People Explain Their Wrongdoings In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
31. AITJ For Moving Out Because I Refuse To Keep Being A Maid And A Nanny?
“I (18F) always did the chores in my house, my mom is kinda obsessed with cleaning so we were always cleaning up, I never complained because I understood that helping is important and she could never do those things alone. The biggest problem was my stepbrother and stepfather, they never cleaned anything, never cooked or washed something, and their excuse was: “women do house chores way better than man!” and my mother always agreed with that, and even fought with me for not cleaning things for them sometimes.
Anyways, this never changed, since I was 10yo I cooked and cleaned for everyone without complaining.
When I was 13, my mom had a baby, and suddenly I was a maid and a babysitter, and again, I didn’t complain about the situation.
But as a teenager, I wanted to go out with my friends, and when I got older I really wanted to have a job, but couldn’t since I had to take care of my baby brother while my parents were working or were busy with other things.
The thing is, my stepbrother and stepfather never take care of the baby, and sometimes I needed to cancel plans to stay with him because I was his “second mother.” I even start studying at night because I needed to stay with him during the day.
So I was cleaning, cooking, babysitting, and trying to study, and when I didn’t do all the chores that my mother asked me, she would fight with me and call me words like useless, lazy… I never complained about anything, just accepted and kept living.
Everything changed last month, we were having lunch with my family and my partner was with us. My mother said she had a big thing to tell us all, she was pregnant again. At that moment I felt like crying and screaming, but I respected their moment of happiness.
My partner noticed that I was not happy like them. Don’t get me wrong, I was not jealous of attention or anything, I was sad because I knew I would be stuck at home, and now taking care of two kids, a toddler and a newborn, and I didn’t choose to do this, I don’t even want to be a mom.
I don’t want this to become my life, I became the mom of my brother and now I would be the mother of this new kid.
At night, after all this, my partner and I talked and he said that I could live with him and his family until I got a job, and he and I could pay for somewhere else to live, I agreed.
When I told my mother about this, she shouted at me, calling me unfair and selfish, she needed me to take care of her kids for her and do the chores, so I said I was not a maid and I was not the mother of her children.
After the fight, I took all my stuff and started living in my partner’s house. My family and I haven’t talked since this.
I think I’m kinda right at a certain point, but I really need some other people’s opinion, AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Embarrassing My Stepbrother After He Stole My Shoes?
“My (M17) mum (F39) and I moved in with my stepdad (SD) (M46) and stepbrother (SB) (M15) around two years ago.
So I have a nice sneaker collection that I have amassed through working a casual job and reselling sneakers. Now SB, who hasn’t shown any interest in my sneaker collection previously, I guess is at the age now where it matters more.
He has been coming into my room more often to have a look at the collection, and he has also recently grown into the same size as me… this is important.
Recently he has been asking me to let him wear some of the shoes in my collection.
I’m opposed to this because:
- They’re my shoes. I feel like I should have the final say in who gets to wear them.
- He is not careful and absolutely thrashes his shoes.
- Common sense, but wearing a shoe decreases its value significantly. I like to hold some unworn in case the price spikes.
So every time he’s asked I’ve told him no.
Recently he told me that he has a very important outing he’s going to (he’s just going out with friends) and wants to wear one of the shoes. I told him no, but this time he threw an absolute fit and got SD involved.
SD told me that I’m being greedy and that I should just let SB wear one since I have so many. I told him that I value each and every one of them and told him the resell value of the pair and SD was absolutely shocked.
This devolved into an argument about me paying rent when really I paid for the RETAIL price and not the RESELL price which he does not seem to understand. SD and SB left when they realized I wasn’t budging.
I thought the situation was over.
I headed off to work on Saturday. However, on the bus ride home I was scrolling through social media and SB posted a picture of himself wearing the exact shoe that I did not let him wear. I was so angry, and I commented “Why the heck are you wearing my shoes?” He deleted my comment, but it seems like it was too late.
Some of his friends saw, which embarrassed him because he had told them that the shoes were his. He told SD about what happened who called me in a fury asking me why did I have to embarrass his son like that, and that the shoes were worth nothing.
I yelled at him back that SB had no business wearing my stuff and I had the feeling that SD encouraged it too, so screw the both of you and hung up.
When I got home I got full-on yelled at. He told me that I should be lucky that I am allowed to live under this roof.
My mum stepped in to defend me and now they have been arguing for the past day and a half. I asked SB to give me my shoes back and he did. I told him to never touch my stuff again and have been holed up in my room since.
Things are really tense in the house now.
So AITJ for not allowing my brother to wear my shoes, and then embarrassing him on social media when he did so anyways?”
29. AITJ For Teaching My Husband The Amount Of Effort Women Go Through To Look "Good"?
“I (28f) like many women have learned that I don’t have to dress up to society’s ridiculous beauty standards. Before I used to dress to the nines and made sure I always wore heavy makeup (James Charles, Nikki Tutorials level of makeup) and made sure my skin was as unblemished and smooth as a baby’s skin and I won’t even get started on my hair situation
Well, my husband (30m) is annoyed by this, he said he liked my old look and he’s embarrassed to go out with me now that I’ve decided to be a lazy slob.
I told him I still dress up when we go to dinner or when we have important occasions, but I just don’t feel like wearing makeup and heels to go to the grocery store or to clean the toilet anymore.
He said it wasn’t that hard to put on some makeup and shave, so I told him if he thought so then to prove it, go through the same treatment I go through to look good as he put it.
He agreed because if I’ve been doing it for years how hard could it be.
He learned how painful waxing is soon after, he learned how long it takes a woman with long thick, waist-length hair to wash, dry, and style it, he learned how uncomfortable wearing certain outfits every day was for me and since he wanted me to wear makeup he had too as well (he was in too deep so he let me do his makeup, I didn’t go full drag I only did some stuff that would enhance his features yet show him how much effort goes into makeup).
Needless to say after a full day of this he told me he was sorry and he didn’t realize how much work I put into my appearance, I told him to now imagine the women who go around getting lip fillers and Botox and he laughed and said thank God I wasn’t that high maintenance, we both had a laugh about it and I felt I proved my point.
The issue, he was talking to his sisters and told them what I did which they found hilarious because they too also feel it’s about time men understood how much work some women put into their looks. Well, he told his mom what I did and now she’s been calling and texting me about how I abused her son.
How it’s a woman’s duty to look good for her husband and how I’m going to drive him away by being a lazy slob and to not be surprised when I end up divorced or tw0-timed on, I ignored her but my husband’s now defending me from his mother and she’s mad that he’s defending me, anyway did I mess up? I was just trying to prove a point.
(My mother-in-law hates me, she wanted her son to marry a tall white, blonde, blue-eyed model who she could be besties with and instead, I’m Latina, short, and don’t agree with her views.)”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Mom Anymore Because Of Her New Family?
“My mom (37F) and I were deeply close, she used to say that I’m “her joy and pride”, I’ll turn 17 (M) tomorrow and I’ve decided that I no longer want to go to her house to visit her and her real family.
Some context: My mom had an affair when I was 9, she left my dad because she fell in love with a married man, and the man ended up divorcing his wife and moving in with my mom.
My dad had custody of me and my mom was granted to have me on weekends, she seemed happy to have me and always treated me well, her husband treated me well too though sometimes he tried to make me respect him as a dad.
As my mom’s husband’s ex-wife wanted nothing to do with the 3 kids they had (18M, 17F, 12M), my mom started spending more time cause her husband had full custody. She sometimes acted more like a mother to them than to me, she would pick THEM up from school (Never did that for me), she celebrated their birthdays while she was just a guest at mine, it was hard ‘cause it felt like I was gradually losing my mom.
During her custodial she was great but she never tried beyond the minimum when it wasn’t her time.
I had a swimming competition in 2019, it was at school but she didn’t show up because it was on Wednesday and her stepdaughter had an activity at school, she tried to compensate for it later but the scar was left there.
It isn’t healthy for me to be at her house, I suffer a lot when I’m there because they get to have my mom 100% and I only have weekends (they also have a 5 yo son). It sucks seeing them play the happy family and even if her husband has treated me well, I see nothing but the man that destroyed my home and hurt my dad.
This last weekend (I went to her house) and told her that it’s not healthy for me to be at her house because it hurts me to see her that happy and I can’t. I also talked about the times she missed events because it wasn’t “her custodial time” so I let her know that I’m never coming back.
I also said that as long as she is in this family we can’t have a relationship because I’m afraid they’ll make her choose and she’ll pick them over me like other times and I’ll be hurt again.
She started crying and said that it wasn’t the message she was trying to send, she said she never meant to make me feel cast aside and that she was picking them over me, she said that I can’t do that because I’m her baby but I told her that this isn’t her choice to make.
She’s called me every day saying that she hasn’t been capable of sleeping and wants to see me talk, her husband and kids are calling me the jerk for making her feel guilty for something unintentional.
But I made my choice and my dad has my back, even if you sometimes need the fire, you’ve got to keep your distance for your safety and not get burnt.”
27. AITJ For Ruining My Wife's Birthday After The Way She Treated My Daughter?
“I’m prefacing this by saying that I (m38) have a daughter “Sandy” (f16) who has an incredibly sensitive personality and loves to help people. We come from a well-off background compared to her friends and so for the past few months, she has been doing some charity work.
She’s cut her hair and donated it to cancer patients, pawned her things and sold some of her expensive clothes/shoes, and/or given them away to help out her friends and other families. Now she wears thrift shop clothes which is something my wife isn’t so happy with, she thinks that Sandy was/is painting a bad picture of us as neglectful parents and giving a false impression to people that we’re poor when in fact we’re doing well financially.
I admit my wife is all about appearances and recently I started noticing that she’s been excluding Sandy from events/gatherings because of how she dresses.
I talked to her about it and she said it was all in my head. But last week was my wife’s birthday.
We celebrated at a restaurant and I asked my wife to get Sandy and meet me there, although at first she hinted that if Sandy refuse to dress “properly” then she wouldn’t bring her but I told her that if she didn’t bring her then we’d have an issue and the party would be called off.
We waited and then I saw my wife walk into the restaurant by herself, I was mad I’m not gonna lie. I asked her where Sandy was and she told me she ‘didn’t feel like coming’ even though she talked about how excited she was for this party.
I just had this gut feeling that my wife was lying so I texted Sandy and sure enough, my wife gave her an ultimatum saying either she had to wear “something that matches our class” or she wouldn’t be allowed to come to her birthday where her friends and family are gathered.
I went and called Sandy outside and she was crying, I was furious. I walked inside the restaurant and picked up an argument with my wife and told her family and friends exactly why Sandy wasn’t there. My wife looked shocked, she started arguing with me and I ended up calling off the entire event and having everyone else leave early.
My wife literally started yelling at me at the restaurant so I took my stuff and went home.
She got back and kept yelling at me for ruining her birthday and making a scene and humiliating her in front of her friends and family, she said that Sandy was acting stubborn and that’s on her but I told her she acted unreasonably by excluding her like that.
Sandy was crying because of it and I felt like this was too big to look over despite my wife saying that it wasn’t a big deal and ruined her birthday for no reason.
She went to stay with her family and won’t even reply to my texts, she just reads them but doesn’t respond. Probably expecting me to apologize for what happened.
AITJ? Did I go too far?”
26. AITJ For Kicking My Sister And Her Family Out After They Disrespected My Rules?
“My sister is in a different state so near our parents’ birthday (both are in the same week) she will drive down here with her husband and three kids.
I have no issue with her children (10M) (14M) (19M) or husband. Recently when she came over there were some new rules.
1: Her son smokes which I don’t care about. My rule was don’t smoke in my and my partner’s home as we aren’t fond of its smell and do not leave any of it where a pet can eat it.
2: My partner and I have a collection of leather bracelets, metal helmets and rings, and other misc.
objects we made in our house. The rule is don’t touch her masks and jewelry she made as they aren’t yours and you don’t have her permission. They are in a glass case and it has a handle like a pet kennel, the one where it goes up, to the side, then down.
Not something that can accidentally be opened.
3: Don’t disrespect my partner, she may not be my fiancée or wife but that doesn’t mean you can treat her like she has no power in her own home.
4: The most important one, when it comes to this house and our stuff my partner’s say trumps my sister’s and her husband’s.
What she says goes.
Alright so back to the story, days 1 and 2 were fine but on day 3 I was getting ready when I smelled smoke in the house and walked into the guest room that her eldest son stayed in and saw him smoking with my dog laying right next to the waste.
I was irritated that he broke the rules I had set so blatantly and I told him he needed to pick all of them up right now and put his out. He said the stupid “or what?” thing that every teen wants to say to their parents.
I then picked his trash up and tossed it into a small lockbox and told him every one I find within my dog’s reach will be put in that box and he will need my permission to take any out of it.
Her youngest child also had gotten into my partner’s case of stuff and took her favorite ring from me. My partner was very upset when she found out it was missing and he wouldn’t give it back to her and (hopefully) accidentally dropped it in the toilet.
I put on a glove and fished it out and washed it thoroughly and made him apologize to me and then to her.
On the 5th day, the oldest and youngest told my partner that they like my sister’s cooking better and she just said “hopefully you do, she cooks the majority of your meals” and my sister tried to berate her for not having enough ingredients for what my sister wanted to make and my partner just said “then let me cook and get out of my face.” My sister complained to me and called my partner a jerk.
I kicked all of them out right then and there. My sister was crying and saying how expensive hotels were but I just shut the door. She apparently called my mom and I got an earful and I kinda understand that it may have been too far to make them find a hotel on their own for the weekend. So, AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Buying A Lock For My Stepson's Door So His Little Brother Can't Barge In?
“My wife and I have two kids, Jaiden (9m) and Amelia (4f), but she has a son from a previous relationship, Kian (17m). Kian does not have a strict visiting schedule but we see him most weekends. Both of our kids are obsessed with their big brother, especially Jaiden.
Kian was never too fond of Jaiden and Jaiden’s obsession with him has only made it worse. It’s hard for me because while I hate seeing my son feel rejected, I understand why Kian doesn’t appreciate his behavior. Jaiden is constantly glued to his side and will rush into Kian’s room any hour of the day or night.
Of course, we have tried to teach Jaiden that if he wants Kian’s attention, he has to knock on the door the same he would if it were our room, but he gets overly excited and forgets. Kian has become reluctant to bring friends/girls over because Jaiden never leaves them alone and he has to barricade the door with his shoes if he’s changing after a shower.
He has also considered not spending the night here because Jaiden will wake him early in the morning and insist they play outside. My wife and I continue to tell Jaiden how inappropriate this is, but Jaiden’s room is downstairs and Kian is in the basement while my wife, Amelia, and I are upstairs, so we’re not always aware of Jaiden’s intrusions.
My wife thinks that this is mostly Kian’s fault. He is a brilliant big brother to Amelia, but often pushes Jaiden away and has never been very interested in him, so my wife thinks that if he makes more of an effort, Jaiden would stop this.
I, on the other hand, doubt that while Jaiden is ignoring all of his boundaries, Kian will want to spend time with him.
Recently, Kian helped me clear out the garage at my late father’s house. While we were there, we spoke about the Jaiden issue and he told me that things would be so much easier if he had a lock on his door.
I remember being a teenager and how important privacy was to me, so I agreed. I had to buy paintbrushes anyway, so while I was out I bought Kian a lock, which we fitted to the door. That was over a week ago, but it was only last night that my wife realized when she saw Jaiden throwing things at Kian’s door, demanding to get in.
She was furious that I was encouraging her son to ‘lock us out of his life’ and said that it was a safety hazard. I thought that this was the best solution until we can convince Jaiden to behave more appropriately.
I promise we have tried everything and we haven’t given up, this is not a shortcut out of parenting Jaiden, but it seemed like the only way to convince Kian to continue to visit regularly. AITJ?
Also, Jaiden is punished for disobeying and running into Kian’s room without knocking. He has time outs, losses of privileges such as TV, McDonald’s, or a trip to the park, and is made to apologize every time.”
24. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Can't Come To My Wedding After She Insulted Me?
“I’m getting married next week, to a man who I really don’t deserve. Some background on me I have limited mobility and am incontinent, both of which I’m in control of, and while I have to take some precautions I try not to let them limit me at all.
I’ve had these issues for well over half my life and pretty much all of my sister’s life.
Last year my sister and I had a falling out, while she was a guest in my home with her triplets for ostensibly a longish stay she threw my kindness back at me, outed my incontinence to her triplets (then age 3) giving them a cruel nickname to use for me in order to scare them into toilet training, (this did not have the intended result) and basically accused me of playing on my issues for sympathy and special treatment when it was clearly “no big deal.” This while deliberately disregarding the 1 simple request I made to accommodate my issues.
This eventually got resolved after a few months by her delivering what I felt was an adequate apology and much mediation by our family.
So since we were back on friendly terms I invited her to my wedding and she accepted (I invited her kids too because I adore them and a wedding is better when there are kids running round hyped on sugar).
Everything has been good.
I more recently had some surprising (but good) news. I will be about 7 months pregnant and it looks like I’m not completely exempt from my family’s “tradition” of multiple births. (I’m the only singlet out of 7).
In more recent weeks the toll of carrying children is starting to cause me additional issues, I’m using a wheelchair 90% of the time because I just can’t handle the strain of walking more than a few feet easily, and although we are all pretty healthy my doctors are completely taking care of me and are amazing.
Anyway, that’s all background.
My sister picked yesterday, when I’m having some final alterations to my dress to make it easier for my size and mobility (my dress gets caught in my wheels), to again drag up how I’m playing on my disability and pregnancy for sympathy and how it’s easier for me because she didn’t have a partner to help her when she was pregnant.
I kind of reached my limit when she made a comment about how my life was so easy and that I only complain. So I told her that she was no longer welcome at the wedding, I didn’t want to see her there and that I’m tired of her thinking I have it easy because she struggles and I “don’t even break a sweat”, we then argued some more since she was upset she’d bought a gift for us, and a new dress and for the kids etc etc and now they weren’t invited.
My retort before I drove off was that my nieces were of course invited to their aunt’s wedding as long as their witch mother wasn’t there.
I said a lot of stuff in the argument that I regret, but I just want my wedding to be a good day. She’s texted me a dozen times and tried calling trying to apologize but I’m not sure I want to hear it.
Does this make me a jerk?”
23. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband After He Lied To My Boss To Get Me Out Of Work?
“I 29F found out that I’m pregnant recently. I work a full-time job and so I’m fairly busy. Unlike my husband 31M who only works part-time and has plenty of time to spare.
He visits his family almost daily. He also complains about how I keep missing events that I think aren’t that relevant because my inlaws literally have a party every week.
He told me that his mom has picked up on my absence and said that it’s affecting how she sees me and the way I prioritize work over family. I had this conversation with him and his mom a hundred times but to no avail.
Last week, he wanted me to attend his cousin’s gender reveal party. I refused because I had work. He told me to take the day off but that wasn’t possible due to how much work I needed to get done. He pitched a hissy fit saying I’m prioritizing work over family and got mad when I told him that a relative’s gender reveal party wasn’t that important to attend.
The next day, unbeknownst to me, he sent my boss a text using my phone pretending to be me telling him that I was at the hospital because I was having a miscarriage. I could not believe it and for a minute thought it was a joke but seeing how my boss responded just confirmed it.
My boss didn’t even know I was pregnant and I didn’t want to tell him or the others til later on. I was seething, I shouted for my husband to come into the room and explain what the heck was going on.
He told me he did that as a desperate attempt to get me to get some time off work and “actually focus on what matters”. I flipped the heck out at him and told him that this was my livelihood he was trying to mess with but he said I basically made him resort to this, and that he wouldn’t have to lie if I actually made some time to see and interact with his family and show them back the respect they keep showing me.
I yelled at him asking how I was going to deal with this ridiculous lie that he told my boss and he told me that it was easy, all I had to do was tell my boss that it was just a “miscarriage scare”.
We argued more and I told him I wasn’t going to his cousin’s party after this. He threw another fit about how my job isn’t actually the problem and that I was constantly looking for excuses to avoid spending time with his family.
He called me selfish and told me to look in the mirror and see who is in the wrong.
He left to attend the party and I stayed home. He wasn’t speaking to me when he got back and didn’t even sit with me for dinner.”
If he isn't working full time then who pays the bills?
If you are the main breadwinner I'd go to the event and let it be known that he doesn't work enough to pay the bills and you have to work all the time because you make the money, not him.
Humiliate him. Then dump his but.
22. AITJ For Bringing My Son To A Child-Free Wedding?
“My (33F) son (8M) is extremely anxious when he has to be with a babysitter. This is because of the fact that he is extremely scared of the dark and last year, his babysitter locked him in the basement for 6 hours while she had her partner over.
He was too short to reach the light switch and cried for hours because he was afraid. Ever since then, he has been extremely wary of strangers and gets too scared to be left alone with them if I’m not around.
My husband worked overseas up until 2 months ago when he finally was able to get a position in his company here. So my son has not grown to fully trust him yet. He has been in therapy for a few months now but I understand that every child is different, and each one progresses at their own pace.
I called my cousin (29F) and told her that I understood that she wanted no children at her wedding, which is completely reasonable because most kids are very playful, they enjoy running around and making noise, not exactly something someone wants during one of their most special days.
So I explained that I would not be able to attend because I can’t leave my son alone with a babysitter, however, my husband would still be attending for both of us.
When she heard this, she immediately said that I can bring my son along, she knows that he is a shy boy and wouldn’t even be noticeable during the wedding.
I asked her multiple times if she was sure and she assured me that it was not an issue, that it’s her wedding and she’s allowed to make any exceptions that she wants. My cousin and I are very close, as I had no siblings growing up so she’s like a sister to me.
Her fiancé called me as well to say that he had no issues with my son coming along.
When we went to the wedding, everything went smoothly and it was such a beautiful moment. I was so glad I didn’t have to miss this because seeing my cousin in her white dress immediately brought me to tears.
No one even really noticed that my son was there because he just sat beside me quietly, probably because it was a crowd filled with a lot of people he didn’t recognize.
During the reception, a number of relatives came to me to say that I was disrespectful for bringing my child along after the invitation clearly stated it was a child-free wedding.
I explained that my cousin was okay with it, and this caused an even bigger issue.
The relatives said it was unfair that they couldn’t bring their children and I was allowed to bring mine. They also said my child is being a brat for not staying with a babysitter.
This is where I may be the jerk. I told them that this isn’t their wedding, therefore they should learn how to mind their business. My mother says that it was unnecessary for me to be rude to my relatives and I should have just explained the situation to them instead of causing problems with them.”
21. AITJ For Not Being Welcoming To A Busload Of Elderly Tourists?
“My wife and I (34M) live in a lovely old farmhouse (dated as far back as 1624) at the edge of our village. Our entire street/neighborhood consists of the same kind of farmhouses, most of them (including ours) are protected landmarks.
This part of the village is quite lovely with all the thatched roof farmhouses dotted around with meadows in between. So naturally tourists love it. There are numerous hiking and cycling routes going past our home. I think I’ve ended up in a lot of family vacation photo albums while working in the garden.
But that’s okay, it’s what you can expect when buying such a property.
Yesterday I heard our dog barking and she wouldn’t stop, so I went to check it out. I found a literal busload of elderly (around the age of 70) walking all over our garden and looking in through an open door.
I was quite surprised, so I asked if I could help them. “Oh no, we’re just looking about”. It turned out it was some kind of group outing that had lunch in the restaurant nearby and were taking a stroll before moving on with the bus.
So I told them this was private property and asked them to leave. To which they responded: “But there is no access forbidden sign!” So I asked her if she had such a sign on her driveway? Of course the answer was no.
For clarity, I live in northwestern Europe, access forbidden signs on domestic properties are really uncommon, especially when you’re within a town, and basically say “I’m a hermit and don’t like social interaction”.
To make matters worse, while I was trying to herd the people from my property, a woman from the group come up the driveway and tripped on a wire we have across the driveway to keep the dog on our property.
She had a wound on her chin, so I took her inside to get cleaned up and put a bandaid on the wound. When I walked her out, about 10 minutes later or so, they were still muttering how inhospitable I was, etc.
I don’t think it’s weird to turn away strangers walking through your garden, but a busload of grannies seem to think otherwise. AITJ?
PS: Please don’t get into the legal side of things, American laws and customs don’t apply here. There is absolutely no way I’m responsible for the wound of the lady that fell, there will be no suing whatsoever.”
20. AITJ For Keeping My Daughter Away From My Toxic Family?
“My wife (35F) and I (36M) live across the country from my family and we only visit for weddings, funerals, and other big family-related events.
Both my wife and I are deaf. I’ve never been close with anyone in my family: my grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, brother, and father (single dad), because they never bothered to look past my disability.
Growing up they only did the bare minimum: fed me, clothed me, and made small talk but they never actually tried to get to know me or do anything beyond that. They didn’t even learn sign language for me. I can talk and read lips but I’m often left out of their conversations.
They never bothered to get to know my wife either. They think that we’re both stupid and incapable of anything just because we can’t hear. We’re in our 30s, and they still treat us like children. We hate it, especially my wife who has purposefully not visited them since 2017.
I have a successful career, and so does my wife, and we’ve been completely on our own since college. We have a healthy bank account, we travel a lot and we’re ready to buy a nice house but we’re waiting for the housing market to cool down.
Despite all that, my family thinks that my wife’s family takes care of us, i.e. helps out financially, manages our finances, and walks us through everyday tasks like buying groceries or paying bills. They just won’t believe that we’re intelligent and perfectly capable people who have done well for ourselves all on our own.
My older brother is not deaf and he’s very close with my whole family. He doesn’t have his life together. He works odd jobs, he has unstable relationships and he regularly mooches off people. Yet my family still reveres him as a smart and capable person.
He’s a narcissist who has always treated me poorly and my family enables his bad behavior. That’s another reason I keep them at arm’s length.
I hope I’ve given enough context. So now on to the issue: my wife and I have a 2-year-old daughter.
When my wife was pregnant we decided that we didn’t want any of my family in our daughter’s life. It wouldn’t be healthy for her to be around people who constantly disrespect her parents. And if she turned out deaf (she didn’t), they wouldn’t treat her with respect either.
No one in my family keeps in touch with me anyway so I didn’t see a reason to volunteer any information to them. So I never told them about my daughter. We keep her off social media and I visited them only once since she was born, but she stayed home with my wife.
My brother somehow found out about my daughter’s existence a few weeks ago. The whole family is very upset. They blamed my wife because they think that she controls me, which is not true at all. They accused me of denying my daughter a family that could’ve helped raise her in many different ways. They may have a point. I’m starting to wonder if my wife and I are selfish for keeping our daughter from a big family full of cousins her age because we have our own hang-ups about them. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Lying To Me About What We Ate For Breakfast?
“My friend (NB 25) invited me (F34) over for breakfast this morning. I asked them what we would be having because I’m a diabetic and I don’t eat out. I reminded them about my strict diet, and I offered for them to come over here if they didn’t want to cook, and they said they’d just make some eggs and sausage, which they’ve done before when I’ve slept over.
I said that was fine because I know they enjoy having people over and cooking, and experimenting with flavors and the food network. We had breakfast and we talked. After a few hours, they “spilled the beans” that the sausage was vegan.
This was a surprise because they’re not even vegetarian.
So I asked them why. They said that they had heard me talking about a restaurant offering an “impossible” burger and that I had called it eating lies, and that I wouldn’t be comfortable doing that.
They decided to prove to me that vegan foot could be “tasty.”
I told them that my issue wasn’t with it tasting bad, it was about trying to make plants into something they were not — not because I didn’t like vegetables, and they just tried to prove that food wasn’t lies…by lying to me.
They apologized, and I forgave them and went home, but the next time I checked my blood sugar, it was high. I called them back and asked what the carbs and sugars were in the sausage. There were over 40 grams of carbs in this sausage they had created.
When I asked them what they were thinking, they said “But it’s plants! Diabetics are supposed to eat vegetables!”
I got really angry and reminded them that I reminded them about my diet restrictions and hung up. I haven’t answered any of their texts, and now all our friends are blowing up Discord and the group chat about how they were nice and cooked breakfast and I’m just mad because I “hate vegans,” (I don’t) and bent out of shape because my blood sugar was “a couple points higher,” especially because I already forgave them.
The thing was, I forgave them for the “vegan sausage,” which technically wasn’t even a lie because I didn’t ask what the sausage was made of — I didn’t forgive them for lying to me about making something safe for me to eat.
Yes, technically, I was still under my carbs for the day (my doctor has me on 60, 20 per meal) but it still felt really wrong.
I haven’t replied, but I don’t know what to say, and all our friends are starting to make me feel like a jerk. So AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Choosing To Clean The House On My Husband's Day Off?
“My husband and I just got into an argument about me cleaning on Saturdays. I choose Saturdays to run all my errands and clean the house. During that time I ask him to take care of our 3-year-old so I can continuously clean without having to stop every 30 seconds to help her out.
Well, today I ran my errands and took her with me, I’ve also been cleaning while she runs around and I’ve been helping her. I got frustrated with her for walking on the floor where I had just mopped, I asked her to stop, she said no I like walking on the wet floor.
So I snapped at her to stop and my husband finally decided to get off of the couch and take her to the park.
As he was leaving he told me that I choose today of all days to clean when he has a day off to spend time together as a family.
That I was selfish for taking 1 of my 2 days off of work to clean and that I need to clean on a day that he is working. Mind you he works Wednesday – Friday, and then Wednesday to Saturday every other week.
This week he didn’t have to work Saturday. He works 12-hour days. I work 5 days a week and 8-hour days.
I can’t clean before I go to work because he is sleeping. Or I’m getting myself and my daughter ready to go to work (I take my daughter to work with me).
During the week I wake up at 7 to start making breakfast, I get my daughter up to eat, and while she’s eating I shower and get dressed. Then I clean her up, get her dressed and clean up from breakfast.
(I offer him some food which he always refuses). And we are out the door by 9:15. I work 10 to 6. By the time I get home at 6:30 I cook dinner we eat as a family. I give my daughter a bath and in bed by 8:30.
I clean up from dinner, take care of the dogs, clean up any mess my daughter has made, shower, and in bed by 10.
I take Saturdays to deep clean the house and do laundry. And then Sundays are a day of rest so I can regenerate for the coming week.
Now here’s where I get mad. While I’m at work on Monday and Tuesday, my husband is sitting on the couch sleeping or playing his video games. Saturdays he spends yelling at me for deep cleaning and Sundays he’s at a friend’s house gaming.
But I’m choosing 1 of 2 days off to deep clean and he has to take my daughter to the park or keep her entertained while I clean. 1 of his 4 days off of work I ask him to take care of our kid.
The other 3 are his.
But I’m the bad guy for cleaning on Saturdays and wanting to rest on Sundays.
Which wouldn’t even be resting the only thing different is I don’t go to work I just stay home and play with my daughter.
Edit:
We have been together 12 years married 10. We are high school sweethearts. No, he wasn’t always like this. Over the years it has gotten worse. He used to do his fair share of the cleaning. But in the last couple of years he’s been gradually declining.
I am not looking for any sympathy.
I’ve been wanting to divorce him for a while. He is the breadwinner. he makes 30+ dollars an hour, I make a measly 12. I work at a daycare that’s why I can take my daughter with me to work.
I do not feel comfortable leaving her home all day with him due to the fact that he would just put her in front of the TV and tell her to leave him alone. She’s better off interacting with other kids.
Also, she would be there making a huge mess for me to have to pick up when I got home.
My husband does help pick up the house but only if I’m there and I tell him what needs to be done.
If I leave a list it will not get done. I’ve done that multiple times. I did stop cleaning for about 2 years when we had an apartment but then it just turned into a gross place to be I didn’t like it.
I’ve just gotten tired of repeating myself every day and just do it myself now.
When I say deep clean, I clean the bathrooms, clean the toilet, mirrors, and countertops, we have 3 dogs so a lot of dog hair. I vacuum, mop, dust, and sanitize.
It doesn’t take much to deep clean my house. He just doesn’t see the point in deep cleaning.
A bit of my background is I’ve been told since I was young that I am to be the keeper of the house. My father told me the only reason he had me was to be his maid.
I’m a people pleaser. I don’t like upsetting people. It scares me. There’s a lot of trauma to unfold in that one. I’ve found it easier just to do it myself and save the argument.
My daughter does help clean also I have her help with anything that doesn’t involve chemicals.
Also when I was growing up my parents would not do my laundry, they would tell me they did it and just hang it back up in my closet or put it in my dresser dirty. So no one is allowed to do the laundry besides me. Major trust issues there.”
17. AITJ For Keeping My Stepdaughter's First Period A Secret From My Husband?
“My husband James (33M) and I (26F) have been together for 5 years, married for 2 years. James’s daughter (12F) has lived with us since her mom passed away 1 year ago. Previously they had 50/50 custody. Since she is on break from school, she spends a lot of time with me during the day while James is at work, and I do most of my work from home.
So, the other day, I was working when my stepdaughter knocked on my door saying that she needed help and that it was an emergency.
She said that she had gotten her period for the first time overnight, and she didn’t have any period products to use.
She was in tears and to say that she was freaking out was an understatement. I tried my best to calm her down and had her clean herself up while I went to the store to buy her pads to use (the only period products in the house were mine and weren’t suitable for her).
She asked me to not tell James that she started her period, saying that she felt weird about him knowing… which I understand but I still told her that periods are normal, and she doesn’t need to feel ashamed. While I know that James would’ve just been sympathetic, when I was her age, I was also mortified about the idea of my dad knowing what was going on with my body.
I told her that eventually either she (or I) could tell him, but it was going to be between us for the time and she could come to me with any questions that she had.
A few days later my husband noticed that my stepdaughter had a notable blood stain on her pants, and he was going to handle it until I told him I already had which led to a discussion then an argument about how I handled her first period without telling him anything.
I tried explaining that periods are just one of those things that most girls don’t like being announced to their fathers, and that it’s not a reflection of him.
He was offended and under the impression that I thought that he couldn’t handle it even though he works in the medical field, and is her dad, and he felt more than capable…
When in reality I was just trying to be discreet because my stepdaughter asked me to, and this is more of an emotional situation for her than anything else.
This was never a discussion, so I was under the impression that he had it handled.
So, when I realized that she was just as clueless as her dad I figured that I could handle the situation as I saw fit. Also, historically, my stepdaughter has not been too fond of me, so I’ve been thrilled that she’s been showing more trust toward me, and I really want to be able to have a better relationship with her.
If James had previously told me or her that he wanted to be in the loop on these kinds of things, but I don’t think that he has any right to be mad at me for how I handled this considering that he had done nothing to prepare his daughter for her period. James and I are still at odds about this, with him saying that he feels like he can’t trust me anymore and I feel like he doesn’t see my point of view here at all.
…AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Give A Speech At My Wedding Because We're Not Close?
“I (21m) am going to marry my fiancee Kay (24f) in a month. My dad was a controlling piece of trash who’s probably in heck now for all the stuff he put my mom through. They divorced when I was eight and my mom married her husband when I was ten.
And then she left with him and moved to another province entirely, and cause of the custody agreement I had to stay with my dad. I did see my mom after that like on birthdays but when I graduated high school early (I was 16), even that stopped.
When I was 18, my dad died and she started reaching out more and last year, she moved back to British Columbia with her husband and their daughters. She’s tried to get closer and has gotten closer to Kay but I just feel so small and cold and like I don’t have feelings when I’m with her.
I love my mom but I’m not a ten-year-old who can’t go to sleep without her hugging me anymore. I’m a computer engineer, I’ve got my iron ring and I’ve got interviews at all the top companies in Vancouver, like I’m past grown so I don’t know why I feel like I do and why I feel so sad whenever I think about her.
Like, I’m pretty sure that I’m a normal, well-adjusted guy aside from that.
I’ve left most of the wedding planning to Kay and her sisters, so I’m hands-off. Kay asked me who would give a speech on my side of the family at the reception and I just said choose one of my cousins.
Well, one of the cousins she asked told my mom and she came to me yesterday with a speech she wrote and told me she could say it because my dad’s dead and so none of my cousins would need to.
I read the speech and it was actually amazing but it also made me want to cry. So I just told her I didn’t want her to do it cause I don’t feel like we’re close enough for her to give it.
That made her really sad but she just nodded and left.
Kay and her sisters read the speech and told me my mom’s speech is fantastic and I was wrong to tell her she can’t do it. I’ve felt really bad since last night cause they’re right about the speech and there’s something about my mom’s face after I told her no. I’m just wondering if I was wrong or a jerk to say what I did to her.”
15. AITJ For Not Blaming My Husband For Lying To My Daughter?
“I remarried a year ago. My daughter (17) and I moved in with my husband who has several other kids, all middle/high school age. Because he has 3 kids to my 1, he has more rules than I did, which has been an adjustment.
It’s not that he’s stricter but for example, I would ask my daughter to do a chore and she would get some small punishment if she didn’t do it, now we have a household formal chore chart and a system of written consequences for each strike.
But the actual amount of chores and the types of consequences being dispensed is the same, if not actually a little bit less.
My husband has an email inbox for all of the kids’ school stuff and extracurriculars. It works really well for streamlining communication in a blended family.
Obviously, I have access to the inbox and do check it but he works from home 20h/week while I work 50h/week outside the house so he’s in there a lot more and generally does more of the stay-at-home parent stuff like writing the check for the new soccer uniforms or communicating about extracurriculars.
But my daughter would get annoyed with him for saying things like “Hey I saw in your school newsletter that…” and felt like it was invasive so he agreed to ignore anything from her school that didn’t look like it was action-required.
A few days ago, she frantically called my husband because she forgot a check and a permission form she needed to be able to go on a field trip. She needed them in person within the next 30 minutes, we live 15 minutes from school.
He lied and told her he wasn’t home, so oh well, he just couldn’t get to school in time, natural consequences, sorry.
The truth was that he was home but he was in a meeting and it would have been inconvenient to him at that moment.
She called me as a last resort but of course I was at work and didn’t even have my phone on me because of the work I do. If this had happened pre-marriage she would have been out of luck from the beginning and probably wouldn’t even have bothered trying to call, she knows I don’t have the kind of job where I can just duck out for something like that.
My daughter believed my husband was not at home, but is still mad at him for not dropping everything and speeding to school. She would of course be more upset if she knew he was actually at home, though she’s unlikely to find out under the circumstances.
He could have just said “I’m at home but in a meeting that I can’t leave, so I can’t get to it in time” and wish he had, but I think in the moment he wanted a more ironclad excuse that didn’t fully make him the bad guy.
I get why she’s upset but to me, this is a problem of her own making, especially because she told him not to look at school comms. And while I don’t like that he lied to her, I understand why he didn’t want to fully be the bad guy yet.
So far I’ve fully backed him up to her. But I told my sister and she said he was being controlling and punitive and shouldn’t have lied, and that I was a bad mom for allowing it.”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepdad To Partake In Any Father Of The Bride Stuff?
“I’m engaged to my amazing fiance and we are still planning some of our wedding stuff. After I got engaged I asked my mom if she would like to walk me down the aisle and do a mother/daughter dance with me.
She told me it wasn’t something she’d want to do, so I decided to forgo all tradition of that stuff, and my fiance and I said we would walk together and just do a wedding dance as husband and wife and leave the rest open for everyone to dance.
The problem is my stepfather was hoping I would ask him. He’s been part of my life, though not as a stepfather, since I was 7. He married my mom 6 months after my dad died when I was 9. Before that, he was a neighbor of ours.
He has no children of his own, he was married before and his relationship broke down, and he always wanted kids, but was unable to have them. He thought that marrying my mom while I was still at home would give him that wish fulfillment.
But I didn’t like him even before my dad died. From very early into his being a neighbor I got the vibe he “like liked” my mom (as a kid would think). My dad sorta confirmed it because he grumbled a lot about the man flirting with mom or about him always trying to spend time with her no matter how many times mom said no.
Then when dad got sick he started trying to get super friendly with me and said I would never be without a dad with him around. That really bothered me.
It was rough for me when my mom started seeing him so soon.
And I didn’t like her choice. I still don’t. But he is her choice in the end. She was good about respecting my boundaries and put him in his place a time or two, so our relationship never really suffered, but I have always kept him at arm’s length and I remain civil but distant.
I am aware of his feelings and his want to be dad two and his desire for us to form a connection.
He knew I had asked my mom and he waited. It wasn’t until we had started getting more into the wedding planning that he came to me and asked about the father of the bride stuff.
I told him we were not doing that stuff. He said I had asked my mom. I said yes, but we decided not to do it. He told me he wanted to do it. I said I had chosen not to have any of that stuff in my wedding.
At that point, he was clearly angry. He said I had him there, willing and desperate to do this stuff, and I was out here trying to publicly declare that he wasn’t good enough. He said most people will assume he is my father or at least a good stepfather and not asking him is going to scream the opposite to people, and I clearly don’t care.
He went and complained to my mom about it. She seemed surprised he had taken it so badly after all this time. Then he went and told my aunt (my mom’s sister) and she told me it would have been kind to offer him something father of the bride to do. She told me I was sending a very public message and considering he made an effort I was in the wrong.
AITJ here?”
13. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Sister Everywhere She Needs To Go?
“So to head straight in… my sister engages in more activities outside of school and home. My sister is also of younger age and is not able to drive at the moment. One of these activities she has decided to do is swimming with a local country club.
This means that every weekday from 5 to 6 swim practice occurs and my parents have paid for her to attend.
I am able to drive. I also do not engage in many outside activities that are set every day other than chiropractic appointments I attend which I do tell my family when they will occur ahead of time.
Along with chiropractic, the only other things I do are school (college) (am taking summer classes at home) and exercise/pt which I do at home. Due to this, my parents look to me to bring my sister (f15) places.
They have asked me to do stuff for my sister, ie.
bring her to tennis, swimming, friends, etc. many times over, and each time I have obliged and done so. However, as of writing this, I have told my parents that I can’t. This has led to a conversation/argument between my parents which has gone as followed.
Me: When you guys (parents & sister) were making the decisions on whether my sister should sign up for the swim practice, I was never included. You guys made decisions without me and expected me to give up my time to help with my sister’s commitments.
Dad: I agree and in the future, we will include you if you are willing to help and make sacrifices. However, if you are not going to make sacrifices we will make decisions without you, even if they include you. Also right now you need to help us.
Me: I am willing to make sacrifices for this family as I have shown in the past and will continue to do so, however, I am not willing to make sacrifices for the wants of other people, (my sister’s swim) over the needs (my schooling) (I view the only needs I have as schooling.
And right now school is hard and so I need the time.)
Dad: Son, a need would be actually having to go to the class, other than that what you are doing right now which is just the “homework” (which I will say at the moment is what it is) is not a need and is just something that takes up time which you need to manage better in order to accommodate for your sister who can’t bring herself places herself.
Me: I do make accommodations for my sister and have done some many many times. However, at the moment I can’t, and going forward I do not want to be expected to have to bring my sister places. If I have what I see as a need which is just the schooling in my eyes then at the time then I don’t want to have to bring her.
If I were exercising or playing video games or some other crap then I would help. I also feel like I am having to not just give up my time but my mental health. As you and I both know I am not in the best place right now mentally and lots of my time is taken up by schooling which is contributing.
So… AITJ for not sacrificing any of my time for my sister’s swimming and causing my parents to have to take on more work?
Also, it’s not my car, I pay for gas, not insurance. I also want to clarify that I do work, do chores, and help drive my sister around.
Among other errands they ask for. I also usually do not ask for reimbursement on most things. ex. Sometimes I’ll buy groceries and not ask for reimbursement as money is not infinite for them lol. I also am only 17. I am still in college but am legally 17.”
12. AITJ For Discouraging My Partner From Attending Law School?
“I (28M) am a lawyer. I am working for a nonprofit; my partner (28f) is a case worker. We connected over our interest in our work.
Recently, she has told me she also wants to go to law school. Tbh, I have very serious reservations for ANYONE going to law school.
It’s a huge time and financial commitment, and it is NOT some easy path to riches or fame. But I became very concerned bc she kept saying she wanted to do what I did. Honestly, I don’t feel like I’m making the change or impact I should be.
I am very strongly considering changing professions. For her, who is interested in the social justice aspect, I feel like she doesn’t truly understand some of the limitations of being a lawyer in the social justice field.
I tried to tell her about the above issues, but she said she knew what she wanted.
She asked me to look at her application essay – and it was terrible. I was honestly shocked. While she is not a native English speaker and has a strong accent, she went to high school and graduated from a good college.
We’ve never had an issue with communicating. But her written work (which I had never seen) was just objectively bad. If I had never spoken to her I would’ve assumed from her writing she was learning English – not basically fluent.
My initial reaction upon reading her essay was ‘if she writes like this in a personal essay, there is no way she is going to be able to handle a memo’. Writing in law school is HARD – it is an entirely different form and style, and a lot of students, even the most gifted, struggle.
I really couldn’t envision this working out.
So, I told her that. My basic point was ‘I think you have to prepare a lot more and think a lot more about this decision. I just don’t think your expectations of law school match the reality, and you definitely need to improve your writing skills a lot more to be a competitive student.’ She IMMEDIATELY reacted angrily, telling me I was arrogant, that just bc I had gone to law school didn’t mean I knew everything, that her English was fine, and she couldn’t believe I was telling her she was too dumb to go.
I tried to tell her it wasn’t about her intelligence, but about her expectations and preparation, but she basically told me to go to heck.
I guess I could’ve been more supportive from the get-go and softened the approach, but I honestly think she would be making a huge mistake in even attempting to go to law school. The fact that her writing ability is…sub-par just seals it for me. So, AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Scolding My Cousin After She Complained About Going To A Bookstore?
“In late May my mum, my aunt, my cousin (18F), and I (18F) went on holiday together to the States and stayed with relatives for a couple of weeks. We just got back to the UK a few days ago.
The relatives we stayed with (uncle and his wife) were lovely.
For context, my uncle and I speak on the phone constantly and are super close despite being on separate continents, so he knows me well and knows I love reading. Upon arrival, he immediately told me that they were planning on taking me to a huge Barnes & Noble bookstore in the city, where I could buy any books I wanted.
I was obviously excited about this and thought it would be so fun. My aunt and cousin never expressed interest in the idea, my aunt even jokingly called me “sad” for thinking about reading on a holiday and questioned why a bookshop in another country would be so special (“same books, different country”).
For the first week, we did all the classic tourist stuff — took loads of pictures, ate a lot, walked around a lot, went to the zoo/aquarium/museums, purchased our friends and neighbors back home some souvenirs so they wouldn’t be upset when we got back, went shopping in several big malls.
My uncle works weekdays, so when the weekend came round he was finally free and offered to take me to the bookstore. Keep in mind – he DID NOT intend on taking my cousin or aunt, as they’d made it clear they weren’t interested.
My uncle’s wife was going to take them to the navy pier whilst my mum, uncle, and I went book shopping, so they weren’t gonna be sitting at home idly waiting for us to get back. This didn’t end up happening, as my aunt and cousin claimed that this was a family holiday and splitting up to do separate things was disrespectful, so we should either all go to the bookstore or the pier together.
My uncle said fine, and everyone agreed we’d all go to the bookstore that day and then the pier the following day.
We got to B&N and my cousin complained the whole time about how bored she was, and I wondered why the heck they even came when they had the option to go to the pier handed to them.
I was in the middle of reading the first page of a book I liked the look of and my cousin approached me, loudly sighed, and said “how long is this going to take??” We were in the store for maybe 15 minutes altogether before we had to leave because she started crying and wouldn’t calm down until we were back in the car.
When I asked her why they didn’t just go to the pier she accused me of “trying to get rid of her” and that’s when I just told her to “grow up”.
Aunt thinks I’m selfish and rude for wanting to buy some books this badly, and for telling my cousin to grow up. Mum agrees that cousin needs to grow up but thinks I should’ve just left it and not insulted her. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Making My Partner's Friends Get An Expensive Uber Home Because I Didn't Want Them Spending The Night?
“My partner (24M) and I (21F) moved in together 3 months ago.
On Friday while we were both at work, we made plans to both stay in, cook dinner at home, and watch a movie together after I had a particularly crappy week.
Around 7:30 pm when I had just put dinner in the oven and was about to settle in for a movie, his friends messaged in our group chat and asked who wanted to get wasted that night.
His friends have come over on a whim to our place to get wildly intoxicated for the past 4 weekends in a row.
For context, they all still live with their parents so we’re the only people in the group who have their own place. Personally, I am very introverted and I don’t like a lot of social situations especially ones where I’m the only girl and feel left out.
But I understand that it’s my partner’s home too and he should be allowed to have his guests over when he wants so I haven’t put my foot down. We have had several discussions about boundaries, though, and he agreed he has overstepped many times and assured me he wouldn’t continue doing so.
My partner ended up inviting them to our place to drink despite knowing I really didn’t want guests that night and wanted a quiet night to spend quality time with him. I was so upset when they showed up that I called my parents who live nearby and asked if they could pick me up (since I had a drink and didn’t feel comfortable driving).
4 hours later when I was already at my parent’s house, I texted my partner and told him again I don’t want anyone spending the night at our place. It made me uncomfortable knowing I wasn’t there and I was frankly so upset they were there at all.
I didn’t want them to be there when I had to come back in the morning. My partner also didn’t even realize I left and thought I was in bed for the past 4 hours.
His friends ended up paying for an expensive Uber home and I feel like a jerk because it’s not their fault my partner invited them to stay over when I didn’t want him to.
I’m being told it was crappy of me because I wasn’t there anyway so it wouldn’t have made a difference if they slept at our place or not. However, I still feel hurt that he welcomed them to our place regardless of my desire to have a relaxing night to ourselves. I also bought all of the furniture in our place and didn’t like the idea of wasted guys potentially throwing up all over my couch/nice rug or something.
AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Telling My Friend The Real Reason Why We Didn't Work Out Romantically?
“I got lucky in a sense here. I went out with a guy for like maybe 2 months tops but when I left him, we stayed friends and now we are like darn near inseparable. He is a great guy and I swear he is going to make some woman the happiest thing ever.
As friends, we are fantastic. When we were together, I resented him. Now here’s the thing.. he didn’t actually do anything wrong, per se. I will explain.
So, I don’t like it when people spend a bunch on me. It makes me super uncomfortable (this stems from childhood AND my ex prior to him, when my parents and my ex pulled the whole “you wouldn’t have crap if it weren’t for me” lines).
So now I absolutely hate it when people spend money on me. I can buy my own things, thanks. I appreciate the gesture but please just don’t. He knew this. I asked him so many times to please stop spending so much on me and he just wouldn’t.
Ex: He spent like darn near $1200 to bring me and my cousin to RI to meet up with my cousin’s internet buddy, just because. He would buy me expensive Dunkin’ Donuts drinks every single day. He bought me a promise ring after 2 months, saying “I knew you would love this so I had to get it” and when I went to use his phone for music, he had the receipt pulled up and it was $900 before tax.
The ring was gorgeous. It was. But I asked him already at that point to stop. Expensive dinners, etc. And to make it worse, I KNEW 100% that he couldn’t actually afford this. He was living in his mom’s garage at the time paying her entire mortgage for her.
It made me feel guilty and like a crap person for even accepting these things. Again, he knew this.
Another thing is that he just like.. never left. He would go to work and then come over immediately and I never had time to myself (I have 2 kids as well so it was just hard to entertain constantly).
And he knew I needed space but his idea of letting me have space was to just sit in the same room with me on his phone. I won’t even get into him going all quiet and weird whenever my children’s father picked the kids up (he was still super decent but I could tell it ticked him off because I knew him better than that).
Anyways, it recently got brought up and he admitted that despite the fact that it’s been 2 years, he still can’t understand why I didn’t let us work things out and asked me honestly why I left. So I said, “Do you truly want legitimate honesty?” He said yes.
So I told him exactly why I left. Didnt, leave a detail out. He just got super quiet and said that most women would love that. And I said, yes, absolutely. Most women would! I mean, c’mon, lots of women love being spoiled but that’s not me and he just dismissed that constantly.
Well a mutual friend, whom he vented to about it, said that I was an idiot and that I should have sugar-coated it and given him an “it wasn’t you, it was me” line because now my best friend has been sulking around because apparently he still “loves” me. (Which I truly did not know). AITJ?”
Your other friend who said you should have sugar coated what you told him? She's a jerk too. And she doesn't listen either.
8. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Pathetic For Assuming Every Guy Would Pick Her Over Me?
“I (19F) have a friend “C” (20F) who is super hot and gets a lot of attention because of it.
Although a lot of people find C more attractive, I’ve never been envious of her. C and I are really close. She’s been always there for me and has not once made me feel bad about the way I look and always hypes me up.
Yesterday, C and I went out to dinner and the waiter helping us was a really cute guy. C made a move on him. At one point the waiter asked us if there was anything else we needed and C said: “Oh nothing, just your number”.
The waiter politely told her that he was not interested. C took it well and apologized but she clearly looked upset. When we were done with our dinner I told C to wait for me in the car because I needed to use the restroom.
When I got out of the restroom, the waiter stopped me and nervously asked for my number. Me being oblivious, I asked him why and he told me that he wants to go out sometime because I seem like a cool person and he finds me very attractive, it felt nice to be noticed for once.
After dinner, C and I went back to her place. She noticed that I was acting all giddy and pushed me to tell her why. I was hesitant, but I ended up telling her in hopes that she would share my excitement.
Unfortunately, all she said was “Oh, that’s cool”. I pushed her to tell me what was wrong and she said she could not believe that a man would choose me over her. I got upset and told her “Seriously? You have men constantly chasing you, they always choose you and I never once got upset because you are my friend.
This ONE time, a man notices me instead of you and now it’s a problem? You are pathetic. Believe it or not, not every man is attracted to you so get over yourself”. She broke into tears and I stormed out.
I will admit that my words were pretty harsh and I could have handled it more maturely. I don’t know much about her past but she has unresolved insecurity issues and I might have triggered her. However, this does not change the fact that what she said was uncalled for and really hurt me. C has been texting me non stop apologizing and asking to meet up so we can talk. I want to answer her but I am not sure if I can face her now, so AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Refusing To See My Stepmom As "Mom" Despite It Hurting My Sister?
“My sister and I are 3 years apart in age. When I was 7 and she was newly 4 our mom died. I remember mom, she does not. So when our dad remarried two years after mom died she was already calling stepmom ‘mom’ and I was calling her by her first name.
I admit, at first I was very unhappy my sister was calling someone else mom. I did get over it but as a kid it was hard for me to understand why my sister would call someone else that, how she could ‘betray’ mom like that.
Dad helped me through that and I came out the other side understanding better.
But she has never been able to understand my not accepting stepmom as mom. It’s been an ongoing conflict between us, ever since we were kids, and now in our 20s it’s reached the point of no return potentially.
I don’t hate my stepmom, nor do I not appreciate her for being good to us and loving us. But she’s never been as important to me as my dad, say. And she has never been for me what she is for my sister.
I would never call her mom and she’s not the first person I think of on something like Mother’s Day, where she is for my sister. Now, I know you can have more than one mom. I know it’s not a lack of loyalty to accept another person as mom or dad after losing a parent.
But I also know it’s not inherently unhealthy to not want someone to be that after losing your mom or dad. Ultimately, it comes down to what’s best for the individual. For my sister it was for stepmom to be her mom.
For me, it’s for her to not be my mom.
Over the years my sister has gotten on my case about treating my stepmom like less of a mom, for not honoring her with the same love as I do dad or mom.
For not being a daughter for her. It intensified when stepmom suffered a miscarriage that left her unable to have children. My sister said I was selfish not to allow her to have two loving daughters.
It has come up again recently because I’m expecting my first child and my sister has been pushing for me to turn to my stepmom more.
A few weeks ago she came to me and told me it hurts her feelings as well. That it makes her feel like I don’t give a crap about her either, or our happy family. That she wants me to accept stepmom as mom more than anything.
I told her that her feelings don’t matter more than mine. That she needs to learn to understand we have different experiences and emotions tied to that part of our life. That we should be able to feel different about it but respect each other.
To learn to accept it or our relationship won’t ever be good.
She has been mad at me ever since. She said the feelings of two people vs one should matter so much more and that I should care about not hurting her when it would be simple to fix all this.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Controlling What My Son Does On The Internet?
“I am a 27-year-old male and I have a son who is 8. Since before he was born my wife and I agreed that he wouldn’t have access to the internet until he was at least 13. We made this decision because I had unrestricted access to the internet since I was little and while it had a more or less positive effect on me, I did see a lot of crazy and messed up stuff that I could’ve preferably gone my whole life without seeing.
I let my son watch youtube, but only with me or his mother around and only content that I think is suitable for him. We have gaming consoles but have put parental restrictions on them so that he can’t download apps like youtube on them or access the internet browser.
He recently stayed over at his friend’s house (I’ll call the kid Tommy) and Tommy has basically unrestricted access to the internet and now my son is asking why he can’t have the same. He says that Tommy is a good well-behaved kid, so it’s not bad or else his parents wouldn’t let him.
I just told him that he’ll understand when he’s older why we feel this way and that he’s just going to have to wait. I also asked Tommy’s mother that when my son comes over could she maybe not let him have access to the computer.
My son overheard this and he is very upset.
He really wants to go on the computer whenever he wants without us always there. The computer is password protected and it’s not written anywhere where he can find it. I know I could put in parental controls and such and try to keep him from seeing anything inappropriate, but I know he might end up seeing something anyway.
The restriction features also aren’t nearly as specific as I want either. It censors some stuff that I’d let my son watch and doesn’t censor other things that I think are inappropriate for him. This is why I just let him watch stuff with us around.
He gets to watch pretty much whatever he wants and I can easily pick what I think is okay for him to see. He is very upset and I don’t know if he’s just going to get over it. My wife and I have even discussed this and she says it might be a good idea to let him have access to the internet. I still don’t agree.
Am I a jerk for this?”
5. AITJ For Kicking My Stepdaughter Out Because She Stole And Damaged My Daughter's Car?
“I am a 57-year-old guy that got into a second marriage 5 years after my late wife died, let’s call my now wife Mary.
Mary has a daughter from a past relationship, she is now 19. I also have a daughter that is 19 from my late wife.
Mary’s daughter is lazy. Before anyone says anything, we tried to talk to her, we took her to the doctor but she didn’t have anything diagnosed, we tried therapy for 3 months but nothing came out of it so we stopped.
She does nothing around the house, she doesn’t have a job and dropped out of school recently. I tried to talk to my friend to see if he could get her a job at the local center and instead of showing up at the place on time, I found Mary’s daughter talking to some friends outside our house in our backyard.
But my biological daughter is the opposite. She does excellent in school, she is working at a local supermarket to save up for her future. I am really proud of her. But the main thing happened yesterday. At night Mary’s daughter asked for my car to go to a party with her friends.
I said no because she doesn’t know how to drive yet. She asked Mary for her car, same answer, no. We saved up to buy a new car for my daughter as a gift for turning 18 (because she already knew how to drive), she was really happy and uses it to go everywhere she needs.
When Mary and I were going to sleep, my daughter was going to go to a friend’s house. She got to the garage and her car wasn’t there. Mary’s daughter took the car to go to a party without permission. She basically stole it.
At 2 am we hear Mary’s daughter coming back and guess what? There was the largest scratch on the car doors (front to back). My daughter started crying and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
I only said. “You have 1 week to pack your things and get out.” She started screaming about how I could do this to her and that it’s not her fault that we couldn’t afford to treat her right.
She went to her room and locked the door. Mary started saying how I could do that to her daughter, how her daughter and my daughter are both the same age so they should both be out. I said it’s my house and that’s the final decision. My daughter is still really sad about her car but is glad Mary’s daughter is leaving. Mary and her daughter are calling me every name possible but I am not changing my mind. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Brother Named His Daughter An Almost Identical Name To Ours?
“A year ago my brother and his wife announced that they were having a baby and after they found out the gender they let everyone know they had picked a name, but were not going to announce it until the baby girl was born.
At one point they told someone a fake name so all our relatives would stop guessing, and when their little girl was born they told us her real name. I’m not giving the real name but let’s say it was “Emily.”
The problem was, I already had a daughter that was a year old at this time whose name was very similar, basically “Emma-Leigh.” The names were so close they sound the same when speaking them unless you are listening for specific emphasis.
Like Zara and Sarah, or Stephen and Stefán.
It’s not like I called “dibs” or wanted to use the name in the future. My daughter was already named!
My wife and I were a bit shocked and thought they had said the literal same name as our own little girl, just with a different middle name.
My brother corrected us and said “it’s different, Emily is spelled completely different from Emma-Leigh.”
It didn’t seem like the time or place to argue semantics, it being the day of the little girl’s birth, so we didn’t press the issue. Besides, we could see that the birth certificate was already completed and submitted so it would be hard to change her name even if they wanted to.
Several other extended family members expressed the same confusion over how close the two names were.
A few days later we had a conversation addressing the “name problem.” We suggested, so the little girls would not be confused and so they could each have their own distinct names, that “Emily” could go by her middle name or a nickname.
“Emma-Leigh” already knew her name and it would be more difficult for her to adjust to being called something different, and besides, she’s got a year’s worth of precedence.
My brother gives a noncommittal agreement and says they could figure out some way to differentiate the two names.
We move on.
Apparently, the best way he thought to achieve this was to call my daughter “the other Emily” which we do not agree with at all. The problem is he and his family see our parents more often because they live significantly closer, so now my daughter, the original one with the name, is called “the other Emily” by my family.
It had gotten to the point where I try not to let the two little girls spend time with each other so my daughter doesn’t get called by the wrong name. We refuse to call our daughter by anything other than her name and have the “but she had the name first, she’s not the other anything!” conversation a couple of times.
I love my niece, I just hate the way she is named the same as my daughter. It ruins every family get-together, and I am told to stop bringing it up.
I can’t make them change her name, but I won’t let them bump my daughter out of her name either! AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Dropping Out Of The Wedding Party Because Of The Bridezilla?
“So, my BIL Jeff (30 M) and his partner Christine (28 F) have been together for 5 yrs. They got engaged a year ago. Their wedding is in September, and my husband Sam (37 M) (Jeff’s Brother) is the Best Man.
Jeff also asked me (36 F) to be a groom’s maid. We were excited for them and gave them an early wedding gift in the form of cash.
After that, things weren’t great going forward, and Jeff had been pretty silent throughout.
Sam was asked to plan their Jack and Jill party, and Christine gave him specific guidelines to follow. She wanted a rustic, multi-day getaway in the mountains for the whole wedding party and their +1s. Sam spent hours trying to find the perfect place and ended up booking a lakeside resort for everyone.
Some members had a really limited budget, so he and I just paid for all of it so everyone could go. We told them to contribute what they could and we’d get the rest. One of Christine’s best friends complained to her about it, and Christine got angry with us about the whole ordeal.
She didn’t think we got her vision for the party right.
When choosing dresses, all of the options Christine gave as examples were sleeveless. For context, I am not always comfortable with how I look in a dress. I asked her privately if I could wear a shawl with my dress since the wedding is outside on a mountain in September.
I said I was happy to remove it for pictures. Christine then went to our wedding party group text and stated that “some of us have body image issues”, and that she will try to accommodate.
Group chat has been a tough place since inception, but Christine started regularly texting us about her difficulty coping with mounting wedding stress.
She hasn’t delegated or offered ways for us to help her. Instead, she is criticizing everyone for not being more emotionally available.
Yesterday, instead of asking Sam for an update on the J/J party, Christine started planning the party on her own over group text without him, stating that it was what she had really wanted in the first place.
For hours afterward Christine and her friends blew up the group text about how unsupportive and unreasonable Sam and I have been. Christine needed to be the priority for the next 3 months.
Sam and I felt really unwelcome. We called Jeff and told him we could not be in his wedding party.
Sam turned down being his best man. The three of us cried. A lot.
Over the next 12 hrs/overnight, Christine sent us dozens of texts, telling us how badly we hurt her, and demanding that we apologize to her for damaging her relationship with Jeff.
Now we aren’t sure if we’re going to BIL’s wedding at all, and haven’t heard from Jeff.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Spoiling My Friend's Proposal Because Her Partner Wanted To Do It At My Wedding?
“My wedding is in two weeks and my best friend (let’s call her Rita) is one of my bridesmaids.
Rita and her partner have been together for 3 years and lately he’s talking about how he wants to propose. He’s also asked me for advice on what kind of rings Rita would like and generally he has involved me a lot in his proposal process.
He just got the ring now and he’s very nervous and he was telling me he’s anxious because the proposal will happen soon and he’s very excited about it. I kept asking where the proposal would be and he said it’s going to be a surprise.
Then he started asking me if he could also have a speech at the wedding and I found this a very weird request because only my MOH (my sister), my parents, and my in-laws will have speeches and even my friends have not requested a speech so it was weird coming from him.
I declined because I felt awkward about it and not comfortable. He was very upset and would stop texting or calling me to talk about the proposal after that.
A few days ago another one of my bridesmaids who’s also friends with both Rita and me told me that Rita’s partner plans on proposing to Rita at the wedding that’s why he was insisting on having a speech so he could do it during his speech.
I immediately confronted him and told him I’m extremely angry and disappointed about how he tried to trick me into this and how he thinks this is a good idea and he could just ask and then I could decide whether or not I’m comfortable with it.
He said he knew I’d say no and that’s why he didn’t tell me anything. This made me even more angry. I told him not to try anything or else I’ll have no choice but to uninvite him. He didn’t believe I’d uninvite him because he thought I’d be afraid to disappoint Rita and he literally laughed at my face and said my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do about it or else I’ll hurt Rita’s feelings and I’ll have to offer her an explanation.
I then uninvited him and I told Rita he’s not welcome anywhere anymore and she was mad and kept asking me why. So I told her what he was planning to do. And just like that I ruined the surprise that her partner wanted to propose.
Rita is mad at both me and her partner and said that I could just make up a lie about why I uninvited him and tell her the truth after he would have proposed to her and that now I ruined one of the best surprises she’d have in her life.
I feel so bad right now and I don’t know if I did the right thing but at the same time I believe I was in a lose-lose situation and I’d still get blamed even if I made up a lie and reveal the truth later. AITJ?”
1. WIBTJ If I Didn't Help My Awful Family With Their Financial Issues?
“My parents consider me to be their least favorite child. I’m the third of four children, (33m, 31f, 29f, and 20f). My brother is their golden child since, as a man, they expected him to grow up, have a good career, and support my parents.
It never happened, and my brother became a terrible guy as a result. My mother adores my older sister because she is gorgeous, has lighter skin, and green eyes, she’s a horrible person. My parents arranged for her to marry a wealthy man.
My younger sister is someone I don’t know much about. I’ve never paid much attention to her, and I moved away as soon as I graduated from high school. That’s exactly what she did as well. We don’t have much contact.
In terms of academic achievement, I have outperformed my older brother and sister. I have a good job and I’m married to a great, accomplished man. My job is something I enjoy doing, it pays well and I work with wonderful people.
I have a great husband, he’s a wonderful man though my parents dislike him probably because my husband is of African-American descent. They have treated him poorly, making passive-aggressive comments and even calling him a slur in our language behind his back on several occasions.
He did absolutely nothing wrong.
They chose not to attend our wedding. My grandparents and younger sister were the only members of my family who attended the wedding. I’ve done everything to show my parents how wonderful my husband is. I just wanted them to try to get to know my husband.
On May 29, 2022, we had our first child, a daughter. I offered to pay my mother to be there for me during her birth and to stay with us for at least two weeks. She turned down every offer. I texted them about her birth, but they never replied.
My daughter has nothing to do with whatever I did to them to upset them. Why treat her like this when she’s innocent? She deserves loving grandparents from her mother’s side. It’s such an awful feeling to know that my mum did everything for my older sister when she was pregnant and will not do the same for me.
My younger sister called me exactly a week ago to inform me that my parents are in serious debt. Almost a million dollars. They are at the point of losing their home. My sister’s spouse is no longer willing to help my parents.
My younger sister claims that my brother is to blame for their current financial situation. We both have no idea how someone could accumulate such a massive debt.
It’s put me in such a dilemma. I want to help them, but it doesn’t feel right, especially after the way my husband and daughter were treated.
It makes me feel as if I’m dismissing their behavior. On the other hand, I can’t let my parents drown in debt. Regardless of how badly they treat me or how much they resent me. My parents are still my parents. My family needs my support. I’m overwhelmed by all of this. I haven’t told my husband yet since I don’t want to involve him in my family’s issues. If I don’t assist them, WIBTJ?”
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