didn’t find anything they deemed edible on the whole menu and can’t go without food for a few hours.
Food allergy with seafood is a big possibility, and maybe the vegetarian options had the possibility for allergies too depending on the dish (vegetables, seasoning, or something). And even if OP said why they want different food they went about the execution the completely wrong way. YTJ.
OP, your options if you don’t like the food being served at a wedding, at an event:
- Eat before arriving at the reception, and/or after leaving it
- Order food and get it delivered to the parking lot, lobby, etc. where the guests, the couple won’t see it, and eat it in the car, lobby, etc. where it won’t be seen. Step away from the reception for that 5-7 minutes! Especially when it’s obviously fast food and can’t pass as home-cooked, or if it’s a sandwich!
- Pack some food at home and either ask the wait staff to put it on a plate for you and serve that to you (if the couple/organizers/caterer gave permission) or if you want to eat out of the Tupperware or it’s a sandwich then step out and eat it somewhere outside of the salon where the dinner is held.
- Or maybe once in a while step outside of your comfort zone and try something new, like a new dish, who knows maybe you will even like it
OP, your friend was really nice and accommodating and you threw it in her face. Being considerate and discreet wouldn’t have killed you but would have shown her that you appreciate her not making a problem about you not eating anything from the large menu they put together and paid a lot for.
What you did was trashy, insulting, and disrespectful. Have some decency and common sense!
And others are right, I should have mentioned, of course even asking this food bringing question (if it’s not for health reasons) is rude, to begin with, I only talked about the wedding day because fast food paper bag on the table is another level outrageous.” Cute-Shine-1701
4. AITJ For Crying When My Sister Announced Her Pregnancy?
“I (17F) have an older sister ‘Beth’ (23F).
2 years ago Beth gave birth to a baby boy ‘Leo.’ She suffered intense postpartum depression, to the extent that her partner (Leo’s father) kicked her out (with the baby for some reason) and she came to live with us.
I can’t go into details, but her depression was severe. It made life miserable for me… to come home from school and deal with my extremely depressed sister and a newborn baby.
At the time Beth literally couldn’t stand to even look at Leo and my parents were busy with work, so I was put in the difficult position of doing most of the care for baby Leo, even though I literally had zero experience with babies and my depressed sister wouldn’t lift a finger to help.
I would describe that year as the worst of my life. I feel like my sister’s post-partum depression was rubbing off on me because I felt sad every day.
Beth was in therapy during that year and she did eventually get better and gradually started wanting to be more involved with Leo. Her partner eventually took her and Leo back (I wasn’t happy about this but it’s her decision) and she started actually being a good mom to Leo.
I was relieved honestly and so were my parents. It was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and every day I came home from school I could come home to a happy environment instead of a sad, toxic one.
So flash forward to last weekend… Beth, her partner (now fiance), and baby Leo came over for dinner.
My grandparents were also there. After we’d finished dinner we were having dessert and out of the blue Beth and her partner made an announcement she was pregnant with a second child.
I did try to put on a brave face and not show my emotions but I was teary-eyed and my grandmother noticed. She leaned in and asked me what’s the matter and unfortunately the floodgates just opened uncontrollably.
It seemed everyone was caught off guard but they all immediately knew what I was crying about. I could hear Beth’s partner mutter something and then storm off out of the room but I didn’t catch what he said.
Beth started snapping at me and it’s a bit of a blur but I think she asked ‘why are you crying?’ and I said something like ‘how do you know you won’t get depressed again and I’ll be put in the same position??’ She was really angry and my parents had to diffuse the situation and send them home.
Now in the aftermath, I’m getting a lot of criticism from my parents. They think I overreacted and made a happy moment into a sad moment. They believe Beth is right to be annoyed. They wish I could’ve been more supportive and happy for my sister instead of making it about me and my feelings.
They also think I’m a jerk for questioning her choice to have another child just because she had postpartum depression after the first child. I’m not an expert so I don’t know, but it’s a big fear of mine that the same thing will happen again, and I’ll be stuck in the same position.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should NOT have done that to you, period. Making you care for someone else’s baby was flat-out wrong. You are 17; you should be in school, in training, working yourself, and having a social life, not dedicating your entire year to raising someone else’s baby. The baby has a father, that’s his father’s job and his father’s family and your parents’ job.
They can all work together to pay for a babysitter. Asking you to watch him a couple of hours a day isn’t a huge deal initially and even a couple of times a week; that’s what you do in a family. But providing the bulk of care for an infant? That’s wrong on way too many levels.
I can 100% understand your feelings. Can you move in with your grandparents when they start expecting you to be the live-in babysitter because handling a toddler and infant is ‘too hard’? Will you be legally old enough to move elsewhere at that point, such as in with a friend? I’m sorry you are even having to consider this, and I would 100% bet they haven’t started looking for childcare assistance AT ALL at this point either.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, except you.
You were 15, and forced to be the sole caretaker of an infant and I cannot imagine the toll it took on you.
It’s understandable your sister had ppd. As a person who had it with both pregnancies, I can say it sucks. But it doesn’t give her the right to completely abandon her baby or her now responsibilities cause that baby needs his mother.
Her partner is a huuuge jerk. Why oh why do you kick both your baby mama and baby? To me, it feels like he didn’t want the responsibility of a baby either until he was easier maintenance.
Your parents should have set boundaries at home but it sounds they never did. It’s easy to play fun grandparents when you leave all the responsibilities to others.
And you were absolutely correct feeling stressed. There is a very good chance your sister will have ppd again and they will more than likely repeat their mistakes.
Put your foot down this time cause it will get worse as there won’t be a baby but a toddler too.
You are not the parent or babysitter of their offspring.
You also did nothing to apologize and if they are that butthurt maybe they can start fixing themselves cause the problem is them not you.” jasemina8487
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, because I get the pressure that taking care of baby Leo has taken on you, but PPD happens. Blaming your sister for it is like blaming someone for being depressed or being schizophrenic.
And just because it happened once it doesn’t mean it will happen again. Should all people who have had PPD (especially being their first pregnancy) not have any more kids at all? You’re NTJ for crying and feeling sad but saying it will all happen again just because she got pregnant with her second child is a jerk move.” rachmaninoffkills
Another User Comments:
“I personally think that it’s understandable for the sister to have been upset. She had a debilitating mental illness that she clearly worked to resolve and she is now in a better mental space (hopefully). She was sharing the news about her pregnancy and is happy about life in general after a long time and was met with op taking it as a personal attack against her.
I’m not saying op doesn’t have the right to be upset but I am also putting myself in her sister’s shoes. Her sister didn’t leave her baby to go party, she didn’t abandon her son. I can’t imagine the amount of guilt she probably had for not being able to be the mother that her baby needed and on top of that knowing that her sister was put in such a hard place there was literally nothing she could have done to change what happened except get better so the situation didn’t continue.
I can’t blame op for being triggered but I also can’t blame her sister for feeling upset or angry that her sister would cry about something that I’m sure she did not feel good about either and also is probably scared will happen again. I think they have a lot of things to work out but in op’s description she seems to be putting a lot of the blame on her sister by making it sound like she didn’t want to help and not the reality that she had PPD by saying things like, ‘She didn’t lift a finger’ and ‘started being a good mom.’
That’s just my two cents.” Julissaherna692
3. AITJ For Giving My Husband's PS5 To My Nephew?
“I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 37. I discovered the other day he had bought a PS5 as a gift for himself, but the thing is he used my funds to do so without my permission using a portion of my emergency savings that he had access to in case of you know, an emergency.
Which I do not believe being able to get your hands on a new video game console classifies as.
This led to a huge argument and I took the console away and reboxed it up. I debated on returning it to the shop for the money but I know my sister has been struggling to find one for my 13-year-old Nephew for over a year, so instead, I wrapped it up and took it round to hers and put it under the tree and quietly explained what it was and what had happened. My sister then gave me the money for it.
My husband went ballistic shouting and demanding I go get it back which I, of course, refused to do, telling him as it had been bought with my funds it was my choice what happened to it. He is now sulking and refusing to talk to me and acting like a huge child.
Edit: For anyone curious about our financial situation and why I’m so angry, we each put half our salary into a communal family fund for the house, bills, groceries, etc. The other half is ours to play with as we want, my husband always blows through his and never saves a penny, half of my expendable funds goes into savings for emergencies as I’m more realistic.
Second Edit: He refused to pay me back as it was an ’emergency.’
Third Edit: I have emptied the emergency account that he has access to and put it all in my personal account that he does not have access to, including the funds I got from my sister for the ps5.”
Another User Comments:
“This is called financial abuse. It’s not as talked about as physical and psychological abuse, but it is still abuse and it is not uncommon in relationships that do have physical and psychological abuse. (Though it definitely can exist on its own.)
I’d suggest making an ultimatum with him. This is not a relationship you can maintain.
Anyone who treats you like this, in the long run, is going to cause you psychological trauma if you don’t already have it. The fact that you’re questioning something like taking back something he stole from you is a sign that you’re being gaslit to some degree. He is not taking this seriously, he does not respect you, even if you feel he loves you.
That is not enough. Love and acts of love are two different things.
He needs to get serious help about his spending, like a financial advisor. Someone who is not you, because I don’t think he is taking you seriously. I also do not think you deserve to be in a situation of guiding him through this.
He is going to shout and argue with you because he thinks that is okay to do. Shouting is not a normal part of a healthy relationship. Arguing is sometimes, but only with the intention to get to a place of understanding and agreement in the end. Not as a power play, not out of entitlement, not as a defense for crossing your boundaries and trying to convince you that you were in the wrong for having those boundaries.
I am convinced he will not change. You do not have the responsibility to make him change. He does. And he won’t unless he decides to of his own volition. Getting him to talk to a therapist is a bad idea because he will likely find ways to use that to further his control. A financial advisor, sure.
But not a therapist.
You mention he has done this once before. This should be the last straw, and you should leave him if you can. But I understand that’s hard, and you’ll probably want to exhaust your options first. It sucks, but love is not a good enough reason to stay with him. This is taking over your life and your sense of financial security and safety.
And he is yelling at you for something he did to you.
NTJ. But please prioritize your wellbeing here. Get out.” averagecryptid
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is a major jerk and worse! He’s a thief with no morals apparently! You were not a jerk, you were setting boundaries, and letting your husband know, who was just plain wrong period, that this will not be tolerated. It’s your money, you can do whatever you want with it, and the Playstation he bought with it!
Even worse, is now that he’s pouting like a spoiled little boy. So what if he doesn’t speak to you? He’s showing you who he really is! Plus, I hope you put the funds in an account, where only YOU can access it, and no one else. He probably assumed because he’s your husband, the money is community property, and he can have a share of it.
Here’s what I would’ve said to him ‘You had no business even using the money. As far as I’m concerned, you had two choices: Either you could’ve fessed up and offered to pay BACK the amount, and I wouldn’t have given my nephew that Playstation, or you could’ve saved your own funds and bought it on your own.
However, you chose to be a disrespectful thief, and use the funds that I keep for emergencies, on some stupid video console.
Selfish needs are NOT emergencies. Don’t ever touch my money again, or the next thing you will be paying me is spousal support because I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior.’
Plus, if it is an account that he shouldn’t have been messing with, that’s criminal charges.
Especially if only you were supposed to have access to it. He’s lucky that you didn’t call the police on him.” Nefertiti45
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, it sounds like you both are jerks. You guys clearly have a lack of communication problem and you need to work on that.
My husband has probably been trying to buy a ps5 for over a year now.
How has he not had the conversation of hey if this comes on sale can I please borrow from our emergency funds account, I promise to pay it back/let me start paying into it right now so we have the funds when I can get my hands on one because they are so hard to get.
Wife takes something that is super dear to him and purposely gets rid of it to spite him and makes sure she is a jerk back to him. Doesn’t communicate with him before giving it away. Let’s him know afterward. A simple conversation could have maybe resulted differently and maybe not been the first stones tossed into the end of your marriage.
On a side note, giving it to the nephew is the sweetest thing in the world. He is going to be surprised and super excited. Puts the kid’s mom in a bind to come up with the funds, but he will love it. As an adult, the husband should start being happy for those precious moments of kids being excited to get over the loss.
Hopefully.” ChrissyKMilkyWay
2. AITJ For Telling The Truth To My Therapist?
“I (17F) just might have landed my mom (38F) in some legal trouble and I feel terrible for it.
Long story short I fell in a sewer yesterday and swallowed sewer water (by accident) and in order to avoid getting sick my mom gave me booze and I got very VERY wasted.
Soon after, my mom, dad (50M), my little sister R (15F), and little brother J (9M) all agreed that after dinner R & J would help me with the dishes while my dad would go out and get dessert.
But before my dad left I confronted my mom about how wasted I felt. I told her that it was hard for me to think straight and I felt wobbly as a bouncy ball. She dismissed me and told me to sit down.
Now at this point, R and J can tell I’m wasted and think it’s HILARIOUS and won’t stop laughing.
And it’s when I try to stand up again that I realize that my mom left along with my dad and I was left alone to take care of my little brother and (severely mentally and physically disabled) sister, all by myself, completely wasted. I have no idea how to handle myself in this state of mind let alone 2 emboldened little kids teasing me.
It took me several attempts just to get off the couch because I kept falling down so much. I tried to clean the kitchen but I couldn’t get much done on account of trying to deal with my wastedness and J and R’s teasing. Suffice to say this was a very difficult experience.
30 mins later my parents arrived home and went upstairs.
At this point, I’m starting to sober up a bit and the first thing I do is start sobbing. How could my mom just leave me like that? She expected me not only to deal with that on my own but to also be in charge of 2 minors while doing so. I felt so betrayed and alone.
My mom hears me sobbing and I come up to talk to her and tell her why I’m crying. She was immediately remorseful (but at first dismissive). but then my dad comes out of his room and tells me I’m ‘overreacting’ and ‘not wasted but just hamming it up’ and sends me to bed.
My mom woke me up this morning and we were actually able to talk things out.
I told her how bad that made me feel and she just listened to me and took full responsibility for it.
However, just a few hours ago I had a therapy appointment and I thought it was appropriate to bring this up as I often feel like I am given responsibility I have no idea how to handle.
But therapists are mandated reporters and what I told her she thought were grounds for child neglect. She reported the incident to CPS. I feel terrible that it went that far and my mom felt terrible for letting the incident happen in the first place. But my dad thinks I have completely overblown this situation.
He is blaming me for the possible legal damages I could be causing my mom. He even wants me to call back my therapist and tell her that I was lying!!!!!
I think I might be the jerk for putting my mom in legal jeopardy, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m fully responsible for this.
So AITJ for telling the truth to my therapist?”
Another User Comments:
“Firstly parents are allowed to give booze to their kids in the US and Canada last I checked. Maybe it depends on what state and province. CPS was probably called because ‘minors’ were left alone? Last time I checked I was home alone at 15… oh, at 11.
A 15-year-old can watch a 9-year-old. I guess NTJ. Like it sucks that you felt bad and that your dad told you you were hamming it up, but I don’t think this is a CPS thing. Just be more careful with the stuff you say, you will be 18 soon, there is no need to have CPS around if you aren’t being abused. It takes workers away from situations where they are actually needed.” Darnie_Robie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re 17, about to be 18. You should be able to analyze a situation better and more nuanced than a 9-year-old. You fell in a sewer (weird, but alright), your mother thought she was helping you by trying some old wife remedy and because she gave you booze you became wasted. She and your father soon left the house, you panicked because you weren’t used to being wasted, and assumed responsibility for your younger siblings.
Even after your father was dismissive towards you, your mom listened to your concerns, fears, and apologized. You then went on to your therapist and said your mom left all the household responsibilities on you after she got you intoxicated. Your therapist is obligated to report these things if you said you felt unsafe and neglected. I hope nothing happens to your siblings, but good luck.
You have altered your dynamics with your parents.” Zoeyoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
To be clear here, it doesn’t sound like your therapist reported this because your mom gave you booze. In many contexts that is, of course, problematic but for a 17-year-old and a one-time thing probably not a huge issue. Of course, drinking booze to combat getting sick from ingesting sewer water is a terrible idea that would not work.
Rather it sounds like she reported this because you ingested sewer water and your mother responded by giving you booze rather than taking you to a hospital. I mean, for Pete’s sake, they could have taken you to urgent care with a $20 copay and this conversation would not be happening.
I would also say that your father is the one being dramatic.
A call to CPS is not ‘legal jeopardy.’ What was done here is very unlikely to result in criminal charges or your siblings and you being removed from the house etc. There will be an investigation and they will likely stress to your parents the importance of medical care and not trying to have a hack at playing Dr. House (or giving your kids booze).
Even if there were consequences it would be because what your mother did was both stupid and irresponsible and she, as an adult, needs to own up to them rather than blame others for getting caught.
Just as an aside, there is no finer way for this potentially closed in one day investigation to get out of hand than for your father to call your therapist and try to insist you’re lying.” AudDMurphy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You are 17, so definitely an age where adults can’t just ‘give’ you things, as in you have to eat/drink them. You drank booze and blamed your mom for getting you wasted? Your parents definitely shouldn’t have left you alone with your siblings, but it does sound as if you were hamming it up a bit and being a tad dramatic.
Also, drinking will not keep you from getting sick, like??? What even is the reasoning here? Do you and your mother think that booze would disinfect your stomach because that’s not how it works?” HowIsThatMyProblem
1. AITJ For Telling My Kids Their Dad Took This Christmas Away From Them?
“So I’m a working mother of 3 kids (9,11,5). My husband used to have a job but was let go at the end of 2020 and hasn’t worked since then. Yes, he worked in a few places here and there like the gas station but he couldn’t keep it because he lacked ‘motive & passion’.
All in all our financial situation isn’t so great BUT I’ve decided to start saving funds to be able to get the decent Christmas celebration the kids wanted and couldn’t get in 2019-2020.
I’ve put funds aside to buy decorations and prepare meals and also gifts but just a couple of days ago found out that my husband had taken $500 out of my account and from the funds I saved (the rest of my salary goes to bills and grocery) and gave them to his little brother to help him out in child support.
I found out and had a big argument with him about how he essentially stole this year’s Christmas from the kids to help his irresponsible brother pay for child support.
My husband apologetically said he had no choice and was pushed by family to contribute and pay part of his brother’s child support otherwise they won’t see their nephews/grandchildren since his brother’s baby mama is vicious and spiteful.
The kids came in and I just told them that unfortunately I can’t afford Christmas this year and it’s because of their dad who took it away from them by taking the funds I saved. There was utter silence and my husband glanced at me in disbelief. He told the kids to go to their rooms and screamed asking what is wrong with me to spout this kind of stuff in front of the kids.
I said it’s the truth and that I sacrificed so much to save funds to give the kids some joy this holiday then he selfishly took the funds and gave it away.
He said he would pay me back in time before Christmas but I don’t see this possible since he doesn’t even have gas money.
He got annoyed and said I shouldn’t tell the kids that he took their Christmas money and that the psychological damage I’m doing to the kids is worth a lot more than finances and accused me of turning the kids against him and making them resent him for trying to help out a family member.
He then stormed off and spent time with his family who accused me of causing my children mental trauma by saying their dad took Christmas away from them and alienating them from him.
Adding this (Just wanted to say that the kids know that mommy is the one who brings home money and so if Christmas gets canceled and because of money then they’ll think it’s because of me, I had many many conversations with them about it and the last thing I want is to see them disappointed in me for something that is not my fault).”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I don’t care what happened to you or how mad you are about anything. You never EVER involve them in adult situations or trash talk a parent to them in any way. Your story is irrelevant. Had you left the kids out of it you would have had my sympathy but you didn’t and maybe you need to know that studies show a parent who trashes the other parent is the one the kids end up resenting in the long run.” Orphan_Izzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Usually, I am against bringing children into parental disputes. But here I see it differently. The children have a right to know what happened.
The funds were meant for the children. So he basically stole from his own children. By doing this, he has already involved the children in the argument.
Shouldn’t the children find out until Christmas?
For all those who pick on the OP because Christmas shouldn’t be about finances, stop, because you don’t know what it’s like to grow up poor! I grew up poor and Christmas was the only time of the year when we had nice food and gifts, which we saved for the whole year.
Children experience the pressure of financial worries even if they don’t fully understand it.
Christmas was the only time of the year when that didn’t matter and that was so nice. Getting presents, special food, a beautifully decorated apartment means a lot if you only eat the cheapest ice cream all year round because you don’t want to ask your mother about the expensive one because you don’t want to see her sad, haunted face when she has to say she cannot afford it.
OP’s children will see the great toys that the other children have, the great food and it will hurt them because as a poor child you want to have a nice and normal experience, which you can then tell your friends about at school without shame.
The father took this from his children and expected that OP will not tell the children and that the responsibility for the consequences of his theft will be shared between both parents.
This is unbelievably unfair and I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that.” Convicia
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Looks like being a deadbeat dad runs in the family.
However, at the same time, you weaponized your small children as pawns in a marital argument. I could understand calmly, gently telling the eleven-year-old that some of the gifts she wants, she likely won’t be getting this year, because dad used the savings.
But a nine and five-year-old? A five-year-old doesn’t understand finances. They don’t remember last Christmas, or how many presents they got. All you needed was a couple of secondhand donations. A few cheap toys from dollar stores that could keep them happy until you were able to afford better gifts, and sprinkle those throughout the year.
That’s what my mother did when we were in a bind.
Instead, you’ve absolutely broken their hearts just to get back at your husband. They wouldn’t have understood waking up to fewer presents, presents that were significantly less expensive than the ones they probably would’ve preferred—it still would have been Christmas, and there still would have been toys, lollies, and a tree.
But now you’ve told them, they know that they’re getting robbed.
Drop your husband. He can spend funds paying his child support instead of his brother’s. I’ve spent Christmas in motel rooms with my brother before, celebrating under a bonsai tree with gifts brought from the petrol station and chicken from KFC—and it was one of the best Christmases I ever had.
I didn’t even know we were financially struggling. Because I was ten and my mother didn’t involve me in the family’s financial struggles.
Take them to the gas station. Give them a couple of dollars each. Children, often enough, get just as much joy buying presents for others as they do receive them.
Tell them to buy a present for their siblings, then take them home and spend time with each child wrapping the gifts. A couple of stocking stuffer chocolate bars, slinkies, and yo-yos are a couple of dollars a packet. If you can see they’ll still be disappointed, set a date for a ‘re-do Christmas’.
Now that they know they’re getting fooled, might as well go the extra mile and set a ‘re-do Christmas’ for a few months down the line when you’ve saved up a bit. But for god’s sake, drop the husband and don’t allow him access to your savings.” bakersd0z3n
YTJ for allowing said loser to have access to this $.
Where I don’t necessarily think YTJ is for telling the kids. And if he somehow gets his act together and earns enough $ to make Christmas decent, then the perfect response is “Daddy worked very hard so we could have a nice Christmas. And what Mommy thinks is the best part is that she knows that Daddy will continue to work hard so we can have nice things”.
And if Daddy slacks off again, dump him. He’s nothing but an albatross around your neck if he’s not a contributing adult.
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