People Feel Misunderstood In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Going To My Grandmother's Birthday After She Stole From Me?
“I am 22/f and my grandmother is about to be 81 this year. Little background my grandfather passed away about 6 years ago from cancer. My grandma was so depressed she decided to sell all her belongings including the family home where she lived and moved in with her daughter/47. She’s been bouncing around living in Arizona, California, and Colorado.
About 6 months ago she stayed with my family and me in Colorado.
I am a stay-at-home mom and I was pregnant at the time so I was spending a lot of time with her. I would invite her to go out with me so she wouldn’t stay home all day but she wouldn’t want to.
Every day when family would come over she would complain that I don’t take her anywhere and I don’t help her with anything like reaching high shelves. I caught wind of it when my sister told me. I was mad but I didn’t say anything.
One day I got home from grocery shopping and I caught her leaving my room.
I went to my room and opened a safe I had and found $3,000 missing. I confronted her and she denied everything. Later that day I stopped by her room and caught her counting money, $3,000 to be exact. I immediately called my aunt and told her to come pick up her mother. When I hung up the phone my grandmother proceeded to tell me that she was going to act like she doesn’t remember a thing and that I’m accusing her of something she didn’t do just so that I can “steal” from my husband to go and be a woman of ill repute.
2 days later my aunt came and took my grandmother back to California.
Present time. My mother called me 3 days ago asking me what time was my flight to California because it’s almost my grandmother’s birthday. I said I wasn’t going because I don’t want to see my grandmother and I don’t want to bring my newborn son around that kind of person.
I have now been getting calls from family members and blocked numbers calling me names and saying I’m a jerk. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but is she “all there” mentally? Have you asked other family members? Was this out of character or has she always been a mean old fart?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re protecting yourself and your mother’s grandchild. You don’t owe anyone any reasons, but you may feel better sharing some of the psychologically damaging incidents with your mom or sibling(s)/cousin(s) so they can keep an eye out for in the same situations (and so someone close to you knows that there is good reason for concern and protection).
Good luck. Toxic family members are a battle we never asked for and difficult to avoid easily.” houseofgwyn
24. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother's Rude Partner At My Birthday Party?
“My (16f) brother (32m) started seeing his partner (34f), Jessie, in May of this year. Since then, I’ve seen her a couple of times when I’m at my brother’s house, or when she comes over to our parents’ house, and on the Fourth of July.
She’s very polite towards my parents, and I have nothing against her personally. We haven’t really talked much, though, and she’s not always polite towards me.
She has repeatedly made rude comments about my friends, my school, and other things about me. I’ve tried to get to know her, but she has no interest in that, and she ignores me.
That wouldn’t be a problem, but then she invites herself to every activity I do with my brother and I never get to spend time with him alone.
Jessie doesn’t like to speak with me, but she loves to pretend like she knows me through what my brother has told her about me. It’s strange and off-putting.
An example is when she mentioned something about the art class I take (I never told her about this), and so I took the opportunity to show her some of my artwork. She then was on her phone the whole time I showed her my drawings, and when I asked her what she thought she said that she had no thoughts about it and that my art “isn’t really her taste.”
She’s just kind of mean towards me in general. She always uses a sarcastic voice when she talks to me. She’s said obnoxious things about my body multiple times, such as that I’m “too skinny” and that I “need to eat more.” She thinks I’m weird for not being interested in romantic relationships and comments about how I need to spend less time on school because she assumes that, in the future, I’ll become a housewife.
When I told her otherwise, she made more rude comments about how I’ll change my mind when I see the “real world” and how I won’t be fulfilling my obligations as a woman. She works a job and has no kids, so I guess she isn’t fulfilling her womanly obligations, either.
My birthday is coming up, and, every year, I usually just have dinner with my brother and my parents.
My mom mentioned something about Jessie coming this year, and I said that I’d prefer it if Jessie didn’t come. I said that Jessie hasn’t been invited yet, and I don’t think she even knows when my birthday is, so it wouldn’t be hurting her feelings to just not tell her about it. It’d be fine if Jessie already knew, because I wouldn’t want to make it awkward by uninviting her.
Jessie doesn’t know, though, and I really don’t want her there. I can put up with her any other day of the year, but I don’t want to have to on my birthday. My mom got mad at me and said that I couldn’t just not have her there and that my party is a “family event” and not just for me, and since Jessie could be family one day she should come.
I said that I’d rather not celebrate my birthday, then. My mom says that I can’t do that, either. AITJ for excluding Jessie and for asking to cancel my birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“Have you talked to your brother about how she treats you and that you don’t like how she talks bad about your friends and school and most important how she talks about your body?
Tell him that for your birthday you would like him to come not her and for your mom tell her that since it’s a “family event” then you can spend that day somewhere else since you can’t have your birthday with who you want there.” Wise-Caterpillar8301
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you really need to express this to them so they can understand why you are uncomfortable.
Unfortunately however this may be a situation where you should think about the consequences ahead of time though, you are 100 percent in the right but if brother gets mad or she finds out and gets upset the whole thing can get really bad in a hurry.” Occasionally_stupid
Another User Comments:
“It’s your birthday. Invite who you want.
At some later time a private one-on-one with your brother might be appropriate. Tell him why you don’t feel comfortable around Jessie. It’s not that you don’t like her, it’s that you feel she doesn’t like you. Mom is just trying to go with the status quo and keep everyone happy, forgetting that it’s YOUR birthday.
You don’t have to invite her, but be fully prepared for Jessie to show up. NTJ.” Diznygurl
23. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister's Kids During Our Family Visit?
“My (30f) husband (28m), our three kids (9m,8f,1m), and I are traveling almost 400 miles in January to my hometown to see my family.
My sister knew we were coming and the dates we were coming and has booked 2 nights away with her partner (who I haven’t met yet, not her kids’ father) for some of the dates we are there, knowing we are going to be there.
She called me yesterday and said to me that I will be staying at her house while she’s away so not to book the hotel for those nights.
I told her I wanted to book the hotel for the entire time I was going to be there because it was a better deal than splitting the dates, she then said she didn’t want her kids staying at the hotel. I got confused as to why her kids would be at the hotel and she said “because you are babysitting.”
She wants me and my husband to look after our three kids and her three kids (9m,6m, and 2f) for 2 nights. I’ve said no because
- I am disabled, I have a physical disability and once I take my nighttime meds I’m fast asleep and it’s really hard to wake me up, so my husband has to be alert for 6 children (which includes 2 toddlers and my 9-year-old’s autistic so might struggle overnight in the hotel to begin with)
- we are going to visit family not babysit and I feel like she shouldn’t just assume I’ll babysit.
- the two days she has chosen are the first two days we will be there which means I will be in more pain after driving 7 hrs plus to get there.
Info: she has been with her partner for 3 months and has already moved him into her house so she gets to see him every day.
It’s not like she doesn’t get to see him. Her children are not disciplined and know that because I am disabled they can walk all over me.”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister is a huge jerk, you’re NTJ. Do these kids have a dad? They should spend 2 nights with their dad if your sister needs a break.
This is the kind of stuff I’d cancel a trip over! I’d be worried she’d show up at the hotel with their bags packed.” MerryE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she wants a kid-free vacation, she can find and pay a sitter like other parents have to do. Her assumption was ludicrous.
You may want to program whatever the local CPS number is into your phone for when she tries to dump them on you at the hotel… let her know she can deal with child services if she attempts it. I realize this seems harsh, but if she has that much audacity to demand you sit the kids when you’re traveling 400 miles to see the whole family, a nuclear option may need to be readily available.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! How entitled and inconsiderate of your sister to try and saddle you with her kids so she can have free childcare. Normal people ask first. She’s the jerk and you are correct to say no. The nerve, I swear.” Ema630
Tell your sister in no uncertain terms that you will NOT be babysitting her spawn, and if she pushes the issue, that you will not see her or her partner or her spawn during your visit, much less babysit her spawn. The nerve!
22. AITJ For Handing Over An Aggressive, Abandoned Dog To Animal Control?
“So I have a small shelter of sorts for a specific breed of dogs, I don’t make profit off of it and I only have a limited amount of space but I have had and loved these dogs since my childhood, own a large property and I am financially well off hence doing what I do.
Why these specific dogs? A lot of people get them without knowing a thing about the breed and end up overwhelmed which tends to “ruin” them and render them unadoptable when they end up in a regular shelter unless you know what you are doing. Some of these dogs I adopt out to other people who know the breed and the rest I keep and take care of for their entire life.
Because the breed is not particularly common outside of Police and Military circles I decided to leave a few posts or “ads” on dog forums, some local others national because I had room for more and I rather they end up with me than a random shelter.
Unfortunately this had the result of occasional random dogs being left at my home while I am out, as I said I only accept a specific breed so I end up taking these other dogs that are left to a normal shelter or I call a local shelter and if they don’t show animal control as several of these dogs have been hyper-aggressive, the shelters are already filled with those breeds in the first place.
Well here comes the part where I say why I made this post. A couple of weeks ago another dog was dumped at my front gate, this dog was so aggressive I couldn’t even enter my home so I called the shelter first and when they essentially told me to go screw myself I called animal control, the dog was taken and end of story you’d say.
But no, a man came by asking for his dog a few days ago, when I told him what had happened he started yelling at me as he wanted his dog back. I told him I am not a shelter to dump random dogs on for a couple of weeks, he told me he read my post hence coming and I told him to read the darn post in that case since it is very specific in saying that it is only for one specific breed and for you to contact me to make an appointment, he left after that after trying to claim his dog was the breed I keep.
It wasn’t just to be clear.
He came back yesterday full-on raging, the dog had apparently been put down as he was deemed unadoptable because of his aggression. I ended up calling the cops on him, he was arrested after I told them the whole story. Regardless I can’t help but feel bad so I wanted to see what other people think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is really, really tragic for the dog, but you are NOT a dumping ground for unwanted, extremely aggressive animals. It sounds like you make what breed you accept extremely clear. And either way, who just leaves a dog at a shelter without confirming that the shelter has space and is able to accept them?
That man was a bad dog owner, and his poor choices got his dog put down.” cillianellis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so confused by this guy’s thought process. Dumps random aggressive dog on guys gate, changes mind and wants dog back, shocked Pikachu face when dog was removed by animal control. Who dumps a dog they care about without talking to the person they’re dumping it on?
That’s so irresponsible. If you were to keep it, there’s zero context about the dog: its name, breeding, what it knows (tricks, etc) how to interact with it, any health problems, how old it is, behavior around other dogs/animals etc.” imjusthereforaita
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not your fault that he didn’t read the posted ad.
It’s not your fault the dog was aggressive. It’s not your fault the dog was put down, his own stupidity, and bad training, did that.” Shining_Sparks
You did everything correctly HE DIDNT
21. AITJ For Using A "Date Night" Coupon With My Friend At A New Restaurant?
“My (34M) friend (34M) and I have known each other since high school, but since we live about 2 hours apart now, rarely get to see each other. A few weeks ago he told me he was going to be in my city for work and asked to get together.
I told him when I would be free and we made plans to get dinner one night he was in town.
I remembered that I got a coupon in the mail from a newly opened Italian restaurant near my place. It was a “Date night” deal for an appetizer, 2 entrees, dessert, and a couple of drinks, for a set price.
I told him I had the coupon and asked if he was ok with Italian food for dinner. He agreed and we had a good laugh about us going on a “dinner date” together.
We got to the restaurant and I gave them the coupon when we were seated. The waitress took the coupon and we placed our orders.
We laughed and joked around as we ate, just as we usually do. We talked about work, hobbies, all the usual stuff we talk about when we catch up.
When it was time to order dessert, the waitress asked how we were enjoying our date and we both kind of laughed and said we weren’t a couple.
She said that we used the date night coupon, so she assumed we were a couple. I told her we were just old friends and I had the coupon at home so figured we might as well use it.
A few minutes later the owner came to our table and told us that they would have to charge us full price for our meals since we had deceived them and used the coupon under false pretenses.
We got into an argument about it and the owner stood fast on his decision. So when the bill was brought, it did not show that we used the coupon.
Luckily, between my friend and me, we had enough cash to pay for the advertised coupon price, plus a good tip, and left the cash on the table instead of paying with a credit card.
Then we left. The owner tried to stop us on our way out because he said we paid less than the bill. I told him we paid for the coupon price and still left a good tip for the waitress.
He yelled at us and said that we were never welcome back in his restaurant and we both laughed at him and told him we wouldn’t be caught dead coming back there anyway.
My friend and I had a good laugh about it, but when I told the story to a coworker she actually took the side of the restaurant and said that what we did was dishonest and immoral and that we were taking advantage of a restaurant that was just trying to get started. I disagree since it was just a coupon and we paid for our meals anyway.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The owner is ridiculous! A “date” doesn’t have to be a romantic thing. I plan dinner “dates” with my friends all the time. That newly opened restaurant isn’t going to stay open for too long if that’s how they treat their customers. The server and owner were way too invested in your personal lives too!” DisneyAddict2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Coupons are used as an enticement to get you into a restaurant, in hopes that you will enjoy the restaurant and return in the future. The purpose of the coupon is to build a steady clientele and get repeat business. They failed. It doesn’t matter that they advertised it as a “date night” because that is absolutely unenforceable.
The last thing you want to do is to upset new customers when you are trying to start up a restaurant, especially over a couple of dollars that the coupon promises.” ForwardPlenty
Another User Comments:
“Unless the coupon clearly stated that it could only be used for romantic couples, that restaurant is in violation of Weights and Measures laws and can get into serious legal trouble for insisting on full price.
It was in no way dishonest of you. NO, NTJ.” Diznygurl
20. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Last-Minute Child-Free Wedding Due To Childcare Issues?
“My sister’s getting married in a month and she just now announced that her wedding is gonna be child-free. I don’t mind the idea, my wedding was child-free too and I’m a believer in child-free weddings in general.
But the thing is, I’m a mother of two kids. One of them is 2 years old and heavily disabled and I can’t afford to find care for her.
The other one is barely a month old.
To explain some things. My sister lives 8 hours away and that’s where her wedding will be. She’ll rent out hotel rooms for the main family members (parents and siblings of the couple), we’ll spend 3 days there, one day before the wedding, the day of and one day after.
The thing is the hotel she booked also has a no-kid policy so anyone in the family with kids should hire a babysitter for those 3 days. I wouldn’t mind hiring a babysitter but it’s a last-minute announcement and in my area it’s nearly impossible to find a babysitter who can care for a special needs child and a newborn.
Also, I can’t be away for 3 days from my newborn since I have to breastfeed.
My husband and I had a discussion that either he or I should stay behind with the kids and one of us could attend the wedding. I could leave some breast milk in the special bags in the fridge for him to give our newborn if I went to the wedding.
We thought that this would be a good compromise.
When I told my sister she got mad, said I’m not thinking of her special day and demands I find a babysitter and we come as a couple. I asked what’s her deal with me attending the wedding alone and she didn’t give a clear explanation she just said I’m the jerk for even daring to think that not attending the wedding as a couple with my husband would be acceptable.
I told her I’m sorry for that but my kid’s needs come first, I respect her decisions and rules about the wedding but it’s a last-minute announcement and I can’t find a babysitter right now (I’ve searched for endless hours so this solution was my last resort) and since the hotel has a no kids policy and I can’t bring the kids to the hotel at least so they’d be near in case of need, then one of the parents stays behind.
If they were allowed in the hotel I wouldn’t have trouble finding a babysitter for a few hours but a whole 3-day weekend is impossible.
My parents have told me I’m the jerk for ruining my sister’s wedding but I can’t understand how that would possibly ruin her wedding at all. I told them that since she had a child-free wedding she should expect that some people might not be able to show up and that not everyone has the funds to give to a babysitter every time they are invited to a child-free wedding and she should be ok with people not coming if they can’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I was all ready with no jerks here until your sister said you couldn’t attend the wedding alone, and that the hotel is also childfree. What is that? You came up with compromises and she stomped on them. She has basically engineered her wedding so that unless you output a significant amount of funds and leave your kids with a sitter for 3 days, you can’t attend.
That’s harsh. NTJ for you. But your sister…” Andante79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you can’t bring them to the hotel, they have extra care needs, which you can’t accommodate because she announced this super last minute, and you can’t attend alone. What on Earth does she expect you to do?” redditor191389
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. As a parent, children should be your first priority and from the looks of it, they don’t know much about raising a disabled and a newborn, considering they gave short notice. You found ways to compromise, she didn’t accept it. I don’t even know why you coming alone would ruin her wedding.
I would be wary of everyone who is on her side too, but that just might be me.” PokePumpkin
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend Who Accused Me Of Not Eating Halal Based On An Old Photo?
“I (21f) eat only halal. I’m an international student and I made a new friend, let’s call her B from my course recently. We’ve been out to eat a few times with people from our course and a few mutual friends.
The places we went to had really good food but weren’t halal, which was more than fine.
I just ordered a vegetarian meal or something from their seafood menu. Still delicious.
I guess me not eating meat offended B? I swear the weirdest things set people off.
Recently I start hearing stuff from our mutual friends that B’s been going around saying I don’t actually eat halal and using a picture of me eating McDonald’s as proof.
Here’s the thing. I’m not very active on social media. I post maybe once or twice a year. That doesn’t mean I don’t like going out and doing stuff, I just don’t like posting about it. But my friends do, and whenever we do something they post it and tag me.
So if you go to my insta, there are a ton of pictures of me in my tagged photos. My friends are social media crazed. I opened my insta account in 2015. I honestly don’t think I’d have the patience to scroll down that far.
That photo of me eating Mcdonald’s was taken in 2016 when I was with my friends back home in Singapore.
In Singapore, all major fast food chains are halal.
B obviously didn’t know that.
Someone got around to telling her, because she did apologize to me. I didn’t appreciate her, you know, talking about me behind my back and accusing me of stuff I didn’t do but I heard her out.
And I did mention that it was impressive that she managed to find that photo since it was taken in 2016 after she apologized.
My friend group is split. Half of them just think that was funny and the other half think I embarrassed her even more after she acknowledged her own mistake and apologized to me willingly.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, look B here, talked about you behind your back without you knowing about it, how do you know if she didn’t do that before?
And why would she try to tell others that you’re not halal? I mean she kind of tried to ruin you by lying to your friends, and if she scrolled all the way down…., she tried to find a reason to lie to your friends about you lying.” spookyafghost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You called out someone who was gossiping in an attempt to make people like you less and she got called on it.
I’m not really sure why you’d want friends like that, but that’s your choice.” Chrestys
18. AITJ For Sending My Niece Home After She Disrespected My Daughter's Boundaries?
“I (34F) have a daughter (11), and a niece (7) who lives about five houses down from us.
My daughter has a decently sized collection of dolls, ranging from American Girl to Baby Alive, she loves all of her dolls dearly and takes very good care of them, and understands how precious her more expensive dolls are.
Her favorite doll is an American Girl doll with very curly hair that needs to be taken care of gently, so whenever her cousin comes over she puts her up on a high shelf in her room and is very clear in saying that she cannot and will not play with her doll(s) on the high shelf.
She paid for this doll entirely by herself, so it has lots of sentimental value as well.
I don’t find her behavior bad, and I’m happy she’s setting a boundary so as long as my daughter’s rule is followed I don’t interfere.
Yesterday her cousin came over to play as she usually does on the weekends.
Everything was going as usual until I heard my daughter screaming bloody murder. I went upstairs to find her doll clutched in her hands with straight hair. And a brush in my niece’s hand. Turns out my daughter left to go use the bathroom and my niece climbed her nightstand to get her favorite doll and wanted to do her hair.
I comforted my daughter first telling her that this was a fixable thing, and that I’d put her doll’s hair in rollers and she’d be fine. I sent her off to her dad so that he could take over while I took over with my niece. I tried explaining to her why touching my daughter’s doll without her permission, especially after she had been told multiple times not to was rude, my niece insisted my daughter was a bully for not letting her play with it and wouldn’t budge.
So I called my sister to make sure an adult was home, packed my niece’s things, and walked her home. Before we left I explained to her that she couldn’t touch things my daughter did not want her to touch (despite her still not budging) and that she could come play again if she apologized.
At the door I explained to my other sister who was at their home at the time what happened, I told her I’d call my sister later and that was it for the time being.
Today my sister called me after I left her a voicemail and a text thread explaining everything. She told me her daughter cried saying her aunt and cousin were both bullying her and proceeded to call my daughter’s doll a “stupid toy” and that my daughter should’ve just let her play with it in the first place.
I continued to try and tell her my side but she also wouldn’t listen.
I’m not really sure what to do. I’ve gotten lots of mixed opinions on this whole situation from friends and family. I kind of just want a verdict.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter set a boundary and helped enforce it by keeping the doll out of the way.
Your niece went out of her way to play with the toy that isn’t for playing. Then she doubled down that she was right. She’s 7. She broke a house rule. Unless she says something like your daughter was bullying her by teasing her about the doll she could only see not touch. She was not bullied. Her mom may be upset, but, family or not kids who won’t follow house rules don’t get to come play.” Senior-Term-635
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am glad you are one of these parents who respect that their children don’t have to share their property. Your niece came to play, but instead she made your daughter feel horrible. Sorry not sorry, you have to put your own child’s well-being as priority. Besides, you didn’t kick her out or anything – you took her back to her own home, making sure beforehand that there was an adult present.
At 7, your niece should know how to behave. If she doesn’t – and worse, if her parents encourage her to act this way – well, I feel sorry for her and the people around…” No-Jellyfish-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your niece not getting her way doesn’t mean she’s being bullied. That’s something antagonists say. Your sister is encouraging that mindset and it’s frankly, appalling.
Boundaries are important to establish and enforce within reason. Respecting boundaries is equally important. The fact your sister went on the offensive and immediately said, “My daughter should get what she wants because it’s a stupid toy.” That’s how people diminish the damage caused to deflect any wrongdoing. She’s a jerk teaching her daughter poor behavior and gaslighting.” CatnipParade
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Monetize My Artistic Hobby?
“I (28f) drew a lot as a kid and thought I wanted to be a professional artist, but after opening commissions one summer, I realized I preferred to keep it as a hobby. It helps me destress and deadlines, client upkeep, etc. made it stressful. I have a good career now where I make okay money (enough to pay the bills and have a little left over) and that I find fulfilling.
I live with my partner (30m) and he makes quite a bit more than I do, and anything nice we do together usually comes out of his pocket.
We had a Secret Santa at work and I got Linda (50ish f). I really like Linda, she was a mentor to me when I first started and she’s just really nice.
I decided to make an illustration for her and have it framed. I was pretty confident I knew her taste well enough to make something she would like. It only cost me materials and my time, and I thought it came out really nice. Linda absolutely loved it, and asked if she could post a photo of it to her social media, which I agreed to.
Linda’s line of work requires her to keep in touch with a lot of authors, and one of them, Beth, saw her social media post (trying to be vague here, but this author has won several awards and is pretty well known). Beth asked Linda if I would be willing to illustrate her next book cover.
Linda asked me, and I enthusiastically said yes. We got in touch, sorted out timelines and budget, and I was happy as a clam.
When I told my partner, he said he was proud of me, especially when I said how much I would make; broken down to an hourly rate, it’s quite a bit higher than what I make at work.
Over the past few days, my partner has been mentioning a lot that he thinks I should do art full-time. I’m good at it, I obviously have an audience for it, and I would make more money. I told him I prefer to keep it as my destressing hobby, but appreciate his support. He’s been really insistent about it, though, and thinks I’m being stubborn/selfish by not doing art full-time.
I told him to think of this as a nice holiday windfall and nothing else, but he insists I’m wasting my talent by not monetizing it. It’s starting to strain our relationship. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anytime you tell someone “no” and they continue, they’re the jerk. You need to be very firm with him and let him know how strongly his insistence is affecting you.
If he isn’t comfortable with the financial divide or needs help paying for things, then that needs to be a separate conversation. Coercing you into a job you don’t want isn’t going to help anyone in the long term.” D_Nicole91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you’ve stated, keeping it as a hobby benefits your mental health.
You’re not hurting for money, so he should respect your wishes to keep it as a hobby. If you want to take on a commission every now and then, that’s definitely up to you, but you shouldn’t feel forced into it.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And I’m not sure how much more than you he makes, but it sounds like your partner wants a more expensive lifestyle than you two currently have if it’s putting a strain on your relationship.
You two might not be compatible if you are actively keeping your income at the same level and not trying to increase it when given the opportunity. But again you have no obligation to do that and he has no right to force you to so NTJ.” KennySells
16. AITJ For Accepting A Gift From My Dying Father And Insisting On My Full Inheritance?
“My step-father, who has been in my life since I was a toddler, was diagnosed about 10 years ago with cancer, and during a checkup a year ago was given approximately 12 months to live.
He cashed out his life insurance policy and with that money went on a spending spree fixing up the house, paying out the mortgage, renovating, and basically kind of sorting out his affairs whilst he still had the ability.
During a work day (we worked in the same office) he said to me that he wanted to pay for my shed that I had been pricing up in the prior few months.
I declined because I am studying and whilst my husband works full time and is on a decent wage, I would prefer to leave my inheritance in liquid cash form so that if an emergency struck or something to that effect I wouldn’t like to be caught short. The cost of the shed was exactly 30% of my inheritance (the amounts people were getting and who was getting what was common knowledge amongst the family).
He made it clear that he was offering this as a gift and it would not affect my inheritance. I accepted his offer. He arranged for the money to be transferred to me and then two days later, he wrote and signed his will with a lawyer. The money he offered me was not mentioned in the will, nor was my inheritance reduced by this balance.
I should mention that my step-brother (my dad’s bio son) had arranged to receive 40% of his inheritance prior to my father’s death, and as such the will had his inheritance reduced by this figure.
Fast forward to two weeks ago and my father has now passed away. It’s been a very rough time. My step-brother was made aware of the fact that my father paid for my shed and is now accusing me of conniving funds out of my father, manipulating him and such.
He and my mother are now producing typed documents that they claim prove my father changed his mind on his deathbed and wanted the shed included.
Today I received an anonymous package in the mail of a little shovel that had been painted gold, signed by sender G. Digger. Someone has tried to tell me I’m a gold digger for asserting that I am owed my full inheritance in line with the agreement between my father and me.
Here’s where I may be the jerk: I made the agreement with my father in good faith 10 months before he died and I plan to force the agreement via the execution of the will in contradiction of the typed-up document. He was of sound mind and body at the time, and he went palliative around three weeks ago.
So he had 9 months to change the will if he wanted to, and he never did. He never told me he wanted to change it, it never came up until he was in hospital and my family found out he paid for it via my brother who chose to tell everyone.
There are a lot of details in this story I’ve omitted because frankly the whole saga is massive.
The crux of this is that the additional funds were offered outside of the estate as a gift, but this pill appears to be too bitter for the rest of my family to swallow.
So AITJ for standing my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“Not only stand your ground but mount that little gold shovel on a plaque and mount it on the wall of your shed like a trophy.
Your agreement was with your dad and let your unhappy relatives take you to court and waste their money fighting the will. Waste a little money of your own and talk to a lawyer yourself, in case they get feisty you will be prepared. NTJ for taking the shed. He offered and you accepted and nobody cares what anybody else has to say about it.
Sorry for your loss. Be glad you had him for those additional years.” LuvMeLongThyme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow! Firstly, I’m sorry about your father passing and that you’re going through this. Assuming the omitted details don’t change the light in which you are painted, you’re not the jerk for standing your ground.
You’re right that your father had 9 months to change his will and he didn’t because he wanted you to have that gift. Your family sounds petty and horrible for both sending that package and ignoring your father’s wishes.” berngabb
15. AITJ For Not Visiting My Dad Because My Stepsister Makes Me Feel Unwelcome?
“So my (18F) parents are divorced. I live with my Mum and my brother (16M).
My dad lives a couple of hours away with his wife and my stepsister Allison (23F).
From 5-16 I visited my dad’s every other weekend, and I really loved going, up until around age 13. Before this, me and my sister were on good terms, hung out a bit, but not very close. This relationship declined swiftly around the time she entered her teenage years.
She stopped talking to me and my brother, never said hello, and just generally seemed annoyed with our presence in the house, and would leave anytime we were in the room. She wasn’t openly hostile, she never said anything, she just made it feel really unwelcoming and unfriendly. Admittedly, I was shy so never really initiated conversation with her, but I never ignored her or made an obvious effort to leave when she was around, I was also much younger than her (I was 15 when she was 20) and found it difficult to start a conversation because of this, and because she made it so obvious she didn’t want to talk to me.
In addition, there seemed to be separate rules for her vs me and my brother. For example, I couldn’t even drink water in the living room, but she was allowed to eat whatever in there and make lots of mess. She also used to use things without permission, like our Xbox, and she and her friends would mess about with things I accidentally left downstairs when they were around.
Of course, I would be more than willing to share but she never asked, and we were never allowed to ever use her things, no matter what. For example, once we were allowed to use a PlayStation she never used for one night because she was away and would never know.
Overall, this just made me feel like uncomfortable and unwelcome in the house.
I talked to my dad many times over the years about it, and he said he and my stepmom both agreed she was being unwelcoming, but they never did anything. Eventually, I just stopped visiting my Dad. I feel awful about this because our relationship has obviously declined since then. He also recently said that it was always my deal, and insinuated that she never really did anything wrong.
I feel like I’ve actually been the one that caused these issues, and am damaging my relationship with my Dad by not visiting all because my stepsister doesn’t really like me, and I’m overreacting about it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolute failure on the part of your parents. That’s a grown adult, not another teenager, causing problems for you.
And she’d known you for years. Both the other adults agreed it was her problem, but did not protect you or your items or do anything to improve her bad behavior. Just ignoring you would have been rude but not all families get along. The deliberate messing with your items and disrespect while not letting you use hers?
The different rules for both of you (and both of you were quite old enough to have water in the living room!), and more are very much their fault. Can’t say as I’d want to visit them either. I’d recommend getting a list together of all the crap they’ve pulled and adding to it when something comes to mind…you will forget stuff steadily, remembering the emotions but not the fine details.
And then they’ll claim it’s all you and not them at all.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad and stepmom have had a lot of time to have a talk with your stepsister and think about their favoritism and have chosen not to. Your dad also could have spent time with you and your brother outside of the home if he knew she was making you uncomfortable.
Also, it’s not overreacting to expect to be treated with equivalent dignity and respect that your stepsister is allowed. You didn’t put space between you and your father, he chose not to address a very real concern. This is his doing (or lack of action, non-doing).” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Teaching My 6-Year-Old Daughter About Budgeting?
“My daughter is 6. She’ll be turning 7 this month!
Today I was in the home office budgeting grocery stuff on paper, when my daughter asked what I was doing. I told her something along the lines of “Mommy is trying to share money between foods so she’ll know how much she can buy”.
My daughter asked if she could help. Of course, she can’t really, but I decided to set up an activity on the side so we can “budget” together. I laid out index cards on the floor labeled her school foods with the “price” attached, and then I ripped up a sheet of paper for “money”, as well as a chart for the week so she can write down what’s for what day.
I don’t think she quite understood, because she spent a good chunk of time attempting to “make” more money by ripping up paper, and the other chunk of time buying all the fruit snacks and nothing else, LOL. But it was still a very nice playtime moment and we had a lot of giggles.
When my husband came home, he asked what we were doing.
He then pulled me aside and told me he was upset, and that our daughter is way too young to be thinking about money and budgeting, and he wished I asked him before addressing those topics with her. He asked me if we can talk more about it later tonight. I posted here because I wanted to maybe get more perspectives before our talk.
To present his side, my husband didn’t necessarily grow up poor, but his family did not have much to spend on luxuries. He often spent a lot of time feeling guilty when he got expensive gifts like a phone or a DS from his parents, and he told me that he felt pressured to work early as a result.
He’d see them counting money and talking about it pretty often as a kid. Even before we were married, I remember he used to always order appetizers only when we were out for dinner even though he was hungry. I think this is why he is upset.
In my defense, I don’t think we have the same issue here.
We’re comfortable with our money, I just like to budget. I think my daughter is old enough to get a start on understanding money. I don’t think I’m putting any pressure on her, I just think we were having fun.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Learning to live within a budget is an essential life skill that too many people have no idea how to do.
Most people who study money, actually recommend that parents start teaching their children about money from an early age. That is exactly what you’re doing.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It came up organically and you did an awesome job of making it a fun activity. Understanding money isn’t the same as worrying about it and it’s a great way to make math more familiar & fun.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with no jerks here. It’s good to teach kids about the value of money from a young age to prepare them for their inevitable integration into the capitalist society they’ve grown up in, but as someone who grew up poor (and is still poor), I can understand not wanting your child to have to worry about that stuff.
I think this is something you should explore further with your husband. Why is he so against preparing your daughter for the future? It’s a great way to prepare her to budget so she doesn’t wind up in a situation where she’s forced to worry about how she’s going to buy groceries each week.” zizzlekwum
13. AITJ For Leaving After Being Criticized While Helping My Postpartum Sister-in-Law With Her Kids?
“My sister-in-law recently gave birth to triplets, they’re barely 8 weeks old. They also have 3 older kids (4,7,9). Because my sister-in-law has been struggling with postpartum depression, my brother asked if I can move in to help her with the kids and I agreed. Since I used to watch the older kids while she was pregnant, it was pretty easy to fall into a routine that worked for everyone.
And everything has been fine and easygoing until recently. My sister-in-law started complaining about small issues, I was sweeping the wrong way, I shouldn’t nap when the triplets napped, I’m doing the 9-year-old’s hair “too girly”, or she’ll get mad the triplets aren’t in matching outfits because one of them stained their clothes and needed changing while the other two didn’t.
I tried to be patient and give her the benefit of the doubt. I offered solutions like instead of me doing the 9-year-old’s hair, she can and instead of complaining about how I sweep, she can show me how she prefers I do it. When I offer solutions, she gets an attitude and walks off.
This is always followed by my brother saying something along the lines of “don’t take it to heart, it’s her depression.”
I’ve pulled my brother aside a few times and asked him to talk to her so we can find some middle ground. He brushed it off saying it’s her postpartum and she just needed more time adapting to new changes.
I tried to suck it up and deal with it but the last few days leading up to today, she was complaining for no reason. I’d finally had enough when she blew up cause I was wearing a tank top while feeding one of the triplets because she “didn’t want them to get used to my smell”.
That was my breaking point and I told her to find someone else to help her since I wasn’t living up to her expectations.
My brother started blowing my phone up and said she was crying and upset and I was a jerk for not controlling myself and for leaving because she doesn’t trust anyone else to babysit and I’m putting them in a complicated situation.
I feel like a jerk now for leaving and losing my temper and feel like I’m wrong. Am I the jerk here? Am I wrong in this?”
Another User Comments:
“As a mom, I can understand how having triplets is stressful (I think of how much work my kid was times 3 and want to die..) however, you’re a volunteer.
Her complaints are completely inappropriate. She would not be talking smack about how you sweep her floor, she should be grateful it’s being done. Period. Postpartum is a nightmare, but that’s no excuse for her to walk all over you, especially when you offered viable solutions, like having her show you her way to sweep.
Until your brother steps up and actually listens to what you’re saying, no one will fault you for not wanting to help. You’re playing nanny to 6 kids for free and not even getting paid. The literally minimum they can do is respect you and not treat you like dirt NTJ.” purple-paper-punch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’ve been patient with her and tried to come up with solutions. She and your brother are using you and being mean. Walk, no run, away from that crap. Let them find someone else to deal with it, which I’m guessing they know will be hard because they treat people like dirt.” ProfessorFussyPants
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Estranged Sister To Name Her Baby After Me?
“My sister Wendy (41F) has never been involved in my life. She had been moved away until a year ago, and before that… no contact, no cards, very few phone calls.
She doesn’t even know my major or my brother’s partner’s name.
There is also a huge age gap. I am 21F, and my brother Orion is 24.
Wendy has three kids with her husband Lucas (50M)… Luther 6M, Christopher 4M, Luke 2M.
And she is now pregnant with her first girl.
I will just state the obvious… we are not close.
We have never been close. I have no interest in being close.
The only reason I see her is because I still live with my Mom. The same with Orion. I finish my degree in two years, Orion is done in six months. And so we are polite to Wendy, we say hi to her kids… but she never put in the work when we were younger, so I don’t feel like an aunt and I don’t want to be an auntie to her kids.
Last week, Wendy asked us to come downstairs to chat. She said she wanted to let us know that she had picked a name for the baby. “Had the baby been born a boy, it would have been Orion Joseph. But since it is a girl, I am naming her Echo Mary Smith.”
Orion stood up and walked out of the room.
Wendy made a joke about Orion being grumpy and then asked what I thought.
I said, “Look, we aren’t close. We have never been close. Don’t name your baby after me. I don’t intend to be an auntie.”
Wendy ended up leaving, and I guess she sat in the driveway for an hour crying.
Her husband sent me a text calling me a jerk for making a pregnant woman cry.
Mom said the baby is now going to be named Mary Rose, after our Nana. Which I think should have been the name in the first place. I have no involvement with her other kids, she has had no interest until THIS YEAR in getting to know me, so I just ended up taking her off social media and muting her number.
I don’t really care, but I am asking…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s super strange to name your child after a family member you aren’t close to. Maybe this was her way of possibly reconnecting with you and Orion (amazing name btw) but this isn’t the way to go about it.” Crafty-Body1436
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. It’s super weird to name your kid after someone you have almost no relationship with. Some commenters are saying this could be her making an effort. An effort is hey let’s go to lunch and you can tell me about school. Not “hey relative stranger I’m naming my kid after you.'” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I have an older half-sister that I found out about when I was in high school. I reached out to her a couple of times as a teenager with no reply. She decided instead to connect with my older female cousins because “she always wanted a sister”. She and our shared parent are fairly close and when they refer to her as my sister, I just cringe.
I have zero interest in a relationship with her and I would be hard-pressed to find overtures like having a niece named after me as anything but awkward and manipulative. OP – 100% feel you on this and think you are NTJ.” Genvious
11. AITJ For Accusing My Partner Of Ruining His Nephew's Meal To Spite His Sister?
“My partner of 2 years’ family hosts family dinners once a month, I’m always invited and I love it. My partner’s family is amazing! (mom, dad, my partner, his sister, her husband and their two kids) We take turns to cook and where to eat it.
His sister has a kid, a 7-year-old with ASD, and is “picky” with his food. He usually has his own meal with food he enjoys and can eat.
My partner recently had a fight with his sister, but since it’s our turn to host he joins in anyway. His sister and I are pretty good friends so it’s obvious to me that they should come!
I prepared something to eat for the adults. Sister brings the kid’s meal.
It’s going well, my partner and his sister are civil. I ask my partner to prepare the food and set the table. I’m talking to his sister and we hear crying. My partner seated 7y/o and apparently, he started eating, not what his mom brought but what I prepared=meltdown.
According to my partner he “dropped” the kiddo’s meal and just served him anyway as he was hungry. Sister leaves with her kids, angry with a crying child, parents stay. I get really mad at my partner and accuse him of purposely ruining the kid’s meal so he could get rid of his sister. He says there was no other way as I “insisted on having the sister there despite knowing about their fight”.
I did tell him he didn’t have to be there, I enjoy hanging out with his family without him.
He thinks I’m a jerk for “taking over” his family and caring more about his sister’s child than him, and that I sided with her in their fight. But I don’t think that would be reason to ruin a family dinner and cause severe distress to a kid.
His sister and mother are on my side and think he’s a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an autistic guy myself, I just want to clarify for your partner that it’s not just being picky. Unsafe foods can cause extreme panic reactions in us, especially if we’re sensory severe (can’t handle certain textures/flavors).
For example, I can’t eat anything with an applesauce/mashed potato texture. It completely ruined bananas for me, as I bit one with the wrong texture and had an immediate panic attack. Bottom line, OP, is that he KNOWINGLY caused a child extreme distress. He KNEW that his nephew couldn’t handle it and chose to anyway.
This isn’t how you encourage autistic kids to broaden their horizons. This is how you get them to cling to their safe foods and never try anything new.” Icefirewolflord
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your partner is. This is behavior to be aware of. It won’t get better. Be careful in your relationship with him -especially if he doesn’t offer a sincere apology to you, his sister, and her kids (and probably the rest of the family that was there.)” dalekmasterplan
Another User Comments:
“Your partner is the jerk. He took out his anger on his sister on the child. In no way is this ok in any way, shape or form. Your partner has shown his abusive side. Time for you to make a hard decision BEFORE you have kids and he subjects them to this kind of behavior.
You are NTJ!” sarahlampi
You may end up rethinking your relationship with him, his wonderful family notwithstanding.
Good luck.
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Contribute To My Partner's Rent If I Live in My Car?
“I’m (33M) a relatively poor scientist, and rent is a burden.
The partner (29F) is a decently paid tech worker. I have to say no to a lot of her ideas for fancy dates/big vacations because I am basically living paycheck to paycheck. California rent is out of control.
She just moved cross-state to my city after 2 years of long-distance and rented her own place.
We don’t want to live together just yet. She wants autonomy in having her own place for the next year or two. I’m very OK with this, as I am pretty independent, and introverted. When we spend time together, it’s always at her place because it’s bigger and a nice location. On average, I spend 3-4 nights per week at her place.
My work has a nice parking lot and amenities, and it’s in a very safe place right on the Pacific Ocean. A few colleagues in my building resorted to #vanlife. I did a summer living in my Outback and I thought maybe I should move into my car to save money. The saved money would allow me to say “Yes” more often to my partner’s big plans, and allow me to start saving for big things down the road (i.e. house).
She and I plan on getting hitched, so there’s a lot of pros for both me and her if I start living in my car.
We agreed that I would keep overnight stays at the same frequency, to help maintain her autonomy. Her main concern is that she doesn’t want me living there or keeping a ton of extra stuff there.
From my POV, it seems like very little is changing for her. Assuming she sees me at the same rate (and considering she never comes over anyway), she would be minimally affected if I start living in my car. I think we both benefit, even though I am saving a lot from not paying rent, a lot of the savings would go into things for the both of us (i.e. dates, travel, saving for house, retirement).
She suggested that I contribute to the cost of her rent. Some, not half, but we haven’t discussed a number.
Her hesitation about the whole thing is her wanting to maintain her own place. She’s afraid of me becoming a more frequent guest and using her space too freely. I totally think that’s a reasonable concern.
I suggest that we try to maintain the status quo in terms of visiting, and only if I start using her place/stuff more often, then I would help pay for rent. My logic is basically that I wouldn’t use her place any more than I am now, AND the direct financial benefits from my savings would benefit her and our relationship.
Further, I haven’t been able to build a big savings to date because cost of living and academic pay scales… so I was hoping to start building my savings. In the long term, the savings will go into some shared life things (house, car, retirement). I don’t have debt, my salary is $55k, current rent is $1650/mo (EDIT: $20k/yr).
Am I being a jerk for telling her I shouldn’t contribute to her rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s a simple equation: if she wants autonomy, she pays her own rent (and gets to decide how often you stay over). If she wants money from you, then she loses autonomy and you get at least 50% access to THE apartment (not HER apartment).
To be honest, this is a red flag as she seems to want your money but not concede any rights to the space. I’d be very careful moving forward in this relationship.” Ecypslednerg
Another User Comments:
“I can’t believe everyone is all “poor OP, he will be homeless and his mean partner doesn’t care”.
Do any of you consider that this is his choice? And yes, some people choose van life, but he’s talking about moving into a station wagon. OP’s partner moved across state to be with him. They BOTH agreed to live apart still. Maybe she’s not ready to share her space and live together yet.
Why is that wrong?! And now he is suggesting he will live half the time in his car and half the time with her and that this can only benefit their relationship. Um, no. Him staying with her 3 or 4 nights a week but still having his own place is ENTIRELY different than him being homeless.
If something happens to his car, or he loses his job, what then?! No sorry. YTJ for expecting your partner to accept this lifestyle and for wondering why she doesn’t see the benefits.” Andie787
9. AITJ For Making My Sister-In-Law Apologize To My Adopted Daughter?
“My husband (both 25) and I adopted our daughter ”O” (17F) two years ago, it was a complicated thing, she’s the daughter of one of my ex-friends and was in a high-risk environment, I took her in when she was 14 and eventually adopted her a year after that. She does call us ”mom” and ”dad” and she’s super close to us and loves to spend time with my husband because they share the same interests.
My husband also has a sister P (19F) who’s quite close to him, they lost their parents when my hubby was 20 so he took her in and raised her since then, I like his sister but she can be quite possessive towards him and kinda mean to my daughter because she sees her as ”competition” for my husband’s fatherly love.
This has caused O to retract herself every time P is home or she’s around my husband, my daughter has told me that my SIL sometimes makes jokes about being ”adopted so old”, my husband and I had tried to make her stop but my SIL always says that she’s just joking and starts to cry so my husband feels bad and ends the discussion.
Three days ago my husband invited O to test some cars because he wants to buy a new one, she said yes so excited, and then P said that she wanted to go too. I could see that my daughter didn’t like this but didn’t say anything either. They were supposed to leave 3 hours later but 30 or 40 min after that, O told my husband that she couldn’t go because a friend of hers had to come to finish a project and she forgot about it.
P totally snapped at this and told her that she was lying and to ”just say that she didn’t want her around”, O said that she wasn’t lying but P wouldn’t have it and kept attacking my daughter until eventually she ran to her room crying. My husband and I scolded P but she basically ignored us.
Just before they leave my daughter’s friend knocks at the door and he has a bunch of stuff with him to finish some project, proving her right. We let him in, my daughter comes down but doesn’t look at P’s or my husband’s face, they say they’ll be back but I stop them and kindly ask the boy to go to my daughter’s room upstairs please.
When we’re alone I told my SIL that she had to apologize to my daughter because enough is enough, she laughs thinking I’m joking but I stood my ground and she looks at my husband, who to her surprise agrees with me. P says that she reacted because it was ”too much of a coincidence” and I told her that it doesn’t matter and this isn’t a one-time thing so she has to apologize or she has to go back to her room because I won’t have someone bullying my daughter in her own house.
My SIL starts to cry, gives a half-hearted apology, and just gets out crying. My husband says that I did the right thing but making her cry was too much and that I’m a jerk for that. He drove her back to her dorm that same day, he’s not speaking to me rn and my daughter is all weird around him.”
Another User Comments:
“Nope. Don’t fall for those crocodile tears, at best she was crying because she had to face consequences for her actions. At worst, to manipulate you and your husband into deciding it wasn’t really “that bad.” Either way, she wasn’t crying because she was genuinely remorseful for her behavior or she wouldn’t have given a half-hearted apology.
NTJ. Stand your ground on this.” RedoubtableSouth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know situations can happen fast, but I have to ask, how was she able to “keep attacking” your child without one of you stepping in? You’ve adopted this child into a house where she is being emotionally abused, and your husband is complicit in that by refusing to take a harder line with your SIL.
I’m not clear on whether your SIL lives in the house full-time or not; it’s that much worse if your daughter has to live with her bully under the same roof.” crockofpot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is blinded by the fact that he has been taking care of this family member for so long.
He excuses her bad behavior because it’s tricky for him. He probably knows that he’s her person, so he doesn’t want to alienate her. However, he isn’t doing her any favors by letting her off easy for her poor treatment of your daughter. You did the right thing, and if she cried then so be it, probably because she feels bad about how she’s been acting.
In which case, she 100% deserves that. Remind your husband that enabling bad behavior, ESPECIALLY the poor treatment of others, will be much more detrimental to her life/career/future than seeing her get upset.” Winter_Performer_392
8. AITJ For Banning My Friend After He Framed My Partner For Theft?
“I, a 28-year-old male, have been seeing a really nice woman “Leah,” a 26-year-old female, for 6 months.
We’ve met at the mall where I work as security.
I have 7 friends (mostly service members from the military/dispatchers/officers). Our group always hangs out together. They’re like a second family because I spend a lot of time with those guys. “Travis,” a 32-year-old male, is like my brother and he’s the closest one to me, though he always acts overprotective of me, especially when it comes to meeting someone new.
I introduced Leah to the group and they loved and embraced her, except for Travis who kept saying Leah was giving him bad vibes. I noticed how he was treating her by passing hurtful remarks, then getting false information about her, then trying to exclude her from gatherings which take place in my apartment. I let him know he should relax, Leah’s just a normal person with no secrets but a good heart, and he should either respect her or he won’t be welcome to my place with the other guys.
He apologized and promised he’ll treat her well.
A week ago, we were gathered at my place for dinner. Leah was helping me in the kitchen while Travis and his partner were sitting in the living room. We had dinner then I noticed my phone was gone. Travis said he’d call my number to see where my phone was.
Shockingly, the phone rang inside Leah’s purse. I asked how it got there and Leah was just as shocked. She said no idea. Travis said he saw her sneak it into her purse while everyone was looking away. I was shocked. I asked Leah and she promised this didn’t happen. She started arguing with him loudly.
I asked her to calm down but she left because she was so upset. Travis said I was lucky I saw her true colors and that I dodged a massive thieving jerk.
He stayed with me but his partner left then later texted me saying Travis was lying and Leah didn’t take my phone. She said she saw Travis put my phone inside Leah’s purse while she and I were in the kitchen.
I couldn’t believe it but she sent a pic of him doing it after she told him she’d tell me if he didn’t stop. He basically framed her to cause a fight. I confronted him and he denied it. I showed him the pic and the text and he went off saying she was lying and was basically getting back at him over some petty fight.
I called him a jerk for framing Leah just cause he didn’t like her and said he’s banned from my place for good. He argued that I was being unfair by not trusting his word and that Leah was causing this. I refused to listen and he got the group involved. They kept on about how we as a family shouldn’t let outsiders into our circle and damage the bond we have.
Morgan (a friend in the military) reminded me Travis is like my older brother who’s looking out for me. He wanted me to let Travis come over so we can talk but I refused even after Travis offered apologies to Leah & me. We argued then I walked out. They’ve been guilting me saying they won’t visit without Travis.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not trusting his word? You have a pic of him doing it for goodness sake. There’s looking out and being protective of someone and then there’s this, this is too much. How can you even trust this guy again? He’s lied, plotted against someone else, and denies it in the face of proof.
This guy has a lot of issues.” IHaveSaidMyPiece
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if I was Leah I’d be breaking up with you about now. If I was her, this is what it looks like: 1) your best friend set me up, badly, to get broken up with 2) all of your friends back that he did that 3) his partner, not even one of your friends, had to be the one to call him out on it and he lied to you until confronted with proof 4) he was never going to be honest about this and your friends again back the lying and set up 5) his entire reason for all of this is a vibe.
I’d be gone so fast.” profanxiety
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Temporarily Homeless Friends To Set Up Their Religious Altar Inside My Home?
“I have a very small friend group. We meet once a week for a game night. It’s me, a couple, and two other men. I live alone with my son, the couple live together, and the two other men live by themselves. Outside of game night, I’m never really too social with them.
I love my friends dearly and they know that, but socializing for long periods of time exhausts me and it takes a long time for me to recharge – especially having a toddler. I spend most of my time alone with my son aside from when I’m doing things that pertain to my religious work.
I’m a priest, and my friends know this. It’s brought up on the occasion but it never stays a topic of conversation because we all have different beliefs and we like to stay respectful. It’s something I’ve devoted the majority of my life to, my son has a religious name, and I even wear religious jewelry on the daily.
It’s a part of my everyday routine and in my home that’s what it is – because it’s mine and my son’s home.
Recently the couple got evicted and had nowhere to go. I told them the worst that happens is they stay with me for a little bit. Well, that’s the case, they’re staying with me.
I don’t mind their company as they’re nice people but I’ve given them a rule list (not religious, just cleaning and whatnot that I do) and explained that unless my son is about in the house and I’m with him they probably won’t see me because I like to keep to myself and will most likely be in my room.
Everything was going fine until the conversation of religion was brought up. This couple, who we’ll call Jack and Jill, both have two different points. Jill follows a different religion and I can respect that for them. Jack said Jill worshipped a specific deity and had altars for them just like I had religious altars all through my home.
I congratulated them and said I would set up the balcony for them to have their space. It’s a covered balcony and quite roomy – able to hold numerous people. It’s a very safe place protected from the weather as well. I was simply uncomfortable having it INSIDE the home because my home had been devoted to my religion.
They seemed to have issue with this because they said it felt “unfair” and I was prioritizing my beliefs (and I am prioritizing mine. This is my home I have temporarily invited them in. I still would like to try and be accommodating however because I know religion is important to others just as it is to me).
In my home I practice my religion and serve my God daily freely and comfortably. As I talk about the practice in my home Jack is quick to make me talk about something else by saying they “don’t believe any gods are worthy of worship” and that “they don’t like to be spoken of”.
Help? Am I wrong? What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your home, your rules. If they can’t accept that, they can look for another house to stay at. Tell them you’ll give their altars room inside if they’ll dedicate a room in their future house to the deity you worship, since that was the one that gave them a roof over their head instead of theirs.
As a borderline atheist, I definitely wouldn’t allow guests to put any kind of religious altar in my home, it’d creep me out.” awetgomk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t refusing him to practice his religion, you don’t want an altar set up in your house. You offered a temporary place to stay AND a place they can have their altar on your property, but, outside the walls.
I feel that’s a fair compromise. They don’t have to stay with you. Also, discussing your religion in your home is not allowed to be shut down. “As I talk about the practice in my home Jack is quick to make me talk about something else by saying they “don’t believe any gods are worthy of worship” and that “they don’t like to be spoken of.”” Jack’s beliefs are not yours.
You can speak as you wish in your home. Again they don’t HAVE to stay there.” Senior-Term-635
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have opened your home to them. You made sure they had a place they could set up for their religious needs that did not require travel to see someone else or to use a public domain.
There are still plenty of people in this world who would tell them they would just have to pray silently to their deity, You’ve done a good thing and they need to accept that this is already a compromise, since you seem to be deeply religious yourself.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Pretending To Quit My Job To Make My Pregnant Wife Go Back To Work?
“My wife didn’t like her job. I was telling her to look for a job while she was still in her current company. She wanted to take a break from work but we cannot afford it right now due to our unexpected pregnancy.
She’s 3 months pregnant.
So I made her a resume and applied her for a few interviews. However, she didn’t attend any of them saying she doesn’t feel like it. She said she wants to be a SAHM. I told her we weren’t even planning this pregnancy and now we cannot afford for her to become unemployed as well.
She didn’t listen and just quit her job without consulting with me. I was super mad at her. I told her I don’t want to bust my butt while she relaxes at home. She cried and said that she doesn’t want to work anymore. So I told her I’d be quitting my job as well and then we can both stay jobless and homeless with our child.
I pretended to quit the job in front of her by sending an angry mail to “my boss” but instead sent it to my friend. She was shocked and asked me why I’d do such a thing. I told her tough luck and went to sleep. The next morning onwards, she got ready for an interview and started attending interviews.
I called my work and took a break of 1 week.
Today, my wife got a job and she gave me the news at night while we were having dinner. I then told her the truth about my not quitting the job and about it being a way to make her go back to work.
She got mad at me and told me I was very petty and I should’ve just sucked it up and let her stay at home.
Now she’s not talking to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – You two should not be bringing a child into this world. You don’t even respect each other. The lies, the manipulation, the deception, the selfishness… you are not good partners to each other, and you will not be good parents together.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Yikes. ESH. You should have talked about this before getting married. If SAHM is a job, it’s not just relaxing. But if that is a hard limit you should have worked that out before and gloved up. Pretending to quit to make a point is very petty. Stress is bad for pregnancy, going jobless to stress her out is definitely jerk territory.
Y’all need counseling.” BreadboardsnCircuses
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your wife for quitting without discussing the finances. And you for applying to jobs for her without her permission and fake quitting your job. Use protection next time, if you didn’t already. Y’all need to have some serious conversations before you bring a child into this world…” ImageNo1045
5. AITJ For Snapping At A Nurse Who Disapproved My Decision To Get My Tubes Tied?
“I (26F) am starting my uphill battle of trying to get my tubes tied. My PCP is on board with it, but let me know I’d have to go through gyn since the procedure is done by them.
She put in my referral and today one of the nurses called to set up my appointment.
The nurse asked me if I was trying to set up an appointment to change out my IUD and asked if I was having problems. I told her I was actually trying to set up an appointment to talk about getting my tubes tied. I could hear her overt disapproval over the phone.
She started telling me that they don’t like doing these procedures on people my age, I might meet a man and want to give him a baby, I don’t want to end up old and with no one to take care of me, etc…
She told me she believes I’d be a wonderful mother (NOT true at all) and that I’m just scared of actually being pregnant and not of being a mother.
I got so annoyed I blurted out “I only need your help setting up an appointment. If I wanted your opinion on my body and future, I’d ask for it.”
My (male) friend was in the room and told me I had no reason to be so rude to the nurse and that she was just trying to help me think of this objectively.
I honestly don’t think I was a jerk, but I’m sure the nurse does and my friend thinks I was a jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your friend is.
You should probably mention this to the gyn–you’re secure enough in yourself to not listen to her, but someone younger or easily bullied might end up making choices they don’t actually want in cases like this.
(You don’t need help thinking about it objectively, either, and she’s not objective, she’s clearly bringing her own baggage to the table here.)” Ardeeke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s none of her business! If you don’t like kids, can’t afford them, have family diseases you don’t want to pass down, whatever… it’s not her concern!
I’m so tired of gate-keeping nurses. I know a woman who had a miscarriage as a result of a nurse who wouldn’t put her through to her ob-gyn. She needs to just answer the phone and make the appointment. She was completely unprofessional.” 666POD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All my friends who decided not to have children in their 20s, including me, never regretted it many years later.
However, medical professionals might see many who did and now want it reversed which is difficult. Still, none of her business. It’s your body and your life.
If not for instant menopause I wish I’d have gotten a hysterectomy in my 20s. Nothing but painful periods for 30 years.
I’ve found that most men I’ve known don’t want kids but have accidents or go along with it because their SO wants children.” Confident-Broccoli42
4. AITJ For Kicking Out My SIL After Her Daughter Ate My Wife's Special Craving Snacks?
“My wife is on her first and final pregnancy. She’s in her early twenties but has had issues with her uterus in the past and miscarried previously. This one is super high risk and the doctor’s visits have been frequent and stressful.
After this my wife will be getting sterilized and I’ll be getting a vasectomy. She’s currently 7 months pregnant and all she’s been craving is plain grilled ground beef drenched in garlic powder, red crushed pepper and Sriracha and peanut caramel marzipan. As the person who has to smell it and kiss her, I prefer to spoil her with the marzipan and it’s much quicker for her to be able to eat.
I’m doing my best to spoil her because this is her first and only full-term pregnancy she’ll be able to experience.
I bulk-bought some marzipan candies for her and placed them in her cubby in the pantry (where she keeps her maternal vitamins, anti-nausea pills, and snacks). My wife’s sister came to visit with her daughter for two weeks (This Sunday) and we welcomed them to the pantry but asked that they not touch anything in the cubbies because those are especially for us.
I went out to run errands the other day and came home to my wife on the couch holding her stomach and crying. I assumed the worst and asked what’s wrong and she told me that niece had eaten up all her marzipan and there was no ground beef and it’s all she wanted and everything else smelled disgusting.
I asked my SIL about it and she said it was just candy and my wife shouldn’t be eating so much sugar during her pregnancy anyways and that she can’t expect a kid not to want candy. I asked her to replace it and she said no, and that I could buy it since it was so “precious”.
I told her to leave the next morning and she groaned and grunted around about how bad I’m treating family around the house til she left. My wife’s family is calling me a jerk for kicking them out over something so silly and that I could’ve just bought more. It all feels so silly but I’m beginning to doubt myself here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave a clear boundary, they crossed it. Your wife has specific cravings, your Doctors would be the ones to give you the food advice and whether it’s too much, etc not the family. After the trauma your wife has been through these people seem to have no empathy for her.” auntysos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She insulted you and your wife while she was your guest. I wouldn’t say you kicked them out for eating the marzipan at all, in fact, you said they could replace it and that would be fine. She refused to replace it and insulted you, and that’s why they are kicked out.” iwanttoquitposting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Coming from a pregnant person, you can’t just replace a craving. Food aversions are very real and when there’s only so many things you can eat without vomiting, it’s a big deal when you don’t have them. You set the boundary with them to not eat specific things and they broke it.
You were just being a good partner to your wife.” Pimpkin_Pie
3. AITJ For Selling My PS5 Instead Of Sharing It With My Step-Brothers?
“My (15, M) mum and dad met and briefly were together while they were both studying at uni. My mum gave birth to me after they had parted ways and had to sue my dad for child support. I was raised by my mum and had basically nothing to do with my dad throughout my childhood.
My mum was an international student and her family cut ties with her due to the circumstances of my birth. Tragically, two years ago, I lost my mum to cancer and thus I was placed under the care of my dad.
My dad has remarried and has two sons (5 and 7) with his wife. It wasn’t a bad arrangement at first, but we were all essentially strangers.
I was given a bedroom to myself and we shared some meals but other than that kept to myself.
About 10 months ago, I was lucky enough to score a casual job at an aged care facility as IT support. It was stupid easy income as it involved installing and maintaining a dozen or so common PCs used by the residents plus running basic computing workshops.
I ended up accruing a whole lot of disposable income in a short time. Stupidly, instead of just keeping quiet about it, I decked out my room with a new TV, headphones and a PS5. Obviously, this setup was of great interest to my two step-brothers. Initially, my rule was that they could play the PS5 anytime I wasn’t using it but I would get first dibs if I wanted to play or use my TV.
I was also super accommodating by buying an extra controller (which I didn’t need) and several kid-friendly games that they wanted to play. I eventually had to change the rule to ‘only play when I was there’ because the 5 y.o destroyed one of my controllers by spilling juice on it. This is where the drama started.
They whined to my ‘parents’ who then ‘ordered’ me to place the PS5 in the living room. I refused stating that I had purchased it with my own money. This led to their argument that I have too much money and should contribute rent, utilities, and food money. I called their bluff and said ‘sure, draw up a contract and I’ll get a lawyer to review it to ensure it complies with the Family Law Act’.
My dad then told the boys that he was going to buy a separate PS5 for the boys for Christmas but the dude is clueless about the global shortage.
Finally last night, after realizing that he had zero chance of buying one for close to list price, my dad threatened me to either voluntarily gift my PS5 to the boys for Christmas or he would toss it in the bin while I was at school.
I was so upset that I went on a social media marketplace and sold the PS5.
The boys found out today and were devastated. I feel really bad because they shouldn’t be punished for this mess. My ‘parents’ are in their room talking about me and I’m sitting here in my room. AITJ?
How could I have handled this better?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep saving your money so you can get out of there as soon as possible. Do not let them have access to your accounts, and do not pay rent or bills. If you have somewhere else you can stay, maybe chase those leads. I’m sorry you had to do that, but you were right to.
Your father and his wife sound awful.” InterplanetaryJanet
Another User Comments:
“Hold your ground but remain civil as best you can. Ask for a family meeting or for your dad to sit down and talk with you. Explain to him that you have been nothing but fair and reasonable with him and the boys, allowing them to play your games, buying them an extra controller and things, and that all you asked was for them to follow a couple of rules and take care of your property.
But then he got involved and made threats. Threats that were not fair or reasonable to you. Inform him that you don’t respond well to threats, especially when you don’t feel they are being fair or reasonable. But you do respond well to being spoken to with fairness and respect especially when it concerns your property that you earned and paid for yourself.
Tell him you are more than willing to treat his kids well and follow basic household rules. As long as they are fair and equal to you in return. Add whatever else you need to and then hope your dad accepts your deal! Hopefully he will or else the next couple of years will be miserable for everyone….” kcboyer
2. AITJ For Cutting Down My Palm Trees After Neighbors Complain About Falling Leaves?
“So our new neighbors renovated their backyard around 3 months ago, not long after they moved in. They added a pool, a hammock, a built-in grill, and a bar, they basically made a resort in their own backyard. Our backyard has grass and a bunch of tall palm trees that are right behind their fence. So lately, a few of the dead leaves of our palm trees have been falling into their backyard, which wasn’t an issue with the old neighbors, they rarely brought it up and we were always apologetic.
The thing is, we’ve been considering getting rid of our palm trees for a couple of years because of the maintenance and also because we never spend time in our backyard, so when the neighbors started throwing the leaves back into our yard and yelling at us to be responsible, we decided it was time to cut them down.
They didn’t like this idea either. They said that when they were planning their backyard, they were considering our trees as part of their scenery and that without the trees it would take away from their backyard. They also said that there isn’t enough space for them to plant their own trees. So they offered to pay for someone to come to our house to maintain our trees.
This would usually be really nice but at this point we were set on taking down the trees, and we also didn’t want to form a relationship with the neighbors because they were very rude and we would feel like we owed them if they paid for the maintenance. So two days ago we cut down the trees and now they’re furious, complaining to all the other neighbors, blasting us on the neighborhood forum, and giving out our address.
They told us that we are not being neighborly and that we’re selfish. We told them that it’s our property and we can do whatever we want with it, and they should’ve been responsible when they decided not to put trees in their yard. So, are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get right back on the neighborhood forum and point out that rude neighbor was constantly throwing the fallen leaves into your yard and yelling at you about them.
Your yard, your call. Waits for the tree police.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they WANTED the trees…but complained about them and made them MORE of a problem for you by throwing the leaves back into your yard… Also, why aren’t your other neighbors laughing in their face and shutting down their rude behavior?” dealraitheach
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you me? I have a neighbor who enjoys the shade of my trees on the property line but complains every few months about branches getting close to his house. He’s a jerk, so next month, I’m getting all the trees cut down so he stops bothering me. It’s also for spite.
Hopefully your neighbor is being mocked by your other neighbors for his rants and posts.” SashayShantae
1. AITJ For Prioritizing My New Job Over My Husband?
“My sister started a company last year. I was feeling stifled in my last career path and I wanted to do something different.
I jumped in with my sister. It meant a massive pay cut and increase in responsibility. We can live comfortably off my husband’s income so we didn’t change our lifestyle at all.
I am learning new things every day. I love working with my sister. She is smart and talented. There is always a new challenge that we have to solve.
I am doing things that I never imagined I could. The hours are longer but I love every second of it.
We were supposed to go out last week but I had to cancel because we had an issue with a vendor which needed to be dealt with. I apologized but my husband is very upset about it.
I have had to prioritize the business a few times before but he has always been understanding. I usually get back home after he has gone to bed but he was waiting for me that day. He was stewing and he was really angry. He said I was being an errand girl for my sister and I should realize my own value.
He said my job was an absolutely terrible deal for our family as I was gone longer and we made less money.
He said he wanted me to quit my job and find something that paid better. I told him that I wouldn’t be quitting. I love what I do and I hated that he is undermining my work.
He just stopped arguing with me and said we could talk about it later. I feel like a jerk because this is literally the first time my husband is this angry and bitter. I have never seen him this upset. He is being very withdrawn and he is purposely working longer hours so we don’t really see each other.
I feel like I messed up here. My husband is upset and hurt and I don’t want to quit at all.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh boy. Do you want to stay married? He is upset that you are working more hours and bringing in less money. That is a very valid complaint from a partner.
Basically, you are sacrificing your relationship time and not exchanging it for any benefit. (less money is also less comfort and time in the future) What you are doing with your sister makes you feel great but that is 100% for you. Not your relationship. First off, this is your sister’s company, you are working all those extra underpaid hours to benefit her.
You should be a partner or work a reasonable amount for what you are paid. But you definitely need to stop pretending that your husband is unreasonable for wanting a marriage. YTJ.” redder83
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight: 1) You decided you were going to switch jobs unilaterally 2) You are working way more and are barely seeing your husband 3) You aren’t contributing in any significant way to the expenses and are expecting to live off of him 4) You routinely prioritize work over your relationship.
Do I really need to explain to you why your husband is upset? YTJ.” [deleted]
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