People Want To Face Reality In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To House My Stepbrother While Agreeing To House My Sisters?
“For some context, I’m 25M, my parents never got married but they had my twin sisters ”A” and ”B” 17 years ago. My dad married Lysa 10 years ago, and she has two boys (”C” 17 and 14).
Lysa only has a brother but they don’t talk anymore.
I’m not close to my dad after he shunned me at 20 for telling him I was bi, he came by a year after and apologized, but the relationship was never the same. His wife wasn’t any better, she was always all over me telling me that her friends had single daughters, that I was good looking and it wouldn’t be a problem until my mom went there and made her stop.
C was a little jerk too, but I don’t hold anything against him because he was a kid, repeating everything he heard from my dad and step-mom. He also developed a crush on B but it was one-sided and eventually made her feel uncomfortable because you could see he had feelings for her and she didn’t like how close he was to her personal space (ie.
bedroom, clothes, etc). With all of this, I was hoping for the day my sisters turned 18 so they could finally be free from my dad and I didn’t have to see him anymore, the twins asked me if they could move in with me for uni and I said yes.
A few weeks ago my dad visited me with his wife. They told me that the twins said they’re moving in with me and ”proposed” a deal, he would upgrade my 2bd apartment to a 3 or 4bd if I housed my sisters and my step-brother because they’re attending the same uni.
I said no, because as much as I cherished the boy, I don’t have a strong bond with him, he’s not my responsibility and B is entitled to her privacy and to be comfortable in her living space. His wife accused me of ”being weird” because I agreed to live with my two FEMALE sisters, but was rejecting her boy.
I saw red and I demanded they leave immediately, my dad asked me to think about it and I yelled that I was not gonna house C and to not come back.
At night he sent me a long message saying how disappointed he was that I was playing favorites and that I was a bad brother and blablabla, I’m not sorry, but maybe I should’ve handled it differently and I was wondering if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you know why your stepbrother’s a creep? Bc his mom is creepy too. For her to imply anything more bc you are housing your SISTERS is beyond gross. You are not obligated to house her kid and you can play favorites if you want.
They’re your siblings and you’re not close to your stepbrother. He also has been creeping on his STEP SISTER. She deserves an environment where she is safe and has peace.” Fun-Tourist-7395
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – C is creepy and you are right to want your sister to have a comfortable living space.
Your father’s wife is the messed up one for accusing you of inappropriateness. You are, of course, playing favorites. The twins are your sisters but C is your dad’s wife’s kid who can’t leave your sister alone. That your dad refuses to see how uncomfortable C makes your sister makes it all the more important you provide the twins with a safe haven.” Oldgamerlady
21. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister's Kids After Her Son Lied About Me?
“My sister is a single mother with 2 children. An 11, and 7 year old. The 7-year-old is a boy while the other 1 is a girl.
She works a lot and doesn’t have a lot of resources to afford babysitting, so I started watching her kids for her for free.
There was an incident one day where the 7-year-old had gotten mad at me because I wouldn’t let him jump on the couch.
I explained to him he could get hurt, and he threw a tantrum. Which was normal, it’s what young kids do. Well around the time my sister gets home he starts suddenly bawling his eyes out and running towards her. I’m confused, as he was just fine a second ago but followed behind him to greet her.
He immediately starts on a rant about how I had a man in the house, and how neither he or his sister had eaten at all that day. My sister was rightfully upset and started asking questions. I shook my head, said he was lying, and that she had cameras so we should probably sit down and watch them.
She said no, and that I needed to go before she called the police.
So I left. A few hours later she calls me and apologizes, saying she watched the footage and saw no man enter the house at all, and that she had seen that her son had refused to eat the dinner I made them.
She asked when could I come by next, as she hoped I understood the misunderstanding, but I said I would no longer be babysitting for her.
She said that he’s just 7, and that kids lie all the time but I still refused. We went back and forth over the phone insulting each other, and that was that.
Our mother thinks I’m being ridiculous for being mad at a kid, but it’s more than that. I could’ve gotten in trouble if the police had shown up and he was saying what he said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ most seven-year-olds wouldn’t lie to that severity.
His mother is allowing him to manipulate her and even threatened you with the police. She has already shown she will take his word over yours, so there is no reason you should watch him again. NTJ.” lilliamos60
Another User Comments:
“So I started reading this and immediately assumed you were being too sensitive for this 7-year-old child lying.
And then I got to this: “She said no, and that I needed to go before she called the police.” At that point, it was a clear NTJ. But your title is misleading. You’re not refusing to babysit because her son lied. You’re refusing to babysit because she didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt when there was a clear-cut way of proving your innocence.
But more importantly, why would she want somebody to babysit for her that she thinks would not feed her children all day? It’s not her son’s behavior that’s the issue here. It’s hers. (I mean there’s something else going on for a 7-year-old to make up that big of a story.
But also he seems to know that he can make up a story and his mother’s going to default to believing him. That’s a little scary.) Forgive the 7-year-old but don’t forgive the adult, your sister.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m going to be blunt.
That kid needs to stop lying like that. Because either he’s going to get someone in trouble who’s going to sue his family into bankruptcy or he’ll suffer the “Crying Wolf” result where nobody believes him because he lied too much until finally something DOES happen.
She needs to fix her kid and realize she will have ZERO people willing to look after her kids, especially with her attitude. Also if she cons somebody else into babysitting, give them a heads up.” Maleficent_Ad_3958
20. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Christmas With My Family Instead Of My Husband's?
“My husband (28M) and I (25F) have been going to his parents’ house every year for Christmas since we started being together.
It was fine because my brother and dad work weird four days on four days off shifts so we would often do Christmas on a different day than the actual holiday so I was free to go to his parents’ house. But this year my dad and brother are both off on Christmas Day and I have my son for Christmas this year (I have to alternate holidays with his father).
Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year because my love language is gift-giving, it gives me an excuse to go crazy for my loved ones. I was so excited to find out I get my son and dad and brother off for the holiday.
I couldn’t have been happier. I was talking to my husband about holiday plans tonight and he said he wanted my family to do it on Christmas Eve so we could spend Christmas at his mom’s house and I said I wanted to spend it with my family since we go to his every year and he protested.
His mom doesn’t like me basically she thinks her son could have done better because I have tattoos and piercings, she likes my son and buys him Christmas gifts but doesn’t play or engage with him so he would be sat on a couch on Christmas Day not able to run around and play and I hate that for him.
I told my husband all of this and said it’s not fair to him that on Christmas he has to sit on the couch all day bored when he could be with people that play with him and in a place he could run around.
I told him I don’t want to stop him from seeing his parents on Christmas and I’m fine if he wants to go there instead of my parents’ house and I could meet him there later but he’s opposed to every option.
I don’t know how this argument is going to end but I don’t just want to give in because this is important to me. I need to know if I was being selfish and need to just let it go so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. Stuff like this should 100% be give and take, so the time to go to your family is long overdue. It would probably have been good to have discussed it after last year’s Christmas, however.” lamapeloeza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t argue. What’s the point?
Have your son, father, and brother over to your home. If your husband chooses to go to his mother’s then you know he will always choose her. That is not a marriage.” Flaky_Ad194
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is being incredibly selfish. At the very least you should alternate holidays.
It’s even worse that your MIL doesn’t treat you well. If my parents didn’t treat my husband well, I wouldn’t force him to spend ANY holidays together with them, much less ALL of them.” BookLuvr7
Good luck. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Despite Noise Complaints From Our Downstairs Neighbor?
“My partner and I moved into a new apartment a few months ago.
Our first week there, the landlord called to tell us she had received a noise complaint from our neighbor who lives on the floor below us, saying that there were a lot of loud thuds coming from our apartment. We were building furniture and moving boxes, but I assured her that we were pretty much done moving in and that there would not be “moving noises” coming from our apartment anymore.
This weekend, as I was doing some chores (at 11:00 a.m.), vacuuming, doing dishes, cleaning litter boxes, and watering plants, our neighbor started banging on their ceiling (our floor). Sure, I was having to step on and off a chair to reach the plants, but I was not stomping or jumping on the floor.
To be fair, the walls and floors are thin. We can hear our neighbors above us, who like to play music really loud. But we understand this is just a side-effect of apartment living. It’s not like you can expect silence.
My partner and I are quiet, respectful, and considerate.
We would never go out of our way to be extra loud and annoy our neighbors (although this lady makes me want to buy a trampoline to bounce on at all hours of the day). She submitted another noise complaint about us to our landlady last week as well.
I really can’t understand what her problem is. My partner and I both work 60-hour work weeks so we are never home, and if we are, we are working quietly on our computers most of the time. It is almost as if she would prefer that we don’t exist. But since I cannot grant that request, I don’t know what to do.
Are we the jerks in this situation? I cannot imagine that our day-to-day life can be bothering this lady as much as she insists.
Our landlord asked us if we were willing to move, but I don’t think we are. This is her problem, and if she needs complete silence, then she should move.
We have lived in apartments for about 5 years now and have never received a noise complaint before. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The woman has unreasonable expectations. Watering plants and vacuuming at 11.00 am can hardly be considered a noise nuisance. You should ask if the landlord received complaints about previous tenants from her.
Point out your work hours and the fact you are almost never home and your right to reasonable enjoyment of your home and hygiene.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People seem to expect home living from an apartment lifestyle, but the fact remains that sometimes human beings live above other human beings.
Human beings of any size contain a great deal of water. That water has weight. These facts assure an amount of above-head noise from people who choose to live in an apartment below other humans – no matter how considerate. Hang in there. Live your life.
Your landlady is just as annoyed by that woman as you are, and that’s apartment living sometimes. But you’re not in the wrong. You just live in an upstairs apartment with a wacko below you.” SucculentEmpress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The noise that is coming from your apartment is normal use of living noise, and you need to direct your landlord to tell this lady to stop harassing you with illegitimate false report complaints.
Noise will be heard. Footsteps and movement will be heard in older buildings. Music and food smells will be a part of this. You aren’t having loud parties on the regular nor are you up early or late doing loud things. You work 60 hours a week, so she’s going to have to get over it.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Her Lack Of Contribution To Our Research Group?
“My friend and I are both seniors in college, going into Med school next year, and both a part of a pretty hard-to-get-into research group. The research group is pretty demanding, but our advisor has been very lenient with people missing days of experimentation for valid reasons.
However, she has come to none of them. The first few times she said she had a headache, then she said it’s because she didn’t have a car, but when I offered to drive her she went back to having a headache (I should mention our research site is about 30 min away).
But this last time she said she bruised her pinky toe and couldn’t walk (but she walked to class that day).
Everyone in the research is frustrated with her because despite not contributing anything at all, she still gets to be a “contributing author” when we are published. So I told her that she needs to take some pain pills if it’s that bad and pony up.
She tried to make me feel bad by telling me how the “nurse” who x-rayed her said that she should stay off of it, and showed me a pic of her toe bruise, and there literally wasn’t one. So I just straight up told her that everybody is dealing with things but we’ve all made it to at least some experimentation and that at this point no one feels bad for her because she’s always so full of excuses.
She started getting really upset with me and said I was gaslighting her and that I “would never understand” the pain she’s in (though I made it out to the research site on crutches with a torn PCL and meniscus). I feel kinda bad that she was upset, but everyone has just been talking about her behind her back and I didn’t want to do that.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You as a group need to talk to your advisor and the person who is in charge of the research. She should be removed as an author for doing none of the work.” GlitteringPaint899
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and nurses don’t do x-rays.
Tell her to buddy tape it and pull her weight. And honestly, it’s nonsense that she gets to ride the coattails of all of you that are working your rear off for this!” hbm32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – get her removed from the author list. Off the project.
I can’t stand people who do this. I’m annoyed because if she actually graduates med school – I and others have to work with her. Those are the MDs who are a pain in a department and wonder why their staff quit. Then my staff are upset having to help her do her job.
You know she’s going to flake on call and will not check our inboxes when she’s assigned.” stuckinnowhereville
17. AITJ For Not Comforting My Ex After His Parents' Death?
“Well it seems staying single after the last relationship disaster hit me a while back hasn’t been enough to stop the craziness for me this year. But I need feedback from you guys because I’m unsure as to whether I handled this situation correctly or not.
Allow me to explain, please.
A couple of years ago, I had been involved with an abusive ex. More specifically, I had been with him for 3 years and ended up finding out he had been unfaithful for about half of that time. I broke up with him about a year before I met my last ex and he moved out of my house.
I ended up hearing from friends that he was painting me as basically this Disney villain who drove him into the beds of all these girls he was unfaithful with. No one believed him and he ended up isolating himself from the friend group because people really didn’t like the way he handled things as far as being unfaithful and with the breakup.
Anyway, it was all just a mess and I haven’t heard from him since.
Well, I’ve just come to find out that his parents recently died in a horrible car accident. It’s a shame, they were very good people. I enjoyed the time I spent around them and they treated me well.
They died about 6 days ago.
My friends have been telling me over the past few days that he was asking about me and saying he wishes he could be with me and talk to me about the loss and apologize.
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a darn.” – Rhett Butler
I don’t buy the nonsense. This isn’t about him being sincerely remorseful about anything. This is him wanting to manipulate me into emotionally supporting him through this. His parents dying is terrible and I’m sure that’s awful to deal with, but it is firmly his problem, not mine.
I told my friends this and they said they’d soften it but make sure he knows I’m not the one he should be calling or coming to.
And that should be the end of it, right? Lol nope! I feel like this guy has always refused to recognize boundaries when it came to me.
And that clearly hasn’t changed one single darn bit given his last stunt.
So early this morning he came over to my house crying and apologizing and begging on my porch. I thought about what I’d say but everything was going to be needlessly cruel so I just shut the door and he screamed so loud and for so long my neighbors called the police.
I didn’t get in trouble or anything but it was embarrassing and I had to deal with explaining things to them (it sure was fun explaining the context of him saying his parents were dead and crying on my porch while banging on my door).
Yay!
So in case anyone is confused about the timeline:
I had been with this guy for three years, broke up with him, and then after around a year of being single had gotten with my last ex who I was with for around a year and just broke up not too long ago.
And then all this nonsense happened recently. Capeesh?
So what’s my verdict from the AITJ jury?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You closed that door for a reason. May his parents rest in peace, but you are not the one who will ever be there for him after the way he treated you.” from_the_wrld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t have anyone in his life that is an adult so he is desperate to get back with the one person he knows is mature enough to get him through this grief. unfortunately, that person is his ex who wants nothing to do with him.
Do not open the door or communicate with him. Just call the police when he shows up next time. But most importantly, don’t badmouth him to everyone. Be empathetic but clear in your boundaries.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“Yep, some men will use any tragedy in their lives as a ploy to get physical. A while back I had a co-worker who was getting divorced ask me to “be there for him,” i.e. be with him, and I was even engaged at the time.
Another co-worker tried to use his father’s death in a freak accident to get me to leave my partner and be with him, and in high school, a classmate used the death of his dog to try to get me to comfort him, i.e. be with him.
Some people are just flat-out shameless, and you shouldn’t feel bad about keeping yourself safe from this person. NTJ.” MizWhatsit
16. AITJ For Being Upset After My Partner Overspent During Our Celebration Night?
“I (28m) have been seeing my partner (29f) for about 8 months. Very recently she received a major promotion from her work. This was highly competitive and she didn’t expect to get it and she was naturally very excited when she got it.
When she came over and told me about it I told her “That is so awesome. I’m taking you out tonight to celebrate; my treat.”
We first went out to a casual but sort-of nice and sort-of expensive local seafood restaurant to eat. She not only ordered just about the most expensive thing on the menu but also a really expensive dessert.
OK, fine; no problem. I kind of feel as if most people would’ve been a bit more modest but whatever.
However, after dinner we went out to a bar to have a drink. We were going to have just one or two and then go home.
However her friends ended up showing up and it turned into a bit of a party. She ordered her friends several rounds of expensive shots (the particular shot they were doing included Crown Royal) which was about $40 per round. The night left me broke and I had to put my groceries and bills for the next couple of weeks on a credit card.
I didn’t say anything to her that night because she was in a great mood and I didn’t want to kill her buzz, but the next day I did mention to her how I thought that she got a little carried away and shouldn’t have spent so much of my money.
After a little back and forth it turned into a big fight wherein she ended up throwing literal cash at me to “pay me back.” I told her that I didn’t want her money; just that I didn’t appreciate being taken advantage of.
I know that I offered to treat her to a night out on me, but I think most people would hold themselves back a little more under those circumstances than she did.
Am I off in that thinking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regarding the friends’ drinks. You offered to treat her, not her friends. However, the restaurant situation you sound really unreasonably annoyed about.” Inept_13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were paying for drinks for her friends which you never offered to.
The whole throwing cash at you is definitely not okay, and is quite demeaning actually.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The restaurant part…it’s a part of relationship life, she isn’t always going to order a salad. Come on, that’s reasonable. But rounds on you, unacceptable.
Hard no, and as someone who’s been invited to be part of a situation similar to that, I have been uncomfortable, and declined.” Different-Secret
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My Step-Dad's Last Name After Adoption?
“My (16F) mom and my dad (stepdad, but I see him as my dad) had been married for 3 years, however, they’ve been together my whole life.
My biological father’s in jail now and won’t get out until I turn 20, at least. I don’t hold any sweet feeling toward him, he’s only a biological donor and he’s pretty much a messed-up guy. However I like his last name, I like how it sounds and it’s something that I’ve been able to make my own, my favorite actress and I share the same last name and it’s pretty awesome for me.
I like to paint, digital and traditional and I sign my pieces with my last name, I sell them locally and digitally, that’s how everyone calls me too, even when my biological father is not part of my life, his last name is something that basically shaped me and I really don’t mind it.
A few months ago my mom and my dad came to me and said that my dad wanted to officially adopt me, that it’ll benefit me not only mentally but financially too, and that we could get the papers soon. I obviously said yes and my mother called me ”OP (Dad’s last name).” I smiled and asked if I could keep my last name, my mom got angry and asked why in the world would I want to have THAT last name since my biological father has never done anything for me.
I said that while it was true, I have a reputation regarding that name and that I liked it, I obviously love my dad way, way more, but keeping my last name is something I really want.
My dad got sad but said that it was fine, that he understood, and that I didn’t need to have his last name to be his daughter, however, my mom said that it was unacceptable and that I had to take my dad’s last name immediately, that I was a brat for refusing the love and support of a real man and that I owed it to him.
My dad told her that it was fine but she kept insisting and I told her that my last name was something that belonged to me, not my biological father, and that if my dad and I were okay with that, then keeping it wasn’t an issue, but she said that if I didn’t take his last name then it had no point.
I said okay and kept doing homework which ended up upsetting her more.
She sent me to my room and didn’t let me come down to dinner, she brought me my plate and told me that as long as I didn’t want to be family then I couldn’t get down and eat with them, she’s making me feel guilty and said that I was keeping it for the most stupid reasons.
she told me that I had until the end of the year to decide what I really wanted and that if I don’t take his last name then there’ll be no adoption. I haven’t eaten dinner with them since July and I’m starting to feel pressured.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you and your dad already agreed then she shouldn’t be forcing you. It sounds like she’s projecting the resentment for your birth father onto you even though you’ve been clear the attachment to the last name isn’t attachment to the birth father.” knotthemessenger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can adopt you and you keep your last name. It’s not a big deal, but your mother is sure making it out to be one. You’ve been that name your entire life. Do not allow her to guilt you into changing your mind.
You have every right to keep your name. And if she forces it, just remind her that when you turn 18 you can change it right back. Also, your stepdad seems really cool. Here’s hoping he can talk some sense into your mother.” KTB1962
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is being manipulative AT BEST. If she keeps this up, it’s a darn good way to ruin your relationship with her once you’re an adult.” VictorianPlatypus
14. AITJ For Doing Chores Late At Night And Bothering My Husband?
“My (45) Husband and I (36) both work full time. We have four kids (13, 10, 7, 5) – all in school.
My four kids and I also train in competitive martial arts together every evening at the local dojo. Two of the sessions are just for me (adults only) but the rest I take with my kids since I’m already there.
My husband is great at staying home with whichever kid isn’t in a class at the moment – which amounts to about a couple of hours in the evening and my oldest and I get home around 9.
Before I leave for class, I do my best to make sure that homework is done, dinner is already made and ready for kids and husband to eat, and then I do bedtime when I get home.
The problem is that with our schedules, the only time I have left to tackle chores like laundry, dishes, and general housekeeping is after everyone is in bed. After almost a decade of trying to enlist my husband to take on some of the tasks, I’m just done.
He will do it if I ask/beg but only once, or maybe for a week before he stops. And he does such an inadequate job that I have to redo them anyway. I don’t think I’m that picky – but I’m talking about sweeping (but the piles don’t get swept into the trash, just piles that the kids and pets step on and track all over), dishes (but not rinsing first so food is caked on even after dishwasher – or else still greasy), bedtime (he ends up falling asleep before kids), laundry (every load is mixed, overfilled, and put on high temp speed wash with not enough detergent).
I finally just told him to stop – clearly he doesn’t want to help and when he does it’s just extra work for me. As aggravating as it is, it’s easier for me to get it done the right way the first time.
I am not naturally good at housekeeping nor do I enjoy it either – but I do not have the option to just let things slide as we have four kids who would suffer if I did. It’s not ideal but it is what it is.
Anyway, the past month has been crazy. I work at the high school and I love my job and my students. But it’s been a long month. I spend my days breaking up fights in hallways and classrooms (I float in the school), and dealing with kids in crisis.
I need my training sessions at night just as a way to maintain my mental health. It’s been harder to keep on top of the house so I’ve been up until midnight washing dishes and doing laundry.
My kids are all sound sleepers and my husband has been too.
But he’s been caught up in some show on his phone so I guess he’s not fully asleep by the time I get to chores and now he’s upset because I’ve kept him up “clattering around the house” when he has to be up early.
To clarify – we both leave the house at the same time and I have to get the kids ready on top of that.
He does have a very physical job though, so I can see that I could be the jerk by making him more tired for his job.
But I also do not know what more I can do at this point. I’m not trying to make excess noise, we just have a small house.”
Another User Comments:
“Hooo boy. First off, NTJ. Your husband sounds like an entitled jerk. The absolute nerve of him to whine you kept him up when you’re cleaning up your family’s mess and should be sleeping yourself.
He needs to step up and do chores. What does he actually do when he is at home with the kids? Sit on his butt?! Not acceptable in a partnership. I refuse to believe he is that incompetent about the chores—he’s doing them poorly so you just say never mind.
I’d also start having the kids do chores —the right way— they are all old enough to help and/or learn in some capacity. This is not sustainable for you! Even if it means once a week the whole family pitches in to clean, or everyone dedicates one hour to a task and you have to check it quickly once they are done.” TypicalNefariousness
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He may have a physical job, but you’re pulling a lot of weight too. He can’t complain about you taking the time to do things he clearly doesn’t want to do. Does he even have a compromise in mind?
I agree with the other comments. Start teaching your kids some basic chores so they don’t turn out like dear old dad.” AceSquirrelDesigns
The next time he crabs about you doing laundry after he goes to bed, dump the latest load fresh out of the dryer on him and tell him to start folding. Don't negotiate, don't argue, just dump. Do that often enough and he'll get the message. If he doesn't, tell him you're hiring a maid but he's paying for it. End of story. Enough of that high school teenage crap. You're not his mommy, and he needs to help take care of his children.
13. AITJ For Telling A New Student There's No Snow Days In Florida?
“So I (17F) was in class yesterday in South Florida and I was in a mixed class that has sophomores through seniors.
During our class, one girl (15) who just moved down to Florida during the summer (not sure which state, but I know she said it bordered Canada, so A REALLY COLD ONE) was complaining about our heat. It’s 85F right now which is our usual October weather and feels great after the 3/4 months of dry 95F+.
She was whining about how she was so ready for a snow day and didn’t see how we would get one soon.
Now for anyone who does not know, IT DOESN’T SNOW IN FLORIDA, like there’s more of a chance it snows in Hawaii than in South Florida.
The top of our state might get less than a quarter inch every other year, but the last time it snowed in this part of Florida was 40 years ago for 25mins and a lot of people said it didn’t even hit the ground before melting.
So I spoke up and told her “there’s no such thing as snow days here and Christmas will most likely be 70F like it always is.” This girl had a shocked Pikachu face and then started sobbing. The teacher comes over and this girl starts yelling that I was making her bad day even worse???
(cue my shocked Pikachu face) and I guess all her emotions about her move just got dumped on me in front of the class, like how she misses all her cool friends, and looking forward to a random day of no school was what kept her going, and now she has nothing in life thanks to me??
It was a lot and the teacher took her out of class and down to the office and left the TA in charge.
My friends were telling me she was crazy but some of her friends that were in the class said I was a jerk because she was just venting and I didn’t need to speak up, and she would have just found out in a month or two it doesn’t snow here.
I feel like a jerk because this girl was crying so much and I thought she was on the verge of a panic attack.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah…no. I’m from the northern climes, along the border of Canada. We know that it doesn’t snow in Florida.
Why, because in general, we go south in the winter to get away from the snow. And if we aren’t rich enough to get away, we jealously live through our friends who do. But what clinched it was claiming it had been a DRY heat for 3/4 of the year.
It’s Florida. It is never dry and definitely not dry during the summer (or 3/4) of the year you’re claiming.” VonShtupp
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You didn’t know how she’d react and it’s common sense. But she might just be really missing home right now and struggling.” casey4190
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sounds like this needed to happen so she could come to terms with the move. Now that she’s been made aware of the absence of snow days she can start complaining about something else.” Front_Thought_9988
12. AITJ For Choosing To Bury My Dad Next To His Parents Instead Of My Late Mom?
“For context – My dad is ill and my siblings and I (late 40s) are preparing for dad’s death. He has a progressive disease that is at the end stage.
He also had a severe infection a month ago that put him in congestive heart failure which we are struggling to keep under control. He has a DNR (do-not-resuscitate) and his body cannot withstand any surgery.
Our mom passed away about 20 years ago. She and dad had a very tremulous relationship.
Just before mom was diagnosed with cancer both of them were talking about divorce. Dad dropped the idea and cared for her till the end.
Dad was in his late 50s and moved on as best he could. He never remarried. Never wanted to remarry.
He did go out with a woman for a good 12 years till they split up a few years ago.
Dad has always told us he wanted to lay with his parents when he passes. He owns plots next to them as well as plots next to mom.
He bought them in the ’80s.
Moving on. When dad had this major infection it was clear he wasn’t going to get better. All of us siblings talked about making any prior arrangements we could so we don’t have to deal with it when the time comes.
We all live in different states and dad would need to be transported. Our aunt, mom’s sister, chimes in and says dad will be next to mom. Not only was it right, but he has to. She has caused quite a stir and is super angry that we won’t consider putting dad next to mom.
We know we will honor what dad wants but I am worried we are wrong for doing this. Our religion doesn’t have any specific rules for this, so that’s not a concern. The aunt keeps calling us each and yelling at us that we are not doing the right thing, that she will fight us etc etc.
We are most concerned that she will cause so much drama and uproar at the funeral that it will make this so much harder than it already is.
Are we the jerk for laying dad with his parents (his wishes) rather than with his late wife?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Explain to your aunt that your dad’s wishes were to be buried next to his parents. If she can’t respect that she’s the jerk. Sorry but she already sounds like one anyway.” EffectiveApricot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His body, his rules.
She has no say in the matter. However: Get it in writing. Notarize it, which should be fairly simple given all the stuff you are likely getting set up. That way there’s no way for her to do anything at all.” Dagordae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you always do what the person asked for in life. Your dad wants to be with his parents so let him. I know we’ll have similar pushback from family when one of my parents passes. They both want to be cremated and that’s against the family religion.
My brother and I will be respecting what our parents want the same way I hope what I want will be respected.” ___B____
11. AITJ For Defending My Alternative Hair And Casual Dress During A Video Conference?
“I (32F) work from home as a recruiter. My industry is pretty niche. It’s a common job, but I have to be very careful about recruiting with state and federal regulations. I’ve got it down, and in my position, I don’t really do video conferences.
I make a ton of calls, but candidates do not see me. It’s also worth mentioning I’m the only WFH employee, but I signed on to be WFH from the beginning and accepted a lower pay rate for the convenience. Owner and I are both pleased with the agreement.
The company owner called an impromptu all-hands meeting this morning, and I replied that I’d be on screen in 5 minutes. I didn’t elaborate, owner said it would be fine and sent me the meeting invite. I put on a blouse without explicit phrases all over it, grabbed slacks in case I misjudged the camera angle, and tossed on some eyeliner and lip gloss for good measure.
The office is business casual (mostly), so I made sure I was also business casual on screen. The big exception is my brightly colored alternative haircut/style. I was hired with brightly colored hair and the owner has no problem with it because it’s always styled acceptably and I maintain the color.
He doesn’t even balk at face tattoos (I have none but other employees do).
Afterward, I received a message from our payroll clerk through Teams that my appearance was unprofessional. I should have been dressed and ready for a meeting at any time, my (naturally curly) hair should have been straightened, and I need to dye it a natural color.
Failure to do so would violate my contract and I’ll be fired.
I let her know that my appearance is approved by the owner, I’m not a contract employee, I was dressed appropriately and what I wear in my own home outside of video conferences is none of her concern.
She does not have the authority to reprimand or fire me, and in the future, she should not message me unless it is directly related to work.
I did advise the owner and he approved of what I said, but she’s then circulated my message around the office and I’ve been contacted multiple times about saying things more politely and being more understanding and told a few times that my hair really is inappropriate.
I thought I was being firm but not rude, and I don’t want to stop with hair colors, but now I’m second-guessing myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Owner approved your hair. He’s the only approval you need. Everyone needs to mind their business.
What is the deal with your coworker? First she oversteps her authority and then she circulates your response? Is she trying to get fired for bullying? Also, she expects curly-haired people to straighten their hair? WHAT?” allsilentqs
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ, especially as you have the owner’s buy-in.
But I feel the need to mention this: “she’s then circulated my message around the office and I’ve been contacted multiple times about saying things more politely and being more understanding, and told a few times that my hair really is inappropriate.” This sounds incredibly close to bullying, and you’d be well within your rights to take this to HR or your manager if you feel comfortable doing so.” Anovadea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to tell the owner that the payroll party pooper is harassing you by sending your email to her out and getting other people to bully you on her behalf. Make it clear you are expecting the owner to raise the issue with her so that this stops.
Everything you said was completely right and the payroll lady is just butthurt that you called her out for overreaching and attempting to exert power over you.” Cat_got_ya_tongue
10. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My Land To Fund My Daughter's Husband's Medical Treatment?
“My daughter (26) is adopted. She started meeting her bio family after she had her son 3 years ago. I never went against her decision to have her bio family in her life. I’ve always encouraged her to give them a chance, especially her bio mom.
But I noticed I was being gradually pushed to the side. Not just me but the family too. No more Sunday dinners, no more trips, no more pictures, and not even weekly phone calls like we used to have.
I figured she was busy being a mom and she confirmed that but her social media page showed me otherwise.
There were tons of pictures of her visiting her bio family and tons of pictures with my grandson. I realized she was making excuses to skip family time with us to be with her bio family more. Whenever her dad and I brought this up with her she’d turn it into an argument in which she’d call us too sensitive or too jealous or not giving her space to get to know her bio family better.
We had one big argument and she never spoke again after she said no matter how much love and eagerness we show her, her bio family’s love is greater and more natural.
She stayed gone for months until her husband Thomas, who’s been struggling with a heart condition, got worse.
He is in the end stage of heart failure and is required to have an LVAD (left ventricular assist device) implant but my daughter cannot afford it. Lately, she’s been coming over a lot to talk about Thomas’ condition. We do what we can to comfort her but she brought up the piece of land we have for my 14-year-old son’s education.
I refused to even have this conversation but she kept pushing for us to sell the land and help her get the device. I said I was sorry but that will go to her brother who sees me and her dad as his parents and isn’t willing to replace us like she did and told her to go ask her bio family for the money.
She was shocked and said that she couldn’t believe how conditional my love for her was and that I care more about being petty than my grandson’s future with both parents, not a widowed mother. She started crying calling us unsupportive and that this is the time we show her we’re truly family instead of showing conditional love and acting petty at her husband’s expense.
I said I’m sorry about Thomas but that is all I had to say. She left and we haven’t heard from her since then.
My husband says Thomas and our grandson are innocent and maybe we should help out now and then settle our conflict later but that is a lot of money that I feel I’m not obligated to give even without the whole drama from her bio family.
I’m upset but I don’t resent my daughter as she’s struggling with a lot but at this point I feel like she’s only keeping us around for money given that we paid for many things in the past while her bio family did nothing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s the one showing “conditional” love and if “bio family’s love is greater and more natural” then why aren’t they paying? I want to be really petty and say that greater and more natural love wasn’t enough for them to keep her and raise her but I know that’s a low blow.
At this point, I would not sell the land and give her money. She has shown that she only wants money now, so it’s on her to figure it out. Most states have some form of welfare/social services to help gravely ill people so she should explore that option.
I feel very sad for you and your grandson. You loved her and raised her and now your relationship has been reduced to a transactional state. She really should be ashamed of herself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Why do I get the feeling that if you had given her the money she would continue to ignore you and your family?
And if you asked her about it she would have gone off on you for daring to think you could buy a relationship with her? NTJ. She chose to push you and your family, the family that raised her, to the side to be ignored until she needed something from you, so that she could be with her bio family, the people who gave her up.” AmazingDoomslug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry OP. That’s a painful place to be in. You said she literally placed her bio family’s love over yours in terms of degree and authenticity. She made clear how much she values you and all the time she spent in your lives, so it shouldn’t be an issue if you value a loyal son over a benefit-weighing daughter.
Support her, but not at the expense of your son’s education and future. There’s no guarantee she will extend any kindness or support to him when the time comes if you help her over him now.” AustralopithecusDO
9. AITJ For Refusing To Get My Imprisoned Sister New Glasses?
“My sister “Jane” is in prison for conning an elderly woman out of almost everything she owned.
Jane called me a few days back and said another prisoner stole and broke her glasses. The prison has arranged to get her new ones but it normally takes a few weeks for them to arrive.
Jane has a super high prescription so she simply can’t manage that long without glasses. She’s been transferred to the prison’s healthcare unit because she can’t function day-to-day with such bad eyesight.
Jane said she wants me to go to her place, find an old pair, and then visit the prison after Christmas and bring them in.
She also wants me to get a pair made in her preferred brand/design frames, with the thinnest possible lenses. The “prison glasses” she’ll be getting are generic frames and because the prison wants to spend as little as possible, Jane’s lenses will be extremely thick and she thinks it will make her a target for bullying.
I said no, because she’s shown no remorse for what she did to that poor woman. She smirked at the victim’s family when she was sentenced and thinks it was her own fault for being “stupid” enough to fall for her scam.
Jane sobbed to me over the phone, saying she just wants to see again and has never gone without glasses for this long.
I said I was sorry but after what she did, spending a few weeks seeing blurs was the least she deserves.
I’ve been thinking about it for days and am not sure I did the right thing. I’ve looked through Jane’s glasses a couple of times and can’t see anything through them.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to see that all day every day for weeks. But at the same time she’s done an awful thing which she has no remorse for, and now wants me to use my own funds to get new designer/thin glasses made for her.
I think she’s being very silly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jane seems incredibly entitled, criminally even. Remember that she’s not entitled to your time or money, and don’t fall for her crocodile tears. Only do nice things for her if YOU want to.” that_jedi_girl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, for not buying new glasses, but YTJ if you did not bring her old ones. She is in prison for what she did, that is the punishment, you saying that seeing blurry is the least… It is not your place to punish her.” LittelFoxicorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s why. I work at a maximum security men’s prison. I’m not an officer though. What I can tell you though is your sister’s unit most likely has rules and regulations in policy that say what she can and cannot have as far as glasses go.
So if you take her in anything outside of those guidelines, number one you can be blocked from visiting because you’re taking in contraband, but also if an officer sees her with those “name brand” glasses and she doesn’t have the correct papers for them, they will most likely be taken from her because they’re not allowed.” atomicaly0129
8. AITJ For Continuing To Attend Church Despite My Daughter's Disapproval?
“I (49f) have always been deeply religious. Apart from some important events, like my mother’s funeral mass, or the wedding of one of my nieces, I have never forced any of my children to attend church.
My daughter S (18f) told her father and me that she was a lesbian and an atheist (she actually said anti-religion), about half a year ago. We congratulated her and obviously reinforced the fact that we will always love her as our daughter no matter who she loves or what beliefs she has.
S informed me that she was uncomfortable with the crosses and other religious images around the house. Since I didn’t want to be disrespectful, I moved them to my room. S also asked me to stop praying before eating. Since I want to take care of my relationship with her, I stopped saying it out loud and now I just pray silently.
The problem: I haven’t stopped going to church and S can’t stand that fact. Every time I come back from mass, she gives me a sermon about why going to church is bad and how I am a hypocrite for continuing to go when I say that I support her sexuality.
This has been going on for at least 6 months. Today I went to a small meeting with ladies from the church. When I came back from the meeting, S was waiting for me in the living room, and again yelled at me that I am a hypocrite and a sinner, since I said that I love her no matter what, and that includes her sexuality.
Honestly, I’m fed up, and this time I couldn’t keep quiet. I told her that I have tried to meet all of her demands, that I respect and love her, but that I will not continue to let her yell at me every time I mention something about my religion.
I told her that if she hates finding out that I’m going to church so much, the door is more than open for her to leave the house.
My other daughter thinks what I said was okay, but my husband thinks I should act mature, since I am the parent.
He says it costs me nothing to “go secretly” to mass to prevent S from finding out. I think that is not a way to live, and it is not fair to S or me. My husband also said that I must apologize to S.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But your daughter sure is. You’ve been kind and respectful to her and been much more supportive than a lot of religious parents. She should stuff it and be grateful you didn’t react poorly and throw her out.
Your husband needs to grow a pair and tell her to respect you and your choices like you did hers. And until she’s paying the mortgage, put your religious imagery back up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this thought that everything has to be mutually exclusive is the problem on both sides.
Some Christians fully embrace the LGBTQ+. You can have your faith and support your daughter. Even in Catholicism. Our job is not to judge as Christians but to witness and love others. It’s also a community of friends that provide social support. This part seems to be what a lot of my brothers and sisters in Christ forget – we are not to judge…” silverbrewer07
7. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Father With His Thesis After Finishing Mine?
“This happened to me yesterday when I was celebrating that I finished my law degree thesis oral presentation last Thursday (the document has 120 pages and I wrote it alone), and according to the judges it was outstanding, I got a score of 97 out of 100!
Since I am a religious person, first I thanked GOD for everything, and then I proceeded to spread the word about my achievement to my paternal family (my parents have been divorced since I was a baby, and my mom already knew about it) and friends.
I was a bit doubtful regarding telling my father (who is a lawyer too) because… he is “special”: When I reach something great, he gets jealous even though deep down he’s proud of me, his eldest daughter.
Well, it follows that I told him last night: “Dad, my score is 37/40 for oral presentation, and 60/60 in writing: a 97 Thank God!!” Surprisingly, he got angry, saying that I deserved 100 (and there was “sabotage”), but I tried to explain to him that it’s almost impossible to reach that score in a thesis because of its complexity… and he should be proud of me.
Next, he calmed down and asked me if NOW THAT I AM FREE, I COULD HELP HIM WITH HIS DOCTOR’S DEGREE THESIS. The worst part is that I am really tired. The judges barely gave me the score yesterday, so I said: “I’m sorry, I really want to help you, but give me time, I just want to have my vacation”.
He got angry again saying “lawyers should know that after a big case, another bigger one is waiting for you”. I honestly felt offended because, for now, legally I’m not a lawyer (I have not graduated yet) and he is an abusive person, and he expects me to do what he wants regardless of my well-being.
For that reason, I insisted on my vacation, but he cut me off and cynically said “congratulations” before hanging up the call.
Even though I told him that I could help after enjoying my vacation, I feel a little bad, because I know that he must finish it soon… So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even a little bit. What your father is asking you to do is academically dishonest and colleges/universities consider it a very serious offense. If the school found out that your father didn’t do his own work, he could face severe consequences–including denial of his degree.
And, your degree could be affected as well. Congrats on your degree! That’s a great accomplishment!” Not_A_Bimbo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad sounds like a very good manipulator. Why would he not write his own doctorate thesis!? No one needs to take a doctorate thesis, if he doesn’t have time or isn’t smart enough do to it, well just don’t.
Enjoy your holiday and don’t intend on helping him afterwards either. He yells at you for not working for free… poor quality dad, to say the least.” Helene1370
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Congrats!! You should be so proud. You are never obligated to do someone else’s thesis.
He didn’t help you with yours and immediately switched the topic to get out of doing work. It seems like you know he is abusive. With abusive parents it’s all about setting and enforcing boundaries and deciding how much contact with them that you want in your life.
I went no contact a year ago with my mom. It was a painful decision, I cried. But life is so much easier and I feel like I can finally breathe and pursue my life.” XxfallingfromfirexX
6. AITJ For Asking To Speak With A Patient Advocate Due To My Doctor's Negligence?
“My doctor’s office is terrible. They have no machines to test anything, I have to do the referrals myself (not common here), it’s a laughing stock with other offices in town and I’ve had constant issues.
Unless you go in there with a list of what they need to do for you, they come in with a laptop, google things then send you on your way.
I’ve been fighting with my doctor and their office for almost 2 months now on a severe stomach issue.
I first called for an appointment and needed one ASAP as this issue sent me to the ER for 12 hours and it wasn’t clearing up. I took the soonest appointment with another doctor as I couldn’t wait the weekend for my own. I wait an hour until the nurse says they are running late.
Doctor finally comes 20 minutes after that and she shrugs and tells me it’s food poisoning (it’s not, 2 weeks had passed at this point). She sends me on my way with no tests and tells me to eat BRAT (bananas, rice, applesauce and toast), for the record I am diabetic and will get UTIs from the sugar.
They do no labs as those were done at the hospital. She also tells me to keep a food diary even though I tell her everything is hurting my stomach. I also can’t drink hot or cold beverages at this time and am throwing up needed meds.
They ignore this. I say I’m barely eating and almost passed out twice. I get a head nod.
I call later on that week and demand a stool test thinking it’s parasites since I’m stuck googling to do their job for them.
Stool comes back fine, doctor’s office is radio silent.
I call my doctor’s office begging for help. They put in labs and a urine sample. Surprise I now have a UTI on top of my illness (stomach pain so bad I didn’t notice). Nurse calls me up and cuts me off as I ask what I am supposed to do for my stomach issue, he just says “well you have a UTI, that’s what you have” and hangs up.
Illness gets worse, now I have random chest pain and a mysterious bruise. I call up now paranoid about THIS issue and get another doctor. She ignores any context, does an exam, I squeeze an ultrasound referral out of her, and rushes me out the door.
Get it done, no answers.
I get fed up and call the office and ask if there is a patient advocate as I clearly have a serious issue and it’s not being listened to. I don’t name names, that is all I say which is the truth.
They say they’ll have a nurse call me. She does, and gives me another appointment with my main doctor.
I go to this appointment and the doctor walks in and immediately goes off on me, yells at me that I made her look bad (I didn’t even see her nor say it was her fault, I just ASKED to speak to an advocate), that it made her colleagues look bad and spent a good 20 minutes laying into me like I was in the principal’s office.
I was fuming. She barely gives me a stool lab for ulcers (I requested it not her). And flat-out lies to me about being able to test my urine for a UTI that I suspect didn’t leave after the antibiotics. She disregards the rest of my concerns and wastes the appointment scolding me and basically calling me a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What prevents you from changing doctor’s offices, you say it’s a laughing stock with the other offices, so you should be able to transfer elsewhere? You don’t stay with a doctor who disrespects you.” ForwardPlenty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what the heck, why is this doctor’s office still open?
If you can you need to go to a better doctor’s office because they don’t seem to be helping you in fact they are making it worse and I hope whatever is happening inside your body gets better!” Ihoperslashseesme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like your doctor is completely unprofessional and the entire office needs an overhaul, playing with patient’s lives like that and then going off on them for making suitable complaints about their depraved indifference is no way a doctor should behave.” DarthVaderIsMyWaifu
5. AITJ For Not Revealing My Fiancée's Pregnancy While Hosting A Boozy Dinner Party?
“We’re friends with this couple, once every couple of months we take turns to host the other for an incredibly boozy dinner party – don’t make Sunday plans sort of vibes. We decided to start trying for a baby and we ended up that naive couple that’s like “we didn’t realize it would be so quick!” We conceived 1st time.
We’d postponed our engagement but I decided this was definitely the time. All our friends were overjoyed and our friends sent us a picture of a very generous bottle of champagne they would be bringing next week, this was honestly our first reminder that we had to navigate drinking plans.
My fiancée immediately started panicking about how to handle the situation, we’d literally conceived 9 days ago at this point. Eventually, we had a plan that she could nurse a glass of champagne throughout the night and the girls usually make cocktails, she would do a mocktail for herself.
The evening went incredibly well, drinks were flowing. I joined in at my usual slow pace (I just can’t drink huge volumes of really any liquid). We actually suspected that maybe they knew because the guy offered us all tequila and usually won’t relent with these things (totally fine in the context of our friendship, he wouldn’t with others) but this evening he totally didn’t push.
Anyway, they clearly didn’t know… Fast forward and it’s been a few months, we announce over WhatsApp to the whole group and everyone is excited. Girl messages my fiancée and they arrange brunch, she’s driving over an hour to see her and when they arrive I’m getting pictures of a balloon that she’s bought and all this.
Totally caught off guard when fiancée comes home and bursts into tears. Apparently, they’d had the “oh my god you’re my best friend, it was so hard not to tell you” chat and fiancée told her the story of our “not so boozy” night.
She was furious. I got a text from the guy basically saying it was a bit creepy to him.
Although fiancée wasn’t drinking, we were giving them exactly what they expected. The girl likened the behavior to drink tampering, but I feel that the deception isn’t in what they’re consuming but only that my fiancée wasn’t joining in.
They got the same drinks from the same bottles/measurements. If they asked for a beer they got exactly that.
I was drinking but always drink slower, it’s a joke made constantly, it doesn’t mean I’m not buzzed but my fiancée can usually knock them back.
There’s no way we’d have been comfortable sharing that news less than two weeks in and I just thought this whole thing was so classic from pregnant people hiding it?
They feel we behaved inappropriately and it makes them feel uncomfortable that they were tipsy thinking that everyone else was too.
They consider it along the lines of tampering or at least “creepy” for them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This whole friendship sounds like a weird dynamic. You guys don’t have to drink, ever, nor do you have to share your baby news before you’re ready.” butwhoamirly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They chose how much to drink and so did you. That’s not drink tampering and it makes a mockery of people who have actually had that experience. Seriously how can your friends be mad that your fiancée didn’t drink while pregnant?” lizfour
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are way out of line. You didn’t spike their drinks and gave them what they asked for, it’s not like you were pouring it down their throats. They have no say in what you put in your body and news about the baby is yours to share when you both feel comfortable with sharing the news.
Congratulations to you both.” Creative-Bee-963
4. AITJ For Refusing A Drink From My Student's Parents At A Bar?
“I (27F) am a PhD student and graduate assistant. I teach 1st and 2nd year writing. This past weekend was my university’s family weekend.
I went out for some drinks with a friend at a nearby place that is definitely not what I would call a campus bar.
It’s close enough to walk, but it’s very firmly a part of my neighborhood that is more long-term residential than student housing focused. We didn’t know it was family weekend until we were chatting with a group (a husband and wife) at the other end of the bar.
We weren’t in a serious conversation, just making your typical bar seating small talk. I mentioned that I teach at the university, and when they asked what subject, I just said writing. That’s when they mentioned they were here for family weekend and asked if I had “John” in class.
I do have their son in class, but I’m actually not allowed to confirm or deny that info due to FERPA. When I told them this, they just chuckled.
Five minutes later, the wife walked up to me and said she sent her son my picture and he confirmed I’m his teacher.
I was immediately uncomfortable–one because I hate just having my picture taken without me knowing, and two because even though I’m team “let teachers have a social life outside of their jobs,” I obviously care about my professional image and don’t want any of my students having a picture of me with a drink in going-out clothes (nothing extreme, just wouldn’t teach in it).
I just nervously laughed because I honestly didn’t know what to say. My friend and I decided we were cashing out and leaving once we finished our glasses of wine.
The husband sent a drink over to me, which I sent back. He then walked it back over and tried to insist I take it.
I politely declined again and said it’s a professional boundaries issue. The wife got very offended and said “you already look unprofessional by being here advertising that you’re a teacher dressed like that, so you might as well not be rude and take the drink.” Again, I was not wearing anything ridiculous, but I was in a crop top and a mid-thigh length skirt–not something I’d wear to teach.
I refused again, this time a bit more firmly by asking the bartender to pour the drink out. Before my friend and I left, the wife said “this does not reflect well on you. Unnprofessional and rude about it.”
I feel like I did the right thing, but I also feel bad.
They were probably right that I shouldn’t just go around saying I’m a teacher, but I tried not to be rude once they knew exactly who I was. I was just trying to stand by my own boundaries, but they obviously were offended and I feel like maybe it was a jerk move to pour the drink out when they were initially just trying to be nice.”
Another User Comments:
“Teacher here. They can go be unpleasant to themselves. You are not being unprofessional. They wanted to get you tipsy so that they could pry you for info. It is not rude to refuse a drink. It is not unprofessional to wear a crop top and there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying to someone that you are a teacher.
NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“You were at a bar not associated with your work in your off-time – you can wear/say/drink whatever you want and it shouldn’t reflect poorly on your professional life. If anything, they violated your boundaries by taking your picture without your permission and texting it to your student, which is a huge problem that you could bring up with a direct superior if you were that way inclined (which I recommend you do, because who knows what issues could occur in your future as a result of them having it).
However, all of that aside, you are never obligated to accept a drink from a stranger – stranger danger is very real and you didn’t know these people or their intentions beyond what they said. NTJ on all accounts.” BetterSavings6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, those parents did so many shady things and broke so many boundaries, I stopped counting.
You need to talk to your supervisor about this. These sound like people who will try to make trouble. Your supervisor will be better able to support you if she hears the story from you first. And what you were wearing. What you wear to the bar is your choice and yours alone.
You don’t need those parents’ approval, and really you don’t need anybody here’s approval either. If the outfit feels good to you, wear it and love it!” AGoodFaceForRadio
3. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom's Calls After My Miscarriage?
“At my ultrasound I found out my baby no longer has a heartbeat, and had stopped growing.
The only plan from there was to check again in a week to make a final decision on surgery and a care plan. I was feeling really sad but also angry to have to wait a week, so I just kind of went silent and zoned out.
I forgot my phone was on silent anyway. My partner was at this ultrasound with me and he was able to handle the rest of what was needed at the appointment.
My mom knew the appointment time, as well. She and I live in the same city and I work for her company, so we speak every day.
We have a mostly good relationship. However, I am generally skeptical of what/how/when I tell her anything at all because she has always been dramatic with “big” reactions. I am an emotionally private person, so this part of her has always made my blood boil.
Additionally, I had already expressed to her my disappointment that she told some coworkers, work-related associates, and friends about my pregnancy back when it was still very early. All those people knew before I’d even told my dad and my siblings. I understand she was excited to spread the news about her first grandchild, but this situation is exactly why I was fine waiting until 5 months along to announce anything.
My mom started calling my and my partner’s phones 2 hours after the ultrasound. We didn’t answer since we were still at the doctor. Over the next few hours she started texting and would call me 7 or 8 times back to back, and I continued to hit ignore.
I don’t have the frame of mind to explain it or discuss it yet, and especially not to hear anything of it in a dramatized reaction.
I thought the ignored phone calls and texts would speak for themselves and she would understand “not right now”.
I understand why she would also be upset and sad, and bothered that I’m not sharing my feelings with her. After my partner told her later tonight, I was getting texts from her about how she’s very upset about the news, but definitely upset that I could leave her hanging emotionally like that.
She said she spent hours of her day feeling physically sick over it. That made me roll my eyes because I have no way of knowing if that’s how she really felt or if that’s the exaggerated reaction again. Those texts made me angry all over again and I refused to answer her the rest of today.
AITJ for not informing her, and ignoring her after?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to feel what you feel. Disregard her feelings. I completely shut down when it happened to me. I ran on autopilot. My partner handled all the phone calls.
You grieve how you need to and ignore her. If she says anything to you, “Mom this whole pregnancy you have thought of only yourself. I am grieving and need to be left alone.”” jadepumpkin1984
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Her saying she “spent hours of her day feeling physically sick” is very selfish of her.
She wants you to feel bad for her even after what you just went through. She should understand that she needs to give you time to grieve and heal without adding more stress for you. I’m so very sorry for your loss.” mandob07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We found out at 13 weeks pregnant that our son had severe chromosomal abnormalities and would not likely make it to term. When the bottom fell out of our world I kinda shut down and my communication skills went out the window. I did update my parents with this news but did not “share” our pain or discuss it with them.
We terminated the pregnancy at 17 weeks. Our parents were told. After the procedure I spiraled significantly. The whole experience was traumatic, and emotionally devastating. I stopped answering the phone and avoided friends and family for a long time. Your mother should have been able to “read” the lack of communication from you better than she did.
The fact she then flipped your loss to make it about her is also inappropriate. Yes she is allowed to be upset, but she needs to take that somewhere else, not put it on you. She also broke your trust by sharing your pregnancy news with multiple people when you asked her not to.
Broken trust has consequences, one of which may be a reluctance to include her in emotional events, especially when you are a private person. You get to choose how you deal with your situation. I am sorry for your loss.” sometimesnowing
2. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Partner's Ex For Falsely Claiming He's Italian?
“I (29M) am seeing R (35F). She has a 5-year-old son with her ex, W (33M).
Because of their son, W is very much involved in R’s life as they have joint custody. She was very upfront about this from the start and I have absolutely no problem with this. Also while R and I have been together for the best part of a year, it has been less than a month since she introduced me to E, her son, so I’m still establishing a relationship with him, although it’s going well so far.
I had never met W before the following incident, but based on what R had told me and what I knew about him already (W is not a celebrity but does have a minor public profile) I didn’t like him, as I thought he was a pompous and arrogant know-it-all.
He also makes a big deal about his Italian heritage as his great-grandfather was from Italy and calls himself Italian, even though he was born in the UK, has never lived in Italy and the rest of his family is English or Scottish. I on the other hand lived in Italy for 6 years as a child after my parents immigrated there and therefore speak the language perfectly.
Anyway, two days ago it was the birthday of one of E’s cousins and I went with R and E to it. There were lots of kids and adults there, including W (it was his sister’s son’s birthday). While the kids played, the adults stood around and talked. I was introduced to W for the first time and while he seemed nice enough, he wouldn’t stop talking about himself, so my pre-existing opinion of him wasn’t exactly shattered.
At one point someone complimented W on his tan and how he’d managed to keep it from the summer. W said he had been able to keep it because he’s Italian. At that point I said “ahh you’re Italian? From where in Italy?
And how long have you lived in the UK?” in Italian. He gave me a blank look and asked what did I say. So I said “I thought you said you were Italian, I was talking Italian”. He says he doesn’t speak Italian. I asked how come he hadn’t picked it up when he lived there.
He said he’d never lived there. So I asked how could he say he was Italian if he’d never lived and couldn’t speak the language. He mumbled something about his family history. Meanwhile, I could see a few people were following the conversation and were either stifling laughter or looking uncomfortable.
After we got home W texted R and said he’s uncomfortable with me being around his son and in the days since has been very difficult with her. R was with me while it happened and thought it was hilarious, so she’s on my side on this, but I can see the aftermath is stressing her out.
So am I the jerk? It was after all not an honest mistake on my part, I knew he’d never lived in Italy and didn’t speak Italian, so the whole scene had been a deliberate act of pettiness to take him down a peg or two.
All views appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Intentionally humiliating someone, even if they are a pompous jerk always makes you a jerk. Remember he has done nothing to you and none of his behavior at this event warrants acting this way. Who’s the pompous jerk now?” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. No one cares where you lived, how long you lived there, or if you speak the language. It doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Your partner sounds like a pill if she’s fine with you messing with her co-parenting relationship.
Your predisposition to disliking this guy for having social media actually speaks to what a pompous snob you are. “He says his grandfather is Italian. What a jerk!” Grow up, apologize for antagonizing this guy, and mind your business.” aspermyprevious
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – his lineage has nothing to do with where he’s been.
The fact he can stay tanned like that has nothing to do with what countries he’s been to. His genetics do though! And some of those may be Italian! Making him Italian! Maybe mind your own business next time instead of trying to jealously get a sick burn on your partner’s ex.
Congrats on learning a language though.” Levantine1978
1. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's AirPods That My Dogs Chewed Up?
“So for some context, I (23M) live with my family and 3 rescue dogs and am a full-time student.
A longtime friend of mine (23M), let’s call him Andy, had to move out of state after high school because of issues with his family. Andy has wanted to come back for a long time and my parents asked him if he’d want to live in our house.
It’s been a couple of months and so far everything has gone pretty well and Andy has become a full-fledged member of the family. Andy and I have a mutual friend from high school (23M), Blake, who comes over a lot to hang out with Andy and smoke in my backyard.
I’m usually busy with school so I can’t join them.
This week when I was working on an assignment at 1 AM Andy knocked on the door of my room and told me Blake wanted to talk to me. I peered my head out of the room to see Blake holding out his hand to tell me “Your dogs ate my brand new AirPods, how is your family going to compensate me?” I told them to give me a minute and that I would be right down.
After closing my assignment and meeting them in my backyard Blake tells me that he found his AirPods when they went out back to smoke again completely eviscerated. I confirmed that the dogs were not in Andy’s room at all which means that Blake had dropped his AirPods or left them out on the chair and went back inside without realizing after smoking.
I politely asked him how it was my fault when I was not even aware that he was over my house and I was doing schoolwork. He told me that it was my family’s fault because it was our dogs and dogs do not usually eat things.
I tried to explain to him that if he left out AirPods which are really small in my backyard, it’s kinda on him if something happens to them.
He demanded that I compensate him and that it isn’t his fault in the slightest. Blake said that if he had dropped them in the toilet or something at my house it would be his fault but since it was my dogs it is mine.
I tried telling him that there’s also no reason that he should bring a near 300-dollar luxury item like that into my house when he isn’t going to even use it. He wouldn’t budge on the issue at all and I got more and more frustrated that he blamed my family (who were all asleep minus me) and walked away.
I felt as though I was being extorted for something I had no part in. I want to know AITJ, whose fault is it that this happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blake needs to grow up and accept that his property is his responsibility. He went to a house with dogs, he left them accessible to said dogs.
His fault. He also needs to learn about dogs. They do in fact chew things they shouldn’t. They’re dogs.” acasualchipmunk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and not a lawyer, but his possessions are his responsibility and he endangered them by coming over unannounced and uninvited and carelessly leaving them in reach of the dogs.
If he wants to play this game, then just tell him that. He could easily be on the line for vet bills if you decided to take the dogs in to make sure they are ok. I understand being nonconfrontational, but if Blakey-poo doesn’t drop it, then you have to either decide to: A) Live with the harassment and whatever comes from it; B) Shut it down, which will involve confrontation; or C) Tell him he is no longer invited over and cut your losses with this chump.
He is a chump btw, not your friend. Friends don’t try to grift hundreds of dollars from each other just because they were irresponsible with their little toys.” MixWitch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, train your dogs better. Unless it’s food my dog doesn’t chew on stuff just lying around cause we trained him not to.
He won’t let food pass him by tho, he’s a good boy and a fat old man so I look the other way if he happens to get my discarded fry.” [deleted]
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