People Recount Their Eyebrow-Raising "Am I The Jerk" Stories
34. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom Off For Bringing Up My Cousins' Achievement On My Graduation Celebration?
“I (24 F) graduated with my master’s in applied math from Florida State earlier this summer. This degree was soooo grueling, and I am beyond relieved just to be done. I decided to invite my mom, dad, stepmom (his wife), and my aunt uncle, and cousins from my mom’s side of the family.
A little background: I believe my stepmom is a narc, because of how she always behaves around me.
She used to always put me down when I would fail at something, like not making NHS by 2 GPA points in high school and was constantly comparing me to my cousins (dad’s nephew and niece whom she is practically OBSESSED with) and her one nephew who was salutatorian. She would constantly take stabs at picking on me every time I’d visit, going as far back as when I was a kid.
Well, graduation weekend rolls around and stepmom texts me saying she would be making dinner reservations for just her, my dad, and me at some fancy restaurant in town. I told her that was nice of them but I would not be getting dinner with anybody as that Friday I had to work in the morning, get my hair done in the afternoon, and then get ready before the ceremony that night.
And the next night I would be hosting a soiree in my apartment (my first place all to myself) and inviting everybody from work as well as my friends in the area. Stepmom immediately wrote back claiming that I made my dad upset and that it wasn’t fair to them after they would have to drive 8 hours just to make the ceremony.
I told her sorry, but my plans are firm, but you both are still invited like everybody else is.
Once they rolled into town, I stopped by their hotel to say hello and my dad hugged me and told me he understood about my party and not to worry about the dinner. Stepmom however was fussy the whole time she didn’t get her way.
We went up to their hotel room to catch up and enjoy some wine, and my dad started talking about how proud he was of me that I was graduating with this degree and with a high GPA. I told him thanks for being so supportive, then stepmom immediately chimed in and started talking about my cousins.
She mentions that my female cousin, called her ‘J’, is doing soooo well at her nursing job and is already up for a promotion. She then mentions my male cousin, A, got a high-paying job and is still doing stuff with his frat. She then continued to blabber on about how they’re sooo smart and accomplished, are such great athletes, and always made high marks in school because of how dedicated and smart they are.
I told her that’s great and ‘good for them’, only for her to suggest I start being happy for others in addition to myself. I responded, ‘I’m sorry, but are A and J graduating with a master’s degree this weekend? No? You need to stop hijacking my graduation weekend from me and stop making it about them and you!’ Her face got red and she started getting defensive, claiming I was just jealous and creating problems, with my dad joining in with her.
I then told them to knock off their nonsense, but AITJ here?”
33. AITJ For Leaving My Daughter-In-Law Out Of Family Activities?
“I’m the father of four children. In May my son Neil got married to Debbie. Debbie acted terribly the whole day. Straight-up entitled and embarrassing. My oldest daughter was 3 months pregnant and hadn’t told anyone because she had already had one miscarriage. She was barely showing and Debbie picked a tight-fitting bridesmaid dress.
My daughter was super sick from morning sickness and Debbie told her she looked disgusting and to stop taking attention off of her.
My son who was best man to the groom (his brother) had his wife seated with some cousins across the room at the reception and not at the family table because she wasn’t immediate family.
We did not know this until the reception and tried to have her moved back with our table and Debbie said no it’s her day. It caused a fight and the best man just left before the reception because his wife was snubbed.
A few days after the wedding my daughter miscarried again while Debbie and Neil were on their honeymoon.
Debbie felt like that was attention-seeking.
My wife, children, and spouses normally rent a house by the beach for Labor Day and because of continued bad blood between Debbie and the rest of the family, they aren’t invited. All 3 of my other children basically said if Debbie comes they aren’t going. So Debbie and Neil got the axe.
When Neil asked about it I told him ‘Debbie showed us who she really was on her wedding day and don’t expect many invites from the rest of the family to do things’. Neil was mad and said it was not fair that she was feeling left out because she saw on social media that all the girls (including the snubbed SIL, her mother, and my wife) went to a Barbie movie dressed in pink and she felt left out.
Now he has to tell her she can’t go to the annual beach vacation and she’s feeling hurt. I told him not one person in the family wants Debbie there and I’m sorry that she can’t come.
My son had me on speaker and Debbie started crying saying she couldn’t believe how horrible we were and she wasn’t going to go anyways and don’t expect to see her at Thanksgiving or Christmas ever again.
I lost my temper at Debbie and I told her the rest of the family would be relieved to hear it.”
32. AITJ for Telling My Niece I Wasn't Invited To Her Baby Shower?
“My older sister (8 years my senior) was a divorced, single mom raising 3 kids on her own. When I was 25 and newly married, my eldest niece started getting into fights, trouble at school, and some with the law.
My sister asked if her daughter could come and spend the summer with my husband and I. We didn’t have children yet, and felt it would be good because as a teacher, I had summers off and could give my niece lots of attention.
At the end of summer, my sister asked if we could keep her until the new year.
We said yes, and she gave us temporary guardianship so we could enroll her in school in our state. Well, months turned into years, and suddenly 5 years passed, and my niece graduated HS and went off to UNI. While she lived with us, we never asked my sister for any money, as I knew she was struggling.
We even paid for the portion of college her scholarships didn’t cover. However, sis lied and told family members that I demanded money from her constantly. So, because of this and a few other things, I had no contact with my sister.
10 years later my niece is expecting her first child. Her mom begs to give her the baby shower, and my niece agrees but warns her that I had better be invited. 2 weeks ago, my niece called and asked me when I would be there.
I explained that I wasn’t sure what she meant. She then realized I had not been invited, and she lost it. She started screaming at her mom and walked out of the shower. I managed to calm her down and talked her into going back in, explaining that everyone there was there for her, and that she shouldn’t make them pay for what her mom did.
She did go back in and enjoyed herself, but didn’t and hasn’t spoken to Mom.
Well, my niece gave birth this past Monday, and got home on Wednesday. She is still very angry at her mom and is not letting her come to the baby. I talked to my niece and tried to get her to allow her mom to see the baby.
But, my niece said no. She told her mom she could see my granddaughter (meaning me) after I have seen her, and have gotten to spend time with her. I live about 800 miles away, and won’t be able to make it to her until school lets put for spring break in April, and I kind of feel bad for my sister having to wait that long.
Now, my sister and other family members are accusing me of nearly ruining the baby shower and causing my niece to stop talking to her mom. They say I should have lied and told my niece I wasn’t feeling well, or something, then dealt with everything after. I let them know that I absolutely would not have lied to my niece.
I told them the one they should be upset at was my sister, as she was the one who ruined the day for my niece. I am a terrible liar and don’t think quickly about things, and my niece would have known that outside of death, being in the hospital, or a natural disaster, I would not have missed her shower.
So, yeah, was I the jerk for not lying to my niece, and waiting until after the shower to let her know I wasn’t invited?”
31. AITJ For Making My Mom Think I Am Cutting Her Out Of My Pregnancy?
“My mom usually takes a few vacations a year with her friends and then another few with my dad. She didn’t want to miss any so we had planned when she would see me around those including a buffer because I take anti-rejection medication and am an organ recipient.
The rule my husband and I had in place was 3 weeks between her coming back from a trip and seeing us because typically when she gets home from traveling she spends the initial week home visiting her friends and always throws herself a ‘Bon-Return’ party.
Our rules for after our baby is born is 3 months no visitors which some people think is extreme but it’s what I need to feel comfortable.
Unfortunately, she had only been able to make one of our planned visits about 4 months ago because she had other surprises and trips she wanted to take. She was also upset because we decided not to find out the gender and her friends threw her a ‘grandma shower’ and were all upset they didn’t know ‘what clothes to buy’.
My husband and I live in an apartment so we don’t have a ton of space for extra stuff and we had specifically asked people not to get us clothes or linens but when I asked her to tell her friends that she said it would be rude.
She called me over the weekend and asked to come stay this week, but I said no as I’m busy this week and it was very last minute and she just got home from her friend’s 65th birthday blowout bash last weekend.
She blew up at me sobbing for ruining this experience for her. She said I made her party awkward by being weird about the gender, she said she’s upset she will never have felt the baby kick (I don’t like being touched though so even if she had made her planned trips I don’t think she would have) she’s upset she didn’t get to take any ‘candid pregnancy pictures of me’ (another thing I personally wouldn’t have liked, we did a bump shoot and that was even more than I ever like to be on camera frankly.) and she is upset she didn’t have any say in or get to help with the nursery.
I thought she was being really overbearing and blaming me for choices she made and tried to explain that but she just kept saying I was purposely trying to cut her out and I was succeeding in making her not want to meet the baby at all, which isn’t my intention.
My dad usually agrees with me when she is being like this but he is upset with me too and says this is different because it isn’t about her, it’s about her relationship with her grandchild.
I’m very torn because I know lots of people want their mothers around and it’s not that I don’t it’s just she does cause me stress and the one thing that could minimize the stress (sticking to our schedule) she didn’t do. AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Make Me Late For My Flight?
“My (28) wife (27) graduated medical school in 2021. They had a graduation party since everyone was immunized, but it was pretty small due to a recent outbreak there. You could only bring 1 guest and you had to socially distance again.
Her medical school decided to invite the 2020 graduates to this year’s graduation event. They planned this all out pretty last minute, only giving 3 weeks’ notice that it was happening.
But my wife was very excited about it. She gets paid crumbs and works long hours as a resident, so I get why she wanted to relax and have fun.
The issue is that I had a huge work trip the next day, that had been planned for months. I don’t travel a lot for work so they went all out to make this comfortable, and I had a lot riding on it (if I didn’t do well I would probably be fired, but if I did well there were 2 open positions I could be promoted to).
My wife wanted to come with me, so my company comped her flight and we were going to make a vacation out of it after my presentations. We were flying out the night of the party to ensure I made it on time for the meetings the next day. I told my wife we shouldn’t go to the re-do event since we had to fly out and it would be very tight.
She insisted we go since the party started at 3 pm and our flight left at 9 pm. But the gala was 1.5 hours away from the airport. We made a plan to leave at 5:30 pm, and pack everything in our car beforehand, so we could go straight to the airport.
But by 530 she just started saying goodbye.
I told her we needed to leave as soon as possible but she said no, we don’t have to be 2 hours early for our flight, etc. Around 6 p.m. this guy from med school (who had a crush and asked her out multiple times) grabbed her hand and pulled her to another table. I went up to them and told him he needed to back off.
He said I needed to treat her better and let her ‘enjoy herself’. I looked at my wife, but she ignored me.
At that point, I decided I wasn’t going to try and convince her to stick to her word anymore. I told her I was leaving for the airport and took our car. There was a ton of traffic and security was a mess, so I only had a few minutes to spare before getting on the plane.
She texted me horrible things. I never responded/engaged. But she kept texting me how I was horrible and didn’t understand what it’s like to have an illness ruin a huge moment for you. I disagree… she still had a graduation party, it’s not my fault she didn’t get to dance. I don’t see what the huge deal was and conversely think she didn’t understand that this would cost me my job if I missed the flight.
And since I make up around 70% of our income in a high-cost-of-living area, we would essentially be homeless.
We’ve been on tense terms since this happened in June. She brings it up a lot and is recommending therapy so I can ‘learn how to behave in a marriage’, but I don’t think we need it since she’s the one who caused this whole problem in the first place and should take accountability for that first.
But am I way off here? AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Setting Up Household Rules For My Son And His Partner?
“I (42 F) have two children. Suna (20 F) and Jae (25 M). I am a widow and am fortunate enough to have a well-paying job as well as my late husband’s life insurance. Once my children started working, I have always told them that I wouldn’t ever ask them for rent, as I want them to save up for when they would either move out or if they would want to pursue higher education.
We live in a three-bedroom apartment for roughly $2200 a month.
For further context, my daughter is a fairly independent person and cooks her own meals, takes care of her own laundry, and even helps me around the house with the cleaning. She even gives me about $200 biweekly just to help out.
I cannot say the same for Jae, as I usually have to clean his room and do his laundry because he lets it pile up in the laundry room.
As for my meals and Jae’s, I only end up cooking for myself as my son usually eats out or eats at his partner’s house.
My son had recently asked if his partner, Anais (23 F), would be able to move in, as she’s being evicted due to some issues with her landlord. Anais is a very sweet girl but we don’t interact much as she doesn’t come over too often.
She and Jae have been together for about a year.
I told him that his partner moving in would undoubtedly change the rule I had set in place about charging rent. This is because as a couple, they’d need to have some set responsibilities, just as they’d have if they would rent a room someplace else or move into an apartment.
I told him rent would be $750 a month, and how they split it is up to them. I also let him know that they are more than welcome to use any of the groceries I buy. They can even request me to bring certain stuff home when I go to the market, but I will not be cooking for them.
I also let him know I would not be cleaning their room nor will I be in charge of doing their laundry.
My son was enraged and started demanding why I was doing a sudden 180. I told him that he’s a grown man and these are things a couple should find a solution to.
I told him that he could either agree to these requests or he and Anais would have to find someplace else to live.
He hasn’t spoken to me in three days. I understand why he feels like I might be unfair since I did say I wouldn’t charge him rent, but adding an extra person to the household is an exception to that rule.
My daughter understands why her brother is upset but ultimately agrees with me that I should not be the one to take up what should be their responsibilities.
AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Uninviting People Who Commented On My Wedding Dress?
“I’m gonna be getting married in the next few months; small crowd, outdoors for both ceremony and reception.
When it comes to the wedding planning itself, it has been kind of miserble. I have had to stand up against the following people: my mom, godparents, and a few aunts. They have been trying to take control of what was supposed to be our day, with things like the types of flowers and the flavor of the cake, and shaming me for not taking their ‘advice’.
However, this has been the breaking point. I have decided that my bridesmaids will be wearing black and I bought my wedding dress online; it’s a pretty simple, off-the-shoulder, sweetheart neckline chiffon dress, and it came in the mail.
My mom found out both of these important pieces of information: the bridesmaid dresses because I think one of my bridesmaids let it slip and the wedding dress because I hung it up in my apartment, and she came over.
My mom started yelling at me the moment I opened the door, asking me why I couldn’t be a ‘good girl’ and why I had to be so strange. I tried explaining to her that, black is one of my wedding colors and two, I just wanted it for my bridesmaids. Then, she saw my wedding dress hanging, and asked me ‘What is this?
Is this your wedding dress? Why is it so immodest? Are you trying to humiliate me? Are you trying to show off your junk to your uncles?’
At this point I had it. I told her that I was an adult, that I liked the dress, and that I would be wearing it. She continued with her nonsense yelling until I said that she ‘was no longer welcome at our wedding’.
My mom started crying, saying that I was a spoiled ungrateful jerk, and walked off.
Cut to the next day, I get both in-person confrontations from the people listed above, more so about my ‘immodest’ wedding dress. Apparently, my mom found a similar style dress online and sent it to her ‘squad’. These people were telling me that the dress I bought was ‘not appropriate,’ that I was ‘going to look like a flirt,’ and that ‘I lost my decency’, among other things.
They also expressed their disdain for the bridesmaid colors and asked me if I ‘was a Satanist’ for choosing black and that I lost all respect in their eyes for not obeying their wishes. I essentially told all of these lovely people the same thing I told my mom: if that’s truly how they see me, then they are welcome to skip the wedding.
Now here’s the dilemma. My fiance understands why I did what I did, but he said that it was an impulsive decision and that it’s not fair to the people, who I have known my whole life, to miss my wedding over little things. So, AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Quitting Right After I Accepted A Job?
“I (23 f) recently applied for a job at a local pottery painting place. I was called in for an interview so I was pretty excited, considering this is the first job I’ve gotten an interview for without the help of anyone else. I go in and the owner is friendly of course, and she comes over to interview me.
Right off the bat, she says ‘Oh wait, you sent a resumé right? Hmm, maybe I should’ve printed that out… eh never mind’. When I told my significant other, he said that it was odd that she even brought that up but I don’t know.
During the interview, she had asked me questions that had the answers on my resumé which made me feel weird like she didn’t even read it.
Like questions about where I worked and what I did there & etc. During the interview, she was talking about me working full time, which is what I wanted and even said so when I applied for the job. She wouldn’t tell me what the hours would be which wasn’t that big of a deal, but she also wouldn’t tell me what the pay was WHICH I didn’t ask because it didn’t cross my mind until AFTER when I realized she never told me what the pay was.
During the interview, she kept mentioning how she had A LOT of other applicants to interview which was weird in my opinion because she brought it up maybe six or seven times. She also asked me if I would prefer my schedule to start in the mornings or noons, I said mornings because I am a morning person.
After the interview and a few days later I got a call from the pottery shop, the lady said I’m hired if I would like the job and the pay would be ten an hour plus three in tips an hour (which aren’t always guaranteed of course). I responded with ‘If you don’t mind me asking, what would my hours look like?’ to which she just replied with ‘Oh you know, full time.’ Which, now as I’m typing it out, seems weird.
but I needed a job so I accepted.
Then two days later, I got a text with what my hours would be. 12:00-4:00 wednesday-friday. I asked if maybe those were my training times, nope! During the interview, I even told her I live with my SO and pay rent of course. With those hours, I’d make $625 a month before taxes.
A MONTH. I immediately had to respond with: ‘Hi again, I’m extremely sorry, but you promised me full-time and have given me part-time hours in the middle of the day (which would make it awkward to get a second job) and I’d be making ten MAYBE thirteen an hour. I’m very sorry but I can’t live off that pay or those hours combined.’ She replied with how I was ungrateful for this opportunity and that I was unprofessional etc. AITJ for quitting right after I accepted the job?
I just feel really bad.”
26. AITJ For Making A Complaint About A Property Agent Who Tried To Go Inside My Home?
“So I (21 F) recently moved. Although the area is good, the house I’m renting looks like it may be an old crack den. Due to this, I’m very vigilant and paranoid with my security.
So this morning I was sitting in the lounge room when I heard someone rattling my screen door. I open the wooden door to see this woman standing there with an angry look on her face.
I said hello, and asked what she was doing. She said she was there for an inspection.
I told her that I was told it was next Tuesday, and today was Thursday, and I was not aware of any changes. (While I was saying this she had her key in the door trying to open it still.)
She said, ‘SHE was right, and that it was today and she must come inside to do the inspection’. I told her my address, and she said, That’s right. I said something must be wrong, this isn’t the right day.
She very rudely told me that ‘Lily’ and I were supposed to do an inspection over the phone with her while we were in isolation, and because we wouldn’t, she was here for an inspection.
I told her my name, I don’t know a lily, and a lily doesn’t live here, but maybe the previous tenant was lily? She said she was sure I must know her and to let her in to “‘et it over with already’.
I said no because something wasn’t right. She held up her phone to show me the booking and I held mine up to show it was Tuesday.
In a very angry tone, she said, ‘Well why don’t you at least open up the door to talk to me properly because I can’t see through that.’
I did hesitantly, and she showed me her phone, I immediately saw a different with the same street. I pointed this out to her and said that this is xx suburb.
She said her name was Lisa, and she just took over the property, Google sent her to the wrong address, which explained why her keys weren’t working. I asked what agent she works for, she told me and then left.
I called the company and explained what had happened, that she had made me feel scared in my own home, and that she was very rude, unprofessional, and unapologetic after her mistake was pointed out.
How she wouldn’t listen to me when I told her that something wasn’t right so many times.
They apologized and said that because she hadn’t seen the property before, and because the tenants there were known to be difficult she was expecting issues, hence her attitude. I told them that regardless, it was very unprofessional and I wouldn’t want my agent to talk to me like that, and that I’m glad she didn’t try to go through the side gate of my house because if she did my dog would have ripped her to pieces if she tried to go in like that.
I said I understood the issue with Google, but at least not have been so rude.
I later got a call from my agent (a different company), asking me what happened, and if I was ok, and mentioned that that agent had called her because I had complained.
While I understand that she accidentally went to the wrong address, I felt the way she handled it was very wrong, which is why I complained.
So, AITJ for making a complaint?”
25. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Continue Working A Job He Doesn't Like?
“My (f 30) partner (m 30) is currently working a nicely paid job with a lot of benefits.
I was overjoyed until he told me last month he doesn’t like the job and often gets depressed because ‘it’s not an intellectual challenge’. His original dream job has been a humanities Ph.D. researcher in a very niche field at some nearby (European) university. However, it’s extremely difficult to get into such a career (tried that myself), as the competition is huge and, honestly, although my partner is very smart, he’s probably just not THAT smart.
I’ve seen more accomplished people struggle to get meagerly paid research jobs on limited contracts.
So my partner wants to quit his current job, stay at home, and focus on building up his academic CV without any income. ‘Stay at home’ doesn’t mean he’d take care of housework, but that we’d split as usual, only he won’t contribute financially to anything except for 300 EUR rent.
The problem is he was doing this FOR 2 YEARS before he landed his current ‘boring’ job in 2021. He was writing articles, applying for grants, etc., and was unsuccessful in everything, except for internship-level work. He now wants to go back and REPEAT the exact same approach because maybe ‘this time something will click’.
I hated our life that first time.
I felt like an ATM. He wouldn’t help with anything because he had his ‘mission’. In the meantime, I worked my butt off and bought our first home. I paid for furniture, bills, food, everything. After almost 2 years of failed attempts at academic career, my patience ran out and I gave him an ultimatum to either find a paying job and start pulling weight, or break up so that he can continue his academic dream on his own terms.
Note #1: I do have my dream job which is in a different state. I took it on the spot because I knew I’d rather break up than lose this opportunity. He decided to follow me to a city he doesn’t like, and I feel like a terribly selfish person who’s constantly asking him to give up his life goals.
He guilt-trips me saying that our lives only revolve around my priorities. The thing is, if he had some solid opportunity to take off, we could compromise and I could follow him, but so far that hasn’t happened.
Note #2: In the past, I told him he either can do what I require to be equals in our relationship, or he is free to leave.
I did not guilt-trip or blackmail him into anything. I cried a river getting prepared to lose 10 year relationship so that he would be free to fulfil his dream. He always chose to stay.
Note #3: He’s now trying to work on that academia thing after work, but due to lack of free time it’s just a minimal effort.
He has this weird fixation that nothing but an academic career would make him happy in life, and I don’t know how to explain that there are other intellectually challenging jobs that pay and sometimes one needs a reality check.
AITJ if I don’t want to support him anymore and want him to continue working a job he dislikes to pull his weight in our household?”
24. AITJ For Not Sharing My Lotto Winnings With My Stepdaughter?
“My stepdaughter (SD) is 22. My SO (significant other) and I haven’t seen SD in 9 years. When she was 11 she made up stuff about me and my SO. We knew her Mom was behind this because we had 50/50 custody, but had been paying her child support like we only had SD every other weekend. After we had a few kids SO applied and she had to end up paying him child support.
Fighting the accusations and custody battles cost almost 6 figures in legal fees over the next 2 years and I had to end up selling my house(which was my great grandparents). Selling my house meant I wasn’t able to care for my ailing father and had we not proved the accusations false it could have resulted in us losing our children.
At a therapy appointment, SD told my SO she would keep telling lies if he kept trying to take her from her Mom, so he said ok contact him when she wants to have a relationship. The Mom got what she wanted- child support until SD was 18.
We were all devastated. SO sent her bday and Xmas presents, cards, and texts but they moved and we didn’t know where and changed their numbers.
Fast forward to now, 5 months ago I won the lotto (SO and I aren’t married and have separate finances due to him being bad with financial management and me entering the relationship with more assets and then having to sell my house for SD) but I still take SO’s feelings into consideration with money. The money was a significant sum, but not rolling in money.
Enough to put a good deposit on a house, deposits on cars, pay off debts, and put some funds into the kid’s education, but still have mortgage, car payments, and bills. It’s enough to set us up for life, as long as we still work full-time. If we’re smart with it, we might be able to retire early.
We hadn’t heard from SD or Mom in 9 years apart from a message when a child support payment was 2 days late because SO changed jobs. A week ago SD reached out to SO over text, a couple of plesentary texts and then she said she heard we won lotto and was surprised we hadn’t contacted her yet to help provide for her.
After a bit of awkward stepping around the topic, she brought it back up that she expects a deposit for a house for her and her Mom.
I’ve said absolutely not. Not only would that be as much or more than what our own kids would get, but I’ve already wasted a whole house on her and almost lost my kids and life.
I don’t want to give her a cent and I want nothing to do with her. I admit I still resent her and everything I had to sacrifice for her lies.
My SO agrees a house deposit is out of the question, but his Mom and sister got angry at him and now think maybe we should give her a little bit.
It wouldn’t break the bank, but why would I give someone I don’t like money when it could be used on my family and those I love?
My SO’s Mom and Sister are saying I’m a jerk for not giving my estranged SD money, so AITJ?”
23. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Cousin Bring A +1 To My Wedding?
“My fiancé (32 M) and I (33 F) just got engaged three weeks ago and are planning our wedding for fall of next year.
We’ve started on the guest list: must invites, maybe invites, and who gets +1s. We’re trying to keep things as small as we can, but I have a HUGE family. Between my mom’s side of the family and my dad’s, I have 19 cousins, the youngest being 12 and me being the oldest. While I’m not close with most of these cousins, I am close with the 5 on my mom’s side.
The second youngest cousin on my mom’s side, Julie (19 F), got engaged in November to Jack (21/22 M). To put it nicely, Jack is the scum of the earth. And yes… that is being nice. I’ll leave it at that, but will be happy to elaborate if anyone truly wants to know the extensive reasons why Jack disgusts me and my fiancé.
But Julie is head-over-heels for him. Ah, young love, am I right?
My fiancé and I do NOT want Jack at our wedding and have no intention of giving Julie a +1 for him. Even if they get married between now and then, we still don’t want to invite him. Her three older siblings are all getting to bring the SOs.
The two oldest are married, and the third will have been with his partner for about 3 years (they’ve known each other for about 10 years now) come next fall. We adore all three of these SOs… they’re all genuinely good guys and we like being around them.
We don’t plan on blatantly putting on the invitation ‘Jack is not welcome’ or anything like that… the plan would be to only put her name on the invitation with ‘RSVP for 1’, and if she asks about bringing him, just tell her no. ‘No’ is a complete sentence, after all.
My fiancé and I both know this will upset Julie, especially if we don’t give her a reason why. And we certainly don’t plan on telling her the true reason that he will not be welcome.
So, WIBTJ for not giving my cousin a +1 for our wedding?”
22. AITJ For Causing My Husband To Miss Out On His Trip?
“My son (7) and my husband had a camping/fishing trip planned for this weekend.
It’s through my husband’s work and is a big event so they cannot reschedule. My son came down with a nasty cough. So unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like a good idea for him to go. This is where the conflict starts.
My husband still wants to go and wants my mom to watch our kids (we also have a 2-year-old who is not sick) while I have to work.
I can tell that my mom is not comfortable with this, and ultimately I feel like our sick child is not her responsibility. My husband insists he isn’t contagious, and while I agree (allergies are running rampant here and he has asthma), we don’t know that for certain. I told my husband if he’s too sick to camp, he’s too sick to be left alone with my mom.
That he’s his dad and he has to make sacrifices because that is what we signed up for as parents.
My husband is… upset. First, he told me that I should stay home from work to care for our son. This is not an option. I absolutely can’t miss any more work, as I have too many ‘points’ against me already (I’m 8.5 months pregnant and have had to miss a lot due to complications).
He yelled at me that I hate my job anyway so what does it matter? Obviously, my paycheck matters or I would’ve quit instead of forcing myself to work through my pregnancy. He just kept yelling at me about how he was just going to go and I could figure it out and then switched and said he’d stay at home, but he’s just going to work the whole weekend to make things harder on me.
I told him I understood he was disappointed and I was sorry but that the way he was talking to me was unacceptable. He’s his dad, he needs to make sacrifices. That our 7-year-old is gutted he can’t go, but he is handling it better than my grown adult husband.
I honestly feel awful that neither of them can go.
I completely understand this is upsetting for my husband, but I still don’t feel I deserve to be treated like this. He wants me to try and convince my mom to watch our son, and I just don’t feel comfortable with that.
AITJ for making my husband miss out on his trip?”
21. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Not Waking Me Up For School?
” “I’m high-school age and my mother is in her 50s (stay-at-home mom).
I recently started at a very nice boarding high school near me. It’s ~3 miles away, so I’m just a student. However, I’m not old enough to have a license, so a parent has to get me to and from there.
The problem comes with dropping me off in the morning. My dad works full time (6 am-6 pm Monday- Friday) so it would be difficult for him to drop me off since most campus buildings don’t open until 6:30 and some are later, like the library and dining halls at 7.
My mom has offered to drive me.
Every night she asks when I want to be dropped off. I always say something like ‘My classes start at 8, so I need to be there at 7:30 to eat. Can you be ready to go at 7:15?’ and she always agrees and sets her alarm.
However, every time I go to check if she’s awake, she’s not.
Some mornings I have to wake her up 4-5 times every few minutes because she keeps falling back asleep. She has some health issues that cause her to have trouble falling asleep, so I don’t blame her for sleeping through an alarm or two early in the morning. But yesterday I was nearly late and showed up at campus around 7:55, so I didn’t have time to eat and had to run to my class.
Last night I picked a fight with her about it, saying that she needs to be more responsible because she’s putting my education at stake by not getting up in the morning. She said that she’s doing the best she can and that if I don’t like it then it just sucks to be me.
We had a huge argument and now she’s not talking to me.
My dad drove me to school this morning and told me that I should just apologize and move on, but I said that she needs to get her self together because I should be her main priority right now (I have no siblings, my dad and I do all the chores because she has bad hips/knees and all she has to do is cook dinner… which she only makes an actual meal 2-3 times a week.).
I refused to apologize and a few of my friends have said I’m being a jerk along with my dad.
AITJ?
20. AITJ For Taking Back My RSVP To A Friend's Birthday?
“I (22 F) had this acquaintance (22 F) that I know through work and we became work friends and we also attend the same university and have mutual friends there.
Her birthday is coming up and she invited me and those mutual friends to a dinner.
I was actually excited to go and have a great time because I had just gotten an apartment (super stressful process) and also I was so buried in work and school that I didn’t really have time to go out all the entire semester.
She initially sent the invite with all the details so I RSVP’d.
The next day she sends out a message saying ‘Hey guys, I forgot to mention this on the invite, but I do not want any substance use going on and also, please don’t order any meals with pork or chicken, I would like to keep the table in a pescatarian vibe, the restaurant has plenty of delicious options’.
I was planning on partaking in ABSOLUTELY ALL the things she said not to. I was going to order a drink, maybe take an edible for a lil buzz, and didn’t necessarily want to be restricted to just seafood when going out because there’s a chance I could accidentally consume shellfish and I’m allergic (it’s happened before and being punctured with an EpiPen on my one night out in months didn’t sound particularly fun to me).
As I mentioned before, we are really just work friends and I didn’t actually have deep facts about her like that (like beliefs, super personal details, etc.) because we don’t tend to talk about that sort of stuff in the workplace.
I waited until work the next day to tell her she could cancel my RSVP to her party.
When I told her, of course, she asked why. We would likely never hang out due to me trying to respect her lifestyle that I do not live. So I said ‘Thank you for inviting me but it’s certain things I like to partake in when going out, and out of respect for you and your boundaries, I just want to politely decline my invite but I would love to still get you a gift for your birthday of course’.
She took offense and said that the reason was because her mother was very abusive to her when intoxicated from some substances and did some horrible things to her. Then she found solace in her religion after that and said religion doesn’t really allow for meat consumption (I have no clue which religion this is but if someone could let me know please I would love to learn more about it).
AITJ for going back on my RSVP?”
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Bring My Wife's Baked Goods To My New Workplace?
“I’m a firefighter and just started with a new department. At my old station, it was common for local businesses and citizens to drop off food for us and a lot of the guys’ wives would send them in with stuff too.
My wife made a habit of baking something every other week for me to bring in for my shift. The guys always looked forward to it and liked it. And I know my wife really loved hearing how they ate it all and would give me compliments about what she made. Last week I had my first day at my new fire department and when I woke up for my shift she handed me these sweets she’d baked the night before.
She said she wanted to surprise me with them and have me bring them to work to start the new tradition of her baking for everybody.
I felt really bad but internally cringed at the idea. I just said thanks and accepted them but then never brought them inside when I got to work. I forgot about it until I got home and a few hours later she went to grab something from my car and saw them sitting there.
She confronted me asking why I didn’t bring them in and I told her I appreciated it but I felt like it would’ve been such an awkward thing to do for a first day at work. Especially with a group of guys where I’m the rookie and the new guy, I didn’t wanna feel like a school kid bringing in something his mom made for the class.
She didn’t understand since she used to bake for my old fire department all the time but I was established there and friends with them all. I told her I’d love for her to do it when I’ve worked there a little longer. She doesn’t get it and is still acting kind of mad at me over it.
AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Being Mat At My Parents And Grandparents For Not Telling Me About My Mom's Sister?
“My grandfather (my mom’s dad) passed away recently. After he died my grandmother decided to move into a seniors community. She was moving from a house to a one-bedroom flat so there were lots of items she didn’t need. The house was pretty full and lived in because she and my grandfather lived in it for like 50 years.
When we were going through the attic we found boxes and boxes of old pictures. My grandmother wanted to go through them. In some, there were pictures of my mom when she was little and there was a baby in them or a kid younger than her. I asked her who it was because she doesn’t have a sister, and she doesn’t have any aunts and uncles so no cousins either.
My dad said my mom had a younger sister but she died from cot death and to not say anything to my grandmother because it would upset her to talk about especially so close after my grandfather’s death. At the time what my parents told me made sense.
After that, I helped to move the furniture to her new flat or to sort out what she was not keeping.
I honestly forgot about the pictures.
The next month I found one of my dad with a woman in a bridal gown. It wasn’t my mom and I could not figure out why my mom’s parents would have a photograph of my dad at a wedding, not of their daughter. My mom was there when I found it and she couldn’t explain it then.
The next day my grandmother told me the truth when I confronted her. My mom had a sister. She was married to my dad. My dad played away with my mom, who was his wife’s sister and I was born from the affair. My dad divorced my mom’s sister to be with my mom. My mom’s sister went away somewhere else because my grandmother and grandfather wouldn’t condemn the divorce and they have been estranged and have not been in contact now for almost 30 years.
My dad’s parents also knew all of this and didn’t tell me. My mom and dad never bothered to get married after his eventual divorce from my mom’s sister.
I’m angry that the only family members I have, my parents and both sets of grandparents have kept this from me. I would never have known if I hadn’t accidentally seen those pictures.
My grandmother had thought they got rid of all the photographs of my mom’s sister. My parents and my other grandparents have admitted this too and told me the same thing as my grandmother. My parents tell me it is none of my concern since it happened before I was born and doesn’t affect me.
I disagree such a big secret should have been kept from me plus I don’t agree with the behaviour of anyone involved in this. Do you believe I’m right to be angry or are my parents and grandparents correct and I’m a jerk?”
17. AITJ For Adopting My Sister's Baby?
“My sister (21 f) and I (27 f) have never been close.
Growing up in a divorced home we never really were forced to be friends. We never really talked. The one thing I have always known about my sister is that she really wasn’t a good person. She went out of her way to get herself into trouble and had been to jail 3 times before this story started.
May of 4 years ago my sister announced to our parents and me that she was pregnant. She didn’t know who the father was and really didn’t care. She wasn’t going to terminate her pregnancy and didn’t know what she was actually gonna do with the baby. That’s when I started to speak up.
At this point, I had a nice-sized house and was engaged to my now husband. I told her that she wasn’t responsible enough to have a kid and that she was making a huge mistake and endangering this kid’s life. My parents agreed with me and my sister stormed out flipping all of us off while she left.
In the end, my sister decided to put the baby up for adoption and my fiancé and I jumped at the offer. We thought it’d be nice for the little girl to stay in the family and we were planning on starting a family as soon as possible. It was an open adoption, so my sister was welcomed whenever she asked to come and visit.
Now my sister is in a more stable state and I’m 8 months pregnant. This is when she comes over to my house and starts packing up my daughter’s stuff. When I question her she says that since I’m having my own baby, I don’t need ‘her daughter’ anymore. She says that I won’t even care about her when I have a new baby and that she’s practically helping me.
This made my husband snap and he yelled at her to get out. She left screaming that I stole her kid and that she was going to get back at me. I shouldn’t feel bad, but for some reason, I do so tell me, am I the jerk?
Edit: This is a legal adoption.
Though my sister decided not to do it through an agency, we do have paperwork stating that my husband and I are the legal guardians of our daughter.”
16. AITJ For Telling My Cousin To Replace The Shoes That She Ruined?
“I (15 f) have a cousin Vera (19 f). Vera and I wear the same size shoes. She has been staying with my parents for the past week and will be staying with us for another week.
When she arrived, she bought enough clothes, but she only had a pair of sneakers that she had on. She wore my shoes out a couple of times. It’s not like I can say no without my parents berating me so when She had asked for a white pair, I told her to be careful since I couldn’t wash them.
Also, they were new, like now even broken in new. She said she would be careful.
This morning I asked for my shoes back when I was leaving for school, she said she had put them where they were but I couldn’t find them. I told her to come show me where she put them.
She insisted I look for it, but after some coercing, she admitted that she hadn’t put them back, but that they were in her room. She showed them to me and they were completely ruined. She said she spilled a milkshake in them, and later tried washing it, but the washing only made it worse.
The white shoes are now the color of peanut butter blast.
I immediately asked her to replace my shoes. She said she can’t afford to pay for it. Words were being exchanged, my parents heard, they told me to leave Vera alone, and go to school. When I returned a few hours ago, my parents sat me down and berated me for asking her to replace my shoes.
They said that it was very ‘cheap’ to fight over shoes. I mean they weren’t expensive or anything, and I sure have more shoes, so it’s not like I need new shoes. They told me to apologize to Vera for being rude to her. I said no.
I have also received a bunch of texts throughout the day from Vera’s parents calling me ‘cheap’ for demanding money.
After all, Vera is family. I reminded them that Vera said no when I asked her if could wear a pair of her shoes last year while I was at a birthday at their place after the sole of my shoe came off. They called my parents and told them of my bad behavior and now I just lost my allowance.
When I asked my mom if she would speak to Vera about not asking to borrow my shoes again, she said I was bordering on jerk behavior. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Asking How To Pronounce A Kid's Name Correctly?
“When I started my previous job at a nursery, there wasn’t much of an induction to the room, just figure it out and get on with your job.
The main thing they were strict on was that I couldn’t do handovers and talk to parents in my first few weeks.
Anyway, there was one child in the room whose name I didn’t know how to pronounce as there were multiple different pronunciations floating around the nursery, this poor child would respond to anything that started with the same letter as their name.
About 4 weeks into working there when I got to do my first handover with this child’s mom, I introduced myself and then said ‘Sorry I’m new, can I just check how to pronounce your daughter’s name?’ The mum seemed enthusiastic talking to me about the name, that there are two correct ways to pronounce it and which one she prefers as well as how the name should be shortened if we chose to do so, she had me repeat a couple of times to make sure I was saying it right, its origin, people in history with this name, etc. I thought the handover went well, at least better than it would of if I’d introduced myself and immediately gotten the name wrong.
The problem came a few days later when a supervisor from another room told me I was pronouncing the name wrong and went on a huge rant about how I was being rude and how important relationships with parents were, so I admitted I had checked with the mum I told her how I had been asked to pronounce it.
This then ended in me having a meeting with my room supervisor, the deputy manager, and the manager about appropriate communication with parents and how what I had asked this child’s mum was offensive and made the nursery look bad because it showed that I couldn’t ask the staff. So AITJ for asking how to pronounce a child’s name, it felt like a reasonable question at the time but all the staff are acting like I did a terrible thing.”
14. AITJ For Posting A Tweet About My Nail Artist?
“I have been getting my nails done by this girl for about 6 months. We got along well, we weren’t friends or anything (she had kind of a temperament) but we chatted a bit and never had any problem. The only issue I had was that she would make me bleed every time I went there and left my cuticles hurt and swollen but I honestly thought it was a normal side effect of getting nails done.
Yesterday I was on Twitter and saw a post where girls were showing off their nails and saying short nails were much fancier than long ones, so I decided to post a pic of my long nails and captioned it saying ‘I love my long paws if I cut them short my fingers look like a dog’s thing’ just because I thought it was funny.
It is important to mention that the pic has a watermark of my nail tech Instagram account.
Half an hour later the tweet blew up and a lot of people started telling me that the way my cuticles looked wasn’t normal and that it was unacceptable for her to make my fingers bloody so I replied ‘Yes, I love and hate her (my nail tech) at the same time cause she makes me bleed but my nails end up looking great’.
People kept replying to the tweet warning me that I could get a serious infection because of the wounds. I got scared but I decided I wouldn’t tell her anything, so I just thanked everyone on Twitter for the information and started looking for a new nail salon to go to.
Summing up, someone saw the tweet and sent her screenshots.
She got mad and texted me saying she didn’t understand why I exposed her since we had a good relationship and that we should have sorted things out privately. I told her I never exposed her, I just posted her job and people commented on it. She replied saying ‘Evidently my watermark was on the pics, but I don’t care since I know what I am doing and I work professionally’ so I repeated to her it wasn’t me talking trash about her job but strangers from Twitter.
Anyway, I would never return to her salon regardless if she saw the tweet or not, nor am I planning to apologize or delete the tweet. I am just going to a new and better salon and never talk to her again so…
Am I the jerk?”
13. AITJ For Leaving My Siblings To Protect My Mental Health?
“I (14 f) recently decided to live with my dad.
I made this decision because my mom isn’t a great parent/overall person.
She’s been engaged 7 times (just in my lifetime), all of which have failed. The last 3 relationships she’s been in have been literally back-to-back. Each one has been around 5 months long and very on and off. I’ve warned her each time that these men are toxic, and she just doesn’t listen.
Fast forward 5 months later I have to comfort her because she feels like she can’t ever be loved.
The last men she dated (besides the current guy, who other than just being a republican jerk, isn’t abusive or rude) have been incredibly toxic and rude. Two partners ago, he yelled at me whilst we were in the middle of a forest on a camping trip for being mad that they were blasting rap music at 3 a.m. He was on a few narcotics at this time as well.
He said some incredibly rude things that I can’t mention here.
On top of these things, she (my mom) claims to be ‘breaking the cycle’ of my family being with toxic men as her mother is exactly like her and is constantly getting divorced/remarried.
My mom is also very into spirituality and believes in being enlightened and being an empath and encourages me to pursue it (lol).
I don’t believe in any of these things, and it makes me mad because she expects me to behave/act like someone who does, and if I don’t, I’m ‘disrespecting her religion’. I tell her that it upsets me and she pretends to care.
I also recently found out that if I continued to live with her I would be moving to a different city which means leaving my only friends for a new school and town.
Not only that, my mom is getting married and her fiance is adopting my brother (or at least planning on it).
I decided to start living with my dad recently because of these (and other) incidents that really took a toll on my mental health. I heard secondhand that my mom is very sad about my leaving and has been crying all night because of it.
I feel bad because of that of course, but I mainly bad about leaving my sister and baby brother. I love them so much and I’ve always felt a responsibility to take care of them. Leaving them is very hard because I’m worried my sister is going to be hurt by my mom.
I know most of this story is just background, but that’s my main reason for leaving so I figured it was important.
So, really, AITJ for leaving my siblings for the sake of my own mental health even though it might affect them?
EDIT: My siblings and I have different fathers, so my dad gaining custody of them is a no-go”
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom The Truth About My Name?
“I (18 F) have an uncommon name. It’s not extremely rare, but you won’t see a lot of girls named it. I’ll call myself Odette.
A few days ago, I went into the attic to look for my birth certificate so I could bring it to college.
I saw that the ladder to climb up was already extended, but when I got up there, I saw my dad looking at a photo album and crying. I saw a lot of beer bottles next to him, so I’m pretty sure he was wasted. I asked him what was wrong, but he just started crying harder.
I went over to see what he was looking at and saw he was looking at old photos of him and this girl cuddling and making out. I know it was my dad because the pictures were labeled ‘(Dad’s name) and Odette 1994’. My dad was in college in 1994.
I was surprised to see MY name there, so I asked him who the girl was.
He didn’t answer for a little, but finally, he said (I couldn’t understand it all since he was wasted and crying, but this is the gist of it) that he dated a girl named Odette in college and that she broke up with him because she got a job in another country. He kept saying that she was ‘the one who got away’.
This shocked me, especially since he previously told me (while sober) that my mom was his first relationship (they met after college). It also shocked me because I put two and two together and realized that my dad definitely named me after his ex (my mom told me in the past that my dad had been the one to suggest my name).
It’s pretty obvious since there are not many Odettes.
The next day I confronted my dad about what he said. He got defensive and said he never said any of it and that I was misremembering. He said that Odette was just a friend and that he had liked the name Odette before he became ‘friends’ with her, so he didn’t name me after her.
I said if they were just friends, why were they making out in the pics? And why did he say she was the one who got away? Why did he cry when looking at her picture? He didn’t answer and kept saying I was misremembering.
I decided to tell my mom because I felt like she deserved to know.
I maybe would’ve kept quiet if it was just the name, but my dad saying Odette was the one who got away pushed it over the edge. I told her everything last night and showed her the photo albums. She went to my dad to confirm and they got into a huge fight. My dad kept shouting that I was lying, that he and Odette were just friends and our shared names didn’t mean anything.
My mom was screaming asking why he had never told her about his ex and that my name is proof he never got over her. The fight got so bad that my dad left for his brother’s house.
Since then, I’ve gotten angry voicemails from my dad’s siblings accusing me of invading my dad’s privacy and trying to ruin his life over something as trivial as a name.
My mom and her family think I did the right thing, but I don’t know since it looks like my parents’ marriage is on the rocks and my dad clearly didn’t want us to know about Odette, so maybe it would’ve been better to let it go. AITJ?”
11. WIBTJ If I Don't Tell My Husband How Much Our Rent Really Is?
“My husband and I come from vastly different socio-economic backgrounds. His parents are paycheck-to-paycheck working class. My husband worked his butt off to get through college and he’s got a good job but because he’s entry-level it’ll be a few years before his salary reflects his skills. I, on the other hand, come from a background of comfort and affluence, my parents gave me a trust fund when I graduated from college (which they paid for in full).
I know I’ll never understand what it’s like to worry about finances or the stress that my husband has been through because of money.
That being said, he’s married to someone who’s rich and I would like to help him with some of his financial woes. I offered to pay off his college debt for him and he refused, stating pride as his reason, and that he doesn’t want anyone to think he’s with me for my money.
I told him that didn’t matter to me, I knew that he loved me for me, but he refused. He also has medical debt and some regular debt, none of which he will let me help him with.
We just moved to Los Angeles because both of our careers have a better base out here.
We’re looking for an apartment to rent. He wants to split the bills evenly 50/50. I offered to pay rent if he’d handle the utilities. The reason I offered this deal is because rent in LA is ridiculous. Even the trashiest one-bedroom is still around $2000, usually higher. But, once again, he refused this. He said he couldn’t live with himself if he let his wife foot the bills because he couldn’t.
We saw an apartment the other day that both of us loved and that we thought was in our price range. It turns out the website made a mistake when they posted the price and it’s actually $1000 higher than we thought and if we do what my husband wants then we can’t afford it. I went back and spoke to the landlord and asked him if there was some way he could just say that the rent is the lower price, put that on the monthly statement, and pay him the difference secretly.
He said he was fine with that as long as he got paid. He also said we could move in on the first of June. It’s the first apartment we’ve both agreed on and the first one he’s actually liked. We’d still split the bills 50/50, and we’d still be splitting the rent 50/50 in his eyes, he just wouldn’t know I’m paying the difference on the sly.
WIBTJ if I just lie to my husband and let him think the apartment is affordable and then secretly pay more?”
10. AITJ For Preferring Being With My Wife Instead Of Going To Dinner With My Coworkers?
“Unfortunately, I (47 M) was roped into going to a work conference recently. I am a remote worker, but sadly I was told that I needed to attend a conference that many of my coworkers go to each year due to how integral my duties were to this year’s presentation, I suppose.
I am not buddy-buddy with any of my coworkers or my boss, but I am professional with them. This was the first work conference I had ever been to, so I did not realize how much these things consume the entirety of the time spent there. The first three nights of the conference there were different dinners I ‘had’ to attend after typical work hours and when over 8 hours had been spent doing work-related things at the conference already.
Now, I don’t really mind attending the actual conference THAT much, what I mind is the expectation that I spend any more time with my colleagues than necessary. In my opinion, if I’ve spent 8:30 – 5 at a work conference with coworkers attending work-related sessions, and giving a work-related presentation, past 5 o’clock I am no longer ‘at work.’ I was already rather peeved that this was not the expectation at the start, but I was at least informed of these three different formal/scheduled dinners once the conference schedule was released.
The fourth and final night of the conference I expected would be completely mine because there was no conference-wide scheduled dinner. As such, the night before when I called my wife, I asked her if she wanted to eat dinner together (i.e. video call each other and eat together, then spend as many hours as possible chatting before going to bed), and she said that sounded lovely.
We made plans to call at 7 our time (6 where the conference was), and I was really looking forward to it, as obviously I love her and her company.
Unfortunately, at lunch on the final day of the conference, my coworkers (my boss included) mentioned going to a specific restaurant. They asked if I was excited to go, and I said I was not going, but I hoped they enjoyed themselves.
They acted like I smacked them, and asked what I meant. I told them I’d made plans to call my wife and eat dinner with her.
I was then informed that, apparently, there is some tradition of all my coworkers eating dinner together the last night. I said I wasn’t informed and we had already eaten dinner together every other night, but I hoped they enjoyed themselves.
My boss then said it was something I had to attend, and then some of my coworkers agreed and said it was an important part of the conference.
I told my boss and coworkers that it was outside work hours, unpaid, and not scheduled, plus I prefer my wife’s company to theirs, so I was not going.
They then told me I was being rude and a jerk, and that I should have expected that we would all dine together on the final night. I said that was ridiculous, but my boss implied that not attending would have repercussions, so I called my wife and apologized to her, and sadly attended this stupid dinner.
AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Giving Me A Fake Version Of My Christmas Wish?
“Growing up, I didn’t get to have a lot of nice things. My family wasn’t destitute, but my mom has always had an issue with spending a lot on nice things. At Christmas one year, all I wanted was a Bath and Body Works set. She got me one from Walmart instead.
She told me that I didn’t ‘need’ B&BW, this was just as good. I expressed gratitude and used it all up to make sure she knew I appreciated it.
But inside, I was so disappointed, because the lotions and smells just weren’t the same. The same happened with a nice purse.
I wanted a department store one so badly because of how beautiful it was, and how sturdy it was. She got me one from Target and told me that it was good enough and how stupid it was to spend so much on a purse.
When I left home, I promised myself that at least once a year, I would budget to buy one nice thing.
Clothes, shoes, fragrances, whatever. I keep an ongoing list of the nice things I like, not quite a registry or anything, just like an organized list with links and reasons I want.
My husband wanted to get me something for our anniversary (3 years!) and he checked with my mom because I talk to her almost daily.
She said that she had the perfect idea for me because we’d talked about fragrances lately.
I have wanted a bottle of Baccarat Rouge 540 SO badly. It was what I was planning on spending my money on this year. It is expensive, but oh my it smells so lovely.
Well, I guess my mom took it upon herself to get me a bunch of ‘dupes’ of the fragrances on my list instead.
They are from companies that advertise heavily on social media.
To say that I was disappointed was an understatement. I of course accepted the package gracefully and have worn each one for him to appreciate. But when he told me that my mom had facilitated this, I had enough.
I called her out and told her that I wanted the specific fragrance I’d listed for a reason.
Those dupes can be fun to try, but they are not the same! And especially not the ones she had gotten me. They smelled cheap and artificial, and the bottles were ugly and plain. I told her that she always made me feel so bad for wanting to treat myself to nice things.
She bit back telling me that she had no idea how she raised a daughter to be as money-grubbing and wasteful.
That for the cost of one bottle of the fragrance I’d wanted, she got me at least 5 full bottles of perfectly good fragrance. I told her to please never do this again, and then said I would make sure my husband understood as well.
She told me that I was ungrateful, spoiled, and entitled and that she didn’t raise me to be such a snob.
Am I really the jerk?”
8. AITJ For Not Giving A Rare Doll To My Niece?
“I (23 f) have a hobby of collecting dolls, whether they are rare or popular toys like Bratz or Barbie, since I was young I have always loved dolls and I sometimes make my own dolls.
I have a huge collection of (Barbie, Bratz, Monster High, and some old creepy dolls), and I am very proud of my collection but I don’t like people touching or doing anything to my dolls, some of them are expensive and some are on the brink of collapsing so I like when my dolls are not touched.
My niece and sister were over yesterday. My niece was wandering around my home while I and my sister talked and then I heard her squeak as she entered my dolls’ room, I don’t mind her entering and she knows the rules to not touch the dolls unless I give them to her. She came back running to me and asked to play with a rare Monster High doll I own (Djinni Whisp) I was reluctant at first because it’s an expensive toy but I decided she was old enough to know how to play with it carefully.
After playing she gave it back to me but then asked me if I could give it to her because it was so nice and different from her Barbie dolls. I smiled but gently told her that I couldn’t do that since it was my toy. She got teary-eyed, looked at my sister, and asked her if she could convince me.
My sister told her to go watch TV and after my niece left my sister asked me if I could consider giving my niece the doll. I told her it was a rare doll that was not cheap and I was proud to own it and I didn’t want to give it away. My sister told me it would be a rare moment between me and my niece if I gave her something I love so dearly and that my niece would remember that moment.
I politely declined again and I told her I could think about giving my niece some of my other dolls that weren’t as rare or expensive as that one.
She told me I was being a jerk and not giving up a toy at my grown age for my niece. I explained once again and I said my niece could choose another doll but not this one.
My sister said that my niece wanted it and it was really disappointing how I found plastic toys more important than my niece’s happiness just because they are ‘expensive’ and then she left shortly after.
I got a text from both of my parents telling me it was kind of rude to not give a child a toy they asked politely for and I was too grown up to care about dolls.
I felt confident in my decision at first but now I am having doubts. I love that doll and I really don’t wanna give her up but at the same time. I don’t want to be mean to my niece. I don’t know, was I the jerk for not giving her the doll? Should I give it to her now to make up for it?”
7. AITJ For Contacting My Ex To Meet My Son?
“I (M 33) had a son with my ex ‘Linda’ (F 32), however, we became parents at a young age (16/15). At first, we tried to give our best as parents, we really tried, but it was just impossible for us, so we put it up for adoption.
We were crushed by this, we loved him so much, but, we knew we’d never be able to give him the life he deserves.
He was adopted right away, and we had to continue with our lives. My ex moved once she was accepted by a college abroad. I went to college, married, and now have a daughter who is 9 years old.
As I said, I continued with my life. However, I never stopped thinking about my son.
So a few weeks ago my mom called me, she had been contacted by a woman claiming to be the adoptive mother of my son. She wanted to meet me and talk about him and asked my mom to deliver me that message.
I was hesitant since I’d heard of scams like that but I decided to call her back.
I went to meet her at a Starbucks and we talked. She started by telling me a little about my son’s life, he is 17, tall, an extrovert, and a good kid. Then she told me, they (her husband and she) just revealed the news he was adopted and he wanted to know where he came from.
So they asked me if I was willing to do it, along with my ex. I explained to her the situation about my ex but I’d talk to her. As for me, I’d think about it.
To be honest, I had this feeling I wanted to do it, but I’m afraid at the same time.
He could judge me for leaving him or, I don’t know, the situation for whatever reason could be awkward. Anyway, I do want to know him. I got in contact with my ex and she agreed, she sounded excited about it.
So I talked about this with my wife (she already knew about the encounter with my son’s adoptive parent) and we are just a few steps away to set a date to meet the 3 of us.
However, my wife has been giving me the cold shoulder and even ignoring me a few times. Finally, I asked her what the problem was, and she was livid.
Apparently, I show a lot of excitement about this and she feels it’s not right. I already have a daughter and I shouldn’t be seeking him since I had already decided to leave him.
She essentially feels that I am putting our daughter aside and I am prioritizing my other son.
We had this argument and she decided to stay with my in-laws along with my daughter until I apologized.
My FIL called me to talk ‘man to man’ and told me the same as my wife did, so now I am the jerk to all of them.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Taking Back My Car From My Sister?
I (M 23) just finished my graduate degree abroad. Before leaving my sister (F 38) approached me about lending her my car, she mentioned that she could pay me monthly for the car as long as we agreed on a low payment.
Some background on my sister is that there is a lot of history of things going wrong with money between her and the rest of my family.
For example, she rented an apartment from my parents and lived for a year without paying rent. There have been other occasions of stealing money from me when I was younger or my parents. However, I felt that in recent years, she had changed. Also, her (then) ex had taken her car out of spite when they split up leaving her no way to get to work and two kids to feed by herself.
I spoke to my parents about lending her my car and they told me it wouldn’t be a good idea and they didn’t want to be put in the middle of it. I wanted to trust my sister and since we only agreed to $250/month plus insurance and maintaining the car I thought it was manageable for her.
It was supposed to be mutually beneficial.
We ended up writing up an agreement and mentioned there would be an option for her to buy my car if everything went well and I chose to sell it upon my return.
The first few months, everything was on time, until I noticed she hadn’t sent me anything.
She said she sent the payment and when I checked she had only sent $50. She promised she had sent the full amount. Eventually, she was consistently two months behind on payment. Then I found out that she had never paid for insurance, she made our mom pay for this promising she would pay her back.
Two months before returning to my country, I told my sister that our agreement wasn’t working and that I would be taking my car back when I returned home due to her not paying insurance, several unpaid tickets that my mom had paid, her not being consistent with payments and also not maintaining the car.
A fight ensued where she said I had been handed everything in life by my parents, and I would be responsible for her losing her job and not being able to feed her children.
She tried manipulating me into keeping the car but I said I will be taking it back. But I left the argument feeling as though I was the jerk for only giving her two months to figure out what she was going to do.
I got back a few days ago and my car was in bad shape. My dad had done the only maintenance on the car 6 months ago and my sister had not done anything since. The wheels were nearly smooth, no fuel in the tank, no coolant or wiper fluid, and the car desperately needed an oil change.
The car has significantly more miles since she drove a lot.
We agreed to meet to talk and settle our argument but she has canceled twice. We are supposed to meet in an hour and I hope she doesn’t cancel.
Am I the jerk for putting myself and my sister in a situation that I was warned about in the first place?”
5. AITJ For Keeping The Cat?
“A few years ago when my husband and I got married and got our first apartment together we were chatting with a group of friends about adopting a cat/kitten for the house since we both grew up with pets and it just doesn’t feel like a home without them.
A mutual acquaintance mentions she has a cat she’s looking to re-home since she’s moving back in with her parents and they won’t let her keep him. My husband and I say we’ll discuss it and think about it maybe meet the cat and see if he meshes well with us etc. Nothing else is really said about it and life goes on.
A few weeks later we bring our newborn son home and have a little get-together to celebrate our growing family, I get a message from a mutual acquaintance that she sees we’re having a get-together on social media and would like to stop by and has a gift for baby, we agree and send her our address and say we’ll see her soon.
She shows up with the cat, no carrier, no litter box, no food/bowls, nothing. Congratulates us on the baby and just LEAVES. My husband and I retreat to the bedroom to discuss the circumstances and while we’re both absolutely mad, this cat has attached itself to me and trying to crawl inside my shirt for some sense of safety, not sure if it was the hormones or my soft spot for unwanted things but ultimately we decided to keep him.
It’s been 6 years, she hasn’t spoken a word to us since dumping kitty, and other than the occasional social media post emoji reaction we have had no contact with her. She messaged me out of the blue suddenly asking about him and how he was doing. I tell her he’s doing great and a wonderful part of our family, she mentions she’s finally getting her own place again and wonders if we might give him back since she won’t be living with her parents anymore.
I tell her absolutely not. Six of seven years of this cat’s life has been with us, and we’ve got him completely covered vet care-wise, shots, neutered, chipped. He sleeps with our son nightly and they’ve always been together practically since our son was born. She tells me because our daughter is coming any day now I’ll be ‘too busy’ for kitty anyway and I need to give him back since he belonged to her first. I tell her to kick rocks.
Since then she has made several social media posts about how I have ‘stolen’ her cat and she never gave him to me and was only ever supposed to be in a temporary housing situation. Which I publicly called her out for how she dumped him on us SIX YEARS AGO. Social media is pretty split and I’ve gotten several messages saying I am a jerk and I should just give him back because of the new baby, or that she had him as a kitten so he’s ‘bonded’ with her better.”
4. AITJ For Letting My Husband Ruin Our Son's Engagement Dinner?
“My (45 F) husband (55 M) and I have a son who I’ll call Logan (22 M). Logan is engaged to his partner Jennie (27 F).
She was a regular at a grocery store where he worked as a cashier and Logan asked her out. The age difference and my son’s youth (since he’s only 22) bother me since he could get someone his own age as he’s very handsome.
Last weekend we were flown over by Jennie to her parents’ house for dinner to celebrate their engagement.
It was obvious that we were from two worlds. While Jennie is a polite girl she is a money-minded person. She works in a white-collar industry where she literally makes 8-9 times more than my husband does. She also has expensive taste. She clearly learned this from her parents. They live in an enormous house and make a lot of money.
They had maids. My husband and I are a lot more humble. He’s a veteran and works as a mechanic. I am a stay-at-home mom.
We started talking about our children’s childhoods. I hate to say it but Logan was a difficult child to raise. He cried very easily would always talk about ridiculous things and lied and hid things.
My husband told a story about how Logan failed the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) in high school but instead of telling the truth he ran away and hid at the playground. He was 17 at the time. Logan also was not allowed to join the military at 18 because of his low scores though he was physically fit.
Jennie’s father said that in Singapore where they are immigrants from all men had to join the military for 2 years and education was important. Jennie made a comment about how Singapore has a narrow definition of success.
My husband then JOKED that the only reason Logan wanted to marry Jennie was because she was rich and smart and he could coast with her wealth.
Logan told us how he planned to be a stay-at-home husband for Jennie even though they didn’t have/want kids.
Jennie’s parents were furious and immediately began to insult me and my family. Her mom said that they didn’t want their only child to marry a dumb golddigger plus some choice words about our family.
I yelled back at her and said my husband was right and they didn’t understand the value of hard work sitting in their chairs all day and Jennie should’ve realized that no 22-year-old good-looking boy would want to MARRY an older woman. She might be ready to settle down but he isn’t. We all left, with Logan and Jennie leaving separately.
My son called and asked why I would embarrass him like that. I told him we were being honest. He sounded teary and yelled at me. He said his life was miserable because of my husband. I admit my husband was strict but that was only because of what Logan did. I told Logan that it was his fault and that if he hadn’t been the way he is my husband would have been much laxer and that Logan would one day thank us for raising him.
Edit: Logan is not my husband’s biological son. My husband and I married at 30 and 40 when Logan was 7.”
3. AITJ For Thinking Of Breaking Up With My Partner Over Her Being Thirsty?
“Today I (28 M) have been told by my partner (24 F) that by telling her that if she is thirsty, maybe she should have water instead of juice.
She perceived my action of suggesting this as an attempt at controlling her because she normally drinks water most of the time.
She asked me while she was enjoying leftovers for breakfast if I could get her the jug of apple juice from the fridge because she was thirsty. I said that if she was thirsty, maybe she should have some water.
I suggested this because I have been told that thirst is the first sign of dehydration, and I care about her well-being.
This turned into a small argument about how the things we say make each other feel.
She insists that because she normally drinks water most of the time, that it was controlling of me to suggest she drink water instead of juice. She clarified by thirsty, she just meant that she wanted something to wet her mouth and compliment her meal, but to her, the misunderstanding does not excuse/negate the fact that she still thinks it was controlling of me to make the suggestion in the first place instead of asking a question in order to clarify.
She regularly insists that something I said or did was controlling when anything I ever do is only ever out of the best of intentions. I love her so much and it really stings when she says that my actions, which I feel are well-intended, come off as controlling.
This is getting to a point where I don’t know if I can continue to remain a part of our relationship because it feels like everything that I do seems to have a negative edge to it, and gets misconstrued and twisted into having some sinister ‘out to get you’ intent.
It is getting to a point where I don’t feel like I’m myself anymore because I have been getting very fed up and frustrated with this when it happens. We have been together for nearly 3 and a half years.
Am I the jerk for suggesting she drink water if she’s thirsty, OR would I be the jerk if I exited the relationship because I can’t stand being told anymore that my acts of kindness are being interpreted as being controlling?
I don’t WANT to end the relationship, but I feel like I’m noticing a change in myself – I used to express concern and interest when she had something to bring up, to now feeling anxious and annoyed when she wants to talk about how something I did made her feel like I wasn’t actually considering her or how she felt when that is most often the case.
I normally put her needs and wants above my own and when I get told that it feels like it’s something other than caring and kindness, it just hurts and I get frustrated.
Most often I still don’t understand why she has felt the way she has even after explaining her perspective. And that in itself is also frustrating because I want to see her point but in this case especially I just can’t seem to see how I was coming off as controlling.”
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Spending A Lot Of Time With Her Sick Friend At The Hospital?
“So my wife has a friend from childhood named ‘Anthony’.
I’m being completely honest here when I say that he and I don’t get along. It’s not like he is rude or disrespectful (nothing like that) but all I feel towards him is ‘annoyance’ sort of speak because of how much my wife sees him. He lives alone and now suffers from a medical condition (Cancer) that requires him to go to the hospital regularly to receive treatment.
I found out that my wife promised to go with him to his every chemo treatment as support. She said it’s a commitment she made to be there for him during this rough time since he has no one else besides him.
Okay… I had no issue with that at first but then this started affecting me.
For example, I can’t go see my friends because I have to stay with my son on X day so my wife can be with Anthony for his treatment etc, etc. I’ve talked to her about it but she said that Anthony needs company and that she’s just being supportive and this is when he needs her the most.
I let it go but last week was just kind of my last straw. Anthony had another chemo session treatment and my wife wanted to go with him and asked me to stay home with our son. I told her I had a meet-up with my mom and sister to eat lunch and that I wouldn’t be home.
She said she needed to go be with him and I kind of flipped out at her and said that she doesn’t ‘need’ to be with him and could literally go see him at home the next day or something. She threw a fit and called me cruel for forcing her to leave Anthony by himself since she’s all he has and that I was making her look bad.
She also said my appointment with mom and sister wasn’t as important as a chemo session but I decided to just leave to end the argument.
She ended up staying at home but kept ignoring me when I got back calling me selfish for not letting her be there to support Anthony with what he’s going through.
Some of her friends think I’m being a controlling jerk with no consideration for Anthony and what he’s going through.
AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Telling The Manager To Fire An Employee For Stealing Leftovers?
“My (27 F) husband’s of 3 years’ father is an entrepreneur who, among his businesses in numerous industries, has several sandwich shops spread out throughout two states.
Last year, my husband and his dad opened a new location, and he and I were put in charge of being the ultimate decision-makers regarding day to day operations of that location.
My husband is the one with an MBA but he has his hands full managing properties that his dad owns so I’ve been the one who pays the most attention to details.
While I trust the manager we hired, I sometimes go through the security camera footage of the store for extra assurance purposes.
My husband never has the time to do so, but I can easily do so.
Our shop is not open on Sundays so the inventory that we have has to be thrown out because it cannot be served on Monday.
The other day I realized that on one Saturday night, an employee who regularly closed was throwing out meats but would shove bread into a bag and presumably take it home.
Another employee saw this happen and never reported it.
I ended up confronting the other employee first, who has been here longer. She admitted it was true but that she thought because it was peanuts compared to the bread and meats being thrown out this was somebody just trying to feed themselves.
I confronted the employee who did it and she said she was sorry but she was a single mom and that she thought it was going in the trash anyway.
She also said that she wasn’t making enough to not qualify for food stamps but that it was still not enough with a growing child and she often had to skip meals.
I left that meeting angry that the employee didn’t seem to understand she was essentially stealing. I called the manager and said that he should have made it clear that stealing was unacceptable and to fire her.
He seemed dismayed and said that we should give her a warning and give her a chance to not do it again. But I was honestly done with it because we pay well for what she does and she cannot say her issues entitled her to get away with this. AITJ?”
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