People Tell Their "Fair Game" Revenge Stories
33. Try To Commit Insurance Fraud And Use Our Power? I Don't Think So
“Hubby and I were living in a rental house in the mid/late 90s until the early/mid-00s. Our northern neighbors were idiots, they threw trash over the brick wall to our yard, and we’d huck it back to them. They stopped that after the second week of it.
We were otherwise very quiet neighbors, not given to loud or large parties or even much in the way of loud music outside. We still think they were responsible for torching our friend’s passenger van that was parked on the street in front of our house (nowhere near their stretch of curb).
In an attempt to commit insurance fraud, they set fire to their house. This was during normal business hours, mid-week, so my husband wasn’t home (it was just me and the baby). Thankfully, our awesome local fire department kept the fire limited to their house only, even though ours got a little scorched at that end, where the roof stuck out.
No structural damage to us. We were informed later that the investigation concluded it was arson.
But they got red-tagged (building unfit for human habitation, do not occupy). Two weeks after the fire, they moved a small RV into the driveway, to oversee ‘renovations’.
The following week, one of my housecats got outside, and in chasing her to bring her back inside, I went around the north side of the house. I discovered that we had a power outlet there, by virtue of the interior-use-only extension cord plugged into it, leading to another interior-only cable, passing through the fence, to ANOTHER interior-only cable, that finally led to a window on the RV.
After tucking the cat safely back inside the house (she was fine with that because she got to sniff new stuff), I grabbed my utility shears, unplugged the cord from my outlet, and proceeded to cut it into 1-inch pieces all along the line to where it crossed through the fence. I dumped the pieces in a pile on their side of the fence, apparently making it clear that these shenanigans would not be appreciated.”
32. Demand I Address You A Certain Way? Fine, I Won't Talk To You At All
“I was just walking back to my car from class and had to cross the professor’s parking lot to get to the student lot. I came across an older man getting into his car and I noticed that his large coffee cup is still on the roof of his car.
I’ve done this before and really appreciate it when someone tells me that I’m about to drive off with my drink on the roof. So why not pay it forward, right?
‘Hey mister, you..’
In the most condescending tone I have ever heard, he cuts me off, ‘NO! It’s Doctor!!’
‘Oh, sorry Doctor…
never mind.’
So I just stood there and watched as DOCTOR Jerk throws his Camry in reverse, spilling his FULL cup of coffee all over his windshield and window. Dr. Snarky flashes me a look that could only be a look of remorse mixed with anger.
He probably realized that I was just trying to help but was upset that I decided not to. He didn’t even get out of the car, he just sped off.”
Another User Comments:
“I can’t stand the pretentiousness of these people insisting on being called ‘Doctor’ and I will look them right in the eye and use ‘Mr.’ over and again…
My dad has it going on though; Whenever somebody gives him the ‘I-worked-hard-for-years-and-earned-my-doctorate-so-you-will-call-me-Dr.-blah blah’ spiel, he will happily inform them that he spent years earning his Master Plumber’s License, and he will HAPPILY call them ‘Dr.’ when they start calling him ‘Master.’ Works like a charm!” CliffeyWanKenobi
31. Want Me To Move My Car From My Own Driveway? I Don't Think So
“My house has a driveway that serves as almost like an alleyway connecting the two streets parallel to the house. The actual roads that connect the two are a couple of minutes’ drive in either direction so since I park in the garage, not the driveway, I have no problem with people using it as a shortcut between the two streets.
But it is technically, legally, part of my property. I do all the maintenance and upkeep on it, and I need to use it every day to turn into my garage. So while I don’t mind people using it as a shortcut, I expect people who do use it with frequency to be mindful of the fact that it is technically an extension of my home.
But I have these neighbors who apparently felt entitled to the use of my thruway. This became clear to me when one day, just a bit after I had moved in, I pulled into my driveway and was sitting in my car finishing up a phone conversation.
I see a car pull up behind me but didn’t think much of it at the time. They started flashing their brights, but I didn’t really register it.
Once you’ve pulled in, it’s darn near impossible to back out because of brick walls on either side, but there is space enough for two cars to pass if maneuvered carefully, this is important.
So instead of passing me, these people get out of their car and testily knock on my window. I rolled down my window to see what they wanted and they basically said ‘Excuse me, move along!’ I told them this was my driveway and they were free to go around.
They said, ‘Other people use this lane, so if you’re going to sit around, do the decent thing and pull in.’
This became a major source of contention with them through the years, but they’re old, so I kept thinking they’d die or move.
I hate confrontation, really makes me deeply uncomfortable, so it was always less stressful for me to just move my car than argue with them.
If I had visitors and they parked in the driveway, these people would call and complain and I’d have to get my visitor to circle the block so they could drive through.
In hindsight, it was always a pretty crazy accommodation to be made.
At one point my wife thought we should try and snuff out this dynamic by just parking in the driveway, but they came over and complained that we were blocking the way.
I told them I had a right to park there and they said ‘You’re really going to make everyone drive to the end of the block because you can’t pull in?’ And my wife wasn’t home, so I caved.
Fast forward to today.
I had just returned from a very long and stressful day at work. I was idling in the driveway waiting for the garage door to open when they pulled in behind me and immediately began shining their brights.
Again, there is space for another car to go around.
So they couldn’t even be bothered to make the effort to squeeze past me while I waited for the garage door to open.
So just as the garage door opened and I was preparing to turn in, they honked. Not even an ‘are you paying attention’ honk, an aggressive honk.
That was it for me. I parked diagonally across the driveway, blocking any space to maneuver around, not that they were using it. Reminder, it’s extremely difficult to back out of this space because it’s enclosed by brick walls on either side.
I got out and said, ‘I don’t want you driving through here anymore!’ And they said they had every right to and I was inconveniencing them just for sport and that they ‘demanded’ I move my car. I told them not until they promise to be respectful of the fact that it’s my driveway, not a public road.
They continued nattering on. So I just… went inside. Leaving my car there.
They came and knocked on the door, thinking my wife would be a more sympathetic character (they’ve never spoken to her, haha.) But I told her what I had just done and she loved it.
She didn’t come to the door. But then the husband of the neighbor couple screamed that if I didn’t move my car he would ‘hotwire it’ and move it himself. So I said through the door ‘touch my car and I’ll call the police.’ And I guess that gave them an idea.
‘Don’t bother. We’re calling the police!’ The old lady squawked as they waddled back to their car. So my wife and I switched our lights off, locked our doors, went into a room in the middle of the house, and started watching the security cameras on my tablet.
Great view of the driveway, audio too.
It was a thing of beauty like I haven’t seen in years. The cops arrived and the neighbors began digging themselves a hole right away by first trying to play dumb saying ‘Someone’s car is blocking the road’ as though they didn’t just have an altercation with us.
The cops were like ‘I’m not even sure this is a road. Looks like it might be an extended driveway.’ And the neighbors were insistent. ‘No, no, it’s a road, we’ve lived in this neighborhood for 40 years, we know the roads.
Tow it.’ (Like they would know the streets of the city better than police officers.)
The officers took pity on them and said they’d see if the owners of the driveway were home to move the car so they could get by, but in the future, they shouldn’t try and use private property to pass through (I was already feeling vindicated and could tell even through the cameras that my neighbors were heating up with rage.)
The police came and knocked on the door.
Even tried the back door. But our lights were off and we stayed quiet as mice. The cops returned and said, ‘They don’t appear to be home.’ Here’s where it gets great. The neighbors undo their own story, saying they know we’re home because they saw us go in after we refused to move our car.
So the officers realized there was so social component the neighbors withheld from them all this time and are far less pitying now. They gave a stern speech about only calling for emergencies and not wasting the time of first responders and drove off.
Amazingly, after they left, our neighbors called 911 again! To complain about their first experience with the police and that they didn’t solve the problem! We couldn’t tell what the operator said to them, but no more police came.
So they banged on our door furiously for a bit.
But it was now starting to get dark and I think they realized we were serious about leaving the car there. So this is where it gets greatest. They tried to back out.
I have to hand it to the old man, he got 3/4 of the way out, farther than I would have gotten.
Then just as he was turning to get entirely out onto the street, there was a deafening scrape that we could hear inside the house even without the camera audio, and he completely shattered a headlight and eviscerated a portion of his front bumper.
At this point, his wife walked half a block home, but he got out and pounded on my door some more. For a second I thought the thing might pop a hinge.
But eventually, he drove off. And I went out and took a piece of glass to remember this revenge by. Confident that the big streak of paint on a brick wall will be reminder enough to never bother me in my driveway again.”
30. Won't Pick Up Your Phone In My Town? I'll Drop It Off Somewhere Way Further
“Almost 10 years ago, I saw someone lose their smartphone in real-time. I was driving behind her and saw it fly off the top of her car on a busy 1-lane highway. It was a little dangerous, but I pulled over, waited for a break in traffic, and darted out to grab the phone.
It was miraculously unharmed. Her background pic showed a 20-ish redhead.
I kept driving around doing my errands until her phone rang, about 30-40 minutes later. I told her where the phone had flown off the roof, how I retrieved it and mentioned she must have put it up there while getting gas or something.
Her response?
‘Ok. Could you bring it here to me in [Her Town, 30 min away] please? I work at (Pizza Joint.)’
‘Uhhhh…That’s nowhere near me. I’m in (My Town). You can pick it up here. I’ll meet you at the Dunkin Donuts.’
She’s annoyed.
‘I can’t drive all the way to (Your Town), I don’t know (your Town). Let’s meet halfway at (Popular Restaurant).’
‘That’s not even remotely halfway. (Popular Restaurant) is still in your town. Want to just pick it up later?’
‘I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!!’ (Puts partner on phone)
Partner- ‘Dude, what’s your problem.
Give her back her phone, already.’
This went on for a few minutes, BF getting ‘tougher and tougher.’ I have zero tolerance for bad behavior, so I hung up on them and shut off the phone.
I was going to visit my grandfather the next day, so I kept the phone on me until then.
When I got to granddad’s town (2 hours away), I turned the phone on, called the girl’s father, and told him everything. He was very apologetic, and I’m guessing it wasn’t his first rodeo. I told him due to her rudeness (and partner’s thinly veiled threats), the phone could now be picked up at the local police station in my grandads’ hometown.
Dad’s response? ‘Looks like she’ll have a 3-hour drive both ways this weekend. Sorry again.'”
Another User Comments:
“I found a phone on my walk to work once. Handed it to the Loss Prevention Officer (security guard?) at work. He answered a call from it and explained where it was/how it got to him.
He later told me the owner wanted my details to give to the police so they could report me for stealing it. He told them they had 2 choices. Come and get the phone and leave peacefully, or he would post the phone by the slowest mail to the local police station to be collected in several days.
They picked it up.” DandeSat
Another User Comments:
“Once I found a phone on the bus. It was a regular, cheap phone. I charged it, and when it rang, I answered. Before I could say something, the guy started cursing me, calling me a thief, and even cursing my mother.
When I could say something, I told them ‘I found it on the bus, you idiot! Now, because you are an idiot, I’m going to turn it off, and throw it in the trash, screw you!!’ And I hung up the phone and did just that.
Forget that guy.” LadyGrinningLisbeth
29. Be Rude To Me? No Swimming Lane For You
“I used to work at the front desk of a gym. The indoor pool was popular and people had to reserve swimming lanes ahead of time. One day there happened to be a free lane during a busy time, and this horrible woman stormed up to the desk and cut in front of a bunch of people, and demanded the open lane for her kid.
While she was basically yelling at me and pushing through people, I notice a woman walking in the gym who comes in just about every day to go swimming with her special needs daughter and is probably the nicest customer I encountered while working there.
I know the woman is coming in to swim and immediately look past the rude woman and ask the mother and her daughter if they would like a swimming lane. They had forgotten to reserve a lane and were so grateful, while the angry woman looked like she was about to reach over the desk and strangle me.
It was pretty satisfying, especially when the mean woman stopped by the front desk the next day and apologized to me for being rude. Lesson: There is rarely a reason to be rude to people in customer service positions, and you get so much farther by not being a self-centered jerk.”
28. Insurance Won't Cover The Cost? I'll Keep Calling Until They Change Their Mind
“Some years ago I tore my knee up real good, in fact, it’s still not good. But it’s better. I wasn’t worried though. I had a good job, with good health insurance. I went to my doctor, my doctor sent me to a specialist who told me I needed surgery.
We coordinated everything with my insurance company. My insurance company approved the surgery, costs, etc all golden right?
Well a few weeks after my surgery I get a bill from the anesthesiologist. Turns out a week or so before my surgery his agreement with my insurance company expired and he didn’t renew it or something.
What does this mean for me?
It meant that he didn’t get paid his fee and that fee apparently was $4,000. So I call my insurance company and I explain, ‘Hey you didn’t pay my anesthesiologist, you approved the surgery you need to pay him.’ They opened up a case.
About a week later, I get told ‘your anesthesiologist is out of network, therefore his cost is not covered by us’ so I call up my anesthesiologist to try and see if they will waive the cost. Turns out, they won’t.
They did offer me a discount if I paid in coins and banknotes, I told them no.
So I called my insurance company up and I told them they need to pay my anesthesiologist. They said they already made a decision, and they won’t.
Now I know for a fact those insurance companies have customer relation software and they track my calls, they put in notes on what was said, and they also record my calls. So I told the Rep on the phone that I am going to call every single day until they change their mind.
He said he’s sorry but there’s nothing he can do.
9 calls later, a rep sees how many times I’ve called. She goes, ‘You’ve been calling every single day?’ I go, ‘Yea.’ She goes, ‘That takes a lot of time doesn’t it?’ I go.
‘I’m on disability, I got nothing but time.’ She said she understands, but unfortunately they still aren’t going to pay my anesthesiologist.
(My theory is there was a disagreement between my anesthesiologist and my insurance company and I was caught in the middle)
Cue 4 days later, 4 more phone calls.
A rep asks me how many times I’m going to keep calling. I tell them I’m going to keep calling until I get the answer I want.
Honestly, by this point, it had become a joke among my friends. I would sit at home, smoke, watch my daytime TV talk shows leaving my phone on speaker as I was waiting to get through to a rep.
I had unlimited minutes with my phone plan.
7 more business days, 7 more calls. I finally get a rep who notices my log history and comments that he’s never seen anyone call this much over the same issue and get denied every single time.
He said he’s going to refer me to a higher level to try and resolve my issue (this wouldn’t have been the first time it happened).
3 days later, I’m about to make my 3rd call when my phone rings. It’s a higher-level manager who deals with special claims.
And he gives them this speech about how due to contractual obligations they are unable to pay my anesthesiologist. I ask him:
‘How much of your employee’s time do you think has been spent telling me no?’
He pauses for a moment, and goes, ‘Well, you’ve been calling us every day for several weeks.’
I go, ‘Yes, and how much of your employee time do you think has been spent telling me no?’
He goes, ‘What’s your point?’
I go, ‘Your company has probably spent more telling me no, then it would have cost them had they just paid my anesthesiologist.’
To which he responds that unfortunately that’s the way it is and he has very little power to change it.
To which I say, ‘That’s fine, I’m going keep on calling every single day and putting in a new case, every single day.’
To which he says, ‘That’s not going change anything.’
To which I say, ‘Again, that’s fine I’m going to keep calling.’
Well…
I keep calling, 5 more days. When I get another call from my insurance company, it’s the same gentleman who told me no. Honestly, by this point, the reps I was calling were REALLY REALLY familiar with me. One rep even commented that he’s never seen as many calls logged in such a short period of time.
‘After further consideration, we have decided that we will authorize the payment to the anesthesiologist.’ To which I asked, ‘And when will he get his payment?’ To which they said, ‘A couple of business days.’ To which I said, ‘That’s fine I’m going call him and confirm he got his payment.’ To which the guy laughed and said, ‘I’m sure you will.'”
27. Waste My Time Over A Mistake? Maybe You Should Go Back To Preschool
“When I was in art school I changed around a lot of my classes to make the curriculum I wanted. Every quarter, I met with the director of my department and we’d count my credits. Made sure all my upper-level credits were accounted for.
All that.
So my final quarter rolls around. It’s crazy. I’m trying to write a giant paper. I’m making tons of art. I’m building my website. I’m making sketchbooks. I’m building my portfolio. I don’t have a moment of free time. And one day, about 3 weeks before graduation I get a call from the Director of my department.
She tells me there’s a problem with my credits and I need to call the school. I call them in a panic. I talk to this lady who is part of the department that verifies that all of your credits are valid.
She tells me I’m missing an upper-division credit. My choice is to take an additional 3-week course, starting now that will be an accelerated version of the regular 11-week course, or I have to postpone graduating and take one class next term.
Oh, and I have until the end of the day to decide.
So I’m freaking out. I print out my credit list. I’m counting them up and they come out fine to me. I look where I had swapped credits and it still works out.
I call the lady at the school back and ask if it’s because I swapped a lower division slot for an upper, or maybe because an upper went into a lower. She says that doesn’t matter. I’m just short one. I pore over it more.
I call my department director. No one has answers. I spend the whole day on this.
I call the lady at school one last time and tell her I can’t figure it out. I don’t see what I’m missing. And she tells me not to worry.
That one of the lines printed funny on their copy and that they miscounted.
The entire department miscounted. They passed it around to five different people and all of them miscounted. Until someone finally figured out that the bottom of one page was actually on the top of another.
‘Sorry about the mix-up.’
I was furious. I had lost most of a day’s work because these idiots couldn’t count.
So the next time I went to school I dropped a little present off at the front desk. Wrapped, with a little bow and a note.
It read ‘For the Credits Department (or whatever they’re called, I forget now), Here’s a little something so that no other students have to go through what you put me through. I hope this will help. Sincerely, Star_Bellied_Sneetch.’ Inside was a little box of counting flashcards made for pre-schoolers with little dogs and firetrucks on them.”
26. I Avoided The Huge Pothole...Tailgater Wasn't As Lucky
“I’m a ‘live and let live’ kind of person but tailgaters really enrage me. So, one day I’m driving home from work when a woman in a Corvette starts tailgating me. I’m driving 5 mph over the speed limit in an area where I recently got a ticket so I’m not going to speed up.
Since I know the road very well, I know that there is a huge pothole coming up very soon. I mean, it’s big – like 2 feet deep. When I got to it I steered so my right wheel missed the hole by just a few inches and then looked in the rearview mirror.
She hit that pothole hard and darn near ran off the road. She stayed way back after that and I was all the way home before the smile left my face.”
Another User Comments:
“I was driving a rented van which I don’t do very often so I was being extra careful (insurance excess was $750), anyway some jerk in a little sports car was riding up the back of me, weaving in and out, and just generally being a tosser.
I turn a corner and there’s a concrete block in the middle of the lane but I realized that the van would clear it easily.
Mr. Jerk in his MX-5 was not so lucky. The temptation to pull over and laugh at him was almost too much.” cwstjnobbs
25. Think I'm Being Too Slow? Maybe You're Just Really Impatient
“I’d been asked to help out a director friend of mine by being in a reading of a play on the UCLA campus. The guy who was supposed to do it had dropped out and he asked me to fill in, which I was very happy to do.
When I pulled up to the parking kiosk to get my pass, it took an extra minute and this lady, early ’60s, must’ve been in some kind of hurry. She honks her horn a couple of times and I can hear her say ‘can you please move?’ and even though she says ‘please,’ she says it in a very aggressive fashion.
The girl working our side of the kiosk comes walking back over to me with my pass and I ask her if I should pull up but she says to me, ‘We’re almost done here.’ I ask the girl where I’m headed and she goes to grab a map.
Now the lady immediately starts laying on her horn, big-time. I lean over and look in the side view and kind of shout, ‘All right, Mrs., we’re almost done and I’ll be on my way.’ And then she bellows back at me, ‘Move your car, GOSHDARNIT!’
‘Whoa!’
Shift–> Drive, and I slowly pull around to the left and this 60-year-old lady with short white hair goes tearing around me and up the drive to the parking lot.
The girl and I exchange glances like what just happened but say nothing. She then tells me that I’m parking to the left but then walking in the opposite direction and she shows me where on the map. I say thanks and, mind you, this all, from Mrs.
Crankypants’ exit to me just now saying thanks, took another full minute or so. I mention this because when I get up to the parking lot, there are two lanes to get in, one lane has two cars in it, the other has none.
So I pull into the empty one, go to put the pass in the ticket-taking machine, and who do I see across me but you know who. I look at her with a huge grin and she just glares at me, all loathing and failure.
I say, ‘Hey! Wow! After all that and we still made it here in the same amount of time!’
I then might’ve mentioned something about seeing her the following Tuesday before I zipped off ahead of her, but I can’t be 100% sure.”
24. Don't Want To Stand In Line? I'll Make You
“On vacation, my partner and I stopped at the Louvre museum. There is a lineup at the little cafe/snack bar. They have those standing barriers with ropes to guide the lineup, but the ropes aren’t pulled across – because people are grown-ups and can see that it’s just a single line down one side of the front display.
Cue a group of young, mean girls in blinged-out clothes deciding they don’t have time to stand in line. They go to the front and stand behind the person currently paying. They pretend to be oblivious to the 4-5 other people in line now giving them death stares.
I am not in line but I see their little act. So I go along and start hooking up the ropes. The girls are gossiping together and ignoring everyone else around them, because hey, what do they care right? So they don’t notice when I move the barrier just a smidge forward …
and hook up the rope in front of them.
The look on their faces when they turn around to order their coffees and find themselves quite obviously outside the queue was just… soooo priceless. Huffing and puffing, they had to totter their high-heeled selves to the back of the (now much longer) line-up.
Enjoy your coffee, ladies!”
Another User Comments:
“I was at Disneyland last month and the line to get through security was fairly long. We had been waiting about 20-30 minutes and were at the front when this couple walk up and cut the people in front of us.
He had this awful smile when all of a sudden a security lady came over and announced they cut the line. She escorted them to the end of the line. We clapped and cheered.” ilovebelle
Another User Comments:
“I used to work fast food YEARS AGO and did this once while working at the register.
Young rowdy bro teens came in and jumped ahead of an older couple who looked a bit miffed but obviously weren’t going to say anything about it. When they approached to order, still cracking cuss-laden ‘your mom’ jokes and feeling like they were worth something, I just ignored them and addressed the couple until their order was completed.” NamesArentEverything
23. Threaten My Job? I'll Just Leave You In The Dust Then
“When I was in high school, I worked at a fast-food chain. I literally made enough to pay my car insurance and drive myself to school with about $50-60 left over to spend.
I was a part-time worker and after working there a few months got offered a weekend gig.
11 pm-7 am Fri and Sat. It sucked, but it was a bit more due to hours and a promised raise. I got about 5 cents. The first weekend I worked, the business made the most it ever had on that schedule.
I was polite and I had return customers. I was basically the weekend manager…. without being a manager. I was told this.
Well, one of our managers was a horrible lady. Lazy, snide, etc. She had a bad habit of coming in at 8-9 am to relieve me from my shifts.
I was kind of a manager right…? So I couldn’t just leave. I was told this.
So one evening, while my parents were out of town, my car wouldn’t start. I knew I had friends that could take me, but it would take a while to get them there.
So I called up work to let them know I was on my way but I might be a few minutes late. So lady manager decides to yell, threaten my job, how dare I. I told her I was doing my best and I would get there.
I called some friends got a ride (with no solid ride home) and walked in about 5-10 minutes late.
I mean I was proud of being able to get there so fast…. but she just exploded. She was just so inconvenienced at that 5-10 minutes.
Even while I was thinking about how messed up it all was and being quite upset, I apologized (I was a very timid teenager) for being late, and tried to explain that I had called, she did know, and I had indeed made it like I said I would.
She. Would. Not. Stop. She had nothing else on me but this one time. That was all. And she kept yelling. The other night worker (only two people on nights) was just watching with a shocked look.
So finally I broke. I called her out on all those times she had been over an hour late and how I never complained.
How this 5-10 minutes was nothing compared to going to school then working a 10-hour shift. Then I told her to get bent, figure out the schedule herself because I wasn’t going to be treated that way… so I QUIT!
I stepped out and called my friends to pick me up.
A few minutes later the other guy walked out. We chatted for a few minutes. It was his first day, I was supposed to train him. After the blow-up he saw, he said he didn’t want to work there anymore. He actually thanked me…
She kind of screwed herself. I never asked how it went but I doubt she managed on her own.”
22. Try To Con Your Way Into A Free Dinner? Good Luck Trying To Get A Word In
“You know the restaurant scam: Whine about perfectly good food to get some sort of comp.
In their old age, my parents befriended another older couple who would pull this stunt everywhere they went. After my mother told me a few stories about how their new friends had shown them how to get discounted or free meals, I felt like I was suddenly the responsible adult, concerned about the bad influence these people were on my parents.
While visiting my parents with my partner, this other couple attended dinner with us. As I expected, the food was brought to the table and they immediately began dramatically complaining to one another about the quality/taste/temperature/etc. They were making a scene in order to attract the attention of the waitress.
When our waitress returned to ask how we were doing, the miserable old man who played the lead role in their act took a deep breath, struck a dramatic pose (with his hand raised to begin gesticulating for emphasis), and began, but I leaned forward and cut him off before he could finish the first word:
‘Everything is absolutely fantastic.
It’s all great! Thank you very much!’
She smiled, and began her obligatory ‘Great, well if you need any–’ when he made a second attempt. ‘We come here all the time an–’
I didn’t acknowledge that he was speaking at all, repeated that all was just as we ordered, and thank her again.
He was stunned and thrown off from his routine by my interruption. During this pause, the waitress walked away (It seemed clear that she knew what they were trying to accomplish). He turned bright red. I turned to my partner and, smiling and without lowering my voice, stated how pitiful it is that some people could be dishonest, deceitful, and put at risk the livelihood of a cook, server, or hostess for a pathetic discount or a free early-bird special.
My passive-aggressive reverse-parenting broke my parents of the habit in a short time.”
Another User Comments:
“My husband used to manage a restaurant and sometimes had people complain that there was a bug in their food. He always retrieved the offending insect and made a big show out of packaging it up safely in a ziplock baggie and writing their name, the date, and the location of the restaurant on the baggie, while explaining: ‘You wouldn’t believe how often people bring in their own bugs and plant them in the food — but only after they’re finished eating! Now, management insists we send the bugs off to the lab for forensic testing, so that they can tell if the insect is native to the area or was brought in from elsewhere.’ This simple act cut way WAY down on the number of bugs in the food.” triviaqueen
Another User Comments:
“Once I brought out this girl’s food and was really hungry, so I was eyeballing her plate with envy.
It was beautiful and smelled so good. I went back to check on her and she was like, ‘EW THERE’S HAIR ALL OVER MY FOOD!’ I looked at her food and it was a total mess. There were three long, thick, wavy black hairs.
This was strange because I’d honestly never seen hair in the food before. The waitstaff has to wear their hair pulled back, and the kitchen staff has to wear nets for their heads and their beards. But then I realized…that girl had long, black, thick, wavy hair…
what a jerk. I couldn’t argue with her though. She demanded she gets a whole new meal (oh, and her partner wanted a whole new meal as well) for free.
Of course, having to say yes to the guest was part of the job, so I said of course, and put in whole new orders for both of their meals. Except that I ‘forgot’ to do it right away. In fact, it took over an hour for their new food to come out. Hehehe.” pooncartercash
21. Disrespect Me? I'll Card You Even Though You're Way Over Legal Age
“This happened quite a long while ago when I was tending bar and waiting tables in a small bar/family restaurant in Virginia. In Virginia, the ABC board controls all sales and has some rather strict enforcement around proper ID for sales.
If you served someone unlawfully, either underage or without proper ID, the business incurred a fine or a suspended license if it’s been several violations AND the individual that sold to the customer would get a personal fine as well. I think it was around 1,000 or 1,200.
I’m not up on current laws so they may have changed in the 20ish years since I last had to deal with them. It’s also possible that some of these restrictions were partly company policy. It’s been a while.
Anyway – proper ID meant it had to be intact, not expired, and most importantly…present at the bar.
It was a rural area where I grew up in so I knew how to be pretty annoying to some of the older than me ‘gentlemen’ that came in. A guy around 40 and his family was seated at a big round table in the bar area.
Wife and 3-4 kids. I remember the kids were pretty young so I’m already judging for having the kids in the smoking/bar area. It was still legal to smoke indoors then. I’m also pretty annoyed as it’s a college bar, sports bar vibe, on a Sunday afternoon and they were taking up a valuable table in the bar area that I would have otherwise had a table of drinkers that would most likely tip better and require less work.
That aside I go up and I’m nice to everyone because I’ll get tips. Go up and say hi, and the dude immediately barks at me to get HIS game on the bar TVs, not even pretending to be pleasant, and calls me GIRLIE, which makes me see red immediately.
I grew up with too much of that redneck patronizing kind of BS and that particular term has always filled me with rage. I know I’m not getting jack for a tip because I’m ‘girlie’ and I know this type of guy.
When he asks to order a pitcher I ask for ID. We were told if they looked over 30 we didn’t have to ask but as it was our fine too we could always ask if we felt the need. It’s a pretty petty bit of annoyance but was one of the few powers I had to be annoying and not be doing anything wrong in my job.
Usually, it just means they have to fish their wallet out or possibly go out to their car to get it. I always made the annoying ones remove it from the holder and if I lucked out it was one with a clingy clear window that took them a few minutes to get out.
Like I said petty as but he called me GIRLIE.
He doesn’t have his ID. This is where malicious compliance comes in. I asked this guy who was obviously over the legal drinking age of 21 to be a little annoying but now that he can’t provide it I must adhere to the letter of the law and won’t serve him.
I tell him I can’t serve him, and tell him legally I can’t, now that I’ve asked for ID and he can’t provide it. He throws a fit, says he’ll go up the road to a pizza place that had beer and how I’m losing out and he wants to talk to my manager, tables nearby are giving him the stink eye.
The manager is kind of annoyed but backs me because as we are in a small college town we’re really strict as the business would die if the ABC/liquor license was suspended or revoked and as a server, I have the right to refuse as it’s my behind on the line as well.
I would speculate that we would have never received a violation if we had had a walk-in compliance check unless we were on the hit list that week but for him, I do everything perfectly by the book.
I actually felt slightly bad because the kids seemed disappointed to leave but it was on him at that point since his pitcher of beer was more important than his family eating where they wanted.”
Another User Comments:
“The partner of a former coworker was a waitress at one of our local bars.
Management did not allow any tomfoolery when it came to patrons and told the wait staff that they could refuse service to belligerent people.
The only table she ever refused didn’t even get their first drink. As soon as they sat down, the first guy snapped his fingers at her.
‘A round of longnecks for the table, Sugar Pie!’
The manager happened to hear it. ‘Nope. You idiots need to leave. My staff deserves better treatment.’
The large gentlemen with the black shirts ended up having to help them find the door.” Cusslerfan
Another User Comments:
“I once hosted an event in a bar – It was a kind of celebration for police trainees.
New recruits kinda thing.
Anyway, as I was busy pouring drinks, etc, this one woman who was absolutely full of herself was watching me pour measures for another customer, making comments about the amount of ice in drinks, loud comments about how she was waiting to be served and she was here first (she wasn’t).
I was pouring some drinks and reached the end of the bottle as I was pouring the grapes and there was a drop left, so I just poured those few extra ml into the glass. Which you shouldn’t really do, but who cares, right?
Anyway, she gets up in my face about how it’s technically illegal to pour extra measures and that the law is the law.
I tried to brush it off and ignore her and carried on serving other customers.
It comes to her turn and she asks for an adult beverage. So using my limited powers I ask her for her ID. She goes bright red in the face and stutters something about ….
I’m old enough to be in the police.
I tell her ‘the law is the law’ sorry. If you don’t have an ID, I can’t legally serve you. The law is the law after all. Lo and behold, she didn’t have ID and had to settle for lemonade.” L3n777
20. Eat My Comfort Food? I'll Make You Uncomfortable
“Pickles are my comfort food and I was stressed out in college living in a campus apartment with two strangers. One of them was a real waste of space and would never go to class, lay around the apartment, and watch soap operas.
The other one was just gothic and kept to herself, thank god. Well, I guess all of the Hostess cakes ran out and this soap opera waste of space felt like eating all of my pickles. This was a Costco, super-sized jar of pickles.
So, I come home and I’m stressed out and in need of my choice of comfort food. Gone. I’m livid so, I go out and buy more pickles and a liquid laxative. In all fairness, I wrote on the pickles, ‘do not eat.’ She ended up pooping so much that the toilet busted and had to pay for a new one.”
19. Try To Steal My Pen? I Can Steal It Right Back
“Dad is a principal at a school and has been for a long time.
It’s a relatively small government high school of about 300 students so anyone wanting to enroll has a pretty good chance of actually speaking to the principal instead of one of the admin staff.
One day, some lady arrives and expresses an interest in enrolling her son. Principal Dad is speaking with her, gets her some forms to fill out, even offers her his special pen. The pen is a nice stainless steel job that was given to every member of the executive staff on the school’s 25th anniversary.
It even says ‘[school name] Celebrating 25 years 1978-2003’ on the side.
Anyway, the lady and her son fill out the paperwork and go on their way, at which point Dad realizes his pen has also left. Clearly, the pen wasn’t a gift; it was obviously more expensive than a plastic hotel pen.
Fast forward to the next week when the lady arrives to drop her son off for his first day at the school. Principal Dad waits for Mrs. Pen Thief and gives her the Emergency Contact Form to fill out. Normally this is given to the kid to fill out but Dad was hoping to see the pen again.
Sure enough, this silly lady forgets where she stole the pen from, and out comes the 25th Anniversary Pen to fill out the form. The form completed, she puts the pen back in her handbag and hands the form back.
‘And now I just need to sign it here,’ says Principal Dad, patting down his pockets as if looking for a pen.
Instinctively Mrs. Pen Thief reaches into her handbag and offers him The Pen. ‘Thanks,’ he says as he signs on the bottom of the form (which was just a ruse, he didn’t need to sign anything) and puts the pen back in his own shirt pocket right in front of her.
Mrs. Pen Thief looks confused, opens her mouth, realizes what has happened, and quickly closes her mouth again. She mumbles thanks and scurries out the door.
I believe he still has the pen to this day.”
Another User Comments:
“Was recently on a trip to Cambodia where you need to fill out an arrival form and the guy next to me offers his pen.
At that moment we start landing, tray tables up.
Get off the plane and now we enter a hall of people who are in line trying to fill out their entry and visa forums.
I’m done with mine but wait, where’s the dude? There are 200+ people in this room.
This is a nice pen. Like you know it was purchased because it was expensive. Silver topped cap with so much detail. It had weight and the ink itself was so smooth.
On this sea of people I thought to myself do I just yell ‘I have your pen.’ Like what do you do when there are potentially 100 people this pen could belong to?
So I asked the counter for visa entry who I heard speaking English and Chinese.
She gets on top of her huge backpack and yells some stuff.
The seat dude presses through the crowd and is grateful that I tried to return it.
Turns out we were both going to the same conference and that these pens are handed out for 5-year members and he basically had an unlimited supply.
Still keep in touch to this day.” Rarus
Another User Comments:
“Back when I worked in the blue store chain, we still used paper slips to sign for prescription pickup. Of course, we went through a pack of pens practically every week, from people pocketing the pens after signing for the script.
So I went to tie the pen down to something. Only thing is, wherein a pharmacy do you find string? Answer: in the toothpaste aisle: it’s called ‘Dental Floss.’
So I tied the pen down with dental floss. The floss is white, the counter is white, nobody even noticed.
At least once a week, someone would pocket the pen and walk off. I’d left enough slack for the pen to hit the ground if you dropped it, so they’d get about four feet away from the counter when the pen would rip its way out of their pocket, at which point I’d laugh at them.” ShalomRPh
18. Be Mean To My Friend? I'll Be Mean To You
“In high school, there was this really mean girl who always used to be a jerk to me and my friends for no good reason. One day, she found out that my friend was gay and wrote rude slurs all over his locker in nail polish.
This angered me so I got my own revenge on her. I worked on the school yearbook so any picture with her in it had her name changed to ‘fatty’ in the captions. This was done a week before the final pages were sent out and my teacher never bothered to check them.
There was an investigation to figure out who did it and there were threats of a lawsuit, but no one ever figured out who it was.
I immediately felt like a jerk for doing it afterward, but I was 17 and she had humiliated one of my best friends.”
17. Steal My iPod? I'll Make Sure You Never Forget It
“I forgot my purse at the ice cream shop a block away from my house. I was the last person in the shop, and when I got there the next morning – right at opening – the same teenage girl was working.
I start to explain to her, ‘I forgot my purse here, did…’ When she gets this terrified look on her face and says, ‘NO’ before I can even finish my sentence. I immediately become suspicious, and also want to push her buttons a bit.
So I asked the girl, ‘Well, don’t you want to know what it looked like?’
Girl: ‘NO.’
Me: ‘Do you want to check around or check the lost and found or in the office?’
Girl: ‘NO.’
Me: ‘Well, can I leave a note for the manager/owner, just in case?’
Girl: ‘NO.’
So I pretty much knew she had my purse, but what can I do? I can’t prove it, plus it was totally my fault for leaving it there.
So I go home to tell my husband this whacked-out story. He finds this situation much less amusing than I do – so he sets off to confront the girl and demand to speak to a manager. He gets as far as the front yard and finds the purse just laying there.
So, putting two and two together, I strongly assume that the girl freaked out and decided to return the purse after all (address in the wallet). So I go through the purse and I am missing all my coin (oh well) but also my iPod – which I loved at the time.
So I was super angry – but there was nothing I could reasonably do because there was no proof.
So – for the next TWO YEARS every time I went into that ice cream shop and she was within earshot, I would casually turn to whoever was with me and say in a very clear voice ‘You know what I wish I had? An iPod.’ I told no one of my plot for revenge, and I figured if she was innocent – then I was just some crazy woman who really wanted an iPod.
If she was guilty, then she could think about her vile sins every single time she saw me. It was awesome. And she looked totally guilty every single time. Eventually, my kids started asking me why I would always tell them I wanted an iPod whenever we got ice cream, so I told them the story – and of course, they ruined it by giggling their fool heads off every time we went there – so I had to stop.”
16. Disrespect The Customers? You'll Be Left Without A Job And A Relationship
“Years ago, long before the economy made a job with a fair wage a piece of gold, I worked at a restaurant (fresh out of college).
There was a guy I worked with, think his name was Brian, he was kind of a jerk but a fun guy to hang out with all the same (not that we hung out outside of work).
He was seeing one of the girls but liked to joke about how he was two-timing on her with some girl at another restaurant. I was in the middle of that post-college phase where you know you should break up with your college sweetheart but the momentum is too strong so you hold on for dear life.
I had been up many nights just sick over knowing that she was going behind my back but I couldn’t prove it and I had no real options but to keep being abused like that and being miserable.
Anyway. Brian was a server/waiter.
One day, after knowing him for maybe 2-3 months, he was complaining about some table he had. They ordered and when the food was ready off the line, he took the woman’s plate and grabbed the porkchop off and (1) licked it on both sides, (2) threw it on the floor and dragged it a bit to pick up some dirt, and (3) put some of her mashed potatoes in his mouth, then spit them back with the rest and mixed em all up.
In retrospect, I probably should have grabbed the plate out of his hands and told him to screw off. Ah, hindsight.
Instead, I decided to mess with him in a slightly more passive way. I immediately went to the manager and told him what I saw.
It took about 10 seconds to find someone else that was in the kitchen and saw the same thing, and he was fired before the night was through.
But that’s not all.
His ‘partner’ (a hostess) was off somewhere and missed the whole thing, and when she was caught up, she was angry at him for getting fired.
Don’t think they were serious, and no idea how it really affected her, but to calm her down I told her that she’d be better off without him around since he was lying to her anyway.
She took it at face value, called him while he was driving home, and broke up with him.
So he comes back in that same night, as if things can’t get any better, and he sends someone to find me to have me meet him outside. I tell them to tell him no, thinking he could go screw himself.
Eventually, he comes back in, his face beet-red, and says he knows where I live, that he’ll be waiting. Gonna ‘get’ me, etc.
Mid-threat, seeing he had actually been crying, I laugh. LAUGH! And people turn to look. He’s got steam coming out his ears, thinking of murder, and me giggling in his face.
He stormed off and I kind of wished someone would just let me break up with my partner, the lying jerk.
So yeah, in retrospect, he probably did need to get fired but I wish I could have stopped him from being such a jerk.
And I shouldn’t have destroyed his relationship, but most girls would break off with a guy for bragging about being unfaithful whether or not it’s true.
And really, I should have met him outside and beat him up. Life always looks better when it’s gone.”
15. Tell Me How To Cook? Don't Complain When "Your Version" Turns Out Bad
“My partner said tonight he wanted some chicken tenders for dinner. I felt like cooking, plus I had never made him fried chicken before, so I said sure. Went to the store after work, got everything I needed, and started cooking when he got home.
I get my oil heated up and I’m about to drop the chicken. He starts questioning what I’m doing as if I’ve never fried chicken at all in my life. He starts saying I need to use tongs to drop the chicken and that I’m going to start a grease fire.
Nothing has even gone in the skillet yet. He says I need to use the air fryer instead. So I did.
Mind you, I have a tiny 2 qt air fryer and I’ve never fried chicken with an air fryer before. I knew it wouldn’t work well, but I did it anyway for his tenders.
They come out dry, the breading didn’t crisp up, the egg was still eggy, it was a mess. Meanwhile, on the stove, I have perfect crispy golden brown well-seasoned chicken tenders. Heck, I was surprised at myself. I make his plate with the dumpy tenders and mine with the good ones.
I tell him food is ready and he comes out, takes a look at his plate vs. mine, and then pretends to do something else for 20 minutes. I remind him food is ready, and he says he’s coming. Another 10 minutes pass.
He’s looking all sad, just like his plate. Then he finally came to eat the food he said he wanted.
Hopefully taught him a lesson, don’t insult the person going out of their way to make you food.
(P.S. yes, I used my words and told him what he said hurt my feelings to which he did apologize.
After his apology, I shared my tenders. Communication and a little malicious compliance is key.)”
Another User Comments:
“As the usual cook in this house, anyone is free to criticize and offer suggestions and objections to anything I am making, up to and including the moment the meal is served.
And those individuals are also free to make their own alternative meals and clean up after themselves 100%, including washing all their dishes and wiping down any counter space. Eggs, bread, peanut butter, jam, cheese, crackers, and canned soups are always available – and fewer dinners mean more leftovers (and less work for me) for tomorrow night.
Win win win!” Perky214
Another User Comments:
“My ex was a healthy eating nutcase…. especially where things like salt, butter, and cream were concerned. He would literally shake in fury if I dared glaze veg with butter, or make a creamy sauce.. it did get to the stage where I would take his portion of unseasoned mashed potatoes out of the pan before I added seasoning, butter, and milk to mine, and serve him vegetables whilst I had a wee dot of butter on my own……
It all backfired on him one evening when we were having steaks…… I had fried them and set them to rest whilst I made the sauce. I was making a peppercorn and brandy one, so I’d added the cracked peppercorns to the pan, added and flamed the brandy, and I was just going to finish up the sauce with literally a dessertspoonful of cream……I was just measuring the cream with said spoon and he crept up behind me and squawked right in my ear……
I jumped and dropped the entire pot of cream into the pan, and even though I fished it out quickly, about half of it (about 8-10 spoonfuls) went into the sauce.. cue bowls of how could I ruin his dinner with all that unnecessary fat, etc.
I served up his dinner with no sauce (well he’d made it abundantly clear he didn’t want it hadn’t he?) and mine with the beautiful creamy sauce…… he glowered at me and asked why I’d ruined the sauce? I pointed out that had he not snuck up on me there would only have been a single spoonful of cream in it – his own actions had caused the ‘ruination’ but as the actual recipe I used called for the amount I’d used, and as far as I was concerned the sauce was delicious and exactly as it should have been….
why didn’t he try some of the leftovers before gobbing off. He refused, and proceeded to smother his steak with mustard and tomato purée…… his loss!
But the guy who refused to add any seasoning whatsoever to his food was actually a wonderful cook…..
and he could set out the most beautiful looking plates……. what a shame it all tasted like cardboard…….” Carrie56
Another User Comments:
“I rarely complained about my ex’s cooking. She always complained about mine, though. No matter what, she’d always complain about how I cooked, especially my ingredients.
Shortly after our son was born, I’d missed a couple of days from work so my check was a bit light. We had to cut back on our grocery budget for a week. The day before payday, I come home from work and ask what’s for supper, and she said we didn’t have any food.
I hit the cupboards to see what we DID have. We had food, but one had to be creative. A couple of cans of soup, even Manhandlers, to me, wasn’t a meal. No bread, but we had margarine, half-gallon of milk, half a box of instant mashed potatoes, and half a container of sour cream.
I made the mashed potatoes, but, while whipping them up, I added the two cans of Manhandler soup (beef-based). Misses looked at it, declared she wasn’t going to eat it, grabbed the baby, and went next door to complain to her friend.
I sat the girls down at the table and dished up what I made. They liked it. I said they should try it with the sour cream. They did!
About a half-hour later, in walks wifey with the baby. I guess her friend talked her into at least giving what I made a try.
She announces she’ll give that thing I made a try. I look at her and said, ‘There isn’t any left: we ate it all!’ The girls chorused in saying how delicious it was. That sour cream really helped.
Yeah, she gripped about my cooking for another decade (we were married almost 40 years) and the last decade, FINALLY, she never once complained about my cooking.” Swiggy1957
14. A Funeral Is Probably Not The Best Place To Gossip
“A few weeks ago, my aunt passed away. She had a problem with prescription medication and eventually, it got the best of her. My uncle has his own business as a gardener, which pays the bills but doesn’t allow for much excess spending.
Due to this, we had to crowdfund for a memorial service.
Knowing it was more what she wanted, we opted to have a memorial gathering at a local watering hole. The people she loved could gather and have natural fun. Everything was great until it got time for the eulogies.
While everyone in the immediate family was up at the front, my partner and I were sitting at a table a bit toward the back. Unfortunately, a group of Karens happened to be sitting at the table behind us. As the members of my family started to give their speeches, we could hear the Karens talking about the service, and (of course) how they didn’t like it.
Conversations like ‘This venue is so terrible, funerals belong in a church’ and ‘maybe they would’ve afforded a good venue if she wasn’t such a pill popper’ occurred frequently.
Obviously, I didn’t like the things they were saying about my aunt. We were very close.
But considering it was a service and I am a relaxed person by nature I didn’t want to say anything. My partner, however, is not nearly as subtle as I am. But she respects that I don’t want to make a scene so she leaves it be.
Then it’s my turn to go up and give my speech. I introduce myself as her nephew, who my aunt loved as her own child. The look on the Karens’ faces was of shock. I give my speech and hug my uncle, then return to my seat.
The silence from the Karens table was deafening.
Later, my partner told me that when I introduced myself and started my speech, the Karens said ‘Oh my god, that young man was one of her nephews… I hope he didn’t hear anything..’ to which my partner turned around in her chair and said ‘oh, he heard EVERYTHING alright.’ They left the service shortly after.
Good riddance.”
Another User Comments:
“People can be so cruel. About 25 years ago one of my uncles passed away. He was wearing women’s clothing when he passed. He was Amish and as you can imagine it created a huge stir in such a conservative community.
Not too long after his passing, which of course devastated my dad’s family, my dad was eating breakfast at a local restaurant and there was a group of gossipy businessmen sitting behind him talking about the scandal. My dad sat there getting angrier and angrier as one of the men kept sharing increasingly gasp-worthy details all of which were true.
The other men at the table were declaring there’s no way these things could be true until finally, my dad couldn’t handle it anymore. He stood up, looked at them, and said ‘Oh yes, it’s all true. I know because he was my brother.’ He said the anger and pain he was feeling actually affected his vision to the point there was a red mist over it and when the mist cleared he realized all the men had quietly gotten up and slunk away until there was only one guy sitting there who was actually compassionate and told him he was sorry for his loss.” imgoodygoody
Another User Comments
“This reminds me of my sister’s service.
They had one of those slide show things showing pictures of her throughout her life. I was standing behind two women who were making fun of my hair in one of them – it was a pic from the ’80s when I was a teenager, so my hair was big.
They were snickering and carrying on about it and I leaned forward between them and said, ‘It was the 80’s, we all had big hair.’ The look of shock on their face when they realized who I was and that I’d heard everything was priceless. It was the highlight of a very bad day.” idrow1
13. We "Pranked" Ourselves To Get Them In Trouble
“When I was a tween and my sister had big sleepovers, I was allowed to have one person over to keep me company as well. I usually asked my cousin over, because she and I were around the same age and the only person I was really close with.
Things usually went pretty smoothly during the day, but come nighttime, my sister and her friends would begin pranking us mercilessly. Everything from putting our underwear in the freezer to putting shaving cream on us while we slept to popping out of random places and scaring us.
One night, we decided we had enough.
My sister had been warned earlier about the pranking after my cousin and I complained about it. My cousin and I stayed up late, chugging soda to keep us going until all the older kids had fallen asleep.
Then, we pulled out the markers and began drawing all over each other’s faces. Smears of red and green and purple, we left no areas untouched. We even added little marker streaks to our pillows, to make it look like somebody’s hand had slipped while they were scribbling on our faces.
Then we went peacefully to sleep and waited for the chaos to ensue.
Everything went as planned. Their pranks had been mostly harmless until now, they certainly never did anything that would stain or last more than a couple of hours. My sister and her friends were in deep trouble, and we got off scot-free.
The highlight of this story for me is a conversation from the following day between my sister and my grandpa:
Sister: But I didn’t do anything!
Grandpa: What? So we’re supposed to believe they did this to themselves?”
Another User Comments:
“When my brother was a jerk to me as a kid, I used to pee, throw the toilet paper away, then put the seat up, and not flush.
My dad would go berserk and yell at my brother for not flushing. He would always respond, ‘I didn’t do it!’ All evidence pointed to him, not their darling daughter.
If my brother was particularly horrible, I would write his name on the wall in crayon.
These are both things he had been in trouble for previously, so it wasn’t much of a stretch to assume he did it.” RexMinimus
Another User Comments:
“I had a twin sister and a little sister (me being the only boy) and my sisters were little jerks.
I never really did anything wrong, but they did and would basically team up to blame me for all of the stuff they did.
They’d steal, break things, basically anything they could blame me for they did and I would get in trouble for every time.
So one day, I was particularly angry for them blaming me for stealing what they stole, so I decided to pee on my twin sister’s bed/pillow one day when I was home alone.
My little sister, I got her by filling her purse with dog poop one day.
She was probably around 9 or 10, but she had this purse that she loved and carried around all the time.
Like a ninja one night, I sneaked into her room while everyone was asleep, snuck outside, and basically filled her purse up with dog poop before sneaking and putting it back.
Strangely enough, while I did get blamed for it, I didn’t get in trouble for it. My father was gone the weekend I did it and my mom thought it was too funny (mom also knew I was innocent for a lot of the stuff my sisters did but my father was a jerk. She was too, but to a lesser degree).” XvFoxbladevX
12. Won't Be Quiet In The Quiet Car? You'll Be Welcomed By Seat-Kickers
“I take the train to work each morning and then again to get home. I like to sit in the quiet car because it allows me to think and do a little extra work each day. On the train ride home today, a woman in front of me kept talking on the phone even after people nicely asked her to be quiet.
The conductor also came through and informed her she was in a quiet car.
The seats we are in have very little support so someone behind you could push your seat and you’d feel it. Several riders decided it wasn’t worth it and switched cars.
I decided I had enough and slouched far enough so both of my knees were firmly in the back of her seat pushing fairly hard. She turned around and told me to put my knees down. I closed my eyes and fake slept.
She got up and moved to a different seat. There was a person behind her and guess what he did? Knees to the back of the chair. People started catching on and she chose a seat with no one behind her.
Another rider changed seats behind her and she got some more knees.
The conductor came through again and was unaware of our little revenge. She got up and told him that people were putting knees into her back and stalking her to each spot.
The conductor put his index finger to his lips and said ‘Shhhh, this is a quiet car.’
She moved to a new train car.”
Another User Comments:
“I was on a train with a loud phone talker. Some people talk loudly, but this guy was practically yelling.
And with his phone on speaker, everyone in the car could hear the call.
So people nearby started asking him to keep it down. He told them not to bother him. More people further away joined in. He told them to shut up.
By this point, the conductor comes through checking tickets. He asks the guy to quiet down (before the other passengers told him about the guy) and asked for his ticket.
He didn’t have a ticket, because of course, he doesn’t.
He asks to buy a ticket, the conductor says we’re overbooked, so no.
He asks again. The conductor leaves to talk to the other conductors.
The guy resumes his loud call. Passengers complain, saying they can hear the call (which is moving into TMI territory). He tells them to mind their own business. The conductor returns and tells the guy he got him a ticket (without the purchased-on-train charge for some reason, so this guy just got a deal), and as he leaves, the passengers speak up and tell the conductor he’s being loud.
Commence 5-minute argument between the 2 about how they need to not listen, no he needs to keep it down, blah blah blah.
During the train ride, the conductor was summoned 2 more times for this guy being loud, the last time bringing another conductor as a final threat, ‘Keep it down or you will be removed at the next stop.’
He quieted down a little.
When we finally got to our destination, I saw him for the first time. He was this small, short, and strung-out looking guy. Like, I would compare his appearance to that of a sickly chihuahua.
I guess he just had a severe case of little man syndrome.” Hobi_Wan_Kenobi
11. You Don't Like Us Standing Around? We'll RIde This Escalator To The Top
“I got on the ‘up’ escalator at work on the first floor with my co-worker. A woman gets on behind us and is clearly in a rush. Tapping her fingers, her feet, sighing really loud. She apparently wanted us to walk up the escalator instead of just standing there.
A co-worker and I raise our eyebrows at each other and nod. We were going to get off on the second floor, but we smiled and rode all the way up to the fourth floor, with her getting more irate by the second.
Then we immediately got back on the ‘down’ escalator to go to our floor. The impatient cow looked like she was going to explode.
Disclaimer: I work in IT for a large Fortune 50 company. No one person is important enough to be in that kind of rush, though many like to think they are.
Plus, there are probably 15 sets of stairs for every set of escalators. Had she been heading down, I could have maybe assumed she had a dying relative she was trying to get to, but she was probably just late for a meeting or really had to poop. Not my problem.”
10. I Bullied An Innocent Kid And Ended Up Paying For It Years Later
“Back in middle school I was kind of like a jock and was fairly popular with the cool kids at school. There was this one particular kid named Carl, and he sort of looked like Carl from Jimmy Neutron, but he was 100 times more obnoxious and very annoying.
I think part of the reason most of us hated him was that he was a bit snobby.
Anyways, one day I don’t remember the incident, but he angered me beyond measure so I went home to create an online Myspace group against him.
In the group, I photoshopped him in despicable ways that made fun of his physical attributes. Originally this was going to be an inside joke between me and a few close friends, but it didn’t last that way. We invited a few other people and they invited a few other people.
After a week or two, the myspace group filled up with over 60 people from my school. Eventually, someone actually invited Carl to join the group… He saw I was admin and so I ended up removing it because I didn’t want to get in trouble.
We never talked from that point on.
Fast forward 10 years.
For every year since then, I have been stuck with the guilt of making fun of him. It haunted me every other night at least once every three months. I finally caved and spoke to him.
I apologized for my actions and also saw how the tables have turned.
The last time we saw Carl he was stout, overweight, and unpopular in the sense that no girl would walk a 15 meter radius near him. Now, he works at NASA makes six figures, is fit and thin. According to his pictures, he is good with the ladies and has aged well. Me? I’m working toward a dead-end job, a bit overweight, alone, and spent the last 15 Valentine’s days doing nothing. Karma sucks.”
9. I Pooped In The Spoiled Kids' Pool
“When I was around the age of 6 or so, my mom had a best friend who had the most spoiled, rude kids you could ever imagine. They did things like carve their names into my Grandma’s counters when they were visiting our cabin, push me, etc.
One time we were at their house because my mom forced me to go, and they had one of those above-ground pools with a water slide into it that was super awesome and ‘just for the kids.’ Well, they were really annoying me by swishing water in my face and such, so when they went inside to get towels, I pooped in their pool before I got out, but made sure I hid it underneath the waterslide so it would take some time to make it’s way to the center. It was a big poop too. I don’t know when they found it later but I never got in trouble for it, maybe the parents thought it was an accident.”
8. Cover Me In Toothpaste? I'll Cover You In Milk
“The guys and I had got back from quite a messy night out. I crashed relatively early after drinking copious amounts then smoking myself into unconsciousness.
In my slumber, I remember feeling something touching my face. Lo and behold I was actually being coated in toothpaste by my housemates.
I bolted up and in my inebriated fury, I chased the two perpetrators through the house to their rooms. Locked out, I began to plot my revenge.
In nothing but my boxers, I began to raid the offenders’ kitchen cupboards for anything I could find: Curried coffee, Grenadine, 4 pints of milk, and a permanent marker.
Perp #1 then receives a coating of sticky red grenadine undercoat on his bedroom door with a blast of curried coffee serving as a smelly, furry lacquer. I was still intoxicated at the time so I was not as accurate as I thought and the top 1/3 of the door was still relatively clean so I filled it with four large 12 inch high letters that spelled out a vulgar word.
I now realize how harsh this is but I’m completely blaming them for this one.
Perp #2 also received a rude note on his door and everyone loves this guy so this was the end of his punishment.
Now back to perp #1.
Still hungry for revenge, I begin to ponder the half-gallon of milk in my left hand. The only way I can coax him out of his hiding is with a diversion so I wake up a good friend of mine to help me (I must add that in my experience knocking on someone’s door at 4 AM practically except for a fine layer of glistening Colgate, sticky, smelling like curry and carrying a ton of milk is really the best way to show you mean business).
Simon, my number 2, manages to lure our victim to the stairwell where I am waiting to pounce. I slowly peel back the foil on the milk and wrap my hands ready to squeeze and shoot the milk full force. He comes into view, apparently oblivious to the state of his door or my presence and as soon as I’m behind him I let rip, 3 pints left.
He is literally covered after the first shot and turns to run. He trips. Briefly letting the air back into the bottle ready for another shot I step over him. He scrambles and hits his head off the wall. I pour again, 2 pints.
He gets to his feet and runs into his lair. I follow.
Still not content with my revenge I begin pouring milk into his bed (1 pint) and carpet (empty) and throw the oversized container across the room and leave.
Slowly and calmly walking back to my room I hear swearing from not 1 but two angry mouths.
I now know that he was sharing the bed with someone that night who was woken up with a literal face full of milk. Oops.
18 months later and the profanities are still there.
His room still smells of sour milk.
I never got my toothpaste replaced.
Worth it.”
7. Humiliate Me? I'll Make A Fake Profile Of You
“I am really socially awkward when I have to talk to anyone except my really close friends. In Yr 9 ,a girl came up to me and asked me out, she was pretty and I thought she was pretty nice as well so I accepted.
When I went to meet her at the agreed location, she wasn’t there, and not only that, she decided to take some photos and caption them in a way that got many people to laugh at me.
After a while, I got tired of the jokes and made a fake account of her.
Without her knowledge, I posted many things about her that weren’t true and she went from incredibly popular to not having a single friend. I never forgave myself for that because even when I tried to explain what actually happened, she never got those friends back.”
6. Be A Bad Roomie? I'll Make Your Bedsheets Itchy
“I had a roommate freshman year of college who thought he was the bee’s knees, but he was incredibly annoying and not very smart. He was being paid to go to college because his in-state school didn’t offer aerospace engineering (so he got to pay in-state) and he was on the highest scholarship our school offered.
He also got a lot of scholarships because he made up extracurricular clubs that he was the only member of. He was incapable of doing his own laundry (had his mom do it when she visited or took it home with him when he went) so I frequently shook pieces of bread out over his sheets to the point that he complained that his sheets were making him itchy.
I also slightly misaligned his DVDs in his rack, because this bothered him immensely, and then blamed random people. The last thing I did before we moved out was report him to eBay for selling fake Breitling watches for $2000+ to unsuspecting eBayers. He complained about that (not knowing it was me) and had to return the money. The following year his lowered S10 pickup was broken into and his bad after-market stereo was stolen. I laughed.”
5. Tow My Car? I'll Air Out Your Tires
“A guy (let’s call him Jerry) I knew parked in the same parking lot as me at my uni. We all paid yearly to park there. One day, I had to park in his spot because mine was taken and his spot was the only one available.
I planned on moving my car to its correct spot after I got back from class which was about an hour after I parked there. As I am walking back, I see Jerry walking back from the lot to class. I make eye contact with Jerry and exchange smiles.
I get to the area where I parked my car, and lo and behold, the jerk towed my car.
Furious, I was trying to think of a way to get some good revenge on Jerry before my friend Dan gets there and gives me a ride.
I couldn’t really think of anything because of my blind rage. Dan gets there, and for some weird coincidence, he had a valve stem remover (from repairing his bike tires) and cinder blocks lying in the bed of his truck. I tell him to help me out real fast before we go.
We jack up Jerry’s car. I use the valve stem removal tool to take the one out of his rear wheels. I lower his car slowly to let out all the pressure. Then, I jack the car back up and slide two cinder blocks under his axle so the wheels are just about an inch (2.5 cm) above ground.
We realize it is about time for Jerry to come back to his car, so we stakeout in a spot one row south of Jerry’s spot.
After about 15-20 minutes, we see Jerry walking to his car. We sit and watch Jerry get in his car, start it and attempt to drive away.
We can’t stop laughing. He cannot figure out why his car won’t move. About another 10 minutes’ worth of head-scratching goes by and he finally gets the bright idea to look under his car and sees the two blocks elevating his car above ground.
He gets the car jacked up, puts the blocks on the sidewalk, and lowers it back down. Now Jerry is visibly livid because his tires are as flat. It might have been a little too much work thinking back on it, but it felt so worth it at the time. I think Jerry knows it was me, but to this day, he hasn’t said a word about it to me.”
4. A Love Square Gets A Little Messy
“So this guy Jay was seeing my friend Helen, and we were at my friend Sam’s house. Jay was super HOT. Helen was a gorgeous, petite girl, Sam was even more petite and pretty, and I was quite tall and a bit chunky, and I was going through a goth stage, and all that translucent powder on my mug was giving me terribad acne.
So Helen was kind of loose, and Jay was a bit of a player, so Sam and I snuggled up with them, and everyone got a bit handsy and kissy. A few weeks later, Helen and Jay decided they were better as friends, and Sam and I started vying for Jay’s attention.
I lost weight, wore girlier clothing, and Sam put on the cutesy ‘I’m a widdle giwl’ act all the time, begging for Jay’s protection.
Anyway, so Jay finally comes to me and says, ‘Throwawaymagoo, you are great, I really like you, but we go to different schools and I see Sam more often, so I’m going to see her,’ and I brushed it off – Whatever, I did what I want!
I always held a candle for Jay, but Sam’s annoying ‘widdle giwl’ act just got worse and worse.
It got to the point where she would pinch herself to make herself fake cry to make him hug her, or kiss her. She became really mean towards everyone, and she was just completely miserable all the time. I started to really dislike her.
She always came off as really dishonest, and looking back I wasn’t much better, essentially trying to change myself so a guy would like me more. But then again, considering that Helen and Sam were two tiny, petite gorgeous girls and I was a Gargoyle next to them, Jay’s confession of attraction to me must say something about my personality I guess?
Anyway, so Jay and Sam were together for about a year, but Jay was getting frustrated with the relationship.
(Reminder! We are all like, 15, 16 here.) Jay would come venting to me, and during the time they were seeing each other I had given up, gone back to my goth makeup and hair and clothes (but still kept the weight off.) Jay would say things like, ‘I wonder if I made the right choice,’ and would complain of Sam’s sub-par intelligence.
We would stay on the phone or go out for coffee for hours and hours. I began hatching a plot to break Jay and Sam up – he was miserable and she was a prude. Le shrug. So, I had Jay over one day and I had cleaned my room, I had baked his favorite cookies, we had Radiohead playing, and we found ourselves making out.
Success.
I faked guilt. I called Sam up and told her, ‘I’m so sorry, I made out with Jay, I don’t know what I was thinking, blah blah blah,’ and she and Jay took a break. So then Jay and I spent the next few weeks attached at the mouth, hip, neck, etc.
They did get back together, but then they broke up and he kept coming back to me. In his words, I was a much better friend, companion, kisser, listener, and all those other wonderful things. But I just wasn’t petite enough.
Mind you, he never “went out” with me in so many words. We just fooled around a lot for about 4 months, and … that was about it. Not really worth breaking them up for, but I really just wanted to be the winner for once.”
3. Be Loud In The Library? I'll Steal Your Glove
“When I was going to school, I was never able to get anything done sitting around the dorms, so I would study at the university library.
At the time, Ohio State had seats in the stacks that people could sit at and pretty much do whatever they wanted.
I liked it because it was pretty quiet and not much foot traffic to interrupt what I was doing at the time.
There was one guy who showed up and was sitting on the other side of the stack. He was making a bunch of noise and generally being an inconsiderate clown.
He was opening candy wrappers and shuffling papers so much it started irritating me to the point I had to act in some sort of childish manner.
It was cold outside, so everyone was wearing hats and or gloves. While this guy got up to go to the can (or maybe to throw away those wrappers), I removed a couple of the books, reached through the stack, and took one of his gloves as a payback for all the noise he was making.
Having lost a glove before, I know how infuriating it can be to lose a glove and not be able to find it. You will keep that glove forever thinking it will show up again.
The guy came back and was there for another forty-five minutes or so and then started to pack up to leave.
I could tell he was having a ‘senior’ moment trying to figure how he had lost the glove all the while I was sitting there with a satisfied snicker.
I am sure he left dejected and unable to find his glove which I promptly threw away when I got home insuring he would keep the other one forever.”
2. I Ruined Any Chance Of My Ex Getting Back Together With His Ex
“I started seeing a guy a few summers ago. The day after we hooked up for the first time, we were on our way to his house when his ex called him asking him to pick her up from a party.
He did. He left me at an arcade and went to pick her up. He didn’t answer my calls or texts for a day, and eventually, when he did, he told me he stayed at her place but that nothing happened.
(This girl is a good Christian girl and is saving herself for marriage, so even if he wanted to, she wouldn’t have let him do anything.)
A couple of days later, he asks me to be his partner, I said yes. We dated for two weeks and then he dumped me because he was still in love with his ex.
Over the summer I had fallen so hard for this guy, so having him do this to me broke my little heart. His ex was moving to England for 6 months, so he couldn’t be with her even if he wanted to.
Being the crazy obsessive girl I am, I was not willing to let this boy go without a fight, so when I found out he went on a date with a girl some of my friends knew (let’s call her Melissa), I was angry.
I ended up going to a party Melissa was at, took her aside, and told her all about my ‘relationship’ with this boy. She was instantly not interested in him and we started making a plan on how to break his heart like he did mine.
Because his ex was in England she had no idea what he was up to, so Melissa and I decided we wanted to show her. Melissa led him on and made him think she was interested. On my 18th birthday, we took action with our plan.
He ended up staying the night.
I found out the next day that they did more than just kiss. I. Was. Livid. And disgusted. SO, I sent his ex a long, strongly worded message telling her about what the love of her life had been doing while she was gone, supported with my photographic evidence.
Turns out, she’s a total sweetheart and had no intentions of getting back together with him. And once I stopped showing him any attention, he ‘fell in love’ with me. HERE’S THE BEST PART! … He’s my current partner, we’ve been seeing each other for over a year now.”
1. We Kept Messing With Our Annoying Roommate
“One of my college roommates was…awkward. We, for some time, tried to include him in everything, but he was just so annoying that we got fed up, and eventually decided it would be wise to mess with him all the time.
I was generally one of the worst offenders. Of the things that were done to him:
His ring tone annoyed me, so one day when it ringed while he wasn’t in the room, I grabbed it to toss onto my other roommate’s bed just to get it away from me.
Well, it hit the metal crossbar of the bunk beds and shattered. I put the pieces back together and put it back on his desk, and my friend who was in the room with me both lied and said that the phone wasn’t touched while he was gone, and must have just mysteriously stopped working.
His dad wouldn’t buy him a new phone for 3 months because he said my roommate wasn’t responsible enough.
Towards the end of the year, I decided it would be funny to gradually take clothes out of his closet and hide them in the ceiling.
He never realized that they were gone, and left for the year missing a sizable portion of his wardrobe.
This one I had (almost) nothing to do with. While his phone was broken, a few guys upstairs had taken to calling our room phone to prank call/slash annoy him.
Well, one of these times they convinced him that there was a party at one of the fraternities and he should come and bring friends. We all knew it wasn’t true, so we said we were busy. He walked there by himself, about 3/4 of a mile uphill, only to realize that there was in fact no party at said fraternity, and sent on his way.
While he was gone, this same group of kids took his mattress and hid it in one of the bathrooms upstairs.
A group of us also antiqued him once while he was sleeping. We convinced him to clean the entire room by himself.”
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